Durge Smrita Harasi - Dispelling Guilt and Shame Through Compassionate Reflection

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Welcome back to another compelling episode of the Mahakatha meditation mantras podcast! In today's thought-provoking installment, host Preeti invites us to embark on a profound exploration of the development of guilt and shame, particularly in the context of our childhood experiences. 

Drawing from her role as a mother to a toddler, Preeti reflects on the stages of her child's development and the discovery that children as young as three years old begin to grapple with feelings of guilt and shame. Through this lens, Preeti shares invaluable insights into the impact of our behaviors and attitudes on those around us.

As she opens up about the three crucial actions to avoid when nurturing children who are undergoing the process of developing guilt and shame, Preeti prompts us to reconsider the labels we attach to others, the way we mock or criticize, and the tendency to compare individuals to others. Her candid reflections compel us to contemplate our own interactions and evaluate how we may have inadvertently shaped others' lives with our words and actions.

A poignant highlight of this episode is the introduction of the Durge Smrita mantra, a divine chant dedicated to the fierce yet compassionate mother goddess Durga. Preeti extends a generous offer of a 30% discount on this powerful mantra, inviting us to embrace its soothing resonance as a means of introspection and relief from the emotional burdens we carry.

Join us on this introspective journey as Preeti masterfully unravels the intricate tapestry of guilt and shame, guiding us toward a deeper understanding of our past experiences and paving the way for healing and self-discovery.

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Each episode features a different mantra, such as Shiva mantras, Buddha mantras, Krishna mantras, and devi mantras, with an in-depth exploration of the lyrics and meaning behind each one.

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A few days ago, I was trying to find out something about my

child, but I ended up discovering something

about you and me. And that is what

I want to present to you in today's episode. Today's

episode, dear listener, is going to be a true

test of how we've been treating ourselves

and others around us. Are you ready?

Are you ready to dive deep into who we have

become and understand what we've been doing

wrong all these years? Then dear listener, I

welcome you to today's episode of the Mahakatha meditation

mantras podcast. I'm your host, Preeti. And like I've

suggested today, we are talking about something that is

deeply rooted in who we have become and that

directly relates to our childhood.

I'm a mother to a toddler, and having a toddler at

home is a complete adventure by itself.

Their behaviors are constantly changing. They are constantly

developing new abilities physically, mentally, even

emotionally. So I make it a point to read up a

lot on these stages of development so that I

know what my child is learning and going through right

now. And the other day, I found out

that my child is now learning

and developing guilt and shame.

He's developing the ability to feel guilty

for something he did or feel shame about

something he did. He's developing the ability to

feel embarrassed or humiliated, and that must

be very new to him. And for me, I had

no idea that this happens so early in life,

that a child has to take in and process

such heavy, such intense emotions so

early in life. On the other hand, I also think it's

amazing that we build our emotional muscle

this early in life as well. And while I kept reading

about how my child is developing the ability to

experience guilt and shame, I also learned about

things that parents and people in general

should avoid doing around these children.

They say that there are these three things that

should not be done in order to not damage the

child's conscience or hamper his or her

confidence. Now my child

is 3 years old, and this applies to him.

But you and I are much, much older. We

developed guilt and shame years ago.

And what I'm about to share, like I said, is a true

test of how we've been developing

and processing guilt and shame all these years

and treating the guilt and shame within others around us.

They say that once the child develops guilt and shame,

one should stop doing these three things.

Number 1 is stop attaching labels to

them. When I say labels, I mean even

the simplest seeming, most harmless seeming

labels like the naughty one or the funny one

or hey, you are the shy one. You're the troublemaker.

It is advised to stop attaching these

labels to them. To stop defining these things for

them. Because if they attach a lot of value

to your words, if you are someone very special in their lives,

and additionally, if they tend to have a lower

self esteem or an incomplete

developing, growing self esteem, then

they're going to take these labels very seriously.

They're going to embrace these labels and adjust their

behavior to match these labels. So if you're calling

someone the funny one, they're going to develop this

need, this forced necessity to

always be funny, to always crack a joke, to

always be sarcastic even at the cost of

hurting someone they love. If you call someone

the shy one, then they're going to develop the behavior

of being shy, being socially

challenged, lacking initiative, and they're going to

struggle in their social relationships. Why

would you want to do that to someone? Now

I want us to think, how many labels did we

attach to people around us? How many

people did we call the funny one, the shy one, the

talkative one, the selfish one, the

unreliable one. I'm sure many of us

use some of these labels even today because we

are unaware of how it affects the other person

and how many labels, my dear listener, have been

attached to you all your life? How many

of your behaviors have you altered to

fit your labels? And if you were to

drop the labels that were attached to you, who

would you want yourself to be?

Coming to the second thing that must be avoided

while dealing with the child who is developing guilt and

shame is stop mocking or criticizing

them especially in front of others.

