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Mainstream mental health is flawed and I’m pulling back the curtain.
I’m Andrea Clark, a former family therapist, who walked away from the system to expose the truth. After my own journey from medication maze to holistic healing, I’m here to challenge the status quo and reveal the mental health truths most people don’t know.
”The Truth About Mental Health” is your radical roadmap to wellness. Raw stories, expert insights, breakthrough solutions – this is where traditional modalities end and real healing begins.
Andrea Clark (00:01.518)
Krista, welcome. I am so excited for our conversation today.
Christa Hardin (00:07.494)
thank you so much for having me Andrea. I'm so excited for all of us to get to chat Enneagram today.
Andrea Clark (00:14.146)
I know, okay, so before we dive deep into this, I wanted to just share with you guys why I thought Krista would be an incredible fit for what we're talking about, this larger conversation about the truth about mental health and things that are out there that can really heal you and support your mental health and that are not the traditional talk therapy, medication, all of these things. And...
I think that this is a really great fit, especially when we get into the marriage portion of this discussion, understanding who you are. And I took the Enneagram in like 2012 or something. And when I discovered who, know, how to think about who I am in that way and how I see the world and approach the world, I felt so understood.
And being able to understand how other people see the world and understand the world and how they communicate from that place was a really powerful tool for me personally. And I think that so much of our mental health has to do with our lens and our personality and...
how we integrate into the world. And if we don't set ourselves up for success by understanding ourselves and then, know, obviously nothing can ever be perfectly orchestrated, but putting ourselves in situations that are more aligned with what we need and who we are, that's a huge part of our mental health. And so that is why I wanted to have you on is that this is another way to look at mental health relationships, relationship health.
And for anybody who, you know, ends up loving this, you know, I know that you'll you have resources, you have a website. So let's dive into that and let's pretend that not everybody listening is even knows what they might not even know what the Enneagram is. Right. So so I know that you've been involved in mentoring people through marriage for like 20 years, which is incredible.
Christa Hardin (02:24.237)
Mm-hmm.
Andrea Clark (02:35.598)
so you have a lot of experience. Yes. And I'm curious what made you decide to then bring in the Enneagram to all of that.
Christa Hardin (02:36.441)
Thank you.
Christa Hardin (02:47.053)
It's a great question because I've always loved psychological assessments. Enneagram is defined as an assessment, but it's not just a psychological assessment. It also goes into emotional and spiritual realms, which is what makes it an additionally amazing measure to find out who we are. A lot of people think it's a test. It's not really, although that's a quick way of saying it to people. You could say it's a personality test.
Andrea Clark (03:05.326)
Yeah.
Christa Hardin (03:14.511)
but it's much deeper than that. What it does is it helps you find your personality patterns and the motivations and reasons behind those patterns. And that helps you to find compassion for others who are different from you. That is the biggest game changer of this test versus others. And you even hear me say, we can take tests, but it's going to have to be that if you hear us talking about these nine types today, which Enneagram means nine types,
Andrea Clark (03:14.626)
Yeah.
Christa Hardin (03:44.089)
Basically, you'll have to realize that you will probably follow a type pattern and you can take a test if you want to and I'll give a link to that. But at the same time, just listening can also help you to know your type even a little bit better sometimes than a test can do because we take tests in moods, right? We have four week cycles, many of us women. And so you want to really look at the core motivations of each of the nine types before you let a test tell you what you are. So that's a little bit about
this measure and the reason I got into it was after doing all the other psychological assessments, I realized that this one encompassed layers that they missed. Even if I put them all together, the Enneagram largely had almost all of that and in some ways even more than they all had. So I used to do this thousands of dollars psychological battery when I was in Michigan and I used to say, it's over a thousand dollars of course, cause I'm gonna be doing.
Andrea Clark (04:24.142)
Yeah.
Christa Hardin (04:39.415)
a lot of writing and 20 pages and we're gonna be meeting a lot. then, and this is like 20 years ago. And then realizing the Enneagram type could get me all of that and more just made it so obvious. Like, okay, wait a second. I could do all of this with my clients, get more couples information, help my own marriage, help my family and consider it just this one number for each of us. Yes, all the way yes.
Andrea Clark (05:05.13)
Yeah, that's really interesting because all of that kind of testing is very expensive. I used to work with psychologists when I was practicing and yeah, mean, it's not inexpensive by any means. And I do think that it doesn't, it's not even all encompassing, if that makes sense, right? It's looking for very specific things, yeah.
Christa Hardin (05:19.877)
Yes.
Christa Hardin (05:27.301)
Exactly. Oh yeah.
Andrea Clark (05:32.502)
Okay, so for people listening who don't know what the Enneagram is or what the Enneagram numbers mean, like sometimes when I talk to friends, new friends, I'm like, I really, you seem like you might be a three or whatever I'll say, or, you know, I'll say, have you heard of the Enneagram? And they're like, yeah, I've heard of it. I think I'm a whatever, right? They don't, but they don't really know what that means. So do you mind sharing just a little bit about each type?
Christa Hardin (05:36.741)
Mm-hmm.
Christa Hardin (05:43.416)
Mm-hmm.
Christa Hardin (05:50.18)
Mm-hmm.
Christa Hardin (05:53.962)
Yeah.
Mm-hmm. Yeah, that sounds great. And that way, if you hear yourself in one or more of these patterns, you can take a deeper dive to investigate it out. So I'll go through some of the core strengths and then a core area of just fear for each type two, that's OK.
Andrea Clark (06:10.093)
Yeah.
Andrea Clark (06:17.388)
Yes, absolutely. Whatever you want to share, it's going to be amazing. I'm so excited.
Christa Hardin (06:19.799)
Okay. Perfect. I'm so excited for people to get to know themselves better and their partners or family. Be listening for everybody. And just as that caveat, don't overly type people. each have to come to our own type, but you could say, I think you should look at type three or nine for yourself and dig a little deeper, read a little bit about it and see if that's a fit with your friends and family. But you'll know today if I'm reading your mail when I talk about the types. So let's talk about types.
Andrea Clark (06:32.14)
Yeah.
Christa Hardin (06:46.819)
We'll just go in order one through nine. So type one is a perfectionist or a lot of people prefer the word reformer. Others prefer using the word just actually more than one word sometimes to describe themselves. They're like, I can't be reduced to one word, especially if they're a one who's a bit perfectionistic. But I've also really come to enjoy the word refiner because ones really work well in making the world more beautiful and refining
Andrea Clark (07:03.566)
I'm sorry.
Christa Hardin (07:16.613)
qualities that are missed by others. They often feel like they will see the details that everybody else misses. Like my husband's a one and we were driving on the road the other day and he got out of the car and I was driving and he's like showing up next to this truck next to us and that my kids and I are like, what are you doing? And he's like, there was nails all over the floor, all over the ground and everyone was going to hurt their tires.
ones want to do what's good and right. And we're like, okay, this was a safe situation, but be careful. You can't just hop out of your car and get nails off of the road. But he was refining that road. He was seeing what was good and right. And that's what ones do. But their weakness and their failed space that every one of us has no one is perfect is they feel like I have to be always right and good. And I can't ever be wrong or bad. And so they tend to not say sorry.
