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It's the middle of January, which means we've had a chance to make (and fail at) some New Year's Resolutions. But the reality of life is that we make time for the things that are truly important to us. So how does that play into mentoring relationships? Well, maybe we've recognized towards the end of last year that our relationship with our mentee isn't going as well as we hoped or thought is would. Maybe we're starting to think that we need to do these grand gestures to win over our mentee's trust. The new year, though, affords us a chance to renew our vision for mentoring. Zach and John are back together this week to talk through some things to think about and meditate on as you reflect on your mentoring relationship and where you want it to grow. They also provide some tips on how you can help the relationship grow closer.
Show Notes
It's the middle of January, which means we've had a chance to make (and fail at) some New Year's Resolutions. But the reality of life is that we make time for the things that are truly important to us. So how does that play into mentoring relationships? Well, maybe we've recognized towards the end of last year that our relationship with our mentee isn't going as well as we hoped or thought is would. Maybe we're starting to think that we need to do these grand gestures to win over our mentee's trust. The new year, though, affords us a chance to renew our vision for mentoring. Zach and John are back together this week to talk through some things to think about and meditate on as you reflect on your mentoring relationship and where you want it to grow. They also provide some tips on how you can help the relationship grow closer.
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Purchase the You Can Mentor book:
You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Creators and Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:Hey, mentors. Just a reminder about the You Can Mentor book. It's titled You Can Mentor, How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Crisis. The whole point of this book is to equip and encourage mentors with new tools and ideas on how to make the most of their mentor mentee relationship. If you're a mentor, hey, go pick it up.
Speaker 2:And if you're a mentoring organization, pick some up for all of your mentors. If you would like to order mass copies, like more than 20, send an email to me, zach@youcanmentor.com, and we will get you guys a special price. But go and pick up that book. It's good. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:Hello, mentors. Zach Garza here with the You Can Mentor podcast. Obviously, you know that because, hey, you had play on the You Can Mentor podcast. So not telling you anything new here. But here's something that is new.
Speaker 2:John Barnard. John, what's up?
Speaker 3:Hey, Zach.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow. Nice voice. See if I
Speaker 3:did that? Yes. Man, I'm so happy to be here.
Speaker 2:John sounds like a you sound like you're like a romantic guy on the radio station, like, hey, welcome to Smooth Jazz 107. My name is John Bernard. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Welcome to the hits. Just wanna keep it comfortable for everybody.
Speaker 2:Yeah. That's weird. You're weirding me out, man. You're weirding me out. Today, we're talking about mentoring.
Speaker 2:Oh, cool. Because this is a mentoring podcast. So, John, you are the one who came up with this idea of today. What are we talking about, John?
Speaker 3:Man. Well, listen. We're somewhere around new year. Right?
Speaker 2:New year, new me.
Speaker 3:That's it. What have you what have you decided? Are you are you one of those resolution type of folk?
Speaker 2:Of course, I am. Yeah. Okay. I have resolved to drink 10 gallons of water a day My goodness. And to learn how to speak German.
Speaker 2:Why? I'm I'm just kidding that. Mine, like my goals for 2023 are so simple. It's just like eat a vegetable, move and exercise. Don't yell at my kids.
Speaker 2:Those are my goals.
Speaker 3:Those are good goals, man. Those are good goals. Well, there's this great verse. Lamentations 3, actually a great two verses. Lamentations 3, 22, and 23.
Speaker 3:And you probably know these. The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness.
Speaker 3:So I thought what what greater passage for us to kind of springboard off of this morning when we talk about how good God is and with every morning we have his mercies anew. And so we wanted to talk about newness. We wanna talk about renewness, and we wanted to talk about what it might some of the main things. As you have said, often keep the main things, the main things. Right?
Speaker 3:And so why not start the year off that way?
Speaker 2:John Yeah. So as John and I were kind of doing what we do before every podcast, which is text each other and be like, Hey man, what do you want to talk about? We just kind of came back to this topic of keeping it simple, right? Like so often with me and my mentoring relationships, I try to over complicate it. And I think that we need to, you know, do this, do this, do this, do this, do this.
