Boxing Day

Kevin and Harley celebrate BDM’s first Christmas and the end of the year. Plus: Peanuts on Ice!

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What is Beardless, D*ckless Me?

For 25 years, Kevin Smith has tried to make his beardless, dickless twin of a daughter Harley laugh in real life. Now he does it every week on a podcast.

00:00:24
Speaker 1: Ho ho, Merry Christmas, and welcome back to white beardless as in Santa dickless me. I'm Kevin Smith, I'm Harley Quinn. That's right, it's the spirit of Christmas. Harley just woke up. She was visited by three fucking ghosts in the night. She whipped some fucking coins at me and said, go buy a goose, old man, And I was like, for fucking seventy five cents, like goose calls a lot more than that, And aren't you vegan? She said, notts anymore the ghosts and dissippused me of that notion. Let's say goose and cow blood for Christmas. Wow, that's called the Harley Carroll. I'm working on it still. I'm work shopping it.

00:01:13
Speaker 2: You really took me there.

00:01:16
Speaker 1: You know. I'm not Charles Dickens, but I can be Kevin Dick with Charles dick I ain't Charles Dickens, but I can be Chuck dick. There. You go. Took three drafts, you.

00:01:26
Speaker 2: Got to them, You got there, ultimate you got there.

00:01:30
Speaker 1: Kids, It ain't Christmas. That was yesterday. If you're listening to this one the day it's supposed to go up, then it's boxing Day. Do you know what boxing day is?

00:01:38
Speaker 2: It's in Australia, Australia, a bunch of countries that ain't America.

00:01:44
Speaker 1: I thought you're gonna do all three ostrabri in a lot of English speaking territories that are not the United States. Boxing Day is the day after Christmas when people are boxing up there fucking ship right, So it's like we're done with Christmas. That's when all the sales happen.

00:02:05
Speaker 2: Mmm, I see, I see.

00:02:07
Speaker 1: So boxing Day is like in England, Like fucking if we were in London and he went to was that fucking prods? Wow, oh fucking there'd be there'd be Boxing Day up your fucking British ass. They won't let ours, as they say they it's bigger in Christmas in some ways, man like Happy Christmas. But then they're like, oh it's motherfucking boxing day. Fucking cock me, motherfucker football is Boxing Day is going away? Wait? Wait wait wait wait, yeah, that's he's that thing. I think it is. They do it in sports, like for foot, for football, I think yeah, yeah, really yeah. I think the first time I ever heard it was in the office, the British office, and who was it. Garrett was talking to his boy Augie on the phone. He's going, okay, okay, okay, okay, Oka wait oait okay okay okay. But I think it's a like a football thing in any event, that's my go to Brett. And if a magician asked to explain his trick, or a comic hast to explain his joke, it all falls apart. Let's just accept what it is a very good impression of a British maybe midlander, No, not midlander. I hung out with a Midlander on Saturday f K Twigs, so fucking.

00:03:56
Speaker 3: Rare pairing of all time.

00:03:58
Speaker 1: You think it was random?

00:03:59
Speaker 4: Bro?

00:04:00
Speaker 1: I was like, how did one point? I had to ask somebody how didn't I wind up here? I was hoping somebody'd be like, she likes you, but I don't even think she knew who I was. But she was very sweet. She did come over and she's like, oh my god, Kevin, thank you for doing this on Christmas weekend. Very sweet. But you know, she's an actress, so she could be like, who's this name? Kevin Helloa, But she's from Birmingham, so she had a who's the dude? I guess somebody Robert was the dance instructure. She had dancers. It's fucking very artie.

00:04:31
Speaker 2: Were you dancing?

00:04:32
Speaker 1: No, there was, She had professional dancers. All of them were fucking mind bendingly impressive. Like, oh yeah, there's something special.

00:04:42
Speaker 2: She's such an amazing dancer.

00:04:44
Speaker 1: Oh and an incredible just artist, right, like when I say, you know, a lot of us are artists, so to speak, but she's like an artist. She's all about the artistry and the look of it, not just the sound of it, but like the fucking it's like, it's very cool. Yeah, she's very cool. And I was a big fan of two Weeks, which is a ten year old fucking track, But that's what somebody was Like. John Gordon was like, hey, I'm friends with He goes, do you know f K Twigs?

00:05:12
Speaker 2: And You're like, oh yeah, and it's like.

00:05:14
Speaker 1: I mean, I know it worked, but I don't know personally and stuff. And he goes, she's shooting music video on Saturday, and they need they asked that he goes, They asked if you would come be in it, And so I didn't dig deeper, like, oh, did they just say do you know anybody fucking quasis? For a role. He said they asked specifically for me.

00:05:36
Speaker 2: So I wonder when the when the vision, the collab vision. I think it had to have Smith fka.

00:05:46
Speaker 1: I think it had to have a lot to do with Like there was no list, but if there was, I was way down and being that it's a Saturday before Christmas, you're not going to get a bunch of yeses. You'd get a lot of yes but like, oh yes, but I have to me. I was just like, sure should We talked to boy Jordan as my manager, and I was like, I'm just exed dementia. So I showed up and I was there a long time. But I met this kid, Jake Shane. He's a Jacob Chaine. He does a podcast called Therapists.

00:06:25
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, you know, not personally, but yeah, I know therap he does like really funny.

00:06:31
Speaker 1: He's got huge on textas Jake Shane is it.

00:06:37
Speaker 2: I don't, I don't know, but I know Therapists.

