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In this shiur, Rav Dov Ber Cohen opens a remarkable sefer, Sichot Hischazkus by the Chasidic Rebbe Tzvi Mayer Silberberg, as a guide for what avodah in Elul actually looks like in practice. He names t
The Rabbi Dov Ber Cohen Podcast explores Jewish mindfulness, emotional mastery, relationships, and real inner avodah.
In each shiur, Rabbi Dov Ber shares practical Torah wisdom for navigating anxiety, deepening connection, strengthening emunah, and living with greater presence and purpose.
Rooted in Chassidic depth yet grounded in everyday life, these teachings are experiential, honest, and transformative.
If you’re seeking clarity without pressure, growth without guilt, and spirituality that actually changes how you live - this podcast is for you.
Okay, we're in for a huge treat because I found an amazing sefer. It's a sefer called Sichot Hischazkus, which means conversations of, of strengthening. And it's written by a Rebbe, a Chasidic Rebbe called Tzvi Mayer Silberberg. And he lives in Jerusalem now. And I remember 18 years ago when I first came to Yeshiva, we used to go to him for third meal in the dark. And they just used to sing for hours and hours and it was amazing. Where was this? He's in Sanhedria. And he has a huge Simchas Beis Hashoeiva on Succos. People go just to watch him shake his lulav and esrog. He's like whoosh. And he's just full of love and joy. What's his name again? Tzvi Mayer Silberberg. He's just so full of life. And he's so excited. And he's just jumping around and he's amazing. From Monsey. And most of his classes he gives in Yiddish, but he speaks English, he's from Monsey. And it's an amazing sefer. So we're going to learn together. Aren't we lucky? Here we go. ה' ענייני עבודה למעשה. Five things that we should really be doing in Elul. This is what we actually because and he well I'll let him say. ידוע מחז\"ל הקדושים בצדקי הדורות הרבה ענייני עבודה למעשה. We know that over the generations many different holy people have taught us what to do in Elul. And everyone gets excited for Elul. It's like 'It's Elul!' But then we don't know really what to do. Everyone's like 'Have you been doing avodah this Elul?' So it's like well what have I actually been doing? I've been talking about how exciting this time is and leading up to Rosh Hashana and I've listened to some classes and but what am I actually meant to do exactly? What are the steps that I'm meant to be taking day by day, what is there to be doing? So I have an online chabora which we actually trying to say this is what we actually trying to do. But these are very very holy months. Chodesh Elul veTishrei holy months. יותר משאר חודשי השנה. Even more than any other time of the year these are very big times. אבל יש ג' סיבות that even those people who really want to grow and get stronger היצר הרע יכול להביא רפיון גדול למעשה שאין יודעים במה להשתדל למעשה. Shalom. Rabbi Penner. So the Yetzer Hara gets us in Elul. The Yetzer Hara gets us. Now we've learned this together a few times before. When the Yetzer Hara gets particularly strong, you should get very excited. Because it means that something amazing is about to happen. Otherwise the Yetzer Hara doesn't have to come. The fact that the Yetzer Hara is there is a hint, it's saying 'Hold on, just behind here's something amazing'. When you come to the guards and the guards are standing defending something, you know there must be something special behind the guards. So we said, for example, Erev Shabbat. Friday afternoon for many people very stressful time. Why? Because Shabbat is about to come. So the Yetzer Hara makes couples argue, messes up shalom bayis, and the kids are crying. The Yetzer Hara comes. Engagement, when you get engaged leading up to the wedding especially the last seven days, you start doubting it and then you start arguing with the person. It's like 'Hold on what's going on?' That's just because something so kadosh and holy is about to happen. So for example the Vilna Gaon says one of the hardest mitzvot is to be besimcha on Succos. The whole idea of Succos is Vesamachta Bechagecha. So he says therefore the Yetzer Hara works overtime to get you upset on Succos. So you've got to be very very strong not to get upset on Succos. But the key is that the greatest simcha is overcoming the Yetzer Hara. So the Yetzer Hara comes big and you're like 'Oh no, he's messing up my simcha', but it's no, he's giving you the opportunity to have real simcha which is don't get caught up in the whole Yetzer Hara. So this happens to people when they start meditating. When you start meditating your mind gets even more crazy. If you just sat down and started focusing on your breath for one minute, your mind would work overtime now, firstly because you don't have any distractions. But secondly because the Yetzer Hara is like 'Uh-uh, if this guy actually starts meditating, he's going to tap into his soul'. And I don't want that. Because once you're tapped into your neshama the Yetzer Hara just has no chance. It's kryptonite to the Yetzer Hara. Your soul, it just just melts away. So what happens is you start meditating and then boredom, you get bored, it's like 'Ugh, how long is this going on for?' Behind the boredom... your soul. Anxiety comes up, behind the anxiety your soul. So you just have to be able to see, observe the