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Every day you have a choice. You can wake up and choose to give in to mediocrity and complacency, you can choose bad habits and poor choices, and you can do the bare minimum to get by and fly under the radar. Or you can choose to make today the day that sets you apart from the crowd, you can choose to start doing the right things, the things that will set you up for success. You can choose to create a life that is worth living, worth waking up to, and worth sharing with the world around you. Today You can choose to start with a win.
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Speaker 2
that allows for more of a connection to happen and more of an authentic dialog to happen between manager and employee.
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Speaker 2
they don't feel that what they're contributing is being valued.
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Speaker 1
life doesn't get easier. You just get better.
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Speaker 1
So talk to me a little bit about burnout as a life coach.
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Speaker 1
Your perspective on it, what should we be looking for and how do we deal with that?
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Unknown
Welcome to start with a win where we unpack franchising, leadership and business growth. Let's go.
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Speaker 1
Coming to you from area 15 ventures and start with a win. Headquarters, it's Adam Contos with. Start with a win. Do you ever find yourself stuck in the same old patterns, wondering how to break free and achieve your full potential? Well, today I'd start with a win. We've got just the person to help you navigate that journey. Meet Khomeini would a certified life coach with a knack for guiding high achievers toward a more fulfilling life, both personally and professionally?
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Speaker 1
With her expertise in uncovering limiting beliefs and banishing self-doubt? Khomeini is all about empowering you to step into your greatness. So if you're ready to break free from what's holding you back, and I think we all are. Stick around and soak up Khamenei's wisdom. Trust me, you won't want to miss it.
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Speaker 1
Comedy. Welcome to start with a win
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Speaker 2
Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here.
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Speaker 1
Oh, awesome. Hey, can you tell us a little bit about yourself?
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Speaker 2
Well, sure. From, let me tell you a little bit about me, both personally and professionally. So personally, I am the mom to five lovely individuals, ranging from age to, from 22 down to ten. She would want me to say that she's almost 11. and also mom to two dogs. So that's me personally. Professionally, I am a coach.
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Speaker 2
I work with individuals 1 to 1 on how to get them to reach their own human potential. What does that mean? It means helping them understand themselves on a much deeper level, so that they can work through things that might be holding them back in order to reach whatever goals or aspirations that they have for themselves, whether personally or professionally.
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Speaker 1
Awesome. I'm a huge fan of this because, as everybody knows, I believe in order to get your business right, you have to get yourself right first. And so many businesses struggle because frankly, people people don't start their problems at work, they start their problems at home, and then they deliver them to work. And that really causes a lot of conflict and challenging situations for creating productivity, both personally as well as professionally.
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Speaker 1
And people are like, how come I'm not progressing? Well, maybe we have to work on ourselves first, but anyhow, can you? I want to talk a lot about personal growth leading into professional growth and success. we often hear about the importance of self-awareness in personal growth. Can you start there and give us some foundation for, you know, where do you begin when it comes to somebody's personal growth?
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Speaker 1
And how does that self-awareness play into it?
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Speaker 2
Well, I think self-awareness is that doorway to change, right? If we actually want to shift, we have to first become aware and make conscious what was maybe prior subconscious or something that we weren't paying attention to. So when doing personal growth work, so many people will say to me, comedy wise, read all the books, or I've been listening to these podcasts which have such great information that the reason why they don't stick is because we're not taking a step back and becoming more self-aware of what is actually present for ourselves, or what what are the stories and narratives that we're telling ourselves.
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Speaker 2
So when I'm working with people, I absolutely hone in on awareness is where we need to start. What are those stories we've been telling ourselves? One of those narratives we've been telling ourselves not because we want to sit around and, you know, victimize ourselves through those stories, but it's to then say, now that I'm aware of it, what?
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Speaker 2
How do I want to change or what what's actually true for me? Or what values can I lean in in order to take some values based action, to move past this narrative and give myself permission to write a new one for myself?
00:04:06:02 - 00:04:34:22
Speaker 1
Awesome. And it's interesting because, you know, obviously emotional intelligence has to begin with self-awareness. Yeah. How do you see that? You know, this whole self-awareness piece blocking people's capability of of communicating with others or, you know, just getting past their own permission, you know, do you give yourself permission to do things you shouldn't be giving yourself permission to do or or do you not allow yourself to do the things that help you get better?
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Speaker 1
I mean, take us down that road a little bit. As far as, the play of that awareness and the emotional intelligence in others.
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Speaker 2
Those two are so intertwined, in my opinion, because when we're not self-aware, we don't know what's really true or what's happening for us, which then keeps us from being able to relate to somebody else. The best example that I can actually give is from a parenting perspective. Oftentimes parents will come to me and they'll say, I'm really struggling with communicating with my teenager.
