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You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community.
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Zach:Find out more by following us on social media or going to our website at youcanmentor.com. You can mentor. Alright. Welcome to the You Can Mentor podcast. It's your boy, Zach Garza here, and I'm with my friend Maggie Middleton.
Zach:Maggie, say hi.
Maggie:Hello. Thanks so much for having me here, Zach. Good to be with you.
Zach:I'm so excited to get to hear from Maggie today. She's got a bunch of really, really cool stuff. Maggie and I connected. How did we meet, Maggie?
Maggie:I think you had, I think a couple of people told you about me, just through kind of
Zach:the Yeah.
Maggie:Yeah. The faith based nonprofit and mentoring world. We had a few mutual friends, and, I think you'd reached out several months ago. We tried to connect, and that's a network. And then you reached out again, and we talked and realized we just, kind of had a lot in common in the the youth mentoring, space.
Maggie:So we had a great first conversation.
Zach:I didn't know that I was talking to someone who's so famous, but as soon as I found out all about your past and what you're passionate about, I was like, oh, so this is why people keep on telling me about Maggie Melton. So
Maggie:Well, I don't know about being famous, but I do, I do get excited about this work, and I do get excited about just coming alongside young people and, just empowering mentors and just helping them just, really show care for young people. That I feel like is my life's calling, and, I just get really excited about it. So that's why I'm here.
Zach:That's awesome, Maggie. Now not to be too weird, but we're friends on Instagram, and I saw that you just finished a big race.
Maggie:I did. Well, the rate I actually did 2 races this weekend. They actually were small, but I do have a big goal. So I found I'm not I'm not a fast runner at all. I do a lot of walk running, but the past few years, I've had I've kind of set some big goals for myself.
Maggie:So this year is the biggest goal I've set. My goal is to do 20 races this year. So, I have done I don't know if you know that. So I have some hashtags that kind of allude to that. So I have done 15 races, since, this since 2020 since 2024 started.
Maggie:So I have 5 left to do. So I'll get 3 a 3, planned for November and then 2 in December. But what's cool about that is that my running really just started as a way for me to kind of, just be physically healthy, but it's also a great kind of way to be mentally healthy as well, my own self care. But through that, I, I didn't even mean to, but I started bringing kids with me. It was totally accidental.
Maggie:And so I kind of have this this gaggle of middle school and high school girls that come with me to not this weekend. I did solo races this weekend, but a lot of the races, they come with me. And and it's actually, one of the things I love to share with mentors is that I really think mentoring is about hospitality. It's just about inviting kids with you into what you're already doing, and whether that's grocery shopping or, going for a run. And I have found someone in Lexington who actually owns a racing company, and he gives me free race registrations for our mentees.
Maggie:And so they come, and sometimes they walk slash run them. I've got one girl who does them really, really fast. She always beats me by at least, like, 20 minutes, and we all have a good time together. So yeah. So that's part of what I did this weekend.
Maggie:So glad you're able to see that.
Zach:And always always able to tie mentoring into it, aren't you, Maggie?
Maggie:You knew I was gonna say that. Yeah. Yeah.
Zach:I didn't know. Just I was like, man, where is this coming from? Yeah. Just all of my mentor. Alright.
Zach:So I have your bio here, and I'm gonna just hit on some key points. So Maggie is in Lexington, Kentucky. Is that right?
Maggie:Yep. That's right. Home of horses and basketball. Yep.
Zach:Horses and basketball, one of my favorite things. Yes. I'm a big courts fan. Yeah. Okay.
Zach:So you've worked for Amache Lexington, which is a initiative of Lexington Leadership Foundation. Yep. It's a 1 on 1 mentoring based program that serves kids whose parents are incarcerated.
Maggie:Yep. You've
Zach:been doing that since 2010 where you are the program director.
Maggie:Yeah. Yep.
Zach:You're also which this is oh, sorry about that. Good. You're also a regional coach for Leadership Foundation for their youth mentoring network, which is Yep. A lot of fun. You get to encourage and serve several mentoring programs nationwide.
Zach:So You advocate for the power of youth mentoring, and you're passionate about connecting positive adults with the young people in your program. Yep. Also Yeah. Besides Amache, you have, served as your own personal mentor, like you just said. That's right.
Zach:For some kiddos, you have an MA in Christian ministries from Asbury. You're working on your MS in youth development leadership from Clemson for Tigers.
Maggie:That's right.
Zach:Love to travel, read, kayak, and Yep. Do 5 k's. So you're busy, Maggie. Aren't you?
Maggie:I do say busy. That is true. So not much downtime. So
Zach:Cool. Hey. So tell us a little bit about what is leadership foundation as a whole.
Maggie:Yep. So leadership foundations, there are probably I'm gonna get this number wrong, but I wanna say there's around 40 leadership foundations. A lot of them are in the United States, but there are also some outside of the US that are global. And they all just love their the cities and the communities that they're in, and they all are there to serve them. We believe that each city is a is a living, just thriving organism that has its own life, has its own beauty, and each one is unique and dynamic and has its own strengths and assets.
