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Finding life after loss, Two Dancing Widows dives into the stories of resilience, hope, and transformation. Hosts Toni and Hettie welcome new guests each week, from widowers and life coaches to those battling severe illness, who share their journeys through struggle and their paths back to joy. This podcast is for anyone navigating grief or simply looking for inspiration to live and love deeply again. Tune in for heartfelt conversations that remind us all that healing, while challenging, is a dance worth stepping into.
Coming up on this episode of Two Dancing Widows.
I have a stare set to me.
The day, honey, you're good and the alarm.
Well, I'm saying the lesson.
So there is a villain in the story.
They are the best of villain in the stare.
So it's not, um, this carpeting is not a sliding rug.
No, it is the actual stair facedest set that's half of a green grid.
There's your role, all but you need to learn this lesson.
So I want to pass on the lesson to you so that you don't have to take the trouble down the street.
Welcome to Two Dancing Widows.
The podcast where hosts Tony and Hetty explore life after loss and the strength we find in each other's stories.
We're so grateful you're here with us in season two.
Before we dive in, we love to stay connected.
Visit us at twodancingwittows.transistor.fm
or you can listen to every episode and find the link to join our Facebook community.
We truly cherish hearing from you, your stories, your reflections, and your encouragement help shape this space in such a meaningful way.
If you were with us at the end of season one, you'll remember Tony's unforgettable, dramatic exit down the stairs.
The fall that resulted in a broken ankle and a reminder that sometimes life slows us down whether we're ready or not.
What felt like an interruption at the time became something more, a moment to pause, reflect, and learn.
And today, Tony shares what that experience taught her about awareness, about slowing down, and about the unexpected wisdom that can come from life's hardest moments.
So let's jump right in with Hetty asking the question we all want to know.
What happened?
It was the last time I instantly get into a tumble down the stairs right after Thanksgiving.
Not because the stairs were slick, that can cause the lights to or out, no, because I was carrying an arm bowl of stuff.
And not holding on to the railing and absolutely not watching where my feet were going.
And the stairs said to me, the day, honey, you're going to learn.
Oh, and less.
So there is a villain in the story. Yeah, that's the villain in the stairs.
So it's not, um, it's Carpet TV is not a sliding rug. No, it is the actual staircase that said, does have a meeting greet.
Since you're a little old, but you need to learn this lesson. So I want to pass on the lesson to you so that you don't have to take a tumble down stairs.
Okay, well, we'll start. How do you do that first things first? You know how when you're young and your mother, grandmother, people in your life were trying to build yourself confidence.
And they always tell you hold your head up. Hold your head up. Honey, don't keep your head down. Well, I always keep my head down because I need to see what's on the ground.
And now as a senior, I would say to all seniors, keep your hands down so that you can see what's in front of you.
A four-value, a step you're on and just be intentionally aware of your where you're feeding our landing. And absolutely without a doubt, do not carry a bunch of stuff down stairs.
And handy, I know you get some what you call them leader hats. They're hats. I'm just gonna see me figure it out. I mean, to tell you not to carry anything down stairs is kind of funny because we kind of do what is like a nature of what some of us do.
I'm the one who actually goes to the top of the staircase and I throw my things, especially my laundry over the banister at lands of the floor. I go down there and collect it. I actually sometimes slide my suitcase downstairs and you know, of course at the ends of the bottom and then I go down and collect it as well.
So some of you can do that and some of you can't. But one thing I want to know, Tony, I don't know if you know this or not. But did you know that seniors and people with limited mobility for us are homeless and most dangerous place to be in that 70 to 80% of pit injuries are what they happen to senior people with limited mobility.
Of all the people that Dr. Cedia in the hospital with a fracture 70 to 80% of them are seniors or people who began with a limited mobility. So that's one of the reasons we also wanted to talk about this because we wanted to talk about some of the risk and some of the things that you should be looking for.
Aside from the fact that I wanted to laugh at Tony now because she was injured, but because sometimes she's just far less graceful than I think she should be.
And when you said see here's I would you talked about following I immediately thought about what will all seniors have you know, you're a gambler's handle and now we are our grandmother's.
And I think that's what I want to talk about is that I want to talk about those extra loves on the floor. Yes. And oftentimes people's finger caught up in them or they sweat on them. So that's something that if you have a lot of throw logs around the very, very careful of those.
And now I look one right outside the shower, but I bought online a gorilla rug and it's because it's so hard to move when she put it down and doesn't move at all.
And that's good. I was very careful about buying something like that. Also those famous house numbers. Yes.
