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Abandoning Self Vs. Living your Values
- Anxiety And Scarcity
- Susceptibility to what others are feeling
(Empath)
- Importance of Routines
Welcome to the TriggerProof podcast.
This is the first season of the Podcast which are audio renditions of
Facebook Live Video Transmissions done for the “TriggerProof” Facebook Community.
These were set up by request of our community members who wanted an opportunity to listen
to insights, tools, and strategies to help heal relationship dynamics, deepen intimacy,
and master the fine art of Autonomic Nervous System Regulation so that we can build resilience,
heal from the past, and become active operators of our mind, body, and life.
This first season wasn’t designed to be a podcast, so you’ll notice the audio isn’t
Professional Studio Quality (like it is on season 2 as we’ve upgraded incrementally).
These trainings are designed to introduce and deepen you to the most critical 2 skills we’ve never been taught:
1) The skill and practice of taking our triggers (Nervous System Activations) and turning them into deeper safety and self-love,
2) The skill and practice of taking conflict (that happens in any relationship) and turning them into deeper intimacy between the parties involved.
Not learning these two critical skills at this time in history costs us dearly: Physical and Mental health is on the DECLINE.
Doing this deep level of healing work can break the cycle of Intergenerational Trauma that didn’t start with you.
It didn’t start with you, but it can end with you,
#Cyclebreaker.
______________________________________________________________________
Join my Facebook Group to help you understand yourself, control your triggers, regulate your nervous system and know what's keeping you stuck in these times of crisis:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/triggerproof
hey good afternoon it's beautiful here in vancouver right now just took lucy for a walk and i was thinking about some of the questions that you've been asking when i posted in this group in the community and i was really pondering on what the response would be i really want to make sure that every single day that i'm giving you some sort of a content that's going to continuously bring you back into yourself because i don't take the attention that you give to this uh community into these these trainings i don't take the attention lightly now let me know give me a thumbs up if the sound is working if it's working okay i'll continue because i really want to answer these questions talking about anxiety i'm going to be talking about living your values versus
abandoning yourself aaron kept asking this uh and he's he's been asking me for a while and i really want to help him especially within the context of work and relationships hey can you hear me okay does it does it sound all right um and then we're going to be talking cathy asked about you know this susceptibility feeling that we have think it towards what other people think and feel about us thank you yanni for other people think and feel about us we become very susceptible to it so how do i not get so sensitive to what what other people are saying and thinking excuse me and uh caleb was asking about the importance of routines and this all but of course it all fits together beautifully for you so it's my intention that by the end of this call you have a deeper sense of self a deeper groundedness in yourself you understand yourself a lot more and you feel hey i got this it's really what i want to have you experience on the end of every one of these trainings because it's these concepts are relevant for every human being because we're dealing in the realm of the nervous system you live your life through your nervous system and i want to help you help help you help yourself regulate your anxiety but by totally reframing what anxiety is anxiety the old model now that you're in this community we're in the conversation of anxiety doesn't actually as exist as an entity or a disease or a disorder that we have to eliminate okay anxiety is a message anxiety is is a call to action all right and basically anxiety is a prolonged trigger so something happened there is a trigger that happened last week to 20 years ago okay last week 20 years ago three months ago and maybe it was during a divorce something happened where there was a trigger and now your body has now gone into a state of alarm and all of your protective parts are up online and they're really useful it's like the navy seals okay they're useful they're a survival and adaptive and very wise intelligent part of our nervous systems and they're there to protect us right that's basically what happens it's a state of alarm that happens in the body and the feeling is so horrific in the body that we our minds try to make sense of it so they start to make sense of these feelings sensation so what do they do they go and they create stories i'm not safe i'm not lovable i'm a bad person and those feelings and meanings are really uncomfortable for us we we don't really like to deal with them they're incredibly actually if you think about it they're actually painful to think about uh resentment the anger and rage that you feel towards somebody is very painful physically so we either we think that if we're angry and resentful we're going to get sick and we want to avoid those feelings so we push those feelings put them into a box put them in saran wrap and then just kind of tuck them away because they're so uncomfortable to us right here perhaps you uh experience something very horrific and disgusting and you have some guilt and there's shame around that right and all of a sudden you're you know eight years old or whatever and you experience that and because it's so horrific you then dissociate it from your body so that you don't have to deal with those feelings