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Speaker 2
Most of that is because that parent is lacking self-awareness of what's actually coming up for them in terms of their own emotional what's happening for them emotionally and or what narratives or stories that they're playing out through, maybe how they're relating to their child. And so that self-awareness keeps them from being able to understand and have empathy for and, relate to what they're teenagers going through.
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Speaker 2
And that lack of emotional intelligence is the barrier to communication. So you can take that example now and apply it in the business world as managers, if we are not able to be aware of what's happening for us from our own perspective, what again, what the stories that we're telling ourselves or where we are emotionally, we're not able to then relate to other people from that emotional intelligence perspective.
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Speaker 2
And and then therefore, we're not able to communicate with our team members because we're not even understanding where they're coming from. So in terms of, self-awareness in conjunction with emotional intelligence, those two go hand in hand. They do a dance with each other. It is very difficult to relate to somebody else or understand what their situation is from an emotional intelligence perspective.
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Speaker 2
If we don't even understand what's going on for ourselves.
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Speaker 1
Interesting. So I mean, this is obviously a big blind spot for a lot of people. And if we're unable to lead ourselves, we're unable to lead others, frankly. So, you know, how do we deal with this if we're say, you know, a supervisor in a business, a lead or something like that, how do we help people identify this, this gap or their blind spot of lack of self-awareness?
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Speaker 1
Is there a technique that you suggest, or some questions we can ask people in order for them to help identify it, or for us to help identify ourselves?
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Speaker 2
I do think that, what I, I talk a lot about how to become more of an empathetic leader. How do I how do I step into that, that leadership perspective. And what I always go back to is self reflection is really important. So asking, you know, what's happening for me here? What what is it that I'm feeling?
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Speaker 2
What is it that I'm experiencing. Right. Just becoming more aware of that, but then also coming back to core things like what are my core values, what's actually meaningful for me as a leader and not just as a leader in terms of productivity, but as a leader in terms of my relationships with the people that I'm managing. Those two things are really important to step into that part of self-awareness.
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Speaker 2
Then from that perspective, we can start introducing, you know, this idea of, okay, now that you know how you feel, can you relate to maybe what this person on your team is experiencing, or start asking them more more of those insightful questions that you that you've began begun asking yourself, right. So what's happening for me is a really important one for self-awareness.
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Speaker 2
Then when you turn and ask your team member that, tell me more about what you're experiencing. That allows for more of a connection to happen and more of an authentic dialog to happen between manager and employee.
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Speaker 1
Awesome. Yeah, I love this leading with empathy topic. I mean, it's it's I think it's more valuable now than it ever has been because we do have this massive disconnect of employee engagement right now. And if you're not empathetic as a leader, you're certainly not going to understand why your employees become disengaged. do you have any like, do you have an example of how somebody has helped in the business world, how, a supervisor or a leader has helped somebody realize their, their gaps around this and, and what results might have come out of this?
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Speaker 2
Well, yeah, actually, I'm working with a client right now. so maybe not their leader. Help them. It was more our coaching sessions, but. But when when she first stepped into role, you know, a lot of times we step into these management roles and what we know is what how we might have been managed. Right. So she stepped into this management role and she was doing that top down approach of like, I'm the boss and this is what I expect of you.
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Speaker 2
And she was noticing that her team members were burning out and that the morale was actually quite low. And so therefore productivity was low. So we really talk through, you know, and she was willing to do the work, which is half the battle is being willing to look at yourself. And so through those coaching conversations she started vocalizing.
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Speaker 2
You know, how she was showing up as a leader and where where that came from. Well, this is what I was taught. This is what I believe is a successful manager. So then when we were able to redefine what exists successful manager was and also really presents for her what she was experiencing and what she really wanted out of being a leader in what she valued in terms of being a leader and in terms of her team.
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Speaker 2
She then she and I together created a new way of having conversations with her team members and all of a sudden, team members that were what she considered difficult team members they weren't producing, started turning around and having amazing sales months. So really what that comes down to is taking a look at what's how. How am I showing up, how am I, you know, communicating with that?
00:10:06:05 - 00:10:24:22
Speaker 2
What does that dialog look like? Where's that coming from. Right. So for her it was this is how I was taught. Am I willing to maybe look at a different way of doing this? The answer is yes. Getting curious with yourself, understanding yourself better and then saying, and now how do I want to apply this going forward, opened up a whole different way of relating to the people on her team.
