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You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
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You Can Mentor: How to Impact Your Community, Fulfill the Great Commission, and Break Generational Curses
youcanmentor.com
Creators and Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others you can mentor.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the UCAN Mentor podcast. My name is Wayland Cubitt, lieutenant with the Oklahoma City Police Department, and I just love talking to mentors, and I have a treat for you today. So my journey into the mentoring space on an official basis because I've been mentoring a long, long time, but on an official basis with the Oklahoma City Police Department when it became a thing, I had to rely on people, indigenous leaders and leaders all over the city of Oklahoma City to reach young people and to learn how to reach young people and to establish trust in the community. And I found what I call the mayor of Oklahoma City on the east side of Oklahoma City very, very quickly. His name is Marcus Jackson.
Speaker 2:He runs a outstanding, growing, very important mentoring program and center here in Oklahoma City, And I am so excited to introduce you to him, his wisdom and all the stuff that he does in Oklahoma City that really supports kids from hard places and community. Welcome to you can mentor Marcus Jackson.
Speaker 3:I'm glad to be here. I'm honored to be here with you. The master mentor, you know, and I've learned so much in our conversations that. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Well, well,
Speaker 2:first of all, first, we got to we we got to establish the fact that you could be doing a whole lot of other things besides spending time in the community working with youth. You are a music producer. You are a performer. You've won some awards, man. What's the big what's the what's running down the top ones?
Speaker 3:The I think the Dove Award. Dove Award. Yeah. That's the one I actually have on the shelf.
Speaker 2:What song is that for?
Speaker 3:That was for there was 2. So there was a nomination and then we won 1. So one was for Go Hard with Lecrae and another one was with Lecrae. It was a song called More on a project he did called Overdose. And so
Speaker 2:yeah, it's it's Yeah. Quickly, we got so you guys have not I mean, we are in the presence of greatness right now, and he's gonna drop some some and he's done a TED talk. He's done a TED talk. How do we find it? Well, I forgot the title of it.
Speaker 2:It's
Speaker 3:a collaboration.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. Collaboration. We got to find that. It's on YouTube.
Speaker 2:It was a TEDx Oklahoma City 2019. It was phenomenal. I still get chills thinking about how you Just just to watch the TED talk. I don't want I don't relive and get chills and get to be talking about all of that. But collaboration is very, very important.
Speaker 2:And you use the art of collaboration not only in your music, but but in building this urban bridge. So tell us a little bit about Urban Bridge here in Oklahoma City.
Speaker 3:Yes. So Urban Bridge is a nonprofit organization that seeks to create pathways, holistic pathways for people who live in underserved communities or that come from underserved backgrounds. The sector that I oversee, I'd say like that we're the most heavy handed in right now is the Bridge Impact Center, which is a community center in the neighborhood northeast Oklahoma City and is actually directly focused on this neighborhood. And it's like this, the idea of coming from campus ministry. You know, I was doing work with You For Christ.
Speaker 3:I did that for 12 years. You had somebody on, that was You For Christ guy. He was on my team. Yeah. He left.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah. Oh yeah. He could have been running his own team years ago.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:But doing the campus ministry, you know, there was always this thing where it's like we're coming in and we're inspiring and we're giving, biblical truths and we're creating these relationships with young people that it kind of has a, there's some limitation to that working in a school, Mhmm.
Speaker 2:You know? Yeah. Because the separation of church and state Yep. And and sharing your faith. But what you guys youth for Christ and there's some other people Yeah.
Speaker 2:Groups that really walk that line really, really well.
Speaker 3:Their life, like Campus Crusaders. I like they changed their name to something else. But crew, I think that's what they go by now. FCA. Yeah.
Speaker 3:You know, there's if the student chooses to go, it's okay. So that's the big thing is that, you know, when we first started, you know, my first couple of years, we go and we do the gym, we fill the gym, you know, but then as the model change, you know, it became more individual focused and small group focused. So then we'd be in a classroom and the kids can come in and they sacrifice their lunch with their peers to come in and be mentored and discipled and all of those things. But lunch really is short. School lunch is short.
Speaker 3:Mhmm. I mean, we're talking about
Speaker 2:And it seemed like they're getting shorter. Yeah. Yeah. It used to be an hour 45 minutes, 55 minutes. No.
Speaker 3:No. We're done by 35.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And it takes them 10 to 15 to get in and settle.
Speaker 2:Yeah. You got to
Speaker 3:feed them.
Speaker 2:Yeah. They got to go to a locker. They got to hang out to friends. Yeah. You know, they got to see what the the lush line really was.
Speaker 2:And then
Speaker 3:and you know what? You for Christ has a really, really legit model and how to do that well. And then you incorporate volunteering at games, volunteering in different areas at a school, being a present. So you're not just limited to that room. The big thing for me was that I was I feel like it in in the youth of Christ at the top of my game as far as what my job description required as, not as a fundraiser because I wasn't good at that.
Speaker 3:But, but as a mentor, as like a campus minister, things like that. I felt like there was so much more that we needed to be giving young people and put in front of them. And I wasn't seeing enough of it happening at the time. So I go and I talk to like different people at the school, the staff, and I'm just like, I don't have like, is it like a financial literacy thing here or anything for that? And it's, well, you know, they do assembly once a year or something and somebody may say something.
Speaker 3:But the kids play. Yeah, they have to
Speaker 2:start doing you would do youth for Christ during the day. And then in the evening time, youth minister at your church, you were you were you were basically adopting some of your mentees, I would say.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yes. I'm moving in at different different seasons.
Speaker 2:Different seasons.
Speaker 3:And, yeah, I had the youth church where where I was pastoring. And then also also we had the mentor project which is where I got the office at fact Yeah. With you Yeah. Which was really awesome because I got to sit, you know, I got the office with the officers and I got to see, you know, you you see different interactions to different leaders depending on who's in the room.
Speaker 2:Right. Right.
Speaker 3:Right. You know, the kids come in. They may come to me for one thing, but then they go to, like, child and they'd come to him with a different energy or a different approach, and he's gonna challenge them in a different way. And if we're all in a room, don't come in there acting like no bozo because, you know, by the time we all get a hold to you.
Speaker 2:That team mentoring approach. That's an episode like 67100. We can even talk about that
Speaker 3:as another another thing. That's a good collaboration conversation, but I want it to be able to create a hub for young people to to discover the every part of themselves. And so creating a space that provided mental health while providing, you know, motivation for for for your education and things like that. I mean, the kids not being, you know, that was a question I ask a lot. What do y'all do for 4 point o students?
Speaker 3:What what's out there for a kid? I mean, if if the school is known, then let's just say, okay, CPS. So let's just say, you know, we let's not just say this is fact. OKCPS has had a very bad rap over the past decade or more as far as being ranked. And and part of that has to do with testing and graduates and dropouts and things like that.
Speaker 3:Teachers quit and turnover. I think that a kid making straight A's in that environment should be celebrated. It should be a big deal if there's only 3 kids in a school of 800 that's making A's that should be celebrated. That's not it's obviously not the norm.