boredom, observe the anxiety, observe the distractions, and just breathe through them and be excited when they come. So when your anxiety comes and your boredom comes and your distraction when it comes up, rather than fighting and struggling, you should be like whoa dude, I'm about to break through. It's amazing. And then you breathe and then you go through. So Elul and Tishrei, everyone's meant to get very excited, but I'm running this course, many people are reaching out to me like I haven't done anything yet, I'm scared for tonight's class because I haven't done the avodah of the last, and I'm like chill out dude. It's okay. You're okay. You're okay. So the yetzer hara comes especially Elul, Tishrei. ג' סיבות שאפילו אחד שיש לו רצון חזק מאוד מאוד להתעלות ולהתחזק היצר יכול להביא רפיון גדול למעשה שאין יודעים במה להשתדל למעשה. So here are your three reasons. The first reason that it is difficult is מחמת ריבוי העניינים הפרטים sheroyim bisfarim hakedoshim because everyone's telling you to do different things. Everyone's telling you to do different things, so what do I do? So in my chevra, I tell people Elul, you're forbidden to look into your past deeds. That's what I say in my chevra. You'll do that after Rosh Hashanah. After Rosh Hashanah, Aseret Yemei Teshuva, Yom Kippur, you start going into your past and feeling bad about that. Not on Elul. But you'll read other sefarim that say in Elul you already have to be looking into your past deeds. So there's two different things. And by the way, the people who say that are much holier than me, so they must be right, but different things for different folk, you know? So it's like what do I have what do I have to do? Do I have to work on my character traits? Do I have to work on my meditation? Do I have to work on getting up earlier? Like what do I have to do? There's so many different opinions out there of what the avodah is that I just end up not doing anything. Yes please, child. If a person's doing teshuva through a place of so much love and simcha, isn't that helpful towards their Elul? Yes, that's why I say that's how you should do it. And there is still a place of feeling pain that I let the person I love down. If it's only love and simcha, then you're not actually doing teshuva. There has to be an element of oy, ow, oo, ah, ee, remorse. Let myself down, let Hashem down. But still with love and simcha. The fact that you feel upset that you hurt someone shows that you love them. So if you don't feel upset, then the love wasn't there. But it has to start with love. It's got to be all love. That's why Elul is all love. Elul is all love just so that we can deal with the kapara and the charata. If you don't build yourself full of love and joy in Elul, how on earth are you going to do Yom Kippur in a healthy way? Yom Kippur's going to be this whole day of depressive beating yourself up. So Elul is really preparing us. So the first thing is what's really the avodah? Ishtadel le'ma'aseh. Fine. The second reason that we find it difficult is gadol chulshat hador ושדרובא דרובא של כלל ישראל אי אפשר לעשות מקצת מעבודת sheroyim bisfarim hakedoshim. We are so amazing and holy in our generation. And we are so deeply cut off from real spirituality unlike any other generation. So 200 years ago in Europe, they had their challenges, but they didn't have social media, and they were trying to get potatoes on the table. But today they didn't have such a challenging environment for spirituality. So the books that we read from 200 years ago that are telling us what to do and what we should feel, they don't really represent who we are now. And although they can be very inspirational, although we said last time that people actually feel uninspired by them because they're like I just can't do that. It's amazing chasidic sefarim about how you should feel the fiery passion of love for Hashem while you're davening Mincha. How many people are actually feeling that when they're davening Mincha? Now we're trying. In general you're just meant to have this fiery hislahavus and passion and Shabbat comes in and you're in deveikus. And there are very, very, very few people are on that level. And therefore we just feel a bit. bad about ourselves because I can't do what these books are telling me to do. It says that apparently when on Rosh... when they mentioned Rosh Chodesh Elul in shuls they did big chassidus, people used to faint out of like awe and fear. No one's fainting today. It's like... we're just not there. We're just not... and it's not our fault. Now that doesn't mean you shouldn't aspire to that. I'm aspiring to be like that and I'm... excited by that but it can be a little bit disconcerting that I didn't faint. I was dancing around the shul. Who could hear the Shofar sound and not palpitate with fear? There is a passuk that says that... it's like everyone. Me. Everyone. So the second thing is, we're just not holding there. That's not where we are. And he's saying this. Now, if you see how רב צבי מאיר זילברברג davens, he's holding there. But he's real with the generation. He's real with where we are. We're struggling to get out of bed, most people, you know? So he's very real. You should go and see him daven. He's amazing. He's an amazing rebbe. Rebbe, what is there to be afraid of, when you're saying fear? Din. There is judgment. Anyone who had any suffering this