Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
You’re tired.
Not just physically; though yeah, that too.
You’re tired in your bones. In your soul.
Trying to be a steady husband, an intentional dad, a man of God… but deep down, you feel like you’re falling short. Like you’re carrying more than you know how to hold.
Dad Tired is a podcast for men who are ready to stop pretending and start healing.
Not with self-help tips or religious platitudes, but by anchoring their lives in something (and Someone) stronger.
Hosted by Jerrad Lopes, a husband, dad of four, and fellow struggler, this show is a weekly invitation to find rest for your soul, clarity for your calling, and the courage to lead your family well.
Through honest stories, biblical truth, and deep conversations you’ll be reminded:
You’re not alone. You’re not too far gone. And the man you want to be is only found in Jesus.
This isn’t about trying harder.
It’s about coming home.
Today's episode of the Dad Tired Podcast is brought to you by Samaritan Ministries. I know so many of you guys are thinking about your family's healthcare needs this year. It's one of the most important decisions you'll make, and that's why I highly encourage you to consider Samaritan Ministries. It's a biblical, affordable way to pay your medical bills, and it has everything you should be looking for.
In a healthcare sharing ministry, Samaritan members glorify God above all else and they care for one another through prayer and encouragement. It's a way to align your healthcare with your faith and through direct member to member sharing. You'll always know who you're helping and who's helping you.
Here's how it works. There are no networks, so when a medical need arises, you get to choose the healthcare provider that's right for you and you have a say in the type of treatment that you receive. You then send your medical bills to Samaritan Ministries. They'll notify fellow members to pray for you and to send money directly to you to help you pay for those bills.
And then when another member has a medical need arise, you'll do the same for them. When the body of Christ comes together to pray and encourage and provide for one another, burdens are lifted and God is glorified. This applies to all areas of life, including your healthcare. If you wanna learn more about this amazing community, you can go to samaritan ministries.org/dad tired.
If it's the right fit, you can even join today. Again, go to samaritan ministries.org/dad tired and you can join today. Bobby, super excited to hang out with you today, man. Thanks for being here. You guys have been, you and your team have been just a huge supporter of dad. Tired, encourager of dad, tired for years now.
We help sponsor our retreats every year. You bring guys out to volunteer your skills and your time and your talent. You've just been a big blessing to me personally and to the ministry. So first, I just wanna say thank you publicly, right off the bat for that dude, you've been a huge gift to us, but would love for the audience to hear who you are and what you're up to these days.
Yeah, so man, it's an honor. I'm not just a guy that. Sees what you're doing and wants to support, like I'm in the community. I'm right there with you. I'm trying to figure out this whole, whole dad life too. Yeah. Bobby Cooley. I am adult pastor at Kingsland Baptist Church in Katy, Texas. What that means is I oversee pretty much all of our anything and everything in our church that has to do with adults, and a big part of that is our men's ministry and.
Looking at calling and, and what God's called you to do. Over the last couple years, God has just really pulled my heart towards men and specifically hurting men and, and men in crisis, and men going through, you know, the struggles. And so I do a lot of, a part of my role. I do a lot of just kind one-on-one short term counseling.
Uh, that's my master's is, is in counseling. And so. I don't do any professional, it's all pastoral, but I get to sit and eat in knee, eye to eye with a, with a lot of men. And it's one of the things that, that I love about my job. And because we work with adults, our family or our church is so focused on the family that we see adults in our congregation.
Through the lens of parents and grandparents. And so our discipleship, our bible studies, our classes, our curriculum, everything that we do is geared towards equipping parents and grandparents to be able to take what they get at church and out of the overflow, pour that back in at home. And so it's a lot of fun when you see.
Every adult walk through your church through that lens of like, that's a household, that's kind of our, our DNA as a church is we want, we want to impact the whole home. Uh, not just, I mean, we're gonna have incredible kids ministry. We're gonna have incredible youth ministry and our adult ministry's great, but we're looking at it through the lens of that's a family, that's a home that we want to impact for the gospel.
And so I get to do that. And what has happened is I. Or what's been birthed out of that started in 2019, right before the pandemic was, we launched a website called empowered homes.org. You know, if we're gonna say that the church is the B team and parents are the A team, we can't just tell parents, all right, go figure it out.
