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Finding life after loss, Two Dancing Widows dives into the stories of resilience, hope, and transformation. Hosts Toni and Hettie welcome new guests each week, from widowers and life coaches to those battling severe illness, who share their journeys through struggle and their paths back to joy. This podcast is for anyone navigating grief or simply looking for inspiration to live and love deeply again. Tune in for heartfelt conversations that remind us all that healing, while challenging, is a dance worth stepping into.
Coming up on this episode of two dancing widows.
She had this perception that, and she used to term L.A.,
you know, these L.A. guys, and she's a different word, but
these L.A. men are not worth, you know, worth a hill of beans.
And I didn't think of this at the time, but probably should have said,
well, I'm from Compton.
So I don't love me and with these L.A. guys.
I'm a Compton boy, you know.
But I'll tell you this is that like,
she went out with me for, you know, it took maybe five or six days, you know.
And we'd always go somewhere, you know, like open, you know,
I wasn't taking her anywhere shady or anything like that.
I always kind of opened dinner, you know, like kind of thing or something fun.
And for her to realize that I was a very nice person,
that I was a guy who would respect her, with value her,
which treat her like a lady.
And I treated Victoria like a queen for 27 years.
We were together.
27 years.
And I tell people that we had a 27 year love affair.
Welcome to Two Dancing Widows.
The podcasts where hosts Tony and Heady explore life after loss.
And the strength we find in each other's stories.
In today's episode, we meet Alan Randall,
a man whose love story with his late wife Victoria,
spanned nearly three decades.
Alan opens his heart about their journey,
from the spark that brought them together,
to the tender years he spent caring for her through Alzheimer's.
With honesty, humor and faith,
Alan reflects on what it means to love without possession
and to carry that love forward with gratitude.
Let's tune in for an inspiring conversation
filled with grace, courage, and unwavering devotion.
In the twilight glow,
where memories blend,
two souls reminisce on life's winding bed.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We laughter and tales from a time so bold,
they share the stories yet untold.
Oh.
Well, good morning.
It's Heady and Tony once again,
two dancing widows,
and we have a new episode for you today.
Today, we have a new person on,
and this is Alan.
We're going to have him introduce himself to you.
We want to talk a little bit about Alan's love story,
the things that attracted him to his wife,
who was his soulmate,
and Alan happens to be a widower.
And so we're very excited about talking to him,
even though the first thing I really want to do
is offer my condolences,
because it's a really recent loss.
And I feel honored,
really honored, Alan,
that you want to take a few moments and talk to us about this.
So, Alan, if you want to introduce yourself to our audience,
and just tell us a little bit about you,
where you grew up,
what your greatest aspirations were,
and then what attracted you to your soulmate?
Oh, yeah.
Thank you.
I'm Alan Randall.
I live in Southern California,
and I grew up in Compton.
I'm one of eight children.
I'm the third oldest boy,
five boys and three girls.
I went to high school there,
and then I went to college.
I went to Dartmouth College back in New Hampshire.
I met my,
my, well, my sweetheart at that time,
and we got married.
I spent time,
20 years in that relationship,
went through a divorce.
And then in 1997,
I had been attending the church that
my former wife was attending,
not feeling very comfortable.
So, my sister-in-law,
who is a minister at this other church,
she says, Alan, why don't you come here and, you know,
kind of get away and kind of get refreshed.
So, anyway, so I, I visited one Sunday,
and I saw this really attractive,
very poised lady in the audience.
And so, I asked my sister-in-law,
and she says, now,
this lady who they call the news lady,
because she was a reporter
for a large radio station in Los Angeles.
I says, now, is she married?
And my sister-in-law says, no, she's not.
So, what I decided to do was,
I decided to encounter her.
She was down in the plaza level
of our church where they serve biscuits
and gravy and food during the,
in between the services,
they have like a little fellowship,
you can buy things.
So, I walk up to her, her name was Victoria.
And I walked up to her,
and I says, hi.
And she says, what do you want?
Oh, my goodness.
I said, I don't want anything.
I said, well, you know,
I thought maybe I may talk with you
and see if maybe you might want to have, you know,
lunch with me.
And anyway, so, we talk for a few minutes.
And I said, well,
do you think you might want to have lunch with me?
And she says, I suppose.
And so, I set up a lunch date with her.