year, that was decided on Rosh Hashanah last year. It's a serious day, you know? That's a very serious day. You should faint at that. Bang! Although, Sefarim say, what are you really judged on on Rosh Hashanah? How much you want the relationship with Hashem. Just to show up: I want the relationship. So some of the avodah we hear about is just... we're not emotionally strong enough to deal with it, actually. Mussar is very dangerous if you're not an emotionally balanced human being. If you read the Mesilas Yesharim, for example, but you're not actually a very healthy, emotionally balanced person, you're going to... it's very serious stuff that it says there. I started reading it with my wife at some point because I love it. I love the Mesilas Yesharim. But I'm just that type of person. I sat for six years fasting. I like that thing. But I started and I was like: my wife cannot hear this. Oh my goodness. She's going to go crazy. I think you should read the first chapter of Mesilas Yesharim a hundred times, but the rest is like... even your good mitzvot you have to see how there was... it wasn't perfect kavana. It's like, oh my goodness, I'm just trying to put on my Tefillin! I can't do it! So Mussar's very dangerous if you're not a healthy human... Now, if you're a healthy human being who wants to grow, Mussar's great because you take it and leave it. Rav Dessler said that no one's reached the fourth chapter of Mesilas Yesharim. No one's holding there. And we're sitting in Yeshiva, Ba'al teshuva, we just put on Tefillin for the first time and it's like, I've got to have Ruach HaKodesh! I can't... I don't know how to do it! So it's like... so for me, it's exciting to read this stuff but not feel the pressure of needing to do it, otherwise... Hashem is judging everything. Hashem is not a vatran. Hashem doesn't let you get away with stuff. Everything... and I'm like: Whoa, dude. So I know what to take and what to leave. I even have a rebbe, I love my rebbe, and I know what to take and what to leave. And he's very like... you have to be a lechatchila Yid. I believe this, by the way. You have to do things the best they can be done. Be a lechatchila. Don't be a bedieved. Don't just get away with stuff. Be the best, but you have to know what that is and how... you can do that. You have to know your level. You have to know where you are. You have to know yourself very well. Have a lot of self-compassion. Not too much self-compassion that you're not growing at all. But you've really got to be... So he's so real with where we're coming from. Who we are and our challenges in our lives and... people have trauma and pain and stuff and it's like... you've got to be very, very careful. What's he saying about the Mesilas Yesharim? What? What's he saying about the... what? getting back to the fourth chapter? The Mesilas Yesharim, the Rav Dessler, I think the fourth, fifth chapter he said: who's really holding in this? Someone just said to me, he just... he had a learning schedule because he always wanted to finish Mesilas Yesharim. And he made a learning schedule and after six months or whatever, he just finished Mesilas Yesharim. I said, that's amazing! And he said, but I haven't grown at all. I said, at least he was self-aware. And I said, do you know why not? Because your aim was to finish Mesilas Yesharim. That's why you didn't grow. You were like: I just got to... now I've seen all the words that is written in Mesilas Yesharim. Stop! Rather just highlight one line and just sit with that for fifteen minutes. You want to learn Mesilas Yesharim with me? Maybe we'll do it. Because I stop when he says something, I just stop for five minutes. I'm like, I'm not, okay, he said that, now let's see what else he says. I'm just like, the whole purpose of life is this. Okay, let's stop and think about that. No, okay, let's go. I'm going to see it all. I want to see the whole sefer. So it's a healthy balance. So, we don't know what, we're not even sure what we should be aiming for anymore. What am I aiming for? So the truth is we're aiming for authenticity. Authenticity. Are you authentic? Are you just, does Hashem need you to be perfect? Does Hashem need you to be the Ba'al Shem Tov or Rav Moshe Feinstein? Hashem doesn't need me to be Rav Moshe Feinstein. I love Rav Moshe Feinstein. And then people say, don't limit yourself, anyone could be Rav Moshe Feinstein. Rav Moshe Feinstein was a human like you are, and you could be Rav Moshe Feinstein. I'm like, no, I don't know about that. I think I can be great. I think I can be great, but I don't think I can know the whole of shas, poskim, Shulchan Aruch, ba'al peh, pin test. And I don't think, it's just not my aim. My aim is to be the most sweet, kind, loving, present husband and father and Eved Hashem that I can be. That's what, that's my aim. I don't, I'm not aiming for that. And to daven with some heart. I want my heart to be in my davening. That's nice. And people are like, no! Rav Shimshon Pincus, okay, okay, good. Rav Morgenstern was saying Tikkun Chatzot when he was nine years old. You know what I was doing? I was jumping off my bed pretending to be Spider-Man. There we go. Does Hashem love him more than he loves me? I don't think so. I don't know. Maybe. I don't think so. Spider-Man's cool. Yes, please. So, about the shofar. About the shofar? I'm trying to