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Orthodox Christian Parenting, hosted by Faithtree Resources Executive Director (and mom of four!) Michelle Moujaes, is a weekly podcast for parents and grandparents navigating the holy struggle of raising kids in the Orthodox Faith. Each episode offers honesty, encouragement, and practical wisdom from the Church—creating space to exhale, freedom from the pressure to be perfect, and openness to grow as you raise children who are deepening their knowledge and love of Christ.
Welcome to Orthodox Christian Parenting, where we bring the church's timeless wisdom into the everyday chaos of raising kids. I'm Michelle Magias, and I'm really excited about today's conversation because we're diving into an important topic that we all face. And it's a topic that you and our audience told us was on your mind. That topic is raising resilient children. If my husband and I have learned anything as we've journeyed to raise our four children over the last two decades, it's that adversity doesn't discriminate.
Michelle Moujaes:I mean, you know this is true. If you're alive, you're going to face hard things. And so it is for our kids, pain, disappointment, loss, stress. None of us gets a free pass to the fallenness of the world. So whether it's bouncing back after challenges, or managing really big feelings, or just growing through setbacks.
Michelle Moujaes:Teaching our children resilience and the hope that can only come from a life in Christ is a huge part of the real work of parenting. Because again, life is going to throw things at our kids. Joining us today to help us get really practical on the topic are two of Orthodoxy's most beloved teachers and seasoned thinkers on all things pastoral and psychological, Father Nick and Doctor. Roxanne Lowe. Together, we'll explore practical ways we parents can help our children build resilience, not by removing every obstacle or every hard time, but rather by walking through the obstacles that come with our children.
Michelle Moujaes:The two of you have really grown a powerful ministry. I mean, you really are a voice of care for families, and particularly when it comes to those of us parents who are raising kids. I know I have here, and you can see I've taken so many notes, Renewing You, which is a priest, a psychologist, and a plan. And it's such a helpful resource because it has done a lot about the practical, like equipping of parents, which I love. So can you just give us a little bit of an introduction about both of you for anyone in our audience who may not know who you are?
Fr. Nick Louh:Yeah, sure. I mean, I think that, you know, both Roxanne and I grew up in the church and, we were one of those, people that would, sit in those pews, stand where we were supposed to stand, do our cross when we were supposed to do our cross. And really, they're never really kind of made our faith relevant in our own personal lives. And then as we got older individually and grew in our own faith, that's one of the things that we really felt like we were lacking, which was the ability to kind of apply our faith in our everyday life. So this book Renewing You was really just one of the things that kind of bore out of that.
Fr. Nick Louh:It was just the idea that, okay, let's look at some of the topics that Roxanne faces as a psychologist, I as a priest, in our own personal life, but also in our ministry, and address them from both a faith and psychological perspective. And the parenting section was just like that because we both are parents. We have two children, George and Gabriela, once a freshman in college and once a junior in high school. And so the verdict is still out on our own parenting, but what we felt like was that we needed to really spend some time helping not only ourselves out and how to be a parent, but also to give some practical tools that bring in both psychology and our Orthodox Christian faith to really get people, like you were saying earlier, Michelle, just some practical ways to apply it. Because you're right, I mean, need there's no really a manual that we all have.
Fr. Nick Louh:We need tools. We're always craving resources, especially within the Orthodox Church. And parenting is one of those areas that think we need a lot of. And to be honest with you, the church has a lot to say in its two thousand year history, but we wanted to kind of tap into that. And I think that's pretty much how we address Renewing You, that's for sure, and it's kinda grown from there.
Michelle Moujaes:I love it. Well, one of the topics so Faith Tree did a huge survey of Orthodox parents across the country, across jurisdictions. And after we kind of really pine through those results, one of the areas parents asked a lot about was resilience, and in particular, emotional resilience. How do we as parents help raise our children to be resilient? And especially in a culture that feels like it throws an awful lot at them.
Michelle Moujaes:So we were so excited to have your, wisdom and expertise and thought maybe you could share some insights with us about how Orthodox parents can do that in light of the fact that this is the world that we live in.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:You know, kids aren't really afraid of feeling these days, but there there there's really no limits to the feeling and there's no there's no struggle with with feelings leading decisions, leading behaviors, you know, leading whatever I feel it's right, leading our moral decisions and moral groundings. And so, I think where the struggle is that with resilience, kids are really safe to feel, they know it's okay to feel, but they're also more practiced at tolerating discomfort because boundaries didn't get completely removed in their lives. And that's, I think part of the struggle as parenting as Orthodox Christians in today's society, where do the boundaries need to lie? And how do we tolerate our kids emotions enough ourselves to where we are not either completely minimizing their experience of emotion or completely giving in because we can't handle their emotion.
