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To wind down the year, we're bringing it all back to the raw, real, and sometimes hilarious world of single parenting. Your hosts Lindsay Carlson and Carmel Ecker talk about the challenges we face as single or solo parents during the holiday season, how we balance our own needs with those of our families, and how we can empower our kids to be a part of creating new holiday traditions.
With Single & Mighty, you're never parenting alone. Let's wrap up this year with strength, love, and a bit of holiday cheer!
- Enjoying this show? Leave us a review so we can reach more single parents.
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- For transcripts, shownotes, and resources, visit SingleandMighty.com.
Creators & Guests
What is Single & Mighty: Build a great life after divorce or separation?
You can build a powerful (and fun!) life after divorce or separation. Hosts Carmel Ecker and Lindsay Carlson are here to bring you real-life stories and hard-earned lessons, so you can have the motivation, clarity and community you need to thrive as a single parent. Whether you're co-parenting, parenting alone, or your kids no longer live at home -- this show is for you.
For single moms, single dads, single parents, co-parents, solo parents, and those who care about them. Join us to hear about entrepreneurship, financial independence, dating, remarriage and step-parenting, blended families, going back to school, growing your career, co-parenting schedules, leaving domestic abuse, finding adult friends, solo travel, creating fun in your life, and more.
Holiday 2023 episode of Single & Mighty - singleandmighty.com
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[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~Testing.~
[00:00:00] Track 1: ~Okay, so~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~Okay.~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~Is it ~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~working ~
[00:00:00] Track 1: ~we just wanted to~
[00:00:00] Track 1: ~talk a little bit about Christmas and the challenge of challenges of Christmas. And maybe a little bit of what we, what we do or what we know other people do in order to make Christmas. An enjoyable time and not like a total bummer if maybe you're not with your kids for part of it or all of it, or whatever that might be.~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~Yeah. Yeah. Yes, I know that for me, I wonder if we should talk just about our personal, what's going on in our personal circumstances this Christmas~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~a little bit. So that would probably make it easier~
[00:00:00] Track 1: ~Go into it. Yeah. ~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~than just being ~
[00:00:00] Track 1: ~Mm-Hmm. ~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~Yeah, because I know you've got a lot going on with~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~Christmas and I've just moved and life is~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~crazy. ~
[00:00:00] Track 1: ~crazy. ~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~yeah, I feel like we have different, we have good perspective~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~on, on this situation usually.~
[00:00:00] Track 1: ~Okay. Do you wanna share first?~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~sure. Yeah, I'd love to share first. All right. Yeah, so this year has been absolutely crazy. November was, it felt like a complete marathon. We got Covid for. A solid three weeks. I was so sick. Normally with Covid, I was, in the past, I've, I've been able to function and get work done and just not feel great. This time I could barely sit at my computer. My head was pounding, my ears~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~were ringing. It was~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~the ~
[00:00:00] Track 1: ~awful. ~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah. So.~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~It happens, right? And it happened at the worst time because we were in the middle of being evicted from our rental. our landlord wanted to move into the home that we had had for the past seven years. So not only were we moving, but we were completely changing everything because that was a huge house. Lots of room to spread out, double car garage full of storage. My kids had basically grown up there for seven years and we moved into A beautiful little tiny suite And so it's, it's, it's, it's, it's lovely and deluxe and we're so grateful to have a beautiful place to live, but it's just, yeah, I had to get rid of probably 70% of that stuff we had accumulated over,~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~over the years. And November was gonna be the big~
[00:00:00] Track 1: ~yeah. Well, I have to, I have to ask, was it maybe a little bit liberating to get rid of some of this stuff? 'cause you know, I, I look around my little place and it's not huge, but I know that I have an excess of things and. I think it would feel good to pare down just a little bit.~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~Yeah, it, it, I think it would've felt a lot better if I hadn't had so much~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~pressure on from being sick for~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~a few months. buT I do. In the last couple of weeks when I was really able to focus on the move, I got into the feeling that there was nothing that a little bit of hard work couldn't solve. And I just worked.