Speaker 2:And this is what happens every time. I set these, like, grand goals and I'm like, I'm gonna hang out with my mentee 18 times a month, and we're gonna do 7 huge events, and we're gonna do all these things. And then after 6 weeks, I feel like a failure because I haven't done any of that. And so, so, yeah. So this podcast is just a reminder to keep it simple.
Speaker 2:Keep the main things, the main things. Simple doesn't mean easy. It just means simple. Right.
Speaker 3:And I would say simple does also it doesn't mean any less intentional. Right? We don't wanna be so casual. We don't wanna be so laid back that we just kind of think, well, you know what? What happens is gonna happen.
Speaker 3:Just like anything else, we wanna be intentional about this relationship building and maintaining. And so, however, with that being said, you're right. We can keep things simple and understand that praise God. He is at work in our relationships that way.
Speaker 2:John Yeah. Like you don't stumble into a intentional, effective mentoring relationship that lasts for the long haul. Right. You kind of got to do some stuff. So, all right, John.
Speaker 2:So, so let's talk about this new versus renew. Why don't you just share your wisdom?
Speaker 3:John Frodo For sure. You know, sometimes I think that when we think about the new start in fact, I used to live near this little church, little country church that I would drive by just about every day. And you know what it was called? Freshstart Baptist Church. Mhmm.
Speaker 3:A little white wooden building, quaint, you know, little caliche parking lot there. Caliche. Yeah. Do you know what that is when I say that?
Speaker 2:It's the first time that word's ever been said on this podcast.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I I I was gonna say river rock, but then I thought, I don't wanna give the impression that it was near a river. You know? Yeah. You know a good country road that's a rock road?
Speaker 3:Mhmm. That's caliche. K. And so I would drive by Fresh Start Baptist Church and just something man, every time I read that sign, I just kinda like the idea because it it was that reminder that god's mercies are new in the morning. Right?
Speaker 3:However, the to think about the difference and compare this idea of new and renew is really interesting because so often we might think that something kinda comes to its end and it's old, and we need something new. So, you know, these days, we live in a really disposable society, I would say, in some ways, in terms of how we consume things. Right? Like, I'm looking at our phones right now. Every year, we get the option to purchase a new phone and to go out there and get the newest and latest and greatest.
Speaker 3:Right? Well, we would never want to take that stance with relationships because we know that relationships can be renewed even when they get to a point maybe of struggle or maybe that there's been kind of some indifference or maybe some time has gone by when you think, oh, you know who I haven't talked to in a while? Oh, man. I really need to reach out to them. And that's that's what we can think about in terms of renewing.
Speaker 3:So sometimes, yes, there needs to be new. You need to throw out the old so that you can make room for the new. But sometimes what you need to do is realize that that a relationship or even a thing, you know, I'm talking about even in the physical world, when you think about, oh man, my car is really getting crummy. You know, like the seat doesn't go back or the the mirror looks wonky. And that's when you think, instead of just throwing the baby out with the bathwater, we work on those few components that need to be changed.
Speaker 3:And that's what renewal is. And so, again, that can be applied to relationships and and really it should be. Right? Because we don't wanna throw babies out with the bathwater, even if that baby is like, you know, a neighbor, a friend.
Speaker 2:I don't think we want to throw babies period. It's just not something that we want to do. John, I think this is a great time for mentors and mentees in our relationships to take a step back and to kind of assess. So assess what's going well, assess what's working, what's not working, and really be honest with yourself and figure out if your mentor mentee relationship is where you want it to be. And I think the new year is a great time to do that.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Naturally, what's great about the start of a new year is that you get to really kind of assess and you get to evaluate and look at it as as objectively as possible. In fact, one of our priorities that we're talking about this morning gives us the opportunity to think about what it would maybe look like to present this to someone who can look at things objectively. Right? And kind of help us evaluate our mentor, mentee relationships and just really kinda think about what what pruning needs to take place here.
Speaker 3:Mhmm. You know, what what kind of cultivating so that what do we need to to lessen so that something else can grow? And also, man, let's let's hopefully, we'll find some real objective encouragement where we say, you know what? We haven't really been thinking about it, but I've been I've really developed in some ways in this relationship, and my mentee is better for it. So we wanna also champion those victories in those relationships as well.
Speaker 2:Ron Roelstein So as a mentor assessing your relationship, what are some questions that we can ask ourselves? So I think 2 good questions that we just said is what's working and what's not working Potentially, what have we gotten away from that we might need to revisit and actually emphasize more?