Michelle Moujaes:When we talk about setting boundaries, is that something that we as parents need to come in and help them set firmer boundaries? Are you saying that they have boundaries that are perfect? I didn't track with that exactly.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:Yeah. So so the idea is that, you know, when our kids have feelings, those feelings then dictate our boundaries. So suddenly our boundaries become very negotiable, very not sturdy because we are changing them in relation to what our kids are experiencing because we ourselves are having a hard time holding their distress. And so we either look to minimize their distress by getting rid of that boundary or minimize their distress by completely minimizing their experience of it. It's not that big of a deal, figure it out.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:So we're struggling to kind of do the middle ground, whereas we're sturdy, we know what our values are, we know what we're parenting out of, and we know what our ultimate goals are for our children. They may not necessarily be the values of the world, but our boundaries are pretty sturdy even if our kids are feeling all kinds of emotions in relation to that, that we are sturdy enough to stay in that space of emotion with them, but not exactly change our boundary because of that experience of emotion, if that makes sense.
Michelle Moujaes:Absolutely, I love it. I also feel like I'm probably not that good at it when you say it that way because it's painful. And when my kids hurt, I hurt.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:So painful. And I think that's the biggest struggle. We're supposed to hurt when our kids hurt. And I think the only framework that really gives us any relief is knowing that what am I building in my child because of that. I don't want my kid to be unhappy, but I also don't want my kid to learn to avoid being unhappy because what is that going to create in them as an adult?
Dr. Roxanne Louh:They're always looking for the escape route. How do I get away from this feeling of discomfort? And we all know as parents, as adults, life brings discomfort daily, disappointments daily, not being included in something weekly, right? There's all sorts of things that, if we're always looking for the escape route, because we never learned to sort of tolerate that distress in a safe and loving environment where someone made room for us to feel and made it okay. We struggle with that even as adults.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:And I think we all know adults who struggle greatly with just the ability to regulate their emotion, tolerate distress and even recognize an emotion because nobody maybe really sat with it or the boundaries changed in relation to it so that we avoided the discomfort. So we really want kids to be able to learn that. And that's one of the things that makes it a little easier to handle tears or upset is knowing, what am I building in them? That's something that makes me actually feel better as a parent. And I know will make them better as an adult.
Michelle Moujaes:What does that look like in the day to day with parents? And I'm sure it looks different at every age. If you have a five year old or a 15 year old, that'll be different. But what does it look like to practically start to grow them in that area and support them as they recognize their boundaries, but at the same time, recognize they have real emotions?
Dr. Roxanne Louh:So I think, you know, it's and I don't know if you wanna you wanna weigh in on this, but, I think as our kids are young, it's clear, simple safety, learning the limits is all about protecting them, keeping them safe. So, we may have screen time limits, we may have playtime limits, we may have friendship limits of who do we get to play with and when. As they get older, the conversation becomes a lot more of a conversation versus just these rules that we want you to comply with. Introducing a lot of the why to the what. So why is it important to put our phones away at a certain time?
Dr. Roxanne Louh:Why is it important for us to limit the amount of time that we spend with Judy? You know, how much is at home reflecting of our values? And what are we seeing? How do we feel when we come home from Judy's house? And really as adults, as they grow into young adulthood, it's a lot more of like self governance and kind of taking a step back and letting them sort of figure out what values they're internalizing, what values they're living by, and it's not so much control.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:So we wanna be really careful. Healthy boundaries are so much more relational. They're not necessarily just rules that we are speaking over them. And I think as parents, we really wanna aim at relationship more than obedience. I sometimes see a lot of parents today who are really, really great friends with their kids, but there's really no guidance, no support, no boundaries, or I see a lot of boundaries and a lot of rules and a lot of rigidity, and I don't see a friendship and I don't see a relationship.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:And so, ultimately with that relationship, we want to shift from this sort of external structure to their internal discernment. And they learn that internal discernment, through our love, through our relationship, through our support, and that support is all very relational. And so kids should be seen, valued, understood. We should be able to sit with them in every experience they're having, but our relationship with them and our boundaries should feel very values based, very consistent and pretty sturdy. So they don't want to see us changing the rules all the time because they got upset about something.