00:06:39
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, I thought you were like that. Yeah, funny as fuck. He's dude on like TikTok who does like The funny one I watched was it was George Washington getting his photo taken for the dollar bill and he comes in into George Washington wig and he just sounds like it's he's on his phone. He's like, oh my god, this is such an honor. He goes sorry the wife. He's like, yes, Martha, I will, and so he puts the phone down. It's just like okay. So I'm thinking, like he does the books because then and then like one of these and then he grabs a strawberry. He's like, it's playful like this and if guy blew up huge. So he was telling me the story. He's like, I was somebody's assistant. I started making TikTok. He goes historical TikTok jokes and he's going, I blew up. So he's got like three million of TikTok. He played that he was in the video too. I shouldn't say what we played, but it's funny. And I just met him and I didn't know who he was, but we blended.

00:07:43
Speaker 2: Really are you I'm supposed to say, you're in the video I did on my socials bro, he probably would have paid you, and they probably have to pay you on paperwork.

00:07:56
Speaker 1: Not a thing. I mean, I probably shouldn't be saying this, but I didn't seriously, it was some whole thing was like not sus because there were cameras, it was happening. It wasn't like fucking you know, Punked twenty twenty four and somebody pops up and be like, oh snap, dumb mass. They were doing a real thing and shit. So she was delightful. So anyway, long story shirt she had dancers in the video and oh yeah, the guy who was the choreographer and shit, who was like, oh so it's this this, this, this, this therapus. No that the real guy choreography the real video. His name, I guess was Robert, because all day long she was like Robert, Robert, Robert. Well, I'm not even doing it justice because she's from Birmingham. And then I, you know, at one point I was because she was talking about blah blah blah and she was like, I'm from Bingham and I was like, oh, I played there, and she was like you played and I was like yeah, like me and Jay do shows and stuff. And I looked at it up because I couldn't remember the name of the theater, and I just it's fine. I just googled, like, uh, Jane Silent Bob, Birmingham, and a theater came up, said Lyric theater, so it was like Lyric theater ring a bell and she's like no, And then I was like, that's fucked up because it was a pretty big venue. And then I looked and that was Birmingham, Alabama, so I was like Birmingham, UK and it was the O two and I was like, I'm my bad. It was the O two. She goes heard of it. She was very sweet and good, really good, like yeah, like in the because it's not it's a it's a music video, but there's like dialogue in it, so it sounds like a whole ass year.

00:09:41
Speaker 3: You're not supposed to be saying that.

00:09:43
Speaker 1: I'm not revealing shit, I'm just doing it. I know you're not supposed to shut We're fine. I can't imagine again, like there were no rules. There was like no like you can't talk about you know what I'm saying. Like she was like, I was like at the end, I was like, let's take pictures like oh my god, yes and bang bang bang, and there's no like don't put this up ever until the video said nothing so totally and again I was there like I was I told him like a certain point, like because we I shot early in the day and then like not for hours, and then another shot and then not for hours. At one point I saw a dude and I was like, just to give everyone heads up, like I'm wheels up at five and the guy's like what and I was like, yeah, I've been sitting around three hours, but like I am. He's like, oh my god. They talk somebody, and so they went to you know, talk to somebody and then they came back, one of the producers or whatever, and he came back and he was like, okay, like I'm just finding out about this and like, you know, our day has been crazy and blah blah blah. Is there anyway how can I buy you? Until like six o'clock And I was like, I like, kids, I got a life, man, I'm sorry, I've been here for hours now, like so I just like, yeah, I gotta go with five. Because when I was in the nuthouse, one of the fucking things they stressed, like the reason that I wound up in the nuthouse is because I just say yes, like it's whatever you need before what I need. So you know, I had to throw up a boundary because it's like, bro, I got some shit to do.

00:11:20
Speaker 2: Proud of you.

00:11:23
Speaker 1: Then Twigs came in the room, Oh my, and I was like, she goes hi, and I was like, oh, they're not throwing you at me, are they, because that's of course what you do, like first the producers make their run.

00:11:35
Speaker 2: But then it's like, oh my god.

00:11:38
Speaker 1: I gotta go back to tell her, and you know, she's like, well oh, and she's like they didn't throw me, and she's going, look, we don't know each other. But and then she gave me her story and I was like, she didn't even have to go deep. She was like two lines and I was like, kid, it's fine, like just I'm here until I'm done, and she's like, we will put everything like cute.

00:12:01
Speaker 2: She went, so my lord, that is so even more eventful than I could have imagined.

00:12:09
Speaker 1: I mean, it's like I didn't want to because she's the type of person like if I was like, kid, I would do this for you, but like I was in a nuts two years ago and I have to learn to put up boundaries. And I'm sure she would have been like, oh my god, I.

00:12:20
Speaker 2: Totally understand, but like you're like, yeah, all right.

00:12:26
Speaker 1: I mean she's such an artist, bro. You know, like it's not like she's like, you know, fucking hey, man, what's this going to call?

00:12:39
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's trying to come at you from like a human a.

00:12:42
Speaker 1: Human yes, yes, And also just like you know, like she she's in a tough spot, like it's it's all on her so to speak. So you know, I was again it was like, all right, I have a life, but what is that fucking matter? And again this is like I'm kidding but I don't even know man, Like I'm not mad, don't get me wrong, but it's like, can you imagine how frustrating is Like it's not even like well, I've known Twigs forever, man, and she's like one of my besties. I just like her song, you know what I'm saying. And I thought that video was fire. So I've always like kind of respected her as an artist. And then you know, like like she seems like a good person. She's gone through some things, you know publicly that like I have always kind of tugged in my heart strings and whatnot. And you know, so when she was like the moment she was like we don't know each other.

