When Desire Turns to Shame

When desire turns to shame, no matter what has caused shame in your life, you have a God who draws you to Him to heal you of all your shame. Nothing is too big for our God. In today's podcast, we will be discussing overcoming addiction in our lives. Be it from drugs and alcohol, to food and perfectionism. Whatever you are dealing with, you have to know you are loved and you are not alone. May this podcast remind you that you can overcome anything in your life because you have a God who loves you and He passionately pursues you and your heart. Going through the book of Genesis, we are reading Chapter 2, "The Fall," today. 

There is a 10-minute bonus episode available only on Apple Podcast if you want to hear more about, "When Desire Turns to Shame." Lauren and I will discuss how we have an enemy who wants us not to uncover the shame in our lives because he is the one causing it. This episode is only available to subscribers, so if you are interested, try the free trial now. 

Creators & Guests

Host

Women

Women in Pursuit of God and all God has!!! By enjoying this life and being a good steward of what He has given.

Guest

Lauren Schaffran

Lauren is a believer, mother, and wife. She is a Las Vegas native that has been saved from homelessness and drug addiction through the love of Jesus Christ. She regained her dignity and lives a small normal life all for the glory of God.

What is Healing from Shame?

Come with me as I gather women from different walks and seasons: who love God together to talk about the shame they have experienced, even if we have caused it ourselves or something outside of God's design brought us shame. Shame can be complicated, but together, let us tell you the secrets God has shown to our hearts to overcome the shame from the past to the present and even the future. We will no longer walk in shame, but we will walk with God, knowing his heart for us and that the Father loves us no matter what we're dealing with.

Sherina: 00:01

Welcome to today's podcast. This is Women in Pursuit. I'm your host, Sherina Donovan. In a world that pulls our attention towards it, let us be women who chase after the things of God and the things that he has for us. Let's find time to sit together and with the father.

Sherina: 00:19

May this podcast build your community, enhance your life, and build your understanding that you have a father who loves you, and he passionately pursues you and your heart. Let's get started for today. Can I just say how excited I am that you're here today to hear what God has for you? And as always, I'm Sharina Donovan. A little about me, if you haven't already heard, I'm a homeschooling mom of 5 children.

Sherina: 00:47

I've been married for 21 years, and I am so excited to share all that God has for you today. Let me introduce you to our guest for today. Is Lauren.

Lauren: 00:57

Oh, okay. Hi. So I'm Lauren. I'm a very faithful believer in Jesus Christ, and, I'm glad to be on this show with my dear sister and sister-in-law, Sharina.

Sherina: 01:08

Well, I'm so excited to have you. So we are talking about healing. On our last podcast, we talked about in the beginning and how God created humanity and there was no shame. And then we are introduced in chapter 3 in Genesis and we find out that there is now shame. And this all comes down to a sin that's committed.

Sherina: 01:28

So I'm gonna start today in reading Genesis 3, the fall. Now the serpent was the most crafty than all the other wild animals the lord had made. He said to the woman, did God really say you must not eat from any tree in the garden? The woman said to the serpent, we may eat from the trees in the garden, but God did say you must not eat from the tree that is in the middle of the garden and you must not touch it or you will die. You will not certainly die, the serpent said to the woman, for God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened and you will be like God knowing good and evil.

Sherina: 02:07

When the woman saw the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to her eye and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. So we're gonna stop there because right here is where we see the first sin enter into existence. See, there's another scripture that talks about it isn't that you commit adultery with a woman, but actually if you think about committing adultery with a woman you've already sinned. And see just like this, this very moment, the moment that she looks at the apple and she sees that it's desirable. She desires something besides God.

Sherina: 02:48

She starts to desire now the thing she thinks God is taking or keeping from her. And then, she says, let's eat it because it looks good. And so, today I wanna talk about how we can sometimes desire the things outside of God's will and God's plan for our life. Thinking that he's trying to actually hold something back, we start to take our eyes off of him and we start to place it on things that are more desirable than what we think he is for us. See, God had defined good and evil for them.

