Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Real conversations about following Jesus when life doesn't slow down — from a pastor who's still figuring it out too.
(0:00) So here's a question I can't stop thinking about. If my kids grow up and do exactly what I've (0:06) modeled for them, what would their faith look like? Not their GPA, not their stats, but their faith. (0:23) Welcome to the God Made Podcast, where me and my wife just sit here and have a conversation (0:28) about life and what it looks like to actually live scripture out day to day, because we all know that (0:34) Sunday morning doesn't fix the rest of the week.
It doesn't fix everything. (0:38) And today we're gonna be talking about the good parent trap and what does that look like here in (0:43) 2026 and that idea of what does good parenting look like today? Because it's a little different (0:50) than when we were growing up. It seems pretty busy for most people now.
So let's talk about (0:57) that. Give me some ideas. What do you think good parenting looks like in 2026? Like you said, it's (1:02) very, very busy with schedules and running and keeping up with practices and appointments and (1:12) recitals and all the things.
It's nonstop most of the time in most seasons. Yeah. Why do you (1:19) think that is? I mean, is it, I think for maybe for a lot of parents, I don't know if it's this (1:24) way for us, but you're like almost a competition kind of thing.
You know, if their kids are in this, (1:31) my kids should be in this. So I don't want my kid to miss out maybe, maybe not competition. (1:36) Maybe that's the wrong word, but kind of a, I don't want my kid to feel like they're left out (1:40) kind of thing.
Right. And I mean, that goes along. We have that feeling about our kids in us.
We were (1:46) like, oh, we might bring some of that from our own childhood thinking, oh, I didn't get to do that. (1:54) Or I didn't get to do that. Things like that.
So you don't want them to want to do something and (1:58) don't get to do it because we want them to have everything that they want. And that's not (2:04) necessarily healthy. So what are some of the pressures on parents today to get for their kids? (2:10) I guess you got sports is probably a big one.
We know that from experience with football, basketball. (2:16) Our daughter's getting into gymnastics apparently. We'll see if it lacks.
I don't know if I was (2:21) consulted on that, but, you know, I get, I mean, you've also got making sure they've got everything (2:30) they need for their education. All those kind of things. I mean, it's just activity, activity, (2:37) activity.
We've got a kid in band. What are some other pressures you can think of on a parent today? (2:46) Does that pretty much cover it or do you think there's more? No, there's always more. (2:50) Also, I guess making sure that they have the memories when they grow up.
So you look at the (2:56) vacations and the activities. I mean, we were talking before we started, we got one kid that (3:03) likes to stay at home and one that wants to run everywhere every single day, wants to go do (3:07) something fun. And our other kid thinks it's fun to just sit on the couch outside of football.
(3:14) Right. Unless football's involved, right. (3:16) But what are some other pressures that you can think of? (3:20) I just think about just a normal day during school year, thinking about from the time they (3:27) get home from school.
And if you've got activities that night, you've got to get the homework done (3:33) first. You've got to, you know, get them fed somehow. Usually it ends up running through (3:39) a drive-thru a lot of the times and that's not very healthy or good for the family.
(3:47) Or cheap. (3:48) Yeah. Or cheap.
Nothing's cheap anymore. (3:51) Nothing's cheap. (3:51) But I mean, just the normal day-to-day life stresses, you've got to keep up with everything.
(3:58) It's nonstop. (4:00) Yeah. So the busiest season of our life, what would you say it is? Before we started, I was (4:06) saying it's probably like the fall.
(4:07) Yeah. Because football's going on, Caron's in basketball, and now maybe gymnastics if (4:18) she sticks with it. (4:19) So we were thinking about our schedule.
(4:21) And then we have all the church stuff on top. (4:23) All the church stuff on top of it. So our schedule in, let's take October, for example, (4:30) football practice every day of the week, except for the Dazers games, which he'll just be a (4:37) freshman.
So he'll have a JV game and then he'll have to be at the varsity games. (4:40) That's two games a week we have to go to. (4:44) Plus our daughter, she'll be ramping up basketball at that time.
