Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Notes to Her: The Daily Peptalk is your ten-minute or less boost of confidence and clarity. Hosted by Yaya, a confidence and mindset coach for women ready to stop overthinking and start showing up boldly, each short episode gives you a mindset reset, a dose of encouragement, and one actionable tip to keep your momentum going, no fluff, just real talk and daily pep.
Hey, girl.
Hey.
Welcome back to Nose to her
the daily pep talk.
I'm Yaya, your confidence and
mindset coach, here to help you get
out of your own way, get
honest with yourself, and stop having
the conversations that will
actually change your life.
So instead of hyping you up
today, I'm going to sit down with
you and pull up a chair and
talk to you about the conversation
that you've been avoiding.
Not the conversation with your
boss, not the conversation with your
partner, not even the
conversation with your best friend.
I'm talking about the hard
conversation with yourself, the one
where you get quiet enough to
ask the questions you've been running
from.
What am I tolerating?
What am I avoiding?
What am I settling for?
And pretending that I'm okay
with it.
Stay with me because this one matters.
So we've spent a lot of time
talking about speaking up, using
your voice, saying, setting
boundaries with other people, and
having hard conversations with
people in your life who need to hear
something from you.
And yes, all of that is important.
But here's what I think we
skip over.
Before you can have the hard
conversations with anyone else, you
have to be willing to have it
with yourself.
And that.
That is one of the things that
most of us avoid the longest.
Because conversations with
other people, you can rehearse those.
You can prep what you're going
to say.
You can.
You could predict even how
they might respond.
But a conversation with
yourself, there's no script.
There's no buffer.
It's just you and the truth
that you have been tiptoeing around.
And that's why it's hard.
Not because you don't know the
answers, but because you do.
Now.
There was a season in my life
where I was moving.
Like on paper, I was doing all
the things.
I was showing up.
I was staying busy.
But underneath all of that
motion, I was quite mildly tolerating
things that I had absolutely
no business tolerating a situation.
I kept rationalizing a version
of myself.
I kept shrinking to fit into
spaces that were never built for
me.
And the wall parties, I knew
deep down I already knew what needed
to change.
But knowing something and
actually sitting down with yourself
and having the honest
conversation about it, those are
two completely different things.
Because having a conversation
means you have to look at it directly,
and looking at it directly
means you probably have to do something
about it.
And doing something about it
means things change.
And change, even good change,
is scary.
So I kept moving.
I kept myself busy.
I kept avoiding the
conversation until I couldn't anymore
and the moment I finally
stopped and got honest with myself,
that was the beginning of everything.
Everything's shifting.
You may be in that version
right now.
Maybe you've been staying busy
and maybe this episode is the nudge
to finally slow down and
listen to yourself.
Now, let's talk about what
this actually looks like.
Because avoiding the hard
conversations with yourself doesn't
always look like being in denial.
Sometimes it looks really productive.
It looks like staying in the
job that slowly drains you, but calling
it being responsible.
It looks like allowing people
to treat you in ways that you would
never accept from a stranger,
but calling it being the bigger person,
it looks like putting your
goal on the back burner month after
month.
But calling it waiting for the
right time, it looks like saying,
I'm fine so many times you
start to believe it.
And listen, I am not here to
call you out harshly because I've
done every single one of these things.
Every single one.
But here's what I need you to understand.
Avoidance is not peace.
Avoidance is just delayed
discomfort with interest.
So the longer that you push
that conversation down, the heavier
it gets, and the heavier it
gets, the harder it becomes to carry.
And somewhere along the way,
you start to believe that weight
is just normal, that this is
just how life feels.
That being a little numb, a
little stuck, a little disconnected
from yourself is just part of
being an adult woman with responsibilities.
But no, that's not life.
That's what's happening when
you've been avoiding yourself for
too long.
So you might be wondering, why
do we do this?
Why do smart, capable, self
aware women who know better keep
avoiding the conversations
with themselves?
