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Grundy Eunoia Wellness Center’s podcast dedicated to empowering parents and their kids as they navigate mental health challenges. Through insightful discussions, expert advice, and engaging storytelling, we provide the tools and support needed to foster resilience, self-discovery, and emotional well-being.
Each episode features two segments:
🦸♂️ For Parents – Practical strategies, expert insights, and real conversations to help caregivers support their child’s mental and emotional growth.
🌟 For Kids – Interactive storytelling and discussions centered around unlocking their inner hero, overcoming obstacles, and building confidence.
Together, we break stigmas, encourage open dialogue, and equip families with the knowledge to thrive. Because every hero’s journey starts with a conversation.
#CapesAndConversations #UnlockTheHeroWithin #MentalHealthMatters #ParentingSupport #BuildingFutures
00:00:02
Welcome to Capes and Conversations, the Grundy Eunoia Wellness Center podcast. I'm Adam Kotowski, Clinical Director. And I'm Megan Rose McMullen, MS. This podcast is a conversation about mental health and wellness. So, one of the biggest things that I think we have been leading up to is this show, don't tell. A lot of times when you come to therapy, people don't like to be told what to do. People rebel against it all the time. And so, it's important that we show meaning, leading by example.
00:00:35
How do you think this is relevant to the parents of kids in therapy? How is this relevant to the kids that are wanting to go to therapy? What is this about? Well, first and foremost, we subconsciously model our caretakers. So, who are our caretakers? Those are usually our parents, our guardians, school teachers, coaches. People who have the biggest influence are on us, and we model their behavior. We don't model their words. Now, what will interestingly happen is you'll model certain words when there's an emotional behavior attached to it.
00:01:13
because in our subconscious, we will always put in what I call our invisible backpack. Our invisible backpack is the connection between our brain, neural system, and our central nervous system of our spinal cord. And in that backpack, we take all these memories and we store them. But the people who are really the most impactful, which is usually our guardians, caretakers, we will model subconsciously in that invisible backpack their behaviors. And if there is words that they use specifically with emotional reactions, we'll model those also.
00:01:51
So show, don't tell is such an empowering for leadership because you... when you're working in the therapeutic model. We can help a child kind of cleanse their thoughts and their thinking, but if they go back into the same environment, and it's not corrected in the behavioral, you can cleanse everything consciously, subconsciously, you want, it doesn't matter. You have to, it's done by example. Yeah. And I think, I think I've always liked the phrase that you're the sum, as a parent, and I think it applies to the kids as well. You're the sum of the five people that you spend the most time with. And so like, people, yeah, you as a caretaker have influence all the time, but they're also getting influences from their peers, their teachers, the people that admire on TV, right? And so because we have these like mirror neurons, right?
00:02:48
Right. We are constantly. Mimicking and minding, because we want to survive, right? That's like the whole connection of surviving within the place where you belong, your, your community. Right. And so if there are behaviors that you're witnessing that you might not like or that you're frustrated with, you could be asking yourself, where are they getting these, right? Because as you said before, behavior is communication, right? Right. And if they're acting out of character or you think that something has shifted or whatever,
00:03:21
then the question is what? Well I always search for what I call alignment. What is alignment? It is the congruence between your words and your behaviors and actions. You can be telling me something, but if your body posture and movements do not align with it, it's false, right? In opposite of true, your body language could be telling me something and then your words, are telling you something and that is also false. So you know, you want to have that alignment through congruence where your thoughts, your.
00:03:57
words and your behaviors align. align. That's why it's vital, particularly for both the kids and the parents, to model the alignment, but for the parents to have the alignment. Again, that also is very imperative, like you said. Who are we modeling in our school systems? Who are we modeling in our community? Who are we modeling in our life in general? Historically, I mean, you and.
00:04:28
I growing up, we were watching MTV. You're watching all these superstars acting in music industry, reality TV shows, and what did we find out? Who they were on screen and who they were off screen were probably two completely different people. So then you start to realize you're starting to act yourself because you're not being you. You're modeling.
00:05:01
behavior that is false we'll just say so to me it goes with the alignment it's knowing who you are why you're here right and I think alignment builds trust and connection and if you don't feel connected and you don't feel trust a lot of that starts within yourself your self-trust not being true to yourself right right aligning with that authenticity I think Brene Brown talks about braving the wilderness right have you seen this where it's like she talks.
