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The New Mom Podcast is a Christian motherhood podcast for women navigating pregnancy, postpartum, and early motherhood.
Whether you're a first-time mom, expecting, or in the middle of sleepless nights, this show offers real, honest conversations about motherhood, marriage, identity, and faith. We talk about birth stories, postpartum recovery, relationships, mental health, and trusting God through every stage of motherhood. If you're looking for encouragement, practical advice, and a reminder that you're not alone—this podcast is for you.
Our prayer is that New Mom leaves you feeling seen, strengthened, and a little more equipped for the beautiful calling of motherhood!
New episodes weekly.
Welcome back to New Mom. I am so excited about this conversation with Brytnee and Matt Atkinson. This is our second couples episode that we've had on the show. You guys asked and we answered, so we brought some of our best friends. This is Matt's first time on the show.
Carrie:Brytnee, you may remember from our LA episodes if you've been listening since the beginning. But they're in the studio and we had our first round table setting, where we just kinda got to dive into things that you guys wanted to hear about, the dynamic shifts, becoming parents, and what that looks like in marriage practically. So we laughed a lot. We apologize. We're maybe a little bit annoying together, but we also got into some really good stuff.
Carrie:And I think, hopefully, it leaves all of you feeling really encouraged that as we lean in together with our spouse, it it really is just a beautiful, beautiful challenge to get to parent with the person that you love more than anything. So I hope you enjoy this silly and also super heartfelt combo.
Matt:Let's do it.
Connor:Guys, welcome to New Mom.
Carrie:Welcome to New Mom. That's what's going on.
Connor:The Schwedies are here.
Brytnee:The Schwedies.
Carrie:Yeah. I think we should label it that. Not the Atkinson, the Schwedie. When did that start? When did you start saying Schwedie all the time?
Matt:Well, started as sweetie.
Speaker 5:It started as sweetie.
Matt:Then it evolved as obnoxious. Sure. Like when you
Carrie:were dating
Matt:with it. Or did
Carrie:it No. Think it was
Matt:like after we were married.
Speaker 5:Yeah, maybe. When did that start?
Carrie:Since we've known you guys, you've been the
Brytnee:Oh, no, no, Wait, hold on.
Carrie:You remember?
Brytnee:No, no. Okay. Sorry.
Speaker 5:I was gonna say that I have another inside joke between us that I remembered.
Brytnee:Was not the short ish.
Speaker 5:I think it's just like one day I was just calling her sweetie, and I said it in a funny way that made her laugh. So then I had to keep saying it that way because, you know, I have to keep making her laugh for
Connor:the rest
Speaker 5:of time. And and I was like, And she was she started laughing.
Matt:That's a good one.
Speaker 5:Shweta. Shweta. And then, like, then it just became a thing. And now we say it in front of other people, and they all get uncomfortable.
Connor:Yeah. Now your sister hates Matt.
Matt:Hates it. That
Speaker 5:my sister is
Carrie:like, I can't.
Connor:People hate
Speaker 5:our Oh, it is so funny. We so we're in we're in Downtown Nashville with her sister, and we're going we're like, we need to go we know we wanna go out. We wanna go see some some cool stuff. And so we're, like, hanging out down there. And we went to I think we went to a rooftop, of course, because
Matt:Of course.
Brytnee:I have
Connor:to really Matt loves
Brytnee:a roof.
Speaker 5:I love
Brytnee:a rooftop.
Speaker 5:I don't know why.
Brytnee:A roof.
Connor:But yeah. Matt loves being elevated Yeah. Above other buildings.
Speaker 5:Excuse me. As long as I'm above above frame.
Brytnee:Can you
Speaker 5:see me now? A french
Connor:fry. A french fry, 50 stories in the air.
Speaker 5:Yeah. It is better, though. It is. It is. But, yeah, we were downtown and, like, we just kept it's just, like, a natural thing for us, especially, you know, when we're just, like, really getting in the groove of being really lovey with each other, which obviously her sister hates anyway.
Speaker 5:She sleeps too much. And then we're calling each other and she just couldn't handle it. She was so angry with us by the
Brytnee:end of the night.
Matt:She's ready.
Carrie:She's over it.
Speaker 5:She was like it was it was like it got to that point where, like, first it was annoying, and then we just kept pushing it. And then it was like, oh
Matt:We hit the wall.
Speaker 5:I think that we've actually broken her brain.
Connor:No. We've We've broken her will.
Brytnee:Yeah. I
Carrie:have things. Yeah. I have
Brytnee:wait. How was I not
Speaker 5:in the room, Brianna?
Connor:Blow up the comments section. Let's get it going.
Brytnee:Let's get that going. Okay.
Carrie:Well, welcome to New Mom.
Connor:Yeah. Couple of housekeeping things. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Connor:First one for the viewer slash listener is that I have four microphones, but I haven't hooked them up yet. So we have one again. Between each couple, and it might sound terrible, which also means that Matt
Brytnee:and I can't.
Connor:Yeah. We're gonna be together. So if you see Matt and I ducking, it's because we can't make eye contact. We're ducking
Carrie:each other.
Connor:Yeah. The third one is is that our boys are asleep in this house. Yes. So we just don't know what's gonna happen. Yeah.
Carrie:It's gonna happen. It's gonna be great.
Connor:It's gonna be
Speaker 5:great.
Carrie:I was actually telling him earlier, when is like, I'm so excited for this because I can't remember the last time that we've had an a coffee without the boys. Love the boys. Oh my gosh. Trippy.
Brytnee:They schedule
Connor:a podcast next time we wanna catch up.
Carrie:Because usually one of them's awake, their nap's not usually and so there's always something going on while we're talking. But it's that's one of my favorite things about podcasting is with other moms is to be like, we have an hour where you've set aside an hour, I've set aside an hour Mhmm. And we actually just get to talk about parenthood without being like, put the crackers down. Do the you know? It's like
Matt:yesterday Carrie and I were praying and it was such a mom prayer. It was like, thank you Jesus for our husbands Yeah. And for and for
Carrie:and and for for and and and
Matt:and and for the fireplace.
Brytnee:You did. That was so good.
Carrie:I'm thinking that we're raise these godly men, these strong willed men.
Brytnee:Oh, god. Yeah. Oh, the
Connor:fourth housekeeping thing is that I just wanna acknowledge that I'm wearing a camo Miller high life hat.
Carrie:Yep. Yeah. On a Christian podcast. Better
Connor:know yourself.
Carrie:Is an inside joke hat.
Connor:It is it is kind of an inside joke.
Brytnee:You're right.
Speaker 5:It's from
Carrie:the Millers.
Brytnee:Does it have to
Matt:do with Sammy and Kenna?
Connor:Yeah. Sammy and Kenna Miller.
Brytnee:That's sweet.
Connor:Yeah. They gave it to
Speaker 5:me because they're the Millers.
Carrie:Yeah. Which is so cute. We love it. Shout out to Sammy and Kenna. That's so cute.
Connor:And also we're sponsored by an alcohol brand.
Brytnee:No. Not. We're not.
Carrie:Cut it.
Connor:Cut it in post.
Matt:Yeah. I will also add a housekeeping. I don't even know if this is a housekeeping.
Connor:Gonna do a we're gonna
Speaker 5:do two parts. Part one is just gonna be housekeeping. By the way, guys, just letting you know all the reasons this is not as good as we wanted it to be.
Connor:And then I've got a hernia. No.
Brytnee:You'll see
Matt:the drop in listeners after,
Carrie:like, three.
Matt:Right. No. I pregnancy brain is just Oh. Full effect right now. I got I think I told you I got in the back seat of my car the other day to drive home.
Matt:I sat down and I was like
Speaker 5:Grabbing the seat in front of you. Hey.
Connor:That was a that a great segue.
Carrie:I was just gonna say, you're pregnant. Because last time
Connor:I did it was
Carrie:right before you were pregnant with baby number two. I think it was right before. Yeah, literally right before, because
Matt:it was the fall, which
Carrie:is crazy. So welcome back. Third trimester, Brytnee.
Connor:Congrats.
Matt:So one weeks. Due at the end of August with our daughter.
Speaker 5:With our little girl.
Carrie:So excited.
Matt:We gotta get a girl in
Brytnee:the lunch. It is
Carrie:so exciting. Having
Matt:a girl.
Carrie:How are you feeling?
Matt:I'm feeling, yeah, a lot of emotions. But how are you feeling? Physically I'm good. I feel tired. But that's really it.
Matt:It's been, like Jude's, it's pretty easy.
Carrie:So it feels similar.
Matt:Yes. It's pretty similar. I think it's a little bit harder, but I
Carrie:think it's because I have a
Matt:toddler to chase around, so I can't just sit and nap. And have snacks. Which makes it a little, yeah, makes it a little different.
Speaker 5:It's funny to think back because we go, oh, we've been through this before, but we haven't in a way because we haven't been through it with a child to And take care it's so fun because I can just remember all the times that I'm like, babe, go take a nap, you know, go to sleep, just relax. I'll take care of it. And that was obviously so easy when she was pregnant with Jude. And now it's like all hands on deck. We got to chase this kid around.
