Ocean Hamsters, Time Cubes, and Crimes of Absolute Idiocy

Show Notes

What do you get when a man tries to run across the Atlantic Ocean in a floating hamster wheel? 

In this episode, John and Angela kick things off with one of Florida’s finest maritime meltdowns — a man attempting to “jog” to London across the sea in a duct-taped hamster wheel.
Then we head straight into Time Cube madness, where one man’s war on science birthed the most chaotic conspiracy website in internet history. Over in the Reddit Rabbit Hole, we explore The Backrooms — an endless, fluorescent-lit horror dimension where geometry, monsters, and your last shred of sanity go to die.

Dipshit Diaries returns with three new criminal masterminds:

• One used a clear plastic bag as a disguise,

• One posted selfies with stolen bank money,

• And one left a pizza box with his name and address at the crime scene.

Then, in Weird Shit, we bring you:
🦍 The Nandi Bear, Kenya’s cryptid hyena-beast
☠️ The posthumous execution of Oliver Cromwell
🧟‍♂️ The Six Million Dollar Man wax corpse discovery
🍖 Issei Sagawa, the cannibal who became a celebrity
🍝 A viral TikTok cold-water pasta war that nearly broke the internet

It’s dumb. It’s bizarre. It’s educational in all the wrong ways.
Join us as we keep the dialogue weird.

💬 Stay connected:
🌐 darkdialogue.com
☕ patreon.com/darkdialogue
🕵️ Apply to join the Dark Dialogue Collective
🎙️ Adopt-a-Victim and help solve cold cases

★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

What is Dark Dialogue: Shadow Chat Sessions?

Shadow Chat Sessions is the off-the-record side of the Dark Dialogue network—where weird headlines, conspiracies, paranormal stories, and truly ridiculous criminals collide.

Hosted by John and Angela, each episode dives into strange news, internet rabbit holes, cryptids, hauntings, and the kind of criminal behavior that makes no sense at all—delivered with sarcastic commentary and zero restraint.

From bizarre real-world stories to eerie legends and unexplained mysteries, Shadow Chat Sessions explores the corners of the world that are too strange to ignore.

If you’re here for dark humor, absurdity, and the occasional conspiracy spiral, this is where things go off the rails.

John: Well help oh, welcome

to another episode of Dark Dialogue Chat.

Shadow chat sessions start shot.

I am your host, John, with
the hopefully another corny.

Apparently another corny.

Intro.

So, Hey, how'd I do tonight?

Angela?

Catherine.

Well good.

So I come up with my task.

Angela: So the, the handguns helped a lot.

Thank you.

John: Absolutely.

Oh my, I'm have to come up with
something super clever for the next time.

Wow.

Yeah.

My eyes are watery.

Well, good.

You deserved it and you made fun of me
the last time, so, man, I bring, it's.

That's what I do.

So welcome listeners.

This again, the show we talk about.

Strange shit.

Weird shit.

Ditch chips.

All the shit shits and
I can't even say shit.

So you still said chat, chat sessions.

Well, we are in for tonight, apparently.

Yes we are.

I'm getting an interesting episode.

Oh, how, how's things going today?

How you doing?

Angela: Uh, I was fine until a second ago

John: and now,

Angela: no, I'm good.

Shrink for air debris over there.

It's a good thing you're, you
have a history of a paramedic

'cause I might need it.

John: Well, we'll see if I
can keep that up all night.

I'm gonna do my best.

So let's see how I do.

I don't know.

I wrote this episode a little while
ago, so it's gonna be interesting.

It's like seeing it
all for the first time.

Cool.

So yeah, who knows?

Who knows what we might come up with?

Angela: Oh, you're just not
gonna get any words outta me.

Just random laughter.

Is that what.

John: It's gonna be.

Yep.

Alright, well we can take it.

So you ready to jump into this?

I am.

Start with our strange headlines.

I am.

What is it?

Tell me.

Okay.

The strange headline is Florida Man
Arrested after trying to cross the

Atlantic Ocean in giant hamster wheel.

Please tell me.

There's a picture.

There's a picture.

There's a picture.

A Florida man was detained by the US Coast
Guard after attempting to cross the entire

Atlantic Ocean in a giant hamster wheel.

Is it made from

Angela: gas cans?

Yes.

John: It was just like a cherry
rigged human hamster wheel.

His destination, London, his plan
optimism and absolutely zero.

Physics and what may be the most Florida
thing to happen in recorded history.

Re Reza Bucci.

Was spotted off the coast
of Tybee Island, Georgia.

Inside a bizarre floating contraption
made of metal bars and buoys designed

like a hamster wheel for humans.

Beluchi told the Coast Guard that he
intended to quote, run across the ocean.

To London powered entirely by his
legs and his dreams, their coast

guard, less enchanted by his spirit.

Spent five days negotiating with him
before finally just arresting him.

This wasn't his first attempt.

He's tried similar stunts
in the past, including Feld

voyages to Bermuda and New York.

This time his wheel was held
together with duct tape and prayers,

and not even vaguely seaworthy.

He was charged with obstruction
and violating a Captain America

level amount of maritime law.

My take this man looked at the Atlantic
Ocean and said, yeah, I could jog that.

I admire the delusion.

Most of us can't commit
to walking to the mailbox.

Meanwhile, this guy is out there
trying to lrp across a hamster.

Moses, I am not.

I am just shocked that he
didn't take a GoPro to his head

and call it a YouTube series.

Angela: Okay, my take,
yes, I have two of them.

John: Go for it.

Angela: First of all.

I know people who will watch an episode
of some bullshit on tv just 'cause

they don't wanna look for the remote.

