Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
The hardest part of achieving a goal is starting. Being sendy means making courageous decisions to try something before you have all of the answers. This podcast will remind you of the remarkable life you are living and will give you new ideas to make your life more meaningful and exciting and give you courage to accomplish your goals by stopping the negative voices in your head and just sending it!
I hope that maybe this podcast can give a light and courage to those people who feel stuck or who are maybe dealing with someone that they know and love who is experiencing something that's different and difficult.
I'm a therapist. I work a lot with people that have relationship struggles when someone has any type of trauma, there's what my parents called defensive detachment. Okay. Where you
you avoid getting hurt again by withdrawing.
Welcome to the Sendy Mom podcast. I am really excited to be here with my friend, Mary Jean Ridges, who is a good friend. We haven't been friends for many, many years, like some of my other guests, but we've been friends for probably about two years, I think, a year and half. On the mountain bike team. So our boys both race on on a NICA mountain bike team. And if you
would like to be you're interested in having your kids be a part of something really awesome, then look for your local mountain bike team because it's been a really great experience. We both volunteer on the team. And that's always a great Sendy thing to do a little bit about Mary Jean is that she is I'll let her kind of introduce herself in a minute, but she's a therapist at
Wasatch Behavioral Health. And so you can find her there and we'll talk a little bit more about her and kind of get to know her a little bit better. Mary Jean is very Sendy When you're around her, you feel like you're the most important person. And that's what I really love about Mary Jean because she immediately included me into her community. And that is a very Sendy thing to do. We are also a part of the Sendy Moms on Bikes group.
which is super fun. And I would really encourage any of you to start your own community of Sendy moms that do fun Sendy things. So Sendy moms on bikes is a great community if you're interested in being a part of it and you're in the Utah County area, please let me know at becky@sendymom.com
So I'll start out by just having you, why don't you tell me what you think a sendy mom is? A sendy mom is someone who is willing to do hard things, willing to take risks, willing to be brave, willing to learn from mistakes.
Someone who sends out to the world good things. I love that. Sending out good things to the world is and that really it's, you know, sending sometimes when we talk about being a Sendy mom, we think you're going to do something, but I love that you're actually sending out this kind of feeling to the rest of the world of confidence really. Right. So
That's great. Thank you. Yeah. Thanks lot for that. So just tell me a little bit about yourself, about the family you grew up in and the family you have now. So I am the fourth of nine children. grew up mostly in Kaysville and I have five brothers and three sisters. And so, there were a lot of Sendy activities going on with that large of a family. several of my siblings are
a little on the hyperactive end. And so we had a lot of adventures. Yeah. And I would you consider yourself on the hyperactive side? I would consider myself more risk averse compared to some of my siblings. And in fact, my younger brother was one that encouraged me to be a lot more Sendy when I was growing up. He's the one that encouraged me to do my first black diamond on the hills and would pick up my skis when I.
fell and you know, things like that. So it's, he encouraged me to do, running. I I did my first 5k with his encouragement. he he's actually on his way right now to Granada to go spend time with my brother. Who's very sendy He lives on a boat now and travels.
And his goal is to go to Tahiti. He's already sailed from Florida down to Bahamas and Granada And he's just pursuing what he loves, what brings him joy. And they've far surpassed things that I will do in my lifetime. know, courageous wife. But to see that my parents allow that and encourage that.
And so I guess that's part of how I was raised is that.
Our parents had confidence in us that we could.
we could succeed at life. And I think that's very important, just that underlying trust. Yeah, things will work out and good can come from whatever choices you've made in life. And sometimes you make bad choices and that's okay too, because that's the only way that we're going to learn is by making those bad choices. And then, and it's what we do after we make those bad choices that makes the difference. So you can have kind of some trauma.
And I painful choices. Yes. Not necessarily good or bad, but ones that just are a little bit a lesson learned the hard way versus the easier way. Right. And I guess that's been my tendency is to watch others and try to learn from their mistakes before I jump in and
So tell me about your brother that's sailing. Is that like a permanent residence for him on the boat? Except when he's working a temp job. To gain money to continue his... To go back on the boat. That's amazing. Does he have a family? He has a wife.
He had leukemia so is not able to have any of their own children. So you make other life plans. Yeah for sure Wow, that's amazing Well, and that's the that's the thing sometimes we pivot from what we thought we were gonna do and we can still make a life because it's it's our choices that help us to make the life That we love so that's fantastic. Very good. What about you at the family that you are in now the family I'm in now we have four children one has moved out already
And our youngest is 13 in junior high. Okay. All right. So, and do you encourage them to do activities that teach them some courage and fearlessness? So, the whole reason I got involved in mountain biking was because our oldest son was just very persistently requesting to be
able to join the team and in the process you have to sign all these waivers and basically sign their life away because it has inherent risks. And I thought, and it made me afraid. And I think...
