Happiness Is A Muscle | Karen Judge, Proactive Mind Health Researcher | Shed Talk with Kevin Halliday Ep. #121

Karen Judge joins Shed Talk to discuss happiness beyond toxic positivity, the role of hope in mind health, and why prevention matters before crisis. She shares her personal family story, her proactive mind health framework, and practical ways people can build daily habits that support well-being.

Guest: Karen Judge - Proactive Mind Health Researcher

With a background as a stylist, Karen used fashion as a tool to empower people to shine. Drawing on a decade of research surrounding the brain-mind-body connection and human potential, Karen now inspires others to prioritize their mind health to prevent a brain health challenge.

In this episode:
- Happiness Is Not The Absence Of Sadness
- Toxic Positivity Versus Real Happiness
- Mind Health, Hope, And Happiness
- Defining Happiness
- Two Types Of Happiness
- Karen’s Family Story
- Breaking The Cycle

Chapters:
0:00 When Happiness Feels Like Pressure
13:10 Breaking The Cycle
23:42 The Proactive Mind Health Framework
34:56 The Stories We Tell Ourselves
45:39 Rethinking Crisis Support
50:30 Workplace Prevention And Stigma

Follow the show in your podcast app for more full conversations.

What is Shed Talk with Kevin Halliday?

Shed Talk with Kevin Halliday is built on a simple belief: the right conversation can change the direction of your life.

From a shed in Calgary, Kevin sits down with entrepreneurs, experts, community builders, and people with hard-earned stories. Together, they move beyond titles and highlight reels to talk honestly about what worked, what failed, what changed them, and what others can learn from it.

Grounded in the three pillars of health, wealth, and mindset, Shed Talk explores the whole person behind success—the habits, relationships, pressures, choices, setbacks, and moments of reinvention that shape a meaningful life. It is not inspiration for a moment; it is practical wisdom you can carry into your business, your family, your health, and whatever you choose to build next.

Kevin believes life does not end at 50—it starts. Every episode is an invitation to stay curious, challenge what you think you know, and turn insight into action.

You don’t know what you don’t know—until you know.

Kevin: What if trying so hard to be happy
Kevin: has become another reason we feel
Kevin: we're falling behind?
Kevin: Think about the advice. You wake up
Kevin: early, get more steps, be grateful,
Kevin: become the best version of
Kevin: yourself. At what point does it
Kevin: take care of ourselves become
Kevin: another job we're afraid we're
Kevin: doing badly? And when did having a
Kevin: bad day start feeling like we
Kevin: actually failed?
Kevin: Welcome to Shed Talk. I'm Kevin
Kevin: Halliday and today I'm joined with
Kevin: Karen Judge, founder of Happified
Kevin: Hub and author
Kevin: of Drive Your Happiness. Karen
Kevin: spent years helping people look
Kevin: good on the outside and now her
Kevin: work explores how do we feel on the
Kevin: inside. And today I want to explore
Kevin: what happens when those two
Kevin: things don't match. When everyone
Kevin: thinks you're doing great but
Kevin: you're exhausted from keeping up
Kevin: the appearance. Karen, welcome to
Kevin: Shed Talk.
Kevin: Nice to have you here. So I got a
Kevin: question.
Kevin: When your work is built around
Kevin: happiness, do you ever feel the
Kevin: pressure to hide a bad day?
Kevin: Absolutely.
Kevin: Awesome. You know
Kevin: But can
Kevin: what? I had to get it out.
Guest: Yeah. Please.
Guest: I just say something? Well, because
Guest: I think we all kind of armor up.
Guest: I'd never want to be a burden to
Guest: anybody, but one thing that I say
Guest: is, and let's be clear, happiness
Guest: is not the absence of sadness.
Guest: it is having the skills and tools
Guest: to know what to do about it and
Guest: turn a frown upside down.
Guest: So it's funny because my son has
Guest: said that before on my days where
Guest: he's like, oh, for the happiness
Guest: lady, you sure seem cranky today.
Guest: And I'm like, oh, no, no, I still
Guest: am human. That's not what this is
Guest: about. It's not about toxic
Guest: positivity and walking around
Guest: and put a smile on your face. It's
Guest: about being real. And I've had
Guest: that. I've had people come up to me
Guest: and like, really, are you always so
Guest: happy? And it's not that I'm always
Guest: so happy. be a lot of times i'm
Guest: really struggling inside i have my
Guest: stuff too but i have the skills and
Guest: tools
Guest: to turn to and so that brings me
Guest: hope that i know i'm never going to
Guest: get stuck there if that makes sense
Kevin: totally makes sense because I
Kevin: wanted to actually, when I set that
Kevin: question up, it was It was like,
Kevin: all right, here's their edits of
Kevin: this. Here's how we do it. But it
Kevin: was more getting into it because we
Kevin: all have these positive vibes.
Kevin: thoughts You know what? Think
Kevin: positive. Here's how it happens.
Kevin: And positive, thinking positive and
Kevin: being happy, are they the same?
Guest: well there's toxic positivity so
Guest: i'm not one like that like you know
Guest: don't face reality it is about
Guest: facing reality but happiness goes
Guest: even further so so a lot of uh my
Guest: work was focused
Guest: around you know if we are
Guest: successful then we'll be happy
Guest: going
Guest: right and and i i was following
Guest: that
Guest: narrative for many years. And then
Guest: my research took me to really the
Guest: precursor to happiness is mind
Guest: health. And what that means is the
Guest: pictures you create in your head
Guest: and the words
Guest: you attach to them, are they
Guest: serving you or are they hurting
Guest: you? And if they're hurting you,
Guest: you are never going to experience
Guest: happiness. And now I'm taking my
Guest: research even a little further
Guest: in that the precursor to mind
Guest: health is hope. And if you have no
Guest: hope, then you'll have no mind
Guest: health and then you'll have no
Guest: happiness so to me happiness one of
Guest: my slogans it's on my
Guest: website happiness is not black and
Guest: white well
Kevin: What color is it?
Guest: I have a little yellow dot so I
Guest: have a bunch of yellow on mine of
Guest: course right but my whole branding
Guest: is black and white for a reason
Guest: because I want to say it's not just
Guest: black and white it's very it's
Guest: subjective it's so subjective so
Guest: you
Guest: know when I first meet people first
Guest: questions always how do you define
Guest: happiness so do you want to take a
Guest: stab how do you define happiness
Kevin: okay
Kevin: I define happiness as being the sum
Kevin: total of my own thoughts, where I
Kevin: am today at this particular moment
Kevin: and where am I going to be tomorrow
Guest: well that is really impressive
Guest: you're the first person that has
Guest: been able to answer it that quick
Guest: or that quickly yeah most people
Guest: will sit there and they'll pause
Guest: and I'll see them go inward and
Guest: they'll be like I don't know I've
Guest: never really thought about this and
Guest: most times I'll hear my family
Guest: that's that's what I'll hear and it
Guest: wasn't until I met Justin at a
Guest: party and I said and Justin was
Guest: like this super outgoing like
Guest: like amazing guy who walked up to,
Guest: or it was at an event. He walked up
Guest: to me, grabbed my hand and said,
Guest: come play with me. And he was
Guest: taking me around the room. We're
Guest: having super fun. I'm like, oh, I
Guest: got to ask this guy how he defines
Guest: happiness. And I'm like, Justin,
Guest: how do you define happiness?
Guest: And he just turned to me, he goes,
Guest: how can I define something I don't
Guest: understand?
Guest: And that really sparked something.
Guest: And that's what my book, Why Drive
Guest: Your Happiness, because what is it
Guest: really? Like, what is that? What is
Guest: happiness? And so it's like kind of
Guest: diving deeper because because
Guest: there's a lot of happy haters out
Guest: there, too. Oh, happy, you and your
Guest: happy. Oh, here she
Guest: comes. Miss happy. You know, it's
Guest: like, no, no, that's not what this
Guest: is about.
Kevin: So what would you say to those
Kevin: happy haters? so you see them
Kevin: they're coming in oh here she is a
Kevin: happy eater what would your what
Kevin: would your vision of them be like
Kevin: what are they thinking in their
Kevin: head is it a negative you
Guest: You know what, I hold space for
Guest: them.
Guest: And inward, it's my dialogue.
Guest: They're, they don't get it yet.
Guest: they don't get it and i just you
Guest: And I just hold space. I meet
Guest: know
Guest: people where they're at. And I just
Guest: let them be, you know, obviously
Guest: want to offer some, you know, try
Guest: to get them to understand, because
Guest: I get it. I understand, I
Guest: appreciate it.
Guest: But then it becomes when we know
Guest: better, we do better. So it's about
Guest: sharing some of that knowledge. And
Guest: so first, we might go to the
Guest: definition of happiness. And then
Guest: I'll say, Okay, well, according to
Guest: the ancient
Guest: Greeks, happiness is defined as the
Guest: joy you feel moving towards your
Guest: potential. That is their their
Guest: definition of happiness. And so
Guest: then I'm like, do you know that
Guest: there's two types of
Guest: happiness? Did you know there's two
Guest: types of happiness? Yeah,
Kevin: No.
Guest: eudaimonic and eudaimonic
Guest: happiness. So eudaimonic happiness
Kevin: Okay, explain.
Guest: is about pleasure.
Guest: It's about, you know, that car,
Guest: that whatever. And eudaimonic is
Guest: about development of self, your
Guest: value, your worth, and all that.
