Transgender Activist Precious Brady-Davis: "I Have Always Been Me"

Show Notes

You may know Precious Brady-Davis as the first transgender woman who appeared on Say Yes to the Dress. You may have heard that Precious and her husband Myles, who's also transgender, gave birth to a now 19 month old daughter.  Today, Precious gives us the inside scoop on her experiences growing up in rural Nebraska, her courage to transition, and becoming an inspiration to so many who don't want to be afraid to be themselves.

"I Have Always Been Me: A Memoir", by Precious Brady-Davis

Diversity Beyond the Checkbox is brought to you by The Diversity Movement, hosted by Head of Content Jackie Ferguson, and is a production of Earfluence.

What is Diversity: Beyond the Checkbox?

A weekly podcast delivering diverse insights and perspectives from global leaders in business, executive education and diversity & inclusion. Hosted by award-winning content creator, author, speaker, certified diversity executive and cofounder of The Diversity Movement, Jackie Ferguson.

Hi, and welcome to season four of the

Diversity Beyond the Checkbox Podcast.

Sponsored by the diversity movement.

I'm your host, Jackie

Ferguson equality advocate and

certified diversity executive.

On this show, we discuss how diversity,

equity and inclusion benefit our

workplaces, schools, and communities

by sharing the stories, insights,

and best practices of game changers,

leaders, and glass ceiling breakers

that are doing the work to make our

world a more understanding, welcoming

and supportive place for us all.

I'm so excited to have renowned and

groundbreaking, transgender activists,

Precious Brady Davis with us today to

talk about her journey and her new book.

I have always been.

Precious, will you please tell us

about your early years and how you got

to the pivotal moment of knowing that

it was time for you to transition?

Let's start there.

Hi Jackie.

Thank you so much for having

me on the podcast today course.

Wow.

My early journey growing up in

Omaha, Nebraska, I grew up a

child who was very resilient.

I was very optimistic.

For as long as I can remember,

I was outspoken in who I was,

even though I didn't have the

words to describe my identity.

I was being my authentic self.

And that's why the book is.

I have always been me, whether it was

walking in my sister's high heels, down

the hall of our home, whether it was

accidentally wearing my sister's shoes,

wearing my sister's shoes accidentally

to school ,wearing a dress at a drama

club party and through the momentous

activity of performing drag in college.

So drag was the first gateway for me to

be my authentic self in discovering my

womanhood, because I felt at the end of

the day, I didn't want to take it off.

Being Precious and being the, the

authenticity of, of my person, but

it took me many years after that,

before I could officially transition,

because I was weighed down with

a myriad of religious teachings.

That, that to me felt like.

If I were to transition that I would

be doing something out of God's will,

or that I would, would go to to hell.

Um, because you know, I was raised

and was ingrained with a myriad of

tropes surrounding the LGBTQ community.

Even when I did drag,

I kept it very light.

I kept like very light in terms of

like my music, because I said, oh,

I still wanted to be in God's will.

But ultimately after I graduated

college and in college, I was like

a very gender non-conforming and I

felt like I crept out of the closet,

little by little it started, you

know, I would wear heels around

campus, then I would start wearing

nails and then I would start wearing,

so it was like a gradual process,

but the thing about it was I didn't

have a label for what I was doing.

I was just being my authentic self

like I have my entire life, but after I

graduated college, I went to work at an

LGBTQ community center here in Chicago.

And after I started working at that

center cause I was male identified

when I started working there.

I saw this young girl, 16 years old,

coco skin, beautiful hair down her back.

It was a young trans girl.

And there I was to inspire the

young people to inspire them.

And there she was inspiring me and I

said, She goes to school like that?

And they're yeah, like

she is a young trans girl.

And that night as I walked back

to my desk, I said, I wish I

could be sitting here as Precious.

Um, and one of my coworkers leaned

over to me and said, why can't you?

And it was like that final moment.

I mean, that was a, probably a 10 year

journey, you know to get to that

point where I could release all of

the stigma that I had around the trans

community and all of the things that had

been ingrained in me from my childhood

about being feminine, you know, as

a child, I was extremely policed.

You know, my gender was of, wear your

watch on, you know, a different wrist.

