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You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest into the lives of others. Find out more at youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You can mentor. What up, mentors?
Speaker 1:Today on the pod, I've got Bobby Pops Lopez at a Passion SoCal. Bobby is the man. He has incredible experience. He his life has been absolutely transformed by mentors and mentoring and people investing into him, and now he's giving back. His programs are dedicated to mentoring and equipping leaders to create meaningful impact in their own communities.
Speaker 1:This guy does coaching. He does leadership development. He does faith based guidance. And these programs help kids in some of the toughest parts of LA grow in confidence, purpose, and service. Their heart is to reach the urban youth of LA with the love and message of Jesus Christ to bring them into Christian community and to lead them to a life of Christian discipleship service and leadership.
Speaker 1:Go follow him on social media, Bobby Pops Lopez junior. It says this, I help misfits obey God and build vision. Church made you passive. Culture made you comfortable, but God made you dangerous. He runs school based programs, teen centers, leadership development initiatives.
Speaker 1:He talks openly in this pod about his journey from trauma and gang life to the military, to the marines, and how his life has been transformed through mentoring. His tagline, we don't just transform lives, we build leaders. So check out this pod, learn from Bobby. He is just spitting out a ton of wisdom on this episode. So share it with your staff, your mentoring friends.
Speaker 1:Give us that five star rating. Follow Bobby Pops Lopez junior. And remember, You Mentor. Alright. Welcome to the You Can Mentor podcast.
Speaker 1:This is your favorite mentor, Zach. I'm here with Bobby Lopez. Bobby, say hello, my friend.
Speaker 2:Hey, everybody.
Speaker 1:Man, so I met Bobby through our friend Ray Chang, and I had an opportunity to hear him speak at a conference called ten by ten a couple weeks ago. And, Bobby, man, I'm just so excited about hearing your story and talking about mentoring and all of the fun things that you've got for our audience today, man. So thank you so much for hopping on.
Speaker 2:Oh, thanks, Zach. I'm I'm excited to be here. I really appreciate the opportunity to share our stories and and kind of learn more from you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man. Of course. Well, thanks a lot for saying that. I don't know if that's true, but, hey, two of us are about to find out. Bobby, man, so why don't you tell us about you, tell us about your organization, all of that good stuff, my man.
Speaker 2:So yeah. So myself, I was raised by gang members and drug dealers who were kind of I think they're it's kind of funny. Were in church and out of church. When I was younger, they were more out than in. Kinda grew up in that lifestyle around that.
Speaker 2:And then as I got older, you know, it just got kinda crazier and crazier. My father my stepfather so my real father was murdered when I was three years old. He was stabbed to death in prison. My my my stepfather was kind of like his enemy, So they used to fight a lot back in the days, and there's a couple of, like, and things like that that they had gone back and forth. So there's some rumors that he might have been involved, what's setting my my my real father up.
Speaker 2:And so he really did have a lot of hate for my father, my blood my biological father, and therefore, he had a hell lot of hate for me. He didn't hide it, and he told me that every chance he got. And I struggled with him because he was a drug dealer or a drug addict, but he's also the only dead I had. He became a drug addict, started beating my mom really bad to point where I thought she was gonna die. Sometimes I thought she was actually dead.
Speaker 2:There were a couple of times where I ran out of the house screaming. You know, he killed her. He killed her. Someone opened the door. People didn't wanna open their door because they didn't want that mess in their house.
Speaker 2:They didn't wanna deal with my stepdad. And so I I would, like, be screaming and shouting, open the door. Open the door. And have my little brother and mom's crying, and they just wouldn't open the doors. And so I got used to that idea that no one was coming.
Speaker 2:One night, snuck out, jumped over a fence, hid inside of a church parking lot, and the pastor told me to go back to where I came from. I was I was kind of sad because I don't know what I was looking for. I mean, back then, I didn't know what I was looking for, but I saw people coming out, I was crying because they had this joy and this happiness. It was Sunday night. I had just walked through all the drugs and gangs that were in front of our house or my grandma's house, and the whole the whole party was there.