Guest: And so I teach that both types of
Guest: happiness are important because our
Guest: brain is wired to go towards
Guest: pleasure and away from pain, right?
Guest: So who doesn't want a little bit of
Guest: pleasure in life? I know I do. I
Guest: know I have fun to drive that nice
Guest: car to go on that nice holiday.
Guest: But to really check in with
Guest: yourself, it's what type of
Guest: happiness is controlling your life.
Guest: And if whodunit happiness, I
Guest: guarantee you, you are never,
Guest: you're always pushing your
Guest: happiness over the horizon.
Guest: Because once you get something, you
Guest: want more. You want that bigger
Guest: hit. You get that car, you want the
Guest: nicer version. You get that house,
Guest: you want the bigger house. You want
Guest: that trip, you want the other trip.
Guest: Like you're always wanting and
Guest: wanting.
Guest: Where eudaimonic is more about just
Guest: really being in a good place.
Kevin: So would that be more like an
Kevin: instant gratification? I need to
Kevin: have it now, the hit of a dopamine?
Guest: Yes, of course. And that's okay,
Guest: but you've got to, that's a skill
Guest: that you're going to build. that
Guest: yes you'll but you have to have the
Guest: awareness and know my gosh i'm just
Guest: so much into this and i
Guest: can meet people right away and know
Guest: which happiness is going their way
Guest: and you know that it's just not
Guest: healthy it's dangerous and so i
Guest: want everyone to get to that point
Guest: where inside they just feel this
Guest: level and you can call it whatever
Guest: you want peace calm joy i know
Guest: they're all different uh they
Guest: truly have different meaning those
Guest: words i choose the word happy
Guest: because i love the way the way the
Guest: word looks I like the way it sounds
Guest: ever since I was a little girl I
Guest: always wore happy faces and
Guest: so that's just my word right but it
Guest: can be whatever it is but it's it's
Guest: getting to that level inside of you
Guest: that really on a deep deep level
Guest: and I want everyone to get there to
Guest: really
Guest: experience that real level of well
Guest: joy
Kevin: So I want to ask you a little bit
Kevin: deeper here because I want to get
Kevin: into that because you said you want
Kevin: everybody to feel that, okay?
Kevin: yeah I know yeah
Kevin: Good, bad, or indifferent.
Kevin: Why? why? And I want to go to the
Kevin: why is that, why did you get this
Kevin: started? Where did this become
Kevin: important to you? What was that aha
Kevin: moment that said, I need to write
Kevin: this book, I need to start this, I
Kevin: need to communicate with humans, so
Kevin: that I can actually change the way
Kevin: they are, who they
Kevin: are, who, what, where, when, why,
Kevin: who they are? What was that
Kevin: defining moment for you? And I'm
Kevin: going to go back, because you have
Kevin: a great history of everything that
Kevin: you've done, and which is is
Kevin: amazing and then for the listeners
Kevin: like in the news like everything
Kevin: that you've done so i want to
Kevin: start where it actually hit you
Kevin: that you needed to create this
Guest: Well, yeah, and that's a big
Guest: question. So I'm going to try to
Guest: give you it, because it's I could
Guest: be here for seven hours
Kevin: hours to go we're good yes no this
Kevin: is
Guest: could be a long answer
Guest: good first
Guest: my why is really deep um first of
Guest: all let's just start off with the
Guest: fact that it's said that happiness
Guest: is the oldest pursuit of man and
Guest: that that's what ask anybody what
Guest: do you want out of
Guest: life and often you're always going
Guest: to hear to be happy so what does
Guest: that mean and why has this always
Guest: been an the oldest pursuit and if
Guest: if happiness is the pursuit why is
Guest: mental health
Guest: going in the wrong direction? Why
Guest: are so many people struggling?
Guest: Like, what's going on here?
Guest: And so that's, you know, to me,
Guest: that was the question I asked. And
Guest: I want to start as finding
Guest: solutions for that, to turn that
Guest: around. But for me, it was it's my
Guest: life experience. I grew
Guest: up in a, I grew up in a very nice
Guest: home and had, you know, all our
Guest: needs met. But behind the doors of
Guest: our house, we had this dark secret
Guest: going on. And that was that my
Guest: mother would go in and out
Guest: to a new work. My dad had stored my
Guest: of these episodes and our family
Guest: wouldn't understand it and we
Guest: wouldn't my dad adored my mom my
Guest: mom.
Guest: dad was very successful all her
Guest: needs were met she had everything
Guest: she wanted three healthy
Guest: kids she checked every box so why
Guest: did she have these episodes and so
Guest: I went through that my whole life
Guest: that roller coaster of oh is mom
Guest: It's that rollercoaster.
Guest: okay no she's not okay this month
Guest: oh she's gonna be
Guest: okay next month and you know they
Guest: labeled them as nervous breakdowns
Guest: different things and you know know
Guest: our family just didn't understand
Guest: and it was when I turned 21 that my
Guest: mom had the episode of
Guest: all episodes and she went catatonic
Guest: cornflakes.
Guest: and she could no longer speak and
Guest: show emotion and she ended up
Guest: in the hospital and she had
Guest: you know,
Guest: treatments that are just absolutely
Guest: unthinkable to me that what she
Guest: went through and she got worse and
Guest: And you were
Guest: they basically said there's nothing
Guest: more we can do for her and
Guest: she should go live her life out in
Guest: some institution and my dad said
Guest: there's no way we're going to bring
Guest: her home and he brought her home
Guest: and she didn't leave the house for
Guest: 20 years 21
Guest: I
Kevin: was
Kevin: at this time.
Guest: 21 at the time yeah
Guest: Did you
Kevin: and well
Kevin: stay at home?
Guest: I was I was close to leave like I
Guest: moved out shortly after right and
Guest: got married um so for me I grew up
Guest: with this right and and there's
Guest: there's a lot of mental
Guest: illness in my mom's family I didn't
Guest: understand at the time I understand
Guest: now why that is um and And so our
Guest: family lived in a lot of isolation
Guest: and shame.
Guest: And, you know, even when I tell you
Guest: that, like as I'm saying it, it's
Guest: like that just sounds so, like,
Guest: unthinkable. But it was the way it
Guest: was. And our family just figured
Guest: out we just managed it. It just
Guest: became the status quo. It just was.
Guest: And then when she passed away, of
Guest: course, had to deal with her double
Guest: death because, you know, I lost her
Guest: when I was 21.
Guest: And then when she passed away, you
Guest: know, it was just weird,
Guest: right? and again our family lived
Guest: in just a lot of isolation and
Guest: shame but then I lost my mother
Guest: father sister and brother within
Guest: months of each other and they all
Guest: took a long time like my father and
Guest: the long illnesses and lost my
Guest: brother and my mother to mental
Guest: illness and it really was on the
Guest: night my sister took her last
Guest: 9th of June
Guest: breath and I was driving home and
Guest: it just this just came over me
Guest: and I just was like I knew I
Guest: checked every box to have my own
Guest: because I've been through you know
Guest: a decade of just chaos in our
Guest: family and now I had two estates to
Guest: settle lawsuits to fight
Guest: just chaos and I was running my
Guest: business raising a family and I
Guest: just knew I check every box right
Guest: now to have my own you know
Guest: challenge and it was just I was
Guest: driving home and it was just this
Guest: this conviction that came over me,
Guest: and I said, there is no way.
Guest: It stops here. I am breaking the
Guest: cycle in my family, and I'm going
Guest: to figure this out, and I'm going
Guest: to stay healthy.
Kevin: I want to go, I just want to ask
Kevin: this because you said challenge,
Kevin: okay, I want to stop the challenge,
Kevin: I want to dig, I want to, it's not
Kevin: dig deep, I want to talk about it,
Kevin: because a lot of
Kevin: people ask, they're saying, well,
Kevin: what was that challenge, like I had
Kevin: to break the challenge,
Guest: like what was that and
Guest: Hopeless.
Guest: I'm not enough.
Guest: I don't matter. I'm not lovable.
Guest: Trauma.
Guest: You know, growing up, some trauma.
Guest: you're driving right now and you're
Guest: thinking this
Guest: It just came over me.
Kevin: and
Guest: you're going i don't want to be
Guest: It came over me. And I just said,
Guest: no, it ends here for me and for my
Guest: son. so the next morning I woke up
Guest: well I didn't know what that meant
Guest: but the life I knew was no longer
Guest: the life in front of me and so I
Guest: thought well what am I going to do
Guest: and that's I just started
Guest: reading I started reading and I
Guest: started learning and I had a ha
Guest: moment after a ha moment and what I
Guest: realized is how powerful the brain
Guest: mind body connection is and things
Guest: that we can do to to
Guest: advance our mental health so as I
Guest: learned I just started taking
Guest: action so at first it was my own
Guest: journey. And I'm happy to say it's
Guest: over 15 years now and I have stayed
Guest: healthy and I've never been
Guest: happier. I have struggles every
Guest: day, but I've been able to stay
Guest: healthy. I say to people, you know,
Guest: I'm an example of what's possible.
Guest: Nothing can shock me. Nobody can
Guest: shock me. I just hold space
Guest: faith,
Guest: and I wish for no person to
Guest: struggle because I felt that, but I
Guest: also saw what struggled where where
Guest: that took my mom, I wish for no
Guest: person to ever go there. And that
Guest: is why I'm on such a
Guest: mission. Because life is stressful.
Guest: We're all under so much stress. And
Guest: we don't know what we don't know.
Guest: And I believe everyone is hiding
Guest: something, they're dealing with
Guest: something. And to just where do we
Guest: go? Where do we really go to feel
Guest: supported and get that hope and
Guest: those answers.
