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Welcome to The Foster Friendly Podcast. We’re bringing foster care closer to home by sharing stories from the front lines. We're talking with former foster youth, foster parents and others who are finding unique and powerful ways to dramatically improve the experiences and outcomes for kids in foster care.
The Foster Friendly podcast is brought to you by America’s Kids Belong, a nonprofit that helps kids in foster care find belonging in both family and community.
Courtney (00:01.781)
Hello, and welcome to an inspiring episode of the Foster Friendly Podcast. My name is Courtney Williams alongside Travis Vongznest, two of the hosts here at this podcast. And today we are so excited about this conversation with Judy Wright. Alongside her late husband, John, Judy fostered 55 children over 12 years. Many of them were medically fragile. Their home became a place where readiness was ordinary.
Travis (00:07.246)
Yeah.
Courtney (00:28.565)
Bassinets carried up in the night, doctor visits folded into the week, and children held without any promise of what would happen next. In 2012, she and her John were named Michigan Foster Parents of the Year by the Michigan Supreme Court. Pretty cool, right? A great honor. She did not set out to become a writer, but became one because of something she witnessed that could not go unwritten. Just hold her, a book here that I've got that I read in just a couple of days. Such a great story.
that book draws from her spiral notebooks that she kept during one child's long medical vigil. And it is her debut and more. So welcome, Judy. Thank you for taking time.
Judy Wright (01:07.276)
Thank you. It's nice to be here. Thank you.
Travis (01:11.982)
Great to have you. Now, I've done a lot of podcasts with Courtney. I've never heard her introduce a guest with inspiring at the outset of the episode. and and I want to also say this you know, we get some amazing guests, you know, of of reaching out. And unfortunately we can't get everyone on, and you know, we can be booked out pretty far. I remember when I first heard from maybe it was your publicist or who whoever it was, and I just it stopped me in my tracks. I I just was like, my gosh. I mean.
Judy Wright (01:18.314)
Por favor.
Courtney (01:18.433)
Yeah.
Travis (01:41.163)
And so I emailed the team, Courtney was like this. And then you got the book, devoured it. So not to set you up with too much pressure out of the gate. But it it's already off, it's been off to an amazing start. So, I will say, you know, this episode is going to be a bit different as we're really going to focus on your memoir and your journey journey with one particular child. So, but before we dive into that,
Judy Wright (01:49.236)
Yeah.
Travis (02:08.502)
If you could just tell us a little bit about you and John and how you started fostering and kind of when all that journey began.
Judy Wright (02:13.932)
Sure. My husband and I had been married probably about 25 years. We had just recently moved to Michigan for his job. And I we had four children that we cared for. The youngest two were still in high school when we moved to Michigan. And it had been our dream to be foster parents. But as you know, raising your own children with fostering can be challenging. And my husband was a corporate pilot.
So he depended on me a lot to take care of our kids because he flew internationally. So I met someone in our neighborhood who was fostering for a Christian agency, adoption agency, where all you had to do was take care of the baby until they were placed with their adopt home from the birth mother. And it didn't sound too threatening to me, so I thought this would be a good way to start.
So we did that and we had 15 babies within 15 months. and it was a great way to start because no one was forced into anything. The birth mother was given an opportunity to choose adoption or take her time and choose parenting. So if this if this baby went back to mom, I knew that she had time to go over her what her options were.
and that she chose parenting. So that was that was great for us. But eventually we got to where we thought we might be ready for the next step and we went to state foster care. So we just we both just jumped in with both feet, went to all the training sessions, you know, like just just embraced it. We loved every minute of the process of getting to be a foster parent.
so that's how we started.
Courtney (04:16.992)
Yeah, and I love how you shared that story too, because it doesn't always start both feet in, right? And it can be respite care, it can be short-term things, it can be emergency care. There's different ways to start and just get your feet wet to see if fostering is right for you. So I love that. Okay, well, let's get into this story that I did devour in two days. I I was telling Judy before we started recording, I get a lot of requests to reading to read books, especially around foster care. I have a whole shelf.
Judy Wright (04:22.987)
Right.
Judy Wright (04:31.528)
Exactly.
Judy Wright (04:35.988)
Okay.
Travis (04:36.937)
Ha ha.
Courtney (04:46.464)
probably 50 books just on foster care and I've read all of them. But this is one that I couldn't put down. And it is one that my teenage daughters are now reading too. So just a great story. And it begans the story began in 2009. So this isn't recent, but it's something that has just stayed with you. And I want to read the back of the book out loud because I feel like it just gives people a glimpse into what you wrote and why they should pick up the book too. So it says.
Judy Wright (04:55.528)
That's wonderful.
Judy Wright (05:12.184)
Sure.
Courtney (05:16.008)
Would you please just hold her until she dies? I said yes. They placed the smallest baby I'd ever seen in my arms and sent us home. Two months old, four pounds, blind, deaf, and tethered to monitors. 27 diagnoses, no plan. Every two hours a new cycle began. Diaper, reading, injection, feeding. I pricked her heel and wrote the number in my spiral notebook. Protocol said one thing, her body said another. In the margins, I wrote what it didn't what didn't fit.