Was no backs on them ladies, gentlemen, friends of all ages be very, very careful when you're going down the steps and back down would say at our age or get your age, you need shoes that have a good grip.
You might have been going up and down.
And I've just been aware of now. And so I'm going to try for this moment on to be very intentional about what I do and putting things on the stairs.
Again, something I do I have to lazy to run it up there so I start making piles and I go up the stairs sometimes up to five and six stairs with just little things that are on there.
I think you were at my house recording for a hot gas. What about a month before I had this fall and she heard from the woman, she's like Tony are you okay.
I'm going to put some things on the stairs and forgot they were there. So when I was coming downstairs, I ran into those things and fell on that time and broke a toe.
This time I broke 10,000 and then you know and had to have surgery and actually when I was on the ground, my foot was almost turned around.
Wow. So this was a different kind of injury. This was an entry that says you have an attention and giving you little minutes, little broken toe now and then, but now I'm happy.
So I think the other thing is that you were really lucky that someone was there. Absolutely. Good. Your granddaughter happened to be there because you also didn't take the care that we're going to talk about today, which is not always natural to us, but you were not walking around your phone.
And that one I told you before I didn't really get because I absolutely hate hate hate hate with the passion cell phones and I was sharing with you that I felt that it did that it invaded my privacy because people could call me anytime today no matter where I was the light was in the middle of where you could turn your phone off, but I forget to do that.
But it's just this whole idea of how I'm patient privacy that bothers me, but at a certain age or certain skill level.
It's something we need to do or have, but I will share with you that I tell you about not just the cell phone because I actually had my cell phone in that pile of stuff, right?
But if they'll act why before I fell down and but you have something on your arm that I am going to start wary that would have been a benefit to me.
I'm going to watch Samson makes one GPS makes one there's several types of watches that connect to your phone or to the internet and I did a little swan dog myself one day,
running around a corner without looking and there was a tour that was out and I flipped over and when I hit the floor my phone my wristwatch actually said to me,
are you okay? Do you need help? Share a call 911 and I was like, well I wasn't hurt at all. I was far more curious. I was so fascinated.
I was sitting down looking at and thinking, did this thing just talk to me and it certainly did and I did anyone of any age that was alone needs to have something like that.
And I said, no, I'm okay. And it said something like, are you sure? And I said, yes, I'm okay. So it did not doubt 911, but that's another thing that that call a little hack or something to keep it from on as we go through this new, this new idea that we need to think about.
That we need to put in our head it is called a permanent mindset and we need to have a permanent mindset, well we are aware of our surroundings aware of where we live.
Like I said, the number one place for instances for seniors every window to mobility happens to be inside their home.
So Tony, tell us what all happened and what are you going to do right now? How are you doing? I'm doing fine. It was a very slow process.
When the parent and ex arrived, they said, damn, we're going to lift you. I said, don't touch me. And they said, well, man, can you tell us how we will get you on a stretcher if we can't touch you?
And I thought smart asses, but anyway, I said, okay, so with me gently because I was so worried that my foot was going to fall off.
And they did and everything was okay, but I did find out when you have to have surgery, I'm to surgery, you know, no weight bearing on my foot for a month or so.
And now I can only take my boot off to show, but other than that, if I'm going to stay and I have to have the boot on, if I'm going to move around.
So I'm moving around with a walker. I looked at the walker the other day and my son and I had attached this little black basket on the front and I started laughing and I thought, wow, the things you never do that you would need in life is a walker with a basket on.
You know, there's just too much senior citizen for me, but I'm saying what? That's the only way I can carry my phone, my purse or any something like that.
So it has been an experience of learning to be patient with myself.
But first I was very angry with myself. I was willing to press and I just thought everything seemed to be happening. You know, we're very social ladies and the whole holidays season.
Everything was happening all that I could maintain and my friends were so wonderful. They've sending pictures, beautiful pictures.
Now, so they do all of so gorgeous and not so much fun and I was howling on one lane, but I am grateful and I look forward to being able to drive.
I don't know when that will turn out. Time for a hat. Time for a hat. So after Tommy's little slip and fall, I started with four things for safety for going up and downstairs and one thing I found that I felt really kind of cool is that you take a basket one of those plastic baskets maybe a less laundry basket.
Not too big maybe medium size. You find a belt that has couple extra inches on it. They can fit around the waist and you run out of belt, move the basket. Now some people can actually put two on there and they put the belt through there and then you, you know, you fasten the belt, launch it your waist and you could put the baskets either one in front of you, one behind you, one on each side of you.
And you can carry lightweight not long having the clothing and things or your your phone and the computer other things down and what that does is it free sure hands for the evening, the dwelling and also for watching where you're going or where you're stepping. So that's one thing and then I think you mentioned about the back room.