reconcile what you said about fear and din, but my experience is that I wait all year for the shofar. For me, it's a hot shower to the soul that's been at work all day long. It's so powerfully cleansing. I don't have any connection to fear. Don't we want din? Don't we want to be judged so that we can see where we need to work? Yes. Yes, and yes, and great, great, holy people felt immense fear. Fear. Just like. Then I'm very unholy. No, no. We're a different generation. We're a different and different people do different things. But what's the fear though? Hashem is loving and kind and just wants to... For there's something called, there's also something called din. Hashem is loving and kind. But there was, there was October the 7th and the Holocaust and the Spanish Inquisition and the pogroms and the whole of Jewish history. That's real. We can't just say Hashem is loving and kind and as a people and as individuals we go through immense pain and suffering. There is something called din. I know there's pain and suffering, but I don't believe that that comes from Hashem and as far as like Holocaust stuff goes, I believe that Hashem gave us free will and men abuse that free will and when we lower ourselves and we turn away from Hashem then we put ourselves in a place where we're susceptible to those things but I don't have a connection to the fear of Hashem and if there really should be I want to find it so I could have a better connection. Yeah, I'm the worst person to ask because I don't either but... I wish I could answer that question. I'm like Hashem, even the din has to be good for us. That's what we're saying. Yeah and I want... No, but there's pain. My abba passed away and I loved my abba. So that's din, that's not nice. And on Rosh Hashanah of the year he passed away, Hashem decided that he passed away. So it is for the best that he passed away in the horrible, horrible, painful, horrible way he did, but it's still painful. I don't want that. So I'm a bit, I don't want bad things to happen. That's fair. So how do we invoke the fear aspect to... I don't know if we need to this generation. That's what I'm saying. I don't know if that's our, in this generation I don't just, I just don't think that's, and that's what he's saying. That might not be our avodah in this generation. It's not healthy because our generation is so emotionally exhausted anyway that it just doesn't, it's not healthy. So I'm not missing out? No, I don't think you need to be afraid. I don't, especially not when the shofar blows, I'm like not afraid of it. It's amazing. I waited all year for it. I know. I'm not afraid. I'm not, I'm not afraid. But, I want to be machshiv, I want to consider that there is an idea of, so we got to get the balance because some people they actually are literally very scared for Rosh Hashanah. Because if you learn some of the things we learn, it's like everything's decided on Rosh Hashanah. So it feels like logically you should be scared, but we're saying no, logically you shouldn't because Hashem loves us. But there, I know real human beings... who are actually literally the you say the word Rosh Hashanah and they're afraid. And for me, that's crazy. Especially you see how we daven, especially in the Yeshiva, the davening's awesome. I just can't wait for the davening. Rosh Hashanah davening is so good and so long. And people are like oh, I love Rosh, I want to stay, I love Rosh Hashanah davening. It's so good. And two days of it as well. People are like oh, how can you do it again after you do? I'm like let's go. Let's keep going. Let's just stand in shul with people we love, trying to connect to Hashem, jumping up and down, saying amazing words. There's no teshuva on Rosh Hashanah. There's no, there's just Hashem You're the King and let's blow the shofar to say that. It's so good. So I don't relate to the fear, but logically understand where it might come from because basically you got 10 minutes Unesanneh Tokef, which is a bit scary. There's a little bit of the davening which says and today Hashem decides who's going to live and die and with fire and the, that should be scary. I try to feel fear in that moment because you should. The appropriate feeling in Unesanneh Tokef is a bit of hold on there is something called din. Hashem doesn't want there to be din, but there is din. And as you say, it's our fault. Oh, I'm mesader kiddushin in eight days. The kallah. It's going to be an amazing wedding. Just a very quick side point. My best friend, who is no longer with us, is his niece. So I'm her surrogate uncle. And I'm her mesader kiddushin in eight days with the, my best friend's mom's going to be there and all his sisters and everyone, the whole family. I grew up in their house, their family. And I certainly wasn't a rabbi then, I tell you that much. I could tell you we had some good parties in that house. I did teshuva for all of that, but now I'm going to be the mesader kiddushin at her wedding next Monday and it's going to be very special. Obviously mention. Can I ask you when does Aish HaTorah finish classes for the chagim? I mean for, you know, Yom Kippur? I don't know. I just come when I'm told and do what I do. In case you don't know. I don't know. I check every morning what I'm doing and then I do it. So there we go. Baruch Hashem. כיון שכל אחד הוא עולם מלא בפני עצמו. Gimel. The