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Welcome to The Overflow—the bonus round of faith and real-life conversation with Brandon and Susan Thomas. Every week, they unpack the powerful insights, behind-the-scenes experiences, and personal reflections that didn’t quite fit into Sunday’s sermon.
This is where the conversation gets practical, honest, and a little bit unscripted. Whether it's an encouraging word, a deeper dive into Scripture, or a hilarious moment from their week, Brandon and Susan bring fresh perspective and spiritual fuel to keep you going.
It’s real talk, fresh takes, and full hearts.
These are the conversations too good to cut and too real to miss.
Hey, everybody. Welcome to the overflow. We're excited to hang and spend some time together.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And we wanna talk about families.
Speaker 2:We love family. Family is so so huge for us.
Speaker 1:And this is a talk where if you're a young adult, what we will talk about today is so helpful for you as you architect the family you want to have. If you're a young couple, no kids yet, If you're dating right now, you want to date someone that will build what we are discussing today. I cannot overstate the importance and the power. It's the backbone of a book that Susan and I wrote called Legacy That Lasts. Yes.
Speaker 1:And we're talking about a generational vision for your family. And when you think generational vision, I wanna be clear what we mean there throughout And
Speaker 2:can I just say, I would say whatever stage of life you're in, you know, even if you are empty nester, if you are in a season of life where your kids are grown, wherever you are, the beautiful thing about God and his design, just start where you are? Yeah. Even as you pray for your adult children, their families, being a grandparent. So lean in young adults and listening,
Speaker 1:but It's a great word. That's a great word. If you are if you have teenagers and you're like, well, I didn't do it that way. Right. So is it too late?
Speaker 1:Right. It is not. Thank you. It is not too late.
Speaker 2:So good.
Speaker 1:We're jumping in. We're diving into the deep end, and we wanna invite everybody in. Here and we'll start with God's design. Yeah. Psalm one twenty seven, the bible talks about unless the Lord builds the house, those that build it labor in vain.
Speaker 1:Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil, for he gives to his beloved sleep. Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them.
Speaker 1:He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies at the gate. And really, unless the Lord builds the house, those that build it labor in vain. And what does he say? Children are a heritage. This is that generational vision, thinking bigger than yourself.
Speaker 1:The Bible says in the Old Testament, I am the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Yeah. And what he's saying there, when he says Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, he's talking about the people of Israel. And he's saying, as I'm building the family that's going to shine my name to the nations, as I'm building the family, ingrained in that building is Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, this generational vision for the family. And we need to have a generational vision that God is building a family tree, and it's not just my branch.
Speaker 1:It's the branches that came before me. It's the branches that come after me. Somebody listening to right now, you are starting, you are first generation faith filled family tree.
Speaker 2:You
Speaker 1:may have had some wonderful people in your family tree, but they were not Christ followers. You're building it's so profound the difference. You're building a brand new family tree. Now the interesting thing about the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob is when you track their lives. Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
Speaker 1:These people were not perfect. Oh, no. There was a lot of messed up stuff.
Speaker 2:A whole lot of messed up stuff. And they were God's chosen people. I mean, God had had chosen them. They were people that were full of faith, but they really highlight a reality that, you know, being on this earth and being a Christ follower does not mean that you are free from the struggle with sin. We all battle it, and they certainly did.
Speaker 2:And the I think the big question I always ask myself is, okay, I know I have a sin struggle. The question is, am I gonna battle it with God as my warrior fighting for me? Or am I just gonna let sin have its way? Mhmm. And there were spaces where Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob let sin have its way.
Speaker 2:Yep. They just let the generational patterns continue.
Speaker 1:Sexual sin.
Speaker 2:Sexual sin.
Speaker 1:Favoritism.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Lying. Lying. These were chronic.
Speaker 2:Oh, there was just there was multiple really devastating family fighting. There was just family patterns that continued on in their in their family tree. And they were they were people of faith.
Speaker 1:And that's the thing that I think is so powerful. I mean, Father Abraham, we're talking about Isaac and Jacob. I mean, these are faith filled people. Are pillars. These are fathers of Judaism that became Christianity.
Speaker 1:And, you know, the first lesson I would take there is, man, if you think that because your family has some dysfunction, that you just need to throw your hands up in the air and give up, man, you're not understanding the lesson of the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. They were dysfunctional too. Yes. Now we do have from Isaac Jacob, Jacob's son, Joseph. It's interesting when you study it, and we go through this in the book of Legacy That Lasts, is that Joseph acts on every single one of the broken chronic trends in his family tree, though it be faith family tree, there was still brokenness.
Speaker 1:He, in his life, conquered every one of those brokenness. He would not tell lies. He told the truth. He fleed from sexual sin. He did.
Speaker 1:And he did not show favor to it's just really cool how he really did reverse all of that. And the message there is you may have dysfunctional patterns in your family right now Right. But God can can heal Yeah. And God can change.