I work out in the city of Brea,
which was probably about maybe 50,
55 miles from where she lived.
She lived in Burbank.
She worked out of a,
well, the radio station was right next to the Capitol Records Building
in Hollywood.
And anyway, so she drives out to the restaurant.
And we meet and we have a very nice lunch.
And so, I talk with her and says,
would you like to have another, you know,
date, another, get together?
And she says, I suppose.
I suppose.
And I said, I said, I said to her,
I said, you're not very committed, are you?
And she says, well, I suppose.
And I think what, what, what about her really attracted me was that,
she was, I say, very attractive, very intelligent.
She was very well known because of the radio station where she worked.
There was an all news radio station,
24 hours.
And she was a reporter, writer, and editor.
Extremely good at what she did.
But she was nice.
Although she had this, um,
she'll, let's say this, this persona,
this, what she project it was like,
don't even think about it.
You know, she, she from the, she wore a,
a wedding ring on her finger,
even though she was not married.
And I think, uh, it's what I,
what I would call an idiot repellent.
Okay.
Oh, okay.
She, she was taught, she, yeah, see,
she was tired of, you know,
really not well intentioned guys hitting on her, you know.
And here I come, you know,
she, she does know me from Adam.
So she's assuming that I'm,
I'm one of those, one of those kind of guys.
I really like that.
I, uh, Alan, I don't mean to,
but I would go like that idiot repellent.
Because I,
yeah, because I'm a little world,
which I had not shared with you.
And it's going on five years for me.
And I still wear my ring a lot.
I do take it off sometimes for different occasions or whatever.
But I kind of feel more comfortable with it on.
And I feel the same way except that I've often wonder,
you know, do guys just kind of,
you know, maybe nice guys really pass you up.
Because you are wearing your ring.
But that didn't this way to you.
Was it because the,
your sister-in-law had told you she was single or,
or how did you know?
Why didn't that mean?
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What happened was, yeah.
I saw her in the audience and I was, you know,
I was attracted to her. I said she's very,
very nice looking.
And I had heard her on the radio.
And so, and my mom knew her, you know,
because she says, oh, Victor,
she's a wonderful report. She's a, she's just a feel reporter,
like she says, well, as an editor.
And so you hear on the radio every day, right?
And so, um, I, but I was not intimidated by that.
But that I think that what, you know,
I decided was that it was worth it, you know,
worth a shot.
And, um, I was, I was a bit taken aback when she says,
what do you want?
I don't really want anything.
I mean, you know, I have my own money.
You know, I'm a profession.
I'm a software developer,
have been for 45 years.
I've always made good money.
So I didn't need her money.
I just, but what I needed was, um,
I wanted a possible friendship.
So how did you, that was, I was not looking for anything.
I didn't know when it was time.
You said you had gotten, uh, you know, a divorce.
How long was it between relationships?
And, and when did you know
that you were ready to get back out there again?
Yeah, it had been,
it had been several months, you know, um,
and I, I had just, I don't know.
I think it was God just, you know,
I was watching, touching my heart
to let me know that it was time to, you know, to, to, to, to let myself be open.
Because, you know, when you go through divorce,
it's kind of like a death to be honest, you know,
because there's a lot of separation, you know, from the kids,
from your spouse's family, and, you know, it's like a death.
But anyway, I never, I'm, I'm, I'm an eternal optimist.
And I just believe that there was someone out there for me,
not knowing who that would be.
And the person that I'm encountering is telling me,
what do you want?
But, you know, I guess you have to be a little bit stubborn about, you know,
your approach.
I, I didn't want to give up.
And I was willing to give her a chance, because, you know, I, I was broken,
in a sense, as well, you know, going through what I was going through.
And obviously, she was broken as well, because she had had,
I learned that she had had other relationships, even a prior engagement,
where the guy ended up cheating on her, you know, with another woman.
And so that ended. So she was really kind of like, I'm done, you know, I'm one and done.
Wow. Yes.
I think that would make a woman a bit bitter,
and, you know, even though she was fun, but also guarded.
Yes. Yeah. And she had, you know, like I said, she had this perception,
that, and she used to term LA, you know, these LA guys,
and she's a different word, but these LA men are not worth, you know,
worth a hill of beans.
And I, I didn't think of this at the time, but it probably should have said,
well, I'm from Compton.
I don't love me in with these LA guys.
