The Happiness Paradox: When We Don’t Feel What We “Should” Feel

In this episode of Beyond Your Default, George and I dive into one of the most transformative frameworks in personal growth: the Four Cornerstones of the Superhuman Framework. This isn’t just about ticking off a list of personal goals. It’s about creating a foundation that aligns with our deepest values—passion, purpose, persistence, and love. These aren’t just ideals. They’re actionable principles that help us live a more integrated, balanced, and fulfilled life, well beyond the “default” mode that most people settle for.

🌱 Subscribe to the Beyond Your Default newsletter for weekly doses of inspiration!

The Four Cornerstones of the Superhuman Framework aren’t just theory—they’re a blueprint to shift how we show up in the world. In this episode, George and I break down each cornerstone and discuss what it looks like to embrace them fully. If you’ve ever felt like there’s more to life but weren’t sure how to tap into it, this conversation will give you the tools to do so.

Key Highlights from Our Conversation
1. Defining the Four Cornerstones: George walks us through the core principles—Passion, Purpose, Persistence, and Love—and explains how these cornerstones work together to form a balanced, powerful approach to life and work. We talk about why they’re essential not just for high achievers but for anyone looking to live a more intentional life.

2. Passion: Fueling Our Journey
Passion isn’t just a buzzword; it’s the energy that drives us forward, even when the going gets tough. George shares personal stories of how passion has been his compass, helping him navigate both successes and setbacks. We dive into why finding and nurturing our passions is critical to a fulfilling life.

3. Purpose: The Anchor in the Storm
Purpose gives us direction. It’s not about following someone else’s roadmap but discovering what we’re truly here to do. We discuss how identifying and aligning with our purpose provides a sense of stability, even in chaotic times. George shares insights on how to find your purpose and let it guide your decisions.

4. Persistence: The Power to Keep Going
Persistence is the grit that keeps us moving when passion alone isn’t enough. George talks about the importance of resilience, especially for high achievers who often face burnout. We explore practical ways to cultivate persistence, so you can stay the course without sacrificing your well-being.

5. Love: The Core of It All
Love isn’t just a feeling; it’s the thread that connects everything we do. From loving the people around us to finding self-compassion, love fuels our ability to live authentically. George explains why love is the cornerstone that holds everything together and how we can all bring more of it into our daily lives.

Why This Matters
The Four Cornerstones of the Superhuman Framework offer a path to living beyond the superficial markers of success. This episode is a reminder that life is more than just achieving goals; it’s about becoming a person who lives with integrity, resilience, and genuine connection. If you’re ready to challenge the default settings of your life and embrace something deeper, this episode is for you.

Related Episodes:
How to Cultivate Passion in Everyday Life
Finding Purpose in Uncertain Times
Building Resilience: Persistence Without Burnout
Practicing Self-Compassion and Love
Powerful Quotes from the Episode
“Passion fuels the journey, but purpose gives it direction.”
“Persistence isn’t about ignoring the obstacles; it’s about knowing why you’re willing to face them.”
“Love is the cornerstone that holds everything together. Without it, all the success in the world feels empty.”
“When you live with purpose, every decision feels like a step toward something meaningful.”
If you’re ready to embrace a framework that goes beyond the hustle, tune in to this episode and start building your superhuman foundation.

Creators and Guests

Host

George B. Thomas

A catalyst for growth!

What is Beyond Your Default?

What Is Beyond Your Default? "Everyone keeps telling me I should be happy, but I'm not." “I feel stuck.” “I have a calling, but where do I start?"

Right now, you have a choice. You can continue living within your default norms, playing it safe, clocking in and out every day, and scraping by to achieve what's supposed to make you happy hopefully. Or you can choose to accept the challenge of living beyond your default. Stop wishing to live your "best life” and start living your best life. Success leaves clues. And they're waiting for you to discover them.

George B. Thomas: 00:02

You see, we tend to tie our self worth to our productivity, to our output. And we kind of always are thinking that happiness will come if we just achieve just a little bit more. If I just start another business, if I just do another podcast, the irony here is that happiness is often already present in our lives. People just don't stop long enough to actually notice that it's freaking here, which goes back to the beginning of our conversation that you're having. And I'm like, sometimes we just need to realize, like, we're doing way better than we thought we were and we're actually happy if we just shut our dang brains off.

George B. Thomas: 00:45

But, Liz, I think there's one other thing I wanna mention here, and that is, again, the external pressure for high achievers in that whole not social comparison, but just comparison comes into play. We as high achievers are usually surrounded by other successful humans, and that makes it way easier for us to minimize our own accomplishments. I'll never be Gary v. I'll never be Jay Shetty. When when everyone around you is winning, it's tough not to feel like you need to do more, which can then, again, overshadow the happiness that you've actually learned.

George B. Thomas: 01:22

And sometimes, you just have to realize the only thing I can be is the best George b Thomas.

Liz Moorehead: 01:30

Welcome back to Beyond Your Default. I'm your host, Liz Morehead. And as always, I am joined by one of my favorite humans on the planet, George b Thomas. How the heck are you this morning?

George B. Thomas: 01:39

Liz, I am doing absolutely wonderful. I'm super excited to be having this conversation with you. My brain goes in so many directions when you kind of slid this across the digital desk, if you will. I think it will add a ton of value to those who maybe fall prey to the thing that we're gonna talk about today.

Liz Moorehead: 02:00

I am so excited to hear you say that because you and I do a lot of work together to plan out these episodes. And often, you know, we're operating from the framework that is the beating heart of the beyond your default journey, and that's the superhuman framework. And I wanted to have a conversation. I wanted us to revisit one of the pillars, happiness. But from a very specific perspective, the happiness paradox, which is the title of this episode.

Liz Moorehead: 02:26

And I remember your face went, what's that?

George B. Thomas: 02:28

Yeah.

Liz Moorehead: 02:28

What what does that even mean? And just I appreciate, as always, the trust you have in me when it's like, I have something specific I want to bring to the table today. But before we get into that, what's your highlight and your lowlight from the weekend?

George B. Thomas: 02:41

Here's what's funny, Liz. On a side tangent of, like, being uber human centric and creating the superhuman framework, I'm also, for the last 2 years quietly been becoming an AI nerd, and so it's funny you mentioned my face when you said the happiness paradox. Because my highlight this weekend was sitting on my back porch, and ChatGPT released their new AI voice assistant where you can talk to it, like, have a conversation with it. And, Liz, I sat on my back porch, and I said, what is the happiness paradox? And then it told me what it was.

George B. Thomas: 03:15

And I said, why is the happiness paradox a thing that humans struggle with? And it told me what it told me. And I kept asking it different directions and going deeper, and it was like having my own little happiness paradox consultant that was, like, talking me through the understanding of, like, where you were coming from. And there were so many times where I was like, oh, this is why I think this way. Oh, this is why I do that thing.

George B. Thomas: 03:45

And so being able to take what at first sounds like this complex thing, the happiness paradox, and, like, be able to have it simplified down and then understand, oh, I know how we can run with this episode. I get why we're creating this piece of content. That for me was like, oh, this is awesome.

Liz Moorehead: 04:05

I do love for a second, though, that there's always, like, a, I trust Liz. You weren't as overt as with the self care episode when you're like, so this is what we're doing.

George B. Thomas: 04:14

Well, so first of all, I know the self care thing literally was rooted in the fact that I historically suck at self care. The happiness paradox was more of a I'm intrigued because I remember having multiple conversations with different humans of it ending up with them not being able to tell me what makes them happy, which is a totally kind of sideways or, you know, cousin to this conversation a little bit. So so there's that. But the the low light for me and it's not much of a low light. Like, I really can't complain.