00:05:33
about this analogy of building trust within your family your friends wherever and she talks about how trust is built over little things so like pennies in a jar right and every day each person has their own jar and you both put pennies in it right and you both put these things that you do together but within one. truck like that's how it works psychologically it works like that and.
00:06:04
so it's important to build a container where you're both putting it in there and leading by example which some of the things are like you know taking right action or supporting rather than judging what do you think about that so I want to actually the question I want to ask you because you said something very interesting you said connection I want to know what you mean by connection first I think that connection means like that sense of belonging that sense of.
00:06:40
like I see you I hear you I understand what's going inside because I don't know if you have ever read any of the poetry from John O'Donoghue okay beautiful book called Anam Cara and that means soulmate but not soulmate and soulmate that's a romance, in the sense of a soul friend. We've grown up together, right? And, but he says in the very book, it's super important, he's like, there's an entire world that lives inside of your mind.
00:07:11
and body. The way you perceive, the way you think, the way that you hear, the way that you understand, interpret, where you see things, right, is so unique to you. But the only way that anyone ever is going to understand that is if you communicate and share. And I think with trust and building and leading by example, you have built this thing where, this container, where people trust you and can come to you and share those things and you can see here and understand them.
00:07:42
And I feel like that, a lot of times, is what our children need from us as parents. Because we're so significant to them, they need to be significant enough where we want to listen to what's going on inside. I absolutely couldn't agree more. because you bring up something, like you said, souls. You know, Viktor Frankl talked about this quite a bit when he was writing his books. And, you know, Viktor's a psychiatrist.
00:08:12
He survived the Nazi Holocaust camps. I'll be talking about him on many podcasts because he's kind of one of my, people I've modeled, that's one of my foundational people. Yeah, me too. I loved his book. Yes. And you know, it's interesting. I've read six of his books, and he's never condemned the Nazi. I find that extremely intriguing. No, he went through the most horrific and atrocious grievances that this earth has ever seen, probably, for four long years.
00:08:43
He's never condemned one Nazi. But that's just truly mind-blowing to me for people who hold grievances over time. And, you know, long story short, he always said the soul, he called it the noetic. The noetic. And he read because he didn't want to get involved in religion aspects or religious aspects of it. But he would say that you cannot deny the noetic part of us, which is our soul, which is our spirit.
00:09:14
Because that's where the creative spark comes from. That's where our life comes from. That's where our ideas and everything comes from. And to me, and I think you and I have talked about this before, that's where our connection comes from, right? The physical, which is our bodies and what we see in the materialistic world, that's what's always going to separate us. Because we're always going to look different. DNA, everything that's a part of us. But what connects us is that energy, is that soul, that spirit, that noetic part of us. So when it comes to alignment, I always say your soul doesn't lie, right?
00:09:47
Your noetic part of you never lies. So you can say whatever you want. These kids that are coming through us today. They are very, very intelligent. And if they don't feel that connection through that. energy, they're done. They're just cut off. And they're not even going to believe you, but the things they will model subconsciously is everything we talked about. The emotional, the physical, the materialistic. Because it's, you said it beautifully and masterfully, they want to survive. And survival is important, is being a human being. But is it significant?
00:10:23
Significant. And that's the difference. Because sooner or later, the material will, survival mode will get them into a pickle. And then they're going to question everything. And then it's like, okay, did I come here to survive or did I come here to be significant? Right. But also, I think too, the second part of this goes back to our first episode, that if you are not being truthful to them because they're so connected and understanding and have all of this information that is... ...at the tips of their fingers and they don't believe you, they will rebel and go.
00:10:58
and follow someone. Completely opposite of you and that's what causes the pickle right that caused that rebel without a cause They're saying you're lying to me. I can't trust you, So this is why I lead you by example is so important and I think the other part of this is I wanted to share what? Brene Brown talks about with braving And it's about the 11 parts of the seven elements of trust be for boundaries.
00:11:30
So you have to have really good boundaries, right? You can't, If people are if you're moving your boundaries constantly people can't trust you right and also if you're invading other people's boundaries They can't trust you reliability. So saying what you need in meeting what you say and putting forth the actions, Accountability saying okay. I am human. I'm allowed to make mistakes, but I will change I will do that I will stay accountable to my actions right the vault meaning confidentiality what you say to me, As long as it's not getting someone else hurt or in trouble, it stays with us, right?