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Speaker 1
Wow. That's incredible. What a great example of that. I hope everybody has listened to that. If not, go back and listen to that part again and hold up the mirror, because I think a lot of times we lose that self-awareness when we get, you know, mired in the details of how do we grow our business, how do we get things done, you know, we've got this these deadlines and things like that, and we lose our empathy over that whole process.
00:10:48:04 - 00:11:11:20
Speaker 1
Yeah. So it's it takes a very, very aware, very self-aware and others aware of, you know, basically a very empathetic leader in order to accomplish those things. something that, you mentioned in there was the word burnout. Burnout. I mean, we're seeing a lot of that and a lot of it, I think, I think a lot of that is self-imposed burnout where we start to go down this road.
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Speaker 1
And I mean you got to save yourself first, folks. So, you know, it's like being on the airplane when they're like, hey, when the oxygen mask comes from the ceiling, put it on you before you help somebody else. If you're burnout, you can't save somebody else from burnout. I mean, that's just a reality. So talk to me a little bit about burnout as a life coach.
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Speaker 1
Your perspective on it, what should we be looking for and how do we deal with that?
00:11:35:21 - 00:11:54:07
Speaker 2
Oh gosh, that's such a what you said. First of all, yes, it's a lot of it is self-imposed. but burnout comes in so many different ways. And self-imposed burnout could come from, you know, proving worth proving enoughness, you know, all those false beliefs that hold us back, right? So we just keep doing and doing and over functioning and giving and giving.
00:11:54:09 - 00:12:22:09
Speaker 2
But also burnout comes from different ways of that. Leaders are showing up. And what I mean by that is burnout can can happen when we feel that we're we don't have that that support system or community. So lack of community can contribute to burnout because there's this lack of tribe because as human beings we need that connection. So if we don't feel like we're part of a group or a part of a team, that can just, over time, make us feel more and more isolated and that can lead to burnout.
00:12:22:11 - 00:12:42:13
Speaker 2
lack of feeling like you have a voice. So again, in terms of leadership, when you're more of an empathetic leader, you're it's not leading by democracy, but it's allowing people to at least express maybe what their frustrations are or what their suggestions are. Not necessarily saying you have to take those, but giving them voice so that they know that what they're saying matters.
00:12:42:15 - 00:13:03:07
Speaker 2
That also has been a huge contributing factor that I've seen to people burning out, because they don't feel that what they're contributing is being valued. So it's not always just coming from, you know, putting too many things on our schedule. Sometimes it's also just how we feel like we are being either valued or if our contribution is being recognized.
00:13:03:07 - 00:13:26:13
Speaker 2
Not again, not just monetarily, but just in terms of, you know, am I am I being seen? Because at the end of the day, we as human beings, at the end of the day, more than anything, we want to know we matter. And when we don't feel like we matter and we're constantly giving and adding more and doing more, or just feeling like we're spinning our wheels, those are the that's when we end up in burnout.
00:13:26:15 - 00:13:43:03
Speaker 1
Awesome. I mean, it's when you look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs, you have to crack through that, that ceiling of belonging in order to get people all the way up there towards self-actualization. Yeah. No belonging. You're not going to find happiness without belonging. I mean, there's the reality. And a lot of people are like, you know, I'm I'm a lone wolf.
00:13:43:03 - 00:14:03:15
Speaker 1
I'm a a self-starter, things like that, which is great. I love that particular perspective. However, we're also on a team and we all need to to contribute to that. you know, one of the the words that comes to mind for me is the word resilience when it comes to us making it through some of these challenging things.
00:14:03:20 - 00:14:18:11
Speaker 1
And let's face it, I mean, life doesn't get easier. You just get better. And your resilience really helps propel you through that getting better. Talk to me about resilience and how we can take a look at that in order to to create some self improvement.
00:14:18:13 - 00:14:35:00
Speaker 2
Yeah. Resilience to me is kind of, you know, how do I bounce back from a situation? Because the one thing that we know about life is it's going to throw challenges at us. It's going to throw curveballs, right? We can count on that. And so resilience is all about and in the face of that, how do I meet that challenge and how do I get back to center?
00:14:35:00 - 00:14:56:11
Speaker 2
That's why I say to my clients all the time, it's not about being perfect at never being triggered by something. Instead, it's I'm human. I may be triggered, and then how do I get myself back to center? That's the essence of what resilience is. Well, how do we how do we even grow that resilience resilience factor? A lot of it comes down to, I think personally practicing gratitude.
00:14:56:11 - 00:15:17:19
Speaker 2
I know so many people are out there saying a gratitude journal and and it's almost becoming too pop psychology type. I just say come back to the basics of gratitude words each day, you know, naming one or not. 1 or 2. I say 3 to 5, 3 to 5 things that you're grateful for, not just in your personal world or your professional world, but what are you grateful for about yourself?