George B. Thomas: 04:46

But my wife and daughters were gone again. Well, for 4 days, they were doing another dog show, which they're crushing these dog shows, by the way. I'm so proud of them. Like, seeing Facebook and, like, these blue ribbons and purple ribbons and all the colors of the ribbons that they're getting, and just the fact that they can have this journey and go have fun and do something that they love. By the way, that's not my low light that they're on this journey doing the things that they love.

George B. Thomas: 05:10

My low light was that they weren't at home. Therefore, it was, like, me and Noah, and we had to fend for ourselves and basically be bachelors and watch other dogs that were still here. And so I probably watched way too much Netflix because I got sucked in by, dare I say, on this podcast, Fear of the Walking Dead. And I was like, oh my god. This is so bad, but so good in so many ways.

George B. Thomas: 05:39

And so I could have probably been more productive, but as I say that, I realized that I did that and also sent you 14 ebooks over the weekend. Anyway, I don't know. I need help. Ladies and gentlemen, I need help.

Liz Moorehead: 05:52

I mean, it's good. Every time you send me something, a content strategist gets its wings. So, you know, I it's fine for me. I'm good. My highlight and low light.

Liz Moorehead: 06:00

So my highlight last weekend was actually the culmination of a highlight of the entire week. So last week, I went up to house sit for some friends in Windsor, Connecticut, and I made the conscious decision of I'm not going to see anybody while I'm up there. I am going to disconnect. I am going to refocus. And I wasn't sure if I needed a reset on my life in some sort of significant way or just some sort of circling of the wagons to make sure that we were moving in the right direction.

Liz Moorehead: 06:32

And I spent all last week, in addition to doing all of my work and all of that good stuff, reorganizing and restructuring kind of the operating system I use to run my life. And I feel absolutely incredible. It was funny. I'd say probably a year or so ago, if you would ask me to spend a week by myself intentionally, I would have felt fear of abandonment, fear of loneliness creeping in, you know, all of the fears that I think that could become quite natural if you were going through any sort of divorce like I was going through or other things. But instead, I remember going through last week going, okay.

Liz Moorehead: 07:11

These are the things that need to change. These are the things that are doing better. Overall, it was just a really satisfying weekend where it was less about, let me try to architect a brand new life with a whole new set of habits and things that I will never be able to keep up with because you shouldn't make massive drastic life change. And instead, it felt like refinement. Instead, it felt like recognition of how far I had come, and that felt really amazing.

Liz Moorehead: 07:37

So when I got back here yesterday, I looked at my my apartment and my studio. I'm like, okay. So these are the things that need to change to support the changes that I now want to make. I strongly recommend this to anybody to just take some time away, and I didn't do it as a vacation. I'm a busy gal.

Liz Moorehead: 07:53

You know, you don't have to drop off the face of the earth and become a monk for a week as much as that would be nice. That's not always the easiest step.

George B. Thomas: 08:00

Really good right now.

Liz Moorehead: 08:02

Sounds great in theory, not always practical. But I thought this is actually a good exercise of when to do it. How can I evolve my life in a way while I'm still living the life? While I'm still you know, so I'm making more realistic decisions. The low light

George B. Thomas: 08:17

Well, wait. Before you before you go to the low light, I wanna say, first of all, I commend you for taking the time to do that, and I think it's absolutely amazing that you had this kind of mindset of refinement. Because so many times in my life, I've, like, let's blow this shit up. And sometimes your life doesn't need that even though sometimes that's how we're programmed. So the fact that you took time to do this and it was a mindset of refinement, I'm super excited for you.

Liz Moorehead: 08:49

Oh, absolutely. It was about, do I have these systems in place to live the life that I want? Because in many ways, I am. But I could feel I'm I'm starting to feel some friction around the edges. Right?

Liz Moorehead: 09:02

My sleep schedule wasn't quite where I wanted it to be. My workout schedule is good, but I'm constantly kind of moving it around. How am I keeping track of certain things? Do I have my own self care routines down pat? Yeah.

Liz Moorehead: 09:16

You know, I used to do a ton of self reflection and journaling. That had become fundamentally absent. I've brought that back. So when we do our next work in progress check-in, which is surprisingly not too far away, I'll talk a little bit more about this because there are certain things I'm gonna commit to for a month that I'm testing out just to see how they feel. But, yeah, I'm really excited.

George B. Thomas: 09:36

Are we really close to, like, another therapy couch session?

Liz Moorehead: 09:40

Closest. Yeah. We do it every 20 episodes, and we're on 56. Wow. Yeah.

Liz Moorehead: 09:46

7 up far.

George B. Thomas: 09:48

Okay. I'll start to brace myself.

Liz Moorehead: 09:50

Yep. It's okay. I'll start to brace myself too. We've both gotten pretty good at our little excavations.

George B. Thomas: 09:56

Let me throw a couple digital punches across the microphone.

Liz Moorehead: 09:59

The lowlight was I got to spend the night in Mount Laurel, New Jersey's finest econo launch.

George B. Thomas: 10:05

Oh, nice.

Liz Moorehead: 10:08

I had to make a responsible decision. So when I was on my way back from Connecticut, there was a big accident that ended up making it super late when I getting back, and I was just about to hit Delaware. And once you hit Delaware, you're like, Maryland's not too far away. It's not too bad. But I was starting to feel it behind my eyes.

Liz Moorehead: 10:27

I'm like, I could make it, but this will be heck on earth. And I'm like, oh, look. There's a there's an exit with lots of lodgings, and I ended up in the world's finest econo lodge. And I'm like, you know what? At least it'll be cold in here.

Liz Moorehead: 10:38

It was cold with a knocking air conditioner.

George B. Thomas: 10:40

But you know what?

Liz Moorehead: 10:42

It's one of those things where it's like the mattress was probably about 3 matchbooks thick. We did what we had to do.

George B. Thomas: 10:49

You probably wanted to levitate over it anyway in general. Yeah.

Liz Moorehead: 10:53

Yeah. It was kind of funny, and I was like, you know, I'm just gonna fall asleep to Matlock and just hope for the best. Got up the next morning, got my crappy feet free coffee downstairs, but, hey, it was free, and then got right back on the road. You know, and if that's the low light, that's kind of funny. So I'll take it.

George B. Thomas: 11:11

Yeah. Without a doubt. There's much worse that could be happening.

Liz Moorehead: 11:14

I have a more interesting story that's gonna intro us into our conversation about the happiness paradox today. Okay. So I had a very funny conversation with a friend of mine last week. She had just recently started dating this guy maybe about a month or so ago, and they're the same kinda weirdo. They're absolutely perfect for each other.

George B. Thomas: 11:31

I know people like that.

Liz Moorehead: 11:33

And the thing is is that she and I are quite similar. Her background relationship wise has not historically been the best. It's been a bit painful in different ways. So her experience with happy, healthy relationships is, you know, on the on the minimal side. Right?

Liz Moorehead: 11:51

She and I were having a conversation on the phone last week, and she's like, I just feel terrible. I'm like, well, what's wrong? Did something happen? We'll call we'll call him Mike. Did something happen with Mike?

Liz Moorehead: 11:59

It's just, no. He's great. I just can't shake this horrible feeling right now. And Mike, for his work, spends a few days a week in a different place and then travels back home. It's just part of his job.

