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What if the problem isn’t your job, but the version of yourself you had to become to succeed in it? Corporate jobs don’t trap us because they’re evil. They trap us because they slowly teach us to disconnect from ourselves. If you're in corporate America and your life looks successful on paper but feels empty in practice, you’re not alone.
This podcast is a space for the quiet questions you don’t say out loud at work. We explore the inner side of change: the fear of starting over, self-sabotage, the trap of external expectations, imposter syndrome, and the unsettling moment when you realize someone else’s definition of success isn't enough for you.
This isn’t about quitting your job overnight or chasing money, but asking what feels right for you and finding clarity before making your next move. We deliver actionable strategies for complex career transitions. From managing ADHD-related overwhelm at work to overcoming the disconnect of the corporate grind.
You’re not broken. You’ve just outgrown the life you built.
New episodes weekly.
Welcome to episode 100 of Working towards our purpose.
In today's episode, we are going to talk about the lessons I've
learned in the last three and a half years of working towards our
purpose. But before we get into that, as always, we're
going to take a moment to slow down, just check in with ourselves, see how
we're feeling today.
All right. Hopefully you got a second there to give yourself some
time and space. For me,
feeling a little bittersweet, I think, because it's episode 100
and. And that's quite the milestone. Trying to, like, let
that sink in. And also that means that I'm going to go
on a hiatus and, you know, just as I was,
like, pressing record and kind of waiting for the music to start,
I was thinking, like, man, I don't know when the next time I'm going to
be doing this. Who knows? Who knows when we'll come back? But
I'm. What's the word?
Hopeful that it won't be too long, but you never
know. So anyways, we're here at episode 100, and I
wanted to do something a little bit different.
And really all I kind of want to do is talk about what I've learned
in the last three and a half years of running this podcast and where
it started and where it ended and all the lessons in between.
So, yeah, just super casual. Like, I tried to plan things out and, like, I
wanted to make it, like, I don't know, overly planned. And then, like, I
kept thinking to myself, like, every time I overly plan stuff, I can't read my
notes, I get lost, and then I end up feeling like I'm not doing a
good job so keeping this one super loose and just
kind of, like, reminiscing a bit and, like, really trying to just think about, like,
the biggest takeaways from the last three and a half years.
And even more than that, like, five years, you know, five and a half years
since I've left corporate and kind of just trying to boil it down and.
Yeah. And just kind of talk about it. And I guess I'll start off with,
like, you know, why did I start the podcast and where
was my intentions when I started it and that sort of thing. And
I was working on podcasts for a long time,
and, like, that was. I left corporate and I was trying to, like, be a
podcast production company, if you will. I
started editing podcasts. I had a podcast studio in Nagatak for a little bit.
I was doing a lot of backend production stuff. And,
yeah, just trying to make it as an entrepreneur.
When I left corporate. Because again, if this is
the first episode you're listening to, I was in corporate America for six years. I
was a mechanical engineer for the military defense contracting
complex. And I hated it. And I was
miserable and I was making great money, doing all the things I should
be doing, quote unquote. But I was really unhappy.
And that was sort of my escape out. And if you're more interested. If you're
interested in listening to that whole story, episode one, kind of.
I go in depth about that. But,
yeah, so I left the corporate world and I started
networking and meeting people. And I just thought that there was so
many cool people around me. And I was like, wow, people are doing cool things.
And A, I want to learn about them more, I want to
talk to them. And B, I wanted to basically have a podcast
that was for somebody like me who is stuck in either
corporate America or a job they hated or maybe a life they
didn't like, and sort of
was able to hear from people who were doing things that they believed in.