~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~I worked and worked and worked and worked and worked and everything was possible. But if I just worked~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~hard and it kind of felt satisfying that way 'cause it was a huge job. And little by little~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~we got through. It's not perfect. I still have a whole bunch of stuff sitting in a storage locker that I have to clear out, and most of it is, is not~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~stuff I need to keep. But we were able to do the move and sold off a whole bunch of old stuff that I had just been dragging~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~from house to house because it was~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~furniture and I really felt. When I first got it, we had just moved out of our chaotic situation and we moved into a house and we had nothing. And so I had some donations from friends and I had thrift store finds and it was all mismatched. Some of it was nicer looking and I did my best to pull~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~it together, but it wasn't, you know, none of it was~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~intentional really. I was able to get rid of, let go of a lot of that stuff, and because I was able to sell different pieces, I had a bit of~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~a ~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~budget to redo this place, and I love it. I, I never knew that I would enjoy the experience of setting up. A place~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~so intentionally, and I think that's been really~
[00:00:00] Track 1: ~How awesome. ~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~So furniture that I actually like and yeah, a feeling. A feeling in here that doesn't feel like, oh, we~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~have to have that now. It's like, okay, I get to choose a few things and that,~
[00:00:00] Track 1: ~that is, that is really cool. And I, I have a similar experience to yours. My exit from my relationship was not as chaotic as yours, but it was still like, o Okay. I, I just, I just need some stuff. That I can move into this new place. And so I actually still 10 years later, , I still have like the futon that I got from one friend of mine, and I still have the table that I got, you know, the dining table that I got from another friend.~
[00:00:00] Track 1: ~Like there's furniture here. That wasn't necessarily intentional, but I, I'm not really much of a shopper and I'm like, you know, I'm very practical, right? I'm like, well, this works. Why would I go out and buy something new? . So~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~That's me too.~
[00:00:00] Track 1: ~I'm totally~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~It's nice to be forced~
[00:00:00] Track 1: ~but, but I can totally see the, the joy and the value ~
[00:00:00] Track 1: ~of the opportunity. To ~
[00:00:00] Track 1: ~really intentionally choose what you want to put into the space. So I think that's lovely, that that was like a an o you know, a situation that you didn't choose having to move. And that felt really like, oh, ~
[00:00:00] Track 1: ~there's all this pressure and now I'm sick and da da da. Like, it just really wasn't ideal.~
[00:00:00] Track 1: ~bUt there were some really bright spots and that was one of them. So I love that you have that perspective. ~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~absolutely. Yeah, I wouldn't have ever, I'm like you, I'm very practical and probably never would've changed out the furniture except for it doesn't fit in our new place. And so I, I was up late at nights getting inspired and excited looking at not, this isn't a tiny home by any means, but it's~
[00:00:00] Lindsay Carlson: ~a lot smaller and so how can we. Do more with less. And, and so yeah, that's been a, a creative and fun challenge that I never expected. So yeah, always, always learning life is a journey and now ~
[00:00:00] Carmel Ecker: When you're a single parent, there can be a lot going on from managing money to growing your career or business while parenting, dating, and finding time for yourself. How can you create a great life and actually have fun doing it?
[00:00:15] Carmel Ecker: That's the question we're here to answer. Welcome to Single and Mighty, the podcast where we believe single parents deserve to lead mighty lives. ~Here's a little bit about us, your hosts. ~I'm Carmel Ecker, a single parent who gets my adventure fix as a mountain biking coach. I'm also the founder of Your One Amazing Life, ~which is dedicated to helping you bring more joy into your life through simple, intentional actions that make a big difference in the long run.~
[00:00:35] Lindsay Carlson: I'm Lindsay Carlson, a solo parent who left an abusive relationship to start a new life. I now enjoy running my own company, Mighty Ink Marketing. ~We work with visionary businesses who want to stand out, get known and serve more of their perfect clients.~ We've both been single parents for more than a decade, which means we've made our share of mistakes and learned a few things along the way. What stands out for us is the value of community inspiration and support [00:01:00] to create a life you love no matter what the world throws at you. And that's what this podcast is all about. So listen in, get inspired and leave a review so other single parents can find it too. And sign up at singleandmighty.com for bonus resources and special news. ~ All right, let's get into today's episode. ~
[00:01:27] Lindsay Carlson: I can't believe that we're looking at
[00:01:29] Track 1: I know.
[00:01:29] Lindsay Carlson: So that's how
[00:01:30] Track 1: Oh my goodness. Christmas, you know, and Christmas always seems like it's this far away thing. Like you hit like Halloween and it's just, 'cause we're in Canada, so our Thanksgiving is done by, you know, in mid-October, and then Halloween, and then we have this, it feels like this long period of time, like six, seven weeks until
[00:01:53] Track 1: Christmas is actually here, and it seems like this huge long period of time, and then all of a sudden I'm looking at the calendar like, oh my God, it is like [00:02:00] two weeks away. two and a half.