John: Yes.

Angela: Secondly, I have people
who live in this area and how

have you not told me about this?

You have let me down.

You know who you are.

John: So at what point does
a dream become a felony?

Angela: Apparently, duct tape and dreams.

John: I really think that it's at that
point where I don't care if it's law

enforcement, the National Guard, coast
Guard, whoever it is, when they say

something like, get on your knees or
get out of your hamster wheel and you

don't do it, bad things are gonna happen.

Angela: Yeah.

John: So.

I

Angela: mean, if you get on your knees
in a hamre wheel in the water, it's

likely it'll keep tumbling though.

So, uh.

John: I know like at wouldn't
at at some point, maybe we just

gotta let Darwin take over.

Mm-hmm.

And be like, well,

Angela: yeah.

Part of me was like, how is this illegal?

Just let him

John: do his thing.

The shit that makes stuff like
this illegal honestly though, is.

Then these Coast Guard guys have to go
whisk their lives to save this dumb ass

Angela: and possibly while they
should be saving someone else.

Exactly.

Who actually is

John: in trouble.

Yeah,

Angela: I get it.

I get it.

John: So should we start licensing hamster
wheels the same way as we do boats?

I think so, yeah.

I like it.

I mean, what it was the name,
the contraption could have been.

Pretty popular, I would say,
on like lakes and stuff.

I mean, it looks kind of fun,
seaworthy and all that kinda stuff.

It's like those, those giant
balls that people cross.

Yeah, those look fun and
like run around in Yeah.

Stuff like that, you know?

So

Angela: I would try that.

Not in a vast body of
water, but maybe in a pool.

Yeah, I don't think the

John: Atlantic would be a good place no.

To attempt for of those.

Not

Angela: the first time.

At least you gonna get seasoned
that I don't think anytime.

I would think if you got seasoned
enough, you could try it.

John: I'm pretty sure that there's times
crossing the Atlantic that the temperature

inside one of those freaking out probably
get to like 315 or something like that.

And you just boil your brain.

Yes.

Fine.

And not only that, but then well, you
gonna be like, pack all your food and

stuff and you're gonna get beat the Yeah.

All your canned food's gonna
beat the shit out of Yep.

You're rolling across the Atlantic.

Angela: Yeah, I was
wondering about that too.

John: So yeah.

Is this performance art or just
Florida's Olympic training program?

Angela: I think it's both.

John: I know.

And again, another weird
ass story outta Florida.

No,

Angela: Florida,

John: don't know.

And the second

Angela: thing having to do
with hamster, like I wasn't

already scarred from the first

John: time.

He is not gonna let that one go.

No.

All right, well, you ready
for the conspiracy corner?

Yeah.

Let's, let's see what's out there now

that time.

Cube Theory.

Angela: Okay.

Is that anything like the Infinity
Cube I'm constantly playing with?

John: I don't think so.

Damnit.

So the Time Cube is one of, one of
the, in Internet's strangest relics,

a sprawling, nearly indecipherable
theory that every day is actually

four days happening at once.

It's creator.

Gene Ray claimed he was the wisest
human and that all science, math, and

education systems were a global coverup.

First appearing in the late 1990s,
the Time Cube website featured an

aggressive wall of multicolored text,
all caps, rants, and bizarre diagrams.

Gene Ray believed each day is broken into
four quadrants, morning, midday, evening,

and night, all happening simultaneously
at different corners of earth.

He claimed linear time was a lie.

Teachers were brainwashers and
traditional science was a hoax.

Anyone who disagreed was lay
old, quote, educated, stupid.

He even hosted lectures at universities
usually to confuse silence.

What started as fringe nonsense gain
traction as a meme, satire, magnet,

and cautionary tale for the dangers
of unmoderated internet access.

Some defenders argue it was it.

It was early performance arc. Others say
it was a genuine mental health spiral

that the internet turned into a circus.

Might take ah, yes, four days
in one, because one existential

crisis a day just isn't enough.

The time Cube is like if Einstein
did acid, got bored halfway

through a theory and rage typed
the rest into the a GeoCities page.

I tried reading the whole thing once.

I think my brain rebooted

Angela: rage, typed it using T nine.

Yes.

John: Yeah, this is true.

Much better.

Yeah.

So do you feel like you've lived
four days in one when your alarm

goes off at 6:00 AM three alarm day?

Yeah, I can relate.

Believe you me.

So,

Angela: I mean, it's
already Thursday in here.

John: I don't even try to
keep track of days anymore.

Yeah.

I have no idea what day.

Just remind you.

It's Tuesday.

We should be recording today.

That's exactly right.

Yes.

Thank you for that.

You're welcome.

So should conspiracy theories
have to pass a breathalyzer

before registering a domain?

Mm-hmm.

I agree.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So what's weirder Time Cube
or the fact that college

professors invited him to speak?

Angela: Did they invite him though or did
he just kind of barrel his way through?

John: Oh no, he actually was speaking,
he was like lecturing at universities.

I

Angela: think it's the equivalent of when
they just roll in the, the video that day.

'cause they just don't
have the curriculum done.

That's probably what it was.

They just needed a break.

John: You know, I'm not a
big fan of higher education.

Most of our higher education institutions.

Um, I think I. Do a lot of brainwashing.

So, and when I make jokes like, uh,
study an underwater basket weaving and

bullshit like that, they actually have
that kind of nonsense at at university.

So it does not at all surprise me that
they have some whack job like this

in their giving lectures and stuff.

I'm sure he is probably one of
the more sane that has given some

of the lectures at universities

Angela: probably.

John: All right.

You ready for the Reddit rabbit hole?