Andrea Clark (07:46.126)
Yeah.
Christa Hardin (08:07.427)
very often they tend to have rage deep down for the things they don't say because they're trying to be perfect all the time. I'm sure you know some ones.
Andrea Clark (08:13.678)
Mm-hmm.
Some of how I've experienced someones are like my way or the highway is how it felt. Like there was no other way to do things. And I don't know if that's something that you would say could be a comment, but that was my personal experience is, and I'm somebody who's like, there's a lot of ways that we could do things, right? and...
Christa Hardin (08:22.469)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, can be very rigid.
Christa Hardin (08:38.373)
Mm-hmm.
Andrea Clark (08:40.694)
And it felt like there was some rigidity with that, least in my experience in like business and things like that.
Christa Hardin (08:45.252)
Yes.
Yes, I'm so glad you brought that up because ones are a very logical type. There's a lot of just different groupings in the Enneagram. That's why I said it's such a robust measure. It's not just these few adjectives I'm sharing today, but it's something you can study and get to know more because there's all these groupings and ones are in a logical group. They're also in a culturally compliant group. So within their culture, if they feel like they're right and they're good.
Andrea Clark (08:52.781)
Mm-hmm.
Christa Hardin (09:11.735)
and they're making sure that they are checking all those boxes, they're gonna have a really strong logical case for themselves. And many of the times they are gonna be right, if not most of the time. But sometimes they're wrong. And sometimes, as you said so well, there's more than one way to get to Rome. And so it's good for ones who are healthier and doing their work to use what we call their arrows, their wings. These are other spots, other personality types that can help them to access.
Andrea Clark (09:28.846)
Hmm.
Christa Hardin (09:37.913)
more growth points. And for listeners who are new, I don't want to bombard you with that. But I just want everyone to know a healthier type one can do that work. So that's something that my husband and many other ones don't struggle with as much as they used to. Although any of them will tell you, yes, we like to be right.
Andrea Clark (09:54.942)
Yes. Yeah. And, you know, there's the way it's like resourceful or unresourceful or healthy or unhealthy. It's in it's like getting to a place where you're tapping into the more healthy pieces of your personality style. And so just as an example, when I first took the test, I was way more unresourceful than, you know, I take it. would say
I would say not even once a year, but maybe once every like year and a half, two years, just to see if I've had any shifts in my resourcefulness. Cause the tests I take helps with that. it gives you, you know, every year there's just like a, you know, every time I take it, there's just like a smidge of a shift of going from the unresourceful to the more resourceful. And that's probably, you know what I mean? Like I think it's important, like there's,
Christa Hardin (10:35.173)
Mmm.
Christa Hardin (10:48.334)
Mmm.
Christa Hardin (10:52.197)
you
Andrea Clark (10:53.78)
you can step into that more resourceful side of your personality, right? Over time through like healing and awareness and all of that. Okay, so sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you.
Christa Hardin (10:59.525)
Mm-hmm.
Mm.
I love it. You added a lot to it and you had a personal experience to share with people. And I think that's important because you could be that unhealthy type or the healthy type and you're letting people know we all have different moments of stress. And I will go into twos now. Twos are the givers or helpers, befrienders, some people like that name, but ultimately it's somebody who really likes to share their very best.
hospitality and love with their people, especially their chosen people. They don't just give love to everyone, especially as they get healthier and more resourceful, they learn is this mine to do? And they're able to start asking themselves that and then start setting boundaries. But before they set boundaries, sometimes twos deal with a large element of pride. Like I'm the best giver. I have to do it all. And then
They can wipe out in their relationships in life or get abused because they're not ever getting back, or they can get manipulative and insist on helping and that those they help, help them in the exact same way back. When the two learns, other people have different gifts than you and they are loving you in their own way. And when they set boundaries and start to get self care and limit how much helping they do and come into their virtue of humility.
Christa Hardin (12:26.937)
There's a lot of beauty and growth and connection and that's just what they love. They want to be connected more than anything else because they're what we call the heart or the feelings type. So they really love that interconnectedness.
Andrea Clark (12:38.39)
Mm-hmm. I love that.
Christa Hardin (12:40.693)
Yes, me too. Both of my best friends are twos and one of them is a PA in a hospital and the other one is a foster and adoptive mom and they're just so sweet. But it's a type that can be so sweet or so treacherous. So I've met some of the others as well and I kind of run from those. All right. So threes. Threes are achievers, performers. They're so good at showing the world their glamour and glitz.
Andrea Clark (12:55.054)
Mm-hmm.
Christa Hardin (13:10.617)
There's so many in Hollywood. One I know who follows my account on Instagram and I've been on her podcast is Zuri Hall. She just hosted the Academy Awards. She is impeccably dressed at all times and she is a classic three. She has shared when I was on her podcast, she does go to those other arrows and spaces I mentioned and just totally rest and get chill. But the world doesn't always see that side of her and we just see her as looking polished.
But what happens in relationships when threes don't save anything for their family and friends and they're so good at being polished is their family and friends start to get resentful. Like, hey, you're showing up so big over here and you're glitzing and glaming at work. You're the CFO, whatever you are, you're working, traveling a lot. There's a lot of research I've done where they're like, threes are so hard when their partner gets pregnant, they leave, or they deal with more infidelity. Because when you're performing all the time, you're wearing a lot of masks.
So it's an important type to look at and say, can I be my authentic self? Just like I gave tips for the one and two, the three has to stop, slow down and become present with who they are, even when they're not achieving or performing and stop wearing all the masks and come clean about what they want and need. They can be also very codependent like twos because they're also heart types. And so deep down, even though they're presenting so big and brash and beautiful, they also really want love deeply.
And that's more important to them usually than being right. Whereas type one wants to be right and good. They want to be loved just like type twos. So if you're that three, you'll know what I'm talking about. And coming into your authenticity is very important. So people can trust you and you can find that love you want.
Andrea Clark (14:50.466)
I love that. That's my husband's a three.
Christa Hardin (14:53.061)
you get that.
Andrea Clark (14:55.502)
For a long time, he thought he was a four, but actually through getting, just getting a lot of healing and more clarity, he's like, no, I really resonate with being a three wing four, like not a four wing three. yeah, yeah. Okay, let's talk about fours.
Christa Hardin (14:58.469)
you
Christa Hardin (15:08.332)
that's great.
So you found that.
Christa Hardin (15:17.673)
Yes, so your hubby has some three and some four and four is such a magical type. They're so winsome, artistic. People would say that the artist, the creative, the some people would say the individualist. But again, the depth of the four is this melancholy space that can go deep with people and create art and they see the world in textures and colors and shades.
Andrea Clark (15:20.908)
Yes.
