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Are you feeling swamped by the demands of being a principal? From juggling emails, calls, and decisions to boosting test scores and wading through endless paperwork, the pressure is real.
But imagine a scenario where you no longer feel this overwhelming stress. Picture yourself as a more resilient leader, concentrating on enhancing your school rather than merely coping with the daily tasks that currently consume your time.
I‘m Barb Flowers. Drawing upon my eight-year experience as an elementary principal, with a Ph.D. in Educational Leadership and certification as a life coach, Along the way, I've mentored and coached school leaders, guiding them to change their mindset, set boundaries and focus on their own well-being while navigating their roles.
Each episode offers practical insights on time management, communication, overcoming overwhelm, boosting confidence, and fostering a positive mindset. We'll also discuss topics like working with stakeholders, implementing new initiatives, and managing discipline. Let's set boundaries, focus on well-being, and reignite your passion for being a principal. Welcome to "The Principal's Handbook."
I firmly believe that to be an impactful educator, you must first become a confident and well-rounded individual. Join us in this journey to empower and enhance your confidence as a school leader.
When Leadership Feels Off As a Principal
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[00:00:00] Today we're talking about when leadership feels off as a principal. That's all coming up next right here on the Principal's Handbook.
Speaker: Welcome to the Principal's Handbook, your go-to resource for principals looking to revamp their leadership approach and prioritize self-care. I'm Barb Flowers, a certified life coach with eight years of experience as an elementary principal. Tune in each week as we delve into strategies for boosting mental resilience, managing time effectively, and nurturing overall wellness.
From tackling daily challenges to maintaining a healthy work-life balance. We'll navigate the complexities of school leadership together. Join me in fostering your sense of purpose as a principal and reigniting your passion for the job. Welcome to a podcast where your wellbeing is the top priority. I.
Hey everyone. Welcome to the podcast. Today we are talking about when leadership feels off, and this [00:01:00] episode is really for principals who do well on paper, everything looks great from the outside, the school is functioning, expectations are being met.
Teachers are feeling supported with your leadership. Nothing's on fire. But yet leadership feels very heavy for you or like something is off. So if you've ever thought I should feel more fulfillment in my current role, it really is a weird feeling. It's not really a feeling about burnout.
And I've felt burnt out before where you just, , you lose your sense of purpose and care and all of that. It's different than that, and it's not really about needing a new strategy and leadership. It's not about you feeling like you're failing. Like you might be getting your performance reviews from your supervisor and they're happy with your performance and everything's going well, or maybe they're not happy with your performance because they're thinking you could step it up to the next level, whatever that is.
, I want you to think about what is going on when you're [00:02:00] having that feeling like something is feeling off. and a lot of times what happens is we feel like we're in isolation, right? Like we don't feel like we should talk about what's wrong, because technically nothing's wrong. We don't feel like we should necessarily get support. Because what do we need support for?
We're not even sure everything's going well. , And you also have thoughts like other principles have it worse. I should be more grateful for this role that I have. There's no clear problem. What's wrong with me? I can say all of this because I have felt this exact way.
I worked in a building that was a great building. It was a great community. I had a lot of support. I had everything that I needed to have that school thriving, and it really was a great school to work in. But something just felt off for me. Something really felt like it wasn't right and I could not figure out what it was.
And I hired a life coach I knew it was something deeper . And I was really going on a journey trying to figure it out. And what I figured out over time is that I just needed something [00:03:00] different.
And so I decided to actually leave that role to focus on my business full time. And then when being in my business full time, I was like, I'm not ready to leave leadership and being a principal, so I'm back in another building. But I will tell you, that was just what I needed.. I needed the break.
I needed, some time in a different school and I feel completely renewed as a principal. And so if you're feeling like something is off, I really encourage you to just think about what is going on beneath the surface, because it's probably not surface level. A lot of times what we do when leadership feels off is we read another book, we listen to another podcast, we look for another system that we can implement.