Speaker 5:Like she doesn't get nearly as much rest and I could definitely do better. But like, yeah, it's just, it's a lot. Yeah. It's hard.
Matt:It's harder with
Speaker 5:You learn.
Carrie:With the toddler. Do you feel like it went faster? So much faster. Oh, I feel I was wondering wondering about
Matt:a lot going on in our lives that it just feels like being pregnant is the last thing that I'm thinking about. Then I'll lay down at night and she'll start to kick.
Carrie:I'm like, oh, you're here.
Matt:Right, you're here. Yeah, you're coming soon. Yeah, it does feel like it's gone by. It's flown.
Carrie:Mean Because you can't sit
Matt:and think about it. I mean Yeah. Thanks. With the first, you're fantasizing about everything. Today, they're a a grapefruit.
Matt:Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Last night,
Brytnee:she was a coconut. She was a coconut. Yeah. Coconut?
Carrie:Yeah. That's so cute.
Matt:Yeah. But somebody somebody said, and I really am holding onto this and I believe that it's true, that it's much harder to be pregnant with a toddler than to have a newborn with a toddler. Moms right in Don't chime know if it's true, but I've heard
Brytnee:that multiple times.
Connor:Hang on
Brytnee:to it, man. Hang on to that. Hold on to that really hard.
Connor:Matt, will you turn that a little bit more towards Britt?
Carrie:Nice. Okay. Great.
Connor:Great. This this whole episode is gonna be coming.
Speaker 5:Episode. That's gonna be cranking Gain to get together here. Okay.
Carrie:Before we dive in so first of all, we have some fun parent questions in terms of the transition from being married and not being parents to being married and being parents, which we kinda just tapped into. But before we do, I wanna ask the question that I ask everybody on this podcast, but I don't think I was doing this when you were on last. So what is the Lord teaching you in this season of parenthood? Oh.
Connor:You
Matt:wanna go first?
Speaker 5:No. You go first.
Matt:I think this this specific season would be I'm I'm already grieving Jude being our first or our only. And I know every week I just see the countdown of like, oh, in nine weeks it's not gonna be just us with you eight weeks. I think that that's starting to really sink in. So the importance of being present with them and having no other agenda, like phone other side of the room, not even allowing yourself to see the phone light up or anything. And just having that intentional time with him has been some of the sweetest Like you, this morning, I heard you guys running around together and it's just you have moments just organically that come up and you're like, I feel so much gratitude for you because you're priority and I'm not just putting you aside or I'm not viewing you as a distraction.
Matt:But yeah, that's what I would say.
Speaker 5:I think a lot of people have Well, they almost talk about it like it's a one time experience, which is true, but it's also it's this ongoing experience, which is like you have a kid and then sort of everything changes. And so that's the one time experience, but it's also like a constant relearning of that knowledge that you already gained, but now you have to keep. It's like because life happens and everything becomes hectic and hard and just realizing how important that time dedicated to your kid is. Because like, yeah, you have that experience, but then life and like, oh, you know, we have a million things to do, and we're doing this, and we have to do that, and we have to accomplish this. And there's just, like, the to do list keeps going longer and longer.
Speaker 5:And when you have that long to do list, a lot of times, it's very easy to just go, like, you know, just for a minute. You know? Like, let let me I need to do this, this, this, continually relearning, oh, yeah. Like, I need to put all that aside because this season is not gonna last forever, and there's gonna be plenty of times where I have all the time in the world to get things done. I'm not gonna have the season again.
Speaker 5:And so I think it's just a constant almost relearning of that initial thing.
Matt:What is the quote that you said about children are not a distraction from the greater work they are, the greater work. Yeah. Hit me and I think about I that all the feel like the Lord convicts me with that one.
Speaker 5:Yeah, don't know where that came from, but yeah.
Matt:It's really good.
Speaker 5:I heard that and it was like,
Matt:yeah. Yeah. Gut punch. That's so good. Yeah.
Matt:Yeah.
Speaker 5:Let go of all the things that you think are important because they're not.
Carrie:Yeah.
Matt:So slowing down.
Carrie:Yeah. I was going to say slowing down. Feel like we're learning the same thing. Yeah. With some of these questions too, you're also allowed to answer.
Matt:Yeah. Would love to know.
Carrie:I'm I'm allowed Me? Not not this one, but I mean, we can be
Matt:this time. Finally. No. No.
Carrie:I'm just saying as I throw something
Connor:Yes. In let's get into it.
Carrie:And I ask any wean meals, inclined can answer these questions? For you leaning more in.
Connor:You know, it's a lost cause.
Brytnee:Think I don't know.
Connor:I think I mean, Matt, maybe he'll be back there.
Speaker 5:He's gonna figure it out.
Matt:In the lamp, and he's in the corner.
Connor:At least at least we've acknowledged that this is probably not gonna sound good.
Carrie:It's gonna be fine. Okay.
Connor:Well, I have two brand new microphones sitting in boxes over there.
Matt:It's fine.
Connor:Tempting me.
Carrie:We're yes. Next time.
Speaker 5:You need
Matt:to know about parents. Yeah. From from a lampshade is what I heard.
Carrie:Someone whispering? It's like ghost. Okay. Do
Connor:you guys
Carrie:prioritize your marriage these days?
Speaker 5:Date nights, getaways
Matt:When we can.
Speaker 5:Yeah. When we can, like trying to because we we we connect on being very, I think, adventurous people. We love vagabonding. We want to just get out in the world and experience new things. And I think that we have to take maybe it's micro versions of that, but we need to keep incorporating that.
Speaker 5:So that's one thing.
Connor:Yeah. Can you tell us how you do that? Sure. What does that look like right now?
Matt:Know the one that I- Practically, yeah.
Carrie:Yeah, the
Matt:one that I just keep thinking of, which is kind of silly, but we love, after we put Jude to bed, to sit and have Siete cookies and Simple Mills gluten free cookies together. That rocks. And Matt will always get
Speaker 5:out Sponsored with by We have, yeah, we have like a stash and we just bring out cookies
Matt:Every single
Speaker 5:of like a treat.
Matt:And Matt lines it up
Speaker 5:and has like nice side
Matt:and Matt's side. And then we sit down, and we just eat those cookies together.
Speaker 5:Yeah. That's I mean, that's not an adventure
Carrie:That's really cute.
Speaker 5:Like, at all.
Matt:It's a micro adventure.
Speaker 5:Well, yeah. It's just sort of an every night little like,
Carrie:yay. It's an
Brytnee:adventure looking for me.
Matt:Yeah. It's like a little treat and then we just sit and we can connect and
Speaker 5:I was thinking more along the lines of like, we've been very fortunate. We don't have much family nearby.
Carrie:And Yeah.
Connor:Like, we we haven't really Except for the one that hates when you say sweetie.
Carrie:She's like on the way. Don't have nobody.
Connor:Yeah. Yeah. It's just me. She stopped coming around. So we're really
Matt:In this episode air too. Too. Don't know. We love
Connor:you around.
Speaker 5:We just haven't had like, there's you you realize the the importance of community Mhmm. And especially them being around you when you have kids and, like, how how like, us just going to your dad's house and then, like, having all the family there. I remember it you know, this is after Jude was born, and he's just running around the backyard. And then you have the family that constantly is like, hey. And they're playing with him and stuff, and it just takes such a burden off of you even though you don't even realize it unless you're never surrounded by it.
Speaker 5:And then we're and we're, like, never surrounded by it. So there's little bits of that that we just don't get, but we do plan times for, like, your mom will
Carrie:come and watch We're like, we're gonna go on this trip, so we're gonna drop him there or the like, I think you guys do the best job, without anyone I know that doesn't have family nearby
Brytnee:Mhmm.
Carrie:Of making it happen. We try.
Speaker 5:Yeah. We're also I mean, we're fortunate in a few different ways. You have siblings that work for an airline, that makes getting your mom out or whatever.
Matt:Shout out Brianna. Yeah, seriously. We love you.
Connor:Shout outs. Southwest Airlines is our next star. In the beginning
Speaker 5:of this episode. And now
Matt:Oh, now. You are my North Star.
Brytnee:Oh, now.
Speaker 5:Yeah. But it's been very like, in that way, like, being able to have your mom come out, watch him for it, and then
Connor:we we,
Speaker 5:like, plan it and make sure that we go and have that time, just the two
Brytnee:of us.
Matt:And then he gets grandma time, which is always Yeah. Good too. But, yeah, I think that that's one. Just always trying to get a date night or a coffee date or something and not letting it go too long. Think we usually try to not let it go more than a few weeks without us getting
Speaker 5:Yeah. If it's been more than two weeks and I haven't planned a date, then there's a problem and I need to figure it out.
Carrie:He's really good about
Matt:planning dates. You're very good about that.
Speaker 5:I try. I don't know if I'm that good though.
Matt:You are.
Connor:Not gonna Romeo.
Matt:Romeo. Top bars.