Maggie:So what happens in in the city of Lexington, Kentucky is different than what might happen in Waco, Texas or in Knoxville, Tennessee, where there's also a leadership foundation, or in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. And so we're each, unique and local, and we wanna we wanna serve our cities. We wanna respond to, the really beautiful things that are happening, but also where there might be some obstacles. And we want to connect with people. We wanna connect with the local faith based community there.
Maggie:We wanna connect also with universities and schools and businesses with people of faith and also people of goodwill, who just wanna see our cities just be the most beautiful place they can be. There is a verse, in Zechariah, that talks about, this beautiful prophecy of the of our our older generations sitting on their porch, and just enjoying enjoying basically, enjoying the neighborhood. I don't think that's the word in the old testament, but also kids playing in the streets and enjoying, basically, the city life, without fear, and just enjoying life together. And that's kind of our vision that our cities would be full of peace. They would be full of prosperity.
Maggie:They would be full of people being in community together. So each leadership foundation is unique. We do, because we're responding to unique cities, and you and unique places and unique challenges and unique strengths. But we are also tied and connected together. So we do have a youth mentoring network.
Maggie:There are a lot of us who do respond to the needs of our cities through the power of youth mentoring. I personally think that if you wanna impact a community, mentoring a young person is one of the best and most impactful things that you can do. So there are a good number of us, who are a part of this youth mentoring network. And as you said, I do have the just wonderful privilege of getting to serve as a regional coach. So we are, I'm an active part of that, cohort.
Maggie:So I get to learn from other people, but I also get to serve as a coach where I get to encourage and just kinda share what I've I've learned since, you know, over the past 14 and a half years now. So that's a little bit about Leadership Foundations. Love being a part of that community and that cohort. Really just having people all over the country I can learn from and who are involved in this just beautiful city, and and use mentoring
Zach:work. That's awesome, Maggie. Yep. You were on our call last week for the Learning Lab Yeah. And I just loved your wisdom.
Zach:You just had so much experience to give, and I'm excited to to learn today about positive youth development. Is that right?
Maggie:You got it. Yep. Absolutely. Yep. Yep.
Maggie:You got the term.
Zach:That's right. Yeah. So today, we're talking about PYD. That's true. And I was talking to Maggie on the phone the other day, and she was just talking about PYD and all of these things.
Zach:And I was like, Maggie, I have no idea what you're talking about. I have never heard of this before. So she sent me article after article, and she sent me just a bunch of stuff. And I said, Maggie, you have to come on the pod and teach us about PYD. Yeah.
Zach:So Yep.
Maggie:Here we are. Here we are. Yep.
Zach:So what is positive youth development, Maggie?
Maggie:Yep. So in a nutshell, it is a way of interacting and engaging with young people that in the most simplest term, it focuses on the good stuff. So it focuses on their their assets, their strengths, their aspirations, their goals, their, just the things that internally drive them. It's it's the way we talk that's about the conversations we have with kids. It's about the things that we do with them.
Maggie:It's about the opportunities we try to engage in with them. It's really a way of seeing use not as problems to be solved. Because I think a lot of times when we work with kids, it can be really easy to say like, oh, that kid is in the way. Gotta I gotta get them out of the way. Or if kids have had really hard things happen, or if they're engaging maybe in some sort of risky behavior or they've got some sort of obstacles, it can be really easy to get in this mindset of, oh, I've gotta fix this problem.
Maggie:There is this project that I need to take care of. PYD would say that's that's not how we want to think. PYD encourage us to to think that they're not problems to be solved. Really, kids are full of resources. They're really just gold mines.
Maggie:They're a treasure trove of just so much good stuff, and they're just ready for us to harness those resources. Sometimes kids are very, very aware of the gifts and talents and resources they have. A lot of times, they're not. And sometimes that's just a part of the natural kind of just process of identity development that happens in adolescence, and that's a very normal process. Right?
Maggie:But then if you add on you know, like, we work with kids that are impacted by incarceration, by parental incarceration, and that means they've they've got some trauma that's happening. And so when you add on trauma just on top of hormonal issues and just trying to survive teenagehood or, you know, and trying to you know, COVID, gosh, that did a number on all of us, but especially young people. It can be it can be hard to remember that, wow. I've got resources. I've got gifts.
Maggie:I've got things to offer this world. So PYD gives us so many tools for the adult's toolbox to remind us that our young people, man, they are gifts. And they've just we have so much to learn from them. And, and that's really what it's about. It's also about empowering our young people and not fixing them.
Maggie:It can be really easy, especially when young people have had hard things happen to think, I wanna make this hard thing that they've gone through not true. I wanna make it so that this young person, if they're in my program, I wanna make it so that their dad didn't have to go to jail. Well, I don't have a magic wand. I don't have a time machine. So I can't make it so that my mentees haven't had to deal with parental incarceration, and that breaks my heart.