Speaker 2:And my parents were just fist fighting in the living room, and I was just like, I knew what I was walking back to when I cross go across the street. Actually, I ran back across the street, and it felt like this is it. I give up. This is my life. There's no fighting it.
Speaker 2:There's nowhere to run. There's nowhere to hide. This is who I'm gonna be, so I owned it. I got caught up in it. My mom, like I said, she'd give her life to Christ, come back in, come out.
Speaker 2:And when she was in, she was kind of still around. Like, there's this hanging around a lot. But but when she was out, she she gave her life to Christ. I mean, she was fully dedicated, and she ended up trying to keep us away from that lifestyle. After a while, my older brother got fully jumped in.
Speaker 2:And for me, I was kind of around doing drugs, partying, fighting, and it was just like, hey. We're gonna die out here. So let's just let's ride this roller coaster till it ends. And I made it to 18. I didn't know what to do when I was 18 years old.
Speaker 2:My father was my stepfather was kinda looking at me like, what do you do now? Like, you're you're you're my mom was didn't know any better, and she loved me, but she wanted me to just get a job and start working. I wanted to go to college. I wanted to do something. So I joined the Marine Corps.
Speaker 2:I was like, I gotta get out of here. You know? Ended up getting out of there. I saw some people that I was like, hey. I don't wanna be like you when I grow up.
Speaker 2:I ended up those people well, the person the main person I was looking at ended up taking his own life while I was in boot camp, and I thought there's no going back. I'm either gonna go back and kill myself or I'm gonna go forward. Went forward, completely loved what I the Marine Corps loved everything about it, loved what it taught me, but I started to, like, struggle with, like, depression. I got married. I had a kid, and I was, like, thinking everything's gonna be okay, but nothing was okay.
Speaker 2:And gave my life to Christ one day after she left me after the Marine Corps, which is you know, we were just kids. I took my son, I put a shock in my mouth, and instead of taking my life, I gave it to Christ. And, yeah, since then, I've just been I built passion in SoCal. Me and my wife, Myra Lopez, she she she's amazing. I don't do anything great without her.
Speaker 2:When I was at conference, she wasn't there, and it feels like half of me is it doesn't just feel like half of me is gone. I'm half as good as I am. Probably a lot less than half, still. And so she said I just told her what I wanted to do. She said she's always sitting in my heart, and she said, where you go, I go, she just went with me, and we just started reaching kids.
Speaker 2:Now our organization's in, like, 10 different cities. We run networks with, like, different like, thirty, forty different programs in it that do camps together and everything. We're we're just trying to do whatever it takes to keep kids. And we do life skills programs to reach them, faith programs to build them, leadership programs, because the ultimate plan is to have them come back in their community and and become leaders in their community. So, yeah, it's been an amazing ride.
Speaker 1:Man, I think you just fit more into five minutes, Bobby, than anyone in the history of mankind, bro. That was there is a lot there, man. Thank you. But thank you so much for sharing your story, sharing your testimony, man. I
Speaker 2:left a lot out because I bought it. Don't know what rated this podcast is. That's it.
Speaker 1:You're all good. You're all good. Yeah. Yeah. So, man, I wanna go I wanna go back, Sung.
Speaker 1:Okay? So, obviously, if people are tuning into this podcast, they work with kids who have experienced hard things. Right? And, man, just like for some of us, we don't know what it's like. We don't know what it's like to live in a home where there's chaos.
Speaker 1:We don't know what it's like to not know what's coming next. We don't know what it's like to not have a dad around or to experience some of the things, you know, that you've experienced. Man, so, like, what what was your mindset as a kid? Like, what was, like, your operating mode? Like, if you could just paint a picture of what a kid who has experienced the things that you've experienced, how, like, how are they operating?
Speaker 1:What are the things that are going through their mind on a consistent basis?
Speaker 2:So to give you a couple like, to give you a good I've I've asked this question. I kind of wrestle with it. And this is why there's a when you're looking on the outside, it's hard to explain because we don't know how to explain what just always has been. To us, we think everybody lives like we do. Everybody grows up with drugs and gangs and and maybe not gangs, but violence and everything around them.
