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Five adventurers try to survive in this comedy filled Pathfinder Second Edition TTRPG campaign within the grim dark world of Tyne. Follow the show, get custom TTRPG content, and more at https://narrativedeclaration.com
I still have my moldy rations from episode one.
Can you actually talk to plants or is that what we need to?
Hey, could you like just sneakily put in the wheelhouse green?
And it appears as though you have a big bill coming out of your mouth.
Right, a cast disintegrate?
A lizardman bursts out from the trees and rushes you.
Really, really, that's it?
Oh, let's play another episode of Rock Grind.
Yeah, sure.
Welcome to another episode of Rock Grind.
Hope everyone's been having a fantastic time.
Hope everyone's nice, safe and happy.
And hey, if you're riding a bike right now,
there's a gap.
There's like a grate.
Your wheel's going to fall on the grate.
Got a curve, got a curve, got a curve, got a curve.
Hopefully, somebody who was riding their bike,
we saved them on the podcast version.
Oh, thank goodness.
I hope they're wearing a helmet.
Yes, please wear protection.
Also, if you're still walking in the mountains, Doug,
we're here for you.
Yeah, yeah, Doug.
Did we say that in Chaos Odyssey?
Is that the bit?
I don't like Chaos Odyssey for that bit.
Anyway, good to see everybody.
Of course.
Always follow us at NarrativeDeclaration.com.
See all the fun stuff we're doing,
all the fun shows and everything that we're up to.
Of course, we have all of our lovely tutors.
Also, everybody, make sure you have a hero point
on your character sheet so it shows up on your thing.
We should start the session with a hero point.
That's true.
And Thirstano.
I do believe last episode, forgive me,
because we got hit with the live,
did not want us to play Rock Grind Curse for a couple weeks.
So we do apologize about that.
So we had a, we basically got a Rock Grind vacation for us,
but we still recorded some other things.
Okay, I was off singing stuff.
Forgive me if I get things wrong, Thurston,
in this sort of remembrance of what we did prior.
We are still continuing on trying to find Oren's mother.
We are traveling through the woods.
And I believe last time we kind of came through the woods,
we began to just feel that some things were off as we continue to go.
Forward with it.
We kind of use survival to try to do our very best
to follow various trails that we found.
We found one part was sort of like a village like Hookfin,
that multiple bodies were just pretty much dumped into the river that we saw.
Some various skeletons of humanoid figures inside the water after Tannhauser
did control water to kind of like park the waves like Moses.
The pretty ones go, oh, and then get that going.
And then as we go on, we get to the end of the episode.
And then as we go on, we get to the end of the episode.
And then as we go on, we get to the end of the episode.
And then as we go on, we get to the end of the episode.
And then as we continue on through the forest,
we believe that there was evidence of foes around,
something that we dealt with in a prior engagement.
And I believe that's kind of where we left off, Thurston,
if that's correct.
Unless I missed something major there.
Hey, Vena was a tugboat.
That was before last episode.
That is true.
I got fixed.
I got better.
The bitch.
Oh, yeah.
The bears.
Oh, the bears.
That's right.
There we go.
There we go.
Okay.
I was like, there's got to be something there.
Yeah.
There was a whole thing with bears and communism and picture and squelch foot.
And that was a really fun sequence.
Yeah.
He showed up to his ghost.
If you miss him so much, you shouldn't have killed him.
I'm going to get your ass.
Damn.
Fucking brutal.
I'll get you.
You stupid hulky.
You make me look sad.
Whatever.
Yeah, there was all those fun situations.
So Thurston, what adventure do you have for us today?
Well, last we left off, you were scouting through the forests,
making your way.
Out from hook fan again, closer towards the base of the mountain,
following the river.
At this point, the sort of rot congealed river, but also going along paths here.
And as, as you're doing so, I believe I asked everyone for their exploration activity.
Yeah, I think I was retelling.
I'd like to watch out to make sure I don't step on another polymorph trap, please.
Sorry.
I talked to a friend.
I don't know where I drilled there.
Go ahead, Ben.
Um, I was, uh, I forget what it, what it is.
The assisting and stealth one or the attempting to stealth through things again properly was
what I was doing for exploration.
Avoid notice.
Avoid notice.
That's the one.
Well, I would like to investigate to see if we can gather information from the surrounding
fauna and flora, like using that talk with plant spell to see if we can get any leads
on Orin's mother.
We'll come back to that.
And I believe I was utilizing the control water spell to attempt to dredge up the, um,
rot infested river and just kind of stop the rot from flowing downstream.
Um, and, uh, assuming I don't need to constantly do that.
I will be doing the searching.
For magic, uh, action.
I'm going to be trying to, uh, identify any traces of magic, be it, uh, tugbert traps
or, uh, lingering rot energies.
Cool.
Uh, Bina, give me a perception check.
Uh, Tannhauser, give me an arcana check.
You got it.
Ooh, I'll give you a 40.
40.
All right.
Tannhauser.
And here's the arcana check.
That is an 18 on the die for a grand total of 44.
Let's go.
There is another tugbert trap that you managed to detect up ahead.
Don't step on that.
A simple magical ley line along the river, uh, edge, similar to the last one.
But this one, of course, you know, shadowed.
Shadowed.
Shadowed.
Shadowed.
Like the others.
Detected only by the absolute keenest of perceptive senses and magical assistance.
Uh, you see the line, the sort of shimmering heat haze that amounts to the length of a
string, uh, along the sort of forest floor.
I see.
Halt.
Tugbert trap.
Don't step there.
I, Tannhauser, have failed.
found it yeah don't step on it somebody else go first i'm not doing it you can disable it
you could do it mr tannhauser there's no repercussions if you fail
right he's gonna take like she's gonna be like a full 10 feet away from it
sure how do we get artists ready your pens ready your pens
well it's it's easy with tannhauser you just need to put it's he's x hauser
any hauser any hauser there he is he's been hit by the pigification beam it's boar hauser
yeah it's white hauser um okay how do i go about disarming this kind of check
arcana check would be one of the
one of the one of the one of the one of the one of the one of the one of the one of the one of the
one of the skills you can utilize
to disable this magical
tree. Alright, watch this
drive.
That's a nat 20.
Oh, baby!
Very nice!
No offense to you, but you work different.
Wow. You
absolutely refuse
to have one of these things go
off again, considering
how the last one ended.
It's just
not happening. So
you manage
to spend time
with this magical
line, but not even a lot of time.
You see the strands of energy that
move throughout this thing.
And you manage
to remove it.
However, as a critical success,
you
are also able to discern
several elements of this
and have it
deep understanding of the
magical effects that are in play
with this. And with that
understanding, you can
add the Cursed Metamorphosis
spell to your spellbook,
if you would like.
Oh my god! Thank you so much, Thurston!
That fucking rocks!
Oh yeah, what level is it?
You too can make Tugverts.
It's a 6th level spell.
Roger, roger. I will happily
add that to my spellbook.
And Tannhauser will, once
finished with the
remuneration of this
ley line, is going
to begin sprawling
the patterns and
the lingering magical information
into his little red spellbook.
Did you just learn
how to cast the spell?
I did.
Now I too may be
capable of turning men
into Tugverts and
also Venus.
Into Tugverts.
Tannhauser?
Yeah?
If you cast that spell on me,
I am going to kill you
so hard.
But what if it saves your life?
Name me one scenario
where being a Tugvert would save my life.
In fact, I think that
I think that the track
record shows that my life is in more
danger when I'm a
little blue guy.
Yes, but
Tugverts,
Tugverts are,
you know,
they can swim.
How good are you at that?
I literally grew up
on the coast, man.
Yeah, well, I don't think I'm
winning this argument, but I don't want to
lose it either, so I'm just going to walk away
now. And Tannhauser will do that.
The real master debater.
That's true.
That's true.
That's what you get when you got a high enough society.
Yeah, yeah, you learn sometimes, you just don't get it.
Rahu, you promised me if you see him casting that spell,
you're going to kill him for me, right?
I'll do it for free.
Thank you.
Rahu actively channeling final sacrifice in the corner.
Bye.
Oh, yeah, absolutely, Bina, absolutely.
I'll kill him.
It's fine.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Tannhauser, you should turn yourself into a Tugvert.
I hear it's a wonderful thing.
It's a wonderful experience if you keep your faculties about you.
No.
OK, don't say I didn't try.
Well, I appreciate the attempt, but I'm more machine than man, and I wouldn't wish this
existence on a Tugvert, even, well, especially if that Tugvert is myself.
But you get a cool little briefcase and a little Stetson.
I do not wish to be a slave to business interests.
Oh, that is true.
That is true.
Yeah.
Being a Tugvert does come with a stock portfolio.
It's true.
The sunflower on the path rises up and begins to speak Rua.
Ah!
Oh, I think your friend would make a great Tugvert.
Well, thank you, Mr.
Sunflower.
See somebody else agrees with me.
All of you just see like a sunflower kind of like shake down.
Yeah.