Connor:We're not doing a good job at that,
Carrie:right I just gonna say, as it as this
Connor:as this question, I'm
Carrie:like, how are we prioritizing our marriage right now?
Connor:Dude, I don't know. Are we? We're here asking these people
Brytnee:for help.
Carrie:I mean, I was gonna say, what comes to mind that I think I've mentioned on this before, just in practical ways, would be similar to you guys. Like when he goes down, we eat dinner together almost every night. Yes. We cook together, eat dinner together. That's pretty consistent.
Carrie:Mhmm. It's been a little bit off the last few weeks.
Connor:Yeah. The last few weeks have been crazy, and I think it has really highlighted to me the importance of one on one time with your spouse. And having date nights and doing the dinners, and you're like, oh, we're five, six, seven days without doing that. I feel see
Carrie:that you feel that both have flexible schedules. We're around each other more. I know a lot of people would be like, I'm used to that all the time. My husband's a doctor or my wife's, you know, whatever. But we're not really used to being gone for long periods without seeing each other, so it's kind of something you get used to.
Carrie:What were you gonna ask?
Speaker 5:Well, was gonna ask, like, so because I think we've gone back and forth on this. So this is just like open table discussion. But like, we both find family dinners to be like something we really want to incorporate. But at the same time, like especially in the stage, we're desiring that time, just the two of us, and that's a great time. It's like, give him dinner, put him down, and then we'll have our time.
Speaker 5:And I was just wondering, is there any way in which you guys have have you wrestled with that at all? Or is it just like, you know, we're gonna do that in the future? Or some people don't have the family dinner thing. You don't have to. It's just sort of like a thing
Carrie:that I think we No. That's a really good question. I we haven't talked about this. It's almost been unspoken. Do you care if I say something, or do you wanna go first?
Connor:Yeah. Let me mansplain this really quick on your mom podcast. No. Go for it.
Carrie:I think we haven't communicated about it, but my perspective on it is that's still because he's so little, that's still kind of been our sacred, our only time, our only quiet time. But I completely agree with you. We want to be people that do family dinners and we wanna prioritize it. As you're saying that, I'm like, okay, what will be the age where if you have Think about it. If you have three, four kids one day, one of them might be six years old, the other one's a baby.
Carrie:When do So When you is it the right time to be like, we're gonna invite the chaos in? Friends of ours that we went to their house
Matt:a few weeks ago,
Carrie:they were talking about just feeding all the boys at the same time and just kind of the chaos of it. And I did think, oh, that's really sweet. I was like, oh, you guys do that. And they have a toddler that's little older. He goes to bed at 08:30 or something.
Carrie:So I think they're just like, Well, yeah, we're gonna do it. But I think for now, but pretty soon, I feel like that's gonna be a transition. And then you just have to prioritize differently, I guess. That's how we're approaching right now. But I do really want those family dinners even with toddlers and stuff.
Carrie:I think it's so sweet.
Matt:But it is a good point if this is a season That's kind of our only those memories.
Carrie:Yes. And we don't do date nights a lot right now and stuff, so that is our time. But also he goes to bed at seven. So it's a nice Just gotta hang in there with your tummy for an extra thirty. Know?
Carrie:Right? I know. Yeah. The sun's still out. It's fine.
Matt:It's
Speaker 5:fine. Feel like we have no idea what we're doing as parents, so maybe no one should take our advice. But also, I've recognized that Jude specifically, he's a little boy and he wants to explore. And we've realized it's so much easier to feed him if he's running around. Sometimes it is.
Brytnee:He'll just
Speaker 5:run by and he'll just do a drive by grab of something he refused to eat five minutes earlier because he Yeah. Sitting in a So now he's like, I won't eat it. No. No. And then, like, as soon as soon as I put him down and he's running around, he's I I I'm like, do you wanna bite?
Speaker 5:And he's like,
Connor:runs Now it's
Carrie:a game. Yep.
Speaker 5:And so that also being a part of it makes it like, we should just let this go on for a while because it gives us that time together. It also Drive by dinners. It's easier with him feeding him. But also we don't have two yet and we will, but three, four, five kids. I have friends with five boys and it's like, I have no idea what you would do.
Speaker 5:Everything goes out the window,
Carrie:I'm Yeah, I was gonna say my first thought was just like, because I feel like my morning time and my nighttime right before bed and right when I wake up are like kinda sacred. Like, they're kind of non negotiables for me except for in the, like, the newborn trenches or something very specific or somebody's sick or something. But I'm pretty sacred about that time, and so I'm kind of thinking about it and even when our kids get older it's like okay, maybe when they go down, even if it's I've heard some couples talk about our kids go to sleep at nine or whatever, and then maybe it's the cookie plate, like you just said. Okay, it's not dinner anymore, but it's hot tea before bed together or something. Just something.
Carrie:Just even if it's thirty minutes, I think just some kind of uninterrupted time with your spouse When every we don't have that, we
Matt:don't have that
Carrie:right now. So I'm flinging to him.
Matt:I'm like, hey. What's happening? Right?
Connor:It's the most time we spend together in a
Carrie:Right? He like, hey. He like,
Brytnee:hey.
Carrie:He was like, He Yeah, that's true.
Matt:Sitting and having talking. Coffee, I'm like, my gosh, Man, game that's But I would also say just speaking to parents who they have remote jobs or they're together all the time, we tend to be, is it's so much more important, I feel like, to be intentional. Because we can be circling each other all day long and not understand the need for connection because we're like, well, we've been around you. I've seen you
Carrie:all day. Is completely different than connection.
Matt:That's huge. Especially if your love language is quality time, which I'm Yes. Learning in
Connor:Yeah. I'm like, I don't understand. We've been together all day, but, like, how do
Speaker 5:you not feel love? And she's like, yeah. But it hasn't been, like, an intentional activity
Connor:that we're all like, hey. We're both we're doing this thing together.
Carrie:And now I'll I'll say, like, I think it was our pastor in Santa Monica that said Showboat? Yeah. Garret, shout out. His wife
Connor:Sponsor. Used it.
Brytnee:No. It wasn't.
Carrie:It just church. It was in a sermon.
Matt:He talked about that his kids
Carrie:were acting out. And his wife, Lizzie, he was like, why do they keep acting this way?
Brytnee:And she
Carrie:was like, honey, their love tanks
Brytnee:are empty.
Carrie:Yeah. I use that analogy now with Archie a little bit.
Connor:She's been acting
Matt:out. But also
Brytnee:but I've
Matt:been saying that I'm like, babe, my love tank's just empty so it makes
Carrie:me snappier with him. It makes me resentful when he walks by. And I'm like, he didn't even look at me. That you
Brytnee:did that.
Carrie:But you're just in the zone.
Speaker 5:Example this morning. I don't know how true or not true, and I'm sure people have opinions on this, languages thing and how they should be categorized and is the book right or whatever. But there's definitely truth to it and how we receive and how we give love and that some people don't, it's like you are speaking different languages. But I even recognize this morning there was a because she was saying some very sweet things. She said some very sweet things.
Speaker 5:It went because I don't care. Don't care what And you
Matt:that's my love, Words, Words, affirmations, But if
Speaker 5:she came over and touched me and scratched the back of my head or something like that, I would have felt all the love in the world. And I just recognized, I was like, oh no, she's and I never even addressed this with you.
Connor:I'm sorry.
Speaker 5:But like I'm so sorry. Rolling. But no. It was just like one of those moments where I realized I was like, you're giving love in the way that in the way that you would receive it. And and the intention there is very beautiful, but I just didn't receive it in the way that you were giving it.
Speaker 5:And I should have taken that time to at least address that.
Matt:Well, and I should have known that yours is not. I try to remember that. Your
Brytnee:words are lovely.
Matt:Yeah, they're hard to
Carrie:remember. This conversation kind of leads into another question, so I'm just gonna throw it out. What is one thing your spouse does that makes you feel very loved?
Matt:I mean, if the first thing that comes to my mind because we were talking oh, no. Keep it. Gee.
Connor:Bro, what's going on?
Matt:No. I just feel like I just read his mind.
Carrie:Oh, yeah.
Speaker 5:I'll tell you what makes me feel loved. Anyway, sorry. Go
Brytnee:ahead. Go ahead.
Matt:Anyway, when when he tells me that I'm a good wife and a mom
Speaker 5:Mhmm.
Matt:Oh my gosh. I can thrive. It's like when he just sincerely looks me And see your words. Know. We're all
Brytnee:We're Matt and I
Speaker 5:are gonna go have our
Brytnee:own podcast.
Matt:When you look yeah.
Carrie:When you look me in the
Matt:eyes and you're like, you're and I and I know he means it and I know he's taking time to be very intentional. That makes me feel very loved. Mhmm. Also, just when you, without being prompted, pick Jude up and say, go have you know, go take a shower or I'm gonna take Jude to the store with me. Go spend some time in prayer.
Matt:Go lay down. That, yeah, that makes me feel really loved. What about you?