Speaker 2:It was a shock to me one day when I stood up in in a meeting, and I was talking about my father being in jail, and they said, you know, we we don't they were looked at they looked traumatized by what I was talking about. I said, what's wrong? And he said, we don't know any of that. We don't even understand that. None of our family members are in jail.
Speaker 2:I was like, what? So the you know, I started talking to a therapist friend of mine, and one day we were looking out the window, and I told him that we had driven by a a dead body this morning and and but I just kinda lacks a bit as I go said it like, yeah. You know, I drove by a dead body this morning. They're they're putting him in they're covering him, and the police were talking. I think he was one of the guys.
Speaker 2:And and he goes, Bobby, what do you guys describe trauma, like neglect, abuse? What do you describe it as? And we said, we call it life. We don't know anything outside of this. And when you're growing up like that, you don't know there's a life out of this.
Speaker 2:You're just trying to survive. And people judge you a lot because they think, oh, well, you should just try harder. For what? Most of those people who think about that, they had somebody who believed in them. We have nobody believes in us sometimes.
Speaker 2:There were moments where people came into my life, and I know my mom wanted to believe in me, but she was just trying to survive herself too. But there were moments of our life where I just felt like I mean, I remember as an eight year old, I started thinking about killing myself because, I mean, there's no point. Right? Like, there's no point of living. Nobody loves me.
Speaker 2:Nobody cares about me. Somebody asked me later, why did you hop that fence that night, you know, to that church? What made you jump? What were you looking for? And I said, was looking for a hug.
Speaker 2:At those moments when everything was falling apart, I just wanted someone to to care for me. And that's why I always tell everybody they just sometimes you just need to be present. We we just feel there's moments where we just feel so alone, and we're used to it. We feel like we don't deserve to live. We feel like no one cares about us.
Speaker 2:So how can we value ourselves? People don't realize that value is taught, and we were taught oftentimes that we had no value. Remember my stuff stepfather told me that I was bugging him. He'd look at me when I was bugging him to open his refrigerator. You know, everything I did was wrong, and I couldn't do anything right.
Speaker 2:And so I just felt like I was a big problem walking around. And and I had nothing to give to this world. So there were times I started trying to kill myself when I was really young, and I just different attempts, but the funny thing was I thought if I can't do it right, I I can't do it because they'll make it worse if they catch me if I do it halfway. And so I would there were times where I just sit there crying with the razor blade in my hands. You just feel like no one's on your side, so you can't trust anybody.
Speaker 2:They come to that door, and what do they really want? You know? You've been molested. You've been neglected. You've been rejected.
Speaker 2:You've been used by the people who were supposed to take care of you. So the world is dangerous, and you see it that way. And when people come in and they wanna be nice, what are they really nice about? What do they really want from you? And you try to find the faults in them, and it's really hard to survive like that, but that's all we know.
Speaker 2:You know, until Christ comes in your life, that's all you know. And even when Christ comes in your life, people don't understand. My brother always says that he you my my my younger brother runs a church with like he's a youth pastor for like 20,000 people in his church, and he he would grow up with me, but he'd grow up at a he was younger. Would always protect him from all that. And he always says that there's two moments.
Speaker 2:There's one where you give life to Christ, and then there's one where you where he gives you your life back. And that you always that was always there, that you were always meant to have, and and I think that's how it was. You you gotta I got kids who give their life to Christ, but gangs is all they know. They go back and walk into their houses, and it doesn't change any of the house. Cielo, the my daughter, my step my foster daughter who who came out of that neighborhood, kinda lifestyle, drugs, everything, she says, I prayed.
Speaker 2:I knew something had changed in me, but nothing changed around me. My family was still addicted to drugs. I was still suffering with the threat of homelessness. She lived in a a legal apartment behind a liquor store. One of my favorite kids was this kid named Sane, the most amazing kid you could ever meet.
Speaker 2:This kid was, like, love, and he was so smart and strong and and but he was a gang member. And when they shot him to death, it was like that's how it goes to him. Things change slow in the hood. Nothing is is is is, like, fast. It's just I mean, the pace is fast, but the the change is slow.