Figure out how to be a discipler, figure out how to be the primary FA trainer. We know we gotta give 'em resources, and so we created this resource website. Empowered homes and it's full of thousands of resources to connect church and home, to give tools in the hands of parents to lead at home. And from there, God has just expanded, empowered homes into so many spheres and circles and been able to make impacts all over the globe.
I got back from Nepal in January. We were speaking two men at a men's conference, and I'm pouring into dads and equipping dads to be the, the leaders of their household and, and doing all that stuff and all of that is supported through our Empowered Homes ministry. And so, I don't know my title with Empowered Homes that just.
Our whole church is a part of Empowered Homes, but I, I get to kind of drive the bus, if you will, or, or get to kind of see it go through and, and that's, you know, we brought you out to do a dad's parenting class and that was one of our most successful one we've done and, and getting connected with you. It is just a no brainer for Empowered Homes to support that tired as much as we can.
And, you know, I, I wish we could do more than what we do with you, but, oh geez. Well, you guys, yeah, you've been super generous too. And speaking of generosity, like all the resources you guys have are free. Like you just, yeah. You have a ton of resources out there and it's, it's quite literally like free to anyone.
Mom or dad, let's go get that. Everything we have is free. Our pastor, it was kind of his vision back in 2019 because we do so much with families and he speaks with the D six kind of group. He's been part of that and has been a part of all those great and incredible churches that are connected with D six, and he came back from an event going, Hey, we have all these resources that we have for families.
How do we give it away? Yeah. And that was the question that he had. He is like, how, why are we holding onto these? It's just sitting on our hard drive. And so I just kind of spoke up and was like, I got an idea, and he didn't ask anybody. I just kind of jumped in and that's where we started the website. I.
Just to give away all of our stuff for free. It's for our people. And, but our people, our church knows that there's churches all over the country using our resources and they're proud about it. They love it. I love that too, man. I just flew in last night. I was in, um, Grenada with Layla. We went with Samaritan Ministries to see like the back end of all the shoe boxes that churches do all over the world in country.
Give those away. I was sitting in a church and this little boy was sitting next to me. I, he probably was like. Nine years old. I was just trying to like be really present with the kid and like see what, see their faces and expressions and just be part of that whole experience of them receiving a shoebox and hearing the gospel and all that stuff.
But one boy in particular, like he kept putting his arm, like his hand on my shoulder. And in Grenada as it is in most of the world, it's just like completely fatherless. Like there's no, yeah, dads are absent. Grenada's a really small island. There's, there's like 150 ish thousand people on the whole island.
And so, but most of them, I think it was like 65% of the population is under 35 tons of kids. Lot of kids that don't have any dads around. So anyway, this little boy's like sitting next to me and his hand, he just keeps putting his hand on me and I'm just trying not to get choked up. 'cause I'm like, all I can think of is him not like he's near a man.
Which as another PS there, there's all the ministries happening there are run by amazing women. They're like very little to no men running these ministries. It's women stepping up in the church. So anyway, he's probably not around a lot of men who are just like showing him any kind of attention, positive attention.
So he is sitting there with me and he just keeps putting his hand on me and I'm trying not to get choked up. And I just keep, like, everything in me just wants to keep telling him like. I love you. I'm proud of you. Jesus loves you. Like I don't even know his name. Quite literally. I just wanna keep telling him how proud I am of him, and he is like, you're loved by God and you're, God knows you and he delights in you.
And part of that stirring in me, one comes from me not having a dad around, but two, just remembering how when I was a kid. Just being lost in identity. Like I don't know who I am really. And you're just kind of trying to figure out as a boy who you are in the world and then you grow up to be a man and you try to figure out who you are.
And I think where I'm going with that very long like story is I think we have so many men who don't really know their role, like their identity really in the world. And we didn't have dads, whether your dad was around every day or whether he wasn't around at all. Very few of us had dads. Speaking identity over us.
And so I, I would just kinda wanna pick your brain, like I know you're working a lot with men, you've got a lot of resources for the family, but I know you do a lot of stuff with men and I heard you say you sit down and you go through, you talk through with men who are going through crisis and stuff.
Like how much of that is tied to identity? How much of that are you seeing in your own world? Yeah. I, if I'm sitting across, I, I try not to have a mental model of, of what that man's going through. I try to be clean slate, but identity and wounding are two things that I'm trying to listen for. Anytime they start talking about, you know, something that.
Happen with their dad or their mom or some type of wounding that they're carrying, that that wounding is then dictating their actions or their words or how they're responding to things. And most of the time that's tied to a false sense of identity or looking for their identity in something other than what we should all be getting our identity from.
