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Mallet-lady. Scythe grifter. A diver. A cowled organ harvester. The rival crew smashes through the wall claiming the cathedral as their find, just as a Transylvanian Deacon starts a Simon-Says game that literally unpersons Tanhauser for a misspelling. Rahua divines the whole complex is a screaming rot-infected stone brain. Elsewhere, Tanhauser opens a door and falls onto an airship.
Website: https://www.narrativedeclaration.com
System: Pathfinder Second Edition
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What is Rotgrind - Narrative Declaration?
Five adventurers try to survive in this comedy filled Pathfinder Second Edition TTRPG campaign within the grim dark world of Tyne. Follow the show, get custom TTRPG content, and more at https://narrativedeclaration.com
is everyone ready for another exciting episode of gold to cut no attention
the chat is our workers now yeah they always have been spoilers spoilers for deep space nine gold to cut
eats a banana wait wait oh they're workers workers that could potentially
i'm gonna put him in the epilepsy machine it's like it's like the dream machine except it just gives
you epilepsy this is the worst invention why would they make this why did you invent this
it's like blessed's dog punching machine it's normal we should do a star trek one shot like
you know like the whole like question people have to ask like hey if you had a tiny machine who'd you
go back and kill people like oh i'd go back and kill hitler we should do that but with bajorans
but no time traveling who would just go and kill gold
we're gonna go back in time and i'm gonna play as i'm gonna play as a gorn and i'm going to move
really slowly and hit him after after all of the good things that he did during the occupation
really gold to cut is a hero i will not say you will be role-playing as gold to cut
are we supposed to be doing something i can't remember
there we go yeah there you go there you go
you can't grind
welcome everybody to another exciting episode of rock grind it's so good to see everybody hope
you've been doing absolutely wonderful um even though it might date the episode i think we have
an eclipse coming up on monday i think it's like it's a lifetime opportunity so if you're watching
this live and stuff like that please be sure to be safe about it uh if you're in the pathway of it
and stuff like things might go weird or so but uh enjoy it go have a good time try not to look
directly at it you will get blind but there's a sunglasses you can get that uh let me go see it
so enjoy the solar eclipse everyone and uh and for my fellow rock grinders it's so good to see you
guys again i'm going to introduce you all to the wonderful actors role players writers all sorts of
wonderful talents that they bring starting off with odoroshi hello it's me i'm odo uh i'm going to be
playing vena the sylph swashbuckler and um you know last session has proven to me one thing and
that it's i've just got too many teeth we've all got to get rid of some yeah yeah i do are you like
the cone heads we have like two rows yeah yeah why the fuck did you remind me of that
because you must be reminded of dan akroyd's worst movie oh my god
being of someone who's not a worst movie hulky crow hello that is me i am hulky crow and today
as always i will be playing the kanrasu cleric rahua and remember chat at the interest of worlds
coming up on monday your bailit will activate and just remember what you're willing to sacrifice
yeah what will you sacrifice chat tell us in the tell us in your con in the comments and chat below
but of course the one that we would never sacrifice because we cherish them too much it's erindel
hi yes i'm erindel and i am playing as baldrick weathers human alchemist human alchemist human
alchemist and i am here ready today to probably probably not throw explosives at things because i'm
running perilously low on them after the last fight and of course the one who has brought the
eclipse upon you to ruin the souls souls in your mind it's speaker d hey guys i just want to say
it's been an honor it's been great being here i've really appreciated all my lovely co-hosts and i do
have to say i will miss you all because when the eclipse comes this i will sacrifice i'm looking
forward starting up a new show with god hand uh you know it's gonna be in hell uh we're gonna make a
country i'm gonna be a king gonna call it something cool like hawkistan we'll figure it out but keep it
real keep your eyes glued big things coming from speaker very big things and speaking of the big
things we have thurston hillman wow just calling out my weight like that i see how it is i see how it is
as for what i would sacrifice well obviously i would sacrifice the bajoran workers um
yeah it's me um just hope you're all doing well uh i'm looking forward to a fun episode we've had
little sickies in the on-call household so send good vibes to to tell because to tell is is sicky
with that that darn pesky rona virus otherwise we are we're chilling around uh and i'm looking
forward to some fun games today yay of course i am your host i am your host zorn the bear and i will
be playing or in the strict struid and just a reminder for people in audio we have not leveled
up yet we're still level nine and uh and of course we're ready to earn that yeah we have
you know we are excited for another exciting episode of rocker remember you really like what
we do you really want to keep the shows alive and stuff like that please head over to our patreon
at patreon.com forward slash narrative declaration where you can get preview uh access of these episodes
before they go live on youtube and podcast also you get your mp3 podcast version early and get
some exclusive stuff to exclusive campaigns that we're planning and of course with that thurston
yeah what adventure do you have for us today all right all right first of all i'm not gonna say
that you're all looking awfully tapped but you're looking awfully tapped so who would like to maybe do
a recap for a hero point here because you're all kind of kind of kind of empty on that uh i remember
all right do it up do it up uh as as the person that historically has uh uh terrible roles i believe
i will need that to not fall on my face later uh true uh so last session we uh began with a funny
scooby-doo chase sequence running away from a giant tooth fairy uh a big big friend who again has decided
we have too many teeth we ran through this strange forward forest encountering a number of obstacles
along the way um our first obstacle was um i believe it was the ruins that like the the maze that we decided
to instead blow up um which you know that that's our usual approach uh then there was a river with
a uh not a river a babbling brook our good oh no the babbling brook came later oh it came later what
was because because then you then you encountered the um you encountered the saucers yes it was the so we
we led a saucers people's revolution um as they had decided that they were through with the monarchy
and we decided that that was hype as fuck and decided to instill the first saucer democracy
after that of course we encountered the babbling brook who uh uh decided that he very much wanted to
have a conversation and tried to drown two of our party members but we're fine we're good we got through
it and then we went to the village of the friendliest pixies in the universe we were all
having a wonderful conversation but none of them decided that they wanted to acknowledge that there
was a tooth fairy threat coming in coming so um i don't want to think about what happened to the pixies
say it they died they died give me a hero point for doing that thank you
that was mass mass pixie death we're still getting over it we're still in mourning uh and then after
that we realized that this whole chase sequence was likely some kind of illusion or mind trickery of
some sort as we looped back around right to the start and instead of being chased by one giant tooth
fairy we were confronted by five smaller more manageable tooth fairies whose asses we decided in
that moment to kick uh and then after that we finished it up and we were going to continue exploring the
funny forest well yes but we ended up with seeing not just a forest but oh yes the the the strange
strange thing in which in which two things one uh zorn if you would please give vena here a point and two
i'm gonna pass the pass the microphone from you vena over to our uh illustrious friend speaker d
this is a grand and terrible sight some sort of monument to the sign of the black papacy
friends beware friends beware for we are entering into a place of dark administration and incredible
power this priesthood worships the undead the strange subterranean breed of vampire that controls the black
papacy it preaches of a release from earthly suffering in exchange for a heavenly reward
the doctrine of the great penumbral way their practices of consuming the souls of their fellows
that they might be tempered and merged within holy darkness to be consumed by one of these individuals is to
become a part of their very soul in this they believe even their sacrifices attain eternal life
all of this so they can tell the oil fields of dredge paths and give birth to the earth blood of the
gulgothan armata tread carefully this place
is death incarnate
vena's gonna raise her hand yes vena horn gulps the cars oh no go go thins armata it's coming
i can't help here i can't i can't help it anymore they're just there it feels like the wall leading
it outside is getting thinner every day you should never apologize for a fellow cast no i was i was setting
up a joke i was setting up a joke the wall the wall to the outside gets thinner every day it's like
they're peeling off nano layers of the side of my house it's like one of those rust removal lasers
but they're just stripping your house yeah they do it every time they pass by
and with that the wall behind you explodes
and as the the the sort of mortar and and stonework fly outwards pattering all of you from behind causing
each of you to turn in order you hear this this gruff voice all right i have found the way come
friends and stepping through is this immense woman who holds in two very thick meaty arms a massive
mallet which has just clearly been used to smash through the wall um she has like a smoking pipe
coming out of her mouth as she's like narrow idly looking over oh hello there uh she says as she like
greets all of you with a wave of her free hand and you see other shadows starting to to emerge behind as
well
and a group comes out from the wall behind you led by by this this this this muscled woman then followed
quickly um by a a lankier human who has some some muscle but is much leaner built
uh is wielding like a farmer's scythe um with like a bit of a bit of like a head cap that covers
some of their eyes they're they're sort of weaseling their way further up um then following that is
another large uh figure who is covered in a black schmock and a in a full face covering like leather or
cloth it's hard to tell the substance looks really thick though um headdress almost like like an
executioner's face mask uh with sacks that seem to like leak some dark viscous fluid from the bottom
um and then finally a third one who comes out wielding of all things like a trident but looking as though
they've come out of some nautical expedition with uh like an immense sort of face plate
