Friendship is the Foundation, Intimacy is the Baseline

In this episode of Behind the Blonde, Kirby is joined once again by her husband, Britt, for a raw, honest, and deeply intimate conversation about sex, connection, and what it really takes to sustain desire in a long-term relationship.

Following last week’s theme of intention and information, this episode goes between the sheets — unpacking why friendship may be the foundation of a relationship, but intimacy is the baseline. Together, Kirby and Britt explore how emotional connection impacts physical intimacy, why sex becomes a barometer for relational health, and how communication (both in and out of the bedroom) is essential for growth rather than regression.

From navigating insecurity, body image, and ego, to dismantling shame around sex, porn, and performance, this conversation offers both the female and male perspective on why intimacy is far more mental, emotional, and vulnerable than we’re often taught. They talk openly about frequency, spontaneity vs. scheduling, the role of sobriety, eye contact, foreplay, reassurance, and the power of simply feeling seen and desired by your partner.

This episode isn’t about doing it “right.”
It’s about doing it intentionally — with curiosity, honesty, and compassion.

If this conversation made you feel seen, challenged, or slightly uncomfortable… good. That’s intimacy.

What is Behind the Blonde?

For anyone who’s been in the opposite place of where they want to be 🩷
Real talk, raw truth and a little sparkle ✨ Kirby discuses sex, relationships, ditching alcohol and what it means to really be happy 🌸

Hey, it's Kirby Myers and you're
listening to Behind the Blonde.

So this is a podcast for anyone
who's ever been in the opposite

place of where they want to be.

So last week we talked about
no resolutions, choosing

clarity and collecting data.

While this week's specific subject matter
is very different, the theme is still the

same, which is intention and information.

This time between.

The sheets.

So joining me again today is
my husband, my best friend,

and my lover, Britt Meyers.

Welcome to the show.

Well, first of all, I'm honored to
be back on the podcast for a second

time, and it's not just me, our dog
Boomer is sitting right beside me.

He may join the podcast.

He might not.

So be ready for that as well
from a special guest appearance.

And I also wanna point out.

That you told me to get me on the
show today that the topic would be

when do you take down the holiday
lights After Christmas or the holiday.

Yes.

Yeah.

And so this is not at all the topics,
so we'll talk about sex evidently.

The whole point of today's
show is that while.

Friendship in a relationship
is the foundation.

Intimacy is the baseline.

I know for you and I, we had this instant
sexual chemistry, pheromones, right?

Where there's this magnetism and you
kind of can't stay away from that person.

You're attracted to the smell and
you just love everything about them.

It still takes a while.

No matter how much you love somebody,
to really let your guard down

completely and fully in a way that
you can communicate your needs, what

you like, what you don't like, what
feels good, what doesn't feel good.

I think you and I have realized
throughout our relationship

that when we are intimate.

More frequently.

That is really the barometer for how we
are doing as a couple, and it takes work.

It's not always spontaneous magic,
especially in long-term relationships.

We've been together for seven years
now, which isn't even that long compared

to a lot of other couples we know.

But you know, when you add in children or
families or work lives and all of these.

Other things that we have going on?

Yes, it is required maintenance.

I believe that, and that doesn't
mean it has to be boring, that just

means it has to be intentional.

It has to be thought about,
and it has to be communicated.

So for women, I think sex is
not something that we just do.

It's something that requires
our entire nervous system.

So I wanna know for you, when we
are more connected emotionally,

does that change sex for you?

The stigma of sex and how we should
perform and who we are as men

is handed to us constantly from
magazines and videos, conversations

all pretty much tied around our ego.

Right.

And so what gets lost in that naturally,
as we all know, particularly with

porn and things like that, is how
a man should perform, what a woman

likes and how she should react if
we're doing a good job, and that men

should be ready to go at all time.

All those things come into play
and we know none of that's real.

When it comes to your partner and your
sex life, I think the ego, the security,

the insecurities, am I doing this right?

Is she happy?

How do I look?

Is just the right time
and so on and so on.

That comes into play just as
much for men as it does women,

and now you're learning to.

