Inspired Living with Autoimmunity

In today’s episode we are joined by Dr. Renee Wellenstein, who is an amazing Libido-ologist. She is a double board-certified physician whose personal experience with burnout has led her to step outside of the conventional medicine box to empower the women she works with to take control of their health, jumpstart their energy, improve their confidence and reignite their libido. You may be surprised to hear how the same factors affect autoimmunity as well as libido. I promise we will connect those dots. Dr. Renee shares with us her ABC’s of burnout and gives us actionable steps we can take to bring self care into our lives to improve our health as well as our quality of life.

Show Notes

Creators and Guests

Host

Julie Howton

What is Inspired Living with Autoimmunity?

The podcast for high achievers who want to stay sharp, focused and full of energy despite their diagnoses. Those who know there has got to be something better than simply accepting decline.

Hosted by Julie Howton, a National Board Certified Functional Medicine Health Coach who used to suffer from crippling Rheumatoid Arthritis until she learned the tools and strategies to take her power back from autoimmunity.

In this podcast, Julie brings you interviews with thought leaders in the Functional Health and Wellness space. You will get actionable recommendations to Take Your Power Back and catapult your health. No fluff, just concrete, useful steps to improve your health!

Welcome back to the inspired
living with auto-immunity podcast.

I'm your host, Julie Michaelson.

And in today's episode,
we're joined by Dr.

Renee Wellins Stein, who is
an amazing libido ologist.

That's right.

You heard me?

She's a double board certified
position whose personal experience

with burnout has led her to step
outside of the conventional medicine

box to empower the women she works
with to take control of their health,

jumpstart, their energy, improve their
confidence and reignite their libido.

You may be surprised to hear
how the same factors affect

auto-immunity as well as libido.

I promise we'll connect those dots.

Dr.

Renee shares with us, her ABCs of
burnout and gives us actionable steps.

We can take to bring self-care into
our lives, to improve our health,

as well as our quality of life.

Dr.

Renee, welcome to the podcast.

I'm so excited to have you with us.

It's great to be here.

Thank you for having me.

My pleasure.

So one of the first questions I usually
ask my guests because most of us in this

wellness space have our own stories.

I know, you know, you have a medical
career and, and we're on a different path.

So would you be willing to share
a little bit about what got you

into doing what you're doing now?

Share your story with our listeners.

Absolutely.

Yeah, it's a, it's a long one.

It's about a three year in the making
actually, probably longer than that,

but you know, I'll fast forward to
the pivotal point in my life, which

actually right before that, which is.

My husband and I had moved
from a suburb of New York city.

So we were living in Connecticut.

I thought I was living the dream life.

At that point.

I was a OB GYN again, living the
dream life, although I was up every

other night and, you know, delivering
those babies and at the office

early, and I had infant twins at this
time, they were born in oh seven.

Wow.

And, you know, in oh eight we said, oh
gosh, you know, let's move to the country.

Let's move to where life is not so
chaotic because at this point, you

know, we weren't enjoying the city life.

We were just enjoying working
and coming home to our kids.

And so we moved to the country in new.

And of course what happens when you
are the daughter of a dairy farmer

who always wanted a horse and he
moved to the country, which is a

little, little bit more affordable
to have a co a horse where I live.

You get a horse and number
two, what do you do?

When you're an animal lover and
you rescue animals, you rescue a

horse that came off the racetrack.

So I rescued a thoroughbred and it,
you know, it's all a blur as far

as how long I had them, but I fell
off that horse and broke my back.

And that's always where I
say my story again, because.

Up until then I was just probably
know, going 150 miles per hour,

always living in the future.

Like, go, go, go, go, go.

But that's the only life I've ever known.

And, you know, thinking of how long it
takes you to get your medical degree,

you know, like college and medical school
and residency and all the things like

I would just kept doing, doing right,
going to the next school, doing the next.

And this was the first time when I fell
off the horse and broke the back that I

was literally halted you know, bedrest,
Walker, shower chair, all of the things.

And I also always say, this is
the time where I never wished

back issues on anybody, but when
it's your own self, you're like,

okay, put me back together again.

But my injury, I could not
be put back together again.

I was Humpty Dumpty that fell off the
wall that could not be put together again.

So, you know, and I was okay with that
for about six months, but I was six

months out of work on narcotics, my pain.

Pretty much, you know, I don't do well
with a really strong pain medicine.

So I had chased it with all the other
things to word away, the side effects

like the constipation and the nausea.

So I was a living medicine cabinet
on a day-to-day basis and pretty much

just on the couch feeling awful, but
had a lot of time to think at this

point, cause I've completely slowed
down, but my thinking was over the next

couple of months, even into a year.

But now in retrospect, but all the
grieving, I was angry at my situation.

I was resentful.