um the diving gear that obscures their face entirely
who the hell are you hi
the the the large muscled woman with the mallet hello this is our find you will have to go now i think
and he like the the the one with the scythe kind of pushed and the doll doll isn't there maybe we
can all be friends hey how's it going who the hell are you how did you get here we're delvers delvers
we're underneath a mansion we're delvin we're we're we're we're we're in the the thunder city so the
baron city here has a lot going on you're not in the buried city this is a this is a basement
the the sewer diver begins to to speak
that's what i'm always saying what language is that uh thurston
um i caught him i know what he said
huh what did he say
there you go he said cordial
cordial yep like did he say one word after all of that it's like the bad lip reading of like kung fu
like oh my god what's the movie kung pao yeah kung pao if the one guy's just flapping his mouth
he goes yes
wow well we were just in the we were just in the baron city and uh well we we were going through
some walls and now we're here and this is part of our find yes our find this isn't your fine this is
a mansion that belongs to another actually it belongs to us and we are here to sweep out the basement that
seems like what people do in houses you want hold on there's 800 things that you're saying and none of
them make any sense for one we were just in a magical fairy forest fighting evil tooth stealing ogre fairies
second we are underneath the mansion third your quote unquote bind is a citadel of the black papacy
you don't want to go in there oh well citadel there could be a lot of treasure in there maybe
we could uh we could split this up you know yes the the large one we can speak i would like to split
up i would like new friends would you like to be friend with me i'd love to be friends with you ma'am
you seem cool enough thank you my companions they they they they are difficult to be with sometimes but
but but you you seem like that hey we we're good to get along with
right you don't understand once you crack open the artifices of a black cathedral throngs of fervent
slave warriors will throw themselves and their children onto pikes rather than give you an iota
further to their dark masters jets of black fire earth blood will boil you alive and war engines will
be not far behind you will be skewered harpooned and your very soul will be but an offering to the dark
master within this area you four have nothing to gain by venturing further
uh tell you what i have i have a great idea guys you just just trust me just trust me on this one
if you go in there and help us clear out whatever's inside we will consider splitting whatever we find with
you
hmm it doesn't seem very good what if you consider not to
but what if you consider that we are considering
being very good friends and what is better than being friends
we'll also give you something i i don't really know what we don't know what's inside
baldrick fucking cranes his head upward and size loudly as usual look we don't particularly need
the valuables within there we're here to look for something someone
probably more something by this point bro we don't particularly need the valuables or whatever
value items might be in there it's not our concern if you want to keep going this way
know that it's a bit dangerous but sure we don't mind going along we'll work out the specifics later
but right now key thing is to just keep moving the the lanky one with the the side no no no no
last time i tried this last time i tried this it didn't go through i got conned by some gnome i
don't want none of that no more we're gonna we're gonna figure this out together like chums
you know i've we got a little what i think we got a charcuterie board we could set it up right here
we could all sit down have a nice meal talk about it you know like like like like people
rahua raises his hand yeah tree person
did that what did that gnome happen to look like
do they have a big hat what no no no no no no no our experiences are not universal roo
oh there is no you don't know there's there is
you'd be surprised there are a lot of them
yeah i'm with the big guy on this one maybe we should just sit down for a minute
not a bad idea after we finish just finished nearly getting our teeth ripped out
oh your teeth were almost ripped out there the big lady comes and like kind of like
inspects your mouth vena is everything okay in there oh yeah yeah no it's it's totally good
totally good totally haven't lost a single tooth i don't think
what do you think chat running back check check the clips from the last game did vena
ever fail that that that roll roll the tape roll the tape roll the tape yeah
yeah yeah you know i got i got three gold teeth i don't want to lose any of those
uh you wouldn't have to worry about those ones i don't think look we're getting ahead of ourselves
let's just sit down then i'm tired uh the the the diving fellow produces from their back
a a large slab of wood that has a handle etched on the end of it and on that slab of wood um there's
like intricate markings but you realize that those markings just appear to be like a a symbol
and it looks to be like a cow with wings
and then he places the board down with the symbol up and then produces more packs which have like
dried meats and and some like preserved vegetables and fruits that are he they begin arraying on onto
the plate here i was thinking he had a magical charcuterie board that just like manifested food
quick question thurston yes what exactly are are our surroundings as baldrick will uh
survey the quality of materials that he is putting out on the board and hearing him say that he will
just sort of like nod like yeah looks pretty good okay so you're you're wanting to know like the
immediate surroundings of where are we still in that like weird yes so here let me please let me do a
thing here with a map this is a boop sorry there were a lot of templates on our last map y'all uh
gotta find the main party and drop them onto a map
so here i'll bring you over back to this map um so as it sort of loads over um basically you're
like to the northeast of this map area that you're in you're in this kind of small forested
area that looks like it was like some internal room to the northeast is this crack in the stones
and then it leads to the northeast off the map where there are the steps into this like ominous looking
cathedral and then to the south around here the wall is burst open and this this group has sort
of approached through so you're still in this forested area okay i wanted to make sure we were
still in that weird like courtyard where we fought them yeah yeah absolutely you haven't even like moved
up towards the to towards the citadel having been stopped by um tanhauser's um vivid explanations of
things well this all seems insane um can i try rolling an occultism or something to maybe see if
there's something going on here that maybe is more than meets the eye um how about you give me a
perception check that sounds just as fine that is a 16 on the die a 31 in total okay the 31 so
you're like looking over these individuals trying to like what the heck's going on then you're looking
back do you see that in the the sort of shadow light because there is like a shaft of light that's
coming into this room from above um but you see that that that light reflects to the base of the
citadel and at the base of the citadel um like the entryway there is a shadow of like a very thin
but very tall form and it seems to have like almost be melded in with the shadows there
i'll draw everyone's attention wait wait wait look we might be being watched
and i will point out this a horrible strange shadow thing
yeah you all see it though i mean just the shadow like as it's
well
can you
he uh baldrick will motion to the the delver who's got the uh the the the the big helmet on and he will
motion for him to proceed as i presume he will then prepare something to spotlight it yeah so so the the
the the like the the delver and sort of the the aquatic attire turns and then begins cranking
something like it pulls out a small crank that seems connected to their armor and after a bit of
worrying this like brilliant light shines out from their face plate um as it does it illuminates the
figure who stands as this like immense um like maybe six perhaps seven foot tall thin form bedecked in
black robes with pointed ears some sort of alchemical device on his back um just like ring bedecked arms a
face that looks like it's just been allowed to not decay but just age over long periods it's it's form sort of
pulled back the nose of this thing has been replaced with some sort of metal replacement that connects
to tubes that connect back to the alchemical substances on its back
you all see this in the in the doorway staring out at you i'm just serving honestly ah
serving what oh you know i don't mad you know
all right uh so this black papacy thing is it normal for that to be an outset
well the black papacy is centered in the lands of golgotha but they have influence across the world
usually in far smaller numbers
the hierothents gather in golgotha directly under the auspices of the lord golgotha
they are tolerated permitted because they keep the slave castes in line
and because they supply lord golgotha with earth blood for his great war machines
right so on a scale of one to ten exactly how normal is it for them to be under the deckland manor
it's not unfathomable but this place is deeper the rot i don't know the black papacy to be rotten
they're a different kind of darkness another illusion i doubt that but who's to say
who's to say any of this is real that these tooth fairies are real that these divers are real
you're real right i'm very real my mother was named svetlana she came from torort very grim times
i don't think she told me but i think she had to pick one of the siblings and i am the one she picked
to live childhood was very hard growing up in outset we had to and this this this like large woman keeps
going on and on about just like the saddest backstory continuing to just layer it on i think
we can trust what we're seeing right now i don't think whatever is enchanting this place had these
guys in mind well we did see some of declan's books there was a book on the black papacy wasn't there
perhaps it was research material or used in some sort of arcane ritual it was a children's book certainly
but uh i don't know and isn't the fairy forest something out of a children's book
the tooth fairy the pixies the babbling brook it's all very fairy tale
not that i think the black papacy is necessarily a fairy tale but you said it was a children's book
vena you do realize we live in a fantastic world where these things are just they do exist correct
well yes but not underneath a mansion and outset and not in the way that we've run into them
have you been an outset long do you know what's in the sewers
yeah see
i hate to break it to you but there's quite a bit of fantastical element here he's seen that i've seen
them outsets more than just a grungy city there's all kinds of crap beneath every single furnishing
around here if you turn if you turn up the wrong sewer grate you'll find yourself in like a mushroom
forest populated by gnomes and other kinds of things and that's just under one sewer grate you
could turn you can't trust gnomes like i said
point being outset's not just a city i'm not surprised something like this is here