Communicate and find out a, what's
not just important to you, but

what's important to them and
what do they like and what do

they, what do they like to hear?

And what kind of compliments do I like to
hear and am I sharing what matters to me?

I know it's not rocket
science, and there's different

parameters that come into play.

If you have kids your age group,

but overall, I think that that
security within two people,

particularly a guy in all of the.

Modern parameters and expectations and
all the things that guys are told they

have to have, it really kind of goes
out the window after a while, right?

Because the newness is over and all the
stuff, you know, when you first meet,

you're, you're grooming and you're
prepping, and you make sure you look

the right way and say the right thing.

You're nervous and all that, but
how do you keep that alive, I

guess, is the question, right?

And how do you keep that going?

And I think you're either always
moving forward in your sex

life or you're going backwards.

And you're going to go backwards some,
I don't think anybody's ever said, oh,

we've always gotten better, but to.

Consciously try to strive to move
forward and not move backwards that

much or when it starts to happen?

How do you get back on track?

I think you have to take things into
consideration, and I don't think

there's a right or a wrong for everyone.

It's different, but I think if you
are a guy the thing we need to do more

of, is communication and openness.

Like, here's where I'm
feeling this is what I need.

I would like this differently,
and not only are we trying not to

have our own feelings hurt as men,

I think men are always worried about
hurting their partner's feelings too,

That is probably one of the most.

Uncomfortable conversations to have
and it's not that somebody's doing

something wrong, it's just not
necessarily what feels the best for you.

There's something that feels better,
whether it's a quarter of an inch to

the left, you know what I'm saying?

But saying that is very.

Uncomfortable at first.

So I know that you and I, we've
always like asked each other a lot

of questions outside of the bedroom.

And I think having those
questions sometimes in the moment.

Maybe can be a little
uncomfortable to begin with.

One of the things that we do a lot, not
necessarily always sexually, but we always

play this question game and whether it's
like, what superpower would you have or

if you could travel anywhere in the world,
those are just simple, silly examples.

But if you're just ever sitting around
in a moment with your partner where

you're like, Hey, let's just kind of
bounce some questions off of each other,

uh, whether it's, what's your favorite?

Body part of mine.

And what's your favorite
body part of yours?

You know, ask them about themselves.

What feels the best when I touch you?

And you're just kind of having these,
disarmed moments where you're not in

the midst of it and you feel kind of
awkward 'cause you don't want them to

think that they've done something wrong
or they're not liking what you're doing.

But maybe on a date night or just over
dinner, or you have a moment alone,

you're like, Hey, let's just play a
little question game and learn a little

bit more about each other in that way.

I think that that's always helpful.

You gather that information and
maybe, hopefully learn something

new about that other person and
then carry it into the bedroom.

When you're in the sheets, if somebody's
doing something you do like, I think the

confirmation of, oh, that feels amazing,
or, I love that, or keep doing that.

So if you're not super comfortable being
vocal about the things you don't love,

at least give them the confirmation
on the things that feel great.

It's all about you and your
partner and communicating.

You know, some people want sexy
talk, you know, and talk dirty.

Some people do that and it sounds
weird, and you're like, whoa,

maybe, maybe don't say that again.

Um, for some people they
just eat it up and love it.

But if you don't know that, unless
you're talking to your partner, you know,

little things like that matter, right?

And, comfortability and time is huge
because you bring that up and like,

I am obviously way more transparent
and open than you are on this podcast,

but for me, talking during intimacy
was not something that was ever.

Very natural for me.

Mm-hmm.

And over time in our relationship, I
have gotten more and more used to that

and I have really come to enjoy it.

I actually find that when I vocalize how
I'm feeling or just saying things out

loud or maybe complimenting you during
sex it actually heightens the pleasure.

It actually heightens the sensation.

It works both ways.

Because these insecurities that
men don't talk about, right?

They don't like to share.

They're not sharing with
their buddy about it.

Like, Hey, I really feel like I'm
putting on a few pounds over here.

I wonder if my wife's looking at that
we're not talking about that all the time.

So if you're able to share
that with your husband, our

partner, and vice versa mm-hmm.