You know, I totally went through
all of the stages of grieving and

the S of other people still having
their life and all the things.

And here I was now with a bum back.

And when I did return to work, my
scope of practice was limited in

that I could not deliver any more.

And I couldn't operate, which is
really, you know, for an OB GYN.

That's the life changing.

Part of our job.

This is where we change lives.

You know, bringing the baby into the world
and doing a surgery on a woman and to

make her feel better like that is where
my purpose lied, not doing pap smears in

the clinical day, which is really what
I had to come to because of this injury.

And I was like, okay,
well, it is what it is.

At least I'm back to work.

Well, then I started noticing.

More symptoms popping up
such as an inability to get

out of bed in the morning.

Just really low energy and fatigued
all day, pretty much living on a pot

of coffee or some sort of caffeinated
beverage to get me through the day.

Couldn't wait.

So I got home and laid back on the
couch, maybe took a nap, grabbing the

chips as opposed to a salad for lunch,
because that's all I had the energy.

And, you know, I'd get the second
wind at night, which was always

bizarre, like 10, 11 o'clock.

I could stay up and I was
like, what is going on here?

So of course it came to my rock bottom.

When I, when I in bed with my
husband, I said, I just can't go

on living like this, like this.

Deadbeat mom, a really awful wife
because I'm laying on the couch all

day and not doing things with my kids.

At this point, they were probably 6, 6,
7 years old, and I just don't feel good.

You know, I don't feel like myself.

And of course I had terrible mindset
things going on at this point.

So I was gaining weight.

I just felt my self-confidence
self-esteem was at an all time low.

And just the thought that I
had at night, my husband and I

couldn't go on living this way.

Like the thought that.

Take my life, you know, I didn't have
a plan, but that, just that thought.

And here I had two kids down
the hallway from me in bed.

I was like, I need help.

However, I knew going to my doctor
what the diagnosis would be.

Cause I was in that world.

I was in the conventional medical
world where I laid in bed every night,

thinking, gosh, what could this be?

Self-diagnosing and I said, I know
the box I'm going to be shoved into.

And sure enough, I went in to see
my doctor and I was shoved into

the depression box and I remember.

Saying to her, like, I just, I
knew that's what you going to say?

And she's like, well, think about it.

Your life completely changed.

And I said, you're right.

It said it must be depression, but
I just didn't feel like this is

what depression would feel like.

Like I thought it'd be much
more emotional, like more

sad crying all the time.

Like sad.

Like, I don't feel sad.

I, I do sometimes, but
not more, most of the day.

I said, I'm just beating myself up most of
the day because of all the other things.

So I went onto the antidepressant and.

Of course it did not
make my symptoms better.

And as a matter of fact, I had all of
the side-effects and so this is kind

of the next, you know, those three
months where I was between visits.

I was like, ah, I don't know about this.

But I continued to take it
well, all the side effects and

three minutes later went back.

And of course, when you go back to
your doctor and a medication is not

working, it's not that you have the
wrong diagnosis, you have the wrong.

Medication, so sure enough.

And again, I didn't know
what else it could be.

I'm racking my brain for three months.

What else could this be?

And of course, all my blood work was quote
unquote normal, you know, and at this

point I was still under really constant
care with my providers and my new, I had

already flunked out of physical therapy.

They didn't really want to see me anymore.

Cause I was just one of those chronic
pain people and When I was going into

my second antidepressant, of course, I
walked away with a different one cause

I'm like, okay, this one you're right.

This one has to work because
that was my mentality as well.

You know, I didn't know any

training.

It's my training.

And so I knew, I mean, I walk
into the business instead

of, okay, this didn't work.

What else we have.

So I walked away without one
and honestly, same exact thing

happened all of the side effects
without the resolution of symptoms.

And then I was like, this has got to be,
there's gotta be something else going on.

And I, at this point never felt so
helpless because, you know, essentially

she was like, well, if this one doesn't
work, I don't know what else to do.

So these are symptoms I was actually
going to have to live with and

hopeless that this is, these are
things I'm going to have to live with.

And I'm just going to have to feel.

Just so not good on so many levels.

It mental, physical, emotional,
spiritual, like they were all

knows diving down as every day.

And so I'm not sure that, you know,
when I got the name of a functional

medicine doctor, but it happened to fall
in my lap because over the course of.

This year that I'm going
through all of this.

I started selling anti-aging skincare
because one of the other things

is I had no purpose in my life.

Like I, you know, we need purpose in our
life to get out of bed in the morning.

And when I'm getting out of the
bed and going, and just doing

a rote pap smear, you know?

Yes, I know the female patients are
grateful that I'm doing a screening task

for them, but I'm not changing their life.

This is the whole reason.

And quite frankly, I was born you
know, I, then I was just like,

well, let me do some drug sales.

Let me have some fun in my life.

Let me do something that I'd never done.