00:13:47
Speaker 5: Like I'm like, oh my god, oh, we don't, but I know you, Like I don't know you, but I know exactly who you are, and that's an artist, and like it's probably killing you inside, even fucking not like she's like this is beneath me, but just like you know, they.

00:14:04
Speaker 1: Were trying to do five days of work in one day, with choreography, with multiple shots, with multiple costume changes, with you know, again, this ain't like a Kevin Smith video visually stunning, like even the shots me and and Jaker, and like.

00:14:26
Speaker 2: You're not supposed to say this.

00:14:28
Speaker 1: Visually stunning, just visual like you know, the story parts where we're talking, just everything looks fucking you know, art directed and like you know, compositions with an inch of its fucking life. So it's just it was like, really, I don't know, it was kind of on some level. Yes, I had shit to do, but I was like anything for art.

00:14:52
Speaker 2: What a what a crazy saturday?

00:14:55
Speaker 1: You had? So many times I was sitting down there because we were in downtown. That's the other thing, Like I'm downtown Island. I'm like, what the fuck am I doing here this Saturday before Christmas? I have so many things to do and I'm fucking sitting here and again it's not like yeah, oh my fucking twigs Man, but she was in like you know, fucking Clerk's nine. Never met her until bad Day. But that's the power of like a good artist, because I do like that fucking song two weeks quite a bit, because that's a ten year old fucking jam. I know it. You know, no, I'm not gonna do more. Yea a very singular voice. But that video is also fire where they pull back from her very fucking slowly, and she's like Cleopatra and there's all those mini dancers and.

00:15:40
Speaker 2: She's like her. Her videos are beautiful, very I mean, it's an amazing dancer too.

00:15:47
Speaker 1: It's crazy and the video like all right, I ain't gonna spoil ye so much. It's about well, okay, so in any event, that's what I wound up doing.

00:15:57
Speaker 2: On You're gonna get a fucking text.

00:16:01
Speaker 1: You can't, then you know, then pay me and then I'll be like.

00:16:04
Speaker 3: They probably we're good.

00:16:08
Speaker 1: And it's not like blackmail. I'm just like I'm not. I put up here, I put up an Instagram post and a TikTok and I haven't heard from anybody, nobody being.

00:16:14
Speaker 2: Like stop it, like did you say you were doing a video on your TikTok?

00:16:21
Speaker 1: No, I just said I was making smart What else would it be? What does she do? I was playing backup, so I was on keyboards and shit, I'm.

00:16:28
Speaker 2: Like, she could be acting in one of your things.

00:16:31
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I ain't shooting anything. Let me tell you something after spending because again, was there eight I wound up being there ten fucking hours, ten hours on the Saturday before Christmas. Let me tell you something. One day, She's gonna be in a thing of mine just for ten hours on one day.

00:16:48
Speaker 2: So funny.

00:16:50
Speaker 1: But she was absolutely love it. And it was cool to be involved too because I got to like perform and shit and use words which I never really get to do.

00:16:56
Speaker 2: Like you got to use words too.

00:17:01
Speaker 1: I tell you something, pain ball reminder. I'm not an actor. You know who is Jake So so good? Really? Oh like magic and he does a thing. He does a lot of things very well, but he does one thing like insanely well. We're like, oh my god, he could play this guy in a bunch of different things, like you like, he's he like, I don't want to spoil it anyway, he's really fucking he's real good and real funny, like real talented and ship like that. And the whole time he was like good, and the whole time I was measuring myself against him, and I'm like, fuck, I can't act. I just sound like fucking Kevin Smith. But I did have to be something that I'm not, which is like not a nice person and should and I was that that was a bit of a performance. But I told uh Jake as we were going, man, I was like, I want to be like you one day where like I'm in the scene, I said, I'm just waiting to do my lines, thinking like I'm not doing dialogue, I'm doing monologues. I'm just waiting for you to stop talking so I can do my lines and stuff. So I'm not That's how I know I'm not an actor, like a real actor. Like when you're acting, you're like in the moment shit like you were making once upon a time in Hollywood and you're in a dumpster and didn't you fucking bite a piece of garbage?

00:18:26
Speaker 4: Yeah, Okay, that would never happen to me because I don't suspend the window of disbelief to the point.

00:18:33
Speaker 1: Where I'm like, I am this trash picker and fucking here's an apple that's not eating something and take a bite of it, never mind the risk of hepatitis.

00:18:42
Speaker 2: Food boys and a box really just trying to stand up.

00:18:46
Speaker 1: Perhaps a rat was eating. Oh, I know why you did it? Believe me, you're like director, hey man, so but you but that is you as much as a part of me is like I'll stand out. You're absorbed in the moment, Like you're like, this is what my character would do. Yes, okay, that would never happen to me. Like if I'm doing that scene and there's like you know, even if somebody was like eat the garbage, I'd be like, what can I joke about that? Or I would say, like eat, I'm not eating garbage.

00:19:24
Speaker 2: You know I'm not eating My acting.

00:19:28
Speaker 1: Is like I just say what's happening on the screen, very somatic.

00:19:33
Speaker 4: All right, everyone has captain exposition, eat garbage out of a dumpster, water, we street urchins.

00:19:48
Speaker 1: I am a Manson girl living in a Mansen world. Chop chop, oh my god. Point being an actor a voice. An actor gets lost in the part or like, isn't the moment that ain't me? I know I'm acting and I'm like trying to hit marks, and I was like, didn't they want me to pull a phone out? Fuck? Like, acting with props real difficult, And honestly, it's something to think about because like I'm like, you know, as announced last week, we're going on sitcom where I'd be the lead. That is so true differences I'm writing that so I would write the perfect part for me. I write things only I know how to say and deliver. Well, that's why you're never going to see me be like, you know, fucking if you cut me, do I not bleed? Like I can't do somebody else's ship, But I can write me a fucking killer monologue and whip it out myself.

