My Own Prison

Jocelyn served in the U. S. Navy for 12 years and was honorably discharged as an E6 or Petty Officer First Class.

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Creators & Guests

Host

Troy Gent

Troy Gent is the Host of The Ghost Turd Stories Podcast. He served a total of eight years as an infantryman in the US Marine Corps.

Editor

Rebecca Gent

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of The Ghost Turd Stories Podcast.

What is The Ghost Turd Stories Podcast?

The Ghost Turd Stories Podcast was born out of a place of grief. Having lost my best friend from the Marine Corps in the early hours of 2023, I realized that this feeling was all too familiar. I wanted to do something, not only for the loss I felt, but for the loss I knew many families were enduring day to day.

We believe that a major way to relieve the stressors of life is to talk, laugh, cry, and share our experiences without fear of offense. We hope to attract veterans and first responders as well as anyone who is interested in knowing more about what it’s like to be in our shoes while we wear or wore those shoes.

GUEST INTRODUCTION: Jocelyn served in the U.S. Navy for twelve years. She was honorably discharged as an E6 or Petty Officer First Class.

What she loved most about the Navy was the travel, excitement, and camaraderie with other sailors.

Jocelyn's RATE, aka job, was an aviation electrician.

She was stationed in Whitney Island, Washington and Jacksonville, Florida. She also did three deployments, two to Diego Garcia in the Indian Ocean and one to Misawa, Japan. She is now a financial planner and a business owner.

PODCAST INTRODUCTION: PODCAST INTRODUCTION: Hello everyone and welcome to The Ghost Turd Stories Podcast. I'm your host Troy Gent.

Ghost Turd Stories' mission is to use humorous and challenging stories from veterans and first responders to reduce the burden of families whose veteran or first responder took their our life.

Ghost Turd Stories' vision is to use humorous and challenging stories to prevent suicide among our ranks and reduce the burden on families whose veteran or first responder took their own life.

We hope to attack veterans or first responders as well as those interested in knowing more about what it's like to be in our shoes while we wear or wore those shoes.

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Family and friends want to know the sacrifices we made, the services we rendered, and the people we lifted so that they can be inspired and learn about the legacy we left.

Our podcast is the face of our company but we want every family who cares to know about the experiences their veteran and or first responder went through for them. We interview veterans and first responders, collect pictures, write their stories, and compile them in a book for their families and friends to enjoy.

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TROY GENT: Welcome Jocelyn. It's good to have you. Why don't you tell us a little bit about your service experience and how you got recruited?

JOCELYN WATERS: I had graduated from college and wanted to do something big. I didn't want to hang out here in St. George and not do anything.

I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do, but I had moved to Salt Lake and had been there for a year. My friend went on vacation to Hawaii, she had met some Army guys there, and was like, "Hey, I think I want to move to Hawaii."

It was June at the time. I looked at the mountains and there was still snow on them. I was like, "That sounds like a really good idea. Let's move to Hawaii."

So we moved to Hawaii and hung out with these Army guys. Eventually, she was like, "I think I'm going to talk to the recruiters."

I was like, "Okay, I'll talk to the recruiters too. Maybe I'll join the army."

The Army didn't quite give me what I wanted. I wanted to be a parachute rigger and only wanted to join the Army for three years. They said it was a four-year enlistment, so I was like, "Okay forget that."

I went to Pearl Harbor. Have you been there?

TROY GENT: No, I lived in Hawaii but never went.

JOCELYN WATERS: Oh, that's crazy. You need to go. It was really emotional and I was there by myself which made a difference.

I remember there being this big anchor as you walk out the doors. I looked at the anchor and it was like the heavens opened up.

I was like, "Yeah, I'm joining the Navy."

So I did and that's how that happened.

TROY GENT: Wow, yeah. You served twelve years, five years on active duty and seven years as a reservist. Where was the reserve unit at?

JOCELYN WATERS: I was a reservist in Jacksonville, Florida and Las Vegas. I moved to California with my now ex and then I drilled in Coronado. We split up and I moved back here and was drilling Vegas because it was the only thing I could make work on the weekends.

TROY GENT: So Vegas has a unit?

