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Lessons Learned with Komal is a place to explore life's greatest lessons. The ones we've learned, and those we are still in the process of learning. Episodes are a mix of interviews and personal reflections from Komal. Lessons Learned is a space for you to chew on life's lessons, big and small, and hear from the people we admire most in the world.
welcome back to Lessons Learned audio essays
if you're here shout out to you
thanks for showing up thanks for listening in
I'm having so much fun doing these audio essays
getting to write again and express
there is a concept called coherence about our lives
and when we're going through tough seasons
or making sense of seasons that we're in
writing
and expressing are some of the best ways to go about doing that
and writing these personal essays
truly is that for me and has been through majority of my career
and I feel like I somewhat forgot that for a while
and I have been longing for this sense of creative joy
and discovery and fun
and in three weeks of writing these and recording them
I feel so much more alive again with my work
and with what I want to put in the world
I also
spoiler alert signed up for comedy writing classes
and I did my first one with a comedy coach last night
and I had so much fun I'm gonna talk about it in next week's essay
so make sure to tune in
now without further ado let's dive into this week's essay
I'm scared my life is too small
since the start of June
I haven't slept in a bed other than my own at home
that's three months over 90 days of no significant travel
and if I'm really honest
very few meaningful outings off of our property
this is novel for me given I was home for a total of six weeks
throughout the previous five months
and in the years prior I spent so much time on the road in New York
London LA
and various places around the world
attending events and living adventures
that seem to wire my nervous system to keep wanting more
our next IVF retrieval is happening in late October
and I've been in a bit of a summer camp of preparation living
living
in a radius of maybe 50 km total
I'm in a routine I never thought I'd get to experience
given the pace of my life
but one I've always been curious about living
we're sleeping earlier
going for walks every day in our back field and forest
I go to the gym two or three times a week with friends
and we're cooking a lot more at home and ordering in so much less
which my credit card is so appreciative of
we've found so many great TV shows to immerse ourselves into
and I've spent almost every single day outside working reading
hosting thinking
journaling and slowly building myself back up to meet you in this way
consistently again
some evenings
after Mitch has made his perfect patterns in the lawn with the mower
and cultivated some new trails for us to walk in the field
we sit together and listen to the sounds of the birds
crickets frogs and trees
and we say to one another
how is this our life
it's special to feel a sense of deep gratitude for a place
we've lived together now for 10 years
alongside my father in law
it's particularly special for Mitch
as he chose this home because of the cool rocks on its facade
back when he was just a kid
it's cool for me because this land keeps helping me heal
from so many health and life extremes
that I haven't really had a choice in facing
we've definitely taken this home for granted over the years
but this summer we really got to enjoy the fruits of our labor
of projects and of the intentional effort we've put in over the decade
to make it a space not just for us
but for our community to enjoy and find respite
once in a while though
I still wonder about what else I'm missing
if I'm not performing a big life
do I still get to have one
I feel so confused
life feels meaningful in its smallness
but I also miss that big I've gotten accustomed to
there's a sense of significance
to being in rooms where decisions are made
and where power convenes
I've built a career that has included being in these spaces
I've often been in the host chair
leading conversations of consequence and impact
and became accustomed to being asked to participate in gatherings
where some of the foremost thinkers and doers come together
to influence culture politics and where we as a collective are headed
I miss holding the mic and holding the room
I miss regularly knowing my voice is heard and respected
as the momentum builds from being in these spaces
showing up less and less feels so much more risky
what if the invitations slow
what if pulling back creates a gap that I don't know how to bridge
I miss the fancy people and events
the travel the demands for my physical body to be in more places
to do more things and seem so much more important
I miss chasing an itch that you can never really scratch
and following a pull you can't quite name but feels oh
so right a lot of the time
and also tiring when you hit the edge of your tolerance
the season I feel like I'm in
isn't quite matching the one I'm watching
my faves and my friends living on my feed
I'm in a bit of a personal winter
not an all out fall sprint
what has been fun though
is watching so many people winning right now and in particular
so many of the women I grew up admiring
Celine Dion is back on stage in Paris
making us all tear up with her triumphant return
Oprah is making the rounds around the world
bringing her joy wisdom
excellence and interviewing
and entertaining and precision to the feeds of creators
I'm so impressed are featuring her
and she just announced an immersive experience at the sphere in Vegas
something she calls
a culmination of what she's worked towards throughout her life
Alanis Morissette is preparing for a run of a new show in LA
and unleashed on stage with Brandi Carlile in the Red Rocks
and with Olivia Rodrigo
and the incredible lineup at Daisy Chain Fields
that Red Rocks performance changed my brain chemistry
you should absolutely watch it
Sandra Bullock is back on press tour for Practical Magic 2
and sharing so meaningfully about her
experiences as a caregiver
and gifting us with her power on screen again
I've been thinking deeply about why
seeing all of these women in the spotlight again
matters so much to me
and it's because they each have navigated so much
fucking life and turmoil
Celine was diagnosed with stiff person syndrome
and lost her ability to sing
as she once did
Oprah had two knee surgeries
and navigated major online backlash against her over the pandemic
that LED her to limiting her outputs
Alanis has shared openly about her experiences with extreme burnout
postpartum depression and psychosis
and her recoveries
and becoming a support for young people in the industry
that she wishes she had
Sandra Bullock lost her longtime partner to his battle with ALS
and when caregiving she said
she neglected her own health
and experienced a stretch that was quite dark
she's been rebuilding herself ever since
each of the women I've named above openly share from the scar
not the wound of the trauma and difficulty they faced
but they also share about how important it was to retreat
to focus on cultivating a meaningful little life that could hold them
and help them heal and recover
and leaning on
and finding the relationships and people they could do it with
particularly their relationships with themselves