So let's just talk about that for just a second. I mean back room, the bathroom is actually on a list of most dangerous places. It tends to be most there's another one.
Bathrooms are no two kitchens are no three and the ones are no four. So for your bathroom, you mean to think about installing a handrail and you still have to be really bad hair rails.
I actually have found some that have like spawn some some like overstitch fall on the end of the things they can be really quite cute.
They might be there to you. Did you install the hand? Yes, I have an order. I hand grip and also order the shower chair. That's really been very helpful is the shower chair without any tell you.
Think of an all for it.
And you don't have a walking shower. It has to be the same.
I had to be careful of the little one of those walking shower because I'm walking shower. I've actually broken my toe.
Oh, that's what my toes cross. I mean, like you know how we can cross your fingers for a lot. That's what my toes like.
I'm talking about broken them twice. I've gone to the dog here and they're like the only thing we can do is put in tens of you know, on stints or whatever.
And then they're just going to stay straight out and probably better off just letting them heal.
But they they have kind of held up and all of that. And I don't think about all men. That's all awful because I love wearing sandals and I remember when God used to say my toes like Lollipops.
Okay, that's that story.
That's probably a fallen off the cliff.
I haven't fallen over Tony. I'm not going to just want to.
I mean, I did look down that I did do.
But so that's what we're doing back before we leave there. Don't forget about the toilet.
Many of us still have original toilets and bathroom.
That toilet is at one point, bro. 15 inches tall and they didn't move about about 17 to 18 inches.
But that's standard right now. And you'll be getting 19, 20 or 21 inch there.
There are more difficult to find. But you must be well worth there. So worth it. And if you can't get that they actually have toilet seats.
Yes, that have an extra three or four inch batting.
And that's also something that you should install in your house and they just to try to make you better safer.
So now just about and grips seats in the bathroom. Well, they don't well be as elevating the toilet.
And that is just more kitchen area. They have to put bad areas.
You know, you know, you know, I don't know. I feel about hacks. I keep put a stair, make two trips.
And that's necessary. Yeah. All the children grandchildren, neighbors, anyone I get something for you and the folks.
Well, some people think it's exercise and I do think the answer is that well, I think is that any other one of exercise you have to exercise question.
Yes. And you have to begin a situational awareness was my situation.
I was very much stuck where am I on two stories up on the bottom. You know, I actually have a cheerleaf in my own home.
I felt by the way, not in my home, but in my daughter's home. But I didn't know the cheerleaf.
I'm thinking a bit yesterday, but I wasn't. No, it needs to be overhauled. You know, kind of some maintenance that I'm thinking about getting it going and being where you need a cheerleaf.
I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about.
I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about.
I just, and my granddaughter calls her. And what I'm doing this fall.
Oh, no. And so I re-learned that over and over here, but it's all right before I go.
Thank you. That dream. Yes. I can go.
Recurring nightmare. And so I figured she was also.
But I didn't stress.
My physical there. It's telling me that it was.
I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I didn't stress. I
felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running. I felt like I was
I felt like I was running. I felt like I was running.
I'm behind you, or to your left.
Let's didn't know that you're aware of it,
so that they're aware that you're behind them
because some of the worst things that have happened
are people dropping, you know what,
it's chilly and other things.
One, you, yes, even on the floor,
it's really dinner because someone walk into someone else.
So, it was so cool.
That's a really good set because I had actually seen that happen
to someone with a hot chicken noodle soup.
Really?
Yeah, I made it to flight.
Hard times with chili.
Yeah.
So, it is this thing, it's a real thing.
One of the other things that you wanna think about
is how do you, you know, make certain
if you do little alone,
risk certain that your neighbor or somebody,
especially when you're into a certain thing,
you guys have, then you text each other every day
or twice a day so that people know that you're okay.
Somebody needs to be in touch with you every day,
something happens and no one knows
because they don't talk to you, they don't know.
And not only talk to you, make certain
that they have this, but people that they call it,
or get asked to move.
So, your neighbor should know a phone number
for your kids, your grandkids,
or your, you know, someone who wrote it with sister or brother.
I know we like to be private and like to be quiet
about these things, but those things that people need
to know, that's the rule.
Because if something happens,
then they can get you to the hospital of the doctor,
but if we can't talk or you're having surgery,
they don't know who to talk to.
It's very important that they're able to teach out
and it's time for them to know.
So, ask some, ask some of them.
Have a neighbor.
My neighbors are, they're about four or five of us,
and we've known each other since we were in our late twenties.