It matters, right?

Yes.

And um, so.

And you and I have talked about
this before, we grew up differently

and everyone grows up differently.

I grew up in, as I've talked
about, the Bible Belt south near

Atlanta in the church community.

And even though the Bible and whether
you talk about the Koran or if you're

Hindu or you're a Buddhist or you're
agnostic, we know in reality that sex

is beautiful and those things talk about
sex being beautiful and a great thing.

But the flip side is if you grow up in
church like I did at least, and the family

dynamic in the South is sex is something
you don't really talk about that much.

You might get the talk as a
teenager, uh, with parents, and

that's become more normalized.

But truthfully, it's not
something you talk about.

It's even looked at with a
lens of maybe scrutiny, sin.

Yeah.

You know, or it's, it's
dirty or it's we, you know.

Do you think that's what flows over
into adulthood and relationships where

then it's less normal to fine couples
that are really open about their sex

life and really talk about it because
it is something that in general,

is more taboo, no matter how, you
know, you grew up when it's the most.

Primal common thing that all of us do.

It is the least talked about thing.

We put shame on it, right?

We do.

We put shame on it.

And then you're taught now again,
whether or not you grew up in the church

or some type of religious parameters.

And I don't mean to use the word
parameters in a negative way, but

in the case of sex, you're really
taught not to talk about it.

And not just because it feels weird, but
it could be looked at as a negative thing,

and I'm not one of these people.

I'm not a big fan.

I'm not trying to be political here,
but this idea of locker room talk

that we've heard from politics.

I grew up in a lot of locker rooms.

And I'm not bragging, I just, but
I happened to play a lot of sports

through high school and college.

That wasn't locker room talk.

Yeah, it wasn't always
this, this, this, this.

Now guys do talk a certain way,
but I'm not a big fan of the.

Outspoken guy, you know, his sexual con.

'cause again, that to me, that's
more ego driven than reality.

And that's actually the opposite
of what's probably gonna help you

and your partner is that outward.

Let me impress my buddies.

And we're all guilty of it.

We all do it in some ways, but
you know, that's what she said.

Jokes and that's what we do.

And it, there's a joke, there's the
jokes are there to put a parameter,

you know, of security because
it feels weird to talk about.

Right?

And if we joke about it or beat
our chest about it, that keeps

me from having to be real.

Or address what I'm really thinking about.

So when you bring that
into the relationship.

As a guy and you're nervous and
you're insecure, and you're not

able to talk about it with someone.

Yeah, it's gonna make a difference.

It's gonna make a huge difference.

We talk about information.

So that goes back to the communication
of knowing what people like.

Knowing, you know, maybe how
often they would like to have it.

But then the intention portion of
it, I think is huge because you can

have sex just to have sex, just to
check off the box and be like, oh,

okay, we're married, or you know, we
haven't had sex this week, so we gotta

figure it out and we gotta do it.

But intimacy with intention where
you are completely in the moment,

you're not letting your mind wander.

And that can be difficult.

I will admit that when you are an
adult that has children, or even if

you don't, you have a job, you have a
million things on your plate, there's

a lot going on in our brains in this
world, so much data floating around.

So when you're in that moment to
tell yourself, this is where I am.

I deserve pleasure.

I deserve to climax, and literally saying
those affirmations over and over again.

It actually heightens.

Stimulation, it heightens the experience.

I think it's just intimacy and I think
we use that word the wrong way a lot of

times when really intimate is openness.

Because if you think about it,
we're never more vulnerable.

Than we are when your clothes are
off, you're, you wake up beside

somebody, they might snore.

They, you know, all the real,
the realities of it is there.

It's not porn, it's
not, that's not reality.

Right.

I mean, and, and again, if you
watch porn, most people watch it.

That's not a judgment call, I'm just
saying, but the truth is that's not real.

Real is waking up beside someone,
knowing them for a longer period of time.

And that's what we're
talking about with partners.

You know, how do you keep the sexual
relationship growing versus regressing?

And so.

For men, all this stuff's in your head,
the workday, your ego's tied to your

success of your work, and providing,
and all the stuff that comes with being

a man that you put on the shoulders.