Speaker 2:I'd love for us to sit on that just for a moment because in the big conversation of today, which is talking about legacy and generational impact and generational vision, it really does start with you. What are you doing? When I think about Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, I'm encouraged that I'm not alone in my dysfunction, but I also really wanna learn. You know, I've just adopted this mindset early on. I wanna learn as much as I can from other people's mistakes rather than just repeat them and rather than make the same mistakes myself.
Speaker 2:Because I'm gonna make plenty of mistakes on my own, but I wanna be a learner, not judging everybody, but learning from others. When you look at the lives of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and you see the generational sin that they kept passing on. You know, the bible talks about generational curse for the to the third and fourth generation. Does that mean that I'm responsible for someone else's sin? No.
Speaker 2:What it means is, am I gonna keep repeating the sin that I saw when I was growing up? Am I gonna keep choosing that same way of of rebelling against the Lord? Or does it stop here? Does it stop with me? And so that's the question I ask myself is, man, what are my things?
Speaker 2:What are my areas of sin struggle? What are patterns that maybe I'm continuing that my parents struggle with? Every parent's imperfect, and I have great parents. Or what is it that I've just picked up as my own flavors of sin along the way? And God, will you have give me eyes to see that because I don't want my kids to have to fight that battle.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I wanna fight the battle so that they don't have to.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Well, and even having a moment, a correction moment as a grandparent or as a parent of adult children or even children in their high teens, if you've made some mistakes, man, reset.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Have a reset moment.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Joseph was a reset to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. And Abraham, Isaac, Jacob had some massive wins. Yeah. Massive, faith filled wins. But Joseph was a reset, and you can be a reset.
Speaker 1:You can go and sit them down and say, you know, hey, kids, you know, whenever I would discipline you, I would discipline at times in anger, and instead of culling down. And I just wanted to ask you to forgive me for that. You know? Again, not abuse, but I'm talking about just being angry and abusing or, disciplining out of that anger, is not God's design for discipline. And so if that if you didn't do it correctly, man, go and ask ask for forgiveness or, you know, some of the things we let y'all watch early on.
Speaker 1:You know? And now have God's really pricked my soul, and I I just feel like that, man, I wouldn't want you to continue that forward in your home. Or maybe you've had a too casual relationship with alcohol and God's convicted you of that sin. Sit down in your family and say, Hey, we've had men do this in their homes. Sit down in your family and say, Hey, guys, I was not modeling for you even though I love Jesus.
Speaker 1:I was getting that wrong. And that's a great way to just reset your family tree is that confession and repentance.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's one of the most supernatural things you can do as a parent. And certainly, if there was abuse, to go and confess our sin. Confess your sin to that person. You've gotta confess it. But any kind of any kind of struggle or sin that we have, there's something powerful when we confess our sins and receive forgiveness and ask for forgiveness.
Speaker 2:God does supernatural things in the family tree. And something that I think is so amazing about God is that the bigger the mess, the greater the miracle. So if you do feel too far gone, if you do feel like our family's too big of a wreck, you start following God now and watch what he will do. You start following him now and just get ready for the miracles.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. And and, you know, I love that we talk children are heritage, but it also says unless the Lord builds the house Yes. The builders labor in vain. And and really, let this be the first correction. Is God the foundation of your home?
Speaker 2:And
Speaker 1:if you grew up where sports or being excellent at that one sport really was the foundation, church, as long as church didn't conflict with sports, you were at church. But the minute that there was a conflict, did church always be the sacrificial lamb? Sports, no matter what, we were gonna say yes to sports. Right. And I think that having that correction there, hey, unless the Lord builds this house, you've gotta decide, man, God is going to be the foundation.
Speaker 1:Yes. It is on God. So please don't hear us that, hey, we're gonna give you some principles here, and whether you love Jesus or not, this will work for you. Right. That's not true.
Speaker 2:That's not true.
Speaker 1:We need the power of God. We need the ways of God. We need the word of God. Yes. And without a relationship with Jesus Christ, they're really incredibly limited.
Speaker 1:Yes, you can get what we've talked about before, some common grace. You know, there's some good truth that every human can benefit from.
Speaker 2:Like don't yell at your spouse.
Speaker 1:There's great truth. But if you want power
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:If you want power, it comes when you're in a relationship with God.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 1:You need a God you can talk to. You need a God that can hear your prayers and respond to you. And and that is just that's where it's at.
Speaker 2:Yeah. That's where it's
Speaker 1:That's where it's at. So where
Speaker 2:it's at.
Speaker 1:I'm almost
Speaker 2:I thought
Speaker 1:swallowing my mic. I'm getting excited. I'm
Speaker 2:going with you all. True. It's so true because that's ground zero for a family that's gonna thrive is to have that relationship with God and to put your kids in position to know him too. And and we always say, if it's not real for you, what makes you think it's gonna be real for them? Oh.
Speaker 2:If your relationship with God is not authentic, why would your kids want any part of
Speaker 1:it? Right.