(4:48) So we'll have basketball practice. (4:50) I think we do three nights a week or two nights a week. (4:53) I can't remember how many we do.
(4:54) Plus a game on Saturday. (4:56) And then she's ramping up into gymnastics. (4:59) And then they've got their regular homework on top of it.
(5:02) We'll have life group at church. (5:04) All our normal church functions. (5:06) Trying to find time to see the people who we care about, our friends and our family.
(5:12) I'm already exhausted. (5:15) Let's just quit now. (5:16) And the fall's not anywhere close.
(5:19) So can you think of a season in our life where we've had to go through that? (5:26) And you could probably, I guess we could just look back at last fall. (5:29) What got left on the table for us? (5:31) What did it crowd out? (5:35) Um, family dinner at the table. (5:38) That was very rare.
(5:40) But we love our parking lot picnics. (5:41) Well, that's kind of still a family dinner. (5:45) It's because we're just hanging out in the parking lot, eating a pizza.
(5:49) Or driving down the road, cramming a burger in our mouth so we can get to the ball game on time. (5:53) Right. (5:53) Not talking, not engaging with each other.
(6:00) Family dinners. (6:01) Um, you know, and when we have family dinners, after we get done eating, that's when we talk (6:07) about, um, whatever we're going through in scripture together as a family that, um, I (6:14) can't, it's been a few, few weeks since we've really done that. (6:19) So even now when it's not, I mean, we're in summer and it's not as busy a time for us, (6:25) yet it's still busy for us.
(6:27) We're still not getting the time in and especially in the evenings together because I've been (6:32) traveling a lot, um, and just the normal stuff. (6:37) Braxton's football ramped up the last week or so. (6:39) So he's got to be there at six in the morning.
(6:44) Oh no, five 30. (6:45) Oh, five 30. (6:45) He has to want to be, he wants to be early, which I love.
(6:52) Um, I don't know. (6:54) I don't know why it's been so still so busy cause this isn't the busiest season really, (7:00) but we, we lose that. (7:03) Family dinner time is a lot.
(7:05) Um, just it affects us all across the board really. (7:10) I mean, even our own personal walks might get neglected, um, which in turn our kids (7:16) don't see us having our own personal walk. (7:19) They don't see us sitting and reading the Bible.
(7:22) They don't see us in prayer. (7:23) You know, when it's so busy, they, they lose that model of what, what they should really (7:30) want to strive to be. (7:31) So all of that in service of what the world would tell us as being a good parent, making (7:38) sure our kids are in all this stuff and getting to do all these things so that they're not (7:44) left out.
(7:45) I mean, their friends aren't doing more than they're doing. (7:48) Where does that leave us? (7:51) I mean, I guess it leaves us not in a good parent situation when it, when it gets to, (7:58) to the, to the grand scheme of things. (8:01) So let's think about the big things that we know of, we've experienced, we've seen our (8:05) friends and, um, other people kind of go through all these kinds of things that just, they (8:10) distract so much from everything, especially on weekends.
(8:13) Um, we know a lot of people in travel sports. (8:17) Um, we made a kind of a pact early on that we weren't going to do travel sports. (8:22) Um, especially when Braxton was in baseball, because that's such a big thing.
(8:26) Football, we don't really have to worry about that. (8:28) Um, when he played on weekends, it was Saturdays, didn't have to worry about it. (8:32) Um, but we made a pact that we weren't ready to do travel sports.
(8:35) And really I couldn't as a pastor in the Sundays. (8:38) But we see, we see our, our friends and those we're close to so ramped up in travel sports (8:43) that they're regularly, um, missing out on Sunday activities with their church. (8:48) But it's not just travel sports.
(8:51) Um, sometimes it's the lake fishing. (8:54) Sometimes it's, um, I mean, we're in East Tennessee hunting's a big thing. (8:58) So sometimes it's that sometimes it's taking them out to Dollywood, whatever it may be.
(9:03) Weekends are like the time that people, that they get for leisure activities. (9:08) They're busy all week long. (9:09) So the weekend we're going to take time and spend it with our family.
