The ADHD Identity and Attachment on the Internet

Navigating ADHD, the internet, and identity. Jonathan Murphy, PMHNP-BC, steps back from the medication optimization material to address the broader context patients are navigating — the cultural moment where ADHD became an online identity, the attachment system dynamics underneath identity-driven engagement with mental health content, and what actually helps versus what makes things worse.

This episode covers:

• Why the clinical experience of an adult ADHD specialist is rare and what that means for the public conversation
• The early ADHD internet creators and the TED Talk that helped turn ADHD into an identity rather than a diagnosis
• The difference between being diagnosed in childhood or adolescence and being diagnosed as a late-discovery adult
• Why a psychiatric diagnosis cannot be an identity even when the internet treats it as one
• The structural problem with online tribes forming around psychiatric diagnoses
• Why the goal of ADHD treatment is to not be defined by ADHD
• Why the internet itself is structured around money and data, not patient wellbeing
• The attachment system as a relic of childhood that shapes adult online behavior
• Parental congruence in early childhood and the long-term consequences of incongruent validation
• Why children cannot self-regulate and what validation actually accomplishes developmentally
• The connection between unhealed childhood emotional dysregulation and adult online identity dependency
• Why connecting on the internet from a lonely place creates problems rather than solutions
• The reframe back to clinical optimization: predictable repeatable behaviors and patterns
• Why advertising and marketing psychology demystify the myth of talent
• How consistency and repetition produce results that look like talent from the outside

This is the sixth episode of Actually ADHD. Earlier episodes covered the optimization blueprint, the medication walkthrough, the Goldilocks Zone framework, the seven reasons medication fails, and the prescriber-patient dynamic. The book The Process: An Adult's Guide to ADHD Medication is available on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0H2Z6PM4T

Find the YouTube channel Focus Path | PMHNP-BC for the full clinical education catalog.

For educational purposes only. Not medical advice. Consult your own provider for clinical decisions.

What is Actually ADHD | Medication Strategies & Clinical Wisdom?

Adult ADHD from the board-certified PMHNP behind the YouTube channel Focus Path and the book The Process. Clinical perspective on medication, frameworks, and the conversations the internet hasn't been having.

This is Actually ADHD.

I'm your host, Jonathan Murphy,
psychiatric nurse practitioner

Coming at you

Courtesy of the Focus
Path YouTube channel.

Today I'm gonna talk about
something a little differently

as the podcast continues.

Much of the medication content,
educational informational content

regarding medication is found
in my book, and I'll continue to

talk about that as time goes on.

But for now, I was thinking
about 100 videos on YouTube.

I made 100 videos on YouTube in the
past eight months And during that time

when I was just starting out It was
clear to me that nobody else could speak

on the things that I could speak on.

In other words, the clinical experience
I have and the life experience I have

is rare, as everyone's is to a degree.

But I identified it, and it
just so happens to be in ADHD

treatment and ADHD in general.

So it's accepting my fate and getting
to the point where I'm going out into

the internet world and seeing the niche.

Around the time I was really applying
the behavioral skills and getting those

professional trainings and working with
patients and all of that stuff that

came from the beginning of my career
as a psychiatric nurse practitioner,

that was just the ti-- around the time
that ADHD on the internet was a thing.

The first creator was How to ADHD.

There was a TED Talk that was really big,
and it bothered me because it was Painting

a very broad brush, a broad brush stroke.

And also too, there's a certain narrative.

It's, uh, the adult patient, the late
diagnosed patient, and I understand that.

But there's also a lot of kids
that just grew up with a diagnosis.

Um, I was diagnosed in high school, so
, when you're diagnosed at a younger age,

whether it's childhood or adolescence,
there's a different level of integration

into one's identity So the way this
creator presented herself was, the whole

speech was like, "I never knew what was
wrong with me, but it's my ADHD," right?

" So all this shame, all this sadness I
feel, all this, like, stuff, it's ADHD."

So there's a problem with that because
ADHD became an identity, and then the

identity, I don't even understand it.