Speaker 2:They wanna see something that's real. And that includes how does mommy and daddy deal with their sin? Mhmm. You know, how do they deal with when they blow it and when they mess up? And again, whatever stage you are in your life with your family, today is the day.
Speaker 2:Start where you are today and watch God do beautiful, beautiful things.
Speaker 1:You know, I love this this image that we had was the children are like arrows in the hands of a warrior, and his quiver is full of them. Well, the quiver is where the arrows are held. And I like to say that the quiver is the culture. The quiver is the culture. The culture is the tone, the atmosphere, the priorities, the things we get excited about, the things we celebrate, and the things we discipline, the things we do not tolerate.
Speaker 1:That's culture. Culture is what you allow, and culture is what you enforce. And every home has a culture. And that culture is either by design Yes. Or it's by default.
Speaker 1:We'll talk about this a 100 times 100,000. In the overflow. Culture is built or culture is allowed. Yeah. And we wanna encourage you to architect your culture.
Speaker 1:Like, predetermine. I mentioned the sports. Predetermine while your kids are still too young to play a little soccer.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Whatever. Predetermine, hey, this is how we're gonna handle sports. Have those conversations as a young couple.
Speaker 2:Expectations early on.
Speaker 1:It's what we do, it's how we do it, and it's why we do it.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And even looking at going back to our family of faith that we're talking about, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, you have to remind me all their generational patterns of sin, but determining early on we will have no favorites. I mean, not even an option. Yeah. Not even a temptation in the sense that we've already decided.
Speaker 2:We love these kids and we do so deeply.
Speaker 1:Now we may like some better than others in seasons.
Speaker 2:In a moment. In
Speaker 1:a But don't there may be a season where one kid is full blown rebelling or struggling, and they're they're they're just hard to be with at certain seasons.
Speaker 2:And that's just real.
Speaker 1:That's real.
Speaker 2:But that's different than a favor.
Speaker 1:Amen.
Speaker 2:A favoritism. And it's a it's a man, I love my children so profoundly, so deeply. And and I think the mark of real love is when you love someone in their ugly place. Right? Yeah.
Speaker 2:You love them in that space.
Speaker 1:Amen.
Speaker 2:And so those are just predetermined things because the truth is is favoritism is one of those cultures in some homes that are minimized. Yeah. Even made like it's a comedy or or something to laugh about.
Speaker 1:Oh, this one's mine. That one's yours.
Speaker 2:Yes. She's mine. He's yours. And deep, deep pain results. Deep pain and division.
Speaker 2:That's the thing about favoritism is you are are already dividing your home.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Rather than, you know what? Mom and dad love you each absolutely the same.
Speaker 1:Are
Speaker 2:your kids. Same thing with lying. And that you could speak to this too. We we believe so fiercely that lying unravels relationships. God hates lying.
Speaker 2:Lying, that's the first thing that happened in the garden when the enemy lied to Eve and twisted God's words. We would tell our kids as they got older, you know, you tell us anything and and whatever you did, believe me, your discipline will be far less if you speak the truth. Yeah. If you lie, discipline will be more. And it's because we see the danger of lying.
Speaker 2:Yeah. That's a culture. But that had to start with you and me. Yeah. That we're not gonna lie to each other.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:That we're not gonna be people who lie. Yeah. We wanna be people who truth tell.
Speaker 1:That's right. So you see these big, glaring issues in Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and sexual sin's another big category that we just go to war with. We take it seriously. What's the tone in the home? All that.
Speaker 1:I would say also just the thing, one of the tests, if you're doing enough, like our kids, in order to get under our skin, they'll joke with us, oh, well, you have a oh, so and so's Beckham's your favorite. And they know they're getting under our skin because we've so absolutely reinforced there's no favorites that that's how they bug us, is they try to say, I know you have a favorite. No. You know, they they're messed with us and They do poke mess
Speaker 2:with us. But, yeah, family fighting, that was another one that they had. And we had some challenges there because we we did not have we did not have one quiet kid. No. And everybody has different dynamics.
Speaker 2:We just kept thinking one would be more that, you know, calm, quiet. Everybody was just very, what's the word, passionate?
Speaker 1:Yeah. At alphas, we have a house full of of of alphas. Everybody's strong.
Speaker 2:It was really funny. One time when Ellie was still living at home before she got married, I remember she talked about our whole family because we're passionate people. And she said, we fight hard, but we love harder.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I was like, okay. I'll take it.
Speaker 1:I'll take worked on all that too, just making sure that the fighting is the right you know, how we conflict how we resolve conflict is right. Yes. Sometimes it would get a little emotional. Yes. Sometimes too much Italian in the kitchen.
Speaker 2:Yes. You
Speaker 1:know, some a little too much hot sauce.
Speaker 2:It's so true. Do you remember the family vacation where it changed?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I do remember this. This is so powerful because when we were on family vacation, especially the kids were a little younger, it was just wild, know, It was wild. Just a little wheels off. It took a day or two. And we had an idea that, you know what?