I decided that I was going to find out what this was all about. If I was going to sign him up for it, was going to know what is mountain biking and why all the waivers. the friend of my sons who encouraged him to get into mountain biking said, hey, you really ought to be a ride leader. They need ride leaders. Parents can bike along with their kids and all you have to do is watch these videos.
You can be a biker too. And so with his encouragement and invitation, I took a risk, did something outside of my comfort So you had never ridden before? Well, I had ridden a tiny bit. really this was my first experience.
getting into mountain biking was with my son. Wow. And so I was very grateful for the invitation because that's one reason why people do something that's risky or outside their comfort zone is because somebody invites them or encourages them or somehow they get inspired. Yes. Yeah. I love that. So I'm really glad and I haven't stopped since.
Tell me about your high school growing up. And I know that well, and even your single life, because I know it was it was a little bit before you got married. Maybe you felt like you were a little older. Maybe it's not really that.
that old, right? But during that single life, what are some of the things that maybe you tried and some successes you had and some things that you decided maybe this isn't for me? Tell me about some of some of that. in high school, I was in the marching band. Okay, that was fun. I did try track. And for whatever reason, I decided that wasn't for me. But I did run a few races. And that was fun.
After high school, I went away to college. That was risky. That was fun and an adventure. I'm glad I did. And you went, you were at Davis High School and then you were at Weber State. Is that right? Yes. Okay. But I lived at home. mean, that was relatively safe and I could commute. I graduated in social work and gerontology. And then I decided to do a master's at the University of South Carolina.
which meant moving out of state, leaving my friends, leaving what was familiar to me, and I'm really glad that I did. Yeah, yeah. What are some of the things that you learned? Well, I learned about different cultures. Just living in Utah, I didn't have any black friends. And when you live in South Carolina, there's much more opportunity to live among people who look differently than you.
And I learned a little bit just by living somewhere else. Why, or I guess how
many people make judgments and live with judgments that they have grown up with. Right. You know, even when in my church, the blacks were given the priesthood and that was announced in church. You know, I heard from the woman that I lived with at the time that half of her congregation got up and left and never came back. You know, the deep seated beliefs that were too much to overcome. Well, maybe not half, but a significant number of people that
that when you grow up with beliefs from what you were taught by your parents, it's hard to overcome. And that's why it's so important that parents teach kids truth, that we are all of value and we all are worth no matter what we look like. that, that this world is more exciting than it is frightening and that there is so much to gain from having people in your life.
who are different from you and traveling does wonderful things. yeah, absolutely. Broaden your perspective. And I did do a lot of traveling before I married since I married late. I was in my early thirties and that was kind of risky. Yeah. And yet also very fun and fulfilling. So how did you make the decision to go and travel? Like what
What was the impetus for traveling? So I served a mission for my church in Madrid, Spain. And the impetus was being able to go back for the dedication of the Madrid temple, which had been announced prior to my mission service. But then to be able to actually go back was just a real goal of mine and a highlight of my life. was exciting to be back there with people that I loved.
of seeing a culmination of things that I had worked for during that time. So tell me a little bit about your mission because some people don't maybe don't understand what what this mission is. So as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints I
was proselyting, encouraging people to find out more about our doctrine and more about Jesus Christ and to enter the waters of baptism and become a member themselves and all the joy that comes from that. And there's also trial and difficulty that comes from that. Both of my parents are converts and they gained a lot of joy and also
received some rejection from family as a result. so life isn't without its risks, but it also has the potential for so much joy. And I've seen that in their lives as well. So I can imagine. I think that people who decide to veer away from what they were raised.
the way that they were raised, would be a very difficult thing. And that would be a very sendy thing to do to have to take what you've grown up with and what you've been taught all your life and then to veer away and choose something else. And so I think that it's great that we have people out there that can give the option, that can give the opportunity for embracing something else. And if it does something good for your life, then embrace it and do it, you know, and that's I grew up with that story, that story of my mom.
choosing a different lifestyle. Yeah. And she had grown up, in New York. She was born in Brooklyn and raised in Manhattan, Manhasset. And they were raised with a cook and a maid. mean, this is, this is very different from the life that she ended up raising us with for sure. So,
When she was older, she decided to completely leave New York and go do a mission of her own of sorts to find out what the world was really about. And she actually went to India and worked in a leprasorium Examining women for leprosy. How neat. Okay. Tell me a little bit about her story then. so your mother was a very Sendy.