So ironically, this functional medicine
doc was put on my radar, not for

my medical needs, but because she
was an anti-aging doctor who might

need the skincare I was selling.

So I contacted her one evening at
like nine o'clock at night in bed.

And she got on the phone and
she said pretty much promptly.

I don't need your skincare.

I have my own line.

However, let's talk about your health.

And honestly, within, I would say five,
10 minutes of describing my SIM, like

what had happened to me, my symptoms.

She said, I don't think
you have depression.

I think you have adrenal fatigue.

And that's what we called
it back in the day.

And here I am in my bed, like at
nine o'clock at night, my husband had

just gone into the bathroom to take a
shower and I'm on my computer Googling.

Like, what does it say?

Adrenal fatigue.

And honestly, this aha moment came.

I was like, oh my gosh, this is me.

So two things.

This is me.

How do I make this better?

But number two is like, oh,
number two, this is real.

It's not all in my head, which a
lot of women out there, I think

once you don't get quote unquote,
fixed by that medication, you start

feeling like it's all in my head.

I'm crazy.

And number three, I'm a doctor.

How come?

I didn't know about this.

How come this was?

Nowhere on my radar.

Well, I couldn't, I have
fixed myself a year.

So she kind of goes through the treatment
plan and on the heels of that, she says,

well, why don't you join me in practice?

And she happens to be about three
and a half hours from where I live.

And she wanted to set up a practice
about an hour from where I lived.

And so then I'm like,
what is it that you do?

What do you call yourself?

Functional medicine doctor.

So I'm Googling that.

And I was like, this.

My purpose.

I'm like the thing that I've been looking
for, I had bought all the books, Julia,

of like what to do if you you're a doctor.

And aside from just, you know, in a
clinic or hospital, practicing medicine,

it was malpractice, you know, you can
lawsuits and you could be a expert

witness and you could be I don't know,
all these things, you know, I don't

say pharmaceuticals was on there.

I'm like, these are not
things that I want to do this.

This isn't even getting me
out of bed in the morning

Might as well, just
keep doing pap smears at

exactly.

That's what exactly that I'm
like, I'm just going to keep

doing pap smears until this night.

And when I Googled that, I'm like,
oh my gosh, this is root CA this

is like figuring out why someone
feels the way they're feeling, not

just slapping a medication on them.

I'm like, oh my gosh.

And so I'm like done, like done.

So the funniest part is my
husband comes out of the bag.

Mind you he's been in there
maybe 20, 30 minutes max.

And I said, honey, great news.

No, this lady doesn't want my skincare,
but I have fatigue and I'm not broken.

I said, I don't have depression.

And guess what?

I don't need a prescription medication.

I just, you know, some supplements,
major lifestyle changes, not going

to get better overnight, but Hey,
at least I know it's not in my head.

Oh.

And by the way, I'm leaving the
hospital and I'm going back and

doing a fellowship in functional
medicine and joining this woman.

And I just met on the phone in
practice and he literally stands there.

His mouth is like, long
was I in the shower for.

honestly, this is the first time
that I actually listened to my gut.

Like as docs, we are so conditioned
to listen to our head and

like just don't even take the
body and how you feel into it.

Just like all head.

And this was literally the first time
of all of those years that I had been

suppressing that gut feeling of like,
ah, like even when I had the depression

diagnosis, this doesn't feel right.

It wasn't.

But I didn't know what else it was.

Right.

So here is the first time that I was
like, this is the next right thing.

This is my purpose.

I have a diagnosis.

This is my healing.

This is how I'm going to give hope
and help to those women out there.

That feel exactly how I have.

So I did exactly that.

I went back, finished out my time as
an OB at the hospital while doing this

fellowship and completed the fellowship,
joined this woman in practice for

four years, we had ultimately closed
the practice gosh, probably three

years ago now for financial purposes.

Just sometimes those kinds
of practices don't thrive in

certain areas of the country.

And yeah, I'm still doing what I'm
doing now, online a hundred percent.

And so.

You know, and still never
regretting the fact they've

still a board certified OB GYN.

I will never give that up.

I love women's health.

I just come at it from a different
perspective now, which is

exactly how I say root cosmetics.

And I try to figure out, okay,
let's not slap a medication on that.

Let's try to figure out why you're
feeling the way you're feeling.

Yeah.

Wow.

Thank you for sharing that journey.

There's so many parts and pieces.

I'm sure listeners are just
like me, like, oh yeah.

I, you know, I can relate to that and I
can, you know, you were, you commented

about how we tend to start to question
like, you know, is it in my head?

Am I crazy?

Especially when labs are clean and
the medications aren't working and.

But I I've encountered as I'm sure you
have so many people that it's not even

that they wonder if they're crazy, pretty
much their doctors are saying it must be

in your head because and I remember at one
point in, in my journey with rheumatoid

arthritis, Talking to my best friend
and saying, you know, I wonder if I have

depression and I was already diagnosed.