I'm a Compton boy, you know, but I'll tell you this is that like,
she went out with me for, you know, it took maybe five or six dates, you know,
and we'd always go somewhere, you know, like open, you know, I wasn't taking her anywhere,
shady or anything like that. Always kind of open dinner, you know,
like kind of thing or something fun.
And for her to realize that I was a very nice person,
that I was a guy who would respect her, would value her,
would treat her like a lady.
And I treated, I treated Victoria like a queen for 27 years.
We were together.
27 years.
And I tell people that we had a 27 year love affair.
And I have serious about that every morning, even when we eventually got married,
every morning, and I go in there and I stick my arms out, you know,
like a cross, a hundred degrees.
And I said, honey, you know how much I love you?
I love you this much.
I love you unconditionally.
That is fantastic.
Alan, can you take us a little bit, and I'll let you jump into Tony.
Matter of fact, you go ahead and ask your question first.
I forgot my question now.
You know, I'm here.
I'm going to ask you to, I'm going to ask you to take us to
a Victoria's diagnosis.
And what happened, what led up to it, what was she feeling?
Yes.
And how we were feeling.
Yes.
Okay, let me start here.
See, Victoria, actually in 2016, Victoria was diagnosed with scoliosis.
And, you know, it was progressive.
I had gotten to the point where she was starting to have nerve pain.
It was starting to pinch her sciatic nerve.
Now, Biggie was a, she was a cheerleader in college.
Very athletic.
She and I would go to the gym.
She would, we would both do like 45 minutes to an hour on the floor with weights and stretching.
And then my sweetie pie would do an hour of Zumba after that.
And then she said, honey, come with me to Zumba.
I go in there for like maybe five or two.
And I'm very, I'm physically fit.
I'm in great shape.
I'm in great shape.
And I do like maybe five, ten minutes.
And I'm like, honey, I got to go.
I'll be outside waiting on you.
So, what I'm trying to say is she was very physically fit.
But in 2016, I, she was diagnosed with scoliosis.
October 31st, Halloween.
And then in 2018, our bat surgery, where they placed two titanium rods that extended from her till bone to her neck.
To straighten out her vertebrae.
So here she has that.
Now, fast forward.
In the year 2020, Biggie was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease.
And I had noticed, you know, I noticed signs actually, maybe a year or so prior,
because she had said some things and done some things.
They were kind of out of character, like in 2018, I guess it was 2019, whatever, you know.
And what really set it off was her favorite cousin, Tom, was planning to visit us in California.
From Indiana.
Yeah, he was coming out to California.
He kept sending Vic a text message describing his itinerary.
And he said, he, so he texted me, he says, oh, I keep sending Vic the itinerary.
And she keeps saying she, she didn't get it.
And I said, well, Tom, her memory has taken a big hit.
Because I, you know, by that time, it was pretty obviously she was, obviously she was having cognitive issues.
So anyway, we had her diagnosed the spring of 2020.
They did an MRI.
And she was diagnosed with, she had some atrophy.
And she had a lot of white matter, which basically dead brain cells in her hippocampus.
Right.
And so they assigned us, assigned her to a neurologist.
So we went to see the neurologist and they do the typical, you know, who's the president of the United States.
So what they, it is what, you know, that kind of thing.
And she basically failed, you know, failed the test, right.
And so anyway, so there really, there's no cure for Alzheimer's.
Currently, unfortunately, even with modern technology, there's no cure.
But there are medications that they can prescribe the kind of lessen some of the symptoms.
So they prescribe some medication for her.
Basically, you know, it's what, what, what begins is a very slow progression of loss.
Yes.
The memory, what we, you know, what, what we, what, who we are.
If we don't have our memories, we really don't have much at all.
I think probably the most, most intense emotion that I felt during the five years,
because she passed July 16, just a couple of months ago, two and a half months ago.
But I think that the event that probably really affected me the most was that.
I said, you know, I said, do you know who I am?
And she looked at me and she says, my cousin.
And I said, no sweetie, I'm your hubby Allen.
We've been together 27 years, right.
And I said, I'm your hubby Allen.
And so I, so I took her into the hallway because we have a ton of pictures, you know, in our home.
And I said, see here, here's where we got married.
And I said, this is pastor, pastor, Tom.
And he and his wife married us and that kind of thing.
But it's just, you know, she, she says, she says, well, that's news to me.