my wouldn't your eight-year-old self do that it makes sense that your eight-year-old self would would have that response it's a perfectly normal perfectly understandable survival mechanism when we're encountered with feelings and emotions we don't really know anything to do we don't know what to do with and they're incredibly painful and uncomfortable we then abandon ourselves we go to another place we dissociate from our bodies uh you know in severe traumatic cases depending on the degree of trauma this is people with multiple personality disorder otherwise known as dissociative kind of uh identity dissociative identity disorder all it is is it's very simple you encounter a child and you encounter something so terribly horrific that you leave your body and in order to survive you must create an identity a warrior-like identity a different type of identity to be able to handle that level of trauma but that identity stays with you and now you have this adaptive identity and maybe you went through another trauma and then in order to survive that you have to create another identity so when you go through trauma you literally dissociate into another reality that's why you have a couple of different personalities towards you depending on your day depending on the hour if i come and talk to you or i look at you i'm i might meet with the angry rageful version of you or the shameful quiet one you know what i mean we have these different kind of personalities we all have that these are different identities we've assumed in order to adapt to certain traumatic events and depending on the degree of trauma that dissociation is real right so what happens is there's a cost to that there it's a very this is a very wise intelligent adaptation because there are sensations in the body that we don't know how to process and they're bubbling inside and they're incredibly painful they're incredibly uncomfortable there's there's a little bit of shame there there's a little bit of guilt there there's a little bit of whatever there and all of a sudden the split between that and that is a confusion because those feelings are there but then we don't know how to make sense of it so the so the brain is going to look in the environment and look for reasons to explain those sensations and they'll come up with three failure uh i'm never gonna i'm not safe i'm not good enough um people are out to get me um they're stealing from me you're not trustworthy i don't trust you like it's these all stories that we come up with to explain the feelings because of that dissociation now people reach out to us all the time and go i've been struggling with anxiety for so many i've tried everything this is why people come up and say i've tried everything and i'm like i know you have i've figured it out i've cracked the code but you can't you're a chiropractor you're outside of your scope of practice practicing pseudoscience i understand why the psychotherapy kind of collective would feel that way just like they're bagging on the holistic psychologist who left her psychotherapy practice going this [ __ ] doesn't work i'm going through a spiritual crisis i got to figure my [ __ ] out so she developed she does discovers all this [ __ ] that we've been teaching breath work uh inner child work uh there's certain things she hasn't yet done um that that uh i would love to teach her about reconnecting with family members and connecting with primary uh relationships of origin and healing those because when you do that you got your roots back you actually heal the pub but i don't want to talk to my mother because some horrible things i i understand that part of you that wounded part of you doesn't want to talk to your mother but the healed part of you can see through your mother's behavior as a as a wounded part of her and you can actually close the loop and break the cycle but that's that's a lot of work and your inner child your childlike state your wounded child doesn't want to do that work your ego is trying to protect that younger part of you from feeling anything so it rather not feel anything and just go do therapies and counseling and talk about it and do everything to actually avoid feeling it talk about it and blame and and blame mom blame that which is basically what the ego does to protect the wounded child from feeling and lo and behold you'll go 12 years in therapy and you haven't you still have anxiety because you're treating anxiety from a top here perspective when the anxiety itself is actually a body-based response to trauma and so the wor if you're just jumping on i'm so glad you have you got to go back and watch the beginning because um i i go into the foundations of why why we should have anxiety instead of looking at it as a as a disease or a disorder to treat it's it's a call to action and here's here's why here's why all of this makes sense anxiety i i wrote this down i wanted you to see this anxiety um