[00:02:02] Lindsay Carlson: Yes.
[00:02:04] Track 1: I haven't
[00:02:04] Track 1: done all.
[00:02:05] Lindsay Carlson: that happen? It's true. Americans have it a little bit, they have a bit more of a runway onto the holidays. I, that's actually a
[00:02:14] Lindsay Carlson: good point,
[00:02:14] Track 1: I I think
[00:02:15] Lindsay Carlson: Um.
[00:02:16] Track 1: they they actually have a shorter runway because their, their Thanksgiving happens and then Christmas comes fairly, but, but it's like, okay, Thanksgiving time to think about Christmas. And it's like there's that quick shift, that quick turnover and, and we get lulled into a false sense of security.
[00:02:32] Track 1: We have all the time in the.
[00:02:35] Lindsay Carlson: Oh yeah, Oh yeah. I'm glad it's not just me. I'm so glad, But I guess, I guess if we wanna talk about Christmas and like how we're preparing for it and what we're approaching.
[00:02:47] Lindsay Carlson: ~Testing.~
[00:02:47] Track 1: ~Okay, so~
[00:02:47] Lindsay Carlson: ~Okay.~
[00:02:47] Lindsay Carlson: ~Is it ~
[00:02:47] Lindsay Carlson: ~working ~
[00:02:47] Track 1: ~we just wanted to~
[00:02:47] Track 1: ~talk a little bit about Christmas and the challenge of challenges of Christmas. And maybe a little bit of what we, what we do or what we know other people do in order to make Christmas. An enjoyable time and not like a total bummer if maybe you're not with your kids for part of it or all of it, or whatever that might be.~
[00:02:47] Lindsay Carlson: ~Yeah. Yeah. Yes, I know that for me, I wonder if we should talk just about our personal, what's going on in our personal circumstances this Christmas~
[00:02:47] Lindsay Carlson: ~a little bit. So that would probably make it easier~
[00:02:47] Track 1: ~Go into it. Yeah. ~
[00:02:47] Lindsay Carlson: ~than just being ~
[00:02:47] Track 1: ~Mm-Hmm. ~
[00:02:47] Lindsay Carlson: ~Yeah, because I know you've got a lot going on with~
[00:02:47] Lindsay Carlson: ~Christmas and I've just moved and life is~
[00:02:47] Lindsay Carlson: ~crazy. ~
[00:02:47] Track 1: ~crazy. ~
[00:02:47] Lindsay Carlson: ~yeah, I feel like we have different, we have good perspective~
[00:02:47] Lindsay Carlson: ~on, on this situation usually.~
[00:02:47] Track 1: ~Okay. Do you wanna share first?~
[00:02:47] Lindsay Carlson: ~sure. Yeah, I'd love to share first. All right. Yeah,~ so this year has been absolutely crazy. November was, it felt like a complete marathon. We got Covid for. A solid three weeks. [00:03:00] I was so sick. Normally with Covid, I was, in the past, I've, I've been able to function and get work done and just not feel great. This time I could barely sit at my computer. My head was pounding, my ears
[00:03:12] Lindsay Carlson: were ringing. It was
[00:03:13] Lindsay Carlson: the
[00:03:14] Track 1: awful.
[00:03:14] Lindsay Carlson: Yeah. ~So, yeah. Yeah. So.~
[00:03:15] Lindsay Carlson: ~It happens, right?~ And it happened at the worst time because we were in the middle of being evicted from our rental. our landlord wanted to move into the home that we had had for the past seven years. So not only were we moving, but we were completely changing everything because that was a huge house. Lots of room to spread out, double car garage full of storage. My kids had basically grown up there for seven years and we moved into A beautiful little tiny suite And so it's, ~it's, it's, it's,~ it's lovely and deluxe and we're so grateful to have a beautiful place to live, but it's just, yeah, I had to get rid of probably 70% of that [00:04:00] stuff we had accumulated over,
[00:04:02] Lindsay Carlson: over the years. So I think for me, because of the move and the craziness of being sick, I am just letting go of perfect. And so one of the things that happens in this. Really great little community that we moved into. They have a Santa visit and a big Christmas tree lighting celebration and the whole community shows and they're singing. And I really wanted to go to that. And yeah, it happened like the second day we were here when I could barely see my way to the front door between all the boxes.