And I know totally applies to women
too, and all the things that go

on there, but all that stuff is
there and now you suddenly, you're

this vulnerable with someone.

And what's standing in the way of growth
is these insecurities or thoughts and

so if you're not able to get past that,
it's always gonna be holding you back.

We're all guilty of it.

I certainly am.

If you think I'm sitting here talking
about it with Johnny Sex answers

today on the podcast, that's not me.

I can only talk about me and what I see.

You brought up porn and that's a big one.

I mean, I'm not gonna lie, I have.

Watched a lot of porn in my life
a lot and when we met, um, we

went through a phase where we did.

We enjoyed watching it together as
well too, and that's been something

that's been out of our relationship
now for a couple of years.

I found that interesting
that I think actually when

alcohol left the relationship.

That was a game changer.

Intimacy without alcohol
is a game changer.

So we were able to get to a
comfortability level that we never

had before, and I think we found that
we just didn't need that anymore.

I think you have to ask the question,
what, what do I need from that that

I'm not getting from my partner?

Doesn't mean it's wrong, it
might be something that does

spice up your relationship again.

There is no right way or wrong way, but
it is how do you uphold intimacy and

the drive with the partner you're with?

If that's something that helps, great,
but I think it can take away because

if the question is, what does that
offer me that I'm not getting, getting?

Without that.

Mm-hmm.

You have, you need to, you need
to ask that question and, and if

there's a great answer to it, great.

If it's something that's really holding
you back from another mo, you know,

from another level of intimacy with your
partner, I think that's something you

need to discuss openly with each other.

Like, this is what I get from that.

This is what I like.

And you can think well.

Okay, that's fine.

You know, you first start dating and
there's nothing but praise and you

overlook some things and you're happy,
and we all know how relationships go.

Over time.

The little things that bother
us, we start to pick at each

other and those types of things.

I think that can be true in
sex too, as we, we start.

Forgetting what was great and the newness
and the fun stuff, and we start finding

the things we don't like or you know,
he or she doesn't look the same way

anymore instead of finding like, Hey,
this is what I love about my partner.

The things I worship about her
body or think is just amazing.

And letting them know that regularly.

Guys love to hear it too.

I mean, you know, you can make a guy
feel like a king, just tell 'em how

amazing they are, how great they look.

They need that play off of that, um,
makes a huge difference in, getting

outta the shower, taking your shirt off.

Yeah.

And I think learning to accept a
compliment as well is a huge one for

me as a woman, no matter who we are, no
matter what we look like, no matter what

shape we're in, to your point, we are
always so unbelievably hard on ourselves.

We can find the one little thing
that nobody else sees to focus on.

So I think training yourself
to take the compliment.

When, uh, Britt and I first met, you
know, after having kids, my least favorite

place on my body, absolute least favorite
place where I've kept the stretch marks

from pregnancy and the, you know, little
bit of cellulite on the side of my hips

and you know, that's never gonna go away.

It.

Be a little bit of a discomfort point
for me, and it ended up being his

favorite place on my body and now it's
like one of my favorite places on my

body, but I had to really let it go.

I remember at first when you
would touch it or grab it.

I'm not trying to make this an X-rated
podcast, but I would thank you.

My body would tense up.

A little bit because I was like,
oh, that's the spot that I don't, I

don't know if he's looking at that.

Can he see that jiggle?

Can he see that cellulite?

And you were so complimentary of it.

You loved it, that now it's something
that I can literally look at and love

and accept, and think is beautiful.

But I had to in those first even
couple of years, when you would say,

oh, I love this, or This is amazing.

Even though my brain was saying,
oh, it's not, oh, look at this.

Oh.

I had to go.

Thank you.

And there's a lot of power
in just saying thank you to a

compliment and accepting it.

I think a lot of times we're so quick,
especially as women, when somebody

gives us a compliment, we don't feel
it to be like, oh, I don't feel that

way to come back with a negative.

So if we can come back with a positive
and come back with an acceptance of the

compliment, even if we're not feeling
it over time, that helps train ourselves

as well to feel that way internally,
which is initially coming from that.