Speaker 5:No. I think well, there's like a thousand ways. But, I mean so I kinda mentioned one earlier, which is an unspoken one. But, like, if we're driving in the car and she just reaches over and starts scratching the back of my head, that immediately there's connection. Yeah.
Speaker 5:And It, like, communicates communicates a lot. Everything
Brytnee:that yeah.
Speaker 5:Yeah. There's also
Carrie:Not mine at all.
Speaker 5:No. It's not and she so, like, we'll be on a six hour road trip, and she doesn't reach over and do that once. And I'm, like, in the back of my head going,
Brytnee:really? That's a really wish.
Carrie:I didn't know that. And you're learning things.
Speaker 5:But it's like but that's one of those things. Like, I'll go, like, nine days without saying one word of affirmation where I'm I'm constantly, like, touching her and, like, trying to I'm loving in that way. She's not receiving it. And then those nine days, she's not getting what she would actually translate as love. But yeah, it's things like that.
Speaker 5:I mean, so there's also like there there is words of see, it's not necessarily words of affirmation. Maybe it's the I don't know exactly what it is. I have to think through this. But like there's times when she'll say certain things. She'll take time to say certain things that just really hit me in a wonderfully beautiful way, which is like and maybe it's something having to do with like, you know, how good of a husband or how good of a father I am or whatever, but it's there's also, like, she'll take time to tell me how happy she is that I've provided what I've provided.
Speaker 5:And there's something that's, like, time to acknowledge. Because I'm constantly spending time trying to do these things and carry certain weights and carry certain responsibilities. And when she acknowledges those things as being really significant, that fills me down.
Carrie:So okay. But I guess I'm curious, like because he I would say he's similar.
Matt:And I wanna know how
Carrie:manage this. Know when what I say to him is gonna go over his head or when it's going to be that. And it's like, I need to hear that. Because sometimes you really appreciate it. So what is the That's a good categorical what's the differentiator?
Connor:There's something. I was just thinking about it. I think it's like the little boy in me that it's it's like don't get me wrong. When you point out qualities to me, she'd be like, you're an amazing father or blah blah blah. I'm like, thank you.
Connor:Like, that's that's yeah.
Brytnee:Yeah. No. But like Woo.
Connor:Or she'd be like, you look so nice today or blah blah blah. Like, that kind of stuff. I'm like, that's really sweet. I appreciate that. But I don't know.
Connor:Like, it doesn't do it.
Carrie:I can tell it doesn't do it.
Connor:But if I go mow the yard,
Speaker 5:and she's like You'll
Brytnee:ask me three
Carrie:times if I saw it.
Connor:Check out the the other day. I spent two days
Brytnee:That's good.
Connor:I spent two days cleaning out the garage. Mhmm. And then I was laying there like, so what do
Brytnee:you think? Like,
Connor:I wanted to be like,
Brytnee:oh.
Carrie:Just big again or something.
Connor:You did that? Look out what good it is. You know? There's it's like a task things. Like, it's the achiever in me.
Connor:Like, that's when I want words.
Speaker 5:We had kind of a little conversation that touches this, I don't know, a week ago. You were you were helping me put to get like, we we had, like, an hour to get some stuff done.
Brytnee:Oh,
Speaker 5:yeah. I And was like and you're like you're like, are you like me that, like, your wife leaves the house and you wanna get, like, a billion things done? So when she comes back, she's like
Connor:How could you have possibly done this?
Speaker 5:Done this. You're the most amazing, strong, know, per so husband that I've
Connor:ever seen. And, like and So we just went into hyper mode. Was like I was like, we're on the same page. He
Brytnee:was like, yes.
Speaker 5:And then
Matt:we got
Carrie:got so much you guys did it. Project complete.
Speaker 5:And and I'm sure that she was. But what I saw when she walked into the house no. I'm sure that that was that's true. But what I saw was like because you have a thousand things going on. And like at the time, you were like wrangling Jude, think.
Speaker 5:Yeah. And so like she's like trying to wrangle Jude. And, you know, he's probably diving into something and about to kill himself, we're, like, we're just trying to save his life. And he's, like and so you're, like, following him, but you come upstairs, I'm like, hey, babe. Did you see like, I'm I'm standing in, all the furniture, and it's all up in our room.
Matt:So with a little boy.
Brytnee:Could pull
Matt:you and I guess goes,
Speaker 5:oh, yeah. And then she's like Oh. Run after Jude.
Matt:And it's So sorry. I mean, it was genuinely so
Speaker 5:And I know that, like, cognitively.
Carrie:Like, I know She was like, did you see what our husbands did?
Connor:And then Carrie came, I was like, yes. We got it all done. I was like, the beds are even made or whatever.
Speaker 5:I even made the bed, like, built the bed, made the
Connor:bed, guys on insurance. It was really hard, but we we were able to get it done.
Matt:Sweating your breath.
Speaker 5:But it was that it was that little moment of, like, if she had come in and been like, oh my gosh. Thank you so much. I didn't know that you could get all of this done. Like, it just, like, something speaks into that Yeah.
Carrie:So it's less character and more achievement Maybe makes
Connor:Maybe. I don't know if that's a good thing. You know what it might Maybe we should work on that.
Brytnee:Maybe yeah. Right.
Connor:Maybe we should care more
Matt:Who about our inner cares?
Brytnee:Shut up.
Matt:Tell me I'm hot.
Brytnee:Tell me the art looks good.
Speaker 5:Yeah. No. Maybe it's. No. But maybe
Brytnee:it's
Connor:I killed a spider. Tell me it's cool.
Speaker 5:Maybe it's the work. Maybe it's affirming the work over affirming the label. Like, the label of you're a great dad
Matt:Mhmm.
Connor:Versus You put on his clothes really well today. I'm
Speaker 5:like, Yeah. Like, it's just like, yeah, you're acknowledging the work that went in. And there's something about, like, being a dad. What does it mean to be a good dad? You're acknowledging the things that that speak to being a good dad versus just telling me you're a good dad.
Connor:Yeah. You should try that. Yeah. Tears over That's actually a really good point. Not to joke over that.
Connor:Yeah.
Speaker 5:It's like, it's like did. You know?
Connor:Yeah. I did because I'm uncomfortable. No. But all the all the little tasks that you achieve that day that go into being a good father. Like, look.
Connor:You played with him. You changed his diaper. You did these things. Oh, that's good.
Matt:So would you say specificity would
Brytnee:be? Maybe. But I
Speaker 5:You saying specificity like that was
Connor:We should get a psychologist on No. Here to help
Brytnee:I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
Carrie:Okay.
Speaker 5:We can dissect that.
Carrie:I wanna I'm just gonna say I wanna
Speaker 5:I wanna move I on to you
Carrie:like
Brytnee:so much.
Matt:Saying the word specificity. I didn't say it.
Speaker 5:No. You just I don't know. I don't know something about it.
Carrie:Okay. Next question.
Connor:Was it
Speaker 5:a good thing or a
Brytnee:bad thing? I don't
Connor:even I don't even We're gonna keep going.
Carrie:Okay.
Speaker 5:Can we pause this podcast for about twenty
Matt:We lost Brianna again.
Brytnee:Yeah. Yeah. She's like, I'm done.
Connor:We're gonna cut to a word from our sponsor Right. Gare and Brianna. And Miller Lite.
Carrie:Kidding. Okay. So when
Speaker 5:Just a picture of your sister. I'm sure AI could put that together for us.
Carrie:You guys, I'm keeping us on I'm keeping us on track, Google. I'm keeping us on track. I have to host this thing. So is this okay? Just tapped it.
Brytnee:Oh yeah.
Carrie:So from being married, not having kids, being married, having kids, we've definitely noticed We didn't really fight a lot or have a lot of tension. We still really don't fight a lot, but I would say there can be tension each day with parenting. Think naturally So that brings up a lot of something that I wanted to just ask the group is how do you best receive criticism or, Hey, I need critique.
Matt:That's a good word for it.
Carrie:How do you best receive that from your spouse? Because Yeah, we we run work into this from
Connor:you or I need
Carrie:to When's do the right time? What's the right way to say it? What's the right setting? I feel like Actually, we've talked about this before. Talked about different mom friends of, it's always wrong, but I want it to come out right.
Connor:You always feel like with me, which you're not wrong, that it's never the right time.
Carrie:Yeah. Yeah. Or maybe I just I say it when I'm at my tipping point, and that's never good because then it's gonna come out. And one time I did it when he'd mowed the whole lawn with Archie on him and was just a complete hero, and then I was like, but you didn't do the dish. And you kind of upset about that.
Carrie:So it's like, I think that I pick silly time sometimes to say it. Anyway, I just wanna know, is that something you guys deal with? Trying to figure out if For instance, even for me, sometimes if I'm like, okay, I really know that I need to tell him that I really want him to help with one of the meals each day. I'm doing all these meals, I know he's doing a million other things, and so I'm a little bit nervous to say that. And I know that's something we just need to continue to get better at.
Carrie:But anyway, I'm just like, do you guys deal with that? Gosh. And have you improved on that?