Don't switch when you walk down

the aisle of a grocery store.

I didn't even know what that meant,

but for me it was that pivotal moment.

When I worked at the center on Halsted

when I saw these trans youth being the

authenticity of their person, it was, it

was like them holding up a mirror to me.

That's so amazing.

And you know, the title of your book,

I Have Always Been Me, and you talk

about being your authentic self, but

it's hard for a lot of us especially

those in the LGBTQ community to feel

comfortable in stepping into their

own skin and who they are fully

and being able to express that.

Can you tell me what gave you the

courage to move forward in that?

I will say that optimism is one

of my gifts and something that

I have possessed my entire life.

And I know that it's not easy for,

for everyone to pronounce their,

their authenticity, but I think

it's something that is ingrained

in my being that my whole life that

I have always been, been brave.

But I also think that it was because

it was such a policing of my behavior

as a child, uh, I grew up with a,

the generation before me was children

are to be seen and not heard.

And I always pushed back on that

of saying I deserve to be heard.

I deserve to be seen, I

deserve to take up space.

And so I think because my environment

was so constructed around me.

I was so focused on, on breaking the

mold of that, of creating a shinier

mold for one that was created for me.

And it indeed took courage

and I think for each of us to.

Stand in our authenticity,

it takes courage.

But for me, at many points in my

life, I didn't have the choice, you

know, uh, being raised in foster kid,

being raised as a foster kid, you're

often thrown into those situations.

And so I think for me, it

became a mechanism of survival.

And Precious you say that optimism is

one of your gifts and you're quoted

as having said, this is one of my

life's great gifts to be optimistic,

to see a world, not yet created.

What does a world not yet created?

What does that world look like for you?

What do you see for that?

A world not yet created for

me, it is, it is a safe space.

It is a world in which.

All people are included,

regardless of ability, faith,

gender, sexual orientation.

It is a place in which we can

all coexist and we can look aside

our differences and find our

shared humanity with one another.

And that is something that

I've been doing my entire life.

And that's goes, go back

to the title of my book.

I have always been me as a young

gender nonconforming kids showing up,

you know, I think about growing up in

Omaha, Nebraska, I'm from a red state.

Growing up.

My best friend was a kid

who had a disability.

You know, I am

left-handed, I am biracial.

And so being a part of so many

marginalized groups, I feel like

it has forced me to, to dream

a new, to, to create spaces

that were not created for me.

And so for me, it's about.

Creating a world that is safe regardless

of, of difference for all people.

I love that Precious.

And tell me from your perspective,

what's the one thing that, that we

can do for those of us listening

to step towards that new world?

I think the one thing that we

can do to stepping into that new

world that I, that I talk about

creating, is to stand in your truth.

It's about being you, it starts

with being authentic, this

connection that we're having today,

it's about bridging the divide.

It's about having conversation

about these issues.

And for me, especially as a trans

woman of color, I believe that walking

out of my door every day, is an act

of dignity is an act of bravery.

It's those small moments of bravery

that I think that each of us can take

to further diversity and authenticity.

That's incredible.

Thank you for sharing that Precious.

You were the first out trans gender

bride to be, to appear on the

show, Say Yes to the Dress Atlanta.

How was that experience for you?

A great experience.

It was a dream come true.

So I didn't reach out to them.

They originally reached out to me

and I had the opportunity to actually

go on either of their franchises.

I could have gone to Kleinfeld in

New York, or I could've gone to

Bridals by Lori, which I ultimately

chose . It was such a dream come true.

It was actually overwhelming because

there were so many choices, obviously

that I ultimately did not pick

one of the dresses that was there.

I had a dress custom made for me,

which was such a life moment to have my

wedding gown, to have it custom made a

couture piece for my Cinderella wedding.

It was absolutely humble.

And one of the things that I loved

about filming it is Lori and Monte

that the host of the show they were.

So in tune to the sensitivity

of the moment, there was nothing

different about my experience

because I was a trans woman.

I was a trans woman shopping

for her wedding dress.

It was a life moment.

And, and for me it was about

finding the best dress that fit me.

And that's the thing that I

loved about it, that there

was nothing extra or anything

different about that appointment.

It was absolutely affirmational

and I'm so glad that I did it.