I was also on a cabinet full of
medications 10 prescriptions, and

I was exhausted, you know, all
the things because the medications

weren't helping my symptoms.

And so I was going down the list
of, you know, I have all of these

things that could be depression.

And she said to me, But do you,
do you feel like you're depressed?

You know, like, do you feel like, so I,
when you said that, like, you know, even

though your head was saying like, yeah,
must be, and there's a med for that.

Like you just knew because I,
I, I run through that checklist

of not in my head, but in my
heart, myself when I was so sick.

And so often that is one of the
things, no matter what other.

Illness people are struggling with.

They're also given that antidepressant
because it's like, you know, be quiet,

like just, you know and, and again, it's,
it's not, I always say this to people,

you know, doctors don't go into medicine.

To not help people like, you know, it's,
you're limited by your training as you are

case in point, as you're saying, you know,
even for myself, I couldn't figure it out.

And so, but this is what makes
the most passionate functional

medicine providers is.

You know, the, you, you talk
about this is your purpose and.

You even knew when you lost
your purpose there for awhile,

that, that, that was important.

You had to find one, you had to
make one, you had to search for one.

And I think like, oh, what a gift for
all those women that work with you now

that, you know, they're getting to that
root cause they're getting their answers.

And I know your, your work
has taken you in some really

important directions and, and.

I always promise listeners.

We'll try to keep this to about it.

Yeah,

And so you, and I know, like we could,
we could talk about a million things

already have done.

and we have, you guys are all welcome.

We got a lot of it out.

I want to talk about, I want to talk about
so many things, but I want to talk about.

Chronic stress and burnout.

You know, I think it's ties so
beautifully into your story as well.

Because even though you may not use
the term adrenal fatigue I say, you

know, adrenal challenges w you know,
burnout, or however you wanna say.

I, I think especially in the times
we're living in even more so than before

but women in general have a
tendency to push themselves beyond.

And so I wanted to kind of dig in.

I'll let you pick up.

I just threw out like five
different things within that whole

chronic stress mindset burning.

Realm because whether it's auto-immunity
or I know you do a lot of work around

libido as a, as a symptom, so many
women that consider themselves healthy.

Struggle with, you know, the
no or low libido, young women,

older women doesn't matter.

And so I, I think any, any woman
listening will get so much value

out of connecting those dots.

I always say you and I have sent before
things that need to be addressed for a

full health serve pretty much whether
it's auto-immunity weather, you name it.

It's that umbrella of whole health.

Talk about how important you,
I think you called it unsexy.

When we were talking before
we turned on the mic.

But I, I think we need to,
we need to make it sexy.

You know, we need to really get
people to understand how things

like mindset and stress and purpose
are, are driving health or illness.

Yeah.

You know, and I, and I, I love using
the word burnout as well because I,

and I say adrenal fatigue, cause that's
fallen out of favor in our world.

As far as diet, it's never, it
was never an official diagnosis,

but I think it, it actually.

Describe the condition perfectly
because when you think of the adrenal

glands, they're the little glands
on top of our kidneys are little

powerhouses that produce our stress
hormones, and they, after a while

can get fatigue, they can get hired
because they're working so hard and in.

I was, you know, leading up to my story.

Like I was looking at dream life, but
up every night and when I wasn't up with

someone else's baby, I was up with my
babies and, you know, 24 7 go, go, go.

And just living outside of a city.

You know, again, that's a whole nother
can of worms that I, I opened up when

I moved down there and it's, you know,
I didn't realize the level of stress.

Having every single day cause I was in
it and going 150 miles an hour until I

literally was knocked off that horse.

And you know, it's so funny.

I always say, I don't think I hit my
head, but it's something happened to

me when I fill up that horse, like
mindset wise, like I was total shift and

also the fact that I had to physically
slow down and you know, so that was my

breaking point for women with burnout.

Again, classically adrenal fatigue.

I call it a lot of times, adrenal
dysfunction, APA HPA dysfunction, you

know, There's a lot of names for it,
but let's talk, let's call it burnout

because I think a lot of people can,
can understand the word burnout.

Right.

And you know, all my classic symptoms,
I have word that burnout, you know,

Right out of the books.

right out of the book and including,
you know, my second wind at night was

a particular stage of burnout, but.

You know, and I think a lot of the things
that contribute to burnout have really

been put to the forefront of our care.

And we were talking about this, Julie,
before you, you started recording of like

how we take care of clients now, because
you know, in the past, and if you go to

your regular doctor, of course, they're
going to say, okay, you're stressed.

Okay.

Stress management, reduce your stress.

Okay.

How?

Right.

Like what do I do, doc?

Like, I don't know, go meditate.