And that's the Lord. And, you know, Eldridge, he calls it the question, the question on the heart of every man is, we're always constantly, every single day asking this question. Do I have what it takes? Yeah. Like, am I worthy? Can I accomplish whatever's in front of me? And we ask that question in so many ways, and sometimes we find the easy answers to that.
You know, if I can be successful here or if I can look good at work. And there's nothing wrong with doing great work and being successful and, and, but if everybody around you sees that as, oh, that's how. They see themselves that like, if you stripped away that job, who's that man? And that goes back to the identity and speaking identity into them.
And you know, I, I know you grew up without a dad and I grew up with, I. That's a whole nother podcast for my childhood, but just a, a ton of abuse from my dad, from my mom, my stepdad, my, can you give us stepdad? Give the short version. Yeah. So growing up, parents divorced when I was two, and both of them struggled with substance abuse.
My mom was struggl and. Different stuff. My dad was primarily alcohol and I mean, he married different women. My mom married different men and, and so I was, my whole childhood was surrounded by chaos and my stepdad physically beat me. He picked on me and I went through so much stuff, which I'm still dealing in wrestling with even to this day of like, you know, that that abuse and the verbal abuse from my own father.
But even for my dad, you know, I don't know which one's better to have a dad that's not there or have a dad in your life. Yeah. That doesn't want you, dude. Yeah. And is communicating to you. I don't want you, I don't know what to do with you and or leaving me for days to fend for myself as a a third grader.
I knew how to order pizza as a kid. I had money that he would leave in the drawer of his desk. That because I'd order pizza and, and, and so for me and, and my childhood, like that question is constantly showing itself up in, in little things. You know, I didn't have a dad who, who wanted me. And so I'm constantly looking towards others going, Hey, do you want me?
You know, I'm not saying it out loud, but Right. My actions and how I'm working and hey, if I do this thing and I get a little bit of praise, then oh, that feels good. 'cause I never got that. And oh, they want me, and I think I see, I look for those woundings. I. And men, and it could always pinpoint back to their identity of like they're searching for validation and approval from other things.
It could be video games, it could be, I mean, it's so many different things and a lot of times it's even your own spouse. Like I get my worth and validation from my wife and there's nothing wrong with wanting or needing that respect or or that value from them if that's the only place that I'm getting any source of strength.
I'm leading out a weakness. Yeah. 'cause if I go to my father, who is just tickled by me, who loves me, who's proud of me, and if I go to my father in heaven and I, I receive that strength, then I get to lead in freedom. I get to lead in healing. I get to lead in, in, in grace. But when I'm constantly going to other things, it's, it's gonna let me down and it sometimes it lasts a a while, but it's always gonna end.
It's always gonna let you down. When I sit knee to knee with guys, I'm constantly just trying to help them find the answer to their question. Do you have what it takes? Yes. Let me tell you. Who's saying these things to you? You are chosen. You are his handiwork. You are well made. You are, uh, set apart, like just speaking truth and identity into these guys.
And, and I do it to my kids all the time. Hmm. Even getting outta the car today, dropping off my son at school. I said, Hey, Charlie, who are you man? He gets outta the car. I'm a son of the king. Hmm. Like that's who you are, man. You don't have to earn anything. You don't have to do anything. You don't have to get first chair in band, like you are a son of the king and that's enough dude, and live in that.
And uh, it's definitely, yeah, identity and all that is all tied to me and my childhood too. And that's part of it. Hmm. I appreciate you sharing that, dude. I really appreciate. I didn't, I don't think I knew that part of your story, man. That's, yeah, I, yeah. I was in, in high school, you know, I didn't become a believer till my senior year of high school.
And man, I was a, I was a idiot clown, did all kinds of crazy stuff and, you know, going through all of those things and abuse and I'm trying to like, okay, God, help me put meaning to this. Yeah. Because I remember watching as a kid, you remember TGIF like the old Friday night line up on Yeah. You got Boy Meets World and you got, and I'm watching all these families, I, I've heard you say this too, you, I'm watching all these families and I'm going, why don't I have that right?
You know, like, God, where were you? And all of that growing up and looking at my life now and what. I get to be that for my kids now. Mm-hmm. That I wish I had. I get to be the dad that I longed for growing up and that's what drives me. And that, that's what drives Empowered Homes. That's helping see everything that we have is like, man, we get to be something that we wish we had.