00:20:41
Speaker 2: If I wrote it, you should study with game.

00:20:47
Speaker 1: Study with she if no, because I'm not. It's a sitcom bro so so I'm not fucking trying to act and ship im on Jerry sin felt my way through that ship. No, I his obvious acting. You know what, if I'm meant to be better over time, I'll get better. But I think I got this far by being me period. I'm just saying people in the owner it's like he ate in any event. It's something to think about though, and my fix though, You're right, I could work with an acting coach, but instead I'll just write ship that I can say, I but convincingly. I honestly think in her thing like I'm in fact Jordan is that Hemingway is the director and he's like a kid, talented kid. Because I saw the shots he was doing, I'm just saying like this would be nice. Like I was like it was a fire composition and shit, and you know, after one of the takes, he was just like can you do like maybe like don't do this or whatever. I was like the notes do less. He's like yeah, I was like, we'll do because I was I had a line where it referenced a job and I used my body to imitate the job, and he was like you must have been behind the camera, Like oh my god, how do I do this? Because not only am I like a performer in his video, but I'm also like a director and ship. But he had no problem being like, you know, he didn't used a lot of words to say, and I was like, do less music.

00:22:22
Speaker 2: I feel like it so big.

00:22:23
Speaker 1: It was like lower prep on that show. She was just like, I want to ground your character.

00:22:30
Speaker 3: But the thing is.

00:22:30
Speaker 6: Is that I feel like I've seen you act where you don't do that, but you just don't choose, but you do the big big.

00:22:41
Speaker 1: There were lines that were I think you have potential. After thirty years, I've been waiting.

00:22:46
Speaker 2: To hear that, I think you got something.

00:22:48
Speaker 1: Kid Comes from the Chick that Ate the Apple Cores.

00:22:53
Speaker 2: Tarantino movie that I realized a lot. But I just feel like if you did work with deb or something like, it could be really cool.

00:23:03
Speaker 1: I don't want to be a good actor. Why, I just want to be an actor.

00:23:08
Speaker 3: No, then then you don't.

00:23:10
Speaker 1: No, I don't here here, let me amend that I don't want to be an actor. I just want to play Kevin Smith, oh lord. And to be fair, like you know, it's if I'm behind it, if I'm a creator on it, it's easy to craft that in my favor, tilt the table in my favor. So I'll only put together shit that I know. I can fucking spike the ball on and whatnot. But I can do emotional stuff. Yeah, yeah, I can as needed. But it's a fucking sitcom. Like literally, the situation is we're in a comic bookstore. Solved Murders in twenty minutes. That's where the com comes from later on. So there ain't gonna be a whole fuck ton of just like if you cut me doing that, but it has some tender share, like of course there's there's funny today. It's a Christmas show rather than the Boxing Day show. Everyone's all tuckered out from fucking opening their gifts. Everyone's disappointed not getting the ship they wanted. So this is something that's got to deliver, right, Yeah, this is the Christmas gift. They didn't know what was coming and it comes all over their face, neck and chest. Somebody out there thought it was funny.

00:24:23
Speaker 3: Why why?

00:24:25
Speaker 1: You know what I hear from a lot of people were like, I love when you make her fucking cringe.

00:24:28
Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, no, no one says that the West. No one has ever said that.

00:24:33
Speaker 1: I did a doors thing this week.

00:24:36
Speaker 2: Did somebody say that?

00:24:37
Speaker 1: Yeah, a lot of people when I see him in person, honestly, no bullshit. There there are a lot of people listening to the show way more than I was aware of. Really, Yeah, because when I'm a clubs now like I was just in Portland, there are a bunch of cats who are like, bro, I just heard the episode because I was there on like a Thursday night.

00:24:53
Speaker 2: Shit, whoa, that's crazy, and.

00:24:55
Speaker 1: Friday and Saturday as well. I'm telling you, get your fucking T shirts. You'll be a fucking you'll be like a goop like millionaire.

00:25:04
Speaker 2: I hate when this comes up.

00:25:05
Speaker 1: Oh my god, you're not working hard enough. Where is the fucking licking nuke. I'm gonna talk to both of them, be like my daughter eats T shirts, like uh, then she should do it the sooner you get those T shirts up. Sooner you're an independent woman. You put them a T shirt. Then you sell not at all. Then you sell a vagina candle. Candle spells like my don't say this candle spells like my vagina that's been done. But you say, coach Candell and Austin signs it, both sign it. That's the other thing. She ain't doing a goop man Like I just read an article they had to get rid of, like onund like ten fifteen percent of their staff. They wouldn't do that. If she starts signing ship just saying, Gwyneth, if you're listening, she's the one. No, there was the one.

00:25:59
Speaker 2: They were like forty.

00:26:00
Speaker 1: Thousand would you rather have a million listeners or one very influential listener.

00:26:18
Speaker 2: What a million.

00:26:21
Speaker 1: Or one very influential listener?

00:26:24
Speaker 2: Who could do?

00:26:25
Speaker 1: What? Let your imagination run wild?

00:26:30
Speaker 2: What does that mean?

00:26:31
Speaker 1: I don't know. They can open up the door or something else. Like, let's say it was Gwyneths.

00:26:35
Speaker 2: Right if Gwyneth's was legit the only.