Cause me, I felt like when I was in corporate, I didn't have any
authority over my life. I felt like there were so many things that I
wanted to do or I was excited about, but I just didn't do any of
them. And so, yeah, when I left and I
saw all these cool people sort of on the fringes of,
maybe that's not a good term to put it, but basically just choosing to
not do your standard American lifestyle, American
dream, get a corporate job, health insurance, all that, they were choosing something
different. So I wanted to, like, show examples of people
doing that. So for the first 37 episodes of this podcast,
it was me interviewing people who I thought were cool and
had interesting, neat things that they did or, you know, cool
perspectives and that sort of thing. And as I was
kind of, like, looking back, there were a couple favorites that stood out. And, like,
I loved all of the interviews. Like, I didn't have a bad one, but
there was a couple that stood out. And the first one, episode
four from Ramona, she was someone I met
at, like, a networking event type thing, and she just had like.
So I did like three interviews of this podcast and I was getting like,
I don't know, I was feeling like, oh, man, I don't know if I can
do this. This is hard. Like, I just. It doesn't. I
don't know. I was like, kind of thinking too much about it
and being like, I just don't think I can keep doing this. It's too hard.
And then I interviewed Ramona on episode four, and she just had
the perfect story of who I was trying to speak to.
And she was so nice and kind, and I hardly knew her.
And, yeah, hearing her story just really
filled me up, and I was like, wow, this is, like. I finished the interview
and I was just, like, so full of energy. And I was like, okay, I
can keep doing this. Like, these are the people I'm trying to find
and trying to share their stories. So that was a really good one
for me, personally. I loved interviewing her.
Another one that came to mind is episode 17, Caroline,
who was a client that I had, and I worked on her podcast, but
I also got to interview her on the show, and she. I don't
know. I really connect with the work that she's doing,
and she has a lot of. She talks a lot about being seen
and heard, and that was something that I really resonate
with. Just my story of
always trying to make my voice smaller and hide and
blend in. And here she is talking about being seen and
heard and connecting with humans and people
and how beautiful that is. So I really enjoyed that conversation a lot.
Another one, episode 18 with Dan from Jitterbus, the coffee shop
in New Haven Mobile Cafe.
I really liked his story about just doing it, just trying
stuff and Super DIY.
And here Jitterbus is, I think, 10 plus years into the
business, and they're doing great. They have a physical location in my
neighborhood now that's always packed, and I just love. I love that they did it
their way and it worked out and people are supportive, and
that's something that I really love, too. And then episode
37 with Adam from Musical Intervention.
Just the work that he's doing with music and helping
underprivileged people, people who are
normally cast out by society, having
music bring everyone together and. And his work with mental health and
music, there's just. Yeah, he does so much cool stuff. And I actually listened
back to that episode, and I was like, wow, that was a really cool conversation.
And I really felt lucky to be able to get his time
and have that conversation with him, as I did with all the interviews. Honestly, every
interview, I walked away from it, and I'm like, wow, that was awesome.
I'm glad that I was able to have that conversation for
an hour, because a lot of those episodes were around an hour long.
So. Okay, I'm rambling here a bit, I feel. But, yeah, so if you
haven't checked out any of those interview episodes, go listen to them because they're. They're.
They were really fun for me. And I feel like I learned a lot in
all of them. And. And so, yeah, so that's where I started the podcast.
And I was like, you know, kind of like trying to talk to
cool people, but also like, entrepreneurs, and I was trying to, like,
like, learn from entrepreneurs. And. And, you
know, at some point along the line between the last three and a half years,
I sort of got more and more
detached from the identity of
entrepreneurship and was just starting to think, like, I don't know. I don't
know if this is really how I want to, like, identify
myself or, like, put full focus into. And,
you know, the podcast kind of started out as being super around
work and me leaving an industry that I,
again, didn't feel connected to or I didn't feel like I was
making a difference. And I wanted to use my energy to do that and to
help people or to help make
something that was beneficial to society or, I
don't know, just be a positive impact
in the world instead of a negative one by contributing to
Military Industrial Complex. But so it started there.
It started with work and when entrepreneurship didn't really
work out for me, and I never really made enough money to support myself,
and I just started becoming more detached from
that personality or that identity.