Guest: And that's what I'm trying to
Guest: create with Happified Hub, just
Guest: connect people to resources from
Guest: product services education
Guest: experiences and just let them
Guest: figure it out and and there's no
Guest: Right. there's no one wrote so
Guest: one wrote I mean
Guest: there's no two cents when it comes
Guest: to men there's no we're like
Guest: snowflakes so you know it's it's
Guest: like if you were to have a heart
Guest: attack you're going to go to the
Guest: hospital and chances are they're
Guest: going to give you the same surgery
Guest: they give people over and over and
Guest: over again like there's so many
Guest: things but when it comes to our
Guest: mental health no two people are are
Guest: the same no two people are the same
Guest: but we don't you know we don't have
Guest: the resources to
Guest: really dig into that and to to do
Guest: that we still is like you know
Guest: based on symptoms or you know we
Guest: need to go deeper with this and so
Guest: yeah so when you look at it and i
Guest: want to
Kevin: get back into that, because you're
Kevin: in the car, and then you're talking
Kevin: about this to yourself. Now, you
Kevin: don't want to go down that road,
Kevin: but you weren't at your lowest
Kevin: want to
Kevin: point at that time correct or were
Kevin: you at your
Guest: lowest point
Kevin: because the question that I'm
Kevin: asking and then people that that
Kevin: we're going to talk about happiness
Kevin: we're mental health and stuff do
Kevin: you have to hit your low point to
Kevin: actually go okay
Kevin: I'm at my bottom so that I can move
Kevin: up or was that a point that saying
Kevin: I just want change I've had enough
Kevin: because I find that a lot of people
Kevin: will go they talk about oh you got
Kevin: to hit bottom before
Kevin: you go up or do you have to hit
Kevin: bottom like what is that and did
Kevin: you hit bottom or to you and that's
Kevin: you're in the car you're there i
Kevin: don't know if you were suicidal or
Kevin: or where you're at in your head
Kevin: um but to make it and your daughter
Kevin: was in the car with you correct
Guest: no just me no it was the night my
Guest: nobody
Guest: you and
Guest: sister took her last breath yeah
Kevin: then you're driving it's like okay
Kevin: you don't want to have this mental
Kevin: illness is there like was that
Kevin: no
Kevin: the lowest point
Guest: know i i've never thought of that i
Guest: was i was at a low point for sure
Guest: and my sister was my best friend
Guest: and watching her take her last
Guest: breath was just like, and it really
Guest: got me questioning the meaning of
Guest: life.
Guest: And I thought, well, why her and
Guest: not me? 50 -50, right? And so I
Guest: think I was just really searching
Guest: then. And now I'm an orphan. And so
Guest: now, like I said, it's a whole
Guest: different life for me. I think I
Guest: was just
Guest: really afraid. And of course, I
Guest: mean, for the first year, every
Guest: night I put me in the corner and I
Guest: was just a puddle of mess. Like I
Guest: was just, it was devastating.
Guest: And so I knew I had a lot of of
Guest: healing to do. So whether it was
Guest: rock bottom, but I get what you're
Guest: saying. And I do believe that to
Guest: some extent. I think the thing is,
Guest: what's really hurts my heart is I
Guest: feel like we don't
Guest: really address mental health until
Guest: it becomes a real issue. Are we
Guest: wait till that person really has to
Guest: hit that rock bottom. And the thing
Guest: is, when someone does, it's really
Guest: hard to come back up. And that's
Guest: what my whole work is. Let's build
Guest: skills in a time of joy and
Guest: inspiration.
Guest: And do people,
Guest: Let's, you know give you that
Guest: ability to deal with that so maybe
Guest: you don't have to hit that rock
Guest: bottom but the reality is that's
Guest: sometimes what it takes and i've
Guest: seen that i've seen that in people
Guest: they had to hit that rock bottom
Guest: before
Kevin: you've seen them hit the rock
Kevin: they go
Kevin: bottom,
Kevin: and then all of a sudden you're
Kevin: there. You want to be that first
Kevin: level of communication, obviously
Kevin: before they go further because
Kevin: for the introduction
Kevin: they're going to need help.
Kevin: It's the introduction of the first
Kevin: happiness to actually say, okay,
Kevin: here, recognize where you're at so
Kevin: that we can move to the next level.
Kevin: Like, so what I'm getting at is
Kevin: you've gone through this. You're
Kevin: ready to go. You're doing research
Kevin: because you just talked about
Kevin: you're going into research. You're
Kevin: reading more about it and going,
Kevin: well, wait a second. I'm not going
Kevin: to be a victim.
Kevin: I'm going to be a changer. I'm
Kevin: going to be a disruptor that's
Kevin: going to create change for
Kevin: happiness.
Kevin: And these are the research that I'm
Kevin: doing with it. Where did it become
Kevin: the point of change to say, I need
Kevin: to tell everybody about this?
Guest: Well, so first of all, the first
Guest: step is you have to want it.
Guest: And that's why a lot of times when
Guest: people hit rock bottom, and let's
Guest: be really clear. I really need to
Guest: be clear. Mental illness is real.
Guest: And it is nobody's fault.
Guest: Heart attack's real. It's not your
Guest: fault. However, we all play a hand
Guest: in our mental health every day. and
Guest: we have a responsibility to
Guest: understand what that is to advance
Guest: protect it nurture it right
Guest: and in order for you to do that
Guest: whether you're suffering or you're
Guest: not and again I'm not a doctor I
Guest: don't treat I don't diagnose so I
Guest: do get people that call me and
Guest: they're like oh my
Guest: friend suicidal can you meet I'm
Guest: like oh no no no no no you need to
Guest: go call your doctor that's not what
Guest: I do however I will champion you I
Guest: will show up I will tell you you've
Guest: got this I will I will
Guest: do that right I'm on the other side
Guest: and I really all my research
Guest: everything and you know it's I know
Guest: I'm a decade or two ahead of my
Guest: there's so
Guest: time the hope is prevention it is
Guest: prevention teaching people the
Guest: skills and tools in a time of joy
Guest: inspiration we don't learn this in
Guest: schools we don't make this part of
Guest: corporate culture we don't
Guest: integrate it we're not talking
Guest: about the home we're not talking
Guest: about it in our community amongst
Guest: our community we just don't know
Guest: people really just don't know know
Guest: how powerful they are. And that's
Guest: the fun part for me. Because as I
Guest: got to learn this, it was like, I
Guest: just was so excited. It's like, Oh,
Guest: my gosh, there's so many answers.
Guest: Like I just
Guest: I want to go out and I want to tell
Guest: everyone like you don't have to
Guest: struggle like you want to learn
Guest: this stuff. Like don't you want to
Guest: live your fullest, happiest,
Guest: biggest life?
Guest: Like how amazing is that? And
Guest: that's that's what I wish for
Guest: people. I mean, I've, I've turned
Guest: my pain into purpose. And now I
Guest: want to be in service to humanity.
Guest: And I just want to I want to just
Guest: shout this message
Guest: from the rooftops to everybody and
Guest: and you know create this movement
Guest: create this you know the hope
Guest: around this so
Kevin: well let's break down and let's go
Kevin: into it because you just mentioned
Kevin: about 10 different items in here
Kevin: and i really want to go into the
Guest: first
Kevin: stage of happiness okay because you
Kevin: must have stages in the happiness
Kevin: do you want to go in and start
Kevin: breaking that down and and defining
Kevin: for our listeners and then people
Kevin: that are watching this about
Kevin: because they may not know what
Kevin: happiness is
Kevin: okay when we say it's there's some
Kevin: total of our own thoughts we are
Kevin: where we are because we first
Kevin: imagined to be where we are to grow
Kevin: and this is what i said at the
Kevin: beginning so that was my take and
Kevin: then what is your take to help
Kevin: other people just to the
Kevin: introduction of happiness
Guest: Oh, that's such a good question. I
Guest: love that question.
Guest: So I have a graphic and it's
Guest: choose, become, spread happiness.
Guest: So this is what I want for it. You
Guest: choose it, you become it, and once
Guest: you are it, it's your
Guest: responsibility to spread it, okay?
Guest: And I meet everyone where they're
Guest: at. So when I meet somebody, that
Guest: person who's the happiness hater,
Guest: I'm like, well, they haven't chosen
Guest: it yet.
Guest: And so hold space for them.
Guest: Be a positive outlier. Maybe create
Guest: a ripple effect. And eventually,
Guest: maybe they'll have an aha moment,
Guest: and they'll be like, oh, right?
Guest: So it's four levels. So you've got
Guest: the unconscious incompetence, which
Guest: means you don't even know what you
Guest: don't know. and then you have the
Guest: uh conscious incompetence so it's
Guest: now you know but you don't know
Guest: what to do
Guest: right and so you move the scale the
Guest: next one is you're you're trying to
Guest: become it so you're working to
Guest: become it but you have to think
Guest: about it because you're building
Guest: Because you're building the know,
Guest: new neural
Guest: and that gives you the ability
Guest: connectors in your brain like it
Guest: takes practice to make that you
Guest: know the habit piece right Right.
Guest: And then you get to the point where
Guest: it's just unconscious competence
Guest: and you just become it. And that's,
Guest: that is, I wish that for everybody
Guest: where, you know, but it takes work.
Guest: It's a muscle you have to build.