00:26:37
Speaker 1: Person and legit loved it and didn't care about the metrics. Wasn't like how many other people are listening? She was like, I stand by the show. This is the this is an official Goop podcast if you guys want it to be, and I want to do a whole lot of products, including the father Dave T shirt, which we will sell for one hundred and twenty.

00:26:54
Speaker 2: Dollars on something slay.

00:26:56
Speaker 1: So you would say, yeah, now what the fuck would I? Now? She does all that she delivers because she's a big believer. Nobody else likes this show and so no one likes it.

00:27:09
Speaker 2: Oh I thought they just didn't listen to Well, well they don't. They actively hate it.

00:27:15
Speaker 1: No, they're not trying to bring us down, but we ain't selling much Goop merchant dollars father Dave T shirt. People like, what are the fucking nuts?

00:27:23
Speaker 2: Also, the Father Dave T shirt is knocking dollars when it does come out. I just want to just.

00:27:30
Speaker 1: Say that theop store a T shirt would start. It's a very light cop.

00:27:36
Speaker 3: It's gonna be like five bucks.

00:27:37
Speaker 1: No, all right, let me ask you this. Here's another hypothetical. But in order to get there, I got to build all this. This is Christmas hypothetical, Christmas hypothetical, Christmas time, Christmas Christmas time.

00:27:50
Speaker 2: I want to tell you about Snoopy and ice.

00:27:52
Speaker 1: But you go because I've been talking a lot. Go ahead, I couldn't take a drink. WHOA, what happened?

00:27:57
Speaker 2: What was the hypothetical?

00:27:58
Speaker 1: We'll get to it.

00:27:59
Speaker 2: Okay, I want to see Snoopy on ice?

00:28:02
Speaker 1: How that happened?

00:28:03
Speaker 2: I want Two of my friends also wanted to see Snoopy on ice at Knots Mary Farm.

00:28:09
Speaker 1: It's just coincidental that there's a Snoopy print behind her in the background. Yeah, she didn't buy that at Knots. I bought that online. And if you're sitting there going, what do you mean look at see? Well, watch this fucking show those smooth watch beardless dickless me at that Kevin Smith club dot com kids or just listen to it. Where we get your podcasts? Tell a friend, please, please, please, somebody fucking we can make one hundred and twenty dollar Father Dave T shirt. Could you imagine, bro, if we made even ten thousand dollars, even thousand dollars because we sold ten Father Dave T shirts on the Goop website for one hundred and twenty dollars ape.

00:28:57
Speaker 2: That's insane.

00:28:58
Speaker 1: I mean, Gwyn's fantastic way of fucking approaching business man. Just overcharge yeah, for barely luxury items. Okay, So Harley and Friends go to Knotsbery Farm and at Knots Very Farm. Knots for those who don't know, And how could you not know this even if you don't live in the area, because Knots in Minnesota does the same thing at the Mall of America. Knots the Notts brand really yeah has camp. Snoopy has long been associated with the Peanuts characters with Snoopy. So as the Disney characters are to Disney World and ship as the Warner Brothers characters are to a six Flags park, so too are the Peanuts characters to the various Knots enterprises across the country. Notts very farm out here, literally across the street from where we shot Clerks to.

00:29:54
Speaker 2: Oh oh yeah, Oh my gosh. It's also it's right next to Disneyland. It's like it's like not next to it.

00:30:02
Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, I go down stuff. Yeah, but you're not wrong. It was very very close. But they believe were there first.

00:30:10
Speaker 2: Yeah, they were apparently since like nineteen twenty.

00:30:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, thats has been around because they passed their one hundreds.

00:30:15
Speaker 2: No, maybe even I don't know, but it was a long time. Yeah, yeah, definitely.

00:30:21
Speaker 1: So now it's very farm because it's Peanuts themed and Snoopy of course being the king of all that they had. They have Snoopy oriented entertainment. Harley wound up going to see Snoopy on Ice.

00:30:38
Speaker 2: I wish you were there.

00:30:40
Speaker 1: Wasn't that good?

00:30:41
Speaker 2: Oh my god.

00:30:44
Speaker 3: It was so fucking fire. Oh my god.

00:30:49
Speaker 2: Snoopy came out first of all. Snoopy was hilarious, Like Snoopy was.

00:30:54
Speaker 1: Fucking that's like saying that water is wet.

00:30:57
Speaker 2: But Spy is on ice. Remains just king of comedy, and he came out wheeled on his coy because he was His physical comedy was so funny at one point, he came down like a s I met.

00:31:12
Speaker 1: His social commentary was like, what y'all think about that election?

00:31:17
Speaker 2: Can you imagine?

00:31:18
Speaker 1: No, Snoopy, don't do it. Please, don't go let me tell you who I voted for. Please, we don't want to know. No.

00:31:27
Speaker 2: At one point he literally came down like a spiral staircase, like kicking his legs in the air and going over the railing like.

00:31:34
Speaker 1: And this, mind you, folks, this is a man in a.

00:31:36
Speaker 2: Suit or woman, Yes, somebody in a suit.

00:31:39
Speaker 1: But also in ice skates coming yes stairs, So wow, impressive, so present for any ice skater, let alone one wearing one hundred and fifty pounds of Snoopy.

00:31:49
Speaker 2: Absolutely astonishing to be honest, So like Snoopy was so funny?

00:31:54
Speaker 1: Was every character from the Peanuts represented, or at least the main ones? Was there? Charlie Brown?

00:32:01
Speaker 3: There was a Charlie Brown.

00:32:02
Speaker 2: There was not a Lucy actually because.

00:32:06
Speaker 1: I could see them part in the football away, but I guess that would. They don't want people falling down. Did anybody fall down on purpose on the ice, like you know, like Snoopy, you know, spins out for some fucking reason?