Partner, pray.

I think most of all is, is like
anything else in life, business,

sports, whatever, it's communication.

I guess the question is, you know,
is there a right amount of of times

to have, you know, intercourse or
intimacy in a week or in a month?

And you talk to some couples and they're
like, well, you go, you know, four

times a week or five times a week.

And some are like, Hey, we
had sex three times a year.

And we know people like that.

You know, and you know,
I don't have the answer.

I can't imagine.

You know, being the people that say, Hey,
as far as my husband or wife goes, or

partner goes, it's once a week or three
times a month or something like that.

I think , it's not just about sex.

It's like, well, what does that matter?

I think whether we want to admit it or
not, a huge part of our relationships,

the way we feel with each other,
our closeness, the edge coming off.

Um, loving each other.

Our bodies are created that
way to have that closeness.

And when you have it, the
relationship is better, right?

You've talked about that.

There's no doubt that when you are having
regular sex, regular intimacy, that.

We feel closer.

It is a thing that immediately, again,
brings us back to that baseline.

So that's why I say when friendship is
the foundation, intimacy is the baseline.

Because a relationship without
sex is just a friendship.

And hopefully you have that
great friendship, but if you

don't have the intimacy, that
is the component that's missing.

For that deeper bond, for that connection.

And so I know for us, like even
just recently, obviously last week,

I had talked about going through
a really, really rough patch.

And when that happens and I have to
hold my shit together for everybody

else, for the kids and the store and
the world, the one person that gets.

The worst part of me is always you.

That's true in any relationship, right?

We take out the things on the person that
we're most close to because we know that

they're gonna love us no matter what.

And so we had gone, you know,
a couple of days without being

intimate, and I remember a few
mornings ago just leaning over

and saying, I, I just
need to be close to you.

And we, you know, we had that time
and we had, and we made the time.

And I think that that's really
important as well, because I know

that we're blended, so there's days
that we don't have the children.

So it's easy also to say, oh, you
guys have built in time to have sex.

That is true.

But we always make the time, even when the
kids are here, um, where obviously it go

about it differently, but whether you have
to wake up earlier, stay up later, find a

time where you can meet each other in the
afternoon, whatever it is that works with

your schedule, you do have to make the
time , especially if you have a family,

do, do you think you should schedule it?

I think that if you need to, there
is nothing wrong with that, but

you and I have never done that.

You and I have been more
spontaneous with it, which I think.

Has been very helpful to our
relationship, but I do think that,

I'm not naive to the fact that if we
had all three kids 24 7, there may be

moments where we're like, Hey, do you
have an hour today where you can sneak

away for lunch and meet me at home?

I don't think there's anything wrong
with that kind of scheduling at all.

Right.

I don't think every situation's different.

I mean, kids play a huge
role in your sex life, right?

You hear parents talk about all
the time, but it's not necessarily

because the kids are in the next room.

It's, again, it goes back to, in my
opinion, 'cause we can talk about our

situation is different for someone else.

But I do think more men are
less apt to admit how mental,

uh, and psychological sex is.

And we all know a lot of, um, you
know, sexual inadequacy and, and those

types of things, whether erection
issues and those types of things

when men are, are definitely mental.

And if a man, if a man ever tells
you he hasn't dealt with that before.

I'm skeptical if that man's ever had an
issue with his job or life or anything.

You know, because it is
mental things like that.

We're on men and we carry that a lot.

We talk about women a lot because
they deserve it and they have

children and there's, you know,
you can't compare that to what men

can never, you know, experience.

I get that.

But you know, if you're asking my
perspective, which is why I think I'm on

this podcast, the male perspective today
is, uh, we don't give each other enough.

Um, conversations around, uh, how,
the mental aspect plays into men's

sex life and when, and then that
ties into everything else in life.

Because if you're having the
mental openness, the communication,

the confidence, I think that
makes a huge difference.

And I think if you're trying to understand
a man and you think that they're just this

tough shell of, you know, I'm a man, I
can take this and I just wanna have sex

all the time, it's probably not true.