Speaker 2:And you have to bury kids who you knew wanted to change, but they couldn't because the the atmosphere around them hasn't. It's like it's literally the rose in the concrete that Tupac talks about. Like, you're trying to grow in this atmosphere just does not conducive with you grow with your growth. And people who usually say that, when I asked the the therapist, what could change that? And he said, one person caring about you.
Speaker 2:This just changes everything. One adult walking with you can change everything. Yeah. It feels amazing when there's somebody there.
Speaker 1:Man, so say there's a mentor who's tuning in, and he's saying to himself, man, I've got this kid, and this kid is hurt. This kid is filled with fear. This kid doesn't have any hope. You know? Maybe they've experienced some of the same things that you've been talking about, and this mentor has no idea what to do.
Speaker 1:He has no idea how to even show up, has no idea what to say. What is some advice that you would give him?
Speaker 2:I learned the power of training people. This kid has been trained for, what, ten, fifteen years before he met you and a way of living. There's no way you're gonna untrain him overnight. It takes a long term commitment, and most people don't have the ability to do it. The kid is gonna hurt you.
Speaker 2:They're gonna walk out on you. They're gonna talk about you. They're gonna do everything because that's all they know. They they live in a world of hurt, and hurt people hurt people. And so the biggest thing I would tell you to do is to never give up because every kid is different.
Speaker 2:Keep trying. I hope, you know, adapt and overcome whatever the situation is is, you know, definitely deal with the trauma. You know, there the these kids need therapy. They need someone they can talk to, they can trust. If you can get them in therapy, usually that's major to the situation.
Speaker 2:They have a lot of mental health issues. I have to myself, I have to take medication because PTSD and all that stuff you grow up with, it's just no. They don't it doesn't go away. Watching a I was eight when I saw where I I a young girl raped. Before I understood what what making a baby was, that was our making love was or any of that, that's what I knew about life.
Speaker 2:I was five when I start when I saw my mom beat so bloody that she couldn't move. None of that goes away. And so this kid is processing all this stuff, and it's not you. It's him. He hates the world at times.
Speaker 2:He's happy one moment and he falls, and he's angry and he's sad. So your your your job is just to be a great mentor. You can't be all those things. I would advise you to try to get him to those resources if you can, but your job is you have one part in his life, and you're not there to make him change. They they you're just there to love him through the process and pray for change.
Speaker 2:If you want, you you because it took him so long to get to this point to who he is, it's gonna take him a long term. If you're willing to stick it through, stick it through, but they will hurt you. They will yell. They I've been you know many people have stolen things from me? Stealing less than anything else, but stolen things from me and things like that.
Speaker 2:And it's just they love you, but that's all they know. That's the world they're doing. So my advice to them is numb is to be able to handle the pain that they're gonna throw at you. That doesn't mean you accept it because the minute they feel like they can get over on you, you're no longer respected. But it means that you are willing to stick through.
Speaker 2:You're willing to adapt. Okay. I can't have you at my house anymore because of how you're acting and this, but I can meet you at this place. Okay. I can't meet you at that place anymore.
Speaker 2:Let's go hang out and play basketball at the park. I'm not gonna give up on you, but I will change how we do this. And the only time I'm gonna give up is when it's so when it's so painful for me that I'm taken away from people I love. And and and they'll understand that. But explain to them the processes too.
Speaker 2:And constantly, like, care. I care. Not just saying it, but showing it.
Speaker 1:And so just hearing your story of transformation, Bobby, man, from growing up all around gangs to everything that you've experienced, now becoming a leader, becoming a mentor yourself. Who are some of those people? Who are some of those mentors that helped you get to where you are today, and how did they do it?
Speaker 2:It was weird. I used to tell everybody growing up, you didn't have a we all didn't have we were just a bunch of kids without fathers, so we learned to father each other. My best friend kept me safe out there. He kept me from going too far in line. We both grew up around church, and so he's a he's he's now a financial aid representative in in Phoenix.