Guest: Happiness is a muscle. It's just
Guest: not, you know, just doesn't come
Guest: naturally. And, and if there's a
Guest: happiness set point, so they say
Guest: the happiness set point says 50 %
Guest: of
Guest: happiness is genetics, 10 % is
Guest: circumstances, and 40 % is in your
Guest: control.
Guest: So okay, so genetics is one thing,
Guest: right? I'm very fortunate because
Guest: my father's side of the family, my
Guest: father was probably the most
Guest: positive, uplifting, there wasn't a
Guest: person who did not love this man.
Guest: And I think
Guest: genetically, I got a good dose.
Guest: Circumstances, it's only 10%. So
Guest: really, if you hate your job, you
Guest: don't whatever it's only 10 but
Guest: there's the 40 and my question to
Guest: someone would be okay so
Guest: what are you doing about the 40 and
Guest: that's sort of you know it gets
Guest: people to realize that it's up to
Guest: you and and you get a choice
Guest: there's no right or wrong it's
Guest: whatever you decide is the answer
Guest: so
Kevin: then let's go a little bit on the
Kevin: 40%, okay?
Kevin: So we got the 10%. I got the job
Kevin: and do this. Now, let's do the 40 %
Kevin: that I can choose, because we're
Kevin: talking about the things you know
Kevin: that you don't know. So we know
Kevin: planes fly, but we don't know how
Kevin: they fly, as an example, right? So
Kevin: then all of a sudden, here's the
Kevin: 40%.
Kevin: Now, what would be one of the
Kevin: titles that somebody would bring as
Kevin: an example to you? How do I control
Kevin: that for happiness in that 40 %
Kevin: area?
Kevin: What would be an example of
Guest: well for what i so what i look at
Kevin: something?
Guest: for for um the work i do so i've
Guest: coined the term proactive mind
Guest: health so proactive mind health is
Guest: um building skills and tools in a
Guest: time of joy and inspiration
Guest: inspiration right and so uh so
Guest: we've got our mind health um and
Guest: i've i've just you're gonna have to
Guest: ask me that now again because now
Guest: i'm thinking of another what was
Guest: get back to your question
Kevin: so we're gonna we talk about a
Kevin: plane so the things you know that
Kevin: you don't know so the plane we can
Kevin: right
Kevin: fly
Guest: and
Guest: okay
Kevin: that we don't know how to fly but
Kevin: then we're going to talk about
Kevin: let's get into that 40 percent of
Kevin: yes
Guest: thank you you brought me back
Guest: okay see it's
Guest: back to it
Kevin: like you see it's like a a day each
Kevin: day we bring everybody back doing
Kevin: it's awesome so this is good
Guest: did so the premise of proactive
Guest: okay oh you
Guest: mind health
Guest: so premise is an acronym for
Guest: physical relational emotional mind
Guest: intellectual spirit environmental
Guest: self seven areas look at
Kevin: gotta do that all over again i i
Kevin: gotta remember that one
Guest: premise so just go premise
Kevin: so
Guest: p physical physical relational
Guest: emotional mind intellectual spirit
Guest: environmental self so a lot of
Guest: places just
Guest: look at you know i more and i call
Guest: that whole self -well -being and
Guest: what i teach and what i've learned
Guest: is that in order to be healthy and
Guest: happy you have to be whole and
Guest: complete so drive your
Guest: happiness i have a tune -up inquiry
Guest: so think about that just like you
Guest: take your car to the mechanic right
Guest: you take the car just to see if
Guest: there's any warning signs right and
Guest: that's what this tune up
Guest: and quite we're just going to look
Guest: doesn't diagnose you doesn't tell
Guest: you something wrong it just shows
Guest: what areas of your life maybe
Guest: you're not paying attention to and
Guest: then we create that plan for you to
Guest: nurture all those different start
Guest: others
Guest: to nurture those different areas
Guest: and of course this is a
Guest: life journey because throughout
Guest: life you're going to have you know
Guest: you're going to require different
Guest: things at different times right and
Guest: so that is sort of my framework is
Guest: let's meet you where where you're
Guest: at first stage is we have to meet
Guest: you where you're at that's the
Guest: snowflake piece
Guest: meet you where you're at and then
Guest: let's create that plan let's bring
Guest: more hope and joy and health and
Guest: well -being and wholeness to your
Guest: life so that's sort of really the
Guest: that helps your answer
Guest: yeah the question yeah so
Kevin: because i'm looking at the 40 so
Kevin: you've hit so the seven and then
Kevin: what i wanted to do is get more of
Kevin: the an experience here that's that
Kevin: you've sat with somebody so example
Kevin: i would use it as um are
Kevin: are people afraid to die like when
Kevin: do they actually love themselves
Kevin: like some people like oh life's
Kevin: life's hard and i can only speak
Kevin: from experience so when i was
Kevin: drinking an alcoholic
Kevin: alcoholic and drinking too much i
Kevin: found that sure i was successful
Kevin: okay i faked it everything was
Kevin: but when great but what had
Kevin: happened was was i afraid to die i
Kevin: was like oh like suicide i'm not
Kevin: talking suicide waking up every day
Kevin: and not that but i truly didn't
Kevin: love myself until i realized that
Kevin: to be happy i needed to love myself
Kevin: and then what did that mean
Guest: so
Kevin: when i take all the stuff that that
Kevin: you've said, then I go, oh, each
Kevin: part, and I've dumbed it down to
Kevin: myself, is truly, you have to love
Kevin: yourself before you can love
Kevin: others, and then how do I change
Kevin: myself for others?
Guest: well that comes down to getting to
Guest: know yourself really well and i
Guest: think that was like on my journey
Guest: and what i learned was when this
Guest: all happened and i made that choice
Guest: and i I started learning. I thought
Guest: I was happy. I checked boxes for
Guest: happiness. When you said,
Guest: were you at rock bottom? I don't
Guest: think I thought I was at rock
Guest: bottom. But as I started to learn,
Guest: I was like, oh, and I just kept
Guest: learning. I was like, oh my gosh,
Guest: no wonder I'm a people pleaser.
Guest: No wonder I feel rejected. Like I
Guest: just started learning stuff about
Guest: myself. And I started taking
Guest: control. And I said to people, I
Guest: might look like the same person as
Guest: I did back then, but I am not the
Guest: same person inside like I have such
Guest: a connection and an understanding
Guest: and understanding yourself, and
Guest: of self and
Guest: that's it we get disconnected from
Guest: that's it.
Guest: ourself and our brains are wired
Guest: for connection we're wired for that
Guest: that's that's safety our number one
Guest: connection that we need to serve is
Guest: to ourselves
Guest: and if we don't have that what what
Guest: we can't for others so for me
Guest: that's really and again it's just
Guest: getting to know yourself and that's
Guest: what we do through the through the
Guest: whole self and then it's It's like,
Guest: okay, now let's create that plan.
Guest: And my thing is, so when I speak in
Guest: public,
Guest: I do a lot of corporate, corporate
Guest: team buildings, and corporate is,
Guest: you know, raise your hand if you or
Guest: someone you know, loved one,
Guest: friend, coworker, whatever,
Guest: struggles with depression.
Guest: 94 to 98 % of the hands go up.
Guest: Okay, now raise your hand if you,
Guest: every day, you practice mind health
Guest: and make it a habit.
Guest: well
Guest: And I maybe get 1 % of the hands
Guest: going up. I don't know. It just
Guest: seems obvious to me that we need to
Guest: pay attention to this. So now when
Guest: we create this plan, it's like,
Guest: what are you doing every day? What
Guest: are you doing?
Guest: You know, we talk about our
Guest: physical fitness. Well, if you want
Guest: if
Guest: to be physically fit, you've got to
Guest: go to the gym all the time. You
Guest: can't just go once and don't go for
Guest: six months. Well, it's the same
Guest: with our mental health. You're not
Guest: practicing it every day. It's
Guest: dangerous.
Guest: And so what does that look like? so
Guest: the first thing is I say you got to
Guest: prime yourself every morning non
Guest: -negotiable principle
Guest: every morning I wake up and I say
Guest: today's going to be a good day
Guest: because once I say that that's what
Guest: my brain's going to start looking
Guest: for and so it's like you wake up
Guest: and it's not just get going and
Guest: just do the thing you did yesterday
Guest: and just keep going and going in
Guest: that unconscious
Guest: incompetent state right it's about
Guest: you have to get aware of what that
Guest: is and now what routine you know
Guest: are you going to practice gratitude
Guest: are you going to do a meditation I
Guest: teach about
Guest: about styling, you're happy still,
Guest: right? Eat for your gut health. 90
Guest: % of our serotonin is made in our
Guest: gut. If you are struggling, gut
Guest: health is so important. It's the
Guest: first place I'd look to get
Guest: myself on a really healthy diet of
Guest: brain healthy food and see if that
Guest: helps. You know, make your bed,
Guest: make it look like it's magazine
Guest: worthy. Not only is that
Guest: creativity, which you just Google
Guest: the power of creativity on your
Guest: happiness, but it's also a small
Guest: win. You've already had a small all
Guest: in for the day. And then when you
Guest: go to sleep at night, it feels
Guest: special. And you're setting
Guest: yourself up to have a great night's
Guest: sleep. It's like, oh, I matter. So
Guest: it's like, what's your routine
Guest: every morning, you've got to invest
Guest: in yourself. And then because as
Guest: soon as you go out, the world's
Guest: going to start poking you poke,
Guest: poke, poke, poke, poke. And it's
Guest: like energy out. And so
Guest: you got to put energy in. And then
Guest: my question is throughout the day,
Guest: what pause moments are you you
Guest: taking to inject energy? Are you
Guest: just going and going and going? So
Guest: think about this. An elite
Guest: athlete puts a lot of effort than
Guest: recovering renewal, puts more into
Guest: recovering renewal than really the
Guest: effort, right? So how are we doing
Guest: that in our lives? Are we just
Guest: going all the time? Are
Guest: you just full out trying to be
Guest: effort, effort, effort, and you're
Guest: not putting anything into renewal
Guest: and recovery? That is so dangerous.