Angela: Yeah.

Let's see what Reddit's doing today.

There's no,

John: the back rooms.

What began is a creepy photo and
short post about non clipping

out of reality has become a vast,
collaborative horror universe.

Welcome to the backrooms, where
endless yellow corridors buzz

under the fluorescent lights,
and something is always watching.

The backrooms originated in
2019 from a four chan post.

Then quickly spread across
Reddit, YouTube, TikTok, and

game modeling communities.

The premise if reality glitches, you
might fall through no clip style into an

infinite liminal space of damp carpet,
yellow walls, and flickering lights.

Redditors expanded the
mythos level zero, the lobby.

Gave rise to dozens of other
levels, each with unique rules,

threats, and environments.

Some are icy, others are on fire.

Some loop infinity.

Many contain hostile entities with
names like Smilers and Skin Steelers.

Fans have built interactive
maps, video series 3D game

mods and collaborative wikis.

At this point, the backrooms are part
urban legend, part internet improv horror,

and part collective coping mechanism
for people who fear office cubicles.

My take.

I love how the internet turned a slightly
weird carpeted hallway into a metaphysical

prison of ex existential dread.

That's Gen Z horror right there.

Not ghosts, not demons, just
fluorescent lighting and moist carpet.

Nothing says it.

Terror like a thermostat stuck
at 73 and no visible exits.

Angela: Why does the carpet
always have to be moist?

Why?

John: Probably because it's
just so freaking gross.

I dunno.

Very much nastier than
freaking wet carpet.

I know.

That's what, Ugh.

I'm not a huge fan of carpet in general.

Same, but wet carpet.

Yeah.

So what's scarier?

Haunted houses or eternal office
spaces, but no, each hr. Wet carpet.

Wet carpet.

Yeah.

And it's, I just don't
understand this shit.

I know.

Don't.

I'm not like internet.

I guess I'm not like Gen Z
enough or millennial enough or

Angela: It sounds like it's part
of the creepy pasta stuff though.

And I did used to listen to that a lot.

So some of it You keep starting
that to sound familiar.

Where

John: is this?

I don't know about this
spaghetti you speak of.

What the hell are you talking?

This is like for the third
episode you've mentioned.

What is creepy pasta.

Creepy pasta.

What is that?

It's

Angela: the brand of stories that.

Tell things like the game, the game about
the knocking on the door, like a story

behind that would be a creepy pasta.

There's one I listened to about
Stranger Things would be a creepy

pasta if it was just told online.

John: Okay.

Angela: So I, but I used to li
it's had creepy in the name,

of course I listened to it.

Gotcha.

But.

This one sounded familiar except for
it was like you had to pass tests to

get to the second and next levels,
and then there was elevators, and you

don't push the series of buttons, or
you'll just never get off the elevator.

Hmm.

Yeah.

John: So if you ended up in the back
rooms, what's the first thing you'd do?

Scream, cry, or break a ceiling Tile.

I might break something.

Yeah, that sounds I would most
certainly break something.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Without a doubt.

It's like I'm breaking things, man.

Oh hell yeah.

So are the back rooms horror or
just Ikea before opening hours?

Angela: Ikea, when they run outta
meatballs and people are pissed.

John: IKEA has meatballs.

Angela: Yeah.

Apparently.

I've never been to one.

I don't

John: know.

Oh, so you don't even understand
what I mean when I say ikea?

No.

Oh, oh, oh.

Are you in for something?

I hate you.

Ikea it.

Angela: I'm not in trouble
for not having something.

John: Okay, so picture, um,
but you're a Home Depot.

Okay.

Probably four or five times larger than
any Home Depot you've ever been in.

Okay.

And it's amazed that you
have to go start to finish.

You are not.

You cannot go to aisle three,
grab your shit and leave.

In order to go to aisle three, you have to
go through aisle one, two, grab your shit

at three, and then go all the way to aisle
757 to where you can get to the checkouts.

That is ikea.

You cannot, you've gotta go through the
whole experience to get to the end of it.

The checkout lines, like there is
no quick trip to like, gotcha, okay.

But it very much like Home Depot, you're
pushing like those big flatbed carts and

loading tons of furniture and shit on
as if your girlfriend likes to shop at

IKEA and you're loading all the furniture
and shed up on there and then you gotta

push it through about, I don't know.

I'd say

Angela: You said 753 isles?

John: Yeah, but in Miles that probably Oh.

Equates to like, I don't know,
1800 or something like that.

Angela: Okay.

John: Yeah.

It's painful.

And you to go home and build it?

Ikea?

No.

The stuff that you brought.

Oh, the, yeah.

No shit.

You do with, with directions
written in Swedish.

Angela: Like the meatballs.

John: I don't know about the
meatballs, but I do know IKEA is quite

the experience and it does remind
me of this back back rooms thing.

And you're not talking me
into wanting to go to lunch.

You need not escape.

You cannot escape.

Angela: Well, I've spent many time in,

this probably doesn't match, but in
uh, Denver Merchandise Mart before

they closed it in the Vegas market.

That's enough.

That's enough for me.

John: All of those have exits or a
way to get to, they actually do, yes.

Without going through, but just
imagine a big tunnel that was literally

like wall to wall booths except
for where you like, like a rat race

two miles following the cheese has
to follow it all the way through.

That's ikea.

Okay.

And you have to push like.

Multiple flatbed cards full of like
cheap furniture all the way through.

Angela: Where's our nearest ikea?

John: I don't know.

Denver has one.

I know that 'cause I've been through
the godforsaken thing multiple times.

But

Angela: that, that would mean
that I probably don't have to

go through one for a while.