Maggie:Right? I come to this work, and I think most of our mentors come to this work because they're empaths. And they something in their heart is torn and is broken that a young person has had to deal with the hard things. So we wanna fix it. But we have to stop and wrestle with that, remember that we can't fix it.
Maggie:And and when we have the mentality that we want to fix someone, that makes them feel like they're broken. Right? And no one wants to feel like they're broken. No. Like, they need to be fixed.
Maggie:But what PYD would encourage us to do so we can empower a young person. We can empower them to think about what is my story and how do I you know, how can I rise up above it? How can I respond to it and still be a young person that can contribute to this world, that I don't let the circumstances of my my hard story define me? But, I'm still really strong, and I have so many resources to give.
Zach:So how so how how do you empower a young person? Because everything that you're saying right now, Maggie, I'm just, like, man, she's just, like, talking about my childhood. Like, I can I can remember I didn't think that I was smart until, like, I was in my mid twenties because no one had ever told me?
Maggie:Yep.
Zach:And I didn't know that I had a gift in, you know, in this or in that until someone came along and told me. And some of those things, I didn't know till I was, you know, 28, 29. I said, oh my gosh. Like, this is kind of embarrassing. But how, like, how would you go about or how would you advise a mentor to, hey.
Zach:This kid has these kinds of issues. Let's empower them. Here's how to do that.
Maggie:Yep. So I think part of it starts with so and I first wanna say this. A a PYD mindset does not ignore the hard things. It does not ignore the obstacles that the young person has has been through because that would be dishonest. It would be dishonest of me to engage with the mentee and ignore the fact, that they've had some trauma in their life.
Maggie:I think PYD does encourage us to also be trauma informed, and I think that is just so critical. But what PYD also tells us is that that trauma does not need to define a young person. And so we keep that trauma in mind because it realized it may sometimes it might impact the way a young person communicates, a trust level they can have, and just the way they might see things in life. But I think with a mentor, we it does mean that we come to the table knowing just that, that you are not your trauma, that you are not you're not the worst decision you've made, You are not other people's decisions, and that believing that each young person we come into contact with is full of promise and potential. So that's what it starts with is that we're mentoring because we believe that there is just we're working with children of promise.
Maggie:Our tagline with Amache is that we are people of faith and people of goodwill mentoring children of promise. We don't use the line children of prisoners. We don't we don't, I we don't refer to our kids as children of prisoners even though they are impacted by incarceration. We refer to them as children of promise. So I think that's step number 1 is realizing what is my identifier.
Maggie:My identifier is that that I'm a child of promise. Right? That I've got so much potential. And then I think the second step is and hopefully, you have great support people helping you as a mentor, but you are working to identify just the strengths you see in your mentee. And some mentees are gonna have a hard time knowing those things about themselves, and some are gonna be really great at them.
Maggie:Like, I have some mentees that are like, yeah. I know I'm beautiful, and they, you know, are really good at this. And I'm like, yeah. You go. I'm glad that you can that you've got self esteem.
Maggie:I'm here for that. And some mentees really do struggle with that. Like you, I've, you know, I struggled with that same thing, Zach, and I've seen other kids struggle with, like, man, I feel like the dumb kid. Right? And so that's where where mentors can say, here's what I see in you.
Maggie:When I'll share one really quick example. I worked with a mentee once that, just sorry about me. I am famously terrible with directions. Like, so incredibly bad. And I was with a mentee once.
Maggie:It was one of our first outings, and I had parked we were going to just a park. We were just gonna hang out. And I parked my car in this weird little way, that I don't I was like, I don't even know if I can remember how to get back to my car. I hope we make it home. Like, we may be stuck at we may be sleeping in this park.
Maggie:Who knows what's gonna happen? And she just right away as we got back, she led me to my car. Like, she knew exactly how to get there. And I said, wow. That is amazing that you did that.
Maggie:And it was and and this is very critical. And I said I said, you are really good with directions. And she was I think she's in middle school at this time, probably 7th grade. And I said, do you know what this tells me about you? And then I said this because there's so many teachable moments.
Maggie:And they said, you have what's called really good spatial awareness. And I said, do you know what that means? She said, not really. And I said, it means you can be in an area and just kind of know where things belong. And I said, I don't have that.
Maggie:I can get lost in a paper bag. I don't know how to read a map. Like, I'm so bad at this. Right? My coworkers could tell you lots of stories about me.
Maggie:And I said said, let me ask you something. Are you good at math? Like, does that come easy to you? She said, well, yeah. How did you know that?
Maggie:And I said, because people who have good spatial awareness, they're good at math. Do you know what else about people who have spatial awareness and are good at math? They tend to be engineers and scientists, and they have all these really cool jobs. I said, have you ever thought about wanting to do that one day? And she's like, well, not really.