Yeah. And, and it's a beautiful thing, but not in my strength. It's not about what I can do. 'cause I'm, I'm a mess. I mess up all the time, but my identity, when I'm secure in knowing who I am in Christ, then I get to lead in so much more strength than the weak, weak stuff that the world gives us. Yeah, it's interesting that what you said about, you know, and I don't know what's worse to have not have a dad around or have one that is around that doesn't want you.
You know, that's a heavy thought. I remember one time, dude, I was speaking in, I don't remember where it was. But I said something like, I asked the guys, how many of your dads stuck around when you growing up, or how many of your dads bailed? I can't remember what the question was. I think it was How many of your dads bailed and nobody lifted their hand.
I was like, oh, I must have ref, I must have phrased that wrong. You know? I'm like, how many of your guys dads were not there when you were growing up and nobody raised their hand? I'm like, okay, you're saying every guy in this room, all of your dads stuck around. And they all were like, yeah, I was somewhere DI was in the south somewhere.
And I was like, I started crying for, for outta nowhere like that hit a, that hit a, it pricked a wound or a motion. I didn't, I didn't plan on it. Pricking like it, it. I immediately, it was like a switch just got flipped. I just started crying because I was like that. Okay, that's intense. I've never met, never been in a room full of guys whose dad's never bailed.
But then they all came up to me afterward. Not all, but a lot of guys came up to me afterwards and was like, dude, my dad was around. But it was terrible. Like he didn't leave. 'cause it was like culturally, you don't divorce your wife or whatever. But it was terrible. He was like a drunk or he was abusive. He was verbally abusive.
Physically abusive. Like I wish he would've left. And it was a really interesting perspective, and that was the first time I started asking myself, like, I wonder, I, I asked that same question that you asked, like, I wonder what's worse. Not that we need to compare what's worse or not, you know, it doesn't really matter.
But, but I, I guess I had never really considered that perspective to have a dad around that's like, that is just terrible to you. It's almost like that could do worse damage. My heart was so heavy for those guys. Have you seen that? I'm going through this, uh, John Tyson's primal path. Rite of passage stuff for boys.
'cause my son's about to turn 13. Yeah, yeah. Um, so I'm, I'm going through that stuff just as a dad trying to take my own son through it. He gives you homework to go through. And one of the homework challenges that he gives you is to watch this documentary called The Work. Have you seen that? The work? No, bro.
The work. Okay. It's so, uh, for everyone. Check it out. Yeah, dude. For everybody that's listening the work, it's like, um, it's super intense so it. It's a documentary that where they take these guys from El Dorado Hills. I think it's uh, our Folsom prison in California. It's a high security prison and I guess once a year at the prison, they do group counseling as these prisoners.
And these are like, they're all serving like life sentences. They've done some stuff. They've done some stuff. These are some bad dudes. But once a year, dude, they open up this group counseling session. It's a four day group counseling session to men in the public. And I don't know how you get picked or how you apply to go to this thing, but guys, normal every day.
Citizens, I guess, apply. I don't really, they don't give a lot of background, but can go be part of these four day group counseling sessions with these prisoners. Dude, it's as intense as it sounds like It is so crazy to watch these. Prisoners go through this counseling, four day group counseling to do it alongside of the citizens, the citizens to do it.
But ev the reason it was part of the homework is because every one of the problems, like they're all going back, all of them rooted back to the dad. It's not even a dad documentary, but all of it goes back to the dad. That wounding from your father, I mean, it, it can, it can spur on a lifelong. Just striving for what you didn't receive from him or what you did get from him that you're trying to battle, you know?
Yeah. That wounding, if I can talk with the man and kind of pinpoint and hear some stuff as he's talking, that's where. I can usually kind of put my thumb a little bit onto that, that wounding to, to really open up the, the conversation, open up in his eyes. I've had guys that I'm sitting across from, and they're talking about different stuff, and it, it comes back down to maybe one of the guy in particular that, uh, he wouldn't mind me sharing his story.
He's shared it before, but. It's kind of the, the old, my dad never said he was proud of me. Hmm. I never heard, Hey, I'm proud of you. And after a few times of us talking and going through, I started the conversation. I said, Hey man, can I just tell you I'm so stinking proud of you? Hmm. And he wept. Mm. And I said, I'm not God, but can I speak for him?