Speaker 3:Definitely. And, you know, I know it sounds a little bit old school, Zach, but to think about if you're like me, man, I'm just forgetful. I just don't remember. And so I'm so thankful to have a wife who constantly reminds me kind of where things were and how things were at a certain stage because I I just sometimes assume, hey. Nothing's changed.
Speaker 3:It's always been this way. And she can come around and say, actually, I know you're not thinking about it, but we've come a long way in this area, maybe with one of our kids and where they are. What if you consider actually keeping a mentor journal where this would be much like a prayer journal, but it gets you to write specifics down about maybe from semester to semester, where your mentee is at, you know, what they're struggling with, what they're dealing with. Then when you can look back, you know, midstream after a couple of months of meeting, you might already find that there's some vast improvement there, which otherwise you kinda just would have forgotten about or you or you wouldn't have you know, again, memory also also often just kinda smoothens out maybe how dynamic a time is right there. And so to be mindful of that and to keep that journal, to be able to write down, this is what this kid is going through.
Speaker 3:This is how I'm praying for them. And then to be able to show that to them and say, hey. I know that you can can't even remember this, but this was a big deal for you. This was this was a a big struggle. God has seen you through that.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So maybe as you assess, as you look back, what are some things that you can celebrate? What are some areas that you have grown in in the past year? And that should encourage you. I also wanna point out, John, that you just said the word smoothen.
Speaker 2:Smoothen. Like, we need to we need to smoothen that out.
Speaker 3:That needs to be smoothened out.
Speaker 2:Yes. Man, if you're not from Texas, I don't know where you're from. Well, that's there you go. That's great. Yeah.
Speaker 2:So so what do we need to do that's new and then what do we just need to renew? What are the things that we've forgotten? What are the things that we should be doing that we just kind of have gotten away from? And so I think in just the spirit of kinda keeping the main thing, the main thing, and remembering that mentoring in its in its simplest state is extremely simple. It's just building a relationship with a kid.
Speaker 2:And so how how do we keep it simple? How do we keep the main things, the main things, and what are those main things?
Speaker 3:Absolutely. That's some of the hardest thing to figure out because we wanna kinda be objective in this relationship, and we can if we're not too if we're not careful about it, we can begin to think, oh, wait. This urgent thing might be the most important thing, and sometimes that's just not the case. So let's talk about some of the main things inventory. Let's do it.
Speaker 3:First of all, consistency. Consistency is a struggle. In fact, each one of these is a struggle. As you mentioned earlier, Zach, like, you don't stumble into good practices. Right?
Speaker 3:You don't I've heard a pastor say, you don't stumble into holiness. You don't just wake up one day and think, wow. I've got this really great disciplined relationship with my savior, and, man, I am just like killing it on my quiet times and my, you know, scripture reading and study. And, again, you really have to be intentional about that. That really starts with making that commitment to say, okay.
Speaker 3:Well, this is valuable, and so this is what I'm going to do in order to get to a place that I that I believe God really wants me to be. So consistency can be a lot harder for some of us than others. A lot sometimes that does maybe come down to a personality type, and it comes down to what did we have shown to us kind of in our formative years. Okay? Some of us were raised in some very structured environments, and some of us, not so much.
Speaker 3:Oftentimes, I found that in my mentee relationships, I'm dealing with kids who just didn't have that consistency. They didn't have adults who were people of margin, who practiced on a daily basis a consistently healthy walk with the Lord, and then they weren't the kind of maybe parents who were reading parenting books as well. And so as a mentor, I got to kinda step into that gap a little bit and and try to be that for them. One student comes to mind specifically when I would go to the junior high when I was youth minister in little rural Texas. Okay?
Speaker 3:And I met with a kid named Salvador. And so Salvador and I relationship, you know, it wasn't automatic at the very beginning, whether that was my, you know, expectation of maybe how this relationship would go or his what looked like really indifference to my even even meeting with him on a weekly basis. And so that would get discouraging. And so I would say that my consistency began to be in question because I thought, you know what, man? Goodness.
Speaker 3:I've been doing this 2 months now, and I just don't feel like we're clicking. You know? I don't think, like, what I'm bringing him is helpful for him. Goodness. Maybe I'm standing in the way of him being able to have somebody that he could click with, you know, automatically.