the way that you heal anxiety the way that you heal it is by first understanding this question why do i have it in the first place okay and people are like when i come and work with you when we when you when we start working together like i'm afraid because i'm afraid of getting the anxiety because i'm afraid of the panic attacks now all of a sudden you become afraid of the anxiety if i start working on this will i get an increase in my anxiety symptoms this is the big fear because they're looking for a magic pill to get it away let me reframe the question for you
you don't heal your anxiety by focusing on the anxiety you heal your anxiety by going into all of those things that you don't want to talk about we don't actually talk about anxiety at all when we work with you the word anxiety doesn't even apply because we actually address the guilt and the shame we actually address the resentment all of the things all of the things that you've gone through the regrets the resentments that you have the heartbreaks the griefs the losses those things you don't really want to talk about we unpack those things and by allowing you to join back into those feelings and just kind of be with them and to sit with them and to understand them and to move them through your body the guilt the shame that's all we're doing we're just reconnecting you with those parts that you have run away from because of shame the parts of you that you've been judging that you don't even want to look at that's why it's called heroic work this is everything else is a bypass you have to understand every other work you've been doing has been an actual bypass or a dissociation from actually dealing with the things that you don't want to talk about oh i don't want to talk about that i don't want to talk about that i remember there was a person a good friend somebody i know whose father died when you know about 10 years ago and we were talking and you know something was said and she got triggered and um i said oh she got triggered she got upset and then i said oh my gosh like i just realized what i said could have possibly triggered something about when your father passed away like i just acknowledged that and all of a sudden she lost it i don't want to talk about that i don't want to talk about that and i was like whoa okay got it got it and she deals with an excessive amount of anxiety and when you think about it those unresolved wounds are festering inside of you there's a 10 year old version of you who feels those feelings of what it was like to be you know touched by her brother or a little boy who was you know
had a weird kind of experience you know relationship with somebody that he felt guilty about and so the reason why i'm bringing this up is usually it has to do with shame usually with sexual trauma usually with infidelity the things that you don't want to talk about the things because of culture because of society the incest the infidelity those things that you have an excessive amount of shame about that you don't want to talk about or think about and as i'm talking about it right now if it's been unresolved the shit's going to trigger the hell out of you and i don't even know you specifically i'm not talking to you specifically but i'm talking to every one of us those things that as i'm telling you that's causing this internal reaction of trigger as i'm sharing it with you that's the stuff that unaddressed causes anxiety anxiety is is kind of like a gift is those younger parts begging you to to return back to them and not keep avoiding and abandoning them anxiety is necessary it's not something nudge it's something to embrace it's something to learn how to listen to because anxiety is not something that someone's going to tell you and you go through a kind of like a program or a weekend or a workshop or crystals or some hypnotherapist or whatever and then all of a sudden it's gone you know with a coach no it doesn't it doesn't work that way if i let me give you an example diana is on her way back she went to victoria yesterday's coming back today let's say last night uh i had somebody over and i had an affair on my wife okay now after the affair is done how am i gonna feel if i'm if i'm not a complete sociopath who's also a a traumatized individual i'm not judging i'm just saying they have had a complete sociopath simply as somebody so dissociated from their feelings because of trauma that they don't have access to guilt or shame they don't even feel it they're so dissociated from it but let's say i'm not that bad and i do that and i slip up and i [ __ ] up one night how am i gonna feel when i wake up how am i gonna sleep not very well because of guilt right i'm gonna feel this incredible feeling of guilt incredible feeling of shame i'm gonna be like oh my gosh what am i gonna tell everyone i just got married i have my family all knows and i'm gonna go through all of those emotions and they will feel incredibly painful unbearable actually wouldn't they now what happens i have two options either feel them and address them and like address them and say hey this is what happened and and them or option number two stuff them aside and just pretend like nothing's happening and what happens is in about three in about four or five hours when diana walks in and says hi baby how am i gonna feel when i've just stuffed it away literally i'm dissociated from those feelings in order to keep pretending in this relationship does that sound familiar to you has this ever happened to you can you see this happening to you so check this out diana walks in i put on a mask to pretend like everything's okay but deep down inside there's this horrific feeling of guilt happening right here but i have a mask over it anxiety is simply the chasm between reality which is this and what i'm putting up