00:32:18
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, Peppermint Patty was represented. Was Ann was on skates. I don't know if Charlie Brown was on skates. There was like a little stage around the skating ring. Yeah, some of them just came out. Linus came out and there was a full in the middle there. It's like Snoopy and.

00:32:39
Speaker 1: Field Place get moist. Everyone's like, he's my favorite.

00:32:44
Speaker 2: Actually, yes, this Linus's part was the highlight of the show for a selection of people.

00:32:51
Speaker 1: But that in a moment, I bet you, because it was very Christian.

00:32:55
Speaker 2: It was so fucking Christian out of nowhere, and I was like, what the fuck out of nowhere?

00:33:02
Speaker 1: If you know you're Charlie Brown, due the Charlie Brown. Charlie Brown Christmas has a stop the program moment where the spotlight hits Linus and he literally reads the biblical past that happened. That's what it. So it's not without without precedent.

00:33:22
Speaker 2: I wasn't familiar, and so I was so confused.

00:33:26
Speaker 3: You were like I kept looking at my friends.

00:33:29
Speaker 1: Like just the just the dog believe in Jesus.

00:33:35
Speaker 2: I just sneak God.

00:33:39
Speaker 1: And also this is because it's Christmas. All that information comes from the New Testament of the Bible, meaning it's very Christian. I don't know what was going on. If I was in the audience and I was Jewish, I'd be like, huh Jesus, huh, Birth of the Savior huh? Or still waiting for the side the ship dog.

00:34:02
Speaker 2: Bro There were white doves that came out.

00:34:06
Speaker 1: That's not biblical.

00:34:07
Speaker 3: It was during the church.

00:34:08
Speaker 1: Was it during his fucking Prince sol Snoopy shredded on when doves cry and they released a bunch of yellow woodstocks into the air. It was woodstock.

00:34:18
Speaker 2: Hebby fire.

00:34:19
Speaker 1: No.

00:34:20
Speaker 2: Woodstock was a puppet.

00:34:22
Speaker 1: Excellent choice. Excellent choice because if they put a giant human in a suit, yeah, I was like the dimension.

00:34:28
Speaker 2: However, it would not featured enough sock was only like in one song pretty much.

00:34:34
Speaker 1: You gotta say that, leave him want more?

00:34:37
Speaker 3: I did?

00:34:38
Speaker 1: There you go bugging you're the type of person now write in dear not how about an all woodstock show and they're like, you know what? They were threaded the needle and we caught a fucking fish.

00:34:50
Speaker 2: There was.

00:34:52
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:34:52
Speaker 2: There was Linus in his religious section, which was really intense. Out of nowhere, and Lo.

00:34:57
Speaker 1: The angels showed the shepherds the North Star, and they said, what of this child that is born?

00:35:05
Speaker 2: Audience, Yes, like that he has for you because.

00:35:08
Speaker 1: You're you're also like not versed in that, like for example, that that you know is the gospel Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, it comes from one of the Matthew Mark lucer John's if I remember my Bible correctly, I feel like Luke did a lot of the Young Jesus stuff that they pull a lot of the Christmas things from, so I wouldn't bump into it other than well, this is off awfully non secular. I was. I was just but it is on bring.

00:35:38
Speaker 2: Taken by surprise. You would snoopy on ice.

00:35:43
Speaker 1: You wouldn't see that at like if they did a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving on ice or you know it's the Eastern Beagle Charlie Brown and ice. They did not have religious references, but the very first Peanuts thing, since it was Christmas, they took a moment where like Linus is on the stage, they didn't spotlight and he literally reads scripture.

00:36:03
Speaker 2: I wish you saw this, so fucking.

00:36:05
Speaker 1: The audience go nuts for it, like positively.

00:36:07
Speaker 2: People were cheering so loud, louder than the whole ass rest of the show.

00:36:16
Speaker 1: Jesus don't miss a strong brand that's been around for a long time and Americans love him. Jesus.

00:36:25
Speaker 2: The word Lord or the name or whatever. When Lord was mentioned, people lost their ship.

00:36:34
Speaker 1: Would be fair crazy, could be this is just a theory. I'm the thro out there. Could be that, like a religious school came. It was from all these.

00:36:47
Speaker 2: To come in and it was Oh, by the way, this was the most It was a huge fucking theater. I don't know, a huge fucking theater. I don't know how many people, but like, definitely.

00:37:01
Speaker 1: They're doing a nice shakes.

00:37:02
Speaker 2: Hundred to eight hundred maybe more, pretty impressive, probably more. There was a lot of people shows per day or just one three shows per day. And also people are doing fucking work on like flying around the room on the silk things that hang from the ceiling.

00:37:19
Speaker 1: People not in costumes. Yeah, this was a whole production.

00:37:25
Speaker 2: This was an absolutely stunning show. But it was it was fully worth going to. I mean I wanted to go to an Osbury farm. Obviously. I also met Snoopy, so that was really cool.

00:37:40
Speaker 1: I say this step aside. Vincent Camby The New York Times has a New theater critic, and she is Harley Quinn Smith, because what's a fire eloquent review of a live event. You tune into beardless, dickless need to find out what's happening in the world of hot La tell you. They're like, oh my god, I love that show because his daughter lives in Hollywood. She got her finger on the fucking polls. So I'm going to listen to the Christmas show. It's boxing. Gather on the edge. Let's see what she's recommending. Snoopy on ice. It's a solidly entertaining guitar.

00:38:21
Speaker 2: If you're really looking to know what's cool in Los Angeles amongst.