(9:12) And there's nothing wrong with that. (9:14) I mean, you got to find time to spend with your family. (9:18) Then in the end, what happens? (9:20) You're not at church on Sunday.
(9:23) I mean, what are some of the ramifications of that? (9:26) Well, it, it looks like that your faith that the Lord is not a priority. (9:32) That's a secondary thing behind whatever you, you put in front of it. (9:38) And that just they'll model that, um, they'll grow up and they'll have their own families (9:44) and they'll be like, oh, well, they're just going to keep doing what they've learned.
(9:49) And again, it's not wrong to spend time with your family or anything, but it's. (9:54) When you're putting that in a higher, oops, sorry, importance than, than God and discipling (10:01) them and, and not just church attendance is not the only part of Christian life, but (10:08) that is a huge part. (10:09) That's when we come back together as believers and get, you know, regenerated and, and, um, (10:15) fellowship and worship and, um, all the things that God tells us to do.
(10:21) Um, so if you're not having that as a priority, that's what you're teaching. (10:25) It's not a priority. (10:26) Yeah.
(10:26) And I think we've probably seen this experience with our own generation and probably in our (10:33) own lives, because church, being involved in your, with your church family was not a (10:39) huge priority. (10:40) So for a season of our life, it was probably even less of a priority than it was. (10:46) So I guess when we, when we're putting all this other stuff ahead of our, our church (10:52) family and spending time with, with our church and being engaged in corporate worship, we're (10:57) teaching our kids it's not important, right? (10:59) I mean, and when they get older, it becomes less important to them than it was to us.
(11:04) So that question that I asked earlier, when we first started this, you know, if, if your (11:09) kids model exactly what you're, you're doing, what's their faith going to look like? (11:15) That's the most important thing. (11:17) What does their faith look like? (11:20) And we get so caught up in making sure that our kids have everything, that they don't (11:26) miss out on anything, that faith just kind of gets left on the back burner. (11:32) Right.
(11:32) What are we building toward? (11:33) What's the whole point of it? (11:35) Is it, I mean, why are parents so focused on getting their kids in travel sports? (11:42) Is it scholarship? (11:44) Is it an experience? (11:47) I mean, they're probably not going to grow. (11:51) Most, yeah. (11:52) Most.
(11:53) I guess there's a few, I guess now you get paid to go to college. (11:57) So maybe there's a few that's going to get a scholarship and get a little NIL money, but (12:01) what are we really building towards? (12:02) Right. (12:03) And even if they were to get that and they've gone through their whole childhood with (12:10) not being discipled, not learning more about God, not, not building those, those building (12:17) blocks to be able to actually start following Jesus when, when the time comes where they (12:24) can really understand that, what's the whole point? (12:30) That's their eternity is at stake.
(12:33) And if they get a college scholarship, who cares? (12:37) Based on living your eternity. (12:41) You can have a 300 batting average when you're 14. (12:46) But what do you, when you're 24, when your kid's 24, how do they have a faith? (12:51) I don't know if 300 batting average is good.
(12:53) That's pretty good batting. (12:55) Good. (12:55) Okay.
(12:57) It's probably not great in lower levels, but like major league, that's, that's a really (13:01) good batting average. (13:02) So I mean, really when it gets down to it, as a parent, we can pour everything into our (13:09) kids. (13:10) And while we're doing that, while we're pouring it all into our kids, making sure they have (13:14) everything that they want, everything they need, we're leaving eternity just sitting (13:19) there on the table.
(13:20) And that's sad. (13:21) And that's really scary. (13:23) I mean, we think about we're here in this life and that's all we focus on is this life.
(13:32) And it is just a blip on the radar compared to eternity. (13:37) And none of this matters. (13:40) It really doesn't.
(13:41) And we stress and have chaos in our life because of all of it. (13:46) And it's not important. (13:48) Yeah.
(13:48) And none of them, I mean, everything that we've talked about, whether it's sports or (13:53) leisure or all the activities, all those kinds of things, none of them are bad. (13:58) I mean, I watch baseball almost every night. (14:02) You're a sports fan.
(14:03) Love it. (14:03) Love it. (14:04) Yes.