Speaker 1:Every single day, we're gonna pray for one of the kids. And so we targeted, we just say, okay, today, Beck, we're praying for you. Today, Georgia, we're praying for you. How can we pray for you? And they each had a day.
Speaker 2:And with the whole family, like the whole family would sit with them, and we'd just gather in the morning before we went out to the beach or wherever we were on
Speaker 1:that Or maybe at night, I think it would be
Speaker 2:at night Sometimes at night, we would just say, what's going on in your life? And we all wanna just pray over you.
Speaker 1:Yeah. It it changed the whole tone.
Speaker 2:The whole we're like, why did we just now start this when they're teenagers? Where has this been?
Speaker 1:So that's an example of don't make excuses, make a plan.
Speaker 2:That's good.
Speaker 1:Like, don't just say, oh, this is who we are and I hate it. No. Yeah. Okay, you get the culture you you you work you work on. And let's decide we're not gonna be that way.
Speaker 1:Let's pray for one another. Let's stop down. Let's replace it with something else. Let's go to work. Be intentional.
Speaker 1:Invest in the culture you're trying to build.
Speaker 2:So All
Speaker 1:right. So let's give a couple of big hits on what a generational legacy looks like. First of all, generational vision for your family. We've already mentioned this, but I wanna lock it down, prioritizes faith in God above all else. Unless the Lord builds the house, the laborers, those who build it labor in vain.
Speaker 2:Okay, I have a true confession.
Speaker 1:Let's go.
Speaker 2:So, well, I guess I'm confessing for you too.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right, let's go.
Speaker 2:We struggled to teach Ellie how to ride a bike.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay, we have four kids, she's our oldest. And so, I mean, at one point, you know, she four kids, six years and
Speaker 1:none now. She says we didn't train teach her. I I tried.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:But I didn't try enough.
Speaker 2:He tried. So it's just a really funny story to riding a eventually got to where she could ride a bike. But there was a really funny funny story in fifth grade where, I guess, at her school, they have bike riding day, which what is that?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right. I don't even know. But all I know is next thing I know, Ellie has called your mother, Grana, to come and rescue her, pick her up so that she doesn't have to get on the bike that she doesn't know how to ride in fifth grade. Okay. This is true confessions.
Speaker 1:That's not good. No. Then again, she wasn't begging to go ride a bike. Let me And say that's
Speaker 2:we did after that immediately buy her a bike and taught her how. And it was Well,
Speaker 1:I think we had already been teaching
Speaker 2:Getting her some anyway, we bought our new bike. What about that pink, the new one? Okay. Body was bigger. You're right.
Speaker 2:So all this to say, bike riding was not clearly our top priority goal. But from the minute that baby was born, Jesus and introducing her to him was our top priority. Now that doesn't mean you neglect all the other things. Right? But if you're having to choose, I guess this is what my point is.
Speaker 2:If you're having to choose your focus, I would trade in her bike riding any day for that girl loving Jesus and developing a worldview. Because I, one time and we talk about worldview all the time. I, one time, found and I don't know if I've already shared this. By the way, if you hear these conversations, you're gonna hear family stories repeated. But I found one of Ellie's journals in middle school.
Speaker 2:And do you know those journals that at the bottom have quotes, like pre Yeah. You know, quotes? And so there was all these quotes at the bottom. Well, it turns out all these quotes were like, follow your heart and you are enough and all these quotes that she had been raised to know are not true. So I happened upon this little journal years later, and I see where Ellie has taken her little cute hand with her little pen, and she's marked through the quotes and put, it's not you are enough.
Speaker 2:She she marked through and put, God is enough. And she marked through follow your heart and she'd put follow God. And I just thought, okay. Thank you, Jesus. Despite all of our weaknesses and all of the gaps and all of the moments where we didn't quite hit the mark teaching Yeah.
Speaker 2:You to ride your bike.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Right? Like, keep the main thing the main thing. Yeah. And that girl's gonna fly.
Speaker 1:Yeah. I mean, a kid can throw a fastball like you've never seen before, but he can't have a relationship with his wife. He doesn't know how to talk to her. You have a kid that's awesome at volleyball, but you haven't taught her worldview, and you haven't taught her about God's design for intimacy and sex, and you haven't built a good, strong culture about that there are other voices out there. And all of a sudden, these coaches or friends are indoctrinating your sweet little girl into an alternate lifestyle.
Speaker 1:Man, yeah, they can hit a volleyball, but you're losing your daughter.
Speaker 2:We've seen it so, many times. And it's not either or, like, let's go both and. Like No. Hey, we taught other other kids to ride a bike and usually her.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like, both and's great,
Speaker 1:but sports.
Speaker 2:Don't miss the main.
Speaker 1:Don't miss the main thing. All right, a generational family also recognizes threats. Okay? Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. This is a big one, and we've talked about this before, about, I believe one of the greatest problems in parenting is just the silence.