but i would also probably not be surprised if it wasn't
that's right it's like a way of life you have to live in outset to understand outset way of life
i guess so before coming to outset i didn't have my feet on the ground much
but still it just seems like it's worth noting like it's not a coincidence
the things we read about in these children's books are appearing to us in illusions underneath the house
it's not does have a point it's not a matter of ignoring it it's a matter of coming to expect
anything keeping it in mind is the important part not necessarily assuming it is the case
after all we could be standing on centuries of transmogrified garbage instead of a forest floor
i wouldn't exactly recommend eating it in either case well whatever it is that we do i suggest we
begin assuming these delvers are as they appear i i'm right here yes so am i i in fact even said i
would like to be friend we can be friends assuming you aren't all hallucinations yes in fact i have
some literature for you to read in fact baldrick is going to do a survival check so we don't have to
worry about that um and i'm going to read in my pocket pull out some literature here read this by the
time you're done we should be ready to proceed and uh i would like to take uh uh uh you think we should
maybe rest and recuperate i think resting recuperating is good because rahua is very
close to being down and i i am as well and we can just like set up a little camp here thurston can i
make a survival yes yes you can only you can i just say what i love about this party is only you would
have like ominous vampire man standing at the entrance of ominous citadel and you're like this is a perfect
fucking place to camp yeah what yeah thurston it's so good thurston what animal is going to come
beneath the gaze of giant blackstone vampire man exactly he's a scarecrow have you seen the bastard
oh hey no sferatu you want to come tell campfire stories okay so you're addressing okay no no no no
do not invite them in
you're old what'd you get total i got a 16 total okay uh you're able to find like enough to make
yourself comfortable but if the others want to eat they might have to you know use their own rations
or whatnot which i'm sure they have yes i have a pup tent and rations yeah yeah there you go right
oran would like to go hunting oh get people prepared and help absolutely while that's happening
can i invest my aeon stone please so i can heal yeah absolutely okay i'm gonna do that okay oran
got a total over 30 in survival oh yeah you're absolutely good in fact you can find enough for
anyone who would want at this point i think oran comes back with like with venison and other hogs
and things like that and just throws them into the camp you're like i'll help prepare dinner i
also patch up everyone's wounds and so i would like to do we just want to summarize as everyone
healed up or you want me to roll yeah yeah you can all you can all heal up to full like you're not
you're not being like ambush murdered by this other strange group in fact they are all contributing
in a variety of ways to the cause here um with the the sort of the the sewer diver-esque
figure providing a lot of uh oh you know just just assorted spices and whatnot to the um to the
charcuterie board which quickly becomes the entire investiture of the meal
meat and meat and meat board because charcuterie is just meat very epic sure and some some little
veggies and you know it's it's it's all all there's good stuff there everything you need in order to have
a good movement or also pet cash gorgamonger
yeah back in the back yeah excuse me was that was that the dragon you just put into bowl you didn't
notice him what orange stares him down even though he's shorter he's tiny and small this is this like
this large lady with a mallet like looks down at you his feathers ruffle and everything and he's got
like a expression on there was no dragon good very good
and i hug you or reluctantly brings his arms they look fine
he's like there's like there's like a sound of like bones slightly crunching
you are like little bird feather doll
great thank you for tweeting she lets go i fall down crumpled dead
no i would use social media more if every time you you tweeted it said thank you for tweeting
i like to call well what twitter was true i like to call it bird scream
true that's all the tweets are just bird screaming yeah makes sense
yeah but that's a whole orange out it gets everyone all situated everyone tucked in with
moss blankets everyone get a little bit of shelter i don't need that moss blanket i have a
so as we're setting up camp and stuff i'm gonna i'm gonna chance a glance over at el vampiro has he uh
has he moved no standing right at the doorway just staring out into the middle distance all right
yes we're gonna get it we're gonna get over to him and find out he's a statue probably
he's gonna we're gonna get over him he's gonna find out that he's like super cool he's like
whoa bro sorry i didn't notice you there if he starts talking like that he's not cool
oh just welcome to the black cathedral bro this is hello and welcome to black paper seafood today we
will be grilling blood we'll come to evil chilies
hi welcome to evil chilies
i am yeah
uh so with that um
quick question before we go too far thurston can i uninvest the rock when i need to yeah yeah of
course okay good and i'm just gonna heal back to full for free yeah and you you are all managing
to heal up it's it's no problem between all of your various healings and nature checks and whatnot
we don't need to do that for downtime much anymore you've kind of got this down to a science um
but with all of that being said and done you very uh you very much find yourselves like settling in
with the ominous black citadel in the distance um and then the the other group who um rahua
you have one of the group uh the one with the black mask and the black apron who just kind of stands
by you and never has has yet to speak but all you can hear is just heavy breathing
so uh
what brings you to these parts aside from delving it's a it's a very nice mask
oh they don't talk much they don't talk the larger the larger one says
no in fact they're probably trying to find out what kind of organs you have inside of you
oh i don't have any they belong to the medic's guilds very interested in organs
i see you should already show its image it didn't want to load last oh yeah sure sure sure sure
there you go thank you
no i don't have any organs you can take even if i did i wouldn't let you have them
they immediately walk over and stand ominously by tanhouser
that one looks like they might have organs i don't worry it's more of just a joke i'm sure
i'm sure they wouldn't take actual organs from you until you are dead at least
i unbutton my shirt revealing my metal chest sorry actually not that many organs here either
you might want to try veena veena has organs
i don't the black the black apron figure moves towards veena
hello ma'am pleasure to meet you
that would be a great time to unpet cash club talk just saying
he doesn't have any fucking organs he is a single organ he is the organ that glub talks
you are not a good human being ah yes urndil man i do not want to have all these terrible people who
have had misfortune invested upon them by the forces of the universe and also the the bad people of the
setting also urndil ah yes we should take the child figure it's not a child it's an amoeba
you show me an amoeba that has digits and a face i can it's called a tardigrade
it's not an amoeba it's amoeba like enough and it's also about as intelligent as globetog
i will not suffer this slander against tardigrades here urndil this guy out here can't figure out which
thing he wants to be mad about i'm i can be mad about several things damn it you're goddamn right
i'm only for initiative yeah okay you're gonna lose that flight minister i still got lots of grenades
that's true
anyway uh so so so the ominous lady has moved on uh is now standing ominously behind veena
um the the like the one with the scythe has now like kind of started approaching closer towards
you tanhauser after you've sent the uh the organ harvester away so uh you're like the the leader
here right yes good good good good maybe we can talk you know leader to leader that sounds like a good
idea it's good that's good that's good now obviously you have some kind of deal with these
uh black papas in there so we should uh we should talk about that now
tactics right right okay so on my team she's the slowest so if we have to run
she'll be the one who will take the fall for us
now i don't know if anyone on your team's slower and like this slime ball is just like
trying to be like all right so these are the people who are absolutely just gonna like
completely fuck up and is just trying to like ingratiate and get like tactics from you now
so let me get this straight you have designated the expendable targets in your
team that is this large lady yes who would you say is the greatest threat to your leadership oh um
honestly i've never thought of that because they're all kind of not not as good as i am but but
probably the diver
he is more charismatic i'll give him that that's right well
i should tell you this much and i touch him on the shoulder here i do not run my team like that
oh okay what do you do if one of my fellows is to fall we will expend every effort to ensure that
they escape we will do all that we can for our fellows because united and only united can we stand and
hope to face the threats beneath in the black citadel now okay you cannot share this ethos
this may be too great a task for you but no no no no no no nothing's too great for me so then
i have something for you that might be able to help you okay
contained within this literature are many of my leadership ethos give me a
fucking
can i make a warfare check yeah sure
on revolutionary tactics
okay okay i accidentally man i'd search i guess i care so much i nanite search okay okay okay so as
you as you like get this amazing moment of i don't know pure warfare question mark um pure warfare
tactics thing this uh this from yeah okay yeah revolution okay okay oh clearly i've i've read some of these
before yes yes yes as you can clearly see the lady the lady with the the glasses yeah yeah yeah okay okay
okay okay yeah yes the third estate is the most important estate perhaps it's the only estate
and without it all else falls
you know the five-year plan something something communist buzzword
and uh we have that kind of conversation for an hour okay okay so so um yeah all right carry on
or or are you sorry were you done with i wanted to pass the ball
as you can see it is important that you become a father to your men a leader for only united can you
stand against what is before you so let me hear you say what are you fighting for
well that's a nuanced question based off what we talked about since there are
a lot of societal issues at play and we aren't just simply you know fighting for one of them we're
fighting for the greater whole of the people's revolution uh based off of the various uh dictates
set forth in um like shuffles through papers um you know section 14 paragraph a and the uh
the the the the manifesto the the the tana the tana festo on this page yeah you are ready comrade
general as you are we will survive this day no doubts all right all right very good very good