Fr. Nick Louh:Yeah, and one thing I was going to add to what what Roxanne was sharing earlier is, one of the things that we've done in our home, and this has been really helpful to us, is really create a family mission statement in which we have the Bible verse for our family. And you can see this all online. It's not unique to the Lowe's, but just in general, several of these key virtues that we wanna make sure that we all have as parents, but also as our children. And they are we've got this in the nice little frame boxes and they're like probably in every room of our house, a constant reminder of what are the Lowe's value statements. So we have our mission statement.
Fr. Nick Louh:What is what is the mission statement for the Lowe's? How we wanna treat one another? We have our bible verse that we selected as a family. And then these five or six different virtues of connectivity, engagement, compassion, forgiveness. I mean, all these different areas, and we have bible verses attached to that.
Fr. Nick Louh:And it's just a way, Michelle, to kinda really help us as a priest and psychologist to to have that reminder because we're not above that. I mean, we too, like every parent, struggles. We have days in which things don't connect that well or we're having a bad day at the church or at or at the office, and we need that kind of reminder. And for us, that's been very beneficial. And I just wanna also add is that we don't wanna separate this, what we're talking about from obviously who Christ is and the importance of having Christ in the home.
Fr. Nick Louh:Because I think if not, we're just kind of playing Doctor. Phil here, we're just kind of trying to create little different things that are, no disrespect to him, but just simply, we need to bring Christ into that. And so when you look at this, Michelle, and this is for all of the viewers and listeners, we have to be very cautious because in the history of humanity, the very first thing that God does is create a family in Adam and Eve in the old testament. The very first thing that he does in the new testament is create a family, Joseph, Mary, and then Jesus. And the very first miracle that Christ does is to create is at a wedding, a creation of a family.
Fr. Nick Louh:And so God loves the family. But because he loves the family, it is also on the front lines of the battle that we're seeing against our children. And one of the things that has been really weighing heavy on my heart is we see a culture right now that is breaking in almost every facet where our identity as people is breaking, where we where our faith is being compromised, even sometimes as churches and pastors will kind of negotiate what we're gonna accept and what we're not going to accept from the scriptures. When the enemy of the world wishes to attack, he oftentimes attacks our children. Mhmm.
Fr. Nick Louh:In the Old Testament, when God tells Moses to go tell Pharaoh, let my people go, what does Pharaoh do? He kills the firstborn children. In the New Testament, when Jesus Christ is born, what does king Herod do do? He kills the children that are two years older and younger. I And think it's one of the things that we have to recognize that, we are called to fight for our children.
Fr. Nick Louh:This is not a passive, you know, desire to kind of protect our children. This is an offensively minded thing. And, you know, we oftentimes say at our retreats that if you're not if you're not fighting, then the enemy of this world is winning. It requires us to do this. So that's why your show is so powerful, and I think that's why the need is so great that you're hearing from your listeners.
Michelle Moujaes:Well, what is parents are we called to then? I I think about resilience in not only my own kids, but in myself. Sometimes I don't feel very resilient. I feel a little victimy. And, you know, to look at the example of Christ, I mean, people were pretty hard on him and he never took that stress and became weaker.
Michelle Moujaes:He was resilient, but I don't know what the actual activities look like. Do you have any thoughts on that?
Fr. Nick Louh:I looked at the example of Joseph and Mary. You know, in the Bible, in the gospel of Luke, it says how they raised Jesus. He grew in three areas, wisdom, stature, favor. Wisdom is not the same as knowledge. So I think sometimes we think of those words as the same, but knowledge is of the mind, wisdom is of the heart.
Fr. Nick Louh:And so what we are called to do is to help our children through our own example, to grow in the wisdom, to connect their heart to God's heart. I think sometimes we know a lot up here, we just never translate it to down here. And so recognizing that our children live in our subconscious, they're watching how we as priests of our family, how we're conducting ourselves. So that wisdom is connecting this heart to Christ's heart, connecting their heart to to Christ's heart. And then stature is not about, you know, obviously, height.