He's so proud of you and what you're doing and how you're living, how you're raising your kids and, and you're trying to be the best dad and he's just weeping. I was like, receive that from your father. Wow. Live that strength. Yeah. Don't strive to get it from the world, receive that from him and out of the overflow.
Right. Pour that into everyone else. And so it all goes back to the wound man, and, and I try not to be the therapist, you know, where I'm trying to trick 'em. But I can usually, I can usually, like, if I hear those things, those common themes, it usually goes back to that wounding. Do you ever think that there, in your experience of working with guys, do you ever think that.
Sometimes I've noticed that guys who had dads around like good dad, legitimately good, they were engaged. Dads, they stuck around. They tried their best. It sometimes I've met guys where I feel like they still have a father wound, but they don't even want to like go there because their dad was a quote unquote good dad.
He wasn't verbally abusive. He wasn't physically abusive. He, he did all the things he was supposed to do. But there's still, I guess then another way of saying that is like, I wonder if I asked that guy. What were you missing from your dad? Like what did you need from your dad that you didn't get even and it's not disrespecting him.
He was still a great father, you honor him, but like what did you still need? Yeah. Sometimes I wonder if they've never asked that question because their dad was a good dad. Yeah. And I, I've had that same situation happen where it was like, my dad was incredible. He was always there. He was present and loving and caring and, and I finally had a guy, he had a breakthrough.
He goes, my, my wound wasn't from something that I. I wish my dad did. It was something that he did too much of. And I was like, that's confusing. What do you mean? He goes, my dad never let me fail. He never let me do things on my own. He never, he always did it for me. And so now I'm an adult and I don't know how to function and my dad was so great and it sounds terrible, but my dad was so great that.
He never gave opportunities for me to, to fall on my face. He always had the safety net. He always was there to pick up the pieces. He was always there and, and so for that man, his breakthrough was like, I've gotta figure out who I am without my dad constantly stepping in and interesting and filling the gaps when I'm filling.
Yeah, it was super interesting. Wow. And. And just going back to that documentary of the work and just like how much us I, I imagine it's for all, all kids, but esp that father son dynamic, especially like you as a man with your dad. There's just something so profound there. I don't know why God wired it that way.
Why he, when he created the order of things that it would be that way. Well, yeah. All the research shows like most everybody, man, boys and girls, they associate God. With how they view their father, that like all the research that you could find is our first glimpse of understanding who God is, is by the Father that raised us.
And so you have, you know, people in church who have church hurt and or they're afraid to go to church or they're, they're disassociating from God is because like. They are associating the things that, the shortcomings of their father to who God is. And so I'm constantly having to help reframe of like, no, our, our father in heaven.
Is nowhere near your earthly father. Yeah. Even if your other earthly father was incredible. Right. Your father in heaven and he wants to father you, which is a whole nother phrase that has come up the last couple years of like, how do we allow God, how do I allow God to father me mm-hmm. And receive that from him?
And have you read that book? Have you read that? Fathered by God book John? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's, it's powerful. That was so powerful. I have a vivid memory of mowing my lawn. And just like weeping, I had like stopped the lawnmower because I had my headphones on. Oh. Listening to it on audiobook and it just wrecked me.
I read that and then I got a little bit of a story if I could tell you Hitting me. Yeah. Er wreck wrecked me. So I've already told you, you know, my wounding is not feeling like people want me because my dad. Was verbally like, told me he didn't want me. So my oldest son shot his first deer a couple years ago and the dad's the thing we have to reminder when you're in Texas, bro, it's just like I'm in Texas.
Yeah, we, yeah, we hunt a lot here and so down in Texas, anybody wanna come hunting? Come with dude real quick before you get into the story, which I'm very excited to get. Yeah. Was it you that showed me like the best brisket I've ever had in my life? When, when it was to you? Probably when you were down here.
Yeah. You do you have a, do you have a brisket spot that you're like, this is the best brisket? Oh, yeah. Uh, okay. Yeah, we have a spot here. I, I try, every time I have Bri brisket, I'm like, dude, I had the best brisket in Texas. I don't, I, and then that was me. Okay. I knew it was you. Okay. Anyway, Texas. Here we go.
Texas. You're so, anyway shot. Yeah. So my son shot his first deer. I think he was like just turned 10 or nine. No, just turned nine. And he shot some hogs and we've been working, and it had been years of building up to this moment where he's able to pull the trigger by himself. It's just kind of a rite of passage, especially down here in Texas.
