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Believe in the process and embrace the journey. 10 minute tips with Kinglsey is the ultimate podcast for entrepreneurs and business leaders who want to align their personal and professional lives and create the life they want.
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8 Min thoughts_Ep.2
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[00:00:00] You wanna know who struggles and who's lonely, the answer will probably surprise you.
It wasn't until working very closely with a number of people that are actually hooked on to what was going on here, and it was in our mastermind groups that it made all the difference. See, I used to think that all the lonely people were ones who were maybe Nigel, no mates. The nerds sitting in the corner.
People who just didn't seem to have any friends or, you know, no point for living or, you know, were ostracized by different people. I thought they were the people who were lonely and yeah, they are. I get it. Being bullied at school, I know what that's like. I totally get what that's like. But the reality hit me really hard with who's actually really lonely.
And there's a saying that we've all heard before, that. Become really, really relevant to me when I started to understand this in a greater way. So when I started putting [00:01:00] mastermind groups together and using lots of different people from different areas, different angles, different parts of life, different businesses, what I realized is that every body who is doing something is lonely.
Whether it's a senior executive in a. Large organization, whether it's a business person who's really trying to make it a, an entrepreneur who's actually doing quite well and pushing hard and making life happen and getting things moving. Very, very lonely. And the reason is, one of the reasons is because when you're in a position like that, you've got a vision, you've got a direction, you've got a desire that you're putting forward, that you're putting out there.
And when you are leading people and people are watching you, they want to see someone that was strong, someone that is capable, someone that is moving forward, someone that is going decisively in the direction they want to go, because that's who people wanna follow. [00:02:00] But when you're in that position all the time, and that's the expectation, and as a leader, you do feel that expectation on you, you can't really share it with people.
Because most people aren't gonna understand, they're not gonna get it. They're not gonna know what you're talking about. See, if you are leading an organization, leading a team, then you are out there and you are out the forefront. And when a spear is going through the air, that spear is cutting the air open it.
It needs to cut and needs to be sharp and happening. If you. Dive into a pool. We used to go down to Yamba every year, go camping in an gallery. They've got these, these big, like lakes ponds, and we would challenge ourselves as so how far, far up we could go when jumping off, and there was a sort of like the, a two meter, a three meter, about a five meter, and then there was about a 12 meter cliff [00:03:00] that we would want to jump off.
And when you did the 12 meter one, you had to do it right. So when you dived off that thing, we saw a lady, I dunno what ended up happening with her in the end, but she didn't dive very well and she literally landed almost parallel. You could hear the bang, the, exasperation on people's faces and her body was just red all over.
That is not hitting in the right place, and she could have very easily done so much damage, and I believe she did do some damage with that. When you jump off that high, you need to make sure that you cut the water with fingers or whatever It is very sharply first. Otherwise, it's going to be incredibly painful.
When you are a leader, you are cutting through stuff. You need to be sharp, you need to [00:04:00] be on the ball as much as you possibly can, and you feel often sometimes that you're there. You're doing that all alone. You're by yourself. You can't share that with other people because if you try to share it with your husband or your wife or your partner, whoever it is.
They're not gonna fully understand and they're not gonna appreciate what you're going through anyway unless they are part of it with you. You can't share it with your team members, with your staff because they're not gonna get that. They want to know that their leaders strong and powerful enough for it and happening, and you can't share it with your friends 'cause they just don't get it.
If they're not in business, if they're not pushing hard, if they're not going through the way that you are going through, they're not gonna understand it. And so you can often feel like you are alone. So the people who are actually making it and are out there doing it often feel very, very alone. On the outside.
They look fantastic because they are successful, they're achieving, they're doing a lot of things, and they're quite often the ones that they got the happiest smiles faces on the ones that are most [00:05:00] encouraging of other people. But they're the ones that are there pushing hard, striving, and feeling incredibly alone because they can't shake off and they can't get rid of.
It's not just a mask, but this persona that they need to have in order for people to be able to follow and see what's happening and go with them. So you wanna know who's lonely. They're often the people that are lonely. So if you are feeling like that right now. There's a good reason for it. You are not by yourself.
You are not alone in your loneliness. There's other people feeling exactly the same way. So, and if that's the case, it's all good because what it means is you're pushing, you're trying, you are moving out there, you are getting there. You are cutting through, and you're making a massive difference. So you need to be proud of yourself to start with and know that what you're doing and where you're going is incredible.
So a lot of these people as well as that, they going through depression, they're going through doubt. They're going through through thoughts of failure and do I give [00:06:00] up? Do I go back and get a job? Do I do whatever? You don't see that. But that's what happens with a lot of people. And that could be you right now.
You could be at that place going, I dunno if I can do this anymore. I feel like I'm alone. I'm pushing hard, I'm doing everything I can. Just doesn't seem to be working, and you feel like you might be depressed, so you feel like things aren't putting out for you. It's just not happening. Should you just give up and go back and get a job?