Sherina: 03:21

He had said, here, live in the garden, it's good. Being alone, that's bad. Here in the garden, don't eat from this apple, it's bad. And here, be obedient to me, that's good. And yet to her, she thought that God was keeping something away from her.

Sherina: 03:39

She felt like, oh, well, I want that for myself. I wanna define good and evil for myself. And the moment we decide to define good and evil for ourselves is the moment we go wrong because, see, God has already placed it in us to know what is good and what is evil. If you read in Judges, it tells us that in that time, everyone did what was what they thought was right in their own eyes. How sad a world would look if we do everything that we desire.

Sherina: 04:07

If we just go and do everything that we want to do. And so, today we're gonna talk about how sometimes we can look at things that are desirable, but they're not for us. And I would like to share my first thing, which is eating. It is very desirable for me and it's something that, you know, I must do. I have to do it.

Sherina: 04:27

I have to eat, but sometimes, I desire it above God. I place eating in this idolatry where I say: Oh, I'm struggling. I'm sad. I'm upset. Okay.

Sherina: 04:39

I'm gonna go to eat. I have anxiety. I'm upset. I go to eat. I take food, which is supposed to nurture and nourish my body and I take it and I place it before God.

Sherina: 04:49

Instead of going to God and saying, God I'm anxious. And he says, in all your ways if you are anxious you acknowledge me, you pray, You petition to me and I will make it right. But, yeah, I go to food as if food's gonna make it all better when it just makes me fat, which then beats me down the cycle of now I'm fat and I gotta lose weight and now I'm fat and I don't want to go outside because people are gonna think I'm fat and it's this vicious cycle that gets in my mind when I thought for myself it was good, but yet I made it evil by desiring it over god. So, Lauren, do you have anything you wanna add to that?

Lauren: 05:22

That's very good. To add to that, definitely, maybe, not as good, but you kinda always have the cake here, girl. I understand, like, so coming out of addiction from heavy drugs for quite a chunk of my life, I do understand replacing something, that was supposed to be good, and it turns into bad. You know? Like, exactly.

Lauren: 05:48

I do understand that 100%. Like, when I got out of drugs, I knew Jesus in drugs, and that's what helped me, see the light at the end of the tunnel. I knew where I was where wasn't gonna be where I was going to stay. So and then I got out of the drugs, and I hit Jesus like a ton of bricks. You know?

Lauren: 06:07

And but then, with the food thing, I can definitely relate because I would go there too. I'd be like, well, it's not a big deal. You know? I'm just gonna eat a little more because it's delicious and whatever. I deserve it.

Lauren: 06:16

You know? Like, that's not how it's supposed to work. Exactly. Take what I give you as I give you it because that's what you need. But if you start taking it for what you think is good for you, that's when we get things messed up.

Lauren: 06:28

That's when we're like, wait a minute. Why am I gaining so much weight? Why am I self conscious now? Why is these things happening? Because I'm overdoing it.

Lauren: 06:36

I'm doing something that god wants me to do way too much. It's the, how does it say, too much of something good turns to bad or something like that? Yeah. It's definitely right there, and, yeah, it's it's a hard one for sure.

Sherina: 06:49

I think in pretty much anything. Right? My other addiction is definitely coffee. Me love me me coffee. And, you know, sometimes at night I'll be, like, okay.

Sherina: 06:59

In the morning I get to wake up and have coffee and I'm, like, go to bed. Just go to sleep right now because in the morning I had to wake up and have coffee, like, it has become such a routine for me but it's also become such an addiction for me to just wake up and have coffee or to wake up and do something besides first thing get into the word of God. And and I'm not condemning anyone who wakes up and gets coffee because I do it still. But then I take my coffee to the word of God, and I sit before him and I I remind myself that my nourishment comes through his word and sitting at his feet with my cup of coffee to wake me up. Right?

Sherina: 07:31

And so, like

Lauren: 07:33

It's that justification that you put there. Yeah.