A weight that held, a number that rose. One notebook filled, then another. They asked us to hold her until she died. Instead, we stayed. Just hold her is a true story drawn from those notebooks. 674 days lived in two-hour increments where the only measure that mattered was mourning. So there we have it.
Travis (06:06.178)
Wow. Wow. What a jacket of a book.
Judy Wright (06:06.25)
That's right.
Yeah.
Courtney (06:13.684)
So Judy, as as it says, you were asked to just hold her until she dies. What was it like being asked that question? And what was the depth of that question to you?
Judy Wright (06:25.142)
Jaden was our 45th placement. We had cared for Premi twins and other medically fragile babies. Some came to us without even knowing they were failure to thrive, and we had to work with them to help them live. So hearing this request was a little different for us. Never had anyone up front said, Well, like this baby's gonna die. It has always been my
belief to say not just why, but why not? Why not? Why not try this? Why not be here for this child? There aren't a lot of people that are available to do that. And I wanted to be the one that was available. I wanted to be the one that was ready to hold her. And if she didn't survive
Our children were grown and out of the house, living independently in different states, all different states, all four of our children in different states. So it was it was a challenge, but it was something we wanted to embrace.
Travis (07:31.64)
Hmm, why not? So explain some of what you remember of of the medical needs that were explained kind of at the outset that you were told.
Judy Wright (07:42.519)
Before we could even meet the baby, the NICU nurse stood with us for over two hours going over her case and her chart. They told us everything that they thought we needed to know, everything that we were privileged enough to know. None of that was about birth mom, of course. It was just about the baby. So she stood, she stood there and just went over everything. And to me, I'm a gut person, right? I'm just like
Travis (08:11.926)
Mm. Mm-hmm.
Judy Wright (08:12.604)
Let me see this baby. I gotta see this baby so I can see if it's someone I can take care of. Like and I get so it was challenging to listening to everything that she had to say. the baby had been born with communical disease, was blind, deaf, had brain bleed sepsis, nose born with no skin on her hands or feet, and was insulin dependent.
Travis (08:18.958)
Mm.
Travis (08:23.63)
Mm-hmm.
Judy Wright (08:42.408)
As as well as having feto alcohol and cocaine in her system. She had been in the NICU for two months and they felt they had done everything they could do for her, and she just kept failing. And the latest attempt to get her released from the NICU was to put her on a high calorie formula so that she would gain the weight that was needed to get her on her way out of the NICU.
Travis (09:12.856)
Wow, that is a list. So okay, so especially in the first few months as you took took that on and you said why not and stepped in in this amazing place, and holding her and caring for her, you know, it sounds like it was a twenty four hour ideal ordeal. How did people step in to help you guys as you transition so that you could take care of yourself, showering, eating, just doing the basics for yourselves?
Judy Wright (09:40.129)
You know, it's kind of funny you say that because we had just moved, you know, like I said, to Michigan and we didn't have a lot of roots. We didn't have extended family. We had no one that we really knew. So my husband and I were just kind of a team. We did basically everything. but within a month of me taking Jaden into care, he being a pilot needed to go for training on a new five.
G five, I think it was, that he was going for training, and he was going to be gone for two weeks. So he sat down with me with pencil and paper and we wrote out a plan for what I needed to know to do when Jaden would pass. And but part of that was trying to find someone to come because I couldn't take Jaden to doctor's appointments or anything by myself with the apnea monitor and the oxygen and
everything that was involved with that. Like she had a herniated umbilical, like so I couldn't even let her cry for anything. So I found some connections through a doula training that I had done. people that were wanting and needing to get hours so they could be certified postpartum doulas. And I thought I qualify for this. I I can be the client here.
Travis (10:44.274)
man.
Travis (11:01.713)
huh.
Courtney (11:03.499)
Yeah.
Travis (11:04.149)
Ha ha
Judy Wright (11:04.992)
So I contacted them and they stepped up for me and I did, I say in the book, you you have no idea that you need a shower, even if you're just sitting in a chair 24-7. You think you're doing nothing, but you still need that shower. So a few of the my dual friends stepped in and brought dinner and and sat with the baby while I showered. Laundry, yeah, that can wait.
Travis (11:14.904)
Yeah. Yeah. True.
Courtney (11:16.662)
Yeah.
Travis (11:21.294)
Mm.
Courtney (11:31.453)
Yeah.
Travis (11:31.918)
So my teenagers say too.
Judy Wright (11:35.425)
But I did it. I I sat in that chair 247 for six months, except for appointments. Yeah. And I've never had so much fast food in my life. We couldn't even have people in really to care for the baby or to care for us because she was so susceptible to things. So we basically were doing most of it on our own. Unfortunately.
Courtney (11:36.831)
Yeah.
Travis (11:51.99)
That's great.
Travis (12:03.028)
Mm. As a team. Yeah.
Courtney (12:06.111)
Yeah, talk about living sacrificially. What a great example. You know, and caring for her, it did you tracked every injection, every weight, every feeding. I mean, everything, just the notebooks that you filled and you tried so hard and you're like, We're gonna figure this out, we're gonna do something. But she wasn't gaining weight. she gagged through every bottle. And as foster parents, there are rules, right? There's rules in the system that things we're told we can't do. One of those things is
Judy Wright (12:26.06)
Two usual.
