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The Everyday Judaism Podcast (formerly Living Jewishly Podcast) is dedicated to learning and understanding the laws and basic how-to of daily Jewish living. Presented by Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe in a simple and concise manner, easy for anyone to understand and connect.
This Podcast Series is Generously Underwritten by Marshall & Doreen Lerner.
You're listening to Rabbi Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe of Torch in Houston, Texas. This is the Everyday Judaism Podcast.
Good morning, everybody. Welcome back. It is so wonderful to be here this beautiful, beautiful Sunday morning here in Houston, Texas. Today we are going to study chapter 44, Simmon Mem Dalet, the 44th chapter in the abridged code of Jewish law, the Kitz HaShulchan Aruch, and this halacha in this chapter is going to talk about the grace after meals, the Birkas HaMazon, and the final waters, the
Mayim Aharonim, which is the water that we wash our hands with before reciting the grace after meals. There's two reasons for this. We're going to see all of this in the halacha. The first reason is because your hands might be dirty or greasy from the meal that you just ate, and therefore you need to wash your hands before you thank Hashem, you need to come to Hashem with clean hands. But there's another reason, is because people used to use sodomite salt, like salt from
like the Dead Sea type of salt, which is very, very, very sharp. And if you were to touch it, means yes, you could use it for, but if you would put it in your eye, for whatever reason, you would, it could do terrible damage. So for that reason, you would wash your hands so that you do not, God forbid, injure yourself. Okay? So these are two reasons brought down. And now we're going to see the specific halacha regarding starting with the after waters or
the last waters or the final waters, Mayim Aharonim. We're going to refer to it as Mayim Aharonim, which is the waters at the end of the meal. We all know about the laws of washing our hands before the meal, before you have a meal with bread, you wash your hands twice on the right, twice on the left, at least. And now you had your meal, you enjoyed your meal. We learned about the laws of the meal, and now we're going to talk about the end of the
meal when we recite the grace after meal. So before doing that, with regard to the law of washing Mayim Aharonim, many people are lenient in fulfilling this requirement. However, it is proper for every God-fearing person to be scrupulous with regard to the laws of Mayim Aharonim. So that means there are many people who don't do this. They don't wash their hands. Why? Because our hands are cleaner than they used to be, perhaps. We have napkins.
We have, you know, people wash their hands constantly throughout the meal. Sometimes people get up to wash their hands. And we don't have this salt to be concerned of. So therefore the reasons are not. However, the halacha says that a God-fearing person should be scrupulous about this mitzvah. And the person who's going to lead the grace after meals, the birkas hamazon, he's the one who should wash his hands first. That's halacha number one. Halacha number two.
One should not wash the Mayim Aharonim on top of the ground, above the ground, in a place where people will pass by. Because a spirit of impurity rests on these waters, but rather he should wash into a vessel or under the table. After washing, he should dry his hands thoroughly. And then recite the grace after meals. And a person shouldn't interrupt unnecessarily between washing his hands for Mayim Aharonim and reciting the grace after meals.
So now this is an important thing for us to understand that the washing our hands before the meal and the washing of our hands at the end of the meal are part of the blessing that we are going to recite. So when we wash our hands, if you remember back when we talked about washing our hands for the meal, we're not supposed to have a long separation of time between washing our hands and reciting the Hamotzi.
So to here, we're not supposed to have a long separation of time between washing our hands and reciting the grace after meals. They should be as close together as possible. Halacha number three. One should not remove the tablecloth and the bread from the table until after the grace after meal is concluded. The bread should be on the table during the recitation of the Bekat Hamazon, the grace after meal. To demonstrate that there is such an abundance of food from Hashem, may his name be blessed.
Okay, so what we do is we keep bread on the table. Our sages also tell us that you want, we're asking for a blessing. We're asking for a blessing when we recite the grace after meals, right? What is that blessing going to rest on? So when you have the bread there on the table, you're giving a vessel for which the blessing can come down to you. That one, so we leave the bread, why does the halacha say?
So that we recognize that Hashem gives us an abundance, that one has enough to eat and to leave over. So just like Elisha said to his attendant, for thus Hashem said, eat and leave over. It's a special thing our sages tell us to leave over a little bit of your meal, not to finish up everything, not to leave something on your plate. And also, because blessing doesn't take effect on something empty. There should be something there for the blessing to rest on. That's exactly what we just said.