Mom. Yeah. Who does that? Yeah. But how old was she when she did that? she was in her twenties. Okay. So she was already a member of the church at that time. Okay. And which was, a very sendy thing to do. She grew up, with a very wonderful set of parents who were very loving and, anyway, just for, for reasons that she chose, she, she wanted to travel and.
do this type of mission, which is a service mission in Madras at Scheffelin Leprosy Research Sanatorium, where she was a trained paramedical worker, trained to diagnose leprosy and examine the women of the village. Okay, so was she a nurse? No. Okay, she just got trained to be able to do leprosy. Yes, this was a service mission.
even sure what the group was, but she worked with Dr. Paul Brand, who is the one that pioneered research. Yes, I think I've heard of him before. Okay. And don't you find like when you get into your twenties, I, and I've noticed this with my kids, and I think I probably did the same thing you do start looking at the world, your your view starts to expand and you kind of start seeing the injustices in the world and you want to do something about it. I know I had
on my on my list of things that I wanted to do. I wanted to go to Romania and help the AIDS babies because during that time I was like in the 90s or something and that there was a huge epidemic and I felt like all these poor babies they just need somebody to hold them you know and so I think and I my daughter has kind of gotten to that same point in her life where she sees the injustices and she's very angry and wants to fix them and wants to help and so I love that that's a
perfect time to go out and do some good in the world and get that that feeling of making a difference. So yeah. Okay. So continue. Tell me your story. So it was just fun. We grew up hearing about the Python that lived in the village that nobody ever saw the head and the tail at the same time. Goodness. Yeah. And the Jeep had to pause before it. They didn't.
ride over it because they were afraid it might damage the Jeep. That's how it's so big. And in her little hut where she lived, there was a cobra's nest in the roof and occasionally a cobra baby would drop down on the floor and you just kind of avoid it. And anyway, just knowing that she took those risks in order to grow and serve. was that was just always an inspiration to me. Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Well, good. And tell me about your dad then he grew up in West Virginia.
He up in West Virginia
He said there was an abandoned dam where he played as a boy and they would jump across. It was about an eight or a nine foot distance. as a boy, was a That's considerable. Yeah. You had to get up your courage to do it. And once you left the ground, once you jumped, there was no going back. Right. He said there was no reservation.
I leaped expecting to land successfully. My whole effort went into it. Not just a little bit. When I took flight, 100 % was given in this effort. And he envisioned himself getting there. There was not an option to fail. And there are times in life where you make such a leap that you're just going to go for it and do something. And you give it your all. You truly do.
You said, courage is not the absence of fear, but facing the fear and doing it anyway. We are afraid because we run. When we stand and face our fears, we overcome. You get better at that which you persist in doing. And that is really true. if it's consistent and it's deliberate practice, then you will get better.
and I actually didn't learn the full story of his conversion until around their 50th wedding anniversary. Wow. So I learned that he had grown up gay and I knew nothing of his story before. So my mom knew full well when she married him and he had been living a straight lifestyle.
for five years at that time when they met. And that's a sendy thing to do too, to leave a lifestyle behind. And he had his own spiritual experience through prayer that helped him recognize that this lifestyle was not pleasing to God and that God had other things in store for him. And he left that, he left his lover and went home to try to make peace with his
his parents. So he had, so he obviously, I guess he had a lover and so he had come out. had lived the gay lifestyle. Okay. Yeah. And he had, he had grown up with his own trauma the reason I found out about their experience was because they came to each of their nine children with individually with a copy of their manuscript for the book that they were publishing.
It's called homosexuality reframed growth beyond gay. And we live in a world and this is very risky for me to even be talking about because in our world, a of feelings, a lot of feelings around it. And I am very sensitive to that. And there's a lot of, in the literature about whether you're born gay, stay gay, and you certainly can't pray the gay away. So it must be.
or in that way just embrace it.
parents wrote this book to help those who are experiencing unwanted same gender attraction and to know that there is an option for change. And when he joined the church and saw the light in these missionaries,
And that they had something he didn't have. This confidence in this development of self. He wanted that. That lifestyle. And when he read the Book of Mormon, there's a verse in 1st Nephi 3.7 that says, God won't give you a commandment without providing a way. And so he knew there had to be a way
He has results studied psychology. My parents are both therapists and he has done a lot of research working with those who identify with same gender attraction and has written this book. I hope that maybe this podcast can give a light and courage to those people who feel stuck or who are maybe dealing with someone that they know and love who is experiencing something that's different and difficult.