(14:05) Love football, love basketball, except the NBA because it's terrible. (14:08) But the rest of it, I love sports. (14:11) There's nothing wrong with that kind of stuff.
(14:14) And when we make those decisions, there's nothing wrong with that decision. (14:19) But then the next decision, they all seem small. (14:21) And then eventually what gets crowded out, it's discipleship.
(14:28) Our kids, eternity becomes the last thing that we focus on. (14:33) We can do it later, maybe. (14:34) Oh, yeah.
(14:35) Yeah. (14:35) It's like God is sometimes squeezed into our schedule instead of the other way around. (14:44) Yeah, that's a really good way to look at it.
(14:46) What is driving the schedule? (14:48) Is it making sure our kids' futures with the Lord are taken care of, or is it making (14:55) sure that they can get the basketball shot? (14:59) What's driving the schedule? (15:04) That can be a really eye-opening thing when you think of it. (15:07) When you look in James chapter three, as we've been going through that with our church, James (15:11) chapter three, it tells us that there's really two kinds of wisdom. (15:16) You got earthly wisdom and you got heavenly wisdom.
(15:19) And earthly wisdom, all those things, that's what you're driving is earthly wisdom. (15:23) When you think about heavenly wisdom, it takes you to a totally different place. (15:28) It has nothing to do with all these things that we're talking about.
(15:32) It's what's the fruit of the spirit that's coming out in your life. (15:37) What does that actually look like for your kids? (15:43) How do we respond to that? (15:46) I'm a pastor and I still get caught up in that. (15:53) We just talked about the busy schedule that we have, especially in the fall.
(15:57) We still run into that problem with leaving that on the table more than we should. (16:05) How do we address that? (16:08) You're looking at it from the mom perspective. (16:12) While I'm doing the church stuff, you're doing the kids stuff.
(16:16) You see it from a totally different angle than I do, I think. (16:22) Give me some feedback on that. (16:26) You've got to be more specific.
(16:27) Well, you kind of having to take that burden of making sure (16:34) the kid, I mean, you're taking Carolina gymnastics tonight, (16:37) making sure all those things are taken care of, (16:39) and then making sure the home's taken care of on top of that while I'm out. (16:44) I think discipling doesn't have to be this, okay, from six to seven o'clock, (16:52) we're going to sit down and discuss blah, blah, blah. (16:55) It's not like that.
(16:56) It's your everyday life. (16:59) Even if you are doing the sports and you're on the way to practice, (17:05) you can talk in the car. (17:08) I try to do that a lot with the kids and try to make them look out the window and notice things (17:16) or they're talking about something that happened with somebody.
(17:23) Maybe kind of turn that into a teaching moment or see what they think. (17:29) What do you think the Lord would want you to do in that situation? (17:32) That kind of thing. (17:33) It doesn't have to be this very scheduled event that you do.
(17:40) You've got to make your whole existence, your whole life about the Lord. (17:46) Whatever you're doing, you got to put the Lord as a priority, of course, (17:51) but you just weave that into your everyday life. (17:55) If you're cooking supper, talk about the Lord, (17:59) how He provided us with this food or these vegetables.
(18:03) He created these for us to eat and how cool that is that He gave us everything that we need. (18:10) There's all sorts of ways you can do it. (18:12) To me, your faith is not a separate thing over here that you do on Sundays.
(18:22) Should we through all of it. (18:26) Why do we leave it out? (18:28) How does that get left on the table so much? (18:34) I know it does for us and I know it does for the people of our church and for our friends (18:39) and our family. (18:40) It just kind of gets left out there.
(18:44) I think you have to take into account what James is saying. (18:49) We get caught up in worldly wisdom. (18:52) This is the good parent.
(18:54) This is what we do. (18:56) This is what we need to make sure that our kid is set up for the future, (19:02) but eternity rarely comes into the conversation. (19:06) If you're a Christian parent, you get excited when your kid makes a (19:11) declaration of faith, a profession of faith, and they get baptized.
(19:14) You get so excited when that happens and then our next step is not discipling them. (19:23) So many people have fallen into that. (19:26) You become saved and you never learn anything past that because it's not a priority.