Speaker 2:And he kept me from going too crazy. He would always like, hey, man. We're not like that. We don't do that. You know?
Speaker 2:I almost stabbed the guy one time, and he was like, no. No. No. No. And then I had my younger brother actually is really great.
Speaker 2:He's a pastor. He's a great pastor. He I never I don't have a mentor who mentors me in everything. I have mentors who mentor me in things. He mentors me in financial and system yielding.
Speaker 2:He he's, like, a great financial whiz. I'm horrible at it. I'm very emotional. You know? Like and he's very, like, just, you know, calm about things.
Speaker 2:And and he never he's my younger brother, he's always like we're always talking. We used talk an hour a day, but he's also gifted in an area I need to get that gift. So there was that. My pastor, Juan, taught me to be a great husband. He didn't teach me how to be a great pastor.
Speaker 2:He was a great pastor, but he just taught me how to be a great husband. So I never found somebody, and I asked I've prayed about this guy. Why didn't I just have somebody to come in my life who would be my father? And what I felt like God put on my heart was, I'm the surgeon behind the tools. None of these people are really your father.
Speaker 2:Even your father is not really your father. I'm your father of your soul and your spirit. I'm gonna use people at different points for different parts, but none of them are gonna replace me. And what you're really looking for in a father is you're looking for it in him. And I was like, wow.
Speaker 2:He's like, no one could be that perfect. No one could be that loving, and you have to, you know, give people grace. I've been hard on my mentors. You know? Like, I I'm I'm 45 years old, but I'm still struggling.
Speaker 2:I had really good Larry Acosta. He he he I was sitting there talking to Larry all day. You know, Larry Larry's Larry's the first guy to tell me, you know you're a jerk.
Speaker 1:Right? He did he said I would take and I was
Speaker 2:like, what? He's like, yeah. But he was the best. I could only accept it from somebody who loved me like that. Tommy Nixon, he helped me figure out how to organize, you know, passion to what it is today.
Speaker 2:Jose in nonprofits, you know, he taught me how to do that. So many different people, but, yeah, there wasn't one. As far as, like, loving me, like, I think, like, to be that mentor in my life that loved me like that, when I was growing up, I didn't have that. I just had to take it where I could.
Speaker 1:I mean, so, like, tell me tell me this. Like, what you and your work with Passion Socal, you know, you're building networks. You're developing different kinds of leaders. How how did you get to the point where you're like, what I didn't have, I am going to become?
Speaker 2:I I think it was what we always said. We said, just be what you needed. We always tell our leaders, just be what you needed at that moment. Be what you needed and be what they needed. The great thing about growing leaders from the neighborhood and coming from the neighborhood is that as you're doing that, you understand the nuances and the need because these kids are so dynamic.
Speaker 2:I mean, like, why are they so, like, so much into them, so complex? You know? You can understand things that they don't. Me and Taeche have been in three gang fights where we've had to stop people from killing each other with weapons and everything like that. And Tetchy always laughs because he says, we grew up like this.
Speaker 2:This is normal to us. Like, it's true. So we knew that nobody needed us to do the after school special talk. They didn't need us to. They just needed us to be an adult.
Speaker 2:And so these kids try to well, at one point, we're standing between a guy who has a gun on Cheche and a guy who has a knife on me. They're trying to kill each other. We're stepping in the middle, shouting at them. Or no. We're not shouting.
Speaker 2:We're talking calmly saying, look at me. Calm down. We're talking calm. We're telling adults, don't touch them. Don't touch them.
Speaker 2:Because there were adults mixed in there. And we're like, don't touch them because we were been in that moment, been at that height of level that level of and so I think we just always operated like that. We're gonna be there's there's a lot of people loving them systematically and program programmatically, but they're not really loving them. They're caring for them, but they're they can't love them. So we're just gonna love them the way that we have the freedom to because we're the church.
Speaker 2:We're part of the church. And, yeah, and it just became so natural. We knew what it was like to to have that gang mentality. The gang actually kinda loves you more than the systems can. You know?