Guest: And that's, you know, a lot of us
Guest: are just running. We're just trying
Guest: so
Guest: to, we're all trying to figure it
Guest: out, and we just keep going.
Kevin: what about so let's let's dig a
Kevin: little on that one because you
Kevin: don't know you're in jail until
Kevin: until you break out so we're going
Kevin: to talk about that recovery renewal
Kevin: recovery because a lot of
Kevin: people may not even know like
Kevin: they're saying i'm go go go because
Kevin: say, go, go, go, because I've got
Kevin: i'm supposed to i'm supposed to
Kevin: go like what do you mean i gotta
Kevin: recover yeah okay i'm gonna sit and
Kevin: to recover.
Kevin: i'm gonna go sit here and just
Kevin: watch watch the uh tv or i'm gonna
Kevin: i'm gonna watch the lights for a
Kevin: while i'm gonna sit here just relax
Kevin: is that what recovery is
Guest: Yeah, it's whatever. So, so they
Guest: say that if your baby listens to
Guest: Mozart, it will make your baby
Guest: smarter. But now what they realize
Guest: it's only if the baby likes the
Guest: music. So for me, it's like,
Guest: you have to find what resonates
Guest: with you. So, you know, if yoga
Guest: doesn't work for you, well, maybe
Guest: nature does. You know, maybe you
Guest: like walking the dog, maybe it's
Guest: the, you know,
Guest: you love being around water, maybe
Guest: it is music, whatever that is, you
Guest: just have to start to find Find
Guest: those things that you're depositing
Guest: energy in you, right? You're
Guest: enjoying life, and you're creating
Guest: but
Guest: that hope,
Kevin: how do you know it's energy coming
Guest: right?
Kevin: back to you so so and i'm just
Kevin: in
Kevin: speaking from experience
Kevin: your experience, you say,
Kevin: because i'm saying okay i'm gonna
Kevin: i'm working i'm gonna sit down i'm
Kevin: gonna just relax or just sit here
Kevin: now is it just that aha moment just
Kevin: kind of taking Yeah.
Kevin: a breath ah there my energy's
Kevin: coming back or and you don't even
Kevin: know we don't even know what's
Kevin: coming back but okay i'm back at it
Kevin: it again because for from
Kevin: Yeah, because for my parents,
Kevin: experience sharing and it's kind of
Kevin: because
Kevin: comes to this is that because i
Kevin: don't
Kevin: drink alcohol before when i drank
Kevin: there was a whole different thing
Kevin: it was a whole different feeling
Kevin: like how do i recover the morning
Kevin: and then because it becomes a
Kevin: different story food you don't know
Kevin: until you actually have great food
Kevin: and what is it you don't know that
Kevin: this is
Kevin: happening to like the things you
Kevin: know that you don't know and it's
Kevin: like you're telling me if i eat
Kevin: this and my gut health feels really
Kevin: good right now that that's what's
Kevin: causing it i'm going to to keep on
Kevin: that path but we find that we don't
Kevin: follow that path all the time even
Kevin: well as
Kevin: though it
Kevin: makes us feel good we fall into the
Kevin: bad habit
Guest: easy as is to do it's also easy not
Guest: to do and a lot of times we're not
Guest: doing it so it's there's no quantum
Guest: leap okay so there's no there's no
Guest: force coming to find us there's no
Guest: quantum leap we are the power the
Guest: power is within us
Guest: and it's small little things you're
Guest: going to do consistently over time
Guest: so think of it like like
Guest: compounding a penny. So if you were
Guest: to compound a penny, you'd start
Guest: off with one cent,
Guest: two cent, four cents, eight cents,
Guest: you know, first, it doesn't seem
Guest: like a lot. But after 30 days,
Guest: you'd have $10 .7 million. And so
Guest: it's the same thing, there's small
Guest: little things you're going
Guest: to do consistently. So that could
Guest: be, you know, connect and learning
Guest: about the brain, okay, because
Guest: there is, the brain requires
Guest: things. And when you learn that,
Guest: and you learn the science,
Guest: and this is a lot of what I teach
Guest: is when you learn this then you can
Guest: create these habits that feed that
Guest: right and so it's serving it starts
Guest: to serve you so an example of that
Guest: would be
Guest: what doesn't the brain know so this
Guest: when I do this when I do my
Guest: corporate I have this game called
Guest: did you know so I have these
Guest: questions and I teach you about
Guest: what the brain requires
Guest: fires. And then once you know, how
Guest: can you, you can't unknow. So now
Guest: it's up to you. How are you going
Guest: to use this? Right? So one of the
Guest: questions is what does the brain
Guest: not know?
Guest: And I always love this because when
Guest: I play this game, I see like it, I
Guest: see everyone's like, you're just
Guest: thinking,
Guest: All
Guest: right? They're thinking everyone
Kevin: okay.
Guest: gets a ticket and I have prizes
Guest: after and you know, everyone gets a
Guest: ticket because everyone matters. So
Guest: I don't want to leave anyone out.
Guest: But of course, if you get an answer
Guest: right you get another ticket and I
Guest: give tickets if you're funny and
Guest: you're
Guest: wrong because I love funny people
Guest: and we play this game and it's just
Guest: the conversation that starts to
Guest: happen and the learning and the aha
Guest: moments and they start to realize
Guest: right and after
Guest: I'm like okay now that you know all
Guest: this stuff how are you going to
Guest: apply it so what does the brain not
Guest: know well the brain doesn't know if
Guest: you're telling it a truth the truth
Guest: or a lie
Guest: It only knows what you tell it. So
Guest: the truth.
Guest: a mind health skill would be, are
Guest: you telling yourself a story
Guest: you don't know to be true? Because
Guest: that has an impact. on you.
Guest: Your psychology, it works with your
Guest: biology. So it starts to impact
Guest: you. And if you start to tell
Guest: yourself a story, I'm going to be
Guest: fired. Nobody likes me, right? All
Guest: these things that you really don't
Guest: know. It's so dangerous
Guest: for your mind health so a mind
Guest: health skill is stick to the facts
Guest: stick to the facts of a story stop
Guest: yourself when you're creating
Guest: something that's not true do not go
Guest: there it's not good
Guest: it's very dangerous it's a warning
Guest: light so that's just one of i mean
Guest: i have a list of them right and so
Guest: it's really learning that all
Kevin: right so let's do one what
Guest: well
Guest: ahead
Kevin: you did it with the group so let's
Kevin: do you want to try one
Kevin: well the learning right now what
Kevin: you're talking about for your mind
Kevin: what do we know that we don't know
Kevin: because you do it with corporate so
Kevin: to get the little tit so how do i
Kevin: get one
Guest: oh you
Kevin: i'll send you you'll send me one
Kevin: okay perfect
Guest: no
Kevin: because it's interesting because
Kevin: when you look at it it's it's
Kevin: controlling the narrative uh good
Kevin: or bad and so to say all right i am
Kevin: the sum total i am going to be the
Kevin: best person i'm going to possibly
Kevin: today is going to be an amazing day
Kevin: i'm controlling
Kevin: the narrative here i am waking up
Kevin: in the morning and going all right
Kevin: it's how does the day look it's
Kevin: gonna be beautiful okay i'm gonna
Kevin: get out of bed i'm gonna brush my
Kevin: oh that's gonna feel do a really
Kevin: good brushing my teeth, and then
Kevin: all of a sudden, okay, great, oh,
Kevin: man, I can't believe
Kevin: I gotta go see that guy today, oh,
Kevin: man, this is the worst thing, I
Kevin: can't believe now, switched it to
Kevin: the bad, and it's like, and it
Kevin: just, me telling that story right
Kevin: now, and listening to what you
Kevin: just said, I just felt it in my gut
Kevin: right there, that, oh, I'm gonna
Kevin: have a great day, and then all of a
Kevin: sudden, oh, I gotta go see this,
Kevin: and I just felt that, I lost it,
Kevin: Yeah, yeah.
Kevin: like, I just lost all
Kevin: all feeling and emotion man it just
Kevin: made me feel blah so the power the
Kevin: power of suggestion for ourselves
Kevin: and then we're going with it
Kevin: yeah yeah
Guest: but like i said it depletes you
Guest: that all of a sudden now is
Guest: depleting you and so if you haven't
Guest: deposited anything like that would
Guest: really hit you but there again is
Guest: there's always an opportunity and a
Guest: possibility and that becomes a
Guest: skill that you
Guest: you develop right it's not
Guest: something i can teach right away
Guest: but that's the more you know you'll
Guest: understand you're like oh right
Guest: that's because the brain's not uh
Guest: wired for happiness it's wired
Guest: for negativity to always be
Guest: scanning for danger so you have the
Guest: best possible chance to survive so
Guest: you're there being happy and then
Guest: all of a sudden you're like oh yeah
Guest: right i gotta go see this person
Guest: because now you're like ah danger
Guest: is going down now danger is going
Guest: danger right
Guest: and so it's being able to think
Guest: greater like to be greater than
Guest: your thoughts so you have a thought
Guest: that thought creates an emotion
Guest: then that emotion starts to take
Guest: over your thoughts and so you have
Guest: have to be greater than that that
Guest: and that that takes practice so
Guest: that becomes some of the
Guest: information like once is or one of
Guest: the questions then would be you
Guest: know did you know um the it
Guest: there's it goes from 60 to 80 ,000
Guest: depends where you look but we'll
Guest: just go in the middle you have the
Guest: average person has 70 ,000 thoughts
Guest: a day right and if our brain is not
Guest: wired for happiness but
Guest: negativity how many of those
Guest: thoughts do you think are going to
Guest: be negative and so now they're
Guest: they're saying 80 % of our thoughts
Guest: are negative.
