Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
This is a conversational podcast that brings powerful moments from the Inspirational Media sermon library into fresh, engaging dialogue. Hosted by voices who care deeply about sharing timeless biblical truth, each episode unpacks key ideas from sermons, devotionals, and real-life stories — helping listeners reflect, relate, and rediscover hope in today’s world.
Whether you're exploring faith, seeking encouragement, or simply curious about spiritual truth, this podcast is designed to stir the heart and spark interest in the deeper resources available in our library.
🎧 Dive into the conversation and discover what’s waiting for you at inspirational.org.nz.
Welcome to the inspirational media podcast, Timeless Voices for Today's World.
Speaker 2:We bring you powerful bible based messages from over 300 speakers in our library, speaking hope, truth, and encouragement into everyday life.
Speaker 1:In this episode, we talk about Florence Littauer's presentation Understanding Your Children. Florence Littauer is a renowned speaker and author known for her work on personality types, offering practical insights for Christians seeking to strengthen their family relationships and
Speaker 2:her teachings, she explains how understanding four basic personality types can profoundly impact how we raise our children, navigate our marriages, and foster self worth, ultimately helping us train up a child in the way they should go according to their God given nature.
Speaker 1:Let's dive in and hear about some faith that's fresh wisdom that lasts. Okay, so let's begin by exploring Florence Latower's work here. She talks about these four, distinct personality types. It's an old framework really, but she gives it this fresh perspective for understanding ourselves and maybe more importantly, our kids.
Speaker 2:That's right. It's foundational to her approach. She, boils it down to four main types. First up, you've got the sanguine.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Think outgoing, lively, always looking for a good time. Their main aim. Well, it's pretty simple.
Speaker 1:Have fun. And have fun.
Speaker 2:Littauer often mentioned her daughter, Marita, said she wanted to have fun from the time she was little. It shapes their whole outlook.
Speaker 1:I can already picture that. That drive for fun. How it might clash if, say, the parents aren't wired the same way. So after the fun loving Sanguine, what's next?
Speaker 2:Next is the Choloric. These are your natural leaders. Determined, decisive, often really driven people.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Their primary goal is to have control. To be in charge. Littauer's other daughter Lauren, apparently even at four, could run the entire nursery school by herself.
Speaker 1:Wow, four years old.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they really thrive when they've got some responsibility, some influence.
Speaker 1:Okay, so someone who needs to lead, even really young, that sounds, well, it could be amazing or maybe a bit challenging if it's not channeled well. What about the melancholy? They're often seen as more inward looking, right?
Speaker 2:Exactly. The melancholy individual is a deep, thoughtful, often a perfectionist.
Speaker 1:Ok
Speaker 2:Their core aim is different again. It's to have things right. Highly analytical. They notice the details. They strive for excellence for perfection.
Speaker 1:That sounds like a lot of pressure.
Speaker 2:It can be. Littauer described her adopted son Fred as a serious baby even at three months, just lying there looking as if he is analyzing all the rest of us. They feel things very deeply.
Speaker 1:Analyzing the world from the crib. Wow. Okay. So that's three. What's the fourth type?
Speaker 1:The phlegmatic.
Speaker 2:That's the one. The phlegmatic. They're the calm, peaceful, easygoing ones.
Speaker 1:Ah, the peacekeepers.
Speaker 2:Pretty much. Their main goal is to have peace, you know, avoid conflict, keep things harmonious. Littauer mentioned her own mother was phlegmatic.
Speaker 1:Oh, really?
Speaker 2:Yeah. Surrounded by three sanguine kids, apparently, just sighed a lot because, well, all that energy disrupted her peace. They make great mediators. They just want tranquility.
Speaker 1:It's fascinating how understanding just that core aim, fun, control, perfection, peace can change how you see things.
Speaker 2:It really does.
Speaker 1:When these traits are misunderstood, you can see how friction happens in families. It can really mess with a kid's self perception too.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. It's not about putting people in boxes, not at all. It's about decoding why they do what they do, what's driving them. And when you grasp that someone's actions come from this deep God given aim, you start to shift from judging them to understanding them instead of why are they being so difficult? It becomes, okay, what core need isn't being met here?
Speaker 1:That shift from judgment to understanding, that's huge.
Speaker 2:That's where real connection starts.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And this ties into something really interesting. You mentioned a different take on Proverbs 22.6. Train up a child in the way he should go.
Speaker 2:And when he's old, he won't depart from it.
Speaker 1:Yes. We often hear that as, you know, shape them into our ideal, make them fit our mold of what's good or right. But Littauer saw something else there.
Speaker 2:Exactly. She argued that training up a child in the way she should go isn't about forcing them into our image at all. It's about nurturing them according to their unique personality, their God given nature. Helping them understand what they should be, the best version of themselves, wired the way God made them.
Speaker 1:Not what we want them to be.
Speaker 2:Precisely. And that understanding is vital for them to develop a solid sense of self, of self worth.
