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The Vance Crowe Podcast is a thought-provoking and engaging show where Vance Crowe, a former Director of Millennial Engagement for Monsanto, and X-World Banker, interviews a variety of experts and thought leaders from diverse fields.
Vance prompts his guests to think about their work in novel ways, exploring how their expertise applies to regular people and sharing stories and experiences.
The podcast covers a wide range of topics, including agriculture, technology, social issues, and more. It aims to provide listeners with new perspectives and insights into the world around them.
00:00:00:00 - 00:00:03:09
Speaker 1
this guy cut me off and I leaned out of the car.
00:00:03:11 - 00:00:03:15
Speaker 3
And.
00:00:03:15 - 00:00:09:15
Speaker 1
What I was thinking is I was going to grab his bumper and flip his car.
00:00:09:15 - 00:00:17:19
Speaker 1
And sometimes it's like, you know, like we went to New York and I was like, look over there. And if you stay with me, there's a lot of people. And they're like, well, somebody take it out. I like, that's why you gotta stay with me.
00:00:17:19 - 00:00:29:11
Speaker 1
You know what happens when they take you on like people kill kids or put penises in their butts and they're like, what? I was like, yeah, that's what happens,
00:00:29:11 - 00:00:35:09
Speaker 1
he pulls up. I go in the parking lot. I was like, hey man, you're welcome.
00:00:35:09 - 00:00:41:15
Speaker 1
and he said that he was going to like, you know, he's like, fucking bitch, I'll slap you or spank you or something like that.
00:00:41:15 - 00:00:50:11
Speaker 1
I lift my shirt up and, if you like, well, like you saw ghost, you know, I was like, you know, it's. Leave.
00:00:50:11 - 00:00:51:16
Speaker 2
Do you believe in God?
00:00:51:18 - 00:00:56:19
Speaker 1
Yeah, I believe there's a god that's not like a, like,
00:00:58:09 - 00:01:07:12
Speaker 1
I'm Jeremy McCosh, a retirement community CEO living in Eureka, Illinois, and you are listening to the Vance Crowe podcast.
00:01:07:12 - 00:01:32:11
Speaker 1
Welcome back to the podcast. I'm glad you're here. Today, Jason Bachman returns. If you're a longtime listener of the podcast, you know, I had Jason on five years ago. And during that bombshell conversation, we heard about a childhood that most of us can barely imagine. It was chaotic and troubled, and Jason ended up having to escape a cult and almost got sent to prison.
00:01:32:13 - 00:01:55:23
Speaker 1
This conversation was really amazing, and I remember thinking, wow, this guy who looks like this giant Jim bro is actually a really philosophical, thoughtful person that has figured out how to connect with others in a way that most of us could only dream of. Jason has become a successful businessman and in respected and admired member of the Saint Louis community.
00:01:56:04 - 00:02:16:21
Speaker 1
I know that over the years, as we've done interviews and Jason and I have seen each other outside of this studio, I've come to really admire and respect who he is and how he thinks about things. So what you're about to see is a conversation of two men, two friends that don't get to see each other very often, but have shared a lot over the years.
00:02:16:22 - 00:02:38:05
Speaker 1
And I hope you feel like this is a chance for you to sit down with some friend that you've gotten to know over time. We talk about a lot of things. We talk about God, we talk about my mentor Pete. But ultimately, the conversation really gets interesting when we talk about fatherhood and how Jason is preparing his children to leave the Garden of Eden.
00:02:38:07 - 00:02:58:04
Speaker 1
We talk about innocence and how much you should protect it, versus preparing your children for a world that can be cold and uncaring. This is an unparalleled conversation, and I think you will see that it is really something special. If you like this, I hope you'll send me a DM and tell me about what you thought of it.
00:02:58:06 - 00:03:16:06
Speaker 1
And maybe even better than that, if you would consider giving us a five star review and writing positively about not just this episode, but the podcast in general, that gives us a chance to grow, be seen by more people, and helps us find more guests like Jason to bring on. We're going to get to that interview in just a moment.
00:03:16:06 - 00:03:35:12
Speaker 1
But earlier this week, I had kind of a profound experience. I had two of my friends and a complete stranger talking with me about legacy interviews, and they were all saying the same thing. It was approximately. I just keep putting it off. I know I want to do it. I've talked with my wife about doing it. I've thought about it.
00:03:35:12 - 00:03:54:23
Speaker 1
I've even gotten my siblings to think about it, but I just haven't gotten it done. Now, with my two friends, that's okay. I'm never going to do a hard sell whenever it's right for them. I know it'll be right. But the stranger that called me actually wasn't telling me that he's going to do it now. He said, I'm calling because I was too late.
00:03:55:01 - 00:04:14:17
Speaker 1
My mother passed away about a month ago and I should have done this interview. And now, in hearing the podcast, I want to reach out to you to say you got to do a better job of convincing people to overcome that procrastination. Now, I don't really know how to do that. I know that many of the reasons that people don't do it are around.
00:04:14:17 - 00:04:38:18
Speaker 1
I don't know if I can afford it. I don't know if I can get my siblings on board with it. I'm not sure if my parents will like it, or if it'll make them uncomfortable thinking that maybe they're going to pass on, and that's the only reason I'm asking for these stories. Whatever your objections are, whatever the things that are keeping you from it, maybe a way to get past them is to give us a call here at Legacy Interviews.
00:04:38:19 - 00:05:00:20
Speaker 1
I've talked with hundreds of people about this, and almost every one of them decides, you know what? I'm going to do this, and I'm going to overcome these challenges and this way or that way. But most of the time, the reason that we procrastinate is because we don't know what the next step is. So the stranger that had called me up said, you need to do a better job of helping people know what that next step is.
00:05:00:22 - 00:05:26:01
Speaker 1
So the next step for you could either be to go to Legacy interviews.com, or check out the show notes where I have the phone number for legacy interviews. If you pick up the phone and call, you'll either get me directly or you'll get our admin, Jessica, who is one of the best conversationalists out there, and she can talk with you about what challenges you're facing and how we can best prepare a legacy interview for your family members.
00:05:26:03 - 00:05:49:16
Speaker 1
I'm telling you this because I think it's going to help you. I think that if you've had this sense of dread that you wished you'd gotten it done, like my friends have talked about, that this will make you feel great. And with the holidays coming up, you have the perfect reason not only to get it done now, because you can give it as a gift, but also if we get it done in enough time, you'll be able to watch it over the holidays with your family.
00:05:49:18 - 00:06:03:18
Speaker 1
All right. Enough about legacy interviews. If you're interested. Go to Legacy interviews.com or call the number in the show notes below. All right. Without further ado, let's head to this powerful interview with my good friend Jason Bachman.
00:06:03:18 - 00:06:06:17
Speaker 2
Jason Bachman, welcome back to the podcast.
00:06:06:18 - 00:06:08:01
Speaker 1
Glad to be here, dude.
00:06:08:03 - 00:06:10:09
Speaker 2
Dude, you're looking huge.
00:06:10:11 - 00:06:29:21
Speaker 1
Yeah, I don't know. I swear to everybody and tell me, like, do your huge jacked booger, Spartan whatever. And I, I train for an Ironman, like a couple years ago, and, I don't know, I changed my body. I've been, like, staying on some of that stuff, but, like, my body, I don't know what takes us over a few years, but not like anything crazy, you know?
00:06:29:21 - 00:06:35:02
Speaker 1
Like I'm just up, but, Yeah, I'm big and strong.
00:06:35:04 - 00:06:51:01
Speaker 2
When you got on testosterone, do you feel like it changed the way you thought about things? Because I think about it as being like you could give yourself the testosterone of an 18 year old, but isn't that why an 18 year old makes bad decisions?
00:06:51:03 - 00:07:14:02
Speaker 1
I don't know that it like, at the time of my life, when I started doing it, I was having, like, panic attacks and shit all the time. And, like, before this point, you know, I don't know, that never really changed. Like, the, like, the baseline of the way I thought and stuff and most things don't have I think some of that stuff was circumstantial, but like, I, I slept better, right.
00:07:14:07 - 00:07:33:11
Speaker 1
Like, which I didn't sleep for, like, you know, 20 years. I couldn't sleep 2 or 3 hours a night sometimes, like no sleep, three days at a time. And then, I don't know, like, I feel like it regulated some, some of that. I don't know how much it was possible or whatever, but I'm like or older and so I'm sleeping better and, but I, there were some times I'll say this.