third. So the first reason we get a bit confused is that there are so many different avodas, so many people say so many different things, so I don't know what to do. The second thing is because we're not on as spiritual conscious level, we often feel a bit not good about ourselves that we can't do the avodah that Rav Yisrael Salanter and the Baal Shem Tov are telling us to do because we're just trying to survive. Can I ask you, I'm sorry, we're talking about three things that what? That get in the way of our avodah in Elul. That make it difficult for us to what to take advantage of these amazing months. But remember we said the whole introduction was the very fact that we have these three things shouldn't weaken us, they should excite us. Now I know, this is my adversary and I'm actually excited that the yetzer hara and all his friends is coming to ruin my avodah, because I got to... I love the yetzer hara. Like how do I become great? By beating the yetzer hara. Bring it on. Now you don't ask for challenges, but I'm not scared of my yetzer hara. You scared of yetzer hara? My yetzer hara's a baby. He's just a whining little baby. And my neshama is so much greater than my yetzer hara. So I'm like come on, thank you for coming yetzer hara. Wow. So what's my avodah now? I just don't play into the whole yetzer hara thing. I don't engage in it that much. It's like thank you for signaling that I need to do something now and I'll do it. So wait you say the first one is we get confused? First one is we're not sure what the avodah is actually. The second one is we're weak, we're weaker in this generation so maybe the avodah of all the great books that we're reading doesn't really apply to us in this generation because we're not there. It's just not relevant to us. And the Gimel, the third one is כיון שכל אחד הוא עולם מלא בפני עצמו. Everyone's a whole universe within themselves. You're a whole universe. You've got your yetzer hara that I don't have and I've got my yetzer hara that you don't have and I've got my childhood and I've got my... I've got stuff. There's a whole universe going on here. So how can one book tell you what to do or one thing tell you... where am I feeling right now in my life? Last year in Elul I had an amazing life circumstance so it felt great. This year I just lost my job and I'm sick and my kids are off the derech, so how can you say tell one person, people, this is what you have to do? We're all a whole world. וכל אחד נסער ומתחזק מדברים אחרים. Everyone. is inspired by different things. So some people are actually inspired by yira-dika, they're very into that, they love a bit of awe and fear. And some people are inspired by love and some people are inspired by Gemara be-iyun and some people are inspired by Chassidus and some people want to do chessed and some people love davening by singing and some people don't want to sing during davening and it's just a whole there's no one right way. ולא כל הפרטים והענינים שיש בספרים הקדושים שייכים לכל אחד, and not everything it says in all the holy books are relevant for everyone all the time. וממילא אין יודעים איזה עבודה שייכים לו למעשה, and therefore I'm not sure exactly what my avodah is. So therefore he's written his book to give us a very, very generally what everyone should be generally trying to focus on in a self-compassionate way. Self-compassionate. By the way, I'm going to read this. I killed myself laughing when I read the first thing. I'm going to read it to you but then I'm going to explain what it means. After that introduction, I read this last night, I laughed for quite a long time. באופן כללי נחלקו עבודה למעשה שרצון אבינו שבשמים נשתדל בהם מאוד מאוד בימים הקדושים האלה לחמישה דברים. So in general, the avodah le-ma'aseh, the actual practical work that we have to do that Hashem wants us to do and really put effort into in these very, very holy days are divided into these five main things. The first one, the first one is this. Ratzon Yisbarach, Hashem's ratzon is she-bayamim hakadoshim ha-ele, in these very holy days, נשתדל מאוד מאוד כל אחד בדרגה שלו, you should try very hard everyone on their level. Don't compare yourself to anyone ever, by the way, never compare yourself to anyone. You have to know who you are and on your level where you're coming from, who you are. Remember we said the false teshuva gap. That you're at this level and you think you have to be perfect, that's a false teshuva gap. You're at this level and you're meant to be this much better, a tiny, tiny little teshuva gap. But so on your level, יהא במצב חזק ונפלא של חיזוק בכל פרטי עבודת השם. So to be in a mindset of great strengthening. You basically, you got to say to yourself these are special months of growth. Just be in that general mindset. I am now in a mindset, more than the rest of the year, that there's a special opportunity now. I'm in a growth mindset at this point. I just softened that. So it says this in all, you have to have the mindset of growth. Be in a growth mindset. Say I'm in Elul and I have an amazing opportunity to grow now on whatever your level is. בכל פרטי עבודת השם, this is number one. בכל פרטי עבודת השם, in every area of avodas Hashem, bein adam le-chaveiro between you and other people, bein adam la-makom between you and Hashem, ve-sur me-ra get away from things that are actually blocking you from having relationships, healthy