John: Probably not the most
popular furniture in Wyoming.

I would, yeah.

It's all like the new agey look.

Shit.

That's not my style.

Gotcha.

But yeah.

Anyway.

You ready for the dip Shit's?

Angela: Diary dip?

Yes.

Bring them on.

John: Dip Shit diaries.

Dip shit's.

Diary number one, transient bag bandit.

Transparent bag Bandit.

Nice.

A man attempted to rob a convenience
store wearing a plastic bag on his head.

The flaw.

It was see-through Shockingly

Angela: so he could see.

Duh.

John: The security footage had
no trouble identifying him.

Oh, surveillance footage out of St.

Louis showed the man striding into
a store wearing what appeared to

be a clear plastic grocery bag
loosely fitted over his space,

complete with handles still attached.

He demanded cash, brandished a
possibly fake weapon, and ran

off with a handful of money.

Within hours, police had a
named an address and a crystal

clear image of his face.

Thanks to the transparent
headgear, even the store clerk

clerk described it as quote, the
dumbest disguise I've ever seen.

And this is a job where
people try to shoplift whole

turkeys under their hoodies.

I take this man said, let me be both
anonymous and visible from space.

You have to admire the confidence
or pity the oxygen deprivation.

The only way this gets dumber is if he
livestreamed the robbery with filters on

Angela: the bag was a filter.

John: This is true.

So what's the worst disguise
that you can wear for a robbery?

Angela: I'm not trying to
get any worse than that.

I think that's pretty good.

John: I still gotta go with the dudes
with the magic marker scribbled on.

Angela: Oh, well I forgot about them.

Oh, man.

John: I, I really think that
that one still beats this one.

And then you

Angela: gotta use a banana.

John: Yes.

Then you got as a weapon, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So do plastic bags qualify as
fashion function, or felony now?

Angela: Well, yeah.

Now you're gonna have to have an ID to
get plastic bags out of a grocery store.

John: I mean, it's crazy because
now we have the episode that

aired today, plus this episode.

We've both got criminals that
decided putting a plastic bag

over their head was a good idea.

Yeah.

And so is there a Darwin Award category?

Yes, please.

Most easily identified by HD footage.

I mean, this guy is such a freaking
bozo and yes, this is a real picture

of, that's this casually walking in.

Oh man.

Alright, so dip shit.

Diary number two, the selfie bank robber.

Was he also wearing a
plastic bag on his head?

In a shocking twist, a man who robbed
a bank was caught not because of police

work, but because he posted selfies
with the stolen cash on Facebook.

Oh my.

His captions basically
confessionals, so me.

Meet a Michigan man who robbed a
bank, got away clean, and then decided

to post a celebratory selfie online
holding a stack of stolen bills.

He captioned it with phrases
like feeling blessed and money

comes to those who hustle.

Oh man.

Turns out.

Those who hustle also get tagged
by their ex-girlfriends and

reported to law enforcement.

Police located him within 48 hours,
largely thanks to his social media

feed looking like a rap video
storyboard from a dollar store.

When arrested, he reportedly
asked, how did you find me so fast?

How did you find me so fast, buddy?

You went live during the getaway.

My take.

This guy robbed a bank, then committed
digital assisted suicide by clout.

If your flex ends in in felony
charges, you're not an influencer.

You are a cautionary tale.

I just hope that his next post
is hashtag blessed and booked.

So what's worse robbing a bank
or tagging yourself at the scene?

I'm gonna go with tagging
yourself for 500, Alex.

I mean, it blows my mind how many of
these stories there are out there,

like dip shit's, like doing dried by
shootings and shit and posting it online.

I, I, I we're being taken over
by dumb criminals, you know?

I know I said.

I said in one of the previous
episodes, I'm afraid I might

run out of Crypted stories.

I am not at all scared.

I'm gonna run out dipshit diary stories.

I think we could do a dip shit diary
three hour show five days a week and

we would still never run outta money,

Angela: man.

So, but you know, all that cash needs
to come to the Dark Dialogue Museum.

John: Oh, that I agree with.

I'm just saying.

Yeah.

Although visitors might
find a picture of the case.

Yeah, that

Angela: that exhibit might be
under construction for a while.

Just saying

John: should Facebook come
with a criminal alert system?

Like are you sure you want
to Yes, most definitely.

Like, uh, are you sure?

Think twice button.

Pretty sure this is evidence.

So do you think that he made a TikTok
Vance dance called the Felony Shuffle?

Yep.

Yep.

I mean, I just don't know if
there's, I don't know, but this

next one, uh, I don't know.

Tonight is a tough race.

I gotta tell you one, two, and three.

So where you at right now?

You got the first one.

Who is the dipshit that used
the plastic bag on his head?

Then you got this more
moron with the selfies.

So if those two, who's running,
who's running in first right now?

Angela: I'm gonna go with selfie, dude,

John: I think I'm gonna have to
too think I'm gonna have to Because

Angela: he got away.

John: Yeah, he did.

Angela: Oh, so

John: did the first dip shit though,

Angela: but

John: for a little while.

Yeah, but, but he.

Could this guy expect

Angela: to have gotten away?

John: But I, yeah.

I think the point you're making is
this guy would've probably gotten away.

Yeah.

So, okay, but now this brings
us to dip shit diaries number

three, the pizza box trail.

I'm very intrigued.

A man robbed a house and made
off with electronics, but sealed

his own fate by dropping a pizza
box on his way out on the box.

His name, address, and phone number in
Philadelphia police were investigating

a home break-in when they discovered a
Domino's box outside the broken window.

It wasn't from the victim.

It belonged to the burglar.

