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Welcome to "The Activate Change Podcast," where transformation is just a conversation away. Join Gabrielli LaChiara, renowned healer and creator of the LaChiara Method, as she guides individuals through powerful healing sessions. Alongside her, Chloë Faith Urban breaks down the frameworks and tools Gabrielli uses to bring deeper understanding to the profound process of healing. The episodes that are healing sessions offer an intimate front-row seat to authentic, raw, and real personal breakthroughs, spiritual healing, and emotional support, allowing you to see yourself in the journeys of others. Experience the power and magic of the LaChiara Method, learn practical tools for self-growth, and unlock your potential to activate change in your own life.
With the LaChiara Method’s deep commitment to collaboration and perpetual learning, some episodes will highlight conversations with other thought leaders, healers, and activists on the path to bringing healing, liberation and true equality to the world.
Whether you're seeking healing, inspiration, or a deeper understanding of yourself, this podcast is your gateway to a more rooted, resilient and radiant YOU.
To experience or learn more about the method go to: https://lachiaramethod.com
Chloe (00:00)
Hi there, I'm Chloe Faith Urban, co-host of this podcast and co-director of the LaChiara Method, a trauma-informed energy medicine method.
Chloë Faith Urban (00:10)
Let's play a little game. Count how many times you've second guessed your yes this week, or replayed a conversation in your head 17 times, or found yourself absorbing everyone else's energy like you're a human sponge. Yeah, I totally get it. I was there for most of my life. The exciting news, you can rewire that. Not with guilt, not by thinking happy thoughts, not by trying harder.
but by doing the kind of work that actually changes how you respond to the chaos. Working with your survival brain, your nervous system, and maybe most importantly, your energy. Yes, your energy. You know, the thing we're all made of. That's the magic of Radically You, a five-week self-paced course designed to help you stop shrinking, stop
and start living like your energy, your body and your voice belong, like they matter, like they're enough, because they are. Go to lakiaramethod.com slash radically dash you to join us
and use the coupon code podcast10 to get $10 off at checkout.
Intro Sharon (01:25)
Hi there, Chloe here. This episode, we're trying something a little different. For the next stretch, we'll be sharing these session episodes without added commentary from me, just the raw, real, and unfiltered pulse of the work itself. Let the sessions speak for themselves, land where they land, and stir what they stir in you. Thanks for being with us, and now let's begin.
In this episode, Gabriele has a session with Sharon, a seasoned energy healer and fierce-hearted mother navigating the tender terrain of family entanglement and ancestral patterning. Raised in a web of triangulation and emotional loyalty, Sharon explores what it means to reclaim her freedom without abandoning her family or herself.
Listen as she disentangles from the role of scapegoat, sheds the inherited contracts of silence and self-sacrifice,
and re-orients toward a life where her power, presence, and truth are no longer up for negotiation. Sharon has known and worked with Gabriele for many years and has trained in the Lakiara method.
Let's dive in.
Gabrielli LaChiara (02:47)
Hi, welcome to your podcast session. I know you just, we just had a quick combo and you are set up, but I'm gonna take another minute to just land the space between us. So.
Sharon (02:47)
Bye.
Hmm.
Gabrielli LaChiara (03:04)
Let's invoke together that you get to receive, that you get to drink in what you need from me, from our time, from your own inspired healing.
And from this kind of investment in time and space and energy you're putting into whatever it is that your consciousness, your spirit, your body, your being, your soul, your you-ness as an earth being needs to receive. And while we do that, we'll just close up any energies that are not required and not generative in either of our fields or spaces and activate change and generate healing.
Sharon (03:48)
Hmm.
Gabrielli LaChiara (03:49)
Like the word I just hear stepping in and then I'd love to hear what you're hoping for today. But the word that just lands like deep in my belly is reorientation. So something about reorienting, yeah. That's what pops in. tell me like how would you like me to help you today?
Sharon (04:01)
Cool.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, please.
I just appreciate the time and the essence and the connection to the infinite omnipotent love of divine consciousness. So drinking in is exactly what I hope to do. And to be completely present and honest in the totality of who I am as an energetic being, living my life as an embodied, conscious, intentional.
mother, woman, daughter, sister, ally, champion. And you've known me, you know, we've worked together for decades now and you know, this energy medicine is a salve to my soul and I've, you know, dug deep into embodying it in, existentially and in my life, you know, through very, very challenging times of parenting and marriage, divorce.
you know, professional life, everything that's happening, you know, in the world today. So I know I have a warrior energy and there's a tenderness and an innocence and a curiosity of like this, this healed inner child. And the reorienting is really letting go of
The condition that I received early, early on in my birth family, that is kind of a microcosm of what's happening in the world today. So the ways it still has tethers in my visceral being, because I've done all the intentional, conscious, intellectual, philosophical, you know, I've done all the work, yet I still feel the attachment to a storyline that's not reflective of who I truly get to be in this.
world and this planet at this time, this lifetime.
Gabrielli LaChiara (05:57)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. Just that.
Sharon (06:02)
Just that.
And the distortions, the distortions that come with that, the distortions, the contortions. So I want to realign into the essence of who I be rather than the habits of adapting.
Gabrielli LaChiara (06:19)
Right. Right. And there's some balance of, well, there's some relationships, you know, might we learn that there are some relationships and no matter how well you do you, you'll adapt because they won't have space or room to see, feel or know those other parts. Maybe learn that there's ways you're adapting that are actually not working and you don't need and you know, it's like...
Sharon (06:37)
Right.
Gabrielli LaChiara (06:45)
I feel all the edges of it, like what really is the distortion? What really is harmony in relation to your life, family, your origin, your family origin, like story, as well as who they are and who you are to those people today. So are you willing to receive and also let go of anything that may be required? Okay, good. So let's just clear out any and all of the ways in which you've already decided what the story needs to look like.
Sharon (07:05)
Yes, please.
Gabrielli LaChiara (07:13)
or how it needs to end or who it needs to be or what you need to be or what they need to be or all the things attached so that we can come into present time as clear as possible and really feel for who you are and what of your magic, your grace, your abilities, your gifts can be used in present time to show up and feel seen, heard, held inside yourself and in relation to these people and safe to be seen, right?