That's news to me.
That must have been a really deflating moment.
It must have just broken your heart.
That's all I can think of.
I think it's so, oh, it just feels devastating.
I'm sure.
Yeah, you know, and that that's kind of like was the beginning, you know, from that point on.
Vicki had ordered this beautiful book from Facebook where they take photos from, you know, your, your library, your photo library and create this beautiful bounded album.
And I would open it up, we're sending them the couch and I'm showing it to her.
You know, Vicki and I were very, very affectionate, very loving.
We're, I guess I, I'm like, I'm super, super, huggy kiss.
Yeah, I'm, my love language is physical touch.
I'm a, I'm a toucher. I tell you I'm a smooch.
She had to say, stop, that's enough, that's enough.
Anyway, we're sending other couch.
And I would show her pictures to kind of like, you know, jog her memory.
But, you know, that as time goes on, they, they forget everything.
Yeah.
So, you know, so I, so like, you know, I'll just say this, we put so much emphasis on, you know, our wedding, our anniversary, our birthday, these things.
But with this disease, all that, all that goes away.
They forget everything. She forgot everything.
But you know what she did not forget.
And this is what, this is what sustained me.
Was that when I'd say, hold my arms out like a cross and say, this is how much I love you.
And I say, honey, do you love me?
She's, I love you.
I love you.
And that's, and that's all that matters.
Yes, absolutely.
That's all that matters.
And that's all you have left is the love.
And even, even before she passed away, I was with her.
I kept her home. You know, I kept her with me for almost five years.
You know, I, I wanted, I want to her to have the best possible care.
And I knew I could give that to her.
So I kept her at home, even, I mean, till the day she passed.
Alan, that's what I wanted to ask about is that we know your family dynamics changed greatly.
But can you offer our listeners some strategies?
How did you adapt to Vicki's illness?
And did you have caregivers?
How did you, on a day-to-day basis, handle it?
Okay. Yeah. What, what I did was, well, the company that I work for, I work for a large, large insurance company in California.
Anyway, what I, what I did was I went to, well, I contacted human resources.
And I said, well, you know, my kids are grown, my, my wife's retired.
I really don't need to work, you know, five days a week at this point.
And I said, well, you know, can I work or reduce schedule?
This is because I wanted to, you know, take care of my, my sweetie.
Actually, this is when she was diagnosed with scoliosis.
So that was 20 December 2017.
And I said, can I work or reduce work schedule?
And so they said, I said, well, how about I work three days a week?
Because I want, you know, take care of my wife.
And they said, how about two? And I said, sure.
Three. I said, sure, two days a week.
So, so anyway, so anyway, so since December 2017, I still work for them.
I work two days a week.
And so what happened was that allowed me the opportunity to be caregiver for my wife.
And to be able to, I say, be really the only caregiver to be honest.
Okay.
But yeah.
Well, how did you, what did you do for yourself during that time to just keep you saying,
we hear all these stories about how sometimes the caregiver is so worn out.
They sometimes are the first to go to actually go, you know, before the patient or their, their loved one.
How did you stay afloat?
Right. That's a, that's a very good question.
Well, you know, first of all, I do have very strong faith.
But beyond that, I have a good support network.
And what I did do was I joined two dementia care support groups online, of course, you know.
But that provided me with a lot of answers to questions.
You know, how to, how to take care of someone who is in cognitive decline.
But also, I have, you know, close relationship with my daughter.
I have one surviving daughter.
And she and I, you know, were always very close.
My sister, the second sister, were very close and my brother as well.
And so I then I have, I have a good, a good support from friends in my church.
You know, very supportive because I go to church every Sunday.
I love, I love church.
And, and I had good friends there.
They were always checking on me.
Do you need this? Do you need that? Whatever, you know, just let me know.
So I never felt alone.
Even though, you know, I'm at home with Vicki.
And I, I had to, you know, when you, when you have a, a loved one who has cognitive decline, you have to be very, you have to kind of like,
you have to kind of like, child proof your home.
Right.
You know, just, just as an exam, yeah, it's an example.
I was in here because, you know, I said, I'm a programmer.
So I'm in here at my workstation in the den.
And I hear, and so I know what, what was happening.
She was in there at the stove.
And so I go into the kitchen.
And my sweetie had a small saucepan, half full with water.
