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Kamini Wood works with high achievers on letting go of stress, overwhelm and anxiety that comes with trying to do everything, and trying to do it all perfectly
Hi there, and welcome back to another episode of Rise Up Live Joy Your Way, whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening. Thank you for taking some time. To spend with me. And today I wanna jump into and talk about something we've talked about before, but there's, I don't think that we can talk about it too much, which is the subject and concept of our inner critic.
Have you ever wondered why your inner critic, that voice inside your head, that doubts or judges or criticizes, seems to get louder, maybe right at the point [00:01:00] where you're on the verge of a, of achieving something big or something? Huge that you've been wanting to achieve. Maybe you felt this right before a career advancement or the launch of a project that you've been working on, or maybe even taking a bold personal step forward.
And then suddenly you have this wave of self-doubt that kind of sweeps over you, questioning whether you're capable of this, whether questioning your own worth Now. Psychological research has shown that this phenomenon is incredibly common in many of us. And so today I would just wanna talk about why this might happen, uh, backed by these insights from psychology and, uh, cognitive, behavioral, the, uh, theories as well as neuroscience.
But I also wanna talk about self-compassion research. And then of course, you know, I wanna get into what are some actionable steps that you could potentially take. If you notice that your inner critic is loud and you're really wanting to work on managing it so that you can. Continue to move forward into whatever success that you have coming your way.
So let's just first start with understanding what the inner critic [00:02:00] is according to psychological research. The inner critic is, um, a mechanism that aims to protect us from perceived emotional threats. Now, while it. Seems harsh and critical or discouraging. Really, its intention ironically, is it's trying to keep you safe.
That inner critic functions from the amygdala, that part of our brain that's involved in fear and threat detection. And so while the voice, what happens is, is when that voice grows louder during times of change or uncertainty or vulnerability. That's what's online is that Fear Center, psychologist and author Dr.
Valerie Young, who is, uh, an expert on imposter syndrome conducted research indicating that 70% of successful individuals frequently experience, uh, inner criticism, especially at these critical junctures in their careers or personal lives. Dr. Young has emphasized that the inner critic intensifies as we approach success.
Uh. Precisely because the brain perceives the, the [00:03:00] changes, the advancements as threats in our established identity and also in our comfort zone. So from an evolutionary perspective, this makes sense because we were evolved to avoid risks and uncertainty because those, uh, often represented physical danger or threat to our survival.
So today, most of our threat. That are emo, most of our threats are actually emotional rather than physical, but our brain still activates in that same way. Our brain still activates in the way of, of needing to keep us, um, keep us safe and keep us, it, our brain is operating to, to help us survive. So what happens is, is these messages are, uh, even the potential for humiliation or rejection or judgment, it's still being, um, filtered through the same idea that we're not gonna survive.
Cognitive behavioral psychology highlights that it, our inner critic often utilizes distorted thought patterns, uh, which are known as cognitive distortions. And what happens is, is with those distorted thought patterns, um, it's, [00:04:00] they're, they're there to, um. Help us rec, or they're supposed to tell us that there's a threat, but what happens is, is that they actually catastrophize or we end up in this black or white thinking, and it actually keeps us playing smaller, which does keep us from advancing or stepping into the success.
Now, neuroscience further deepens that. Of this understanding of the inner critic by doing brain imaging. So, uh, like functional MRI scans have demonstrated increased activity in certain regions of the amygdala, uh, when individuals face uncertainty or vulnerability. In association with success. So that elevated brain activity amplifies our internal alertness to those potential threats, and then it manifests as these louder, more persistent self-critical thoughts.
So the interesting thing about all of this though, is that the loudness of the inner critic is often directly related to the importance of the potential impact of the goal or success that you're pursuing. [00:05:00] So the greater the significance of your achievement. Or perceived achievement, the greater the internal resistance.
Now, author Stephen Pressfield in, uh, resistance noted that it consistently escalates in direct proportion to the importance of the work or action that you're undertaking. So what that means is the louder you're in a critic, the more significant that your progress is likely to be, or you're on the precipice of achieving.