And the more I got
along, the more into it I got, the more. The more I started
thinking about purpose and why are we here? And reading these cool books
and interacting with people and connecting with
people, the more internal I went. And it shifted
from trying to find work that was
important. There was a time where I was really sort of
frantic about finding the right work. I'm like, I need to find what my purpose
is so I can start doing it and. And really
just go down that path and get there. And
then I started realizing that it's not the
specific job that you're doing for me. And
I'm not trying to tell anybody how to believe or whatever, but
my path, my story is I realized that the
specific job or the work wasn't really as important as
how you're existing or how you're presenting
yourself or how you treat people or how you take any job that you do.
And I started working all these side jobs, and, like, I found
things that I liked about them, and I found aspects of community
that, like, really made me feel good about my work. And I did a lot
of farmers market work and. And I loved interacting with community
and. And that kind of went sour for
reasons that didn't really have to do with the job, but more so the
bosses and the way the nonprofits were being
run that I didn't agree with. And yeah,
how, whatever, long story, don't have to get into it.
But, but what I realized, and I'm trying to say is that it,
it shifted from like trying to find the
job that was my calling and more so
shifting inward and internally and figuring out
who I am as a person. So it started off as trying
to find the right job and then it was like, well, wait a minute, who
am I? I realized that I don't really know myself that well
and the timeline of things is a bit washy.
But in this process I got the privilege
of having time to be quiet and to be alone and to.
To reflect and to look inward. And that's a lot of what this last year
of this podcast has been, has been thinking about things like
mental health and things that I struggle with,
ADHD and depression and
the idea of you have to achieve to have worth and value
and struggling with all these things and trying to work through those things.
And what I found, and of course still on my
journey and I always will be, but what I found is that when I started
tending to those things that all the other
noise just sort of wasn't as loud anymore and
I wasn't so focused on figuring out what my purpose was or
why I'm here. And I started just existing
and I started just making decisions based
on how I felt and what the intuition I had in the
moment. And I started
living. It felt like. And maybe that sounds dramatic, but
I do feel like that. I do feel like if I'm comparing myself
to corporate engineering, me versus now,
I'm not as worried about where I'm going. I'm
more concerned with just trying to make sure that my
day to day choices are good choices and
the rest of it kind of works itself out. And
yeah, I don't know, I'm thinking
right now of how I'm being perceived and how that's coming off.
And I know at some point you need to think about
practical things and money and all that stuff.
And it's a balance, everything's a balance. But. But when I found that
I put more energy into following my own
self and doing it my own way and thinking about
what I wanted, then I've been more happy.
It's led me to more opportunities that were good fits.
It's led me to where I am right now.
And where I am right now is someone who
doesn't have it all figured out, but somebody who is doing things that
they've wanted to do their whole life. Right now I'm working on
two really great music projects and
engineering and producing and mixing and recording. And
that was something I always wanted to do since before going to college, and now
I'm doing it, and that feels so good. And
it's a start. It's like me and my friends, first projects,
but first real projects. But we're working with
really cool artists that I love, and that is the coolest
thing, and making a positive impact on their life and their music
career. And that feels really good. And that,
although pays very little at the moment, is
very important to me. And I don't mind working a whole day and then
going after work to go work on that. That fills me up and that makes
me feel like I'm working with purpose,
you know? And it's not necessarily like the title of the job, but more so
me acting in a way that I think is true to me and
authentic to me and who I think I am. And
that feels really good. You know, I'm going to open mic nights and I'm playing
my music, I'm taking up space, I'm being
heard, which is something that's super difficult for me and was really
difficult for me for a really long time and still is. But
I've had some great friends that have encouraged me.
And, yeah, just being a little bit less afraid of taking
up space and being heard, and that's
super deep for me. Super.
Yeah. I don't know. I won't get into that, but
overcoming those things and becoming
who I want to be, even though it's, like, scary and I'm afraid and
I think I'm not good enough. Like. Like pushing past all that noise
and doing it anyways and. And doing what I want,
and I found it becomes easier and. And then you get to do more cool
things. And then it's like, wow, now I'm, like, doing stuff that I never even
thought of. And yeah, it's really cool. Like, I don't know.