Matt:We don't deal with that, just kidding. I have so much to say.
Speaker 5:Please, no, you start?
Matt:Yeah? Yeah. Yeah, just jump in
Brytnee:when you-
Speaker 5:For that thought,
Brytnee:but yeah, yeah, you go.
Matt:Well, first I would say I think we're all similar in that it's been really easy. And then you have kids, and so then it adds that layer of tension, and rightfully so. I don't think anybody is immune from, what's the word, immune?
Brytnee:Is that a weird?
Matt:Yeah. That's weird. Okay. Immune. Immune.
Matt:Anyway, so I think that we've talked about this where when you do feel that tension because you're not used to it, because we've had such an easy relationship that you feel like, well, this is it. This is doom and gloom now, and I'm Reba, a sangling.
Carrie:Come on.
Matt:And it's not true at all. But it's because we're just not used to the tension. So I think one, being comfortable with it and knowing we're That's really good. No matter what, you and I are good, we're a solid foundation. Things are gonna happen, things are gonna get miscommunicated.
Matt:I would say that and this is something I am always struggling with is never saying things when you're a boiling pot. And that's always when it comes out. I mean, not always, sometimes I get it right. But I think a lot of the times that's when it's like I can't keep it in. I'm like, Ugh, I have to say it.
Matt:And then it's never received well because then they know us so well too. So he knows when I'm saying it out of anger or frustration and he's picking up on that. And there have been times with you where it's been, we are completely good and you'll stop and you'll make eye contact with me and be like, hey, I love you. You're a great mom. You're a great wife.
Matt:This is something I noticed. And so maybe it's words of affirmation for me, I don't know. But him saying something like that and then- Pepisate. Saying but this is so much more well received. Feel like from both of us.
Speaker 5:Sure.
Matt:But then there's times where it's never gonna be the right time too. There's times where you're gonna think it is, but you don't know what's going on with them internally. And so then you miss the mark, but there's nothing that really either of you can do about
Carrie:that. Yeah.
Speaker 5:Yeah, I think one thing that's been frustrating for me is like not So maybe something is like underneath the surface a little bit boiling. We both know there's attention. And I think addressing that in the past has been a little bit easier. It's like, let's sit down, let's, you know, talk about it. And I think that we can both, like, love each other in a wonderful way when when we're just, like, sitting down and we can sort of work through it a little bit.
Speaker 5:But there's also recognizing that as you well, as life goes on, there's multiple things that could happen, but especially having a kid. There's so many times where, like, I want okay. Alright. Let's let's take some time. And then it's like, you know, Jude is just, pee mama.
Speaker 5:Pee mama.
Brytnee:Pee Pee
Matt:mama. It's like you don't get the luxury.
Speaker 5:And he's
Brytnee:just like
Speaker 5:right in your face and like it's
Brytnee:like, no.
Speaker 5:And then he's like knocking stuff down.
Carrie:And Archie's like, crap girl. Exactly.
Speaker 5:And I'm like, babe, right here. And she's like, but he's about to die. You know? And it's Uh-huh. So there's a lot of things that can creep up that also make that really tough to do.
Speaker 5:I think it's also just acknowledging that we're not perfect. You know, there's like, there's sometimes we can all get overwhelmed and that's never the time to address things. But sometimes, like, it just happens and, you get frustrated. But I think it's, I don't know, it's really important. I guess, I know, we're never perfect at handling these things.
Speaker 5:But I think the best case scenario, at least for me, what I've recognized is just a 100 going, pouring if I'm able to switch my thought process instead of being a little defensive. Because both of you are gonna be, like, you're both valid in your points usually. Like, both of you have something that you're legitimately upset about. And then there's the the problem is the lack of acknowledgment to the other. So, like, when I hear the story there, it's like, yeah, there was something that you were really missing.
Speaker 5:And then there was something that Connor was over there doing. And instead of getting the acknowledgment of what he just did, it's like the economy of the household just got better because of the work he put in. However, you didn't acknowledge that. You just acknowledged the one way you fell short, right? Or whatever.
Speaker 5:And it's like when that happens, it's like and I've noticed that for me at least, that just crumbles everything because then I'm going, I can list the 50 things I did and she could do the same. And it's just the economy of the household, especially when kids come into the picture becomes this giant.
Matt:Yeah, that's really good. I also think that the enemy loves miscommunication, especially in marriages with young kids because there's no time to really stop and have that intention
Carrie:to There's very little quiet.
Matt:Yes, so it's so easy for resentments to build up. And I think as moms specifically, it's so easy to put all of our worth into motherhood. And so it's hard to ask for things, especially for me, it's so hard for me. Because then my ego's like I can do this, I can do all this, I should be able to do all of this. Everybody else is doing all of this so I shouldn't have to ask him for something.
Matt:And then it builds and builds and builds and then at some point I tell him I'm so frustrated with something and he had no idea that I was frustrated with that. I think that just being able to constantly communicate, maybe even over communicate what we think is over communicating and stating what we need. That's good. Which is so hard
Carrie:to do. It is hard to do.
Matt:Something I think you and
Carrie:I maybe were talking about in the last few weeks is the longer that you're married, which neither one of us have been married that long, we're going on four years, you guys are going on three years, But I think that I was very similar to you when we used to get in any sort of conflict, especially like early days with a baby. I'd just panic and be like, this is the beginning of the end. Here it comes. We've always had this smooth thing and now it's and now that we've been married long enough or had him long enough, I'm starting to see, oh, like the storms come and the storms go. And I think the more that you're secure, like you said, and we're not going anywhere, we're in this for life.
Carrie:I love you. We will get through this. But they're also like, we've had a hard week this week. It's just kinda been a hard week. It doesn't mean you ignore it.
Carrie:It doesn't mean you don't communicate through it. It doesn't mean you don't address it and find time to sit down and regroup. But sometimes you do have to keep your head down with kids and be like, we gotta get through this week or we gotta get through this day or this dinner and we'll address it later. And I think if you're both on that page, that's good. It's just when one of you is raging and the other one's like, gotta keep moving, that's when we have more of the tension.
Carrie:But I think if we both can just be level headed enough to know this is a season, it's not gonna last forever, then that can kind of help, I think. Do have thoughts on this before we move on? No. Okay.
Matt:I wanna jump to postpartum.
Connor:You guys nailed it.
Carrie:Do you wanna say that?
Speaker 5:Yeah, that's one more thing. I just think it's important to acknowledge because it sort of came up, but it's like, there is no matter how you want to picture it or explain it, there is like a, I would say a fourth voice, but there's another voice in the room, in especially in disagreements that is, like, not on the side of your marriage.
Brytnee:Mhmm.
Speaker 5:Right? And whether you you wanna explain it as, ego or or anything of of, evil, any of that. There's something there that is hell bent on division. Not just acknowledging that, but recognizing where that voice is, whatever is causing division. Because I also think it's very important to recognize no matter what thing it is that's bothering you about the other person, there's no other person in the world where that's not going to happen.
Speaker 5:And so like, I think what happens I've seen with certain couples is they get this idea of like, oh, well, it's because you can have like the and it's probably childhood stuff and whatever, but like, okay, this situation's happening. Now everything's gonna crumble. I thought we were the good marriage. I thought that everything was just smooth sailing and now we have this thing and, oh, it's just like any other negative thing that we've had before, blah, blah, blah. And I think it's very easy to go from that state to then envisioning some kind of great future that that maybe even doesn't entail the other person.
Speaker 5:And it's like that there's a force. There's something in there that wants to divide and acknowledging that there's a force that's doing that and also recognizing the reality that they're we're all human beings. We're all flawed. And there's not one scenario out there where we're, I mean, maybe we should there are scenarios that aren't good and need to be addressed. But what I mean is like generally in a marriage, when you're trying to fix things with each other, coming from the right place, acknowledging the thing that you both have done and recognizing that there is no better reality other than your marriage.
Speaker 5:And that beautiful thing that you guys built is still a 100% intact and will continue to function in a wonderful way so long as we don't allow those thoughts to fester too much.
Matt:It's really good. Yeah.
Carrie:That's really good, Matt. Okay, let's dive in. Let's dive into our final little topic, which is gonna be postpartum because you guys are about to be I
Brytnee:back think I
Carrie:hear him, so we're gonna crank
Speaker 5:because you're a Thanks for bringing that up.
Carrie:Hard to say. I think our kid. Yeah.
Connor:I think it's ours.
Carrie:Okay. Okay. So which is fine because he might might come back out. It doesn't matter. Okay.
Carrie:He'll be okay for a sec.
Brytnee:Yeah. Yeah. What's that? Yeah. He he should be okay.
Carrie:So couple of postpartum questions, then we'll get into this.
Brytnee:This is
Speaker 5:just for some fun.
Carrie:Just for fun. Top piece of baby gear you will use again with baby number two. What are you pulling back out?
Speaker 5:Well, I really I know your answer.
Connor:I already know your answer, so I wanna hear yours.
Carrie:I think I just thought of it, too.
Connor:I just thought of it.