Maggie:Kinda looked at me like I was crazy. And I said, I think you might be an engineer one day. So I don't know if you wanna do that. Like, you don't have to, but, like, might be something to think about. She's like, okay.
Maggie:And then we just kinda went on. And so I share that story to say, what a moment. We were I was about to get lost back on the way to my car. And and I think sometimes we can kinda have fun, like, let me be self deprecating about miss Maggie because I I am great at many things. I'm but one of the things I'm not here to add is directions.
Maggie:But, wow, let me pump up my mentee and let that be a chance to say you are so good at this, and you can be my teacher in this. And I think there's so many other things. I work with a mentee right now. Man, she is headed for the health care field. She's in 10th grade.
Maggie:She knows she wants to be a nurse. She got a 96 in physics last year. And she's like, well, it was just intro to physics. And I said, listen. Miss Maggie was not getting to 96 in any science class.
Maggie:I took the physics for dummies, and I'm lucky I got a c. You know, I'm not a math and science person. It's why I work in the nonprofit program director field. And so finding those every moment opportunities to say, you're so good at that. Let me pump you up.
Maggie:And just the smallest things to the biggest things like, hey. Are your grades good? Yes. High five. And if they're not good, okay.
Maggie:How can we work on that? So it's identifying those strengths and continuing to build on those things because every kid has strengths. It doesn't matter who they are. And so like me, you know, it's definitely not my sense of direction and it's not my sense of math, but I'm good at being with people. Right?
Maggie:I'm great at connecting with people, and those are the things that I needed help understanding and with the mentees that I work on finding out this. Another thing I'll say about that too, I think for me and you, Zach, who, like, we felt like we were dumb. We felt like we were not the smartest kids in the room. And other kids that we see, some of it is just and I'm not gonna get into this whole thing really, but, like, sometimes kids just haven't learned their their learning style. Right?
Maggie:They may not have realized that, like, I learn when I'm really active or when I'm doing artistic things, or I learn by connecting with people. They might be in a classroom where they're needing to listen to things all day and they can't learn like that. So that's another thing I've been able to practice, and I encourage my mentors to practice is, how does your mentee learn? Like, let's really engage with that. And so I think that is definitely a second step is just call it out.
Maggie:Call out what you see even if you think it's, like, the smallest thing. For that kid, it's not gonna be a small thing. And then I think step number 3 is we just keep we we keep developing those things. So if you see, like, this kid has spatial awareness, that means they're good at math. Let's talk about careers that might, you know, utilize that and keep ringing up.
Maggie:Like, man, you're so smart. And every time you get a chance to tell a kid they're smart, tell them. You I believe you can never over encourage someone. You said this on our call last week, Zach. It was so beautiful.
Maggie:You said you can never over celebrate. I think it's the same concept. We can encouragement is never ever wasted. And so letting kids know, like, you are smart. You're so thoughtful.
Maggie:And so all those even those little things we see them do, call it out.
Zach:And I think one thing if you wanna go even a step further is, you know, I don't I don't know the first thing about health care. I don't know if you know. I was I was in the science for dummies class with you. Yeah. I got some friends who were doctors.
Maggie:That's right. Yeah.
Zach:And so so if you can connect your mentee to someone who specializes or who is in that profession, then, I mean, you're just pinned a grand slam as a mentor.
Maggie:Oh, absolutely. Yep. And that's something we encourage a lot too. The we tell our mentors a lot is that we absolutely don't want you to be everything and and everyone to your mentee. You can't do that.
Maggie:No one can fill every single role. But you know? And, like, I cannot I can't be a health care professional. I don't know what it's like to be a nurse or doctor. I don't know what med school is like.
Maggie:But we've actually got a lot of med school mentors that volunteer with us. Man, what can I do? I can connect her to one of those people. Man, what a blessing that would be for her. Sorry.
Maggie:I think I cut you off, and I did not mean to, but wanted to just emphatically agree with you.
Zach:It's great, Maggie. Calling out the gold. Right? Like, that
Maggie:No. No.
Zach:I can't help but think of, this is my son whom I love with whom I'm well pleased.
Maggie:Yes.
Zach:And I'm just like, man, if Jesus needs encouragement, if he needs his things pointed out, then how much more do our kids? You know what I'm saying? But but how how is this PYD connected to God, connected to faith? How how we're wired?
Maggie:Man, I think I think there's such a strong connection, Zach. While PYD is not an intrinsically Christian model and that's not how it was developed, I think it has very strong, Christian theological implications. I think one starts with just the fact that what we believe about the creation story, that God created us out of goodness and out of love, that we are his we are his beautiful and beloved and delighted in creation. So we believe that about creation generally, and we can believe that about ourselves specifically, that's also what we believe about the kids that we work with. Right?
Maggie:And so as I work with mentees, I believe that god cares for them just so so deeply. Right? And I believe that God sees their gifts in them, and that there's just goodness in them. He's not he's not punitive towards them. He's not punishing them.