Oh, nice.
i assume rahula vision it's it's like one of those like plants versus zombies like big smiling
sunflowers staring i was gonna make one i was like do i look over and see zombies in the rest
there's like a war zone happening like bombs and stuff there's already a zombie on our lawn
he's right in front of the party he's glowing green don't want tag birds on our lawn
hey so uh do you know have you seen this person anywhere it might be a dragon has a very messy
mane full of a bunch of things like critters and whatnot here let me here's this crude depiction
i drew of orin's mother oh it looks like that don't think i've seen anyone like like that
you
have any water
what's in it for me
my jog my memory i'm i'm very quenched sorry i need like 10 minutes to learn how to make water again
oh you don't have any rations you could just like pour on me
if i give you water can you give me something else other than information
it needed to be an even trade
i'm just a humble sunflower what could i possibly offer you great one there's always something to
offer that's the beauty of equivalent exchange we don't have to hammer out the details right now
here you could wear me you could put me in your head
that's true i could but i can think of something better and then you suddenly remember the fungal
mold that's a no don't water
we'll fish out a canteen of water or water skin and pour a little on the sunflower
oh yeah that's great uh uh can you give me a perception check yeah sure
that'd be a oh 15 on the die for 36 you hear like a chorus uh off to the side like
it's coming from behind a bush who goes over and looks behind the bush
there are like 20 other sunflowers but they are nowhere near the size and they're all kind of like
wilted and and like a little bit of a
look disheveled and as you you brush your side you see you see these sunflowers and then he gets
all the water he he tricks every we get nothing oh well that explains why you're so big say have
you now that i've jogged your memory have you seen this lady well say what now this person
who i'm holding up a picture of right now i'm pointing at this this is the context
board that i've drawn on i don't have eyes
how do you have you seen a person with big hair the turp wait no you don't have eyes
fuck it um have you heard anybody who sounds particularly nice or semi-draconic
it kind of talks like this dude
does your mother talk like that no
no
well everybody
fucking talks like it's so excuse me for assuming
that given the opportunity to help hulky make progress
zorin looked at him and said no i'm gonna make you rethink this and we're gonna spend
more time talking to mold yeah the mold was insightful i love mold role play
okay is there really any other kind of
mind
no
oh i i um oh oh i don't i don't have a good memory see he's a jerk he takes all the water
helini we can help you
that's good to know well thank you for the help hey uh how many rations do we have left
guys
uh that's actually a good question we haven't really been keeping track of how many rations
we've been happy here's we haven't gave a damn
i still have my moldy rations from episode one
that's awesome they're not moldy they don't have an expiration date
i believe that steve mre wouldn't tell me wrong he ain't yahmarie he won't say yeah
that's huge for selling leave me one few day leave me like it the podcast is a huge leaving
e board."
He's from the, from like the age.
From the First World War.
Yeah.
Oh my god.
No, he ate some from the Civil War.
What?
That's it.
That was it.
Yeah.
It was some crazy shit like that.
Yeah, I got my medieval memories are just fine.
First day after getting booty.
Delicious bumbo and grog.
Second day, evil heart attack.
I remember when Vina's mom said that.
But it's true.
Well, I appreciate the lack of help that you've been, Mr. Sunflower.
Now, remember what I said about equivalent exchange?
Rahura just reaches out, grabs the big sunflower and just kind of scrunches it in his hand.
Oh my god.
Yay, the tyranny is over.
Yay.
With a handful of seeds.
Oh no.
Come on.
There we go.
Yeah.
All right.
Get it all out.
Let it all out.
Most of your seeds.
Thank you.
Rahura just tosses the sunflower elsewhere.
So I've got more rations.
What a, what a rousing use.
Oh, sunflower seeds.
I love sunflower seeds.
So can you actually talk to plants or is that all theater?
I love the idea that none of you hear anything that he's saying.
It's like the best part of this bit.
Yeah, what does it look like when Rahura's talking to plants, just like staring at them really intently?
Yeah.
And then he'll occasionally speak and they can understand him.
Just from this side of the conversation, you're, you're a very scary man.
I'm not that scary.
He's just being a jerk.
We have killed people for less, much less the life of a single person.
I don't think we've killed, actually.
No, I think that's the less we've killed someone for is for sunflowers.
I can think of someone who's been killed for less.
Oh, yeah.
Name them.
I don't want to anymore.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I bet.
Yeah.
They live in, they live in, they live in outset, do they?
Couldn't come to school this week because they're dead.
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Fina looks miserably at Tannhauser.
It just means that it's a fake person.
That, that Fina's being a contrarian.
I don't think she is.
I just think the fact that none of you can remember it is kind of, kind of speaks to it in a way.
And that's coming from me, the guy who plans on exploding to death.
Why do you plan on exploding to death?
Because.
It's just going to happen when I take care of it.
Okay.
And when I take down the...
We've been over this.
Why am I repeating this to you?
I didn't, I didn't hear the part where you commit suicide.
I mean, it's, it's foregone conclusion at this point.
We're getting off topic.
What do you mean it's...
No, it's not a fore...
We are doing something right now, aren't we?
Should we focus on doing that?
I'll let you get out of it this time.
But we're having a talk before we leave this place.
Ugh.
And you're going to read my literature, God damn it.
No.
I swear to God, one of you, one of you has to.
I thought you all had read it and you'd all internalized it.
And now I find out a while ago none of you did.
So my entire world, my entire world's been flipped upside down and I'm freaking out.
I only looked at the pictures.
I know.
I'm three years old.
Yeah.
Whatever.
You can't even read.
You can't even read.
You didn't even go to school.
What do you mean I can't read?
I...
Yes, I can!
I'm sorry.
Oh, okay, smart guy.
What is this?
I gotta read this, Metal Fingers.
Why I oughta, one of these days, one of these days, straight to the moon.
I have lost track of what we're doing.
What can I do to help us?
What can I do to help us try and find Oren's mother in this situation?
Or am I having to rely on Rahua speaking to the trees like the Lorax?
I mean, I was trying to give him a fun roleplay moment with the plants again.
How dare you.
And it just kind of took a turn.
Yeah, I know.
I mean, you are traveling along the edge of a river, a river, like following the path
upwards.
Um.
You know, if you want, if you want to move along, we certainly can.
Um.
For who, for who is done with it?
I just, I'm just saying, because we've, we've been stuck in this forest for like what feels
like three episodes so far and not done a whole lot.
It's a big forest.
It's, exactly.
It's the forest arc.
This happens.
It's the forest arc where we talk to mold and sunflowers and explode our party
members when they get turned into rodent ducks.
I was going to say, you better make mention of that because that was a pivotal part of
the last part of the arc.
I was getting to it, you impatient rat.
It's built into my DNA.
I'm sorry.
I have ADHD.
I bury you in the loam.
All right.
Thurston.
That sounds nice actually.
In the loam.
The fruit of the loam.
Uh, Thurston.
Me.
Please.
Help.
Okay.
Thurston.
I'll help.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
Thurston.
or like on a different setting
on your sensitivity thing
I'm trying to fix it
oh god
how about now
how about now
cause you're not screaming
cause you're not screaming
can you hear that
no it's just it's filtering him
it's filtering him too hard
it's being filtered dude
it's like the tuning exam's all over again
I wanted to ask this
because it feels like the exploration thing
I was doing was completely pointless
no you said you were
literally avoiding notice
is it just for me or the party
just for you
then I'm going to do my
stealth
so what happens is when you roll your initiative
in this scene I've just said
you're going to use stealth
oh that's awesome
laughing
laughing
laughing
oh you're on a one
oh
I can check out
I can check out
I can check out man
it's fine
well before you do
sadly you're going to owe one of our fans
but that's initiative
do we complicate an initiative
I don't think we do
yeah I don't think we do
is it
has that happened before
oh
oh
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
well I think we should give them a mulligan
well let's leave it to chat shall we
chat
yeah
should we complicate our initiative
say yes or no
yeah chat
yeah chat
it's up to you
we're all just going to look at you now
laughing
laughing
yeah yeah yeah
okay
I actually got some mixes of yes and no's
they're very good
they're very good
they're very divided
oh yeah
yeah chat's very divided
they're not
they're not
wait but is yes for the mulligan
or no for the mulligan
how about
what are you guys seeing
that says very divided
I'm seeing mostly no's
well we saw chunks of yeses so
yeah I saw a tide of uh
tide of yeses
there's chars in chat
chars
chars
the room is split
chars
chars wake up
where is he
where is he moderators
chars wake up
oh my god
god damn lazy unpaid moderators
yeah
get your free labor in here
no
I'm in a pathfinder game
what do you want
put up a pole
laughing
I got five other windows open
what do you want
you do it
I whip you
laughing
wow
holy shit
you fucker
laughing
laughing
go my twitch pod
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
laughing
do it yeah just some just someone do it i know you're in chat right now but edit in the poll too
i think the only fair way of doing this is to literally flip a coin
and for youtube chat sorry they don't like us doing polls there
they're really mean about it you might think they hate us they hate us everybody no one has
set up a poll it will last 10 years how long you want it did you miss us everybody like we missed
you too was this the the energy you were like oh in my life i just wish this would be back
well we're back thank you jurors or whoever did it hey it was probably easy because you said he
was working on it thanks mods how did i rolled a three on the dice how am i third in initiative
hey uh the lizards haven't rolled yet because i rolled a one despite getting a plus 25 because
of my stealth yeah that's uh you know tannhauser routinely has really bad initiative but he's got
like several bonuses that should theoretically mean that he's frequently going near the top
damn that's strange that's going on for a while i guess for a bit right now just to
speed things along a 63 percent no
right now so we so no you don't complicate all right okay yeah cool it's like damn
i complicated on dealing damage i guess i'll explode die okay well there i am steps on a twig
it's actually it's actually another mine uh period mine tannhauser should start making those
okay so i'm oh no he was in the hard labor actually wait i'm still above tannhauser for that
that's so up
it is oh the lizard men are kicking our ass in initiative
i would have been fine if it had a roll of one for these dice you know
happens you should go buy new dice i can't because i don't own foundry
well if they go into the dice so nice
i'm spraying you with water i'm spraying you with a mixture of water and vinegar
그는 capsule
cumpliment
yrics
fails
ah it's in my eyes ah okay
buy my dice
all right a lizard emerges i will allow you by the way to um within the current area you are
if you want to move your characters around to where you think they would be marching wise you
may do so i got my spot i mean i may as well be at the front so i'll be there's probably walking