anxiety is a gift anxiety is your higher self trying to move you back into authenticity trying to get you to address something that you're putting away because it because you're afraid of not having approval because you don't know because you don't
it's a tough one it's a spiritual crisis that's what anxiety is it's not a disorder i will i can create how do i know if it's a disorder or not i'll tell you i know it's not a disorder it's perfectly ordered because i can make myself have anxiety just by going and having affairs right now if i just go off and i start having affairs i promise i'll have anxiety is that a disorder or is it a perfectly intelligent adaptation worthy of us studying an understanding from a grassroots nervous system level so what do you do well this is what we're doing with our clients you're giving us upon upon starting with us i usually you know whether you do our workshops or um you know you're in our program i ask you what's your intention they're like oh i want to learn i'm like no no no what's your real intention well i have some guilt and shame about an affair ah okay good so how long ago was that four years ago so are you guys still together yes what's your relationship been like since terrible well no [ __ ] huh i wonder why because have you dealt with that have you no i haven't i've just put it in a box i've tried to be good like okay so you're still walking around with the shame and this guilt and she's feeling disconnected from you ah got it can you see that the anxiety is not a disorder it's actually a call it it's calling you to deal with the guilt and the shame to feel it how do you deal with it to feel it fully to allow yourself the full expression of it but but that's terrible that's going to make me feel bad yes i know this isn't about feeling better you have to get better at feeling that's how you overcome anxiety the anxiety comes from a chronic dissociation so we must have some sort of tools some sort of strategy some sort of a guidance beyond just being in the head and talk therapying it because it doesn't deal with the feelings in a felt sense level sometimes these feelings you're not even aware of that's the crazy part you're so good at dissociating and repressing you'll say things like i don't remember anything about childhood i really don't have any memories of childhood everything was great i we hear that a lot as well i just don't have memories trust me when i say we we've heard that from hundreds of people and
this is this is the one thing that everybody gets when they learn to drop into feeling when you drop into feeling when you drop into sensation all of a sudden you're like oh yeah when i was younger this is what we've heard when i was younger i watched my uh my father kill my mother i'm like oh slip my mind okay great yeah so can you see how when she puts those flings aside of the of a child experiencing horror and disgust what does she see later on anxiety but i don't have memories of childhood yeah i know you think you don't because the memories aren't here the memories are here anxiety is not a mental disorder it is a state of alarm in the body that we are so unaccustomed to feeling and we're so trying to avoid feeling that we go up into our heads and create stories to try to make sense of it and then we do all sorts of cognitive behavioral therapies which are here but they still don't address the feelings
this is an epidemic and so a big part of that would be scarcity scarcity is another form of anxiety when you're younger you experience the scarcity it's like remember i mean each one of us i'm sure you have like my my father would recollect story that would tell stories of how they had like six kids in the family had enough food for four of them at a meal you know what i mean that's scarcity trauma you know what does that feel like oh that's a horrible feeling so what do we do to try to not feel that well we hoard money we uh spend money ooh that's a big one spending money oh i'm shopping ah that temporarily gives me a hit that takes away that scarcity feeling and then what happens we rack up credit cards and then we look and go oh my gosh i have scarcity see and now my beliefs are validated and this becomes an anxious loop again comes from feelings of a 10 year old who didn't have enough food at the dinner table to feed entire family and so a dissociation from that 10 year old creates a scarcity mentality so how do you heal that well you have to be willing to feel it you have to be willing to step up into deeper scarcity and swim in it and i'm not saying just go spend money like go gambling gamble your money away so that you can swim in i'm not talking about that although maybe that might work for you i don't know okay if you were if i was guiding you what i would do many people are saying you know what i'd i'd i'd like to invest in working with you dr nemo but i have so like like i've lost my job i have this that old familiar scarcity story is coming up right and start off with scarcity city stories and they tell me about money problems before starting to work with us and before i did my own work on this scarcity i have to really sympathize with them because i can definitely empathize i mean there isn't most human beings can empathize with the feeling of scarcity trauma like memories when you you you know you're a child albridge and there's nothing there a bed hungry that's that's what i'm talking about right we can all relate to something like that