Matt:Do you think we're gonna say the snoo?
Carrie:No. No. Oh, okay. No.
Matt:I didn't even know if we're gonna do the snoo again. I don't
Speaker 5:think we will.
Matt:Stop answer. Oh my gosh.
Brytnee:Wanna 100%. 100%.
Carrie:Wait. Okay. Because I can't think It's so obvious they're not thinking of it.
Connor:It's so obvious. You guys are
Carrie:You guys are just them have them listed above your head. Matt's headphones?
Brytnee:No. Oh,
Speaker 5:I did.
Brytnee:My headphones were so helpful.
Matt:Actually, yes.
Brytnee:Alcohol.
Matt:That's our sponsor.
Speaker 5:No. I do have to say, though, that no. That's I didn't even think about that. But the headphones, especially in the newborn phase, like, just having and not not to, like, blast and not hear your child, but just to take some of that. And maybe that like, I I have very sensitive ears, and I know that.
Speaker 5:But, like, his screaming, me being able to be very, very loving with him, I can accomplish that so much better if I take a little bit of the edge off of whatever
Carrie:The piercing level.
Speaker 5:Experiences. So his screaming can be a lot. And just earplugs, I still hear him perfectly fine. It's just taking it down 25%.
Matt:Your nervous system.
Speaker 5:And my nervous system can just can stay calm, like, stay alive.
Carrie:Which is actually not a bad tip. I was gonna say the Duna.
Connor:You guys are Duna so
Brytnee:people. By Duna. But seriously,
Matt:we are Duna don't know. Are you? Are you?
Brytnee:I mean, you haven't. Totally.
Speaker 5:That thing was clutch with Jude.
Matt:Jude's still in it. And he's like, Jude's
Carrie:like, get in there.
Brytnee:We have
Speaker 5:we have traveled, and it's so easy to travel Oh, yeah. But, like, we've traveled, and it's like, this is he's too big for this now.
Brytnee:But
Carrie:It's pretty progmental.
Connor:Yeah. He's
Matt:Yeah. He seems happy.
Carrie:Archie still prefers his baby car seat.
Matt:We've put him in a few times lately.
Carrie:He likes it better. Yeah.
Connor:He still fits.
Matt:He have a toddler one that
Carrie:he likes.
Connor:Don't sue us.
Speaker 5:Sue ever's asleep. No. I'm a little bit more I don't know the situation that's gonna arise with two because you can't like, now you're gonna have a dune and something else.
Matt:Yeah. We've heard it's a little more impractical.
Connor:Yeah. Unless you unless you have two dune's.
Carrie:Dune alive.
Speaker 5:Dune's. Well, yeah. But two's too big for one of So, like, he's not gonna be so he'll be in either a regular stroller or
Connor:Duna XL.
Matt:Don't know.
Brytnee:I'm gonna
Matt:have to get a double or a wagon.
Speaker 5:A duggle or a wagon or yeah. I don't know what
Carrie:he travels through. What else would
Speaker 5:be for
Carrie:mom for parents that are like, this is their first baby. What are you like?
Speaker 5:Oh, you like this? Purchases were so worth it. I will say, and I am, I guess, a little bit sponsored. They sent me a bag, which was
Brytnee:Are you
Connor:a daddy influencer, and
Matt:you didn't tell us? Was like, shit. An influencer.
Brytnee:I don't
Speaker 5:know if I still wear them anymore.
Carrie:I don't remember.
Speaker 5:It's it's been on my bag for forever. They're great. It's it's It's green. Know something.
Connor:What does it do?
Speaker 5:Well, it's just it's just been a great diaper bag. Like, most Oh,
Carrie:I've your diaper bag.
Brytnee:Okay.
Carrie:Yeah. We'll link it in the show notes.
Speaker 5:Link it in
Brytnee:the show notes.
Speaker 5:I'm so sorry, guys. I forgot the name of the company.
Connor:It's Bones. No.
Speaker 5:But really, it's like, at least for a guy, it's very hard to find a diaper bag that isn't either trying to be Tactical. Very feminine or tactical, I'm a military guy. Yeah. It's like, that that doesn't make any no. Even if you're in the military, like, you're not that's not a practical choice.
Brytnee:Look at
Speaker 5:all this canvas. Yeah. Right. But I use that. I've traveled
Matt:It's a
Carrie:great bag.
Speaker 5:The world with that bag by itself even at not as a diaper bag. And I just happen to have diapers
Brytnee:in it.
Carrie:Oh, yeah.
Speaker 5:Okay. It's just a great bag.
Matt:So you'll be using it. And then I would just say the carrier. And I feel like that was so big for Jude.
Brytnee:It's gonna
Matt:be so big. It's even bigger for a newborn, the next one. Yeah. Chasing Jude around.
Brytnee:I should
Carrie:say having less hands. Massive. Yeah.
Matt:I'm drawing a blank. I feel like there's more specific things
Speaker 5:to But we also got given by one of our neighbors, former neighbors, that they gave us, like, a backpack thing that was super cool because we were I was doing a lot
Connor:That only talks about backpacks.
Speaker 5:It's only backpacks. No. You can put things in. Helping with the ministry at the church and doing these going off backpacking and stuff. But being able to throw Jude in the back of a backpack and that would be my weight and then I could train a little bit.
Speaker 5:But also he loved it.
Brytnee:Have one
Carrie:of those, babe.
Connor:Yeah. We've never used it.
Carrie:Super cool. Think we we want He loves it. Yeah. I feel like he's just not getting to the where his head could pop out above it. Because he was kinda sucking there, but we gotta use it.
Carrie:Okay, what are you hoping you do better in postpartum? Are you hoping improves? Everything.
Matt:Realizing it's just a season.
Speaker 5:Sure.
Matt:Because you can't know that with your first. You're like, this is it, this is my life now. And knowing, we look back and it feels like that was forever ago. And Jude's, he's almost two now, so it was not long ago at all. And it really was a blip.
Carrie:Mean, how long do you guys think newborn phase, what do you consider that phase to be? Because everybody has a different definition. Where were you like, that was the trenches and Six then it got
Speaker 5:months. Was real when he started sleeping for the most part through
Carrie:the Yeah. Body by
Matt:I think that's when it
Speaker 5:That was such a huge weight off of.
Matt:Yeah. Color came back into our faces. She Yeah. Started remembering basic words.
Connor:I so remember that for you guys.
Brytnee:Oh my gosh. We were
Connor:singing at church and you were like, I didn't sleep last night and this has to change.
Matt:Yeah. That was I got crawled in the curb with him.
Speaker 5:Yeah, was gonna say the first night that I remember this morning. It was like a heavenly experience of going to sleep and it was dark and waking up and the sun was out And we hadn't woken up throughout the night. Then were like, I don't remember what this experience
Connor:but it
Speaker 5:was like bliss, which is so funny because I'm pretty sure it was only like six or seven hours. But it was like because now I can have a seven hour of sleep I'm like
Matt:So sleepy. Oh, gonna
Brytnee:all getting so soft so fast. We're
Carrie:very again,
Speaker 5:guys. Yeah. I got like
Connor:seven hours last night and was
Brytnee:like my
Carrie:life is over. Yeah. What about breastfeeding? You're gonna try gonna breastfeed again?
Brytnee:Yeah.
Carrie:We'll be giving in touch, guys.
Matt:You're on a breastfeeding journey. Yeah. I think
Speaker 5:Don't ever I just wanna I'm sorry. Say what I just Don't ever Any mom out there, and I'm going mansplain for a second.
Carrie:Do it,
Brytnee:Matt. We're
Connor:going mansplain breastfeeding.
Speaker 5:Don't ever judge. So you want a woman, any woman for what she's going through when it comes to how she's trying to give her baby because you don't know the experience she's going through. Amen. Some people are going through significant pain and suffering trying their best, and then they get judged by people saying, It was so easy for me or whatever. And then there's the other side too.
Matt:We've gotten shamed.
Carrie:Good job, Yeah. People were playing in Don't this
Speaker 5:do that. Like, don't do that. You're not the person maybe you didn't have the experience or maybe you did and you David Goggins the whole thing and you were just like
Matt:You're weak.
Speaker 5:You you had skin ripped off and you were just like, I'm fine.
Matt:I walked uphill both ways. Breath of I'm
Connor:just a lie.
Matt:In the snow. Meanwhile, the shower meets
Carrie:me and I'm like, oh, yeah.
Speaker 5:I really don't think
Carrie:I think
Speaker 5:for the majority I I won't say all, but probably all moms, if not the heavy majority of moms, are absolutely 100% bent on providing the best they can for that child. And so judging them in that way is not helpful. Giving them information, trying to be loving, trying to offer support, and that can be helpful. That's fine. But don't judge.
Carrie:Yeah. So good. So good. That's good. Okay.
Carrie:We're gonna do, to finish it up, a little bit of rapid Wait.
Speaker 5:Oh. I'm so sorry.
Carrie:No, say it.
Brytnee:I have more.
Connor:Go mad. Too much to say now.