along the river down all of us one brain cell what do you mean all stop bumping me in i can't
take it i'm sorry erndill you've been with us for this long i'm i'm getting the i'm getting
the scalpel i'm surgically removing
myself well you're in there might i suggest
what do you mean
what do you mean acoustic kitty shut up
thirst didn't be like hey you remember that thing i was talking about that made you sad earlier what
if i bring it up again that would be really funny punching a hole in your head whole punching
machine i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm doing trepanation
i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm doing trepanation
on you to relieve your headache
all right are we happy with this position baldrick do you want to you're you're gonna
stay in or are you gonna move around i'm fine where i am i guess i mean i'm okay with taking
some heat all right one of these lizard uh men comes out you see as they they walk up they are
covered in sores and boils and are leaking black viscous fluid um one of them is coming up wielding
a
sword uh long sword which they are holding two-handed in this picture they're actually
uh able one-handed because this one is coming out and targeting you who uh it is throwing a javelin
at you are you sure that's not fair no oh i'm not sure well i miss damn that's oh he's unsure
oh he's unsure
oh he's unsure
oh he's unsure
you missed
that's fine
because
another one there is another
and comes with a javelin that it throws your way
and also misses the same
uh and you hear this
oh
oh
like i know we have a cool audio but like the hissing is like this almost drawn out like
as they toss these spears which um you see the two javelins that land in the ground by you
they bubble and caustify the ground causing it to um not like melt but almost molder with
rot around you tell that this is uh not just like a piercing but like a little bit of a
piercing weapon but some kind of hurty hurty uh rot related thing or in europe oh shit that's right
vena there's lizardman in the way what oran shall do is that he wants to make sure he can support
his friends so what he's going to do is get a handy dandy haste out who should i haste
hmm hmm venus coming up it's like
like vena he holds up a hand look for a high five
yeah high five you're fast now
oh oh i'm fast as it casts pace on you so you know the cooking condition now he's
going to give the rest of his two acts uh he's going to actually do one uh action two actions
for that one action to do burst idolin and he's going to boost gargarmangar uh and he's going to
try and do reinforced side dolan i rolled the die got a 15 on a dime for a total of 36 so i succeed
that means grogamonger now has uh reinforced idolin and is resistant to uh damage like to all
like out there so he's resistant to a bunch of damage and now there's one action left
which i get the grogrammonger he is going to get in position uh up here basically go up 15 feet
pretty much
just out of range one the lizardman there uh and get ready and with that that's the end of my turn
thurston oh snap okay let me intern for you there you go i got another lizardman coming out from the
foliage uh it bursts out by gorgomonger way it swings its rotten blade way
way takes the second swing unlucky number
like they're coming out they're swinging they're they're just um they're like it's very clear
they're they're being driven on
instinct um they've got again this sort of drone
and yeah their weapons are sort of waving in the air around you but nothing's nothing's connecting
yet vina you're okay um is this right here if i were to try to flank with gorgomonger is this
like an obstacle uh okay so if you want to play you're gonna go this is gonna be difficult terrain
that you've gotta go through
through it's gonna start here and it's gonna go to here as well okay uh you should have the
movement to go yeah i've got the movement for that yeah yeah i'll have to move you myself but
ghost icon top left click that and you'll allow to move players to walls
that's the one oh spooky ghost which one the visibility state that one and then do it
oh no not that one
so you said top left uh top left all those buttons up there there should be one that looks
like a ghost you click that and allows you to drag people in foundry through walls should look like a
little ghost icon when you're in the actor section there we go there you go i got it thank you yeah
spooky ghost all right uh i'm gonna target this guy
and these guys don't look like they're particularly quick-witted so i'm gonna hit him with a faint
uh where's my feet do it do it do it do it do it there we go
foundry is lagging
oh and i will give you a crit success you did it
i do i do have one piece of news uh which i'm gonna have to do it's kind of a brief interrupt
as you move around it
it's gonna take a swing at you oh yeah
it's got one of them reactive strikes
he's taking the opportunity to attack me it's almost three it's almost three but it's gonna
it's gonna hit uh let me i'm sorry uh
there's that much i'm gonna roll this
miss veena look out
ah
you're gonna take 39 points of damage
and 12 of that is wrought as this thing slashes as you go by
oh fucker all right then i'm gonna stab him back
that is my second action technically because i had the free stride from quicken
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god
oh my god oh my god oh my god
oh my god critical damage all right okay we take that it's been a
while since i've seen the panache critical as beautiful it's so beautiful
a lot of numbers yeah there's a lot of ones and twos all the dice there
that's a lot of ones and twos yay well still 54 points of damage
hello
i don't think i set their voices for you oh no the voices are great we're gonna keep them um
yeah you you you sort of juke into the terrain into the foliage moving definitely taking the
slice but then kind of fainting out and landing this perfect blow uh between this thing's eyes
like into where its cranium should be now you do a severe amount of damage blood is leaking out
through the the stab wound but it still seems to fight on oh shit oh okay i'm gonna swing again
vena's looking nervous she does not like being this close to rotten things again i don't think
i don't think you can you already did three actions you move strike strike yeah you move
uh quickened oh yeah that's right yeah you gave that to me yes you already kept our teammates
you
can take it away if you want though sorry yeah you can't cast it on me
no you're good yeah um to save my pride i'm gonna say i didn't cast it now
that's better i'll give you another critical
oh and now the lizard folk must complicate die
oh
i'll take it away
i'll take it away
i'll take it away
it takes another 55 pretty hurt up yeah fucking lizard men noises
yeah it is laying into these things very chilled um it is frosted so it is slowed now
um and it failed its fortitude save against the frost rune so it you see this rhyme that moves
over it from your blade stab uh kind of halting some of its movement but it's still fighting
over and over yeah veena just kind of muttering is she stabbing over and just please die please die please die please die
it's not dead
yeah all right
that brings us to baldrick all right now i'm gonna controversial opinion thursday
i'm gonna target the one in the back all right you with me
oh yep now what i'm gonna do i don't know why i didn't perform i guess i daily crafting whatever
that's fine because i didn't change it at all and i'm gonna do something crazy and you're not
ready for it thursday okay i'm racing i'm going to draw and throw a greater alchemist fire
whoa i don't know is that allowed can we ban this guy no you're right i decide i'm going to
actually attack it with my club instead it's the most powerful move in the game all right i'm
throwing uh throwing my grenade uh got a 40 or 17 on the die but it's a 40 total uh i did give it
sticky bomb in order to better have it uh burn burn longer but only on this one because i can
only do that at the start of my turn
we're throwing and then it's time to blow him up do it that's a lot of effects on the on that bomb
i've noticed i think that only gets larger the more i uh level up i think that's 25 on damage
and then 10 splash all right he's very on fire with 13 persistent oh wait i'm sorry one sec
that splash goes on to other
you
this should work one sec no it's i'll just do this uh the one in the back all right and then
for my next trick i draw and throw a junk bomb at map minus five oh there you go
and then i throw a junk bomb at map minus five oh there you go
i throw it at that guy that misses oh it's a critical miss too so it goes off a bit wide
uh smashing into the foliage behind cracking but doing no damage to him
what a waste and i am going to reposition uh 10 feet back
absolutely hi mr baldry that will be my turn go my orin defendable okay
dude just horn just starts walking facing using you as a using you as a shield
you're holding him it's like no not me not the face or not the helmet
pan honzer right ten thousand houses turn all right so i could uh spend some big spells for
this but honestly i want to keep them for the dragon so i'm going to just target the wounded
lizard man uh to punch him with his m4 or again i don't know why i didn't laugh and i couldn't
hope i could um i could possibly uh use my m4 or style a little bit of m4 or something to do that
Tannhauser is going to furnish some, the chunk of cold iron from his pocket,
and then all of a sudden it's going to elongate into a series of metal spikes,
but then shoot out as I cast Needle Darts.
And I don't think it really matters, honestly, but I'll just go ahead and do cold iron one.
And let's make an attack!
All right, that's a 38.
It's gonna hit.
I hit.
Here's my damage.
That's a lot of d4s for 24 damage.
Awesome.
Yeah, so you smash into this thing with several darts of cold iron,
these needles that begin puncturing, and it's leaking out more of this black fluid,
but it's otherwise standing firm.
Very good.
The last thing I'm gonna do with my one remaining action is I'm actually gonna make a
perception check.
I'm going to see if I can spy any other lizardfolk hiding in the brush.
Yeah, give me a check.
Absolutely.
All right.
Here's my perception.
Seek.
That's a nat 20.
Woo!
Hell yeah!
You're good, I have to think.
There are no other lizards in the immediate area.
It's just these ones.
Fight and kill them quickly.
And then with that, I will end the game.
My turn.
Mop him up.
Rahua.
All righty-dighty.
Rahua, seeing his teammates doing a pretty good job as it is,
takes an opportunity to stick his hands out, wrap tightly around the skeins of fate,
pull back some strings, and let it fly as he casts Loose Time's Arrow on the immediate face.
I'm going to see if I can get party members.
I'll just target all of you.
Boom, boom, boom.
Boom.
Get me.
Boom.
Yay.
Hell yeah.
That's not your gain.
Quickened.
There you go.
Put it on your cells if you need it.
Thank you for the Quicken, Mr. Rahua.
You're very welcome.
Thank you.
Rahua will take that next opportunity to then move up 15 feet, striding forward.
Or sorry, not moving forward.
I'm not striding that part.
It is striding.
It is striding.
Yeah.
Sallies forth, and as the knurl of mossy matter withdraws on his arm,
as his mace, I'm sorry, his pick comes to his hand, he'll bring it down.
One more strike on this Lilliputian.
Lizard person right here.
Okay.
That's a nat 20, baby.
Beautiful.
Who's waiting our dice?
Damn.
The game just wants us to get back to talking to dirt and sunflowers again.
Oh, yeah.
I cannot wait.
This is a learning opportunity.
And then we're going to crit fail on it.
I want to take this.
Yeah?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
I was like, oh, okay.
Here the family has effects.
I looked over like, oh, it is pretty low for some when we reason, I don't know why it's
doing that.
And so I kind of go through the settings and I'm like, oh, for some reason I haven't had
100%.
I don't know why it's not registered.
And I just kind of adjust it, lower it up a little bit to set and it goes like, oh,
okay.
And then that went through.
It was like, oh, it's good.
There's shit out of me too.
So I'm so sorry.