when you realize the reason for...
the detachment from your own gender or from relationships in general. I'm a therapist. I work a lot with people that have relationship struggles and it doesn't have to be just with your own gender. But when those needs are met, when someone has any type of trauma, there's what my parents called defensive detachment. Okay. Where you
you avoid getting hurt again by withdrawing. And he grew up opposite from my mom who had a very loving upbringing and his was somewhat abusive and quite abusive. And he, he learned to, to overcome that and to be able to take risks in forming relationships, both with his own gender and with.
which is where the healing comes in. And that's what the book talks all about is it's about meeting those healthy bonds with your own same gender. Interesting. And that's where the healing occurs.
That is a very Sendy thing to talk about. Thanks Mary Jean. I appreciate it. Yeah. And so, so, but 50 years later and they're married and happily married. Yes. And it was also a very Sendy thing to have nine children. Yes. My mom grew up in a culture where it was taboo to have more than two children.
Becky Brouwer (22:30)
So today I've got something a little bit different for our Sendy Spotlight. Mary Jean suggested I have a Sendy Man Spotlight. So I'm going to talk about Dr. Paul Brand, who she suggested he was born in 1914 to missionary parents in India. He and his wife always knew they wanted to be missionary doctors.
So in 1946, they joined a hospital staff in India. They found a colony of lepers just outside the hospital that were not being treated. Nobody wanted to treat lepers. Dr. Brand decided to study leprosy and he built a small village next to the hospital to study leprosy, treat it, and also teach trades. Dr. Brand discovered that the leprosy bacteria deaden nerves so patients couldn't feel pain.
they couldn't feel wounds when they'd have them and they'd be left untreated and eventually they'd become infected and then they'd have to be amputated. That's why they would lose limbs. Dr. Brand also reconstructed limbs for people who had lost limbs due to infection. Dr. Brand never made much money for all the work he did, but he found great joy and satisfaction in the work he was able to do with his leprosy patients. He once said,
happy are they who bear their share of the world's pain. In the long run, they will know more happiness than those who avoid it. Dr. Brand also said, I thank God for pain. I cannot think of a greater gift I could give my leprosy patients. So often we equate pain with something horrible, when in fact, pain helps us to know when there is something we need to fix. I've spent some time considering pain and what the purpose of it is.
There is so much pain in the world. And sometimes I feel responsible for it or that I need to fix it all. I'm a spiritual person and I feel I was drawn to the conclusion that one benefit of pain is that it connects humans to each other in compassion in no other way that can happen. We all feel pain and through pain, we develop empathy and compassion for people who experience pain.
Perhaps there's no better way to understand the human condition better than through pain. Instead of condemning pain, let's lean into it, recognize how it can connect us and teach us to think of others. I really don't understand your pain. I definitely have had loss and pain. My brother passed away 25 years ago when he was just 18 years old due to a terrible car accident.
The death was tragic and I know we often wonder where Steven would be now. Through his death, we were able to come closer as a family and have an understanding of others' pain and loss with more empathy. So my challenge to you is to think about the pain you are currently experiencing and consider how you can take the humility, compassion, and love that you have learned through that trial and send it to others who are experiencing pain too.
Becky Brouwer (25:41)
Well, let's go back to you and talk a little bit about maybe some of the goals that you've had in your life that you've wanted to accomplish. We already talked about the mountain biking and I think you've really overcome maybe some major obstacles and some fear about that. And now being able to slowly progress and get better at the mountain biking. Are there other things that you've had on your list that you've kind of wanted to accomplish or things that maybe that you still is on your list that you're trying to?
get towards. So I'm at an interesting crossroads of life and I
All I ever wanted to do was be a mom. I just wanted that so much. And I did not even marry till my early thirties. So I had the opportunity to do a lot of other things as well. And,
You develop skills by necessity and by desire, by choice. being a therapist has been something that's brought me a lot of joy and I'm grateful to be moving back into that. I stopped working after my first child was born and I am very grateful that I was able to be with my children at full time helping them.
learn skills that would help them be able to set off and make a good life. I interviewed my parents before doing this podcast about, did you raise this intentionally to be risk takers? One of the things my mom said is that competence breeds confidence.