[00:04:33] Lindsay Carlson: And I just kind of had to let go of, okay, I can
[00:04:36] Lindsay Carlson: do it next year. I don't have to be at all the things and do all the things. And even with gifting. I, I'm taking this, like the furniture was intentional and now I'm thinking like, how can be so intentional about the gifts that I don't give my kids so much stuff that they have to get rid of one day and, and they're at university, two of them are, and and they don't need to carry a whole bunch of stuff around.
[00:04:58] Lindsay Carlson: So I, yeah, I think it's [00:05:00] given me a grade, a great way to sort of decompress, take the pressure off because now I've been through such a crazy time. I just really want the peace and the togetherness and whatever supports those
[00:05:13] Lindsay Carlson: two things. That's all
[00:05:14] Track 1: I, I love that idea of letting go, ~um,~ when things just don't work out the way that you wanted them to, thought they were going to, whatever. I, this past weekend, my son and I were supposed to come over. Actually, we'd, we'd enlisted one of his friends. We were coming over, we were gonna go to the
[00:05:29] Track 1: Pacific p and e, the Pacific National Exhibition. They have this winter fest. It's, it's in Vancouver and we live in Victoria, so we need to take a ferry from our little island over to the mainland. And the reservation that I made, it just happened that the, the weather was terrible, the winds were too high, and they canceled our sailing.
[00:05:49] Lindsay Carlson: Ugh.
[00:05:50] Track 1: like I was all set to go. I was excited We had a hotel 'cause it was an evening event and, and like we were, I was just, we'd never been before, so we were just [00:06:00] really excited about going and.
[00:06:02] Lindsay Carlson: Yeah.
[00:06:04] Track 1: We just like it. That was, that was it ? It was like all of a sudden,
[00:06:09] Track 1: oh, that weekend just isn't happening. And we had to readjust and I actually did it
[00:06:14] Track 1: fairly quickly. My son's friend did it fairly quickly. My son did not do it so quickly. He was really, really set on going over to Vancouver and getting to stay in a hotel. And we've stayed at this particular
[00:06:27] Track 1: hotel before and he really loves it. So he was excited and. It just, yeah, for, for hours after we had to call it, he was like, well, can you just like check and see if there's any reservations on later ferries?
[00:06:42] Track 1: And you know, it's okay if we don't get there till like 10 o'clock at night.
[00:06:48] Lindsay Carlson: Oh, take a helicopter. Mom.
[00:06:51] Lindsay Carlson: We can do it.
[00:06:51] Track 1: you know, I was like, you know, and, and I was getting a little bit frustrated. so I just kind of had to be open to the reality that okay, he, he really [00:07:00] had his heart set on this, and I, you know, I have to help him let go
[00:07:05] Lindsay Carlson: Yeah.
[00:07:06] Track 1: that expectation because it's just not gonna happen. So, not this weekend anyways, so
[00:07:11] Lindsay Carlson: That's so hard.
[00:07:13] Track 1: but the letting it go,
[00:07:15] Lindsay Carlson: I love the opportunity. Yeah, the letting it go. And also like walking your child through disappointment, because that's a
[00:07:23] Lindsay Carlson: part of life too. And I used to try and protect my kids from that, but the fact is it totally happens and there was nothing you could do about it.
[00:07:32] Lindsay Carlson: So, and I know that you even texted us to see if we could take the tickets because they were valuable. So thank you for that.
[00:07:39] Track 1: Yeah,
[00:07:39] Track 1: it's too bad that it didn't work out. And honestly, I don't know if you would've wanted to go either because it was absolutely miserable. Like , it was cold, it
[00:07:49] Track 1: was wet. It was possibly the worst possible night to go to this event. 'cause it isn't, it is an
[00:07:54] Track 1: outdoor event.
[00:07:56] Track 1: So yeah, just, eh, oh, well , what are you [00:08:00] gonna do?
[00:08:01] Lindsay Carlson: Dang it. Well, I love the, I love the
[00:08:06] Lindsay Carlson: resilience that you, that you
[00:08:08] Track 1: mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm.
[00:08:09] Lindsay Carlson: It's so good. So tell me about your Christmas. I know that you have been coordinating a lot of plans and people and, and locations
[00:08:17] Track 1: Yeah. So every year it's a matter of like who we have some things set up between my, my ex and I as to, you know, when our son is going to spend time with each of us. But we also like to be a little bit flexible, so we're working on . Establishing something for this year and it hasn't actually been fully established yet.