what what i what i've noticed is once i cleared that once i'd not cleared that but when i worked with that and filled the cracks in the floorboard and went after the root cause of the scarcity mentality i invested in solving it so it meant that i would maybe spend money when i would spend money to solve it i would add intention it's got to be with that intention it can't be it's got to be for that intention to heal the root cause of that what i did was i went into deeper scarcity i so that i can experience the fear right each time i invest in mentors each time i invest in training i check in and feel the scarcity i allow myself to feel it and i also know where it comes from it comes from that four-year-old who left iran at the age of four suddenly because of religious persecution with the family and we came and started all over with nothing and i'm constantly told by my parents with scarcity trauma no you can't have that we can't afford so that's been a conditioning and so i've been working through that simply by observing the feelings while i invest in my vision
i invest in my vision while observing that because if i don't then i'm going to wait for the scarcity feelings to go away before i take action but that never happens it never happens i don't nothing takes it nothing takes away the scarcity feelings not even if you win the lotto i've worked with people who are worth 200 million dollars and i'm like okay so what are we working on today it's like i feel like it's all gonna be taken away from me i'm like
this [ __ ] is worth 200 million dollars and he and i'm having a conversation with him about him thinking that it's all going to be going away
and then i really got that it's got a dollar amount amount in your bank account you can be making double as much as you you are but that doesn't take away the scarcity mentality and the scarcity trauma that's held in the body which is a an adaptive form of anxiety from a younger part of you that you've fragmented from so check this out after i started healing that little four-year-old who felt lack of resource and saying i'm here you have everything you need i got you and i practiced that and i got into my body and from those traumas i shifted the story cognitively and worked through them in my body all of a sudden that feeling of not enoughness was gone and so it's so weird you know what i mean it's like a bank banks don't lend you money unless you have money if you don't have money banks don't lend you money it's just interesting point right but that's how the universe works and when i resource myself and my younger parts with those feelings of scarcity and i change those stories in the body all of a sudden i started showing up less in work less needy i used to chase people constantly because i was in scarcity mentality in your business if you're chasing after clients you're in you're do do doing no matter how much you make you're still chasing it's always never enough then there's a scarcity trauma there to deal with and it's wise for you to go after the root cause because when you do all of a sudden you show up not i'm not do do doing i'm showing up curious you reach out to me i'm like hey i'm curious what's been stopping you oh i'm curious where that comes from i'm curious what you want to accomplish over the next six months cool well then this is the path i'm walking on this is the community that we're all doing this together would you like you're welcome to join us like and if not okay cool we have other things other offers here you go like wherever you're at like where do you want to be like what do you want to accomplish look we can walk the path with you like we're god we're this this amazing community of of people who we're all guiding each other up the mountain towards healthy secure attachments with relationships and with work because the scarcity mentality translates also into your personal relationship have you ever shown up needy as in a relationship guess what there's a scarcity of love in your body as a little child that didn't feel that they were had their needs met that didn't that had parents that didn't know how to fill that cup and so your own left your own devices not knowing how to fill that cup constantly looking outside of you for that whether it's money whether it's women men attention likes followers whatever your poison is to try to fill that hole of scarcity and then you get it and then you're like [ __ ] it's not it's not in her it's not in these five girlfriends that i'm dating i've you know it's not in this multi-million dollars that i've achieved it's not there i still still feel like there's not enough there's not enough for me i still i still feel not enough