Sharon (07:38)
and safe to be seen.
Yes,
please.
Gabrielli LaChiara (07:43)
And activate change and generate healing immediately. So once again, destroying and uncreating any and all storylines that may want to trap you into old patterns or new patterns or decided patterns. And what if everything you knew was not required and everything you need to know is sitting right here? Are you willing to open up that door one more time and see what else is possible? Okay, good. Activate change and generate healing immediately.
Sharon (08:07)
Yes, please.
Mmm.
Gabrielli LaChiara (08:12)
And
I'm just feeling the dive to the discovery session, you know, just going straight for the questions because I'm hearing one. Can I do that? I'm just like, okay, what distortions, what delusions, what fantasies of family are blocking you from being you?
Sharon (08:19)
Yes, please.
my, what's coming up for me.
A belief I've always had a tender sensitivity to double standard. What's good for men, good for women and being a woman being raised with brothers. All of the confusion of...
Gabrielli LaChiara (08:49)
Hmm.
Sharon (08:59)
What is safe to be a woman?
Gabrielli LaChiara (09:01)
Mm-hmm. Mm.
Sharon (09:04)
Truly, and a lot of awareness and healing and raising three daughters and very embodied and passionate and intentional, but still there's everything that I wanted to give to them. A lot of it was out of what I didn't receive and now I need to receive the breadth and the depth of it at this stage of my life for myself.
Gabrielli LaChiara (09:30)
Right, so if you're holding back even inside yourself on behalf of some set of rules or grids or structures or even inherited patterns that no longer serve you and being alive and healthy and vital in the body that you are now, yeah, I think you'd want to like know that, right? And some part of you does know that. Yeah.
Sharon (09:50)
Right, right, especially in these times, especially
these times. you know, truly looking, you know, karma cleanup and, know, I've just always, I've never been afraid to, you know, to look at the storyline and what's inherited in my DNA and reprogramming and releasing and embodying. So, yeah, just needing some extra support from a loving space where I do feel safe to be seen and my body knows it's safe to be seen and loved by you.
Gabrielli LaChiara (10:04)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm. Right. Right. And do you, are you willing to know when it's safe to be seen and when it's not?
Sharon (10:20)
and this community of energy healers.
yes, that question trips me up because I feel like, aren't I supposed to, you know, I finally feel safe of reinventing and shedding and rebirthing and shedding all the snake skins to feel safe to be seen by me. So the, when it's safe and when it's not safe is a little bit of a conundrum confusion to me that that's confusing me.
Gabrielli LaChiara (10:35)
And I'm not saying by us in particular, but like in general,
Mm-hmm. Good.
Right.
So any all or nothing that got established in here that was like, well, if I do this and I'm safe to be seen here, why wouldn't I be able to live a life where I'm always safe to be seen? Why can't I just come out? Like, why would I need to hide myself again? And that is a kind of polarization of, again, either or, which wants to create a new way of doing it and stay in one place, which is what you already did to get where you as far as you've gotten probably many times, and how to create fluidity.
Like what does it really look like if you, if you always can find the pulse of knowing you? Meaning if you lose it, it's like we're talking split seconds, days, not like years, right? Whereas like, ⁓ wait, I did that again. I'm coming back. And if I can keep coming back, cause I can see me and you can see you, then what does it take to know yourself well enough to know exactly when it's safe to fully embellish and let all of it out. And when it's actually required to play cloak.
Sharon (11:41)
Right, right.
Gabrielli LaChiara (12:00)
enhance, release, shift, or even mask, you know, or project something that's, isn't that still you? So if you're using your magic and abilities to create a template where you can be free, what does freedom really mean?
Sharon (12:19)
Freedom for me is being in the totality and truly embodying the totality in ways that I've never been able to do. Yeah, it feels like a new edge of not, I'm so intentionally conscientious, not disassociating anymore. So I know the things I'm not doing, but there's also like, well, if I'm not that, what does freedom actually look like?
Gabrielli LaChiara (12:33)
Mm-hmm.
Sharon (12:48)
knowing I can't change other people's storylines.
Gabrielli LaChiara (12:51)
Yeah, right.
Right. Because we don't want to walk around in some grandiose idea that if we do it right, that changes other people or that there's still some idea that I can ever get something from a person or people that I may never get it, you know? And so I'm wondering who those factors are. Like, who's still controlling your ability to know yourself so well, but also know other people and see them clearly and see both their limitations and their graces and also their dynamic edges, right?
Sharon (12:58)
right.
Great.
Gabrielli LaChiara (13:21)
So who, what, where, when, why is controlling you?
Sharon (13:27)
Hmm, and my birth order.
Gabrielli LaChiara (13:28)
Wow.
Activate change and generate healing immediately. And so what is the contract hour of oath? Contract hour of oath. That's funny. Contract vow or oath. That was a scramble. You know, when they scramble it's because there's a lot of charge in there. So like, what's the contract vow or oath that you're still serving, even with all that you've done, but that you're still serving regarding your birth order? What are you still trying to like fix or uphold?
Sharon (13:57)
that my way of being and existing as an energetic being in a physical body, you know, as the youngest child, as the only daughter, as, you know, the one that's overly emotional, has a depth of emotional intelligence and energetic awareness and attunement.
that doesn't, that I don't, you know, to feel safe not to be marginalized because of that and my emotions weaponized against me by the paternal, by the, you know, the elder brother who simply doesn't understand, never will, doesn't have the wiring to, so I don't expect it, but there's the ability for that masculine energy to influence, you know, the maternal.
in my life. So there's a betwixt and between a triangulation. Yes. Yes.
Gabrielli LaChiara (14:46)
Mmm.
Triangulation, is that what you're talking about? Yeah, that feels important to look at. Yep.
Because I can see to just that one person, it's like, whatever, they may or may never get it. I can try or not try. It doesn't really matter. But that triangulation gave me a zing and I got like instantly teary. And how many triangulations, like concentric triangulations have there been in that family? Because I'm just feeling more than one. Like there's the one of that person, that brother with that
Sharon (15:01)
Right. Right.
