Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Five adventurers try to survive in this comedy filled Pathfinder Second Edition TTRPG campaign within the grim dark world of Tyne. Follow the show, get custom TTRPG content, and more at https://narrativedeclaration.com
mom mom you were not thinking of the mills have i ever begun to scarcely tell you how much i
hate deer brings new definition to the term ghost riding the whip what are these birds doing do you
have any pity points i'm kind of homeless right now i need you guys to lock in and kill these
things all this time we're 20 minutes late you don't even have to be open oh no it's open it
needs to be lodged it's almost like it's almost like you don't want to kill zorin's dummy thick
mom
it's almost like you don't want to kill zorin's dummy thick mom
everybody i got a goal no that's the intro now i don't care it's not set up right
for the sake of everyone edit that out no keep it in keep it in
help us he needs to suffer also
oh wow welcome everyone yeah to another exciting episode of rock grime
yay
yay
yay
yay
you can watch mills live in action uh here in our wonderful show of course if you really like
our show and some of that and want to uh help fund a mills calendar you can go to patreon.com
or slash narrative declaration because without those people we don't exist so without your
support we do not uh we we go into the ether and disappear forever so thank you very much
everybody for those of you who contribute and support our shenanigans uh but of course also
um baldrick as an arundel will not be here today uh last thing hokey told me or informed me his
transformer blew up first thing so his house is just not working so there's no electricity or
anything utility people are getting that figured out so he would not be joining us today um so in
which to represent him uh on our thing i need to find a constantly exploding gif if people want to
help me find a
funny exploding gift that i'm just going to put over baldrick uh what about like an actual
transformer oh yeah like is there like can i find a transformer gif of like one of them dying
dying yes oh i have one but there's one i think this is star screamer's just falling down dead
that's beautiful good not really like dead but you get it here i'll see if this is approval
to you guys for
first uh i put it in general sure sure is that word very important that we approve this let me
beautiful art perfect i got you don't worry yeah if you got something excellent
yeah i'm very apt for exploding yeah yeah
but also true all right i'm downloading it i'm downloading it
oh it's a
okay mp4 whatever we'll make it work okay here's this i have to go on properties i have to make it
loop okay this is aaron dill now this is him he's now he's transformer has died so this is what's
happening there we go perfect excellent there we go i like your head is still partly like this yeah
he's still here in spirit yeah do that someone else you can see someone else there you go there
you go
that's him now if you all if you too want to see what's happening right now for podcast listeners
you can go to our streams and see where they are narrative declaration.com see the transformer
is dying on the screen but of course you miss out on all of our visual bits and our pre-show
warhammer podcast names are still trending we haven't thought of one yet yeah we will come up
with a better name for it
but yeah maybe someday if we get 500 more paid members on patreon we'll start a warhammer podcast
thurston said so you can help us get there yeah only you tell your friends all 500 of them
only doesn't have to be a warhammer podcast yes oh it's like i propose that we talk all about
all tabletop rpgs and war games and you know with a slight bias to warhammer but thurston wants to
talk about warhammer
that's right i want to talk a lot about warhammer i think it should just be us aimlessly talking and
then it'll get taken down of spotify in two weeks okay okay okay whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
when i say i want to do a podcast that's about warhammer let's be very fucking clear i don't
expect us to talk about warhammer for 95 percent of that show but warhammer
is the guiding light in which we pretend what our show is about all right so here's the simulation
here's the simulation okay oh christ okay hi everybody welcome to the zoran the wizard
warhammer podcast guest starring thurston speaker d and their inferior friends i am speaker d
warhammer okay so once i had a dream where everyone was a rhombus
you know
yep
that's it
let's rip on rhombus
that was a good one
that was a good one
that was a good one
that was a good one
last two hours we could do two hours off of that yes
call us a warhammer podcast but we never talk about warhammer i would love that i would love that
fuck we should do that yeah we should a warhammer podcast one sec one sec one sec is there just a
podcast called a warhammer podcast uh let's look it up a war there's a lot of there's a lot of
colon a warhammer podcast with a preceding name i don't think anyone's just called a warhammer podcast
no that's the thing we got a russian roulette it we have to have random episodes that are just about
something completely unrelated to warhammer and we will never give you advanced warning
on what they are about if you want to hear about warhammer you just have to you have to get lucky
i really love the idea too that this that this
podcast is like you know a warhammer podcast episode one new charge phase rules in like 11th
edition and we never talk about that we just go completely like so uh i ordered some pizza hut
today and man like it's just not sitting well guys like that's the future that's the yeah
but every two hours from their warhammer podcast but anytime anyone brings up anything near
warhammer we have to like someone has to panically divert the conversation
every time somebody brings up warhammer we cut to an ad break
oh jamie was telling me jamie's like i'm so mad because they've been listening to like um chaos
odyssey on their drives to and from the farm they're like okay so i'm having a real fucking
problem like i'm having a real fucking problem like i'm having a real fucking problem like i'm having
a real fucking problem like i'm having a real fucking problem like i'm having a real fucking problem
with the ad breaks now because like you'll you'll get really into it and it'll be like
all right by zanti's going to whisper into you know cephas's ear
have you having problems with mesothelioma
and like every time he's like these fucking ads are just at the worst best timing
now you may be entitled to financial compensation
but let's talk about diabetes
becoming the chosen of the four chaos gods you can bet on anything on calci
oh god sorry the calci bet on which god you're getting gonna fall to
i hate three carillion crowns
gork and mork
oh aren't we supposed to be playing rock right yeah i was gonna say we're supposed to be playing
rock right there's probably some podcast
holy fuck everybody everybody we've reached a new low it's odo keeping us on track i think that is
the first i think that is legitimately a first i think it's owed over it's
it's all over okay
it's all over
it's
everywhere
oh yeah rock взять we got to play pathfinder today which is all about warhammer and some
super weird pork
because there's orcs and
stuff anyway and if it's related to warhammer it's like that means add illusion
if you
too want to listen to our warhammer podcast
you too can go to narrative declaration dot shop for narrative declaration merch where
you too can get picked up a lovely t-shirt and various other posters and amazing art
and things and of course if a bunch of you buy a bunch of stuff and help us
is on patreon we're gonna get you tugboat plushes i think maybe all depends how the world goes
smiles try to make conversations happen uh regardless though everyone i think a lot of
stuff happened last episode this is this is gonna be a short episode i think yeah did it did it
happen i think a lot of stuff happened we the adventuring group if i remember right forgive
me if i lost any details it's been a very busy week that we were trying to navigate through the
forest tracking tracking as much as much as we can to try to find oran's mother along the way
we were trying to dodge and weave to various tugboat traps which i think uh vena got caught
in another one but i think you're okay now i think you made it this time
i guess you're fine
anyway yeah i fucking died again oh yeah you died um and so as they continued on to the forest
dealing uh with all of the issues of trying to navigate through a dense forest and oran doing
his best to lead everyone away close to his homeland nearly knowing every branch and tree
out there uh they eventually came to a clearing something magical in a way of animal animals and
greenery just
blooming all around one long-haired figure and then when she opened her eyes
rocks was pouring out of it and so thurston i think you have a story for us today
you know i think i think you are right
and
sakira
uh oh oh oh oh oh
switches over
as everything around begins to dim and the area takes on a far stranger and more macabre appearance
uh guys i i can't see anything where's mom
guys okay oran you just have to open up the window and see what's happening around here
oh my god
oh my god
open your eyes oh orange sets the foundry settings for token vision
oh my god it's it's set to token vision
all right i still don't see anything
and well no you're not i see something you're not even at the deck
we were getting close to playing some rock right here but before that let me talk about raycons
sounds like ray theon ray theon makes weapons of war war hammer cut to ad break
loading spooky forest this person chat asks so we start at 9 p.m central yeah and i'm like i
don't know if they're joking or not
i've lost
yeah man but seriously sponsors like like if you actually want to sponsor our show now is
the perfect time because we're like on a sponsorment so you know you're gonna get
your money if you actually sponsor sure we'll be able to shut up about you at that point
it's not always easy keeping a tone for a serious
rpg stream especially fighting rotten moms but thanks to mindful i can keep on track and
can say outside of
hi bit eukeycro with narrative declaration
i've been able to bring you another wonderful new sponsored opportunity for my friends at mindful
why don't you guys do ads about our stuff
because we're on the show
my brother my brother you hear us talking and playing the games we are the Advertiserzogers!
thank you my brother,The Advertiserzogers!
my brother you hear us talking and playing the games we are the Advertiserzogers!
Advertisement.
That's more advertising of Pizopron.
It doesn't advertise to the Patreon.
Getting tired of the ads?
Well, let me tell you.
What if there was a brand new tabletop RPG show set in the wonderful world of time you could watch with no ad breaks?
Hi, I'm Speaker D for Narrative Declarations Rotgrind.
And all you need to do is skip ad.
I also low-key hate that someone on Twitch just gifted 10 tier 1 subs.
Thank you very much in that exact monologue.
Like, it happened just as you did.
They love it.
The people want ads.
That's what they're always saying.
Yeah.
Okay, okay.
All right, we in it.
The entire time we've been laughing, spooky music's been going.
So we're going to.
I know, I've just turned on my serious music.
Oh, my God.
You turn on the serious music now.
It is called Forgotten Forest, by the way, on TabletopAudio.com.
Where you too can get free music.
Okay, TabletopAudio should sponsor us.
Because everything's free, we give them money, actually.
That is true.
That is true.
Because they're awesome.
They do free stuff.
You should definitely go and go to their Patreon and go say hi.
They do great work.
But.
As we get into the thing.
We're in the thing now.
Don't.
I pointed all of you.
Don't.
I'm just breathing.
I'm just breathing.
What are you doing?
It's going to stop.
Stop breathing.
You're doing it now.
Getting tired of breathing.
Shut up.
Just stop.
It's that easy.
We have not to lock in.
We're in a spooky forest.
We're in a spooky forest and we just saw Oren's mom begin to basically bleed rot from her eyes and I guess at this point, I think we're just like at the edge of this clearing as we see the trees and everything just begin to wither and blacken.
Yeah, she's sitting up against this tree near the center point as you're coming in.
Her eyes are leaking this black.
Fluid as this happens.
Everything takes on an almost monochromatic appearance.
And you can see that with each step that you've taken closer to, you see that everything has like almost a muted appearance.
They're still like greens, but some of the greens shifted to grays.
The trees are not a brown.
They are.
They are almost like a sickly.
Tan color.
And as you walk forward, you can see that the animals have retreated back.
And in fact, as they retreat back, you get the general impression that they're just eyes watching you.
Can I propose a spooky thing, Thurston?
Yeah, of course you can.
Of course you can.
It's like.
Imagine the camera.
The camera is basically, you know, centered on her and it's kind of like doing a zoom thing.
The eyes are bleeding, but then just camera pans to all the forest creatures running away.
But then the only thing you hear is just like anguish screams from them as if the rock got them where everything just goes dark.
It's like, oh, God.
Oh, yeah.
You can see some of the animals, even like some of some of the.
More fey creatures have departed here.
And it's almost like you're stepping through an illusion.
And when you when when the four of you step in.
You see that the area has has drastically changed.