I don't know if I'm articulating myself very well or if this makes any sense
whatsoever. Kind of just going off the cuff. But
what I'm trying to say is that I'm much happier now than I ever
was with a corporate, cushy job that had
benefits. And just having the time
to think about who I am, like, giving myself
the space and being okay with, like, not having it figured out
have been some of the most helpful things for Me to be able to make
decisions that actually do make me happy and that actually do fit for
me. So, yeah, I don't know.
And I've learned so much along the way and found so many different things that
I never knew that I would enjoy, but now I found things that I
know I really care about. And again,
although that I don't have it all figured out, I still have
things that I know I like and I know
how I want to exist in the world and I could work towards
those things. And it doesn't have to be, like I was saying, it
doesn't have to be a specific job or a business
or being an entrepreneur or a
musician or whatever. It can just be me existing
day to day in the way that feels true and authentic to
me. And yeah, that's like
something I didn't know going into this podcast. I thought it was just
like, oh, I should be an entrepreneur. I thought I should be that thing.
And I found out I don't really care too much about that anymore.
I care more about how, like I keep saying
existing day to day, blah, blah, blah, rambling.
But yeah, so,
you know, I'm not sure how
I want to end this. I don't know if that was helpful at
all. It kind of feels rambly, but I always do this to myself, so
just lost my train of thought. Hold on.
Okay, yeah. Oh, I did want to mention this. Okay, so
another thing that I've learned too, the last process,
the last iteration of this podcast, I started back up last year in
beginning of July, and I went weekly and
then I started doing two a week and then I backed it down to one
again. And I've basically been recording and releasing an episode at least
weekly for almost a full year, like a couple weeks shy of a full year.
And I learned a lot about myself in that
process too. And at first I wanted this podcast to be big
and to have it be a source of income and get monetized
on YouTube. And I tried hard for a while to do that
and I found I was just losing myself. And I found I was trying to
make episodes that I thought people wanted to hear instead of what it is that
I felt I needed to say. And that was a really big learning process.
And again, what I learned in that is, I don't know, sometimes we focus
and I say we me, I focus so much on the numbers of things
and I'm like, oh, this podcast only has this many downloads. That's
nothing compared to podcasts that are mid
range or podcasts that are making money and all that stuff.
Eventually, after beating my head against the wall so many times, I was like, you
know what? I don't care anymore. I'm just making this for me because
it's beneficial for me to think about these concepts and these topics, and
hopefully it's beneficial to somebody who's listening. There's a handful of people
that are listening each week, and. And I really tried to think about it as
not just this numbers game, because when you think about stuff on the Internet,
I don't know, you post a reel and you get 600 views and you're like,
oh, man, that sucked. I Wish I had 500,000. But
500,000 people is so many people. 600 people, so many
people. And to really try to just think small again and think locally and
be like, okay, there's 15 to 20 people listening to this podcast
a week. That's awesome. That's so many people. That's a
lot of people. That's a room full of people. And if it's helpful for
them, then that's great. I've done my job. That's all
that I need from this. And when I started thinking about it like that again,
I sort of just left all the stuff you're supposed to do aside, and I
just did the things that felt good. I just
tried to simplify and to just do the things that felt good. Put episodes
out and not think about them too much. And that
was a really big process of letting go. And I hear about this
a lot in Rick Rubin's book. He talks about making the
art that you want and detaching from the outcome. And not just Rick Rubin, but
a lot of people say that the artist way, just
detaching from the outcome, Making something that you believe in and you
really like and you think is good and just putting it out there and
detaching from the outcome. And with social media, it's really
hard to do that because there's so many metrics that are right at the tip
of your fingers. But I've found that when I can just detach from
the outcome and not think, I don't even really look at the analytics anymore
and just make stuff that I think is good and cool, then
I feel better about it. And every now and then, I'll get
somebody to be like, hey, I listened to your podcast, and that really helped me
out. And that's the biggest feeling for me of like, okay, that's great.