Oh, it scared the shit out of me.
the chat apparently yeah i'm so sorry like the podcast listeners and pod listeners you're
probably not going to hear it because it should be edited down but uh unless you think it's easy
damn that's not a good thing like it's hours and hours of stuff to go through so it can be messed
so sorry like for some reason it likes to be weird that'll be a total of 80 damage going
out against the lizard man is his eye glows red instead of green and he just cuts away at this
thing damn damn is that even more because it's also we need business uh this is a force damage
on your wet on your weapon i do a force uh it's because it is inscribed there is a rune on that
hey guys i got a
warn you i'm gonna die here i think yeah okay it should have another 10 i'll get that
and then it has to make a fortitude save one second
oh um it succeeds so that you don't get to push it away from you
oh you you smash it and as you do you can see that the the rod
is receding away uh from the impact site and the like the skin there is necrotized and dead
as though this is just kind of animating it yucky rotten puppet
good hit mr rahua
thank you warren he gives you a thumbs up in the front of the back
he gives a thumbs up thumbs up right back
you mean like you're gonna give me a thumbs up right back you're gonna give me a thumbs up right back
i'll give you a thumbs butt
whoa
didn't realize we're getting one of those kind of shows okay
all right
we're over to the lizards
yay the lizards the lizards um
um
so
I'm gonna have wow this this lizard is going to come up to you rahua
how you doing oh you know yeah yeah it's gonna attack you with its rotten blade nope
don't do that
it hit two I disagree
well your disagreement doesn't reduce the damage much um it uh it strikes you for 36 points of
damage bringing down the rotten blade across your bark um and then it off strike on you
uh this time darting out with its tail
um and it just continues to apply pressure on you as it strikes uh that's going to bring it
to its companion its companion still uh on fire from uh the baldrick bomb will
take a guarded step over to here to flank with his ally and will also strike you or who are going
with you
the blade here
and missing and then going oh sorry hitting actually my bad uh hitting you for
can i 43 points of damage on that can you what can i raise a shield as a reaction due to reactive
shield you'd have to have your uh you'd have to have your shield raised right oh oh hold on
yeah
unless that's the one reaction that allows you to
do it without having your shield raised prior
does it say just wielding a shield rather than raise the shields i
i know what one you're talking about as well
yeah let's see which what's the ability reactive shield you said yeah it's via the bastion
dedication let's take it reactive and reflexive but reflexive wouldn't help me in this moment
an enemy hits you you are wielding a shield oh yeah so you can use this you immediately use the
reaction to raise your shield okay um yes you can um how much is the ac bonus to your shield
let me actually look at that i'm i think it's just a plus two so i don't think it'll be enough
to prevent the hit but you you keep it it's neat because you can use that to keep it raised basically
right yes yes you should pre-dope pre-dope
it's taking that damage and apply that
oh
yeah what's up
so it it moved it struck at you once and then it is also going to attempt to strike at you
strike you with the tail as well multiple attack tail income
the tail will miss you one sec
it will actually miss you because of your raised shield now because i think you keep your shield
raised um it would have hit you the the thing there is incorrect because it would have hit
you because it's got the um flanking bonus but um your shield is now raised i think it stays
raised oh one sec
oh okay so this is the problem the reactive shield only applies
to that attack so you don't keep it raised when you use reactive shield
oh god
gotcha so it would only be for that the reflexive shield that you got one sec
that only applies to um two okay so that second attack will hit you sorry bad news bears
you're gonna take another 24 points of damage as the tail comes out slaps you on the side
bludgeoning cracking you're cracking the bark on you as this thing hisses at you uh these
sort of
feral uh rotten lizard folks continuing to pound into you uh the fire on it continues to burn
however um as it strikes and it attempts to recover which it fails to do so it is still on
fire all right that's going to bring us to orin
all right orin seeing that rohoa is in danger he will prepare himself a heal spell to make sure that his good friend
rehua is in danger he will prepare himself a heal spell to make sure that his good friend
Then Rahua can be helped.
He's going to do it at level six, Kazoon type.
And he goes, oh, he's two action heal over to Rahua.
Here you go.
Oh, good numbers.
Good numbers.
Total of 79.
I got the button for you.
Don't worry.
So you are pretty much nearly brought all the way up.
And so the last two actions I'm going to do with Gergarmangar.
Here he's going to flank with Venus targets for one attack.
So Gergarmangar, go.
Oh, baby.
That's 18 for a total of 44.
He's going to do.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Oh, Lord, he chomped.
He chomped.
He's going to do the critical damage.
I love how serene he looks in the cut in.
Yeah, I know.
You have to say the same thing.
Yeah, he looks like he's just like, and now for the critical hit.
It's.
The cat.
He's just loafing.
I just remember in Kingmaker, Bush Devana's like art would always just be Bush Devana's boobs.
Because that's where it was spoken.
Brush!
Okay.
But, of course, I only get 20.
I rolled low on my stuff.
So only 26 damage.
This guy is still up.
Hey, that's okay.
Still taking the beating.
That is a okay.
Okay.
I probably should have did the jaws attack.
I did claws.
Oh, well, he's going to.
Let's try.
Let's go for the money.
Money was not it.
He rolled a four.
But, you know, let's risk it for the biscuit.
Let's risk it for some biscuits.
You got a hero point.
Let's do a little hero point.
Boom, baby.
That's a hit.
It was a six, but the plus 10, 37.
So it turns into a hit.
And I have no.
Let's go ahead.
Hero points.
I roll my damage.
Normal damage this time.
That'll be two D eight.
It ain't a three for total of 19 points of damage.
Thurston 19 points.
Well, sorry.
Foundry is still deciding to put it in there.
No.
Okay.
It takes the hit.
It's still up.
It's still lower the octave on that down to that.
Rawr.
Rawr.
It's really good because earlier when I was getting back into Foundry,
one of them screamed and it sounded like a stock scream sound effect.
Like, I really need to contact the mod maker for that for the creature sound
effects mod and be like, hey, could you just sneakily put in the Wilhelm
scream just the randomly 1% chance to put in the how we scream.
Yeah.
Oh.
No, we need to get them to put in the pie brain.
Like, I hate that you can redo that with, like, just so much ease.
You know, that's the end of my actually, no, it's not.
I do apologize.
One more strike because no, there's only quicker for movement.
If I remember for loose time zero for loose time zero.
Yeah.
Yes.
But Orin at least gets a free movement in which he doesn't really need to go anywhere.
Yeah.
So he's going to stay where he's at now.
End of my turn.
Sorry.
I saw my options.
Oh, you're good.
Okay, I'm done.
I'm sorry.
Good.
You're good.
Well, I've got this guy.
This guy is seeing a dragon that's biting at him.
He's incredibly, like, beat up,
but seems to be fighting.
And he's going to take some swings at Gorgomonger.
Gorgomonger, use block.
Good job, Gorgomonger.
Second attack.
Do it again.
Third attack with the tail.
He's a loser.
Another one.
Another one.
Actually, one sec.
I think the second one.
Let's see.
Here.
For some reason, it's not counting the flank like it used to.
So that's fine.
But the second one would do his favorite target and hit it again.
Just to make sure.
Just to see if it counts it.
What do you mean?
Target Gorgomonger attack again.
Make sure it's coming in just to make sure.
If the auto detection is broken, I can fix it.
Checking target.
Yeah, I did it there.
Okay.
You're good.
Yeah.
So second one will hit.
Anyways, second one will hit and it will do.
I'll just reach here to strike the sweet baby dragon for 47 points of damage.
Hitting into flesh.
Gorgomonger resists ten of it.
Thanks to his boosted abilities.
The plate sinks in.
Fina, this thing is turned.
It's back to you, striking the dragon repeatedly.
You can tell in a way that
it's running off of heavy instinct.
And it's very clear you were probably the bigger threat to it.
But because this thing attacked at last, it's reacting very immediately.
It just turns around from you to engage the dragon instead.
While you remain pleasantly within your woodland glade of happiness.
Interesting.
These guys might already be dead.
Um, he looks pretty bad.
That's a safe assessment.
Yeah.
I'm just going to hit him normal style first.
I'm going to save the finisher.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
Foundry is not happy with me.
She's lagging just a little bit.
Make sure you have hardware acceleration on.
I should.
I've never turned it off.
You should.
Are you on your awesome, amazing back book?
No.
Oh, God, no.
I'm on my regular PC.
I cranked the settings down a little bit, but got it.
There we go.
You got him.
Indeed.
Get guarded.
That's going to be just a wee bit of damage.
Oh.
Oh, wee bit indeed.
22.
You chose wisely.
The lizard, rotten lizardfolk finally succumbs to the blade as you stab it in again through its skull.
Kind of going out the same point you put in the front, and it just leaks this fluid until it collapses.
And as it collapses, you can tell its body almost looses.
It loses its internal structure, and it looks as though, like, a lizard skin suit just falls to the ground with a squelching sound.
Oh, fuck.
I don't think these things are alive.
Regardless, good job, Veena.
And then, Orcamonger and Veena, can you both give me reflex saves?
Oh, no.
Well, actually, I'm good at reflex saves.
I'm fast as hell.
Gorgomar got a 3 for a total of 26.
Oh, no.
Veena, we'll give you a 37.
One sec.
Oh, hello, Bee.
That is neat.
Got invaded by a cat.
Yeah.
Everybody say hi to Bee.
Hi, Bee.
Hi, Bee.
Oh, Bee.
Um.
I'm just going to do this here.
Uh, Gorgomonger, you're going to take 37 points for raw damage.
Where?
As this thing splashes you, as it's, like, sloughing down, and it kind of, like, goes into this, like, skin suit.
Then there's just an explosion as the whole thing erupts, and there is just black, tumorous mass liquid hurled everywhere around it.
Um.
Ah!
Ah!
Yeah.
And then its corpse is gone.
Veena, that was your first action.
All right.
Oh, Bee.
Okay.
Then I'm going to use my second action to tumble through and get to this space, ideally.
All right.
Check out this guy.
Careful, Miss Veena.
They might try to strike you if you get in.
Ooh.
Get near.
Oh, that's a natural 20.
That's going to do good.
Oh, my God.
All right.
Don't worry.
There's an attack roll that follows this.
There we go.
Yeah, exactly.
I've got plenty of chances.
Don't get your hopes up, everybody.