And there's nothing wrong with
feeding the ego in a healthy way.

Not cockiness but hey, uh, you're great
at this and I really love it when you

do this and I can't wait to see you.

And maybe some teasing on the
phone, you know, foreplay on

the phone and leading up to it.

The things you did when you first met.

Yeah, the first couple
years for sexy photos.

Maybe take it a moment because we
get lazy and, and also, you know,

you don't have to have the eight pack
that you had 20 years ago, right?

Uh, and those types of things, but maybe
taking some time to groom and do the

things that matter and you stop doing
that, taking time to groom Britain.

Should we go there?

Well, you can't, you can't wait to
pounce whatever it is your partner

likes or doesn't like doing that for
them more regularly than, uh, getting

caught up in the daily grind of work
and, you know, . we're taught as men

from a young age and beyond that.

You know, sex is a, is only physical.

It's only an accomplishment if you're
able to be the king of the mountain

and, and make the woman feel good.

And this is physical world and
porn only exasperates that.

Right?

Right.

Because that's what we get to see in porn.

It also gives us really
false expectations.

You see these movies where usually
both people are done, they climax at

the same time, miraculously, they fall
back into the sheets and they're both.

Ah, I mean that just, even if you're a
woman that does orgasm from penetration,

probably very rare that you're
gonna climax at the exact same time.

I think JI think he's, I
think George Clooney's got it.

Figured it out though.

Think course he does.

I think's real course he does, obviously.

No, but my point of that, is, is, is
there a right time for porn if you're

into it, of course, if you'd love weed
or alcohol to add to your sex life.

Whatever it is.

I'm not judging that.

I would say too much of that.

It might be an issue if you need that all
the time for your sex life, but that's,

that's between you and your partner to
figure out, but to ignore, and we're

so good at this as men and because
even talking about it right now on a

podcast, I think about what my buddies
might say when they hear me say this.

But we all know the truth.

To ignore the intimacy, the honesty, and,
and 'cause that's what leads to better.

Yeah.

Physicality.

Yeah.

That's what leads to better sex
is being going invulnerable and

whatever that cloudy thing that's
coming up to your brain saying, oh,

I can't be this vulnerable today
'cause this is holding me back.

Sure.

My body, her body, uh, something feels
good, but I'm too scared to tell her this.

Or what if I'm doing something
wrong, I need to ask her.

Yeah.

You know?

Do you like, so the more communication,
the more openness you have.

From the intimacy standpoint,
and that's what holds men back.

'cause we don't like to talk about it.

That's what's gonna lead to a
better physical relationship.

I, and speaking of vulnerability, you
just made me think about something that

is, it sounds so simple, but I think
one of the most powerful things that you

can do during sex is make eye contact.

It sounds so easy, and you're probably
thinking, oh, we do that all the time.

Well, I challenge you to next time you
are in the bedroom with your partner.

To really notice how often you
two are really locking eyes.

There is something about that that
feels a little bit scary at first

because it is, it's vulnerability.

So vulnerable.

But it is the most beautiful next
level moment that you can have.

Um, and with that also because you
know when your faces are that close

together, the power of making out.

I think, you know, we've been
together for seven years, obviously

that's still not a lot of.

Time compared to a lot of other
couples that we know that have

been together 15, 20 years.

So the longer you're together,
the more work it takes, the more

intention that it takes, the more
information hopefully you collect.

But I think staying young, if you
will, in your sex life, means going

back to the basics of when you did
first meet, you started dating, right?

You dated each other.

People talk about this all the time.

You should still date your
spouse well in the bedroom sense.

I think that people can't forget
how important foreplay is and how

important kissing is just laying there.

Some of my favorite moments with
you we're just whole holding each

other closely together, feeling each
other's skin and that closeness.

We'll draw more intimacy and more
vulnerability than anything once

we actually get to that place.

Well, it's like anything in life too.

You're not gonna be at the top of
your game in anything, much less sex

unless you're confident with yourself.

And we're not, we're
not always there, right?

Mm-hmm.

We have things that knock us off deras,
whether it's physical or mental, um, but

you have to be confident with yourself
first because as time goes on, the

world hits us with TV and social media
and whatever it is, and wait a minute,

I don't look that way anymore or.