Speaker 2:Well, you know what? We you know, number none of us. Number 1 rule, but a top rule in mentoring is celebrate what you wanna see more of.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:Right. And it's funny how that works. Yeah. Funny. It doesn't matter what it is.
Speaker 2:If you make a big deal out of it, you know, you get more of it.
Speaker 3:You know what's unique about that? I remember when we were young growing up and some of the guys, like, in the neighborhood, you know, rough neighborhood fights all the time every day.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And I remember us, the young guys, you know, 13, 14, we would fight each other to impress the big guys. Right.
Speaker 2:Because they were still celebrating.
Speaker 3:They were celebrating. Oh, man. You got them. Oh, you knocked it.
Speaker 2:You get a lot of attention and all that stuff. Right.
Speaker 3:And Right. So it was never safe. It was never safe because if the big guys are out here and they're chilling and they're just out the corner or whatever and me and my friends on bikes, one of my friends might grab me and put me in a hairlock without me knowing what's go what's going on? What are you doing? You know?
Speaker 3:And he's trying to impress the big homie because they've shown so much affirmation.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You know, they've rewarded them with that, like, acceptance and that commute, you know, that encouragement. Right. Reminds me reminds me of this is a
Speaker 2:reminds me of and this is a a little while ago now, but, you know and I think they still do it. Fight in the bathroom. Mhmm. And somebody's recording it on their phone. Mhmm.
Speaker 2:And I see one of our kids in a bathroom fight.
Speaker 3:Yep.
Speaker 2:And in the bathroom fight, he knocks the dude out. I mean, he he he clearly, if this was a boxing match, won the fight. Yeah. Clearly. Yep.
Speaker 2:And it was oohs and ahs, and like you said, all the celebration and all that kind of stuff. Well, it was I probably knew about this video for a week before I sing, sing the kid. Yep. And soon as I mentioned it to him, hey, what's up with that bathroom fight, man? It's like it's like a viral thing around here.
Speaker 2:He, you know, his chin came up, and I go down. His chin went up like, oh, you saw that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I was like, you lost, dude. He said, no. You look at the wrong video. But you mean you mean with me? I didn't lose.
Speaker 2:And Lewis said, no. No. You lost. You lost. And then I started to talk about all the ills he talked because child saw the video.
Speaker 2:I saw the video. Marcus saw the video. We all seen the video. Every leader in the school saw the video, and none of us think more of you because of you because of what you did in that bathroom. Yep.
Speaker 2:You took a l. Yep. All the people that you, are trying to impress every single day on people that you say to care, the people you come to, to help you, that that navigate you, to give you advice and all that kind of stuff. Everything. Everything that they thought about you was the opposite.
Speaker 2:Just you just you just trashed it. Yeah. Not what you chose to do in that bathroom. Mhmm. Right.
Speaker 2:In his head now. Oh, so the people that are celebrating you in the bathroom are not the ones that are helping you reach the goals that you set for yourself. Right. Absolutely. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Right. So, yeah. So I just wanted to go really opposite of that celebration that he received from his homies and his friends and his and his peers. Yep.
Speaker 2:Because I want to see more of what we know he can be.
Speaker 3:Was he middle school or high school? You remember? I think
Speaker 2:he was probably middle school.
Speaker 3:Middle school. Middle school. So this is the funny thing about middle school. They care more about what their peers think than anything else in the world. And so when you come in as a mentor, a lot of middle schoolers aren't used to that type of tension.
Speaker 3:Mhmm. It's like a weird phase of their life where it's like I actually would get more pushback from a middle schooler, you know, sometimes especially that 7th to 8th grade.
Speaker 2:Oh, the tough.
Speaker 3:Yeah. They're one of the tough groups and it just like, I'm not a kid anymore, but I still need everything kids need. And I need, you know, and it's like, you want to, you know, so we have a big thing here. It's a big accountability thing, but to say, is anybody in here kid? No.
Speaker 3:What are your teenagers? Okay. If at any point I feel like I have to treat you like children, I'm going to ask you to leave. So if you if you want the claim of being older and not being a kid, then we shouldn't have to say don't run. We should and we just put it out there.
Speaker 3:So then we'll say, alright. I'm going in for my office. Be teens. Enjoy yourself. You know, all these things I hear is ready for you.
Speaker 3:You got your classes. You got your different stations you can go to, but we put a lot in their court. And then when we show up, you know, we show up. So it's like, okay. Alright.
Speaker 3:Let's shut it down. Alright. Hey. You know, I didn't sign up to babysit today, so we can actually shut we can shut down early today.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:What? You can't do that. You can do whatever I wanna do. Right. You can't do what you were doing.
Speaker 2:The hours have changed today.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Like, we could shut the whole thing down because Try tomorrow. We're not gonna babysit. Well, I thought we was gonna eat eat, food and then that's my food. I'm gonna eat it.
Speaker 3:Me and the staff are gonna eat and the volunteers. I think you guys don't deserve it.
Speaker 2:And it's funny how a group will self correct.
Speaker 3:Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:An entire group.
Speaker 3:Let me tell you something. We so we have a music studio here. Mhmm. You know, and the the unique thing about art, whether it's music or visual art, is that even a dance, they they like autonomy in it, you know, to be able to do something and not have you just standing there watching them. So one of the big rules is like, hey, you know, if we gotta watch you, you know, you're not ready.
Speaker 3:Mhmm. So you can't use these stations if you have to be watched because it's expensive equipment and all of these things. But I'm gonna trust you with it. So one day, group of 6th and 7th graders went in there. You know how it goes.
Speaker 3:A couple of fellows in there working on music. Girls come in. Girls come to the studio. Start showing now. They wanna rap loud.
Speaker 3:They wanna play. The girls wanna tell them they're not good. You know, all of that. And they start playing in a studio and somebody ends up because they're not even supposed to have drinks in there, but since the girls came in and they're not on the list even being there, one of them came in with water. They get the plan.
Speaker 3:They get water on the drum machine.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:The drum machine stops working. Mhmm. Oh, so not only did y'all break all the the the rules of being in a professional studio because here's the deal, You say you wanna be an artist. No one's gonna tolerate that. No record label.
Speaker 3:You wanna get signed and you got these super duper dreams and you wanna you hit that lottery, you'll lose it in overnight. You come in there playing and can't handle discipline. So I shut the studio down for everybody. Even the older kids were like, what did I do?
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:They don't know what you did is about what the group did collectively because my my issue wasn't about who did it. It was about who watched.
Speaker 2:Right. Who allowed it
Speaker 3:to have. Who allowed it. Nobody came and got us. Nobody said, hey, y'all. Hey.
Speaker 3:Don't bring your drink in here. Hey. Remember the rule. If you're not made working on music, you can't be in here. So this isn't a place to spectate.
Speaker 3:Like, y'all know all of
Speaker 2:this. Mhmm.