Fr. Nick Louh:It's about character. And that's what we're talking about. I think a great deal today is is how are we building up the character inside of them, that character of resilience as you're mentioning. And then I I know you're gonna address that, Roxanne. And then finally is favor with God, like letting them live a life that honors God.
Fr. Nick Louh:I oftentimes tell people and young people too, is if you were having coffee with Christ and you asked him the question, how am I doing? What would he say? What would he say? Just to kind of allow and that's a question for all of us as as parents is is what would he say about that? Not for us to dwell on what we're not doing, but to motivate us to what we could be doing.
Fr. Nick Louh:So I'd love to hear Roxanne.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:Well, think what you're pointing to Michelle is so true. When you are connected to another human being, especially your child, it hurts when they hurt. And I think it is the toughest job in the world to watch suffering or to watch struggle and yet to be a well adjusted adult, there's so many things a kid has to struggle with in the learning of how to be that adult. And so I think, one of the greatest things we can remember as parents when our kid is struggling with a really, really, really big emotion is that, okay, they're still learning how to maneuver through this really tough situation and they probably don't have any skills for it. So, you know, really big emotions with no skills is going to equate to really bad behavior, eye rolling, sarcasm, talking back, yelling at us, I hate you, mom, right?
Dr. Roxanne Louh:All of those things. And if you can listen to it all with a level of like, you're feeling really big emotions and you have no idea how to handle it. And it is my job to help equip you with the skills you need carry that out and to learn how to handle that and hold that, then I'm okay in that space with you. I'm okay when you're crying, when you're upset, when you're angry at me. I'm okay if you're bored and you don't wanna go run to all of these errands with us on the weekend, and you're complaining about it and angry about it.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:But at the same time I'm saying, okay, well boredom is like, we need to be able to tolerate that to be a well adjusted So I'm also okay holding your emotion because you're still learning how to tolerate boredom. You're still learning and actually it's harder for you because you have all these devices that have taught you if it's not entertaining, then I shouldn't have to deal with it, right? Because you've been raised in that generation. So it's even harder. So I think at the end of the day, that helps us as parents to be resilient.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:And if we frame it that way, we understand that the emotion they're having is just this product of like, they're still learning how to handle that big emotion. And it is my job to be super sturdy as they're experiencing it and to help equip them with the skill that they're going to need in order to carry that out. Even if it's that they struggle to clean their room. Okay, well, let's talk about what's getting in the way. Not you better do it or else you're losing your phone.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:Well, did I really help my kid with the struggle that they were having that maybe perhaps the resistance was I have no idea where to start because I'm overwhelmed or I'm really tired because I have so many demands on me. I need to unburden before I take on another burden, right? So if we start to sort of experience where they're at and recognize they're still learning how to cope with all of these things, but at the end, we want these well adjusted adults. I'm joining them in that process and trying to equip with a skill that I think they're going to need to better fulfill whatever value it is that I'm trying to assign them to do in that moment. But I'm not afraid of that emotion or that struggle because I recognize that part is a good part that is going to lead to brain change, new behaviors, new momentum in that kid's life when they experience it.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:Because we just can't learn something that we never experienced.
Michelle Moujaes:I love that so much because it's so not judgy and it's so not condemning or shaming of our children. It's literally looking at what areas of support and skill building do they need to better approach whatever the thing is. I love it.
Fr. Nick Louh:Oftentimes when we talk about to, like we're doing a parenting retreat or a marriage retreat, one of the things that we talk about is we have to check ourselves too, because sometimes because we don't have the tools to deal with our own emotions, oftentimes that kind of spills out. The Bible says whatever is down in the heart will always come out of the mouth. So sometimes if our emotions are not in check, but we're not protecting ourselves, we can kind of just kind of pour out things that oftentimes can cut our children in ways that last much longer than that event itself took. So some of the things that we recommend too is just also having some ground rules that we have within our family, like things that when I don't feel like we're connecting, we're gonna take we call it a twenty two minute break, but we're gonna take a twenty two minute break, allow ourselves to just kind of, you know, deescalate that situation. Then we're gonna come back, and we're gonna really talk about it in a way that's productive.
Fr. Nick Louh:And I you know, so that so that it allows you as a parent to kind of gather your thoughts together. Because if you just go in there sometimes, if you've had a bad day of work, I mean, all these other things that may have nothing to do with your child, you're already bringing into that conversation. So sometimes just kind of taking that moment to kind of take a break, okay, what am I what do I really wanna get across here? And then pushing it from that way, is so much more helpful, than just simply going at it and this is how we're going to do it. And, you know, if you don't like it, that's just tough.