00:07:33:11 - 00:08:00:11
Speaker 1
So this is a, you know, our use of steroids. Whatever, I don't know, I'm sure this I don't know the definition of steroids. What I'm saying. Right. There was a point where I didn't know that I was taking steroids. Like, my friend was like, here, dude, these are whatever he was. He was taking these pills, right now. And I gained like 30 pounds, you know, for like a month and a half and.
00:08:00:13 - 00:08:03:01
Speaker 3
15. Right.
00:08:03:03 - 00:08:17:01
Speaker 1
I was like, dude, I had an fj40 at the time. In 1972, after 840, it didn't have any topsides, nothing. Not even a seatbelt, you know. And I was riding these two girls, and, this guy cut me off and I leaned out of the car.
00:08:17:03 - 00:08:17:07
Speaker 3
And.
00:08:17:07 - 00:08:23:23
Speaker 1
What I was thinking is I was going to grab his bumper and flip his car.
00:08:24:00 - 00:08:44:23
Speaker 1
And I was like, sure. And the girls were terrified, and I was like, yo, what? I just thought I could flip a car. And I was like, dude, what is this? It's called trim. This is steroids. I was like, what? I got off, I got off it like immediately. And then like, did that work for like eight months?
00:08:45:01 - 00:08:53:09
Speaker 1
And I was like, this is for I'm never doing that again. I didn't know I God's honest. I thought I was taking like a men's multivitamin.
00:08:53:11 - 00:09:11:16
Speaker 2
Well, I mean, I don't I mean steroids. That's like very clear a you learn in dare. Hey man, these all these bad things will happen. But TRT has been something that's grown and grown and grown. I mean, you know, we're at the age where there are a lot of men that are like starting to do it. And my experience has been the two people that I knew that got on it.
00:09:11:18 - 00:09:25:19
Speaker 2
Their risk tolerance went way up. Like to the degree that you're like, hold up, why are we making these risky decisions? We're not, you know, 18 anymore. We don't have to be. And, you know, so I drew those two points to be a straight line. But it may not be.
00:09:25:20 - 00:09:45:09
Speaker 1
Yeah. It hasn't been my experience. Yeah. The, I guess I was in this story on NPR about somebody transitioning this girl so that she got on testosterone. The transition started having like, she's like, I hate that I've been saying this that a lot, but like, where he or she whatever. Like, I sort of had, like taken an interest in science and math.
00:09:45:11 - 00:09:50:23
Speaker 1
Right? I don't know, and they're like, I think there's something to that.
00:09:51:01 - 00:10:10:06
Speaker 2
Who knows? You know, like the human mind is so crazy complicated. I, I've, I as I've started to learn more and more about nutrition every time I get to this new level and I'm like, now I understand, you know, macros. Oh, now I understand proteins, carbs and fats. But every time I'm like, oh, wait, I found this new thing out that completely obliterates everything I thought I knew.
00:10:10:06 - 00:10:11:17
Speaker 2
And so really.
00:10:11:19 - 00:10:24:00
Speaker 1
Three ingredients in those macros, maybe one ingredient. And yeah, it needs to be from Scandinavia or whatever. It was like deep rich stuff with that. Oh, I drink a bunch of water. You don't trash.
00:10:24:02 - 00:10:29:08
Speaker 2
Well, you're around donuts all the time. How do you keep yourself from just inhaling donuts and sugar?
00:10:29:10 - 00:10:48:07
Speaker 1
I go bananas, right? Oh my. Going to eat some donuts that I'll eat 12 light and so like, and, I don't know, I just, I love sweets and stuff and so, but I just, I know that for me, being around all those hours is like to go hammer time.
00:10:48:12 - 00:11:04:00
Speaker 2
Yeah. I'm like, such an on off switch, right? Like, it's really hard for me to have two drinks, but it's very easy for me to have zero drinks. Right. It's really easy for me. I have no donuts. It's very hard for me to have one donut. So I only do like all or nothing.
00:11:04:01 - 00:11:27:02
Speaker 1
That's what I when I go on trips, I go. I was all over California this summer with my kids. I went on one trips with the, I was going to this bakery every day, spent like 60 bucks, and it was Fire Obstacle Bakery in San Francisco. It was so good. And I would eat like, I probably like eight chocolate croissants and like a couple of homemade or and I go, here.
00:11:27:02 - 00:11:35:15
Speaker 1
My kids are like, dad, what are you doing? This is what I do on vacation. Some people, you know, drink and do blow. I go for croissants.
00:11:35:17 - 00:11:36:10
Speaker 3
Yeah.
00:11:36:12 - 00:11:55:16
Speaker 2
My wife and I call it carbonation, where you're just like, I can just eat whatever carbs I want. It won't matter. Well, I, I got to the point with, carbs because I will eat, you know, pizza if to no end, if you give me if there's a pint or whatever a gallon of ice cream in my freezer, I will eat the whole thing like there's until it's all gone.
00:11:55:17 - 00:12:11:18
Speaker 2
And I think I was like, pre-diabetic. I think I had like, gotten to the point where it was like, I would have this stuff, and then I'd be like, 45 minutes later, I'd be asleep on the couch and my kids would be like, slap me on the face, being like, wake up and play with us, daddy. And so I had to make some some pretty wild changes.
00:12:11:20 - 00:12:17:12
Speaker 1
I get it, I get I'm that way with life in general. So I really want the thing is.
00:12:17:14 - 00:12:31:16
Speaker 2
So you, since we last spoke, you've now put up this, totally different restaurant that's serving the late night community. Yeah. I've seen you, all over the news, people talking about it, but what's it really like behind the scenes?
00:12:31:18 - 00:12:50:17
Speaker 1
It's cool. I have a partner in it, named Nate, and he's like. He does. You know, a lot of the day to day stuff. It's going really well. We all. The first store is like, man, it's like, if you figure, like, a restaurant has like 30 tables and they try to turn those tables during dinner, like two and a half times, right?
00:12:50:17 - 00:13:16:09
Speaker 1
So what is that, 75 tables. Right. So you have what's called a chick 75 chicks. And we're doing like, you know, between 3 and 400 checks to make. Whoa. Which is insane. Right? So like a busy restaurant, would you? A hundred or bananas? We open a second location, and, it's going well. It's not like the first location, but there's, like, something you know, it's not that old of a restaurant.
00:13:16:11 - 00:13:29:03
Speaker 1
And so there's some things that we're doing to change it. And, I don't know, it's like, it's fun, it's interesting, it's cool. It's a big rating. And I'm like, I want to keep pushing it. So it's interesting.
00:13:29:05 - 00:13:48:23
Speaker 2
I found myself saying something about you the other day. I was telling Sean, the editor, hey, my buddy Jason Bachman's coming in. We're gonna do a podcast. And I said something, and as soon as I said it, I was like, I regret saying that. I was like, man, everything Jason touches turns to gold. And the reason I regret it is because it's like, totally diminishes whatever it is that you do to make things work.
00:13:49:01 - 00:13:58:08
Speaker 2
But it does, I will say, seem easy, that everything you do is just like, oh, that one worked. Oh, this other thing Jason did worked. Is it like that?
00:13:58:09 - 00:14:18:16
Speaker 1
Yes or no? I mean, I think about this. I'm like, you know, been doing this in some capacity for like 25 years. So when was like when I was like, we're going to do this concept. It was easy. It was like, I didn't need to make too many mistakes, right? So I know which mistakes to avoid. And so I'm still learning some things on how to be better.
00:14:18:20 - 00:14:28:04
Speaker 1
I will always will be. But it I know upfront if I do these things this is the outcome. So it seems easier now. It is easier for me.
00:14:28:06 - 00:14:30:20
Speaker 2
What were the mistakes that you were hard to learn?
00:14:30:22 - 00:14:55:00
Speaker 1
Oh, being arrogant, get a little bit of success and think that you're the man and then like, start shooting on the people that support you. You know what I mean? Like, oh, you need me. I need you, like, no, I'm like, you know, I work for every customer. You know, you are my boss. You know, some stuff with marketing staying out of, like, during, like, I have a friend who owns, like, a bunch of restaurants here, right?
00:14:55:00 - 00:15:13:16
Speaker 1
And, and, like, when political things going on, it seems like all these people are commenting on all this stuff, and these people are like, cheeseburger. We got a cheeseburger. You want this cheeseburger? You know what I mean? Like resident troll assassination attempts and people are like, God fucking people. Some people are like, man, we need to stand behind Trump.
00:15:13:16 - 00:15:17:08
Speaker 1
And they're like, we got a cheeseburger.