Speaker 3:But y'all sat down and had a good time, played around. Something got broke, which is why those studio rules is the only place we have rules really posted is the studio. Shut it down. I mean, I shut it down for, like, 2 months.
Speaker 2:It really is teaching, community a different way. Like, you don't need the police if we are correct before anything bad happens. Yeah. Absolutely. Right.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 3:And that no. That's true. If if if accountability was a was a premier, I guess, value in the community, a lot of things that we see happen wouldn't happen, you know, and they would beg. Is the studio open today? No.
Speaker 3:Not. And sometimes I go in there and be working on stuff and they looking in the window. Can I come in? No. No kid is going to be in here.
Speaker 3:Did you guys were kids that day? No kids. We good. We learned our lesson. I don't think you did because I think the fact that you're even asking to come back shows that you don't understand.
Speaker 3:Like, there's not always a second chance and that and I try to get them to see that. You don't always get a second chance. So now I'm sorry. I didn't mean no. If you break a law, you're gonna have to deal with what you did.
Speaker 3:They're not going, Oh, judge, I get it now. Yeah. You're going to get it. I don't think you really do, though.
Speaker 2:Right. You know what I would what I always tell tell not not just kids, but anybody is like, you get to make the decision. You get to make the choice.
Speaker 3:You get to choose.
Speaker 2:All of that is up to you. But the consequence is always up to someone else. Like, you do not get to choose the consequence. You don't
Speaker 3:get to choose. So, you know, I hear say a lot, but they talk about like on social media, too, is like, you know, you had freedom to say what you want, but you don't you don't get to choose that people respond. So you gotta be ready to deal with that. Yeah. They would blast out anything you say.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So we finally opened it back up at the top of the year. No problems. No problems at all. I mean, they will kick out somebody that comes in there.
Speaker 3:They will self and I mean, they lead that space. Why? Because there were 3 guys that all they wanted to do when they came here was work on music and that got took away from them.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And he's like, you're not messing this up for me because those girls, they like to do the art and they like to do the dance and all of that. They didn't It
Speaker 2:didn't hurt them. It didn't hurt them very much.
Speaker 3:They wasn't impacted at all. Mhmm. And so it was like, y'all got to do all your stuff, but I'm not gonna come in here and dance. So y'all took away my thing, you know, and that was the plan. So that, you know, when I meet with my team and my staff, there's always like some crazy, like strategy behind the madness.
Speaker 3:Whereas like, if they do this, this is how I need you guys to respond to that because this is going to teach them this.
Speaker 2:But, Marcus, there's a balance here. Yep. Yeah. And and and I was just talking to a parent about this yesterday, and I'm curious if you would what advice you would give them, see if we were on the same page here. Yep.
Speaker 2:So, lieutenant, I need your help. My my son has he just gone too far. I said, okay. Okay. What what happened?
Speaker 2:I'm I'm in this. And he said, I need you to do because you're a police officer, I need you to do the scare tactic. I need them scared. So I said, woah. Woah.
Speaker 2:Woah. She says, I know. I heard you don't do that. It's like, yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Well, you
Speaker 2:heard right. I don't do the scare tactic. I don't scare traumatize. I don't I don't I don't traumatize kids. You know, I don't do that.
Speaker 2:And so so but tell me what the issue is. Well, my 15 year old, about to turn 16, has found a credit card. As we were shopping yesterday, somebody dropped a credit card. I didn't see him pick it up, and he went on a shopping spree with this credit card online, got all kind of stuff. Oh my god.
Speaker 2:And I said, oh, boy. That's that's bad.
Speaker 3:That's bad.
Speaker 2:That's bad. I said, what did you what did you what did you do? What's the what has been the consequence thus far? He says, oh, well, let me tell you. I whooped him.
Speaker 2:And and then I think that's the last time he's pretty big, so I think that's the last time I'm gonna go that route. Yeah. But I whooped him, and and I put him on punishment till he's 18. I said, Oh, okay. What has what?
Speaker 2:Tell me something else. What has been the issue? All the other issues leading up to this point? None. I said, What do you mean none?
Speaker 2:No, no issues. So has he talked back? No. Has he stayed out too late? No.
Speaker 2:He always returned your phone calls. Yep. Cleans his room. Yep. Does the dishes?
Speaker 2:Yep. What about weed? Is he is he smoking weed or doing it like I said? Nope. Has he snuck a girl in?
Speaker 2:Nope. Has maybe he snuck some friends in or something like that? Nope. You've you've had no issue whatsoever. Yeah.
Speaker 2:She said, no. He's a great kid. That's why this that's why this thing is shocking. That's why I need your help before this gets out of hand. I said, okay.
Speaker 2:Well, there's gonna be a natural consequence for the credit card use. Right. So that's going to be probation. It's going to be police and all this kind of stuff that's going to come around. I'm going to advise you to the to not mess with that.
Speaker 2:Just let that let the natural occurrence of those things happen and make sure he makes every appearance and does all that community service, all that kind of stuff. Your your physical whooping. Yeah. That's a consequence. But I need you to take a look at this 2 year punishment that you that you're doing.
Speaker 2:So talk to me. How would you how would you deal with it? There's a balance.
Speaker 3:There is a balance. And I love I love that you ask these specific questions because that helps you really frame out what the move should be.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:Any time you walk up to me and say a kid stole the credit card and ordered a bunch of stuff, I'm like, oh, my gosh. But I'm like, wait a minute, Does he does he typically steal? Like, is this is this what he does? This is what If this is what he does Yeah. Then, yeah, we need to take a we need to take some extreme measures to you know, we don't want this joke in prison.
Speaker 3:You know? But is this a if this is a one off, you know? Yeah. He made a bad choice. He's not making a collection of bad choices.
Speaker 3:Then I think that one of the biggest things is you want to champion who they really are because they've done something out of character. So my biggest encouragement would would be even if she brought them to me is like, from what I understand, you're you're an upstanding young man. You seem to be smart and have self control and discipline. You seem to have focus. If you're doing well in school, you seem to be like on your way to being a successful man and then you do this super stupid thing and it doesn't fit in the character of who you actually are.
Speaker 3:So is there a reason you decided to be stupid when you've been smart for so long?
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And sometimes the way you ask a question to a kid Yeah. You know, it it can cause them to to look. You know, I really like the mirroring approach. So it's a play off of what I learned in marriage counseling when I do speaker, listener, you know?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:I don't like when you it made me feel bad when you didn't wash the dishes. Oh, so you felt bad because I didn't do the dishes right and then right there yeah it is like well it's not that you is that I ask you see because what happens is when you refrain something back to somebody they may realize that they're not communicating what they really try to say Mhmm. And so a lot of times I ask a question in a way that's gonna make them have to talk to me and tell me we're really going. So you made a dumb decision, didn't care about going to jail or anything just because you just was in the moment? Oh, well, well, I it wasn't that it was that.
Speaker 2:And did a stare at them. Yeah. Yeah. And did a stare at them.