The ground is cracked in some points with with rocks underneath.
It looks as though not a drop of water has touched what was once very clearly a beautiful clearing.
With a great tree near the near the center point, smaller trees kind of dot around, but the focal point is still that that visage of Orin's mother who sits by this tree, the horns, in fact, that that emerged from her head.
And one of them actually seems to like decay and fall off as you step closer.
Orin will immediately run to his mom, just screaming.
It's like, Mom, Mom, and he just like just dashes, abandoning all caution as he just rushes towards her.
Orin, no!
What are the rest of you doing as Orin bolts?
I'm running after Orin.
I'm staying close.
Likewise.
I'm going to begin preparing a spell, no doubt I'm going to need it soon.
What exactly are you aiming to prepare?
Delay consequences for whatever horrible shit is about to happen, which is a reaction.
So I'm just I'm I'm watching and I'm waiting, and hopefully if I need to, I'm going to jump in and just try to cast a spell to stop whatever nightmare is about to unfold.
Yeah, absolutely.
All right.
So.
Orin, you rush up to the figure.
Like her eyes have changed to this this milky white with with this black goo dripping out like droplets falling from her cheeks to form a little pool in front of her.
Can I roll?
Can I do?
No.
That's the big question, because because at this time, Orin's freaking out, you know, all this time away from home, he finally finds his mother, you know, worried, sick in the back of his head and all of this is now happening to him.
I don't think there's not much.
There's not much I can do.
There's nothing.
There's nothing.
No skills I have that can really do it.
I have no occultism.
You rush up.
You rush up in her.
I'm pretty much like running straight up to her and I'm just like trying to grab her.
He attempts to kind of grab her by the shoulders and he immediately begins to in which I'll burn one like he takes a charge from his staff and tries to cast heal on her, like just thinking like there's something he can do, like he's taking like taking one of the scrolls of mossy weapon or something, just like trying to find some way to fight it off.
Okay.
So as you rush up and do this and you cast the spell, there is like a brief flicker in the eyes that go from this milky white sort of shifting and becoming more of like kind of white with like a gray green tomber to them and your mother face stares like cocked to a side for a brief moment.
And then the second antler falls off.
And when it does, it lands in the ground.
And.
Vina and Rahula, you rush up just just keeping pace behind while Tannhauser stayed a little bit back to to prep magic.
You see that as soon as both of the antlers touch the ground.
And kind of embed themselves.
The rot.
Moves that that's been leaking off of her cheek is moving towards them.
So it's moving toward the horns that fell off.
Exactly.
So like like basically both of those those antlers have collapsed off.
They've fallen into into the muck and grime beside her.
But the rot that's dripping down her face is pulled on the ground and it's like separated into two roughly.
Equal.
Sized portions that shift off each towards one.
Vina is going to very quickly try to snatch them up before the rot gets them.
The antlers themselves look rot touched.
No.
Yeah, very quickly trying to snatch them before anything drips onto them.
Sweet.
Okay.
Give me a reflex save, please.
I will do that.
I'm going to.
I'm going to.
I'm pretty good at those.
Whoa.
I will give you a 44.
I'm fast with him.
God damn.
Yeah.
You managed to reach down and like grab one of the sets.
But as you do so, there is a flash.
You you avert your eyes almost immediately.
Um, Rahua, can you give me a reflex?
Oh, boy.
I guess I can.
Oh, that's a 1836.
Yeah, you can too.
So both of you are able to just look away in time as there is this flash or it's kind of behind you.
So you don't see it.
And Tannhauser, it's just hard as you do as you go to touch them.
Vina, both antlers disappear in a flash of light.
But there are these immense forms.
That break.
Off from where they were, these like strange chimeric figures like a deer with wings, with great antlers, but the the back feet of birds.
There are two of them and these these spectral blue gray light figures fly around the Grove kind of circling.
Out in the air.
Do you do you recognize those, Oren?
At at this stage, Oren is like not even noticing anything else as as in his mind, everything's racing like a mile a minute.
And so he's just kind of grabbing his mother.
He's like, he's just trying everything that he can.
He takes a mossy scroll thing and just tries to like, like just doesn't know, like a rock or limb or something.
It just tries to put it in her hand.
Starts chanting something like anything he can do, but internally, Oren is finding that he does not have the power due to his decisions, and so he kind of looks back and calls on Gorgomonger to help.
It's like Gorgomonger, please, please, Gorgomonger and Gorgomonger does not come up.
Gorgomonger just stares at him as he didn't realize is he's not coming over to help him.
Oren quickly just turns around.
Gorgomonger just went like options out, do something else, do anything to stop this as he begins to panic.
First, I like to propose something.
Yeah.
Any time that he has to deal is like, I don't know how the encounter is going to go.
Actually, let's do that first.
But I wanted to propose that I have to take will saves ever so often or he's petrified or like panicking.
Oh, we'll get to that.
Absolutely.
Do whatever you want is basically what I'm saying.
Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
For sure.
I appreciate that.
So, so, Vina, you, you now have sort of got the antlers are gone.
These creatures are now flying around.
They are circling the area and they seem to be staring down at you.
Tannhauser, give me a warfare check.
You got it, boss.
Oh, that is.
Oh, that is.
Oh, that is.
Going to be a seven on the die for a twenty seven.
It's enough.
This is very much an assessment pass.
Like you're able to get enough of like a tactical overlay.
They're sort of flying above the combat zone, circling, assessing your positions.
I see, so this is definitely the prelude to combat.
They are like these are very territorial creatures.
Whatever they are, the rounding on us, we need to prepare to fight or flee, but I got to get mom out of here.
Your mother is dead, Orin.
Orin with wet eyes looks at you and shakes his head as he tries to, like, like, pick up his mom, basically tries to, like, get her off.
I assume she was like on a stump or on the ground or so.
And he just tries to, like.
Pick her up.
She was just the base.
Yeah.
So here.
Also fantastic art by Skelly.
I know.
Yeah.
Let's bring you all over to where I am.
Whoa.
Yeah.
Ruh roh.
OK.
All right.
So as you can see on the area.
You're sort of in this clearing with the tree in the center as you go to move her, Orin, you can tell that along your mother's back as you've now closed in, there are these vines, not vines, maybe, like, sinuous ropes of black rot that connect her to the ground and the back of the tree.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
And as you kind of.
I'm sorry.
Move, move to shift her.
That's when the spectral flying figures let out this hooting break sounds indicating clear reaction to this.
Do the spirits look raw, touched to me?
You do not.
But they're definitely going to roll initiative against you.
So I'm going to get.
Y'all to roll initiative.
initiative uh with whatever appropriate uh skill you may have why did i roll why did that roll
um no you got an initiative for it 13 on the die i think i accidentally clicked you for the
i got uh to go top down and down for everybody uh just for podcast listeners uh the uh how do i how
do i pronounce it i think i've always gotten it wrong yeah peritons okay uh peritons got a 46 and
40 they're top oran got a 35 in townhazer tenhauser got a 34 rahua got a 33 and vena got
27 awesome i want to do a more clear form and stuff and so with that there's a rut row
indeed
same
see you
when we were in kingmaker and i would get this like blast of music the second i pressed like
beginning counters and it would give me like a minor stroke yeah uh all right so the first parrot
um flying in the air
they are 25 feet up in relative position to you
flies over around as it does so
it
drops
it casts a spell midair
um and
a sec here
it drops amidst all of you
a a conjures forth from the
ground uh a swirling mist um and you can see within the mist that it is summoned is uh like a freezing cold like ice is sort of um nipping at every area and you can see that your own breath is sort of on the air as this appears um
um
um
um
And that's that.
And then the second one goes.
The second one maintains where it is.
Descending down as it doesn't stay aloft this turn.
Instead, it sort of glides down to the ground.
And as it does so, it casts a spell.
Its eyes sort of staring through you.
And you barely make this out before the mist overtakes you.
And it causes the ground to erupt around you.
A far larger burst.
That's big.
That's a lot.
Yeah.
As creepers begin to burst out of the ground.
They're like grappling, little vines and stuff.
It's kind of at odds with the rotten appearance of the area.
You can see that these same things are coming out and like kind of grappling at the ground.
Excellent.
Okay.
You can tell that moving in here might be true.
Yeah.
And that.
That is those creatures go, Oren, you are up.
What are you going to do?
I would like to recall knowledge for one action.
To basically identify.
I know it's going to be cheap if I try to do it both at the same time.
But the one, the bigger one, I suppose, I think would be the most important one for us right now.
If I could do a certain check to be like, hey, what is this?
Yeah, sure.
Give me.
Give me a knowledge nature check here is definitely your thing.
Here's a nature check that's 10 on the die for a total of 33.
Okay.
So you are familiar with the creatures called Peritons.
They are beasts.
They're typically very evil beasts that are bestial.
Some of them can speak common tongues.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, myths talk about them, that they are creatures that prey on the weak, that
they rip out the beating hearts of those they kill.
They're, they're like, they're, they're the types of things that you were told about as
a child, like, you know, a druidic greening way, boogeyman of sorts.
Yeah.
Oddly enough.
These creatures seem to be a bit less snarling and vile than those.
They have, they look almost more noble and majestic.
You know that these are not.
Before you give me info.
What was that?
I apologize because my role is specifically for the spell that's on the ground.
The big AOE one.
Oh, sorry.
Sorry.
I didn't want you to get me extra information on them.
Just in case.
No, no, I appreciate that.
Sorry.
Sorry.
I misinterpreted.
Do you know which two effects are you wanting to know?
The bigger one you said?
Yes, sir.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
That is enough for you to know that this is a tingling creeper spell.
In game mechanics, you know that this is like a six level primal spell.
And any creature that moves within this takes a minus 10 foot penalty to its speeds.
And these guys can maintain this.