You know, like, you know, yeah.

That's why I love meditation.

That is not feasible
for a lot of people too.

You know, that, that was like
crazy for me to think of back in

the day or like, okay, meditate.

Okay.

Yeah.

Right.

Where do I have

sure.

So we need a, you know, for the burnout
and the number of women that have actually

are experiencing burnout contributing and
a lot of the things, not only the hormonal

imbalances that can occur from burnout.

But a lot, like in my story, a lot of
the lifestyle changes that we take on

because of that, the convenient foods,
me opening up the bag of chips, you

know, not sleeping necessarily, well,
obviously not hydrating properly, you

know, too much alcohol, all the de stress,
you know, like all of these things are

leading to not only the low libido I
talked a lot about, but also autoimmune

conditions because of gut dysfunction.

Right?

So like, It is really, so it's like,
there's this thing that starts with this

chronic stress that we're not identifying
leading to these lifestyle changes

that lead to all these other issues.

Right.

And that's where we're at
right now in our, in our world.

And we're sort of at a stage
where everyone's running

to the doctor with stress.

Okay.

If you don't, actually, your
doctor will do two things, actually

tell you to do stress and give
you a medication probably for.

Because as docs, we are, we
are in the helping field and

we have five minutes to do it.

And I can say that because We used to
be me, you know, and I used to D I never

felt like I was helping someone unless
you walked out of the, out of my office

with a prescription in her hand, even a
five minute visit, I felt better because

you had that prescription in her hand.

That's how we're trained.

So unless we can give that medication,
you don't always feel like we did

anything, but I really love to talk
about it from a very practical.

You know, approach of like what
everyone can do, because I know

probably there's a lot of women out
there in your audience that are like,

yeah, I feel fatigued in the morning.

Even after I sleep all night, I still
don't feel like I can get out of bed.

You know, I want to hit snooze 50 times.

I'm turning to the coffee all day.

I'm hitting that law in
the afternoon for an hour.

Another couple of cups of
coffee living on the sugar.

Really know what healthy
choices I should make.

Don't

They don't have to make them.

I don't have the energy to make them.

Now.

That was me.

I was closing the fridge after he
saw the salad mixed in there, and

I turned to the cabinet and got the
bag of chips and went back on the

couch and ate because I was so tired.

And so a lot of those, again,
you know, some of your listeners

are like, yeah, that's neat.

That's totally native.

Like maybe you're gaining the weight.

You're not feeling very confident.

And your self-esteem has taken
a nose, dive all these things.

Well, you know, then we
talked about eating healthy.

You're like, yeah, yeah.

Whatever, give me the energy
and I'll, I'll eat healthy.

So I always talk about the ABCs, which
are tips that anyone can do, you know?

And, and it's so interesting.

I, after I started talking about
the a, which is awareness, I now

hear all over because it goes
into the mindset work everywhere.

You can't take action on anything
in your life, unless you're aware

of what you're currently doing.

And that goes with stress,
like, what is stressing you out?

Like there's so many people in this
used to be me running around, going

I'm stressed and stressed about
what, you know, like, what is it.

right.

you know, of course I did a recent
masterclass and I did a survey and,

you know, the most common are like
work-life balance finances, health

kiddos, because of the pandemic.

Marriage has been huge.

It was huge on the list.

Parents, aging, parents,
their weights career choices.

So like, there is like, I've covered
just so many that again, your

listeners are probably like, yup.

Yup.

But what is it?

You know, what practically can you
take action on right away to start?

Because it's not going to get
better unless we do something

about it or at least the first
identify it and then, okay.

What can we do about it?

You know, I was approached that with
a smart goals, you know, in a specific

measure, anyhow, don't get into the smart

You can be a health coach.

Yeah.

Like what, like what can you do?

Like we can't, you know, and I love to
get to the end point of like all the

supplements someone can take and then
let's come back to like, okay, what is it?

Because, and it's not taking all
your stress and dealing with it in

24 hours, like one thing at a time.

And the things that you can kind
of knock out pretty much right

away, you know you hate your job.

Well, can't go find another
one necessarily tomorrow.

So like, you know, let's and I
have to say stress feeling trapped

in a job is probably one of the
worst or relationship to the bigger

the stressors, you know, back.

Gosh,

it's the feeling truck part,

gap.

Yeah.

They did this awful study on
mice and like they cut off

their, some of their appendages.

Oh, I know.

Or they trapped them in the corner and
actually the mice were more stressed

when they were trapped, as opposed
to getting an appendage cutoff.

Like that goes to show
you, like, even as humans.

You can feel, oh yes, I hate my job.

But when you say that, like you're,
you're feeling trapped in that job

because you obviously need it for
money and that's a huge stressor.

You're not even aware of.

Yes.

You're aware that you don't
like your job, but like, it,

it goes much deeper than that.