Courtney (12:34.165)
We can't feed a child in care of breast milk. but from the beginning, from the very beginning, you felt like that was best for her. And eventually it's your persistence in that that saved her life. Tell us about that battle of getting that approved and then all that went into getting her that milk and the people that stepped up and just gave in that way as well.
Judy Wright (12:55.104)
This is the most glorious part of the story, actually. well, I shouldn't say that before I say this. Let me say this first. Jaden was literally dying in my arms. We had a visiting nurse, vis and and a county dietitian that would come three times a week, and it got to the point where the county dietitian said, Judy, I don't think we'll need to be back next week. This baby, this baby is failing. she was sleeping 23 and a half hours a day.
Travis (12:57.25)
Mm-hmm.
Travis (13:02.904)
Mm-hmm.
Travis (13:18.84)
Wow.
Judy Wright (13:24.862)
Sh she was being force fed every two hours. She gagged every time she ate, the apnea monitor would go off. If I laid her down on the changing table to make a bathroom run, the apnea monitor would go off. If I ran to the refrigerator to get something to drink, the apnea monitor went off. So I was really I was tethered as much as she was to that machine. and because she was failing so much.
I had tried to find a new pediatrician rather than the ones that we were trying to stay connected with out of the NICU experience. I had tried, and as you know, if you've done foster care, it's challenging to find pediatricians that will take on a new client that's Medicaid. But a foster friend of mine gave me some information and she was very interested in endocrinology.
Which with Jason being insulin dependent, that was a plus for us. So I c had called and I said, I have this foster baby in insulin dependent and I need to have her seen by a pediatrician. They said, We'd love to have you, the appointments in six weeks. So when the county dietitian looked at me and said, we might not need to be back next week.
I said, I have this new pediatrician. If she can just hang on long enough, I know I can get her into this new pediatrician and maybe she has some new advice for us. And I she said, Judy, let me hold the baby. You call that doctor's office and say, if you don't bring that baby in tomorrow, you're not going to have the baby to bring in. I mean, it was that dire. It it was it was awful. I made that phone call with tears just streaming down my cheeks. but the office manager said, Let me check with.
Travis (15:04.566)
Wow.
Travis (15:09.794)
Hmm.
Judy Wright (15:14.538)
Dr. Earl's and a few minutes later she came back and she said, Dr. Earls will see you tomorrow morning before office hours. So that was the beginning. That was the beginning of something that changed this baby's life. Because I, since I had just taken this doula training, I was all gun-ho on the breast milk, you know, human milk for everyone. I was never
Back in that day, I was not a big milkshare supporter. I didn't know how it worked basically. And I didn't know legally and all of that, but but I just knew, I just had this gut feeling that this was something that we needed to try with Jaden. So I went to the pediatrician the next day. I said, This is my plan. This is what I need from you. I need you to approve breast milk for this baby.
So that we can at least try something to give her a chance to live. So this Dr. Earl said, We're gonna give it a try. We've got nothing else to try here, we're gonna do it. So she faxed a letter to the caseworker, Nicole, and Nicole said, I'll let you know as soon as I know, because of course, as you know, we need state permission for this. So Jaden with her medical needs.
was appointed to a person in the in the state of Michigan. Like I don't know what his title was. I'm sorry about that. But she contacted that person, got permission, and called me. And within 10 minutes of getting that call, I had breast milk in that baby's mouth. And you know what? She did not get. She didn't.
Travis (16:49.198)
Mm-hmm.
Courtney (17:00.957)
Okay.
Travis (17:02.111)
Travis (17:06.211)
Hm.
Judy Wright (17:07.37)
The apnea monitor didn't go off. Just in that first few ounces of milk, she totally relaxed. Never before, since the meet first meeting in the NICU, two weeks before she was brought into our home. every day I would go and try to feed this baby this high-calorie formula that they wanted her to have. And every every every feeding, the apnea monitor would go off.
So, with this, and and she would never lay cradled in my arms. She would always want to be sitting up with her head tilted back. You had to hold the bottle in her mouth, you had to kind of tap on the bottle to get the milk to drip in, you had to tap on her cheek to get her to start sucking. And still the milk would pour down her chin. She wasn't wanting to ingest this formula. So the very first bottle when she
accepted it and would lay against me, it was like the most amazing thing. So we kept with the breast milk, this donated human milk. And within two days, she was no longer blind. She was looking at my face. And within four days, she jumped when the dog barked. So she was no longer deaf. And I mean I just get very emotional about this still.
Travis (18:31.756)
Wow.
Travis (18:35.6)
Mm. Hmm.
Judy Wright (18:36.842)
Because it was the first time that I thought maybe this baby had a chance to survive.
Travis (18:41.71)
Mm hmm.
Courtney (18:42.601)
Mm.
Judy Wright (18:44.776)
So then it was like, where do we get the milk now? It that was the next challenge. And again, because of my doula training, I had met a lot of breastfeeding support groups, and I called one of the ladies that I met and she said, Don't worry about that. She said, I know enough people. She was a midwife, she was a postpartum doula, she was a birth doula and and a
Travis (18:49.186)
Yeah.