Michelle Moujaes:Well, I like it also because it kind of assumes that resilience is learnable. It's not something that you're necessarily just born with. It actually kind of is something that as a family will walk together to get you the skills that you need to deal with whatever the disappointment or pain or stress or suffering is. And I think that's super equipping of our children.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:Love Absolutely. And we absolutely can learn it. And I think we all have to look at it as it is a skill that we have to learn, we need to learn. You know, we all look at all the things our kids have to learn academically, but nobody considers these sort of like emotional intelligence skills of how do we become well adjusted healthy human beings capable of relationship, of disappointment, capable, so, yeah, we're like coaches, parents are in many ways, like coaches trying to look at, okay, what's skill the they need? We don't just demand that the kid get the ball in the goal.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:We teach them, okay, you're kicking it this way. We need to kick it this way. Or if we want to get the we don't just yell at them or shame them because they haven't been able to do it. We tell them, it's not that big of a deal that you can't get it in the goal. No, we sort of take a look at, okay, hey, what's hard about that?
Dr. Roxanne Louh:What's making it hard for you to comply? What might help? Let's talk about that. And so that's where we really talk about the idea that it needs to be relational. The research really is so true about this, that kids are much more willing to take on your values if they feel they have a good relationship with you because they look up to you and are willing to internalize those values.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:And so, gone are the days where we can sort of expect a kid, do what I say, whether you like me or not. We know that those kids don't hold on to values at a heart level.
Michelle Moujaes:Right. So when you were talking about handing down those values and having them be cemented in our children or actually carrying forward going, you know, out into the world. Well, one of the values that we hear from our audience a lot, this is a perfect example, is my children think that life should be Instagram perfect. Right? Well, is that really true?
Michelle Moujaes:Do your kids assume it should be Instagram perfect? Or do you think it should be? Because when I when I if I were to message to my children, you think everything is like what you're seeing out there, but that may not necessarily be true. But because I've thought it and I've owned it, now I'm kind of broadcasting that to my child and applying it to them. Is there a way for us to do a better job, let's say of not taking whatever I think I think and putting it on them?
Dr. Roxanne Louh:We have to really look at what are the things that our kids are being raised around that we may not have necessarily been raised around? What are the influences actually in this world? I mean, we have to look at the fact that, I think screens are not neutral. They just are not neutral. Are informing identities and at the same time, they are completely promoting this low tolerance for boredom and shortened attention spans.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:And kids really are having a hard time from a neural circuit basis being bored. Like we didn't struggle with that. Peer influence, social belonging, there's a creation that's such a pressure to conform, not to discern. And so the value as a parent, I want my kids to be discerning. So one of the values becomes, okay, I'm afraid of this thing in the world.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:I don't want my kids to feel like belonging matters more than truth. I want them to be discerning. But if I'm afraid of that and I want them to be discerning, what am I teaching them to be discerning about? And so I really want them to think about when I'm looking at Judy, am I saying, hey, does being around Judy feel like home? Does it feel familiar?
Dr. Roxanne Louh:If not, what's different? What do you feel when you come home from Judy's house that may feel different than the way we do things? Hey, do you feel more judgy after you've spent time with her? You know, do you feel more self critical? Are you judging yourself in the mirror?
Dr. Roxanne Louh:So really getting them to reflect rather than, hey, you just can't spend time with Judy. I'm afraid of Judy, so you can't spend time with Judy. Rather than helping them learn the discernment of self governance and reflecting within of, you know, lots and lots of questions about what are you realizing in relation to Judy that may be really different. And I think this performance and achievement culture, we can't really forget that, you know, worth is measured by their success over their character. That is genuinely the barometer that kids are experiencing.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:Your value depends on how well you perform. It's told to our kids almost daily. So be great or avoid it altogether. But I wanna shape resilience in my kid, but the world says be great or avoid it altogether because your value depends on it. So that's my fear.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:What am I doing to sort of help notice in my kid, what is a spiritual strength that I think they actually bring to the table? Exactly. What did God design them with? If I don't know that and I can't recognize that, they will probably struggle to realize that as well. And then they're gonna go back to the performance based culture.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:And that's the thing I'm fearing. So there's this part of like realizing what I'm afraid of and then trying to kind of delve into what my kids experiences of that and then join with them the questions and the building of the skills that they're gonna need to know how to discern and self govern in that space because I'm not going to be there to police it. You know, Judy's going to be around whether we prevent it or not. You know, it's not necessarily about control as much as it is teaching them how to think and how to reflect, and how to feel and how to be present in all of that space with them.
