Imagine you're in a relationship. It feels like a pressure cooker. Right? Your partner's controlling the finances. They're isolating you from your friends.
Host 1:They're telling you how to live your life, but they haven't, like, actually hurt you. Not physically, at least. Like, would that even something the law could address?
Host 2:Well, in Massachusetts, the answer just became a resounding yes. I
Host 1:mean, that is a huge change.
Host 2:Yeah. It's really interesting because Massachusetts just redefine what abuse really means, like, legally.
Host 1:Okay. So that's what we are diving into today.
Host 2:Sounds fascinating.
Host 1:It is. Right? So we're gonna be unpacking this blog post from July 17, 2024. It's written by Mariah King and Sydney Halloran.
Host 2:Okay.
Host 1:They're family law attorneys at Lynch and Owens right here in Massachusetts.
Host 2:Gotcha. Important to remember, though, this is Massachusetts specific. Right? Each state has their own laws about domestic violence and child custody and all that.
Host 1:Yeah. For sure. And we should say, just to be super clear, this is not legal advice.
Host 2:Right.
Host 1:We're powered by AI, not lawyers.
Host 2:We're not lawyers.
Host 1:So definitely, definitely consult with an attorney for your specific situation. Yeah. But I think the insights from this Massachusetts blog post are still super relevant even if you're not in the state because it kinda reflects this larger trend that we're seeing.
Host 2:Oh, for sure.
Host 1:So before July 2024, if you wanted to get a restraining order in Massachusetts, you had to prove physical violence, right, or the threat of physical violence
Host 2:Yeah.
Host 1:Which obviously left a lot of people who are experiencing nonphysical abuse without a lot of options.
Host 2:Yeah. The old standard, like, didn't capture just how insidious this other kind of abuse is. Like, experts actually call it coercive control, control, but now that's changed in a big way.
Host 1:Okay. So let's unpack that term coercive control.
Host 2:Yeah.
Host 1:What does that even look like in a relationship?
Host 2:Well, it's basically a pattern of behavior where the abuser is really trying to control, isolate, or force, like, compliance from someone in their family or household. And I think a good way to think about it is it's not necessarily about, like, inflicting physical injury. It's more about, like, this need to dominate
Host 1:Oh, interesting.
Host 2:And maintain privilege. Yeah.
Host 1:So it's not just someone having a bad temper. It's more like a calculated strategy to, like, trap the victim in this web of fear independence.
Host 2:Precisely. The blog even highlights some pretty, like, chilling examples, you know, like controlling finances, demanding certain behaviors, even weaponizing court actions as a way to harass.
Host 1:Wait. Weaponizing court actions. What does that even mean?
Host 2:So think about it like this. Someone's constantly dragging their partner to court for minor things, and it's really just to wear them down emotionally and financially. It's like they're controlling them even within the legal system.
Host 1:That's really disturbing. And you mentioned, like, controlling finances. What does that look like in, like, a coercive control situation?
Host 2:Oh, it can be so many things. It could be anything from, like, limiting a partner's access to bank accounts to dictating how they spend, like, every single dollar.
Host 1:Right.
Host 2:And this financial dependence, it makes it really difficult for victims to leave even if they're, like, super unhappy.
Host 1:It's like they're being held hostage by their own bank account.
Host 2:Yeah. Exactly.
Host 1:So this blog post actually quotes doctor Lisa Fontes, who's, like, a leading expert on coercive control. What does she have to say about it?
Host 2:Yeah. She's great. She, she describes it as, you know, a strategy to dominate and maintain privilege, not just to, like, inflict injury. It's about, like, power and control.
Host 1:Right. Right. Which really highlights just how insidious it is. Right? Yeah.
Host 1:It's not always about the black eyes and broken bones. It's like this erosion of someone's sense of self and their, like, ability to just live freely.
Host 2:And that's what this law is recognizing. You know, it's expanding what abuse really means, and that allows victims to get help before the violence even starts.
Host 1:Yeah.
Host 2:It's acknowledging that this psychological stuff, it's serious.
Host 1:So this is about a lot more than just restraining orders. Right? Yeah. Like, this new law could impact other areas of family law too.
Host 2:Absolutely. Like, the attorneys point out that it could have a huge impact on, like, child custody cases and even how things are split up in a divorce.
Host 1:Okay. So that's where it gets really interesting. Let's say one parent is using these coercive control tactics on the other parent. How would that even factor into, like, a custody dispute?
Host 2:So, you know, historically, custody decisions were really focused on physical violence or the threat of it. But this new law, it kinda forces courts to think about a lot more behaviors when they're deciding what's best for the kid.
Host 1:Right. Because if a parent is controlling and manipulative towards their partner, that probably means they're creating an unhealthy environment for their kids too
Host 2:Exactly.
Host 1:Even if the kids aren't being physically abused. Right?
Host 2:Exactly. And this law, it's like it's saying that kids, they pick up on this stuff even if they can't say what's happening.
Host 1:Right. It's like this is a huge step forward in recognizing just how damaging these, like, subtle forms of abuse can be for families. It is. But, you know, the attorneys also raised some, like, really important questions about how this law will actually work in practice.