okay um so as this conversation is going on uh we'll cut to vena baldrick and orrin and rua
baldrick and the large the large lady with the mallet who is just like so
what do you like to do baldrick is still slightly annoyed at tanhauser and just mutters to himself
the general around here is general malfeasance
that's a good one it's very good you should write that down no
i don't know you think you have an aspiring career as a comedian baldrick
no look what you asked what we do right yeah we like to do yes uh
alchemy there you go he's going to return to pitching his tent
right alchemy very good very good what about you new blue skinned friend oh me well hobbies uh
i like to drink and i like to do backflips that's kind of where i'm at right now
yeah yeah yeah it's part of uh it's part of my whole gimmick you know have to show off
for our enemies so they just know that i'm better than them always
backflips yeah yeah watch this
i i i hope for the natural one here if i if i get a natural one here then i think that i win i think i
should get a hero point you just win all the path you get to win half-life one
unfortunately that is 29 the the perfectly yeah you do a a finessed backflip and like
the lady like stares in awe and then just begins clapping like
can you do again thank you thank you i'm gonna bow and bow of course for you ma'am
anything so you like to demolish things huh yes i am member of architects guild oh okay so you come
and knock things down before uh before they build them huh you're one of them that's right what make
what do you mean what the vetting no what as i'm like you know i've met the architects guild people
before there's a lot of them around back one of them's the prime reason we're kind of in this mess
in the first place oh architect's guild gets around and gets through walls like how i found you new
friends certainly i guess you know always best to have two people that can blow up walls
if they'd accept my patent for the coring charge then we wouldn't have to deal with just swinging
hammers around but you know whatever right i pat baltic on the shoulder maybe
they're just not your genius wait hang on a sec he's gonna lean behind vena and point at the
sewer sewer delver you know that like it's not always easiest to just go around a wall right
you can do that anyway you have any idea how many sewers there are an outset even sewers canals anything
well are you with the architects guild what's your deal
um and they kind of like look down
and then kind of look back up
wait so you just do that normally anyway you just so wait what what are you complaining about exactly
oh you don't want people blowing up the walls to your sewers okay
hmm well there's a lot of decaying tunnels around here so you'll just have to figure that out lots of
decaying tunnels for me to smash through and then find more new friends
how often do you find new friends by smashing through tunnels
turns to you more often than you'd think
huh depends on your definition of friend
how often do they these friends of yours tend to last after finding them well
like pulls up big meaty digits starts counting
hmm it depends if they're not delvers then much longer if they're delvers like us not very long
oh you you kill other delvers what no why would you say that oh did delvers just not last very long
the undercity is quite deep and treacherous there's there's hundreds of years
of history beneath us voli vina vina
baltric just fucking claps his hand on vina's shoulder and he does that face from the spider-man
animated movie where he goes hey and he just says thank you realize it's a profession built around
going into the under parts of outset you know like the area where we all fell into and then had to
crawl our way out of after being involved in all that nonsense and do you really think everyone's about
our skill level oh it wasn't that bad maybe i'm just used to the fact that we're all built different
that's kind of the point isn't it we're built different but the average delver
is not so fortunate as either one of us to be blessed in the way that we are such that
the entire city below us the city above is built upon the backs of corpses
those speaking of being built different i have question yes why does that one have wings
how he was born that way have you ever seen a strix no yeah the other bird people he's also got
little bird toesies oren show her your little bird toesies jesus christ
oren looks back and he's he's turning his stew he's turning his stew you know he has like an apron
of like of like kiss the bird anything else and he kind of looks over horrified
he's like he's like just snapping fingers at him or in gripper check now he's like not for free
damn you're right you're right sorry sorry
i am confused do do the do the do the grippy leg things provide some kind of special entertainment
that i must pay for is that a thing i wish i had a nerd declaration and not be on this line of
thinking we pivot from like we declare that we all die everyone explodes this is this is this is our
work in a nutshell we pivot from being wildly entertaining to being the worst thing you've seen
all day thanks for joining us it's probably why our patrons so good and most of the time i sit here
eating graham crackers waiting for my untimely demise everyone of the patrons is waiting for the bird
feet pics at this point i'm just gonna ask froggy to send me pictures of kiwi's feet
they're blocked by his his hero point bar we can't see here hold up hold up
she's probably she's probably on there now hold up to that is not hold up
hey froggy can you do me a favor oh no can you send me pics of kiwi's feet thanks
all right good dang it cancelled bit cancelled well i i am i am just saying that it's very
interesting wings would be very useful in our line of work they are they are very talented
he's pretty talented and a good cook i think speaking of here you go everybody or we'll hand
everyone like a bowl and stuff okay you're you're right in that case and everyone like like like
bowls of food food and everything else can i do a crafting check to see how good they are yeah
absolutely awesome can i have great luck actually coming from spider craft food man yes yes could i uh
kind of convince you otherwise the role of nature chat because i know all about like the herbs and
things like that know what to kind of put in there the supplement at a uh i'm okay with doing like
a misfortune role because i don't know you know i'll allow you to this isn't some some some dungeons
and dragons show where we have you know fortune and misfortune no i'll allow you to make the nature
check first and if you do well on that it'll give a bonus to your crafting check okay let's see
plus 19 nature here we go here you go baby that's an 18 on the die for a total of 37. oh yeah you're
you're you've got you you know the exact spices you can give yourself a plus four circumstance bonus
on this a plus for this crafting check yep here we go that's a 19 to die for a total oh it didn't
do the plot i didn't press the thing yeah so 23 yeah please describe to the group the uh stunning meal
with which you've created for them pretty much think of the best like gumbo you've ever seen
like just this little bit like in place of like rices and stuff just like little tiny bits of like
herbs and they're like really nicely cooked venison just melts in your mouth all these spices that were
added you're like this fade random mushroom looks good you know put that in there is the best tasting
food you've seen presented and tasted oh assumedly allegedly now i'm thinking about gumbo oh damn you
i remember the gumbo from torort they had very good gumbo have you been there it's out in solitude have
you ever been to the solitude before briefly we have oh very good very good not many people like
it out there i lived there for three years of my life most one year as a child but i i did some work
out there but prior to that you know on on the road guarding train caravans that sort of thing before
i became a delver with these fine companions what kind of work were you doing out in the solitude for
three years caravans they need people to watch over them lots of bandits there not sure if you know but
lots of bandits there vick true yeah that's true vick that sorry that sounds like person from
from my past who i have had dealings with my apologies that wouldn't surprise me
it's just like eyes narrow but they are not afraid that you are friends so what about you person with
bucket for head what about me did you have to have surgery to have bucket on head no
yeah you should have said yes you son of a bitch no he's not a comedian he could be no
it's funnier this way it still makes you laugh even when i am deadpan in the face of in the face of
this it makes you laugh harder laugh laugh chuckles and he he will he will just kind of like shrug
then how much time you spend up on the surface but you know got wanted posters
uh what what wanted posters the the the fellow from tanhauser finally returns
wanted posters yep no no that yeah no you're you're you're just the poser
uh huh yeah he shrugs and just kind of i mean everyone knows the legend of triangle bucket man
oh yeah i bet you do what's the name that reads on that
go on tell me
go on to write a name well dress yep that's the one ah
baldress i see if you just tell everyone that you just make sure you tell everyone it's baldress
and he has a triangle bucket on his head definitely not me different water poster
he's just a bit jealous we don't get get many uh posters you see we don't have a home that we live
in right now bro who cracks his head towards the very large demolitionist
a rictus grin creeping across his already rictus expression hold on a moment why did you post that
here hulky hulky hold on for just a moment please
does a 30 hit you
what if i was moving really fast and you didn't see it what if indeed but does a 30 hit you a 30
would hit me so like it's just like off-screen bulgic tackles
no i i i throw an alchemist fire at him he takes he takes 16 damage okay consider alchemist
fire a arranged weapon attack yes it absolutely is oh you are so lucky you are so it's a sneak
attack you're not getting away with it wait a second hold on hold on hold on
oh you're you're lucky i didn't have this up i i knew for a fact if i told you i'm going to
throw an attack at you you would have been like oh but i activate my shield i activate my wooden power
i activate my tree power to avoid being hit by molotov cocktail i'm attacking you for trying for
immediately thinking of adding more people to my house it's all about tree power free power
it's like desert power but trees we don't want to play this game you don't want to play this game i
out damage you i will kill you no i i'm not saying i'm gonna kill you no don't fight we're supposed to
be friends i i'm only throwing the one thirst and damage him you're upsetting her i just i
why is it a good friend or looks at rahua and baldrick and or goes we do not throw fire on gumbo night
stop stop inviting people to my house it's gumbo night we have happiness during gumbo night
if you can if you keep throwing fire mr baldrick i'm going to take away your gumbo
that's going too far
pulls out his iron rations and eats the bar made of meat
or takes away his gumbo and pours it into
he pours it on rahua to put him out
i still took that fire damage yes you absolutely did stop adding people to my house or until make
a fortitude save okay oh god oh no okay uh 21.