[00:08:39] Track 1: And I keep looking at the calendar and I'm like, so we kind of gotta make a decision pretty soon. So
[00:08:44] Track 1: from the, the, co-parenting perspective. I'm a little frustrated right now, , that we haven't managed to like
[00:08:52] Track 1: nail down what is this going to look like. anD part of that is about
[00:08:56] Track 1: really setting the expectations for our son as to where he's going to be [00:09:00] when,
[00:09:00] Lindsay Carlson: Mm-Hmm.
[00:09:01] Track 1: have a friend who one of the most, she's a single parent and one of the most wonderful things I think she did for her daughter when she was young, 'cause she's she's actually now just gotten married and is pregnant and gonna be having kids of her own, which is very exciting.
[00:09:16] Track 1: But she was telling me that when her daughter was young, she would.
[00:09:21] Track 1: Routinely set the expectation for what's gonna happen, every day. Okay, this is what's gonna happen today. So that her daughter just had that sense of security, of knowing what was coming. And so I thought that was pretty brilliant. So I am trying to do
[00:09:37] Track 1: that
[00:09:37] Track 1: for for our son as well, so that he knows what's coming.
[00:09:43] Track 1: So, yeah,
[00:09:44] Lindsay Carlson: Yeah. And it's not
[00:09:46] Lindsay Carlson: perfect. It's not coming together on schedule. And
[00:09:49] Lindsay Carlson: yeah. I wonder if there's some discussion about, oh, sometimes sometimes we don't have our plans far enough in
[00:09:58] Lindsay Carlson: advance, but
[00:09:59] Track 1: Yeah, [00:10:00]
[00:10:00] Track 1: Well, yeah, and, and part of it too is also that, you know, I'm dating someone I. And we wanna spend some time together over the Christmas break. And so it's like there's also another person involved that also deserves consideration. My ex-husband also has a partner who I'm sure he wants to spend time with over the holidays.
[00:10:22] Track 1: So there's actually a lot of people to consider and I just know that
[00:10:28] Track 1: deciding what the dates are gonna be, . Further ahead just kind of helps everybody figure out what's their, what are, what are those two weeks gonna look like? ~So Yeah, ~
[00:10:36] Lindsay Carlson: a lot
[00:10:37] Track 1: a lot of moving pieces.
[00:10:38] Lindsay Carlson: Yeah. When, when do you think that you're actually gonna have this like more
[00:10:43] Track 1: I sent,
[00:10:44] Lindsay Carlson: so
[00:10:44] Track 1: I sent him a text today, saying, Hey, we've really got, nail this down. So hey, help me out.
[00:10:52] Lindsay Carlson: Do you find that you have different planning styles usually around things like this, or is this
[00:10:57] Track 1: No, we do have slightly different planning [00:11:00] styles. It, it kind of ends up being me who says, Hey, we need to plan for this, and then he responds . So, you know, I just, I've, I've just accepted that that's going to be my role of saying, Hey, you know, I'm looking ahead and here's what we need to . Figure out whether it's Christmas or spring break or you know, the summer holidays and, know, I can either get really frustrated that it's always me.
[00:11:28] Track 1: That's, you know, figuring out what's, or, or saying, Hey, we gotta plan for this, or I can just accept that it's me, that's gonna
[00:11:37] Track 1: be the initiator of that. Or I maybe need to have another conversation with him about, Hey, I don't wanna always be the person who's. Sorting this out or like keeping my eye on the calendar.
[00:11:49] Track 1: Can you help out a little bit more? So,
[00:11:52] Lindsay Carlson: Setting some expectations
[00:11:55] Track 1: Mm-Hmm. and.
[00:11:56] Lindsay Carlson: Yeah. And doing it in the most diplomatic
[00:11:58] Lindsay Carlson: way.
[00:11:59] Track 1: it also [00:12:00] requires that letting go that we were talking about, right? You know, that saying, Hey, here's what I'd love to happen. Can you be the person who plans X, y, Z every year? So that I don't like, there's one less thing for me to worry about, and then let go and trust that he's actually gonna do it, because now it's no longer
[00:12:19] Track 1: My control , so to speak. I mean, it is because I can reach out at any time and say, Hey, I haven't seen anything about this. But I also, the whole point of me saying, Hey, can you take this on? Is so that I don't have to be thinking about it. So it's also just letting go and trusting that it's gonna work out.
[00:12:40] Lindsay Carlson: Yeah, absolutely. Here, my, my brain is like marketing messaging all around this. I'm like, okay, so you need to frame this from what's in it, but seriously.