Don't worry.
Don't worry.
Don't worry.
All right.
And I will go ahead and strike at about minus five.
See if I can't get anything.
Ha!
I'm in trouble here.
I will give you a regular hit.
That will hit it.
And damage.
It is struck.
And as you strike it, it turns its head.
You hear, like, the strange, like, cracking of something, but it's not bone.
It's almost like bursting bubbles or the like.
Almost like the way its head is moving is popping, like, rot bubbles inside of its form as it turns to stare at you.
Oh, God.
Bad.
Bad.
Actually, I think you would have crit there.
For some reason, the flanking thing isn't auto detecting.
Would I have crit there?
One sec.
Because I had a map minus five.
One sec.
Yeah, it does have target has off guard.
Yeah.
So it has off guard already.
It doesn't double.
I don't think.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Not bad.
I read it wrong.
I apologize.
Yeah, you're good.
You're good.
Ending my turn.
Yes.
And I should not have panache.
I don't know why I do.
There we go.
Baldrick.
All right.
So surveying the battlefield of the two, which is the one that looks the more painful?
Should I roll something for that?
No, you would know just from looking.
It is the one on the left here, the one that's on fire, actually, that you previously hit.
Okay.
I guess I'm going to switch modes and I'm going to throw a.
I don't want to waste my good grenades just yet.
So I'm going to use a versatile vial.
Yeah.
I'm going to use a versatile vial.
Fire.
Yep.
Good.
And I'm going to do that.
Go.
That'll be a 16 on the die for a 38.
That will hit.
Good.
And then I'm going to.
Yeah, fire.
So that's just I'm double checking everything because my versatile vials have a lot of effects on them.
Yes.
Okay, good.
That'll hit for 23 damage and ten splash.
Awesome.
Okay.
I remember it is expanded splash, so it actually goes out to him as well.
Yes.
All right.
Me turning this one big grenade.
I got to make them blast, but it's shaped so it manages to go over Rahua and behind.
Why?
He's powerful beyond words.
There should be a button for you, Thurston, where you can talk to normal damage.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It's because the wounded one is the one on the left, but I think Baldrick still has this one targeted.
So I did target.
I did, Thurston.
I did target the one on the right.
Okay.
Oh, this one.
Okay.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
When you pinged, it looked like you were pinging this one.
Okay.
So, yes, then that is.
I was going for the one that was less wounded so I can spread damage better and avoid overkill.
Yeah.
Perfect.
Perfect.
Perfect.
And then the other one will take a splash.
Yeah.
It'll get splashed on.
Yeah.
You can click that plus by the ten there, and it'll do the normal damage button so you can click, select him, and then do the damage.
Okay.
Yeah.
Got it.
Got it.
All right.
I'm going to throw another versatile vial, another fire.
But at minus five, that'll be an 18 on the die, and that will hit.
Very nice.
35.
Do it again.
Hit him.
Pew, pew.
Less impressive.
17 on him.
And then the ten splash onto the other guy.
Yeah.
So you throw a, you know, plethora.
Yeah.
Of two bombs striking the one who's now flanked between Rahua and Veena twice.
The flames expanding around, but because of perfect calculation, the splash goes around Rahua and avoids Veena and Gorgomunga and smashes, though, around into the second rot blizzard across from it.
Nice throw.
Nice throw.
Good toss, Baldrick.
Now that I've gotten this good at it, wouldn't be a good time for me to start failing now.
And then I will now fail by making a map minus ten.
Because I have three moves.
You better not hit me.
Ha!
That would be pretty funny.
Man, that misses even on a 17, huh?
I made minus ten, so.
I know.
But I can still deal the splash.
Yeah.
To only one of them, though, right?
Or both of them.
Yeah, because I don't think you get to expand it.
I don't know.
I'll roll the damage, but you just put on the splash.
Okay.
Wham.
Ha!
Makes ten.
All right.
And with that, my turn is over.
It's over to Tannhauser.
All right.
Tannhauser's turn is going to be easy.
He is going to raise his staff.
Have it linger in the air.
Linger in the air for a moment.
And then he is simply going to say, drop and grovel.
And I'm going to cast a fifth rank command off of my staff.
And I'm going to make those two lizards make me a DC 32 will save.
Otherwise, they will have to drop prone.
Cool.
Um.
Okay.
Okay.
Hey, Tannhauser.
Yeah.
Can you give me a will save?
Uh-oh.
Sure thing, boss.
Hey, while I'm at it.
So this will save of yours, right?
This hypothetical will save.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
A quick question.
Yeah.
Just from my own personal places.
Uh-huh.
This wouldn't happen to be a disease, poison, or radiation, would it?
No.
Okay.
Well, you know, it's worth a shot, right?
Here we go.
Nuclear.
That's a 30 on the die.
I'm going to spend a hero point.
I'm going to reroll that.
Okay.
Cool.
I think I want to not take a rot.
Not 20.
Oh.
Nice.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
That means that we're going to be rolling ones and twos when we face the dragon.
Ones and twos.
Yeah.
We're getting them all out now.
So.
Hanhouser, as you attempt to command these creatures, you can tell your magically enhanced words don't seem to have any impact on them.
In fact, as you sort of use your magical words to speak, you hear something scratching at the back of your head, like whispered words, which you could tell, you know, you might not have been able to make out had you not critically succeeded.
But you just hear them, the basis of them.
You should walk into the river.
You should drown yourself.
Now, that's foolish, and you would never do such a thing.
But, you know, those are what was being spoken into the back of your head when you're attempting this contact.
God damn you.
You want me to walk into the river?
I'll show you.
I'll show you what you're worth.
What the river is capable of.
And I am going to, for my next trick, actually, you know what?
I'm out of slots.
I can't do diddly doodah.
Actually, let me really quickly read this.
Yes.
Yes.
All right.
I am going to do nothing, actually.
I can't do anything.
So I am going to try and maybe take this opportunity to see how long, perhaps, these people have been rot-infected.
Sure, what kind of skills?
Let's see.
What skills do I have?
I think medicine or occultism is maybe appropriate here.
Well, I have one of those.
So I think I'll pick the one that I have.
And so occultism.
Here we go.
That's a 16 on the die for a 36.
This is pretty, pretty significant.
I mean, even the fact of these sort of mental talking means it's been set in place for quite some time, like months, if not more.
I see.
I'm going to use my last action just to stride up 50 feet.
So I can get a better look at the battlefield, and then I will end my turn.
Next time.
Next time I'll do something really cool.
I mean, you didn't know I was going to bullshit you by making them immune to your talky talk.
That is true.
I'm really glad I prepared all those mental spells.
Well, hey, it means I know to not prepare them when we fight the dragon, and it really, really matters.
Exactly.
We're learning, everybody.
We're learning, everybody!
We are!
Oh man, that warms the conkles of my heart when players learn and prepare.
Uh, Rahua, you're up.
Rahua.
Alrighty.
Rahua's gonna see this lizard man next to him that attacked him twice successfully.
Mhm.
He's gonna try and remove him from the ledger.
Gonna make another melee attack against him right now.
Target.
Bomb.
Attack!
Kill!
Kill!
Uh-oh.
I'm gonna re-roll that.
Six for a 29.
You're gonna re-roll that?
Yeah, that makes sense.
That's a crit.
Ooh!
That's a natural.
Jesus Christ!
Okay!
So he's not going to survive.
Guys, drain the 20s.
Yes.
It's so good.
I know, I'm scared.
It's so good.
For a total of 66 damage for that one.
Oh my god.
So he's not going to survive.
Guys, drain the 20s.
Yes.
It's so good.
I know, I'm scared.
It's so good.
It's so good.
Let's get this down to one plus more for anti-rot and moss.
So you manage to pummel it.
Bro, just brings his pick down.
Hey, Rahua.
Yeah?
As you bring your pick down, you want to give me a reflex save?
Oh, hey, Gorgamonger.
Way.
Well, give me a reflex save.
Well, well.
Booker monger said 27.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Stop believing.
Oh, that's good.
So as you bring your cool
mace down and end this on fire thing,
your mace connects caving in it.
In fact, like it's almost like you're pushing liquid through the skin suit
until it has this like distending belly area
that pops like a blister due to the the mace and the heat
and then just coats you and Gorgom.
What the fuck?
Well, yeah, you got that large.
Oh, I should be.
You got big.
You got big.
Okay.
But it coats you and Gorgomonger for 39 points of damage.
Oh.
Ow.
As this tumorous, dissolving substance eats into both your body and soul.
Oh, well.
In for a penny.
And then its corpse is gone and the fire dies out.
And now for you.
The next one.
It should have had Ceremony of Growth active,
but it's irrelevant at this point.
So we're just going to make a map minus five
and just keep on going.
Keep on.
And then just keep rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling.
Yeah.
Mousey Pig, keep on rolling.
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
Should we do an album, everybody?
No. Yeah.
I think we should.
It'd be a hit in Europe.
No.
It's true.
I think it would actually.
Yeah, it would.
Mousey Pig.
It's a 33.
That's going to hit. Roll damage.
Dimage.
Dimage.
Four.
18 damage.
The mossy pig single will do
a lot of damage as it triggers its weakness.
It again sort of like lets out this burbling hiss.
That's almost like an exhalation of like gases inside its mouth.
Opens briefly and like bubbles of rot pop and sizzle down.
It's it's jaw.
Oh.
Keep going.
We're going to keep fishing for something more.
I'm going to map minus 10 and hope for the best.
Oh, that's a crit miss.
Oh.
Wasn't a one.
It begins.
Yeah.
Don't say that.
Now the turn of the tide.
Well, it's going to go.
Blizzard.
Yeah.
Uh.
Shh.
OK.
Rahua.
You struck it with moss.
It doesn't like that.
It's going to hit you.
With its rotten blade.
Wish it wouldn't.
OK.
It's definitely going to hit.
It's going to hit you.
It's going to hit you with 43.
So that.
His buddy were there.
That would have crit.
But his buddy's dead.
So that's it.
It's going to hit you for 42 points of damage.