But why that doesn't work is because the problem here isn't a skill gap in your leadership. It's not about the effort you're putting in. It's below the surface. It's more about your mindset, it's more about your thoughts. It's things that you might not ever really reflected on and thought about before.
And so I really encourage you, and [00:04:00] this is why I got into coaching, is because so often we think I just need another skill and I'm gonna be better at leadership. And that could be true for you, but it's probably not, , not that we don't need more skills, but more often than not, it's not a skill deficit.
It's a belief deficit in what we're trying to do. And so we have to remember that clarity doesn't always come from consuming more. It comes from understanding what we're carrying underneath the surface. , So I really want you to think about that power thought that clarity doesn't come from consuming more.
It comes from understanding what's happening below the surface but when you feel like leadership is off, I have four gaps that I've come up with after talking to clients and my own experiences about why this could be.
So today we're gonna briefly talk about these four gaps. If you want to dive deeper into reflection questions and more about each gap, you can download that free PDF. So the [00:05:00] first gap is the belief gap. So again, this isn't skill, it's you know what you're doing. You have the skills to be a great leader.
But you just don't fully trust yourself anymore. Maybe you got some feedback that is like ruminating in your head and you think of that feedback every time you go to make a decision. Or maybe a teacher made a comment to you where a parent made a comment to you that really has impacted your belief in yourself as a leader.
And , , it just creates decisions that linger in your mind. You can't make a quick decisive decision anymore because you've stopped trusting in yourself and. You stop believing that you're a good leader, and so leadership feels harder because your self-trust has eroded. And that's huge.
When you don't believe in yourself anymore as a leader, it really does make leadership hard. ? So that's the first gap is the belief gap. The second gap is the boundary gap. So you're carrying more than your role requires. So it's really easy in the role of a principle to take on other people's [00:06:00] emotions, their reactions.
And that's what you do. You take on other people's emotions. You take on their reactions. You feel like the outcome of every situation is your responsibility and leadership feels heavy because you're holding on to things that you shouldn't be carrying. As the principal, you don't have to carry everybody else's emotions.
You don't have to carry everybody else's opinions and thoughts. All of that you need to create a better boundary between you and the people that you lead. Okay, so that's another gap. Third gap is the alignment gap. So maybe you're really good at being a principal, you're really effective, but internally it's misaligned for you.
, Maybe you started out and you were super passionate about being a principal, but the role just no longer aligns to what you want. Or maybe you never really wanted to be a principal in the first place and you never took the time to think about that. Maybe it was just the next step after being a teacher and people told you would be good at it.
[00:07:00] So you thought, okay, I'll go be a principal. And then you did it and you're like, it just doesn't feel right. Okay. So that's an alignment gap that has to do with your identity, who you wanna be. And so you took on the role of leadership more, , because of obligation or habit instead of intention, and this is what I want for my life.
And then the fourth thing that could be a gap in your leadership is the season gap. So this is when your life has changed, so maybe your energy levels have changed. Maybe your priorities in what you want in life has changed. Maybe you've had personal circumstances that have shifted.
Maybe you were a principal before you had kids, and then you had kids and you don't wanna do it, or you have a baby and you don't wanna do it while you have a baby. , . Maybe leadership doesn't match the season that you're in, so that could be another gap.
Now, I just wanna say, all of these gaps are thoughts that you have, if you have a belief gap, you can definitely change those beliefs and get back to who [00:08:00] you wanna be as a principal. If you have a season gap and you decide. You wanna be a principal with a new baby and lead your school, you can do that.
I had a baby while being a principal, like you know it. These are decisions that are completely up to you. You can change all of these thoughts in these gaps. However, you have to become aware of what those gaps are.
And then decide if you want to change them or not. You might not want to change them. If it's an alignment gap and you decide you really never wanted to be a principal in the first place. It just kind of happened on accident. Then maybe that gives you some clarity and an answer on finding a different role.