He had been carrying it on the way
in, possibly as a snack or a prop.

Turns out he ordered pizza right
before committing the robbery.

The receipt inside the box included
his full contact information.

When officers arrived at the listed
address, the stolen goods were

still visible in his living room.

He was arrested while eating
the rest of the pizza.

Which, let's be honest, is the most
relatable part of the whole crime.

Yeah, my take.

Nothing says criminal Mastermind, like
leaving behind a full receipt trail.

This guy committed burglary with
a paper trail and Parmesan dust.

He basically left a delivery
confirmation with GPS coordinates.

Honestly, the only thing missing was a
Yelp review of the robbery Four stars.

TV was heavy, but great crust.

Angela: Yeah.

I hope we got lava cakes.

John: Oh, is pizza the
most incriminating food?

Sticky fingers.

Cardboard, cho, garlic scents.

Angela: Well, DoorDash nowadays
has your address on anything,

so it could be anything.

This is true.

John: So should dominoes start offering
a no crimes during delivery clause?

Yes.

So 30 minutes

Angela: or less.

John: So do you think he
tipped well before ruining his?

I sure freaking hope so.

I would hope so too, because it
was probably with something stolen.

I'm pro.

I'm sure probably was.

So, all right.

So they probably forgot
his sauce though, of those

Angela: three who wins.

Oh,

I wanna say the middle guy, but it, it's
the pizza guy is just edging him out.

See just on his tail a little bit.

I

John: still have to go
with the selfie moron.

That's what

Angela: I'm saying.

The selfie guy.

John: Oh, that's the one you said,

Angela: but the pizza
guy is just on his tail.

John: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I would have to say, see, I think
I'd rank him selfie dip shit bag

on head dip shit and pizza dipped.

Shit did last I to say I would have to.

Angela: I don't know.

John: Anyway, we ready
for the weird shit Second.

Yeah.

Weird shit.

Weird shit.

Number one Crypted
edition, the Mandy Bear.

Interesting.

Okay.

In the forests and grasslands of East
Africa, locals have reported sightings

of the Mandy bear, a towering hyena
like beast with a sloping back, long

claws, and a taste for livestock.

No one's ever caught one,
but sightings keep coming.

Also known as the carrot that, and that's
not like a carrot, it's KRIT, carrot.

I don't know how these ke, but whatever.

It's Africans.

Yeah.

I don't know how pronouncing it,
but it's K-E-R-I-T, the ndy bear.

Has been feared in Kenyan
folklore for generations.

It's described as a large predator,
possibly standing upright with a

massive head and terrifying claw.

While skeptics suggests that it could
be a misidentified hyena or an extinct

short face bear believers insist it's
something else, a prehistoric survivor

or a completely undiscovered species.

In 20 25, 2 new sightings were reported
near Mount Elgon, where farmers claim

something, quote, not hyena, mauled goats
and left massive claw marks and trees.

Crypto zoologists are once again
trying to secure funding, probably

by rebranding it as a hyena, Bigfoot.

My take.

We're back on the Crypted Safari
folks, and this one's basically

a demonic hyena on steroids.

If the nady bear is real, I'd like
to politely decline any safaris

where the tour guide says, bring your
own flashlight and running shoes.

So would you rather face the Andy
Bear or a cranky actual bear?

Angela: Frankie actual bear.

John: Really?

Angela: Yeah.

John: Not me.

I'll take the Mandy bear solely
because I got a thing, I got

a bone to pick with crypts.

Angela: That's true.

But I thought it was mainly moth, man.

John: Well, it started
as mainly moth, man.

Now I'm pissed off at all.

Angela: Do you think they're friends and
he'll just bring the nanny bear with him?

John: Probably.

Maybe.

Yeah, you might come in here and
find like blood and gore, all

walls in a room full of cryptids.

I don't know.

Angela: He's got a taste for
livestock, so you gotta bring

yourself a cow or something in here.

John: Okay.

Angela: Or a goat in Chuca show up too.

John: I just had this image
of the goat in Jurassic Park.

Angela: Yeah.

That was sad.

John: Was it?

It

Angela: was

John: not when like all
the people were eating.

Let go.

I find this, this, I
find this fascinating.

Angela: Yeah.

It hurts me more when animals are
hurt than when people are hurt.

John: So why are so many cryptics
just slightly wrong versions of

animals that we already have?

Angela: Yeah, I love that.

The guy had to say, not like a hyena.

John: I mean, this, I gotta
say is a first for me.

I'm not a big cryptic guy.

I

Angela: never heard of this one,

John: but this was a first for me.

I'm trying to discover new ones.

I'm doing my best.

So.

Should be.

Well, I do have a friend who's grateful
that you're putting Cryptics in the shows.

Right on.

Yeah.

I tried to put one in every one.

So should we give the Nay Bear a Reba
a rebrand to improve merch potential?

Angela: Yeah.

And put something on its
stomach like a care bear.

I,

John: I mean, I gotta say, wow, I haven't
thought about Care Bears for a long time.

Angela: You're welcome.

John: So I gotta see, I
was trying to think of

Angela: what it would yell

John: it.

Kind of looks like Sasquatch

Angela: again.

Is that supposed to be a person
in front of it for size reference?

John: I think so.

I didn't draw the picture
well, no, I got it online.

Angela: T-shirt.

You sure you didn't draw that?

Just real quick for guy, for sure.

John: Yeah.

So I don't know.

I don't know what to think about this one.

I, and like I said, I've
never heard of it before.

Angela: Yeah, I've never heard of it,

John: but.

I don't know.

It is interesting and fascinating
that all cultures share

this, like across the world.