00:38:24
Speaker 1: Young people, They're like, this, motherfucker man, she said that with no hint of irony. It was not meant to be ironic. That's good, that's a cool idea. By the time they hear it, they're like, he's not doing it because it's on ice and it's Christmas. Christmas till like.

00:38:40
Speaker 2: January fifth, so there's still time. It's a it's a Christmas scene Christmas.

00:38:45
Speaker 1: Theme show, but a Christian Christmas theme show that which just a weird part goes to that side. It's kind of redundant christ It's right in the name Christmas.

00:38:55
Speaker 2: I just wasn't seeing it coming, Like.

00:38:58
Speaker 1: They just hide it by burying the mask part.

00:39:00
Speaker 2: Wasn't in the religious part though, he was.

00:39:03
Speaker 1: He stays very snoopy, very secular. Yeah, he's like, Look.

00:39:07
Speaker 2: He's like, I don't want to. I respect what you're doing, but I don't want.

00:39:10
Speaker 1: To be a big separation between church and dog.

00:39:16
Speaker 2: I have a big complaint though about the show about not enough me.

00:39:21
Speaker 1: I wish I was the lead.

00:39:23
Speaker 2: I know, I don't look so fucking scary when like.

00:39:27
Speaker 1: What if they offered you it's just a seasonal job. So it's only from Thanksgiving until whatever second week of January. The part of Lucy, but it's a live part, not wearing a suit.

00:39:39
Speaker 2: Am I on skates?

00:39:41
Speaker 1: No, you getcause that's not possible. But like it's you as Lucy and they put Lucy on hair on you and you got the Lucy blue dress.

00:39:53
Speaker 2: There just wasn't It wasn't.

00:39:55
Speaker 1: Bro, I'm remaking the show. Don't try to fit it into.

00:39:57
Speaker 2: What you're remaking it.

00:39:59
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, not die. Look, may I paraphrase Fka Twigs? Of course, just let yourself go artistically and imagine, reimagine if will a show where you are Lucy as yourself? No not, what does those costumes call them character costume or whatever? Fuck yeah, what do you call them in Disney?

00:40:25
Speaker 2: I don't know. I can't, I can't. There's face character.

00:40:29
Speaker 1: It's not a face character. You're it's you in an outfit, and Charlie Brown is a face character. And you will be doing the classic pull the football away. You'll be in three numbers. How long was the show an? Howur like?

00:40:43
Speaker 2: Forty minutes?

00:40:44
Speaker 1: Oh my god? Three numbers? And now you know what to no? Three for sure three because they're gonna capitalize on this. Three of the numbers in forty minutes, including and one of the numbers isn't a whole song and dance, it's just you literally doing the classic pull the football out from under Charlie round bit and he goes onto his back that kind of thing. You call him a blockhead. One of the fucking things is you in your booth the doctor is in psychiatric help and you sing a song about uh trauma. Hey man, if they could take fucking ten minutes off to be like I'm lo and behold the Lord came to here's some church. Now here's a little bit of science. So for that, you sing, you know about trauma and how to get over it. Shit like that. This cute song. It's snappy, but at the same time, people like this is real. It's about as real as the moment where the spotlight. It's like this, but an whole different way, bro was. You're not going to get a huge cheer from the crowd, but just know that it's the good work. Like kids are gonna go home going like, hey man, that spoke to me, not even knowing about it until years later.

00:41:51
Speaker 2: I wish we could. I wish you could see it so bad.

00:41:54
Speaker 1: It's a song that doesn't necessarily sell psychiatry because that would worry the religious people. But it makes it okay to talk to people about your problems, right, But we have to include a bit about like or your pastor, you know, for those folks who are fucking jeering the next four years, and your pastor to everything is yes, end in any of them they're paying. So it's let me see all of December you're looking at. That's sir, eight weeks of work. It's a dog outside. Eight weeks of work, five K week, So it's a forty grand holiday job. Four weeks you said eight weeks? Oh, eight, two weeks from like Thanksgiving? All the dollars a week, five thousand a week not enough?

00:42:49
Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess that is enough.

00:42:51
Speaker 1: Merry Christmas is the time to go.

00:42:58
Speaker 3: Well, well then you're going to dinner.

00:43:00
Speaker 1: I mean it's something.

00:43:01
Speaker 3: Really duty calls.

00:43:07
Speaker 1: But wait before that happens.

00:43:08
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I do it. I do it.

00:43:11
Speaker 1: Five thousand a week. Yeah, you have to put it in all your soli. Yeah, it's being sold on your name and yoga's there's Harley Quinn Smith as Lucy. You're a celebrity. It's like when Rosie O'Donnell was in Greece, or when Brooke Shields in Greece, or when was Olivia Holt was in fucking like Chicago or something. Ship Harley Quinn Smith in SPI on ice eight weeks only fuck, you know, and you've got to actively promote it and ship and they're like, can you do a few like tiktoks about it, like every.

00:43:45
Speaker 3: Day every day?

00:43:48
Speaker 1: No? No, no, no, five thousand bucks a week though you're gonna walk away five times eight forty k.

00:43:53
Speaker 3: But I have to lost multiple tiktoks a day.

00:43:56
Speaker 1: All right, multiple a week. It's seven a week, one day in a week now, no, yes, they'll give you an.

00:44:05
Speaker 2: I'm not doing it why because I don't want to be on the internet that much.

00:44:11
Speaker 1: But you won't be. It's just in your stories. No, no, no, not in your it's in your story though, did we just that's okay? Right, comes and goes.

00:44:20
Speaker 2: You said a full TikTok. The effort that goes into making.