00:15:17:10 - 00:15:17:15
Speaker 3
And.
00:15:17:15 - 00:15:41:10
Speaker 1
I was like, what is the deal with that? Like, some people will like say things to them, but like, so rarely, like, you know, why don't you get behind some of these, these, these pushers or, you know, social issues? I know we have cheeseburgers. That's what we do here because we sell cheeseburgers. We will sell a cheeseburger to you regardless of who you vote for, what you look like for you, like, that's Texas.
00:15:41:10 - 00:15:43:14
Speaker 1
We have cheeseburger.
00:15:43:16 - 00:15:44:03
Speaker 3
Like I.
00:15:44:06 - 00:16:09:22
Speaker 1
Used to, mix those two. And, I think that when I get behind personal social issues in my business life, I alienate my customer base, you know? So that was like a that was a big one. And there was a big mishap that happened to me. I mean, it was all over the news, like, come on, girls, and try to do, you know, stuff with like it was it was crazy.
00:16:09:23 - 00:16:11:02
Speaker 2
No. What happened?
00:16:11:04 - 00:16:37:07
Speaker 1
It was in, I thought about this last night. I forgot about, we had a store in Columbia. It was like where? Like, a lot of, like, the Black Lives Matter stuff really jumped off, and, you know, I have a furniture company also. So I get, like, these reports of, like, incoming student numbers, right? So I know how to tell them how, you know, like, you should be planning for this many new mattresses, dorm pieces, all.
00:16:37:09 - 00:16:58:04
Speaker 1
And, you know, you bought these 400 couches five years ago with this many people coming in, probably going to a place, you know, half of them. So the store already wasn't doing the best. And then I get this reports and there's 45% less returning students was like, shit, if it's not going well right now, the customer base is these people.
00:16:58:04 - 00:17:11:21
Speaker 1
It's cut in half. Now it's our most expensive store, probably best just cutting right now. And so I made this post and the thing that I messed up, I just was walking into a meeting and I said, get out of Columbia. Right. And the image that popped.
00:17:11:21 - 00:17:15:16
Speaker 2
Up, oh, I remember this.
00:17:15:18 - 00:17:36:02
Speaker 1
Clearly was saying get out. And I was like, oh, perfect, right. So I posted that picture and I said, hey, you know, not we're going to have your like, thank you guys for these two years or whatever. We're focusing our efforts on different stores. And we were in the middle of like starting to open stores in Mexico. And so I was like, I'll just use and use this energy over here, you know, no big deal.
00:17:36:02 - 00:17:57:22
Speaker 1
I went and did and I got out of this, this meeting that I was in and my phone was I turned the phone off, my phone was going bananas, and I was like, what is happening? And it was like, you know, you racist piece of shit, like, all this is crazy. And I was like, yep, what? And that, it was like it was crazy.
00:17:57:22 - 00:18:04:02
Speaker 1
I was like, you know, everyone's comments, every person is kind of just because, like, I couldn't get to them. There's so many. But I wanted to let them know, like.
00:18:04:04 - 00:18:05:18
Speaker 2
I saw that. Yeah.
00:18:05:20 - 00:18:21:21
Speaker 1
Yeah. So every comment I like right. And, and then it was like screenshots taken of the likes and it was like, you know, the moment Jason Bachman cuddles up with extreme, supremacists or whatever.
00:18:21:21 - 00:18:29:17
Speaker 2
And this was the journalism school, whatever, like doing that circle and the woman, you know, being like, get out of here. Was that the image you use?
00:18:29:19 - 00:18:31:22
Speaker 3
I smile.
00:18:32:00 - 00:18:36:04
Speaker 1
The guy, dude, I'm not this inflammatory. Do let me say some stuff.
00:18:37:14 - 00:18:56:17
Speaker 1
I thought I was like, oh, perfect picture. You know what I'm saying? This is perfect. I'm like, recognizable. And I didn't know, you know, it was so charged. And, but yeah, I like these PR people were like, do you know what I wanted to do is like, take your video, maybe like, hey, man, this will happen. You know, I didn't mean to offend anybody.
00:18:56:17 - 00:19:12:08
Speaker 1
I picked this picture because if I was perfect picture. If I said to people, I'm sorry, like, I love you. I like whatever. And they were like, do not, do not do that. You need to make an apology immediately and follow up.
00:19:12:10 - 00:19:30:18
Speaker 1
Apology. People were like, you know, like not good enough. Kill yourself. Like straight up. And there were some people that were like, wow, I will never support your business because you apologize to those people, you know? And I was like, man, I was in a whole I felt all of the bad stuff that that was like, that sucked.
00:19:30:18 - 00:19:57:00
Speaker 1
Yeah. I realized last night, oh, somebody told me about this thing that we were talking about earlier, that like, I realized last night because somebody told me what was happening here locally with somebody who's like, you know, a very visible figure at Saint Louis, and, that it doesn't stay in New York, but, like, until recently, it still was like a pain point for me, but, like, man, I'm not that dude.
00:19:57:00 - 00:20:13:06
Speaker 1
And I wish it wasn't taken that way. And I wish that I could like, go back. But now, at this point, it just doesn't matter. I hate the person who I am and the person who I've consistently been has erased any of that or diminished like the, negative repercussions of.
00:20:13:08 - 00:20:46:11
Speaker 2
It's just wild, right? Like you say things if you're on camera enough or you're trying to do enough in social media, if you're trying to ride that wave, I mean, if you're doing anything of substance, you are going to get burned. Like a couple weeks ago, I was on this podcast called farm for profit, and I was just saying, hey, I think when we were in school in the 90s, we were being propagandized that having children meant the end of your life and the way that the clip was cut and the way I said it, right, there were all these women that came out of nowhere to be like, look at this misogynist
00:20:46:11 - 00:21:09:03
Speaker 2
saying that, you know, and like, took what I had said and turned it and, and like as I watched the clips, I'm like, well, you know, you probably could take it that way. That's not what I meant. But people being so angry, right, trying to spike up that attention and you're like, that's not me. And I'm pretty sure if you and I were sitting down and having a conversation, you would probably agree with what I'm saying here.
00:21:09:09 - 00:21:23:20
Speaker 2
But you're like, either getting your jollies or, like, expressing some kind of, I don't know, extreme emotion, but it's wild. Like, I'm 42 years old and I'm sitting there being hurt by what some woman, you know, 500 miles away said, right.
00:21:23:22 - 00:21:40:13
Speaker 1
I get it because you like what you do right? And it's important to you. Like, so I do think, but like, yeah, it's not, I'll think about people slamming McDonald's or Jack in the box or Walmart or whatever it is. And I'm like, man, that's a real dude on the end of that. That's responding to all that stuff.
00:21:40:15 - 00:22:03:02
Speaker 2
Oh, I knew the whole team that did the, social media for Monsanto. Imagine what that was like, right? Where people are showing you like dead babies and you know, poisoned people. Like the worst images you can imagine. People are bots and in a lot of cases. But some guy has to sit there. And the guy that I knew for most of the time I was there, his name was West.
00:22:03:05 - 00:22:12:15
Speaker 2
He's like the nicest, quietest, like, you know, hey, I just want to do some social media just every single day. Having a hell of a time with what? He's,
00:22:12:17 - 00:22:16:04
Speaker 1
I'm going to be after work and.
00:22:16:06 - 00:22:17:04
Speaker 3
We'll do it.
00:22:17:06 - 00:22:37:14
Speaker 1
Right. It's crazy that we forget that stuff. It's easy to. It's easy to, like, dehumanize. I've. I've thought this like, as I've gone, like, I don't, part of getting older is getting a little set in your ways. Right. And like, trying to fight that, but, like, staying over to listen to, like, you know, more people's opinions. You know, if I listen to a podcast, I try to listen like the counterpoint on the podcast, you know?
00:22:37:14 - 00:22:47:00
Speaker 1
I mean, like, if it's politically charged or whatever. And, it's it's easy to start, like, disassociating from people.
00:22:47:02 - 00:23:10:15
Speaker 2
Yeah. I think that, we probably talked about this before. I pretty much have quit trying to do the I'm going to do left and right. I don't I'm just like, I don't have enough time. So I just listen to what makes you the most comfortable. Right? And then you wake up six months in and you're like, I wonder if, like, the other side has any idea that this is what I think of them, or they think of me like I, I'm certain.
00:23:10:19 - 00:23:26:15
Speaker 2
And now I know that I have a giant bubble around me and I only see what's inside of it. But the effort and energy and value of trying to find the other side seems, insurmountable. When you have a two year old and a four year old and a business and a wife and a that.