what have you done hulky sweet jesus what have you done what have you done
i'm waiting rahua places a burning hand oh no on baldrick's shoulder
and he says mossy
okay now i'm going to hit you with a mace
oh no no fighting
did you 31 hit you it does you heard him it's gumbo it barely hits me but it hits me
i can't believe you magic eight baldrick
oh no no no tree friend won't be allowed gumbo either
it is a night of shame or it takes away rahua's gumbo i'm going to try and interpose myself
between this pvp encounter if i may okay factor in weakness two to this
i just take two additional damage right oh yeah yep um okay so you're going to interpose yourself
so at that point what i would do is i would allow um baldrick to count as having concealment here
so what i would do in this instance is uh baldrick will make a flat check and on a one through four
it will instead hit uh tanhouser as we're on a d20 yep flat check
it's a four it hits tanhouser
so instead of hitting baldrick tanhouser
pops up between in the second between a big mace reeling towards baldrick's face
and tanhouser will get a delicious taste of moss and metal
he i like to think tanhouser's standing there using the king harkinian like mouth open finger
pointed up pose and you just smack him in the head it's more it's more that uh tanhouser's got
his hands between you two and then the mace comes down and it hits his back and there's a
there's a resounding gong as it just hits the metal
you two stop this foolishness i don't want my friends to fight yes he did and he was wrong to do
so i'm so sorry i hit you i'm so sorry and he'll just pat his dented back but he was trying to rob us
of more people too in a moment of inspiration for the revolution the cause these are able bodies
we need more people it is my slapper who in the face you shut up
i know exactly what was going on here you can't just distract me by putting revolution in front of
words do you know how many words i think of with revolution in front of them on a daily basis
here you go mr tan here here's your special revolution ball thank you and i take the revolutionary
gumbo and my revolutionary spoon now then i put it down baldrick there is no excuse for attacking
another member of this party and the same for you rahua no matter how irritated you might get at our
shenanigans for bringing more and more people to the home base or how irritated you might be at
someone else's genuine misconduct we are allies hell i told the comedy delver about our revolutionary ethos
and he showed more hutspur than either of you what do you mean comedy i i'm a person i was talking about
someone else what are you talking about me i i i i know this was this was days ago you don't need to
worry about it here's the thing other you've been seeing other delvers i need you to calm down
before i have an aneurysm it's you can have that i feel it well i've got my brain
do you as you say i've got my brain the organ harvester just appears behind
you on this looming it baldrick you need to chill there's just going to be people on your house every
once in a while eventually we will upscale to a larger base and you won't have to worry about having
to share your space with other funny people while we try to wage war against a government that's not
up for you to decide plus i'm digging downwards there's plenty of real estate below crunches
baldrick the tenement at this point you gotta just deal with it man we're way too far along
i am dealing with it and he will toss a fucking alchemist fire in his hand again
okay no you're not this is not the way my comrade why are we together why are we fighting someone tell me
what is this like story time you shut up the big lady sits down you shut up
we love you and you're a good person and you can be a good person thank you but this is for
this group right now why are we fighting together it's not by choice
i choose to be here i choose to be here i like my friends
what about you oren do you choose to be here i mean it's been a long time we we all showed up
together and instead of a prison and we helped each other out there and then we try to help out mr
baldrick and and you mr tannhauser and vena rahula with all their problems inside the city and you know
it could just be for survival and stuff and you know but i've learned to care about everyone here
i care about mr baldrick finding his peace and being able to you know and fulfill his dreams the big
glowy green door i care about for miss vena to be able to get her you know try to find her way get
her own ship and re-establish herself as a true captain that she really is and rahula to find out more
who he is and for you mr tenhauser to get your revolution because you all helped me with my
dealing of finding gorgamonger again and actually saving him so i could have just gone home you know
the whole reason i came here was to get gorgamonger but i can't abandon my newfound friends now so i'm
here to help you out that was beautiful thank you and pat the demolitioner on the back yeah she's
sobbing openly well this is the power of friendship that way i want friends four of us choose to be here
choose to be arrayed together and call one another friend do you feel the same way or would you rather
we all leave you to your devices we may all be sponsored but that doesn't mean we have to travel
together wait wait you're sponsored damn it it's open you wouldn't talk about that is that okay so so
so um yeah just asking but um which company's sponsoring you because it's hard for delvis to get
sponsorship down here uh uh betcher's bugs it's just bugs never heard of them okay okay they're in the
rook's blaster oh the rooks okay okay okay i'll be quiet now you go back to your friendship talk
roe you're very good at lying to people
i'm lying to people we're sponsored by betcher's bug sponsorship
oh like three episodes ago oh my god all right we're completely undercut baltric
all of us choose to be here what of you
i am not choosing for you guys to be here at all you are staying here for one reason or another and
it's kind of out of my control i've tried to try and get you guys to go elsewhere together to do what
you want to do that doesn't seem to stick around for very long so until we're done with whatever
we need to get done i'm not going to there's no chance of you guys being away from me so i'm dealing
with it well baldrick if you would prefer we simply leave you be then once we return back we can pack
our things and find a new base and leave you to your experiments you're welcome to try i don't think
we've got much of a say in it would you like us to i'm asking you
why don't we see this throughout first
very well
and i'll give baldrick a winnowing look before turning back to the rest of the party
as you were no more encounters no more fights and then i'll go and eat my freedom liberty
revolutionary gumbo freedom freedom gumbo freedom gumbo orn uh orn will look it he forgot who he was
he went to go play the divers democracy gumbo democracy is part of the revolution gumbo is it
well you know he's more of a syndicalist then uh you don't want me to do this again not not right
now not right now we don't have the time we're we're an hour in we don't have the full three hours
to do it hey guys want to hear about worker co-ops no
are you very interested with uh with a little bit of a tearful like pathetic expression and be like
i miss you mr baldrick
i'm gonna go to bed now you know in in orn will just slump into a pile of moss he's made just
moss he just just covered in it
so are we bedding down for the night as well sure i'll take first watch i'm on second
i'll stay and do watch with you hold on i'm gonna put a hand on baldrick's shoulder why don't
you and i do watch together two heads are better than one i'm not tired why not all right i'll go to
bed yeah i'll get some sleep too uh behind tannhauser there is just a
and you can almost like think you can hear the word brain but that's about it i hear the word brain
and then off in the distance somewhere i just hear a
damn it i'm in the vent i cannot believe that i am here on a completely separate adventure doing
something way cooler than what those guys are doing anyway
speaker remind me at the end of the episode or when we go on break please
get me like an audio recording of it probably at the end of the episode yeah yeah yeah sure
i can't believe they're throwing a big party for me at the black papacy
god damn it um so everyone but vena and baldrick goes to bed uh
leaving you alone and oh and the the the um the organ harvester who just
doesn't appear to sleep and just stands ominously behind sleeping tannhauser
awesome like the good old days yeah son of a bitch
all right yeah once uh once night falls i'm gonna uh sit next to baldrick and just kind of
offer him a flask uh he'll he'll put his hand up at that no not a heavy drinker i'm fine
not at all sounds like you need it hardly you've got a lot to do drink's not gonna help that
funny usually people who complain as much as you do are the heaviest drinkers
we've got a lot to complain about maybe so is all that stuff you said true
simply put vena we're in a situation i don't really understand i have no idea what's going on
or how the hell we keep bumping into each other or why we've been put together in the first place
because i guarantee you it's not from a lack of trying
well here's the way i sees it you don't always pick your crew sometimes they're just the closest
available people they're whoever signed up whoever was desperate or poor or hungry enough for adventure