00:12:05
And that's a big one because I think that dumps out pennies the most. Yeah, if I can't can't say something to you in confidentiality Right because right now we're dealing with a lack of privacy in our world everybody is blogging and whatever and people think of celebrities as, You know consumer like they're like I get to have you at any time So if I see you I can interrupt your meal or whatever, And so like being having that confidentiality and privacy is important for integrity, right?
00:12:36
So having your understanding your values and align with them, right? so if you're telling your kids like stealing is wrong and you leave the, supermarket with, Water under your bag and you say oh shoot. I haven't seen it and those kids are paying attention You say I'm not gonna go back in and pay for it But you're telling them that they're not allowed to steal stuff from school or, How likely are they? going to be able to think that you're in integrity and alignment, right? And I think that that's important. Little things like that show they pay attention, they're listening.
00:13:09
They might not necessarily have the words like integrity or accountability, but they, like, understand those things. You have non-judgment, which is another thing, because a lot of times it's really hard to hear what our kids are doing and not be judgmental because we're afraid they're going to get hurt or they're going to have consequences that they can't come back from. And the last one is G, generosity. And I think that this is about being generous with our time, also keeping people dependent if there's a doubt. I think it's a lot of things that we can be generous with as long as we're doing it. All of this is building trust as we go.
00:13:42
And I love this because braving the wilderness is basically leading by example. Well, it's interesting you say that because if you look at the reason why, quote-unquote bullying is just... completely risen to a level way worse than it's ever been is because of social media. And it's the ability for these kids to create accounts, to put stuff on there, to share it, to ha-ha-ha, text each other.
00:14:13
So electronic devices and social media are the biggest cause to me with the way kids are acting and thinking to the increase in bullying and everything that went against what you just read, you know, non-judgment, trust, confidentiality. But then you look at the adults who are on the adult social media, Facebook, you know. Let's say somebody gets incarcerated, you know, or prosecuted, we'll say, for a certain crime. What do people do?
00:14:43
They share it. Why are you sharing it? We can see it on the news element. You don't have to share it. Or more importantly, you don't have to comment on it. I don't need to know what your comments are on that. Guess what? It happened. It's between them, their family. It's between them, their family, the universe. Leave them alone. Right. There's no reason for you to share it. You sharing it on your Facebook page or your social media page, to me, says more about you and your actions and your behaviors than what actually just happened. So where are they learning it from? Adults.
00:15:16
Adults. We're trying to get these kids to stop, but yet the adults are the ones that are doing all the judgment. They're doing all the questions of integrity and everything you see. How do you build that confidence? How do you build that trust level if they're modeling you and you're sitting there on the phone talking to somebody else about that very topic? What do you think is going to happen here, folks? Right. And it does. Because, I mean, gossip is one of those things that many people use. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. And what is gossip but a behind-your-back kind of bullying? Right. I saw this meme one time that said, my people are the ones who defend me when I'm not around.
00:16:00
Yeah. And I also think too, that there's, you can still, you can still bond over talking about what's happening, but there's a difference between gossiping and sharing things and people off. Right. Right. And I think that there's, there's an intentionality. One is to spread information and not necessarily in a good way. And the other one is to kind of share and grow and learn and like kind of use things to move forward and understand.
00:16:32
Or to, you know, gather resources and stuff and betterment for us. And I think, um, I like the, the fact is, is like, it's hard because we, I think that social media technology has exponentially grown since we were kids. Right. I started, I didn't get my own and I didn't get until school into high school. Right. And so I didn't have it all my life. But, the etiquette and like what happened it just kind of was like a wildfire right it was like.
00:17:05
what is this thing and like all the things and now it's just kind of gotten out of hand and nobody really knows is it good for your brain or is it not good for your brain but like one of the things that i know is that people love those likes and that viral sensation and even as an adult it's addictive and now you have people who are just doing stunts and lying and saying things just so that they can go viral so they can make money so they can have sponsorship and like that is addictive in itself and that causes that whole like going towards without a direction like the.
00:17:41
it's out of alignment a lot of times because it's not being authentic it's chasing a dollar or chasing clout or whatever and it's really hard to like rein that in because it's everywhere and you can be bullied for not having a phone or not being able to have a TikTok, or whatever right and so i think one of the things i think we do here at Grundy Eunoia is the point is that we're doing podcasts and tick tock and all those things so that hopefully we can be found.