00:23:26:17 - 00:23:30:00
Speaker 1
I'm just out there trying to get a Slurpee.
00:23:30:01 - 00:23:30:16
Speaker 3
Yeah.
00:23:30:18 - 00:23:39:12
Speaker 1
But like people will put. Yeah. Anyways, like, I think everybody understands what we're talking about and like everybody can relate to that for sure. So have yeah.
00:23:39:14 - 00:23:51:04
Speaker 2
I heard a line the other day, I wonder how this strikes you. It is wisdom is knowledge that doesn't change.
00:23:56:19 - 00:24:23:06
Speaker 1
I think that might be, you know, why and why I opened successful businesses, right? I learned stuff, you know what I mean? Like hard learned lessons that, I know that, you know, regardless of what's going on or what, trends, there are these things always work. And, it probably comes back to, like, very basic, you know, religious texts, stuff.
00:24:23:08 - 00:24:38:17
Speaker 1
Good. The people work hard. I don't know, wisdom is knowledge doesn't change. Yeah. For sure. No, I think there's some basic things that I adhere to that probably everybody does that. I mean, good or bad, like wisdom doesn't mean it has to be good.
00:24:38:19 - 00:24:44:18
Speaker 2
Oh, interesting. Yeah. Wow. I guess put in that case, if it's knowledge, it doesn't change the dark side. It's the same thing, right?
00:24:44:23 - 00:24:46:06
Speaker 1
Has to be.
00:24:46:08 - 00:24:49:04
Speaker 2
Have you seen a rise in religion recently.
00:24:49:06 - 00:24:51:18
Speaker 1
Yeah. Was. Wow.
00:24:51:20 - 00:24:54:00
Speaker 2
Where do you see it?
00:24:54:02 - 00:25:17:20
Speaker 1
It's for now. Excuse me. With younger people. Bible studies and just people, like, in their, like, clothing and stuff, like, I see, like, you know, religious text on clothing a lot now and, Oh, ask people, you know, one of the first questions about my first question is like, when I get to know somebody, I'm asking if I believe in God.
00:25:18:01 - 00:25:39:12
Speaker 1
Through the people around, like, my age and stuff. And it just seems like so many more people are looking for church or temple or whatever their respective religion is. What I think, like a lot of young people, when there's like less drinking, right? There's less like sex now, premarital or whatever, there's like lots of young people having sex, good or bad.
00:25:39:12 - 00:25:46:03
Speaker 1
All what I feel like, you know, people are always looking for something that seems like.
00:25:46:05 - 00:25:54:00
Speaker 1
There's been in society such a swing away from religion that, like, the rebellious thing is to be religious.
00:25:54:02 - 00:26:11:11
Speaker 2
Yeah, I thought about that the other day that like. And that it's now within the Overton window for somebody to to wear clothes that, that have a religious thing on it. And it's not like, oh, that's the weirdo. That's like, oh, that's the guy that doesn't care what people think of him. But if that wasn't the case a few years ago, it doesn't seem like.
00:26:11:12 - 00:26:25:14
Speaker 1
I agree completely. Yeah. And he, it's funny that I still like, you know, you know, whatever this is, the tolerance for it. I'm still like. I'm like a weird man. This is. That's weird to me, I don't know.
00:26:25:16 - 00:26:26:23
Speaker 2
Do you believe in God?
00:26:27:01 - 00:26:38:07
Speaker 1
Yeah, I believe there's a god that's not like a, like, I do, I pray every day. Actually. Dude here has one for you. Yo, what's your book back?
00:26:38:09 - 00:26:39:13
Speaker 2
Oh, wow.
00:26:39:14 - 00:26:44:23
Speaker 1
Yeah, I've had it for a couple of years. I've read it several times, and it's like, I. I really appreciate it.
00:26:45:01 - 00:26:56:08
Speaker 2
This is only an Irish Boy by Horatio Alger. So my, my mentor Pete was a Horatio Alger, orphan. And so he always talked about that. I give you this book like, years ago. Yeah. Wow.
00:26:56:14 - 00:27:17:16
Speaker 1
And I, I was in a meeting this year, a couple months ago. And there was, there was a, a building right. There was all these Patel statues that I was talking about, like, I went and saw people in New York and I walked over the door is like, crazy, but like, he had all these little paintings, and I was like, is that?
00:27:17:18 - 00:27:25:14
Speaker 1
And I didn't. I couldn't pronounce the guy's name. But he's like, oh, my friend, he said his name. I was like, get all these original paintings from.
00:27:25:16 - 00:27:28:02
Speaker 2
Oh, that's right, you went to see P.
00:27:28:02 - 00:27:35:16
Speaker 1
Didn't you? It was awesome. He was awesome. He was so cool. And,
00:27:35:18 - 00:27:37:10
Speaker 2
I had forgotten all about.
00:27:37:10 - 00:27:40:04
Speaker 1
That. It was like, you know, when he goes and talks to the Oracle.
00:27:40:07 - 00:27:41:02
Speaker 2
Yeah.
00:27:41:04 - 00:28:04:16
Speaker 1
He does seem that way to me. Man, that dude was so interesting for I. Yeah. So anyways, I was in Columbia and I saw we get back to where I saw, the and then there was in this building that I guess used to be the Capitol building. Now it's an art museum. And there was a Horatio Alger plaque, I think.
00:28:04:16 - 00:28:17:19
Speaker 1
I can't remember if it was like the building was dedicated to him or dedicated to the tower. But then there was, like this long ago. I think he was. I think that's how it might have been for recipients of the Horatio Honors Award.
00:28:17:21 - 00:28:20:01
Speaker 2
Oh, that would make sense. Yeah. Like.
00:28:20:01 - 00:28:21:14
Speaker 1
Oh, that's why they were.
00:28:21:16 - 00:28:40:06
Speaker 2
Yeah. I mean, he used to talk about I. We're not pronouncing that correctly, but right now I've got my head. I can't think of it. He's the guy that makes the oversize statues of of at the time, they were grotesquely fat. And now you look at him in there, you know, kind of kind of normal, you know? But, yeah, that's, Pete was the one that introduced me to art.
00:28:40:06 - 00:28:46:10
Speaker 2
I was a total like, or doesn't matter. That's just for those other people. And he opened up a whole world to me.
00:28:46:11 - 00:29:07:10
Speaker 1
But he's he's not I, you know, I, I knock on his door one world, United Nations Plaza. I was like, what a fat ass address. For the door. He's like, good evening, Jason, how are you? I had some candies for him, and he started laughing. And then he handed me some.
00:29:09:17 - 00:29:19:00
Speaker 1
Chocolates. Right. And then so he was standing in my way, my line of sight. And he moved. And this painting in his entryway was.
00:29:19:02 - 00:29:20:02
Speaker 2
The man with the apple.
00:29:20:04 - 00:29:25:05
Speaker 1
Man with the apple. And I was like, I'm looking at. I'm like, you know, this is a real.
00:29:25:07 - 00:29:25:23
Speaker 2
Yeah. Marguerite.
00:29:26:00 - 00:29:48:14
Speaker 1
Yeah, this is I've never seen anything like this outside of, I mean, including art museums. I mean, it's like, cool. So it's like, this is crazy. And I was like, this, this is, Is this on his table? On his dining table? I'm like, is this? He's like, that's, that's a Remington or whatever. The sculpture. I was like, like the most interesting person I've ever met in my life.
00:29:48:20 - 00:30:08:22
Speaker 2
Oh, man, I can't tell you. This makes me so happy to hear. I'm. I'm so glad that that connection happened. Because it's impossible for me to describe for people. And I try as much as I can to, like, share all the things that he taught me because, like, you're right, I got to go sit with the Oracle for ten, 15 years or something like that.
00:30:08:22 - 00:30:13:07
Speaker 2
How much? It changed my life. So I'm so glad you get to meet him. Do you make me cry?
00:30:13:08 - 00:30:19:16
Speaker 1
Yeah. I got this other book for you speaking about God here. I want to give this to you. For a few years, it's been pivotal in my life.
00:30:19:21 - 00:30:20:13
Speaker 2
Okay.
00:30:20:15 - 00:30:45:09
Speaker 1
You can see it's all beat up around the counter within the box. So, like, I folks, if you're not familiar with them, was, C.S. Lewis. They were like best friends and they were like, early on, like Christian. They, they were thinking way outside of the box with Christianity. And so he's written these books that are, like, very dense and, they break them down into daily readings.