to join in and you have to deal with each other sure
but the real crews the ones that last the ones that get through the hell that we have the ones that
end up becoming more than just crew members or co-workers those are the ones that last those are
the ones that find greatness find something more and listen you seem to you're a real deadpan guy you
seem like you don't care about a lot but your actions both before we met and after have shown
that you do give a fuck about something real deeply actually you don't become a terrorist by not giving a
shit so tell me about what you give a shit about
i feel like i haven't really actually heard that story
he's gonna lean back on what i assume is like just like a slab of stone that's in the in the immediate
area yeah you probably got like a little campfire that has been going and then just you know your
tent is off in the distance that sort of a situation this is the thing that is
maybe not crucial for everyone to know or everyone to understand as far as i'm concerned right now
all i need to be and all i am at the moment is a tool for the purpose of doing this that's not to
say this is what i want to do you think i want to do this this nonsense do you think i want to be
plumbing the depths of outset you realize initially i wasn't anywhere close to this i was for all intents
and purposes a college student i was trying to figure things out i was trying to understand things like
the rot or any other kind of alchemical malfeasance in the world something wrong with it i didn't become
a bomber because i wanted to i didn't become the guy who produces alchemist fires and giant vats or
bottles of acid or coring charges because i get kicks out of it sure it is nice to see an explosion
what idiot doesn't think that it's not what i wanted to do it's not where i want to be i'm doing
this because someone has to because no one else is i don't want to be this i don't want to be here
it's not that i don't want to be around you guys it is that i don't want this life it is one that has
been given to me and i'm stuck with it because do you want to know what i'd rather do vena no man
i'd rather be nobody i would rather be another college nobody one of the thousands of aspiring
alchemists out there looking for some some forlorn hope that you can cure the rot with alchemy
because there's there's enough priests out there there's enough clerics mages what have you all
looking for ways to cure this thing that's slowly eating the world like a rotten apple
and you know what i'd have been content being one of them i lost that chance i'm doing this because i
don't want other people to have to go through that to lose the right to be nobody they have to step up
someone has to step up the fact that i have been lumped in with you guys on this
for one reason or another whether it's from higher fate or lower machination i'm stuck with this
you guys aren't bad people i don't deserve to be a part of you i'd rather be nobody i don't have that choice
that's uh
that's telling
you know there it is that's what you give a shit about fighting for people to have the right that you
didn't have
and baldrick
part of finding your people
is finding people who will take up that fight with you
because yeah maybe i don't want to be nobody
maybe i want to be the most famous pirate captain that the skies have ever seen
but i give a shit about your fight because i give a shit about you
i think you're fighting for something good
i think that what we are doing here
is something worthwhile
and all i want you to do is open up the fight to us
let us fight your fight with you
you're not just stuck with us
you could leave
and maybe fate keeps bringing us together
but i've never much been a strong believer in fate having the last say
but i think you're a good man
and i think you're fighting a good fight
and i think we're together
if not for some grander reason
then
simply because i believe in you
you and i believe you can do what you want to do
and at the end of this
i'll make you the promise baldrick
that at the end of this
you can find yourself a little house
in the middle of nowhere
and you can be the perfect nobody you have always wanted to be
you can live a quiet life
you can do your research
you can cure the rot
and
you can have what you want too
baldrick just kind of looks out over the the big vacant nothing ahead of you guys
because obviously it's dark out there's not a whole lot going on here
he'll just raise up his hand and just do a brief beckoning motion with two fingers
still got that booze
plenty
i hand him the flask
that's it here
and as it kind of begins to quiet down there's one last little thing
a noise baldrick that you hear
sewage work is uh
fine and lonely
see some interesting things in the sewers you know
damn it
and how about we take a break after that moment everybody
we'll be right back everybody and for those who are here live on stream you get to see kiwi's feet be right back
yeah
let's go
bird
and we're back
bye
bye
my face
i needed that
start the game already
fine thurston we have all recently had a
and now that we're ready to
so what do we got
you wake back up and the situation is very much the same you are still in the forested
chamber room with the the wall behind you having been broken in
the the group the other group of delvers remains with you
there is a ominous cathedral to the northeast that somehow juts out of the subterranean area that
you're in and a very vampiric figure stands in the the walkway uh which has not moved the entire night
oh all right is he like the guys in front of the the palace
the the ones that aren't supposed to move with the funny hats
the papal guard
yeah something like that are you thinking of the swiss guard i have no idea yes
i'm italian i can tell you these things you're italian
all right well uh i guess it's off to the chapel then nowhere else to go
are you guys uh wait wait wait we haven't we haven't really talked about the uh
uh you know the um the breakdown of uh the goods how good are you in a fight
uh well uh i am very good in fight i have maul i believe you you look so strong
i am very strong yeah these biceps are not for show i worked on them oh they're beautiful yes
i don't know anyhow so uh there is a non-insignificant chance at the end of this entire excursion there
is some sort of giant gribbly monster are you guys ready to fight that how uh gribbly are we talking
here rotten uh rot hot oh no i do not uh uh rot uh i mean that's that's why we got uh that's why we got
uh you know deep sea diver over here hmm prepare yourself we are likely not going to emerge from this
unscathed death so now's your chance to pull out if you uh aren't down for that possibility but
otherwise i'm okay that's something i never do
i'm a 12 year old
i'll just sit here holding back
veins are popping like it's just like prom night
i'm going to add the duel in front to the server's soundboard
no no we got this we're totally we're we're we're like the a team you can be like the b team we
can we can we we got this right yes i got this the organ harvester is still ominously behind tan
hold on hold on my my organ harvester friend what if you were to be able to harvest some
fucked up rot organs huh huh uh uh the organ harvester just sort of tilts their heads slightly
yeah yeah some monster organs wouldn't that be sick
uh yeah yeah yeah yeah we so so obviously we should go in first
uh i don't think that's a good idea why not because if you go in first
and you are under prepared for what awaits you
you will not be coming out we should all go in together
together together okay okay okay as a family as a revolutionary commando unit
as a family i thought we just started as friends now we are family everything is moving so quickly
yeah before you know it we'll all be a hundred years old and dead and living in the same house
i will warn you you are slightly less flammable than rahua but not by much
all right all right all right here we'll take point you guys take up the rear they're both very
important positions what if we like did like a like a like the checker pattern you know like some of us in
the front some of you in the front some of us in the back some of you in the you know even stevens
that way you don't try to use it to cut me out of any loot fine fine fine fine you sound insane
what you sound insane but sure at this rate if you survive you're welcome to any loot you can get
wow wow also important moment i have realized something
as we go into battle there is an important thing we must do
i must tell you my name because you have not asked once and it has been fairly rude
oh sorry we've got a whole thing happening you know if we know your name that means that
you know you're a valued NPC if we get an attachment and we form attachments and you die that means
i'll cry and we already had an episode arc about that so we don't need anymore what is your name gorgeous
my name is torort i come from the settlement of torort
torort from torort all right i got it
uh my name is feck dar it's not a great name it's not a bad name you can call me feck
feck feck back it's like we all learned a curse word yeah true and uh what about you
uh he says his name is ranar i believe or what was it ranar raynar yeah that one ah
i'm not this quiet friend with us their name at least according to the medical card they carry
around with is ralzi ralzi ral man pretty r a l z z i that you you were doing the asgore boss
theme when you were spelling that their name is ralzi i'm watching