Speaker 3:I'm like, that's
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:That's what you did. Yeah. And it's like, well, there's a little more to it. And then as we kind of work through that, it's like, okay, some did take there's something in there. There was a trigger of some sort for you to do something that was so out of character.
Speaker 2:You jerk the wheel. Yeah. Like what, what pothole did you see that made you jerk the wheel? Oh, it was that. You leave the road.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And the way I am, I just I wouldn't be able to get over it. I got to know what what would cause you to go off course in this way.
Speaker 2:Well, when I told her and I said, I need you to evaluate, I'm not saying I mean, you know, your kid, I don't know your kid. I'm going to evaluate this 2 year long punishment. Yeah. Okay. And she says, what are you talking about?
Speaker 2:I can't have this. I said, I know you I know you can't have this. We can't have this. I don't want this. No nobody wants this deal of credit cards and going on shopping sprees.
Speaker 2:Yeah. But at some point, we're going to send a message to the kid that he is a mistake, not he made a mistake.
Speaker 3:Yes. Also, you don't. I just had a conversation with a parent about this. Her daughter snuck out with a boy and fell asleep while she was out. Instead of sneaking back in, the sun comes up and here she come waddling in the house trying to act like she was in bed.
Speaker 3:Right. No, no, no. You stayed out too late. So one of the conversations with the mom was, okay, What what's all going on? Just tell me what's surrounding this situation.
Speaker 3:What this is just I don't know that, you know. So I'm talking to the daughter. I'm going I mean, I'm not letting off this girl. I mean, I'm just like, because, you know, that first of all, that's just really risky. You know, we live in we live in a world where, you know, young girls are being trafficked.
Speaker 3:So you just can't. Terrible, terrible feeling. If you
Speaker 2:and you and you have a doctor. So
Speaker 3:Yeah. I got
Speaker 2:3 dogs. Yes. Terrible. Terrible
Speaker 3:feeling. Crawling out the window in the middle of the night. Yeah. Like, are you you know, so one of the things that, like I say, the mirroring, you know, so I'm talking to her and I'm like, so I say, what were you thinking? I wasn't.
Speaker 3:You wasn't thinking. Then how'd you end up with the boy? It sound like a thought. So you telling me that you, like, close your eyes and woke up and you were hanging out with a guy?
Speaker 2:Who gave you the thought? Where the thought come from?
Speaker 3:How'd you know where he was? How'd you reach him? So there's thoughts.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So there's a
Speaker 2:lot of decisions.
Speaker 3:And I mean, by the end of that, she was bawling because she just like, this is joker won't leave me alone. And I'm I'm really just like, what are you? Because it all comes down to worth and value and self worth and self value. And with parents, we value our kids so much that even if they can't see it, you know, we try to discipline into their value. Mhmm.
Speaker 3:And so we lean heavy on the punishment when they do something that is what we consider devaluing. Right?
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:Instead of teaching, hey, this is your real value. You've done something that would cause you to be, to, to have that. You know what I mean?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And then we, we have to encourage them back into where they need to be, you know, and let them auto correct themselves because of who they are and, and you reaffirm that worth. So I go to the parent. I look at the parent. I talked to the daughter. So one thing I discovered, the girl didn't get a lot of trouble because she couldn't do anything.
Speaker 3:So she said, I never get to go I never get to go to parties. I don't go to birthday parties. I don't get to do that. I don't get to my friends are going to the movies. I don't get to go to the movies.
Speaker 3:I wanna have sleepovers. I can't go to sleepovers, and my mom won't let me have sleep. So
Speaker 2:she creating a really bad cycle. Yeah. And here's the cycle, is my parents don't believe I can make good decisions. And then when I finally decide to make a decision, it's a bad decision, and I'm in trouble, and it gets worse. And so I'm the dump I am the dummy.
Speaker 2:I am a mistake. I ain't worth crap.
Speaker 3:Yep. Without mama's protection, I'm going to ruin my life. And but that young man, one thing I would wanna know is how much freedom does he have? Because that was a moment of freedom that he took. He took a freedom.
Speaker 3:He took the wrong freedom, but he took a freedom. Why did he feel like that freedom was worth it? So what is he not able to do and participate in and be a part of because you're fear based parenting. You don't want your son to be a failure. So you put all these boundaries around him and then he never gets to make a mistake.
Speaker 3:He never gets to because I'm a I'm a tell you this. You're gonna deal with when you kind of mentoring when a parent brings a kid. Mhmm. Well, first of all, usually when a parent brings a kid, it's usually pretty good kids.
Speaker 2:Usually good.
Speaker 3:Usually good kid. They usually pretty decent kids. But so the two things I've noticed is that either it's a parent that's afraid because they've done so good and they put everything around a kid and they're still doing these things and it's like, doesn't make sense.
Speaker 2:Well, the well, the kid gets so around teenager, the kid gets pushy. Yeah. They start pushing back against the boundary and the and the and the parent can feel I'm losing my grip.
Speaker 3:I'm losing my grip and they keep trying to add boundaries and really they need to take some down Yeah. And let them But the other thing is you're gonna deal with that total opposite. These are the kids who have too much freedom, who parents are inattentive, are neglectful. And I know, you know, more than anything, you have a kid walking in with no socks on in the summer and it's like, yo, why aren't you wearing socks your feet are sweaty in the winter
Speaker 2:yeah yeah or just completely inappropriate
Speaker 3:we had a kid 11 years old you know harsh harsh bitter cold walking home from from the center and I'm like that doesn't make any sense You know, where's your coat? I'm a coat. I gave it to my little brother. You know, I'm okay. No, you're not.
Speaker 3:I'm not okay. And I'm in the car with the heat.
Speaker 2:Nobody's watching. Nobody's paying attention.
Speaker 3:So they're coming from different ends of the spectrum. But every once in a while, they behavior syncs up. So the insulated kid does something bizarre like steal a credit card or sneak out the house, but the undisciplined kid may do something or not undisciplined, but I say I I like saying neglected. The parents attention just either they work too much or they may deal with addiction or just not present, you know, incarcerated, parents, just different things like that. It causes them to have this freedom that's too much and then they do something pretty bizarre and the behavior looks the same.
Speaker 3:The difference is how they come to me. Mhmm. So so a teacher may call me about this kid. We tried to call the parent. We can't get, you know, but this one, the parent pulls up in the car.
Speaker 3:Nice car. Go to work every day. Nurse clothes. You know? Single parent.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Jesus. Hey. This boy. Boom.
Speaker 3:Boom. Boom. Boom. And it's like, And with that kid, I'm usually like, you seem to have a pretty nice life. So why are you trying to jeopardize that?
Speaker 3:Like, you know, but then with the other kid, it's kinda like, I can tell, hey, you know, you live in some circumstances that you didn't ask for. You know, you were born, you had no control over who your parents would be, where they live, how they raise you, how much money they would have, what choices they would make. And you're living in that world that was built by the adults that's responsible for you and you're trying
Speaker 2:to make your way. So one kid, one kid, and I'm gonna I'm gonna kinda highlight what you're doing at brilliant. As one kid, you you're really gonna have to highlight possibilities. I can't do about where you come from and what you experience, but we can start looking in the future about what the possibilities are for you are ahead.