Speaker 1:That really puts the focus back on the child's design, doesn't it? So happens? What's the cost when we don't do that? When we override that wiring, constantly push our own agendas onto them?
Speaker 2:The cost can be well, honestly, it can be devastating. Littauer did a lot of work on this, especially looking at teenage depression and, tragically, suicide.
Speaker 1:That's heavy stuff.
Speaker 2:It is. She found some really stark statistics. Close to eighty percent of teens, and this includes Christian teens, didn't believe in life after death.
Speaker 1:Eighty percent?
Speaker 2:And eighty percent of those who attempted suicide had issues with drugs or alcohol. What's really chilling is this misconception some had
Speaker 1:What's that?
Speaker 2:That when they kill themselves, they're going to be on a perpetual drug high. It shows this deep spiritual void, this identity crisis that happens when their true self is just denied. They grasp at these dangerous ideas to escape the pain of not being who they are.
Speaker 1:That lack of identity and hope leading to such desperation, it's sobering. So how does this actually play out? How does washing a child's core personality lead to that depression? Can we look at the different types?
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. When that inherent nature is constantly stifled, it causes real distress. Take the sanguine kid, the one who needs fun. If home's just a drag, all negativity and rules constantly shutting down their joy
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:They get deeply depressed. And what do they do? They might run away to something where they can have fun even if it's risky or destructive. They're just desperate for that core need.
Speaker 1:So it's not just rebellion for rebellion's sake. They're seeking something fundamental. Okay. What about the choleric, the leader type needing control?
Speaker 2:If that choleric child is never given any control, constantly told they're wrong, made to feel like a doormat, they get depressed too. But it often looks different. It might come out as aggression. They might go out and beat up his buddies, struggle with friendships. They need something to be in charge of.
Speaker 2:Even if it's small, like the dog, his room, half the garage, something to feel competent.
Speaker 1:And the melancholy, the perfectionist, it seems like they'd already be prone to feeling down since nothing's perfect.
Speaker 2:They are. Their quest for perfection means nothing ever gets right enough. Littauer told this really sad story about twin brothers, one sanguine, one melancholy. The sanguine twin was forced for years to live up to his melancholy brother's extreme neatness and order. The pressure crushed him.
Speaker 2:He ended up in a mental hospital. Oh no! And get this, the melancholy psychiatrist tells him, make a chart.
Speaker 1:The very thing that was hurting him.
Speaker 2:Exactly! It shows how trying to fix someone against their nature can make things so much worse, even lead to harmful advice because the core issue isn't understood.
Speaker 1:That's a powerful warning. So finally, the phlegmatic kid, the peace seeker. How do they react to stress?
Speaker 2:They withdraw. Deeply. A phlegmatic child just wants peace. So constant controversy parents arguing. It's incredibly damaging.
Speaker 2:They retreat into depression.
Speaker 1:So in every case, trying to force them, make them good like their brother, make them get going, it just chips away at their self worth.
Speaker 2:Directly erodes it. Yes.
Speaker 1:And now, just a quick word from our sponsor, you.
Speaker 2:We are a charity, and without your support, we cannot provide you with these amazing insights.
Speaker 1:Please consider donating or becoming a member of Inspirational Media with full access to our complete library of hundreds of speakers and sermons.
Speaker 2:How? Check-in the description.
Speaker 1:And now let's continue. Welcome back. We were just talking about the really serious consequence when a child's true personality isn't understood or accepted. Let's shift gears now. What can we as parents actually do?
Speaker 1:Florence Littauer highlights two critical priorities.
Speaker 2:Yes. Two key things. The first one, she stresses, is deeply personal. It's the parents job, not just the church's, to make sure our kids have a saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ.
Speaker 1:More than just saying a prayer.
Speaker 2:Oh, much more. It's about fostering a real, lived out understanding. And critically it needs to be backed up by a living example at home.
Speaker 1:Authenticity matters hugely.
Speaker 2:Lindauer shared something quite powerful from her talks with teens who'd attempted suicide. She said many times they will say 'If you lived in my house and saw the way my parents behaved when they're out of church, you wouldn't believe in much either.'
Speaker 1:Oof, that's a hard hitting reality check. Our actions really do speak louder. So that's a first priority, authentic faith demonstrated at home. What's the second?
Speaker 2:The second is helping our children understand what their individual personality is and how they're going to make the best of it.
Speaker 1:Empowering them with self knowledge.
Speaker 2:Exactly. Helping them embrace their unique designs so they can navigate life and their faith journey as the person God actually made them to be, not some imitation.
Speaker 1:This is where it gets practical, right? And Littauer was honest about her own struggles here, particularly with her adopted son Fred, the melancholy one. She was sanguine choleric, much more high energy.
Speaker 2:Yes, and her realization was key. She said essentially, I had to modify my behavior to suit his because I have the knowledge. I am the adult. I cannot remake his personality.