I've talked to people who are principals who really are like, I should have been an instructional coach, and that's okay. No matter what you decide, it's your decision. And that's the great thing is you are an adult and you get to decide these things and you have to make decisions that are right for you.
But the most important part is figuring out. What those gaps are and bringing awareness to the decision. Okay, so if you want to dive into any of those four gaps [00:09:00] into more detail, download that free PDF. So I'm gonna say them one more time. It's the belief gap, the boundary gap, the alignment gap in the season gap.
So most principles hear these and know immediately if one of those match who you are and what you're dealing with. . I think personally, I think the belief gap is so common in principles. This is why I created the principles discipline blueprint. 'cause I think there's a belief, we have these thoughts somewhere that, if a parent gave us pushback on discipline, that we're not good at handling discipline, and so then it erodes our confidence.
We have issues about our beliefs and the way we think about ourselves handling those situations. And it can be really hard. . Again, it doesn't matter if you have any of those gaps, you can work through them. It's just underneath the surface and you need to know what that gap is. Bring awareness to it so that you are able to do the work to fix it so that you can move forward in a way that it's not going to affect your leadership in a negative way.
Because mindset, I just heard this from Brendan Burchard and it kind of blew my [00:10:00] mind. , He is like a very famous life coach and he was talking about. Mindset isn't who you are. Mindset is a lens that you look through. So if you're looking through a lens and a mindset of self doubt, it's going to. Impact your leadership so much.
It's really going to impact every day how you show up as a leader. So if you want to continue in your role and be a great leader for the people that you lead, then you have to work on your self-belief. You have to work on how you think about yourself. Okay? So I just wanna give you that shift. It's not a destiny that you can't be a principal if you have.
This belief gap, it just means you need to work on that skill. It's below the surface. It's not a typical skill that you would think of principals working on, like instructional leadership or getting better at discipline. It's more self-belief. It's more life coaching, , mindset coaching, things like that.
. So I just wanted to give you , that little caveat. All right, so I want you to really focus on when you figure out which one is you, , think about [00:11:00] what part of leadership feels heavier than it should right now. Identify which one feels heavy, not what's necessarily the loudest, not what's urgent, but what feels heavy.
Where are you second guessing yourself? Where are you carrying others' emotions? Where do you feel misaligned? Are you questioning if this role fits your season of life right now? And again, I'm a firm believer it doesn't matter your season of life, you can make it fit for you, but.
You also have the choice that if you don't want to do it at that point in your life, it's fine. You can always come back to it. That's the biggest thing I've learned from my shift from principal to working from home on my own business. Being back to principal, you can always go back, I was able to go back the next year and it wasn't a big deal, and so I feel like we get.
Stuck in, this is the biggest decision I ever have to make. But sometimes if you just step back a little bit and think about what would a year, give me maybe some more clarity, , maybe just to feel refreshed. That [00:12:00] can be really helpful for you. , So I want you to download , if this resonates, if what I'm saying resonates with you, download my free guide when Leadership Feels Off.
Dig into each of those four leadership gaps and see how they can help you. See how you can reflect on them and go deeper into it. And the other part of it is that if you really are struggling with one of those gaps, that's what I do. I do one-on-one coaching. For people who are struggling in different areas of leadership or just want coaching and support in different areas of leadership.
So you can schedule a free consultation with me, I'll put that in the show notes. , I always do that free consultation, see if coaching's a fit, see if we're a fit to work together, , because there is more under the surface and I like to get to that with clients, figure out what that is, and create a roadmap to help you so that you're able to be.
The best leader that you can be and feel aligned in the work that you're doing. Feel confident in your leadership. And if you love the show, if you're listing on Apple, scroll down in your app and leave a review. That [00:13:00] helps people find the show. So I really appreciate when you do that, but keep in mind that you have the power to shape your life according to the mindset you choose.
I hope you have a great week, and I'll see you back here next time.