It's not weakness.
It's not laziness.
It's fear.
Specifically, it's the fear of
what we'll find when we look.
Because if we look too
closely, we might have to admit that
we've been settling.
We might have to admit that
we've been playing small.
We might have to admit that
life that we have been maintaining,
the one that looks fine from
the outside, isn't what we really
want.
And that truth feels heavy.
It feels like failure.
It feels like, if I admit
this, what does this say about me?
But here's what I've learned
and what I want to leave with you
today.
The truth doesn't get lighter
by ignoring it.
It just spreads into your
confidence, into the way you show
up at work, into your
relationships, into the way you talk
to yourself in the mirror.
The hard conversation isn't
what will break you.
It's the beginning of you
finally getting Free.
Now, I want to give you three questions.
Not to answer out loud right
now, but to take them with you to
sit with tonight, to journal
on, to let simmer.
Question number one.
Ask yourself, what am I
tolerating that I've been calling
something else?
Because we're so good at
rebranding our tolerance.
We tolerate exhaustion and
we'll call it ambition.
We tolerate disrespect and we
call it patience.
We tolerate playing small and
we call it humility.
I'm guilty of that one.
We tolerate staying stuck and
call it being realistic.
So ask yourself, what is it really?
Not what you've been calling
it, what is it really?
Then question number two.
What do I keep saying I'm
going to do but keep finding reasons
not to do?
The business idea you've been
sitting on, the boundary you keep
meaning to set, the
conversation you keep rehearsing
but never having.
The application you haven't
sent, the ask you keep swallowing.
What is waiting for you on the
other side of your own hesitation?
And question number three.
What would I do right now if I
wasn't afraid of the outcome?
Don't overthink that one.
Don't analyze it.
The very first thing that
comes to mind when you ask, ask yourself
the question.
That's your answer and that's
where your gut already knows.
That's the conversation that
you have been avoiding.
I know these questions are not
comfortable, but they are clarifying.
And I want you to remember something.
Clarity.
Even when it's uncomfortable.
It's a gift.
Because confusion keeps you
stuck and clarity gives you somewhere
to move.
Now here's what I know about
the woman who walks into rooms differently.
The one who holds standards
and actually keeps them.
The one who stops shrinking.
The ones who start asking for
what they want and believing that
they deserve to receive it.
They didn't get there because
everything lined up perfectly.
They didn't get there because
timing was finally right.
They got there because at some
point they stopped avoiding themselves.
They sat down, they asked the
hard questions.
They let the answers be what
they were.
And then they decided to do
something about it.
That woman is not out of reach
for you.
She's not a different type of woman.
She's not someone with fewer
problems, fewer fears, or a better
starting point.
She's you after the conversation.
She's you after you stop
looking away.
She's already in there.
She's just waiting on you to
be honest with with her.
Know this at home.
And if those three questions
stir something in you that you have
been pushing down, I want you
to know that is not an accident.
That's you finally ready, and
you don't have to figure out what
to do with that alone.
Becoming her unapologetically
is my new coaching program.
And this is exactly the work
that we do together.
We have the conversations that
you have been avoiding.
We get honest about what you
have been tolerating, what it's costing
you and what it looks like to
actually stay stop settling.
And then we build together the
version of you who doesn't need to
hide herself anymore.
I only take a small number of
clients because this work is truly
personal and I show up fully
for every single woman that I work
with.
So if something in you is
saying it's time, trust that the
link to apply will be in the
show notes.
And before I close out this
episode and you go back to your day,
I want you to do one thing.
Just one thing.
Pick one of those three
questions and actually sit with it
today.
Not for hours, not for a whole
journaling session, just five minutes.
You owe yourself that much.
Because the hard conversation
that you've been avoiding, it's not
your enemy, it's the door.
And on the other side is the
version of you that you have been
waiting on.
You got this with love.
There.