(19:35) You have to be intentional about this stuff. (19:40) We make sure that our kids get some sort of food every day for nourishment. (19:46) We have to be intentional about making sure every day they get some wisdom, some Jesus (19:55) weaved in their days.
(19:58) I guess that just depends on the people, how you do that, how you communicate with your kids, (20:05) but you just got to figure out how you can do that because it's too important. (20:10) Like you said earlier, we'll get to that later. (20:15) We're talking about their eternity.
(20:18) I think it's important also just to touch on, I feel like we beat up on sports, (20:25) but sometimes it's our schedule that really deprives us of being able to disciple our kids. (20:32) It's because our work becomes so important to us. (20:36) Maybe our kid's not involved in a sport.
(20:39) Maybe they're not doing all those extracurricular activities, (20:42) but we're so busy that when we do get time with them, the last thing we do, (20:48) we just don't have the energy to pour anything else out. (20:51) I was going to say, you might all be at home and you're all staring at the TV together or (20:58) spread out all over the house. (20:59) We experienced that in the last couple of nights.
(21:02) We were tired. (21:03) We ran out and got fast food because nobody wanted to cook, (21:07) and we sat there and watched America's Funniest Videos. (21:10) America's Funniest Videos, which the kids love.
(21:12) They do, and it's fun. (21:14) It is, but yeah, we could have done more with that time to disciple them. (21:23) Beating ourself up too.
(21:25) What does the other side of this look like? (21:27) You know, how do we move from being in the good parent trap to actually being a biblical parent? (21:38) I guess a big question we need to ask ourselves is this. (21:42) What do we have to say no to in the next week? (21:47) What do we have to say no to to protect what's the most important? (21:53) We got a fairly busy week coming up. (21:56) Not as busy as we are in the fall, but I'm leaving town Sunday to go to on a work trip.
(22:02) And you just announced it on the internet. (22:05) Well, actually, this will air after our launch. (22:09) That's true, that's true.
(22:11) In the next week for us, what do we need to say no to in order to protect the most important thing? (22:19) Can you think of anything? (22:21) I'm trying to think what the day is right now. (22:26) I don't know. (22:28) It's like a moment by moment thing.
(22:30) It's almost like at the beginning of a busy season before you make the commitments to (22:36) sign up for this and do this and do this. (22:39) You've got to sit back and analyze that. (22:44) Is it going to be too much? (22:49) But all of it together, you can't do that and still keep on a path towards discipleship.
(22:55) I've always heard, and we've tried to do this for the most part, but one thing at a time. (23:04) One sport at a time. (23:06) Now, Caroline's gymnastics and basketball will overlap, but gymnastics is just a class (23:14) once a week kind of thing.
(23:16) It's not real time. (23:18) There's still a 30-minute drive to get there, 30-minute drive to get back, and an hour of (23:22) practice in between. (23:23) What are you going to do on that drive to make it more fruitful than just listen to (23:31) music and going? (23:33) I don't know in the next week what to say no to.
(23:38) Hopefully, when the time comes, I'll be able to discern that. (23:43) But we've got to get rid of the chaos and have more peace. (23:48) Even if we are doing all the things, we've got to.
(23:54) Well, I've got one that I think would be great for us, and maybe it'll be great for some (23:58) who are listening. (23:59) I think we need to say no to not every night, but to eating out. (24:08) For number one, obviously, to save money.
(24:10) I mean, that's always a great thing. (24:11) But when we eat out, it's hard to have conversation. (24:14) Yeah.
(24:15) Even if we're eating out in a nicer sit-down restaurant, the conversation around the table (24:21) is usually, I mean, there's so much going on in a restaurant. (24:24) It's just really hard to have a good conversation. (24:26) Yeah, and the server keeps coming back and asking, you know, it interrupts, and I mean, (24:30) they're serving.
(24:32) I mean, maybe that's the key to all of it. (24:34) It's not that you've got to stop everything. (24:36) It's that you've got to pull back, make Jesus a part of all of it, and say no to some of (24:41) the smaller things so that you can start roping it back in.