Liz Moorehead: 12:13

And I said, well, wait a minute. Hold on. We'll call her Susie. I said, Susie, question. Do you just miss him?

Liz Moorehead: 12:19

And she went, oh god. Is that what this feeling is? This is terrible. Why do we even want this? We had a good laugh about it because she was sitting there feeling like, oh my gosh.

Liz Moorehead: 12:29

If I'm feeling this way, it must be terrible. She didn't know how to name the feeling. And then when she put a name to it, she realized, I just miss him. And I'm like, that's a happy thing. And it got me thinking about this idea of happiness, right, and what happiness looks like, what it feels like, doing the work of what how to define what makes us happy, what it means to find it and experience it and cultivate it.

Liz Moorehead: 12:54

But I've noticed that there's something that I'm sure maybe there's a different name for it, but I like to call it the happiness paradox. Those moments where we don't feel the happiness even when we finally achieve whatever that thing is that will genuinely make us feel happy. And we know it's here. It is defined. And these things that are, quote, making us happy aren't of the harmful or self destructive variety.

Liz Moorehead: 13:19

Right? We've called out that we want a happy, healthy relationship where we could be vulnerable and feel supportive, and it's a partnership. And it arrives, and we know it. We get that dream job. We start achieving real professional or personal success.

Liz Moorehead: 13:36

Right? But then the feelings and the facts don't align.

George B. Thomas: 13:40

Yeah.

Liz Moorehead: 13:40

Like, you might struggle to trust or feel comfortable in that new healthy relationship like my friend, Susie. You may get the success you want, but then you might feel overwhelmed or even fearful of the success, and that's something a lot of people talk about, fear of success despite it being something positive that you've worked for. Or sometimes the thing actually shows up, and you don't even realize it's there. You don't see it. So someone might be so used to negativity or disappointment that they fail to notice that the good thing they want has shown up.

Liz Moorehead: 14:12

And it's this weird thing. Right? Because we expect you know, we did all that conversation in the happiness the happiness podcast when we initially discussed this pillar. I think we have this expectation that when we get the things that we want, we get the things that are gonna make us happy, we're gonna meet those moments of joy with joy. We're gonna meet those moments of joy with open arms and excitement.

Liz Moorehead: 14:33

But oftentimes, there is a dissonance. There is a disconnect, and we don't always feel the happiness we expect to feel when we reach our goals, which is what I wanted to talk to you about today.

George B. Thomas: 14:43

Yeah.

Liz Moorehead: 14:43

And how we navigate those paradoxical experiences.

George B. Thomas: 14:46

Yeah. It's it's interesting because a couple things, like, shoot to my brain as you're kinda getting into this. Like, the amount of humans that I've seen self sabotage, the amount of humans that I've seen, by the way, myself included, where you set a goal, and then right as or right before you are about to achieve that goal, you set a new goal that's further or farther, and so you don't pause for the success or the joy. Anyway, there's there's so many things that we just kind of do because I think we don't take time to think about this part of the conversation of of happiness that we're gonna have today.

Liz Moorehead: 15:23

So, George, when I ask you if you've ever had an experience like this, I'm gonna guess the answer is yes.

George B. Thomas: 15:28

Oh my god. Yeah. So one of the things and I'll I'll just kinda talk about my professional life for a second. One of the things that I had said in, like, 2012 is I wanna speak on the inbound stage. Now I met on the main stage, but even just speaking at inbound is a little bit of a big deal.

George B. Thomas: 15:49

And so in 2016, I actually got to speak at inbound for the first time. It was a breakout session, but I didn't know what was next. And, therefore, I wasn't able to enjoy the fact that this was happening, and I even kind of, by default, moved it to, well, it's not the main stage. It's just a breakout. And so I should have been happy in that moment, but I found multiple ways to set or align to a different goal or to brush off the fact that it was kind of happening.

George B. Thomas: 16:24

And so I could rinse and repeat this for probably multiple things in my career, but also, like, multiple things in my personal life. I think it's something, Liz, that everybody ends up kind of falling prey to because it's a little bit of a I feel like sometimes it's a sneak attack, a psychological sneak attack that we do to ourselves.

Liz Moorehead: 16:46

I will say hearing you immediately go, oh god. Yeah. Makes me feel

George B. Thomas: 16:50

a little bit better.

Liz Moorehead: 16:52

Yeah. So over the past year, I've done a lot of work to deconstruct and rebuild. We don't need to go down that path again, but it's something I've talked about in detail through the course of this podcast. And one of the reasons I actually wanted to take this past week to do exactly what I said I did during the introduction when we were talking about our weekend was because a few weeks ago, I woke up and realized I had been telling myself the wrong story. You know, I had been feeling a bit adrift.

Liz Moorehead: 17:21

Right? You know, I'm I'm gonna be 42 this later this month. Yeah. I'm not living in the big house like I used to be dating. What is that?

Liz Moorehead: 17:30

Like, no. Thank

George B. Thomas: 17:31

you. I don't I don't even wanna think about that.

Liz Moorehead: 17:34

But I was sitting around kind of poo pooing my own life. And then I was I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I actually thought to myself, I wish I could talk to George, but it's, like, 4 in the morning.

George B. Thomas: 17:45

I know he's definitely call me.

Liz Moorehead: 17:46

Probably up. Don't call me. I'm not gonna call not gonna do that. Not gonna do that. I'm like, we're friends, but, like, we're not 4 AM in the morning friends unless something is actually broken.

Liz Moorehead: 17:54

We're not we're not having existential conversations about life at 4 AM if they can easily be held

George B. Thomas: 17:58

in pain. There's an emergency, call me. If it's like if it can wait, let's make it wait.

Liz Moorehead: 18:03

No. Because a few weeks ago, as you know, and I I mentioned on the show, like, I had a bit of a health scare.

George B. Thomas: 18:08

Yeah.

Liz Moorehead: 18:08

And it kinda knocked a bit of sense into me, and I'm sitting on the edge of my bed. I went, wait a minute. Let me describe my circumstances as if I'm talking to somebody else. I'm living in an incredible studio apartment in the middle of the historic district of Annapolis. My neighbors are artists.

Liz Moorehead: 18:25

My hallways are filled with canvases of art. I meet people in the hallway, so I never thought I would meet before, artists, musicians. If I wanna go anywhere or see people, I just walk downstairs to my favorite coffee house, and I meet new people there. I take daily walks by the US Naval Academy. I work for myself, and I'm successful at doing so.

Liz Moorehead: 18:46

I would love to have someone in my life, but I do not need someone.

George B. Thomas: 18:51

Yeah.

Liz Moorehead: 18:51

I get to travel. I get to have incredible experiences. So let me get this straight. What exactly am I upset about? Because on paper, this is the thing I said I wanted.

Liz Moorehead: 19:01

Yeah. My freedom. And so when I think about why I did what I did last week, it's like, because I woke up and goes, oh, this is the life. We're here. We made it.

Liz Moorehead: 19:09

We did it. But I had to do that work to retell the story. So here's my question to you. What do you think contributes to that kind of disconnect between achieving the success, achieving the things that we want, and then actually feeling it when it gets there.

George B. Thomas: 19:26

Yeah. So before I answer that, I wanna just say that what you did, I would suggest that any of the listeners and even myself take time to do that. Because, Liz, I'll be honest with you. There are many days that I wake up and I say, why am I doing this? I'm not doing enough.

George B. Thomas: 19:43

I'm not doing it right. Like, I could be doing it better. And then I have moments where I'll be, like, on a podcast or something, and somebody will say something like, dude, people wanna be you. And I'm like, wait. No.