Moshe said to Elisha, just like Elisha said to the wife of Elisha, what have you in the house? Means you need to have something there that the blessing can rest on. Very important. In general, this is why some people say, you know, I have full faith and trust in Hashem. So why get a job? Why get a job? The truth is, if a person has 100% trust in Hashem, they don't need a job. If it's 100%, you need zero effort.
But if it's 99%, you need to do 1% effort. If it's 50, you got to do 50. It's a sliding scale that the more trust you have in Hashem, the less you need to actually do. Our sages teach us that for that 1% or 10% that you don't have trust, you have to create at least a vessel. If you have 100%, you don't even need the vessel. Nothing. Just sit and Hashem will provide for you.
But if you have 90%, you better create a vessel for that other 10%. What's that vessel? That's getting a job. Now, do you trust in your employer that he's going to pay you? That's heresy. No. That's heresy. You have to trust in Hashem that he will send through your employer, through whatever messenger that you have your livelihood. Just so that you know, there are businesses. You think non-profits have a difficult time raising funds for their organizations.
There are actual businesses that are for profit where they have investors and they can't figure out a way to pay their employees. How's that possible? The business wasn't successful. They made a bad investment. Whatever it may be that has that effect. Why? But I trust my boss owes me that money. Well, Hashem decided you're not going to get it. Okay, so you understand that still we need to have a complete reliance on Hashem and nothing else.
And by the way, once we're already talking about the Rekat HaMazon, the grace after meals, I want to share with you a secret that I have a close friend, a childhood friend, that spoke to one of the leading Torah authorities right before his Bar Mitzvah. This is 35 years ago. Right before his Bar Mitzvah, he spoke to one of the leading Torah sages and the leading Torah sage told him, whenever you recite the grace after meals, recite it reading it from the book. Don't recite it by heart.
He says, this is an omen, a special, powerful blessing that you will always be successful in your livelihood. Not to read it outside. It was one someone who came to this same sage and said to him, you know, I've been struggling with my livelihood. I've been having a very difficult time, job to job, to job to job, and nothing's working out. What do I do? He said, always be careful to never recite the grace after meals outside of the bencher, outside of the book.
Say it inside. Read the words inside. So he tried. It started going well, but then everything tanked. So he said, what happened? He went to the rabbi. What happened? You promised me and it didn't work out. He said, did you recite the grace after meals outside of a prayer book? He said, yes, I did. One time. I was on the plane and I didn't have one with me. So I said it outside. See he says, that's what it is.
He says, but why did you do it outside? He said, I didn't have one. He says, but if you know it outside, you should have written it down and then read from what you wrote down. Okay. A person. And we have to understand that these prayers are very, very powerful to bring us success in our livelihood. These are, you know, who wrote the first blessing of Birkat Hamazon, Moses. You know, wrote the second one, Joshua, you know, wrote the third one, King David's with
an adjustment from King Salmon and the fourth blessing is from the men of the great assembly who wrote it after they found the remains of those who were murdered in Betar. The Talmud that we discussed in our Thinking Talmudist series. So it's important for us to realize that these are very, very powerful blessings. Thanking Hashem and not taking it for granted for even one moment, that these blessings have tremendous, tremendous power in opening up the gates of Hashem's mercy and bringing about success to our lives.
Halacha number four, it is customary to remove the knives from the table before reciting the grace after meals, or to cover them. Because as we discussed previously, in other episodes, the table is likened to an altar on the temple, as it states regarding the altar, that one may not raise iron upon the altar to cut stones from which the altar is built. So no knives on the table. No knives on the altar in the temple. Why? Because iron, swords, guns, shorten one's life.
But the altar would extend one's life. So therefore they're a contradiction to one another. You keep the metal, the iron, off the table. And it is not proper, it's not appropriate for the thing that shortens life to be wielded on the altar that lengthens one's life. The table upon which one eats also lengthens the life of a man. Through the mitzvah of inviting guests to your home. Do you understand this? Do you understand the power?
When you invite guests into your home, you know what you're doing? You're removing all of your sins. I'll tell you even a secret to why. I've hosted Bor HaShem, I've had the privilege of hosting thousands of people around my Shabbos table over the years. We're here now in Houston almost 21 full years. And it's a lot of time. It's a lot of guests, thank God, that we've been blessed to host.