what do you think why do you think i asked for a spelling oran uh brings up a
his little hand rosny who pretty much towers over him like 12 feet tall i'm gonna go like i'm oran
it's nice to meet you
um a gloved hand comes out and begins poking gently at your sides
it's like that tickles anyway i'm oran he kind of grabs her hand and shakes it
did you know that i might have a gizzard
what there is like this strange reaction but nothing more what would you describe that strange
reaction as because that's just like a head tilt like again another just like what
i think you're pretty neat shakes hand and goes off and oran will go because he is very neat
yeah yeah yeah yeah this is all great yeah
has a girlfriend that's pretty crazy true oh no what's your name i i point to the the definitely not
of entry so so you you point and then say what's your name to the to the to the big filler yeah yeah
bear
not kevin
oh well i'm i'm so glad that does narrow it down
yeah we're podcast listeners we're podcast listeners we just sell the damage of not
not kevin with the name it's literally the same picture just swift not kevin which you can
i'm telling you in my powerful wizard fucking god
which which you can thank poor sick to tell for who had three different versions of this art
oh my god with this one here that's so funny wait what's the third one
the third one is the third one is like of the black papacy that's the boring okay yeah
this is not got it got it okay so so you so so in all seriousness you look over to
to the ominous vampiric uh figure uh and say what's your name buddy sure
do i have to roll initiative no no no as you ask um there's like the sound of like
the only way i can describe it is peeling paper as eyes begin to roll back um revealing black orbs
underneath
you wish to know my name oh the fuck off
next nose probably never mind nope never mind we're gonna go let's leave
i am the deacon of the black papacy
sorry speaker is this in your head canon i did not specify an accent that's your own damn fault
you have gone to the cathedral of the black papacy
what are you doing here deacon
i am spreading the true word of the papacy
to who
when who would listen i want to know do you wish to know yeah all right
there are challenges you must overcome to know the secrets
what
wait what what challenges hold on this is this is irregular
usually you're giving people all sorts of intoxicating offers not making them jump through
hoops all right are you ready for the first challenge orange is intoxicated and wants to participate
that's what you get for smoking your giant comical oran blunt
i i i i hope they have us doing some kind of wipeout style ridiculous
pick out your hand
close it into a fist he closes
reveal the first digit of your finger
does the index
one
uh uh uh uh uh
shut the fuck up
come get rid of you where are you
i'm rolling initiative
kicking you out of this fucking discord where are you
20 20 transylvanian viewers we've upset there you are get out
i kicked them out
we've killed the dm while he's gone i can mention that these are absolutely not ventrue
they are acting far more like old clan zamisi
which are the more stereotypical dracula like in addition the bat like ears are more
reminiscent of an osferatu though credit where credit is due it is not too horrendously
hideous so it doesn't quite fit in with that clan uh definitely though with the accent and
the old world yeah hi thurston can you check our stream analytics to see where people are from
where they're like tuning in from they're all from transylvania
yeah i i didn't know we dropped about 10 viewers when that started
i believe we lost yes that that does indicate that our viewer base is at the very least four percent
transylvanian
empirically
like we can't argue that math no max can't be can't be denied max yeah i need to learn to be better
consider this we have lost wallachia
all right so he's got one finger out
oren brings out his second finger what do you think you must say now
you are wrong i'm scared he doesn't he just remember how to count give me a little save oren
that's a 13 and a die for a total of 30 for oren's will save
who is the number of fingers you must use to pull the knife out and take your blood out of your wrists
now um you feel a strong compulsion to find a knife with which to cut your wrist open with
oh oren like turns to the rest of his party i'm gonna roll i'm gonna roll uh a d4
uh on the overlay vena's one townhouses four and rose two bullocks three okay
one orange starts going up the vena going miss vena sword no no no no
no i don't think so and he's just like walking hands extended or just like
i'm just gonna put a hand on his forehead and gently hold him away he just just making marks on
the ground he can't go forward who else would like to try a trial oh tanny you've dealt with these
bozos before yes i have i'll approach the the black paper say
yes which diocese do you represent deacon
i represent the crimson blood sanguis of the black papacy all right is that real
you wanna you wanna give me an appropriate check for that i would love to give you
lord do you have perhaps occultism yeah absolutely
i can accidentally nanite searched it do you keep searching every because it's because it's
fucking clicked on the check mark i think um so it's just a 20. um this is like the school book
equivalent of someone describing the black papacy like literally he just said he's from the congregation
of the blood blood blood blood you just took what no yes that's not real you're not real i am no you're
not how do you know he really hit you with a nut didn't he that's crazy dude i'm gonna look this
shit is fucking weird this isn't real you just told me it's from the diocese of the bloody blood blood bloods
all right is that like a really really like tough papacy thing we should be should be ready
for that says that does say blood a lot that's a lot of blood i should we be worried
i don't think so all right here's my uh i'll do the trial fine hit me with the trial i'll take your
trial let's see how real you are all right pick a letter
i pick another letter
e oh no a third letter don't do it no
no no no no pick yet another letter oh
pick again
pick another u again t-i-o-n
i said one letter tannhauser disappears from existence
excellent yay oh okay hey you want to do me a favor go do do a disappearance scream for me
now he's gone so yeah you all witnesses tannhauser um tannhauser's body seems to compress
in on itself as though he's like almost caricaturely being like
bisected and then folded in on himself until he disappears into nothing i said one letter uh uh
oh is this just is this just simon says but with more stakes
speak of this thing give me your knife no
you dare invoke stakes here with me talking about he's talking about meat
calm your shit dude what like the cut of meat steaks
s-t-e-a-k what why are you being so rude to me
you seem to be offended by people bringing up stakes i don't know
yeah yes because they're the things that hurt us
oh you know you put the stake in the vampire's heart and then they go blah
i didn't know that but now i do
um wait wait
through which respect to vena so you know like
between oran and tannhauser being sucked out of existence should i like hit him with uh you know
like shakes his fist with the mace on it
yeah yeah is that steak shaped i can make it steak shaped as you could probably just like
pierce punch the vampire with your hand and you'll do just fine that's kind of what i was
gonna do i'm just gonna donut him all right yeah yeah vaguely steak shaped that seems to be the uh
the kryptonite here hey uh uh you're gonna send our friend back
what do you mean our friend that just got disappeared are you gonna send him back oh he's here
where did he go inside where inside first and i rolled a wake up from this dream okay
give me a will save all right you got it dc yeah just just a flat will save
uh 29 um you can tell that whilst this is not a dream um that the effects going
on here as you're like really concentrating your will on how ridiculous this is um the area around
here is just definitely um reacting like this this the the ridiculousness of this situation
is something like as though it's it's reacting um not like a this makes sense it's there's something
that is reacting and doing some kind of test or whatnot like this this is obviously not a real
situation but it is real in that it is happening right am i can i get a read on wherever it's coming
from specifically you don't get a read like that would be more of like some kind of like magicky
stuff but you're you're able to tell there's something that is just influencing reality and
the more you kind of concentrate on it you're feeling that uh baldrick will re acquaint himself
with the party and he's going to tap uh who the fuck would probably have the best magic since our
magic guy has been unpersoned uh probably rahua they have high wisdom
uh which of the two of you has uh a detect magic of some kind who oh i do
he will he will clap his hand on rahua's shoulder and he will direct him slightly away from cryptic
vampirism moments for who have something's not right here can you try to sense around for something
yes let me look and do my special rahua eye move i'm gonna cast attack magic my special rahua
he turns his eye ball do you wanna i'm assuming you're gonna want to give me like a religion check
yeah let me let's go with religion's a pretty pretty solid option here yes you know you are
right given that we are dealing with the black papacy
tell me what you get dog i will give you a natural 20.