Maggie:He's not just trying to get them to stop doing something bad. He's trying to get them to be their most Jesus like self, which is their thriving self. Right? For them to be doing the things that for them to be living into the gifts that he's given them. And so knowing that the truth of creation, the truth of God's creation, the truth of scripture is that God delights in us.
Maggie:And I think that's what PYD tells us is that we see our kids. It's not just about getting them to stop doing a negative or risky behavior. It's about seeing them holistically. That seeing that kids are cared about, that they that whether it's their mind, body, soul, or spirit, all of them at their root, there is goodness there. Even if they're struggling to maybe make positive decisions, we believe that they have the ability to make those decisions.
Maggie:And I believe, you know, I was reminded today that of the scripture, I think it's in 1st Corinthians. I should know this. I'm a seminary graduate, but I forget where scriptures are sometimes. But that we were bought with a price. Right?
Maggie:We were we were bought with a price through the blood of Jesus. Well, what does that tell us? That's that's a pretty worthy price. Right? So if we were bought with that price, that means we're worth a whole whole lot.
Maggie:And so if I believe that about me, I believe the book our mentees and that God just sees us as as just so beautiful and redeemed and holy and loved. And PYD gives us those tools to be reminded of that. That even when kids are maybe working something out, working out difficult emotions and they're doing it through some not so great decisions that at at the end of the day, they too were bought with a price. They too were are just they're a masterpiece. Ephesians 2:10 reminds us that that God created us to be a masterpiece, and that there's there's just beauty when we especially when we submit to him and that he's also called us to do good works.
Maggie:Well, part of PYD is that if called us to do good works. Well, part of PYD is that if we really are encouraging and seeing the good things in in kids, they are going to contribute to the world around them. They are going to learn how to love other people well. They're going to serve their communities. They're gonna figure out their identity in a way that helps them care for other people.
Maggie:And so the the alignment for me is just so very clear. It is about honoring, just the people around me. It's about honoring God's children. And that's one of the things I love about this kind of philosophy.
Zach:So, like, I know for me, one thing that the Lord's really been put on my heart over this past season has been grace. And just I am such, just performance addict. Like, I just love setting goals and accomplishing them, and I just I wanna set my mind to something, and I wanna do it with excellence, and I wanna check it off the list, and I wanna go on to the next thing. And that's great when it comes to projects, but just like what you said, when it comes to people, not so much.
Maggie:Yeah. Yeah.
Zach:So God God isn't trying to fix us. Thank God. Sure. I often fall into the trap of trying to fix other people, whether it's my mentee or, check this now, the people that volunteer for me. Sometimes I'm like, hey.
Zach:Why can't you just get it together? Like, I've told you what to do. Why can't you just do
Maggie:it? Yeah.
Zach:But just grace. Grace abounds. Grace abounds. And I picture Jesus. Right?
Zach:And if Jesus were to walk in the room and have a conversation with that volunteer, have a conversation with our kid, then what would he focus in on? What would he talk about? How Right. How would he carry himself? What are his, you know, what are his nonverbals?
Zach:Right. I just can't help but come back to grace. Like, he is Mhmm. He abounds with grace. He's overflowing with grace.
Zach:And, man, like, so much of what I'm hearing is just, hey. Like, focus on the good stuff. Patience. Give grace. Like
Maggie:The grace.
Zach:They have gold. Sometimes it just takes a while just to kinda dig it out. So
Maggie:Yeah. Absolutely. Yep. I I would for sure agree with that. And I think, you know, I was, as I've been I typically go every year to the National Mentoring Summit, to name been to before Zach.
Maggie:And I remember this speaker. I don't always remember all the speakers, so I remember this one and this this one particular line, and I just thought it was so beautiful. And this woman said, kids grow into the conversations around them. How's I don't know. That's probably 4 or 5 years ago, and that has just always stuck with me that and I think not just kids, but all of us.
Maggie:We grow into what the people are saying. Right? We grow into the language around us. So if it's if it's bad language, it's a it's negative stuff. Like, you're never going to amount to anything.
Maggie:You're stupid. You're worthless. That's what that's what's gonna happen. Right? That's what we're gonna believe about ourselves.
Maggie:And, of course, we know as as as people committed to Jesus, that's not true. Right? That there is goodness, there's redemption in us. But if we have people around us saying, hey. You know what, Zach?
Maggie:You're actually you're not stupid. You're actually really smart and really, really gifted. You eventually you're gonna learn how to believe that, and you will grow into that because look at what you've done. Look at this really cool movement you started. The same is true for me.
Maggie:Like, gosh. I never when I first started this job, I was not about to speak in front of other people. You know? And a couple weeks ago, I shared about Amachi in front of almost 500 people. 10 years ago, you never would have caught me doing that.