Michelle Moujaes:All right, I know we are closing in at the end of our time. I have two questions from an audience. Can I throw them your way?
Fr. Nick Louh:Yeah, sure. Absolutely.
Michelle Moujaes:Okay, this comes from Sophia in Nashville. And she says, I am a mother of four children. I want to teach my children sacrificial love, and I don't want to raise people pleasers or doormats. Is there a way I can do both?
Fr. Nick Louh:Well, that's a great question.
Michelle Moujaes:That's a good question.
Fr. Nick Louh:That's a great question. I think that, you know, one of the things that we have to continuously remind ourselves is that we are called to love the way Christ loved. And so there is this constant balance that we have, and St. Paul talks a great deal about this between grace and truth. And when our children know that the grace of God, this unconditional gift, that's what basically grace is.
Fr. Nick Louh:Grace is a free gift. It's a free sacrificial gift that we didn't earn, that God gave to us on the cross, in the tomb, but we now receive. There's this grace that he's given us that we're called to also show others, but also truth. And if we don't know what we stand for, then we'll be easily moved by whatever anyone else shares us or the way which the culture was. That's why the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the old testament is so powerful because here are these three children, basically teenagers, that stand firm in a culture that was wavering, even their own people, their own faith leaders were wavering, but it was those three youth that stood strong.
Fr. Nick Louh:And so I think that the balance is that first is letting them We always say, you have to have the vertical shapes the horizontal. So the vertical relationship with Christ. So allowing your children to grow in Christ, learning and having a deep connection, not just up here obviously, but in here, that vertical relationship will shape how they live their lives horizontal to their peers, to the people that are around them. But if we're not connecting that first level of that vertical relationship, then you're gonna be basically responding to just different events that were gonna come into their life as to whether or not I have want my children sacrificial love, not to be a doormat. You're gonna be responding that way because that vertical hasn't been strong enough.
Fr. Nick Louh:So praying as a family together, you know, unfortunately, Michelle, you you know this, only 11% of families pray together. I mean, only 13% of Christians are reading their bibles on a day to day basis. In America, only about 65%, and it's kind of going down, go to church once or twice a month. So we have to own the fact that as parents, we've gotta start modeling what that looks like to have that vertical relationship so that we and our children have that horizontal relationship. But I'd love to hear.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:Yeah, I mean, I love that. Loving others includes loving ourselves. And so if I am to have compassion for my fellow peers out here, I also need to model that I can have self compassion. And this is something I think we ultimately really struggle with. And I would say moms as a whole, and dads, many included as well, you know, but are often martyring themselves in order to accommodate or optimize for their kids happiness or well-being, know, to this point where mom's sick and taking a nap and kid comes and wakes her up because Johnny took the toy.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:And it's like, hey, wait a minute, you know, are we teaching kids the other person awareness of mom too, that we don't wake mom when she's sick because we care for people when they're sick, right? So I think, you know, if mom gets up in that moment goes and gets and takes care of Johnny's toy, never models that, that, hey, it mattered that you tended to me that I had that compassion for myself as well as compassion for you. Hey, it's hard Johnny took your toy, mom's resting and I'm sick and I need to seek rest and renewal right now in this space. Like we have to be modeling that as a whole and we serve best when we're filled, right? So that whole, you know, Galatians carry one another's burdens.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:Well, just a few verses later, says, but carry your own load. Like don't be an unnecessary burden on someone. If we are not carrying our own load, we're not seeking rest, we're not seeking renewal. Like we become over reactive, angry, stressed, then we're not even dealing with our kids in ways that are loving even when we are trying to serve. When they're overwhelmed, it helps to check out, hey, what do you need?