Yeah, it's a big deal because we're not killing Bambi like we're eating this animal. Yeah, and it's, yeah, totally. He. Gets to say, I'm, I'm providing for my family with this. That's so cool, this food. And so anyways, he, he shoots the deer and it's, that's a whole nother story. It's so cool how he shot that morning and completely missed the deer and just, it was devastating for him.
And in the afternoon on the hunt, we saw the deer and he looks at me and he's like, dad, I, I'm gonna miss again. And I'm like, buddy, you can do this. I believe in you. You got this. Pulls the gun up. Drops the deer. Awesome. So we're getting everything packed up and ready and you know those moments where you're just reliving the story in your mind.
I. And I was just so proud of this kid. Like that's my son. Like I was just kind of oohing and aing about. That's my boy. He shot his first deer and I was just, anyways, we, I had to drive home that night and I had to be back the next morning for church and it's like a six hour drive and he tried to hang with me.
He fell asleep in the car and I'm sitting in the car and as we're we're going, the radio's off. He's asleep. I'm still reliving. I'm just on high of like, I'm so proud of that kid. And man, I just read fathered by God and God just not audibly, but I could feel his presence in that car. He said, Hey, Bobby, all the things that you feel towards your son.
Mm. That's the way I see you, man. Wow. You're proud of him. I'm proud of you. And I wept for about an hour, just receiving. Thank you, God. Like my dad didn't want me, but you want me. My dad never told me he was proud of me, but you are proud of me. Yeah. And I receive those things from you and. Man, that story, I've told that story even with my son around.
Yeah. And he doesn't remember any of that stuff, but like that's a story that he gets to hold onto too. Yeah. Like not just his first dear, but man, God did so much more that evening to remind me of who I was. I'm his son, and we forget that so quickly though. Oh dude. You know. Hey guys. Hope you're enjoying this episode so far.
Just wanna remind you, you've probably heard us talk about this a few times in this episode, but we do have our dad tired annual retreat coming up in September. We're expecting about three to 400 guys come to this retreat in North Carolina. We would love to have you be one of those guys. Spots are filling up quickly and we don't want you to miss it.
If you go to dad tire.com, click the annual retreat tab. You can get signed up today. Let's jump back in. And you have that moment, and it's so like the whole heart of dad's heart is you have moments like that where you're re reminded of the gospel truth, that you are delighted instead of God pouring out his wrath on you.
If you were a son of his, he's poured out his grace and his love, which is just insane. But you have moments like that where you kind of feel it, you experience it, and you just, how do you, like, I bet you went home and the next day you were a better husband. You're a better dad. Yeah. Yeah. You know, like you're a better friend.
Because your identity, again, is just rooted in something that nothing in the world can offer. It's so much deeper. Yeah, a hundred percent. And you know, when I'm reminded, I want to be for my kids what I wish I had, and I wanna live out of the strength of, of my heavenly father, man. I don't want to go to the park and throw the baseball with the kids, but man, I get to do this for them.
It's when I'm reminded of my identity, it forces me. I. To get up. Yeah. To do, do the, I'm tired from my first shift through my real work. Mm-hmm. Now my second shift's kicking in and I've got, I've gotta give everything I have to them. Yeah. And especially about, you know, my wife, you know, when I am not seeking her approval and validation, I'm secure in my identity and who God says that I am.
I pursue her so much more. I do more things for her. I, I'm more aware of her. I'm more. You know, I'm not trying to keep score. It's not a, well, I got to do this. So you get to do that. No, I don't care. Yeah. You know, 'cause I'm secure. I'm, I'm not. Wanting her to fill my tank. My tank's already full. Yeah. And I just get to overflow into to her.
And so, man, it's, it all goes back down to being secure and who and knowing who you are. Yeah. Uh, I think for you guys listening, man, like, I don't know, maybe just, I'm making this up on the spot, but like, maybe just ask yourself like, what was it that you needed from your dad, whether he was around or he wasn't around, or like when you just think back in your own childhood, you go back to the little boy version of you.
What is it that you needed from your dad? And then I guess maybe the follow up and more important question would be, what would it look like to receive that from Jesus instead, you know? And to, to find all the things that you longed for in your heavenly Father instead of your earthly father. And then just rest.
And then you can just, like, you can honor your dad regardless of his, his crap and his own mistakes and his shortcomings. You can see him as a hi being a boy himself, like needing stuff from his dad that he didn't get. And you just like, you don't have to hold grudges. You can offer forgiveness. That's a radical, like, it doesn't even make sense because you've, you're finding everything you need in Christ.