Sherina: 07:35

And then and then at the same time but I do know that if I have too much coffee, what's gonna happen? I'm gonna be up all night. Well, at least for me, I know some people can drink coffee and go out to sleep and I don't understand them. But for me, I drink too much coffee. It makes me feel dehydrated.

Sherina: 07:48

I start getting migraines. I will not wanna go to sleep at night, which will start a vicious cycle because then the next morning I want more coffee. Right? And I feel more dehydrated and all of those things. So, but addiction isn't just drugs and alcohol.

Sherina: 08:02

Addiction is anything that we place above God and in place of God. It is called idolatry. And when you take something and you say it is more important to me than my God, then it is an addiction for you. It could be sex. It could be drugs.

Sherina: 08:20

It could be coffee. It could be being a good mom. It could be so many different things that we become addicted to. I know that I have silly addictions and I have some serious ones that I have to take to the Lord constantly. My food addiction is a is serious for me.

Sherina: 08:34

There's some people that can eat and they don't overeat, but I tend to hide my eating. I tend

Lauren: 08:40

don't feel guilty about it or don't dwell on the fact of or sit there and contemplate, am I gonna get up and what's gonna what am I gonna eat and if I should eat it? And, yeah, it's a whole thought process before the action, then it's the action. And, gosh, it's the feelings, the emotions, and the guilt, and the shame afterwards. Mhmm. This is a horrible process of emotional damage when let's just take it to God to begin with.

Lauren: 09:01

Mhmm. I already ate dinner. I already had dessert. I don't need more dinner and dessert, Jesus. And chips.

Sherina: 09:06

Yep. No. There's that list.

Lauren: 09:08

The candy, the yeah.

Sherina: 09:09

For sure. And I hide it, and then my daughter would

Lauren: 09:12

be, like secrecy.

Sherina: 09:13

How many bags of chips did you eat

Lauren: 09:15

last night? I'm like, why are you looking at the trash? So I'm, like, stuffing the trash.

Sherina: 09:18

Yes. I could be

Lauren: 09:19

stuffing it in the trash.

Sherina: 09:20

The bad examples.

Lauren: 09:21

Yeah. I mean, there's a a pot. I know. Like, please

Sherina: 09:24

please stop counting my bags of chips.

Lauren: 09:26

My little bags, Diana, stop it.

Sherina: 09:28

But yeah. So if you could just kinda give a little bit of your testimony of the addiction and things that you have overcome with the Lord and how that's even possible because we know that all things are possible

Lauren: 09:40

for him who believes 100%. That's what it takes is the belief. That's what it takes. And I think it's that seed that was planted that first time because I was raised in a Christian household. Not the cut cookie cutter Christian, but the the parents drank.

Lauren: 09:56

And, you know, my older brother my older brother was, like, my go to friend, and we did everything. So I didn't I wasn't affected by the the worldliness in my home, but we were still raised with Jesus. Then, then when he went to war, we're 8 years apart, so it's a big gap. And when he went to war, I wasn't even starting pure puberty yet. And, so we were separated, and, like, he was my stronghold while I was a kid.

Lauren: 10:20

And then, then it hit. Then I was getting into the smoking of the weed and the drinking of the beer and the alcohol at school. Like, it just what do you call it? Snowballed effect into this this ugly thing that I thought was fine and it's cool. Whatever.

Lauren: 10:33

The cool kids are doing it. Then, it got dark, very dark very quick. I went from a a cheap addiction to pills and well, cheap. It that's the reason why I went to the actual black tar heroin because the street drug the the pharmaceuticals got expensive, so I went to the cheaper street drugs. That's when things hit home for me.

Lauren: 10:55

I mean, the numbing, the the demonic, the that's not even when the demonia started, but it was just a dark sense. And I the thing was is I was really good at, being functioning. I could be a functioning heroin addict to the t. You wouldn't even know it. But then one day, god was like, it's time for people to know it.

Lauren: 11:13

Mhmm. And that's when everything went downhill. I lost my job. I lost my school. I lost my my everything, and I just I just went.