rahua's special eye move is very special you start like focusing on what's going on and you you do
detect you know there is a magical uh presence here but as you do you see something um and you
you visions kind of hit you as you stagger back the first is the face of an old man um his mouth open
as though screaming but the texture is strange there's something wrong with the texture like it's
it's almost it's like a stone face like the faces of outset but it has features unlike the sort of
blank featureless faces that permeate most of outset uh and then you you quickly hear this
thumping sound like this dump dump dump like a heartbeat but when you you focus on it and you can
tell that this is the cause of whatever is going on it's not a heart it's a brain a pulsating stone
brain uh and then you cut to seeing through the through through the veil of your magic eye move
um tanhauser running down the corridor of a vast cathedral
is tanhauser running back towards the party
no um so tanhauser's running through a vast cathedral hallway that seems endless
like as though he were fighting i don't know dark sun gwendolyn
yeah i was about to mention remember that yeah yeah around the hallway is five million miles long
um and so you you you see like tanhauser running eternally down this hall and then kind of snap back and
realize that whatever that strange like intelligence is um that that that brain that face that is
is that is what is directing this but what you know is that there's stone and with a nat 20 uh you're able to
in the last moments see behind the stone and what is behind the stone the stone of the brain the stone of
the face is a roiling black mass that has basically infested it
and then you snap back to the front of the of the cathedral with the strange vampiric creature
oh oh oh what would you like to do a challenge
cade man is very far gone what's a cade man
rahul will turn back to the party
there is something very large and very wrong deep within the cathedral
a giant
monolithic
face not unlike the ones around outset
a thrumming brain hatched but within gestating
spreading
is a mass of rot i have not seen anything
as large before
at least up until now and hopefully not after
it is what is guiding all of this all of the illusions
it is there
trapped
in a scream of agony forever
and tannhauser is lost somewhere within that maze
oh
well uh good luck with that bye
effect our turns and begins to walk away
hey
all right fine no loot for you
yeah uh good good luck but but but friends
family yeah yeah not right no not that much okay bye
but family family we did tell him it was going to be dangerous
you're welcome i don't i don't i i i think i'm stay i this is family
yeah
the organ harvester begins to walk away
oh
not the organ harvester
but wait the giant brain
the organ harvester stops
yeah
give me a diplomacy check
this is your chance to use your skills vena
roll roll that diplomacy that you have
my diplomacy is kind of decent
it should be better why isn't it better
that's a 26
the organ harvester begins walking back towards the group
yeah
we're gonna get this guy killed
well we got the sewer fell on the way too he's sticking around
that's right we're families because group hug
yeah i want you to know because you did the transylvanian vampire i couldn't be certain that it
wasn't just the vampire trying to insert itself into our party that moment
it's fair it's fair i am part of the party now
a blood for everyone especially me i will be replacing dan hauser from here on out
tell me italian
spaghetti
pop of the movie
a tagliate
uh now we've lost another 20 subscribers from our italian audience thanks
yeah we're just making it we're just making it the italians will remember this
oh no
so uh yeah so with this horrifying revelation what are y'all doing
so we got tan house back right no no no you're stuck in an infinite hallway i'm i'm stuck in the
duff uh maze i think he's fighting uh gwendolyn right now exactly oren bull so well sorry go ahead
oh no i was i was going to take the i was going to be active in my next action but if you would like
to do or say something by all means i would encourage you to do that count chocula still running
away from us oh he's still he's not running away he's still standing there wait dina he might have
a knife and or immediately charges him wait wait wait wait wait give me give me give me give me
so you start like rushing towards him i'm going to tackle him i want his knife if he may have one
one okay give me uh give me a um athletics check please whoop that is a 21 21 okay um you
jump into this figure but as you do you realize you've just jumped into dust and the thing just
breaks apart as you rush into it uh uh uh bites the dust
uh uh oh you know i think our recourse is to go in after tanny there is no way out but through at this
point i think we're losing direction i've no idea how to get the tannhauser or i have no idea what
the you just said to me i'm gonna be real baldrick you translate normally i can
yeah i think everyone was just trying to decipher what you just said or it it's like it's like or
it's like but how do we get the mr tannhauser it's a good question i have no idea i don't even know why
this happened perhaps we must go into the cathedral i imagine it'd be a safe assertion right wait do the
vampires say that no no no no the big the big lady this is the yeah the transylvania russian overlap okay
just i was just like i was like wow that's really helpful actually thanks man no just like this
how you save your friend i have captured okay i feel the bad so why are we back to italian
fuck we get to these ways oh the box is a pizza let me let me tell you how we are going to go about
this welcome to a clan giovanni um all right i think we've lost the plot again
all right or heads to the cathedral come on guys you gotta see mr tannhauser and just
all the way he's just rushing okay so we catch to our group making their way into the cathedral of
the black papacy uh as they do so we cut to tannhauser tannhauser you are in an endless hallway
running from one end to the other um how are you doing right now as we cut back to to you and your
your perspective um i've probably been running in a straight line this entire time yes at this
point i'm probably like okay this is just gonna go on forever
what's around me give me a perception check okie dokie arty chokey
uh-da-da that i was born lived a man who sailed the sea all right let's rock and let's not have our
nanites for sir john oh there you go as you take a moment to to take a breath in and look around down
the endless hallway you notice something off to to the side along the stained glass windows that breathe in
unlight into this decrepit cathedral there is a simple wooden door nestled between two of the windows
i take a look at it it has a brass handle that looks to turn and open interesting are there
any chairs nearby me no any desks nothing all right i'm gonna run up to the window and try to smash my
head against it as hard as i can hey um
you take six points of bludgeoning damage all right realizing that that plan is not going to work i open the
door okay i love this game we we make such glorious progress as you open the door a gust of wind kind of
scoots you forward uh and you find yourself stepping onto a wooden floor and a cold breath hits your your
lungs uh your your you know strange robotic lungs um and you find yourself looking around and the first
thing that that strikes you is the bright sky the open air the clouds the lack of ground because you're on
the deck of a flying ship and as you come out you just hear your wounds are never open
and that is where we are going to end today's session i want you to understand thurston before we
before we cut to anything your microphone peaked so badly you just went
we're fighting a mcdonald's drive-thru
it was a lot of heavy wind up there i was just role-playing okay
i opened the door directly into a venmo or ventrilo
can you open it into a venmo
don't clarify server and you got to hear duke nukem scream at you don't clarify
his chat's gonna have to figure out exactly what you said next time absolutely
so thank you everybody so much for coming over watch this episode of rock rain i hope you all
enjoyed it if you did please let us know in the comments below and if you really enjoyed it a
whole bunch please share with your friends please tell people we exist because with you helping us
out with that it really helps us stay alive and keep on going but of course i have to remind you
for the amazing players who brought you this episode of rock grind where you can follow all
their socials and stuff starting off with odoroshi hey hello it's me odo you can find me on twitter
at odoroshi rider you can find me in the discord you can find me on tumblr if you dare uh and i was
playing vena the self swashbuckler great to uh great to play again with you guys i can't wait to learn how to
count uh uh uh uh fuck off and of course we have our stalwart hulky crow that is me i am hulky crow and i have
once again played the kind of roster clear who uh thank you so much for coming out again i missed
your faces and i look forward to seeing you the next time on the weed day hey you got a twitch
stream right hulky you're you're goddamn right i do zorn i also stream over the at twitch tv
slash hulky crow and you can find me at my other socials by the same username if you should happen to
want to engage with me there it would be a terrible mistake and of course what's not a terrible mistake but
the best decision we ever made it's arandil hello my name is arandil you can meet me at twitter
at arandilio and basically nowhere else as usual thank you for having us it has been fun i'm working
on a thing but you won't know much about it until later thanks yeah follow arandil socials for more
information about it and of course we have d's of speaker hi it's me speaker d and you can find me on
twitter at super snake kick you can find all the wonderful things that me and urndil and the rest
of the ogre popening pokemon ogre popers are up to on brava alphabusa's youtube channel as well as
patreon.com slash alphabusa i remember when we said funny things instead of you know chilling
god no joke joke no really they gotta know where you're at we've all many people want to know what
you're doing tnsha we've lost the mandate of heaven but of course we have our illustrious game master
thurston hillman hello i had a lot of fun thank you everyone this is a great session uh we're we're
getting to the end of this adventure we're getting awful close oh boy oh boy and of course i have
been your host for this evening i'm zone the bear and of course you can find all my streams pretty
much the same name and stuff if you guys come over and ask me anything about narrative decoration how
things run all that other stuff and remember if you loved uh what we do here we do a whole bunch of
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can join our discord at discord.gg force last narrative declaration if it's expired there
should be a backup link in the youtube description now uh sometimes if we not enough people like do
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recent videos and stuff there should be a backup link but with all that uh if you go to our patreon
you can find our exclusive campaign something surely being made and get to see some preview images
of stuff of our exclusive kingmaker campaign from pathfinder second edition so if you want to
something more official in that way um a whole bunch of assets already made everything else we're
just trying to get everything going hopefully that'll start in the beginning of next month for
you so if you're part of the patreon you'll be able to get that along with details and preview stuff
for a one dollar tier and the test sessions we did are also on the one dollar tier for once
macaroni you can hop on with us and see how that's going so love you all so very much hope you all have
an absolutely lovely day lovely day and we'll see you next episode of rap grime goodbye and farewell
and leave this pretty side