Host 2:Oh, yeah. Definitely. We should definitely dive into those challenges Yeah. And some more of those nuanced examples when we come back.
Host 1:Yes. For sure.
Host 2:Welcome back. We're talking about how Massachusetts is, like, changing the game when it comes to coercive control and relationships.
Host 1:Yeah. It's really shining a light on this hidden form of abuse. But, you know, before we get into, like, the challenges of the law and all that Yeah. I'm kinda curious to hear more about those specific examples of coercive control that the attorneys talked about.
Host 2:Oh, yeah. The blog post gets into some really, like, messed up scenarios. Yeah. One that really got to me was the controlling finances example. And it's not even just about limiting access to money.
Host 2:You know? It's about creating, like, utter financial dependence.
Host 1:So it's not just, like, hey, we need to tighten the budget kind of thing.
Host 2:Oh, no. It's way more insidious than that.
Host 1:Wow.
Host 2:Imagine, like, having to ask permission to buy groceries or just being totally denied access to your own bank account.
Host 1:Oh my god.
Host 2:And the abuser, like, they might even sabotage the victim's job opportunities just so they can maintain that control.
Host 1:That's awful. It's like they're systematically stripping away the victim's ability to even be independent. Exactly. Self sufficient.
Host 2:And that financial control, it often goes hand in hand with monitoring a partner's a partner's every move.
Host 1:So we're talking about things like, what, tracking them with GPS, constantly checking their phone?
Host 2:Yeah. Yeah. Like, dictating who they can see, even what they can wear.
Host 1:It's like living under surveillance 247.
Host 2:Right. Never able to relax.
Host 1:Yeah. Never
Host 2:able to be yourself.
Host 1:And it must take a toll I mean, psychologically, it's gotta be so draining.
Host 2:Oh, absolutely.
Host 1:Yeah.
Host 2:So the attorneys also talked about demanding specific behaviors. What would that even look like?
Host 1:Well, this can be, you know, anything from, like, dictating what the partner eats or wears Mhmm. To forcing them to do things they just don't wanna do.
Host 2:Okay. So it's beyond just preferences then.
Host 1:Oh, yeah. Way beyond. This is about control.
Host 2:Right.
Host 1:It's about breaking down their sense of self and forcing them to conform.
Host 2:It's so sneaky because it could be disguised as, like, oh, I'm just concerned about you. I'm just looking out for you. Exactly. Exactly.
Host 1:And the blog post mentioned using court actions as harassment.
Host 2:Yeah. This is a really disturbing one.
Host 1:It is.
Host 2:It shows how abusers can actually, like, weaponize the legal system. Right. Think about it. They might file lawsuits that are just completely bogus or make false accusations or drag out custody battles forever.
Host 1:Just to torment the other person.
Host 2:Yes. About control even after the relationship ends.
Host 1:It's terrifying. So the attorneys also discussed using threats
Host 2:Yeah. Those are a big part of it.
Host 1:As a tactic.
Host 2:Oh, yeah. The threats can be anything from harming the victim or their loved ones to, you know, spreading sensitive information, like intimate photos, what we often call revenge porn.
Host 1:Right.
Host 2:It's about creating this constant fear.
Host 1:It must feel like you're just constantly walking on eggshells.
Host 2:Absolutely.
Host 1:And the threats don't even have to be, like, explicitly stated, do they?
Host 2:No. No. A look can be enough. A tone of voice.
Host 1:Right. Right.
Host 2:It's about that atmosphere of intimidation.
Host 1:So this all sounds incredibly damaging psychologically. But as we talked about earlier, there are concerns about how this new law will play out in reality. What are some of those challenges that the attorneys bring up?
Host 2:I think one of the biggest concerns is how courts will decide what's truly abusive behavior and what's just, like, normal relationship stuff.
Host 1:Yeah. Because not every argument means it's coercive control. Right? Right. It has to be more than just annoying or inconsiderate.
Host 2:Exactly. And the line can be pretty blurry sometimes.
Host 1:I bet.
Host 2:You know, the attorneys give some really interesting examples, like, what if one spouse always bugs the other about going out for drinks after work?
Host 1:That's a good one. It's annoying, but is it abuse?
Host 2:Yeah. Or what about tracking your partner car with a GPS?
Host 1:Right.
Host 2:Like, sometimes, there might be legitimate reasons for that, but other times, it could be a way to control them.
Host 1:So it seems like judges are gonna need a lot of guidance to apply this law fairly.
Host 2:Absolutely.
Host 1:And to make sure it's not misused in cases where the behavior, like, doesn't actually rise to the level of abuse.
Host 2:I think so. Yeah. There's also the challenge of proving coercive control in court. It's not like showing a physical injury. It often comes down to the victim's word.
Host 1:Right.
Host 2:And it can be really hard to explain, especially when the abuse has been so subtle.
Host 1:It's almost like trying to explain gaslighting.
Host 2:Right. Exactly. Like, you know something's wrong, but it's hard to put it into words.
Host 1:Exactly.