George B. Thomas: 19:56

Nobody wants to be me. And then they're like, no. Seriously. Like, you have the life. It jukes me into, like, dude, why are you freaking doing that to yourself?

George B. Thomas: 20:06

Anyway and I say all of that humbly because I have to remind myself, Liz, you're reminding me right now on this podcast that I have a pretty spectacular life. Like, we've arrived at a pretty fun and interesting place. And so all of that to say I fall prey to this more than some might think. And I think a big part of this disconnect is the difference between external and internal motivation, and I've battled with this. I literally have a saying that I say because I'm trying to program my brain when I'm saying it, but but we humans, we often kind of equate success with external achievements like getting a promotion.

George B. Thomas: 20:43

By the way, when you own your own company, you can't lean on I'm gonna get a promotion. It's just it's not coming that you can earn more money. Again, when you own your own business, you can earn more money, but most of the time, you're probably gonna try to put it back into the business or the humans that are actually helping you grow that business, so that's weird. Or gaining recognition. And, by the way, once you gain recognition, you realize that, sure, it's good to be known, but what does that even mean for you, and how are you gonna leverage it in the world that you're trying to navigate?

George B. Thomas: 21:15

So although those things can provide this, like, temporary high, but they don't fulfill our need as humans for this deeper personal growth, this deeper connection, this deeper purpose, which, by the way, is why purpose is one of the four cornerstones of the superhuman framework. But real happiness comes from this intrinsic value, like meaningful relationships or finding purpose or simply enjoying what we do. Again, I talk about going to play instead of going to work because I always wanna enjoy what I'm doing. When when we focus too much on the external validation of those things, I think we, as humans, lose sight of this internal drivers that actually create the lasting joy, a level deeper than happiness that we're all seeking. And, Liz, this is why I always talk about again, because it's the programming statement for me that I'm trying to lean into, almost eradicate the conversation that we're having today is, like, I'm chasing significance versus success, meaning I'm chasing internals versus externals.

George B. Thomas: 22:28

And so some of the times, I think this ends up being a a thing that we battle with because we often have this disconnect because our values don't align with what we're chasing. Like, we go after things that society says are successful, money or prestige, without actually taking the time, kind of like you did, and and asking if those things, those externals align with what we actually give 2 craps about, what we care about. And when we do achieve those things, by the way, those, hey. If you do this, it's gonna mean this about you. They can feel really empty because they don't connect with our deeper desire for creativity, connection, or meaning.

George B. Thomas: 23:13

And it's literally like we've been climbing a mountain only to realize it wasn't the mountain we wanted to climb and how much energy and time did we waste climbing that mountain. I mean, no wonder we feel unfulfilled even after reaching big milestones. They're the wrong dang milestones. And and, Liz, something that is real interesting too where my brain goes here, we have to talk about this comparison culture that we live in, especially in this, you know, teenage years, maybe twenties, social media age. It feels like and this is one of the reasons why I try to stay off of social media as much as possible while I don't have a problem paying my daughter as, you know, money to do social, while I even love the idea of embracing HubSpot's new AI agent for social media because when I think about what it does, it it bombards me with other people's highlight reels.

George B. Thomas: 24:16

I don't I don't know if you have the same thing. I don't know if the listeners deal with this, but it's like, feel great about what you've accomplished

Liz Moorehead: 24:23

for

George B. Thomas: 24:23

a second. Because then you scroll through your feed, and suddenly, you see someone with a bigger house. You see somebody with a better vacation. You see somebody with more likes. What you don't see is the debt that they went in to actually get that house or go on that vacation.

George B. Thomas: 24:37

But your brain doesn't work that way. You see these highlight reels, and you're like, oh, my life sucks. And and, like, rationally, we know it. It's just a curated version of their life. It's what they want everybody to think or believe, but but emotionally, like, it hits hard.

George B. Thomas: 24:54

And suddenly, we feel like we're not enough, which is a terrible place to be in when you're trying to not be stuck and you're trying to live a life beyond your default. This comparison culture, Liz, can drive us to chase goals that might not even make us happy. The big house, the being married, the whatever, like, the thing. Right? Just because we feel like we need to keep up with the highlight reels of those humans that we see, frankly, it's freaking exhausting.

George B. Thomas: 25:25

And for me, personally, I don't know about you lizard listeners, it leaves us kind of disconnected from our own sense of fulfillment. But, Liz, I'm curious from your side of the fence, like, what are your thoughts on on this?

Liz Moorehead: 25:38

I wanna cosign on everything you just said because I think, you know, this is something I've written about in the newsletter before, beyond your default.comforward/newsletter. But this idea of do you are you chasing what you actually want or what you think you should want? Because I was the girl living in a big half $1,000,000 house in the nice neighborhood with all the things and then the dogs and the big backyard and then miserable, was unhappy. The call was coming from inside the house.

George B. Thomas: 26:05

Yeah.

Liz Moorehead: 26:05

And there was this moment where my ex husband and I and we've actually been able to find a way to to stay friends. It's been kinda interesting as we've gone through this process. But

George B. Thomas: 26:16

That is not my story with my ex, but go ahead.

Liz Moorehead: 26:19

There was this moment before everything kinda fell apart, and I was just sitting outside in our backyard, and I just blurted out, why does it feel like no one's lived here in a really long time? And he he, without thinking, said, because I'm not sure anybody has. And it both it kind of freaked us both out, and we just kind of both walked away. And that's what happens. You end up with good people in situations that become toxic, that calcify.

Liz Moorehead: 26:43

And sometimes that happens on an individual level where we chase the things that we think we're supposed to want, and we check all the boxes. And for some reason, the more happy boxes we check, the unhappier we get. So that's one piece. Yeah. But then there are the experiences where you are actually getting the thing that is aligned with you and you still reject it like a bad organ transplant, if you even recognize it at all.

Liz Moorehead: 27:07

For example, let's say you want to have an ex a romantic relationship where you get to show up and it's healthy and it's vulnerable and it has all of these elements that you want. If vulnerability has been something you have struggled with in the past, meaning you haven't felt safe to be vulnerable in the past, which is why you want to be with a partner who makes you feel psychologically safe, you know what's gonna happen? You're gonna try to kill the baby. You are going to have a fight or flight response because that happiness, my friends, is identified by reflex, by your subconscious, and your psychology as a threat. So for example, let's say we're gonna use air quotes.

Liz Moorehead: 27:50

Hypothetically, you are someone who wants that, but you had to acknowledge yourself, hey, Liz. Why did you stay? And it's because I was in a position where where I didn't have to be vulnerable, which meant even when things were at their worst, I had a measure of safety and security. Because of the home life I grew up in, there is a level of threat and fear that comes with actually being vulnerable with another person. So we have to understand that we're gonna have those moments where we're gonna be met with the thing that we want, but our programming is to initially kill the baby.

Liz Moorehead: 28:24

This is a threat. I understand this intellectually is what's gonna make you happy, but this is this is too much.

George B. Thomas: 28:29

I think there's a an added, like, double click into that of, like, why are you there? Why did you stay? Because we also go, like, well, if I don't, they'll judge me. Who are they? Like, it depends on your life and who you immediately think of.

George B. Thomas: 28:44

But to be honest with you, they probably won't and they probably will, but they will also probably show up in a way of, like, we wondered why you were doing that anyway.