Maggie:And a lot of that is because of people around me and the conversations I've had around me and saying, Maggie, there's a deeper gift for you. And I think that as mentors and as mentoring leaders, we get to to have those conversations around kids and to say, you are not destined for bad things. You are actually destined for really great, beautiful, good things. Now when kids have had lots of trauma happen, it can be so hard to give yourself permission to dream because you're waiting for the next bad thing to happen. But if we can have if we can be willing to have these really big, beautiful, positive, big god dream conversations around kids, I believe that's what they're gonna grow into, because that's that is the that's the identity that God has put in.
Zach:Well, I mean, if you think about it, if you grew up in a home where all you hear is bad, just negative after negative after negative after negative every day, That's 18 years, you know, 18 times 365. Like I said earlier, I can't do math, but that's a lot.
Maggie:Yep. Great. So How much? Yep.
Zach:Well, my kids hear encouragement all day. Oh my gosh. Zach, you're so good at this. Oh, Steven, you're so awesome. Jojo, you're so beautiful.
Zach:I love you so much. You're just like that is going to do a number on your identity, on your psyche.
Maggie:Yeah.
Zach:And so, man, like, as mentors, I'm just like, let's just focus on the good and let's trust God with the bad. And see, well, fix it, I promise you, in his timing. But so much of me wants to fix a kid out of fear. Like, I'm I'm terrified that if I don't teach them, then they're going to end up here or this is gonna happen. So I have to talk about this.
Zach:I have to point this out. Right. There's so much of mentoring and positivity. This isn't about being, like, a rah rah. Like, oh, I'm a cheerleader.
Zach:I'm gonna fake it. No. No. No. No.
Zach:It's about having faith that if a kid's doing one thing right and 99 things wrong, focus on that one thing and trust that God is gonna do the 99 in his perfect timing.
Maggie:Mhmm. So Exactly. Yep. I I agree.
Zach:Great. True. Okay. So I wanna talk about 3 things Yeah. Kinda big.
Zach:I wanna talk about the big 3
Maggie:Mhmm.
Zach:And then the 5 c's
Maggie:Yeah.
Zach:And then the 40 assets. So those are those are the main things that I wanna hit before we hang up. So talk about the big 3.
Maggie:Yep. So the big 3 are kinda these the big kind of overarching features that help kinda guide a positive each development approach. So the first one, that I would hope is pretty obvious is just the the crucial significance of a positive youth adult relationship, and that's just provide a caring relationship. And that means that we're consistent, that we're showing up, that we're that we're there, that we let our young people know that we are there for them, that we're showing up, you know, whatever that consistent nature is for you. For our program, our expectations are are once a week.
Maggie:You know, we do it on a community based kind of schedule and and context, but, the it's it's just so crucial that you're you're showing up, just constantly, and all the time and and really fulfilling that relationship. And I'll say too as I'm doing this, as I'm engaging in this master's program focusing on, youth development in every I think just about every article I've read, there's, you know, lots of different theories I read. That's the thing that is consistent across pretty much everything I've read is that relationships, that's the magic sauce in any no matter how we do youth development, no matter what we think about it, a young person having a consistent adult. That's that's the most important thing. And then the second thing that is part of that that second part of the big three is, high expectation messages.
Maggie:And we have just we've just talked about that. Right? That, not only you are smart, but you can do this. That I believe you are capable of more than just passing. You can do more than just survive this life, but I think that you can thrive.
Maggie:I think that you can are there ways that you can push yourself? I, we we did an event. We have a camp partner that we work with, and they do all sorts of cool outdoor things. And they have a 40 foot rock wall with a zipline. I got very peer pressured into doing it myself.
Maggie:I didn't want to, but my mentee was there. So then I was at the top of the wall with her. But being able to say to mentees, like, I think that you can do that. Like, if you want to, I think that you can do that. If you want to go to college, I'm gonna work with you and help you do that.
Maggie:If you want to put yourself out there and try out for the school play or the basketball team, you don't have to sit on the sidelines. I believe that you can you can try and that you can you can do these things. And so along with that, there's also other other folks who also say that part of the big three is just skill building things. And I think this goes along with high expectation messages. So providing opportunities for kids just to build skills.
Maggie:So for us, we have this big beautiful community center, with this really cool kitchen. So we have matches that will come and cook together and teach kids how to cook. For other kids, it might be, you know, I was very brave once and let my mentee have a driving lesson in my car. So my heart rate only went up a lot. You know, things like that, but, also, maybe outdoor skills or whatever the skills are that a kid wants to learn.
Maggie:Maybe study skills, but those opportunities for skill building. And then that third one is, I'm forgetting it already. Zach, how did I already forget it? I wrote it down even so I don't let my notes sound. So sorry.
Maggie:Give me just No.
Zach:It's okay.
Maggie:A quick second. I've got it. I oh. A boy. Man, how do they do that?
Maggie:Where did they
Zach:No Mitch. Anticipation. No. Just to kinda as as you, try to find it, I always love to say that you can encourage a kid now. And when you open up a kid's chest and insert courage, that's encouragement because Yeah.