Okay. Yeah. I agree. When you are skilled at something, then you're more willing that you're able to do things. And so she was very intentional about helping us be skilled at different things and even planning parties. My older sister and I were the ones put in charge at 11 and 12 of putting on birthday parties for my younger siblings. And I never learned until I was older.
probably an adult, that parties terrify my mother. Really? That she was terrified of doing something like that. And so she just happily handed it off to us, same with phone calls. She...
was in high school and made a phone call or was supposed to do a phone call with a high school group and didn't have the experience, the confidence to be able to do that. And we live in a world where our youth are struggling. There's so much anxiety where people are texting and to actually have a face-to-face conversation is so hard for some people. It's outside of their competence. I remember as a teenager, I was in seventh grade and we started
different school, junior high and seventh grade. And I had had the same friend, one friend from second through sixth, and we kind of had a falling out. Well, there was a new girl that had moved into my church and I and my mom said, why don't you call her and invite her to go to the county fair with you? And I was so terrified to call this girl and talk to her. And so my mom just she
she helped me to kind of figure out what words to say and I picked up the phone I said, do you want to go to the fair with me? and the girl was like really bubbly and she said yeah I'd love to go with you I was still so nervous and I was like okay great I'll go pick you up at Monday at four or something and then hang up the phone and but the the fact that I was able to do that my mom didn't let
me get off the hook, had to do it myself. She didn't arrange the play date for me. I think that's really important. And a lot of times we coach or we help our children too much. And even when they're really little and they need to be cleaning up, my gosh, it's so much easier to just go pick up the Legos yourself, right? But I would sit there with my two-year-old and I would grab her hand. She's crying, no, and crying the whole time. And I grab her hand, put it on the Lego.
put it on into the box until she could do it, you know, and that's part of chores. But there's other things too, that you just, you show faith and you show trust in your children. talk a little bit about that. So I remember doing my own laundry growing up and there was a point where she, my mom said, this is yours to do. And the youngest,
of the nine was five at the time. And even she did her own laundry. Everyone did their own laundry. And one of the siblings complained and said, but this is what moms are supposed to do. And her comeback was moms are to teach kids to be competent and capable. Yes. And she didn't
feel bad about saying that. I've had my kids do their own laundry since they were probably about eight was when I started having them do it. And, it's fine if you want to do your kids laundry because you feel like you just love to do that. that's fine. do too much. do far too much for our kids. And when we let them do things on their own and even if they fail or don't do it as well as we would.
It's a gift to them. Well, and one thing I found too is I like to tell my, instead of telling them great job, you're doing a great job. I like to tell them thank you. And so giving them an opportunity to do something for you and to be able to thank them for that, whatever they've done for you gives them this sense of I belong here and there's a purpose for me. And I think that's very important for our children to understand that
they have a purpose in it that that you you recognize that they are giving a contribution to the world for what they're doing. So that's what we're hoping for right now. They love having fun. I've got one son who likes his dirt bike more than his mountain bike now. And just this morning he asked my husband to sign a waiver. He said for what? And it was for dirt bike racing.
And dirt biking has its own inherent risks. Sure. He chose that over fall break to go dirt biking with my brother and his cousins versus coming mountain biking with us. everyone makes their own choices, but we are, we're trying to help them make calculated risks and not unnecessary risks. so he was not granted the waiver. So
No dirt bike racing for him. Yeah. So we've, we've talked with our kids a little bit about, the Darwin awards and how people can leave this life with spectacular stupidity. we, the same time, allow them freedom to do things that I would never do that are very risky. I've got a son who does backflips on skis. And I mean, I introduced him to skiing, but
Certainly, he's taken it to a whole new level that I have no desire to do. You know, there's there's kind of a fine balance and I I've actually struggled with this and I think that your you know, comment on like, don't sign the waiver is actually you know, you really do as a parent have to think through like, is this child ready for something like this? Or is this is this an opportunity for the growth? Or is this an opportunity for them to take a risk that is not necessary? You know, my
my son Kyle that I've talked about a lot is he's a real risk taker actually I love seeing him doing all these back flips. It's hard for me to see him fall on his mountain bike, you know, and these downhill things. And we just recently went to Red Bull Rampage and took my two youngest sons there. And so now of course they're very excited about maybe
doing all of these kind of risky things and I have to really be careful about encouraging them. And so I actually had a conversation with Wyatt, my youngest the other day because he's just sure he's gonna be a mountain biker for the rest of his life and that's his career. And I don't wanna squash anybody's desire, but at the same time, it's hard to understand like how to...
help your kids understand some, get some reality while also encouraging their dreams. so the thing that I told him was, you know, mountain biking is really fun. And it's the same thing I've told Kyle too. And, and, you know, doing all these tricks and things like that, take them a little bit at a time and I'll trust you, you know, as long as you're being careful about it, you're not doing things that you know you can't do. And you just try a little bit and you get better at it. And once you feel really confident with it, you know, you
try a little bit more. mean, we do that with life, right? But it can be a fun thing. It does not have to be a career. Let it continue to be just a fun thing. Hey, I'm going to go ride my bike and I'm going to have a lot of fun rather than this is what I'm doing. This is how I'm going to pay for my, my life, you know, let's look at some other things that you can take, take risks at too, to have a more varied life. So I don't know. How do you.