Speaker 3:It was really neat though to see even years later that that relationship and that time was well spent because Salvador came back and said, hey, man. Thanks for spending that time with me. You know, that was really valuable. And I remember some things that you said, and I would have thought there's no way that this kid retained anything that I shared during that time. And so that just goes to show, and there are so many more examples I'm sure you can think of that when consistency just really paid off, that goodness, it was a hard it was a hard road to hoe.
Speaker 3:I think that's that's right. I can go ahead and put a farming analogy in there, Caitlin.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. That's great.
Speaker 3:That, man, in the moment, you're thinking
Speaker 2:this is just not working, but consistency pays off. And it's so simple. Like just show up like 85% of mentoring, maybe even 92%. Now I'm just throwing numbers out there. 90 4 percent of mentoring is just showing up.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. It's just, you're busy. You've got responsibilities. You've got a job. You might have a family.
Speaker 2:You might have friends. There's a 1,000 things that are vying for your time. Can you be intentional enough to carve out an hour a week, an hour every 2 weeks to spend time with this mentee? And I promise you if you do that, if you show up and you are yourself, which we're assuming everyone on this podcast is, is a good person. You're a good person.
Speaker 2:You're encouraging and you build them up. You don't try to tear them down. Great things are going to happen. Like life transformation sounds so complicated. And but really, if you just have a couple people in your life who are positive and who are consistent and who want the best for you, your life is going to transform.
Speaker 2:It is going to be better. And that's what mentoring is all about. So what do you have to do to be consistent? Do you have to set a reminder on your phone? Do you have to put a note card on your on your on your computer screen?
Speaker 2:Do you have to put a sticky note in your car with your mentee's name on it? Whatever you have to do to be consistent, to show up as often as you said that you would do it because it's a big deal. In fact, I would say it's the biggest deal. Sorry if I got kind of kind of deep and dark there, but it's important.
Speaker 3:No. You're you're it, man. That's it. You got it. I'm there with you.
Speaker 3:I'm high fiving you.
Speaker 2:Okay. So keep the main things the main things. Number one main thing, consistency. Consistency. Show up.
Speaker 2:Number 2 main thing, This is a this is a fun word to say, connection.
Speaker 3:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:Alliteration.
Speaker 3:So important. Wait a minute. Oh, I saw what you did there.
Speaker 2:Yeah. That's so good. Actually, you did it. Okay. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I saw it. Okay. So how how are you connecting with your mentee? How are you leaving your world and entering into their world? How are you connecting with them through encouragement and through praise and through acceptance and through kind words and through trying to build them up?
Speaker 2:How are you how are you pursuing them? How are you going to them not expecting them to come to you? Here's a news flash. Your mentee is probably not gonna call you very often. Your mentee is probably not gonna text you very often.
Speaker 2:You're probably not gonna get a note saying, dear mentor, would you please spend time with me? Love mentee. You have to pursue them. You have to be the one who initiates the connection. And here's a great way to connect.
Speaker 2:You can go play connect 4. You can literally play a game that has the
Speaker 3:word connect in it, and that will subconsciously show your ment mentee that you are committed Yes.
Speaker 2:For 4 weeks in a row. 4. Four colored chips in a row.
Speaker 3:Okay. Sorry for that bad joke. Okay.
Speaker 2:So connection, John, let's talk about it. Tell me why connection is a main thing.
Speaker 3:Well, listen. Everything's spiritual. I truly believe this, and we know that there are forces that are against us, that there are forces actively working to disconnect. The word says that the enemy comes to kill and destroy. And so as we think about that imagery of what the Bible presents, we think about the forces of darkness on this earth working to disconnect in order to isolate.
Speaker 3:Because when we think about it, Zach, I'm sure that, you know, in some of your spiritual struggles that you've dealt with in your in your faith, they've really come at times when you felt like you were alone in something. Right? When you maybe felt distance from the lord. And I I truly believe that that's what the enemy does, that he isolates us to a point where we can begin to believe things that aren't true or struggle on our own. And so what we should be mindful of as we understand if we are nurturing our faith, which we stay connected to the Lord, that is it is a matter of proximity.