Host 2:And that's why it's so important to have attorneys who really understand coercive control
Host 1:Right.
Host 2:Who can help the judge see the whole picture, the pattern of behavior. Yeah.
Host 1:And it also highlights, like, how much we need more public education about this.
Host 2:Oh, for sure.
Host 1:More people understand it, the better we'll be at recognizing it and, you know, addressing it and stopping it.
Host 2:I couldn't agree more.
Host 1:So this has been a really eye opening conversation. It's made me think about abuse differently.
Host 2:Me too. Yeah.
Host 1:And, you know, how it can manifest in all these ways that we don't always see.
Host 2:This new law, I think it's such a powerful step forward. It's about, like, finally acknowledging how complex these abusive relationships really are.
Host 1:And giving victims a way to fight back. Yeah. Welcome back to the deep dive. We've been talking about how Massachusetts is redefining abuse to include coercive control. You know, that pattern of behavior that can be just as damaging as physical violence.
Host 2:Yeah. And we've been talking about how insidious it can be from controlling someone's money to, like, actually using the courts to harass them.
Host 1:Right. But this new law isn't just about, like, recognizing coercive control. It's about understanding how it affects other parts of family law too.
Host 2:Exactly. The attorneys who wrote the blog post, they highlight how this could impact child custody cases. Yeah. How assets are divided in a divorce, even things like alimony payments.
Host 1:Okay. So let's start with child custody. If one parent is using coercive control against the other, how would that even be considered in a custody decision?
Host 2:Well, in the past, courts have mainly focused on physical violence
Host 1:Right.
Host 2:Or Or the threat of it. But this new law makes them think about way more behaviors when they're deciding what's best for the kid.
Host 1:So even if a parent hasn't physically hurt their child, if they're being controlling towards their partner, that could be seen as an unhealthy environment.
Host 2:Exactly. The blog post even mentions a specific part of Massachusetts law, GLC 208 section 31 a. It says judges have to consider evidence of abuse, past or present, towards a parent when they're making custody decisions.
Host 1:Okay.
Host 2:Now this section hasn't been updated specifically to include coercive control, but I can imagine courts are just gonna ignore it.
Host 1:Right. Because like we've been talking about, kids are super perceptive. They pick up on these things.
Host 2:Yeah. Even if they don't know how to put it into words, this law is saying, you know, a parent who's controlling towards their partner, they're probably creating an environment that's not good for their kids.
Host 1:So could this mean that judges might limit the abusers' access to their children or even order supervised visits even if there hasn't been any physical violence?
Host 2:Absolutely. It's all about protecting the children, and this new way of thinking could affect, like, financial support arrangements too.
Host 1:You mean child support?
Host 2:Yeah. Judges might order the abuser to pay more in child support, you know, to make sure the kids' needs are met, and that the other parent has what they need to provide a safe and stable home.
Host 1:It's like this law is forcing everyone to finally see what coercive control really is. Yeah. And how it affects entire families.
Host 2:It's not just a private matter anymore. It's a legal issue, especially when kids are involved.
Host 1:And the attorneys say that this could even affect how assets are divided in divorce.
Host 2:Yeah. For sure. It's not guaranteed or anything, but the blog post talks about some cases where a spouse's history of abuse even without physical violence has been considered when dividing things up.
Host 1:So could a spouse who's experienced coercive control end up getting a bigger share of the marital assets?
Host 2:It's not quite that straightforward, but this new law gives judges a stronger reason to think about coercive control when they're deciding on those financial settlements.
Host 1:Yeah. I mean, if one spouse has been controlled financially throughout the marriage, it seems fair to take that into account.
Host 2:Absolutely. It's about recognizing the long term consequences of coercive control and trying to make things right. And you mentioned alimony earlier too. This law might also make it more likely spouse who's been through this to receive
Host 1:alimony. Interesting.
Host 2:Again, it depends on the specifics of the case and how the judge sees it, but it's definitely something lawyers and judges will need to think about. This law could really change the landscape of family law in Massachusetts.
Host 1:Yeah.
Host 2:It could affect everything from restraining orders to custody disputes to how money is divided.
Host 1:It sounds like we're finally recognizing all the different ways that abuse can happen and giving people legal options who might have been suffering in silence before.
Host 2:Yeah. And even though it's early days, it's a really big step in the right direction, you know, recognizing and addressing coercive control for what it really is.
Host 1:Well, this has been an incredible deep dive. I've learned so much about coercive control.
Host 2:Me too. Yeah. It's definitely been an eye opener. But the most important thing is if anyone out there is going through this, please reach out for help.
Host 1:Yes. Absolutely. Just a reminder, if you're in Massachusetts and you have legal questions, talk to an attorney.
Host 2:Right. We are AI powered, not lawyers.
Host 1:Exactly. But knowledge is power, and knowing your rights is the first step to a safer future. Thank you for joining us on the deep dive as we explore coercive control in Massachusetts family law. This is just the beginning of a really important conversation, and we hope this encourages you to learn more and to support those who might be going through this. Until next time, stay curious, stay informed, and stay empowered.