Who has played comes down on you and then he just keeps swinging.
Does keep swinging.
Oh, I don't know.
I click javelin there, but that's fine.
It goes for one more attack.
Oh, all right.
Misses the other two.
So hits you once.
It's driving it into your bark.
You feel the rock continuing to do this sort of acidic, both physical and mental, and then it really starts to tear into you.
OK.
Orin, you're up.
Oh, and then the fire goes on it and we'll see if he recovers.
He does.
But he will take that for me.
All right.
Orin, you are up.
All right.
Gorgomonger.
Take him out.
As Orin will basically point forward.
Pretty much with Luzermin to tell Gorgomonger to just go full throttle at him.
Also sends.
He's like, someone got a text message.
Heard that.
Yeah.
Also, everyone's quickened should be away except for Venus, by the way.
So you can right click that to end of Rahu's turn.
The loose time zero goes away.
So with that, he's up.
So with that, he's also going to spend an action upon himself to lay on hands with his
blessed dark type thing where it goes.
Basically healing himself and Gorgomonger for 42.
Oh, nice.
And now for Gorgomonger, because that was one action to do that.
Gorgomonger gets to do a two action ability because of Summoner's work.
And he's going to do Dragon Frenzy.
Which basically means your Eidolon makes one strike with their primary unarmed attack
and two strikes with their secondary unarmed attack in any order.
If any of these attacks critically hits an enemy, your Eidolon instantly recovers the
use of their breath weapon.
So instead of, you know, only a couple, he gets to do a whole bunch more.
Nice.
Just to make sure.
So pretty much unarmed.
Two strikes and secondary unarmed.
Unarmed attack.
Yeah, whatever.
All right.
Jaal's first one.
He hits for the first one.
With 11 on the die for a total of 37 dealing 2d plus 8, which will be 7 out of 4.
19.
And now for a couple more of the other ones.
Primary unarmed attack and secondary unarmed attack.
Okay.
Yeah.
So Claws coming up for the next one.
Second Claws.
MVP minus 4.
17.
Total of 39.
Let's get it.
Roll 2d6 is 6 and a 4 for a total of 18.
Still up.
MVP minus 10 on the next one.
It's being clawed.
It failed miserably on the other one.
It's a miss.
So that's.
Yeah.
So it's one, two.
Yeah.
Pretty much all three attacks there out of two actions there to do that.
And then of course he's able to do one last one.
Still MVP minus 10 at that point.
One last ball.
And of course a critical hit.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
Huh?
Wh-
Yeah.
How many did it cost something that tells you that it's lost $10,000?
Who's the winner?
$20,000?
Who won?
Who, who, who won?
Wh-
Well, guess what?
Wh-
The winner of disfendimity for nothing.
I will only beat you.
The prize team will be out each episode of the Claws.
Okay!
Oh, this is not the time
to use them all!
Oh, boy.
Clip this whole
episode for the dragon fight.
I know!
Can the dragon maybe attack us
while we're here, you know, while we're in
this place of power?
I know, we're on a
ley line.
We took the
Tugbert ley line energy for ourselves.
That's right!
I'll give you 58 points of
damage.
Hey.
Veena.
Gorgomunger.
Rahua. Oh, yeah.
That'll do it. Give me a reflex save.
Here I go, rolling low again.
Rolling, rolling,
rolling. There it is.
Oh, god.
That's a 4 for 26, man.
God damn it.
36.
37.
36.
Well, for Gorgomunger's
next fail.
Oh, my god!
I'll be
down to 47 points of damage
as the lizard is
immediately
stabbed. Veena, you
stab it.
It's kind of odd. In fact, like, you
stab it in a place that you don't think is gonna
be super critical.
I think your attack missed, but it turns out
by fate or chance to be
like some exact important point
that immediately
pops this thing.
Again, just this disgusting
explosion of black
tumorous mass that flies
and hits everything,
sizzling it on both the
material and spiritual
spectrum, but really only
Gorgomunger suffers from it.
Oh, sorry. Actually, no.
My bad. Ruhu is gonna take half damage.
What am I...
Wait.
Yeah, give me health back.
And yeah, get that.
Get that, Ruhu. Get that.
All right. And with that, there is a
sudden silence.
Ah.
Okay. That went well.
Everybody okay?
We just got in here.
Did you hear something?
We're back in the swamps again.
We're back in the fucking swamps again.
No!
And on that note,
how about we take a five minute break?
Yay!
All right.
So with the last
of the lizards defeated,
there is a calmness that
overtakes the area.
The only other audible sound,
I guess, is from the surviving sunflowers
who are further back, like,
Yay! Yay! We live! Yay!
How many rations do we need?
How many rations do we need?
Do you think we could use a little more?
What, like...
A day's worth?
A little patch right there?
What are you fucking talking about?
I mean...
I've got this입니다
The sunflower seeds.
You want some sunflower seeds, Baldrick?
No, I don't.
Okay. More for us then!
Ruhu just grips his fist.
Ruhu just grips his fist.
Ruhu just grips his fist.
You can smell the scent of
seed oils toasting.
He unfurls his fingers and you've roasted
sunflower seeds.
Only he can hear them screaming.
Does he like to
hear them screaming? Thurston, do an
audit on him. Does he have any heat-based
spells? Yeah, one sec.
I got you.
Get a letter in the mail.
Like, let me take your spell book.
I want to know what alignment
Hulky Crow is now.
You're fucking...
I'm chaotic neutral.
I'm chaotic neutral, I promise.
I'm just crazy. I'm not evil.
I only murder plants
when they scream. I already killed the...
You know what, Urndale? Blow it out
your fucking ass. I already killed
him and took his seeds.
I'm going to take most of them, which is
feeding my friends.
Don't take that
shit from Urndale.
Hulky, you're right.
That's right. And then when we come across
a humanoid corpse later, you'll be like,
wow, I killed you. Guess I'm going
to roast and cook you now for my
friends. I would never do that.
What do you mean you'd never do that?
I know who you are. I wouldn't roast and cook
a random corpse. I would kill something
that's alive first and then
cook it. Okay.
That's not better.
That's not better.
Hulky Crow, that's not better.
I care about the hygiene of what we eat
and I put in my friend's body. That's not better.
That's not better.
Hulky, are you going to take that?
This
fucking instigator, the fuck?
I know.
He's a vizier.
You want to kill that guy?
Speaker, I think this is really funny
because you're like, hey,
Rahua, Rahua, are you going to take that
Rahua hanging on, like, splintered,
smashed, crushed, and full of
holes and looking at perfect?
Felt Baldrick with all of my grenades.
You're going to take that from him, Rahua?
Perfect.
Yeah, I'm going to
get you real good
and then I throw, like, two alchemist fires
at you and you die.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
This is part of
Baldrick's 8D chest.
This is part of Baldrick's 8D chest
because, or sorry, Rahua's 8D chest
in this case, because Rahua has no
fire-based abilities.
So, he gets Baldrick
mad at him to throw.
I like how the one
fire-related thing
you have is a cantrip
called Eat Fire.
Eat.
No, no,
I have Blazing Armory.
I could make my thing, my pick
on fire or my hand.
I mean, true,
true, that takes some time, though.
That's true.
But I could do it.
Yeah.
Uh.
Speaker, make me a
will save, please.
Okay.
My speaker making a will save is because he has to
see 31.
Is it because he has to hold some secrets?
33.
Okay, you passed. You're okay.
Yay.
Oh, actually, you have to tell me the next
one of three actions you're going to make during your next turn.
I have to?
You have to, even on a success.
Is there a spell or an ability that's making
me do this, or is it just arbitrarily
like you just decided that?
Hold on, let me, uh...
I mean, because if it's the latter,
I'll do it. But if it's the former...
I think I might have messed that up.
Whatever.
He's using Temporal Jaunt.
I...
Well, I can't tell you that it is a spell
effect.
Just in general?
I don't want to put it in chat
because I want it to be a surprise for later.
I don't think I've actually
cast this one.
If you must know what
Kenhauser was going to do, he was going to
control water and continue
reducing the stream here
for, like, the next mile
so that way the rot doesn't spread further downstream.
Okay.
So of the things you were going to do, you have
to commit to one of them.
It's...
The one thing he was going to do?
Yeah, I'll commit to that thing
I was going to do, yeah.
Kenhauser, tell me two
things you're going to do.
Well, I was going to move the stream.
Okay, well, you have to do that.
Okay.
You got it, boss.
You have to commit to one of those actions.
What do you mean, one of? I gave you one!
You told me...
You told me several things you might do.
Alright, I might cast
a stasis on you.
I might give
Wahoo a true target so everyone
gets advantage when targeting him.
Go on, now!
Such things are
possible, Kulki. But in all likelihood
you're going to redirect the stream
with control water to stop rot.
I probably won't arbitrarily begin team-killing you.
Unlike someone.
Probably. I know. Okay.
I will remember...
I will remember this in the upcoming scene.
Excellent. Very good.
Can you tell our player characters
are getting towards the end of their ropes?
Where they're now just starting to threaten each other
legitimately as opposed to playfully?
There has been no in-character roleplay!
This has been all
fucking real!
It's happening in their heads.
I don't know about, like,
threatening each other. Two sessions ago
was a very different story.
Exactly.
There was action.
What do we mean, two sessions ago?
That's not at the start of our game.
It's not at the very start of
Rotgrind back when it was like,
yeah, we're playfully going to be doing these things.
And then now it's like, I am so
close to hitting you with my
most powerful ability. Oh, no, no, no, no! You mistake me!
I'm not taking umbrage with, like, saying,
oh, it's at the start of the campaign. No, I'm saying,
like, threatening? No, no, no.
We're acting on what we're doing now.
Ah, I get you.
It thirsted.
It thirsted.
Yep.
Due to our enemies now
dead, and me tracking,
you're giving me the role of tracking to continue
to find trails of, uh,
Yeah, sure, you know, normally when a GM
presents the, like,
the enemies are dead, several of you are
wounded, there's usually, like, okay, we should heal up,
we should do this. I appreciated
where we went instead. It was good.