Lauren: 11:21

But I still held it together even in front of people because I got married on heroin. I got and it's, like, it's probably an open cracked egg right now to even hear that, for you. But, yeah, I hit it so well, and I continued life. And, I married my first marriage was of of fear, god fearing man, 100%, very chivalrous, cowboy kinda guy, but he was a really bad drunk. And, so we went and got clean in East LA.

Lauren: 11:49

We did the thing, got off the nasty drugs, and, we started a whole new life in Texas. Drinking stayed, and drinking turned into physical abuse. Physical abuse turned into me leaving with a man, which I already had, history of adultery big time. That wasn't like, I wasn't convicted or anything like that. Like, I knew Jesus, but I I was one of those who's like, well, he died for me to sin.

Lauren: 12:11

That's how I was. It was really bad. So then I got with this guy, and he introduced me to methamphetamines. That's when and, again, I was so functioning. I mean, I would get up.

Lauren: 12:23

I would, in the morning, do my makeup, help raise his kids, give them their medicine, cook his breakfast, send them off. He was one of those, like, really kinda like a man society kinda man. And everything was good. Like, we would read the Bible together and everything was good, and then my mom came and took a trip. And she got convinced that I ruined my life, so then it was time to get home.

Lauren: 12:40

I took a Greyhound home from Texas to Las Vegas alone, and I came back into another world filled with meth. Coming home, I thought, I'm coming home. I can clean up. I can get my stuff back together. I can start all over.

Lauren: 12:56

I'm home with mom and dad. Wrong or it was meth filled. I was like, what in the world? And that snowballed effect even worse. Now I'm off the heroin, so I don't get sick.

Lauren: 13:05

I don't have to depend on that. I'm on a drug that's psychologically affecting me to the point where I'm rationalizing the most demonic actions, the most demonic thoughts of of life. Just, I mean, natural lifestyle of the thoughts I can't even comprehend and, you know, sometimes it still comes back to me and I'll just be, like, in even, like, even, like, a regular day life, I'll be, like, well, that's where that thought made sense. No. Don't even take it there.

Lauren: 13:31

You know, honestly, Serena, to this day, I still take it to Christ. I still Christ, confirm it, delete it, whatever you gotta do because I know the whole time, still on meth, I read the Bible. I was involved in needing to know that I'm okay still. I'm in this rut. I'm in this darkness.

Lauren: 13:48

Jesus, let me know you're here. I know you're still here. You tell me if I go to the depths, you're there. It doesn't matter. Like, man, man, it is, emotional for sure because he stayed with me, Shrina, the whole time.

Lauren: 14:03

Mhmm. It got so ugly to the point. I'm so glad you guys never saw me. I would pull my hair out with thoughts of, it's healing, with thoughts of it's changing my mind, these horrible things that this drug, this demonically induced drug would do to my human that God created so perfect, and I was trying to rationalize and justify all this ugliness, and I still pleaded with Jesus. This is okay, though.

Lauren: 14:32

I'm okay I'm okay, though, because you're here, and you're allowing this to happen to me. You know, I know in Job, the demons have to go to god and say, can we do this? Fine. Go ahead. Test her.

Lauren: 14:43

Try her. Do what you can. Grind her to the dirt. And you know what? He did, and I love it.

Lauren: 14:49

I won't take back a second of my insanity because I know how much Jesus held me the entire time so close to his his own heart. Baby, I got you. Lauren, I have you. It's okay. Go through it because it's not for you.

Lauren: 15:05

Honestly, it's wasn't for me. It was for me to be able to stand here today, of course, to tell others, it's okay. Jesus loves you in your insanity, in your ugliness, in your hatred. He loves you. Yeah.

Lauren: 15:20

You came to him. I gave my life to him when I was 14 at a Christian concert with Serena's little sister, Brooke. And, I opened up, and I never cried and loved so hard and felt so much love as a kid. And I knew that day, God said, you're mine, and I'm never letting go. And you're gonna go through hell, and I'm gonna be there with you, and we're gonna go through hell.