it's brutal it's the worst feeling around in a world of abundance like for example air
the way that i'm breathing dictates my level of scarcity and if i'm living under that scarcity mentality then i'm not taking in deep inhales because my subconscious mind which is my body will tell my conscious will will tell me exactly what my uh my body will tell me what's the content of my subconscious mind and it's all in my breathing so if i'm noticing my breath take a moment and notice your breath if you're noticing that you're not taking deep breaths in right now then guess what you're unconsciously holding on to scarcity trauma which totally makes sense because 10 percent of people are as well i was i i fall back into it it's still that wounded part of me the difference is i have self-awareness to see where i'm coming from i won't get on a call with somebody if i'm dealing with that i'll ex i'll change uh the conversation uh i mean i'll i'll reschedule or what i've noticed with the work is that i don't really feel that anymore i feel pretty well resourced loving what i do i'm not in a state go go go hustle hustle hustle i'm actually pretty relaxed my wife my wife and i live together we take regular breaks to go walk the dogs to make love to whatever it is we you know i'm i'm not like [ __ ] hamster wheel like i used to be and um here's the weird part i'm making more than i've ever had before not because and i'm and i'm doing less it's weird when you do this stuff when you take on this stuff and you resource the younger parts of you and two years ago i was doing well but i was constantly running a hamster wheel and this answers your question aaron about abandoning self versus living your values i am living my values right now that's the whole purpose of this work is so that you can open up space open up time to be doing what you love to be spending time with who you love to be earning in prosperity and abundance to be contributing in abundance to be giving and receiving in abundance i do these free uh content each day like if you look back in the last month you could probably see i don't know maybe i would say over 60 hours of free content maybe 50 hours excuse me free content just giving i'm just giving in abundance you know and i don't have an expectation that you're going to give me anything i just really love giving you when you guys message me and go your your trigger proof transmissions are changing my life which i've which i'm hearing more and more lately i'm like thank you that's all the receiving i want and i'm not like pushy about it i'm just like here it is oh we have an event coming up we'd love for you to join us the invitation is there and there's this fair exchange that i feel with the universe like i have a contract with the universe that i start with my breath that i take deep inhales because i'm worthy of receiving and i surrender the exhale because i love to contribute and if i just focus and start there in my breath where the scarcity starts really in your breath and you accept abundance starting with your breath you're training your nervous system to say you know what i'm worthy of receiving first
and then you start to act in ways where you're circulating resources towards the things that are highest on your value list towards healing my things on about highest on my value list is is healing myself my mental well-being my physical and mental well-being that's one of my highest values teaching what i'm learning and discovering in that that's another high value right these are very high values so i'm immersing myself in that i'm sharing my gifts according to my highest values and i have a contract with the universe that as long as i am constantly investing in my own growth in those things if i just invest in those things and give abundantly from what i discover in those things i'll be able to keep this party going and so far touch wood it's going pretty well and which then feeds me so much more which then makes me feel a lot more inspired has me feeling a lot more inspired so then i show up for you a lot more with an open heart and then show you wait [ __ ] that's there's more is possible for me because if nema can do it i can do it too i just got to learn how to regulate my nervous system and go reconnect with those parts of myself i fragmented from because of trauma and learn how to get into the feeling state of those those younger parts of myself so that i can then self-soothe self-regulate and then co-regulate with others in a community that are doing it as well and then all of a sudden the level of my conversations the level of my outlook the level of possibility starts to go because you're hanging out with the right people and you're digesting the right content in your and in your eyes instead of going into cnn and constantly negative news talking about the whole soap opera with donald trump which i got to admit is can be amusing you're now putting the content in your mind that's going to bring you back into yourself so living according to your highest values aaron you keep asking about that specifically i want to address your attachment style where you're living according to your values your partner was all about family and you were like no that's not according to my values i don't want to do that how do you know if you're living a core values and self-abandoning well you could be doing both at the same time okay you could be doing you could be living according to your values and self-abandoning at the same time let me give you an example for the last several years i've been teaching i've been a teacher during my time when i was with my last girlfriend i was teaching living according to my highest values yet i was self-abandoning at the same time