And when they maintain this.
they can cause vines to
immobilize targets
gotcha
okay
okay for the second action Thurston
I want
to do recall
knowledge on the smaller
AUE now
yeah
same nature
chip? do it
yes same thing
awesome
that is
a 35 total
12 of them die
cool this is a frozen
fog
which by the way you're affected by
right now
so
give me a reflex save
DC is 35
got a 10 to die
for 32
okay
okay
okay
okay
so
you're going to take
why is it
pick turn again
you're gonna take
29 points of
cold damage
uh-huh
and
I'm sorry
sorry to say
you are also going to be clumsy one for the next minute
oh am I a Thurston?
yes
well I have you know that I have a feat that
okay
that will do absolutely nothing cause I didn't take mercy of grace I took or did I I don't
did you
I got mercy of the body and then I got greater mercy and I got the power of the Colossus
I got the power of the Colossus
greater mercy which would be mercy of grace which would be clumsy
yeah so my final action i'll cast lay on hands of myself
yeah yeah you want to because i'll tell you where the combo wombo is here
because frozen fog which you would know um is like a misspell so it's obscuring vision and whatnot
yes um and a creature who starts their turn in the area takes 68 cold damage with
with a fortitude save as you just did creature that fails to save his clumsy one for one minute
um and you take a minus 10 foot status penalty to your speed as long as you're clumsy
now the fun thing is is the tangling creepers aren't a status they're a circumstance so you're
kind of like a monster
currently while moving at a minus 20 to your speed
yeah i gotta learn the spell
primal spells are fun y'all well oh also when they sustain the spell they can move it
does the spell have any height
uh it's like a misspell so it's um like a dome yeah it's like okay basically
yeah well
good thing i have a flying speed of 35 so i can make some ground uh so i'm going to immediately
uh start making my way downtown rolling fast so you're gonna you're gonna take you're still
because you're starting on the ground you're gonna take the penalty so you are gonna take
the minus 20 to this yeah so 20 yeah 20 to here as i go right
yeah 20 5 10.
so 30. what's your what's your fly speed 35.
so you get 15 feet yeah this is as far as i can go so 5 10 15.
yeah i'm gonna go three squares cool that'll be my final action as he just looks at his mother and
see he's just the he's uh if i can take some liberties uh see the rot like chords basically
begin to just kind of you know like bind her to this tree and keep her there and he just he's
knowing that he's uh he's not going to be able to get away from that tree until he sees it uh so
he's he's got other priorities right now there's nothing he can do and so he's immediately just
like i need to get out of this and i need to make sure my friends are okay so he bolts out of there
and now his turn is ended now it's ten houses okay ten hazard give me a fortitude save please
oh you got it it'd be my delight to do that um i know it is uh yeah let's rock
oh that's gonna be a four on the dice i think i would like to re-roll that with a hero
yes use your hero point here we go that is a 10 on the die a little bit better for a 42 okay sec
take half of this
so take 13 points of cold damage you are not clumsy
what would you like to do you still are at a minus
uh 10 foot to movement because of uh being in the creepers
i've got a plan
because you're in mist um if you're doing anything that targets them specifically
there is a concealed check you'd have good to know okay so is it the mist or the ground
that is hurting us it's the mist the mist is what's hurting okay
interesting damnation i can't see head of high water here everyone i'm clearing away uh and i am
going to go ahead and i'm going to cast gust of wind
um which is a second level spell here that will allow me to put place a 60 foot line
that i will center uh behind myself
and point forward and i don't know if i can do that properly here how can i oh yeah yeah i can
okay great
yeah so i'm going to uh place it like so
and uh that is going to clear a line out of the fog uh dispersing fog and mist
um and uh everyone in that line is going to have to make me a fortitude save uh including myself
and rahua and rahua well yeah i'm including everybody
yeah yeah
oh and i will make i will fail that so uh we are both knocked prone
um mother dearest also is going to have to make a fortitude save
uh she is currently well connected to the tree so she's not really knocked she's kind of like pinned
to the tree now like pulled up against it
okay fair enough fair enough
definitely give both of you a broke condition
all right so hopefully that should open a channel with which at the very least we can
stand in without getting frozen to death um and then with my final action
um remember this lasts until the start of your next turn so yeah
my last action
uh i am prone on the ground which sucks and but i do have a good look at rahua's
not rahua's mom at orin's mom
stop looking at my mom i don't i look in my locket after who is mom oh milky
somebody cut his mic somebody cut his mic
i am my mom
that's awesome uh that reminds me of the grand theft auto
line that the npc say is like my mom is my sister all right so from a prone position and and tell me
if i can't do this thurston i'm going to cast the first level jump spell and i am going to uh
okay belly flop my way 30 feet
this spell too?
this way and land on my feet question mark
um okay could i make an acrobatics check to attempt to land on my feet
you know i'll allow that because i think like rules is written it doesn't change
any of your conditions so like you could jump you'd just be prone where you land it
it's like a seal jump
time how's a seal maneuver
that's four on the time yeah you're ceiling
yeah you can place yourself further up the gust of wind and land on your back
now technically you tried buddy wait wait wait i got i got something even better are you ready
okay all right all right last time last time oh my god
oh no technically when you are jumping oh boy you're basically flying right
so theoretically i could take the advantages of a critical failure for the gust of wind
and be pushed 30 feet knock prone and then take 2d6 bludgeoning damage
that wouldn't benefit me at all i'm not going to argue this anymore and i'm going to end my turn
no but you can't hurt me it's not my turn you can't hurt me
i
i think what was so funny in that was that speaker cut out so many times in in some of
what he was explaining but perfectly came across when he was like let me do this thing that hurts
myself and then continue to have audio a great 10 out of 10. beautiful
excellent that's what it's all about podcast you're not going to know what that sounded
like because we're we're trying to do different audio stuff so maybe it's more clear now
so of course you don't get the discord effects
you know what no i'm not doing this for who crosses his arms
laying prone on the ground and cast his cast fly
well yeah that too and i'm going to use my remaining action to just simply
levitate upwards still pro in an effective prone position with my arms crossed
and remove myself from the fog
okay so how far up are you going
that's a great question
thurston because presently within the fog how high does it go okay so it's it's it's it's like
a dome okay uh but remember you're currently not in the fog because it's been gust of winded
it's true so i'll allow you to fly up and out of the effective range which would be from where you
are probably about 20 feet up okay so remember flying up is double so if you go straight up
do your first movement is it minus 10 feet even though you're flying you still have the creepers
slowing you down as you ascend up so i think you can only get 10 feet up yeah i think so
but you can get off the creepers which is probably useful that's yeah it's definitely a start we'll
take that okay all right so you're flying prone and up 10 feet okay i love but how am i prone in the sky
how does that work thurston i mean you're not technically prone just being funsies um well you
know yeah you're you're lying yeah i want to be prone yeah yeah i mean i'm just i'm expecting
thurston to say you know what you you are prone you're flying in here no no it's fine it's
fine i'll hurt you in other ways uh so you're like a glitched in pc just floating in the air
i'll just pass uh vina i believe it brings us to you uh once for who uh passes his turn um
give me a fortitude savina i will give you a fortitude save
that's not great that's a 25. it's 25.
you will take
26 cold damage
ah chili which i forget do you have resistance to cold
uh i don't believe so no you have resistance to acid okay
take 26 damage i love that scream it's so good uh and then you will be a clumsy one for the next
minute
not clumsy
which will also give you minus 10 to your movement speed boop oh that's like oh i forgot i'll put that
on oran as well since we're gonna hit my head no there we go okay all right uh so it is your go
vina what are you gonna do all right i'm gonna spend my first two actions to pop the wings of air
cool
uh there we go oh it did it twice yeah so nice you could it's one for each wing um excellent good
and then i'll keep it pretty simple here uh i'm just going to levitate up
um because the fog has been dissipated can i just levitate up like five feet no no no you're
not in the area the fog was dissipated oh right it's a line uh yeah and then in that case i'm gonna spend five feet of air
twenty feet of air deeper now
one more time
five feet up
eight feet out
twenty-five feet
five five feet up
i did five in all four of them
he had ten rotary drops
肉
he was zusammen
yikes
okay nice
uh to get out of the creepers sure um and then i'm gonna move five ten fifteen to here
perfect okay uh and so that'll be five feet and i love it not 50.
all right and that is the end of my turn with that uh what are these fuck-ass birds doing
well
there at the start of the initiative wait a second did we just have someone join
all right no that's your cue i know i was sorry i'm a little slow to respond but i am here
my internet is also having some mild latency because i my messages didn't go through to
hulking when i messaged him that i was going to be here
i was back oh you and me brother yeah this has been cursed your transformer blew up speakers
been having issues i had encoding issues for some weird reason and everything's cursed today also
we're starting a podcast yeah we're starting a podcast apparently yeah that's extra cursed
yeah every time we talk about warhammer an ad comes in so i'm glad you're back
oh um it's epic back i'll put baldrick at the bottom here he'll blow a hole in the ceiling
you're you're in a grove can i blow a hole in the canopy all rot infested
okay i mean you could try first of all i'm gonna make you what the fuck are these i see deer
that's awesome that's awesome who's a really good good combat setup we were
presenting a fun
puzzle now now you're here and you have to you have to roll initiative for me okay give me a
second perception please can i make it stealth because i wasn't here yeah that's fine you're
being sneaky yeah that's that's why i didn't see me i was lagging behind all right i roll my uh
initiative for stealth i got a 19 and that puts me at 44 for my uh that puts me close to the top
that's awesome you you're gonna you're gonna go after these guys so after the
first one
so you're gonna go between these things hey warriors i got a quick question because i haven't
been here and i can't scrub back to watch the vod what the hell happened why are there deer
deer birds oran's mom oran's mom is
has got it going on sorry uh no oran's mom is all rot infested her horns fell off uh and the
horns were not rot infested and then the horns became these two majestic creatures that were
so
circling us for a little bit as we were investigating uh and then they decided to
square up and drop spells on our head i see okay i will remain at a distance for their entirety of
the fight thanks okay uh to to to inform to inform you of what the various effects on the on the
board are the outside circle is a ground effect that is a bunch of tangling creepers and vines
that have burst out of the ground and slow people down um the central one is an ice storm um that's
currently has a small line
of
non-effect in it
because Speaker Gust have winded a bunch of it.
I see.
Okay, I'm going to
remain at a very far distance
so that I'm okay.
Yep.
You go after this first one, so
I'm going to have it
go.
Its first action
is going to be to sustain
this and just
shift it up a little bit
so it catches Oren again.
Oh, come on!
Gosh!
Gosh!
Give me a break! My mom's dying right now!
Veena, however...
Oh, I thought of a dark joke.
Oh, no.
Keep it in. Keep it in.
What are you talking about?
Don't you dare!
Don't you do it.
Stay on, Toria.
Oh, it was real dark.
Oh, I thought of the worst thing to say
and it was real evil.
Yes, we know, Zoran, you're evil.
Yes.
We owe you evil, Zoran.
All right.
Okay, um, the...
Uh...
Uh...
Uh...
Uh...
Uh...
Uh...
Uh...
Uh...
It's gonna...
You've made it very, very annoying.
So I think my only option here...
The next option is...
And Baldrick will be unaffected.
Uh...