Exactly.
Right, right, right, right.
Gabrielli LaChiara (15:19)
mother with you. And that's I think what you're aiming at. But I feel like there's another one that overlays that. that is that true?
Sharon (15:26)
pattern in my mom's life. So it's like she's repeating a pattern. I don't expect her to break that pattern, but I don't want to be a, you know, of, and I feel like, you know, the triangulated story is what's trying to repeat itself. And I'm like dragging, I feel like, no, no, no, not this life, not with me. I'm done. I'm done. I want out, but I don't want out of the connection.
Gabrielli LaChiara (15:47)
Right.
Right, you don't want to your family, right? Ooh, ooh.
Sharon (15:53)
You know, done
the estrangement, the ostracism, the judgment, I've done it all and I still stand with my head held high knowing that I'm a soul that has, you know, a connection to the earth wisdom and the pulse of the ocean.
Gabrielli LaChiara (16:06)
Yeah, I'm getting
so many tears and all the layers of already breaking this apart because you haven't just left. There's so many times in relation to this family that I'm feeling and I'm not even thinking of our history of work we've done together, but just in this moment, it tracks back. It's like I can see one, two, three key points where you could have just said goodbye. I'm not doing it. I'm really not doing it. I'm going to liberate myself and walk away. But you haven't and you didn't and you're not going to. It doesn't look like.
Sharon (16:17)
Yeah.
Right, right.
Gabrielli LaChiara (16:35)
Just walk away from them.
Sharon (16:36)
I
love my mom too much. The healing is what's, if I walk away, the pattern doesn't heal. So I feel like my warrior energy is like, no, let's face this.
Gabrielli LaChiara (16:44)
Mm-hmm.
Right. So how
can you heal something when other people won't? Like what if they won't? Like what does healing look like when you really do literally have no control over how they do, like they may do the exact same thing. So is it possible for healing to occur even if they literally don't change at all, no matter what you do? Okay, good. And so what power have you refused?
Sharon (16:53)
right.
Great.
Yes.
Gabrielli LaChiara (17:17)
inside yourself that if you choose it, you will know so deeply that you completed the karmic pattern regardless of what the stories still look like. What power have you refused that you could now choose?
Sharon (17:30)
Self-compassion.
Gabrielli LaChiara (17:32)
So where are you hating yourself if I go big? So if self-hatred still exists, tell me more. Where is it? Where does it live? Where does it hide?
Sharon (17:44)
in the unresolved grief of existing.
Gabrielli LaChiara (17:47)
Mm, let's go there. Where do you hold that in your body? Where does the unresolved grief of existing hide and turn or recoil or nourish self-hatred?
Sharon (18:03)
And my lungs.
Gabrielli LaChiara (18:04)
Wow. Okay, let's go there. Feel into your lungs.
a little bit deeper.
find that like almost as if you can look for this strand of DNA that creates you and it's spiral and it's entanglement and or devotion to self-atran.
Who, what, where, when, why is that? Right there.
Sharon (18:40)
I'm getting resistance to the word self-hatred because I feel like that's not...
That's not what I operate out of.
Gabrielli LaChiara (18:51)
Of course not. Of course not. So the reason I can say it is because you don't operate from it. So what we're talking about, well, know, I'm pointing and then exaggerating something, right? We can call it a little bit of rejection or maybe some shame, or we could look at it as grief. But if we look at the core, and I might be wrong and I'm willing to be wrong and we'll just clear the fucker out and hit the delete button and start over.
Sharon (18:58)
Okay. I'm like, is she intuiting something that I don't know?
Feels like betrayal.
Gabrielli LaChiara (19:18)
But there's something I think I'm palpating that feels to me like if we hold it as self-hatred, we find a different line. It's not only yours. It's embedded betrayal. Good.
Sharon (19:28)
It feels like a betrayal. It almost feels like that
there's the energy of that I should hate myself. There's a should in there that's part of the contract of.
Gabrielli LaChiara (19:42)
Right, so all the ways in which you have been proving to yourself internally, God spirit, everything that like, no, I am not being taken down by that energy. I am not gonna betray myself. I am gonna love myself. Every way you've done that and you've been doing that since I know you and more and more and more every year, every way you do that is a stare in the face at the phobia of self-hatred, right? At the phobia of safety.
Sharon (19:53)
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Yes.
Gabrielli LaChiara (20:09)
It's like, will not be safe loving myself. And you're like, yes, I will. Yes, I will. Yes, I will. Fuck you. I am too. I will be safe. Right. And so what we're doing is unpacking that that's the line or almost like the teetering balance beam where if you fell off, you'd be falling into the well of grief and self-hatred betrayal. And if you stay, you know, pristine to the line, then you're holding something really powerful. And what we want is like to
Sharon (20:17)
Right.
Gabrielli LaChiara (20:38)
It's like the balance beam is too thin still, you know, it's like, we want you to be dancing like on the huge is like field that is timeless and gives you so much space to play in where it's not like, my God, these people could just push me over an edge and then.
Sharon (20:56)
I feel like they want me to fall, you know, in some ways, you what I've asked for is just, you know, I just need the words, I believe in you, Sharon. And that is...
Gabrielli LaChiara (21:03)
Yeah, right.
Let's go there. I just need the words, I believe in you, Sharon. Say that three times.
Sharon (21:14)
I just need the words, I believe in you Sharon. I just need the words from my beloveds that they believe in me as much as I believe in myself.
Gabrielli LaChiara (21:26)
Yeah. So is it really true that you need, do you need those words or have they indoctrinated you, has the patriarchy, has systemic abuse really indoctrinated that you can never be fully free unless they, whoever they are, give you like the stamp of approval and acknowledgement and see you and say, I believe in you.
Sharon (21:28)
and I love myself.
It feels like, you know, I've got my new wings of freedom birthed and emerged, and there's just that tether that keeps me, you know, a little bit tethered to.
a cage that without, you know, that without.
Yeah, don't know what I need. I guess that's where I'm confused because I want to stay in relation, but I don't want it to be so painful.