Speaker 3:Lord, I wanna stay close to you through the things that are of you, God. I wanna wanna have my prayer life be vibrant. I wanna go to you every morning and and, you know, you're the first one I wanna speak to, and you're the last one I wanna speak to each and every day. God, I wanna worship you through reading your word. I want to celebrate you, father, through community and my church, and also just understanding that that those in my neighborhood and in my on my in my life on a daily basis are also part of that community.
Speaker 3:And so these things all are about connection over and over and over again, knowing that that we really should desire that at all times. Because, again, you know, I'm I'm always most fulfilled when I know that I am loving and and that I am loved. Right? And so our mentees are feeling that as well. And, man, this is where we talk about, honestly, unconditional love.
Speaker 3:Right? Because as you mentioned, if we're looking to have that reciprocated from our mentee in order for us to stay consistent or to stay connected, man, we're gonna struggle. You know? If I depended on how my kids reacted to me and how I love them as a parent, like, what if what if I only gave to them what they were, you know, giving back to me? Well, goodness, they'd be in a they'd be in a bad way.
Speaker 3:You know? I have to overcome maybe their reaction and their response or lack of, and I really have to remain and always seeking to connect and always seeking for their good. So as a mentor, you'll be doing the same thing. You won't really need you know, what a great place to be in to say, the Lord has given me so much, and he is so much for me that as I am a river, as I am channeling God's love from him and into my mentee's heart, well, again, I don't I don't necessarily need to have my mentee come back and write songs, you know, and and sing my praises. Instead, I know that I'm doing what the Lord has for me to do.
Speaker 3:And my mentee just gets to really benefit from that. And so I wanna stay mindful of that connection at all times and say, hey, man. I'm here for you. Like, this time is special for me because I just wanna know how your day's going. I wanna know how I can pray for you.
Speaker 3:I wanna know what you're struggling with. So if I feel like I need to share a word of encouragement or speak into an issue, I will. But other than that, maybe I just want to sit here and listen.
Speaker 2:I think so much of connecting with your mentee is being a safe presence, just being a safe environment. Hey, your mentee is not perfect. They're gonna screw up. They're teenagers. They're elementary school kids.
Speaker 2:Like, they're gonna do something that they're ashamed of. They're going to experience obstacles. They're going to have a hard time from time to time, and every so often they're going to come to you and they're just going to drop a little hint. Hey, I failed this math test. Oh, hey, I smoked pot.
Speaker 2:Oh, I had sex like that, and how you respond, how you react is everything. Because in that moment, they're testing you to see if you're a safe place. And if you flip out, oh my gosh, what are you doing? You're throwing away your future. Like they're probably not going to open up again.
Speaker 2:Now, is there possibly a need for some, hey, maybe you should do this instead of that. Yes. But you have to be wise enough to, to, to kind of know the environment to know if, hey, maybe I should save that for next week or maybe I should ask some questions, but being a safe environment, being a safe presence is absolutely vital to connection. Because if you're not safe and if you're going to fly off the handle, they're not going to want to connect with you. And that is a really big deal.
Speaker 2:That's right. And remember that this connection is so important. Man, we wanna fight for that. Right?
Speaker 3:We wanna be sure that we that we temper our expectations, that we are very careful not to be judging our mentee, but instead saying and even even saying this out loud, listen, the most important thing in this mentor to mentee relationship is that we stay connected. So no matter what you do, you will not run the risk of of running me off. Right? I'm not going to disconnect because you you've disappointed me.
Speaker 2:Mhmm. And a great way that I found to connect is to be vulnerable. Now, obviously, you have to know what's appropriate and what's not, but how can you let your mentee into times whenever you have failed in an appropriate way that shows them that you're not perfect? And once you're vulnerable, once you kinda share that with them, then that's gonna give them a safe place and permission to do the same thing. And so let's keep it simple.
Speaker 2:Let's be consistent. Let's show up. Let's hang out with them. Let's let's pursue them. But then once you do that, let's be intentional about connecting with them and you connect through pursuit.
Speaker 2:You connect through being focused on them, not yourself. You connect through being a safe presence. You connect through being vulnerable. You connect. I don't have something else to say.
Speaker 3:Well, I think this is a great segue, Zach, to think about that the power of our our connection and the ability to connect and be consistent in that relies heavily on our community.