So if that's the case and it's
something that you can start taking

steps towards getting a different
job, or like a second income to try

to like maybe combat down something.

Everything has figured out a bull, right?

Like you can do it.

It may not be overnight that you can leave
your job, but like start working on it.

Like, you know, this life is short.

We gotta wake up loving what we do.

Like my life for three years there.

I did love waking up in the morning
because I lacked that purpose.

And there are so many people
out there right now that are

feeling the same exact way.

So awareness number two.

I love what you just said about.

Going back to the feeling trapped, because
I could feel that like the relief, it

may take a year to take whatever steps
you need to take to get that new job,

but really you start to feel that relief.

With that first step, like as soon
as you're taking action, no, you

haven't changed or eliminated your
stressor, but you've changed your

stress response because you are now
in action and not feeling trapped.

So sorry, I just have to.

No.

Yeah.

And there's some other little stressors.

Yeah.

I mean, you know, even relationships and
another big one that I complimented on.

And of course, I'm not going to tell
you to go get a divorce tomorrow, but

maybe it brings light to the fact that.

And a happy relationship
or I feel trapped.

Why do I feel trapped?

Well, we're just not doing the C, which
is coming up, but like, what is it in

your relationship that you want to improve
and is your partner amicable to improve,

you know, communication, which is a C
that's coming up, like talking about it.

Obviously if it's an abusive relationship
and such, that's a different story, but

you know, A lot of times I'm seeing out
there, you just these relationships that

are withering away, they feel trapped,
but there's just, we're not saying

exactly what we need in our relationship.

So, you know, there you go, like say,
okay, this is not, I feel trapped.

I'm not happy.

Why?

Well, because we're not talking
or we're fighting a lot.

Well, what can we do about that?

And then, you know, again, talking to
your partner, so, and those are the big

ones, but there's a lot of other little
ones that I'm sure, like when you start

writing down, like, well, I'm stressed.

Who's doing the dishes tonight,
you know, like, okay, you've

got a kid, there you go.

You know, so, and, and there's
one stressor gone or, or

grocery shopping, you know?

So like, oh, can you send your husband
to the grocery store on the way home?

Just send them the list, you know?

And I'm going to get to that with
what's coming up because it kind

of, they all kind of go together.

You know, it might be,
is always boundaries.

BNC kind of goes together.

These boundaries, you see as
communication, I think over the past

18 plus months now a lot of things
have happened, you know, we've added

so much more to our to-do lists.

We as women have.

And I'm not to say men don't have a
big to-do list, but I feel like we have

taken on a lot more as our stereotypical
roles in the house of like taking care of

the kids and the dishes and the grocery
shopping and, and all the things, but

potentially maybe adding on extra income
because the family needed it or having

to relocate your business a home, or
maybe even losing your job, which has,

you know, again, there was purpose.

Right.

But a lot of other what's that.

homeschooling, you know, that
was a big ad for a lot of

women the past year and a half.

Well, and that's a thing all day
when they would be working, there'll

be, you know, virtually I was always
grateful that my kids were older.

You know, they were 13 going through
this that I didn't have to sit there

and watch them, but the ones that
were doing it with these little

ones, I was like, oh my goodness.

So essentially, you know, and then
school starts, maybe they would like go

over their job between three and five.

And then they had dinner and grocery
shop and all the things it's like.

And so their to do list is never ending.

And they're not saying no, you know,
I feel like for a period of time

there, we all felt like life got a
lot less chaotic because we weren't

going to all these unnecessary places.

But I feel like we had it
on a lot of other things.

So again, saying no you know, really
on your to-do list, try to limit it.

And this is where my four D four D's
come in my do delegate delay and.

Deletes.

So if you have a many women have a
laundry list of things, you know,

you wake up in the morning, you
have to do a list of 10 things.

And that list, because ideally
I'd like, you'd have three, right.

Because one of the biggest thing
for women at the end of the day, you

know, huge feeling of failure or what
have you a new phone that is that

you didn't get those 10 things done.

bye.

You couldn't get those 10 things on that.

I, that was me too.

Like I would put on way
too much of my list.

I can't get it all done.

It's not feasible.

And there's not enough hours in one
day for me to get it done maybe a week.

But I overachiever.

He already come I'm to
get those 10 things.

And then I fall into bed going,
oh, I got three things done.

So ideally, you know, three things
at the top of your, to do list.

I think that you have to get done
that, eat that frog kind of thing,

you know, get it done first, but when
you're going down your list, think,

okay, what do I absolutely have to do?

Not what do I think I do the best?

What do you have to do?

What can you delegate?

So for instance, when I say
with the groceries, can you

ask your partner, if you can.

Can you pick up the
groceries on the way home?

Or can you make the dinner
so I can get this done?

Or the kids, can you
unload the dishwasher?