Stop mocking a child. Stop laughing at them.

Stop mimicking what they're saying in a funny way even though

to you, it's just funny. But to them, it

must be hurtful because their emotions are still

raw and they don't understand your adult

intention. And when we criticize them,

especially in front of others, we might see, we might

feel that we're doing it for their own good. We might feel

that we're being practical parents. We're

disciplining them, or we are grounding them by criticizing

them and showing them that they're not perfect. But when we do it

so directly, so harshly, and especially

in front of others, when we say you're doing

it wrong, when we say that's not a circle you've drawn

there, or how many times do I have to ask you to clean your

room, Or I don't have all day, can you speed up?

Or when we are completely fed up and we say, you're being a very,

very bad child right now. The child

internalizes these things and first gets hit

with guilt. And then on a deeper

level, if it remains unaddressed, it develops into

shame. And I don't think it hurts less when we

grow up either. I don't think we are immune to feeling

hurt when someone criticizes us in public or when someone

mocks us in public. It still hits us.

It still makes us feel insulted and belittled. It

still makes us feel like there may be something deeply

wrong with us. And we may still carry the

shame of something someone said or the

way they mocked us or the way they told us that we're not good

enough years ago. We may still be carrying

those things in our hearts today. And the

question I wanna ask you is, how many

people, whether kids or adults, have you done this

to? Do you have a tendency to mock

people even just jokingly?

Or do you have a tendency to criticize people,

especially at your workplace or in your social relationships?

Unaware that there are other people around you.

That is something I want you to think about.

Now the third thing on the list. The third behavior

that we're supposed to avoid towards these gentle

toddlers when they are developing guilt and shame

is to stop comparing them to others.

This runs so deep down our childhood when we

started feeling evaluated, started feeling judged,

started feeling that our true value is when we are better

than someone else, when we are more than someone else.

And when we fail in that comparison, we are a

lesser being. We are not good enough. We are

unlucky. We are untalented or we are stuck.

If you are someone really really important in someone else's

life and you constantly compare this

one person to someone else of their age or caliber

or career path. Even if you're saying that, hey, you're better

than those guys. Hey, you are way more successful than

those other guys or those other kids. Hey, you are way more talented,

way more special than the others. These are

words that they're going to carry, they're going to believe, and

they're going to act upon for a very, very long

time. And, eventually, they're either going

to develop arrogance, which makes them act in ways

that are hurtful and unacceptable

to others. Because of which they will struggle in their relationships, at

their workplace, or they will develop

really low self esteem and they might not even

attempt to realize their full potential.

The question is, were you constantly

compared to others? Were there

voices in your life that told you you were

better because you were better than others or you were

small because you didn't meet their expectations

and comparisons? How has being compared

shaped your personality and the way you live your

life? I think these three pointers

are really important tools that we can use

to analyze why we are the way we are in certain

aspects and to gently put a

stop to any destructive patterns that

have impacted our lives, that have limited our lives, so that we

don't become carriers of them, so that we don't

start attaching labels to other people, start mocking them, criticizing

them, start comparing them to others, and

lowering their self worth. It's important to think

about these three things, dear listener, so that you become

a pattern breaker and you become the kindest

voice in the room no matter where you go.

And so that you slowly release all the guilt

and shame that you have been carrying for

so, so long. Speaking of releasing

these burdens, I bring you a beautiful mantra this

week to help you do just that. And the

mantra is the Durge Smrita Mantra.

The Durge Smrita mantra is a divine

chant dedicated to the mother goddess, Durga,

who is known to be fierce and yet kind,

who is known to give courage and strength

to anyone who asks her for it with true

intention. And simply put, it is a prayer

to awaken our most enlightened,

most fearless, and wisest voice

while tuning down all the other negative voices

that we've been listening for so long.

So if you do not have the Durga smrita mantra with you

or if you haven't practiced meditating with this mantra, you can

avail this mantra at a 30% discount by using the

code in the description of this episode. And I want you to try

something interesting. I want you to

come back to this episode when you feel like you have the

time and space to ask yourself these hard hitting questions.

Come back to this episode and also listen

to the Durge Smrita Mantra in the background

as you reflect on your past, on your wounds and your

scars. And with the help of the soothing mantra,

you will not only arrive at answers, but you

will also begin to slowly and gently

experience deep relief from whatever has been

weighing you down. So go ahead. Give this

mantra a try and suggest it to people

who really need it in their lives. My dear

listener, I hope you enjoyed what we discussed in

today's episode. And if you did, I would

request you to leave us a review and tell me what

you think of this episode and of all the episodes you've been

listening to till now. We would love to hear

your experience of our podcast. Thank you so

much, dear listener, for joining in, and I hope what we

discussed today stays with you throughout the week.

Because next week when I come back, I'm gonna talk about

3 things that we should start doing to

counter this guilt and shame. Until

then, my dear listener, stay blessed.