JOCELYN WATERS: Kind of. You don't do that much while you're there, but it was the only thing I could make work because I was working full-time and had the kids. I would meet my ex in Baker, I'd drill, we'd meet again, and then I'd drive home.

TROY GENT: Oh, so you would take the kids?

JOCELYN WATERS: Yeah, those were long days.

TROY GENT: You mentioned that basic training was really cold. Go ahead and explain some things about BASIC that you didn't particularly enjoy and the ridiculous antics that went on.

JOCELYN WATERS: We affectionately in the Navy still call it boot camp.

TROY GENT: Okay.

JOCELYN WATERS: We have a lot of slang. It is technically called basic training, but most people do call it boot camp.

TROY GENT: Thanks for educating me.

JOCELYN WATERS: Most people call it boot camp, but the Navy has a lot of old words and traditions that we hang on to.

I was in Great Lakes, Illinois from November 10th to January 23rd and literally spent the first two weeks plotting my escape. I would lay awake at night thinking, "I gotta get out of here. How can I get past everybody? How can I - "

And I didn't sleep much at all for two weeks.

TROY GENT: Because your mind was too busy?

JOCELYN WATERS: Yeah.

TROY GENT: Okay. Did you ever make any plans?

JOCELYN WATERS: No, I gave up on the idea after about two weeks.

TROY GENT: Okay.

JOCELYN WATERS: Do you remember the song My Own Prison by Creed?

TROY GENT: Yeah.

JOCELYN WATERS: That song just kept playing in my head. I created my own prison. I was like, "Why did I do this? Why did I join this?"

It's funny because you know what it will be like. But when you're actually there and you see the effect that it has on you, then you are like "Why did I do this?"

But I finally started to get into the rhythm of things.

As far as the antics go, sleep deprivation, I probably had it worse than most people since I spent two weeks barely sleeping. I had eight more weeks of sleep deprivation on top of it.

That was really the worst part for me because you'd have classes and you better not sleep.

I'd even stand up because it was okay to stand up, but I'd still be falling asleep standing up. It didn't seem to matter what I did. I mean, I was kind of falling asleep marching.

TROY GENT: Yeah, I fell asleep hiking once.

JOCELYN WATERS:: Oh gosh. That's pretty bad.

They said that the pipes were frozen and turned the water pressure down really low. It was ice cold.

I overheard one of the RDCs in the office laughing and talking about this little joke they were playing on us and they did that for a long time. Our showers were, you know, just a little bit of water and it's ice cold and we were trying to shower with what little water we had.

They did a "whiteout", I think is what they called it. They act like you've done something wrong, but they do it to everybody, so it didn't matter how bad you were.

They'd take everything. Like, literally everything.

They would take the mattresses and throw them out the windows. They'd take everybody's skivvies, socks, shirt, everything and throw it all outside.

You'd have a certain amount of time to put it all back together, but it was impossible. You couldn't.

Then you'd really be in trouble. So then they make it rain, right? You would have to do a million push-ups, burpees, and whatever else.

So those were some of the antics.

TROY GENT: Okay.

JOCELYN WATERS: Another thing they would say was, "Okay. Every time another RDC comes in, you have to do X amount of push-ups," and every day it was more.

We had this black guy. He thought he was pretty funny. Actually, he was pretty funny. I'll give him that. But he'd come in all the time and we had to do so many push-ups!

When I got to school afterward, I could do six pull-ups and I remember one of the Marine Corps instructors pulled me aside and was like, "That's pretty good for a female."

I have never been able to do that many again because no one makes me do an ungodly amount of push-ups every single day. Sometimes I wish they did

TROY GENT: What's the Navy's PFT like?

JOCELYN WATERS: It's a mile and a half run and you have two minutes to do your push-ups or sit-ups.

There are different tiers and I think the max was one hundred and five to get the top score. Push-ups I want to say might have been about the same.

You would get your score based on how many you could get done in that time.

TROY GENT: So you never really did pull-ups, but you had a lot of push-ups that you did and it made it so that I could do a lot of pull-ups.

JOCELYN WATERS: Yeah.

TROY GENT: That's fantastic. What you looked forward to most was when training ended?

JOCELYN WATERS: Yeah, let's just be real. It wasn't fun.

It got better towards the end as they started to sorta leave you alone.