Gabrielli LaChiara (22:28)
Yeah,
yeah, it hurts, right? It's hurting. Can we look? Yeah, right. And, right, I really feel that, the loneliness. I can go out the wave of real sadness of like, my God, all I really want is to have them included in this beautiful life, you know, and to be part of my reality somehow. And that it's so discord to feel like they're in some other whole reality and TV show of life that, about you, that doesn't...
Sharon (22:31)
the loneliness of it.
Right.
Exactly.
Exactly. And they want the reruns and I want the new and improved season.
Gabrielli LaChiara (22:57)
feel congruent with who you are and.
Yeah, right.
You're like, I'm ready. I rewrote the script a million times. And the need, you I really think that's important. I loved when you said, I don't know what I need. And I know that's kind of what you came in with. we're coming back full circle into like, we don't know. We actually don't know what you need in the face of this if you're not trying to change them at all. And if we are saying that they can't, if they can never even say those words or even feel those feelings for any length of time, you know, maybe they'd have
for split seconds here or there throughout your life or not, right? It's like, what happens? Like, what happens to you?
if they really, really never change.
Sharon (23:48)
Then I go, then I feel like I go, then I have the pattern of how I've dealt with it in the past is just fine, I'll protect myself and you won't see me. Or you'll see the version that I let you see me. there's, you know, like, you know, I've got all this.
Gabrielli LaChiara (23:49)
and how do we take care of that part of yourself?
Sharon (24:12)
I know I'm beautiful in all these gifts. I get all the validation from myself and my world and my daughters.
So doesn't hold me back, but yes, it feels just like that splinter, that infected splinter that if my brother weren't controlling, and my brother is the archetype for the patriarchy that weren't controlling my relationship with my mother, she and I would be completely fine, but she is now living out.
Gabrielli LaChiara (24:32)
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yep.
Sharon (24:51)
pattern that she's used to and I don't expect her to you know to be any different than she is and I accept her and I love her and I feel the depth of her love for me.
Gabrielli LaChiara (24:58)
Yeah, just finding some comfort in
that, right? Just finding some comfort in pattern.
Sharon (25:04)
So it's that external
influence, it's the triangulation of a masculine energy that's not really interested in my best future necessarily. So I feel like there's either or.
Gabrielli LaChiara (25:17)
Mm-hmm.
Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. You make perfect sense to me. And what I heard is whatever comforts or whatever habits your mother has or whatever's going on, she's being influenced in this relationship somehow with your brother or they influence each other, something happens. But that leaves you in that, what I heard you talk about is that kind of that lonely place of feeling unseen and sure you can pack it all together and give them something to see that maybe they like, but
Sharon (25:22)
Does that make sense?
Yes.
Yes.
Gabrielli LaChiara (25:49)
It's a weird feeling to know that you're never there, you're never in. that's the feeling I keep feeling into. like, I feel that that makes sense that you would have had earlier on dissociation, right? Because it's like, how do you grapple with the fact that the people you, especially when we're young and we count on and depend on and love the most are the people that have us in a box we don't fit in.
Sharon (25:52)
Yes.
Yes.
Gabrielli LaChiara (26:15)
You know, we don't really like the, it's not, I'm not a box. You know, it's like, I'm a spiral human earth creature. I'm, I'm roots. I'm this, I'm that. So like, feel all that and that, you know, I keep questioning. It's like, okay. And then we know this. And I hear on one hand, you're so willing to just let it all go. But I also hear that it's really painful, right? So there's like this multi-scale to it is, like being you mean.
Sharon (26:18)
Exactly.
Gabrielli LaChiara (26:42)
you finally just come to terms with and make peace with the fact that they're not going to change. And maybe you'll never love it. Maybe it'll always hurt a little. Maybe it's just the part of us that in our humanness and our longing and our love, you're so deep that you will always have that tender kind of like, wah, like this is just a place I didn't get to reveal, you know? Or what? Or what else, you know? And
Sharon (27:10)
That just seems so like contrary to everything I know of the expansiveness when I hear you say those words. like I feel like, you know, my energy feels shrinking into like, and just compartmentalized into a little box. But what I want, but that's not who I am. That's not who I am. Nor do I want to be. I'd rather, you know, get out of the triangulated that my reality is completely independent of, you know, their whatever, whatever, whatever, you know.
Gabrielli LaChiara (27:21)
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah,
yeah, yeah.
Sharon (27:40)
And I think
where the loneliness, where you say the painfulness is simply feeling like I don't know how.
Gabrielli LaChiara (27:50)
Well, it sounds like you also don't know how to make a connection with your mother that's even, that's free from the triangulation.
Sharon (27:59)
It feels a little bit off limits. It feels like there are parameters that have been stated that...
Gabrielli LaChiara (28:05)
Yep.
Right, yeah, yeah.
Sharon (28:11)
So yeah,
I feel like I'm in a storyline and now I've been handed a script that if I want to stay in relation, these are the rules and I don't have any say in what those rules are. They've just been handed down by my brother and not for me to question, you know, that he knows best as the man of the family. That isn't really true either.
Gabrielli LaChiara (28:21)
Mm-hmm.
No. Right. Right.
Yeah. Well, it's true for them.
Sharon (28:39)
Ahem.
Gabrielli LaChiara (28:40)
from there, from that reality, right? It's like that lens will say it's true. You're saying it's not true and that's true too. You know, this is what's so converse you're living in, living in these two different, incredibly different realities. Yeah. Yeah.
Sharon (28:46)
Yeah.
Well, he's not my father, you know? He's not my father.
Yeah. Yeah.
So there's a chasm between the two. And I feel like, you know, it's getting wider and it's like, got to, you back to your polarity or being on, the tight wire either, you know, I got to pick a side, which I know I'm not going to pick. I'm going to pick my own freedom and totality and my right to be.
Gabrielli LaChiara (28:59)
Yeah, big chasm.
Sharon (29:23)
Yeah, so I'm not sure where to go with that.
Gabrielli LaChiara (29:26)
Okay, let's sit with it.