00:15:17:21 - 00:15:39:08
Speaker 2
Again? Self-awareness. How did I show up today? Who is I being today? How can I appreciate those things? Because what that does is it puts into action, even though life is challenging, I still am grateful that I showed up in this way. So, for instance, on a day where you know the project is due, we're missing deadlines. That sounds awful to babble.
00:15:39:09 - 00:16:02:18
Speaker 2
We could easily go into victimhood, and at the end of the day, how am I grateful for about myself? Well, I'm grateful that I showed up with a tremendous amount of patience today. I'm grateful that I showed up with the, you know, the, the the doggedness to just keep going forward. Those are the types of things that if we can start building up that gratitude practice on a daily basis, that's how that muscle of resilience gets stronger and stronger.
00:16:02:18 - 00:16:14:07
Speaker 2
So then as we are facing those challenges that life throws at us, even in those moments that we've built up, that self trust in that self knowing and we're able to bounce back and meet whatever challenge there is in front of us.
00:16:14:09 - 00:16:43:22
Speaker 1
that's such a great, great point. You know, it's interesting when you when you look at resilience, I, I see these, these two different polarizing aspects of it. You've got this resilience with kindness and then you've got this resilience as kind of an egomaniac who's like, I'm the toughest person around, you know, things like that. But you you seem to people are afraid they're going to look weak with kindness, but they also, you know, they throw up that ego shield and that ego barrier.
00:16:43:22 - 00:17:02:18
Speaker 1
And, you know, I'm the best that's ever done this. But you seem to turn people off that way because you're alienating yourself. what's the best way for us to work through those challenges and balance? You know? Sure. You've got to have some confidence, okay? But you got to have this humility and this kindness to go along with that.
00:17:02:18 - 00:17:11:16
Speaker 1
I mean, it's it's like a whole lot of words mixed in a bowl here that we have to draw from and make some productivity out of it. How do we deal with that?
00:17:11:18 - 00:17:32:03
Speaker 2
It's it's so funny you say that because it reminds me of something I used to tell my older son, which is there's a thin line between humility and arrogance, you know, raising, raising an athlete. You kind of walked that line a lot. but you're right. I mean, I do think that what happens is, is we we look at it as, that it's polarities.
00:17:32:03 - 00:17:51:21
Speaker 2
It's almost like black and white, like it's either egomaniac or it's. I'm weak because of kindness. And really, what it's, it's inviting us to do is recognize that there's a spectrum, and we can we can move along the spectrum, but also recognizing that with with kindness, kindness doesn't equal weakness. It's almost like a misnomer. No more or mis definition.
00:17:51:23 - 00:18:13:23
Speaker 2
and it's maybe recalibrating what kindness means, what kindness means is I'm willing to look at something, maybe slightly differently. I'm willing to look at it, putting judgment aside for a moment, like letting that sit, on the side table, so to speak. And I'm just willing to say, like, let me learn from this. So instead of kindness being weak, it's what if it's just a learning opportunity?
00:18:14:01 - 00:18:27:04
Speaker 2
And so again, when we look at it that way, it allows room to say, okay, how can I how can I maybe use the information that I've learned from this experience in order to grow again? What does that mean? It means resilience.
00:18:27:06 - 00:18:53:11
Speaker 1
Right? Yeah. I mean, all goes back to how do we find success and be happy and be comfortable doing so, but also taking on the biggest challenge that we've ever dreamed of taking on. Because again, you know, life doesn't get easier. We just get better at achieving those things. You know, it's I love the, you know, the Hussein Volt, Olympics story where, you know, he broke the world record and took first place.
00:18:53:11 - 00:19:10:21
Speaker 1
But the two people after him also broke the world records, which mean they beat him in his last race. I mean, just they just kept getting better and better and better. And it was through this humility of, I can do whatever I, I need to do whatever I want to do. Just don't hold yourself back on it, folks.
00:19:10:21 - 00:19:37:23
Speaker 1
I mean, it's we where our biggest our biggest challenge, our biggest enemy in doing that. So, let me ask you this. Coaching is a really interesting trait, to be able to coach people, you know, we always look for is somebody coachable or how do we allow them to be coachable? They give themselves permission to be coachable because it is very vulnerable when it comes to somebody coming to you and helping you have that self-discovery.
00:19:38:01 - 00:19:59:01
Speaker 1
And a big part of that is obviously how communication plays into this. Communication has got to be like your superpower as a as a coach here, tell me, what is the value of communication when it comes to helping people discover these things and overcome them? And some perspective on what is great communication like to you?