Mm-hmm.

I think I've said that before,
but it, it's very fascinating.

Yep.

I don't know if it's something
innate in humans or if there's

actually something to it, you know?

Angela: Well, there's probably something
going on and they have to figure out

a reason for it, that they can accept

John: something.

Angela: So.

John: Alright.

This one's crazy.

Yeah.

Weird shit.

Number two, the historical WTF,
the $6 million man wax horse.

Excuse me.

In the 1970s, a Hollywood film crew
filming the $6 million, man discovered

that a fun house dummy hanging
in an amusement park wasn't fake.

It was a mummified human corpse.

The incident happened in the New Pike
Amusement Park in Long Beach, California.

While prepping a scene in a haunted house
attraction, a crew member accidentally

broke off the arm from what they
thought was a prop inside the arm.

Human bone and tissue.

An autopsy revealed the body was
that of Elmer McCurdy, a 60-year-old

outlaw who died in a shootout in 1911.

After being embalmed, he was
passed off as a curiosity sold

to carnival owners and traveled
through the sideshows for decades.

By the 1970s, no one
remembered he was real.

He had became a literal museum piece.

Until he disarmed himself.

Quite literally, damn it.

Vincent Price might take.

Imagine thinking you're working with
foam rubber only to realize your elbow

deep in early 20th century outlaw,
this isn't just a bad day at work.

It's a full blown, it's a full
blowing resume ending event.

I bet that stagehand doesn't even
flinch when opening closets anymore.

So isn't therapy needed there?

Yeah.

Crazy, crazy crap.

So should amusement parks check
their mannequins a little more?

I mean, I can understand
how this can happen.

It is just.

Nuts.

And do you remember the six i how

Angela: Rill?

That probably sounded when
I said most definitely.

But do I remember what,

John: do you remember the 6 million Man?

Angela: It's Yeah.

The, the talk of this sounded
familiar when you started saying it.

John: It was such a freaking cool show
was so it was, it was $6 million, man.

And the fall guy, do you
remember the fall guy?

No.

It was Lee, major Jersey.

Had a really freaking cool,
jacked up shimmy pickup.

He was a Hollywood stuntman.

Angela: Oh

John: yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

And the 6 million, I don't know.

They were both on right about the same
time in my childhood, so I don't know.

They've, I've reminisce, but, so
does this mean the $6 billion man

technically featured a corpse cameo?

Angela: Yeah, most definitely.

John: Yeah.

It's freaking nuts.

An

Angela: outlaw that apparently
you need to talk about.

'cause I've never heard of this guy.

John: I didn't either.

I think we should dig deeper, but
I don't think he was a murderer.

I think he was a robber.

Still outlaw.

Well, this is true.

Well, he died in a shootout, so Yeah,
we might have to get him on the list.

So

Angela: we need to know a little bit more
about how he ended up covered in wax.

And

John: actually it's not that unusual.

It used to happen a lot.

That's why I blame Vince guys
with like criminals and stuff.

They would like.

Put their heads on tour
and shit like that.

Yeah.

Oh yeah.

Like Big Nose, big Nose, Georgia.

Angela: Oh yeah.

Big

John: Nose.

They come up in a
episode not too long ago.

Yeah.

Angela: Yeah.

John: Like his head, his skull

Angela: and his shoes.

John: Yeah.

Angela: Yeah.

John: And uh.

And Thomas, uh, I'm brain dead tonight.

What language was that?

I don't know my language.

Okay, so what's the weirdest way to
accidentally end up in a TV show?

Angela: I, that's
probably pretty up there.

I,

John: I would've to say.

Angela: Yeah.

John: Yeah.

Angela: I don't know that
there's a weird Mm, I don't know.

John: A weirder way.

I don't know.

Man, that's a really freaking creep.

Like that one's, yeah.

Something that would happen in
a bad horror movie or something.

Yeah.

Not in real life.

That's something that, you know,

Angela: that's why I blamed Vincent Price.

John: Yeah.

You just, ah, man, that's
a, that's a strange one.

Angela: Very

John: strange.

Weird for sure.

Weird shit.

Number three.

I see, I see, I see the cannibal.

Do you see, I see.

I dunno how the hell you say that.

ISS.

So anyway, where's it from?

Japan.

Japanese man.

I see Awa murdered and ate.

A woman in Paris in 1981 was declared
insane, deported and then became a

minor celebrity, making appearances
in documentaries, magazines,

and even writing food reviews.

Awa lured a fellow student to
his apartment, murdered her, and

consumed parts of her body over
the next several days, arrested and

declared legally insane in France.

He was sent to a mental institution,
but due to a legal loophole, he was

released after returning to Japan.

Rather than disappearing from public
life, he leaned into his notoriety.

He wrote books about the murder, starred
in films, and was invited onto talk shows.

Japan's tabloid culture turned him
into a grotesque curiosity, a real life

Hannibal lecture with press credentials.

He died in 2022.

Still unapologetic and
still weirdly famous.

My take this dude murdered,
someone, ate them and then got

a book deal and a film gig.

Meanwhile, I can't get decent wifi
unless I sacrifice a goat to Comcast.

If the society is reward structure
was a car, it would be doing donuts

in a cursed Walmart parking lot.

So, ah, I got, I have a problem
with every part of this.

Yeah, all of it.

But why do people make
celebrities out of monsters?

I don't know.

And I realize this happened in
Japan, but I, I don't give a shit.

Or France, I guess it happened in France.

He was Japanese, killed a woman
in France, which it's France,

so, but I don't understand.

Why it's allowed for
people to do this shit.

I don't

Angela: know.