Can you do the dishes?

Can you bring your lunch
boxes in and clean them out?

That's that's a real life
example right there for me.

And it takes.

Intention.

I think it's not automatic for most
women to consider where can I delegate?

It takes training and it's such an
important step and it is amazing how

much of those little stressors one
can eliminate if they do delegate.

Yeah.

And little things.

Like I was at biggest, I was the
ones that I have to do at all.

I can only, I only I can do
as, as, as good, as better than

anyone and I have to do it all.

And I found that like, no, you
can do it just as good as me.

And you know, with the kiddos.

Yes.

It does take a little bit of repetition.

Come on, come on.

But like I'm telling you if they
do get conditioned, you know,

and what can you put off, like
what doesn't have to be done.

And then what can you completely take off?

What is completely unnecessary?

That's under to-do list
because we all have it.

Right.

But take it off, you know, maybe do have
to go to the grocery store every day.

No, can you kind of go maybe twice
a week and make it a lot easier?

Yeah.

You know, delete that daily
grocery shopping off your list

and just don't do it twice a week.

So that is a big one.

And then the C is just
communication, which I think.

BNC like a super women.

We think we have to do it all.

And again, I say this from personal
experience, this is why, in my opinion,

this is what makes me a good clinician
is in, you know, doing what I do is

because I guess I have the certification,
but I have the experience like I

was at self-proclaimed superwoman.

Like, yes, I got it.

I can do it all.

But guess what?

At the end of the day, when you fall
into bed, you're not getting a trophy.

You might get some bragging rights,
but you're not getting a trophy.

And my point is, Your loved ones, your
kids, they don't know what you need.

Right?

They're not mind readers.

Number one, number two, when
you're doing it all and look like

you got it all under control.

They're like, Hey, my wife, my
mom, they're doing a great job.

Kudos to you, mom.

Keep doing that.

We've all in your head.

You're like, oh, I just
wish somebody could help

Somebody would help me write.

Yeah, you just have to ask, you
know, there's so many women I talk

to they're like, he gets so angry
when their husbands come in and they

pop on the couch on their phones.

I'm like, did you ask them if they could
do homework with the kids or a common make

to dinner, so you can go and do a little
something for yourself, because that was

the other thing that that leads to burnout
is like women have lost themselves.

And when I talk self-care, I'm not
talking manicures, pedicures, I'm

talking like, like sitting and reading
a book for 15 minutes going and taking

a bath, you know, like going for a walk

The things that feel like a luxury,
especially for those with children.

And even without, depending on
your, your mindset and your routine.

What I used to women would
call it like guilty pleasure.

And I'm like, it shouldn't be guilty.

It's a necessary, that's not
taking care of yourself is not

something you feel guilty about.

Yep.

So many women feel shame or guilt for
taking 15, 20 minutes, 30 minutes.

Oh my gosh.

30 minutes themselves.

You know, I love for women to
work up to one hour a day, but

like, you know, it's so funny.

I actually had a conversation with someone
recently and they're like, yeah, men

take three hours of their morning ritual.

Like we hardly get any because we're up
hit the floor, taking care of the kids.

Right.

Yeah.

So, you know, even

the women, especially women
with daughters, but even,

you know, sons as well.

What would you want for your children?

You know?

Cause we do get stuck into this,
do do do, and I have to do it

all and I can't take that time.

And, and it's like, is that really what
you want to be teaching your child?

No, but it's okay for me.

No, it's not.

cause they're watching you too.

Like I had never realized
how much my kids watch.

You know, you don't have,
it's not what you say.

It's what you do.

They

Absolutely.

And, you know, cause this, you know
this, but you become the better

mother, the better partner, the
better everything fill in the blank

when you are prioritizing that.

Yeah.

So it's not, you know, shameful or you
shouldn't be guilt ridden because you

want to take a little time for yourself
and, you know and it again, yeah.

Walk outside a little 30
minute exercise in the morning.

Makes me so much of a better
mom and wife and doctor, all of

the things like I just show up.

When I give a little bit to myself and
don't, you know, because so many women

are resentful and angry and frustrated
all these emotions because they're

just not communicating what they need.

It's just as easy as
saying, honey, can you do?

And I've got my, my, my husband's very
well conditioned now to say, you know,

when, and again, it's all about balance.

Some weeks, I'm doing a lot more than him.

Cause he's at the hospital time.

And sometimes I was like, okay,
it's all you this week or more.

Is that perfect balance, but now he's
really well conditioned to say, I have

some time, what can I do or I'm leaving
for the hospital, but before I do, can

I run to the store and get groceries?

Or can I make dinner tonight?

Or, and I was like, oh,
can I pick up the kids?

And it's like, so now if I don't ask,
he asks me and I'm like, oh yeah, sure.

Yeah.

Great.

and that is that sign of that community.