Speaker 1:Just the silence. You know, we talked about the shema, and speak this over your children as they rise, as they go out. Put it over the door frame of your house.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Saturate. Recognize the threats. Take them seriously.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:There is this pull for all of these parents that you are wooed by the culture. Okay? Like, okay, well, this is what the culture does. We'll do it. It's fine.
Speaker 1:Or you're wooed by your desire for them to have friends.
Speaker 2:And
Speaker 1:so you'll just give up on God's design or God's ways. Oh, but I want you to be liked. I want you to get along. I want you to be cool. Or we project what we got away with.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah.
Speaker 1:And we go back and we say, well, this is what, I I did it. I turned out okay. So it's okay, but you're playing with fire.
Speaker 2:Right. Right.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of different things. So let's talk about some of those threats. Dating, friends.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah. I mean, when you said that, it made me think about a phrase that that just really rings loud in my ears that we can choose our sin, but we cannot choose our consequences.
Speaker 1:Amen.
Speaker 2:And so just because you growing up may have made certain decisions and did not have the consequences, in the same way that someone else might have, you cannot predict what it's gonna look like for your child.
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:And so having those eyes to see, I just want God's best for my kid, and I wanna introduce him and and her to God's best.
Speaker 1:One application that I think of that I just believe God's just put it on my heart, because I think a lot of people wrestle with this, is overdrinking in the home.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah.
Speaker 1:And you gotta realize that's not just, oh, it's not healthy, or, oh, God says don't do it. Do you know it's a threat?
Speaker 2:It's a huge
Speaker 1:threat. It's a threat because all of a sudden, you know, if you're over drinking in the home, number one, if you're buzzed or, God forbid, intoxicated and there's a threat in your home, be some kind of problem with the home- Emergency. An emergency or a real threat, you are I'm just talking to the men. I have a heart to talk to the men about these things, but you are not the defender. No.
Speaker 1:You are not the helper. No. And you are no longer the builder. So so you've gotta just view things a little differently. Like, oh, no.
Speaker 1:That's not just God says don't be drunk with wine. Actually, God wants me to be the protector.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And God wants me to be man on. And another little angle on that, I just feel led to talk about this, is, and again, we encounter this a lot in Yes. This is such a strong application. Yes. I wanna go there.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:A threat in your home would be that you're interacting with your children out of a buzz, or you're interacting with your spouse out of a buzz, and it's not the best version of you. You say, Well, I'm a happy drinker. Yeah. Well, it's not an authentic you, you know? And there's a crash coming.
Speaker 1:It's just all that's broken. And so I just say all that to say, you know, alcohol's an example. It's just an application.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But alcohol, over drinking regularly, would be an example of, hey, maybe you need to view that as a threat.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Let's talk I I do wanna apply. Do you wanna talk about that?
Speaker 2:Yeah. Just what you said, that's so powerful that I think you ask yourself the question, what spirit am I partnering with?
Speaker 1:Amen.
Speaker 2:And the bible is very clear, do not be drunk with wine, but instead be filled with the holy spirit. And as I read that verse and think about that verse, it's really pointing out that something is filling you in that moment. Is it the spirit of God or is it the spirit of the drink? Yes. Because it's altering you.
Speaker 2:It's changing And that also applies to prescription drugs
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:To any other substance that you might be partaking in. These are true threats to your home, to your legacy, to your honestly, to just your well-being and to your spiritual life and to your life. But in your family, we minimize it. And it's it's difficult. I would I would think that the obvious abuse of substances is one thing.
Speaker 2:But I just believe, and you and I've talked about this so much, there are many, many wonderful families, God loving people that it's been a slippery slope where they lost their way. Yeah. Where you keep saying, and I've preached this before, you keep saying, I'm just asleep. I'm just asleep, but everyone knows you're drunk on the couch. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Everyone in the family knows. Yeah. And what's happened is when we enter into that state, we have opened the door for a spirit other than the spirit of God to have authority over So our
Speaker 1:good. Let's talk about another threat. And I have three threats, I guess. Another big threat, you may have a, yeah, may have more. Another threat is the friendships.
Speaker 1:Both the parent friendships
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And the and the friendships for the kids. Yeah. Let's talk let's start with the parent friendships.
Speaker 2:Parent friendships. You are I mean, your friends
Speaker 1:Let's get real here.
Speaker 2:Yeah. You are who your friends are. I mean, you you who are the people in your life, and you're looking at your lid? I really believe that. The bible says that bad character corrupts wait.
Speaker 2:What is it? Bad company corrupts good character. It's it's all over the place. We are who we spend our time and invest our time with. And so having those people, you've gotta have the right purpose.