00:30:45:09 - 00:31:05:01
Speaker 1
And so he went up during reading that book will read like six of these books. And, there's like been some real pivotal stuff that I like incorporate into my like, there's something in there, like these people. He was like a psychiatrist also. And so he's religious, but he was like leading up like this thought revolution in the early 1900s.
00:31:05:03 - 00:31:28:04
Speaker 1
And so, like, the guy comes to him, he owns a grocery store chain. Right. And it's a small, small store. And like, this big box company moves. And then he comes to him like, I'm ruined. You know, all the stories. I go pray for their success. And, he's like, we talk about, like, if they're successful, I'm going to smash, you know, and, you'll come to me and I'm sure at some point.
00:31:28:04 - 00:31:50:11
Speaker 1
But he talks about, like, you know, about the abundance of life. And if I am thinking I want someone to fail and invites it opens the door for failure in my life. But if I'm like, I want you to be successful, but I'm inviting that stuff also. So I've done that. Like, and this guy who was like a mentor to me still is awesome guy.
00:31:50:11 - 00:32:10:21
Speaker 1
He reminds me a lot of the older dude who was an artist and like the awesome guy, I had a hot dog stand in this hot dog store was opening, you know what I mean? He was like, great. And like, so he talked about like like, I'm. I won't be able to eat. And he gave me that book and I read it for a while.
00:32:10:21 - 00:32:12:22
Speaker 1
So it's good, it's cool. And it goes like daily.
00:32:12:22 - 00:32:18:07
Speaker 2
So thank you man I will I will read it and, we'll we'll talk about it after. Thanks man.
00:32:18:08 - 00:32:19:07
Speaker 1
You got it.
00:32:19:09 - 00:32:39:19
Speaker 2
So on the God conversation, I find this to be very, stressful for me to talk about because I am very comfortable changing my view on this all the time. You know, like, some days I'm like, nah, man, we're just a speck of dust. An infinite universe that nothing matters. And. And then other times I'm like, how could you possibly be a speck of dust?
00:32:39:19 - 00:33:09:21
Speaker 2
Where did that speck of dust come from? But imagining something could be above the universe looking down. And all of it is like so far outside of my spectrum that I can't understand it. And, I don't find solace in listening to ministers or priests or pastors or rabbis. In fact, I sit there arguing relentlessly with them because I'm so averse to like, let's all gather up and do a movement like it's just doesn't fit me right.
00:33:09:21 - 00:33:12:16
Speaker 2
And so anyway, that's where I come out.
00:33:12:18 - 00:33:21:15
Speaker 1
Like like cool, tired it up. Young preachers, you know, this is what we're going to do that I, I was bad too I smoke cigarets one I'm.
00:33:21:15 - 00:33:24:08
Speaker 3
Like
00:33:24:10 - 00:33:45:19
Speaker 1
I like I went to Catholic church several times and I'm like, man, it's been said this way for thousands of years. And that's like, the wisdom is knowledge doesn't change when like these people are still saying the same thing. I do think like people who are like big, extremely religious, it like simplifies life. Like I don't even like go, you know, build a thing today to be successful and glorify God.
00:33:45:19 - 00:33:53:03
Speaker 1
And I think about some of that stuff and sometimes, like, I'm like, man, don't. But then it seems like those people are successful.
00:33:53:05 - 00:34:11:17
Speaker 2
I mean, more than once I have taken things I learned while growing up in the Catholic Church and applied them to my life. Like, it's very easy to ask yourself, does this bring me closer to God or whatever that images or further away? And if it takes you further away, then probably don't want to do it like, like, and that's a pretty good heuristic.
00:34:11:17 - 00:34:33:17
Speaker 2
Like, I don't think that heuristic is going to lead you down a path of that, you know, ends your marriage or destroys your business. It's going to take you down a path where things get better. And so in that regard, I'm like, well, then I'm pretty foolish not to believe in God. But at the same time, all the things that just get packed on and on to religion and faith makes it just hard for me.
00:34:33:18 - 00:34:54:11
Speaker 1
Yeah, I like, and I talk to my kids and this is what I do with my kids. And I tell me something you probably know is that, you're grateful for today. Some where you help somebody else. And so the problem I'm grateful for, proud of and beautiful. Right. And so, like, that's basically prayer, right? Yeah. It's saying those things out loud.
00:34:54:11 - 00:35:04:16
Speaker 1
And so I'm trying to lead down to like, A religious life without, you know, religion just live in a,
00:35:04:18 - 00:35:05:10
Speaker 2
Foundation.
00:35:05:10 - 00:35:25:22
Speaker 1
A foundation and a relationship, saying something out loud to something that's bigger than you. And like, outside of kids sometimes. Oh, my God, it's so fucking help you. Like, my kids are, like, talking about, like, how I pray and like, I, I say, you know, how maybe the man is basically, like, the only prayer that I say, right?
00:35:25:22 - 00:35:52:18
Speaker 1
And then sometimes the real big I'll say that like, I need some fucking help, you know? And, my self was like, you can say, God, oh my God. It's like my friend, you know, and like I post with my friends. So there's not like I used to think, you know, that, like, God hated me, you know, because my life was so bad, you know, like, no matter what I tried or, you know, like, life is going to shit on me, and God picks certain people and doesn't pick others.
00:35:52:20 - 00:36:19:09
Speaker 1
You know, I just, I in my life, that's just not true. I do think that there's like, something like between us all around us and above us that wants good for us. Like, sort of like there's this thing that I was reading for a while, and it talks about, like, you know, the goal is to become like the, to recognize that, our parents are instruments of our existence and that God is our true father.
00:36:19:14 - 00:36:40:20
Speaker 1
Right. And then we become our own loving parents as I grow into adulthood, right. And like that just brought me some comfort, you know, like, I think you can be a man and still feel like a child, you know, and look for other people to like correct things in your life. I'm like, I'm a parent. And something happened like I used to.
00:36:40:22 - 00:36:54:19
Speaker 1
I don't know if you do this, but, you know, meeting somebody and I'm like, hey, what did I say? Something like what? Why did you say it that way? You know what I mean? When you think about it for five weeks, you know, and see that person again. I talked about Hot Wheels with that guy.
00:36:56:03 - 00:37:10:10
Speaker 1
You know what I mean? But, like, there was something that happened in my life that was like, but as I started trying to go down this path, like something happened that was truly embarrassing, but I really messed up, you know? And like, there was this I had this thought, like, okay, I need to be my own parent here.
00:37:10:10 - 00:37:23:08
Speaker 1
But what I say to, like, my kid, and I was just like, I understand why you did that. You. Let's not do that again, okay? But. And I respond to my self saying like, all right, thanks.
00:37:23:10 - 00:37:46:05
Speaker 2
When you become a parent, the like for me, I always viewed it as before I was a parent, that my kids were like mine, I'm in charge, right? And now I realize, like, they have entrusted themselves to me for 18, 20 years to take care of them and to guide them. But they are entirely their own person, and that they're not mine.
00:37:46:05 - 00:38:02:08
Speaker 2
I don't own them. I'm responsible for them. Anything that happens to them that's within my spectrum of control I have to be on top of. But like, when my daughter does something to be in trouble, it it. Now, it used to be like, oh, a parent, you know, you get them in trouble because that's what you do.
00:38:02:08 - 00:38:21:11
Speaker 2
I don't have a framework for it. And now it's like, what is the way I can discipline her so that she understands what happened and doesn't want to do it. Again, not a punishment because I need to extract, you know, something because she did bad, right? Yeah. And it's I couldn't have known this perspective. But now it's like.
00:38:21:13 - 00:38:31:15
Speaker 2
I understand now why it's difficult to discipline your kids as an adult because you're not trying to punish them. You're trying to get them to learn.
00:38:31:17 - 00:39:00:15
Speaker 1
Yeah. And I've messed up and punished that kid because I'm upset, right? I'm sure that my they are not a blank slate. Right? I used to think that, like, kids are a blank slate and you download all your, like, morals and values and thoughts and ambitions and and and talents onto them. They have their own thing. Like my kids are similar to me, but like they are their own individuals and they see a different path than I do.
00:39:00:15 - 00:39:22:01
Speaker 1
And I know now I mean, me and my son, like both my kids, are smarter than me. I know that for sure. Like they have higher IQ, they understand things quicker and like, in different ways than I do. But I think, at my I know, like, they're way more intelligent than I am. I'm not smarter than my kids, so sometimes I really.