So, that's quite a long time.
And so, we trust each other.
And so, it's also something new to his nail hats,
they're to their house.
Oh, that's a good idea.
And then she also did things that are ways to have
because seniors fall sometimes trying to reach tall shelves.
And I know, last, I think,
because I had a house built with giants
and kids were all torn in me,
my husband's torn in me.
So, everything's up on a high shelf
and I actually have a step stool
that I'm used to get it to several things.
But as I step up there now,
I realize I'm a little shaky on it,
whereas I used to jump up and down it by the way.
I can, well, that's just two or three stairs on there.
And then, drops down and then kitchen will share.
Oh, no.
Now, I'm used to do that here.
So, the lot of us half of them in kitchen share,
please don't forget.
Talked about shares, maybe like in your kitchen,
though, or if your kitchen is near an office,
you could have an office chair that has breaks on it.
And then, let's use that.
Let's do a half of that one
because you can actually push that by the door
when you're headed out
and you come back from grocery shopping
or some other kind of shopping.
You can throw your bags into that chair,
release the bricks and push the items
to wherever you want them to go
or get it close to where especially grocery
you can push your glasses to the kitchen.
Yes. And I've had a shopping cart to,
oh, okay, why don't you hear it?
I'm yellow from the audience
because you know, my shopping cart is Wilbur,
Door to Ash, getting body net and we're rustic, goodness.
That was awful. That's awful.
So, here's one.
If you push your cart in the grocery store,
for me, I'm always trying to get this big thing of water
or whatever else, something heavy, sometimes again bleaching.
There's like three or four of you go to the place
like a fast go or some of these other outlets,
fall, please, or whatever.
And so, the cart, if you look at it,
there's the back bar that looks totally up
so that the another cart can be pushed in and they can line the cart.
So, well, if you are shopping when you're in the store,
you can also look at the back and pick your water up
instead of having to look at it over the rail
like so, the shopping cart just kind of stick it in the back
and flip that carto and then have a bow in there.
And also, when you get to the corner,
we're getting it out or change that cart to your car.
It lines up perfectly with control.
Oh, that's so you just notice.
Yeah, just kind of slowly go over and so that's everything.
That's what you're doing. Good.
You're not.
And so, the other day, she want to be,
we want to really be cautious though.
Our clubs, especially Lattau bus.
And the reason why is often times our TV
or last things, those boards are running behind furniture.
It's kind of nice to make sure that they're under the furniture
not just running, especially if there's a little wall,
wall space behind it, so for some,
you want to make sure they're under.
But we just plug our Lattau set in some where
and people go tripping over it
or I have had the situation where I've set my Lattau down
on the footstool and then I come back
and I trip right over the core,
getting into my seat.
I get that's I-stow.
Yeah, I-stow.
I-stow, always looking.
If you're opening packages, I've done that
and had them then fall.
Opening packages that are,
because I did, they'll order a lot.
And just putting the package down,
going to the next package,
getting off, making the phones ringing,
jar full off, and fall,
I fell over the package, the boxes.
Yeah, boxes.
So, once again, a safety mindset.
Yes.
So, let's just go through a couple of things
before we sign off today,
because I think we've preached to you
with nothing about this.
But we've tried to use the real life examples
like Tony and her clients themselves sometimes,
because actually she does swung vibes often.
This will just happen to be particularly bad.
But let's start with going through your home
and let's do it, make it a treasure,
hunt it or whatever.
And go through and start getting rid of some things
that you really don't feel mean or lose often
or move them to a space where you would go occasionally
to give them and fill up the space
with those things that you use often
so that you don't have to go too far.
So we'll call that like your golden circle of friends,
and you can put the things that you use often closer to you.
Make certain that your bathroom is well,
make certain that you have lights
that when you walk in the room, they come on.
We should not have to go across the room
to turn on light and light it at dark.
And this is especially important in the bathroom
at night time.
Find some new shoes to wear,
put them by the bedside,
get rid of those house shoes
that I have that open back,
and make certain that you have some shoes
that you can put on that have a good grip.
I was thinking about that
and we talked about that the other day.
So I lived in my closet for some shoes
and I found a pair of tots.
Not promoting tots, I don't have any,
I don't even have any stock in it.
But just to say that they have a driving shoe,
and a driving shoes and they saw shoes
they think they wear like a house shoe.
But it has a rubber bottom
with a little bit of a texture and gray on it.
And it really,
the fact is going up and down the stairs in those shoes
and it has a really nice grip.
And you know, a lot of the athletic shoes now,
they have that model where you can put your foot in
and you don't have to bend over a tie
and you just slide your foot in.