Liz Moorehead: 28:54

Oh, as someone who just went through that, I will be perfectly honest with you and say there will be people who judge you. But then you learn that is more like if I'm sitting there telling you I am unhappy, in fact, I'm pretty sure no one is winning in this situation, that this is a really well packaged disaster. Do you really wanna give up the house? Do you really want it it actually became nothing about feelings or the person. It was, well, you have everything that you want.

Liz Moorehead: 29:20

So those are connections that, quite frankly, okay Bye bye. Go off. Be free. So there's that piece of it. But then there's also even if you're willing to let it in.

Liz Moorehead: 29:30

Well, what if I break it? What if I mess it up? Am I deserving of this? All of these stories come in because we are putting ourselves in a position to experience something wholly new and unknown. Yeah.

Liz Moorehead: 29:42

And our subconscious and that fleshy paperweight in our brain is desperately trying to keep us safe from reexperiencing pain, harm. So we may experience programming that runs counter to what we believe is logical. I get the happy relationship. I should just be happy. And then if you're programmed this way, you I had to sit down on the edge of my bed after a an experience of my whole life may be about to change in a very negative way from a health perspective, thank goodness it did not Yeah.

Liz Moorehead: 30:14

To realize my feelings were clouding my judgment of the facts. I was telling myself the worst story possible about my circumstances until I realized, Liz, you chucklehead. This is what you want. It's not just what you thought you wanted. This is what you want and is actually good for you.

Liz Moorehead: 30:34

And that veil of self deception lifted. Nothing changed about my circumstances. But what will happen is when you are deeply afraid, if there's something around the experience that you're having is pushing you into a comfort zone where you have to release control, where you have to actually leap into the unknown and really do it. Don't just do the Instagram version of it, where you are living a life that is different than anything you had ever planned. You have to accept the fact that some of that is just going to feel uncomfortable.

Liz Moorehead: 31:05

That means you're gonna start telling yourself these negative stories.

George B. Thomas: 31:08

Yeah.

Liz Moorehead: 31:09

Those are some of my thoughts that I wanna add on to what you're talking about because you're absolutely right. The way we are taught to think about what happiness is, I think, often contributes to this feeling of disconnect. Right? Because say that that thing like, how many times have you and I heard stories of somebody getting this opportunity that they really want, but they think of it negatively because they're worried about what other people might think, whether that's personal, professional, romantic. This guy is perfect to me.

Liz Moorehead: 31:34

What from what will my parents think? Oh, I really want this job, but I don't know. You know, like, all of these things where it's like, man, we live in a society that preaches individualism and chasing life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, but only under a specific set of conditions. I don't think so.

George B. Thomas: 31:50

The pursuit of happiness, by the way, be careful with that because it's the pursuit of happiness that actually creates the happiness paradox. Oh, I understand. Sometimes you just have to realize, like, being happy is being able to just sit in it, not chase it. Like, so many times you like, if you try to chase a butterfly, it's almost impossible. But if you just sit there, many times it'll just land on you.

George B. Thomas: 32:10

Anyway, I'll quit waxing philosophical. Like, it's hard to achieve, but it's a magic place when you get there, is not giving 2 craps what they think and giving all the craps about what you think.

Liz Moorehead: 32:25

I wanna say yes, and. It's a genuine yes, and, not one of those yes, ands where you can tell somebody watched it, so

George B. Thomas: 32:32

you should be

Liz Moorehead: 32:32

forced and that it's not a but. Yeah. It's a yes and. It is not giving a crap what other people think, giving a crap what you think, but also being mindful of, like, there are some peep like, George, I give a crap what you think. Yeah.

Liz Moorehead: 32:44

Like, not you're not gonna be in the room for every single one of my decisions, but it's okay to give a crap about what the right people think.

George B. Thomas: 32:52

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Very good very good point to add in there.

Liz Moorehead: 32:56

But you have to learn yourself first, though. Like, I can't to to be very clear on why it's a genuine yes and, I had a disagreement with a friend of mine recently who was quite frankly very hurt that I you knew I had been moving back to Maryland for months.

George B. Thomas: 33:09

Yeah.

Liz Moorehead: 33:10

Many of the people in Connecticut did not. In fact, there was one person who I waited to tell very late. Well, he and I finally had a conversation about it, and I said, 2 things are true. I recognize exactly where you're coming from, and let me explain why this happened. I spent almost 2 decades or more programming myself to make decisions based on what other people think

George B. Thomas: 33:30

Yes.

Liz Moorehead: 33:31

To the point where I would look in the mirror and not know if I was wearing an outfit, if it's because I actually liked it, or if it's because I thought I was who I was supposed to be or all of these different things. Like, I I literally did not know who I was or what I wanted. And I said, on hindsight, what I did was kind of an overcorrection, but I needed everybody out of the room while I made a decision. And I had to be very careful about who I told and when because I needed to not walk away feeling like I was doing something wrong, be doing something I was right.

George B. Thomas: 34:03

Yep.

Liz Moorehead: 34:03

And you were one of the last people I told because you mean so much to me, and I was so worried about what was gonna happen. We're fine now. Yeah. And he ended up understanding. But to your point, this is why it's a yes and.

Liz Moorehead: 34:13

If you have historically been a peep pleaser to the point of self destruction where you look in the mirror and you're like, is this my beautiful life? Is this my beautiful house? Like, that talking head song, but, like, in the worst way possible, you kinda have to relearn how to make promises to yourself that you actually want to keep and understand why you're making the decision that you wanna make. Then you get to decide about whose opinions you care about, but you have to learn to repair that relationship with yourself first.

George B. Thomas: 34:38

Yeah.

Liz Moorehead: 34:39

I wanna dig into a very specific segment of the population. You know, the population who tends to listen to this episode. We got our our high achievers, right, our people who like the idea of a growth mindset. But if you listen to our growth mindset episode in the healthy way, not in the toxic self destructive way. Why do you think we see this a lot with high achievers who sometimes struggle to recognize or embrace their own happiness when it arrives?

Liz Moorehead: 35:06

Because everybody succumbs to this, But, man, when we're in our groups of people, all of us are happy and not happy at the same time. It is wild to me.

George B. Thomas: 35:14

I'm gonna do my best to answer this question like I'm not talking about myself. See, high achievers, we, I, they, struggle with embracing my, our happiness.

Liz Moorehead: 35:29

Friends, Romans, fellow,

George B. Thomas: 35:30

failing countrymen. Be because we're always chasing the next big thing, Liz. Like, success is often for high achievers a moving target. Once we reach a goal or get very, very close to a goal, instead of taking time to celebrate it, we have already moved on to the next one. I mean, I talked about my inbound story at the beginning of this podcast.

George B. Thomas: 35:52

Like, I was already on to a next thing. I can even say this about, like, the money that I've earned over the years. Like, I'll be happy when I make 60,000. All of a sudden in 2013, when I worked for Marcus Sheridan, that was happening. I'll be happy when I make a 125,000.

George B. Thomas: 36:09

When we got acquired by Impact Brand and Design, that was happening, but it wasn't. I just kept moving it or, like and there's so much that we do this in our life. Like, this mindset makes it hard to slow down and appreciate the moment because in our minds, in their minds, in my mind, there's always something more to accomplish, the the next big thing. I also think that and I'm phoning this this one in for a friend. Perfectionism, it plays a significant role here.

George B. Thomas: 36:37

As high achievers, we set these incredibly high standards, not just for others, but for ourselves. Even when we reach important milestones, we tend to downplay the success or allow ourselves to 0 in on what didn't go perfectly. Liz, I'm just a guy. I say this, I'm just a guy because of this thing that I'm talking about right now. Like, it creates a situation where nothing is ever good enough, making it challenging to feel the happiness, the joy that should come from the success or successes that are happening to these high achievers.