Speaker 2:Does that mean that you cut everybody off if they aren't, you know, pursuing Christ in the way that you desire to pursue Christ? It's not about the cutoff, it's about what's your purpose? Are you haphazardly falling into relationships out of affinity? Because I enjoy these people, they're hilarious, they're so fun, or I've known them for decades. Those are those are great things, but they're not the right reasons to be an intimate community because they're those are the people speaking into your children.
Speaker 2:We've seen families that have partnered with long term relationships with people who do not share Christ values, don't share Christ. And yet out of affinity, they've partnered with them, and we've watched their kids suffer Yeah. Over the years. We've watched the fallout as their kids, shocker, follow that carnal path. Yeah.
Speaker 2:So who do you spend time with? Who do you consider your deep close companions?
Speaker 1:Oh, man. Let's let's sit on that for a second, and then I wanna talk about, like, the adults that you introduce to your kid's life. So I agree. The, boy, if you just, parents, please just turn on your brain. Like, the people that you're partnering with, the people that you're having over all the time, the people that you travel with, the people that, and your kids are watching, okay?
Speaker 1:You are baking into their brains. And you're, in your mind, you're say, well, I love 75% of them, that 25%. You're an adult, okay? And still, I would say, if you're partnering, like traveling and all that, you're playing games. But let's just say you have some friendship.
Speaker 1:But you gotta be careful allowing that influence in your kid's life. Yeah. Even if you can discern, you know, what's going on there, you've gotta be able to say, hey, you know what? Let's just choose, the purpose here is not that they're gonna be deep in the DNA of our home. Yeah.
Speaker 1:The purpose here is dinners, the purp- you know, where we can connect with our friend.
Speaker 2:Well, and the purpose is mission.
Speaker 1:The purpose is mission.
Speaker 2:If I'm going to dinner with those friends who aren't following god, it's mission. Yeah. It's and it's love. It's love driven. It's not, you know, it's not just I'm cutting you off or even boundary driven, although there needs to be healthy boundaries that are god honoring.
Speaker 2:But the boundaries don't drive us. Love drives us. Love drives us. And if you don't know Jesus and I'm put in your path or I am given an assignment by God in this relationship, my purpose is to show you Jesus. My purpose is not to receive wise counsel from you because you don't have it to give at this yet.
Speaker 2:My purpose is not to receive deep companionship from you.
Speaker 1:Companionship. And and when your when your kids view that person as uncle fill in the blank, and they're they're a good friend Yeah. But they're so tight, and they're broken like they're broken. And you have put them in their life as a mentor. And you're like, oh, no, no, no.
Speaker 1:They're just, we just have fun. No, no, no. Yeah. You've introduced them.
Speaker 2:And by broken, we're all broken.
Speaker 1:We're all broken.
Speaker 2:But we're talking about someone who at that stage in their life, they're choosing very broken lifestyles.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so make a decision. Hey, there's some people I have a love for that we are helping and we're walking with, and we love them. And we'll go to dinner with them, and we'll invest in them, but you're going to have an impact on my kids. Right. You gotta decide that.
Speaker 2:Absolutely it.
Speaker 1:Another thing is, man, be very cautious. See the threats. In our culture today, the pornification of our culture has led to some real dangerous waters for our kids. I don't have the statistics in front of me, but it will break your heart how many kids are abused. And so we've had environments where, where someone had asked our younger kids to go to a sleepover or a play date at an adult's house.
Speaker 1:We knew the mom, we did not know the dad, and we barely knew them. And we just had decided early on, we don't do that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we don't do our party line, and it's the truth, we don't do a lot of sleepovers.
Speaker 1:We don't do a lot of sleepovers. And we would even say, the way we would talk about it is because of Susan's counseling and our pastoring, we have had access to so many broken stories that for us, we've made the decision Yes. That they can't come over and play unless we know the father and the mother.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And and that actually made somebody mad
Speaker 2:at one Well, it did make somebody mad at one point, but what's so interesting is our children, they became young adults, some of them have come back and said, thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank
Speaker 2:you. Thank you. Yep. And boy, they gave us fits at times. Oh.
Speaker 2:Oh, the fits. The fits. And and it was never judging someone else. I don't know you. I have nothing to judge.
Speaker 2:It's more of a a decision, like you said, of setting vision and having a generational vision that this is a way we can be a protector. Amen. And the world that we're in, we wanna wanna be a protector.
Speaker 1:So the adults. How about the friends? Let's talk about the friends. This is a big one. Parents get tired.
Speaker 2:Thoughts.
Speaker 1:And they're led around by their kids. You know, Let's go. Yeah. The parents are led by their kids. Oh, I don't wanna make you mad.
Speaker 1:Oh, I don't want you to be upset. Okay, you get along with this person. Or you so desperately want them to be cool, you so desperately want them to be in a certain crowd that you'll even push them into those unhealthy relationships. Yeah. Wow.
Speaker 1:My goodness. The friendships are one of the most crucial ingredient to your kid thriving.