And, um, and not all the things that you, you wish you had from your dad, you know? It's so good. And I didn't say this. I always, always try to say it. You know, a lot of times when we talk about this stuff, it, it almost sounds like we're blaming, you know? Yeah. I'm blame blaming my dad, right. I'm the way I am because of this, or what he did or didn't do.
It's not about blaming, there's power when we put meaning to our own stories. That's right. And when we could, we could put meaning to our stories. It's talking about the real stuff. Yeah. You know it, it's talking about and being honest, but we're not pointing fingers. Totally. We're just receiving Good caveat.
Yeah, that's a good caveat that that's clear, good clarity because yeah, we're receiving. Yeah. In my own story, like so much of who I am and the mistakes I've made, the person I've become is a result of my dad's. Absence and, and him not being there. But that's not an excuse. Yeah. It's, it's now having to just realize that is the story that is written in my life and it's just been helpful for me to identify, okay, that behavior is tied back to that wound and where does God need to redeem this?
And, and where has God redeemed it and where does God still need to redeem that, that like connection. But for me it's not just, it's just that what's most helpful is just seeing the clarity between. The behavior or the thinking and the wound. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's really helped my healing.
That's the power of the healing that can come not when we're accusing or pointing fingers, but we're receiving and putting meaning and letting God fill in the gaps where we don't really understand all the ins and outs, but we trust your question, man. So powerful of, of thinking of that little boy. And I asked that all, uh, several times when I do counseling of like, okay, let's take it one step further of that little boy, you see that little boy in whatever situation that, that you're in, that you can recall a moment of, of neglect or abuse or, or whatever it is, like in that moment, go back to that moment.
And now for me as a 37-year-old man, I have full capability to walk into that moment. What would I do? I would rescue, I would redeem. I'd pull that kid out, I would, whatever it is, and it forces me to remind myself of like, I get to be that for my kids. Mm-hmm. That's good. Now I don't have to, I'm not dreaming or making up this scenario in my mind like, no, no.
I get to step in today when I get home from my kids, get home from school. I get to be that for them. Yeah. I get to do that. And God wants me to. That's great. And he's given me everything I need to do. The what, what, what I can for my kids. And as, as hard as that scenario is to go back and look at that little kid, that little boy and tell 'em, and you're gonna be okay.
Yeah, that's good. You're gonna be okay. So anyways, I, well man, thank you again for hanging out today. Uh, just. Maybe remind us where we can get all those. Resources that you mentioned upfront within Empowered Homes? Yeah, empowered homes.org is our website. Uh, we're on social media, we're on YouTube. We have a podcast too.
You've been on the podcast a few times. I need to get you back on, man. Talk about some of the new stuff, stuff I got. Nothing I need. Let's talk, let's talk through kinda some new things on the horizon that Yeah. That we're, we're excited about and, but yeah, empowered homes.org. You can find me there. My email's just Bobby at Empowered Homes and, uh.
I give you my cell phone, but you probably don't want me to do that. I don't, I don't care. I'm available. I if you wanna give your cell phone out, man, I don't. Might give you blown up. But you, I'm sure guys would love to get in touch with you, however you want 'em to get in touch with you. Yeah. You shoot me an email, man.
I'm, I'm available. I love being available. Uh, you know, we, we travel and go to. Churches we're, we're booked up this whole spring where we do parenting classes, we do marriage events, we do a bunch of stuff. If that's interesting to anybody listening, I'd love to show you what we do and, uh, partner with you again.
Free. It's all free. Yeah. We don't charge, this is about the kingdom. Uh, it's not about me. It's not about our ministry. It's about about Jesus. And we wanna see homes transform with the power of the gospel, however that may be. So I love it, man. And you'll be back at the, uh, dad tired retreat this year? Yep.
I'll be there. Bring in, uh, several guys. And then, uh, I think I just talked in our head media guy to come with us. Oh, nice. So we can do some, some creative stuff with y'all this year. I'm stoked. So. Yeah. All bro. Appreciate you so much, man. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. Appreciate you, man. Yeah.
Hey guys, as always, I hope that episode was helpful for you on your journey of becoming more like Jesus and helping your family do the same again. Remember to register for our Dad's hired annual retreat in September. You can do that by going to dad tire.com. Click the annual retreat tab and get signed up today.