00:18:11
in a corner where maybe we need a little bit of a jolt back into alignment and integrity because we've been scrolling for so long because a lot of times correct me wrong doing scrolling and like being on stuff is actually a way to like cope even if it's not helpful well it is it's it's uh well they're in his connection they're looking for a source of connection when they do not feel connected to the immediate sources around them or they're dejected in their school friends and bullying and you know maybe a lot of negativity in that aspect they're looking to.
00:18:47
connect to something or someone well here's sometimes you can find an influential source like i've never met physically victor franco but he's one of my all-time if not the most influential person ever to me, victor, he's taught me so much and it was more like I watched videos and interviews with him. He was the same person in those videos and interviews and anything he wrote. So you can find influential models, but here's the problem, you can also find substances. You can find influences that can convince you to do other things that you don't want.
00:19:19
to do. Yeah, because we're looking for that connection. I think some of the things that we should talk about too is like if there's a role model that kids, like an athlete or a figure, Mr. Rogers, Michelle Obama, LeVar Burton, Reading Rainbow, like all of those people, like you should find those and kind of follow them. But also we could, you could talk about like the TV shows that they're watching as well. Currently my nephew really liked the new Mufasa that came out.
00:19:53
That one is a really good teaching, Mufasa teaching Simba how to, he's literally leading by example. Right. Ted Lasso is another one, a very great show, I think it's very kid friendly, but yeah I think it's important that like if there are mentors, guides that might not necessarily be in alignment, it's about going back, this is where it comes to the next point of like you have to lead, as a leader you have to lead with curiosity instead of interrogation,
00:20:28
so like asking questions is great, however there's a difference between being curious about what's happening and like you need to tell me, right, we're not bad cops here, we need to be like okay share what's happening on the inside, and also remember whatever age, they might not have the terminology or the framework to communicate what's happening to them, so you can give examples, you can use things like books that they're reading or things that are,
00:20:59
you can use things like books that they're reading or things like books that they're reading or things like books that, or whatever that are kind of happening around them, that they can be examples. What's happening, they can tell you a situation that's happening with your friends, and instead of judging, being like, well, don't be friends with that girl, I think you can say, well, what do you think about this? What's happening when you're, what do you think about it? Did you like to go along with it? Do you feel it was okay that what she said to that other girl, you know what I mean? Like, asking those questions so that they're giving their own framework, and then if what they're saying, if they're like, oh yeah, like, I thought it was hilarious,
00:21:31
okay, maybe that needs a course correction, right? Like, a course correction, and that comes with curiosity rather than interrogation. Interrogation, absolutely, and you know what? It comes down, I get this question a lot from parents, is how many sessions do you think it's gonna take? I said, I can't do anything until they trust me. Until they know they can trust me, that's when they talk to me, and I'm not gonna rush it. You can't rush that, because you can't. Trust isn't something that you can rush.
00:22:03
It takes time to develop, it takes time, and it's a gift. When you finally build that trust and rapport with people, that's a gift, and you don't ever want to shrug that. So you as a parent, as a caregiver, also have that huge opportunity, just like you said, become curious versus the interrogator. Because when you become curious, they're going to be willing to trust the fact that they can tell you without judgment, and actually they can see you as someone who is going to give them solid advice and feedback.
00:22:35
instead of punish, judgment. Now you're cutting that off for the rest of the life at that point because they don't want to open up to you. Yeah, 100%, which then kind of leads to lying. Kind of, it has to. I think it starts with omitting truth. Yeah. You're keeping pieces of it. I'm only going to tell you this much, because I think you're going to judge me, and you're going to be mad at me, and punished for this part, so I'm just going to tell you partial truth.
00:23:09
I read a book once, and if we are saying something to you, and I don't feel like you're going to judge me, I don't have any shame, but if I feel the need to cover something up, which is the root for shame, is to cover. If I feel like I need to hide parts of myself, the more parts that I have to hide from you, the more likely I am to omit things, not trust you, and to not, and that ultimately gets me in a pickle, right?
00:23:40
Because the more I have to hide, the more I don't want to share, and the more private, I become hidden, I become, to myself, isolated, and the more isolated I am, the more disconnected I am, which means that I'm going to try to find belonging, probably not with people that I'm supposed to. Right, right. Well. Oh, no. I'll give you my specific example, and that was exactly how it was with my mother. I didn't tell the truth, because it was my survival mechanism. If I told my mother the truth, she exploded.