Guest: Now, there's no way to really
Guest: measure that they're now saying,
Guest: Oh, is that how do we really
Guest: measure that? And they're saying
Guest: those are like fleeting thoughts.
Guest: And now we have, it's called worm
Guest: thoughts, like 60, I don't know,
Guest: 207. I don't don't quote me,
Guest: actual, like thoughts.
Guest: But now that you know that, when
Guest: you have that thought, Oh, no, I
Guest: have to go see that person right
Guest: there. You're like, you catch
Guest: yourself, I'm going to the the
Guest: negative, right? And don't create a
Guest: story because I might walk in and
Guest: things might be great.
Guest: And how am I, what am I going to do
Guest: about it? How am I going to control
Guest: this? How am I going to go in and
Guest: what's my narrative going to be?
Guest: How am I going to play a role in
Guest: this? What am I going to do about
Guest: it, right? It's a power phrase. So
Guest: once you, that's how you start
Guest: developing these skills,
Guest: but we don't have that. So a lot of
Guest: time we just go, we go to victim
Guest: mode, we go to fear because we're
Guest: wired for that, right? The fight or
Guest: flight. So we go into fear and we
Guest: freeze, but we have to get greater
Guest: than that we have to be above that
Guest: and that's part of what i teach
Guest: those skills
Kevin: it's interesting because you're
Kevin: saying this and i and i and i don't
Kevin: call it common sense because it's
Kevin: not common sense because you're
Kevin: teaching people this and and i all
Kevin: i can get is a visual right now
Kevin: because i talked to my daughter and
Kevin: i said the power of suggestion
Kevin: suggestion, the power of wanting,
Kevin: the power of visualization and say
Kevin: this. I said,
Kevin: you mentioned about 80 ,000 just as
Kevin: a quick how many thoughts you get.
Kevin: And I said, if you want to control
Kevin: the narrative, and I say this to my
Kevin: daughter, is that when the last
Kevin: time you've gone
Kevin: to the mall, how many people, when
Kevin: you walk the mall, wear an oxygen
Kevin: tank that has the oxygen through
Kevin: and then they walk there? So can
Kevin: you tell me when you're at the
Kevin: mall? Oh, I don't know. I
Kevin: didn't see anybody. I said, so the
Kevin: next time you go to there, I want
Kevin: you to tell me how many that you've
Kevin: seen. She comes back and she says,
Kevin: dad, you'll never guess. I saw like
Kevin: 70 people
Kevin: that I had. And then it's like, so
Kevin: if you're positive in your
Kevin: thoughts, you're going to find all
Kevin: the positive things in your life
Kevin: and anything that you want in your
Kevin: life, that you'll find it and
Kevin: you're searching it versus the
Kevin: opposite way. And then all of a
Kevin: sudden you're looking for bad,
Kevin: you're going to find all the bad
Kevin: things and not see it. So how do
Kevin: bingo bingo just becomes that one
Kevin: you control it? And it just
Kevin: thing so the power and then you
Kevin: listen to you and then hearing you
Kevin: say this
Kevin: stuff and it's just like oh my gosh
Kevin: when now saying all this when at
Kevin: one particular moment in time
Kevin: you're
Kevin: okay you've done your talks okay
Kevin: you're in there and you're doing
Kevin: corporate that I'll hobble with
Kevin: that you just changed the room
Guest: what experience for
Kevin: was that
Guest: oh yeah okay i'm gonna answer that
Guest: but can i first talk with the
Guest: First off, you buy a
Guest: daughter i love that you said that
Guest: because you activated her reticular
Guest: activating system and that is what
Guest: my book is all about so the razz so
Guest: think about it it's like you buy a
Guest: new car red honda civic right and
Guest: all of a sudden
Guest: you go on the road and everywhere
Guest: is a red honda civic meanwhile
Guest: you're like i never noticed this
Guest: before how does everyone have a car
Guest: so my thing is exactly that it's
Guest: like we're not noticing it
Guest: we're not noticing it and once you
Guest: do notice it you start to notice it
Guest: more and that's like it's like you
Guest: know it the more you talk about it
Guest: the more you you start to notice
Guest: and that's all part
Guest: of the process so for an example
Guest: okay look around this room and look
Guest: at everything that's black look at
Guest: everything that's black everything
Guest: that's black well now you know this
Guest: room so this is hard close your
Guest: eyes tell me something that was red
Guest: i
Kevin: Oh,
Guest: that would be great, because I know
Guest: know because you know no that's
Guest: this room.
Guest: brown because you
Guest: know that but most people be no
Guest: Oh, gosh.
Guest: because that they're just looking
Guest: Correct.
Guest: at black black black do
Guest: you know what i mean and so it's
Guest: that you know that that that i love
Guest: that you did that and that's the
Guest: thing what i'm doing with happiness
Guest: is just waking up your reticular
Guest: towards that and you're going to
Guest: start noticing it more you're going
Guest: to have your own aha moments you're
Guest: going to learn
Guest: stuff about yourself you're going
Guest: to start to and you'll be like wow
Guest: and that really works and I wasn't
Guest: as stressed that time or I just
Guest: kind of feel chill or I was able to
Guest: problem solve that or I don't feel
Guest: like I'm I'm not worthy like it'll
Guest: it things will just start to happen
Kevin: interesting you said red and I'm
Kevin: thinking this and it's not even red
Kevin: but actually you know what the when
Kevin: you said red first thing that
Kevin: popped into my head and I looked
Kevin: right at you is your red
Kevin: there you
Kevin: lipstick and it was like bang and
Guest: go
Kevin: then all of a sudden now we become
Kevin: so self aware at that that time
Kevin: that you said oh I can't find it I
Kevin: didn't see it now it just popped
Kevin: and and it's like laser -focused on
Kevin: it.
Guest: yes and now you're paying attention
Guest: what a difference.
Guest: so that's what i'm saying if i
Guest: think.
Guest: start bringing this to you
Guest: start learning all this stuff
Guest: you're just going to start paying
Guest: attention to this more your
Guest: awareness and like see you can't
Guest: unknow it and and it just you're
Guest: going to notice more of those cars
Guest: you're going to notice more how to
Guest: get how you know you're going to
Guest: notice how to advance
Guest: your happiness or your mental
Guest: health right it's really what i'm
Guest: saying and i'm saying the same
Guest: thing well my health because i
Guest: Because I don't think it's a good
Guest: don't i don't really use the term
Guest: mental health to be honest
Guest: with you I think the term needs it
Guest: word.
Guest: Mind health.
Guest: needs a whole makeover
Guest: Yes.
Kevin: it
Guest: needs a makeover and we need to get
Guest: rid of the word mental that is not
Guest: a good word on it's just not and so
Guest: what is mental health and that is
Guest: something I ask people that's part
Guest: of what I'll say because the first
Guest: step is we need
Guest: to create common language we do not
Guest: have common language so until we
Guest: have common language we're not
Guest: going to move we don't have it in
Guest: the system whatever if there's a
Guest: system I don't know if there's
Guest: really but you know we don't have
Guest: it in health care common language
Guest: we don't have in the
Guest: the community we don't have in the
Guest: workplace we don't have we need to
Guest: create common language is that
Guest: first step it is so so important
Guest: it's understanding that is
Guest: important because
Kevin: with Shed Talk, and we talked about
Kevin: Shed Talk and we do Men's Night,
Kevin: the movement and stuff. It wasn't
Kevin: Shed Talk.
Kevin: Why don't you guys come to a mental
Kevin: health night at Chet Talk, nobody
Kevin: would ever show. Like, it's like,
Kevin: the wording is so wrong.
Kevin: oh
Guest: i've still stopped using it because
Guest: as soon as you say that everyone
Guest: just steps back i have a cousin
Guest: who's like a super creative he's a
Guest: creative director it's super
Guest: talented he says I keep wanting to
Guest: do that ad, you know, run for
Guest: cancer, and you see tens of
Guest: thousands of people
Guest: lined up run for mental health, and
Guest: nobody's there. It's still it has
Guest: such a stigma. And if you really
Guest: look at the term, it's all about
Guest: well being the terms well being
Guest: it's about being able to, you know,
Guest: participate in life show up for
Guest: life, really, but it's not.
Guest: And so I'm like, we need to name it
Guest: the really the way it is. So
Guest: proactive mind health is
Guest: prevention.
Guest: It is proactive that's my term it's
Guest: mind health.
Guest: it's well -being and it's and if
Guest: you're struggling i call that a
Guest: brain
Guest: health challenge because that's
Guest: what our brain health issue that is
Guest: what you have you have something
Guest: with your brain it is a medical
Guest: thing you have to right but this
Guest: mental is it and i'll ask people
Guest: okay when you hear the term mental
Guest: health do you think of sickness or
Guest: wellness
Guest: and most people will say sickness
Guest: and yet it is about wellness like
Guest: it's just it's just confusing to
Guest: people and I really think it the
Guest: Well, yeah.