I asked one of my son's friends, after they got home from skiing on rocks up the canyon, why he took risks like this, why he enjoyed doing this. And his comment was something about making a living through this type of behavior rather than going to college.
And I don't know quite how I feel about this because there are people that are making a living following their dreams. And I believe in not being a joy squelcher that you let people take it where it goes. And if it leads to greatness and a productive lifestyle, great. If not, then they'll
learn that they need to get a job somewhere else. And that's okay too. Exactly. And you can do kind of both at the same time. There was a racer at Red Bull, Luke Whitlock, who he gets up at four or five in the morning. He goes, works as an electrician all day long. And then he goes and he rides his bike with his friends, you know, and he, and, and he was able to be at Red Bull rampage, even being an electrician and doing the, you know, working really hard, but that's the point.
It's the working really hard. And that's what I've kind of come down with too much with my kids. Like, I don't really care what you choose to do. I want you to be a hard worker. I don't want you to be lazy. I just want to make sure and I want you to be educated. I have told them, you know, like, I want you to be an educated mountain biker. I want you to be an educated plumber. You know, whatever it is you're going to do, make sure that you're continuing to educate yourself because I think that's more important than, you know,
how you provide funds for your family. And I thoroughly appreciate that upbringing that I was given to the push and encouragement to go to college. And I think my dad was probably the first in his line to go to college. And it just opened up so many opportunities for him to contribute to this world. for my mom as well, she said, if you're going to have to be away from your babies, wouldn't it be nice to be away?
this long for this much money versus this long for this much money. Exactly. So I was talking with a friend over the weekend and about her career choices she's doing later in life. And in seeking a job, she was talking with someone on a ski lift about his work and what kind of job gives you the opportunity to go skiing in the afternoon. So,
Anyway, it's, there are ways to do what you love. Yes, exactly. And, and sometimes we get so hyper focused on one, one skill and one thing that we ignore all the other beautiful facets that could come into our lives as we allow them to And that's part of the reason why I still teach piano lessons,
I have a tendency to get hyper focused. I think I'm a little ADHD because I just need to be doing stuff all the time. And so the thing that I've found that has actually helped me the most is to have a lot of things going on. I love that. That's been part of my coping through life is having a lot of hobbies. So when I didn't get married right away, I did plan B and plan C and plan D and it just brings a lot of enjoyment to life.
And now that my kids are needing me less, I'm needing to look at what life holds for me. And so I really don't know what I'll miss in store. What's interesting to you. Well, OK, when we first talked about doing this interview, you talked to me about homesteading and your desire. You know, your husband loves his tractor like my husband loves his tractor to boys love.
I in fact, we talked about at one point, like just buying a bunch of well, this is what my husband talked about buying a bunch of those big like diggers and you know, backhoes and going out to the West Desert and setting up a playground like a sandbox for men who want to come and just play with those toys. So that would describe my brother-in-law. Okay, that's what he does. That's great. And has the playground in his backyard. So love it.
So yes, in our own yard, I'm married to a farmer, wannabe, and he was never happier than on his tractor tilling up somebody's yard. Yeah. We'd let him. So finally we got our own property and
where he could do more. just over the weekend, was mocking a barn for getting out the horse manure from someone that needed it done. And he's just so happy doing that. this is, this is, he's able to do his hobbies because he went to college, I would say. But he, anyway, so I've tried, we've done gardening. We're not,
like living off the land, but it's been so enjoyable to be able to eat what you grow.
I see it as an avenue for relationships. And in fact, over the weekend, I was thinking about doing maybe a country kitchen cooking gathering spot.
at my house and just inviting moms to come over and learn a skill, learn to cook.
I want people to come into my life through it. If I'm going to do gardening and home production. Another thing that I got into that was a little Sendy that I didn't ever expect for myself was being in a cow co-op. A cow co-op. my gosh. Tell me about this. So, a neighbor of mine felt inspired to impregnate his cow that he was raising from beef.