i had standards i had [Music]
i had desires needs wants that i was abandoning because of fear it wasn't on purpose it was because i was afraid i didn't feel worthy of love so i was not resourced enough to go out and take care of myself i was co i was in a codependency and i was loving what i was doing as far as work in fact because i was living my values i was using that as a justification of self-abandonment so self-abandonment you could be living according to your values in at work but you could be self-abandoning in terms of um like your level of relationship you're giving up yourself you're not you're you're you're not setting boundaries okay and so in your situation where you had a woman who loved family and you didn't like family it just meant that having a relationship wasn't the highest priority for you at the time because if it was if you had a higher value on relationship at the time which i believe right now it's changed okay because now relationship has gone higher yeah business is the top aaron relationship is second or you know whatever third once that is high enough like i've met diana and the relationship became a higher value for me because it was a void for so long and i was like all right i want to i want to master this secure attachment soon as relationship became high on my priority list i i knew what my highest values were i communicated them to her she communicated her values which was quality time with me present quality time with me so there's times where okay because she's important to me i'm going to pay attention to what her needs are and i might not like flower or gardens but guess what i'm going to take her there because relationship is high on my value list and as long as i can connected with myself and i can be conscious and aware that i get to provide a win-win situation and make do something that's gonna make my partner smile then i win as well so it's not really a self-abandonment for me to do something for her it's actually very high on my value list right and that's a very obvious thing we all know we all know that um and and maybe i i i might not have answered it properly for you but i really want you to get it at your core when you're living according to your values you are you know there's there's there's no nobody has to inspire you don't have to tell you please nema could you please just do a facebook live please god nobody's got to remind me because i'm constantly thinking hey what do you guys want to know i'm asking you questions so that i can keep serving you and contributing to you right that's a high value for me and um there have been times where i was about to do a facebook live and i was really tired thought i was going to do it because i said that i would i promised at a certain time but then i cancelled last minute because i checked in and i was like no i'm tired if i were to do a facebook live for you right now but i was exhausted and wanting to throw up but because i promised that i'm going to be doing this at 2 30 p.m i did it anyway that would be a for self-abandonment you just gotta check in you gotta be when you're living your per your mission highest values you're aware of the pleasure and the pain you know you understand the wounds that are that are that are driving you to do this like i'm very proud to the wounding that i've gone through that made it important for me to stand and talk about health talk about healing talk about transformation talk about creating secure attachments then i'm very i i feel very in alignment right and so just be aware of the values of other people in your life and schedule your time accordingly and have people feel your parents that you are just as committed to helping them get to where they want to go as you are as you are to helping you get to where you want to go that's how you create healthy relationships hopefully that was that was useful for you and the susceptibility uh to what others are are feeling and thinking oh let me talk about important routines as well so caleb for you to have a firm grasp on your anxiety which this is answers aaron's last questions about schedules habits routines is to set up a series of habits and rituals and routines that consistently reconnect you back to your heart it doesn't matter what to do the book miracle morning hal elrod talks about spence every morning you got to do seven things silence affirmation visualization exercise reading and writing journaling caleb you just began our program last week so in the first modules of your program you're going to get all of that information and you're going to try to figure out instead of doing it exactly as i outline it you're going to work out a routine that helps you for me listening to my mission statement closing my eyes which i have it on my uh on my on my calls uh sorry on my um voice memos when i listen to it i drop the feeling of it into my body that's a ritual that's a habit that's a routine for me because i want to get my future self in my body instead of a thought here i'm living