Christa Hardin (15:42.947)
I know my eldest daughter who's in her senior year of psychology studies in college, she is a dancer and a fine artist and she's a musician and everything art for our force, but they don't always present it that way. She does all those things plus graphic design and others, but some of them are just great orators. Some of them are great actors. It's just the passion is deep and it's there. And that's a part probably that you resonate with because eights are very passionate as well. So you love his four part of him.
Andrea Clark (16:10.702)
He can hang with me and when we started dating, I was like, my gosh, because he's my second marriage. And when we started dating, I felt like I've never experienced somebody in my whole life who can hang with these deep conversations that I like to have.
Christa Hardin (16:14.745)
Mm.
Mm-hmm.
Christa Hardin (16:38.053)
you
Andrea Clark (16:39.79)
I mean, I am intense. And we were on the phone for like six hours talking about, we went all over the place and I'm like, who is this person? I've never, you know what I mean? It was a really incredible experience. to this, mean, we've been together eight, we've been married eight years and he can always hang with, and he's got that depth too, but like,
Christa Hardin (16:47.205)
it is.
Christa Hardin (16:59.461)
So awesome.
my God.
Andrea Clark (17:06.7)
He can, we can go anywhere in conversation together. Like it's really cool. Like nothing's weird or too intense or off the table. And it's so incredible.
Christa Hardin (17:12.194)
Christa Hardin (17:17.381)
Oh my gosh, that just gives so many people listening hope for themselves if they're between a relationship to know that if that sounds good to you, that is available in this, you know, you have to find people who match you, you have that. And then there's others listening like, Oh, no, I don't want that intensity. And so they don't. But if you find a four, yeah, or you better be ready for it. Eight, you ready for it. Six, we'll talk about that. like,
Andrea Clark (17:29.34)
It is.
Andrea Clark (17:35.443)
Yeah, and we wouldn't be married, you know?
Christa Hardin (17:44.611)
So yeah, here we are in that four space. And when they learn to get doing, when fours, of course your three husband's gonna be a doer, but like anyone who's a four first, they can get very stuck in not doing. And they really appreciate partnerships and family who can get them moving out of their artistry sometimes and just into doing. So I love that for them to get their body work.
Andrea Clark (17:56.823)
Yeah.
Andrea Clark (18:03.48)
that that's actually been part of our journey is that him getting more moving and and not like because the force are a little bit perfectionistic to they can be
Christa Hardin (18:17.303)
Yes, they go to the one perfectionist, one of their first arrow they go to.
Andrea Clark (18:21.11)
Yeah. So so my eight, know, it's like, listen, just you have to have a little bit of a plan and then you build it as you go. Like it's and me being supportive, though, has helped him be able to lean into that more and prove to himself that it's true. Right. So yeah, it's cool.
Christa Hardin (18:26.117)
Let's just do it.
Christa Hardin (18:30.184)
Yes! Yes!
Christa Hardin (18:37.317)
Yeah, I love that. yeah. So you're like, I get that from him and then he gets that from me. So our fives, so a four would have a five wing. So we're moving along and you can see how it goes that you have wings on both sides of you. Like a four would have a three wing and a five wing because we relate to the sides around us. It's a circular picture if you've ever seen the Enneagram personalities. But anyway, the five.
Andrea Clark (18:46.808)
Yeah.
Christa Hardin (19:05.273)
has some of these deep traits being so close to the four, but they also begin our talk into the thinking center, the head types versus the heart types. And so the five is really a type to be called the researcher, the innovator. Sometimes they're also known for just coming back and observing. And that's why some people like to call them the observer.
But really fives like to know things. They need to know things. They like control because they feel like if they run out of energy, they could die. That's the emotional fear of, okay, this is why I'm so logical and grounded in my research and want to know everything and also pull back because most of them are introverted because I have to conserve energy. And a lot of their energy goes into thinking and they just choose to use it on research. And then by the time they
kind of burnt their brains off. It's like head on a stick kind of moment all day. And then they're like, I'm so tired. And then their partner sometimes is like, my gosh, where are you? But they're all the time planning and plotting and trying to protect in other ways. When you see that beautiful heart of a five, they're not that far from type eights and two and that they're very loving and helpful toward others. They're in one of their groupings with eights and twos for that reason.
Andrea Clark (20:05.505)
HA!
Andrea Clark (20:09.441)
Yes.
Christa Hardin (20:21.455)
but they're very much gonna do that from a more reserved standpoint. Can I help you? Can I show you I love you? But can I also preserve my energy? So if you're a five, you very much know that. And if you're with a five, I hope that helps you to feel loved.
Andrea Clark (20:29.262)
in
Andrea Clark (20:34.679)
Yeah.
Christa Hardin (20:36.483)
Yeah, so our sixes as we continue with the thinking center are really good at troubleshooting. They're called the troubleshooter by some, the loyalists by some. They're also sometimes called a befriender like type two because they're so loyal to their friends.
But they're also given the name of the skeptic, the devil's advocate. This is a type that has contradictions even within its type. There's both the fearful six, because the six struggles with fear, as well as the counter fearful. That's called the phobic six versus the counter phobic six. So you might sometimes see a little CP after the word six. And this is the six that's a little more like the eight, which we'll talk about soon. Your type that's a little more powerful, whereas the phobic six is more gentle scared, like
that scared bunny sort of image that you might have and like, my gosh, I need my people and my gosh, I'm analyzing everything and I'm troubleshooting. But sixes are so good to their people because they're like, we have to take care of you. We have to make sure we plan for everything and they're excellent at making sure everyone has everything they need. I had a six mom call me the other day, have your child wear a coat because it's cold today. Like they're just, they have everybody's back that they care about. And they're also a reactive passionate type like four and eight.
So they are very passionate. Now, again, if they're the counter phobic six, instead of reacting to fear with kind of a cowardice, they will react with an attack, a counter attack. So it's important to know if they're a counter phobic six, you're gonna see, yes, I am afraid, but what I do with that fear is very different from the other sixes. So I had a client present it once, she was on my Instagram, I think she still is, and my little six.
highlight, but she shows herself in her like angel sweet outfit for her phobic side and then she shows herself in her black dress and she's all bad and she's in her counter phobic mode.
Andrea Clark (22:25.848)
love it. okay, so for people who are listening or watching who are kind of like, well, what is, what, know, there's like these nuances within, would you say that how these things are specified has to do with life experiences and how we're shaped? Is that what, I mean, how would you frame that?
Christa Hardin (22:32.707)
Yeah. Yeah.
Christa Hardin (22:46.305)
I would say that we're each born, I think we're still so much in the learning space with this, but what we seem to see is that we all have some epigenetics at play, that we have certain traits that are sort of baked in from ancestry, from family patterns, and we even have these instincts I'm not gonna talk about today, but they're another favorite part of the enneagram, self-pres, sexual, and social.
And it's like this deep brain work for each of us that is so baked in by the time we even arrive on the planet and start working within our families, because they teach us how to survive in certain ways. But I also think that each of us just has our own unique genome that is completely unique to us. We have so much evidence for this. So part of your personality is just you already. But when we were talking earlier about like people who aren't very resourced versus people who are.