I can feel like I can arc myself, I can feel like 10 different places we can enter, which just means we probably want to do more sessions here because there's angles, right? There's you to your brother and contracts related to that. There's you to your mother. Then there's this triangulation, then there's history, then there's ancestral codes for behavior and protection of women. And that's the one I want to step into, I think, because I keep hearing
Sharon (29:54)
Yep.
Gabrielli LaChiara (29:56)
Like some ancestral code that says women must be protected and in order to do that, we need to hide them. It is our job. We need to squelch them and hide them and not let them out is how I hear it. And that in fact, actually it's like families get protected when they squelch the magic and the mystic and that like the shamans are supposed to live in those caves, whoever those people are.
The healers are supposed to be like far away where nobody sees them and the magic is all invisible. And like, don't do your magic out loud. It's kind of how I hear because you make this an unsafe world. So I'm hearing that almost like an ancestral code.
Is it possible?
Sharon (30:38)
I would say there's a lot of truth to that,
lot of truth. the fact that my mother's birth was such a mystery, there's so much that's not known.
Gabrielli LaChiara (30:50)
Right.
Right. All these hidden things, like hidden, hidden, hidden, hidden, hidden. And I'm wondering like, I'm both like, well, is there anything you need to hide that would actually like help you literally thrive in this reality? And what would eventually, I mean, you've already broken the code, honestly, because this is not your, because your children do not live this with you.
Sharon (31:12)
Exactly. Exactly.
Gabrielli LaChiara (31:16)
It's already done.
You did the bigger work. I think that's the hardest work, which is you didn't pass it on. Like, Sharon, you said this at the beginning, and I know this about you. You did not pass this shit on. And now you're sitting at the chasm. And again, part of me is just like, is it just a chasm we sit at and say, well, fuck you, thanks for the chasm. It didn't work. I didn't pass it on, and I may never feel fulfilled with these people. But I certainly, didn't control my real world and my reality and my life is who I want to be.
Sharon (31:20)
Right. Right.
Right.
Gabrielli LaChiara (31:46)
Right?
Sharon (31:47)
Pick up, so you saying that, and you know me well enough that I'm always dealing with multiple dimensions and what does it mean like existentially. So the energy that I feel acutely sensitive and resentful of in this triangulated, it is what it is, is there's a retaliatory energy of, Sharon, you went.
and you did your freedom and everything you wanted to do that did defy odds and performative expectations. And now as you're approaching your next decade as an older woman, all the challenges that older women have in society as rules change as we get older, it feels like there is a threat of my embodied freedom.
And there's an energy of like, nope, you know, that got too big. We're going to clamp it down and here's how we're going to do that.
Gabrielli LaChiara (32:46)
Tim, what are they threatening you with? Like what is the real threat that's being imposed? Like if you don't do it their way, then you just lose family. Like lose family, lose connection, lose resource, lose heart connections. What do you lose?
Sharon (32:55)
No.
There's the financial independence, you know, there's the string of control that my brother, you know, has taken on that has, you know, a direct impact on, you know, my freedom going forward because I have to ask permission. And that's like, seriously.
I have to play by your rules now when you know I've never done it. And now, you know, now it's like I've backed into a corner like, ⁓ you actually legally co-opted all of my autonomy. Thank you. Thank you very much.
Gabrielli LaChiara (33:37)
Yep. Well, no wonder it's painful. Yeah. That's a total trap. I really understand. You know, from what I'm hearing. Yeah. Yeah.
Sharon (33:38)
That's the trap.
Trust me, trust me. Yeah. I'm like, why
would I trust you now? You know, all of this feels like a retaliation of, know.
You know, I defied expectations and now there's a payback.
And that feels like toxic energy of the patriarchy that's been hand out, know, generations and decades and civilizations.
Gabrielli LaChiara (34:07)
Mm hmm. Right. the
reality is that he has all the power. So it becomes this bizarre game as you're talking about. It's like, do I play the game to get my power back? Because that's how it's been done. And that's what we've been taught. And I just have to like, decide that's my quote unquote job, that this isn't family. This is a business and I'm running a business that I want for myself and I have to follow the rules of
Sharon (34:23)
Great.
Gabrielli LaChiara (34:34)
person in charge in order to do the business and receive the rewards of that business, be those acceptance in his family, be that support that comes later, financial, physical, mental, whatever. And part of me is like, wow, is that, I mean, I would just ask you to entertain that, to write about it, to play with it, to look at it. Is there a business format that I'm going to decide to choose or not? And how do I negotiate within that business? What parts I want to play in not?
And then there's this other part, which is your beingness and your spirit and your emotions and your being consciousness and the energy of who you are. Right. And that can't, they almost are two different things from my perspective. It's like, are you going to use that spirited sense of self to bring your creativity and magic into this business reality and work towards getting what you want from it? Because it's a fit, fit benefit, win, lose reality. Like anytime we're in a business contract, anytime we're in
deals that we're making with people and they do it this way. It is contextual. It's fit, benefit, win, lose, and I better win or if I'm playing and lose, that's going to suck. Then there's all the non-contextual, which is what you talk about. It's like your magic, your gifts, your brilliance, your love, your absolute healer self and everything I know and all those other parts of you that are so absolutely love-driven, faith-driven, connected.
Sharon (35:59)
right.
Gabrielli LaChiara (35:59)
you know, just want to feel that pulse of safety through experience, you know? And somehow can we look at them as two different things for a minute, you know? And maybe again, this is more work to do together to be like, let's look at the business contract and whether you want to play in the business contract. And then let's look at the essence and energy of who you are and how to restore that and separate it from what got mired into this physical contract.
Sharon (36:12)
Yes.
Yes.
Gabrielli LaChiara (36:33)
Does that make sense?
Sharon (36:34)
It makes total sense and I feel like in the two worlds, you know, the, you know, like I know who I am and all of that and no one's going to, you know, clip my wings or defy me. But in the business contract, I feel stuck in a box. Like I got tricked into, this is for your own good.