The sleep deprivation was rough. I remember sometimes I'd go to the bathroom and I think, "I can probably just catch a quick little nap if I put my head on the stall."

We were just so tired. I remember hiding in the laundry just to sleep. I was like, "I just need some sleep!"

TROY GENT: So you were able to get some?

JOCELYN WATERS: Yeah, towards the end when they started to let up a little bit.

TROY GENT: I've never heard of anybody doing that before.

JOCELYN WATERS: Yeah, there were a few of us. You'd have somebody watching out.

TROY GENT: Where was your MOS school?

JOCELYN WATERS: In the Navy it's called RATE, but school was in Pensacola, Florida, which was awesome. I was so happy.

I still remember having my sea bag on my back and seeing the palm trees and volleyball courts.

TROY GENT: Did you get there in January or February?

JOCELYN WATERS: I got there in January, but the weather was still nice.

TROY GENT: I've heard it's in the seventies down there.

JOCELYN WATERS: Yeah, it was nice.

TROY GENT: What did you do and how long were you in MOS school?

JOCELYN WATERS: Five months.

TROY GENT: You said that you were an aviation electrician?

JOCELYN WATERS: Mm hmm. And for us, the initial school that we go to is called an A school. Your more advanced schools are C schools, but I never hear about B schools.

TROY GENT: Did you do any stupid stuff in school?

JOCELYN WATERS: Yes.

I'm not super rebellious, but I'm just a little bit rebellious. I got in trouble, I want to say, four times.

I had to do extra work every time. The first time was two hours. The second time was four hours, then six, then eight. If I had gotten in trouble a fifth time, I would have had to go to the restricted barracks and stay there all by myself.

One of the times, we were supposed to be playing volleyball together and I went with somebody to do something else. I got in trouble for that.

One time I left my laundry out too long.

I almost got in trouble because I went to Panama City. I had gotten really drunk.

We ended up in a ditch at one point and I was passed out. I woke up one time and we were spinning in the median. Somehow we didn't roll.

A while later, I woke up and he was having to do Phil's sobriety test.

We barely make it back.

TROY GENT: Was he drinking and driving?

JOCELYN WATERS: He had been drinking, but we had to get back because I had curfew.

I was freaked out because I did not want to get in trouble.

There was an E4 there and she was like, "It's okay. I got you."

She helped me escape that one.

Towards the end of school, I started dating this guy.

It's hard when you're in the Navy. There are guys everywhere, right?

He had already graduated and was the one I ended up marrying the first time.

He had this sports car. We're supposed to be marching back to the barracks and I remember him rolling up and being like, "Hey, let's go."

So I just said "Okay," and left with him instead of marching back. That was another time I got in trouble

TROY GENT: When you were making those choices were you absent-minded?

JOCELYN WATERS: It was like, "I just don't feel like being told what to do all the time."

I just didn't feel like it.

I also got in trouble for cheating on my homework because I was at the bar the night before with the same guy and some others.

I showed up to class that morning and was like, "Crap."

I was trying to copy off somebody else's homework and was the class leader at the time. I got caught. I got punished. I was no longer the class leader.

You know, like I said, lots of bad choices while I was in the Navy. I didn't have so many bad choices before or after, but while I was in the Navy, I think that's what it was.

I just thought, "Stop telling me what to do or I'm just gonna do something else."

TROY GENT: Well, there is really no other place like the military where you have consistent authority over you.

JOCELYN WATERS: Right? I'd never been told what to do like that ever.

Even though I knew what I was getting into, it still wasn't what I had prepared for mentally.

TROY GENT: Where'd you go after school?

JOCELYN WATERS: I went to Whidbey Island, Washington.

TROY GENT: Did you work on airplanes?

JOCELYN WATERS: Yes.

When you first go, you work in the line shack. That's just because they need certain things done and put the new people there.

Plus you learn. You're the ones out there launching and bringing them in. You're hooking up the equipment, the APU, the air conditioning, and stuff like that to the plane.

We did fuel samples, cleaned chains, and did some grunt work.

I did that at first and then went to the AE shop.

TROY GENT: What was it like being a boot when you got to your first duty station?

JOCELYN WATERS: A boot?

TROY GENT: Did they call you a boot as a new person?

JOCELYN WATERS: No.