Sometimes, as you heard me say in joke about twos earlier, my best friends and then also the worst, sometimes we get a little judgy because we're like, they're not healthy. And we forget that we can be a little healthier when we have more privilege in the world. So it's helpful for us to stop judging so much. And it's a regular practice to do that. But yeah, you asked a great question. The nuances are there because of both the relationship we have to our environment and to our own personality.
Andrea Clark (23:49.891)
next.
Andrea Clark (24:02.135)
Okay, awesome.
Christa Hardin (24:03.695)
Yeah, okay. So now going on to type seven, that is the enthusiast. It's a joyful type, also called the Epicurean. Sevens love new things. We're kinetic learners, that's my type. We love moving at all times. We love thinking. We're also in that thinking group with the fives and sixes.
Andrea Clark (24:18.019)
Mm-hmm.
Christa Hardin (24:22.383)
But one thing that stops us is pain. We don't like pain. We don't like emotional pain. We don't like physical pain. People say it's emotional. I'm like, no, we don't like physical pain either. But it's pain, right? Pain is hard. And so sometimes we do what's called an emotional bypass to get out of pain. And we do it by thinking and doing. We have that eight wing next to us. We use it a lot to keep going. And then we have that thinking. So we'll use that to get ourselves out of trouble.
Andrea Clark (24:26.392)
Yeah.
Christa Hardin (24:48.813)
And it just keeps us going in a lot of ways. Some of us get through our 30s even or early 30s to that point. I know that was my experience and then we burn out because we need to rest. And so something that sevens have to learn over time is to utilize their what's called the five space because you know, like I said, different arrows, but in general, if you're like just learning about the types today, sevens just need to understand that pain will help them to be a deeper, richer person.
Andrea Clark (24:58.763)
Yeah.
Christa Hardin (25:16.377)
they're always gonna be spunky and full of energy on the off moments, but like to make sure that you have also those on moments where the emotions are there, you're aware of your walls and you start to bring them down instead of just withdrawing into fun or your own doing and kinetic stuff. Like you could say, I'm done, I don't wanna talk anymore and you go read or you go on a run and just instead saying like, I'm gonna let myself sit here with these hard emotions.
I'm gonna allow some tears. These are such good moves for the seven. And then you come back to your people so much more truly joyful.
Andrea Clark (25:50.698)
Mm-hmm. I love sevens.
Christa Hardin (25:53.173)
I'm so glad. Yay. We love our eight. Yes, we have eight and nine to cover. So if you haven't heard about yourself, these are like two of the top. I think these are probably the two most popular types because I sell a lot more brochures for eights and nines and any other type. And when I see statistics, I see a few more here. Now.
Andrea Clark (25:55.638)
I love Simmons. Okay, and then the beloved eights.
Andrea Clark (26:10.382)
Really?
Christa Hardin (26:19.447)
just like type one, eights and nines, I'll talk about eights first, of course, our body or gut centered type. So they're not the heart types, they're not the head types, their body or gut centered types, which means you guys feel things on instinct. And so you're like, I have a gut knowing about that person and about what's right and wrong. And so eights are very justice oriented. And they're like, I am strong, I know I'm strong, I'm not super fearful, I'm powerful. They're called the powerful one or the defender, I love the word protector, they're awful.
and called the challenger, I love defender and protector because it shows the big huge heartedness of the eight. They often have this hard exterior and yet on the inside is this soft gooey marshmallow center with a huge heart.
Andrea Clark (27:01.002)
So soft and dewy in here.
Christa Hardin (27:03.397)
For the underdog, you have so much love for underdogs. I have two girls I used to mentor. still do. They're college students now, but my daughter's friends and my friends now too, as they get older. And I had a weird situation come up on Instagram recently. And when I told one of them about it and she was like, don't ever meet with her on your own. You need a backup girl. And like, whenever I go jogging, she's always like, you need to have something with you like mace. Like eights are so protector, even from when they're kids.
So it's just so beautiful to see you guys can be strong, stoic, powerful, and it's a beautiful thing. Now, again, because of this, sometimes people are like, that's a bit abrasive. And so of course, I already had two sessions with AIDS today and without going into their personal details, sometimes their partnerships are like, I need to know that you're safe. I need to know that I can trust you with my feelings and that you won't bombard me. So there's a work for them to learn as they soften and show their strength, right?
Andrea Clark (27:59.274)
Yes, absolutely. Absolutely.
Christa Hardin (28:01.605)
So we all have that reading of our mail, even you and me as we go through it. Yes. my gosh. And last but not least are nines. Nines, if you were to look at that circular diagram of the enneagram I mentioned, nines sit at the very top. Eights and ones are near the top with them. Remember I said these are justice oriented types. They're kind of the supreme court of the enneagram. And they're like, okay, I know what's right. And nines.
Andrea Clark (28:07.702)
Yes, yes.
Christa Hardin (28:28.825)
being peacemakers, another word for them as mediators, they actually have a great view from the top, if you were to look at it that way, of every type. So nines say to us, I relate with every type, and this might be you if you're like, I have not found my type yet, because nines are able to merge with every type. They just sit in the experience, I get you, you're a three, I get you, you're a two, I get you, you're a one, and then.
they also forget themselves in that space sometimes and they forget to show up and they can be, instead of that kinetic learner I described as the seven and the eight, they're much more of the potential energy. And so when you can find your power as a nine, which is really a beautiful gift of nine, it is absolutely glorious and they become leaders. They usually find a right action. I know my daughter, my second daughter is a nine and she truly finds,
such joy in correcting her professors. And I'm always like, my gosh, you're yelling at another professor. She's like, no, I'm being nice about it, but they're wrong, mom. And I'm like, I love that you're awake as a nine. So don't think nines, if you're listening, that you have to be quiet and meek. You can become very powerful and very sweet and kind to others, both. It's not one or the other, right?
Andrea Clark (29:38.424)
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Christa Hardin (29:41.187)
Yes, so those are the nine types and I hope everybody's been finding themselves in this.
Andrea Clark (29:45.92)
Yes, I'm so excited to get feedback from this. Okay, so in regards to relationships, let's talk about that, you know, the different types and relationships.
Christa Hardin (29:55.225)
Mm-hmm.
Christa Hardin (30:01.022)
Yeah.
I'd love to. I think it may be helpful to look at the triads, which there's a lot of groups of three called triads, but you probably know the centers of intelligence. I sort of marked them out. How do you feel about talking about relationships through the lens of the heart types, the head types and the body types? Okay, awesome. Because that way you guys are starting to hear, okay, this is me, this is my partner. Sometimes you'll find a double couple where you're both heart types.
Andrea Clark (30:23.022)
Perfect.
Christa Hardin (30:33.805)
or head types or body types, but more often than not, you find yourselves like you two, you have a body type and you have a heart type. And that's pretty cool. So I'll just remind you that the eights, nines and ones are those body gut types. Then the five, sixes and sevens are the thinking or head types. And then the twos, threes and fours are the heart or the feelings types.