And she had three Oreo cookies in there.
She was going to cook her some Oreo cookies.
So I says, I says, well, honey, I says, are you hungry?
She said, uh-huh, like a, like a child.
I said, well, sweetie, you go, I turned it off, right?
And I said, you go sit down, sweetie, I'll make you a sandwich, you know.
And so I made her a sandwich, but while she was setting in the, in the living room, eating her, her sandwich,
what I did was I took all the knobs off of the stove.
So that was, I took the knobs off of the stove.
I also had to take, put all the knives up into a, um, a container and put it above the microwave.
Because one day I, I just got, just touched me and says, go check on Vicki.
So I went in there and she had the biggest butcher knife you could, we had.
And I would buy her these yo-play yogurt, these yogurt containers, you know, because she liked yogurt.
She was trying to open it with that butcher knife.
And I said, I said, honey, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, let me, let me have that.
So I opened it for her and I said, go, I put a little teaspoon in there and she said, go sit down, honey.
So I, that's when I had to put up all the knives because she could, she could have really heard herself.
So what, what you have to do is you have to, yeah, you have to, you have to protect your loved one, right?
That's a really scary experience over those, both of those.
So, so when you go to church and you go to these other places, Alan,
who stayed with her, were you able to bring her along the entire time?
Well, you know what? Like the first two years, say, 20, yeah, first two years, she, she would, I would take her.
And she'd sit next to me, you know, I, I was not going to broadcast that, that Vicki, you know, had Alzheimer's because you know, some people just don't know how to act.
But she would sit next to me and, you know, there's a lot up and down, you know, how it is in black churches.
And anyway, I was up and then I just, I just felt her and I turned around and she fainted.
But I was able to catch her. I was able to catch her and set her down in the pew and you could hear the gas in the, in the sanctuary.
You know, people saw it, right? And so I tried to, you know, I tried to bring her again, but I realized she no longer had this dam.
And this is like, say, this is so, this is like 20, 20, 23, I guess.
Wow.
And so, but so anyway, so I couldn't take her, but I was still going to go, what, what I found was that like, Vick liked to stay up late, you know, and watch TV.
She's a big TV watch. I'm a big music. I'm a musician as well. I love music and I love listening to music.
So what, what I, what she would do is that she stayed up late on Saturday. So she slept late.
Sweetie, sweet, with chest, sweet, so I get up, I get a very early Sunday morning to get ready. I go to church, you know, and I would go, but I, I had cameras at cameras in the bedroom and cameras at the front door.
Did you, did you watch them and shared in separate rooms then?
Yeah, primarily yes. Yeah. Exactly. Because she would get up at night sometimes because her, her circadian rhythm was really out of whack at this point. So I kind of, I have a real nice, soft recliner in the dins. So I sleep there. But I, I had on my little, you know, iPhone.
I just pull up the, the mini cam app and I could, you know, keep track and watch her, make sure that she's okay. And if she was in distress or something, then I'll go in there. But I, but then I would go and I would lie down with her for a while.
And then I go back because I know she likes to get up at night because like said, her rhythm was all screwed up.
How did the children, how did the children react with her and were they able to, you know, help out in any way directly related to her and her care?
Well, you know, because, you know, we're both seniors at this point, you know, at that point, right? We didn't have any kids at home, you know, it's just the two of us, just Vic and I.
But her daughter, her biological daughter, a lift in, she still does. She lives in Portugal, Lisbon, Portugal. Yeah. Yeah. She actually in her hubby have a home in San Francisco. He stays in the home there, but she, she has residency.
So they kind of worked that out. But anyway, she would call, you know, quite often, you know, every weekend actually so that she could talk to her mom, even though she was not able to physically be here with, with her.
So she would, I would let Vic talk with her and that kind of thing. But what, what we found happened as time went on, although she had lots of friends, they stopped calling.
Yes.
Yes. Because I think, you know, I think what it is, it's difficult. Some people don't know how to handle it. When someone you've known all your life and they were like vibrant and, you know, always like just because Vic full of life, if you knew her, you said, my God, like say, she was a person, she was a reporter, she could go up to anybody and just started conversation. That's who she was. And she was very engaging to someone who like no longer had memory of who you were.
Yes.
Yes. Yes.
So that's hard for people to deal with, even adults, you know, and her, I want, you know, I want some of her closest friends to stop calling.