(24:45) And maybe you do need to say no to travel sports in the future, or maybe you need to (24:48) say no to that next activity you had planned for the weekend, or the camping trip, or the (24:53) hunting trip. (24:54) Maybe you need to say no a little more. (24:57) But that doesn't mean you can't ever do those things.
(25:00) But when it becomes so important for those things, and less and less on the Lord, that's (25:06) when we've really, really kind of run into a problem. (25:09) And I know we've experienced it. (25:10) So if we've experienced it as involved as we are in a church, then I know those who (25:18) are listening to this.
(25:19) If they've got younger kids through the teenage years, they're experiencing the same thing (25:26) right now. (25:27) So if you have one piece of advice you could share with a mom out there. (25:31) Put me on the spot.
(25:32) Yeah, that's the way this works. (25:35) One piece of advice regarding making choices. (25:42) Get out of the good parent trap.
(25:48) Think about your kids when they're grown, and what do you want them to take from their (25:57) childhood? (25:58) Do you think they're going to sit there at 30 years old and be like, oh, I'm so glad (26:06) I played all 14,000 sports, or was so involved in this and that? (26:13) Or are they going to be glad that they have Jesus and that they're following Jesus because (26:21) their parents made Jesus a priority and taught them to love Him and learn about Him and follow (26:29) Him and make Him number one? (26:32) I mean, do you ever really hear people looking back at their childhood saying, oh, I'm just (26:40) so glad that we were so busy and so chaotic? (26:45) Or the ones who had more of a grounded foundation, you hear them talking about that. (26:52) I'm so glad my parents drug me to church. (26:56) I'm so glad that my parents made us do this.
(27:02) So your one piece of advice to a mom out there would be, think about what are your kids going (27:08) to be saying about their childhood 15 years down the road? (27:13) Did I get that right? (27:14) Yes, you always say, I ramble and you don't. (27:19) And I guess if I was going to give one piece of advice to a dad, it'd kind of be the same (27:27) thing, but I would also kind of extend it and say, your kids may get mad at you when (27:33) you say no, but that's okay. (27:36) Yeah, you're not here to be their friend.
(27:41) Be okay this week with saying no to something that you know is distracting them from their (27:45) faith. (27:47) Make it a priority to get your family into church. (27:51) And we're not the kind of Christians that think if you miss church this week, then you're (27:56) going to hell.
(27:56) That's not the way we look at this. (27:58) But when you miss church on a regular basis, it becomes easier to miss and becomes less (28:03) of a priority in your life. (28:05) And then that's what your kids see.
(28:07) So make it a priority for yourself, dads. (28:11) And if you make it a priority for yourself, then when your kids grow up, that's what (28:16) they're going to remember. (28:18) Anything to add before we close this one out? (28:21) No, let's just stop screwing up our kids.
(28:25) We've talked a lot about how we don't know what we're doing. (28:29) Yeah, it's a day by day, fly by the seat of your pants. (28:33) So if you've got suggestions, if you've got a tip for us, leave it in those comments and (28:38) help us become better parents too.
(28:40) Because we might be on the podcast, but we don't have it all figured out either. (28:45) We're still trying to go through this. (28:47) And I know I'm a pastor and I'm supposed to have all the right answers.
(28:50) He does. (28:52) I probably can come up with some really good answers. (28:55) That doesn't mean that's what I'm actually doing.
(28:59) So anyways, leave us a comment if you've got anything you can add to this conversation. (29:03) I hope that it helped you. (29:05) And if you know a parent out there who's going through the same kind of struggle, share (29:09) this with them.
(29:10) Push that like button, subscribe to the podcast, whether you're listening to it or whether (29:14) you're watching it on YouTube. (29:15) That helps so much if you just do those couple of things there. (29:18) And to help us get the word out about the God Made Podcast, because Sunday doesn't fix (29:23) everything.
(29:23) We've got to do this every single day of the week. (29:26) It's what it's about. (29:27) Living out your faith and not just making it a Sunday kind of thing.
(29:31) So that's all we got this week. (29:33) We'll be back with you next week for the next episode of the God Made Podcast. (29:37) We'll see you then.