But it still has good grip on the thigh.
Exactly.
So it comes back full-cloth back in all price ranges.
Okay, so it doesn't have to be anything out.
Right?
Just make sure you secure your loose rugs,
your carpeting, get that double sided tape.
If you can't get a rug,
that's what did you call it?
A gorilla?
It's called a gorilla rug.
A gorilla rug?
I never heard of it.
But I thought,
okay, remind it me a gorilla rug.
Yes.
And I thought, okay, so I'm going to try this.
That was the catch.
Yeah, put the bench in front door,
get your garage door, put them by your sink.
And if you don't need them,
throw rocks like grandma,
get rid of them.
I don't think grandma,
I don't know, grandpa's do me,
brother,
they don't need them anymore.
We don't need them anymore.
Yeah, the other thing is that,
be careful, we're talking about grandma,
as we talk about people with limited mobility.
But I've seen a few kids,
a few babies,
I don't think,
because I know at my house,
the kids used to love to slide across the web floor
and their size.
And just see,
they run down and they slide across the floor
as if it's ice.
And a couple of times,
they run into the wall.
I'm here.
And so,
you do want to pull those rocks up and other things.
And don't let any grandchildren
run with bags on their heads.
Now,
kids run around with bags on their heads.
And I can't do it.
So I'm about to tell them,
really,
really,
yes, really,
give bags,
give bags on their heads.
I said,
mom, just calm down.
Why are you so nervous all the time?
I like this.
I've never seen people
who are going to be so bad on their head.
We used to put bags on our head,
but we used to cut holes
and then so that we don't see out.
Just put the bag on your head.
And you just run.
Yeah, I thought,
okay, well, I'm too old for this.
I just go for another room.
I know sometimes we,
sometimes we,
these kids are grounds,
we don't know,
surely,
but they just make us feel
severely limited and somewhat dated.
But,
but yeah,
so we really want to talk to you.
They want to start to see,
you know,
with some good safety tips,
different all the reason
that we want you are listeners
to still be around to listen to us.
And dance.
And because I am looking for today,
I'm dancing again.
Are you?
Oh,
absolutely.
Are you dancing and driving?
Are you going to put all of you?
Well,
sir,
are you going to be,
I mean,
because you
pretty bend up there.
That all I am,
that thing on your foot is,
you know, I know.
It's, it's,
it's bad,
but I am boy,
today,
it's by summertime.
I am dancing again.
And I hopefully will be driving.
So when does that think a lot?
I don't know.
My next appointment is the end of the month
and the doctorals aside,
if I have
so many more reason
or if I can come out of it
into an athletic shoe.
My trainer thinks that
if I keep everything going the way it is
and I'm faithfully, you know,
I'm participating in my therapy
that I may be out of the dive arch.
So we're ready to fly.
We can go on vacation sometimes.
I am ready to trail,
fly,
drive,
dance.
Yes.
And wow,
we have to think of some places to go.
Absolutely.
So what I would say is that
I think it's time for you to put on your dancing shoes.
At least one.
At least one.
And I'm
laced it off.
Yeah.
Yes,
bell.
When you say I have a contraption
on the other foot,
it is called even up
and it keeps my shoe.
It allows my other
my left foot to be as saying
well as the boot so that I'm not walking
my walking a little bit.
That's great.
Yeah.
That's great.
Hi, girls.
Look out.
I know.
Well, anyway,
we do want to thank the audience for indulging us today,
listening to awful stuff.
But I did think it was really important.
We talk about it.
And, you know,
and just the kudo on the channel to my neighbor who by the way,
we found out yesterday she took a dive down with steps
and she has a broken ribs and they kept her in hospital overnight.
I think they're going to let her go today.
And she's fortunate not to have,
but you mentioned it.
Tell me to have a launcher along.
She did not do that.
Yes, but she did break in
who's always she could have so easily that that could be done.
So although we laughed and we've acted silly and told
crazy stories, we really hope it will take the information
given today to hard and be safe out there,
be intentional about your surroundings and look down and make sure
that you are going in the right direction.
Don't forget to be safe.
Be mindful.
And with that, we say thanks for joining us today.
In the twilight glow,
where memories plan to souls reminisce on life's winding
man.
We laughed during tales from a time so bold they share the stories
yet I'm told.
Oh,
two dancing widows in the dance of life's in
brings finding rhythm after 70 and time in space.
With every step a new story unfolds in the journey.
The beauty of aging is told to dancing with us in the dance
of life's in place finding rhythm after all.
In time and space,
with every step a new story unfolds in the journey.
The beauty of life is told.