Speaker 3:Yep.
Speaker 2:The other kid is, man, you have you're missing opportunities.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right? So we gotta highlight the opportunities you're missing by being in in a a good environment. Yeah. Right? So we always gotta be aware of opportunities and possibilities when we when we when we're when we're evaluating what we're gonna do with our mentorship.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. Absolutely. And one thing I've learned is that at the end of the day, no matter who the kid is, it's always going to come back to the court at house, that household. Mhmm. Every time it has never failed.
Speaker 3:Talking to a young girl yesterday and she's one of the most I'd say she requires the most attention out of out of our young girls that come here.
Speaker 2:And demands it.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Demands it. Even if it's she just gonna stand like if me and you're talking in the hallway, she's just gonna come and stand and look at us and it's just like go, you know, go over there, you know, but finally get to sit and we get to talk and it's all surface at first. And it's just like, yeah, I don't like this school because it is. I don't like these teachers and some girl try to fight me in school and it's what, you know, and it's just conversation and I'm just walking her through it, walking her through it.
Speaker 3:Oh, okay. So why do you feel like you have to defend your name? Like, where does that come from? Yeah. Well, I can't let people disrespect me.
Speaker 3:Well, why do people have that power? You know, like, you choose how you, you know, your respect. You know, it's not their decision. Yeah. Your value isn't in their hands.
Speaker 3:Who whose value, you know? So and then we keep digging and digging into your fighting at school, your cousin out to you and it's this thing of value. And then your boy crazy on top of that. So every time we see you running, chasing some boy now, all of that. Well, by the end of that, she's telling me my dad went to jail for molesting me.
Speaker 3:Okay. Now we're mentoring. Yeah. We finally got there. Right?
Speaker 3:Took about an hour. Yeah. And just like with the girl who snuck out the window, her grandmother had passed. There's always some hurt. There's something there.
Speaker 3:There's a trauma, a grief, something significant that has taken place and they're trying to find ways to.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So it's typically the question that you're out because you're really, really good at asking questions, staying engaged in a conversation with youth. And and I would say even in the older youth, you're really good at that. And it's probably why you have a therapist here on-site all the time because when you finally get there, you want you want to be able
Speaker 3:to get
Speaker 2:next step ready next step ready. Yeah. But the but the the the thing you're really good at is is understanding that although you did this thing and I'm not coming at it from the question of what's wrong with you. Yep. I'm coming into it.
Speaker 2:What happened to you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's a it's a different approach in the way you have the conversation is that although they did something says, man, you are.
Speaker 2:That is what is wrong with your thinking. That is what you're that's kind of what you feel like. That's so stupid on the surface. Yeah. You know?
Speaker 2:But instead of coming and finding out what's wrong with them, we're coming at their approach is what happened to them.
Speaker 3:What happened? Because in these kids hear it a lot. My team hears it a lot. You know, what happened to you doesn't define you unless you allow it.
Speaker 2:Boom. Tweak that.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So I'm talking to this young lady and I'm saying that happened to you, but that's not who you are. You're letting a man who had who who who is a pervert tell you who you are.
Speaker 2:But find it.
Speaker 3:He and that's not who you are.
Speaker 2:Alright.
Speaker 3:That was his view of you, and his view was wrong, which is why he got in trouble, which is why she had to go to foster care and go through some things. Their family went through a lot of about a 2 year span. You know? And not only that, he was in your life. He was supposed to be protecting you and making sure that nobody was able to get to you.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 3:And that has caused you to believe some things that just aren't true. And so, then I was able to affirm and say, but I don't view you that way. I view you as a young lady with so much potential that can just go move in the world. You're gonna heal. You're gonna get better.
Speaker 2:But that's his failure. Don't let someone else's failure dictate your success.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. Yeah. And with the girl with sneaking out the house. Yeah. Same conversation.
Speaker 3:The more we got down to it, she was she's been grieving. Yeah. She's been grieving her grandmother. Her grandmother passed away. And I say, well, what was so significant about that relationship?
Speaker 3:So here's the thing that was happening to that girl that finally came out. She's been flocking school for like, the last year and a half, which a lot of kids have been struggling
Speaker 2:with pretend every after the pandemic. Yeah.
Speaker 3:That post pandemic. Those great has been tough.
Speaker 2:It's been tough.
Speaker 3:And so the thing is her grandma, her grandmother passed and she said she was the one that always would greet me as, hey, this is my hey, there's my little genius. There's my smart girl. How those grades? And I say, why does she do that? Because she cared about me.
Speaker 3:I said, do you think she really believed that you had that potential? She said, yeah, And she gave me money, candy, take me out to lunch when I bring a report card with a on it, things like that. So I said, well, why aren't you still doing that? And she say, well, because she's not. I say, she's not here.
Speaker 3:But her main focus was your success. How are you honoring your grandmother right now in the legacy that she tried to leave with you? She's doing all that to plant that seed in you because she she was never gonna be here the entire time of your life. She's trying to plant that legacy seed in you. How are you honoring it now?
Speaker 3:How are you honoring her name and what she stood for, what she expected? And really, it's like she saw what you were really capable of. She passed away and you stopped seeing what she saw because when she saw it, it would tell you you performed.
Speaker 2:You must have been on the good road on the right. Yes. We headed the right direction.
Speaker 3:And you were hitting the bar. Right. Because you went to the lunches.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You got the dot the $5 bills. You got all of that. So you were hitting the bar. She passes away. You stop hitting the bar.
Speaker 3:Yeah. She wasn't making you succeed. She was just telling you who you really were.
Speaker 2:You were doing the work.
Speaker 3:Don't stop being who you really are because the person who keeps telling you that ain't there. And, I mean, in that conversation, it was like the light turned on. Yeah. And and
Speaker 2:and the thing about and the thing about mentoring, and if you've been doing it as long as I have, the cool thing about mentoring is it's showing up. It it showing up usually. But what happens when you show up Yeah. Is the kids, when they grow up, they come back and tell you what you said. Oh, yeah.
Speaker 3:Oh, right. They will.
Speaker 2:You showed up these 2 two things that, yeah, you showed up at this particular time at this particular place, which was important because if you didn't show up, you couldn't have said the thing you said. Yeah. That caused me to do what it did. Yeah. Right.
Speaker 2:And so I say I say to in, new mentoring relationships, I might say this in in the car. I might say this one on 1, and I might illustrate it differently. But basically what I'm saying is just like when we talk. I'm gonna draw a line in the saying every once in a while and say, check this. And and what I mean is I want you to lean in to what I'm saying, because if you miss what I'm saying, you might miss the very thing that changes the whole trajectory of your life.
Speaker 2:Now if you lean in and I say something that doesn't change the trajectory of your life, so what? All you did was just listen. Right. But what if you're not leaning in and you don't listen and you miss that thing?