Speaker 2:Number 3, community. John, you you love community.
Speaker 3:I do. I really do. In fact, I've written about it.
Speaker 2:John is holding his book. John just finished a book. We this isn't the time to talk about your book, John, but we'll talk about later. John John just finished his first book. It's called Mephibosheth.
Speaker 2:Say it with me. Mephibosheth, the search for identity, purpose, and community.
Speaker 3:I would I would like to say to our listeners that what's hilarious about this is that you as a friend and as a mentor in many ways, even though you're younger than me, you said, John, don't call this book Mephibosheth. You said, do not do not entitle this book Mephibosheth. And I said, no. I will. Mephibosheth, the search for identity, purpose, and community.
Speaker 2:We'll talk about that later.
Speaker 3:Later. Much later. I just listen. That was a joke, everybody. I I smuggled this book in, like, behind, you know, like in my sweatshirt.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And I I was just thinking about during this recording, I'm gonna I'm gonna pull this book out and it's gonna be funny. And it was. So thanks for the laugh.
Speaker 2:Good job. Alright. Community for real. Okay. So this is kind of a two way street.
Speaker 2:1 for you, the mentor, you have to make sure that you have a community that you are being filled up, that people are holding you accountable to do what you say that you're gonna do. Because it is hard to be consistent and it is hard to connect. It is hard to leave your world and enter into their house. We all need some help, and that help is found in community. Whether that's with your church small group, whether that's with your spouse, whether that's with your some of your some of your friends, whether that's through mentoring through a mentoring organization or church, we've got to have community that is helping us do what we said we're going to do.
Speaker 2:And that is number 3 of keeping the main things, the main things.
Speaker 3:Hey, real quick as a, as a mentor, Zach, did you, have you ever had a time in your life when you found yourself going to someone who you just felt like would be whether it's for a short amount of time or or for years, but that they would just really be a great mentor toward you? Have have you ever initiated a a mentor relationship that way where you went to somebody that in hopes that they would mentor you? Are are
Speaker 2:you being serious right now? Yeah. Yeah. I've got like 15 mentors.
Speaker 3:Okay. So you're really you're really good at that.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, because I mean, there's a lot of reasons why, but how I grew up was I didn't have a dad around, and so I didn't have a mentor. I didn't have a father figure. I saw what that did to me. And then I figured out that my life goes a lot smoother when I have a community of mentors who are speaking into me and who I can ask advice from, and there is wisdom in a community of wise counsel.
Speaker 3:Yeah. For sure. I totally agree with everything that you're saying. Maybe this comes down a little bit to differences of personality, whereas I would call it you more of a proactive person. This is something that I value about you.
Speaker 2:Very much so.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Me, not so much. I'm what you call passive. And so what I'll do, I thought that this was a good point to bring up as we discuss community, is that I'll I'll see the value in it. And maybe those who are listening, who are more like like me, if they're out there, they would say, well, man, it would be a great idea.
Speaker 3:I I would really love to be mentored by this person, but you know what? I bet they're busy. Mhmm. And you know what? If if the Lord wanted it to happen, maybe he would put it on their heart to kinda reach out to me.
Speaker 3:So you know what? I'll just go ahead and just hang back here because, you know, I'm a middle child, and I don't I don't wanna rock the boat. Okay. Are you feeling me on this?
Speaker 2:Yeah. I'm feeling you.
Speaker 3:So what I would wanna say is if you're like me and it really isn't in you to be the one to be as assertive, to go toward these people and say, I'm I'm just gleaning a lot from you already. And I I think I would really like for that to be more of a direct investment if you have the time and if you would agree to to doing this to you guys make that call, you know, send that email, ask that person to a to coffee or to a taco, and and really make that happen because I I don't think that we can stress enough, I would to even maybe say that consistency and connection really and sometimes they they will rely on the strength of that community as you have people who are encouraging you and as as scripture says, spurring you on to fulfill what God has for you as a mentor.
Speaker 2:Ask them to a taco.
Speaker 3:Oh, man. I love asking people to a taco.
Speaker 2:Don't you? I couldn't listen to anything you said after that. Ask him to a taco. I don't know why that's funny to me. But, John, I think that you're right.