I like, I like, I like, um,
Killing each other? Yeah, yeah,
exactly, like, we should make each other
suffer more!
Um, this, this, this has to be
our outlet because we can't do it in
fucking Black Crusade.
I'm just, I'm waiting for you to
cast me, cast me through the
time stream again.
Oh, would you like that? I can do that.
I don't, I, well, I,
Now, when you said
one of the actions that you're gonna do is get
cast into time, well, I, I mean, That's not a
action that you do! That's not a
Tannhauser action! One of the
things you're going to have done to you
by me!
Uh, you don't have that spell, Erndil,
so you can't do that action.
I'm throwing a rock.
I can do that, that is a spell you have.
I could cast, I should start preparing that spell.
Just for when you cast it on me next.
We should just silo-cast it
and see what happens to you in the time stream.
We've got the canon,
we're making the canon now! We've got the
gnome again.
Gnome again. It just cancels it out.
So, um, Thurston.
Game Master Thurston.
Yes. I, um,
I believe, due to the effect
of Hulky Crow,
or perhaps Rahua's spell,
uh, I'm committed to
casting control water
and, uh,
and reducing the water
in this river, uh, for the next
500 feet, which is
about a mile. Um,
to, uh, zero.
And continuing to dry out the riverbed.
Okay, absolutely, you can dry out
the riverbed here as you do so.
Um, I believe, uh, Oren,
you were trying to do further tracking, is that
correct? Uh, I wanted to change it to
uh, first day to get everybody healed up.
Because my idea was like,
check for tracks, check for tracks,
see what's going on, then go heal people. Uh,
would you like me to start rolling, or?
Uh, yeah, yeah, let's see, you know, like,
I assume you're gonna, like, it depends, are you
gonna, like, take some time to, like, rest and
fully heal up, or do you want to keep, like, pushing on?
Uh, I think I'll,
I think we can take the time due to
the, the timing of our
mission, uh, to make sure we can go find
Oren's mom and he wants to get going. But make
sure his friends aren't gonna die. Uh,
uh, Oren's gonna be like, here guys,
let me just get you all patched up and we can just
get, get going. And so
he will do a
master role of medicine and
be, and he'll, he'll take out, like,
you know, get his hand full of dirt
ready, you know, he'll start
grinding worms in his mouth and
spitting them into the dirt. He'll
also just get, like, uh,
get, like, poison ivy and stuff and
be like, okay, I gotta rub this into your
wounds, uh, be careful.
And he'll, uh, go up to you, Rahua,
and just start kind of plastering all
the cracks in your wood and stuff
with, uh, this mixture of goop.
Thank you for
the slime, Oren. It always makes me feel better.
You're welcome,
Mr. Rahua. Here's risky surgery.
What?
They did surgery
on a wood! Okay, you take
two points of damage, and
then you would heal
61 points of damage.
That's pretty cool. And since I'm
continuously the heal, it takes another,
as I continue to heal you, it takes, uh, I think
it's like 10 minutes for each thing, but we,
I think for the next hour, I think it takes for two hours.
If I remember right, sorry, it's hard to remember
off the top of my head on this one. Uh, I'll
continue to heal you.
Uh, just to make sure I can get you
to full.
Uh, here's another risky surgery.
As I reach into your chest cavity.
Why'd you turn into a car?
Oh my god.
I'm a car too, you know!
That will, you'll take six points of damage.
And you will heal for 60.
Damn, thank you.
It did surgery on a wood again.
And Oren
shall do so upon himself.
It's going like, now my turn!
Oh, that's not what it's supposed to roll. That's not the thing.
Uh, now my turn!
Uh, Oren will,
you'll see that Orville
like, he has like these
like various, like,
kind of like opening wounds that happen
due to the Gorgomonger being hurt.
And so he's kind of gotten them.
He just takes his hand and just reaches inside the wound.
And just kind of like,
ah, I gotta adjust this.
It just morbidly
adjusts the flesh inside and then
pinches it, and then just puts a bunch
of plaster and bugs in there.
And he's like, hey boys, could you,
can you deal with that?
And some of the bugs give a thumbs up
as he does risky surgery on himself.
I really liked you rolling
that d20. It's like, oh, I didn't mean to
roll that, and then the wet, meaty noise
of combat is flattering you.
I take one
points of damage, and I heal
for 60.
Sorry, I can't math in public, nor can I
like, add.
Because I can't
snap the 60s.
159.
And then for the other, it will take
four hours in total, Thurston,
for what we're doing
here, because he's also going to do it
one more time.
Okay.
And then 55. I'm pretty much healed up.
Perfect.
All right. Anything else
anyone would like to do before moving on?
Change back to person mode,
the tracking, and keep on looking.
I'm going to
just assist in
burning the corpses of the
foul-rotted, or whatever's left
of the foul-rotted lizard
guys, just burn them.
Actually, before I toast them,
I want to actually check to see if they have
anything that could
assist us in our
search for
where this lizard tribe is.
Because I have a feeling that wherever
Orin's mother is,
we could
get something better out of that.
Yeah, do you have any
kind of tracking
survival?
Let me take a look at my
stuff and see if I have any feats that would associate
with that. Probably no feats.
Specifically.
No feats
that really come to mind, which is okay.
But I do have lots
of skills.
Efficiencies.
Um, I'm going to...
I'm thinking. Think of how I want to do this.
Thurston, would you allow me
to search the corpses of
the lizards
using stealth
under the assertion that
where would I want to hide
something that I wouldn't want
anyone to find?
Using a stealth check.
I'll...
I will allow it. It's not like
the usual use case for this.
I get what you're going for. I'll let you
make a check with it.
It's what I would reason to be the case.
Okay.
Let's check that out.
That's a 15
on the die for a 38.
Um,
you're kind of looking around
into hidey holes and areas
that you might go off
the beaten path as like your
allies are healing up.
And what you
notice is
further
in,
you find very clearly
some tracks
that are deep in
damage that are...
I meant searching their corpses,
not like around the area.
That's what I was like, searching their
peep, their person for where they might hide.
There's nothing, because remember,
their corpses, sorry, I thought you were meaning more
the area around...
No, I would have done something different for that.
Their bodies in that case
exploded when they had that damage.
There's very little left, except for like
a few chunks of like
fizzling away of rot tumors
which are almost all dissolved
at this point. They've left nothing.
They didn't even leave any...
Hmm.
Okay, well I guess never mind
my approach then.
One thing you'd be able to
tell, like just from kind of sussing it out,
is
what was animating them
was clearly
just basically
puppeting their bodies at that point.
You've seen this with the rot before
where it can take over someone.
Just to the extent that
it had been so long
even the physical items on them
had succumbed to it.
Alright. So there's literally
nothing I can find that would have been hidden
on their remains at any position
that is any way intact.
No, but I will say, as you're kind of looking at their
bodies and trying to find pieces and chunks,
I'll say that you do
go into some of the brush nearby.
And what you are able to determine
which is out of place and sort of in
more of like a secretive area
is
you find
a set of tracks.
They don't
go for a long distance.
It looks like they almost
took a few steps and then
disappeared.
Of avian
like footprints.
But if you had to guess, it's very similar to like
orange.
Just a different shape.
So basically
someone was watching this transpire
Can I tell how fresh they are
if I were to give you a
survival?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, I'll give it a shot.
Ah!
That's a 2 for an 18.
An 18 is still
enough for you to tell that they are
not super fresh.
They're probably a few days old.
But you can't tell.
Okay, so they weren't watching us fight the lizards.
No. No.
I will call out to the
group as they are tending to each other
and as Tannhauser is diverting the stream
away from the
puddles of rot.
Got something over here.
What have you
found?
Got some
bird tracks of
the bipedal person sized
variety.
Uh, how recent?
Pretty old
from the looks of it. They look like they've been
softened up a bit.
Probably a couple days at least, but
it's better than nothing.
A couple days is, uh, I mean
how long has she been out here?
A few months?
It's better, like I said, better than nothing.
May lead us to either
a place where this person,
whoever it is, might have been, or
just something.
When you're done with the stream, we could probably
follow it.
Yes, I am done.
Vulture will roll his
shoulder and get his
pack more seated on his back.
Alright, well, let's get going. The less time
we spend in this confusing
wend, the better.
I couldn't have
put it better myself.
Agreed.
Veena's gonna, like, step trepidatiously
around the, uh,
piles of rot goop.
For sure, and again, it's mostly
dissolved at this point.
Uh,
Rahua, uh, are you doing
anything before you depart?
Uh, no.
At this point, I think we're
pretty well, pretty good on our way.
Okay.
Orin's already departed.
Yes, sir.
Anything you're doing before carrying on
and following?
Also helping out with tracking
now that he's done healing.
Uh, he's, you know,
looking at the tracks and frowning.
You know.
Just kind of a thing on his face that he's
concerned for the
worst, but he
tries to keep on a strong face about it.
He's like, well, mine shouldn't be too
far. Come on, let's keep going.
And he'll go
along with Baldrick and keep going down
the forest path.
Oh, brave boy. Do you want to
give me a survival check?
I'm already
trying to survive.
Why you gotta check me?
Please do better than me, my son.
There's a 16 for a total of 37
for survival.
That's better. That's pretty good.
Very good.
Alright.
You carry
on, um,
for quite a while.
Deeper into the forest.
As you do so.
You come across
yet another
stream.
Though,
the water here seems oddly
clear. None of the
tainted rot or anything of that nature.
In fact, it's kind of like a crisp
blue.
The wildlife is also more
active in this area.
You hear birds,
insects,
um, even the plants
are moving around with a bit more intensity.
Um, you're
seeing that things have picked up.
Mord's looking around with big, open eyes.
Go ahead.
Spear? I'd like to examine
the water. I'd like to see
if this place is not rot-free.
Corrupted. How could that possibly
be?
Yeah, um, you can give me an occultism
check or a nature check.
Um, I will do the
one that I have a plus 20 at.
So, occultism it is!
There's a nat 20! Yay!
Jesus! Okay!