Guest: whole needs a whole new makeover it
Guest: needs a whole new lens of
Guest: what this is and then it has it
Guest: requires a whole new I don't get me
Guest: started down this rabbit hole
Guest: because it needs to be treated
Guest: differently than physical health
Guest: mental health like for example
Guest: if you're struggling you should not
Guest: have to go into an emergency room
Guest: where there's other people with
Guest: physical there should be a if I had
Guest: all the money if I win that big
Guest: lottery I am building the
Guest: the mental health emergency room
Guest: where you go in it, it's, you're
Guest: told the minute you get there,
Guest: you've come to the right place,
Guest: we've got you. And that it's
Guest: immediate, you don't have to wait
Guest: there, you don't have to suffer
Guest: behind your eyes, like it's just so
Guest: compassionate and loving. And from
Guest: the time you get in there, they
Guest: start feeding your gut health, they
Guest: start, you know, you're in
Guest: a nice environment that feels safe
Guest: and loving. And it's, you know,
Guest: inspiring, whether it's lots lots
Guest: of nature there. It's color, it's
Guest: texture, lots of art on the wall.
Guest: There's science behind
Guest: all of this, right? And then
Guest: there's no, you're going to go and
Guest: you're going to, you're going to be
Guest: released from the hospital and
Guest: you're going to go straight home.
Guest: There needs to be that happy home
Guest: in the middle where you're going to
Guest: go and build skills and tools. Like
Guest: it's just, I just,
Guest: yeah, I see it in such a different
Guest: way, but you know, I, I saw my
Guest: family go through it and I saw what
Guest: didn't work and uh so yeah they're
Guest: just i yeah no
Kevin: no and it's amazing because as as
Kevin: i'm sitting here and i'm listening
Kevin: to you and i'm visualizing this
Kevin: because i'm thinking of the
Kevin: hospital as men and i'm getting
Kevin: into older gentlemen in 50 plus 55
Kevin: plus and suicide rates and then all
Kevin: of a sudden when all of a sudden
Kevin: they're going to
Kevin: a place just to go to the hospital
Kevin: you're right you you're you're just
Kevin: put along the cattle line and say
Kevin: okay we can get you in there versus
Kevin: to ask a better question to have a
Kevin: place where they
Kevin: can actually go and say here's
Kevin: here's where it's safe for you in
Kevin: that environment to have a
Kevin: conversation
Kevin: yeah
Guest: you
Guest: it's just bro and i am not here i
Guest: am not a whistleblower i'm not here
Guest: to criticize i'm i'm very much uh
Guest: open to understand that we're just
Guest: under -resourced for what this
Guest: really is
Guest: you know it's it takes a lot it
Guest: know
Guest: takes a lot of time it takes a lot
Guest: of money we're just under
Guest: -resourced right so it's nobody's
Guest: fault it just is the way it is but
Guest: it breaks my heart when
Guest: my heart i
Guest: When I hear people, they, you know,
Guest: landed in the hospital and they
Guest: were suicidal and they're out in 48
Guest: hours with like, you know, you can
Guest: go home. It's like, oh, that
Guest: doesn't that's not how there needs
Guest: to be a more process to that.
Guest: And I mean, that's on the reactive
Guest: mean
Guest: side, which I really am not. So I'm
Guest: careful not to go there. These are
Guest: just my personal opinions of if I
Guest: was the ruler of the earth and I
Guest: had unlimited funds, I would so
Guest: revamp this so much, but I'm not.
Guest: And and so what can I do instead? I
Guest: can be over here and I can teach
Guest: people skills and tools and I feel
Guest: like what I offer is that
Guest: again I don't if you're suffering
Guest: you need to go see your doctor I'm
Guest: not your unicorn however what I
Guest: offer is for everyone because I
Guest: want somebody to find something
Guest: that aha moment where they break
Guest: through and they go oh this is
Guest: hopeful there is maybe something
Guest: possible and that's magic and And
Guest: I've been able to do that. And
Guest: that's magic when that happens,
Guest: when you know you can touch
Guest: somebody. And back to your
Guest: question,
Guest: when you said the corporate piece,
Guest: and say,
Guest: what happens?
Guest: I'll tell you, I'm a bit of a rock
Guest: star after I do this. People, I
Guest: think what my superpower is, I
Guest: create safety and trust through
Guest: that you can't shock me.
Guest: And I get lined up and people want
Guest: to start just pouring their stuff
Guest: out to me. Can I go for coffee? Can
Guest: we, thank you so much. thank you
Guest: for saying that I blah blah blah
Guest: you know they want to share and I
Guest: get a lot of men
Guest: and they read their their ones can
Guest: we please go for coffee and they
Guest: start saying stuff right and it's
Guest: incredible how I get to see that
Guest: that's you can't give me a million
Guest: dollar check I mean
Guest: I'm getting shivers right now it's
Guest: beautiful when you know that maybe
Guest: you've brought hope to somebody and
Guest: yeah
Kevin: interesting because a lot of men
Kevin: when when you you're doing this
Kevin: talk like you're talking right now
Kevin: and i'm listening to you and how
Kevin: many men actually don't have anyone
Kevin: to talk to to tell that story, what
Kevin: you just said today,
Kevin: and then just the visualization
Kevin: that you're not alone, and then all
Kevin: of a sudden mental health, that
Kevin: it's okay.
Kevin: So when you're doing these talks
Kevin: with a corporate level,
Kevin: obviously corporate has their own
Kevin: mental health organizations
Kevin: within their organization, but
Kevin: we've found that a lot of men will
Kevin: not use the mental health
Kevin: organizations in their facilities
Kevin: is because they feel that they are
Kevin: being judged they are oh they're
Kevin: going to know that i took this and
Kevin: there's something wrong so it's
Kevin: trying to get men to communicate
Kevin: knowing that this is a
Kevin: factor but we need to build
Kevin: something else outside of that so
Kevin: they can actually come and have
Kevin: that conversation and still feel
Kevin: safe but you don't have to worry
Kevin: about your corporate on that side
Kevin: you
Kevin: I
Kevin: understand where i'm
Kevin: totally
Guest: know what you're saying. And that's
Guest: exactly what I am working to do, is
Guest: to integrate this more proactive
Guest: approach. So everybody matters. it
Guest: belongs to everybody so if you're
Guest: struggling you don't have to come
Guest: forward and say oh or
Guest: whatever that you know there's
Guest: there's still that unknown that
Guest: uncertainty and and that stigma
Guest: there's still the stigma right and
Guest: if you're able to just be everybody
Guest: this is available to everybody
Guest: the impact you can have is huge you
Guest: never know what's going on behind
Guest: someone's eyes and you never know
Guest: the ripple effect of something and
Guest: so we really I mean I hope I get to
Guest: see it in my
Guest: my lifetime, marked here that it is
Guest: I'm not a kid that
Guest: prevention is the hope. And
Guest: corporations have to start waking
Guest: up. And this is the work I'm doing.
Guest: And do you see the lump on the side
Guest: of my head? Because I just banged
Guest: my head against the wall. And I
Guest: really do believe most leaders want
Guest: to do better. I really do. I
Guest: believe they don't understand what
Guest: that really means, right?
Guest: And again, it sounds scary. Like,
Guest: are you going to hurt my people?
Guest: Are you going to come in? Are you
Guest: going to change everything it's
Guest: like, no, that's not the way it has
Guest: to be, right? It's just be open to
Guest: what this is. But
Guest: then I'll hear leaders say, Oh,
Guest: well, you know, if someone's
Guest: struggling, we've just upped our
Guest: benefits to 2000 from 1000. And I'm
Guest: like,
Guest: yippee, that's great. Don't get me
Guest: wrong. That's great. But that tells
Guest: me how much you know about mental
Guest: health, because somebody could
Guest: spend that money in one week, if
Guest: they have to seek treatment or
Guest: something, you know, services
Guest: outside of what's
Guest: offered. And it could take them 10
Guest: years or a lifetime recover. Now
Guest: what?
Guest: Now what? Don't wait for that to
Guest: happen. Like take that proactive
Guest: approach, set people up, create
Guest: that environment.
Guest: You know, I don't think it's, it's
Guest: not corporate responsibility.
Guest: You're not, a corporation's not
Guest: responsible for the people's
Guest: happiness, but it is responsibility
Guest: to create the environment for
Guest: people to thrive. And so what will
Guest: that look like in your
Guest: organization? Again, just like
Guest: everything else it's a snowflake so
Guest: until I get in and just figure out
Guest: you know what's all that it's
Guest: custom
Guest: created per per organization but
Guest: yeah it's it's time we need we like
Guest: I said this needs to be integrated
Guest: into schools into corporate culture
Guest: we know to start talking about at
Guest: the dinner table
Guest: and I know how to talk about it and
Guest: talk about it more in an hopeful
Guest: way right to bring that hope so so
Guest: I do happiness coaching I have like
Guest: a 30 days to happiness and when
Guest: people come to me and And they'll
Guest: share, I need to know your past.
Guest: And they'll start going, they'll
Guest: start going.
Guest: I'm like, oh, no, no, we don't go
Guest: there. I don't need to know all
Guest: that. You are so stuck in the
Guest: rearview mirror. I get that. If you
Guest: have trauma and whatever, whatever
Guest: that is, you do need to go, you
Guest: know, to a therapist or whatever.
Guest: That's not what I do. What I do is
Guest: we're going to look out the front
Guest: windshield and I'm going to focus
Guest: on what's great about you.