Dr. Roxanne Louh:Don't just get mad that they're overwhelmed. That's teaching them tune in, right? And when I'm struggling or I maybe had a tough moment with my kid, it's really important to be able to come back and say, Hey, you know what, mom hasn't been taking good enough care of myself recently. And I can see how that really shortchanged my ability to have patience here. I need to get back to my walks after dinner.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:Like it's so important. And when I'm walking through another decision in my mind, I might walk through what I have before saying yes to one other responsibility so that they can see that's how I'm discerning, right? And if you wanna join volleyball, let's take a look at everything you're doing and where's that gonna leave time for you, right? And time for me, I can't be driving you all the time. So I think how we model that, you know, love of others has to involve also love of ourselves and seeking that rest and renewal on a constant basis.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:I mean, also.
Fr. Nick Louh:That's good. That's real good.
Michelle Moujaes:I love it. Okay, one more question. And then I will bless and release you. This one comes from Karen in Charleston, South Carolina. And she says, what are some ways that even though I'm well meaning as an Orthodox parent, I unintentionally weaken my children's resilience.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:I think we remove hard things or obstacles. Sort of like going back to that beginning, you know, kids don't want to go to church, you know, we struggle to hold true to to our values in that moment, oh, they're tired or if they wanna hang with friends that we don't believe really resemble our values, we bend quite a bit. I'm not saying we should never bend, we need to be flexible and to hear kids' points of views and perspectives, but that all has to be filtered through our values as parents. And we unintentionally avoid their hard feelings because we can't handle their upset and it's just too inconvenient. They're getting really angry, they're really asking to go.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:So we just don't want it and we don't want to deal with the interruption. So oftentimes we don't become very sturdy in those spaces. And that again is teaching them to unconsciously also avoid their own tough emotions, which we just don't want to do. And I think we just have to learn as parents to sit in really hard places with our kids. And that's really where they learn to also feel and condition a calm amidst their own storm, which is really what we want them to feel because when we're no longer here, you know, we want them to feel that same calm amidst their own storms that they experience, you know, as adults.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:So we don't want to remove all the hard things. We just want to join them in that space and value out of that parent out of those values.
Fr. Nick Louh:I would just add to that too, is that that's also for us as parents that when we're going through difficult times, it's not always just about our relationship with our children that we're talking about that that impacts our children's resiliency. It's our, as parents, our relationship with other events that are happening in our own lives. A parent is sick or something unexpected happens. How do we deal with that? That's also modeling for that what that resiliency looks like.
Fr. Nick Louh:So to Roxanne's point, I mean, I think it's so important that we're also recognizing that at times being open and honest with our children in those moments where we're dealing with resiliency and saying or or dealing with something unexpected where the earth underneath us is is shaking is that we're saying, you know what? This is a very difficult time for me. Or sharing that when they're going through a difficult time saying, hey, you know what? I remember when my dads was really sick and they were battling cancer and this was a very difficult time. We were angry, but what we did, what we found was the most, comforting for us was when we were just leaning into God, when we were just sitting inside and just listening to what God was saying.
Fr. Nick Louh:So I just encourage all the parents. You're doing a great job. I mean, it's not easy. This is a very difficult thing, not only because of what you tell yourself, but also what the world is telling our children and then the enemy of this world, how it's impacting us. But stand strong and recognizing that, okay.
Fr. Nick Louh:Let me get connected to Christ. Let me recognize that when those difficult times come in my own personal life as well as in the life of my children that I'm modeling that level of resiliency because I have faith in God.
Michelle Moujaes:I love it. I love it. Father Nick and Roxanne, thank you for giving us such generosity of your time today and for being with us.
Dr. Roxanne Louh:Thank you so much for having what having us and making the time for us.
Fr. Nick Louh:Thank you, Michelle. We always appreciate it.
Michelle Moujaes:As we close, I wanna remind you to download the free digital guide that accompanies today's episode. It's designed to help you continue the conversation through prayer, reflection, and most importantly, to do it in community. Here at Faith Tree and especially on Orthodox Christian Parenting, our hope isn't simply that you gather more information from a podcast or a study. Our deepest desire is that you return to your local parish where formation really happens best. Walking alongside others who are also struggling and growing and pursuing holiness together.
Michelle Moujaes:You can find the guide at faithtree.org/parenting or in the show notes below. Thank you for joining us today. And remember, you are not alone in the holy work of parenting. We're all stumbling forward together. May God grant you peace, wisdom, patience, and strength as you raise the children that he's entrusted to your care.
Michelle Moujaes:And we will see you next time.