Judy Wright (19:13.328)
breastfeeding support person. So she had a lot of connections with people that had excess milk in their freezers and started collecting from everybody. In Jaden's breast milk days, she had 350 pump and mamas over 10 states and Canada.
Courtney (19:41.799)
That's amazing. Yeah. I mean
Travis (19:42.805)
And Canada.
Judy Wright (19:43.423)
It's amazing. And I can't even tell you the all their names, of course. I mean, this milk just came from everywhere. And people still to this day have let me know that they chose to supply their milk to Jaden and had never met her, had and just heard her story and they wanted to help. So that that's how all that went. It was it was just the most amazing thing.
My husband would go out to the freezer and bring in this little Kroger bag and say, This is the next to the last one. Like, I don't know what we're gonna do after this. And we always kept a cooler on our front porch. The next morning he'd get up and he couldn't even carry the cooler in because it was so filled with milk. Just just amazing, amazing stories. Yeah.
Travis (20:32.632)
Yeah.
Travis (20:38.486)
It this may be a dumb question 'cause I'm completely this this whole realm for me as a guy too, I was I'm way out of my league. But do the women do do they know who this is going to or is it sort of pooled into this where wherever the needs may lie?
Courtney (20:42.241)
Ha ha
Judy Wright (20:53.438)
In this yeah, in this case it was specifically for Jaden. And I had checked with the milk breast let me say this again. I had checked with the breast milk bank in Kalamazoo, Michigan, and found out they had a very healthy supply of breast milk there. It had all been pasteurized and packaged, and they charged four dollars and fifteen cents an ounce.
Courtney (21:18.369)
Yeah.
Judy Wright (21:20.304)
I knew the state wasn't going to go for that. So the way that we did it, the state actually, as far as I know, they never even asked any questions because it was proof that it was saving this baby's life. I had asked the caseworker later what it took on her part, because she was so supportive in getting us whatever we wanted any time.
Courtney (21:22.697)
Yeah.
Judy Wright (21:50.283)
I said, what did it take on your part? She said, Judy, I can't even tell you. She said, there was no protocol for getting breast milk for a foster baby. There was no protocol. We had to discover how to do it on our own and pursue that for you. So it's it's just interesting.
Courtney (22:11.667)
And yeah. Yeah.
Travis (22:12.398)
It's amazing. Well, you know, as the story goes, you know, it you guys obviously sacrifice so much in this journey for her, you know, as you've kind of described, just even sleeping on a rock or living room for five months, seeing your family and friends as much as you normally would. That kind of diminishes any normality of a day, like even showering is tough. You know, for almost two years. How would you answer if someone asks?
Yeah, why was she so worth this to you? And and then also what did your adult children, I guess, come to think of of all that as
Judy Wright (22:49.494)
Why was she worth it?
I don't even know how to answer that question, Travis. I'm sorry. It was there was just a connection there with her and I from the beginning. after weeks and weeks of her not being able to see, and then we have her on my shoulder and I can just feel her presence and I look down and she is looking at me. I mean, that's a connector right there that you can't just dismiss.
Travis (22:55.64)
Mm-hmm. No.
Travis (23:01.262)
Mm.
Judy Wright (23:21.01)
She always had to have her little hand on my neck. She was always skin to skin. I had her in baby wraps. I if I had to was allowed to carry her anywhere, like going into the doctors and things, I always had her in a sling or a wrap. And then I used the stroller for her equipment. You had the apnea monitor, the oxygen and all of that. diaper bag was in the stroller. But I never put her in a stroller, I never put her in a bouncy seat, I never did anything.
until she was stabilized enough to be on her own. And my children, it first of all, they hardly ever heard from me. Exactly. I thought she was my mom. But you know, being in their young twenties, you know, they're they're out living their life and creating their own universe, basically.
Travis (24:01.87)
Haha Where's mom? That right.
Travis (24:15.054)
Yeah. Yep.
Judy Wright (24:18.63)
So and they had been in our home with other babies and they knew what our passion was and they supported that whole heart.
Courtney (24:27.519)
Yeah. And talk about a passion. I mean it's very evident, just your willingness. And you know your answer to that question of how do you even answer that? It should she's was worth it. Yeah.
Judy Wright (24:35.02)
Yeah, Travis.
Travis (24:35.798)
Yeah. I know. I mean, hey, I didn't write that question, but that's a great but that's that's a great answer. How do you? I mean that question is wow.
Judy Wright (24:44.182)
I'll do.
Courtney (24:44.342)
Yeah.
Yeah. So the story continues. in January of two thousand ten, when she was over six months old, it was finally discovered that she was born without a pancreas. And this is extremely rare, almost always fatal, and yet her body defied every expectation. what were the consequences of her not having a pancreas and what were some of the things that had to be different because of it?
Judy Wright (25:10.922)
I think the biggest shock to me was that people gave up on her because of that. the day that she had the MRI
She got a really bad headache or sinus infection. And I had to take her to the emergency room that night. And the doctor said, Why did she have an MRI? And I said, Our pediatrician wanted to check to make sure the condition of her pancreas, if she even has one. Three doctors in that emergency room started laughing at me. And they all three said, Of course she has a pancreas. She's alive, isn't she?