[00:12:51] Track 1: Yes. You know what? Actually, I think there is a bit of co-parenting, managing your co-parenting relationship. That is, you know, mar learning [00:13:00] marketing messaging might actually really help us a lot.
[00:13:04] Lindsay Carlson: In the advocacy, right. Self-advocacy, knowing how to, yeah, knowing how to open someone's mind to
[00:13:10] Lindsay Carlson: what you need in a way that. They'll buy into
[00:13:12] Lindsay Carlson: it. That's fun. There's an app that I used to think was really fun, and it does, it kind of sets that up for you. It's called Husband Motivator and it, I've never used it for
[00:13:21] Lindsay Carlson: my husband, but it helps you walk through a situation and it kind of breaks down the messaging of like, what's in it for them and why would they care and how could you talk to them.
[00:13:30] Lindsay Carlson: So if that's still around,
[00:13:31] Track 1: That's brilliant
[00:13:33] Lindsay Carlson: awesome. Yeah. And if not, then run it through chat gt.
[00:13:41] Track 1: But yeah, I think that's great. That's, you know, a way of looking at what at any situation from someone else's perspective, right. It's not,
[00:13:50] Track 1: you know, it might sound like really manipulative, but really what it is, it's about looking at things from someone else's perspective.
[00:13:56] Lindsay Carlson: Yeah,
[00:13:57] Lindsay Carlson: it's that consideration. I think a lot of the times [00:14:00] in the communications work that I do, it's, it's just about how to talk to people and not everyone understands like. They actually probably don't care how you want things to go or what your timelines are or what your vision is because they're no longer your partner and they don't give to hoots necessarily,
[00:14:19] Lindsay Carlson: but
[00:14:20] Track 1: Hoots.
[00:14:21] Lindsay Carlson: so if you can put yourself in their shoes. Yeah. And just sort of like, okay, well what would, what
[00:14:27] Lindsay Carlson: would make their lives easier? Oh, hey, if I did this by, if I had this by that time, then I could set my son's expectations and that would be
[00:14:34] Lindsay Carlson: really restful and, you know, really
[00:14:36] Lindsay Carlson: easier on him. Or, you know, these are, these are the shared goals that we have and, and here's an idea of how
[00:14:42] Lindsay Carlson: we could reach
[00:14:42] Track 1: love that.
[00:14:43] Track 1: So good.
[00:14:45] Track 1: look at,
[00:14:45] Lindsay Carlson: at me giving advice
[00:14:46] Lindsay Carlson: on something I don't do
[00:14:48] Track 1: now that, and that's a great point. Like your, your Christmas is very different from mine. You don't have to worry about another person. Another parent and their schedule. So what does, [00:15:00] what does your Christmas look like?
[00:15:01] Lindsay Carlson: Yeah, I actually, that's one thing that I think is lovely in the solo parent situation is having that full say, you know, o over what you want. Now, of course, my kids, two of them are in their twenties now, so I need to, my son kind of wants to like hang out with his people and do his thing. So I'm hoping to have him over for a few nights, but who knows?
[00:15:28] Lindsay Carlson: 'cause he's, you know, an individual with his
[00:15:30] Lindsay Carlson: own choice. And my daughter too. But yeah, so. To me it's always been what are some core moments that we can create together? So what's the highlight or what are the things that we look forward to? For me, it's like opening stockings on Christmas morning.
[00:15:45] Lindsay Carlson: That's a big one, and doing a nice breakfast. And I don't like being in the kitchen all day working.
[00:15:51] Track 1: Amen.
[00:15:52] Lindsay Carlson: working on cooking. I hate that.
[00:15:56] Track 1: I am, I am picking up what you're putting
[00:15:58] Track 1: down .[00:16:00]
[00:16:01] Lindsay Carlson: So what can we do that that is our ours and yeah, I mean, we can eat nice food, but we can spend the day outside
[00:16:08] Lindsay Carlson: on a hike or play games all day or
[00:16:11] Lindsay Carlson: whatever it is that we
[00:16:12] Lindsay Carlson: actually enjoy together.
[00:16:13] Track 1: yeah.
[00:16:14] Track 1: I love that. For Thanksgiving this year, I spent it with part of it anyways with um, my . My boyfriend and his sister and her girlfriend and we chose to not have Turkey or any like big, we actually went and got steaks from the local
[00:16:32] Track 1: store and we just made it super easy and everybody chipped in
[00:16:37] Track 1: and no one had to spend hours making this like fancy dinner.
[00:16:43] Track 1: Yeah, ,it was so awesome.
