The Dresser

"Calling Octavius!"

"Mocca Flavour Arse, Mocca Flavour arse please report to Caesar"

The plan to rid Caesar of an unwanted wedding is coming into form, with a new player in the mix. Octavius sibling to the Great and Mighty Caesar, Octavius is called into action to make a sacrifice for his country. Or at least his brother. Will he step up to the plate? Or will the plate step up to him?

Credits:

Nate Gothard as Caesar                
Hester van der Vyver as Sensus                
Thomas Taufan as Octavious, Voice and Guard

Linda Chong as Intercom 

Written by Mike Jones and Iley Jones
Produced by Bass Mike Studios and Iris Lantern

What is On the Roman Nose?

Turning back the pages of history, In the yesteryears of time, there once was an empire that was mightier than any before and held land greater than any since. A culture rich in architecture, education and art, but there is so little remaining of the Great Khan's dynasty that we can't make fun of it. So to Ancient Rome instead!

Here we join Lord Caesar and his loyal assistant, confidant and friend, Senator Sensus in the famed marble palace, facing diplomatic issues, comedic characters and the burden of leadership.

From the mixed bag of stories in Getting You Home On Friday, On the Roman Nose is slapstick happy, witty, and full of humour in a collection of short and sweet episodes.

(On the Roman Nose, Episode Sixteen, The Dresser)

THEME SONG: ROMAN MILITARY STYLE DRUMS WITH A FLOURISH OF HORNS.

VOICE: And now, to Rome!

CROWD CHEERING.

CAESAR: Sensus?

SENSUS: Yes Lord Caesar?

CAESAR: What are you doing?

SENSUS: I’m drafting a letter from your brother Octavius to Princess Shadana the Personality.

CAESAR: Let me hear what you have written.

SENSUS: Dear Princess Shadana, I have adored you from afar....

CAESAR: The farther the better, really.

SENSUS: Yes. And I cannot bear the thought of you being married to my brother Caesar, who could
never understand what you’re entitled to, what you truly deserve.

CAESAR: Really?

SENSUS: Would you prefer it to be hot and steamy?

CAESAR: I don’t want to lose my lunch.

SENSUS: I crave a meeting so that I may more fully tell you of my brimming love for you. Yours forever,
Octavius.

CAESAR: Do you think she will see through it?

SENSUS: It is thin paper.

CAESAR: Summon my brother Octavius.

SENSUS: (CALLING OUT) Call Octavius

GUARD: (DISTANT) Calling Octavius!

INTERCOM: (OVER PA) Mocca Flavour Arse, Mocca Flavour arse please report to Caesar.

SENSUS: I thought I fixed that.

CAESAR: You did, but I asked them to say that.

HORN FLOURISH THAT FADES OUT LIKE A DEFLATING BALLOON.

Ave brother.

OCTAVIUS: Ave Lord Caesar and brother. Ave Sensus. Why do you summon me here?

CAESAR: I feel that it is time for you to wed, brother.

OCTAVIUS: That is kind, but I do not wish to wed.

CAESAR: A certain Persian Princess has arrived.....

OCTAVIUS: Belina the Beautiful, why brother thank you!

CAESAR: Shadana the Personality.

OCTAVIUS: Oh.

CAESAR: And as I am already betrothed I feel that she would be perfect for you.

OCTAVIUS: Or....

CAESAR: You will be impaled on a pine dresser.

OCTAVIUS: Right.

(PAUSE)

Could I see the pine dresser?

CAESAR: I told you Sensus.

SENSUS: Octavius, think of this as your service to Rome.

OCTAVIUS: It's a suicide mission!

SENSUS: Call it what you will, but if you don't do this, the Grand Finals will be rudely interrupted by war
with Persia.

OCTAVIUS: That has a somewhat noble ring to it.

SENSUS: It has. Octavius, the man who saved Rome from an interruption of the Grand Finals.

OCTAVIUS: Will I have a bust made in my honour?

CAESAR: For services above and beyond the call of duty and taste.

OCTAVIUS: Or?

CAESAR: Impaling on the pine dresser.

OCTAVIUS: Brother, you and I have never seen eye to eye.

CAESAR: Well, I am shorter than you.

OCTAVIUS: But you have afforded me a chance to serve Rome in a glorious sort of way.

CAESAR: I am glad that you see it that way.

OCTAVIUS: I request only one thing, my brother.

CAESAR: And that is?

OCTAVIUS: Can I see the dresser?

SENSUS: I have drafted up your love letter and have arranged for you to meet in the palace garden
when the moon is high.

OCTAVIUS: How high?

SENSUS: Does it matter?

OCTAVIUS: The higher the moon the brighter it’s light.

SENSUS: Point taken, when the moon is low.

OCTAVIUS: Can I be high?

SENSUS: If it helps.

OCTAVIUS: And I am to woo her and steal her away?

CAESAR: Yes. And I will reward you for this Octavius.

OCTAVIUS: Very well. I will for Rome.

SENSUS: And all of Rome thanks you.

CAESAR: As all of Shadana will as well, I assume.

OCTAVIUS: Can I have just a glimpse of the dresser?

CAESAR: Ave brave Octavius.

OCTAVIUS: Ave Caesar. Senator Sensus.

SENSUS: Ave.

PERSON LEAVING, DRAGGING OF FEET.

CAESAR: Ah well, poor, brave Octavius.

SENSUS: Indeed. Both noble and nobbled at the same time.

CAESAR: How will we clear this with her father King Nordsan Xerxes?

SENSUS: Leave that to me.

THEME OUT.
END

Copyright by Mike Jones and Iley Jones