That's awesome. That's why I do this. And,
yeah, just detaching from the outcome. Stop looking at the
numbers, stop thinking about being viral or successful
in terms of numbers. And that's been really helpful for me.
And in this last year of me recording this podcast, that's what I've learned.
And it gets me to just think about being a smaller
community and impacting that small community in a positive way. And
I think that's something that I really care about. And I think that I can
do this with this podcast and music, certainly another
way to do that. Recording people's music is another way to do that. And that's
what I found that I care about.
And I'll end on this little story, I think. Oh, I do want
to. I'll end on the story in a second. I do want to say something
about the listeners because. Because for all of you that have listened, I
do really appreciate any time that you spent listening, even
if it was just two minutes of an episode or one minute or one episode,
if it's the first episode you listen, I really do appreciate you giving
me the time because I know how
everything's just scrolled to the next thing. So,
yeah, thank you for listening. I do feel grateful that people do listen.
And I did want to. I don't know why, but I felt like I should
say the stats mostly to myself so I can listen to them.
We have over 3,200 downloads total, which,
again, in podcast terms, not great for 100 episodes. But for me, that's like,
a lot. That is a lot of people. That's a lot of numbers.
There's been people in 45 states that have listened,
and this one is the craziest to me, 82 different countries.
And, yeah, it's crazy to think that your voice can
reach that far. And, yeah, I don't know.
I'm saying it so that I can let it sink in, because sometimes I look
at it and I don't think too much of it, and I'd like to appreciate
it. So I'm saying it so that I can appreciate it. Not as, like,
a bragging thing, because it's in comparison to other podcasts, not
really even bragging at all. But, yeah, I'm saying it so that I
can feel that. So I am grateful for that, and I am appreciative of that.
And when I started this three and a half years ago,
I didn't expect that. I didn't know that I would even get to 100.
So I'm very grateful for all that have
listened and hopefully been impacted in a
positive way. So I did want to just touch on that real quick.
And then I'll end with this last story. I was just talking about community
and local community. And the world is
a crazy place. Maybe it's always been a crazy place. There's a lot of stuff
going on, a lot of negative stuff going on. But
each of us have the power to
impact the people around us. I think
the most frustrating thing for me when I was in corporate America was that I
just felt like I was shutting myself off for 40 hours a week
and then I'd get home and once I recovered from
how that negatively affected me, then I could turn myself on and maybe
impact positively the people around me. And that's why I hated it so much. And
I couldn't quite articulate that back then, but now I can. And
now I realize that I don't have to shut myself off anymore. I don't have
to numb myself and put myself through this experience that I, I
don't want to be a part of just to get a paycheck. And
now I can be on at all times. And
generally speaking, most times I can
say a nice thing or go to an open mic night and compliment somebody who
was super nervous, but I thought they were cool and people have done
that for me. And yeah,
you can positively impact the people that are around
you. And though there's so many things we don't have control over, we do have
control over how we act as ourselves
and allowing ourselves to be ourselves and
finding out who we even are and making
ourselves happy internally. So then we can positively impact the people around
us. And I've certainly seen that within myself. I was not
the best person to be around when I was in corporate. Um,
and I don't say that in like a self pity way, but in a
self awareness way of like, yeah, I was angry a lot. Like, I had a
lot of anger. I had a lot of just negative feelings.
And that was okay because it pushed me out of there and
that's what I needed. But yeah, we have the power
to like impact the community around us. And it doesn't have to be
worldwide. It could be just, you know, the two or three people that you
see every day or walk past or say good morning to you. Like, it could
be just this little thing that you could positively impact somebody's life. And
those little things add up to the big things.
So last night I went to this open mic in Torrington at this
really cool place called Howard Bookstore, Howard's Bookstore.
And I followed them online and I've seen them before been aware of them.