Zach:Kids need courage to do what they wanna do, to dream. Kids need to try out for the school play, to do the things that that they don't think that they can do. It takes courage, and that is encouragement. Yep.
Maggie:I love that. That's great. Now I remember my mind went blank for a second. A third one is we wanna provide meaningful participation, and this also kind of coincides with providing leadership opportunities. So what this means is if I I mentioned my mentee.
Maggie:She really has strong aspirations of going into the health care field. So, meaningful participation would be, like, can I introduce her to someone I know who's a nurse? Could we maybe even shadow at a local hospital? She herself and she didn't need my help with this. She just found it on her own because she's very driven.
Maggie:But she was able to find, like, a week long kind of health care camp the week after school ended. And so it got her even more excited about this. For a kid who's really into music, this might mean taking them to listen to some live music. We have this thing in Lexington called an instrument petting zoo that goes to different, just community events. And it's where kids can just kinda pick up instruments and kinda play with them and kinda feel what they're like.
Maggie:So maybe for an elementary school kid who is learning that, like, hey. I like music, and I might like to play an instrument one day. That lets them kinda play around with that thought. Kids who's really creative and artistic do art activities with them. For kids who are older, this is where we also wanna provide leadership opportunities.
Maggie:Right? So last week, we have a group mentoring component with our local middle school where I lead kind of a drug prevention curriculum. I took my mentee who's in high school with me because that's the middle school she went to. She helped me lead class. And so she had to lead some kids just a little bit younger than her, and she loved it.
Maggie:She did a great job. She she just exercised such great compassionate leadership. The younger the 6th graders were asking when she was gonna come back. They didn't care about me. They wanted her to come back, and help lead some more, because they felt very cared about by her, and it was cool just to have someone just a few years older.
Maggie:And so providing those leadership opportunities where kids can they're not just receiving services from us, but we're they are given opportunity to practice how they can impact those around them as well. So those are the big three. So yeah.
Zach:So I've got 2 things that as you were talking that kinda hit me is, like, that's generational mentor. That's that You did? Abraham, Isaac, Jacob. Wow. And Wow.
Zach:I don't know why it is, but my, like, my kids, they love the guys that I mentor. Like, they come over every
Maggie:Okay.
Zach:Every week and we have a meal together and talk about Jesus. We talk about the marriages and things like And, like, my kids will wait at the window and Mhmm. And just wait for all of them to pull up. And these guys say things and my kids think it's the most amazing things in the world. And I'm like, guys, I've said that 50 times, but there's just something
Maggie:about it.
Zach:And then the second thing that, well, I totally forgot what the second thing was, but the first thing was good. So, I just think it's mind blowing how just showing up. Like I say showing up is 85% of just, you know, being a good mentor. Cause if you just show up, I got to say that the Lord he'll do something. And so it's nice.
Maggie:Yep.
Zach:What about those 5 c's, Maggie?
Maggie:Yep. So the 5 c's, these are the 5 c's are essentially kind of that. It's a kind of a double edged thing here. Don't wanna say the word sword. But, part of it, these are the outcomes we are working towards when we are utilizing PYD, but it's also things that we can be working on.
Maggie:So it's both the process and the outcome. So the first of the c's is confidence. So and confidence just meaning, how do I feel about myself? Do I have overall just like, I like myself? Just kinda that general overall feeling of goodness.
Maggie:Right? The second one is competence. And so competence is similar to confidence and that it has to do with feeling good about yourself, but it's a little more narrow. It means that I feel good about the things I set out to do. So it's especially related to things like social efforts.
Maggie:So, like, I know that, Zach, you have led a mentoring program for young men. So, so you may have worked on this a lot. Do I know what it means to shake a man's hand, look him in the eye, and say, hi. My name is Zach. Do I know how to tie a tie?
Maggie:Right? Kind of those social skills. I work with a lot of kids who when we talk to their caregivers about why they wanna mentor, they talk about wanting them to grow in social skills, wanting to know how to make a new friend, wanting to you know, I think knowing how to ask for help, especially in academics, is a big one. That's something I talk to kids about a lot. But also academics is a whole another thing.
Maggie:Do I know what it means to study for a test? Do I know what it takes to do my homework without getting completely overwhelmed by it? The 3rd c is connection, and that means I've got positive bonds with people and places. So just the fact that we are mentoring, that we are working on building a mentoring relationship between an adult and a young person, we are building a connection right there. And that's a beautiful thing.
Maggie:But as you said too, Zach, this also leads it can lead towards connections with other adults. So if I want my mentee to know other people that can be a good resource for her. I want her to get to know a village of people. But it also means connections with institutions. So we our nonprofit has a community center.
Maggie:So we want our place to be safe in the neighborhood that we're in. Right? So when our kids come here, we want them to know that this is a safe, good place, and that this is a place that they can come and feel cared about and feel loved. We also want schools to be a safe place for our kids. So helping kids identify, like, who's a teacher you can talk to?