So now that we have sort of that research behind us. You know, I wanna talk about what are some ways that, uh, you could potentially move through this. The very first thing is cognitive behavioral or cognitive reframing, and it comes from cognitive behavioral therapy that has repeatedly demonstrated that when you can reframe.
Self-critical thoughts, uh, you're able to shift. So if cognitive reframing involves noticing a negative thought, for instance, and then intentionally replacing it with a more balanced, rational, and compassionate thought, so if there's a negative thought, it's [00:06:00] actually challenging it and, and. Recognizing what's actually true.
So for example, if the inner critic is saying, you're not good enough for this promotion, A reframe on that could be, uh, well, and in asking the question, what's actually true is I have the skills and the qualifications for this role. And so even if a challenge arises, I do have the ability to learn and adapt and.
Studies have shown that consistent reframing decreases the anxiety and decreases the loudness of that inner critic. The second thing is mindful awareness. Uh, research from mindful based, uh, cognitive therapy demonstrates that developing mindful awareness can greatly reduce the intensity of negative self-talk.
So when we come, when we become more aware of our critical inner dialogue without immediately believing it, and we don't react to it emotionally, we create a space between. Our thought and ourselves. John Cabot zinn's research actually on mindfulness indicates that if you make this a regular practice, [00:07:00] even brief mindfulness exercises, it can reduce the stress and the anxiety and also the self critic.
So just noticing your in inner critic being curious, gently labeling it. Right. This is my inner critic talking That can diminish, uh, the emotional hold that it has on you. Then of course if you guys know me, you know that I'd bring up self-compassion. Cultivating self-compassion is a huge way, uh, to deal with the inner critic.
Dr. Kristen Neff demonstrates the powerful benefits of self-compassion and reducing inner critic and anxiety. Um, self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would show a loved one or a really good friend who is experiencing similar self-doubt. Thoughts, and again, this, her studies have shown consistently that if you.
If you practice self-compassion, so kindness over judgment, you're gonna reduce cortisol levels, right? Reduce that stress hormone, you'll reduce the anxiety, and it also enhances emotional resilience. So by doing this on a daily basis and, [00:08:00] and really reaffirming yourself that you are capable, you are worthy, you are exactly who you need to be.
It can shift the, the dynamic that you have with that inner critic. And then of course there's, um, exposure and progressive action, which behavioral psychology and neuroscience research say that if you can take consistent, manageable steps towards your goal, you'll reduce anxiety and that also will reduce, or, or.
Quiet the inner critic's voice. So exposure therapy studies, for instance, indicate that AVO instead of um, or avoiding situations, will actually reinforce the inner critic. So what you can do is gradually take steps towards that and it'll diminish the intensity of the inner critic. So just taking those steady, manageable actions, even if they're small ones, it will prove to yourself that you can, you can handle it, and it will rewire that self-critical thought.
And then of course, uh, journaling. Um, there's so much psychological research around the, the benefits of journaling as a [00:09:00] really helpful method to manage negative self-talk. So just writing down those critical thoughts. First of all, it helps you identify recurring patterns, but again, it gives you space between the thought and yourself.
So when you put it down on paper, you can now step into almost observer mode and you can have it, it can almost work in tandem with cognitive reframing and it, and it actually allows you to see it and to actually challenge it. So getting it out of your head and onto paper. So I just want you to remember that, you know, if you are experiencing the inner critic, first of all, it's really, it's quite normal.
Uh, many of us deal with it, but it also. It can really be indicative of the fact that you are on the precipice of something big for yourself. And just understanding the psychology and the neuroscience behind it can, can really help you recognize that you're not alone or you're not odd for, for even having inner critic.
It's just once you notice it, what are you gonna do about it? So hopefully some of these tools today will help you, but really I encourage you [00:10:00] to step into a place of grace and self-compassion, and hopefully as you continue to implement these things, that inner critic, the voice gets. Quieter and quieter.
And you can, you can reduce the volume and if you'd like to talk about how coaching can help you, feel free to book a time with me anytime at coachwithkamini.com. And until next time, stay well.