00:24:12
She just literally was very judgmental, and with that being said, you just got used to saying exactly the non-truth or omitting the truth, just like you said. And so what inevitably happened from that is you create future liars, and I had to completely, reprogram myself in order to tell the truth, because now it's like you get with people who are your tribe members, these are people you trust, and now you can say, you know what, I can have a really good conversation with you, and I can trust you, and what a gift.
00:24:45
that is. But you as a parent, if you get to that point where your kids do not want to tell you truth or they want to omit parts of the truth, then you've got to rethink things. Because if they can't trust you, they can't, you and telling you, who can they trust? Right. And I think if this is happening, there's nothing wrong with it because it's very easy to get into judgment. Correct. It's very easy to get into interrogation because of fear. Correct. You're afraid that they're going to go down the wrong path or they're going to get with.
00:25:17
the wrong crew or they're going to make the action that kind of ripples out for their entire life. So, of course, it makes sense that you're fearful, but when you lead with fear and not the openness and the unconditional love, you kind of create this forward action towards them that comes, you're coming at me, right? You're coming at me with this energy and I want to just run away. I want to avoid it. So, whatever I can do to take that away from it. But I think that this comes to a thing where judgment, it creates distance.
00:25:51
And the further, I always say this, in any relationship that we have, when you create that judgment and resentment and the things that you're afraid of, you're going to get filled up. It creates this. divide right and first it's a smaller divide and then you kind of are asked right invited to bridge that gap again because trust is always going to ebb and flow based on things because sometimes we don't have the words to communicate what's happening with us so like there are these landmines that we accidentally step on because we didn't know that that was actually going to trigger us or.
00:26:22
whatever baggage is in our invisible book bag that's going to happen but it's our invitation to build the gap between it but the more distance created it becomes brand candy style and it feels insurmountable and a lot of times it can be feel like it's insurmountable which is why therapy is important to bridge that back but like trust is like putting those one penny at a time in a jar and the jar can at any point dump out but you could always go back and I think this is a good point to go to braving and see where you at are you.
00:26:55
invading boundaries or you're not sticking to the same thing and you're not sticking to the same thing and you're not sticking true to your own boundaries, Are you being reliable? Are you being accountable, right? Because I think that there's a difference between accountability and criticism, right? And I always, constructive criticism is harsh. I always like to go with the gentle one, which is course correction. And to me, course correction is like, hey, like, you just told me, you just did this in school. You picked up a chair and you threw it across the room. Like, obviously, what do you think.
00:27:27
the consequences to that is? Like, what do you think is that good behavior? Like, that's curiosity, as opposed to, that is unacceptable and you're never gonna do that and you're grounded for the next month, right? We don't know why. Kids don't just pick up chairs and throw them. Why are they doing it? What caused it? What's happening? Are they having struggles in school and they're not actually telling you that they're struggling, right? So I think that would be a good practice to be like, okay, well, where am I in this if I don't have trust with my kid and they don't feel like they're gonna talk to me, check in.
00:27:58
with the braving. Right. Right. No, absolutely. I think there's a lot of validity to that. It's just, it's very tough because, yes, there is accountability and consequences for actions. It's, you know, and I get this a lot from teachers because teachers are not therapists. So, you know, when they have a child who outrageously throws a chair across the room, well, there's consequences for that. You definitely can't do that. But, where we as parents in the Grundy Eunoia Wellness Center, we're not here to judge them. We're here to understand. You know, I mean, obviously, I can't protect you from a consequence of you throwing a chair through a classroom. But what I can do is I can listen to you and understand you so that we can get to the root of the cause of that, so we can transform it. So, going forward, we're not doing that with you.
00:28:45
Right. And also, maybe to give me more perspective of maybe their outcomes. So, I mean, I think one of the things that I think about first was out of anger, right, and for not being able to pay attention or being struggling to pay attention. And they didn't think past throwing the chair, right? They didn't think about what could have happened. They don't know that because they don't have really, a lot of kids younger ages don't have that ability to see past the current moment, right? Like, oh, I could have hit somebody or I could have done these things.