[00:16:46] Lindsay Carlson: I love that Oh, that's so good. Now my family, my, my extended family doesn't quite see it the same way as I do. I have someone who loves to be in the
[00:16:54] Lindsay Carlson: kitchen all day, but you know, I'm very clear that
[00:16:57] Lindsay Carlson: that's not gonna be me So if you guys wanna do [00:17:00] it, go for
[00:17:00] Lindsay Carlson: it.
[00:17:00] Track 1: Yeah. And you do have family nearby?
[00:17:02] Track 1: I don't, I don't actually, I, my sister lives
[00:17:05] Track 1: in Victoria as well, so I usually, she usually
[00:17:08] Track 1: comes over and as long as she's not working and and we have an, we have a nice dinner. It's not a Turkey dinner. Actually, I think last year we did do a Turkey dinner because she really wanted a Turkey dinner.
[00:17:21] Track 1: I was like, well, then you come over and you cook the Turkey .
[00:17:26] Lindsay Carlson: Yeah,
[00:17:26] Track 1: Uh, but you do have a fair bit of family around, so yeah. That, does that change
[00:17:32] Track 1: anything for you? Do you end up spending a lot of time with them?
[00:17:34] Lindsay Carlson: Yeah, actually I'm really grateful. My most of my bigger family of origin moved into our town
[00:17:43] Lindsay Carlson: this year. So, yeah, we were previously at least a three hour commute with a ferry ride across the ocean. And but now. We're all in like a 10 minute radius of each other, which is kind of wild. It was, it was our vision a couple years ago
[00:17:58] Lindsay Carlson: to maybe make that happen.
[00:17:59] Lindsay Carlson: And, and [00:18:00] so little by little it, it's happened. Yeah, so it'll be, it'll be the first year this year that we're not putting all the gifts into the back of a car and trying to squish everything in and, you know, not, not buying gifts that are huge so that we didn't have to
[00:18:13] Lindsay Carlson: transport them to my sister's place. And yeah, it'll be a new thing, a new Christmas, and I don't know what
[00:18:18] Lindsay Carlson: it's gonna look like yet. Um, there's some apprehension there. And I think the things that I can control are the parts that matter the most to me. I can, I can make sure that I. I do my best to make those things
[00:18:32] Lindsay Carlson: happen, and the rest of it, I'm just gonna go with it and, and we'll, we'll create our own ways of
[00:18:38] Track 1: Yeah. One, one of the, if again, it, see this, the theme seems to be letting go you know, letting go of what used to happen in the past and being willing to embrace something new can really make a huge difference to . How you feel about, you know, this year's experience of the holidays, right? [00:19:00] If you're newly divorced and all of this is, you know, fresh and the, the idea of not spending the entire holidays with your kids or whatever, have you know, especially if you're gonna be alone for part of it, like no part of your family lives in your area, that can be really, really challenging.
[00:19:21] Track 1: So there's like, there's, you kind of have to let go of what was in order to
[00:19:27] Track 1: embrace what is, and maybe create some new traditions, or maybe it's just what you happen to do this year in order to
[00:19:36] Track 1: create the, you know, create a season that feels really good for you, or create an experience that feels really good for you no matter what is happening.
[00:19:45] Lindsay Carlson: Absolutely. I remember feeling so alone the first
[00:19:49] Lindsay Carlson: Christmas with my kids. I don't know if we had family all that close at that time, but it was just sort of looking around the room and, and. Oh my goodness. I have to bring so much energy to [00:20:00] this because there's no other parent and there's like, we're in a, a house that we didn't live in last year and we're, you know, we have none of our stuff with us anymore.
[00:20:09] Lindsay Carlson: And so how do I single handedly make Christmas
[00:20:12] Lindsay Carlson: magical and.
[00:20:13] Track 1: that's a lot of pressure.
[00:20:15] Lindsay Carlson: that's yeah, I don't think that's the way to do it. I, I think what eventually evolved was the kids each took some responsibility too for what they loved about it. Right? So my, my oldest kids would play with my youngest and, and they would do quiet things for hours.
[00:20:30] Lindsay Carlson: And I found moments where I could just take some time to myself, which was really lovely. And absolutely it
[00:20:37] Lindsay Carlson: looked different, but. I think you're right. I think if you can just take a deep breath and try not to panic, something will evolve from that initial moment of, of being so alone in
[00:20:50] Track 1: Yeah. As you were talking about your kids taking some responsibility for, you know, thi different things. I was like, oh yeah, there's that beauty of co-creating something new. [00:21:00] Right? And not thinking that it's all up to you as the parent, but. Actually giving them some agency in what happens from this moment forward.