Speaker 2:The gang will come to your house and protect you, we just did things like that. You know? We just knew that when when when one of our kids one of our kids was shot in front of all of our other kids, and he would they were, like, five year olds and seven year olds, and the parents kept saying, ah, they're okay. We've been through it. We drove up to the house because, yeah, somebody still needed to talk to Yeah.
Speaker 2:We're okay, but it that's not the goal of life.
Speaker 1:Survival
Speaker 2:is not the goal. You know? So yeah. So long story short, it was just so natural in us because we came from that space.
Speaker 1:Man, I heard someone tell me the other day that gangs do a better job of discipling young people than the church does.
Speaker 2:Because gangs are relational. Gangs are open twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. The church is open one hour a week. We're not gonna win a war that way. You know, I'm I'm I'm as much a marine as I come from the neighborhood that I come from, but and I I really struggle with the strategy of the church.
Speaker 2:These the gangs are actively they're showing them how to they're doing it in life with them. You know, we just do one hour a week and we hope we got them. No. Gang members are doing life with you. Know, they're going to your graduation, they're hanging out with you, and they might be out doing positive things, but at least they're living with you outside of this space this space in this building, and you mean more to them than this the building.
Speaker 2:With the church, you leave the church, they you're done. You know? With the gang, you move and you're still part of it. You're just in a different part of the area. You know?
Speaker 2:They're sad, but they still love you. I care for care for you, I should say in that way. But, yeah, the gangs are amazingly at that. That's why one of the ways we've kinda built everything was, like, how do we adapt to what these kids know? You know?
Speaker 2:And it it became down to, like, we had to kind of shut out the whole idea that this is our timer on. This is the timer off. But then we had to keep that healthy. So how do we do that? So we created a a home, like our home.
Speaker 2:We allow the kids into our space, and and we have common areas where everybody's allowed to. We keep our kids safe. We have certain people who residentially live there and everything, but we had to bring them into our space at certain times so they knew that that it's this is not just a building. This is a family. So every week, we have about 50 guests coming through, like, and doing things.
Speaker 2:Maybe maybe no. Maybe about 40, but still it's still a lot that come through, eat. We do meetings in our house. Everything had to be beyond the programmatic way of doing things because programs can't love you. People can.
Speaker 1:Programs can't love you. People can. I mean, I like that. I'm gonna steal that a 100%. Okay.
Speaker 1:So if if we're mentors, alright, and we are not from the community that we serve our kids in, give us some advice there. Give us some wisdom on how to go into their space in a way that's honoring, in a way that is filled with humility, but also tell us some of the things that we should know.
Speaker 2:Treat that treat that child like they are like they're a historical figure. Ask them so much questions and try to understand and treat them like they're interesting. I mean, be interested in them. That first off, that alone is value in them. Right?
Speaker 2:But and that's part of that because what you'll understand more than when you're trying don't try to be like, hey. What's up, homie? We're we're making fun the kids. The kids are making fun of me yesterday because I was doing, like, a I said a a mentor from, like, outer like, an older what what did he say? A boomer trying to act like a Gen Z.
Speaker 2:And I was, like, throwing all these weird words that didn't even make sense. They don't need that. In fact, that turns them away. All they want you to be is who you are, honestly. Be honest.
Speaker 2:Be open. If you don't know the answer, don't lie. They'll catch that. These kids are trained. When I was a kid, lying was life or death.
Speaker 2:You're lying to me, you'll turn me in. You'll lying to me, you might shoot me. You might set me up. So the line is like, just be you. Be honestly and open who you are, and at the same time, be interested in them.
Speaker 2:Ask them questions like, hey. How do you feel? How do you think they're not gonna answer a lot. Like, when it gives it comes to gang stuff, if you if you're dealing with kids in gangs, they will not tell you gotta read in between the lines. If you say, hey.
Speaker 2:You're part of a gang? They're not gonna say, yeah. I'm part of a gang. That's that that could come later on. But at the beginning, they'd be like, they won't say nothing.
Speaker 2:That means, yeah, they're affiliated. They're connected. And so you have to learn to read in between the lines. There's things that and and they use a lot of code. What I've noticed for because child molestation is very big in our community.