Uh...
affected by this uh but vena makes a nice launching point uh it's gonna cast chain lightning on you
vena oh no come on come on now i have chain lightning spell counter spell i've got chain
lightning prepared hey buddy hey buddy yeah buddy yeah roll me 1d20 sure let's see if thurston can
make counter spell even less reliable that's a 15 no actually i was rolling to see if you could
see the thing through the fog i don't need to because i gusted of wind i gusted of wind because
meaning i don't have fog on my spot until the start of my next turn
align
yes but you're staring through fog at it oh i understand okay that's fair that's fair that's
fair yeah that's that's physics but you succeed on your check now you can give me your now you
can give me your your your your your check all right i've never actually successfully
counter spelled before i don't think i most the time i try and then it turns out i i can't
i have to make a chance your reward is dealing one your reward is dealing 1d6 damage congratulations
do i roll arcana again what do i what do i roll to successfully counter spell
um so you are doing a counteract check uh you let's see here
yeah so one sec and you're using dispell magic
this is one of those things that i don't read up on a lot because i don't do it a lot it's okay
counter spells one of those words like oh god yeah it's one of those things where i always forget
generally if i have a player does it they know what they're doing
trying to counter this whole campaign
um
oh it's rank is the counter rank rank roll me a d20 oh yeah we'll figure this out
that's a 10 on the die
okay
your spellcasting attribute modifier plus your spellcasting proficiency bonus
okay my spellcasting attribute is plus five for my intelligence intelligence and i'm an expert
so plus 17 an arcane expert
uh-huh uh-huh so 22 32 32 is my spell dc um
um yeah
we can just keep going
i'm sorry to say you are slightly shy of the prize
i'm okay is this an ability check
no no no it's a counteract like it's a spell counteract check
well okay so it would not it's a is it a skill check
no no no it's it's its own type of of check
i agree
i was a bit morejm
i was a bit morej
i have nanite surge that gives me plus two status bonus to trigger a spell check
i regret the day i learned how to counter spell it doesn't work
okay worst part is you're off by like two on this thing so you can ask for a pity point
no you could ask for pity point i would rather watch you get electrocuted
oh okay it's locked up well what's i mean getting electrocuted i literally
handed you i mean it will be him like i handed you the success solution
well okay all right let's let's let you know what life or death for birdie boy
life or death for birdie boy and it's chain lightning which means it's gonna hurt
oh yeah okay fine i won't let my pride deep fry oren um thanks sure i'll take
i'll take a pity point i'll i forget that you called my mom hot
i mean she's not anymore she's not i mean don't counter spell it die
the only way you'll fail this is if you roll an 11
or a one okay well how could that possibly happen there we go 20. that's 20. oh i'm the best at
counter spelling
oh it's so fun and reliable what's your what's your complication
i'll tell you my complication my complication i'm going to pick one too yeah this seems very fitting
this is from anarchic the complication name is you were not thinking of them
what is the complication
you were not thinking
of the milves
that's pretty substantive debuff
dude yeah many episodes
later doomed
for
doomed for
doomed for
alright
power word
kills
it's like that
it's like that tumblr user I keep seeing
where it says kind of a mil free blog you just did that
to Orin's mom as she is decaying before
you
I did that last session too
I'm gonna use that
I'm gonna use that
you're not
thinking of them you're not thinking of the
milve behind you with the
leaking pools of rot that are now
going around your
legs because you're
facing the opposite direction and actually
pulling you
towards her
my god I wasn't thinking of her
I wasn't thinking of her at all
I love the cutouts Baldrick
that's his mechanics failing as he's pulled
thanks discord for saving us
because I am still invisible
apparently
am I still stealth or should I re-roll
should I re-roll stealth
uh you you would come in stealth they're unaware of you right now as far as you're aware
okay so in that case I would like to roll a
would a recall knowledge help me know what the fuck I'm
looking at with these two things
Nature
piece of shit I have no nature
actually no I've got nature trained I could try I could try that
okay
uh got to target that one I don't know why I'm targeting it
uh I gotta target that one I don't know why I'm targeting it
uh got to target that one I don't know why I'm targeting it
targeting it but i'll roll a nature uh my nature is better than that so i'm just gonna roll
go it's a 9 and a 16 for a 25 does that give me anything thurston it does not you are not
familiar with what these are these are some kind of nature spirits potentially but you've literally
just kind of followed up on your party and seen all this is like what the hell's going on okay i
i checked that one can i do the same to the other one now yeah it's the second skill check sure
sure because i'm not i i like i'm not gonna go throwing grenades at two things while my
oh i'm the only feasible target uh so i'm gonna target the other one and i'm going to
attempt a nature check again please be better that's much better uh 15 for a
yeah it's enough for you to recognize these they have the same shape as sort of um
these these natural beasts called peritons that are these kind of like boogeymen of the forest
though these ones seem to be different in some way they're far more regal they have less of the
appearance you'd associate with them also they're incorporeal and kind of spectral like okay so
that's
then that would that would mean magic then because they're incorporeal oh oh yes yes yes these are
these are not the physical creatures they're they're definitely like some kind of spiritual
entity okay that has taken the form of a natural creature how's uh how's oran's mom looking decaying
in front of tan hauser um so you can kind of see perfectly through the gust of wind so you can see
that she's sort of placid
like like she's just sort of sitting there um without much expression and it's more of this
goop that's come out of her eyes and has now been like pulling tan hauser in she looks almost trance
like okay so she doesn't look like she's collapsed inward like a rotten husk she looks just like
regular rotten yeah okay
okay
seems i'm
at an impasse
tell you what i'm gonna do i'm going to because i'm way out of range for these things
yeah 90 feet uh what is my i gotta check my move again because i keep forgetting i think it's 20
oh right 25 land because my armor is better now okay i'm going to move 25 feet over there
for my last action i'm being seen
i don't know why is there at this point at this point yes but why is there a beam
because there's a beam you didn't tell me there'd be a beam you lied to me ghost wizard end of my turn
all right the other parroton is gonna go this one has nothing it has to maintain
so instead of having a small one i'm gonna draw a little bit of a long one
that's a little bit too big for this one
move to here swoosh no get that thing away from me
it's going to cast a spell no
no no no yeah yeah yeah voice there for a second no no no the parrot is going after him
wait wait wait wait where is it there it is
oh is this thing gonna cast fucking chain lightning
yes i am sure well
fuck well it doesn't lie it's wrong
how could you how could you say that how could you doubt it
there's probably a worse spell
mm-hmm
okay uh
if i could have each of you
each of you
each of you
in this new area of effect which is uh tannhauser or an androhua give me a reflex save
no come on more fucking reflex saves not 20 fuck you
very not
29 less good
oh 22
cool hey i'm gonna
gave or in your energy
you wanna i think i'm gonna hero point that would be so awesome
you want you wanna reroll that buddy yeah yeah okay that's fine 35
better
that's cool this is probably far more amusing
well
yep
i won't
know
can i make up my own
the
i want the
x siwerk
on the night shift
sorry
oh no no you're good
you're good you're good
you are all pushed
out into this
area like outside of it
um
tan hauser as you were being
pulled suddenly you are stopped
um
and you you you turn around and
like your feet kicking you
realize that you
are now imprisoned in this thing
that
this that this is actually
some sort of
prison
now that you are trapped in
woe
is me
whack ass crystal prison
so that's what it feels like
is that what i've been doing to people
i belong
is this how i've been walling people with my spells
wow
go to wizard jail
is this what being thrown into magical jail
is like this is awesome i would
i will do this more
i love it this i'm so liberated
this isn't a
force war with socialist
characteristics
oran it's
your go
yeah
yeah
it sure is man
yeah
yeah
so i'm out of the center one so i'm not dealing with that i'm going to go on himself lay on hands
uh so that will get rid of his clumsy see his blessing thingy on him yep
which means he will get healing and of course because he's doing it on himself
he gets healed for 42 don't worry i got that and he gets to lay on hands thing and he is no longer
clumsy so he's not dealing with that anymore
not
not not not not not it's probably because i'm in the anyway uh so with that
that's frozen fog that's right uh so with that he's got two actions left uh he's going to try and
fly out of here just so he can just kind of spread out a little bit he's going it's going to be 5 10
because i'm still in the thing uh still struggling for the creepers yep yeah so 5 10 near it because
if it had if it had uh you know reaction strike it probably would have got me already
uh and now i'm going to do it is it is not five ten five uh yeah five ten
so i'm trying to do math here so 20 20 to here for and then one more action i could then go up
uh three four i'll get up to 30 and get up to
basically here get up to 30 and basically uh pretty much bottom right of this puritan
you know that should be 25 i'm sorry i'm cheating uh 25 feet up in the air
as i begin to flap up and just trying to get out of this stuff uh so if it moves he's like
a good distance up at least uh kind of
like in level with how the puritan is that is all of his actions at the end of his turn
okay tannhauser all right start of your turn your guess the wind goes away that's true
um then i require you to give me a fortitude save you got it boss
that's almost in that one that's a 20
i know all right you will take
uh 37 points of cold damage as the mist slinks back in from its other portions of the prison
you are in uh and you will be clumsified one i see i see okay well this is not going well i am going
to let me just see
all right here's what i'm gonna do i am going to
quick cast quicken cast translocation
um now any location i could see would be obscured
um now any location i could see would be obscured
but i could theoretically still see it
no no you can you can it's only targeting creatures so you're you're
fine you're fine you could you can translocate okay in that case
i'm going to translocate uh how far above the ground is this uh this freak
oh he's on the ground oh excellent what about this guy uh
uh 25 feet 25 feet all right i'm going to translocate on top of him
okay wait a second he's he's a ghost yes
brings new definition to the term ghost riding the whip
well i don't want to do that but i i can't get my guy anymore because he's under a big old horse
he's under the token he's just trapped there now you're in the horse prison
do do me a favor do you for me speaker there you go there you go oh thank god go somewhere
very nice that moves you get out of there all right okay well uh these horses
you
are not going to work out not horses
i'm going to go yeah you can go 120 feet anywhere yeah i'm gonna choose to go 10 feet over here
actually what is over here that's in the tree in the tree yeah yeah there's a tree there
and here's the under all the templates here's my plan all right that was quick cast that only took
one action
so that we leave the swift brain making an ultimately single force fist
and that will make these horsés can handle the whole game
okay
i can bethe key
here
zoom
i'm not gonna i want to do this
when i say zoom
boom
i was broken
i finally got the sword
let me see
provoke
let me fight
no more fighting
no more fighting
let me fight
oh no more fighting
fine
And out of context of this, this is very wrong.
This is evil.
Like, as Oren's flying and he hears you, then you turn into a blub blub.
He's like, you see Oren get very serious for a moment.
And that's all I can do.
That's my turn.
I'm sorry, Oren.
I must turn into a goo.
I'm sorry, Oren.
Yeah, just a gray goo of nanite ooze just pouring all over this tree.
That's all I can do on my turn.
But that's the most efficacious.
I don't really have anything.
I could earthbind the one that's up 25 feet, but it's insubstantial.
I don't even know if I could do that.
So I'm going to pass turn.
If nothing else, I'll keep myself alive a little longer.
Yeah.
Bulky.
Yeah?
It's your turn.
Give me a fortitude save.
Sure.
Does your 35 work?
Yeah, you'll only take half damage.
Oh, joy of joys.
Wow, that's a lot of high numbers.
All right.
You'll take 19 points of cold damage as you're in the freezing cold
and still unharmed.
I'm on the creepers.
Wow.
Cool.
Actually, sorry.
You're not.
I'm flying.
Yeah, that's right.
But you are in the freezing cold.
Yeah.
So my moves are reduced by 20 feet.
Correct.
Only 10 feet because you're off the creepers.
Oh, well, you know.
Actually, no, you made your save.
So you're actually fine.
Normal move.
Normal move.
Cool.
I will expend one of my abilities.
I'm sorry.
One of my actions to move 15 feet out of the fog.
Sure.
And I would like to attempt to recall knowledge on one of these
paratons.
Yeah.
And see if I can determine the nature of their strengths.
Okay.
I'm going to give you a recall knowledge check.
Hold on, Tertian.
It'll be nature.
So go for it.
Oh, I know.
Nature.
Hold on.
Oh, yeah.
Hold on.
I'll get into it.
36.
Yeah.
So these are ghostly spiritual versions of paratons.
They're obviously enhanced because paratons on their own don't have spellcasting.