You said conditioning the first,
before the conditioning, you

need the communication, right?

Yeah.

And there was a little learning
curve and frustration there.

I'm not going to lie, you know,
like even with my husband.

And I was like, okay, I kept
to keep asking, but after a

while you find the gets it.

for so many of us, it's so hard to ask
to begin with because it's so non-natural

that then when we need conditioning after
asking, it's like, well, wait a minute.

Do you know what it took for me to
even ask why aren't you doing it?

Yeah.

And you know, it's just, yeah.

It's You know, they just don't know.

They can't, again, they
can't read your mind.

They don't know.

And it looks like, you know,
they, you got it under control.

So it's just knowing that number one,
even if you do have it under control,

where can you like just delegate a little
more as you get a little more relaxation?

You know, I think a lot of women just
don't know how to relax myself included.

I have a hard time relaxing, but I forced
myself to, because of role models, right.

I want my kids to say, you

Yes, we have to, we have to walk the talk.

So, but it really does.

I love the ABCs.

Because without the awareness, I
mean, you know, you lived it, there

was no aware you didn't realize.

And, you know, in hindsight I
imagined, cause as I was listening

to your story, it was, you know, if
it wasn't the fall off the whole.

It would've been something else
because you weren't aware you were

just running your body into the ground.

And so I love, I love that.

So if you would give us the ABCs
one more time, and then I want

you to share with listeners one.

Step that they can take.

I mean, you gave them, you know, if
they could listen to this over and

over and really make amazing progress
by doing all of the things working

their way through the alphabet.

But, but what would be one step
that if they could just start to.

Oh, yep.

So ABC's awareness,
boundaries and communication.

And the one thing I think, you know,
let's bring it back to the self

care because I think I just need
to hit that home of you are worthy

of having some time to yourself.

And I think we go back to the whole
mindset thing of, I'm not enough.

I'm not worthy.

I need to prove myself.

Bologna you've proved yourself enough.

And you know, you, in order to be,
didn't get your health on track and

to feel better and to get a better
mindset, all the things and better health

you've got, it's got to start with you.

And that, that begins with a little you
time, whatever that looks like for you,

I would love your audience if they don't
even know what it is anymore, because

so many women don't even know what
brings them joy, but makes them happy.

What they want to do your homework
is to figure that out and start over.

You know, 15 minutes a day and
communicate with your partners, say,

Hey, I love taking a walk outside.

Do you mind when you come home from work
and you can just hang out with the kids

so I can go out and get a little air,
especially if you little ones you can

just going to need to get out of the
house at the end of the day, just for some

air, we're going to take a bubble bath
or at night, you know, can you put the

kids to bed or do the bedtime reading?

If you have little ones?

I just, I think about like, even though my
kids aren't little, all the little things.

I remember doing, and it's like, I
couldn't have my bedtime routine because

I was, and I loved it, but like, we didn't
both have to do it, you know, like one

could have done it and then give them the
other one kind of the night off, you know?

So yeah, figuring out what it is
that brings you joy will kind of

help obviously relieve, relieve your
stress, whatever you become aware of

with your stressor and start doing.

And, you know, obviously the sea
comes in there with communication of

telling your, your, whoever is rounded.

Hopefully, hopefully someone can help you
if it's not a partner, maybe it's a mom.

Maybe it's a friend wedding
to talk about friends.

I raised my kids alone for 20 years.

And even without a partner.

If you, you know, cause the
boundaries with the kids, it's not

always boundaries with a partner.

It's boundaries, everybody,
friends, work people life yourself.

And so if you go through those ABCs
and create that awareness, I really,

I want to reiterate because I want to
make sure everybody heard you say no.

Are worthy.

Right.

And, and that's, that's the piece.

So one tip, I give people
because unfortunately, like

you said, so many people don't
even know what brings them joy.

So I'm going to give them a little
tip so they can do your homework

and figure out what that is often.

It's.

What did you use to love to do.

No, sir.

Right because it's so far
fallen off your radar.

You don't even remember.

I, and I know so many people where
it's some form of art or creative

expression, you know, they loved
as a kid or even as a younger adult

or maybe before they had kids.

And so, you know, drawing for 15 minutes
a day or any of the, so it doesn't have

to be somebody else's list, like really.

Take that time.

Listen to what Dr.

Renee said, you are so worthy.

You so deserve it.

And I always say, too, you know, a better
you is the more you take care of yourself.

The more you can take care of
those that you love really.

And so, oh my gosh, there's so much gold.

We could do this again.

Hopefully we will do
this again in the future.

I am so appreciative of your time
and your wisdom, and I know that your

story and your tips are going to help.

So many of the listeners
for everybody listening.

Remember you can get the
show notes and transcripts by

visiting inspired living.show.

I hope you had a great time.

I had a blast.

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