Speaker 3:It's a nugget.
Speaker 2:You miss the thing Yep. That could have changed the whole trajectory of your life. Absolutely. Because everybody that got to a pivot point, everybody that made transformation in their life, they point to the scripture or the word. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, the other thing somebody when they said that. Yep. Changed everything. When I heard that changed everything. And I want you to be the kind of person that is looking for transformation.
Speaker 2:I myself am searching for the next level transformation. So when somebody when I am in the presence of speaking and words and an activity, I want to lean in because I never know when I'm going to experience the thing. That takes me there.
Speaker 3:Absolutely right.
Speaker 2:I want you to be that kind of person and you are forever saying words, doing things that change changes the trajectory of people's life. And I wanna ask you one more thing Yep. Before before we go. You you are phenomenal at at hard truths. Like, you are phenomenal at telling a kid, like, you're great, but this this thing that you're trying to do is probably not what you're going to be great at or this.
Speaker 2:How do we we as mentors never want to be the person to kill a dream.
Speaker 3:Right. We
Speaker 2:don't want to be that voice that motivates them the wrong way. Right? Yeah. But at the same time, I don't want to be the voice that enables wrong direction. And I really have struggled with hard truths in mentoring.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Give us a nugget on how you deal with this, man. I'm a be an NBA star. You never have a basketball, bro?
Speaker 3:I never see you play basketball.
Speaker 2:You're and you're and you're 5 foot 4.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And ball is not life.
Speaker 2:And ball is not life for you. Yeah. Right. Like, you're you're you're playing video games. You're doing all this kind of stuff.
Speaker 2:And I ask you what you wanna be, and you're like, I'm gonna be Steph Curry. You're not. I mean, I mean, I'm been suspicious for it.
Speaker 3:Raised by Dale Curry. Yeah. You know what I mean? So it's like he's sitting under one of the best 3 point shooters every day eating breakfast.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Like, you know, I kinda look at at at 2 different things, but one of the main thing that I really look at in those conversations, number 1, I don't like cop out answers. So what do you wanna be? Football. Try again. Try again.
Speaker 3:Nice try. Think about it. What do you wanna be? Where do you wanna go? I mean, I do like football.
Speaker 3:Okay. That's cool and all. I'm not acknowledging that. And I and, you know, and I tell people all the time, the more genuine you can be with young people, especially teenagers, they wanna be taught to on a on a real level. So whenever you go into this kinda like baby talk with kids, oh, that's so sweet.
Speaker 3:That's really nice. You're not helping them.
Speaker 2:Not helping them.
Speaker 3:And they don't feel affirmed. Teenagers want their autonomy. They want control. They want their power. They're growing up.
Speaker 3:They're becoming adults. We're telling them when they turn 18, they gotta go and have a life. And here they are 16, and you're saying, oh, you wanna be a NASCAR driver. That should be nice. Do you know how to drive?
Speaker 3:You're not even driving? What type of engine do most NASCAR, cars have?
Speaker 2:Who's your favorite driver?
Speaker 3:Who's your favorite driver? Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know?
Speaker 3:Have you been to a race?
Speaker 2:Yeah. What's his history? What's his background? What do you know?
Speaker 3:Oh, so you watched the movie. They were racing in the movie, and you decide I'm a do that one day.
Speaker 2:That's cool.
Speaker 3:That's cool. I said I watch Batman, and every every time I may have a dream that I'm in the suit going around fighting crime. That's incredible. But let's be practical. Right?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And let's be real. And I'm gonna dream with you, but we're not gonna we're not gonna make fake dreams. So let's just go with the the most common one that you're really not supposed to tell kids they can't do, which is either sports or music. I know it's not a 2.
Speaker 2:You don't take that away from them. But but
Speaker 3:Okay. So the first thing I tell them is that you can't go to the NFL without playing in high school and going and playing in college. You can't play in college without a major. If you get hurt, you get sick. If something happens, if you don't get drafted, whatever you choose for that major, dash your life.
Speaker 3:You're more than likely just by statistics gonna be doing whatever you chose for that major and not play a football or basketball. What major would you choose? Because that's a really important decision.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:If you choose something stupid because you think it's a blow off because you're about to go pro and then you you tear your ACL, You're stuck with this job.
Speaker 2:Some people say that's a backup. You're telling people, you're telling kids to have a backup plan. And I've heard a lot of successful people say, I don't have a plan B.
Speaker 3:Those guys, that's cool because you already in that position. Nine times out of 10, that position where they're able to say that is their plan b.
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:Because as kids, our plan a is always something that is kind of through the roof until we begin to understand how things work. So I tell them that making it to the NFL is their plan b. That's the thing that's unlikely to happen, but if it did incredible, but you know what you can certainly do, get your degree, get this career. So no matter what happens in football, you're straight, your family will be straight, and you can still live, incredible life. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Plan a is whatever you choose. If you get into a school, if sports get you into a school, plan a is to maximize the free education. Mhmm. If you're that good to where they they you get to commit and choose a school, the free education is the goal. Now, let's back up even further though.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You gotta get to that level. So one thing I do is I always take them on a road of what are you already doing.
Speaker 2:So That's where I was hoping you go to.
Speaker 3:Yes. So Yep. You wanna be the next LeBron James. Okay? By this time, LeBron James was already on AAU team.
Speaker 3:He already was he was already dunking in 9th grade. He was already so
Speaker 2:His work ethic was already
Speaker 3:He's already dribbling the ball down the street to the community center and, you know
Speaker 2:His fellow was was A basketball. Was a basketball player.
Speaker 3:Tell me about your relationship with with basketball. How often do you play? Like, once a week or so. Okay. Not a lot for the next LeBron James.
Speaker 3:I don't have a lot faith in that. What position? You'd be surprised how many kids don't have a position. So, here you are 17 because to be LeBron, you gotta go d one. Mhmm.
Speaker 3:You're not even playing for your school or you're not even starting. That doesn't mean that you can't. But then I begin to tell them what it's gonna cost. Is that your real dream? Now, you sure?
Speaker 3:Okay. So this is what I'm gonna need to see from you. I need you up at 5:30 every day. Yep. Getting up, working out, running.
Speaker 3:Running like that. I need you on that court, given everything you got. You need to join the team. You need to play. I don't care how much you don't like coaches.
Speaker 3:Are you say, I'm doing quotations. They don't like me. Right? Because that's one of the then I will play football, but the coaches don't like me. No.
Speaker 3:Coaches love anybody. They got that that that To show up. If you know how to sling that rock, there's no way a coach is like, I don't like this quarterback. Yep. They may say we gonna work with your attitude, but they gonna get you on that team.
Speaker 3:Yep. So we go walk that. And then I asked them, are you willing to do that? And sometimes the kids say, yeah. So you're gonna start tomorrow?
Speaker 2:Oh, I
Speaker 3:want you to text me at 5:30 when you get up.
Speaker 2:Hey, man. That's that's the same process. That's the same process. We have the same process.