Maggie:Is there a counselor that, like, when you're about to lose it that you can talk to and help yourself not get upset? And do you and if kids feel good at school, they're going to have a tendency to be more motivated, to want to do better, and that's gonna impact pretty much all of life. And then we've also got character. So character means that we have a sense of right and wrong, and we know how to act on it. So do I know that it's important that when I make a promise, I stand by it?
Maggie:That if I say I'm gonna show up, I do that. Do I know that there it's not the right thing to cheat on a test? Do I know that, I need to not lie to my friends? That I need to if my mom asked me to do something to help around the house that I need to do that, that I need to treat my younger sister well? And the 5th c is caring, and that means having a sense of sympathy or empathy.
Maggie:So is there a kid sitting alone at school who doesn't really have many friends? Do I have the sense of empathy to maybe go over and say hello and to be a good friend to that person? Are there causes in my community that I care about? Like, if I know that there are people that, maybe struggle with, being unhoused or dealing with with hunger, are there things that my mentor and I can do to maybe help with that? Can we serve food at a at a kitchen somewhere?
Maggie:Is there a service project that we can engage in? So with the 5 c's, there is also a theory that if those 5 c's are very, very strongly in a young person that a 6 c will emerge and that I know. I've shot you, Zach. You didn't know this part. Then that 6 c will be contribution.
Maggie:And so if those are those initial 5 c's are really developed, then a young person will be contributing to home, school, family, culture, society, those things. And so like I said, they're both the process, the things that are good to kinda think about and and kinda work on in our mentoring time, but also the outcomes that we would love to see, in the in person.
Zach:Man, that's a great if you're a mentoring nonprofit, if you're a church, if you're a anyone who's been mentoring kids or overseeing that, focus on those five things. Mhmm. And the 6th thing will take care of itself. But So that's great. I I I mean, I should put those 5 c's up on my wall every day and just say, alright.
Zach:I'm gonna focus on these. But
Maggie:Yeah. We we talk about those a lot. We're even in a couple of grants where those are the outcomes that we're tracking.
Zach:So yep. Love it. I don't have time, you know, to get into the 40 assets because there's 40 of them. Yeah. But just but I would love to tag those and put them in all of our Sure.
Zach:All all of our show notes. You know, there's there's a ton of really good things that we've talked about today. I will put all of those in our show notes. But Yeah. Just super fast, can, you just kinda tell us what are the 40 assets?
Maggie:Yep. Yeah. So the 40 assets, it's a list of 40 things, that are essentially we could call them protective factors. And the idea is that the more of these that a young person has, the more likely they are to, contribute to make good choices and the less likely they are to engage in risky or negative behavior. 20 of them are internal things, so things that would have to do like values, things motivations, things that drive them, and 20 of them are external, things that have to do with family, community, things like that.
Maggie:Search Institute, are the lovely folks who have, kind of researched and and come up with that list. That's a great resource for all things youth development, really, but they've got lots of, more information, about that list. That is a list we give to our mentors at our new mentor training just to kinda think about.
Zach:It's awesome, Maggie.
Maggie:Yeah.
Zach:Love it. Man, we've talked about so much good stuff today. We talked about focusing on the good stuff. We talked about Oh, man. How your mentee isn't he he or she it's it's our job to fix them.
Zach:It is our job to love them. Right. Exposing their gifts, telling them what they're good at. We've talked about how to empower. We've talked about the big three, the 5 c's, 40 assets.
Maggie:Man. Even worse.
Zach:I know. Right? It's awesome. But, tell us how to learn more about you and what you do, and Yep. How can people
Maggie:find you? Yeah. I would love to chat with anyone. As I told you earlier, Zach, I love to talk about mentoring. I love to talk about PYD.
Maggie:I kinda nerd out about this stuff, so feel free to look me up on Amache Lexington. I can be found there. I'm at if you wanna put these in the show notes too, my email address is mmiddleton@lexlf.org. So feel free to find me on social media. Any of the any of the famous ones, or just email me.
Maggie:And I'd love to talk. I love to talk about these things. I love to talk with other mentoring programs and just see how we can share ideas. So it's my my big desire just that all kids have the mentoring resources they need, and that mentors have what they need to be able to to really care for, and, impact kids. So but love being here, Zach.
Maggie:This was great.
Zach:Thank you so much for all of your wisdom and for your time and for your expertise on PYD. Yes. And super excited about sharing all of this stuff with our audience. So Yeah. Thank you so much for tuning in to the You Can Mentor podcast.
Zach:Check out our conference, our learning labs, the podcast, the books, all the things can be found on social media, on our websites. Yeah. Learn more about what we do. Learn more about what Maggie does. If you missed all the stuff today, you're missing out, but remember this, you can mentor.
Zach:Thanks for tuning in to the You Can Mentor podcast. Give us that 5 star rating and share this podcast with your mentoring friends. Learn more at youcanmentor.com. Thank you.