Because I think it was just too difficult. They couldn't accept that this, like I say, this beautiful bright, a very verbal, very engaging person, no longer knew who they were.
I've looked at the, at the tribute that you did to her. Yes.
That you said that you played at the services. And it was really touching. It was so beautiful. I love the music.
Thank you.
I love the scenery.
Thank you.
Is that one of the things that really helped you to kind of get through the loss of her?
Yes.
How difficult was it putting that together?
Yes. Yes. Because what, yeah, I, I, I said, I've been a software developer for the last 45 years. So I'm planning to retire fully at the end of April.
I'll make 40 years with the company that I'm with. That's enough time, right?
So for the last 11 months, I've been preparing myself for a career as a voice actor artist, right?
So I do videos. I have videos on YouTube and the whole nine. But the thing was though is that I wanted to generate a video that was attribute to Vicki.
That would share, you know, my love for her and who she was as a person. So it's just title, it's entitled Victoria.
And in that, what I did was basically talk about how engaging she was and how, how she could just walk up to anybody and just immediately connect with them.
And that she, like, and she, she would be loved by so many because people remember her as being like, you know, some reporters, you know, can be real snobs.
Just really difficult people that you kind of want to hate. You know, I'm trying to say because they think they're, they think they're, they're, they're it, you know.
But Vicki was just the opposite. Like I say, she was very popular, very, very, just a great person, but she just was so, so reachable.
And she was that way with me, you know, as time went on, right?
So, you know,
Alan, you said you're going to, you're, you're going to retire in 2026.
Yes, dear.
What do you see in the future for you?
Because I talk about how part of it for us was we had plans, you know, in your head, you thought we thought in terms of weed, what we were going to do with our husbands in that journey and that door was closed for us.
And it was kind of shocking in the fact that at our age, now who are we? And, you know, what are our plans? And we had made plans for a single person.
So I just wonder if you've had time to think about it at all.
Yeah, yeah, you know, you know, like I, I don't know, I have, I have so much hope, you know, in the future.
I'm a person that likes to be, you know, likes to be engaged and busy. So that's why I started, like say, like 11 months ago pursuing, you know, my voiceovers and that kind of thing.
But beyond that, I just want to like touch people's lives. However, I can do it.
You know, I'm a person that I know everybody at the grocery store.
I know everybody at the cleaners.
I'd never knew what you would be like.
Yeah, I was like, I'm a neighbor.
I'm just talking to you.
And I know I'm a talker.
Like, say, I'm an internal optimist. I love everyone. And I mean that.
I mean, you know, I could just, I mean, you know, if you got, if you spend any time with me, you're like,
because I love, I love you. I love everyone.
You know, and it's just that and you know what here's here's a truth is that what's inside of you
Will eventually be revealed on the outside of you
Yes, it's not about how much makeup you put on or how you do your hair or the clothes you wear or the car
You drive or the house you live in
The person that you are on the inside will eventually show up on the outside
And if you are a miserable person on the inside you will be a miserable person on the outside
So Alan and I feel with it's gonna how do you deal with people that interpret life differently?
And how do you actually
Yourself interpret life now like in other words has this experience
Been revealing to you in any other ways about your own
personality
Has it made you just more grateful? Has it made you really in you know, since the tip or in touch
Yeah, other people there's a spirit or has it made you know sometimes the harsh reality of life
Can make you a little bit suspect where you're kind of like
You know and as you get older and you're more fragile yourself
What's you know what's pushing you and how do you how do you react to others who don't
Have the same feeling as you do
Right, I understand what you're saying. I'll say this is that I don't have unrealics unrealistic expectations of people
You know, I kind of I kind of like give everyone the benefit of the doubt
And I understand that we all come from a different place. We have different backgrounds. We have different life experiences
We have different opinions
Some of us were raised with you know, very kind apparent some of us was were raised with abusers right
We've had we may have had good romantic or real relationships. We may have had you know
Really terrible relationships, right? So everybody is coming from a different place
But what I try to do is I try to you know
Be sensitive to the fact that everybody didn't live the life that I lived
I didn't live a perfect life. I grew up with I say eight kids a mom and a dad
My dad maybe had a eighth or ninth grade education my mom the same, right
So we grew up pretty I want to say poor, but we didn't grow up middle class
That's for sure we were not middle class
But so I've been through a lot of things and I think that the things that I
The traumas or the experiences that I've had in my life have developed within me a certain sensitivity
To people and their situations and I never never want to put myself above or assume that well, why are you doing that?