So two days later, when we got the results of that MRI and found there was no pancreas, my husband and I were
Like, how are we gonna do this now? Now she's nine months old. She's nine months old. She's been in our arms for nine months. Now we find out she has no pancreas. Now we have to definitely, according to these three doctors, we have to prepare to let go. but you know, when we went into the pediatrician office to get that announcement that there was no pancreas.
Travis (26:06.382)
Hm, yeah. Yeah.
Travis (26:22.934)
Mm.
Judy Wright (26:31.56)
Everybody in there was laughing and dancing and celebrating and we're like, what the heck? What is going on here? Well, they were just so thrilled to have an actual diagnosis so they knew what they were working with. And I appreciated that and I I thanked them for that. But it was I was just like, this isn't gonna happen. I we are definitely losing this baby.
Travis (26:38.646)
huh.
Travis (26:59.47)
Mm.
Judy Wright (27:00.104)
So when you say, like when did you know she was going to be okay? I can honestly to say to you right now, I have no idea how long. I I still am on the edge of my seat wondering what the outcome will be for this child's life. Even though in April she turned 17. She's 17 years old, had her golden birthday in April. So
Courtney (27:23.35)
Yeah.
Judy Wright (27:30.382)
she is definitely defying all odds. I I don't know that there's another case like hers anywhere, and and maybe some of your viewers know of something which would be interesting to find out. I know I know that there you can be born without a pancreas if you have the G A T A six mutation, which is a genetic disorder. Jaden doesn't have that. Hers hers, I believe, was from the communicable.
Travis (27:42.829)
Yeah.
Travis (27:53.326)
Hmm. Mary.
Judy Wright (27:59.991)
communicable disease that she was born with eating away, which probably ate away at the skin on her hands and feet and gave her some other disabilities as well. So I I think it's it's really just a one in a billion case.
Travis (28:21.166)
She's I
Judy Wright (28:22.016)
But the thing is, it's like the and and please don't get me wrong, I think NICUs are awesome, amazing, incredible. But for this little motherless child that was laying in a bassinet for two months by herself, knowing that she had been born with that, I think they just dismissed it. They really didn't feel that she would ever survive.
Travis (28:30.008)
Mm-hmm.
Travis (28:38.179)
Mm-hmm.
Travis (28:49.88)
Yeah.
Judy Wright (28:49.96)
So it's it this really is a miraculous story. And I got to see it. I got to be the witness. And that's what I thank God every day for choosing me to be the one to hold this baby, get to know this baby and to witness the miracles that that happened around this child.
Courtney (28:55.903)
Yeah.
Travis (28:56.28)
Yeah. Yeah.
Courtney (29:09.631)
Hmm. And that goes back to the question before of, you know, these it's not that these NICU nurses didn't care, but they they don't have the time and the energy and the the yes to give to a child like this, like you were willing to.
Judy Wright (29:12.492)
I'm sorry.
Travis (29:13.418)
Yeah. It's okay, yeah.
Judy Wright (29:16.332)
Yeah.
Judy Wright (29:21.942)
They don't have the time.
They don't even have time to hold the baby for a bottle. You know, that baby sits in the isolate and, you know, head back and bottle in. And of course other babies in the NICU have that coming in from their moms and grandmas and grandpas and dads, you know, coming in to visit the baby in the NICU. So there is that skin to skin and there is that bonding and holding and tenderness that happens. and this baby just never had that opportunity.
Travis (29:57.069)
You know, kind of some of the stuff that you said, the story is almost so profound and beyond belief that it like your reaction to that one question is like, how do I even I mean, even listening to this thing and how it unfolded, I mean one of the great lines by one of my favorite writers talks about he says, Love gives you eyes. And I I couldn't help but think of how, you know, you and your husband had eyes to kind of see the possibility or maybe some someone that, you know
the medical community gave up on or just this can't happen. And by giving eye, you know, y your eyes, your gaze, you know, through love, something kind of mysterious also seems to happen. And we can't explain all of how it all worked and what God did, but just it also appeared that at some point your love, you know, she her love and her eyesight looking back and gazing at you, like love gave her eyes. Like in in the returning the gaze in a way. And it's just
Judy Wright (30:52.956)
Right. Yes.
Travis (30:55.958)
I I think why this story really touches me so deeply too is like my brother, one of my brothers suffered a traumatic brain injury in a car accident in two thousand and nine and to this day he's fed by a feeding tube and he he cannot speak. No, he can spell, but he's trapped in his body. But very early on when the doctors wrote him off and said, You're not gonna make it, he's not gonna make it.
you know, brain dead within twenty four hour whatever. And you know, it's a projection and it's cold and that's what they do. But my dad came in and said, No, he's going home.
Judy Wright (31:24.544)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Travis (31:32.343)
And that love that that like and then Jeremy and then he comes to life through love and right? I mean he's seen and not counted out and like and he's sort of like he's there, he's with us. So I think for me personally, I'm very deeply touched by that aspect of your story. so as we kind of continue through it, you did have to navigate, you know, kind of the red tape and legal stuff of foster care and permanency. You wrote
Judy Wright (31:38.422)
Yeah, yeah.