John: Like there should
be international and it

Angela: sensationalized.

Yeah.

John: Uh, could you imagine what that
poor girl's family had to go through?

Oh yeah.

Those years, you know,

Angela: and now they're watching this.

Ah,

John: yeah.

I mean, you know, granted we
do run some true crime shows.

This one is a little more near
and dear to our heart maybe.

But I have just tons of
problems with this asset.

Exactly.

And the ability to even
do this is uh uh, yeah.

I mean, I wouldn't give one red scent
to a piece of shit like this for

anything, but would you ever read
a food column written by a literal.

Tenable.

Angela: Absolutely not.

Please

John: say no.

Angela: Absolutely not.

John: Yeah.

So should crimes like this automatically
ban you from all media appearances?

Angela: Definitely.

Yes.

Yes.

I think they should.

I just can't even make fun of this one.

This is all serious.

Yes, definitely.

Ban gone.

Why?

John: You know, I mean like,
this kind of reminds me of Al

Alfred Packard a little bit, but.

Only, I guess because the
cannibal aspect of it.

Yeah.

Packard was supposed to be a cannibal,
although I have questions about whether

he was, but you know, I mean like he
did his time in prison and then he

just like lived out his life in Shared
in Colorado and died in Old Man.

Like that was it.

And then now they have like the Frozen
dead guy festival and all the shit.

Yeah.

And all that.

But I don't know.

It's kind of like, I think
I made this mention on the

Billy the Kid episode where.

Uh, something changes like a
hundred to 150 years after a crime.

Yeah.

I don't know why that is.

Yeah.

But this piece of shit just died and this
was going on while he was alive, alive.

I mean, this is sick.

This is sick at every,
they made him a superstar.

It's sick for him.

Yeah.

It's sick for the
countries that allowed it.

And it's sick for the
people that participated.

Yeah.

It's just

Angela: And the family of the victim.

John: Yes.

Yeah.

It's just, just

Angela: sick.

John: It's just sick.

Dammit.

It's just sick.

Dammit.

Alright.

Weird shit.

Number four.

Internet outrage, sibling pasta.

War over cold water noodles.

Oh, I cannot wait.

A viral TikTok war broke out after.

After one sister posted a video cooking
pasta by dropping it into cold water.

The internet lost its collective
mind declaring culinary blasphemy,

and sparking one of the weirdest
food fights in digital history.

The now infamous video featured a
reality TV star sister casually tossing

dry spaghetti into a pot of cold water.

Angela: Is it a Kardashian?

John: I don't.

Angela: Okay.

Sorry.

I don't

John: know.

I didn't research it.

I need to know.

Go ahead.

The now MOUs video featured a reality TV
star sister casually tossing dry spaghetti

into a pot of cold water, letting it sit,
and then boiling it when she felt like it.

She claimed it was how Italians do it,
which caused actual Italians to emerge

from the shadows like culinary ninjas.

The backlash was instant and brutal.

Pasta purists, foodie chefs and Gordon
Ramsey and Gordon Ramsey fans all

joined forces to shame the method.

Memes followed, family drama
unfolded, people chose sides.

The cold water method has
since became a world divided.

The cold water method has since
became the pineapple on pizza

of boiling technique discourse.

And no, she has not apologized.

My take, I've seen wars fought over
land, religion, and Game of Thrones

finales, but nothing like the
rage over room temperature, pasta.

The woman somehow united the internet
into fury and all she did was make dinner.

Honestly, I called pasta just to
just spite the angry comment section.

Angela: It's a damn good thing
she didn't break it in half.

Burst

John: that I will agree
with a hundred percent.

So that that bag, I don't know if that's
the answer to your next question, but

what is the Food Hill that you will die?

Cold pizza, mayonnaise on.

Fries, breaking spaghetti.

Angela: Um,

best Buy dates.

Really any, anybody that knows me.

Yeah.

John: Zach could care less about 'em.

I can't, I, I could even tell
you the last time I've read one.

Angela: Every day of my life,

John: I don't think I ever do.

No.

I could care less.

Yeah.

Angela: I,

John: I can tell if food's bad.

Oh, I know.

If it's not, then I eat it.

But

Angela: I have care less
this, I have this thing.

You're not alone.

There's, I have this thing and it, it,
it lives in there and it won't shut up.

So I also, God, should I
be saying these things?

I

John: don't know.

I,

Angela: mm. I get pissed off if you
like open something in my house and

you don't like write the date that it
was opened because I need to know how

long it's been sitting there opened.

John: That might be a little pathological.

Angela: It's, it's insane.

I don't lie to people
about my level of crazy.

John: I would've to say
the food hill, I would die.

It doesn't sound like I
have near as many as you.

I have a mountain would be how long
you boiled hard, hard-boiled eggs for.

Angela: Oh yeah.

'cause I boiled them like a
minute longer than you said too.

And

John: Yeah.

Yeah.

It's 11 minutes.

Angela: Oh no.

I was 11 minutes that day.

John: And I think he
used said like 12 or 13.

Angela: And did I do 12 or 13?

Yeah, I wouldn't have, it would've
been 12 'cause I don't do odd numbers.

John: Yeah, it's 11.

It's 11 minutes.

Crazy.

And the answer is seven

Is the Internet's rage at cooking
methods just repressed childhood trauma?

I think so.

I do find it interesting how upset people
get over dumb shit like this, like.

Uh, did they even notice?

Uh, you know, first I was happier

Angela: when I thought it was Gordon
Ramsey and not just Gordon Ramsey fans.

I was like, Gordon Ramsey waited.

Yes,

John: I'm pretty sure Gordon
Ramsey feels the same way.