It's really blown my mind.

it's, it's something…

It's, it's I'm providing mental
health information education, but

there are these online tribes.

In an online tribe for a psychiatric
diagnosis is so troubling

because a psychiatric diagnosis

It's many things, but none of them are
an identity, a defining characteristic

of someone's personality My hope was
that would move beyond ADHD, always

having ADHD, but not def- like the goal
of ADHD is to not be defined by it.

And that's been the hardest thing is, you
know, on one hand, the internet advocates

about talking about ADHD all the time.

It becomes a tribal identity.

But the reality is ADHD, having it
all the time, is something you have to

use humor and deal with and live with.

I can't imagine ever drawing
attention to my ADHD.

People know anyway, right?

It's, it comes out here, it comes
out there, even with all the, the

skills I had when I was younger.

I was just, had no…

Life just happened, and there's
very little forethought.

So to have that forethought, you're
more, things feel more calm and control,

but you're still gonna do things
that cause other people to snicker.

So The honest truth is the internet
portrays psychiatric diagnoses

as something to celebrate But

The internet consists of tribes.

But I'm talking to you, whoever's
listening to this, and you need to

navigate the internet in your mind.

So why do we wanna have
our defenses up mentally,

intellectually when we're online?

Well, what's the purpose
of the internet existing?

Is it to better our lives?

Is it, is it altruism?

It's, uh, benevolence?

Of course not.

It's above all else money, right?

and data.

So your clicks are worth something.

In fact, they're the most valuable
resource in the world is data.

So in the age of information that we live
in we have to have our mental defenses up.

And here's the elusive, mysterious
aspect is our attachment system.

Our attachment system is

A relic of the past Meaning

The relationship we have to others
is different when we're an adult.

We're not fully dependent

However

Depending on who we were around growing
up, we might have, who knows what our

emotions, like what we did with all that.

Because here's the thing no one's
talking about People, you hear the

narratives, bootstraps, oh, this gen--
you know, the generational thing.

But it's not that complicated
at the end of the day.

A child is born as an adult.

It's a baby, and then the moment
it can crawl or walk, it's doing

that on its own, and it looks
back to say, "Did I do it right?"

And we want to be con-- as parents,
you have a duty to be congruent.

So going down the slide is celebrated
rather than going up the slide.

You should have gone up the slide, stupid.

So that causes confusion because
dependency on the caregiver is more

important than navigating the environment.

So As we get older, we feel things inside.

It's an experience, it's an emotional
experience, and it's regulation.

So we're dysregulated, and
how are we gonna be regulated?

Who's gonna help us regulate?

It can't happen.

Why are you crying, you crybaby?

Think about that, crybaby.

It's a immature immune system.

It's-- Children cannot self-regulate.

So what helps with self-regulation?

Validation.

The validation that it is
normal to feel feelings

So when we're older, we need to be able to
interpret all this data we're receiving.

But for many people, it's hard to do that

Especially when they've been
told they're not allowed to

So if we go online and/or our
nervous system is we're angry about

something, we're agitated about
something, whatever's going on.

For many, many people, that hurt, that
hurt, sadness, loneliness, isolation

Going on the internet can be an
escape, but connecting on the internet

from that lonely place is a problem

Because we're never going to be able to
heal in an environment that cannot see us

So actually ADHD.

Gonna come back to it.

Let's bring it back

It starts right here.

Navigating treatment, developing the
language, and yes, access to medication

to more effectively direct thoughts
and actions into behavior, lining up

expectations and reality, developing a
sense of purpose Predictable, repeatable

behaviors and patterns we learn

There's nothing wrong with us In fact
Human beings are fairly predictable And we

know this because the world runs on money

So advertising and marketing psychology
has taught me a lot because you

know it works, you know it's true.

But it's also really interesting
because it demystifies a lot of

the myths that we internalize.

The myth of talent, the
myth of being good or bad.

It's all about consistency and repetition.

But that's gonna do it for today.

Once again, my name is Jonathan
Murphy, psychiatric nurse practitioner.

I'll talk to you later