And so each of these groups has a way that they process information as it comes to them about the relationship. So if you're thinking about what to do on a date night, then the eight, nine, or one is like, I experienced the world through my instincts and surroundings and I'm such a five senses type. I wanna do something that really saturates our experiences together and that we can really feel our bodies and that.
Andrea Clark (31:22.509)
Yes.
Christa Hardin (31:23.307)
the two, three and four, like, I wanna make sure we're connecting. Like, I feel important to you that I am showing up as you wanna be proud of me, because you think I'm special. And they want attention, a lot of attention. And then the thinking type is like, okay, I wanna make sure that we're having safety in whatever we do. I wanna be in charge of that, because I'm really good at planning for safety. And so,
Andrea Clark (31:28.843)
Yeah.
Andrea Clark (31:34.775)
Yes.
Andrea Clark (31:38.062)
Mm-hmm.
Christa Hardin (31:50.381)
you might even see a type seven like me and think they're not safe. They're all these adventurous and epicurean but they're planning fixation leads them to say I won't try it unless I think it's safe. So they may be more daring, but they're still going within their own safety parameters. So all these types come at a relationship with either safety or this deep desire for emotional connection or the deep rich experience of the five senses. Is that relatable to you?
Andrea Clark (32:05.336)
Mm-hmm.
Andrea Clark (32:13.016)
Mm-hmm.
Andrea Clark (32:17.332)
Yeah, absolutely. I went to a bingo rave this last week.
Christa Hardin (32:22.627)
my gosh, what an experience.
Andrea Clark (32:24.952)
Well, said to my, so, you I work from home and I'm not an introvert at all. Like I'm an eight wing seven, but I've in my maturity and aging, you know, getting older, I'm like more protective of my energy. But I would say every once in while, I'm just like, I need an immersive sensory visceral experience. And so I told my girlfriends, I'm like, there's this bingo rave, like it's a couple hours.
Christa Hardin (32:28.421)
Yeah.
Christa Hardin (32:31.875)
Yeah. Yeah.
Christa Hardin (32:37.317)
Yes.
Yeah, yeah.
Christa Hardin (32:48.517)
I love that Andrea.
you
Andrea Clark (32:55.03)
It's nothing crazy. like, I need an experience. I'm due for an, and it was loud and it was vibrating and we were dancing and there were lights. And I was like, it was so good for me because I just, I do, I like to blast music in the car. I like intensity that, you know what I mean? And so the way you describe that, I'm like, my gosh, yes, absolutely.
Christa Hardin (33:16.069)
Yes.
Christa Hardin (33:20.077)
my gosh. And it's like you guys are eights, nines and ones. And like I said, that's a very, those are very common types. So a lot of us have a partner in this space or are this person like they're so focused on the outer world most of the time that like say I'm talking to my husband on a walk, which we do almost every night. And I just want to talk about my day. I'm in my head as a thinking type and he's really
Andrea Clark (33:29.154)
Mm-hmm.
Christa Hardin (33:45.047)
aware of what's happening. my gosh, look at the stars. Do you see that lake? You know, and I used to feel like he wasn't listening to me before I knew the enneagram. And then I was like, he's a five senses person. He's wondering why I'm not able to see all this. It really helps us. And I'm like, actually, I love it because here I can be like you said, anyone working online, we can become that head on a stick, you can go to your five space, I can do the same. And it's like,
Andrea Clark (33:52.142)
I'm sorry.
Andrea Clark (33:58.316)
Yeah.
Christa Hardin (34:11.649)
when we are in that body center, which all of us have access to, by the way, we can be brought out by our partners into these other spaces, or maybe we're with a heart type, and they help us to bring that emotional center that you and me talked about, we both have, yours is that ooey gooey center, and mine is a little farther and harder to reach, but we both have them, and we need our heart types to bring us back there. So we all really have a gift to give each other.
Andrea Clark (34:36.814)
Yes, absolutely. I love that. Do you find that certain combos are more challenging than others or is it just about resourcefulness or being healthier?
Christa Hardin (34:48.331)
Yeah, I think that-
It's definitely about resourcefulness. I feel like about 80 % of people struggle at some level with their partners, whereas about 20 % will just say, oh my gosh, our partnership is almost perfect, but we work really hard for it. And that can run the gamut of any of the 45 types paired together. Because there's nine types, but they make 45 different possible combos, which I talk about in my book. But the truth is,
Andrea Clark (35:06.21)
Yeah.
Andrea Clark (35:15.117)
Yeah.
Christa Hardin (35:18.967)
I think eights and ones together are particularly bold and brash. And so when they come together, like you said, a lot of ones will come up with extremely intense feelings, powerful, and then so will eights. And then they both often have a helper part of them that wants to help the other. And then often because body types like yourself, like autonomy, they're both also like, get off me, I've got this.
Andrea Clark (35:42.958)
Yes, I don't want to be helped unless I ask for I'm like, thank you. didn't ask for your help. But I like, I've learned how to be really kind in my response. I'm like, okay, thank you for that. I didn't ask for your help right now. But I appreciate your effort. But when I do want help, I am 1000 % open to it because I've asked I've invited it in. So I'm just like, yes, please. Like I asked for it, right. So I'm open.
Christa Hardin (35:47.941)
Yeah.
Yes. Exactly.
Lucky. Yes.
Andrea Clark (36:10.336)
It's very interesting, but yes, I do know if you're trying to help me when I did not ask for help, it is not good news.
Christa Hardin (36:14.819)
Yeah. Right. Exactly. And so I've seen all the combos like hit bad walls. Like I've seen seven and six both thrive. And it's like so hard to say that when I can see an eight one couple who is like one of my model couples and they like healed and are just so beautiful and healthy. Actually two couples like that. But then I'm also thinking seven and six same. I can see several that are just absolutely thriving, but others who aren't as much either able or willing to do their work.
Andrea Clark (36:32.206)
Yeah, totally.
Christa Hardin (36:44.197)
that are just like, my gosh, we're so analytical that we take each other down. And one of my friends, Heather was on my podcast, she's a six and she just said it well. She's like, we can go all the way up together. Her and her husband sing with Sarah Brightman, they're just amazing together. And then she's like, and we can completely unravel and go totally analytical down the rabbit hole. So I think that when you get people that are like so similar, like we're hearing eight and one, both body types or six and seven, both thinking types.
Andrea Clark (37:06.121)
Yeah.
Christa Hardin (37:13.905)
Lastly, same thing for two heart types. I have somebody I'm trying to unravel from an affair right now and it's two heart types together. And it's like the codependency there is so tough because they're like, I'm depending on you for everything. I'm depending on you for everything. And it's very toxic. They're addicted together.
Andrea Clark (37:32.472)
Yes. Yeah.
Christa Hardin (37:33.861)
So sometimes you have to watch for those double pairings.
Andrea Clark (37:38.378)
So what in your work, so it sounds like you work with couples, but maybe also individuals.