00:29:18
had it just gone slightly different, right? And I think asking and having that curiosity can sometimes bring up forethought, right? Which is, I'm angry and maybe I need to choose a different action. You talked about it, I think it was in the first episode where that pause, right? You have to, because right now their emotions are so big in such a little body that they don't necessarily have a longer pause to actually critically think. And so you have to kind of give them that framework to pause and be like,
00:29:51
okay, I can make a different choice here. I can feed this wolf rather than this wolf, right? Yeah. Absolutely. It's really tough, too. We also have a different idea of, like, well, our mom, I stayed in line. I was terrified of my mom. I was like, oh, I never wanted her to find out anything. Right.
00:30:21
Well, you know, there is good from discipline, yes, because it does keep you lined or alignment. I wouldn't say alignment. I'd say it keeps you lined up. So you're doing things focused. You're accomplished, and you're not trying to be the rebel without a cause. There is a lot of validity from that discipline, but at the same time, over-discipline can cause the opposite,
00:30:51
which is if they're afraid to talk to you, or if they're going to admit truth from you, then you've got a bigger concern. Because that's your family, that's your tribe. You know, if they don't want to tell you what's going on with them personally, again, we've got to rethink things. I want to dive a little bit deeper into this, too, because I think that there's this huge contrast right now about, like, gentle parenting is too lackadaisical. It doesn't give any discipline, whatever. And then also thinking, like, from the other part of this,
00:31:23
it's like, no, you need discipline and punishment because, like, they need to fear you to respect you, right? And you have these two polars. A lot of times it can be overwhelming to parents of, like, well, what am I supposed to do, right? And I think that that's a really big one where it's like, well, I can give my kids support or nonjudgment or compassion or empathy, but, like, that's just condoning their bad behavior. Well, you also have to know, that's a whole other topic in itself for a podcast,
00:31:54
but you have to know your role because there are some parents who have, kids who think that they're equal you know like instead of it being mom-daughter relationship it's like well that's more like my sister no that's your mom um because what happens in that situation is child youth will think that they can over manipulate they cannot do things that are asked of them and they can be the adult no take a step back that is your mother she.
00:32:27
has the right to do those things you are not 18 yet you have to do the chores you have to do what you're being asked because that's wrong but you think of it like the balance beam the litmus test whatever you want you have to have the balance between discipline creativity now if you lean one way too much if you lean more towards creativity without discipline well then you get the situation scenario I just gave you which is where you think a child is equal to the parent.
00:33:00
But if you get the opposite, where you go the other side of the spectrum and you lean way too much towards discipline, you take away the child's creativity. Then you siphon off the relationship of trust and the opportunity for them to communicate with you. Instead of thinking of what they can omit or what they're going to lie about to get what they want heard, they'll come to you with the truth because you're not over-disciplining them. So you do have to have, I always say, that balance beam, the litmus test, not to go one way too far or the other because it will repel the relationship to go in the other direction and you don't want that at all.
00:33:39
Yeah. And in therapy, we call this parentification, right? When a child feels like they're an adult and they can make these decisions. Yeah. Because the truth is that as parents, we're here to guide and lead them so that when they do become adults, they are. But it's essential for kids to grow, to not. That's the whole point of when you see a toddler that walks away but always turns back to see the parent there because they need that protection to an extent. It's not, oh, I'm going to walk with you the whole way. No, I'm going to give you some of that interdependence that we talk about.
00:34:19
Right, right. You want to create that interdependence. But, you know, and it comes down to a lot of times I'll work with the kid and the kid will say, well, let me throw this scenario at you and you tell me. And I say, well, I'm not here to be the judge or the jury, but what I am here to do is give you an observer's perspective. And there will be times where I'll say, oh, I support you on that because that makes sense. But there's other times I'll say, no, I support your mom and dad because of this. And, you know, sometimes they get upset about it, but that's okay. I'm not there to judge them or say they're right or wrong. I'm there to judge them. I think I can support this side because if you're giving me all the facts, which there's no reason not to, then, you know, this is the 30,000 foot view.
00:35:00
you that I'm going to give you on what you just told me, the observer position, right? So it is okay to have that. But I think we're, what we do at Grundy Inouye Wellness Center is we kind of reel them back in. When we start to get them on a spectrum where they're leaning too far toward one side, the discipline or the creativity, you know, this goes for kids too. Some kids are so over disciplined in their own mind, they're not having fun. They're not creative. They're losing that creative spark.