Carrie:Our kid went back to sleep. Keep Keep
Brytnee:Oh, yeah.
Speaker 5:We're good. No, was gonna say with your last question, I think my
Brytnee:Yeah.
Carrie:About postpartum.
Speaker 5:Yeah. What I could be I think it's I don't even have to say this. This is why I had
Brytnee:to stop the whole thing. Just jump in here. This
Connor:better be good.
Speaker 5:Right. No. It was I just recognize, like, I think I did I hope I did a really good job with the newborn phase with Jude. And, like, and I think that it's really important being the husband, being the father, to be there for your wife. That's like your job.
Speaker 5:Because they you're pretty much like y'all are that's what the baby needs. We can help in certain ways, but like the baby really needs you. And so like we our job becomes like we have to look after you. Make okay, you need a nap, you need to take a shower, you need some time alone.
Brytnee:Need to eat,
Matt:you made sure that I was eating,
Speaker 5:you had drink enough food, coffee. Cooking,
Matt:You're all that really good about that.
Speaker 5:I am a little afraid that I'm not gonna meet the mark with the second just because we have the first and I'm going to have to be looking after Jude and I don't want her to be forgotten. So I don't know. That's the thing I'm most scared of
Matt:is that I'm
Brytnee:not going be able
Speaker 5:to be there for her in that way.
Matt:That's a good answer. Yeah, it's gonna be a completely different experience. But also, it's gonna be harder in some ways and I think easier in others, like we talked about. Less anxiety of the unknown. And then I would just add, I hope we keep our sense of humor.
Matt:Because that really carried us through with Jude.
Carrie:That piece of advice you guys gave us.
Connor:Yeah, used keep talking. We talked about that a lot.
Matt:And it defuses tension, it defuses lack of sleep. Yeah.
Carrie:People after a lot, guys, at like 3AM. Yeah. Realizing
Speaker 5:this so ridiculous. Is
Matt:He fell asleep four minutes ago,
Carrie:and we fell asleep one minute ago, and he's back. Yeah. He's like, and that really helped.
Speaker 5:Also made we made so much fun of him. And I love him to death. We love
Matt:him so much. He's the light of our lives.
Speaker 5:But yeah, we just kept making fun of the things that he would do and completely ruin our night. But we would just laugh about
Matt:It's so true though.
Speaker 5:Because so stupid. Like what we're going through.
Carrie:If don't laugh, you'll cry.
Matt:Exactly. It's one of the two. Yeah,
Carrie:yeah. Okay, so I wanna do just a little lightning round of would you rather postpartum and There's marriage some different things in here. Okay. We can answer two. Yeah.
Carrie:We should. We don't have to be pregnant to answer this. Okay. So would you rather take the 2AM feed or the 5AM wake up? Oh, we're 5AM wake 2AM up, 2AM Yeah.
Carrie:The wait. So hold on.
Speaker 5:You're The feed.
Carrie:Okay. And you'd rather wake And then wake up. I'm the same. I'd rather wake up. Yeah.
Carrie:You would rather do neither.
Brytnee:What's so tired? C.
Carrie:Nothing to
Matt:give up.
Brytnee:Nothing to up. Yeah.
Connor:Hire a full time night
Brytnee:nurse. No.
Carrie:Which one would you to do this?
Connor:I think we
Speaker 5:sorry. Go ahead. Matt? No. Just kidding.
Speaker 5:No.
Connor:Wanna hear what
Speaker 5:you have to
Connor:say because I have to think of what I wanna say. No. I was just gonna say
Speaker 5:my silence. So let me pretend to
Connor:listen while I think of what
Brytnee:I'm asking. I don't
Speaker 5:know if it's I don't know if it's helpful, but it's like we I just remember we went through a stage, which was fine for me, but not like, it was just, like, not good for us, which we had to recognize, which was like, I would stay up late because I naturally am a little bit more of a night owl and then sleep in a little bit. Right? And I was fine. Like, I'd stay up with Jude until after midnight because he would go to sleep for like a little bit and then he would wake up and he needed to feed. And then she did the wake up really early thing, but then we were missing each other on schedules.
Speaker 5:Like we were only in bed at the same time for three hours. Yeah. And it really was like, just I didn't realize how much she needed that, but, like,
Matt:I didn't we denied either until yeah.
Carrie:I was in that.
Speaker 5:And then I was like, I'm just gonna because she was, like, really going through it. And I was like, I am going no matter what, I'll still get up with him, but I'm gonna stay in bed with you all night. Whenever you're in bed, I'm in bed. And the way it affected her positively.
Matt:It really did. Yeah.
Speaker 5:Yeah. That was like really It was easy for us to fall into that rhythm, but it also separated us, I feel like. And so it was just better to not do that.
Carrie:Yeah. But that's good for the short term if you need that. What about you, babe? Which one?
Connor:I okay. Sounds crazy. I think I'd rather do the 2AM feed.
Carrie:Yeah. You would.
Connor:Because I'm looking back at that, I I would take that feed. Then you wake
Matt:up early and I'd
Connor:sleep in.
Carrie:Okay. Would you rather have a surprise date night once a month or both get to sleep in together once a month? Everybody sleeps in.
Speaker 5:A date night or everybody sleeps in?
Matt:Probably the date night. Oh, that's I
Speaker 5:know. I think that we always gravitate towards the date night because we know it's necessary. Maybe I shouldn't put this on you, but I feel like that you, that everyone sleeps in.
Matt:I have become very protective. I was
Carrie:just gonna say, I I think I love a date night, but I think that the idea I've said that numerous times lately. I've been like, can you imagine if, like, we could just sleep? And, like, it didn't matter.
Brytnee:That's true.
Carrie:We could just sleep in and and and and and Nobody gets up.
Speaker 5:Can you imagine a morning right
Connor:now where, like, we all sleep until 10AM and then, like, go to Purin and, like, have a croissant.
Carrie:Oh, really crazy. Call the grandmothers.
Brytnee:Yeah. Call
Carrie:the grandmothers. Okay.
Speaker 5:It's called the troops. Sponsored by Yeah.
Carrie:Okay. So you said that night, you said probably sleeping in. What are you
Connor:What are we talking about?
Carrie:Okay. I'm
Brytnee:working on
Carrie:that. Okay. Would Yeah.
Connor:Whatever. Sleeping in.
Carrie:That's my answer to it. Would you rather wear a t shirt with spit up on it all day or take the crying baby to on a grocery run?
Speaker 5:Spit up. Spit up.
Carrie:Yeah. Spit up. Sure.
Matt:Spit up. Because we know that, all four of us.
Carrie:Yeah. We know Spit up so well. I got used to that smell.
Matt:The other day,
Carrie:I put a cardigan on Arch, and it had the old I guess, I'm used it. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, oh, no. Feel like I'm
Connor:I'm not used that. Shirt all week anyways.
Speaker 5:Yeah. That's pretty that's pretty true. And until it's really bad also, I I think So much for lightning. Is for us. I know so much for lightning.
Carrie:I'm sorry. It's us. Let's hear it.
Connor:This is Matt's version of
Speaker 5:what does lightning mean?
Connor:What does lightning
Brytnee:come on,
Matt:Steven. What's defined lightning?
Connor:What do you
Speaker 5:mean by lightning round? No. So Don't think to say. I I forgot it. It's just funny.
Speaker 5:No. The thing I was questioning
Brytnee:Sorry.
Speaker 5:No. The thing I was gonna say, I'll say it really quick, which is basically the we've we were very fortunate that we got to a situation where we whatever we were giving Jude did not like, it didn't really stink. But there were
Brytnee:we give him, like smell. There was
Speaker 5:a we
Carrie:did you guys we did that the whole time? We didn't mind the smell, but you guys were not.
Matt:You probably got used to it.
Carrie:Did it one time. You guys did it
Matt:two times.
Speaker 5:We're like, we're going back. We're going back to cow.
Carrie:I think we just only ever tried that, so we didn't know cow. Yeah. Yeah. We never knew it. Okay.
Carrie:So probably if we found out, we
Brytnee:wouldn't go.
Speaker 5:If it was that smell, I don't know how I would answer.
Carrie:But with I what we went through smelled was week
Speaker 5:and I was like, just scrap That was nasty. Would you
Carrie:rather your spouse always handle bath time or bedtime? Spouse, would you rather your spouse always take bath time or bedtime? Bath time. Bath time, yes. Really?
Carrie:Would you rather me take?
Matt:I think so because I love that time right before he goes to sleep to sing to him and have that.
Speaker 5:I would say the same. But the reason's my back. Bro,
Connor:I don't think we've been in a row.
Matt:Right now?
Brytnee:What would you
Speaker 5:destroy trying to get into a bleaching body. Be pregnant
Matt:right now, bath time's hard.
Speaker 5:Oh, yeah. That's true.
Carrie:I'm not a man with a bad back or pregnant, but I think bath time's hard too.
Matt:I I don't like anything.
Speaker 5:I've had multiple heartedness.
Carrie:I love bedtime.