[00:21:09] Track 1: I think it can be really, really, you know, this is a bit of an overused word, but empowering for kids to be like, oh, I get, I get a
[00:21:16] Track 1: say in what we do. I get a say in how this, how we decorate the house, or you know, what goes on the tree
[00:21:23] Track 1: or what . What Christmas movies we watch or what, you know, what Non Christmas movies, we watch
[00:21:31] Track 1: If not everybody
[00:21:32] Track 1: not everybody wants to have Christmas movies. Right.
[00:21:35] Track 1: So Yeah.
[00:21:37] Track 1: the, the co-creation of it also just really takes a lot of pressure off of you as the parent to like make magic because it's, it's hard as one single individual adult to. Make this season special. If that, if that's your thing.
[00:21:56] Track 1: 'cause also I wanna acknowledge there's a, a lot of people in the world [00:22:00] that just don't celebrate Christmas. This isn't a big deal for them. Right. So there's also that part, like it's, it's just another day for some people,
[00:22:08] Lindsay Carlson: Yeah, of course. Exactly. Exactly. And you know what? If you don't have your kids on Christmas Day, which was always something that terrified me, it doesn't mean that you can't have a season. You can find that moment to create at some point in that season. And I just think that when I realized that, and you all probably already realize it, but it just took some of the pressure off of needing to hold so tightly to what it
[00:22:35] Lindsay Carlson: should look like. 'cause it doesn't have to
[00:22:37] Lindsay Carlson: look like that.
[00:22:39] Lindsay Carlson: Mm-Hmm.
[00:22:41] Track 1: Absolutely.
[00:22:42] Lindsay Carlson: I love it. Well, I hope you guys have amazing Christmas, no matter
[00:22:45] Track 1: No matter what gets figured out, we're gonna have a great Christmas. We're, you know, for we're, we're together, no matter, it might not be for all parts of this, the, you know, those two weeks that my son has off school, but it will be, we will be together [00:23:00] and it'll be, it'll be whatever we make it to be.
[00:23:03] Track 1: And I love that we talked about that co-creation, because Yeah. I'm gonna talk to my son tonight probably about, well, what do you want this Christmas to look like?
[00:23:11] Lindsay Carlson: Nice. Yeah.
[00:23:13] Lindsay Carlson: so you're right. The part that's not in your control right now is the scheduling, but absolutely, you can start creating some ideas and, and build other parts of those expectations that you wanna put
[00:23:24] Track 1: Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm.
[00:23:26] Lindsay Carlson: That's a great
[00:23:26] Lindsay Carlson: point. All right. Thanks for the conversation. I love thinking about
[00:23:32] Lindsay Carlson: this stuff and how as single parents, we can really create those lives the way we want to create them.
[00:23:39] Lindsay Carlson: Be really intentional about them.
[00:23:41] Track 1: ~I lost you for a minute, . So I was like, I don't know.~
[00:23:41] Lindsay Carlson: ~I lost you~
[00:23:41] Track 1: ~I ~
[00:23:41] Track 1: ~don't know if she's still talking~
[00:23:41] Track 1: ~But yeah creating with intention. Creating with intention. ~
[00:23:41] Track 1: ~So beautiful.~
[00:23:41] Lindsay Carlson: ~Mm-Hmm,~ All right. Till next time, have a great holiday listeners. We'd love.
[00:23:47] Track 1: I wish and I think together, we wish everyone a, um, a merry Christmas
[00:23:53] Lindsay Carlson: Yeah.
[00:23:54] Track 1: if you celebrate it. And if you don't,
[00:23:56] Track 1: we wish you just
[00:23:57] Track 1: an awesome.
[00:23:57] Track 1: Couple weeks.
[00:23:58] Lindsay Carlson: awesome. Couple weeks. [00:24:00] No kidding. And if you would like to share how you do your Christmas and how you do your holidays, we'd love to hear it. You can always reach us on our social media platforms or through our website, single and mighty.com.
[00:24:13] Before you leave, we want to give a big shout out to our friend and musician, Laura Kosh, who wrote our intro and outro music. Laura is the singer songwriter for the band, the Quirks, and you can find them online at the quirks, K W E R k s.com.~~
[00:24:29] If you enjoyed the show, make sure you subscribe, leave a review and share it with other single parents in your life. Thanks for listening. [00:25:00]