TROY GENT: Did they have a nickname for you?

JOCELYN WATERS: Not really. I can't think of anything.

TROY GENT: Did you make any rookie mistakes?

JOCELYN WATERS: Oh, yeah. I'm sure.

TROY GENT: Are there any that stand out?

JOCELYN WATERS: As a rookie, no. But my favorite story is when I'd been in that squadron for a couple of years.

We were in Masao, Japan. It happened in the middle of the night. It was freezing cold.

TROY GENT: Was this a deployment from Washington?

JOCELYN WATERS: It was a deployment.

TROY GENT: Okay.

JOCELYN WATERS: I was working with my supervisor and she wanted me to grab the pitch and roll boxes for troubleshooting off this other plane.

I went to grab them and one was missing, thank goodness.

I grabbed the pitch box. I hadn't been there very long and assumed the ladder was still there. It was still down but they had folded it while I was on the plane and had the APU running. I couldn't hear them.

TROY GENT: Explain to me what you were grabbing.

JOCELYN WATERS: They were the main parts that control the autopilot.

TROY GENT: And why was it good that one was gone?

JOCELYN WATERS: Well, I'll tell you why.

I was already in momentum and the reason I'm glad there was only one is because I never let go of the part I did have.

I don't know what happened. I guess somebody heard that I was up there and ran over, but you can't just slide down the handrails because there are brackets and it's swinging.

I don't remember what happened, but somehow I landed on my feet.

Those parts are like eighty-thousand dollars. They are probably one hundred and sixty dollars now.

TROY GENT: So you were able to use the one hand that you weren't holding the second one with.

JOCELYN WATERS: Yeah, it's the weirdest thing. I don't know how I made it down.

I remember I just stood there and I looked around. There were a lot of people working on that plane and I was like, "Great. Just great. This is what everyone's going to be talking about."

And I didn't say anything. I just walked off.

And I was kind of in shock. I was shaking and trying to act normal.

TROY GENT: People saw it happen?

JOCELYN WATERS: Oh, yeah. I was just trying to act normal and then finally I couldn't. I finally told my supervisor after maybe five or ten minutes. I was like, "I just fell out of the plane!"

It just didn't feel right. I couldn't focus.

She was just like, "What?"

I heard the guys talking about it in the locker room and of course, they changed the story. I could hear them when we were getting changed at the end of the shift and I was like, "That's not how it happened!"

They ended up changing the publication to where you had to install the SAR (search and rescue) bar before jacking up the plane.

They had folded the ladder because they were going to change a tire.

They first started making those planes in 1969 and a lot of times, they will put safety precautions in after something happens, right?

And I was like, "You mean to tell me I'm the first person that this has ever happened to in all these decades?"

Apparently, because it probably would have already been in there.

TROY GENT: What kind of plane was it?

JOCELYN WATERS: The P3 Orion, which is no longer in service. I think they decommed it in 2014.

TROY GENT: Okay. I don't know what that is. Is it a fighter plane?

JOCELYN WATERS: It's a four-engine turboprop, mainly a subhunter. It has seven missions.

TROY GENT: Does it have torpedoes or something?

JOCELYN WATERS: It has torpedoes, missiles, drop bombs, and it drops sauna buoys. They ping off metal objects and then they can see how far away subs are.

It also has what's called a MAD boom on the end. I mean, we had another name for it, but I won't say it on here. It's this big...

Yeah, how do I describe it for people not seeing the visual?

You can just look it up as P3 Orion, but it stands for magnetic anomaly detector.

TROY GENT: Okay.

JOCELYN WATERS: It also detects magnetic variations.

TROY GENT: What was the nickname?

JOCELYN WATERS: Donkey dick.

Yeah, we have one in the Marine Corps. It's a five-gallon diesel. The piece that comes off and moves is what they call a donkey dick.

JOCELYN WATERS: Oh, they do?

TROY GENT: Yeah.

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TROY GENT: Did you float over to Japan or did you fly?

JOCELYN WATERS: We flew.

TROY GENT: Then you went back to Washington after that deployment?

JOCELYN WATERS: Yeah, I went on three deployments when I was on active duty, two to Taddeo Garcia, which is this little island in the Indian Ocean. It's just south of India, south of the equator. Do you know where it's at?