Lauren: 15:43

You wanna see what it was like? You wanna see the other side? You have to see the other side because there's people over there that has never seen the other other side. There's people that doesn't know Jesus, and they're gonna know Jesus because they knew hell. Yeah.

Lauren: 15:55

Jesus went to hell. He beat hell. He came back, so he knows what it's like and he knows what it's like to come back. Yeah. And now I know I'm never going back.

Lauren: 16:06

I know I'm

Sherina: 16:06

never going back. I know it.

Lauren: 16:08

And I was in recovery, in active recovery for a while, almost a solid 3 years, like, two and a half solid years, and I loved it. I learned a lot. Oh, man. This 12 step recovery that integrated the bible step by step because the the the 12 steps, I think, comes from the beatitudes. Not a 100% sure.

Lauren: 16:28

It's something like that. So but it goes step by step with it, and that's what I need. And I need a Christ based recovery because that's where recovery comes from. I am redeemed because of Christ. I am saved.

Lauren: 16:38

I am washed clean because of Christ, Not because of my own willpower. I didn't have any. It was all god shots. It was all divine interventions of timing for for me to ever get clean. And and, yeah, so I was in recovery, and I did great.

Lauren: 16:53

I excelled. I loved it. I helped lead. I helped, you know, and it was really healing, and it was amazing. And I don't take anything away from it.

Lauren: 17:00

Definitely a huge, transition necessary. 100% to go from insane, do the recovery, claim redeemed, move on. Yeah. Honestly, that's my take. I know others need to you know, everybody's different.

Lauren: 17:15

God is 100% personalized. Mhmm. And, that's another thing that's great about Jesus too is he is tailored for us as we were tailored Mhmm. By him. Yep.

Lauren: 17:25

You know? So that's what, I love too, and I can claim that. I don't have to feel a guilt of leaving because some people would, be like, well, you need to stay in recovery and, you know, addiction's a lifelong disease. And I'm sorry. Jesus.

Lauren: 17:38

Do you guys remember how Jesus died? Mhmm. Do you remember how horrid it was? He didn't do it just for me to claim that I can remain in recovery in the process of always healing. It is.

Lauren: 17:49

But not in the point of actively remembering I was a drug addict. I did this. I did that. Yeah. I was gonna say nice.

Lauren: 17:55

Good to know. Let's move forward. You're beautiful. Let's remind yourself you're beautiful. Let's get on and put on that makeup.

Lauren: 18:02

And if you even need it, just do whatever you need to do to move on knowing that you are redeemed. You are recovered. Yeah. I am recovered. Yeah.

Lauren: 18:11

Period. Jesus bled for me to claim redeemed. I am saved. I'm not in that lifestyle of constant reminding myself, well, I know, Jesus Jesus, you died for me. Okay.

Lauren: 18:24

And yeah. Like, I can just imagine him being yes. I know. Like, can you claim it and move on?

Sherina: 18:30

You know? So The scripture says you are a new creation in Christ Jesus. Right? Yes.

Lauren: 18:34

So The old is gone.

Sherina: 18:35

Yeah. The old is gone. It's definitely where we we place that desire. Yes. And so, now with with eating for me, I went through about 10 years of just the ups and downs gaining weight.

Sherina: 18:47

I almost got to £200, and I was just like, this is absolutely ridiculous. Why why can't I get this under control? And even my husband's, like, you're the kind of person that when you set your mind to doing something, you do it. But when it comes to eating, you seem to not be able to do it and I'm like, I know. Right?

Sherina: 19:04

Oh, I'm gonna go eat those bags of chips now. So stop talking because I'm getting overwhelmed. And, like, you know what I mean? Like, I'd yes. I I know that, but I don't care.

Sherina: 19:12

And I remember, years past, I remember driving through a drive through. I'm in I'm in the drive through, and the lord spoke to my heart very clearly. You need to get this under control. And I said, okay. Then I spent years, and I do mean years, trying my very best and failing every single time to get it under control, to work out and then all of a sudden start eating again and and then stop working out and start eating again.