relationships, ve-asei tov start investing in things that are going to help you come closer, be-machshava dibbur u-ma'aseh in thought, speech and action, כל היום וכל הלילה. So having given this whole introduction about it's not clear what I actually have to do and there's too much pressure, he then says all you have to do is in every single area of your life, thought, speech and action, getting away from bad, doing good, between you and others and between you and Hashem, you should be in a state of wonder, wonderment and growth, growth. I thought that was very funny. I thought that was very funny. It seems to have gone against everything he just said. He said the most general, all-encompassing in every prat of your life through the day of your life you have to be growing in a wondrous way. So I found that funny and I laughed, but then I get what he means. What he means is just this general excitement about the opportunity to grow. I'll tell you why he says this. כי אבינו שבשמים עשה טבע שלתקופה קצרה כל אחד בדרגה שלו יכול להיות במצב של חיזוק. Basically Hashem has given extra energy into our souls and into the world at this time in Elul that we can, we can grow more. He's helping us. There's siyata di-shmaya that but we ruin that by putting too much pressure on ourselves. But Hashem is saying I'm now opening up the heavens, ha-melech ba-sadeh, אני לדודי ודודי לי, that there's more opportunity, I'm closer to you, you're closer to yourself, anything that you do now in these days is more. effective than you do in other times during the year. So you should just bear that in mind. That's what He's saying. There is this help in creation. Elul, there's special help in creation, so you should just be aware of that. No pressure, and the only thing that blocks us from receiving it is our own pressure. So release the pressure and then just see everything, really your thoughts and your speech and your actions and just your life in general that I've got an amazing opportunity. It's a very nice gentle... But your problem, most people's problem is the pressure. Then you put in the pressure, oh wow, well, we just read that it's the amazing time but it's getting the balance between knowing that this is an opportunity and by the way, if you mess it up, is that it, you ruined your life? People have this thing as well, everything is written on Rosh Hashanah, it's the DNA of the year, so if you have a bad Rosh Hashanah, you've messed up your life. And you're going to get every sickness and everyone you love is going to get sick. It's not true, just not true. Hashem's just not like that. There is definitely power to the beginning. The DNA is important, but you can always fix. That's what teshuva is, that's what teshuva is. You can always start again. Go on, at least you've got next Rosh Hashanah, but you've got the day after Rosh Hashanah. You've got two days of Rosh Hashanah. And then you've got Aseret Yemei Teshuva. And then you've got Yom Kippur. Let's say you mess up Rosh Hashanah, it's okay, you've got Yom Kippur. And it's hard to mess up Yom Kippur because it's so, it's so hard. Let's say you get sick on Rosh Hashanah and you stay in bed all day, don't do anything, and then you get sick on Yom Kippur, is that it? No, you've got Sukkot. And Sukkot is just bathing in Hashem's shechinah, in a loving joyful chuppah of Hashem's shechinah compression chamber sweetness. And then if you mess that up, it's okay, you've got Simchat Torah, well you've got Shemini Atzeret and Simchat Torah. Now if you mess those up, you've got Cheshvan. What do you do in Cheshvan? You're making up for messing up the whole of Tishrei. And even if you mess up Cheshvan, then you're lighting your chanukiyah. That's the light of the chanukiyah is like burning away all the problems and it's okay. And you mess up chanukiyah, what do you think Tu Bishvat is for? Regrowth. Tu Bishvat is all about starting again. And if you mess up Tu Bishvat, you've got, well, you've got Shabbat every week, gosh, every single week you've got Shabbat. It's so unbelievable. So the whole of life is teshuva, teshuva, teshuva, teshuva. We're just saying that Elul is the takeoff. So we've got extra... Hashem's giving us an extra push. Hashem's giving us a leg up. Just giving us a leg, so that's what you have to have in mind. So, you know, in what we're doing. הרבה יותר ממה שיכול להיות בתקופה אחרת, a lot more than there is in other times. I gave a class the other day about learning Torah and I said, I learn more Torah in two hours than in eight hours. If I'm learning Torah for eight hours, I don't learn as much as if I'm learning two hours because two hours I feel like I don't get up and make a cup of tea every five minutes and talk to this person. I've got these two hours, this is my time and I'm really going to sit and I'm going to take advantage of the two hours. So that's what we're saying. We're saying it's hard to be on it for twelve months a year, but for one month a year, two months a year, I'm going to try and be more on it. Once again no pressure. But I'm going to be more on it. I'm on it. Elul, I'm on it, I'm awake. That's why we blow the shofar every day just to remind you, just wake up, let's just be, let's get in the game, this is our opportunity. Take your, take your opportunity in little ways, little... little things. One thing, one, just