Speaker 1:So the responsibility for adapting falls on the adult.
Speaker 2:Right. She told a couple of great stories. One was the laundry incident.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:She'd done all Fred's laundry, typical sanguine, wanting a bit of credit, you know.
Speaker 1:Uh-huh. Yeah. I get that.
Speaker 2:So she asked him to just carry his shirts inside and his melancholy response: "That's not on my mind just now."
Speaker 1:Oh boy. I can imagine the internal reaction.
Speaker 2:Totally. Her inner choleric probably wanted to demand it, but she stopped and she felt this little nudge like God asking, does it really matter if that boy takes those shirts into the house right now? It was this moment of letting go, choosing the relationship over the immediate task, understanding his pace over her need for efficiency or praise.
Speaker 1:That's such a common parenting slash point, isn't it? Getting stuck on the small stuff. Okay. What was the other story?
Speaker 2:The other was about a trip to Europe. She almost didn't take Fred. Mike. Because his melancholy slowness, his thoughtful pace just clashed with her sanguine coloring need to see everything. Climb the stairs to another cathedral, keep moving.
Speaker 1:Right. Different travel styles.
Speaker 2:Big time. But she decided she had to practice what you preach. So she let him be him, let him sit on the bus if he wanted, even sleep through the Alps instead of forcing him onto her schedule.
Speaker 1:That must have taken effort on her part.
Speaker 2:I'm sure it did. But the payoff, it was incredible.
Speaker 1:What happened?
Speaker 2:At the end of the trip, Fred just came out with, Mother, this has been a wonderful trip. It's given me a chance to think and I've developed my philosophy of life.
Speaker 1:Wow, not just I saw the Eiffel Tower.
Speaker 2:No, he'd had the mental space he needed, which is gold for melancholy. And later, someone told Florence that Fred had actually stepped in front of a camera to stop someone taking a picture of her while she was asleep on the bus, protecting her.
Speaker 1:That's beautiful. That acceptance fostered such love and loyalty.
Speaker 2:It shows what happens when we let them be themselves. They flourish. And it highlights the flip side too, trying to change people rarely works. Think of that example of the melancholy man marrying a fun sanguine woman.
Speaker 1:Right, then trying to make her serious like him.
Speaker 2:Yeah, trying to make her miserable like you as Littauer put it. It ends in divorce and often he marries the same type again repeating the cycle because acceptance wasn't there.
Speaker 1:It's a pattern, we try to reshape others instead of appreciating their design.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:Which leads perfectly into this idea of generational patterns. Littauer looked at her husband Fred's family tree and it revealed something fascinating about how these dynamics play out over time this concept of personality masking.
Speaker 2:It's really insightful. Fred's mother who was naturally choleric grew up with two very strong choleric parents One singing choleric, one melancholy choleric. Intense household.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So to survive for twenty one years, she learned to play phlegmatic. She basically put on a mask, suppressed her natural drive for control, acted easy going just to get by.
Speaker 1:Just to keep the peace, essentially. So what happened when she left home, got married?
Speaker 2:Well, she married a phlegmatic man. Yeah. And that repressed, choleric nature, it just erupted. She took charge with a vengeance. All that control she denied herself came pouring out.
Speaker 1:The mask came off?
Speaker 2:Big time. And the pattern repeated.
Speaker 1:How so?
Speaker 2:Her son, Fred Florence's husband, who is choleric melancholic himself, he learned to wear a phlegmatic mask around his now very strong choleric mother.
Speaker 1:So he did the same thing she did.
Speaker 2:Yep. Learned to be submissive, easygoing with her. But then he marries Florence, who's choleric sanguine. And you get this disaster as Littauer called it, of two strong choleric personalities clashing, just like Fred's grandparents. The cycle continued.
Speaker 1:Wow. That's such a clear illustration. The core issue generation after generation. It's this attempt by one controlling type to suppress the next one.
Speaker 2:Exactly. Trying to make the next choleric into a phlegmatic. Trying to keep them under control, mold them into what they want instead of letting them be who God made them. It's a constant battle against their innate design.
Speaker 1:It really makes you think differently about family dynamics and legacies.
Speaker 2:It does. And perhaps it reframes that verse from Proverbs 31, two, her children rise up and call her blessed. Maybe it isn't just about their accomplishments reflecting well on the parent.
Speaker 1:What else could it be?
Speaker 2:Maybe it's about the deep peace and strong self identity those children feel because they were truly seen truly affirmed as the unique individuals God created them to be. So here's something to ponder. If that's the case, what's one conscious step you can take this week to actually celebrate your child's innate personality, whatever it is, rather than trying to tweak it or refine it to fit your own mold.
Speaker 1:Thanks for listening to the Inspirational Media Podcast, Timeless Voices for Today's World.
Speaker 2:To explore more messages and resources, visit us at inspirational.org.nz.
Speaker 1:See you next time.