Scary. Scary.
You know who I'd like to
thank for all these nat 20s?
Yeah.
Who? Everyone who gave their
Twitch Prime today. Okay, I'm moving on.
God damn it.
Um, no.
You're, um...
Every 20 or every
Prime dies gets its
20.
Every Twitch Prime
a nat 20 is born.
Uh, Tenhozer, as you inspect
the stream, you are able to detect
that it's
less about, like, a
a cleansing effect
but more like, uh, there's a
border here. Something that
is actively keeping
this area
protected somehow.
I see.
Can I get any inclination
as to where that protection
may stem from? Um,
it's gonna be deeper in the forest
area here. Uh, but as you
as you are, you know, traveling around
you can tell you're almost at the
like, the literal base of the mountain.
Before you start climbing up it.
So there's not much area around
here.
Hmm.
Something deeper
in the forest has preserved
this place. Kept it
untouched by
rot.
Orin would like to roll a nature
check to see if he recognizes
any of this.
Yeah, give me a
check.
That's a
17 for a total of 40.
Damn.
Alright, nice. Yeah, that is
enough for
you to tell
that
this is a natural
magic sort of, uh, effect.
And it is
definitely affecting the area.
You're able to sort of
pinpoint it just from seeing how the magic's
flowing in the area. Um,
probably you'll need to take
your group through a trek
into the forest itself. Um, like,
like, not on the path
kind of thing that you've been following, or along the
or along the
Orin will look to the forest like,
like, this way, guys, see?
And he'll start to kind of point
uh, like the various, like
how the boss is growing on certain trees
and, uh, as he kind of kneels
down, he kind of sees how some of the bugs are more
trailing in one way, or he sees
like these cute little mushroom things walking
around, little things
or whatever. And
he's indicating, or like,
follow this way, we can go to the source!
There's a whole bunch of things that are thriving
here, follow me! And
he'll very happily bird hop over
uh, the right direction.
Yeah, looking around at this
this beautiful swath of land,
Veena's going to be keeping a very close
eye on things, cause
one of the things that the Rot likes to do
is, uh, fuck with your mind a little bit.
So she's going to be just keeping an
eye on anything that looks
off.
Rahua's going to third
that action, because
it doesn't just fuck with your mind,
it actively warps reality
and causality. So Rahua
is not trusting that this is
as it seems.
Uh, Tedhauser's
going to follow, um,
Orin, but he is going
to be dragging his
um, staff,
like, very pointedly into the dirt
and grass to be able to try
and create some kind of trail to follow
back in the off chance
that there's some sort of space-warping
anomaly.
Alright. Orin's going to trust it
completely. Nothing's wrong!
Oh,
baby boy! Nature is good!
Nature make happy!
Mom's safe!
Alright.
You
make
your way deeper into the
forest. The trees kind of
becoming dense. Uh, it's difficult
to move through here, especially if you're
untrained in survival.
Um, some of you are constantly getting, like,
poked and hit in the face.
Uh, I'm going to allow, uh,
Veena to make one perception
check. Okay.
Yeah, you're allowed.
Oh, I see. Yeah.
Uh, not bad. That's a thirty-three
for you.
Cool. Hey, Veena,
can you give me a
fortitude save?
Why do I gotta do that, Thurston?
Just, just, just, just guess.
Okay, not bad! I'll give you a thirty-seven.
When you accidentally trip
the, the next tugboat track.
Fuck! Goddammit!
Oh my god!
No way! Not again!
Um...
Veena, you pause
briefly. Um,
your stomach drops a bit. You,
you feel sick. What do you do? Like,
you feel like you might have to
retch. What do you do?
Uh...
Veena is immediately gonna, like, clap a hand
over her mouth, take a couple
of steps back from where she was standing, and, like,
stare down at
the exact area where she started
feeling that. Okay.
Um, something strange
happens.
You go to, like, clap your hand
to your mouth, but as you do so,
your hand stops, like, a foot
or so in front of your mouth.
And you, your eyes kind of
look down, and it appears
as though you have a big,
like,
bill coming out of your
mouth. Not again.
Like, the mouth of a platypus.
Not again!
You turn, uh, to look down,
and, like, all of your companions now
see this. Uh, it's Veena
standing there with just the, like,
the mouth
bill of the tugvert.
Oh, shit!
Uh, count us down!
Ah!
Uh, Veena,
you feel, like, a desperate
need to just relieve the
contents of your stomach. What are you doing?
Uh,
I think I stepped on something.
Oh, goodness.
I'm going to, uh, try and
counterspell this, assuming
it is cursed metamorphosis.
So, as you go to counterspell,
Um, Veena, you open your
mouth, um, you know, I,
you know, and as you do to say
the words you were saying, uh,
instead, like, this just
rancid bile comes out of your
mouth. And as
it happens, uh,
like, all of you watch as, like,
the bill dissipates,
and the contents of Veena's stomach are
expelled, and then there's a brief
moment where, like, there's nothing but
silence, and you realize
that the, um,
that the trap whilst you
sprung it did not
get a good impact.
Uh,
well,
um,
man, I'm not even hung
over for this.
Oh.
I don't know if
that was the alcohol doing that.
Nope. Nope.
Don't think it was.
Does Veena still have a duckbill?
No, the duckbill is gone
now. Ooh,
do I have a hero point? No, never mind.
Fucker.
You piece of shit!
That was too close,
Veena. Uh-huh.
We almost had to
take care of another Tugbert.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Well,
I know one way we could've dealt with
it again. How?
Smell of burning. Explode.
Or Lux at Rahula.
Side-eye Rahula.
He furrows his brow.
Oh shit, Veena, did you turn into a Tugbert again?
Nope. Nope. Nope.
Nope. Nope.
Bomb has been planted. I'm not trying that a second
time unless I'm explicitly asked to
verbatim, in which case I will absolutely
do that again.
You know, maybe save it.
Okay. If it happens
fully again, I may just give up
and let you blow me up.
I don't think you should do that.
No, I shouldn't do that. Thank you for giving me full
consent to blow you up if there's no other
hope. But don't worry, I have one
other spell that would actually help you
and we've already done it. It worked.
Don't you even think about it.
I'm not...
Baldrick, let me be serious for a moment.
I'm not going to blow her up again. I have
Cleanse Affliction. Okay.
You said you were going to...
You sounded like you were giddy
over the ability of her allowing you
to do that again.
Baldrick, if I was
giddy over blowing people up,
I'd be you.
Is that a threat?
No, I'm just admiring you,
honestly.
I need you to work on that.
Wait.
I have a question.
What? It is for Vida.
Oh. What's up?
Hypothetically, say you are
permanently transmogrified into
a Tugbert.
Uh-huh. Who do you want to
have custody over you?
I'm sorry.
Are you asking for parental rights over
the Tugbert? Yes.
If any of you turn permanently
into a Tugbert, I promise you
I will raise you to be
true socialists nevertheless.
I would want Oryn to have custody.
You fuck you, Vida.
Fuck you.
Baldrick just like fucking tucks his
hands into his coat pockets like,
I don't get to do fucking
anything around here.
Well,
Tannhäuser.
I'm Tannhäuser.
With that riveting,
riveting,
um, you know,
monologue slash
wander off,
specifically citing that you would be
walking away from the group, thus
taking what I will call the point
of position in the party.
Of course. Oh no.
Yeah. I'm ready.
You turn away from the group,
following through the trees and eventually
just like in your sort of annoyance
coming to a clearing
and in this clearing
you can see
that there
there are countless
specimens of wildlife from deer
to hawks
to squirrels
to like a family of raccoons
um
all of them
are
circled around the center
of this
clearing
where a woman
is sitting in meditation
um, her eyes
are closed, her long blonde
hair coming down
to her shoulders
a set of
antler horns
emerge from her, from her head
uh, she has sort of
long ears
um, and in one hand she
holds, uh, a plant
which she occasionally shakes
though her eyes are closed
she appears to be in deep, deep
concentration.
Alright, I cast
disintegrate.
Okay, good. Nooooooo!
Come on, man!
Roll the attack roll!
Roll the attack roll!
No, no, no no no no no no
Just, uh, you know
I didn't even have disintegrate prepared, it's okay
I'm just gonna
roll a d20
for that fortitude save just in case
Just in case
She's meditating
on a Tugbert
She's about to transform
Alright, that's just so we know
Zorin, that I could've killed your mom. Yeah, Vena's gonna
I'm going to...
Fucking hell.
Oh my god.
Come on, man.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry to interrupt for something.
No, no, continue.
Okay.
I was going to interrupt to stop Tannhauser from doing that.
Okay.
Yeah, Veena's going to remember what Oren's dad said about the whole Gorgomonger situation.
And she's going to kind of just inch a little closer to Oren, ready to provide immediate emotional support should things go poorly.
Okay.
He's going to put a hand on his shoulder and kind of smiles at her.
You see Oren with a beaming face as he looks up and does the whole head nod thing, but comedically he's like,
Eeyer, eeyer, eeyer.
And he kind of nods.
He's the happiest he's been.
And he goes like,
Everyone come meet my mom.
Come on, Gorgomonger.
You remember her, right?
And he goes,
Wah.
As he kind of rushes towards his mother.
And as you rush towards your mother, Oren, who is sitting again, her eyes closed, the antlers in the air, as you rush towards her,
passing the circle of animals, as you get close, you begin to see that her face strains slightly, and from her closed eyes, begins to leak out the blackness of the rot.
No!
No!
I'm going to follow up on this next time.
On that note.
I'm sorry about your mom.
I knew I should have cast a synecrate.
Can nobody just have a happy moment with their mom?
No.
No.
Even my mom.
Everyone's moms are terrible.
Only their dads are good.
That's the moral.
Changing the subtitle to,
A Journey Through Mommy-ish.
That's true.
A Journey Through Mom.
But with that, thank you all so much for listening to this episode of Rock Grind.
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And I, along with all of us, will see you next time.
So long and goodbye!
Bye-bye!
Goodbye!
Goodbye, everybody!
The Doxys!
Doobie!