TROY GENT: Yeah. It's crazy. It's like in a toll, right? But it's almost like a U shape.

JOCELYN WATERS: Yeah, it is.

It got flooded really bad. I just saw some stuff on the internet. I actually don't even know if they're using it anymore.

TROY GENT: What was Diego Garcia like? I looked it up on the map and it's really thin. Can you walk from one side to the other?

JOCELYN WATERS: You could, but it would take you a little while.

TROY GENT: I mean, from the lagoon to the ocean.

JOCELYN WATERS: You could. It's probably bigger than it looks, but it was a pretty good size lagoon.

TROY GENT: Yeah, okay. Is it tropical?

JOCELYN WATERS: Yeah, it was beautiful. You could rent a speedboat for like twelve bucks. I remember it was just dirt cheap.

TROY GENT: What were some of your favorite parts about being in the Navy?

JOCELYN WATERS: One really cool thing that happened at boot camp was it was icy and we were marching. The guy in front of me slipped backward and the two of us that were behind him stuck our arms out and caught him in his arms like nothing and then we just threw him back into position.

We didn't say anything. We just did it. It's like we were operating as one and he was able keep marching.

I'm sure he probably thought he was going to eat it and then he didn't. He turned around and was like, "Thank you!"

It was it was cool

TROY GENT: So the platoon was co-ed?

JOCELYN WATERS: Yeah, but I was in a special one because I had a degree. I went in as an E3, not an E1.

If you had musical talent or a degree, you could be in the ceremony at the end.

We also didn't have to serve... I want to say it was Hell Week. I think that's what they called it.

Typically you had to serve in the kitchen all week, but we didn't have to. We just practiced for the Pastor Review at the end when you graduate.

It was way better than having to sit there and give food all day for twelve hours.

TROY GENT: So I did mess week.

JOCELYN WATERS: Mess week! That's what it is called. I couldn't remember. It's been so long.

TROY GENT: Yeah, it was awful. Might as well have been a hell of a week.

JOCELYN WATERS: Right?

TROY GENT: After five years, were you an E5?

JOCELYN WATERS: I can't remember if I made it when I was on active duty or if I was a reservist.

I think I left active duty as an E5. I'd have to go back and look, honestly.

You know how some people leave the military and they think about it for the rest of their lives? I did for several years, but now that it's been years, I don't think about it all the time.

I made E6 after seven years, which was really good.

I was up for chief when I got kicked out. That one was not really my fault.

TROY GENT: You got kicked out?

JOCELYN WATERS: Yes. It was really not my fault though.

By this time I was not making bad choices. I had been Sailor of the Year three times. I had my name on the plaque and I got my wings as an E4, which almost no one did.

I got all these qualifications and actually really excelled once I got past my rebellion in boot camp and school.

TROY GENT: What happened?

JOCELYN WATERS: That's the other story.

TROY GENT: This is at year twelve?

JOCELYN WATERS: Yeah.

TROY GENT: Okay.

JOCELYN WATERS: I was a reservist and there was a chief who was on active duty.

The unit that I was in charge of was complaining because they weren't getting paid. I wasn't getting paid either for like two weeks.

They might not have even been getting paid for their drill weekends. But I'd be like, "Hey, what's going on with the pay?"

And he'd be like, "Oh, the civilians in San Diego, this and that."

He always had a story and it sounded legit because I know how government workers can not get stuff done when they should.

One day he goes, "Okay I got it all fixed. Everybody's going to get paid and I gave you a little extra because it took so long."

I was like, "I mean, you shouldn't have done that."

And he was like, "Well, if we don't spend it, we're not gonna have enough next year anyway."

TROY GENT: And you accepted it.

JOCELYN WATERS: Well, it's tough because what do I do? He had already done it.

TROY GENT: Sure.

Do I go rat him out? That's not what we did. We didn't rat each other out. Like I said, he was full time and I was just a reservist. And I was like, "He's running the show."

TROY GENT: It's not surprising. There's a lot of stuff like that that goes on.

JOCELYN WATERS: But he didn't just do it with me. He did it with a lot of people. Come to find out he was committing all kinds of fraud.

I don't even know what happened to him. I guess he went to Leavenworth and no one's ever found out.