George B. Thomas: 37:17

That there's also again, talking about everybody except for myself, not really. There's also, like, a fear that if we stop to relish our achievements, we'll lose the momentum and fall behind. Falling behind is one of my biggest fears. You see, we tend to tie our self worth to our productivity, to our output, and we kind of always are thinking that happiness will come if we just achieve just a little bit more. If I just start another business, if I just do another podcast, the irony here is that happiness is often already present in our lives.

George B. Thomas: 38:02

People just don't stop long enough to actually notice that it's freaking here, which goes back to the beginning of our conversation that you're having. And I'm like, sometimes we just need to realize, like, we're doing way better than we thought we were, and we're actually happy if we just shut our dang brains off. But, Liz, I think there's one other thing I wanna mention here, and that is, again, the external pressure for high achievers in that whole not social comparison, but just comparison comes into play. We, as high achievers, are usually surrounded by other successful humans and that makes it way easier for us to minimize our own accomplishments. I'll never be Gary v.

George B. Thomas: 38:45

I'll never be Jay Shetty. When when everyone around you is winning, it's tough not to feel like you need to do more which can then, again, overshadow the happiness that you've actually learned. And sometimes you just have to realize the only thing I can be is the best George b Thomas. Liz, what do you have brewing in the cranium of yours? I saw you, like, have a visceral response to a couple of the things that I said.

Liz Moorehead: 39:11

Yeah. Particularly the idea of, do you have to go build something holding new, or do you already have that opportunity you're looking for in your front yard? Right? It's this idea of I think this is something we also come to. Do you actually need a new car?

Liz Moorehead: 39:23

Do you just need to take the car you have for a car wash and maybe give it a little tune up? Do you already have the tools that you already need? Do you actually have to have something fresh and wholly new? I was thinking about it, an experience I had actually around the work that we do with Beyond Your Default. And, you know, it's you know, I've always wanted to be a writer.

Liz Moorehead: 39:41

This is the personal growth area is something that I've always really worked hard in. And I remember before we started doing beyond your default, I just kept feeling like I have to create this wholly new thing. And then it turned out the opportunity was something already in my backyard, and that Yep. Ended up and I think we expect these things to show up and just be massive and grand when really the great works that we will ever create are the ones that begin in our own garden, not in the gardens found somewhere else.

George B. Thomas: 40:10

Yes. Yeah.

Liz Moorehead: 40:10

You know, you may bring the flowers from your own garden into someone else's, but the strongest crops we will ever till and cultivate will be our own.

George B. Thomas: 40:18

I I love that so much. And, Liz, it's funny, not to interrupt you, but you're literally unlocking something in my brain. I jokingly said at the beginning of this episode, yeah. I sent Liz 14 ebooks over the weekend. And my brain wants to say that that was nothing.

George B. Thomas: 40:34

It was no big deal. But as I hear you talking, my brain goes, do you not realize the massive boulder that you just lifted so that in 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, you'll be able to throw it into the pond of life? And do you not understand the tsunami that is about to take place? And I would say no. At the moment, I didn't, but in the moment of our conversation, I do.

George B. Thomas: 40:58

And so sometimes it it because we become so good at something, because we streamline as high achievers the processes, sometimes we feel like it's not that big a deal when, actually, we are doing Herculean efforts to mere mortal humans who look and go, how are they doing all of that? Yet we're here going, that was nothing.

Liz Moorehead: 41:20

Oh, yeah. Absolutely. The other piece of it too, I will say, that jumps out of my mind about high achievers specifically is, let's face it, kittens. We're control freaks. We don't wanna

George B. Thomas: 41:30

You're obviously talking about anybody but me. Right? Absolutely. Okay. Okay.

Liz Moorehead: 41:34

The thing. We say things like, oh, I know the outcome I wanna achieve. I don't care how we get there or what it looks like. Wrong. But that's human nature.

Liz Moorehead: 41:43

Right?

George B. Thomas: 41:43

Get out of my head.

Liz Moorehead: 41:45

I know. It's this thing of all I want is to have, let's just say, happy, successful, healthy relationship with someone who is emotionally available.

George B. Thomas: 41:56

Yeah.

Liz Moorehead: 41:57

We there's passion, there's mutual attraction, there's trust, there's humor, there's longevity, there's all of the things

George B. Thomas: 42:02

That's a list.

Liz Moorehead: 42:02

That make it a long term partnership. Right? But he has to be exactly this height. We have to meet this way. We cannot meet that way.

Liz Moorehead: 42:10

What do you mean he's not here yet? Of course, we're gonna meet naturally and organically. Is he here yet? You know, like, it's and that's just like a very basic example, but I want to leave a ding in the universe. I wanna do x y z.

Liz Moorehead: 42:26

Whatever that ends up looking like, I'm okay with. I know these things come about organically. So here's the 18,000 step plan. If we don't follow this exactly to the letter, I don't care what the outcome looks like. We will have failed.

Liz Moorehead: 42:38

Right? We get very hung up on you know, because you and I have talked about you believe in the power of prayer. So do I. Some people call that actual prayer in a connection with God. Some people call that more kind of, like, manifestation, and some people just call that agency.

Liz Moorehead: 42:55

I sit down and decide what I want. I understand that if I act in certain ways that are accordance with what I actually want, it will show up. It will just happen, whether that's the flying spaghetti monster, God, the universe, or just our secular abilities to be free will wielding humans.

George B. Thomas: 43:11

Yeah.

Liz Moorehead: 43:11

Right? But we get way too hung up on the how. We get way too hung up on it has to look exactly like this or it's not the thing. Right? If you had told me last year to design what a free life looked like, it would not be this.

Liz Moorehead: 43:27

Yeah. It would not be this. It would be wildly different and probably not as free because I didn't know how to define free. I didn't know what that actually meant. You know, when you when you try to define these things within an inch of their lives and then control things with such a grasp.

Liz Moorehead: 43:44

Right? It's a clenched fist. And when you have your fist clenched around an opportunity, you will never give it the oxygen to take a true shape. You will always be restricting it to be a very specific form. It also doesn't allow any room for your wants and desires to evolve.

George B. Thomas: 44:02

Yeah. It's interesting because as you're talking about that, I I'm just being real. I actually think I don't do that. I think I am actually good on that level. Could I be better?

George B. Thomas: 44:12

Yes. But I give things a lot of room to breathe and a lot of room to, like, pivot or transition into spaces or places they need to be. But I do agree with you that I have seen so many I'm thinking of an actual friend. We'll call him Keith. That's not his name.

George B. Thomas: 44:29

But we've literally had conversations of, like, bro, you gotta let go and let god, brother. Like, you can't you can't control every freaking piece of your business and your life and your wife and your like, dude, you're gonna have an aneurysm. Like, chill out, Keith. And but he's a high achiever, and he falls in line to that thing of, like Well so tight, so clenched.

Liz Moorehead: 44:56

Well, because in order to let go, it's not just the simple act of release. It's the not so simple act of acknowledging what it is you're actually afraid of.

George B. Thomas: 45:04

Facts.

Liz Moorehead: 45:04

Because if you let go of something, sometimes something isn't going to expand. Right? Something isn't gonna grow into something bigger or more beautiful. Sometimes you have to contend with the fact that when you let go of something, you're gonna realize the only reason it was there was because you were clinging to it. And it has been gone for ages if it was ever there to begin with.