change one thing this Elul, just one thing. You know the one thing you should do this Elul and you would have done all your avodah? Just say to Hashem like ten times a day, and if you do five that's okay, Hashem I just really want to be close to you. That's it. Hashem I just really want to be close to you. That's it. But really mean it. Three times a day. Okay, three times a day. Three times a day. You know what? Twice a day three days a week. Whatever you can. Hashem I just really want to be close to you. Just that. You can do that. You can, yeah. But aren't we already close to Hashem? I really want to feel close to, I want to feel our closeness Hashem. I want to feel close to you Hashem. Yes, you can't ever not be close to Hashem. Just want to feel close to you. I want to feel close to you Hashem. And you know what? If you just said I really want to feel close to you Hashem three times a day every day, you'd actually start feeling close to Hashem. That is what makes you feel close to Hashem by saying to Hashem I want to feel... and you can even say Hashem, please help me feel close to you. Just say that. Nothing crazy. Just say that. Elul. Elul. It's all simple. Ratzonenu bet. So that's the first one. is to to to perfect yourself in every area. And that's not really. Number one, the first of the five avodas of Elul is to make sure that you're perfecting yourself in every area. That was a joke. It's just to be in a mindset of opportunity to grow. That there's more opportunity now and I want to take that opportunity, not in an intense way, but in an excited way. I'm so excited. What an amazing opportunity. I'm so excited. If you give yourself that kind of mindset then you actually do the avodah. When you put pressure on yourself, you end up not doing the avodah because it gets heavy, it's too much. But when you say there's no pressure, I'm just excited, then you actually end up doing it because it's like, okay, I just want to do this. Beis, the second one, רצוננו יתברך שבימי מקודשים אלו נשתדל מאוד מאוד להשקיע כוחות גדולות בעבודת התפילה. So Hashem says, this is what I really want is I want you to try a little bit harder in your tefilla. Because if everything's about closeness, the greatest form of creating closeness is communication. As we said before, communication comes from the word commune which means closeness. So the best way to have true emotional intimacy with one's spouse or children or anyone is through communication, go and speak to each other. So it's a very very special time for tefilla. הן בתפילות קבועות והם בלא קבועות. It says Yiddish here, be-eigene tefilos. Oh, tefilos ishiyot, personal prayer. So when it comes to your personal prayer, speaking to Hashem, Hashem's more available. He's always available, but he's saying I really want, I want you to talk to me as much as you can. Just speak to me, so a little bit more consciousness and then definitely if you use a siddur, we've given lots of classes about how the siddur is very difficult. How can I have an authentic relationship with someone being told what words to say and when to say them and the same ones every day? So there's lots of classes on that, but in general just to be a little bit more conscious, a little bit more. So before I daven Mincha, I actually jump up and down a bit. I don't know if you can do this, but I get as if I'm going into like a kickboxing, I jump up and because the Piasetzner Rav and other masters say you gotta get your body involved, you gotta feel alive and awake. And I actually sometimes get the boys like, come on, let's go, clap a bit, let's go, we're about to step into Mincha, Mincha. So we learned this, we really learned this last week a lot, the word hayom. The word hayom is teaching us two major things. Rebbe Nachman speaks about this a lot. The first is that don't identify, don't define yourself by the past, just start again new. Just start again today. You messed up Mincha yesterday, you haven't davened a good Mincha for five years. That's okay, daven a good Mincha today. But the second one is hayom means just today. Forget tomorrow. Who cares what your Mincha will be like tomorrow? Just say I'm going to daven Mincha well today. I'm going to have a good Mincha today. And you know what? I'm just going to say the first bracha of Mincha well today, the rest I won't. Tiny little achievable healthy goals. Hayom. Just be, you're just becoming present. Today. So this Mincha's going to be good. One bracha, one bracha a day, I'm really going to say I'm going to have lunch, I'm going to say this one bracha on my lunch today with kavannah. That's it. Little goals. So fine. בימי המקודשים של אלול ותשרי הן כל פרטי עבודת ותשובה מיוחדים לחודש אלול ותשרי הן כל שאר חלקי עבודה המיוחדים לאלול ותשרי הן כל המצב של רצון אבינו שבשמיים בימי המקודשים האלו של אלול ותשרי. The whole purpose of all of our avodah always ever is just have a relationship with Hashem. That's why we're doing everything we're doing. Why are we doing all these things that the Torah tells us to do? It's just to have a relationship with Hashem and a relationship with ourselves and be a healthy person. So Hashem says this is really the engagement, this is the we're dating, we're dating Hashem. We're dating Hashem. And then on Rosh Hashanah, we're going to get engaged. Isn't that cute? We're dating at Elul we're dating. Dating is not meant