Gabrielli LaChiara (36:56)
Mm-hmm. Yep. And you tricked or not tricked, you may never have had an option to be anything but there. I mean, you could have, maybe, I can't say that. I don't think you had an option because if you had one, you would have done it. you would have had to play the game differently for a long time, but that would have included not knowing yourself and you weren't going to sacrifice. I mean, you weren't going to abandon yourself to that degree. So here we are. Right?
Sharon (36:59)
And that's what I reject.
Right. Well, right. that's
where, yeah, so that's, kind of like, you know, in the business contract, do I have to abandon myself in order to stay in this? Like, is it even safe for me? Because it's not, I don't get to be the fullness of every, you know, the emotional, the highly sensitive, you know, the intuitive, you know, healer that I am.
Gabrielli LaChiara (37:27)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And what freedom does the business contract provide you? Like if you were to do that work and show up for it and go in the box and say, to some degree, this is what I'm negotiating in the box. I'm going to do it or not do it. What I earn from doing this, does it earn me a kind of freedom that I can't, that I don't know yet, that would give me, or that I could aim at that would actually bring even more freedom to my children, my life, my world, that I could then use those resources for something else, you know? Or is this the place to put the
do the fight, you know? And like, where do I put my attention and energy? What's the gain now? But also what's the gain? Big picture, big, big picture, like what you leave behind, right? It's almost like part of me is like, maybe, and I don't know, like maybe this is the last box that you sit in and you do it on purpose with like dignity and you say, okay, fine, because by doing this box, I'm basically breaking the mold for good. Like that will be the last box of the family. Click done, we're good.
you know, and...
Sharon (38:37)
Or
I get the fear of getting stuck there though. Like what if I play into it and all of a sudden I find it like, wait a second, when did I get stuck in this?
Gabrielli LaChiara (38:48)
You would need
real accountability. You would need really like a plan for how you measure what that's doing to you, you know, how deep you're in it, whether or not it's still, whether it still keeps the eye on the bigger vision, right? That feels like good work we could keep doing. Cause I feel like what we'd want to do is say like, okay, even if you bought that and we said, let's go for it for the next year and see what happens and see if that gains you like a certain kind of comfort in it all that maybe even restores your connection to your mom. Like, okay, I'll buy into the damn box.
put it together, the darn box, put it together, make it all happen. And then what happens? And we look at what happens in your world. And then we ask, if that's the box I'm supposed to complete and I do it to its end, is that the freedom I'm hoping for? Will that bring me where I need to go? And I think that's only gonna reveal itself the more steps you take. It's certainly not gonna work if you're in that box and you're pissed or you're in that box and you don't wanna be in it. There's nothing about being in there unless you're in there deliberately and by choice.
that I think would do that, if that makes sense. And that's something we need to know. Maybe you can't
Sharon (39:50)
And.
Gabrielli LaChiara (39:52)
even do that. And that would be understandable too.
Sharon (39:54)
No, think I
think I've I've I've I've successfully done that. You know, I've been like, OK, I will play, but I will do it, you know, completely consciously, eyes wide open on my terms without losing my connection to, you know, all the love that I have. And I will say that, you know, part of playing the game that, you know, I have restored a connection with my mother that has a depth of of emotional acceptance for who I am as long as I play by, you know.
Gabrielli LaChiara (40:04)
Yep. Yep.
Sharon (40:24)
these three rules. So now that I'm on the solid footing with my mom, it's like, okay, now can I expand the spacious, my brother's happy because the rules worked, there's peace, everyone's playing according to the rules. And now it's like, okay, now can I, can we...
Gabrielli LaChiara (40:26)
Mm-hmm.
Sharon (40:46)
I don't want to a rule breaker, but I also don't want to feel like, okay, this is the best that I get because, you know what I mean?
Gabrielli LaChiara (40:54)
Right.
yeah, and we, it's like, don't know, we never know how long it takes to make other people feel safe before they're willing to, if they're willing to make any changes. And clearly it's not going to happen fast. Cause when you think in the primal brain, a lockdown where there's such a phobia of safety to the degree where people need to control others, conscious or unconscious, to that degree, then we know, wow, it is going to take a while for that brain to...
relax and get supple and make space, if ever. So it is a really interesting moment for you. I really understand what you're grappling with. Like it's so, there's so much material here that you're playing in and out of in the dance that you're doing. If this is what's required and does obtain you the freedom that you want bigger picture, this gives your soul, the karmic contracts, your children, their children,
future generations, a kind of grace and freedom and possibility that otherwise was not possible. Are you willing to sit in it and do whatever is required?
Sharon (42:03)
Yes, if it's the birthing canal and there's contraction and discomfort, you know, I guess that's the conundrum, you know, of being in that, know, do I go into old pattern of maybe other people know me better than myself? No, that's not ringing true. Do I keep forging forward? But am I being a warrior just trying to like break down, you know, am I a threat to?
You know, is my bigness a threat to the harmony that, you know, my mom has strived to create for herself? Maybe. And I don't want to be a threat or a danger, but I also want to be the totality of who I am because that's my birthright to belong in this planet.
Gabrielli LaChiara (42:37)
Maybe.
And I'll just challenge that the totality of you includes these dynamics. Like, let's not disinclude them. Let's not fragment them. Like, this is part of how you came to be and what you have so soul speak driven been wanting to work on, right? It's like so soul speak, Sharon. Like you are like, I am going to work these dynamics. It is not not a part of you to understand the complexity.
Sharon (42:53)
Right.
Right.
Right.
Right. Right.
Gabrielli LaChiara (43:15)
This is your
totality. So let's clear the bullshit that anybody can take that from you. Your totality includes all of the muck, all of the patriarchy, all of the hardwiring for control trips and rejections and all the things in here, what we were calling the self-hatreds, whatever we want to call them, the self-loves. It includes the magnificence that regardless of all of that, you still have and are the most magnificent faith-driven, love-driven spiritual essence, huge.
beyond over life, right? Like, wow. Wow, it's never taken you down. And in fact, it has been part of the impetus. so if we don't take it out of your totality and it's just one tiny little part of a chasm that still exists and you exist with it, what does harmonizing that into the wholeness of you look like?
Sharon (43:46)
Right? So, we're.