Speaker 2:Oh, 100%. And I would say the application of this principle in your family changes based It's on your child's going to change. It's going to develop as your child develops. But the overarching principle is what can I, as a mother, as a father do to point my children towards relationships that are be that will be God honoring and that will be that will be Christ centered? What how can I do that?
Speaker 2:And so there's several things. One, I would say families. Put yourself and your children in position for good things to happen. My dad said that to me my whole life. I used to roll my eyes.
Speaker 2:Go, God help me. Right? Put yourself in position for good things to happen. Are you in position to meet other believers? Church is God's first design for community, Christian community.
Speaker 2:Is the church going to be full of perfect people? Absolutely not. If you have any belief that that is this situation, you will be highly disappointed. But the church, a healthy church, should be filled with people, will be filled with people who though they are not perfect, they are running to the one who is. And that's where you find a healthy student ministry.
Speaker 2:And we're so thankful to God for the ministry at Keystone Church for our students and our young generation. But you find those ministries where they can come in contact with other families seeking Jesus too. And so that's an overarching principle. So let's talk about age breakdown and love your thoughts on this. My thoughts, you know, I wish sometimes, I'm not even gonna lie, that we were in an era of prearranged marriages.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Okay. But we're not. Here we are. Yep.
Speaker 2:Our kids choose. We can help guide, but they choose.
Speaker 1:Yep.
Speaker 2:Well, I am all for prearranged friendship. When my children were young, and I would say young meaning before they could drive, but especially when they're little, who are you introducing them to? I prayerfully, and and this is where you partner with God of just listening to his voice, praying, asking him asking him for the gifts of friendship, both for you and your kids. And seeking, God, give me eyes to see someone who could be a good friend for my daughter that's lonely right now, or my son who needs a good group of guy friends. And partnering with other people, like minded adults that have those children.
Speaker 2:And it's been amazing. Has it always worked out? No. I wish I could say it has. But oh, how sweet how often it has and how in those different seasons of my child's development to be around other kids that were pointed to him too, that I I knew those parents were speaking the same truth messages to their children that we're speaking to ours.
Speaker 2:It's a gift. And so I think the summary of that is be intentional. And when they're younger, you have more ability to direct that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:As they're older, by then, the prayer is that you're placing in them the why. Why do my friends matter? How do I interact with all my different friends? Understanding I have a different purpose depending on their relationship and depending on who I'm interacting with. There's different purpose.
Speaker 1:And we were you're saying what you're saying is we were involved.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:As they were old as they're younger, you have a lot of control. Yeah. And Oa, when you have young kids, man, yield and use the control God's given you. When they get a little older, it gets harder. So what that looks like when you're young, it's a lot of playdates or gatherings or friends over where you're putting these kids in proximity to one another, and you shared values and all that.
Speaker 1:As they get older, you begin to say, Okay, that's a great godly friend. And you kinda, you will push, hey, have you talked to this person? Hey, why don't you call that person up? What? And then, you know, our kids are like, okay, yeah, that's a great idea.
Speaker 1:And you just kinda, you gotta shepherd.
Speaker 2:Yes, Point
Speaker 1:them in right direction.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's not about having a controlling spirit. It is truly walking in the God given authority that you've been tasked with. God I I told my kids many times if I had to discipline them or had to say no to them, they really wanted to go to some sleepover, really wanted to go hang out with this group. And I had information that they did not understand and had didn't have
Speaker 1:the Or you couldn't share.
Speaker 2:Couldn't share and how sad and upset they were. And I would often say, sweet love, I am tasked by God. Yep. I answer to him for how I parent you and how I care for you. And so I'm asking you to trust me.
Speaker 1:So the threats, you know, the threats. That's a big deal. We could go on and on. That could be its own podcast. A great generational family also follows God's design for flourishing.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:It is in vain that you rise up early and go to late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil, for he gives to his beloved sleep, his beloved. Okay? So you're following God's design. You're doing God's design. You're working God's design.
Speaker 1:And what that means is, and we'll talk about this a lot, don't be quiet on God's design. Right. Speak it. Speak it. Speak it.
Speaker 1:Speak it. Speak it. Talk about a big, bold, biblical worldview. Yes. Build it into them.
Speaker 1:The younger, the better. Start. Tell them this is what this is what we believe. Say it. Yeah.
Speaker 1:This is who we are.
Speaker 2:This is who we are.
Speaker 1:Just put it in their identity. And the Bible says, you know, when you train up a child in that way, they will not soon depart from it. Boy, make that a part of the conversation. Make it a part. I think too many families are so quiet.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Man, if you're like, I don't know what to talk about with my kids in the car. Man, talk to them about the world around you and and how God talk to them about politics. Talk to them about how you vote. Talk to them about what's going on in the school board.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Talk to them, and and you might be surprised how, like, they're into it. Talk to them about, you know, LeBron said this, or Taylor Swift said that. Know, hey, I like this about them, but I don't like that. Distinguish.
Speaker 1:Help them build their filter. Help them build their discernment. And say, okay, that was broken. That was broken. That was broken.