So these are like primal extensions, like powerful druidic greening way sort of.
Entities.
So, what is something you'd like to know about them?
I would like to know if they are particularly willful or fortuitous.
Particularly what are fortuitous or willful or fortuitous?
Oh, excellent.
They are very willful.
Okay.
Not quite as fortuitous.
Okay.
I'm going to go.
I'm going to go.
I'm going to go.
I'm going to go.
I'm going to go.
that much
I can work with
mediocre reflexes
mediocre reflexes
okay
alright
alright
well I suppose
in lieu of being close
enough to attack him Rahul is going to
realize he's
floated high enough out of the chilling
mist like oh oh we're done with that
bit now cool
go not see somewhere else and he'll
stick out a hand and fire a laser I'm going to cast
radiant beam at this one
it's an 120
foot line and you have TC 31
basic reflex save
you want to put down the line
put down the line
I'll put down the line short hold on
yeah do it
put it down
hold on
hold on
hold on
hold on your beam is so big and full
your beam is so big and full
oh it's so big oh big beam
oh it's so big oh big beam
oh it's so big oh big beam oh big
oh big beam
oh big beam
oh big beam
oh my big piece
we will punish these villains
all right now I can make the reflex
at the bottom right there should be a
at the bottom right there should be a
button for you Thurston
and one sec I have to check something
and one sec I have to check something
I have to check something
huh
okay
whew
had to make sure of something to make sure you hadn't just fucked yourself okay very good
had to make sure of something to make sure you hadn't just fucked yourself okay very good
uh reflex save
reflex
I'll succeed it
I'll succeed it
37 it gracefully dodges its head uh with 37 versus 31 uh but you can roll damage still
okay i'll try
does it do anything it takes 12 points it takes 12 points of damage yeah it's okay it's affected
by magical damage yeah okay all right yeah well first and that's uh that's about all i can ding
ding do right now because i only had enough moves to move out of the cold
you're still in the oh you know you yeah you're still in the cold oh it was uh 25 feet tall
wasn't that oh sorry you sorry you didn't adjust your your thing you have to right click your guy
and yeah it still says you're 10 feet up so it's like it's only 25 feet up i'm 10 feet up i know
you said that but adjust it um all right well that's gonna bring us to vena once you've adjusted
it bro
i don't know
i don't know
i don't know
do the adjusting
vena what are you gonna do
all right well i can't really do much against ghosts um that's not really my forte but i'm i'm
cooking a theory possibly because these things look noble and regal and they came out of her
horns uh would i need to make a roll to see if their horns look any more corporeal than the rest
of them because the horns became
these things yeah
yeah you can give me a perception check
yeah
how am i always sickened for
this tree is so ill
because you're sick as hell
i'm sick as hell
uh i'll give you a 35 on perception
um it's not that they are physical themselves but it's almost as though you see like
little physical bits within the horns
like okay
yeah
like moving little like corporeal bits uh maybe pieces of the horns or something physical
that is floating inside
oren there's stuff inside the horns
okay
we might have a chance don't don't kill his mom
who's gonna do what
oozehouser
i'll kill the one who touches my mom
oh my god
all right and then i'm gonna use my second action to go
oh i need my dexterity
you cannot go through
oh well you can't go through oozehouser yes
i can go through oozehouser
yes
weep
uh so i'll go there
flank this thing as best i can
uh and get out of that
cold
oh do i need to make another save for the cold
oh could you set it to uh you were out of it
you were
oh i was out of it
okay
yeah
um
yeah rehua didn't end his turn
so thank you
wirin doesn't need to take her turn
we can just sit here in loveworld forever where nobody dies
if i never in my turn then they will never get a chance to move
we'll just be here forever time won't advance we'll win
yeah
uh all right so uh weena's gonna use her
final action
to
i'm just gonna take
to
to
i'm just gonna take
serve players in turn
a swing at one of the
horns and see if there's any
possibility I can lop it off.
I don't exactly have a
cutting weapon, but it's the best I can
do.
You can give me a stabby stabby.
Yeah, I'm not looking for damage.
I'm more looking for accuracy.
Will I take any penalties?
Yeah, minus two.
Minus two. Okie dokie.
Minus two.
Circumstance.
Add.
Hmm.
Oh, I whiff it.
That was a great noise.
That is a whiff.
That is a whiff.
That's a big whiff.
Um. God, AC30.
Um.
I'm gonna go ahead and spend
my hero point on re-rolling that.
I think this is, even if it's not good
damage, it's good information.
Sure.
Yo.
Yo.
Yo.
Alright.
So I'll give you a 42 to hit.
You strike it, um,
like where some of the bits are.
You can tell that it doesn't seem to have
much of an effect. You can roll me damage,
but, um, you can tell that
it's more like, this is just the thing
that animated it. It's not like it's
keeping it around. Now it's kind of doing
its own thing.
Damn. Well, it was a good theory.
I'll give you 23.
It takes damage from that.
Okay.
Uh, and that will be
Veena turn.
Boop. Alright.
Well, that's gonna bring us
to the Parrot and
Witch.
Oh, man. Uh...
Uh-oh. Is gonna move
the ice storm up
ten feet to get Rahua.
Come on, now.
You're a bitch-ass motherfucker, you know that?
Ha ha ha!
Uh, the Parrot
is just sitting there like Bane
and it says, the cold rises.
Oh, god, I love that.
That makes me so happy.
You're gonna make my one eye go milky
white so I can become a weird
mystic freak. I'm just gonna put my
big finger at you and curse you.
As one does. Curse you, Finder.
For its next action.
Uh,
sees the
ooze as an
immediate threat.
Um, targets it
and coughs
up a blast
of viscous
um, liquid.
Um,
one sec here.
Just gonna roll a, uh,
their
attack rolls here.
Oh!
What?
Uh-oh.
Sorry, what is that dog sound?
I forgot.
Tannhauser's armor is terrible now.
That's right.
Oh, no.
I was, I was wondering why it was like,
oh, it's a critical hit.
Eight.
Yeah.
I forgot that when he turns
into an ooze.
Um.
One sec.
Well, that's not good.
That ooze was fun while it lasted.
Yeah.
Well.
You know, it's, it's fine.
All right, I have no armor class.
I'm very easy to hit as a slime.
But he's also immune to critical hits.
You're very oozy to hit.
So.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
So.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Lil Uzi Vert.
And I have resistance.
So don't worry.
I'm not doing double damage.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I can't let that pun go unacknowledged.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna get you, Hulky.
I will never be punished.
You took, you took umbrage with his and not Lil Uzi Vert.
That's true.
I didn't hear you making the Uzi Vert.
Good.
I shake your hand.
I shake your hand.
It's wet and slimy.
We're both oozes.
You'll take eight points of fire damage, Tannhauser.
I'll grumble in a ooze-like, but still obviously socialist way.
Okay.
You're also on fire.
Hmm.
The ooze is on fire.
That's bad, it sounds like.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
That's bad, it sounds like.
Yeah.
Cause, because the persist on this is two d eight.
Owie.
Oh, shit, is what Tannhauser would say if he was not ooze.
Yeah.
I agree.
Seems like your ooze is on fire, not so good, it seems.
Baldrick, it is, it is your go.
Okay, uh, did this thing move closer to me?
I gotta check, it didn't move at all, I don't think.
No, it didn't move.
Though, it sustained.
oh wait it's also 25 feet up so i actually have to be a lot closer yes
well hang on a second so 70 plus 25 that's 85 my throw range is
60 that's only one like penalty right what do you mean so like if i were so i'd be taking
okay so if i threw from here that's 70 feet right yeah my normal range is 60
because of so yeah you you take one penalty one right even though it's also 25 feet up
yeah absolutely okay triangle doesn't increase it that much i know i was i was making sure that
it didn't someone will know trigonometry and correct me in the comments but that's fine
no because yeah it's not gonna be like greater than 120 feet it's fucked up i could throw
something like that i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know
i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know
something 120 feet and still only incur one a single minus one you are a godlike character
now my throwing arm you haven't been practicing his throwing arm not that much
um right 13th level bomber i mean come on so remind me again thurston uh incorporeal
week two not week two but takes damage from magic
correct so that's anything but a physical attack
yes however despite
them looking incorporeal you did previously see a bit of vena hit it and have like a pretty solid
effect okay
so if i were to throw any of my non-physical like i wouldn't want to throw a junk bomb at it for
for example theoretically yeah like you'd want to throw something with some some elemental kick
behind it would probably do well okay then i'm going to test first by throwing acid flask
greater gonna draw and throw i don't know why my junk bomb is not working
it's still drawn it's not drawn i put it away forever where is ass uh acid blast creator draw
and i'm targeting it yep draw and uh is this sticky bomb i will get a stick bomb
i had to uncheck it for the last one i threw let's see if this does anything that's a miss
on a five i'm gonna hero point that because that's a critical miss i'm not even gonna hit
absolutely
all right uh re-roll with a hero point
that works for me 16 on the dive 37 that'll hit good uh let me do my damage uh acid sticky bomb
has expanded splash yes yes yes just checking everything i got so many
i have so many switches i have to check that are that are in position here it's maddening
here we go uh 13 direct acid damage and then
jesus uh it will take 3d6 plus 10 persistent acid damage yeah you can see this strikes it
and immediately begins dissolving it like it it almost seems as though the creature
may appear in corporeal but it's not in corporeal
i got a question thurston is it behaving like fog
um like kind of in a similar vein to like the animated fog
i'm gonna see if i got something for this hang on
not not for fog i don't have anti-fog weapons that's insane
how the hell am i trained in nature but untrained in arcana and my arcana is higher
whatever uh intelligence right i guess
uh thurston would you allow me to see if these are truly ghostly enemies or if they are merely
incorporeal and animated magic something or other with an arcana chip yeah sure okay i'm gonna try
that out it's been an action too oh wait no you want to know why i uh you don't want to know why
i have an 18 untrained improvisation oh yeah there you go that'll do it
uh that'll give me a 14 on the die for 32 total
yeah it's enough to tell that these have an appearance of like incorporeal things but they
themselves are not they are like magical constructs of some kind it's probably how
you identify them and that you're able to tell they're more like
constructed things like almost like in the vein of like a summoned creature interesting
that wouldn't allow me to pinpoint from whence they were summoned besides the horns right
no no correct like you'd need a bit more a bit more to figure would you allow me
to try something to figure that out maybe an occultism since they're summoned
um i think at this point you're you're kind of tapped like you don't have a way
like your your guess is is that they're probably tied to orin's mother and something like that
i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know
i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know maybe
just based off of the way they appeared but beyond that you don't have particulars
and the horns are just are the horns her horns or are they just like there
they're they like the horns animated these things and then there's like
little physical bits that were floating in them um though you haven't had time to have
a conversation with vina about this as a player you would know that vena
like when she struck them she had a similar effect where they weren't you know they weren't
incorporeal um they are corporeal um but like once they were animated by these things they're
kind of going like it's not like taking the bits out or just gonna de-animate them they're kind of
like they're gonna start going on their own um damn that leaves me with little to do except
throw more grenades uh so you know what i'm gonna do i'm gonna i'm gonna draw and throw
my remaining alchemist fire okay
okay and that's map minus five this is gonna be rough because it's already a range penalty
kaboom
that's a critical hit for a nat 20 there you go and on the alchemist fire too so that's gonna hurt
all right yeah that's what we needed i think we'll find out critical hit by plus zero that's
so fucked up oh just so you're telling me i needed the 20 to hit that yes that's fucked
okay critical hit let's go that is not sticky bomb because i can only do that once per row
go uh pitiful 30 damage
okay
barks like a dog that's
all right takes it two times three persistent fire what
oh wait right because it's not sticky bomb that's why not sticky bombed yeah
okay well that's my uh that's my roll come on turn
all right that's gonna bring us to the second of these creatures um tar hauser and vina and orin are in your eye
oh
no
no no no what what orb shouldn't attack horn right
Yes without question
yes without question
Yes and No
tecon yes
without the coz
yes it yes it should attack or is what it sounded like that
would be silly
whose howzer
that's me use howzer
give me a read
You got it, Boss!
Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Bla Blah
All right, what xo
All right, where we going It's a little too slow for aograf вид doesn't mean much but we stamps leuka xochitl we got it boss I get late okay, or no more seeing it sister
nat 20
okay
sweet
um
uh
okay
sorry
what the fuck
thanks Aaron
it all just came up
at one point
I was like
I can't stop it
that's super rude
and gross
my bad
a blast
of electricity
comes out
but somehow
the ooze
parts
and avoids it
entirely
um
so that was
two actions
for its third
action
it's gonna target
Vena
you don't gotta
do all that
give me a moment
here
alright
alright
Vena
does a 37
hit you
a 37
hits me
perfect
um
oh yeah
meets it
beats it
my AC's right
at 37
yeah yeah
it meets it
yeah
um
you
as you stand
there
the creepers
burst out of
the ground
at an angle
towards you
and pull you
back to the
ground
uh
uh
uh
, you're going to be immobilized for
for right now
as they latch around your feet
and pull you back into the area
oh, oh damn
that's its go
that's not good for me
Oren, you're up
so we've established these are spirits, right?
they're, they're oddly constructs
in that
they're like, they're magical spiritual creatures
they're like, they're magical spiritual creatures
but they're only appearing as incorporeal
like they have substance behind
behind them
yeah
uh, Oren
uh, he's going to spend one action to maintain flight
uh, he's going to spend then two actions
to do a fifth level heal on Veena
as he points his staff
you begin to
you've
all the wounds begin to bind together
he's like, I got you Miss Veena
I got you Miss Veena
she goes, you're Center
he's like, I got you Miss Veena
she's like, you're Center
again
She's like, you're Center
I don't actuallyrip
to get on well
get off
you're not going forward
get off
it's gonna podemos
get off
hit sign
get off
hit sign
information
message
information
message
quote
we can manage
it
It eggs
It processing
is sealed
box
Bay
come龜
to the
they landed on the ground and that's what sort of spawned into these two creatures
oh shit okay so the horns are not active okay correct they were like components that summoned
these things i understand all right even i'm not gonna kill mama oran
but i am gonna try and disconnect her from the tree
uh can i attempt a grapple check on mama oran
absolutely all right now as a wizard i have never grappled someone before
so you gotta help me out here
it's an athletics check okay
let's rock
that's a three on the dice for a 23
that will fail
glub glub glub
all right maybe before i make a second attempt
can i try to use arcana or occultism to perhaps understand the implications
of mama oran being uh connected to this tree
okay
occultism
you got it boss
uh and for this i'm going to use nanite surge
as every constituent nanomachine
making up tannhauser's ooze-like form
surges to power to try to process this
with a 35 on the dice
um yeah so
you would
okay so you would
note that oh one sec okay um they're the the two of them are connected in some way um you're you're
missing out on visual cues because you no longer see it um but from what you're gathering is is
that the rot and whatever it's doing to her is being enabled by a connection so severing that
will stop the this this rot effect from doing whatever it's doing all right that is all three
of my actions that's who's uh hauser done i will try to disconnect mama mia from the tree on my
next turn passing the buck oh yeah and then you take 10 points of fire damage from being on fire
and roll me a recovery check you got it
you
so 14 on the domain on fire
okay all right uh hey who uh yeah thirsted you want to give me a four to save my my buddy my
pal my friend want to but you moved it up on me fuck me running well you're gonna take 44
points of fire damage from being on fire and roll me a recovery check you got it
awesome and i can't effectively move either i'm not done no i know you're not done you are
now clumsy too for one minute uh and you're minus 10 feet to your movement speed how high
is this fucking dome thurston that you've so wonderfully moved upon me well as we determined
it's like we're not doing anything to save ourselves uh you're coming at me you're coming
at me ok alright you're not doing anything to save us and we get aомol i think yo i should just gonna give you my my other disparity and i hope you are not going to come back to you when we didn't get your electric knife don't you it's pretty typical of you who you are you're not keeping you up til 5 o'clock when we get right the next button cast and anyway new aud 갑자기 i'm poor in the inside i'm sorry i didn't care about that up when we get everything all right kids you know whats what hard it is you know so uh hey�� the
like 20 feet at its center point so it goes up 20 feet but it is now up 10 feet so it's like
30 30 feet um it goes 30 feet up and you're 25 feet up
okay oh no i can't do that i can't do that thurston
because you see i didn't intend on becoming an ice cube floating in midair
well
you
you
look i should have i should have thought about this speaker just really inspired me
with like wow you know what's cool debilitating area abilities
be glad you're still not trapped in the cage by the way
i am see i'm glad i'm not in there thurston
see it's okay when i do it but when you do it it's kind of rude
yeah yeah yeah this is this is round two of speaker taste your own medicine
that'll show me the war the end of the warhams campaign where where the penultimate fight was against speaker's character
reskinned
cherry on top gotta click the complication button and pick one
oh yeah you want to click that button for me oh oh i did i'm looking at it right now
okay good perfect yeah whichever one you want you click it and it pops it in chat yeah
oh
uh-huh
i see
okay this is good i'm liking i'm liking this i'm liking this i'm liking this i'm liking this i'm liking this i'm liking this i'm liking this i'm liking this
i'm liking this i'm liking this i'm liking this i'm liking this i'm liking this and this is not the defeatism what is it
okay if you just go by my name version i will terựes oh my good 81
what is it
just go by verse one why am i making all this post 이� Schwarzenegger
aler your way
to kill what part is it
i'm not left with it
or my street
just ready to eventually throw out the Spirit of Evil
but on the other hand iorestide you yeah straight the beat man
I can't take my feelings no matter what you're watching the defeatism what is it well you see thurston my options that are presented to me are tyler1 lost in the bit or potentially even racism what oh boy pardon me what
Hey, you chose them!
We're off to the racists!
We are-
I lack permission to choose.
I'm gonna go with Old War Stories.
This is a complication by KFdanks, thank you for submitting your complication, by the way.
Yeah, you should've clicked it.
I don't have permission to click it, Zoran.
Oh. That's weird. My bad. Keep going.
I don't have permission to do anything, but I do have permission to be sickened for in every combat ever.
The player must go off on a tangent that is loosely related to the current situation they are in.
If used during combat, the player must spend the remaining actions during their turn resolving this complication.
Oh, excellent.
That's a good one. I like that one.
So you make your save, and then spend all three of your actions
You critically fail your save, and now spend all three of your actions telling War Stories.
Now, the best part is, if I really wanted to, it specifies that the player does it, not the character.
So clearly it's just Hulki rambling about War Stories until he forgets to do his turn.
Thurston, have I ever begun to scarcely tell you how much I fucking hate deer?
Go on.
Here we have a beautiful Sauronan idol, the icon of fecundity, the beauty of nature, Artemis.
Something celebrated in civilizations for thousands of years.
And here we have them in the modern context, in civilization.
Now, sure, they didn't ask to have mankind pave roads through forests and have humans cohabitate with them. No.
No. No. No. No.
These motherfuckers, for all their survival instincts, really just seem to have some genetic memory
as if they're the fucking Kwisatz Haderach that possesses them
to put themselves in harm's way, if not explicitly annihilate themselves on motor vehicles.
I've never encountered an animal with such an ingrained, deep-baked death drive as fucking deer.
These stupid piles of glorified crash meat just amble out onto a motorway and annihilate cars from miles away.
They will see them coming.
And if they don't stand there, sometimes they'll just run at the cars directly as if this will save them.
It's not as if it's just bucks that are doing this because they're more likely to square up a potential adversary and defend themselves.
No. All deer just fucking do this.
I don't get it.
I truly do not fathom...
Wait, no, yes I do.
I hate koalas more than I hate deer.
I understand what animals that are utterly pointless...
Oh, no. Hold on.
How could I forget?
How could I forget about the fucking prion diseases that are transmissible via deer-to-deer contact,
which is chronic wasting disease?
Hey, do you want to know what it feels like to have your brain be made of Swiss cheese?
Do you want to slowly lose sense of all of your identity and what it means to be a person trapped in your own body?
Eat some fucking infected deer meat, which, by the way, they can give to each other,
and if it touches any surface, you have to, like, turbo disinfect or destroy it
because you can't get rid of misfolded proteins aside from the most dire means of sterilization.
They're very cute, though.
But it doesn't excuse their existence.
And this makes me upset.
And now I have to reckon with these motherfuckers casting spells of
freeze my nipples off in the middle of combat.
Oh, but also it grows larger.
And they can put me in the cuck chair, in the frozen zone, in the brambles.
I'm living in a way something worse than hell because at least in hell there's reprieve from the suffering
knowing that it's eternal and there's nothing you can do.
But I could do better.
But instead, I fucking complicate.
And that's your turn.
That was Shakespearean.
That was beautiful.
Do you suffer from esothenia?
You may be entitled to financial compensation.
Did you know that?
It's all wrong right now.
Anything else you're doing in your turn?
Can you pass it to Veena?
Be a champ.
I'm so hungry.
Veena.
I'm sorry, white woman.
I am so hungry.
Oh, rubs my big crit fishing belly.
I do not like that slap.
All right.
Well, I'm immobilized, so I can't move.
I can't do my funny little movement shenanigans, which is really unfortunate.
Um.
So I'm going to spend my first action trying to hit this deer with a feint.
Okay.
Get some panache.
Get some.
Get some buffs.
Okay.
Somehow that didn't work.
Uh.
You failed.
Why did it still give me panache?
I failed spectacularly.
Uh, you, you still gained panache on failure because of your thing now.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yes.
Because I'm a fencer.
You just don't get the other benefits.
Ah.
Well.
That's still nice.
Um.
And then I'm going to stab into this thing with my second action.
Sure.
Hwah.
Hwah.
I, I whiffed that one.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Uh.
You had the deception.
It would have worked.
But on a failure, you do apply your full precise strike damage instead of that.
Indeed, I, I still hit him with a little bit of the finisher.
Not bad.
Just 20 points of damage.
A little plink there.
Um.
It takes 20 points of damage.
And then I'm going to spend my last action, uh, I am going to try to escape the immobilized.
Yes.
Or is that something that just decays?
You need an escape check.
Okay.
Hm.
You're not sure.
Uh.
The escape check.
Is that athletics?