But what happened was, he would mark people present for their drill weekends that weren't there.

And somehow he'd side from the money to himself and he was just doing all kinds of fraud.

TROY GENT: So he would say, "They're not here, so they're not getting paid."

JOCELYN WATERS: But somehow he would mark them present.

TROY GENT: Oh, he would mark them present, but they weren't there.

JOCELYN WATERS: But somehow he was getting the money. I don't know how he was doing it

TROY GENT: He didn't have to pay them because they weren't there?

JOCELYN WATERS: Well, they weren't expecting the pay anyway.

TROY GENT: Because they didn't show up.

JOCELYN WATERS: They didn't show up.

TROY GENT: Okay, but he was saying they were there anyway.

JOCELYN WATERS: Right.

TROY GENT: Okay.

JOCELYN WATERS: There were two people above him. There was a senior chief and an 05 that was running the show, but he was about to retire and was always golfing. He was never there. He golfed a lot. So he didn't give two craps.

I try to be careful of charismatic people because I've seen this happen a few times.

People who are super charismatic, a lot of times they're up to something, but you don't notice. You end up liking them because they're really likable.

I remember if I would walk down the halls with him, people would be like, "Chief! Chief! Chief!"

He was literally Mr. Popular. People loved him.

He would pick you up from the airport in the middle of the night if you needed it. He would take everybody to breakfast and buy for everybody and you're just thinking, "He's so great! He's so wonderful!"

So then he didn't just do that with me. He did with other people too. He gave them "extra" money.

None of us ratted him out because we all did the same thing. We were like, "Gosh, I hope nothing comes of this."

Well, one day he bounced a fifteen-dollar MWR check and it spurred this two-year-long NCIS investigation.

So NCIS shows up and we were freaking out.

I'd never really been in that kind of trouble. I'd done dumb little things like walk off and not march home, but I'd never been in trouble like that, right?

So the investigator has me come in and he's like, "Oh, no. You're not in trouble."

And he's so nice.

TROY GENT: Oh, he's a friendly good cop.

JOCELYN WATERS: Oh, yeah. He plays the manipulative good cop game. So I just told him what I knew.

Oh my gosh. Biggest mistake I could have made. I should have said, "Yeah, I need an attorney," and that said a darn word. I later got a JAG attorney.

And they had a lot of people. The Commodore from San Diego made the comment, "Heads are gonna roll."

This happened on his watch and he wanted to make sure that he made a statement. So they had captain's MAs and I didn't have an attorney at that point.

I'm trying to defend myself. I have the Commodore from San Diego and his attorney firing at me. I didn't stand a chance. it didn't matter, right?

But I did not see this coming. He goes, "I recommend you for administrative separation."

I remember my jaw just dropped. Cause I still did not see that that's what was going to happen. I had planned to stay in for twenty-two to twenty-four years.

I still wanted to still be in the Navy, but it was kind of hard at this point in my life.

I still wanted to have that connection. It was still a big part of my identity.

I went into the locker room and I just lost it. I was bawling for like an hour straight.

I couldn't even leave. It still makes me choke up because it was frustrating.

I don't care until I tell the story again. It still bugs me.

I got a JAG attorney but the damage had already been done. And he helped, but he couldn't fix it.

TROY GENT: Did you manage to get an honorable discharge?

JOCELYN WATERS: I'd already gotten an honorable discharge from active duty.

TROY GENT: Okay.

JOCELYN WATERS: They acted like, "If you do this and that, maybe you can come back."

I tried and I could see it just wasn't gonna happen.

Other people got kicked out too, and I'm sure he went to Leavenworth.

So yeah. That's how that went.

TROY GENT: So now you're a Financial Advisor.

JOCELYN WATERS: I'm a financial planner just because I don't have any of my licenses, but I've got someone on my team who is. He can set up Roths and 401ks.

I'll probably get it in the next year or so, but once you get it, you've gotten the SEC up in your business.

TROY GENT: Sure. Well, thanks Jocelyn.

JOCELYN WATERS: Well, you're welcome.

TROY GENT: I really appreciate it.

OUTRO: Thank you for listening.

Please tell your friends and family so that we can bring more joy and awareness to those struggling with suicide ideation and the families who desperately need help after the loss of someone they love to suicide.