Speaker 1:Or that's great. That's great. Speak it.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And that that requires communication. That is a ground I mean, ground foundational principle that has to be in place in your home and in the culture of your family if you wanna have a generational vision. Are we a family that even communicates so that we can talk about big worldview issues? Mhmm.
Speaker 2:And cultivating that. I mean, some of somebody listening right now, honestly, that might be one of your greatest struggles. Communication is not something we just come out knowing. It is truly something learned. Mhmm.
Speaker 2:And it's something developed. And if you did not experience that growing up or were were not trained in communication growing up, don't beat yourself up or or blame your parents. Just understand this is an area you need to go to school. Yeah. And we can all, no matter how much you know, we all have to get better at it.
Speaker 2:Yeah. But creating that foundation of of true authentic communication with one another where in that communication, you're not just disseminating information, you're respecting the individual. You see the dignity on the person because if you're going to have big worldview conversations, particularly as they get older and older, then if your child feels disrespected by you, they'll dismiss everything you say. I remember early on, even as I was parenting, you know, so hard and and teaching and training, and you're much more hands on when they're younger. I I really desired along the way to still as I was disciplining or as I was instructing to show them dignity.
Speaker 2:Like, I see you and I honor you.
Speaker 1:They respond.
Speaker 2:They do. There's something supernatural about that. People people will know, even if that little people is 10 years old. Yeah. They will know if you are disrespecting me as an individual.
Speaker 1:With all that in place, I just wanna just hammer this point down that it is important for you to teach them about the sanctity of life. You speak it. It is important for you to teach them about how God made sex between a man and a woman for life. It's important for you to teach them that there's two genders. Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's important for you to teach these kids, don't assume Yeah. That somehow by osmosis, somehow they they just picked it up in the atmosphere. No. You must speak it.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:You must speak God's design. Another thing is a generational family has incredible attitude. Do you do you have a culture of a negative attitude? Fix that. Change that.
Speaker 1:Jesus. Let this be a new family tree. Negative attitude's going nowhere. I have a last point. Do you wanna say anything about negative attitude?
Speaker 2:Well, go ahead. I mean, well, okay. Yes. I mean, I just think that that you can't underestimate the power of what you just said. Yeah.
Speaker 2:So I just really am underlining and highlighting what you just already said, and that is identify the errant attitude in your home or in your personal life and do not just say, oh, that's just my personality. Ask God to heal you. Ask God to help you break that pattern because it's going to create sadness that you wouldn't even expect as you go.
Speaker 1:It's a lid on their career. It's a lid on who they will choose as a spouse. It's a lid on who would be attracted to them.
Speaker 2:Do It's a lid on who's gonna wanna come to your house for Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1:Exactly, thank you. Decide, okay, what kind of attitude would be an awesome attitude for our home? Like, literally, ask yourself the question, what kinda attitude should my family have? And then just say, we're gonna have that attitude.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Like, God, how about start here? How about love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness,
Speaker 1:faithfulness Positive people.
Speaker 2:Self control.
Speaker 1:We're gonna be believe the best people. Yeah. We're gonna be happy people. Mhmm. You're natural just just because you're naturally negative doesn't mean you have to be negative.
Speaker 2:Not good.
Speaker 1:So just decide.
Speaker 2:So good.
Speaker 1:I'm designing a new family tree, and I'm gonna go to war, and I'm gonna be intentional.
Speaker 2:And it's only gonna happen with the power of the Holy Spirit.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And then finally, a generational family has the joy of the Lord. The Bible says the joy of the Lord is our strength. And the interesting thing is when that was written, it was written in a time of mourning.
Speaker 2:Yes, and they were mourning their sin.
Speaker 1:They were mourning their sin. He said the joy of the Lord is our strength. I believe a great generational family has joy. Yes. But that joy is in the Lord.
Speaker 2:That's so good. And that means that, God, I may feel things. I mean, I'm just getting real this is just real personal for me. I may feel things, God, but my feelings aren't in charge of me. You're in charge of me.
Speaker 1:So good.
Speaker 2:And I just shout that, you know, at our church and with anyone who can hear, but sometimes I gotta shout it at myself. Yeah. Because emotions are real. Feelings are real. Life is not all unicorns and rainbows, we go through hard things.
Speaker 2:But God help us to be people, help me be a woman, Lord, who chooses you over the way that I feel. Doesn't mean I don't authentically have those feelings, They just don't get to direct my steps. That God, your spirit is gonna direct my steps. And I'm gonna trust you that where there is sadness or where there is mourning that you will replace it with your joy. Joy comes in the morning.
Speaker 2:The bible says every day is a brand new opportunity to praise his name. And if I feel lack, God, will you replace it with gratitude of seeing all the gifts that you've given me in my life? These are active decisions when you're talking about your home.
Speaker 1:So good. Wow. What a great conversation. Let's build generational families And we'll see you next time on The Overflow.