That's why Myles and I went on

the show, you know, to show that

trans love is a possibility.

That's fantastic.

Precious you and your husband

miles have a biological child.

Can you tell us about that pregnancy and

that journey and how it is parenting?

Well, our daughter's age, she

just turned 19 months and she is

the joy of our lives and Myles.

And I knew.

As soon as we met each other, that

we wanted to have children, you

know, that was one of the earliest

conversations that we had when we

got together and what a journey.

And these are conversations that I don't

think a lot of folks have publicly,

you know, IVF is an experience unto

itself and we did IVF, you know, to, to

have her, you know, and the first time

didn't take, but, but the second time

did, and then, you know, Pregnancy, like

in general is a very scary experience.

And I don't think people talk

about that part of pregnancy.

I think when people are talking about

pregnancy, they only talk about the

happiness and the glow, but like

the, you know, you're waiting on

the milestones and you're praying

that you make it to the 20 weeks,

you know, like, yeah, we gotta

make it to like the, the 20 weeks.

And like all of these things, you know,

that, that I didn't, that I didn't know.

And then put on top of that, you

know, being a trans couple, you

know, and my husband, you know,

is a man, you know what I mean?

And so my husband carrying, you know,

like that experience of what it is

to be a pregnant man navigating the

world and my husband is so strong.

And, and so resilient.

And he actually

experienced discrimination.

You know, he was shopping at a store and

you know, someone at the store thought

that he had clothes underneath his, his

sweater, you know, and the police came

and like grabbed him, who he didn't

even know, you know, what was going on.

And they pulled up his, his belly and

saw that he was actually pregnant.

And so it's it's not even safe

for someone who is trans to

be navigating the world, just

shopping at like a regular store.

But otherwise the rest of the

experience was very affirmational.

And we had a purveyor who was affirming

the whole time and was actually a part

of like the LGBTQ community, which

made the experience so wonderful.

You know, she guided us the process

so beautifully, but we are happy.

Happy parents.

Very happy family.

We'd like to have more, but it

just is, as a parent, I'm learning

so many things about my myself.

I'm learning.

Of course, you know, this book, I

talk about the lengths of resilience

that I have known, but oof being

a parent is to be resilient.

I don't know if you have kids, but

I do.

Yours is 19 months.

Mine is 19 years.

Oh my.

Oh, my gosh.

So I'll take some, I'll take

all of the lessons from you.

Just do the best you can is the

best advice we all feel like we're

not doing enough, but you are just

start with love and with love.

You'll be doing all you need to do.

Thank you so much.

I'll take that advice to heart.

Uh, yes, I can play the agree with you.

Our home is, is rooted in love and she

has brought so much light to our lives.

And we feel like it's always been this

way that she's like always been here.

And so we're enjoying parenting.

I love that.

And just to say for our listeners as

well, you as a couple were the first

transgender couple to be correctly

gendered on an Illinois birth

certificate, just another groundbreaking

thing that's, that's so important.

So I wanted to make sure to mention

that for our listeners as well.

My husband and I, we say that

we live in the legendary lane.

That is who we are.

Black excellence is at the heart of our

being, but all that aside, you know,

that was really about us being affirmed

in our gender, affirmed in our humanity

when trans folks can't legally change

their documents, it creates a host of

issues when it comes to our, our safety.

You know, when let's say, you

know, we were, were to travel and

things didn't align that would

create a myriad of problems for us.

And so, uh, we're grateful to the state

of Illinois for taking our petition.

Absolutely.

Well, let's talk about this

amazing book which I have here.

I Have Always Been Me.

Precious, tell me what readers

will gain from reading this book

in reading I Have Always Been Me.

Folks will see I have always

been the person I am today.

You see a resilient child who

fashions a shinier mold for

themselves than was presented to them.

You see that I have always wielded

my voice, that I've always been

passionate about public service,

that I have always been passionate

about, uh, performance and, and music.

And it's really the place that I

found myself that authenticity has

run a string through my entire life.

One of the things that I learned in

reading, it is just understanding

the resilience that you had and

the perseverance that you had.

And it's so inspiring.

Tell me what has inspired you to achieve

so much to keep moving forward, to

push through the challenges as a kid.