If that's you, you're probably in a fantastic position right now. Now, you don't wanna stay there by yourself. You need people around you. You need a, a mastermind group or a team of people that understand. You need to have that around you without a doubt, but that loneliness is probably never gonna go fully.
And that's part of the journey of entrepreneurship and, and getting out and making things happen. Because every one of us is in that place and we feel that to a certain degree. And it's the comfort zone that can be our killer. Now we need that for some encouragement, but we also gotta make sure that we keep out and keep pushing forward properly.
[00:07:00] You have a choice. We can either be alone by ourself or be alone with a group of people, and it's much nicer to be alone in a group of people. And I would encourage you to try and find a group, a tribe, people who understand you, who, who know what you're going through, who you can understand them, and know where they're going through as well.
It could be a mastermind group, it could be a coaching organization, it could be some, uh, just some other entrepreneurs who are really in that place where they're really wanting to make a difference in people's lives, that it might be there, but somewhere it's important to find some group of people who can understand and be with you.
Will the loneliness go? Will a lot of those feelings go? No, it's still gonna be there, but the reality is we can embrace that. That can be a good fun thing to embrace.
So how do we get comfortable in this position of uncomfortability?
I don't believe that we will ever get completely comfortable with where we are or what we are doing. In fact, [00:08:00] any stories that I read of people who've ever done anything, I. Or being somewhere, no matter whether it's in a concentration camp, whether it's a sports team, whether it's a sports person, whether it's an entrepreneur, whatever it is, whoever they are, they all just seem to somehow know that this is part of what I need to go through.
So get comfortable without being comfortable or get comfortable with being uncomfortable. And then here's five things that I think may be able to help you along the way.
Number one, accept the fact that this is part of the journey. It's where it is. It's what we do. This is all part of the journey. If we are going to make a difference, if we are going to achieve great things, we are going to have bouts of loneliness. I. Of being depressed, of being anxious, of being worried about being stressed.
That's all part of the journey now. So long as we don't keep those things going for too long, they can actually be things that drive us and move us forward in a really, really good and powerful way. I.
Number two, [00:09:00] find the right group of people. Who is the right group of people? Who is the right tribe? Where can you find a mastermind group? Where can you find a tribe? Where can you find people who will understand your thoughts, your feelings, what you're going through? What's happening? Because the reality is that's who you are in striving for whatever it is, whether it's making movies or TV shows, or in business or sports or whatever it is you might be doing.
That's part of what's happening. You need to find a tribe who understands and can work with you. You know, you have a family outside of this, and that's important to be there and be the right person for them. But at the same time as you're pushing for where you want to go, there is gonna be this loneliness, this depression side sometimes that people deal with.
Number three, embrace the journey of ups and downs. It's all ups and downs. Tomorrow is not today. That's what this whole thing is all about. It's not today, it's tomorrow. It's different for every single day is gonna be different. That's one of the fun things about this. We do the same consistent thing, [00:10:00] day in, day out, day in, day out with our routines, but every day is gonna be different at the same time, there's new challenges, new opportunities, new people.
There's so much there that's exciting. It's always gonna be the ups and downs of life. Embrace that and understand that. That's part of what makes life so much fun and so enjoyable at the same time.
Number four, these ups and downs. This loneliness, this depression, this joy that comes, all of these sorts of things, different parts of us. This is part of our motivation and inspiration. Could you imagine if everything was perfect all the time? There'd be nothing to compare with. There'd be nothing. And so you can get used to the mundane, to the good being, the mundane.
The saying, you can have too much of a good thing. Yes you can. And that's why we want the ups and downs. We grow through those times. We get inspired in those times. We get motivated, we, we learn more things, we learn new things, and by doing that, we can actually go out and make things happen. Be lonely.
Embrace the fact that that's [00:11:00] where you are. Not just you are just there, but there is a reason for this. Embrace it, understand, allow that to build you and grow you and take you where you want to go.
And number five, appreciate the fact that you are one of the chosen few. You are one of the chosen few that actually can handle this and go through this. See, a lot of people don't make it. They give up, they quit. They can't make it happen. But the, if you are one of the ones who is lonely, who goes through all of these different things in life, in business, in your, your struggle, your.
Pushing for what you want to do. Embrace that as a great thing. You are the one of the chosen, you are the one of the few that can actually do that. And when you understand that, you can sit up, you can stand up tall and go, you know what? I'm one of the ones that's making a difference. I'm gonna keep going.
I'm gonna be pushing through because I know what I'm doing. It's valuable. It's valuable to people, it's valuable to me, it's valuable for the world. So I'm gonna keep going and I'm [00:12:00] gonna push through and I'm gonna make it happen. Appreciate you are one of the chosen few.
So I'm gonna leave with this. Let's be alone. Together. Let's create the life that we want. Let's embrace the ups and the downs, the loneliness, the other things that come with it. But just keep persistent and keep going. Enjoy this journey. Create the life that you want. Leave a legacy that you can be proud of.