my future self in my body like right now a future self version of me is traveling around the world uh teaching um sharing the stage with some really people that i really looked up to uh being interviewed on television shows podcasts writing a book doing the tour that's here but what's happening is i can actually drop it here and talk to you from that place i'm speaking to you from the voice of that future self right now okay that becomes a habit a ritual and a routine okay and i keep doing my future start to unravel in the exact way that i've wanted my song was billy eilish's song everything because i just realized after doing this for two years i literally have touch wood everything i've ever wanted really and [Applause] it's all because i had the courage to go back and feel uncomfortable feelings first join there not bypass that jabenza's work is amazing he just bypasses joining that younger self he says it's not important to to focus on that are my that's half true my work focuses on joining that individual and then from that place of resourcing the self with the inner child together you do the joe dispenza so my method includes some of his includes demartinis byron katie's put puts an inner child puts it all together plus breath work and you have the most comprehensive leading edge top down bottom up approach to healing and here's the best part we actually get you to address all of those things you've been avoiding which is what's causing you anxiety so there's actual action steps so we get your physical body in the action of healing and um it's it's not easy and it's critical like you can't skip that step and i'm not you know i i don't i'm not gonna suggest that you have to go with us because i'm not the right fit for everybody we do interviews with people to make sure it's the right fit we're not the right fit for everybody but we are this is the thing that works because it's you doing the work it's not me you're guiding you you're the hero of the journey so um yes all things won't go away perfect so the importance of routines and last question the susceptibility of what others think of us once i have healed hey i'm glad that you love this i have healed from those younger parts of me that have abandoned i've abandoned kathy you asked this question susceptibility to what others are feeling and thinking that starts you gotta understand where that began that started in childhood when you had a mother or father that you had to kind of take care of and be a good girl and and put on a face so that you could get their approval um which is a lot of times that's how we raised that who we are for our beingness is not you know is not validated so we have to put on a mask and be attuned to what other people are thinking and feeling become the empath and become the pleaser and in so doing we abandon ourselves well that's chronic trauma chronic pattern chronic conditioning it's not going to go away overnight and the way that you heal that is you go back and return to those younger parts that you abandoned and you connect to what they feel so here's the cool part about it when you get the part right kathy you can use your empathy skills as a superpower rather than a crutch so when i did that you know all of the empathy skills that i had have now gone through the roof because i can empathize with you we're on a call together let's say i can empathize with you without abandoning myself i can empathize to your feelings i can empathize to your thoughts but i still have mine grounded and i trust those first it's a very powerful thing life experience changes when you have that this is the most important skill we can have in interpersonal relationships because without it we don't have intimacy we don't have intimacy because you're
which is the anxiety so creating a habit in a routine which consistently through methodologies brings you into your felt sense state joining yourself and your younger self from wherever age you were with that fracture empathizing meaning self-soothing re-parenting that version of you bringing them up to your current reality and then creating a future in your thoughts and dropping it into feeling and speaking and acting and moving from that place over time inevitably synchronicities you will have everything you want you just have to be courageous enough to believe you deserve it courageous enough to rejoin with the parts of you that think you don't deserve it to empathize with those parts of you without stepping over them consistently you actually let's deal with that shame let's deal with that guilt let's deal with this the anxiety of whatever fracture or congruency lie or whatever it is that you've have in your soul and uh healing takes break takes place why do it uh in a community and to have a guide and a mentor walk you through that path and this is not about having psychotherapy credentials you want to do you want to go not with somebody necessarily with a degree because many people go to psychotherapists to to answer that but those are all antiquated methodologies that under the guise of evidence-based but they're just cognitive psychotherapists don't get training in inner child work uh not usually not traditionally um and so there's there's some there and so you're wiser to find guides not heroes you're the hero hopefully that was useful and we'll see you at the next perfect time