Speaker 3:I wanna see if you for real.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3:That text don't come through. I'm a text them. Yeah. I see you not up. So let when we talk today, we're gonna talk about what you really wanna do.
Speaker 3:Mhmm. Because there's no way, if that's your real dream, that you would let an opportunity pass. And I tell him things like that. I do everything in my power to get you a sit down with an NBA player.
Speaker 2:We've we've done it. Like, we've gotten don't even have to go NBA. Like, I remember remember my my buddy, Josh Young.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah. He's here in
Speaker 2:the summer. He flees a he's like the Steph Curry of if in in Europe. Yeah. Yeah. He's got the new shot.
Speaker 2:It's crazy. And he he's crazy. And so I got it. Hey. You wanna be I got something.
Speaker 2:I said, Josh, what time do you what time do you do your first workout? What time do you do your first workout? He says, oh, I'm on the weights at 5 AM. So I get up about 3:30, you know, about 3:34, and I'm at the gym at 5. Yep.
Speaker 2:Said, can you pick up homeboy? Yeah. I would love to. Homeboy, the homeboy's not ready. Yep.
Speaker 2:Homeboy made, but did have one kid did made the first workout. Yeah. The next day? Yeah. Nowhere to be found.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 3:I don't want to be found. Oh, but it's the cop out. It's easy. Yeah. Because the reality is a lot of young people haven't had the I wanna say opportune let's say opportunity.
Speaker 3:I don't believe that a lot of young people have had the opportunity to really self discover and know who they really are. So they just go after what they've seen be successful and they just grab it. Look what can I do? I like football. I play I'm a play football.
Speaker 3:Okay. What are you good at?
Speaker 2:I've been pretty
Speaker 3:good at football.
Speaker 2:Yeah. What
Speaker 3:are you really good at? Yeah.
Speaker 2:And we even had a kid, Marcus, say, you know, I'm gonna be a dental hygienist. Wow. Yeah. That's different. Yeah.
Speaker 2:But I've been watching this kid. You know? And I yeah. I've been watching this kid. So I just ask her, like, so you don't you don't mind putting your hand in other people's mouth?
Speaker 2:Wait a minute. Do you just did you again, that was a cop out thing. Something that you thought would back me off. Right? They they would say, good.
Speaker 2:Great.
Speaker 3:Go for it. Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's my big It's a good thing. And I was like Yep. Let's just talk this out. Like, you deal with spit and blood and, you know, this kind of thing. Needles.
Speaker 2:Needles. You know, like I said, no. I can't mm-mm. No. Veterinarian, like, you only like dogs and cats.
Speaker 3:You swabbing dog tail. Yeah.
Speaker 2:You only like dogs and cats. What about
Speaker 3:all the other animals? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Every time we take our dog to the vet, they have to stick something in the dog bottom. Right. Every time. And that's what they do all day.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:Is test feces. Like,
Speaker 2:you're you're really the the message to the mentors out there. You can do this. Right? But, you you know, we don't wanna kill dreams, but we wanna see that every once in a while, a kid does step up and show up at 5 o'clock in the morning. Every once in a while, they they go, if you put me in the space, if I just get the opportunity, I'm going dry.
Speaker 2:And so we we do. We like we we have to challenge ourselves, right, to see if this is a real thing that they want to do. Right. You don't have to
Speaker 3:be a dream killer.
Speaker 2:No. You don't have to be a dream killer. You just have to tell the truth and be authentic. You know, and me and you, we've had conversations as men. You're like, are you really going to do that?
Speaker 2:Yep. Like, are you really gonna do shit? Like, I yeah. I was like, if you if that's what you're gonna do, how can I how can I help you? I'm not gonna get in the way, but
Speaker 3:I always fun. No. No. It's not always fun. It's not always like, oh, this is great.
Speaker 3:Let's share, like, snow cones and talk about the future. Like, that's a serious conversation. And what we'll learn about teams is that they don't know a lot about what's out there. And so they reach for something based off who they know are something they've seen that they feel like I that's like, that dude's living right. He got money.
Speaker 3:What does he do? Dental hygienist? I'm a do that. That's it. Did he do teeth stuff?
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm because sometimes finding what what what you wanna be is eliminating the things you know you don't want to be.
Speaker 3:Yes. Right.
Speaker 2:And you just kind of help walk them through that. Right. And that's okay. You want to be an NBA player? Let's find out what an NBA player wants to what they do.
Speaker 2:And then you find out that's not what that ain't it. And that's it. And so as a mentor keeps showing up and to find out, let's just start taking some things off the list so we can find out what it is you are supposed to be doing and being in the way you're supposed to be giving your gifts and talents to the world.
Speaker 3:That's incredible the way that you said that, because I always talk to my team and other individuals about not backing down off of things. Mentorship is a marathon. It is not, I met up with a kid, we talked about his future, we ate cheeseburgers and then I'll see him again in 6 months or 3 months or whatever. Mentorship is a marathon where you're consistently showing up. The conversation about their future doesn't have to be handled in one day.
Speaker 3:It's a journey. So as we continue to walk and talk and walk and talk and walk, one one of the kids I used to mentor, we literally would take walks about 2 times a week because I was trying to get in better condition, and he just needed some, a a a male figure to walk and talk with.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So we walked in. I'm just asking questions and walking. Yeah. Just walk, talk, walk, talk. That was it.
Speaker 3:Just talking. And what happens is those walks and those talks become more and more personal. The information becomes more and more, I guess when you could say is, confidential. Yeah. I don't know.
Speaker 3:I don't really want to say this, but you know, my dad did this when I was 7 and that's why my mom kicked him out and that it is starts to get real. Yep. But it takes time. And I like to there's there's one thing I like to do because mentor and you got coaching, you got, like, pastor in, you got, like, therapy. And all of those people, a lot of times in mentors, you can be all of them, but you have to change hats.
Speaker 3:Mhmm. So sometimes you need to be therapy. And what is that? Just talk to me what happened. Let put the
Speaker 2:steam off. Yeah.
Speaker 3:I'm so sorry that happened, man. That's not it's not a time to teach. It's not a time to give some principle. If you go give a biblical truth, it's just like, hey, you know, all things work for the good for the nose. You know what I mean?
Speaker 3:Like, but sometimes it's like I need to pastor this situation. It's like, you know what, man? Let's can we pray about that? You know, because that's this is a thing where I feel like, you know, you're gonna we don't wanna lean on, you know, let's lean on God on this one. Let's see.
Speaker 3:Let's see what God did. Then there's a time where you just oh, mentor level, you know, you have to decide what hat is necessary for each conversation. Sometimes a kid, I had a kid.
Speaker 2:That's next level stuff though, man. That is next level mentoring. You're talking like you're into the master mentor.
Speaker 3:But here's the deal. Everybody has that in them.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You know, it's just that we have to get a get away from ourselves a little bit or the lies we tell ourselves about what we can accomplish to do. You wanna mentor a young person? You know, the best mentors are a blend of minister, therapist, coach. Wow. The minister to therapist to coach.