So you think that by hosting guests they, like, line up like a line of ducks and they just follow what you tell them and you do, you know, this is what we do and this is what – no, no, this is exactly not what happens. Okay? It's exactly not what happens, okay? Let me tell you what happens. You have one person who has one food allergy. You have another person who has another food allergy.
You have this one who comes to the kitchen and says, you know, the food is missing salt. And then you have the other person coming and says, there's too much salt. And then you'll have someone who says it's a little bit too raw and the other one says it's a little bit too well-cooked. And you have – and you know what? Taking all of that is such an atonement. It's such an atonement for anything you may feel that you have done right in life.
They're just there to chop you up and tell you how much you aren't right in life. And then you have people giving you advice of when you should begin the meal, when you should end the meal, of, you know, you're singing too much, you're singing too little. You should do this. You should do that. And this, I believe, is one of the reasons why Halacha tells us that just hosting guests is an atonement. I'll tell you, my wife is a magnificent cook, okay?
She's like a – what do they call it, a three-star Michelin chef or is it a five-star Michelin chef? I thought the three was the highest stars. I would give her a ten-star. Ten-star Michelin chef. She's unbelievable. She really is incredible. She really is amazing. But you know what? Not everyone has the same palate. In Hebrew, they say, on taste and flavor, there's nothing to argue. And it rhymes in Hebrew, so – but there's nothing to – there's nothing to – like,
what are you going to argue? There's one person that tastes, you know, too sour and the other one tastes too sweet. What are you going to do? It's the way their palate is – is. Okay. Sh'godo kocha shel agimah, for great is the power of providing food to travelers and guests, she'mah she'shechina, that causes the divine presence to reside in one's world, in one's home. Ve'noah gubahar b'mekomos, and in many places, they had a custom, sh'lo lechasosam b'shabas v'yamtav.
And many had the custom not to cover the knives on Shabbos and Yom Tov, ki b'chol mechasenosam, because if you do this on weekday, mi'pnei shei kocha shel Esav, because there's the power, they represent the power of Esav. What did Esav do? Esav had a spear, Esav had an arrow, Esav had a knife and a gun, but on Shabbos, ein and Yom Tov, Shabbos and Yom Tov, ein soton v'ein pegara, on Shabbos and Yom Tov, there
is no influence of Esav, and therefore, there is no, you know, there's no need to cover the knives on Shabbos and Yom Tov, u'min hagan shel Yisrael to'rihi, and the custom of Israel is respected like the laws of the Torah, and therefore, on Shabbos, it is not necessary. During the weekday, what you will see, if someone knows the halacha and observes the halacha, I remember in yeshiva, this was something that we learned, because we learned halacha
daily at our meal, about eating the meal, and one of the things that you would see is the guy would take his knife, right, we would all do this, and put it under your plate, when you recited the grace after meals. Why? Again, so that way, we're fulfilling this halacha that the Shoghanach teaches us here to remove the knife from the table, at least when it's not visible, it's considered as if it's not there, so, or someone would take them, collect them and move them off the table
during the time of the grace after meals. That does not mean that knives should not be used during a meal. Don't misunderstand this and think that, oh, the rabbi said, it's the power of Esav, don't touch your food with a knife. That's not true. Use a knife. It's meant for good things. Okay? But when we recite our blessings, we try to remove it, so that it did not have an influence.
Afilu lo chora kizayis pas, even if one only ate a kizayis of pas, which is the size of an olive, tzarech levarach b'chazamazun, he must recite the grace after meals. Lo yevarach me'umod v'lo mehalich, a person should not recite the grace after meals, the b'chazamazun, not when he's standing and not when he's walking, ele miyushav, rather when one is sinning. V'afilu hayaholech b'soch b'sokeh she'achal, even if he was walking around while he was eating, which he shouldn't do, we learned that clearly, that one should not do so while
they're eating, but let's say someone did, for whatever reason, he's nervous, he needs to eat, he's on a phone call, he's like walking back and forth, o shehaya omed, o meisav, or a person is standing or reclining, k'shet tzarech levarach tzarech leyshev k'dei l'chavein tatzo b'yoser, when one is reciting the grace after meals, they should sit so that they can concentrate intently on what they are saying. V'gam lo ye'ehe musav, a person should not be reclining while he's reciting this powerful
prayer of the grace after meals, shud derech gavav, because that's a form of arrogance that you're leaning like this when you're reciting your blessing, like you're the king of the universe, right? Elo yeshev, rather sit upright, appropriate v'yobash malbosh elyon, if a person can, they should wear a jacket, v'gam yoniach hakov ha-berosh, and a person, if he can, should also place a hat on his head for this recitation, shehei moreshamayim olav, so that the fear of heaven be upon him. Why do we have a yarmulke?