Sherina: 19:39

Whatever it was. Right? And going back, oh, this just tastes so good and I don't wanna go back to the dieting. The salads don't taste as good or whatever it is. Right?

Sherina: 19:47

And just years of trying to the point I remember my friend, she's like, hey, let's do it together. And I said, I don't want to anymore. Like, I'm just I'm done. I'm done trying and I'm just gonna live on the free side of eating, and that's when I almost got to £200.

Lauren: 20:03

Can you see why? And so I said,

Sherina: 20:06

so one day I decided to get on the scale and I realized, oh, I never in my wildest dreams would ever think the scale said that. And I had to I avoided mirrors. I avoided looking at myself. I avoided clothes that were tight. I avoided everything just so I wouldn't be aware of what I did because I knew what I was doing and I didn't want to stop doing it.

Sherina: 20:30

Right? I didn't and and the biggest thing about it is I thought I was free. Right. I thought I was free because I could do whatever I want whenever I wanted. And I felt like because of that freedom, I didn't wanna be bound up.

Sherina: 20:46

I didn't wanna be like I didn't wanna have, like, these restrictions. I can't eat that. I can't. And so I honestly felt, like, what God was asking me to do was bondage and what I was in was freedom. And I had lived that lie for so long.

Sherina: 21:01

And so when you were talking about when I desired it. Right? It's all about that desire. I desire to eat whatever I wanted when I wanted to eat it. And I got what I desired.

Sherina: 21:12

I got a nice little, round belly and, my first stretch mark on my stomach, which really set me off. I was, like, what? Oh, my gosh. I okay. I really need to get this under control.

Sherina: 21:23

And so, anyways, the my whole point of of telling you that is is that what the Lord eventually showed me was freedom is not being able to do whatever you want. Freedom is being able to say no. Yes. Freedom is the ability to say no. Yes.

Sherina: 21:42

And I did not see that coming. I did not. I was, like, what? And so I started dieting. I remember I was, like, okay, I'm gonna eat healthy.

Sherina: 21:51

And I remember reading this meme, it says, why is eating healthy a diet? I don't know. But I started eating healthy not dieting. I started to be like, no. I need to watch what I eat.

Sherina: 21:59

I need to actually put nutrients in my body. I'm not just eating because it tastes good. Right? And, I started to try to have that mindset and I remember it was right around Valentine's Day and my kids, I, I found gluten free dairy free Oreos, which my son is gluten free, dairy free, egg free. I was super excited.

Sherina: 22:16

I was like, oh, I get to give him Oreo. Right? So I bought Oreos for him. I bought Oreos from my other kids and I had this whole Valentine's Day set up for them and I had never I'd I we didn't buy Oreos because my my one son's allergic and I tried my hardest not to buy things, especially sweets that can't have and I definitely don't keep that in the house. So I buy these Oreos and I'm, like, they've never dunked a cookie before.

Sherina: 22:36

Right? And I was, like, I gotta show them how to dunk cookie and I'm, like, but I can't eat that. I like, I just started God. Like, it's been a week. I'm not even and the Lord reminded me, it's the ability to say no but it's also time to say yes and no when it's time to say no.

Sherina: 22:58

And he said, you don't have to eat that whole bag of Oreos. That's not what I'm telling you. But showing your children how to dunk a cookie and having a couple cookies with it with them, that is true freedom. Yes. And so I ate them cookies.

Sherina: 23:11

I enjoyed them cookies, and I had never

Lauren: 23:13

had a diet like that. Yes. Never

Sherina: 23:16

had a diet where I get to actually eat. Right? All my diets were restrictive. Everything was about not having it, doing this, doing that. And when I finally surrendered it to God and said, no.

Sherina: 23:28

I'm not gonna just do this. I'm gonna really look inward and say, Lord, why am I doing this? And if the intent of my heart is pure because nothing is pure but pure enough, then Lord, I I give it to you. And when I want to emotionally eat, I will not. And when I want to do this, I will not do that.