Liz Moorehead: 45:23

And those I had an experience like that, quite frankly, about a month or so ago. I said, what would happen if I just let go? And I knew I knew the moment I let go, my worst fears were going to be confirmed. It was a relationship that was only there because I was holding on. And the moment I released, it didn't disappear.

Liz Moorehead: 45:44

It was already gone.

George B. Thomas: 45:45

Yep.

Liz Moorehead: 45:46

But you know what? That was a gut punch I needed to take because it left room for other things. Like, those are the things we have to do. We oftentimes, we we have these exertions of control in our lives because we believe that if we are not hyper focused on every element, it's not going to show up. Do you know what humans are a 100% bad at almost all the time?

Liz Moorehead: 46:08

Predicting the future, we never a 100% get it right.

George B. Thomas: 46:11

See, I'm so glad I bought that crystal ball at the flea market, like, 5 years ago. I've been killing

Liz Moorehead: 46:16

it. Man.

George B. Thomas: 46:16

I've been killing it.

Liz Moorehead: 46:17

You're like you're like the guy who bought half a stock at 85. Rude.

George B. Thomas: 46:21

I know. Right? So I don't have a crystal ball. I'm joking, people.

Liz Moorehead: 46:25

So there are lots of different ways, obviously, that this type of happiness paradox can manifest itself. But I would be curious, in your experience, how can someone reframe their mindset or approach when they experience that disconnect between their feelings and the happiness or success that's sitting right in front of them.

George B. Thomas: 46:41

Yeah. And, again, I'm gonna try to talk through this piece like I've got this all figured out, but I don't. Liz, when when this question came through, I had to really sit down and think about this one. But I think one of the most powerful ways to reframe, and I think that's a key word right there, the mindset when you feel that disconnect is to practice presence. We humans are often future focused, always thinking about the next goal, but happiness lives in the present.

George B. Thomas: 47:12

So if we try to make it a habit to pause and really take in, like, the current achievement or achievements that are taking place, And when I say pause, what I what I want you to do is reflect on how far you've come. As you know, I have this whiteboard, and I I refuse to erase it because it says I've come a long way since 2013, and I have. Daily, when I walk in and out of this office, I can reflect on how far I've come. What mechanism do you, listeners, do you, Liv Liz, have in your life where you can see how far you've come from where you started? I mean, it might seem simple, but taking that moment or those moments to appreciate the journey, they can bring great joy.

George B. Thomas: 47:56

One of the things I love is getting on podcast as being interviewed and being able to tell the story of the journey because it is a manufactured reflection of all of the things that have been freaking amazing that I probably didn't pay attention to as I was going through it, but have to pay attention to it as I tell the stories. Redefining success on your own terms is another thing that I think is key. We kind of alluded to this earlier of, like, comparison, but what what does success look like in your terms instead of measuring it by external matters? Years ago, I started to say this, and I just still don't care. Titles.

George B. Thomas: 48:40

I don't give a 2 squats about CEO, CMO. At one of my jobs, I was an inbound evangelist. What the is that even? I don't nobody can tell you what it is, but that was my title. Right now, my title, even though owner of, like, multiple companies, it's, like, chief HubSpot helper.

Liz Moorehead: 48:58

Okay. My favorite. Yeah. Mine is content therapist, I think.

George B. Thomas: 49:01

Yeah. I don't care about titles. Another one is money. I have this really weird mindset towards money now where it's less of that I want it or need it, but more of it's just a resource to do things that need to be done inside the business and inside of life. And and so for you, you have to stop and think about what success means at a deeper level.

George B. Thomas: 49:22

It might mean for you building meaningful relationships. It might mean for you finding balance. That's a key part for myself. Like, I am always trying to find ways, and I like the word integration better than I like balance, but that's probably because I'm also part nerd. But finding that integration to work and personal and and family and the enjoyment of success, but finding balance or, you know, growing in a way that matters to you, whatever that is.

George B. Thomas: 49:50

When you align your goals, your true goals with what genuinely fulfills you, happiness becomes part of success, not something that we're chasing after. Like and I I said when you said the words, because I'm I know where they come from. I know that it's our forefathers, but the pursuit of happiness might be, like, the worst thing that we've ever been told or that we think. Because, again, I don't like this idea of chasing it. But the thing that I wanna put a stake in the ground right here is, like, there's been so many conversations I've had with people, and I'd be like, so what makes you happy?

George B. Thomas: 50:25

And their response is like, I don't know. You have to take time. Sit by the tree, in a field, wherever, and understand, like, what makes me happy. And once you know that, then the the magic becomes not forgetting to celebrate the small wins alongside the big wins. We humans, I am talking about myself, we often jump from one goal to the next without pause.

George B. Thomas: 50:50

We don't recognize the success of the smaller steps. We don't realize those smaller steps were probably Herculean steps, to be honest with you. And if we do pause, if we do think, if we do allow ourselves to add up the success metrics that truly matter to us, and, again, in a healthy way that doesn't become egotistical or narcissistic, but is at least a balance of a true sense of what we're doing and who we are, this gets us to a sense of fulfillment. It's the 1% better. It's about enjoying the daily progress, not just waiting around for the big moments.

George B. Thomas: 51:27

Not just waiting around for the big moments, Liz. About Liz, do you have any, like, bonus thoughts, tips, other conversations we need to have here?

Liz Moorehead: 51:35

Yeah. I would say a couple of things. First of all, number 1, maybe I'm only speaking for me, but at least in my experience, I don't consider a happy thing to have arrived until I feel it. I think I, for a really long time in my programming, had it as, well, happiness is something you feel. So until I feel it, I'm not happy.

Liz Moorehead: 51:54

And that's not necessarily the case depending on your programming. Right? We've spent a lot of time talking about the fact that, like, sometimes you can have the thing you want sitting right in front of you, and you're just like, what are you? Why are you here? I don't like you.

Liz Moorehead: 52:05

You make me feel uncomfortable. Right? So I think sometimes we have to acknowledge that when we get those things that we want, it's not necessarily going to elicit the feeling response that we expect. So to use your feelings always as the trigger response, it's not always gonna be accurate. The other thing I will say are a few things.

Liz Moorehead: 52:27

1, allow yourself to have complex feelings. Right? Because if you are chasing after things that you will genuinely make you happy, these are not self destructive things. These are not things society are telling you should want. Right?

Liz Moorehead: 52:39

You may have complex feelings about it because going against the grain of society or going against the grain of what you have decided to do for yourself and your whole life may bring up complicated feelings at first as you experience something new, as you step into genuinely unknown spaces, as you put yourself in a position of having to learn new things, to not totally always be the expert. Right? Often, happiness brings with it a sense of new opportunity, which means we are going to have to learn how to be in that healthy relationship, how to run that new business, how to speak on bigger stages, how to promote a book alongside doing whatever it is within your business. Right? You are going to experience complex feelings.

Liz Moorehead: 53:22

Don't throw toxic positivity at it. Allow yourself to feel exactly what it is that you're feeling and approaching your feelings from a place of curiosity rather than judgment. Perfect example. I had a disagreement with a friend months ago, and I was kinda pissy in my head about it in my in my head, and he's like, alright. Let's go ahead and plan our annual brewery trip.

Liz Moorehead: 53:42

And in my head, I'm like, I don't wanna do that. That's the last thing I wanna do. I wanna see you. You're a butthead. But, intellectually, I earmarked that feeling and went, you are being a child.