Speaker 3:And at any moment you gotta be a mentor, a minister, a therapist or a coach. Mentoring to me is coaching. When I put on a coach hat, I'm a tell you, I'm a tell you if you swing in the baseball bat wrong.
Speaker 2:And put them in a place to be successful. Yeah. I'm coaching now. Yeah. Coaching.
Speaker 3:I can't play the game for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And we're trying them in different spots all over the field.
Speaker 3:All over the field. Let's try this. Let's move here. Let's but I'm also saying you're better than that. So sometimes a kid come in, hey, this just happened.
Speaker 3:I got suspended. Now that's when we hear with the kids we got down the street. Mhmm. I got suspended is a once a week, we get a kid come in. I got suspended.
Speaker 3:Alright. Which hat we putting on? So first, tell me why. Well, I got suspended because I was fighting in the cafeteria. Okay.
Speaker 3:Let's go. Let's let's put on the coach hat real quick. So who lost? And like you say, well, I I they didn't hear me. No.
Speaker 3:No. No. No. No. I'm talking about at the end of it.
Speaker 3:So fights over, whoever won the fight, whatever, who lost? Well, I don't have to go to school. Who needs school? What do you mean? What are schools built for?
Speaker 3:Educating kids? Why do you need that? Would it be great in life? And they just kicked you out of there? Yeah.
Speaker 3:Who lost? You're not being educated where everybody else still in the building learning.
Speaker 2:Man, you you highlight. Okay. So I gotta yeah. I gotta end. But but I we gotta end because but there's step 2, step 3, step 4.
Speaker 2:We gotta have more conversation. So let's let's make this commitment to the You Can Mentor podcast. Let's never again talk about mentoring strategy without recording it because we. Yes. That's a lot
Speaker 3:of work.
Speaker 2:So here's the thing about the what you just said. The idea of the remember, the memory is a kid saying, get and spend it because he got in trouble with the teacher. Yep. And can't stand this teacher. And this teacher is always trying to get me in trouble and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2:It's always conflict with this teacher. And not that I agree with a lot of the stuff the way that the classroom behavior or the classroom strategy that this teacher had. Yep. Right. But they are the teacher.
Speaker 2:Yep. And so I had to say, you know, I agree with you that the teacher is wrong and all that kind of stuff, but you right right now, you're the one not at school. And if you should happen to be so frustrating to this teacher and they decide to not come to school that day, they're getting paid for it because they have vacation time and they bring in a substitute and all that kind of stuff. There's no substitute you to go in and get the information and bring it back to you. Yep.
Speaker 2:You're losing. Yep. You're not hurting that teacher. They get paid. You you not showing up didn't shut the school down.
Speaker 2:You didn't you didn't cause a snow day for everybody. Right? Yeah. It's true. You're the only one not getting whatever it is they're giving out for free.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. In high school dropouts, they don't go to NBA. Yeah. Yeah. There's no high school dropouts in
Speaker 2:the NBA. How does this how does this suspension connect to what we said we were going to be doing with your life?
Speaker 3:Yep. We are. Of course.
Speaker 2:Let's connect this this moment. So now we gotta figure out how to use this moment and reconnect it to the awesome plans that you said you wanted to do for your life coaching. So let's do this. Yeah. So next time I want you to talk about incentives because you do this chase for A's.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:I want to talk about incentives. And then and then and then I also want you to dove into how you talk to kids about the activities that they do that does that that either supports their success or feeds their failure. And here's what here's what I'm thinking about. I'm thinking of a story of a time you and I sit down with a young man who you were supporting, who I was supporting. We were kind of mentoring him for a time.
Speaker 3:Yep.
Speaker 2:And he was involved in some high risk behavior, a lot of high risk behavior. And he said, look, I'm in a tough spot. He he he we sat down to lunch. We sat down to Waffle House. Waffle House.
Speaker 2:We sat at Waffle House, and we said, hey. I'm in a tough spot. I'm telling y'all this is this is how good I've been doing. This is how great I've been doing, and I just got to this really tough spot, and it's decision time. And I need you guys' support.
Speaker 2:Yep. And he was asking for money right then. Yes. I need I need to I need to pay this bill. Yep.
Speaker 2:You guys are capable of doing it because you guys have been supporting me and helping me and all this kinda stuff. Great. But if y'all don't help me, I gotta do what I gotta do. And we're like, what what you mean you gotta do?
Speaker 3:What y'all know what
Speaker 2:I do? Y'all know what I do. Well, you
Speaker 3:know what?
Speaker 2:You know how I can get I can get this money.
Speaker 3:I can get it.
Speaker 2:I can get this money. Yep. And if
Speaker 3:y'all help me officer and a and a pastor.
Speaker 2:Yeah. He's the football police officer and a pastor. I can get this money, and I can do it the way I do it. But but if y'all help me, I ain't gotta go do it what I gotta do. And you stopped him, and you said, wait a minute.
Speaker 2:Did you just threaten me with your own failure? Did you just threaten me with your own failure? So, anyway, you have little tricks, the way of doing that Yeah. And it just rebounds. The mirror.
Speaker 2:That's the mirror. Yeah. Yeah. That tell me what I just heard was that you're going to decide to go backwards Yeah. And threaten me with your Yeah.
Speaker 2:With your life. So you going backwards is gonna hurt hurt me and lieutenant cubit. How? Yeah. Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Right. I see. That's so good. Yeah.
Speaker 3:I just feel like a baby. You know? I mean, I I I'm I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:Yeah. You were in that spot when we met. Yeah. And I don't mind meeting you there again.
Speaker 3:Right?
Speaker 2:Yeah. Well, we can do this all over again.
Speaker 3:Yeah. We're not going to threaten. If you all don't help me, this is no. I think if we don't help you, we just don't help you. I think that at the end of the day, your life is in your control.
Speaker 3:And every young person needs to know that, and every young person needs an opportunity to put that into action. So even for parents listening, they need an opportunity to be the leader you swear that they are, to be the good kid without your boundary. See what really in them.
Speaker 2:Let them go.
Speaker 3:Let them go and see what and you know what? If you see them and they hop out the nest and they flutter in like they go, then step you know, do what you gotta do. Be a parent.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:But don't assume that this kid is all bad or all good when you've been standing there the entire time.
Speaker 2:Oh, man.
Speaker 3:And we use that for every type of kid that come through the door. That's the
Speaker 2:deal. Yeah.
Speaker 3:I'm gonna let you act your age for real. That's so good.
Speaker 2:Marcus, man, I appreciate your time. We'll be back, here. How do we contact you and how do we how do we support the what you're doing here?
Speaker 3:Shoot me an email, marcus@urbanbridge.org. Every day you need to know, just email me there. Or you just go to urbanbridge.org, and read about, you know, the work we're doing here.
Speaker 2:We'll put it in the show notes. Absolutely. Alright. So you've heard it all from the master mentor, Marcus Jackson. And let me remind you, you can't mentor.