00:35:30
Well, we're going to bring you back a little bit more towards the balance beam here. You know, or the opportunity, the other opportunity is they're so creative that there's no discipline at all. You know? And it's like, no, you got to be regimented. You got to have habits. You got to, you know, make things daily and have metrics in order for you to be successful. But it is that balance beam and how you create the balance beam, there's no right or wrong way. But you do have to have that litmus test balance beam. that keeps things in perspective.
00:36:02
Yeah, I think that ultimately when you come to this, you can always ask us, right? If you have like a situation or a conversation, there's always an appropriate language, whether your kid is three years old or whether your kid is 18 years old or 13, how to have a conversation about a tough topic. There's always a way to be supportive. We can even be mediators in that, right?
00:36:32
And if you guys have questions too, you can always email us or contact us and let us know if there's some kind of topic, even anonymously, where we can bring it up on the podcast, just so that we can support the growth at home because it's kind of like working out, right? If you only do it at therapy and you don't do it the rest of the time, your muscle is not going to stay. It's about muscle memory. You have to do it all the time. All the time, exactly.
00:37:14
It's progress. It's not linear, it's not straight, it's a couple steps forward, a step back, here and there, but ultimately it's just about practice because eventually it will become a habit and something that's going to become a lot more natural to you. And I also think too that being supportive, empathetic, non-judgmental doesn't condone behavior. You can come from a place of giving consequences, natural consequences or discipline to an extent, but also you can do it from a place where you build that trust. Because kids ultimately, because of survival, will always look to parents for their guidance.
00:38:00
Or someone else who's in the adult world. Because they need that. They want that. They crave that. Because they want to explore the world, learn about the world in a safe place because they're not there yet. It reminds me of that saying that was going around, I don't know, a couple years ago, where it was like every animal that gets born into the world knows exactly what they need to do. So like giraffes will learn how to run, or cats will have that prey instinct or whatever.
00:38:33
But babies will cry because they're asking for help because they don't have the capacity to survive without their parent taking care of them. And I think that that's the important thing. Because you don't want to give your kid too much responsibility too quickly, but also you need to teach them how to be an adult by the time they're an adult. Absolutely. So is there anything else that you think that is important for people to know when it comes to... by example now. Showing, not telling, providing support rather than judgment, anything like that?
00:39:09
You can change it on a dime. Meaning, okay, so like if you listen to this podcast, you listen to us, you know, and you're sitting there saying, oh, okay, instead of beating yourself up about it, saying, oh, I'm guilty of this. No, we're not looking for that. Just change. If you are the caretaker, you are the parent to say, okay, I want to be who I want them to follow. Okay, then do it. There's no how. As long as you have the why, you just start. The how presents itself. And guess.
00:39:39
what? There's no such thing as failure. There's just feedback. So take the feedback. If you feel it didn't go the way you wanted it to, great. Take the feedback and make it better. There, you can change on a dime. That's anything. And that's any therapeutic model. There's no secret to success. There's no one way. There's no technique or skill. that's going to be like yes you have to do this no just make the conscious decision that you're going to change and keep working yeah I love that and I also.
00:40:10
think to remember you don't have to know everything maybe you didn't have a framework of how to be supportive empathetic non-judgment from your parents but there are people out there that you have that experience leave like you can follow their example and take almost cherry-pick what you like and leave the rest and use them as your reference point until you've decided well they're no longer what I need to follow and you can follow someone else you can always it's okay as a leader to say well actually I don't have these I.
00:40:44
don't I want this to be where I'm going so I need to find somebody who's already paved the way so that's what that's like giving the permission to everybody right as a tribe member when you decide like okay, You're going to have other people that you can follow and do as well. And then that gets people to be like, okay, well, I don't have to have all the answers. Correct. But I can still do the next right action. Absolutely. Awesome. Well, is there anything else before we end this podcast that you think would be helpful to the parents?
00:41:18
I just feel, remember, that the biggest thing is to be and to act. So behaviors, actions are what's going to really be the difference maker. The words will mean very little if the behavior and the actions are not in alignment with that. So what you think, what you say, what you do have to be in perfect alignment. And then you have what I call harmony. There you go. Until next time. Thank you for listening to Grundy Eunoia Wellness Center's Capes and Conversations.
00:41:50
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