And this has turned into just a wonderful neighborhood network. There's four families that participate in milking the cow. We have a machine and so it's fairly simple to actually do the milking, but then there's a lot of coordination that goes on about how the cow's health is and what to do with all the milk. So like.
So do you and you shared the milk then I guess so we wish there's even far more too much far more than we and all of us could consume ourselves and so we sell some and share so I'm glad to know this maybe I'll have to make it into cheese and make butter so all these skills that I were kind of a little bit thrust upon me because the opportunity came opportunity came and my husband I love him and he loves
milking the cow. I love that. does he usually milk the cow or do you guys take turns in your family? to do it together and yesterday he and my son did it together and so I'm home cleaning a lot and doing a lot of the cooking and figuring out what to do with the milk and so I feel less time to go do that with him although it's very enjoyable. There's just something to be learned from
farm life and gardening and growing things and being with animals. There's so much. And a great opportunity to be with your children. Yes. And to teach skills and teach skills. And one of the families that's in the co-op, the children are the ones that do the milking completely. Yeah. So that's great. Well, and that's the way that it used to be. Right? Right. And so that is part of part of my upbringing. I grew up milking goats with my sister and then two of my brothers.
Alternated the morning versus the evening. I can't remember who did which but okay, you gain skills when you when something Is expected of you when you're able to contribute? To the family in some way and that used to be the american family, right? You work together and everybody's contributing to the family as a whole and now we have so much free time
And people are alone so much. have an epidemic of loneliness in our world. this cow co-op, besides providing a fun hobby of, you know, taking care of the cow and milking, it has provided opportunities to talk with each other about our kids and about our lives. just yesterday I took a risk, did something Sendy and actually
I've a song I've been working on for hours and hours and hours and hours on the piano for my friend who's an accomplished organist but to just be able to share something I've been working on and for her to be able to give that praise and encouragement and you know it doesn't matter that I'll never reach her level of skill but to be willing to even offer what I have.
Yes. Was risky. And Sendy and brought a deepening of our relationship. Yes. And that does when you're willing to take risks and not compare yourself to other women. Right. And as she said, comparison is the thief of joy. Yeah. And we shouldn't compare whether I can play this song as well as anybody else. Exactly. is something that
I've worked at and this brought me joy. And you become very vulnerable when you share those kinds of things. And that is humility. That's what humility is. And once we become humble enough to share our goodness with the world without, you know, overbearance that we feel that we are superior to anybody else, if we can become vulnerable and feel like I'm just going to give it, I'm just going to send it out and send it out into the world like we talked about.
That is pure joy. And that is what makes me really happy too. love that's part of reason why I love teaching piano lessons because I love hearing these students come to me every week and play for me when it's been something that's been really hard. And some of, mean, I love all of my students, but I love teaching older women. It is so fun asking you for piano lessons. don't know if I'm quite there, but
Well, of course. mean, I teach all levels of, you know, whatever, and I just meet my students where they are. And I have some of the cutest women that I teach that are just really, you know, they just felt like I need something for my life. And I took lessons when I was younger. And now I want to. So I took lessons when my when my first child was a baby. I took lessons again at some point.
from this friend's mother and I dabble in it. And like I said, I've got lots of hobbies and yeah. Well, I could help you to like get the technique down. That's my thing. But honestly, see, I don't feel really accomplished either. I didn't get a degree in music. I had an opportunity a couple of years ago to
maybe go back. And, you know, I had to kind of think about, well, what do I want to do with this? Because I had a lot of people encouraging me to go get my degree and my master's and my doctorate and everything. And I just said, that's not where I want my life to go. And that was a deliberate choice that I feel like I'm I want to teach what I know And I I love my community of colleagues of piano teachers that we
can sit and talk about problems we're having and how we can get better at it and that really makes me happy because the one thing about piano that I love is that there are so many pieces that you could play. You can choose any type of piece you wanted to and you're going to get better. Like you just make these incremental steps or improvements all the time and you continue to improve and that
is super exciting to me to just be able to improve and get better at something. You know, that's part of the reason why I chose the sendy mom, you know, because I feel like that's the whole point is like we're just you just pick something and then you just try to get a little bit better at it. But sometimes we get stuck and we can't even rotate your hobbies. Yeah. So I picked up my paint brushes the other day and actually went to back to a watercolor class that I've gone to a few times and really and
That's the hardest thing is just starting anything. Like you said, it's so hard to just do it and not be so afraid of failing and not turning out perfectly that you risk even trying. Yeah.