Why are you thinking that why do you have that position?
Because I don't know what shaped that person right there may be a legitimate reason why they look at the world the way they look at
Things right and I think that that that is affecting even our political political discourse and a lot of you know
What we're experiencing our country today?
Is that what we need to do is we need to be sensitive to one another
Realize that no one has a monopoly on truth
And no one has a monopoly on you know
On life understanding because they understand from their perspective
So I guess what I'm saying is that like I allow others to have their perspective
But because I respect you I value you I'm willing to listen and I'm willing to learn because I don't
Know at all. I'm willing to I'm willing to learn
That's beautiful. That's that's really beautiful
So what advice would you give others and what what do you think was the best thing that you ever did
For Victoria, but not only for her for yourself during this process
Okay here. I'll put it this way
One thing that I that I think really has helped me
um
To maintain a positive
Attitude at this point to see the beauty in life and the beauty in my future
Is that I realize that you know we as human beings we want we like to control we like certainty
we like to think that we
Possess something right, you know, you have your car your home, you know your children you may you know whatever
Yeah, the things in your life. This is kind of like you feel comfortable because you feel a sense of control
We're really we're really weird when we don't feel like we're in control, right
But what I choose yeah, you know, you know, so but what I learned was that
We own nothing
Everything in this world in this life is borrowed. It's temporary possession
And so what what god I believe God showed me
And in the video that I did the tribute to Victoria
I says for 27 years
She was mine. She was my confidant. She was my everything. She was my best friend
So she belonged to God. She didn't belong to Alan
So I have I have no right. I have no right to say because God didn't take anything from me
She belonged to him
He allowed me the opportunity to enjoy her love her affection her presence for 25 years or 27 years
So for that I am grateful for that time
But when he says it's you know, when when it's when when she left
You know, she goes back to him just like I don't I don't even belong to me
This body that I have is borrowed the air that I breathe the water that I drink the food that I eat
The car that I drive the home that I live in everything belongs to God
So I so anyway, so what what what I learned was that like I have to put things in a proper perspective
so
knowing that Vicki
was
Provided
For me for that period of time now that time is over
I can move on
Because I didn't lose anything. I never I've never possessed it. I was I was able to
uh
To have that experience to learn to grow you know in that relationship
So I think that that has really helped
Alan I think that's amazing. I you know, I
Okay, we're gonna have to have some coffee about that one
Oh
I
Know I'm thinking you're saying thing
I'm still digesting
I love it. I love it. Yeah, and I love you too
I have to really think about that
That was
You know you don't have to think about this hard to do because talk to the bit of a polyanna
She's in the midst of the flow she she understands
I do
Well, you know, I'm almost
Down with it. I know you don't know where I am
I'm taking it back. I'm taking it down. I'm taking it back. I'm here
I'm gonna talk about this
Yeah, well, you know, it's a process this the the maturation process
Which you are we are in for all of our life
I will be in the maturation process. I said I'm 72 years old
I if God gives me another eight years five ten years whatever I will still be in a maturation process, right?
So I have to look at life like you know, I don't know everything
You know, and I I so I'm willing to tell him I'm ever learning ever growing. I'm ever
discovering who I am
What you know what makes me happy what makes me sad what gives me joy what gives me hope
What makes me optimistic? It's an ever
Increasing or ever ever unfolding process and and that's what makes me excited you could probably hear an excitement in my voice
Yeah, yes, dear. Yes, ever get a little bit. I mean even just a little bit just a little bit
A
No life you planned is not the life you have now
Not at all. Oh boy. We gotta have some coffee. Yeah
Well, you know dear. Let me say this and and and I think I you know, I keep a hanky hanker chip with me
I have one right here next to
My laptop, right? So I do have moments of sadness
Don't don't you know, I don't want to be misleading. I have moments of sadness. Why I have tears like the video that I did for for my sweeties
You know celebration of life Victoria
Um god gave me the strength to to record it
without crying
But as soon as I finish I cried
I have moments where I have moments of sadness
Where I'm like I miss her because I love there so much
But I don't I don't stay there. I don't allow myself to you know, remain in that that place
Because there's too much to do and I know that she would want me to move on with my life
To be the person that god has called me to be the man that he has called me to be because I'm I'm a light
You know god told me many years ago. He says, you know because I said you know god
What why am I here? You know, we always want to know why why don't we hear why are we on this planet?