Uh.
Or acrobatics.
Your choice.
Or acrobatics.
I'm acrobatic.
And slippery.
Ooh.
I'll give you a nat 20.
Oh.
You will.
Immobilized is gone.
Fast fuck.
Uh.
Fast fuck Rina.
And that's all I can do.
So I will end my chapter.
Uh.
Uh.
Uh.
Uh.
Uh.
Uh.
So I will end my turn now.
Okay.
Hey Hulk are you back?
No.
He's still getting water I think.
He's not back.
It's gonna make this even more funny.
Oh.
First a- sh, what's up?
My lights just flickered.
No, that was a Poké that was earned though, my lights flickered.
Oh no.
Another Transformer goes out.
I don't know, it's because BG&E's patchwork fix is probably not going to last,
but I'm still here for now.
Okay.
I'm going to, my first action is going to have it sustain the Ice Storm and perfectly
center it on Rahula.
Okay.
Beautiful.
Are you a war criminal?
No, no, no.
The war crime is going to be when Hulki gets back and has to give me a fortitude save.
You see, Thurston is an experienced GM.
He knows well enough that making your players miserable is a bad idea because they won't
have fun.
He also knows that because we're live casting this, that's also the funniest thing you can
do.
Correct.
And I care about you, Chet.
I care about you.
Our suffering is your entertainment.
This is what you pay for.
That's right.
Hi.
I'm Hulki.
Give me a fortitude save.
Oh, also, just so you know, I raised the storm up 10 feet, so now it's perfectly centered
on you.
That 20.
That 20?
I'm free.
Yay!
Yay!
Release him.
Oh, no, no, no.
I've decided you've had it on.
I'm free.
I'm free.
Yay!
Yay!
Release him.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
I've decided you've had it on.
Oh, oh, oh.
To clarify, Hulki, that wasn't the ice storm.
That was the petrify spell it was casting.
Oorin, I'm so sorry, Oorin, I'm so, so sorry for what I have to do.
What are you going to do, Mr. Uhura?
Homeland must go.
What?
The whole place?
Oh my god.
Domain expansion.
Domain expansion.
Domain expansion.
Domain expansion.
Domain expansion.
Domain expansion.
Domain expansion.
Luigi's Mansion.
It fails both of its, uh, checks to recover from the acid and fire affecting it.
So there's Periton which has, like, been staring at Rahua, trying to, like, turn him into a
statue, whilst also raising the ice storm, um...continues to, uh, to, to exist.
Baldrick, you're up.
Hi.
I'm back.
Uh, back at it again, with the white bands.
I guess I just dropped the empty thing?
thing. Yeah, because it's empty.
I don't have anything in there. I'm going
to take out Bottled Lightning
Moderate, because I don't have
the greater version, because I have yet to get it,
because it's a later thing.
And I'm gonna
draw and throw it, because I'm not learning
anything new, and I still can't see through the
fucking fog.
This one is going to be a sticky
bomb, and it better hit.
I'm gonna do it.
It missed!
Because it rolled a two.
You could take a pity point if you want.
I'm gonna take this
opportunity to get
a lot closer.
Okay. I can move
to there.
Yes, yes. Aim your red beam
at me, you infernal sky horse
chicken fish.
The red beam is you
targeting it. That's what the beam
is.
Oh, okay. Because I was seeing
a red beam, and I was like, I don't care that
you're pointing a handgun at me, horse.
Our autocam, it, sometimes
it breaks, but, like, when you target
something, it does a red beam, and then it should
pan, but, you know, it's doing its thing.
It's okay. I'm closer now. End my
turn.
Okay. Well, the next
one is gonna go.
Can it make, like, an oblivion guard
and lie down and bleed to death?
No.
You are so annoyingly
positioned right now, though.
Yeah.
One sec.
Oh, this is fine.
It's gonna back up.
Reactive strike!
Yeah. Is anyone reactive striking yet?
Oh, yeah.
I got that.
That's the bounty you had.
No, Tim hasn't forgot how to
reactive strike when he became a wizard.
That's right.
Okay.
Oh, lost connection for a second. There we go.
Alright.
Do it, Vena.
Do it, Vena.
Get hit.
I'll give you a 37 to hit.
A little damage.
Damage.
Not a ton. Well, actually,
that's really good.
Three sixes and a five.
That's really good.
It backs up and you stab it.
It's head lowers.
It seems to shake its head.
And then its eyes look up black as night.
Not rotten, but like a cold, crisp night.
And it is casting a spell,
which, one sec here.
It's going to put down.
Oh, are you fucking kidding me?
No way.
It's going to put down a burst.
That was from Hulky.
Texting you back with yee.
When did you send that?
Just now.
Why?
Because I was being polite and responsible.
Why?
Because I was responding to your message.
Because you thanked me.
I'm right here.
I'm not going to say like Erdo.
What, Hulky?
Yee.
That would be funny, though.
That was also funny.
That was also funny.
It was also highly disruptive.
Everyone who isn't Orin.
Everyone who isn't Orin.
Give me a reflex save.
How far is this out?
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, it is a 60 foot burst than it can cast up to 500 feet.
What the fuck?
Nat 28, I'm a genius.
Thirty-six.
Wait, how does that work?
60-foot bust it can cast 500 feet?
Yeah.
As in, it places a 60-foot burst anywhere in 500 feet of it.
Oh, you, you just finagled it!
I'm going to throw stones at you.
I'll blow you up with dynamite.
I am going to come in.
There you go, turn things on.
uh-huh yeah
uh-huh uh-huh i'm crawling on my hands and knees i'm crying
i know i just went on a horrible hate screen against all beer last turd
do you have any pity points i'm kind of homeless right now yeah you know considering you're in like
the fucking negative cold zone you need you need you need a fucking pity point i'll give it to you
take the complication roll okay okay bro is in the eye of three aoe's yes adjacent to a fourth
if they could move that it would be really fucked up
oh that's pretty good that's a success that's a success
i got a 29 on mine i was waiting for a pity point are you
happy
with that i'm fine because hulky is being enough of a mewling little baby that i don't need to do
that okay god okay brutal ooze hauser and um vina you are unaffected i gurgle approvingly
okay baldrick you're gonna take 68 points of damage
whatever um 49 of it is cold 19 of his void um and who uh you'll take half of that
the thing i have a lot of health
um as what you see occur and it like auran you are probably the one person who gets like the
view of this as everyone else's isn't it um there's a globe of freezing darkness that
just suddenly explodes from within the vicinity of 된folio bay celt República Arizona in the posterior aussie something lucky you immediately chapter and like there's a barley in victory lane so long as the secretary of emergency comes back it is important to find these wilderness celtics as the ten main details of the oldsl opposites are half bitter um the spores r reuse iron��를 spicy vestibular doin moose
vicinity of the central area, it bursts out, like, searing the flesh off of creatures while
freezing it at the same time.
If any of you had any magical lights in the area, they would be immediately, like, dispelled.
Luckily, there's light coming up from above here, so good job.
It snuffs out the moon, just .
Uh-oh.
And that's that thing's go.
Orin, you're up.
Cool.
Cool.
Get to react to all this.
All right.
All right.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
It's been an action to maintain some flight.
It's probably good, yep.
I can't do a reach thing to get Ruhua.
I think I need to contribute in some other way.
As I maintain the fly, I basically can just do it by just doing a fly move.
I'm going to fly pretty much to the top right, kind of, like, in front of it, to pretty much
just, like, get some range away, so he can't get caught in things a lot easier.
As he spins that, actually, he has two actions left, in which he's going to clap his hands
and go, Krakatoa!
And he's rolling a reflex save as I cast a seventh-rank Thunderstrike, as it goes.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oozehauser, what are you up to?
Uh, well, I think right now
I'm gonna be on fire.
Which
sucks.
But, you know, I think
I think
there's something spicy
we can do here. And what
that spicy thing is, is
I would like to
attempt to rent
free Oren's mother
from this tree with
all of my might.
Okay, give me an athletics
check.
Alright, this
is what makes sense to me.
Um,
I'm gonna really quickly check
because I did recently get
a new lovely, lovely
feat.
Um, something
along the lines of
goodness, I'm so sorry.
Uh, it's an
ancestry feat. Consistent
surge.
Which allows me to use it
once every ten minutes, which does not include
right now, so never mind, it doesn't matter. I'm rolling
the roll right now!
You completely have cut out.
Podcast, but you're probably gonna hear what he's saying.
For us. It went out a little bit.
Man.
Well, he rolled a dice.
I don't know what happened.
Man, this stuff is cursed.
This is gonna be annoying to edit.
Oh,
God. I'm so
sorry, dude.
Holy fuck. Poor bastard.
Oh, God.
Kill me.
If it makes you feel any better.
I failed.
Can I try again?
Yes.
I'm gonna try again.
Do I have to wait and
is it one action to try this?
Yes.
That's an eight.
Twenty-eight.
Oh.
Hey, speaker, I wanna ask, what were you doing?
Because it cut out entirely and we just saw you
roll a die for an athletics check.
Oh, my God.
I'm gonna
splooge. Okay.
Here's what happened.
I was going to
say, oh, well, maybe I can
use my nanite surge
because I'm...
I got a feat called consistent
surge, but it's once every
ten minutes.
Yes.
So I can't.
So.
Uh-oh.
All right.
Oh, I can I try a third
time?
A fuck at this point?
Sure.
Thank you kindly, Thurston.
Been doing it on the die.
Didn't one hit.
That's a thirty five.
I got some bad news, though.
Oh, no.
Awesome.
Awesome.
You do essentially take a multiple attack penalty for this.
So actually twenty five.
Woo.
Catch you guys next turn.
Oh.
You want to click that recovery test as you take some points of fire damage?
Yeah.
That's one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Good job.
All right.
That's why it ain't in a kick in the head.
Hey, Rahula.
Hey, Rahula.
Oh, my.
My favorite little guy who's floating in the middle of an ice storm.
You're clumsy, too.
So that's going to give you an extra minus two in your reflex save.
Can you give me a reflex save, brother, please?
I don't.
I don't know if there's any way I can succeed this.
This.
Oh, I saw a nineteen.
But the result is nineteen.
Oh, wow.
That's awesome.
I don't got no points left in my tank.
Oh, yeah.
That's to my complication from last turn.
I might die here.
Well, it's.
Oh.
Got some bad news for you, buddy.
Oh.
We're getting a lot of that lately.
It's interesting.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Interesting.
It said that's another crit.
Fail.
Oh, it's going to take sixty four points of cold damage.
Okay.