Christa Hardin (37:45.926)
Yes, I do both, but it's usually relationship based.
Andrea Clark (37:49.76)
Okay, so how do you, coming at it from the enneagram angle, what does that work look like then?
Christa Hardin (37:58.265)
Well, I come from the therapeutic space. So I started my journey as with my master's of clinical psychology in the marriage and family therapy space, as well as the master's level psychology space. between all the assessments, family systems material, I started looking at people from what's the easiest solution to help you with to the most intense. First, we start with the easiest. Of course, as you heard me say earlier, Enneagram helped me immensely with this because sometimes it's just a quick thing, whether it's
Oh, I just found out you're a three and you're a heart type. I just need to show you more attention. And I found out you're an eight and you want direct communication and then we're good to go. But sometimes we find, like I said, that there's these really complex codependent layers and people need more time. So I try to solve things as I used to do without the Enneagram. Still the simplest and easiest solutions first. And then if I see that people have layered issues and depths and wounds that go deeper, I use my therapeutic lens.
Andrea Clark (38:31.906)
Yeah.
Andrea Clark (38:41.55)
you
Christa Hardin (38:57.337)
to help them to get to those things too. Now I don't use any kind of medication or anything like that. It's just all of us doing our work together. And I of course know sometimes people need additional care. And when they need EMDR for trauma care, I have two of my staff members. I also own a local counseling center and they will take them and do that as well.
Andrea Clark (39:16.863)
wow.
That's awesome. Okay, so bringing up trauma. How does trauma potentially affect each personality type? That might be a loaded question, or maybe not a fully answerable question, but I'm just wondering if it can really, so I know for me, I can speak for myself. I experienced a lot, a lot of trauma growing up.
Christa Hardin (39:23.545)
Mm-hmm.
Christa Hardin (39:32.778)
that's a good one. No, it's okay. No, I love it.
Christa Hardin (39:42.66)
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
Andrea Clark (39:49.07)
And I feel that it really pushed that protector side of me, that protector piece of me. I mean, I've had to really work on doing a lot of like healing and rewiring around fighting for people who don't even like, who really don't even.
Christa Hardin (39:57.487)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Andrea Clark (40:15.02)
want me to fight for them or aren't receiving it or but it was just like I just had to fight for everybody who couldn't fight for themselves or you know what I mean and whereas I really worked on that and I'm still working on that but and that caused a lot of problems in my in my lifetime right and I didn't even realize that I was doing that for a long time
Christa Hardin (40:16.867)
Yeah. Yeah. That's the right thing to do. Yeah. Wow.
Christa Hardin (40:34.659)
Yeah. Yeah.
Christa Hardin (40:39.875)
Hmm... Yeah.
Andrea Clark (40:42.926)
And I know that some of that comes from my trauma, right? And so I'm just wondering your thoughts around that piece.
Christa Hardin (40:53.567)
Yeah, well, I love that you are so vulnerable and sharing because eights actually when they're healthier get vulnerable, but that's their number one thing they don't do when they're not healthy. So you can already see your resourcing at work. Good job. I love that. But, but definitely each type goes into their unhealthy levels when they are still living out of that trauma cycle. So we all have trauma, especially we've
Andrea Clark (41:04.994)
Yeah. Yeah, thanks.
Andrea Clark (41:17.634)
Yeah.
Christa Hardin (41:20.847)
kind of differentiated between big T, huge trauma and little T trauma. Everyone on this side of Eden has some trauma. That's at least a little bit. But when we're living in that still, again, I'm considering privilege for many who can get therapy, et cetera, that's healthy or good modules without necessarily diagnostics, just, you're in your type three, let's look at the depths here. Those people who are doing their work, who have social support, who are getting fitness,
Andrea Clark (41:27.394)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Andrea Clark (41:38.882)
guess.
Christa Hardin (41:49.775)
who have financial resourcing, who are actually putting the work in, they can work around some of these pieces by saying, okay, I see things rising up in me, I'm noticing the worst traits coming up in me, and I'm paying attention to it so I can transition. And I had a moment like that with my kids today where we had my daughters, my second daughter's graduating and we had booked her trip she's wanted since she was 10, a trip to Europe.
Andrea Clark (42:15.156)
that's so cool.
Christa Hardin (42:15.307)
And it was so exciting. We did it this morning and I was so happy. And then she was asking me like 50 other questions and I hit my unhealthy and I probably hit some trauma of my own childhood of like, this would have been something I would have sat on for days. And I just was like, I need a minute. And she was like, I'm so sorry. And she's a nine, like I said, and it just, I was stern. I was too stern. She was just joyful. And I was like, I'm sorry.
Andrea Clark (42:23.02)
Yeah.
Andrea Clark (42:31.544)
Mm-hmm.
Andrea Clark (42:36.717)
Yeah.
Right.
Christa Hardin (42:44.333)
And that was a moment when I could say the trauma had risen up and that I just allowed myself to see for sevens, we go to the negative type one perfectionist space. So I was like, I'm so sorry that I was critical. And she's like, no, you're good. It was very small. Now, if you're not mindful and you're not doing your work, you might just be like running with that. Like, how dare you? And you could become abusive.
When my other daughter was little, used to run so hard at her in that negative one space. I would just, not knowing the enneagram and not working with it yet and being flooded with toddlers and clients who are cutting themselves and doing way too much and not realizing how my seven type personality worked, I just would give her too much of my stress. So I feel like anyone listening who's like, yeah, I'm learning my type and I have a lot of trauma.
Andrea Clark (43:25.24)
Yeah.
Christa Hardin (43:33.925)
know that you can start identifying your patterns. Once in a while, you'll have to still apologize like I did, but you're gonna get there a lot faster before you keep traumatizing others, before you yourself, and you can instead say, what are my self-soothing tools? How can I allow myself to have caring compassion? And this goes for not just me, but my family and my partnerships, because we're all doing our best. And have you noticed that that's just been such a gift to you when you slow down and do your work like that?
Andrea Clark (44:01.74)
my gosh, absolutely. And you know, when you said, when you said slow down and use your tools, the thing I love about the Enneagram is it helps you realize what your tools are. Because my tools are very different than my spouse's tools. Because we are driven by completely different things. And so, so that
Christa Hardin (44:03.941)
Mmm.
Christa Hardin (44:15.333)
Yes!
Christa Hardin (44:21.109)
It's true.
Christa Hardin (44:26.676)
my god.
Andrea Clark (44:32.076)
that has been very powerful for me in my healing journey and becoming more healthy and being able to be completely vulnerable with my spouse on a very deep level. And is that, know, I have my own tools, he has his own tools and I need different, and as he started to understand that I need different things than he needs, like that really.
Christa Hardin (44:34.693)
you
Christa Hardin (44:39.226)
Hmm.
Christa Hardin (44:42.637)
Christa Hardin (44:49.999)
Yeah.
Christa Hardin (44:56.067)
Mm-hmm.