Liz Moorehead: 53:52

Make the plans. And then when you've cooled off a little bit, let's ask ourselves what this feeling was trying to tell us. Don't judge yourself for having feelings. Say, well, what is this feeling? Why is it here?

Liz Moorehead: 54:03

Where does it come from? Does it actually have a name? There's this really interesting activity I've been doing over the past few weeks where I have this app where it will prompt you and it'll say, well, what are you feeling? Positive, neutral, or negative? And then they'll say, okay.

Liz Moorehead: 54:15

So what is this positive feeling? Name it. What is this neutral feeling? Name it. And I was surprised.

Liz Moorehead: 54:21

One of the positive is, well, I just feel happy. It's like, well, no. Actually, I feel trusting. Well, why do I feel trusting? Naming our feelings sometimes, being curious about them without judgment can often really help us understand where we are and why we're feeling the way we're feeling.

Liz Moorehead: 54:35

And then finally, I haven't mentioned this as something you should do in a while, which means it's time for me to bring it up. Kittens, if you have trauma that is making it hard for you to be happy or trusting or vulnerable, go to therapy. Meet with a professional. Sometimes there is no growth mindset worksheet in the world that is going to take the place of the fact that maybe you have trust issues because of stuff that happened a long time ago. I am doing all of this work on my own.

Liz Moorehead: 55:03

I'm doing all of my growth mindset work on my own. I have my apps. I have my systems. I have all these different things I'm doing. And then twice a month, I meet with somebody because, like, childhood was not fun.

Liz Moorehead: 55:12

My parents taught me some really messed up things about love and relationships and not being there for people, which makes it really hard for me to feel safe in emotionally vulnerable situations.

George B. Thomas: 55:23

Which, by the way, I'll just throw out you coulda had the best childhood on the planet. Life is still gonna life. It's not a bad thing to have somebody to be able to talk to about it knowing that it's just not gonna go anywhere else. Like, some sometimes we don't have that friend. Therefore, it's time to, air quotes, hire a friend that we can freaking just unpack some of the ish that we go through or the ish that people put us through just so we can show up a a little bit better each and every day.

Liz Moorehead: 55:54

I love that because I consider my therapist like a strategic adviser.

George B. Thomas: 55:58

Yeah. Yeah.

Liz Moorehead: 55:59

I just need an expert third party opinion. For example, the same reason why people hire me, because I am a niche expert in the field of content.

George B. Thomas: 56:08

Yeah.

Liz Moorehead: 56:09

Sometimes I need a niche expert in the area of what is happening in my brain and why. Right? Like, there are times where, you know, is okay, and it is what needs to be done. Right? So it is this blend of reframing the stories that we tell ourselves, understanding the feelings mix that may actually come up when you are presented with wholly new opportunities of happiness.

Liz Moorehead: 56:31

But sometimes it's also just acknowledging our story and acknowledging that sometimes we just need to talk through a few things. That it's not about a worksheet. It's about working with somebody who is built to handle these types of things. What strategies can high achievers use to prevent that kind of burnout or dissatisfaction when those external accomplishments don't align with their feelings of happiness?

George B. Thomas: 56:51

Yeah. I mean, burnout. It is a huge issue, especially when we kinda like we've talked here. We get caught up on our goals. We forget we're human beings.

George B. Thomas: 57:02

We try to treat ourselves like we're machines, and we're not. So many of us, we sacrifice sleep. We sacrifice joy. Some of us even sacrifice relationships for this word that is success. And we do this because we tell ourselves that we'll rest after the next milestone, or I'll sleep when I'm dead.

George B. Thomas: 57:22

I hate that phrase, by the way. The unfortunate thing about I'll rest after the next milestone is that you're just gonna make sure there's another milestone. And before we know it, we're burned out, and suddenly success feels like more of a burden than a win. I don't know if you're in that place now, if you've been in that place historically, but I hope that you're not in that place in the future. Because when success feels more like a burden, we have climbed the wrong mountain.

George B. Thomas: 57:50

We have unpacked the wrong box. We are in the wrong place. And and so, Liz, to answer your question, like, something that's been huge for me and, again, I know I've talked about a couple times the whole play, pray, make their day thing. But when I talk about that, part of what I'm talking about is this practicing gratitude. Just, again, for all the small things, for all the big things, for all the things, like, when you're like, I am grateful that I woke up this morning.

George B. Thomas: 58:16

I'm grateful that I can breathe right now. I'm grateful that we have x y z a b c. That's a game changer in preventing burnout. We, humans, and if we're still going in that, like, tight vertical of high achievers no. I'll just say humans.

George B. Thomas: 58:30

We overlook our accomplishments many times because we're focused on the next challenge. And so this idea of daily gratitude practice, whether it be in the morning or whether it be in the evening when you lay your head in bed, to recognize what you've already achieved and appreciate the journey, not just the destination, is is a huge thing. Like, celebrating that progress instead of celebrating the results. There's a big difference there, progress versus results. Often, us humans, we only celebrate when we hit those big goals, which leaves us feeling like we're never doing enough.

George B. Thomas: 59:04

And so these small wins, this incremental progress, it creates a sense of ongoing momentum and satisfaction, which helps prevent this burnout because now we're, like, stopping at a gas station and filling up every so often instead of trying to drive clear across the United States or whatever country you're in before you actually refuel. Remembering that your work should connect to something bigger, I think, is huge too. External rewards. Again, people have heard on this podcast if they've been listening for any length of time, like, the ripples. Right?

George B. Thomas: 59:43

And if I tie this remembering that your work should connect to something bigger, I also go to the superhuman framework and the fact that it it's not a coincidence that the four cornerstones are love, purpose, passion, and persistence. Like, it's something bigger. If there's not a mistake, it wasn't a mistake that one of the 10 h pillars is holiness. It's about something bigger. When when we tie our efforts to a sense of purpose, whether it's helping others, it's making an impact, or or aligning with your values, you have this ability to then create a deeper fulfillment that keeps you grounded even when external success doesn't quite align with the internal happiness, but at least you're grounded in those moments.

George B. Thomas: 01:00:30

So that's kind of how I try to unpack it, how I play with this kind of concept, and definitely why those pieces of the superhuman framework have been built, especially around this topic of, like, burnout and filling up your tank along the way. So, Liz, we've had a huge journey here around the happiness paradox. So what's the one thing that you hope the listeners, take away from today's conversation?

Liz Moorehead: 01:00:58

Mine is very simple. If you related to any of the stuff that we talked about today, 1, you are not a weirdo, and you're not broken, and you're not alone. This is way more common than you think it is. This whole conversation was not oriented around the idea of fixing you. You are wonderful just as you are, and this is about bringing recognition to that.

Liz Moorehead: 01:01:18

George, what about you?

George B. Thomas: 01:01:19

Yeah. My one thing is, be able to answer the question, what makes me happy? And when you can truly answer the question, what makes me happy, then the next thing that I want you to do is not just chase it. Sure. There's gonna be hard work.

George B. Thomas: 01:01:35

You're gonna have to put things in place, but the first thing I want you to do is I want you to sit in it. I want you to imagine it. I want you to believe it. Because if you can manufacture it in your mind and you can marinate on it and you can see it, then once you're doing the work, once you're taking the steps, once you're manufacturing the journey, you've mentally kind of been there. You mentally kind of understand what you need, where to go, what to do, but it is less of a chase.

George B. Thomas: 01:02:07

It's more of an understanding and then when you get to it just enjoy it. Because trust me, it won't be too long knowing you, knowing me before we set back out on another journey to reach a point beyond your default.