Speaker 2:As a mentor, it's really hard to mentor well alone. And whether, I mean, we are big advocates of mentoring through a mentoring organization, mentoring through a church. But if that's not available to you, then you can do it by yourself. But just invite people in on that because, hey, man, can you ask me if I've hung out with my mentor this week or if I've hung out with my mentee this week? Hey, I'm trying to hang out with my mentee 4 times a month.
Speaker 2:Hey, I'm trying to have this conversation with them. Can you ask me about it next week? We need to be proactive in seeking out accountability. And if you are a mentoring organization, if there are people who are mentoring underneath you, it is part of your job to equip and encourage them, equip them with best tools, like our books, this podcast, encourage them. Hey, you're doing a good job.
Speaker 2:Hey, don't grow gungor weary in doing good. We all need to be filled up because if we're not filled up, then we can't pour out.
Speaker 3:That's right. That's right. And listen, people want to be invited into what is substantial and what is valuable. And so, again, one more one more time to you passive folks out there like me. If there's someone that you just think you'd that you know you'd benefit from and having a mentor relationship as they would pour into you so that you can pour into others, make it known that, hey, their work is valuable because it helps to empower you to then spend that time with that mentee as well.
Speaker 3:And they will they will champion that for sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I mean, building a mentor mentee relationship is simple and we are encouraging you to keep the main things the main things. You know, be consistent, connect with them, surround yourself with community that can fill you up. But we also have to know that the last thing that the devil wants is for this to happen. And he is gonna try to make it as hard as possible for you to mentor this kid, for you to disciple this kid, for you to help them become all that the Lord has for them to be.
Speaker 2:And so we do need to kind of prepare for this battle. We we do need to put safeguards up like community and like asking people to hold us accountable because even though it's simple, that doesn't mean that it's easy. It's actually really, really difficult. And so there's been times in my life where I haven't been as consistent as I have wanted to be when I haven't connected, when I have failed as a mentor. And sometimes I say to myself, this is so easy.
Speaker 2:Like, Zach, why can't you just hang out with this kid once a week? It's the same thing with my wife. Why can't I can I can read the Bible to anyone? I can say a prayer to anyone, but the person I have the hardest time praying with is my wife and kids. Why is that?
Speaker 2:Well, it's because the enemy doesn't want me to do that. Like, I can hang out with anyone. John, we can hang out all the time. But for some reason, I have a hard time hanging hanging out with my mentee for an hour a week. That's nothing.
Speaker 2:Well, I think I think we have to be I think we have to know that there are forces that are trying to work against this and prepare yourself for that because it's real. Even though you can't see it, it's real. So sorry, I just went off.
Speaker 3:Don't look. That's good stuff, man.
Speaker 2:Mhmm. Alright. Here we go. New year, new mercies, assess your mentoring relationship. Find out what needs to be new and what do you need to renew?
Speaker 2:Are there things that you've gotten away from that you need to go back to? Are you keeping the main things, the main things, or are you trying to make it way too complicated? Don't over complicate. Don't have unrealistic expectations. Don't think that you have to fix your mentee.
Speaker 2:Don't think that you have to move the needle to see results. Keep it simple. Keep it the main things, the main things. Be consistent. How often do you wanna hang out with your mentee?
Speaker 2:Once a week, once every 2 weeks. How often do you wanna call them? How often do you wanna text them? Connect with them. Leave your world, enter into theirs.
Speaker 2:Be a safe presence, pursue them, and then have community. Have people who are filling you up, have people who are holding you accountable, who are equipping and encouraging you. And that's all we got, John.
Speaker 3:And you know what? Go for a taco.
Speaker 2:Go for a taco. Go grab it. And now that would go have a taco with someone.
Speaker 3:Now go to a taco.
Speaker 2:Go to a taco with someone.
Speaker 3:Go do go do coffee and go do go do a taco.
Speaker 2:Alright. Well, mentors, we're thankful for y'all. Hey. Don't grow weary in doing good. You are doing good.
Speaker 2:Even if your mentee looks like he doesn't like you, even if they haven't said a word to you in months, no, it's working. Okay? God is moving. I promise you that. So don't grow weary and doing good.
Speaker 2:Keep showing up, be consistent, connect with him, Surround yourself with community. Keep the main things the main things and remember, you can mentor. That's right. See you.