00:39:22:01 - 00:39:40:03
Speaker 1
Hey, can you help me with this? And it's cool to have a different perspective on stuff, but I've like definitely like punished them. I could, but they could do the same thing one day. And depending on where I am in life, you know what's going on? Me, I'll treat them different than the next day. Oh my kid. Yesterday, my son, he got upset and took a ball into the house.
00:39:40:03 - 00:40:00:02
Speaker 1
He's like, he's just he's been that like having a temper, right? And like I remember it like one day I grabbed him, like, what are you doing? Why are you acting like this? He's like, I don't know, man. I remember that, you know, I was much older than him, like doing crazy shit. And like, I did not know why.
00:40:00:04 - 00:40:13:16
Speaker 1
You know, he's not all of the process and stuff. Yeah, but then the next day, like. And then he, like, felt shame, but I was like upset and all the stuff, you know, he was like, I hate you all this stuff. And then the next day and I was like, man, I don't like that. I talked to him.
00:40:13:16 - 00:40:31:00
Speaker 1
I said, I don't like the way that happened. I don't like the way I responded. I don't like the way you acted either. Are you okay? You know, and like, you know, and I said, like, if you don't want to talk right now, that's fine. But whenever you're ready to tell me about how the way you feel, I'm here to listen.
00:40:31:01 - 00:40:53:03
Speaker 1
I'm concerned for you. Right? Love you. You know that I love you, right? Yeah. Cool. Have a good day. And the, yesterday, something similar happened to me, and, he got mad, kicked the ball at this glass door right? You know, it didn't break, and I was just like, I heard that, like, well, up in me, you know, like, snatch him, you know?
00:40:53:05 - 00:41:14:00
Speaker 1
And I just said, like, hey, man, it's okay to be angry. Everybody gets angry. It's not okay to act like that. It's not okay to like, you know, break stuff around you because you're you're you're doing know, I mean, you know, and what was like several hours of, like, reparations right before it turned into, like the condensed into like 15 seconds.
00:41:14:06 - 00:41:17:19
Speaker 1
It was like, I love you. And you didn't need to walk away feeling bad about what happened.
00:41:17:21 - 00:41:38:16
Speaker 2
I love that man. I, my my daughter is four, and like, her verbal ability is just off the charts for four year olds. She's truly incredible. And it prompts me to think that she is much older than she really is. So, like, I don't always I'm not always like, it's like the boy that's, you know, taller or bigger that gets treated way older and like it has expectations.
00:41:38:18 - 00:41:54:05
Speaker 2
Same thing with her. And what she does is she knows there's words around the house that we just don't want her to use. I just don't think they're very ladylike. I don't think they help, you know, endear her to other people. But I found that she would use these all the time, and I was going insane. Like, why are you saying poop?
00:41:54:05 - 00:42:13:14
Speaker 2
Why are you yelling this around the house? I hate it, it's hard for me to even say that word here. And, I heard a line that really helped me. And it was, children cannot distinguish between attention and love. And so it's the same thing to them. So if they're not getting love and affection, they are going to seek out attention.
00:42:13:14 - 00:42:17:03
Speaker 2
And they are not able to to determine between the two.
00:42:17:05 - 00:42:24:16
Speaker 1
Have you heard this? If we do not spoon feed our children love, they will learn to lick it from a knife.
00:42:24:18 - 00:42:26:12
Speaker 2
Wow. That's that's.
00:42:26:12 - 00:42:29:12
Speaker 3
You know,
00:42:29:13 - 00:42:50:23
Speaker 1
But they will learn. I yeah, I think that's what it said. That's that's what I'm saying. I'm like, that sums up with them. Get it somewhere else. Right. Saying crazy words after a while, you know, like, yeah, if I'm not, like, giving them the attention, you know, and also I'm like, man. Also, I'm not raising a child. I'm raising a man, you know what I mean?
00:42:51:00 - 00:43:08:17
Speaker 2
Yeah, I have two girls. And that's been something to figure out. Like what? Yeah. One of the hardest things for me. I said, like, last night, I have tremendous benefit that two nights a week, I could look at it as a terrible thing or great thing is that I go pick the girls up and we don't want the girls sitting at their school for any longer than they have to be.
00:43:08:17 - 00:43:29:22
Speaker 2
So I have to leave work a lot earlier than I want to, and I got a lot of stuff to do. And, but if I can't embrace it and be like, well, I'm here, I'm going to make them dinner and I'm going to try and find a way to interact with them. But the hardest thing for me is I am so tired at the end of the day, that my daughter wanted me to chase her or wanted me to dance with her.
00:43:29:22 - 00:43:46:06
Speaker 2
I'm like, I want to, but I can't. Can we just do this later when I have more energy? But I know this flower blooms only one time, and so it's like, get your ass out of that chair. You're not going to be happy that you were flipping through YouTube shorts instead of playing with your girl.
00:43:46:08 - 00:44:06:17
Speaker 1
And I just grace with myself because I'll do the same thing. I'm like, if I don't go throw the ball when I'm like a piece of shit, like, you should have been an adult, you should have been doing that. And, I think that it's normal. Like, man, imagine, I don't know, I could talk about this stuff forever being a being a being a dad.
00:44:06:19 - 00:44:21:15
Speaker 1
And, I do think, like, I don't know if this is, like, inherent in me, but I feel it comes easy to me when people complain about their kids. I'm like, how could you? You know, like, this is the there's nothing better than this.
00:44:21:15 - 00:44:32:03
Speaker 2
Yeah. There's nothing that's more interesting or engaging or worth your attention. After you get the kids down. Right. It's only things that you like are deriving pleasure from, but it's not more important, that's for sure.
00:44:32:05 - 00:44:43:22
Speaker 1
I just love it, I love it, I'm never like, get me out of this or like, get me away from it once. I never go crazy in the car and like, so I just came from a shooting range or something. So I had some earmuffs on. I just put them on my son, my daughter.
00:44:44:00 - 00:44:44:04
Speaker 3
That.
00:44:44:04 - 00:44:55:22
Speaker 1
Was like, you know, spread super thin and but man, like, I can use, like, gratitude as a weapon against myself sometimes. Or, like, positive thinking is like a weapon against myself.
00:44:55:22 - 00:44:57:00
Speaker 2
So what do you mean?
00:44:57:05 - 00:44:59:12
Speaker 1
Like,
00:44:59:12 - 00:45:25:05
Speaker 1
You should be grateful. Why are you grateful that your kids want to play with you, you know. Oh, and, that does nothing good for mom. Like, man, I'm tired. Like, there was something last week. I was like, man, I am exhausted, you know? And like, I just, like, turn something all the way down for a minute and I could say, you know, I wasted that time and I wouldn't do that in the past, but like, I'm also human.
00:45:25:05 - 00:45:45:15
Speaker 1
And I thought, I'm like. Open with them about that. Like, we had a conversation, you know, single and they found out. But I was like, it was a girl, you know? And he was very upset about it. Like, my kids are like, and I talked to him. It was a it was. I'll tell the whole story. Whatever.
00:45:45:17 - 00:46:04:08
Speaker 1
So I'm talking to my son and my daughter, and they're asking these questions that are super personal. You know, you kissing her, you actually get to come, you know, like all this stuff. Because as soon as my kids were able to, like, ask the question of where the babies come from, I just told right from, like, the queens and vagina, you don't have a love a girl, you'll make a baby.
00:46:04:14 - 00:46:11:23
Speaker 1
So be careful where you put it. And you should be where you should. Where you know the kind of a bag goes over your penis that keeps babies from coming in.
00:46:12:01 - 00:46:13:14
Speaker 2
Like how old were you? Where they.
00:46:13:14 - 00:46:29:17
Speaker 1
Were? I mean, my daughter was going to preschool. My son was on his way to kindergarten. Wow. I mean, and then they were asking me, you know, like, boys and girls because I was, like, in the ether, you know what I mean? Like, and I'm like, no, like you're going, boy, am. That's what you are. What? I'm like.
00:46:29:17 - 00:46:44:08
Speaker 1
So like these questions that they ask, I try to give them real answers in ways that they can understand. You know? And sometimes it's like, you know, like we went to New York and I was like, look over there. And if you stay with me, there's a lot of people. And they're like, well, somebody take it out. I like, that's why you gotta stay with me.
00:46:44:08 - 00:47:03:06
Speaker 1
You know what happens when they take you on like people kill kids or put penises in their butts and they're like, what? I was like, yeah, that's what happens, you know, this. And I was like, when I said I was like, bad. So I told that. But I'm like, this is the reality of social situations, you know?