Anybody know what a yarmulke is for? Yorei malke, fear of heaven, fear of the king, that's why it's called a yarmulke, yorei malke, fear of heaven, okay? That's the idea that all day, but additionally when we pray, we use a mitzvah for us to wear an extra covering, another covering on top of our, we should have two coverings, and that's the same with benching. It does not mean a hat, a fedora, it can be any type of covering on top of our head, it
just, by the way, just so that you know, you have it built in in the yarmulke, most yarmulkes, because there's an inner lining, so the inner lining already counts for two. Some say they want to be even more stringent, and they say, no, no, no, no, no, because it's stitched together, it's counted as one, so they have another, so you can put another yarmulke on top, or you can put a hat, you can put whatever it is, some people, you'll
see a napkin on their head, just that there'd be an extra covering, what's the idea? The idea is not that you have, it's dress up, no, the idea is that you have fear of heaven, and that's what the halacha qualifies this. She yehei mora shemayim olav, v'yorer ha'kavona, and one should arouse his concentration, v'ivorach be'emo v'yira, and recite the Grace After Meals with awe and reverence, v'lo yaseh shumdov, a person shouldn't be doing anything else, don't start collecting dishes while
you're benching, or do anything else, b'sha shumivorach, while you're reciting the Grace After Meals. Grace After Meals is a very, very powerful blessing, and one should be focused on one thing and one thing only, I'm thanking Hashem for the wonderful food that He placed before me. There's actually a great song that I'm reminded of from the Rebbe of Lublin, so the Rebbe of Lublin had a, it's a great A.B. Rottenberg song, you know, I'm a big, big, huge fan of A.B.
Rottenberg, and he has five albums called Journeys, and it's mainly talking about the journey through life, very powerful songs, if you get a chance on Spotify, A.B. Rottenberg, Journeys, you will thank me after, okay, excellent, excellent. His best album, I think, is Journeys 3, absolutely remarkable. Okay, now, what's the story of the Rebbe of Lublin? So the Rebbe would come, and every single morning after he would come back from shul, he would pray and pray, he would sit by the table, he would pray and pray, and his waiter
would come from the kitchen and bring him his tray of food, and he would thank Hashem, thank you for giving me such food. And one time, his waiter says, I don't understand, he thinks it's from God, I'm the one who prepares the food. He says, you know what I'm going to do tomorrow? I'm going to serve him an empty tray and say, this is what you've been praying for, right, and give him an empty tray.
So the Rebbe comes home from shul, like he does every single day, and he closes his eyes and starts praying, and he's praying, Hashem, please give me food, Hashem, give me the nourishment that I need, and sure enough, as soon as he's done, the waiter comes out with an empty tray and says, here, this is what you've been praying for, and as he's done his prayer, there comes a knock at the door, there comes a knock at the door, the Rebbe goes to go see what's
going on, and it's a man whose face is glowing, and he says, Rebbe, you have no idea what you've done, he said, you, I asked you to pray for my wife because she was very ill, and you prayed for her, and guess what? She healed. Here, please take this basket of food as a thank you for your prayers, and you can imagine the attendant looks and says, it is from Hashem, it is from Hashem, right?
It's an amazing song, just as from the Rebbe of Lublin, so, from Journeys 3, Mark, you're looking it up on Spotify, you can look it up, it's great, outstanding, I highly recommend it. All right, so now, we have to know that everything comes from Hashem. Halacha number seven. Noachim shehashomim onen amin. When you hear a blessing, you recite amin. Laachar harachamon shebi birkas mazon. After each of the harachamons, we have supplications that are added after the fourth blessing of the birkat hamazon.
We recite these special prayers, harachamon huyivorech, Hashem, you should bless us, bless this table, bless those that are eating here, bless the household, bless our table, bless our livelihood, harachamon yifran, esenim b'chovot, it should be with honor, with dignity, and everyone should answer amin. Mishom de'iso bemidrash, because the midrash teaches us, kisheshomeh echad mispa'al davar omivorech li'yisrael, that when one hears another person praying or blessing a Jew, afilu b'lo azkars Hashem, even without the name of Hashem, chayiv lanos amin, you should always answer amin.