For those of you not able to view the screen, a hooker is currently sitting at nine out
of one hundred and seventy nine.
um but you get your actions now my dog yay awesome
what are you gonna do buddy what are you gonna do i'm gonna fucking heal myself thirst and i don't
want to die that's fair it's fair i don't have enough speed to leave this fog no you can you can
only fly 15 feet of movement that's awesome why can't why can he only fly 15 because he's minus
10 because of the effect of the fog which um is on him because he's clumsy as a result of the fog
he actually you know it's on him just has it um he's at minus 10 to his movement i see
and if you don't spin a turn
you fall yeah so he kind of has to do one move so i guess we're just gonna move a little a little
bit further you know you could yeah you could that's it's 15 right that's the flag yeah yeah
so so so you think i thought i was slowed by 10 twice
no
no no no just once because you're out of the creeper vines now because you're flying up
basically you can move three squares you can move 15 not 20. yeah you can move there yeah yeah can he
yeah he can move he was here uh yeah no he can go oh no actually wait double the double diagonal
oh right you'd have to go you'd have to go there there but you can go to one of those two
that's healthy
that's 10.
that's 15. that's 15. there you go there you go cool oh boy shell shocked i am shell shocked
all right then you want to heal yourself yeah i would love to cool i'm gonna roll it myself
you know for fun it's true that's fair to use one of my healing fonts i'm going to heal myself
this many let's see what happens
hey six seven
die don't give him that yeah six seven
is attacking us all back
i will remember this i will remember don't forget anything i gotta take my wins somewhere
it's not here right now evidently
winston winston
winston you want to pass it to vina well don't i have to resolve my complication from last turn
wasn't your complication from last turn you spent the entire turn talking
i took a pity point from you last turn oh that's right yeah please tell me your complication
absolutely my complication provided by wandering discipline is titled it's all a misunderstanding
your core word choice lack of cultural knowledge or just plain old language barriers
you have effectively miscommunicated
your intentions Your intentions
congratulations work with your gm to decide what the other party believes they heard who knows maybe
you'll fight get a white fight of the deal or a mortal enemy they're always fun perhaps even out
an embarrassing side of yourself party members gm decided what checks if any are appropriate for
resolving the complication or complications and whether or not they are resolvable party
members feel free to tease each other over these misunderstandings
i imagine i imagine
that Rahua comes out of the ice
storm. The only
one who can really
hear or see him
from the angles we have now
established are Baldrick and
Oozehauser.
And Oozehauser can't see
Rahua, but can hear Rahua.
Rahua, what is
it you say when you emerge
that is a cause
for confusion?
Amongst your allies.
Fucking
deer.
Fucking
deer.
Fuck.
I think he wants the fuck deer, guys.
Gotta get out of here.
That's really fucked up.
Deer fucker.
No!
No, that's not what I said!
That's such a genuine
no.
The deer in your voice
was like, no, no.
It was so real.
Fuck.
It's not what I'm thinking.
I'm dying!
And I'm cold.
I don't fuck deer.
They're gonna get fucked.
Not in that way.
Not in that way.
I'm going to kill them.
I didn't know you could do
that kind of thing.
I don't.
I'm not a sexual creature.
I need you guys
to lock in and kill these things.
I'm trying!
I'm dying!
You want to pass the turn
to Veena now to actually, you know.
Guys, I am so hungry.
Oh, you're so cruel, Thurston.
Ah, Veena.
Help.
Veena.
Oh, poor Ro.
Clumsy one.
The clumsy one.
That's me.
All right.
I'm gonna move
here.
I'm gonna
target.
I'm gonna fight.
Oh, no.
That is the wrong button.
I believe in you.
I don't believe in you.
That's a critical failure.
You are now off guard
against this thing.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, the misery.
The highs have never been higher
and the lows have never been lower.
You know, this all rewinds to, like, last session
when you were fucking, like, dunking on those slits.
You were like,
ah, our dice are so powerful.
It all comes back around.
It all comes back around.
We've been getting some good 20s here and there.
You have, you have.
It's just we've only been getting them on things that don't matter.
Which is beautiful.
Well, or just not taking damage.
You're doing damage is the tricky part.
The one you guys are fighting is half dead.
I'm still chucking grenades at this one over here.
It's true.
Um.
I'll be honest.
I don't.
I'm just gonna stab it.
That was really embarrassing.
That's worse.
Hey, Veena.
That's a nice natural one you got there.
I'm so hungry.
We wasted all the 20s yesterday.
Or last episode.
We wasted them all.
We wasted literally all of them.
Veena's back!
Veena's back, baby!
Um.
Oh, here's a really good one.
This one is from
Karlawski.
And the complication name is
My Body's Had Enough.
Upon a critical failure
of any athletic, acrobatic, crafting,
attacking, spellcasting, or any other strenuous
activity, the body of the player
simply gives up and collapses
onto the floor like a wet noodle.
Whether it is out of exhaustion,
illness, or whatever caused the body's
simply refuses to cooperate.
I'll mark you as
prone.
If you, too, want to make people
wet noodles,
patreon.com.
That's the end of your turn, Veena.
Thank you.
Yeah, that's my only actions.
I ragdoll and end my turn.
...
Got the other
ferret now.
This would be really mean.
I'm gonna do it.
Came back just in time.
Right there.
I think...
Well, actually, do I want to do that?
No, you know what, I've got to spread this
around a bit. You know, I can't be
that monstrous.
So, let's see.
Where's the guy?
For podcast people, so you're not stuck in silence.
I'm doing another giant
template.
I'm doing the second cast
of that bullshit spell,
and this time I'm gonna get
Tannhauser, Rahua, and Baldrick.
So... All right.
If all of y'all
could, uh...
...
If all of y'all could give me
the reflex save now,
that would be great.
All right, here's my reflex.
That's a 3,
so that's 25.
Okay.
Are you kidding me?
Oh, no!
Thurston...
Uh-oh.
I got a 25.
Hey, guys, how many
pity points do I have left?
You got two.
Look, I have... Let's see.
96, and you have...
Who here wants to tank the crit?
Because you all critically fail.
Wait, we all critically fail?
Yeah.
Whatever.
I didn't say I critically... Oh, shit.
I got the most health. Hit me with it.
I got 96 hit points.
Are you sure about that?
Dude!
You are going to die.
Oh, God.
You are in most
danger at this juncture.
I need...
I need you to read the critical fail
portion of that spell.
I know.
Uh-huh. It's bad.
It's really bad.
It's very bad, but they are about to
kill the other one.
I haven't done squat to him,
basically. I came in here to get blasted
twice by an AoE. Actually, wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I don't want to metagame this,
but...
I will say,
technically, out of all of you,
because,
audio listeners, the critical fail means
you are permanently blinded.
Um...
For the spell name,
it's Eclipse Burst.
Yes.
But, technically, the one
amongst you who doesn't care
about eyesight right now is
Tannhauser.
You could be Tannhauser
in the three-day blindings, too. That is true.
Well, it's unlimited, so we have to
figure out how to get it off later.
Again, and I do stress
this as well...
The potential for
160 max damage...
I...
You guys are going to take
well in excess if it's bad.
I will merely be knocked down
to dying one, probably.
Oh, you are
quite a ways away.
Fuck.
Dude, it's the best we have.
I'm not worried about the blindness.
If I get knocked down,
that's the price we pay
for apparently
still not being spread.
I have
65 feet away from you,
and I'm still getting hit by AoEs
hitting you. This is madness.
If you were five feet closer...
If I was five feet
further away, I wouldn't have to worry about
this shit.
High-level game is so
much fun, y'all. You should try it sometime.
I don't want to play this game ever again after this.
Alright.
You guys take the pities and try
to survive. I'll just have to eat it
and hope I don't die.
Tannhauser, take the pity.
I will take the pity.
My complication is
from
E. Detsetera
Crustacean
Salvation.
As the player narrowly avoids their
RNG-induced blunder, they lock eyes
with a crayfish that had seemingly
gone unnoticed until now.
The player is convinced that
Crustacean before them had
some part in salvaging their
dire situation.
It's especially funny because
I don't have eyes
right now.
Somehow you see
the Crodatimus in the rot.
You see it.
Oh.
Crocatimus is
real?
Give me your re-roll.
Because this could still
theoretically murder blast you.
Oh no. Okay, you're good.
32.
Okay.
So that's
one of the worst things you could
have rolled.
Because it's above the plus 10
threshold, so you're still failing
but you're not crit-failing.
You're not Rahua.
I have a complication.
Let me scroll back down
because I had to find a new one.
Hold on.
Wait, I'm old.
This complication is...
Chat, I'm having fun.
Oh, I'm sure you are, bud.
I'm sure you are.
We'll remember this.
No we won't.
Thurston, diametrically, just a single notch.
No, he's gleeful!
This is the DM's privilege!
He's allowed to seek
pleasure in our suffering!
Only evil DMs enjoy blasting their players!
He's evil!
All DMs enjoy blasting their players.
I don't!
You should.
He's evil, I'm evil,
we're all evil!
And I bet you're evil too.
What's your complication?
My complication is from Korra.
My complication is Anarchy!
Anarchy, the great primordial chaos
of the universe makes light of your failure
in a bizarre way.
This may manifest as a detrimental spell's effect
or a strange twist in reality that causes
a bizarre and humiliating effect.
Okay, I know exactly what's
going to happen.
Reroll the save.
Okay, I'm rerolling the save.
Yep.
Opening it in the lower instead of the upper.
Hold on, there we go.
Wow.
Better.
That was actually the lowest
you could roll
to get a success.
Thurston, I'm starting to think
I'm starting to think that
Go ahead, go ahead.
The twist of fate
I'm putting you in the cuck chair.
You fucking asshole!
Not the cuck chair!
I have teleported.
I have teleported you within the cage
that has been staying in this cuck
since round two.
Thurston.
Yes?
Can I propose-
Can I posit an impasse?
Can I propose to you?
If you're already humiliating me by putting me in the cuck chair
can you at least put Rahu in a Mutton King costume too?
Yes, deal.
Done.
You appear there with the Mutton King hat on.
Yay!
Yay!
Alright.
Well, I'm gonna roll damage and see how bad this actually is.
Okay.
Oh boy.
Here we go.
Blast him.
The one where Thurston won.
69 points.
Nice!
Okay.
So let me see here.
I'm sorry.
So I'm gonna take 138 damage.
Oh!
I'm down.
Oh!
And as...
As...
As...
As the Paraton
casts the second eclipse
burst on the field
and at the end of it Rahu
is still in a blizzard
trapped inside a field with the creepy
vines because I've also teleported you to crap.
I'm gonna go down for it.
Technically, actually, you're out of the cold right now.
So that's a benefit.
I'll remember that for next time.
And...
And Oozehouser is like frozen and brittle
and almost breaking apart.
Auryn and Veena, you're outside.
You're kind of blissfully unaware of all of this.
And as we see the combat
taking a dramatic turn
meanwhile, out of...
Oh god.
Out of line of sight of everyone now is Baldrick.
Is Baldrick.
Everyone can see that Baldrick goes down
on the opposite end of these various
effects and as Baldrick
is blasted unexpectedly
and sent into
unconsciousness and Rahu
is anarchically
transposed within
the sort of strange
invisible prison that one of the Paratons
called earlier.
That
is gonna be where we call
tonight's episode.
Oh my god.
Oh boy.
Don't worry guys, I set them up real good for you.
He's taken like maybe a quarter of his hit points.
Yay!
Of course, we'll see if we can win
and survive and save Auryn's
mom next time on
Rockcrime. Thank you guys so much for watching.
See you guys next time. Patreon.com
forward slash narrative declaration and
narrativedeclaration.com if you want to help
us out and keep us going.
Thank you guys so much and goodbye!
Bye!
Bye!
The suffering.