Travis (32:01.494)
It's one of the hardest truths of foster care. we're chosen to be the interim. We love these children with our whole hearts. We show up for them, we fight for them, we fold them into our families like they were born there. I love that. But in the end we don't get to decide where they land. that's that's yeah, it's an insightful reality. when in the when in her story did you start to realize she might actually survive and what were the implications kind of of that? Where you really were like, Yeah, this is
Judy Wright (32:31.09)
After the diagnosis of being born with no pancreas, we were put in the hospital for two weeks and had her bed surrounded by specialists every single day, trying to come up with a maintenance plan to keep her alive. Because nobody, nobody knew what they were doing. I'll just be up front. Nobody, and they will they'll tell you that themselves if you ask them. Nobody knew what the plan would be like for them.
During that time, knowing that we had an accurate diagnosis now, and knowing that her parental rights were terminated, one of the supervisors at the foster agency was very excited because she knew of a family that would take her in. And these people, lovely, wonderful people. They had like 13 beds and they took care of children with born with half a brain and
Travis (33:20.803)
Mm-hmm.
Judy Wright (33:30.878)
like really awful things. but this supervisor said, well we're just so lucky to get these people. They said that they would take Jaden but they want to meet her first. And I'm like, wait, we had asked the court not to place Jaden with anyone until she was stabilized. This baby just got out of the hospital. We just got the diagnosis. We have no idea if she's going to be stabilized.
When she was in the hospital at nine months, she weighed 11 pounds. Like there was no room for that transitioning time. As we know, when children are moved, it takes that a while to transition. They don't eat right. They they you have to have a little fat on those bones to get them to to handle all of that. But the supervisor thought we we were just so lucky we have to move on this right now.
Courtney (34:16.945)
Yeah.
Travis (34:16.994)
Mm-hmm.
Judy Wright (34:26.826)
So we went in to meet these people after not wanting to for a long time. And when we met them, I placed Jaden, who was sleeping in her car seat, on the floor by my feet between my husband and I, because I didn't want her to be the center of attention. I wanted to hear their plan for taking care of this child. And did they walk with her, carry her skin to skin?
Travis (34:32.632)
Mm-hmm.
Judy Wright (34:56.884)
you know, is is it just medical? So they came in and during our conversation, they mentioned they had a Jaden in their home too that had just died at Christmas time. And my heart just broke because I thought, my little girl is so sensitive to anything, any stress of any kind, her glucometer readings would just skyrocket. So that was my first red flag. I was just panicked by that.
But then Jaden started to stir, wake up. My husband reached down, took her little jacket off, took her out of the car seat, handed her to me. I set her on the table in front of me, and she laid her head against my shoulder, up against my neck, reached her other arm around to her have her hand on my neck. And the supervisor said, my gosh, she's showing affection.
And I'm like, yes, she is. She's a real person. She's she's real. And so they changed their mind about that placement. And then we were very desperate to find an appropriate placement for her because of course we had the opportunity to adopt her, being her foster parents. But I was already 57. My husband was.
Courtney (35:54.16)
Yeah.
Judy Wright (36:20.784)
you know, he's old. He was really old. And we we just knew that this was beyond our capabilities to continue to provide for her. and then we wouldn't be able to foster anymore because she really was full time. So it ended up that our minister and his wife heard Jaden's story and they came to our home and met her and they adopted her.
Courtney (36:24.285)
Yeah.
Judy Wright (36:49.642)
They were approved for adoption. So it that was really the best of both worlds because we had the opportunity to have a long transition. Mama Callie and Mama Judy, you know, off to the doctors all the time, where Mama Callie would do this and Mama Judy would do that, and Mama Callie would come and spend the night, and Mama Judy would go play at Mama Callie's house and
Travis (36:50.094)
Mm.
Travis (37:01.398)
Mm.
Judy Wright (37:16.202)
We just we did it well, I I think. I I was proud of us for doing that. the only thing that challenged that was the fact that after Jaden's one-year birthday, where we had all of her pump and mamas come and her medical s you know, the medical people, everybody was invited. they and made a scrapbook for her from all of these people that had been feeding her. And
Travis (37:21.698)
Mm.
Judy Wright (37:44.825)
a week after that we found out that Jaden had a baby brother. And the agency called and said, We are not asking you to take this baby boy. Your hands are full. We just wanted to let you know that this is what's going on. I said, Please don't do anything yet. Let me talk to my husband. My husband said, They are not separating these siblings because of us. We will take the baby boy too.
Travis (38:11.15)
Mm.
Judy Wright (38:13.848)
And we'll just we'll just take if they can't find adopt home for both of them, that's that's different, but they're not gonna do it because of us. So we took Joey and we had Jaden and we took care of both of them and till and continued with the adoption plan with the minister and and his wife. So
Travis (38:39.99)
Mm.
Judy Wright (38:41.204)
It was it was funny. Callie and I often chuckled because we'd be walking through the parking lot with she would have Joey in the baby sling, and I would have Jaden in the baby sling, and we'd be walking. People would always like, you know, do this, the whispering and making up what they thought the story might be. and just we just look weird. We just look weird. But
Travis (38:58.05)
Yeah. You're right.
Travis (39:05.622)
No. Mm-hmm.
Judy Wright (39:10.14)
They they did a great job with the transitioning and and she always calls Joey her her bonus baby. That was her bonus baby.
Travis (39:21.002)
Nice.