Add yourself to that blessing as well. Okay. B'chah number eight, because when you answer amin, you're saying, I affirm, meaning I'm including myself in this. Okay. Actually, this is a very interesting thing. So we know we have in synagogue, we have a repetition of the amida. Where did this custom of the repetition come from? Because it used to be that people didn't have prayer books. The advent of a printing press, where we're able to print beautiful, magnificent, art
scroll sidurim is an incredible gift for our generation. It wasn't always like that. You would have one prayer book per synagogue or two prayers. So the chazan would recite everything out loud, and then he would repeat the amida again for those who didn't have a prayer book or didn't know it by heart. Today, we have sidurim, but we don't remove old customs. And once it was assigned by our sages, as this is part of our prayer, we continue to do so.
So the morning and afternoon prayers, shachras and mincha, we have a repetition of the amida, on the evening we don't, and we'll get into this when we talk about those prayers. If in violation of the halach, one delayed reciting the birkat hamazun, the grace after meals, at shiur ikul, which is past the time of digestion, which is how long? 72. Now we know the reason. 72, because that's how long it takes for your food to be digested.
Dahayinu, she'mat chelios rov, which is when you begin to start feeling hungry, ein lo ot hakan olevorech, then there is no more chance for one to recite the blessing. Time has passed. You lost your opportunity. Yesh omrem, some say the shiur ikul hu shah v'chomesh. Some say that it is an hour and a fifth, which is 72 minutes. U'bikom okom, however, nevertheless, b'suudos gdolos, in a lengthy meal, lefamim yoshvim bein achila lebirkas hamazun, people will sometimes sit between eating the meal and
the recitation of the grace after meals, yoser mizman zem, more than 72 minutes. V'hayinu mipnei shegam ben taim oskim b'shtio v'paparos, because what happens, after you finish the meal, you don't recite the grace after meals right away, you don't finish the meal. You sit around and you're schmoozing and you're having a good time and you're taking a little drink and you're having a little bit of an appetizer and a little bit of a dessert and
you're having a little noshing around, have a little fruit, whatever it may be, and therefore it could be more than 72 minutes from when you ate, yoser mizman zem, more than 72 minutes. V'hayinu mipnei shegam ben taim oskim b'shtio v'paparos, since you ate and you had something to, it wasn't just, you had nothing for the 72 minutes, mekol mokom hanokon shelo l'shos harbe, it is proper not to wait a long time from when one eats the meal to reciting the Bekat Hamazon.
But if someone did, you can still recite the grace after meals, but you shouldn't leave the table, and if you continued eating, those are the two conditions that one may do so. So let's do one more halakhah. It was taught above that one may not leave the place where he ate before reciting the Bekat Hamazon. Remember, we learned this last week. Don't get up from the table till you recite the Bekat Hamazon. Why? Because you're going to forget. We know the nature of mankind.
We get busy with things and we forget to go back to what we were doing. So the following si'if discusses the law regarding one who left his place, ovar, if one transgressed, v'yotzim im mekom hakodim sheberach bekas hamazon, and left his place where he was eating before reciting the grace after meals, im yesh lo b'mokom shusham ktas pas, if there is still a little bread where he was eating, yohal sham, he should eat there, where you went to.
So you go to your neighbor's house for dessert, right, and there's a little bit of bread there, v'ein tsorokh levorokh halo b'erkas hamotzi, and he need not recite a blessing of hamotzi on the bread, yivorokh hakodim sheberach hamazon sham, b'erkas hamazon sham, he should recite the grace after meal there, v'im ein lo sham pas bekhlal. If he doesn't have bread there, tsorokh lakhzer l'mekom levorokh, then he has to go back home to recite the grace after meals, v'im hu rakhokh kolkakh, if he's so far away,
sh'yesh lakho sh'ad sh'yachzer l'mekom yishesh yirikol, yivorekh b'mokom shusham. So what happens if you realize you forgot to recite the grace after meals? Now by the time you go back to where you ate, because you've got to go back to where you ate to recite the grace after meals, by the time you get back there's going to be more than 72 minutes, because you're that far away. So then you just stop what you're doing right where you are and recite the grace after meals where you are.
Okay, so this concludes part one of Simon 44 of the 44th chapter. We have only eight more laws left that we will continue with next week. My dear friends, we are about to start Ask Away number 33. My dear friends, join us if you're online right now, join us on our next broadcast of Ask Away number 33.
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