and the boundaries they needed to truly recover
their brilliance hadn't disappeared while they were away
they were nourishing themselves
so they could once again hold their excellence
and genius with strength and flexibility
instead of brute force and rigidity
it takes a meaningful little life to truly hold a big one
a few months ago I was catching up with one of my oldest friends Jane
she works in high level politics and was on sabbatical
she shared a story that's been a guiding light for me ever since
of the ministers and senior level officials
Jane would engage with every day
she said most seemed wildly unhappy
but there were the select few
who had a genuine sense of contentment and satisfaction
Jane shared how she spoke to a cabinet minister
who she admired and asked her what she was doing that weekend
it was the week of the G7 summit
and she was navigating high level negotiations
and consequential meetings
but that weekend the cabinet minister shared
she was going to work on building a new front porch with her husband
at that moment
Jane realized this cabinet minister had something she too wanted
a big little life
a life where we get to express ourselves
our skills and our calling at the highest level we aspire to
and a life where the smallest things matter exponentially
painting a porch with someone you love
valuing the people you love
listening to the birds the trees
feeling the breeze and letting yourself
be fueled by the real and most meaningful things in life
love self
love peace calm and genuine enjoyment of whatever holds your life
together
and it's the seasons that force us to pull back
break down and rebuild ourselves
with the collection of the best little parts of our life
that cement the big little life that we might truly want
the little makes the big actually mean something
I'm learning there's a difference between actually living a big life
and noticing it
versus constantly needing external evidence that I have one
the truth is
I want and love every part of my life I've chosen right now
the constriction and pruning I've done
to focus on the biggest dream I've had yet
to have a child with the love of my life
is exactly what this season is meant for
to create a little life
I'd truly want to welcome our little into
there's no red carpet stage
or travel sprint
that I would actually trade for the hard and small of this season
I've chosen
so I guess yes
life feels small right now
but maybe I'm just realizing how much a big
little life can actually hold
I've read this aloud a few times
and every single time I cry at the end
it's just so real oh my goodness
there's something really
unique
about
infertility
that makes
something that is so easy for so many
and recognizing how absolutely
insanely difficult it is for so many people
that stark contrast it just feels extremely humbling
and to be working on something that is so intimate and so quiet
but so enormous
in its requirements of me in particular
and doing it with no audience
with
no applause with no
things that I've been used to in my career
as my markers of success or
like I'm doing a good job
it is so wildly confidence building
and assuring
in not only knowing who the fuck I am
but knowing what I'm capable of
not just surviving
but capable of doing and choosing
because this hard that I'm choosing
and the other women who have had to walk a journey similar to mine
or adjacent because there's no infertility experience
that is the same between two people
it's honestly
I couldn't have gone through anything else
that could have forged me the way I've been forged
I'm forged not fragile I said that in the IVF series
so being able to write and make coherence of my life
while it's been so intense with all of you
through these essays and through these recordings
is something I cherish and value so much
and I didn't know that I would until I started doing it
I undervalued the words I have in me to say
the things I want to express
and
life is too short to try and make ourselves so small
life is too short to try and make ourselves so small
so this is
me doing the things that feel really good
that I love to do
being nerdy with my cameras
are you kidding me getting to play with different setups every week of
where do I wanna read my audio
essay this week how do I wanna share it with the world
and then just seeing all of you slowly start to find them
it's just been so fun
okay
your prompts for the week
so if you are in a personal winter
which is you feel like your life's constricted maybe
or you're cocooned it's not really like loud and out there
similar to the things that I'm experiencing
it's not your usual
all out sprint um
exciting season of life so if you're in a personal winter
so if you're in a personal winter
how could strengthening your little life help you
show up better for your big life
when it's time to and what do you love about your little life
what could you appreciate more
and if you're in a personal summer which is all out sprints
everything's hitting at once the demands on you are so high
you are performing at a level that
is possibly unsustainable
but you're in it right now and you're doing it
and you're doing what you can with what you have
and sometimes it might be like
actually just feeling like you're so alive and in the pocket and flow
and other times it might just feel like the demands are just so big
but you're showing up for them
but it's happening at a cost those are both summers
but if you're in a personal summer right now
how can you better appreciate the big season you're in
what support from your little life do
you need right now to keep thriving
I recommend you grab a journal
or yap with someone you love about these questions
and help yourself build some of the coherence
that this little corner of the internet is helping me have as well
the biggest blessing of my work
throughout my career
is that
as I make sense of my own life
I have been able to help a lot of other people make sense of theirs
and
if
you
are
enjoying
these
essays
I'm so happy to have you I'm so glad they're hitting
if you want to dive into planning together monthly as well
and join the Lessons Learned community
to join my monthly journaling and planning salons
consider upgrading to paid to join us
I wrote an entire essay last week
around my passion and love of hosting
and how these spaces have evolved
and the impact they've had on the attendees
it's an intimate
space and group of wonderful people right now
and I have not
promoted it significantly
and so as promotion begins
now that I'm actually telling people what I'm doing
and that this exists
it's a really special time to join right now
before things get a little bit busier
in the lessons Learned community
so if you'd like to join consider upgrading to paid over on Substack
you can visit komal.com/substack to
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if you're watching this on YouTube
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leaving a review
leaving some comments
I'd love to hear how these essays are resonating for you
I so appreciate you being here
I appreciate you Mitch is in the hallway while I'm filming this
you wanna come say hi quick
babe before we sign off
hi we appreciate you being here and I will see you in the next one
thanks for hanging out thanks for hanging out until next time