00:47:03:08 - 00:47:25:00
Speaker 1
Anyways, you my son's asking me stuff on. And I was like, man, I want to tell you the truth, but I don't know that. It's like they're able to understand what's going on. Like, are you afraid of something like or something wrong? It's like what? What came out of it? And I told him I was like, this is uncomfortable, right?
00:47:25:03 - 00:47:46:01
Speaker 1
And he's like, yeah, this is weird. And I was like, have you ever had this conversation before? Because I haven't, you know, I was like, I haven't either. I've never talked to my son before about, you know, having a girlfriend. This is my first time doing this. So, like, you're going to have to give me like, some understanding.
00:47:46:01 - 00:48:04:08
Speaker 1
Also, he's mine. That I don't know what I'm doing. You what I need, you understand? I love you, and I never can. I can as it like. As we talk about the way that he was feeling, he was thinking, I'm going to have a girl of a baby with this girl. That I'm going to love that kid more than him.
00:48:04:10 - 00:48:13:22
Speaker 1
I love this girl more than him. He's afraid of her mistreating him and then not being there for him. And you all. You know.
00:48:14:00 - 00:48:18:08
Speaker 2
All totally reasonable things for him to consider. Actually, probably a lot of foresight.
00:48:18:12 - 00:48:36:05
Speaker 1
Yeah. And so I was like, so I tell him, and this is the God's honest, you know, you know, it's true. Like there's nothing in my life that I care more about than that. And, they come first. And he was like, and it was wild. Like, I'll tell you, this story is graphic for a moment. We're in California.
00:48:36:05 - 00:48:55:08
Speaker 1
It was awesome. We're flying back home. You know, we're there for a few weeks and we did all this crazy stuff, you know, with up Sequoia. What's up? You know, we're in San Francisco, we're now at Universal Studios, and I'm doing all this stuff. You know, the boat, the albatross around cars and driving crazy. And, you know, we did all that stuff.
00:48:55:08 - 00:49:18:04
Speaker 1
And on the trip, I said, you know, what was it like for the last party trip? And he said, you know, they said boat or like just be in the car with you, right? Wow. I feel this pressure to like, do all this stuff, but really they just want me, you know? And that's fine. I am so appreciative that I can do all those things and expose them to that stuff.
00:49:18:04 - 00:49:42:03
Speaker 1
You know, they have been more places by the time they were five than I was, you know, almost like going in my 30s, you know, I just didn't grow up that way. Anyways, we get on this flight and all that comes at like, so while I'm on this trip, you know, like, anyways, like, it comes up again, but they think I'm dating this girl and,
00:49:42:05 - 00:50:05:06
Speaker 1
The questions come up again, and, this guy, I'm going to try to convince this. So they said, let me get to it. So my son says, you know, would you ever like, what if a girl what if, like, the girl you marry, gets us? I was like, I would never marry anybody that would mistreat you. I never talk to anybody that mistreat you.
00:50:05:08 - 00:50:27:05
Speaker 1
And, if they did like you, come first, you know? And, and then I, I was like, you asked me a question. I did not know the answer because I was like I said, God, please help me. I looked on my left. There's this huge, huge hand playing the NFL, right? Like massive man. And I look over and he's reading this book that says how to tell the truth.
00:50:27:07 - 00:50:46:08
Speaker 1
Go on. Like, hey man, what's that book about? So my son has been question going, hey, what's up with love is like a like, you know, how to help so hard truths to people in a way that they can understand. And I was like, can you tell me a little more about that? And he's like, and he starts talking about like, you know, the only thing we have no experience about it.
00:50:46:10 - 00:51:06:02
Speaker 1
Like, I don't need goes. I can just tell you what I was. I say to my, my son, listen, man, my parents got divorced and, I was 14 years old. I was 13, 14. What happened? And my mom dated like some crappy people. And there was this one guy that was, like, physical with her and, like, he was upset.
00:51:06:02 - 00:51:25:10
Speaker 1
And I remember this story in the morning. I think it's like someone I, like, walked out. My mom was upset in this, like, low income housing. And this this dude was, I was like, I was like, what happened? She would tell me that. I'm like, she probably just like, you know, rip, you know, show me or something.
00:51:25:12 - 00:51:44:06
Speaker 1
I was like, why don't you come over here? And I told them so. I told this story. My son went over, he's like, he's coming over the video was like, when he gets here is that you stay inside. And so he pulls up. I go in the parking lot. I was like, hey man, you're welcome.
00:51:44:08 - 00:52:04:13
Speaker 1
You know what I said? What? I was like, you know, I don't want to come around anymore. I was more like, you know? And he's like, fuck you. I was like, no, fuck you. You open the door. I close his door and he said that he was going to like, you know, he's like, fucking bitch, I'll slap you or spank you or something like that.
00:52:04:15 - 00:52:26:10
Speaker 1
I thought much about this. All right? I'm scared to go. At that point in my life, I'm like, it's on drugs. And while I lift my shirt up and, if you like, well, like you saw ghost, you know, I was like, you know, it's. Leave. And he pulled off and he's sat night just to be on his way out.
00:52:26:12 - 00:52:47:20
Speaker 1
And, I went back in my house. Him I was like, thank you. Thank you so much, you know? And I felt like, don't, man. You know, like, I got praised for this protection, you know, really like it was like violence, you know, and like, that's when I saw that story and I was like, you know what? I met Grandpa Stan, who was his step grandfather.
00:52:47:20 - 00:53:08:19
Speaker 1
Now, I was like, I was like, so those things happen and I'll never put you in that situation. I love you, you know? I'm like, I know that my mom was looking for, like, a partner that love that sometimes maybe she looked at the wrong places when I met Stan. Stand at it. He said, I love your mom.
00:53:08:21 - 00:53:19:20
Speaker 1
She makes me happy. I think I like her. You don't have to be friends. But I like us to be. I think you're cool.
00:53:19:22 - 00:53:41:11
Speaker 1
And I and I told him I was like. It was all very confusing because it was weird sharing my space with these men. But I knew I felt like I understood at that point that this guy made my mom happy. And I want my mom to be crappy, and it had nothing to do with me. And we ended up becoming friends.
00:53:41:13 - 00:54:00:09
Speaker 1
And, and he said that he understood that he started crying a few minutes later. And again, it's just like like you. Okay? And he said, we'll ask him if you want to talk. And I was like, whenever you're ready, you know, this is going to cool like that. I use that like, that's whenever you're ready. I want to know how you feel.
00:54:00:11 - 00:54:16:12
Speaker 1
So whenever you feel comfortable, I use to pick him up in school. How much do you want to talk about it? And I was like, give him shit for it, you know? And like I learned to say like, hey, man, seems like you're not ready to talk when you know. So then, you know, a week later, I was like, hey, I want to ask you about something I don't know.
00:54:16:14 - 00:54:36:11
Speaker 1
And I was like, so. And he's like, wow, what's wrong with you? I was like, you know, I want to know. And he goes, it just sad to me that like, you know, you could love mom and say that how much you love her and and now, like, you couldn't love somebody else that much. Also, I just don't understand how that works.
00:54:36:13 - 00:54:44:16
Speaker 1
And I'm like, yeah, man, it must be confusing. And I wish I could explain to you like.
00:54:44:18 - 00:54:48:23
Speaker 2
Sounds like you took him as far down that path as you can. And the rest of it is.
00:54:49:01 - 00:54:50:04
Speaker 1
Because he doesn't have experience it.
00:54:50:05 - 00:54:50:20
Speaker 2
Yeah.
00:54:50:22 - 00:55:07:23
Speaker 1
You know, he will. And I think that he'll understand. Then what he's missing. Now. One of the feeling is, I love you in this patience. You're it'll get to that point hopefully with like a few, scarring. It's possible.
00:55:08:01 - 00:55:27:14
Speaker 2
As I hear you describing this, I think of my own orientation to try and keep my kids in the Garden of Eden for as long as possible, where I'm trying to preserve their innocence as much as I can. And I come into conflict with questions like, should I tell them about Santa Claus? Not about the time I shoot a pistol to my mom's boyfriend.
00:55:27:15 - 00:55:30:22
Speaker 2
What did you tell your kids Santa Claus stories?
00:55:31:00 - 00:55:50:08
Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah. They still believe in Santa Claus. So like I do, man, my son, I. I feel like again, I'm like, I am raising adults, you know? And I don't need to be like.
00:55:50:10 - 00:56:10:09
Speaker 1
This passing Patrick's Day house coming back from the farm. Come back on the farm. Put some, like, gold dust in my house at the farm. And then I paid somebody, like, go to my house and, like, place out. Like whoever comes with, like. And they went bananas for it, you know what I mean? They're like, I love it so much.