Travis (39:25.358)
Can you also speak to what you wrote in the book about you guys and how you're atta your view of being attached with Jaden?
Judy Wright (39:34.581)
Well, people, that's always the number one question we get as a foster parent is like, don't you get attached? Like, how do you keep from getting attached? And our answer was always similar to what other fosters are. It's just like you don't hold back on that attachment. These babies need attachment more than anybody because they may have never known attachment. And if they have, they need it even more.
You have to be there for them. As humans, we can't function on our own. We need the touching and the the loving and the eye contact. We need that to survive as a human. And you put that into a baby, it that baby needs it even more because that baby doesn't have verbal skills. That baby doesn't have an opportunity to say what they need. They can't voice that.
The time that we stop being attached to these babies is the time we stop fostering.
Courtney (40:40.875)
Yeah.
Kind of related to that, Judy, somebody asked you once, how do you really feel about transitioning foster children to adoptive parents? How do you answer that question?
Judy Wright (40:56.108)
I believe that children deserve to have a voice. I think not only do they deserve to have a voice, they deserve to be listened to. So when a child is transitioning to an adopted family or even going back to birth family, there has to be communication between all of the parents involved and with the child. We have to know that the kiddos are.
Comfortable with what's being done to them. In our house, we always had family rules, but we sat at the table with each child that came into care and had them voice their concerns and voice their opinions and create what the rules should be, including them.
family. the psychologist at the church had said, whatever you do, as soon as they're transitioned to their family, fosters have to back off. They have to back away because this is the time that that child needs to know who their parents are, where they belong in this world. This is the time. So there should be nothing else going on in their life. So that hit my gut pretty hard.
With the attachment that Jaden and I had with each other. This wasn't just a normal, not and how do I say normal foster relationship, you know? But it it it was much deeper than most people would imagine. but I I wasn't the leader now. Mama Callie had given me the opportunity to make decisions when Jaden was in my care. Now that Jaden was in her care, it was Mama Callie's decisions.
Travis (42:33.843)
Mm-hmm.
Judy Wright (42:54.36)
her time to make decisions. So about three weeks after Jaden had transitioned, my gut is dying. I'm bawling every night because I know she's she's waking up. She needs to be fed every two hours. Is she waking up every two hours? You know, I'm like so worried about her life, her life like living. And about three weeks after she was transitioned to Mama Callie and and Daddy Mark.
Travis (43:12.758)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Judy Wright (43:23.966)
I got a phone call from Mama Callie saying, My little girl's not doing too well. She's not singing anymore. And she's not playing with her toys. She's not reading her books. She said, I think she misses her Mama Judy. And for that, I give Mama Callie more credit than she will ever know. Because she listened. She listened to that little girl who wasn't even two years old yet.
But Mama Callie had had enough hands-on time with Jaden to know this little girl was struggling. So my response to her was: don't bring her back here. Let me come to her. Let me sit on her new floor with her new toys, with her new parents, with her new puppy dog, with, and let me just be part of her life where she is. So I started going to Mama Callie's house to see Jaden three times a week.
For the next few weeks and then gradually tapered off. We always had a little, you know, text saying, you know, like I'll put this on the porch, POP, put on porch in 15 minutes, you know. So if if we had milk to give them or something and it wasn't our time to see Jaden, she would know to keep Jaden away from the window. We did we did try to respect everyone's wishes. but like I said, with Mama Callie.
recognizing that Jaden needed a little more time with her mama Judy. That was just crucial in that entire relationship. And I have to say now here 17 years later, Jaden does FaceTime with me. She comes she's still in Michigan. Her parents have driven her down here three times to stay with me. She stayed for a month one time, just had her own room, just like she'd never left. It's but you know
Travis (45:19.896)
Ha ha ha.
Judy Wright (45:21.62)
I asked Callie about that. Like, don't you feel threatened? Like people think adopt families feel threatened by this. And she said, Judy, it isn't love divided, it's love in abundance.
Courtney (45:33.321)
Yes.
Judy Wright (45:38.11)
And I thought, let's just think about that for a minute.
Courtney (45:40.897)
Hm.
Travis (45:41.26)
Mm.
Judy Wright (45:42.504)
It's love in abundance. When Jaden would cry when it was time for me to leave.
I said, Callie, are you threatened by that? She said, no. She said, I always cried when I left my grandmother's house too. She said, that didn't mean I didn't love my parents. It just meant I was gonna miss my grandma. And so the these people were amazing and are amazing with these kids. So it made it a little easier.
Courtney (46:14.729)
Hmm. What a story to share. just so appreciate you. And one thing I do want to highlight before we started recording, you also shared with me that Jaden did give her blessing for this book and for you to share this story. Share a little bit about that.
Judy Wright (46:29.868)
She did. As I was writing her story, I was sending it. I wanted permission, like approval. I wanted Mark and Callie and Jaden to know what I was writing. We're a team in this after all. So I was sending a chapter at a time to Mama Callie. And then Callie was sending it on to Jaden.
And we were talking on the phone one day, and she says, wait a second, Jaden just texted me and she says, she's ready for another chapter. And it was just the cutest thing. So I talked to Jaden about it on one of our FaceTime calls. I said, Honey, is there anything after you read your story, is there anything that you want me to add to this book or anything that you think needs to be said? And
Courtney (47:05.675)
Ha ha ha.