to be pressure. By the way, I think you should date for more than one month. But with Hashem you don't need more than one month because you're sure he's the right one. With Hashem you know. So you're dating and then we're getting engaged on Rosh Hashanah. And then Yom Kippur is the mikvah. And then Sukkos is the chupa and the seven days of sheva brachos and. That's what we're doing. We're forming a relationship. And so the ikkar, the main way to form this relationship is with authentic communication. Authentic communication. Here's me. Hey Hashem, it's me. Dovie Bear. Hi Hashem, it's me. I love you. I'm trying. ורצונו יתברך שנבקש ונתחנן הרבה הרבה. Oh, very important. And Hashem really wants us to yearn and request from omek halev from the very depth of our heart. What are we really requesting? למלא בהם רצון אבינו שבשמים בשלמות. That we can actually be the people that we're meant to be. Very often people think when we hear the idea, you can ask for anything you like on Rosh Hashanah. Anything you like. It's the time to ask for anything. But we want to ask for what Hashem wants us to ask for. Are you davening for what Hashem wants you to daven for? And what does Hashem really want you to daven for? Hashem wants you to daven to be a happy, healthy, kind person who has a relationship with him. And also for parnassah and a husband and a wife and all that as well. But not too much. A little bit. You don't have to say it that much. You say, 'Hashem, look, I want to get married.' Fine. He knows. Now, now can you please give me a relationship with you and be a happier, kinder, nicer person? We're going to talk about this a lot. Most of your davening shouldn't really be for yourself. In general. In life. Most of your prayer shouldn't be for yourself. Other people should pray for you. You should be, 'Hashem, these are the things I want and need. Thank you very much. But I have emunah I'll get what I need when I need it. Thank you very much. But just putting myself out there.' But my friend, we said this before, you shouldn't have emunah for your friend. You should go wild for your friend. How dare you not give her a husband now! You give her a husband this year! And your friend will daven like that for you. For you, you don't have to freak out. Say, 'Hashem, I want this, I'm yearning for this. Please help me have it. And I have emunah that I'll get what I need.' For your friend you don't do that. You don't have emunah on your friend's behalf. Ever reducing to tefillah? What? Shouldn't you have bitachon for your friend outside of tefillah? No, but, yes, but we're not... I'm saying yes, you should. But yes. Yeah. Is there a concept of not having, like the whole thing of tefillah is bringing your perspective to Hashem and saying like, 'I, yeah, I technically know that you'll give me everything I need when I need it but,' like, leaving that aside when you daven? Or is it... No, you can do that because Hashem because the truth is Hashem says that 'I want to give it to you but I'm not going to give it to you if you don't ask for it.' So you're opening up the pipelines to receive these things. It's just how hard you need to pray for them. Should your tefillah be putting aside bitachon and crying from desperation, or a strengthening of the bitachon like, 'I know you could do this, so show me'? Yes. Yes. Different times for different things. I'll tell you why yes. Because don't fake it to Hashem. If you are in immense pain because you're not married or you whatever you need, then don't say, 'Well Hashem, I have emunah.' You cry your eyes out and you scream and you demand. And then you let go and say, 'I'm okay. I'm okay.' You got to know you really got to get the balance between hishtadlus and bitachon. How much effort you have to put in. But but that's real. You basically tefillah is called avodah shebelev. The work of the heart. So if your heart is in pain, don't pretend that it's not. Say, 'My heart's in pain.' And my heart's in pain for other people as well. That's it. And then you got to get the balance. So we gave a whole class about this before Purim, something. Because some girl said to me that she feels she shouldn't ever pray for herself because that shows she doesn't have bitachon. It's a good question. If you really had bitachon, why would you ever pray for yourself? Hashem does everything for the best all the time. So why ever pray? It's a very good question. So there are two answers. Firstly, because sometimes Hashem does want to do the best but he's waiting for you to pray for it. I mean just... so it's not... you're having bitachon by praying because you're saying 'I trust that you're the person who can give it to me and I trust that this is the right way to do it.' But secondly, because Hashem wants your heart. Hashem says, you know... so bitachon means I know it's all for the best but it's still painful. Just because you know something's for the best doesn't make it not painful. I know that my father... that was for the best. Doesn't make it not painful. So it's getting that balance between 'I'm in pain, so I'm expressing my pain, but yes I know it's all for the best.' Yes. I'm having a little bit of trouble reconciling the whole concept of awe and fear being Okay, so we did two and we'll do three more tomorrow B'ezrat Hashem, so just to summarize, you have to be perfect in every way.