I'm not doing it that way, or
she's not doing it that way.

And the outside world starts to tell
us things are not right because of

the physical and the, and the outward
appearance versus being with the person

and being like, okay, what is it I
still, you know, love about this person?

Right?

And what really turns me on
and what body parts do I love?

And it may not just be the, the
typical body parts, you know, that

men look at and always talk about.

It might be the curves.

It might, you know.

And I love the freckles on his shoulders.

Like that sounds, I'm
not showing those today.

I'm not gonna show you the freckles
on my shoulders, but No, but my

point is it doesn't, it doesn't
have to be the, the, the object

that you're thinking immediately.

No.

And some guys are like,
we're a good example.

Uh, I'm not, I mean, I love your
feet, but I'm not one of, I'm not

one of these foot fetish people.

Right.

But if that's your thing, you
know, how many people would

be scared to talk about that?

Right.

And then be like, you know, I really
love this, but I can't talk about it.

'cause that's, that makes me weird.

No, it's the way you're programmed.

Totally.

It doesn't make you weird.

The the natural tendency of
men is not to talk about it.

Yeah.

Or to do it, but, or women too.

Yeah.

Are taught to feel shame about it.

Like, it's not my personal thing, but I
have friends that really like roleplaying.

They're like, I wanna do this.

I wanna buy the outfits for him.

But they're scared to bring that up.

Um, again, coming down to that information
that you collect and knowing what it is

about the other person because the more
information you have, the more connection

you have, the more sex you have, the more
sex you have, the more you want to have.

The myth is only women feel
insecure about their bodies.

It affects sex, and it's more mental and
more psychological for women and for men.

It's just, it's just physical, bang,
bang, bang, physical, physical, when

it's really, I can tell you the truth
is, and, I'm gonna get judged for

this and again, that's part of it.

I feel it, right?

Mm-hmm.

A guy talking about this, and it's
not natural, but the truth is, if

women are listening to this from
my perspective or potentially a

man's perspective, is just as.

Mental and psychological, if not more
sometimes for men than it is women.

Because you can say, well, the woman's
not wanting to have sex as much.

'cause her body's changed.

Maybe she had kids and and all
the things you hear about in

society, men are just the same.

You know?

Oh, I used to have a six
pack, but now I don't.

But then we start to project,
well, it's really her, it's not me.

No, it's probably you.

It's probably something you're
projecting onto the other person.

Because you know, if you really
worship and love the person's.

Body you're with.

You're gonna be more focused on the
things you love than the things you don't.

But if you're not talking about
it, it starts to feel weird, right?

Yeah.

Oh, maybe.

Maybe we're not having sex
as much causing my belly.

Or, whatever it is, those things
start bubbling up in your head, right?

Yeah.

And the idea is men don't think that way.

Right?

Bs we do.

Right?

All men do.

Um, most, most of your,
every single one of us.

Gets in our head and the one
place you should not be in your

head should be in the bedroom.

So I think the more you do talk
about it and the more you can let

yourself just go and take a deep
breath and say, this is where I'm at.

Set.

The intention for the intimacy,
which sounds silly, but literally

tell yourself, I deserve pleasure.

I love my body.

I'm comfortable.

I love my partner's body.

And even if you have to say that over
and over again, , it allows you to

get into that space where you're not.

Overthinking it because sex is the
last thing that we should overthink.

It should just be pure pleasure,
which sounds so simple.

Should be.

Should be.

It should be easy to talk.

I should be completely comfortable
talking about it right now.

I'm not.

Yeah, I know you because I know my
buddies could be listening to this or

somebody's wife goes and says, Britt was
on a podcast, and guess what he said?

But everybody we see at the grocery
store, if you go to church, if

you go to school, everybody you
look at and talk to wants sex.

Yeah.

Or they're having sex.

Yeah.

Or they wish they were having sex.

Yeah.

And it's the one thing that
everybody skin color, uh, sexuality,

age you name it is something.

Everyone has in common.

Yes.