Travis (47:05.966)
Ha ha ha.
Judy Wright (47:25.416)
She said, Well, I read every chapter and I said, and what did you think? And she said, Well, I'm brave. And I
Travis (47:37.454)
Mm-hmm.
Judy Wright (47:38.996)
Yeah, that got me. Yeah, she's brave. She got it. I mean, she gets it. She knows her story and she gets it.
Travis (47:41.238)
I'm brave.
Courtney (47:50.082)
And I know you probably don't like hearing this 'cause I know it's hard to get any of the praise for it, but you're brave as well. I mean, for you to you and John to put yourselves out there the way you did and to help defy all the odds and to just keep saying yes to this precious soul of Jaden. I mean, thank you.
Judy Wright (48:08.712)
It was it was an amaz amazing adventure. And like I said, I'm just so thankful that I was the one that got to witness it.
Travis (48:22.198)
I it it it's hard to really move on to the even kind of close this interview down, and even come off that story, but I'm glad that Courtney how you kind of ended that and kind of feels like put a bow on that to bring it back to Judy as well to like you both are brave and courageous and John and just like it is a it is is a beautiful story. we're in a time where with the polarized world and you know, it's
Judy Wright (48:23.104)
Yeah.
Judy Wright (48:47.253)
Yeah.
Travis (48:48.312)
S someone said, you know, some people need stories more than food to stay alive. It's stories like this that do remind us of our shared humanity and love and that the world there's so much goodness and good people and heroes are out there wearing capes that w we will never see.
Judy Wright (49:04.46)
And it's amazing. If you just make yourself available, it's amazing what will come your way.
Travis (49:08.536)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well what a line. Just make yourself available. go yeah. Yeah.
Courtney (49:15.551)
And I Travis, before you transition, I was just gonna say, I think that's what hit me so hard with your book, Judy. I my family've been fostering for going on 20 years. And we're at this season right now, we're just we're kind of tired. we've prayed, we've talked, we we don't feel like it's our time to stop. But we're taking kind of a mild break. We're still on call, we're still doing emergency, we're not taking long term placements right now. But reading your book brought me back to my why. Like, why do we do what we do? And so,
I'm gonna shift things a little bit, Travis. I encourage you, I mean, listeners, go buy her book. If you're a foster parent, you're like, I've heard all the stories, you have, but just reading this and read it, don't read it in two days like I did. Take time to digest it and to really recognize like why why we do what we do. And it it was what I needed in this season of life. And so I really appreciate you putting into words.
Judy Wright (49:56.332)
Yeah.
Judy Wright (50:06.172)
I'm glad.
Travis (50:10.845)
Well, you take it from here, Corny. I it's it's I mean you have the wind in your sails of where we we're finishing this episode.
Courtney (50:12.033)
No. Yeah, no, I just we also do have a John and Judy Wright scholarship. So before we end this call, I want you to just finish telling people about that scholarship and how they can get involved.
Judy Wright (50:12.289)
Yeah.
Judy Wright (50:28.736)
Thank you for that. My husband passed away 13 years ago from non-small cell lung cancer from Agent Orange. when my four children were trying to think of how to honor him, and they chose to do that by creating the John and Judy Wright Scholarship, which is through EnnisCenter, which is a foster agency that we that we work with. And it's to help.
anyone who's been in foster care go on for a secondary education any anyone that wants higher learning of any kind they can get help it's probably not gonna pay their fulls you know their full year but it's there to help in any way that that can be with books computers laundry
Travis (51:13.036)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Travis (51:23.714)
Yeah. It all matters.
Judy Wright (51:24.108)
But sheets sheets and all like whatever, whatever. It's it's there to help for that. So I thought that was quite an honor for my kids to do for for my husband and myself.
Travis (51:31.768)
So we'll make sure we have a l.
Travis (51:38.382)
Amazing. So we'll have a link for that in the show notes, definitely. And yep.
Judy Wright (51:40.682)
Yes. And proceeds from our book go to that scholarship.
Travis (51:46.894)
Very cool.
Well, we as we close this down, we love to have our guests finish the sentence. here's another question that's what kids in foster care really need is
Judy Wright (51:54.925)
no. no.
Courtney (51:56.245)
Ha ha ha
Judy Wright (52:03.56)
you they need you to advocate for them they need a voice they need to be heard you know you know the c our country has gone through so many transitions and
Thousands and thousands of years, something is always transitioning. I want us now to focus on our children and to be an advocate for them and to listen when they need something. How many people do you know that think that children just manipulate from the time they're born? I mean, we hear it. We hear those things, and that's not at all what a child is. A child is a the child of God who was sent to us.
for gifts and loving and we will learn more from a child than we will learn from anybody else on this earth.
Travis (52:56.233)
I agree with that.
Courtney (53:00.501)
Thank you, Judy. Thanks again for what you did for Jaden, what you did for many children, and what you continue to do through your scholarship and writing this book, a gift that keeps on giving. So thank you for your time today.
Judy Wright (53:12.448)
Thank you, Courtney. Thank you, Courtney. Thank you, Travis.
Travis (53:17.836)
Great having you. Yeah. Thanks so much.