I do heavy a shit.

What you do in your own kitchen,
just don't do it in my kitchen.

He kind

Angela: of cares.

Yeah.

I think he cares.

John: He doesn't give a
shit how you cook your food.

Just if you're selling it to
somebody else, you're feeding it.

Yeah, that's true.

Angela: And he cares about Best Buy dates.

So thank you very much.

John: Well he does.

'cause he has to, I bet.

At home he doesn't give a shit.

So should TikTok require a
culinary license before people

post boiling instructions?

Angela: Yes.

I now, yes, it's, it's angering.

John: I think it's just
bizarre what people care about.

I know it's just nuts, but

Angela: I'm one of those bizarre
nut people, so I'm good with it.

John: So this story kind of ties
into a previous conversation.

The post humanist execution of Oliver
Cromwell in one of history's pettiest

and most macabre acts, Oliver Cromwell,
the English military dictator who

led the country as Lord protector,
was dug up and publicly executed

two years after he was already dead.

Cromwell died in 1658 and
was buried with full honors.

But after the monarchy was restored
in 1660, king Charles II wanted

revenge for Cromwell's role role
in executing his father, Charles.

I so naturally.

They exhume Cromwell's corpse, along
with two of his allies, hang their

dead bodies and then beheaded them.

Their skulls were placed on spikes
outside Westminster Hall as a warning

to anyone else thinking about Regicide.

Cromwell's, the king head went on a
multi-sensory journey displayed on

poles stolen, passed between collectors
and even exhibited in a museum before

finally being buried again in 1960.

That's a 300 year grudge match
with bonus corpse desecration.

My take.

You know, someone's pissed
off the wrong people.

When they get executed on a delay,
something says, we're definitely not over

it, like dragging a corpse out of the
dirt just to give it a final performance.

Cromwell didn't just roll in his
grave, he got evicted from it.

He did.

It's not funny, but it's funny.

It's crazy bizarre.

But I mean, you know, this is like I
was talking about like the big nose

dude and all this like, yeah, this guy's
head toured the world for 300 freaking

years and not even wrapped in wax.

No, no.

So is post humanist execution,
the historical version of

rage posting with a shovel?

I would think so.

There's, there's several of these.

I don't know if you remember, but on one
of the early episodes we did the Pope

that dug up the other Pope and tried him.

Yes.

Yeah.

Same kind of, oh shit, man.

Oh yeah.

So should crime Roll's Head have
gotten its own Netflix docuseries?

Should now?

Definitely, I think it should.

I mean, it's, it's fascinating
and Mac, Cobb and Weird all

kinda wrapped up into one.

Yeah.

So if you could dig up
any historical fix Oh man.

Just to yell at them,
who would it be and why?

Angela: Uh,

this is way too on the spot.

Would it be and why?

I don't know.

John: Well, I mean, for me it would,
it would definitely be like one of the

freaking communist leaders or one of the
fascist, like all the Hitler, Stalin,

Mussolini, Stalin, Mao Seitan, maybe Mao,
but I don't know any of 'em could line up.

I, I mean, I, I would be.

I could desecrate any of their courts.

Angela: Well, if we're allowed
to each have one, we go

together and we each dig up one.

And then you can yell at both of 'em

John: then.

Okay.

So we get both of 'em.

Yeah.

So you could pick

Angela: two.

Yes.

John: Yeah, I, but I think it would
definitely have to be, 'cause.

And my belief is like of those four
that I named Hitler, Mussolini,

Stalin, and Mai Tongue, that's some
of the most evil people that have

ever walked the face of the earth.

Yeah.

Seriously.

Very, very evil.

I mean, we're talking millions of death.

Mm-hmm.

Between the four of them,
they killed millions.

I think Mousey Tongue holds the
record for the most, but um.

You know the them combined,
the none of evil committed by

them animals, so much evil.

Stop.

Yeah, I have stomach growling here.

Oh, I'm sorry.

That's all right.

So, yeah, but that brings us to the black
screen, which tells us that that's all I

put together for us tonight, so, right.

Do you have any,

Angela: you're anything on digging
of somebody and screaming at them?

John: Yeah.

All

Angela: right.

John: This is the weird shit section.

That's true though.

And it's not gonna end on
like rainbows and butterflies.

Come

Angela: on.

John: Just once.

All right.

Maybe I'll see if I can.

Find a unicorn story just once.

But with that, do you have any
other criticisms you'd like to add?

That wasn't a criticism,
that was a request.

Okay.

Any other requests?

No, I'm good.

Alright.

So again, this has been dark dialogue,
shadow chat sessions where we talk

about all kinds of crazy shit.

Weird shit, hip shits.

All the shit shits.

And if there's anything that you
would like us to discuss on this

show or on our more serious show.

Those, any cases that you wanted
to look, want us to look into

tips, anything like that, you can
reach us at [e-mail].

Again, we ask you to like review, give
us a thumbs up, share this episode.

Angela: Tell us who would, who
you would dig up and yell at.

Yeah,

John: tell us that one too.

But those reviews and that kind
of stuff really help us out a ton.

Share this episode with somebody you
think might laugh at it and enjoy it.

Angela: Does pineapple belong on pizza?

John: Yes, it does.

I agree.

But you can tell.

As your thoughts on that.

Mm-hmm.

Also, you can support us on Patreon
and on copy, join our newsletter and

read all the stuff I've put together
for us on the on the Substack.

You can find all kinds of information
about our shows and about us and

all the stuff that we've got going
all the [e-mail].

And with that, if you have nothing else
and we stay safe, everybody, this is Ben,

John, and Angela, have a great night.