He says that you are a light
You're a light of encouragement and support
And he's got speaks to me. I'm just beyond it. He speaks to me
He's I don't hear an audible voice don't you know, I'm not trying to say that but he speaks to my heart
And he says you are you are a light of support and encouragement
So if you ever look at my Facebook posts, you know, you check me out Alan Randall on Facebook
And you'll see every every every single post
That I put out there like I put out one about the unconditional love right whereas I say I love you because you're
You know you're creating the image of god. I love you not because you love me
But because that's who I am and I'm not I'm not gonna let anyone take away or or reduce my godly nature
Because that's god's nature. He loves everyone
Regardless I love that you you are truly a beautiful man. Thank you dear. I mean that
And because it's it takes a not only a big heart
It takes a lot of confidence
And oneself in a world where they would you know have you doubt yourself? Yes, and wonder about yourself
Yes to get through each and every day
And still wake up with the smile on your face
Exactly
And be here
Tony I'm gonna let you take us out of here because I know
You have to
relate to Alan in a way that I'm learning to do
I love it. I love it
But before I go I can have one other question. Yes, do you ever reconnect or connect with someone will you do you think you'll ever
Have another love. Oh my god. Yes, I've been the children. Yeah, you know, I got to see god night
We talked you know right now. It's just me me and the cat Diana, you know in this you know in our home right and I talk to god all the time
And I said daddy, you know, I want to fall in love again
Because I've always I
Out of my 72 years of life in my and of my adult life going back to
You love with great and in high school. I had I've always had a girlfriend
I've been married for 47 years between the two marriages
So I've always had someone I love I love caring for someone. I love I love the interaction
I love to be I love to love and I love to be loved right that's who I am and I've accepted that
So I know that god has the right, you know
Female for me at the appropriate time, you know, it's very soon right now of course
Yeah, but at the appropriate time he will bring her into my life right
Yeah, and I would just love her. I will love her completely
Because I've learned I matured I've grown I've grown beyond the the foolishness of just you know
Oh, she's cute kind of thing right yeah, I want somebody who is a whole person who is respectful
Who is dignified who cares about herself who loves herself
But is available emotionally available to love again. She may have been through some stuff
I I I've gone through having been with someone who was bitter because of past relationships
I've been through divorce all that crap right so but I'm willing to I want to meet someone who wants to be
wants to be in love again because that's what and I'm very I'm I'm open to that because I know that completes me
Not that I have to I'm very I'm very comfortable
You know being by myself because I I'm very busy. I you know, I have a very you know, very good profession at all that stuff
So I have things to do
but I want to feel the completeness
That I wouldn't I know I would feel in a positive
Romantic loving relationship. So I'm just looking forward to it because I know God has has the right person for me
I know he does and I'm just happy and that that's that's one thing too that keeps me going is that I know she's she's there
It's just a matter of us connecting
Wow Alan
You see my face
I hope so
I'm not trying to plug myself here
You know
If you're if you're if you're beautiful your beautiful person nights, you know
I want you to be attractive
But if you got a beautiful spirit you love God you love people you want to have a happy life
I the way I look at is that the lady that
God brings to my life my priority will be her happiness
What makes you happy honey what makes you smile what makes you feel good
What I don't want to change you I want you to be who you are because who you are is what attracted
So why would I want to change that I want you to be you I want me to be me
I want we can we can do this we could be happy together being who we are
I'm being fulfilled and being happy with our with our life however many years we have left on this planet
I think on that note we are going to lace up
You
I love it thank you for thank you for having me
This is good
I'm up right now
lace up up on our mode
Let's get on the floor and dance
Thanks Alan
And until next time
Till next time keep on dancing
Absolutely right now
In the twilight glow
Where memories plan to souls reminisce on life's winding man
We'll after entails from a time so bold they share the stories yet untold
Oh
To dancing with us
In the dance of life's embrace finding rhythm after 70 in time and space
With every step a new story unfolds
In the journey the beauty of aging is told
To dancing with us
In the dance of life's embrace finding rhythm after all
In time and space
With every step a new story unfolds
In the journey the beauty of life is told