I have gained so much from listening to podcasts and listening to things people have worked hard to learn, to share and teach skills. And from the relationships that I do have, that you gain so much from people, whether you're the one talking to them face to face, or whether you're just hearing their story or reading their story in a book. And so that was my hope. That was my reason for being on this podcast. Number one, because it's facing a fear.
I have never done something like this before. And so I thought, that's some way I could be so used to my fears and do it. And because I hope somebody will gain from this and evaluate their own story and what they would say if they were interviewed, even if they aren't. But what would I say? What do I have to offer? What's helped me overcome my fears? Because when you think that you're one step closer to being able to teach it to someone.
Yeah, well, and once you teach it to someone, you internalize it too, right? that's really what we're trying to become something. And the way that you become is by practicing doing. I wonder if there's something that kind of terrifies you right now that you would like to do in the future.
So I thought about this question. One of the things that terrified me growing up was playing my flute in public. my mom said yes to a request for someone to play this beautiful little Peruvian song in church. She was playing her guitar and I was playing a simple part of my flute. And.
I told my mom I would rather dance naked in front of church than to play my To play your flute, And that's how terrified I was. Really? And to her credit, she continued to encourage me to practice with me, to let me know she'd be right up there with me. And so opportunities to just baby steps, move a little bit closer and do it. And since then, I have found great joy in playing my flute.
especially in worship services, it adds so much to the meeting. And I gained so much through music and sharing that skill. So being able to overcome fears, I don't know what it's going to look like in the future. My kids are still at home. So right now my goal is to be there to encourage them to become their best. I know I'm not the only influencer in their lives, but I want to be.
do my part to try to encourage them. And then I also want to be open to whatever else comes to our lives. So yeah, just being open and then watching other people and what they do. And sometimes it just and really, that's kind of what you're doing. You just like you talked about rotating hobbies, and things like that and picking things up again. And I think that that is that's a really sendy thing to do, you know, and to continually look for opportunities like
being on a podcast, things that terrify you. And honestly, if any of you are interested in being a part of the podcast, I would love to have you here. So Mary Jean reached out to me after subscribing to the channel. So I would really like to encourage the rest of you to subscribe and be a part of it. would say that mothers need mothers. One of the Sendy things that I did was I did humanitarian sewing for years, and that was part of how I brought
adult conversation into my life. And so I opened up my unfinished basement to have anyone come on in and learn to sew. And that was one thing that I learned to love from, again, from my mom, who bought me my own sewing machine as a child and kind of gave me run of the basement with my sister and I just
Are you still doing that? No, I'm not. And I guess that was a sendy thing too, to just walk away from that. So I did that for seven years. Okay. And it just felt like it's time to do something different now.
So are you ready for rapid fire questions? all right. So tell me in the last 24 hours, what has brought you joy? So walking my dog and looking at the beautiful fall leaves. Yep. Nature will do it to me every time. So hugging my kids, goodbye.
yeah and you and you have to be focused on that too don't to be intentional and catch them before they leave. It's true I know I'm always trying bye have a great day I love you make good choices so yeah. hug that physical we need more of that. what was the last time a tv show or documentary that you watched that you really liked?
Cabrini. I really like that. It's about an Italian immigrant. Very courageous woman. Okay. Very courageous. Yeah. Is that documentary then? It's a documentary. think it's
it out but it's a good one you'll find it. All right I'll look for it. So what about book what's a great book that you've read? So the most recent book I read was Stories We Tell by Joanna Gaines.
All right. So is there something that you try to do every day? Get outside. Great. And get outside myself. I love that. Yeah, both. Very good. And what do you think I should try next? Milking a cow.
Yes, I want to do that. Can I come over and milk your cow? you can. What's your cow's name? Petunia. Petunia. What a great name for a cow.
Becky Brouwer (53:10)
OK, so I wanted to share this scripture. It's Hebrews chapter 12, verse 2. And I'll read the end of 1, too. It says, let us run with patience the race that is set before us. So.
take on, embrace whatever life brings you. Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross. So that's how he got through the atonement, that awful suffering, the worst pain than we could ever imagine was that he looked forward to what would come as a result. And that's why people do hard things. That's why
people go to therapy to face the pain and things that need resolved to get over and get through and be out and be able to open up to new relationships and yeah, because you think about what is going to come of this. And so that's what kind of motivates you to continue forward.
And I wonder if the Savior had some joy during... While suffering? While suffering. Is there joy within suffering? Can there be? Good question. Well, we'll have to think about that one.
Becky Brouwer (54:28)
So thank you very much for being with me today and for sharing.
some of the Sendy things that you do I have loved really getting to know you a little bit better.
you.