How Enmeshment Destroys Relationships

Losing yourself in a relationship doesn’t feel good.

This is why our avoidant parts show up: 

To protect ourselves from losing ourselves. 

I was there--  wanting connection,

but not knowing how to connect without losing myself—

and being overwhelmed by my partners feelings,

and trapped in their moods.

That’s when I discovered what “enmeshment" was.

Let me paint a picture:

• Their mood shifts, and suddenly, your whole day is ruined.
• You’re walking on eggshells, constantly trying to avoid upsetting them.
• When they’re sad, anxious, or angry, it feels like your job to fix them—
or you’ll lose them.
• You keep giving more of yourself, 
hoping it’ll finally be enough for them to show up the way you need.

But it never is.

Instead, you’re left exhausted, resentful, and empty.

This is enmeshment—where the lines between you and your partner blur. 

Their emotions become your emotions. 

Their pain becomes your responsibility. 

Their chaos becomes your life.

At first, it feels like love. 

Like connection.

But here’s the truth:

It’s not love—it’s survival.

You abandon yourself to keep the peace. 

You sacrifice your needs to rescue them from their own pain. 

You live for their approval, because without it, you feel unworthy.

And deep down, you know something is wrong.

• Why do I keep giving so much and getting so little?
• Why does their happiness always come at the expense of mine?
• Why am I stuck in this loop of feeling unappreciated, invisible, and alone?

Here’s why:

Enmeshment isn’t connection. 

It’s a trap.

You can’t abandon yourself without creating resentment.
You can’t sacrifice your needs and expect to feel whole.
You can’t fix them without losing yourself in the process.

This pattern didn’t start with your current relationship—

it started long ago. 

Maybe in childhood, 

when breaking your own boundaries was the price of love. 

Maybe in past relationships, 

where giving too much felt like the only way to keep someone close.

If nothing changes, this becomes your reality:

• Constantly second-guessing yourself and your worth.
• Feeling drained and unfulfilled, no matter how much effort you put in.
• Living in fear that one wrong move could push them away.
• Resenting them, resenting yourself, and feeling stuck in a cycle of blame and guilt.
• Wondering why love feels more like a battlefield than a sanctuary.

The good news is that It doesn’t have to be this way.
You CAN become Trigger-Proof in relationships 

where things can slowly shift.

The way out isn’t waiting for them to change.
The way out is breaking free of the enmeshment patterns that keep you trapped.

When you do,

• Their moods no longer control your life.
• You stop feeling responsible for fixing them, and instead focus on your own peace.
• You set boundaries without guilt and watch as your energy begins to return.
• You reclaim your confidence, your voice, and your ability to show up authentically.

And when you create this space for yourself, 

you open the door to a different kind of relationship. 

One rooted in mutual respect, true connection, and emotional freedom, 

as a reflection to the safety you feel within YOURSELF. 

Imagine what life could look like in a Trigger-Proof Relationship:

• Waking up feeling free to be yourself, without fear of how they’ll react.
• Having calm, productive conversations instead of emotional blow-ups.
• Feeling safe in your relationships—not because they’ve changed, but because you have.
• Experiencing love that feels light, supportive, and real.

I wanted a reality where I could have a relationship without losing myself—

a space where we weren’t trapped in each other’s emotions.

No more sacrificing my identity for connection. 

No more disappearing into someone else.

The shift has been night and day for me.

This is what happens when you become Trigger-Proof.

It might not have been modeled for you growing up, and that’s okay—

it’s not your fault. 

But it is your opportunity to break the cycle of enmeshment

— for you and for the next generation.

Your wingman on the adventure.

Nima
________________________________________________________

P.S. 

If you’re tired of living in this cycle and ready to reclaim your boundaries, stop fawning, 

reply with “send me the details.” 

I’ll share a google doc with the info about my Black Friday opportunity to start this work THIS WEEK. 

It’s $4,500 worth of transformative training—live and personal—on zoom for under $400.
If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to work with me directly, 

there won’t be another opportunity like this.
You don’t have to stay stuck. Let’s break this cycle together.

What is Trigger Proof Transmissions (Cyclebreaker Collective)?

Welcome to the TriggerProof podcast.
This is the first season of the Podcast which are audio renditions of
Facebook Live Video Transmissions done for the “TriggerProof” Facebook Community.
These were set up by request of our community members who wanted an opportunity to listen
to insights, tools, and strategies to help heal relationship dynamics, deepen intimacy,
and master the fine art of Autonomic Nervous System Regulation so that we can build resilience,
heal from the past, and become active operators of our mind, body, and life.

This first season wasn’t designed to be a podcast, so you’ll notice the audio isn’t
Professional Studio Quality (like it is on season 2 as we’ve upgraded incrementally).

These trainings are designed to introduce and deepen you to the most critical 2 skills we’ve never been taught:
1) The skill and practice of taking our triggers (Nervous System Activations) and turning them into deeper safety and self-love,
2) The skill and practice of taking conflict (that happens in any relationship) and turning them into deeper intimacy between the parties involved.

Not learning these two critical skills at this time in history costs us dearly: Physical and Mental health is on the DECLINE.
Doing this deep level of healing work can break the cycle of Intergenerational Trauma that didn’t start with you.

It didn’t start with you, but it can end with you,
#Cyclebreaker.
______________________________________________________________________
Join my Facebook Group to help you understand yourself, control your triggers, regulate your nervous system and know what's keeping you stuck in these times of crisis:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/triggerproof

Enmeshment is

when there is no boundary

between you and another person

when there is no separation

from their emotional state

their values with you.

Because of a childhood dynamic you grew up with

which you had to eclipse and stomp over

and break boundaries in order to be connected

you adapt by creating an identity

that just fawns

and people pleases

and is ultra "empathic"

and is hyper sensitive

and hyper attuned

to the moods of other people.

And this lack of boundary causes

this hypersensitivity where you get triggered

And now their moods become your moods.

If there is no separation

it's great When the things are going amazing.

When things are high and you're doing amazing

it's fu**ing awesome.

But when their mood shifts

or they get triggered or activated

it's chaos For somebody with

unresolved enmeshment trauma

I don't care if you've been doing

feminine communication

polarized communication for two years

if you haven't dealt with this

enmeshment trauma

there's an unconscious complex

that is paralyzing your chances

of having a successful relationship

because of that enmeshment trauma

It creates a culture of codependency

where you're dependent

on fixing the other person

where you will abandon yourself

to save and rescue the other person

because their internal lack of safety

their depression, their addiction

becomes your responsibility

and there's no separation

and you have to eclipse yourself.

And ultimately, it's unfulfilling

because when you abandon yourself

you can't abandon yourself without

simultaneously creating a resentment.

So those with codependent

are constantly living with resentment

all the time, feeling victimized

constantly basing your own moods

on the other person.

I've been in polarity groups where

people were learning the communication

without doing this work

and they were struggling

and it was a fu**ing gong show.

So it's really important that

all of your communication things you learn

are done So on the other side of

healing those enmeshment patterns

and codependency.