00:19:59:03 - 00:20:22:16
Speaker 2
Oh, what a great question. and yes, spot on. Right. Communication is the key here because when we when somebody comes into a coaching session, the one thing that I hold steadfast is that it is a very safe space, a safe space in that if they don't feel like they can uncover what they mean to, you know, free of judgment, it's it's not going to happen.
00:20:22:16 - 00:20:53:02
Speaker 2
Because you're right. Vulnerability is key there because we're looking at things, on a very deep level in terms of how I approach communication. It's very much based in Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication, which is more about what it what's the observation, and what might I be feeling or needing now that's in communication with another person. How I show up as a coach is I am going to hold this really safe space for you, and I'm going to show and point out the things that I'm noticing.
00:20:53:02 - 00:21:30:05
Speaker 2
You're saying it's not because I'm giving it to you from a judgment perspective, but sometimes we need, I mean, that sometimes as humans, not only do we need to know we matter, but we also need to be witnessed holding that space and communicating in a very clear way. This is what I'm hearing that you're sharing. Having somebody reflect that back to you allows for that openness to happen where you're now being able to witness your own thoughts and what you're saying back because somebody's holding that space and giving giving it back to you, that open dialog allows for what you mentioned before of like that vulnerability to happen, but then also for the ability to
00:21:30:05 - 00:21:56:03
Speaker 2
look at things differently or from a different perspective. You know, coaching is different from therapy in the sense that therapy is more based in diagnostics and pathology, and it absolutely is a healing modality to help us work through many different things. Coaching, on the other hand, is can I understand myself in a different way? And what that requires is the ability to see things from a different perspective than you have been seeing them.
00:21:56:09 - 00:22:19:08
Speaker 2
And that's what I really hold, very, sacred in the coaching, relationships that I'm creating with my clients is being able to create that so my clients can see things differently for themselves. Because the thing is, is if somebody just tells you to look at it differently, you hear the words, but you're not internalizing it. So it's really about communicating in a way that they're able to see it differently for themselves.
00:22:19:10 - 00:22:44:08
Speaker 1
Right. Wow. Well, you're the you're the creator of authentic me, and you're the CEO of live Joy Your Way, which is a coaching company, to help high performers and overachievers who've seen success through old ways and kind of update themselves. what what is authentic? Me. Tell us. Tell us about that. And, and tell us about your coaching company.
00:22:44:10 - 00:23:06:05
Speaker 2
Yeah. So authentic me came out of this is what my purposes, I want to give people the ability and the space to figure out who they are athletically and to just own it as authentic. Me. Right. Because so often we are living to some external standard or measure of success, and it I need and want to to define that for myself.
00:23:06:10 - 00:23:36:06
Speaker 2
And it really came out of my own personal experiences of being a high achiever and a high performer, and constantly feeling like I needed to measure up to some external version of success or external validation, because that was the underlying belief there was. I was proving something. I was proving worthiness or enoughness. So not only have I trained and how to be this coach from a professional standpoint in various modalities, but I've also this is lived experience for me too, so I can really understand and resonate with my clients as to where they're coming from.
00:23:36:06 - 00:23:49:20
Speaker 2
But really it is it's about creating that space for them to say, okay, this is authentic me, this is who I am, and to own it and no longer dim that down and take that new way of looking at oneself and saying, okay, and how do I want to show up now? And what is it that I want to create?
00:23:50:00 - 00:24:01:05
Speaker 2
Which led to, okay, what do I call this company? And it really was live joy your way. It's define joy for yourself. Again releasing external definitions of those things but defining it from an intrinsic place.
00:24:01:11 - 00:24:05:16
Speaker 1
Awesome. And where can we find you online if our listeners want to get in touch with you?
00:24:05:18 - 00:24:14:10
Speaker 2
I am online at Comedy wood.com or Facebook Instagram at. It's authentic me. And if you look me up on LinkedIn, it's just comedy wood.
00:24:14:12 - 00:24:31:12
Speaker 1
Awesome comedy. Wood. A amazing life coach. I mean, just a great leader, wonderful parent. You're doing a lot to help people, and we really appreciate that. I do have a question. I ask all of our great leaders on the program, and that's how do you start your day with a win?
00:24:31:14 - 00:24:46:18
Speaker 2
My day, in terms of starting with a win is to take, the very early morning when nobody else is awake in my house and it is my time and I do what I want with it, whether it is a workout time, reading time, meditation time, it doesn't matter. But that is how I start with a win.
00:24:46:20 - 00:24:54:22
Speaker 1
Awesome comedy. Thank you so much for being on start with a win. We appreciate all that you do and thanks for starting your day with a win.