It's the nugget where the healing is the betrayal. Any of forgiving of myself or any of the ways that I abandoned and betrayed my connection to self out of confusion, out of loyalty, out of contracts, out of habit, out of conditioning, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I want the freedom from being on the precipice of like...
Gabrielli LaChiara (44:12)
Mm-hmm.
Yep. Yep.
Sharon (44:30)
If I go left, it means I have to betray. And if I go right, it means I get to not betray. So that healing of the story distortions around the betrayal is part of the condition of being in relation. And that's bullshit.
Gabrielli LaChiara (44:38)
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. And at the same time, you know, when we stand at that precipice and say, I'm willing to do that work, I don't like it. It's not the way I would do it. But I see that it's required for these relations and for the future to look different. And I'm standing on purpose in a way that's beyond understanding in some ways, like the purpose to include their reality in yours and you're no longer betraying.
It's like, it is deliberate. It is to say, I will include all the realities inside here and something that we're really struggling with and is something that I see people struggling with in this society with everything that's going on in the United States and beyond. We're struggling with how to have it all and how to hold that these realities, half the population that voted, voted for one thing and the other half voted for another. We all are here. We're all that.
We're all all of it. And there's something and it's muddling through my words as I'm trying to get it out. Cause I'm not wanting to skism into like acquiesce or give up or just like do what they say feeling, but it's more like, wow, you know, built inside of us is all of this and built in you are all the, you know, chasms. What we don't want you to do is fall in one and never come out, you know? And what we don't want you to be is like living in one that you don't even know you're in, right? And that's, you're so not there.
Sharon (46:05)
Great.
Gabrielli LaChiara (46:11)
in what you're describing.
Sharon (46:12)
And I feel like I've tenderly
repelled into a chasm only to play the game, but I've got all of my tools to not actually live in the chasm, just pretend I'm in it in order to play the role that's been assigned.
Gabrielli LaChiara (46:28)
It's a business. Like,
are you willing to do the work of that business? You know, when human lives became a business, you know, like that was a problem, but that happened long before we were born. Like humanity became like this business of how you value one life over the other. Racism is created out of that. It's like so many things are created to like value sex, all of it, you know, all the oppression. It's like when we, when we are living that business, quote unquote, it's a harsh thing. It's a harsh thing. It's also the business of, of our
society. just is. So like how to play that game or look at that game or navigate that game and the business of it and say, wow, I still have to do my banking and investing and I still have to like show up and pay for healthcare when I need it. Like there's things I have to do that mean there are certain kinds of compromises to the way I wish I could live and who I really am and what I want to embody and what I want to live.
I somehow it's like, keep feeling like if we put it into a business format and we said, that's just a job that has to get done inside of this construct that this family lives in. Cause I feel like that's what they're doing with you. They're like, well, you have to do your job. looks like this, you know? You know, they're not saying they hate you or don't love you or don't want you. It's like, they're really saying, Sharon, you're not doing your job. Your job in this business of a family is to do these five things. And part of me is like, well, okay.
Sharon (47:40)
Right, right, right, right, right. And that's, that's, that's.
Exactly!
Gabrielli LaChiara (47:54)
Maybe that's okay. What if you do the business the way you need to and you don't apply it to who you are and you don't apply it to your spirit or your essence or value as a human or what if we could again harmonize and give that a place that wasn't the center?
Sharon (48:10)
Can we clear any of the ways that exist as a story line? Because I feel like there's an old pattern of, I can play the game, but I don't want to exist as the game. I mean, know how to play the game in my professional world without becoming the game. And I feel like that's what I don't have in this new business. Yeah.
Gabrielli LaChiara (48:19)
Yeah.
Yeah. Yep.
Yeah.
So you know how to do it then. I just heard you say.
Sharon (48:33)
So let me command this source of consciousness to destroy and uncreate any of the ways that I've ever, you know, in any lifetime on, you know, physical, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, energetically, intergenerationally existed as the constructs of any of the roles of
that there are rules and parameters to belonging that have disconnected me from the birthright of belonging in the totality of who I am and who I choose to be and who I am evolving to be as the healer, as the earth healer that I am, independent of the constructs of familial roles.
Gabrielli LaChiara (49:17)
Yeah. Yeah. And are you willing
to stop? just give them like, can I grab one that's coming in? Are you willing to stop taking personally the business of this family? Are you willing to stop taking it personal? Cause I think if we could.
Sharon (49:22)
Yes, yes.
Yes.
Yeah, I'm just turning to the ways that I
came into this life to save the family that was never my job to do and any of the distortions of, as long as I have a job, then I have, you know, thought that I belong. So it's that betrayal of job versus belonging confusion, conundrum, you know.
Gabrielli LaChiara (49:40)
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
Yeah, we're really rewriting your job because for a long time, your job was to be almost like the outlier. You were supposed to make all the messes and do all the things. You it's like you played a role in that way. And we're like, no, no, no, we're not doing that. We're not doing rejection as the job. What we're saying is like, wow, there's a business I need to do. And I can finally step back and say, I want to do the business job. And I don't want that to be applied to who I am as a person. And I believe that you could
Sharon (49:53)
Yeah.
Yes.
Right.
Exactly.
Gabrielli LaChiara (50:18)
continue to do that work inside yourself and we could continue to do that work and really, really destroy and uncreate the merging of those two elements so that if that got clear enough and it was like, that's just business and I don't have to put anything personal into it and I don't have to take anything personal from it, then you can begin to establish personal relationships separate from that.
Sharon (50:31)
Yep.
Great.
And let me also simultaneously, you know, send back anything and everything that never belonged to me, whether I perceived that it did or whether I, you know, unconsciously, unintentionally took it on as mine and send, you know, everything back to my brother and everything back to my mother so that they have the totality of who they are independent of any of the places that I've carried any of it. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly.
Gabrielli LaChiara (50:48)
Exactly.