00:56:10:09 - 00:56:21:19
Speaker 1
I'm not like imagination or curiosity for life. I try to foster that, you know, when they bump up against reality, it's not like I'm like, hey, man, let me tell you about this time.
00:56:21:21 - 00:56:25:09
Speaker 3
I, but whenever.
00:56:25:09 - 00:56:49:06
Speaker 1
They have questions, I try to meet them as realistically as possible where they are, you know? And what I was trying to tell him with me, you know, talking about going out to that car and, like, showing that you gone as, like, I was so confused and angry. I was, you know, I was angry enough like that. I, I understand your fear because I was afraid.
00:56:49:08 - 00:57:16:08
Speaker 1
And this is what I did with that fear. So I try to like I try to be because imagine like, you know, everything's great, the world is beautiful and nothing bad ever happens. And then you fly the coop and reality smacks you, you know, like, I feel like that is harder for a kid to adjust to, like, than knowing this world is real.
00:57:16:08 - 00:57:18:08
Speaker 1
There's good and bad, you know?
00:57:18:10 - 00:57:36:09
Speaker 2
I mean, as I hear you talking about this, I think I'm a better father now for having heard that story. Because the truth is not you're the best parent for keeping your kid in the garden of Eden for as long as you can. It's keep him in the Garden of Eden and then show them the path out, because I definitely got my ass handed to me.
00:57:36:09 - 00:57:56:23
Speaker 2
I was naive for a significant portion of my 20s and probably even 30s of just like, oh, the world just works out because that's the way I saw it in the movies. That's the way it was presented to me. And then you, you find you encounter truly malicious people or situations where people do not have your best interests at heart and you're not prepared for it.
00:57:56:23 - 00:57:59:02
Speaker 2
Then you get your ass kicked. Yeah.
00:57:59:04 - 00:58:22:14
Speaker 1
For sure. Yeah. No, my son, he he's he's like an elite soccer player. Like one of the top couple kids in the state for these kids. And he's always, like, wanting to be tried out for this team. It's like the big, big thing. And, he made like the big thing, you know? And he was like devastated. And I was like, mom, you you didn't make the team because like, when you're in the huddle, like you're outside of the huddle, right?
00:58:22:14 - 00:58:35:23
Speaker 1
It's all of the coach, you know? And he's like, I want to quit. I want to do it. And I was like, oh, you thought this was easy? God, you thought having like, you know, all this property, you know, because I don't want a crap, you know, I'm not proud. I own stuff, I'm grateful for the things. Right?
00:58:36:01 - 00:58:53:04
Speaker 1
I want to talk bad about stuff. I some stuff I have a bunch of stuff. I'm like, wow, you thought this was easy? You thought like, you know, a business successful. You know, like, this is what it's like. You're going to learn this lesson over and over and over. How like there's two things that a man does and shrinks up and says, I quit, or you squared cried.
00:58:53:08 - 00:59:15:11
Speaker 1
Time. I was like, you square your shoulders up. You know, you look at it, you say, I'm going to fucking kill, you know, and you go get it. So you ready to go get it like I am, you know? And like I'm like, those are two options. If you were going to come to that every time, you know.
00:59:15:13 - 00:59:17:20
Speaker 2
Fuck. I mean, it happens. See when you're in your 40s, right.
00:59:17:20 - 00:59:26:21
Speaker 1
Like I'm in the middle of it right now, I I'll run from some stuff, you know how to shrink. I'm like, man, I'm so, so everything move away, you know?
00:59:26:23 - 00:59:35:00
Speaker 2
Yeah, I quit, I'm just. I just can't do this anymore. I'm I'm I'm I'm done with this. I'm gonna go do something easier. Yeah, exactly.
00:59:35:01 - 00:59:51:04
Speaker 1
Yeah. And so, I don't know, I think those are the lessons that, like, I try to explain to him as best as I can, you know, and before that, I knew I could see it coming. And he was going to make this team because he wasn't doing what they were telling you people. A coach doesn't want the best player he wants.
00:59:51:04 - 01:00:11:08
Speaker 1
It was coachable player, right? I'm like, I'm leaving on these tryouts, you know? And I was like, you know, Michael Jordan didn't make his high school basketball team. You know, Elon Musk like slept on top of the for 3 or 4 months or whatever. Like and who who's a few months. He's a man on the road. I'm like he was like down.
01:00:11:10 - 01:00:15:03
Speaker 2
And still probably runs into all sorts of problems and things he can't solve.
01:00:15:03 - 01:00:21:12
Speaker 1
And who's Michael Jordan? You know, the best basketball players in the world looking to make a high school. He wasn't good enough to make the high school.
01:00:21:14 - 01:00:30:15
Speaker 2
Yeah. And wasn't even really that big of a deal in college. Like they they kind of knew about him. But like, what do you think about raising girls? You know, how to raise a man because that's what you are. But yeah.
01:00:30:17 - 01:00:56:15
Speaker 1
Now it's there. It's like I have to it's different. And I it's made me like a softer person. And I try to meet the, like, bring up the same lessons with her. She's not asking as much. I try to like, give. I try to model to her what a man is that? She should look for, you know, and that's like my main thing.
01:00:56:15 - 01:01:16:17
Speaker 1
And I try to love her. And like, I ask her, you know, I ask myself too. Like, I ask her much more often. Like, you know, how did that make you feel? And like, the attention that I give her is different. The attention I give her is, you know, we get our nails done. I try to do her hair when she wants to do something with me.
01:01:16:17 - 01:01:40:15
Speaker 1
I'm like, yes, you know, and, I mean, she asked me yesterday, like, more. I, I, I don't answer every question, but just yesterday, I was at practice, my son's practice. And, like, it gives us an hour and a half to, like, be alone together and let and play. I was like, you might as well make a phone call real quick.
01:01:40:17 - 01:02:08:06
Speaker 1
Just like there was a phone. I was like, well, my friends have horses, you know? And, he said, oh, yeah, I'm calling check on a quick call of the message thing, but you but you, when she's like, you know, when you sad when mom and you got divorced, I was like, you know, I was I was very sad because, you know, I was, I still get sad and I and so I tried and so she said, you know what you be.
01:02:08:10 - 01:02:29:17
Speaker 1
Would you still be sad if you were together? And I was like, look, I just think that, like, me and my for a while, I thought that it was like a, it would be better for me. And you and blaze. And I was like, you know what I was like? And your mom, you know, if you weren't, like, growing up around all this fighting all the time, she's like, that makes sense of like, are you happy?
01:02:29:17 - 01:02:54:06
Speaker 1
Just like having, you know, like, I don't know if it was like, I was like, I'm just doing the best I can with her. I, I try to put women around her, but I try to be my old man. And, like, there's like two people that watch my kids, right? Like. And that's it. I don't like leave them with people that I don't know or like.
01:02:54:08 - 01:03:05:08
Speaker 1
And anyways, there's like two women that are awesome, more fun, patient people. And I get jealous of the way that she talks with them.
01:03:06:05 - 01:03:24:22
Speaker 1
You know, like, she's about, like, all this crap, you know, and I'm like, man, I want that with her. But I'm not a woman, you know? And like, I can't give that to her. Her mom needs to. Her grandma needs to. And some of these women that she's around, her friends. I don't know how to like. I don't know what it is.
01:03:25:00 - 01:03:40:14
Speaker 1
I haven't I don't know if it's a different relationship. I get my nails done with her, you know? And, I take her salon, you know, I just try to treat her the way that I feel. The person she picks, you know? So it's modeled after that.
01:03:40:19 - 01:03:59:07
Speaker 2
Yeah. And the hardest part is, it has very little to do with what you tell your daughter about what she should want in a man. As almost everything to do with, like, what kind of man are you? Right? Like that? That imprinting is like you. This is the challenge of children in general. Like their perfect mirror of you in like they don't.
01:03:59:08 - 01:04:13:20
Speaker 2
Then they don't have the feel like their love is not filtered through, like, oh, is he nice or not nice, or is he tired or whatever, but like what you're imprinting on what it is that they should want? What should they aspire to? What is is, all in what you do?
01:04:13:22 - 01:04:18:02
Speaker 1
Yeah. Yeah, it's it's a culture woman.
01:04:18:02 - 01:04:24:15
Speaker 2
I know you got to get out of here. I would talk all day about this, but, thank you so much for coming by. This is awesome. This is great, man.