Sherina: 23:47

And if I am struggling and I know I want that sweet and it in it's it's about the desire. If I desire it so then, no, I won't have it. But, God, if it's to be with my friends and enjoy being at a birthday party or enjoying this time with my kids, then, god, I'll have it because I'm free. Yes. I'm free to have it, but I'm also free to say no when I know that my desire is wrong.

Lauren: 24:09

Yes.

Sherina: 24:10

And so as of right now, I have not weighed myself in several months because I am struggling. I am. I'm back to the struggle. I'm back to a place where God has me in a process of healing. And in healing I struggle so deeply inside of myself not to emotionally eat.

Sherina: 24:28

And I said this in my last podcast and I'll probably say it a couple more times but there's so much mercy and grace upon even when you fail. Even when you've surrendered it to God and you go back to it. Even when, but there are things that you're like, I'll never go back to. But there are going to be things in our lives that we are gonna struggle with, and we are gonna fight for it, and we are gonna we are gonna do that. But you know what?

Sherina: 24:51

Every day, I try to go just eat a salad. This one meal. Just just have something healthy. Don't snack on that. Whatever it is because I know that that I I know what to do, but there's mercy and grace when I can't successfully do it.

Sherina: 25:07

100%. Yeah. There there's no con condemnation. I can never say that word correctly. Condemnation

Lauren: 25:12

There you go.

Sherina: 25:13

In Christ Jesus. Yes. Because the thing about it is is that he he didn't come to say, you did it wrong again.

Lauren: 25:19

Right. Nope.

Sherina: 25:19

You can't get it right. You have so much addiction in your life. No. You have idolatry. I can't look at you.

Sherina: 25:25

No. He didn't say that. He came to die for every sin. He knew that I would fail at this. And it's not that I failed in about £200.

Sherina: 25:33

It's that right now, I know personally that it is a struggle when I'm feeling overwhelmed to not eat and not and and and I just know that me and the Lord have that. But at the same time, I know that I am in his hands of mercy and grace. I know that I'm in a process of healing. I know that God is doing a new thing in me, and I know that I don't have to be perfect for God to use me. Yes.

Sherina: 25:57

100%. And and so, you know what? If I'm struggling right now with food, it doesn't mean that I'm any worse or any better just because I'm struggling or not. Because there's lots of things I struggle with. So Right.

Sherina: 26:08

Which just happens to be one of them. So anyways, my point is is that I just love that God is so merciful. I love that he's so gracious. I love that he comes with compassion on us and he doesn't expect us to get it right all the time and and even when my desire is incorrect, even when my desire is wrong and it's not for him he knows that I do desire to be with him. That my desire for him, just like you said in your addiction, like, you always have that desire, like, I just need to know you're still here.

Lauren: 26:36

Yes.

Sherina: 26:37

I still I just need to know your presence is here. And so, though I know that I don't ever wanna go back to £200 And I I never wanna be in that place. I know that even if I get there, even if I fail at this, no matter what, God's arms are always open to me and they're always willing to say I love you and it's not because you're successful in dieting.

Lauren: 27:01

Right. Yes. I love

Sherina: 27:02

you because you are my daughter. I just wanna thank you, Lauren, for being here today and being so transparent with our listeners. When desire turns to shame. See, we were not designed to deal with shame. And so when you have shame, even if it's something that you caused, we bring it to the lord.

Sherina: 27:23

Sometimes, we desire to gain. Sometimes, we believe that God has taken something or keeping something from us. Sometimes, the very desires of our heart bring shame into our life. No matter if you've caused shame today or if you feel shame in any way, bring it to the Lord for he cares for you. So whatever you're dealing with today, we pray that you would know that you are loved by the father.

Sherina: 27:48

Bring whatever you're dealing with to him. He cares for you. We hope that you enjoyed our podcast. And until next time, may God keep you safe until we meet again. God bless.