Guest: I'm going to focus on what's the
Guest: possibilities and the
Guest: opportunities. And we're going to
Guest: start to bring that out. And you
Guest: know what starts to happen when you
Guest: do that?
Guest: This starts to diminish.
Guest: This starts to diminish. Because if
Guest: you break it down, break it down,
Guest: every person who's struggling,
Guest: again, I don't believe I matter.
Guest: I'm not lovable. Some unresolved
Guest: past trauma.
Guest: It's that. So if we can, you know,
Guest: make someone feel lovable, make
Guest: them feel seen or heard, make them
Guest: feel like they matter, it's a game
Guest: changer. People can switch like
Guest: that. and how
Kevin: interesting because when we go back
Kevin: 50 years ago to where we are today
Kevin: and how much more we've talked we
Kevin: talked more about it it's more open
Kevin: now to be able to have this
Kevin: conversation that we're more self
Kevin: -aware and then we talk about
Kevin: charities there's charities
Kevin: that they're really good charities
Kevin: but they're all known for raising
Kevin: money so you say oh here's a
Kevin: charity and i'm not going to say
Kevin: names or anything like that because
Kevin: the idea is that here's a charity
Kevin: we raise money we're raising money
Kevin: they're great at fundraising
Kevin: oh we're we're amazing and i'll use
Kevin: because i'm in mental health is
Kevin: that also we're going to do say
Kevin: mental health but it's but it has
Kevin: nothing to do with that you're
Kevin: great at making money but let's
Kevin: actually get to the real reason and
Kevin: then create like what you just
Kevin: talked about that
Kevin: communication to get there why they
Kevin: want to feel loved why they want to
Kevin: feel present that has never ever
Kevin: been said, versus, you know what, I
Kevin: need money so that we can help men
Kevin: that get to this. It's no, let's go
Kevin: the other way, okay?
Kevin: Let's take the therapy, let's take
Kevin: this to them versus them coming to
Kevin: us and asking a better question,
Kevin: controlling the narrative, and see
Kevin: what we can
Kevin: do to change. Because your goal and
Kevin: ambition, when you look at this,
Kevin: and thank you very much, is about
Kevin: the bigger picture, is that how our
Kevin: health care could change to do
Kevin: this. If I had all the money in the
Kevin: world and had all the power in the
Kevin: world, this is how we would do it,
Kevin: which which is beautiful, but we
Kevin: have to start with one conversation
Kevin: that we do here.
Kevin: you
Guest: know I love that again I you know I
Guest: I choose I choose because it is a
Guest: choice to always see the the good.
Guest: But I also don't have blinders on,
Guest: right. And so I thought for years,
Guest: I would find
Guest: a place to make a difference in
Guest: somewhere in the healthcare system.
Guest: So like, you know, I was approached
Guest: to be a mental health first aid
Guest: instructor. I'm peer support
Guest: trained.
Guest: I was part of a, a initiative that
Guest: came out of, well, it originally
Guest: started out of the Mental Health
Guest: Commission of Canada. And it was, I
Guest: loved what they were doing. And
Guest: they would come up with like
Guest: like an initiative. And then every
Guest: city across the country would have
Guest: like a lead person that would
Guest: implement this. And I was one of
Guest: the lead people in Calgary. And so
Guest: they came out with a
Guest: teen suicide campaign. And this
Guest: campaign, I can't say this on air,
Guest: had a really dark name to it. They
Guest: spent hundreds of thousands of
Guest: dollars on this campaign. But it
Guest: came across wrong,
Guest: because it came almost across like
Guest: um that you're faking it like it
Guest: was faking thing and i and i
Guest: recognized this right away and they
Guest: wanted this in all schools and i
Guest: was like i don't know any
Guest: school that's going to allow this
Guest: campaign around suicide and so i
Guest: said well let's let's keep this
Guest: let's keep let's follow this but
Guest: let's just rebrand it and i said
Guest: let's call it you matter
Guest: to me because really i think if
Guest: someone's struggling they need to
Guest: know they matter and and they need
Guest: a hug. They need to know, I got
Guest: you. Those are the best words you
Guest: could say is, I got you. Or the
Guest: best words you could say to someone
Guest: is, I love all of you. And say
Guest: that.
Guest: I love the good. I love the bad. I
Guest: love all of you, right? And so I
Guest: said, let's call it You Matter to
Guest: Me. And we, I was covered on, you
Guest: can still Google it, front page
Guest: cover of the Herald did
Guest: an article. I did a pep rally at a
Guest: really popular high school. It was
Guest: so well received. We talked about
Guest: the power of music we had got
Guest: healthy food for the kids we had
Guest: communication we had a photo
Guest: booth and my takeaway that day was
Guest: 2 -1 -1 at the time so if you're
Guest: not feeling like yourself at least
Guest: call 2 -1 -1 and just start there
Guest: like call somebody and making it
Guest: feel safe right super
Guest: successful and turned out that
Guest: months later there was a child in
Guest: the this class that was in the
Guest: hospital and all the kids came
Guest: together and they were so
Guest: devastated and they all got
Guest: bracelets and they all wore their
Guest: bracelets to school and it was this
Guest: connection like it felt like there
Guest: was this hope right and and then
Guest: that night I did a big uh an adult
Guest: event at the National Music Center
Guest: and it was all in the power of
Guest: music and just having this
Guest: conversation and I felt like
Guest: it was such a such success and and
Guest: in the end I was the last soldier
Guest: standing in the group because every
Guest: I was the only person in the
Guest: community on this group and
Guest: everybody else was from a non
Guest: -profit
Guest: it and they all came to me and they
Guest: said Karen we we can't do this this
Guest: You're just going to be on the
Guest: this goes against our
Guest: ground. mandates and it could ruin
Guest: our funding so I was on my own and
Guest: so that was the day I said to
Guest: myself I am meant to be my own
Guest: soldier out there and do my own
Guest: thing and I'm going to be about
Guest: prevention
Guest: and proactive so that was kind of
Guest: what really kicked it off for me so
Guest: so I hear you when you're saying
Guest: that too and and I've I've been
Guest: asked to sit at a lot of tables I
Guest: have been asked to sit
Guest: at a lot of tables and it's the
Guest: same thing it's the same
Guest: conversations and we're kind of
Guest: dinosaurs in this area and I and I
Guest: just got to ask this question if
Guest: what we have been doing all these
Guest: years was working then why is
Guest: then why isn't it helping?
Guest: mental health going in the wrong
Guest: direction that's that I'm just
Guest: going
Guest: to say it there so we need we need
Guest: to we need to think differently we
Guest: need to think differently we need
Guest: to think about possibilities and
Guest: opportunities that
Kevin: is absolutely wonderful. You know
Kevin: what? Thank you, Karen.
Kevin: This has been an absolutely
Kevin: wonderful experience having you on
Kevin: Shed Talk with Kevin Haldi.
Kevin: howdy Like, share, subscribe, see
Kevin: where it is. But before we go,
Kevin: Karen, how do they find you?
Guest: uh hapafighthub .com but can i do
Guest: one little plug
Kevin: so
Kevin: Of course.
Guest: november 4th i am hosting the pause
Guest: at azur ridge it's a one -day
Guest: retreat and it is going to be
Guest: experiential so if you want to come
Guest: and build skills and tools and
Guest: explore i highly suggest um i in
Guest: the corporate work that i do so
Guest: there is a conference in europe
Guest: called happiness camp so it's
Guest: europe's largest well -being in the
Guest: workplace conference and this year
Guest: i was asked to be on the reset
Guest: alliance so i am uh there's 130 130
Guest: of us from 45 countries.
Guest: And I think there's, as far as I
Guest: know, there's only two of us from
Guest: Canada. And so I was all part of
Guest: this conversation. And you're
Guest: talking from Disney, TikTok. I
Guest: mean, you can just go on their
Guest: website and see all the companies
Guest: that were there about the future of
Guest: workplace well -being and human
Guest: work that's
Guest: sustainability and what the hope
Guest: is. So I got to be at the table
Guest: with
Guest: some of the biggest brains.
Guest: And the conversations we had are
Guest: incredible about the hope. and i'm
Guest: bringing that conversation to yyc i
Guest: am on a movement to get companies
Guest: to stand up to get people to do
Guest: this and i just invite everyone to
Guest: come along i'd love to see them
Guest: there and just
Guest: come see what's possible come
Guest: experience the hope so happifiedhub
Guest: .com
Kevin: november 4th make sure you go
Kevin: go as a ridge calgary
Kevin: azurage
Guest: as a ridge it's on their website as
Guest: well too what a beautiful place to
Guest: come for a pause for what we were
Guest: talking about and just but and
Guest: everything we're doing this just
Guest: when we were
Guest: talking about that how do you know
Guest: so i'm a researcher so i'm not an
Guest: expert in any one area i know a
Guest: little about enough but i know
Guest: enough to be dangerous my thing is
Guest: i'm a connector so i go
Guest: out and i research the best and the
Guest: brightest and then i connect you to
Guest: them and that's what that day is
Guest: going to be everything is backed by
Guest: science everything is like modern
Guest: spirituality and science are
Guest: thank
Guest: finally coming together and we are
Guest: going to take you on a journey that
Guest: day and we're going
Guest: going to show you what's possible
Guest: and then we're going to empower you
Guest: to what you want to take away from
Guest: it so yeah thank you very much yeah
Guest: thank you
Kevin: you guys on shed talk
Guest: there
Guest: you go yeah