But I went to an open mic night last night, and there wasn't
that many people there. There was a handful of people there, but we
had the greatest conversation and we
played our songs, and it was just cool to
be in a place where somebody is creating community.
And I think those things are
so important to me because the open mic that I go to
regularly at Spruce Coffee in New Haven, that's another place where somebody's
intentionally trying to make a place where people can come and have a good
time and share ideas in exchange and motivate each
other and impact each other in a positive way. And although there's all this
negative noise going around, there's people out there that are
trying to do positive things and trying to create places for community.
And I don't know, that, to me, is the coolest thing. Like this
bookstore in Torrington. It's not a big city.
There's not that many people there. It's this old, industrial, kind of
rundown city. But there's pockets of these cool things going on. And,
like, it's people that, like, choose to do those
sorts of things that are positively impacting the community around them.
And, you know, somebody went up there who played guitar for
one week, and they performed, and they were like, wow, this feels really cool. Like,
I want to keep doing this. And, like, you know, how does that impact
that one person's life? Even if only four people show up every week? It's like,
that's really cool to have that much of a
positive impact on somebody's life. And, yeah, so I say
that to say that's how I want to choose to
exist. I want to be able to do
what I want to do and do things that are cool and impact people's
lives in a positive way. And, yeah, I just think that it's
cool that other people are doing that. I still think it's cool. It's how I
started this podcast. But I still just think it's important to
identify that there are people out there doing that. And although it's hard and
it's not easy as just going to a corporate job and sitting on your
ass all day and doing nothing, getting a paycheck,
for me, it's like, it seems like more
work to not follow the straight and narrow path, but in the
end, for me, I found that it's actually
more work to sit on your ass and do nothing all day long and to
just be pissed off at the world and to just be
a commentator and you could be a participant in your life you could choose to
not do that. And although it seems harder and
although everybody tells you it's harder, it's not. And what makes
it, it is hard work. But you're doing work that you care about
and that's fun to you and that feels like you're alive and
that's not work. The other day I worked a 12 hour
day. I worked from 9am to 9pm Two different jobs
and I thought it was going to be hard and I was like, oh geez,
I'm going to be so like tired and stuff. The day flew by and I
loved doing like I did my, my, my bookmobile job, which I
don't know if I've talked about on here, which is awesome. I get to interact
with the community. And then I went and did my first live sound gig and
it was awesome and I had a lot of fun and like I met people
and got to give compliments to musicians and like it
was so much fun. And like I was like, that's not hard.
Like that's fun. Like it seems, maybe it seems hard up front, but doing
it, I was like, that's awesome. Like, do I want to work a 12 hour
day every day? No. But what I'm trying to say is like
doing those sorts of cool things is way worth
for me in my opinion, way worth the
trying to figure all the other stuff out and you know, going against the
grain and going against what society tells you.
Because for me that feels more like living and I feel more like I'm positively
impacting the people around me. And that was
kind of my goal, I guess, with leaving corporate and it took a while and
I was like frustrated for a while and frustrated about not making it as an
entrepreneur and stuff like that. But right now I feel nothing but
gratitude and I feel really fortunate to be able to
participate in these things. And I don't know what's next. I don't know
what will or won't work out and that's okay.
And I'm okay with how things are going to work out. And
yeah, I don't know if I'm making sense here, but again, that's what I
have to say. Thank you for listening. Thank you
everybody for listening to the show. And
the best way to support me, I think is to just share an episode with
a friend. If you listen to an episode and you liked it and it helped,
you just share it with somebody who you think it might help. Because
that's my goal with this show, is to just try to help people who
feel that they're stuck, especially in their work and especially in the corporate
grind. And. Yeah, just share an episode.
And that's the best way to help me. And thank you so much for listening.
Thank you forever.
Listening. Yeah. Can't thank you enough. And
I don't know when I'll be back, but, you know, it might be
sooner rather than later, and it might not. But either
way, thank you again for listening and I will
see you maybe soon. Not sure.
Sam.