Whether they want to, if they're
abstaining, they still want it.

You know, you and I grew
up very differently.

You grew up very in a religious household
that didn't talk as much about it.

Um, my household was more open.

Uh, my father, we did have a
lot more conversations about it.

My parents, I could see that my parents.

Were the kind that my dad would come in
the kitchen and, you know, give my mom's

butt a squeeze and give her a kiss on
the lips, so I loved that and I think

you and I have actually adapted that.

You know, we still get it from
our kids sometimes you gross when

we're kissing in the kitchen,
but not really as much anymore

because they're kind of used to it.

We've sort of just, I don't wanna
say conditioned, but made them

comfortable with the fact that
we are two consenting adults.

That are in love, and not only
is it okay, but it's actually a

really beautiful, wonderful thing.

If you see us coming home at the end of
the day and you walk in and you give me a

big kiss and a big embrace and a big hug,
that should be the norm, not the opposite.

That's how we should be raising
our kids to think of sex as

something that is very normal.

Obviously that comes with a
lot of responsibility, but that

doesn't have a stigma tied to it.

And if you're so lucky to have that
amazing foundation of a friendship in a

relationship, if you can add that intimacy
level, then you are as good as gold.

Alright, so you know that I'm
always in keeping of time.

And by the way, if you're enjoying
this, I almost always forget every week

to say, please like, and subscribe and
hit that little bell button on YouTube.

Or if you're listening out in the
podcast world, you can like, and rate.

We appreciate it so very much.

So as we leave you today, Bri,
I wanna know, we have so many

female listeners out there.

What advice would you leave them with
when it comes down to how important

intimacy is to a relationship
and that being the real baseline,

well, I think it's everything.

Otherwise you have a roommate or a friend.

It takes, it takes commitment.

It takes knowing each other.

Without getting too
comfortable and too complacent.

So it all in all, it takes communication.

I do like that I'm a podcaster
now talking about sex on YouTube.

So I'm gonna get a t-shirt
that says, uh, sexual YouTuber.

Um, so sexual YouTuber, that's me.

And, um.

Oh my God.

Truth is I don't have all
the answers, neither do you.

We know that.

But if I had advice or just something
that might help someone else and say, Hey,

we're having sex once a week and we've
been married 10 years and we've got two

kids, or five kids, or one kid or a dog.

And there's things that come into
play and there's variables of course,

but I would say communication,

the truth is it's probably
projection, it's probably insecurity.

We're all getting older,
so that reassurance you

talked about a lot earlier.

Yeah.

Yeah.

On both sides.

And, if it's intimate, then
it's always something deeper.

That's gonna be something
that you can grow on.

Right?

Yeah.

Or, or build on.

And, are we perfect?

Do I have it all figured out?

No, but I know how much we.

Love each other and enjoy
this part of our lives.

And it's so important as it is
to anybody that's being honest,

because everyone does it.

Everyone's, you know, thinking
about it and, and wanting to

do more of it and do it better.

And the truth is, most people want
their partner to, to feel better too.

You know?

And if you feel like you're not
accomplishing that can really have

a psychological effect on the male.

So from a female perspective,
let them know that, let 'em know.

Either A, this is great.

Love it when you do this,
or, Hey, can we try this?

Can we do this?

Yeah.

'cause that that matters to a guide
I'd rather know than not know.

Yeah.

Like, oh, that's gonna
hurt their feelings.

But the not knowing
can be a psychological.

Like, not just detriment,
but pitfall, right?

Mm-hmm.

Because now I'm worried, and now
you're insecure, and then it's gonna

stop other things from happening.

So it's a lot of, um, word salad,
just to say communication, openness,

vulnerability, and, and not just
basing on the assumption that men are

all just, you know, these horn ball
driven visual guys, because that's.

That's part of it, but it's only,
it's only the door opener, right?

Absolutely.

Yeah.

So intimacy with intention
and with information.

If this today made you feel, seen, heard,
or slightly uncomfortable, perfect.

That's me.

That is the definition of intimacy.

So go talk to your partner or
better yet, don't talk at all.

Thanks for listening so
much to behind the Blonde.