I'll never forget.

Going to see my biological

mother for a visit.

And I knew from a young age that

my biological mother didn't want

me and that she wanted my sister.

And I write about that in the book.

And I'll never forget.

After leaving that visit, I

jumped in the car, pulled the

door shut as hard as I could.

And the sun was beaming that day.

The sun was beaming.

And I remember looking into the sun

saying, I will show you, I am going to

be- and I didn't know then that it was

a mode of success or a model of success.

But I remember to my young self

saying, I'm going to make it.

And I'm going to show you.

I've always had the ability, the

ability to say, I am not that.

I am not made less because of this.

And that is that natural

optimism that I've had.

And I think it is a survival mechanism.

You know, I think that it's

something that a lot of foster kids.

Have, you know, because you are

forced to put together your life in

a matter of minutes, you know, when

you're in a foster home and know your,

your things often don't go with you.

You know, your life is put

together in fragmented pieces and

you don't really have a choice.

And so I think I didn't have a

choice in the matter when you

are a foster kid, emotionally, I

think you either rise or you sink.

You know, given that, given the

circumstances and the challenges,

but I remember from a young age of

saying, no, no, no, no, not, I, I

will, I will create, you know, I,

I like you, we talked about here.

I've always had the ability to

create a world not yet seen.

I think of the, the child

I talk about in the book.

I didn't see a picnic table.

I saw a stage.

I saw, I saw like a runway, you know,

to be whole than the trees, you know,

became the procedium to my performance.

There was no one watching me, but I

think I've always had the ability to,

to create and to, to be optimistic.

That's such good advice for all of us,

you know to - that despite challenges

that we're facing to maintain that.

Positive attitude and positive

outlook to be able to push

through those challenges.

That's so important.

Precious, one of my favorite questions

to ask my guests is tell us something

about you that not a lot of people know.

So I write about this in the

book, but I feel like no one

knows that I can sing, but like

Do you want to sing for

us a little bit right now?

I mean, no, I don't need to but I...Um,

but I promise that I can, but I - that

I can sing of like that, I, you know, it

is something that I am passionate about,

you know, that I'm classically trained,

but I am a classically trained singer

and that's what I studied in college.

That's awesome.

That's awesome.

Precious as we begin to wrap up

our time together, what's the

message you want to leave for those

listening that may be grappling with

sharing their own gender identity.

For me, I would challenge them to stand

in the authenticity of their truth

and shine in the places that they can.

For me throughout the book, there

are glimmers of places that I could

shine, whether it was in my church,

whether it was in my drama program.

And I think that coming out looks

different for, for everyone.

Uh, throughout this book, you will see

there are, I had multiple coming outs.

And I would encourage people to stand

in their truth and to come out as

they feel, feel comfortable, but I

would affirm them and celebrate that

there is a great history of gender

nonconforming folks who have come

before us and who will come after us.

And I think that I am.

A part of that, that legacy.

And for me coming out, I hope

that it inspires other people.

I think sometimes people don't

come out because there are fears

of retribution, you know, when it

comes to career, when it comes to

love, when it comes to family and

those are all very real fears.

And I also would confirm those things,

but I also would confirm that it's a

journey that, you know, I have lots of

family who did not understand what I was

doing when I was doing drag in college,

but they came to, to understand it.

And now we are in a great place, you

know, when it comes to my spirituality,

it is not your stereotypical

Judeo-Christian beliefs that I

subscribe to, but I believe that my

transness is a part of my spirituality

that I am in tune to spirit.

And, and for me, it's really

about standing in one's own truth.

And I would affirm them,

uh, do it in your own way.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Precious this has been so incredible

and, you know, I could certainly spend

another hour talking to you, but being

respectful of your busy schedule.

I just want to say thank you so

much for being with us today on the

podcast and, you know, continued

success, keep shining mean you are

such an amazing example to so many

of us who are just looking for, you

know, that, that inspiration, that

person who is just being themselves

and living their authentic life,

because it inspires so many of us.

Thank you.

Thank you so much for your kind words.

Thanks for having me.

Thanks for listening everyone.

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This episode was edited

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I'm Jackie Ferguson.

And I'll talk with you next time

on Diversity Beyond the Checkbox.