Andrea Clark (44:58.19)
helped both of us have more space to become even healthier, if that makes sense. Yeah, it's been really powerful.
Christa Hardin (45:03.075)
Yes.
It's powerful. And then what happens is I call it your Enneagram glow. I don't know if you saw that on any of my materials, but my friends and I, Michael Sheahan, who's a therapist in the space and an artist, Elena Pomplani. Yes. So we coined the term Enneagram glow because I was noticing in my practices with couples that were of the same pairing, like a lot of five twos at this time. And I kept seeing five males with two females.
Andrea Clark (45:12.558)
Andrea Clark (45:19.02)
Yes, I follow him. He's awesome too.
Christa Hardin (45:35.395)
I was like, these females are becoming more centralized with being able to introvert. They're helping excessively anymore. And the fives are becoming better at being in the world and helping. And it was like, they were really shining together in their gifts. And that's what I call the Enneagram glow. Each of us emits our own light. And when we're together, we have a shared light and a new vision we cast. And Wes and I as a one-seven pairing.
We're really good at bringing. He's good at bringing goodness. I'm good at bringing joy and we've always brought that goodness and joy to children. And it's like we just are like really good with kids. And so we always have a lot of kids who want to come over to our house each day and week and we just love it. It's such a fit for us. And that's going to change per season of life. We have other gifts. I'm sure you guys do too. But I love to help people to find their gifts together to see how they glow. And then I use the analogy of your shadows and
throwing shade at each other when you're not healthy.
In particular ways.
Andrea Clark (46:38.858)
Yeah, absolutely. I love that. I'd be, and it might be too much to go into this in this episode, but I would be curious when you say, you know, the shadows are throwing shade at each other. Are there key things for each type to look out for with that in a relationship? Or do you feel like that's too depthful for this particular conversation?
Christa Hardin (47:07.845)
I think that when you go through any of my resources, you can see it more fully, but we could do a quick run through of each pipe to give a little, yeah.
Andrea Clark (47:16.302)
Let's do a quick. Yeah, you guys have to, I'm obsessed with your profile. Yeah, it's really amazing. It's just the amount of detail and care you give to your carousels and the way that you explain things. It's really powerful.
Christa Hardin (47:21.029)
thank you.
Christa Hardin (47:34.149)
Oh, thank you so much. Well, I am a 749 tri type and my daughters that helped me run my account are a 479. So she's like almost exactly same with me. Here are a few patterns of our tri type. We've expanded and gotten way deeper. And then my other daughter is a 937. So she brings in that your husband's like achiever and she always tells us like, oh, this is the trend right now. So I'm glad it came through. Yay.
Andrea Clark (47:45.143)
Yeah.
Andrea Clark (47:50.371)
Yes.
Andrea Clark (47:59.872)
Yeah. Yes.
Christa Hardin (48:03.385)
But if we're in our trauma spaces, if we're in our shadows throwing shade, here's what it can look like for the type one, they can get very judgy and critical toward their spouse. When their spouse finally kind of confronts them about something, they've been probably stewing on 20 things, maybe 1000. I had a guy tell me that not long ago. And he's like, the one thing I mentioned, trust me, there's 1000 more. So ones hold on to a lot of resentment, and that can become addictive and a fixation for them.
for twos they can give to get and when they're at their worst it can become insidiously manipulative where they're smothering others and making them feel like they owe them and that they have to give them first allegiance and give them top honors. And that can be really hard for instance if like maybe you've come from a family with a two mom like classic Italian mom sort of trope or Jewish mom trope even though we know we don't want to ever out group or in group it's like.
these tropes you see in the media might be where to could go wrong to say, okay, I am overly hovering. I'm not giving you any space. And I think moms of every culture traditionally can do this or dads, helicopter parents in general, and even a two parent who's a spouse, their spouse can feel very left out because they're like, once the kids came along, you stopped hearing about me. So that's how the toxicity can show up for a two.
Andrea Clark (49:25.902)
Mm-hmm.
Christa Hardin (49:27.365)
For a three, the toxicity usually shows up, as I said, in the virtuoso coming out to give a tutorial on this flashy, beautiful way of shining in the world. They're so shiny, but then at home, literally deadpan, laying down flat on the ground, don't care, not moving. It's not genuine. What you wear out here is not who you are at home or masking a bunch of different ways because they didn't resource or save at home.
and that's always hard for their partner and family. The four is, yeah, you're like, yes.
Andrea Clark (50:00.558)
Yeah.
Andrea Clark (50:04.94)
That's yeah, that's something we're working on as my husband is like launching his own business and I'm like, there has to be some left for us. Like I know I'm so excited for these achievements. You have to leave a little love for us, right? Not you have to. Yeah.
Christa Hardin (50:14.085)
Yes. Yes.
Yes, and they love when their partner can partner with them a little on it too. If they're not like they they're like I need the attention to because I am a heart tight but like if you can help me then I can get back to you guys sooner. But that is so key and then the four when they're at their worst their envy is huge. I mentioned the artistry of the four but they can like fall into these.
Andrea Clark (50:35.384)
Yes.
Christa Hardin (50:45.925)
pockets and corners of addiction from their envy and just feel so bad about themselves and like they don't matter. They're not worth anything again that codependency of a heart type and can make them not be able to get up out of bed. And of course all these things need assessments on multiple levels. But if you know you're a four like we said doing is so key and really gratitude is key for what you have because the grass is not greener on the other side.
Andrea Clark (51:11.758)
Mm-hmm.
Christa Hardin (51:12.117)
if you're a five and you're toxic to your spouse, there's that underlying belief I mentioned of like, I'll never have enough energy. And so they usually withhold and they don't tell their partners how much they love them. They may once in a while, but it feels so costly to give out emotions. Instead, there's so much more in their thinking and their partners like you're so resourcing, you're so greedy for your resources of time and money, usually both.
Andrea Clark (51:27.086)
Mm-hmm.
Christa Hardin (51:36.963)
that I feel very unloved and they're often so nervous that they're like, I was trying to save it all for us, but the partnership misses out because of the excessive saving. When they forget that synergy, blesses them. For the six, it's usually the planning gets over the top and it takes the place of the intimacy and fun. And the partner feels like I lost you at some point along the way and you're no longer fun, you're just a worry wart and you're just filled with fear or attack.
Andrea Clark (51:56.206)
Thank you.
Christa Hardin (52:06.411)
and there's no rest with you. It's just all worry and planning. For the seven, it's the running a muck. Like I said, not in the helpful way is it too, unfortunately, us sevens tend to run a muck in our own wild ways, because we feel like we've been carrying it for everybody all the time. So we work hard. You kind of heard me blow up at my daughter. It was a gentle blow up this time, but it was still like, like I'm doing everything that feeling. And so we get a bit perfectionistic.
Andrea Clark (52:16.526)
Thank
Christa Hardin (52:33.295)
but we also get very isolating to others because we're like, I need to go get my pleasure because I've been working so hard. So we can leave others out and just tune others out whether we're skiing or going jogging or looking at nature for wonder, like just getting too self-involved in order to replenish ourselves versus realizing that other people are going to be part of healing us and the heart center will be important to come back to and just be honest like.