Yeah, let's not do their work too. They can do their own work. They really can and
you don't have to do any of it. So yes, let's send all of that back to them and to anywhere else it belongs. So we'll send it to the vibrational source of consciousness to know where it belongs. We don't even have to assume that we know it's theirs because who the heck knows what they're doing, right? Like, let's just give it all over to God, a vibrational source, away from all of it and say, I'm willing. I hear you saying, I am willing to let go of doing everybody else's jobs.
Sharon (51:09)
Right.
Bre.
Right. Right.
Gabrielli LaChiara (51:29)
We need to figure out what yours is. Thank you. I love that.
Sharon (51:30)
So I'm resigning from that position. I feel like I am done. I am done
doing all of it for everybody else, whether it's out of love, loyalty, contract, whatever.
Gabrielli LaChiara (51:41)
my God and stop being the woman in the family who wants to prove that woman should be valued because you've already done that. Job over. Because as long as you keep trying to prove something that they either will or won't buy, you're still in the place of having that get somehow merged with the other shit. we're done. Are you willing to let go of that job?
Sharon (51:47)
Yeah.
That's the trap. That's the triangulated trap. Yes, please, please, please, done.
Absolutely, absolutely. Yeah, so they can do whatever they want to do. Yeah.
Gabrielli LaChiara (52:04)
Woo, I got shivers all over. Let's destroy and uncreate for real. Any way in which you're
playing this job out that you don't need to play it out this way anymore, you can take responsibility for your part and let go of all the shit that's not even yours at all. And you don't have to satiate and give everybody somebody to be mad at because maybe they're all pissed and grieving something else and it's all landing on your lap. Are you willing to stop being the scapegoat? Activate change and generate healing.
Sharon (52:16)
Yes.
That's not my job.
Yes. Woohoo! Yay!
Gabrielli LaChiara (52:34)
Hahaha!
Immediately.
I have so many shivers. It's ridiculous. We are resigning from the job of scapegoat. Done with that job. And you can do the business job of following the rules so you can fit in whatever. And no, you don't need to prove anything to anybody else. It actually doesn't matter what they think. And you actually get to be you. And the more these jobs reorganize inside of yourself, the easier it will be to find a way.
Sharon (52:40)
Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes, and yes.
Of
Right.
Gabrielli LaChiara (53:05)
harmonize and a way to just relax into the reality.
Sharon (53:10)
Which goes back to your original point of the reorientation. That's where I was like in a house of mirrors. like, okay, I don't know where the door is, but I don't want to be in here anymore.
Gabrielli LaChiara (53:13)
Yeah.
Yeah, could really feel that. Totally could feel that.
kind of a lot of mirrors. So the whole house of mirrors, let's just collapse, relax the house of mirrors. We don't have to be standing around exactly. No need for a door because all the walls just relaxed and melted to the floor. And there you are in an open field with room.
Sharon (53:28)
Yeah, and there's the door on the outside. Yeah, I love it. love it.
I love it.
With daisies and wildflowers and lot of expansiveness. Yeah.
Gabrielli LaChiara (53:45)
Totally. And sure, there's some little box
over there called the business that you might have to step in and out of once in a while, but it's like one little box in the field.
Sharon (53:52)
But I'm not in it. Yes, yes, that's that's what I needed.
Like it's it is what it is, but I it's I don't have to exist as the box.
Gabrielli LaChiara (54:01)
No, you're not the box and you don't have to make
them make you a box and you don't have to scapegoat yourself to be fighting the box so that they all can again have anything to fight about or at and blame and so.
Sharon (54:11)
Well, that's, yeah,
that's, wanted the softening of the warrior energy because it was like the real feisty of like, okay, well I can fight, but for my right to be, but it's not who I want to be in my life anymore, fighting for it to be seen. It's like, no, but that's, I'm done with that.
Gabrielli LaChiara (54:21)
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, good. So happy to revisit all of this. Let's take a minute to activate the divinity in every cell and particle of your body. And as you kept calling like totality of you to be inclusive to all of it, to the places we do business and the places we thrive and the shit that just existed before us and well after us and like finding also the grace of that divine essence of you as it permeates all of that, includes all of that and extends through you through all times.
Sharon (54:29)
Hello.
Gabrielli LaChiara (54:55)
Spaces, dimensions, universes, earth structures, and activate change and generate healing immediately. Mm, delicious, wow. Let's see if there's anything else you need before we close that up.
Sharon (55:02)
Yes, please. And more, and more, more, more. Mm-hmm.
No, it feels like I got through the birth canal. It's like, ⁓ the contraction, but then the expansion. Like that's what I was, you know, hoping for, just to feel liberated from this. Yeah, whatever that was.
Gabrielli LaChiara (55:14)
Yay! Nice job!
Yeah.
And it's interesting to go
through the waves with you and feel the house of mirrors and feel the confusion and even myself at moments of it, like, where are we aiming? You know, and to keep coming, to keep coming back at it and to see the beauty of your own nature. You know, that the earth in you knows, you know, how to do this and came knowing how to do this. And I feel like we just restored your earth and your roots and your legs and your beauty and yeah, a little composting. Love it.
Sharon (55:41)
Right, right.
Yeah, just some composting, just some composting. Exactly, exactly. I'm some
weeds and nurturing the seeds that I want to plant. So it's not an untamed garden. It's actually, it is, you know, it is my life and I get to make of it what I want. And I get to show up for myself and in that I get to show up, you know, in a role when I want to.
Gabrielli LaChiara (55:57)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah. Yep.
Yeah, absolutely stunning. Thank you so much for sharing the journey. I love you too. Thank you.
Sharon (56:16)
I love you.
Outro Podcast (56:25)
Thank you so much for being a part of the Activate Change community. If you want even more amazing content, head over to lachiaramethod.com. And while you're there, be sure to join our email list so you don't miss a thing. You'll get instant access to our ultimate self-care bundle to clear your energy, boost your vitality, and feed your soul, plus exclusive content, special invites to live events, and personal updates we don't share anywhere else.
We're so grateful to be on this journey with you. See you next time.
Aly Halpert Thank You (57:14)
saying a huge thank you to Ali Halpert, the incredible musician and songwriter behind the songs featured in this podcast. To hear more of Ali's music and learn more, alihalpert .com. You can find the link in our show notes.