Speaker 5:My lower back is, like, destroyed from me destroying it for years. But I the other night, I put Jude into the sink to give him a bath so that I so that I
Carrie:didn't Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He he had that one. Yeah. He's like, just
Connor:gonna thank you. I personally love bath time.
Matt:You do.
Connor:And I really look forward to it. But as soon as I put him in there, I'm like, okay. My back hurts. We're Yeah.
Carrie:Never longer than, like, feats. Okay.
Connor:So for me, bath time and bedtime are lumped into one. And so it's like, I'd rather take that on. I really enjoy that whole part of the day. I'd rather do that and trade it for something else.
Carrie:Yeah. I okay. Yeah.
Connor:So I'd rather, like, what would I trade? Like, I'd rather you feed him lunch, would you do? And I do the whole bedtime routine.
Carrie:Yeah. We should start doing
Matt:that. Yeah. I like when you take meals too. Yeah. Chance.
Matt:Hard for you.
Carrie:Anyway. Okay. Would you rather we'll just do one more. Would you rather
Connor:venting out our things.
Brytnee:Yeah. Woah. Is this a
Speaker 5:good time to present this to you? Yes.
Carrie:This is. You said you'd rather. So okay. Would you rather be in charge of all diaper changes or all feedings each day?
Speaker 5:Depends on the face.
Carrie:Everybody's face
Speaker 5:you got.
Brytnee:Are we
Speaker 5:on liquids or solids?
Brytnee:And what are they eating?
Carrie:I yeah. I mean, let's let's say with Jude and Arch right now. Let's say with today, how you guys, would you rather feed, be in
Matt:charge of
Carrie:feeding, or diapers? I'm gonna say diapers.
Speaker 5:Diapers.
Matt:Because Jude is so picky right That's hard. It's so frustrating. I think that's when I feel tested the most, is trying to feed Jude.
Carrie:I would say I guess I'd pick diapers, but just yeah.
Connor:Me too.
Matt:Wow. We all would
Speaker 5:switch what think. It's pretty convenient for
Connor:me because she kinda does it all anyways.
Brytnee:I know. But I
Connor:feel like feeding is kinda boring. Yeah. Like and I'm not gonna lie. Well, we just don't have to about it. My shoulder gets a little sore.
Speaker 5:I swear to you. I'm like, golly.
Carrie:That's true. My hands sometimes crinkles. Some people don't. We feed him. So that
Connor:that's awesome. Some of his diapers are absolutely gnarly.
Carrie:So yeah. Connor. Yeah. I have video footage of Connor. Yeah.
Carrie:That's such a good video. Yes. Oh. He's not joking. I was like, George, George.
Connor:I had this moment where, like, you weren't here, and it was one of those moments. And I was like, it was like one of those moments in parenthood where I was like, there's no other choice.
Speaker 5:Oh, yeah.
Connor:And I have to do this, but I can't. And I I yeah. That was my Vietnam.
Brytnee:Yeah.
Matt:I like Had to learn to mouth breathe.
Carrie:We've had a couple of those.
Connor:But I did that, and then it was like hot
Speaker 5:Oh. Air
Brytnee:Oh,
Speaker 5:no. I don't think I've ever I don't think I've ever had, like I've never had a severe reaction. Please. Come over
Brytnee:tomorrow. I mean What are
Connor:you doing at 01:30 tomorrow?
Speaker 5:It is important to note that, like, we've we've we've had one child.
Carrie:That's true.
Speaker 5:You know? So I have one experience. So yeah. But yeah. For me, I mean, I'm also keep I have I have misophonia.
Speaker 5:So, like, hearing the smacking sounds. And so, like Oh, yeah. It becomes like, that's that's a real struggle.
Carrie:Yeah.
Connor:Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Ugh.
Carrie:Okay. That's all I have.
Speaker 5:That guys,
Brytnee:that's all
Carrie:the questions.
Connor:Shouldn't we have a final question?
Carrie:Well, final question that I have, but it's a little bit of a deep one. Don't know if we Let me see if we have time
Matt:for it. Hold on. Probably not.
Brytnee:Not really. Really. So let's do it anyways. Okay,
Carrie:okay. This is a sweeter one. What does your spouse do really well as a parent?
Speaker 5:Yay. This
Carrie:is really I'll end on a sweet note.
Matt:Oh my gosh, there's a lot of things, but you play really well with him. I think that that's you are so much better than I am at putting your phone down, which your phone's usually down anyway, but at sitting and just being intentional with him. Today, he has this little helicopter and Matt stands
Brytnee:Matt does? Like
Speaker 5:just it's Matt's special helicopter.
Matt:And I just see this little hand come up with the helicopter just like tapping on daddy. And it was that he wanted Matt because he knows Matt will take it and start like Oh. Flying it around the house. And it's so sweet.
Connor:That's really cute.
Matt:And he's just you're so much better
Speaker 5:than I
Carrie:do that. Because I'm like, I need to do 50 different things
Matt:and I'm trying to get better at being more present. But you're so good at being present with him. That's what I should say.
Brytnee:It's like
Speaker 5:a movie from fifty years ago, but it's just like me going after him with helicopter. It's the most fun thing in the world
Brytnee:him anyway.
Matt:And we
Speaker 5:wrestle a lot and things like that. Yeah.
Carrie:And you?
Speaker 5:You hold space for Jude in the most I mean, you do this for naturally or gifted in this area, but you're so loving no matter what. And like, even through you, you could sit with him for nine hours of him screaming and being angry and da da da, you still love him in a way that makes him feel safe and secure. Even if he's angry, like he's angry and he's dealing with emotions, no matter what it is. You are so brilliant at being able to do that. You have you you hold the safest space for him.
Speaker 5:And I know that that's going to pay off massive dividends as he grows up because he's going to just feel this presence of safety.
Matt:That's such a good answer. Thank you. Love tank. Brittany's good for
Carrie:a week.
Matt:Yeah. You don't
Carrie:drive anything else nice. Yeah. What about you guys? Okay, I will say it's similar to you, Brit. He is so present, I can actually feel convicted by how present he is because I think as a mom you're doing the 50 things so there's so much checking off the tasks of I gotta make sure everything's cleaned up and I gotta make sure his diaper's changed and I gotta make sure he gets fed.
Carrie:And I feel like when you're with him you would just do a really great job like Matt does of just kind of being like we're playing or I'm laying here with you and talking to you. I'm just like being present and being very intentional with him. And he also, when Arch goes down, I'm like, I love you. I'll see you tomorrow morning. Like I'm good.
Carrie:And you go in every single night and just rock him for a long time. It's so sweet And you just love that time. So I think just your intentionality with him of wanting to soak up those moments makes me wanna soak up moments more.
Matt:So,
Carrie:yeah, it's good.
Connor:I don't know. It's a hard question because it's like there's so many things.
Brytnee:Oh, yeah.
Connor:I think you're an amazing mom. Thanks. And, yeah, I just feel like you do so much, and I really appreciate that. Thanks, dude. He was kinda being a little bit of a nightmare this morning, and you've been with him a lot.
Brytnee:It's
Carrie:true. I was like, him answering this question now is funny because I feel like I've been not a patient mom. You're just saying that I was like, I've been so impatient with him because I've been with him so much and he's had a hard week.
Connor:Yeah. I feel like it's similar to what you said about Brit, where it's just like, even when you're not feeling it, like, could have had the worst day and just been, like, tried and tried over and over again, and you're totally at your wit's end. And I see you just go, and love him regardless. And that's like a really beautiful thing.
Brytnee:Mhmm.
Connor:Yeah. It's also a very beautiful picture of, like, our relationship to God. And I feel like you guys mirror that a little bit for us down here.
Matt:Guys, this This was so so sweet. This so much fun.
Carrie:Hope everybody enjoyed this as much as we did.
Speaker 5:Yeah, right?
Matt:We clearly did. Yeah.
Carrie:We could We had a great time.
Connor:I never hit record.
Speaker 5:We're gonna do this anyway. So we can do it tomorrow. We do it every day.
Connor:Our our our sixth piece of housekeeping is that we already recorded this episode months ago and
Carrie:Connor was in a bad mood.
Speaker 5:I was in terrible mood, so we erased it and we're doing it again. But it also it made sense. Because, like,
Carrie:there was transition phase. We were not
Brytnee:in our
Speaker 5:You had to set up the entirety of the set alone.
Connor:I was sweating. Sweating.
Brytnee:Yeah. Yeah.
Carrie:That wasn't good. We just decided. We, like, we don't wanna record things when we're, like we felt like we were talking about marriage
Brytnee:and I don't
Connor:wanna fake it.
Carrie:Yeah. We don't wanna fake it.
Speaker 5:I do feel like it would be fun to, like, grab a few excerpts out of that because there were probably some there's probably some good stuff. We're just Connor's just.
Carrie:Yeah.
Brytnee:We'll this cut
Connor:episode of Matt being like, you are the most beautiful wife. And then me just being like, ugh.
Brytnee:Okay. That's it.
Carrie:Thanks for listening, guys.
Connor:Bye. Thanks, guys.