00:44:24
Speaker 1: On your instagrams you can put in stories. You can also just put it on your Instagram in your TikTok stories as well. One post per week in feed, so main feed eight by the end of this, yes, only eight posts, and you know three four of them you're wearing the lucy outfit. So for the first at least two posts, people are like, oh, that's hysterical. By post four there you're still doing this. Yeah, my god, I'm thirsty much peanut fuck? Fuck, there's more dignity and make another Jane.

00:45:02
Speaker 2: So I think it has to be really yeah, I don't like this one, all.

00:45:10
Speaker 1: Right, So you come to me and you tell me, and I'm like, please do this for me. I will go to every performance to watch me, Lucy. This is a lifelong combination of I love the Peanuts, I love you, and seeing you as Lucy as something I never imagined i'd what a gift this is. So you know, I know it's a lot to ask for your socials for some fucking reason, but like I think, you please do this.

00:45:34
Speaker 2: Please just do this? Would you do it if it really meant a lot?

00:45:39
Speaker 1: Like this is the only thing you can get me for Christmas for the rest of my life?

00:45:45
Speaker 3: Is this in every year?

00:45:46
Speaker 1: Thing or just and it's like You're never on the hook ever again for the rest of my life. I'll always be like, oh you played Lucy that one Christmas.

00:45:54
Speaker 2: It means that much to you.

00:45:56
Speaker 1: Of course, awesome, thank you. Then you find out.

00:46:03
Speaker 7: How did I know the content for like months on my TikTok and it's fire people like this is fucking hysterical, Like look at Lucy.

00:46:15
Speaker 3: So then you're making fun of me.

00:46:19
Speaker 1: I'm like blockhead, which is what Charlie Brown, and I'm getting the fucking hits man. I'm getting like Jake Shane hits man. I got like three million followers on TikTok all of a sudden, and ship that is so fuck you did it for the right reasons because you love me, but you are a snake. That's what's good. You know. It raises all boats and ship so because they get a lot of TikTok listeners, then people like what is beerless stickless? What? And so we get a lot more listeners and ships and then they go down the rabbit hole and they're like, oh my god, this is funny. So it all works out.

00:46:54
Speaker 2: So it all works out in the end, except that I just have I carry animosity to were for the rest.

00:47:01
Speaker 1: But sometimes you're like, you know, what business is business?

00:47:05
Speaker 2: Did you explain it to me as a business plan?

00:47:08
Speaker 1: No? But it's just how it worked out, So it's okay, Like you know, you're like, you know, one day you're like, I used to be worried about this ship, but like he's right, it's just fucking business that worked out. Nobody gives a ship. There ain't no fucking the world.

00:47:19
Speaker 2: And then I think I would probably end up presenting you a little bit.

00:47:25
Speaker 1: But the money and the fucking you know, because even though I made a lot of it from my tiktoks, my expense, but you brought in expensed a little bit but you brought in a bunch of new audience, a bunch of listeners, and so like our show got bigger, the ad rates got more and shipped, so like you benefited from it.

00:47:49
Speaker 2: Do you know what you sound like right now?

00:47:52
Speaker 1: Remember last week?

00:47:55
Speaker 2: How I hear you? I don't know how do you do that?

00:48:03
Speaker 1: That's all you're hearing right now?

00:48:11
Speaker 2: Yeah, right now? That's what.

00:48:21
Speaker 1: You can't live with that deal though? Right? Well, there it is. It's a Christmas miracle.

00:48:30
Speaker 2: Take your fucking stupid plan and get out of here.

00:48:33
Speaker 3: This is your house.

00:48:34
Speaker 1: Believe the miracle of boxing. There it is. Kids, that's that's your quasi Chris Christmas Show. Now, isn't the last show before the oh yeah, the new year? Because one week from today, one week from the twenty sixth is let me make sure, look I think so wait so this six Yes, this is the last episode of the year. The next episode happens like on like the day after New Year's Yeah, it's on the day of January second.

00:49:11
Speaker 2: So all you, Dick, let's have a great rest of your year.

00:49:16
Speaker 1: People didn't hear that others dropping this episode.

00:49:20
Speaker 2: The listeners of the show are called.

00:49:22
Speaker 1: Yeah man, listen, Dick let's have a merry Christmas, have a happy or happy holiday, they say in fucking England. Happy Christmas. Oh happy Christmas at uh, merry Christmas and thanks for listening all year. When did we start? September?

00:49:46
Speaker 2: I think is when I dropped when the movie came out September, when I.

00:49:50
Speaker 1: Was on Septmer, So September, October, November, December, January. So we've been doing it for like four months.

00:49:57
Speaker 4: That's crazy consistently on, like vegan abatwa.

00:50:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, look at us. Go that's a Christmas miracle. That is that's the story of Christmas right there. That's what it's about. Can hit lineus with a spotlight. Let him tell that fucking story and lo and behold a man and his daughter, a boy and a girl and her dad did a podcast that lasted four months. Oh there it is kids.

00:50:27
Speaker 2: This is just the beginning.

00:50:29
Speaker 1: It is just the beginning. That's the way to think of it. Merry Christmas, Happy holidays, and happy New Year. Happy New Year as well. For beardless stickles me, I'm Kevin and.

00:50:39
Speaker 2: I'm Harley Quinsmith, and.

00:50:40
Speaker 1: Go have a beardless dickless holiday. Oh oh oh, this is Venice Podcast Production some podcast podcast using our mouths on you since two thousand and seven. Hey kids, did you like what you just heard? Well, guess what. We've got tons more, man thousands of hours of podcasts waiting for you at that kevinsmithclub dot com. Go sign up now,