Andrea Clark (52:51.534)
Thank you.
Christa Hardin (53:01.167)
Hey, I'm having a sad moment. Can you help me? That's a huge question. Okay, so eights when they're not healthy can come across as that general. That's what I've already heard, like I said, from a couple clients this morning, just, okay, I come off as too harsh, too strong, too almost like bullying and have to come back and say, I'm sorry that I came off this way. It was definitely out of love, but I was demanding and I wasn't in the relationship. I was over the relationship.
Andrea Clark (53:05.196)
Mm-hmm.
Christa Hardin (53:30.617)
So when they get healthier, they start to open up that vulnerability and come back to their childhood virtue of innocence. And they start to open hands to God, open hands to fate instead of planning that they have to deal with all the justice themselves. They come away from their vengeance that they otherwise feel like they have to do like the Avenger part of them. And then the nines are also Avengers and justice fighters. Just people don't know it because they're more passive aggressive about it.
Andrea Clark (53:51.628)
Mm-hmm.
Christa Hardin (53:59.949)
So when they finally start digesting and getting into some body work such as massages, daily brisk walks, otherwise they start to wake up to, I have a lot of anger too, just like ones and eights I'm a justice fighter and I also have to voice myself. And once I get that wake up call.
I won't be like this, until they do, they can be very passive aggressive. And if you don't think a nine can run the show with their passive aggressiveness, you don't know a nine or don't have one in your family, because stubbornness can run a show too. So these are all the ways you can show up.
Andrea Clark (54:29.1)
Yeah, I have some intimate friendships with nines, so yes.
Christa Hardin (54:33.57)
You get it. If they don't want to do something, you're going to find out.
Andrea Clark (54:38.698)
Yes, yes. Yes.
Christa Hardin (54:40.773)
Yeah, those are just one way we can all go south. There's a few others.
Andrea Clark (54:47.968)
Yeah. So I think, thank you for sharing that because I think it's important just to hear that how, you know, our type, our personality, we have these unresourceful or unhealthy sides of us and they really can affect our relationships and how people experience us. And so it sounds like you do some really incredible work with couples around understanding that and creating more
Christa Hardin (55:06.201)
Mm-hmm.
Andrea Clark (55:17.752)
harmony in their marriages.
Christa Hardin (55:21.241)
Thank you so much. It's my joy. I love to problem solve and I love to see people come into that healthy, safe space together. So yes, that's exactly what I love to do.
Andrea Clark (55:29.71)
Mm-hmm.
Incredible. how okay, you have a book.
Christa Hardin (55:37.763)
Yes, I sure do. The Enneagram in Marriage is right here. Is it holding up? Can you see it? Okay, great. And I have other books as well, but I have other books as well. But I chose to write this one when I started my account because I knew that I wanted to not self publish this book, but get it out in a bigger way.
Andrea Clark (55:39.146)
Yes. Yes, please.
Andrea Clark (55:46.168)
Yeah!
Christa Hardin (56:00.803)
And I'm so glad I did my other books I just created for my clients and I, and then this one I really put out there because I was like, this is a topic everyone needs. We've been overly analyzed in other ways that aren't as helpful. Let's get us back to just some core patterns to work on. We're not diagnosing anybody. We're just allowing you to see these core patterns. In the book is most of what we talked about today and so much more about each pairing.
Andrea Clark (56:13.154)
Yeah.
Andrea Clark (56:25.88)
I love that. Okay, so, and your book is gonna be linked in the show notes. So I'm really excited about that. And then if somebody, if a couple wanted to work with you, are you taking new clients currently?
Christa Hardin (56:30.924)
thank you!
Christa Hardin (56:41.749)
I am, especially as we come up to summer, we're in 2025. So it may vary during different times when they're hearing, but go to enneagramandmarriage.com and I have my whole work up there. I also have a bunch of affiliate coaches I've trained as well, but I love the work. So yes, check on me because I would love to see you.
Andrea Clark (56:44.566)
Okay. Yeah.
Andrea Clark (56:57.762)
Yeah.
Okay, awesome. So I'm excited. All of Chris's links are going to be in the show notes. if this is something that you have never, like the Enneagram is something you've never heard of and you're very curious, I encourage you to go check out her profile and follow her and dive in. I've done a lot of personality assessments as well.
I practiced as a family therapist for 13 years and the Enneagram is by far my favorite because I just, at least for me, yes, it helped me understand myself, but it really helps me understand other people in a way that is digestible. And so I feel that
Christa Hardin (57:52.933)
Yes.
Andrea Clark (57:59.17)
Having this tool allowed me, I mentor women, allowed me to mentor my mentees better and really give them what they need versus what, because as in my program, I'm listen, this is just how it's, this is solution. Let's just do it. It's gonna work, right? That's my personality. But understanding everybody processes differently.
Christa Hardin (58:12.761)
Yeah.
Andrea Clark (58:23.294)
see the world differently. They have different fear, core fears and drivers. And that really has helped me be a better mentor and just a better friend and even wife. And so I encourage you just to at least explore this and then if it's not for you, great, but I'm telling you guys it is amazing and at least explore it for understanding yourself and potentially enhancing your relationships and stuff. So thank you for
Christa Hardin (58:25.869)
you
Christa Hardin (58:33.55)
Mm.
Andrea Clark (58:52.116)
being on. I'm really excited. Congratulations on your book. And I'm excited for people to get your resources into their hands.
Christa Hardin (58:56.901)
Thank you.
Christa Hardin (59:01.477)
Oh my gosh. Thank you. I have so many freebies also so many podcasts. Andrea, you're an amazing host. Thank you for the thoughtful fun questions. You obviously care so deeply about this topic, but also your listeners. I can just see that huge love.
Andrea Clark (59:06.069)
Very cool.
Aw, thanks.
Andrea Clark (59:17.23)
Oh, thank you for you just gave me chills. I am this is like such an important mission for me. Like it is really, oh, it's so important makes me emotional for people to really understand. There's so many resources out there that are not just what mainstream says because mainstream has historically I'm not saying 100 % but been very harmful. And that's part of my personal story. And so I'm like,
Christa Hardin (59:38.543)
Yes.
Yeah. Yes.
Andrea Clark (59:46.678)
If somebody wants to know that there are other things out there, but they don't know what it is, this is like, this is the core mission of this podcast. And so I'm just so thankful that you said that and that now you're a part of it.
Christa Hardin (59:46.937)
Mm-hmm.
Christa Hardin (59:58.731)
Yes, thank you so much. I'm right there with you. We don't want to pathologize anybody. We all have things to work on. Your work is beautiful. I'm so glad.
Andrea Clark (01:00:04.802)
Yes. Yes.
Thank you. All right. Well, thank you so much for your time. And I'm just really excited for everybody to hear this.
Christa Hardin (01:00:15.205)
So glad, thank you.