Speaker 2:A lot of our kids have been through so much sexual abuse, so much the girls will say a story, and then the story will just drop off and say and they'll say something like, and then it got weird. And then that's it. And I know. And they know. Now I know like, but they can't say it because if they say it, I gotta call the cops.
Speaker 2:And then well, I kinda have a feeling, but I'm not gonna investigate. You know? So we're just sitting there looking at each other, and I just know. And so there's these kids know how to operate like that. So it's about being paying very close attention, studying the kid, getting to know them, and being very open.
Speaker 2:Honesty and being inquisitive, all that stuff goes a long way with these kids.
Speaker 1:That's good, Bobby. Man, so you say I I just have to
Speaker 2:Oh, can I say something real quick? Yeah. Yeah. Please do. Do not compare your pain to theirs.
Speaker 2:I don't even do that. Growing up, like, without a dad, some kid's like, yeah. My dad got murdered. I'm like I can say, yeah. My dad got murdered too.
Speaker 2:But what I can't do is, like, try to relate it to something or look for something if I've never been to it. A lot of mentors try to, like and what happens for the kid is it it it comes off, like, ingenuine. Like, Lee, this happens all the time. I'm like, yeah. My dad was murdered when I was four or when I was three, and I went to this, went to that, and then they try to connect, and that's not the way because then
Speaker 1:it's like, that's so different. Like like,
Speaker 2:so just be very careful about how you connect with those thoughts. So, anyways, just wanna put that out there because it's a big thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Yeah. Go to. Good. Yeah.
Speaker 1:So I wanna talk about the whole growing up without a father round thing. And so tell me how you've seen that impact both male and female whenever you grew up without a dad around.
Speaker 2:So for males, there's not an there's an un the we become raised by media. Like, our identify identity as a man becomes like like, I was raised by fifty seven and Tupac.
Speaker 1:You know? Like like like like, I listened
Speaker 2:to him. Not maybe not fifty seven, but Tupac and all these gang members, and then I was raised by the guys in the hood. Any male figure, I was just, like, putting together this, like, thing. And whatever they told me, whatever I thought was was the real perception of strong, I was gonna follow that. So for a male, you're following what everybody says a man is, but you have no idea what it really is.
Speaker 2:And and yeah. And so that's why these guys are out there trying to sleep with all these girls. They're out there trying to prove their masculinity because no one's ever told them they were or what it really was to be a man, and so they're still thinking they could reach the high of that and still be trying to prove themselves because they they're searching for something that doesn't exist. Right? You know?
Speaker 2:With with a father, you know, you when when the if he identifies you, he tells you, hey. And he says, that's not what we do. We don't do that. You know, like but it gives you some boundaries and some ideas of your life. For a young lady, I man, I I always tell my wife, I my kids my boys would survive, but my girls, it's so hard out there because there's so much predator and prey predator out there, not just in, like, one area, but in all the areas.
Speaker 2:And so, like, the there they my wife describes it as feeling like you're she said, I was unprotected from the royalty. And, you know, she was abandoned by her mom when she was a kid. And and it was an amazing story because her mom comes down and visits four days a week now and loves to be around her, but it was only recently in the last six months that that happened. But, like, for years, she just said, I felt like like I was just, a a commodity to be used. She would tell me stories, and I I just and so that's how I use myself.
Speaker 2:That's how I live my life, like a commodity. You know? And so they they walk around. They have there's there's a lot less boundaries. You know?
Speaker 2:One of the hardest parts about because we have foster kids that come with us, and then we have kids who kind of stay with us every once in while. And we have and they're young adults. One of the hardest part is when you start saying, hey. You can do that. Like, not in this house.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But then, no. Really, you can't do that.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. Like, that boundary, like, drives them crazy and they because they're so used to living without it. One girl told me, hey. I I've been waiting to be on my own away from she was raised by the system. I I've been waiting to be on my own.
Speaker 2:I know you love me. I know you care about me, but I'm ready to go. And I was like, okay. I don't get that, but that's how they live because it's like it's like growing up in a jungle. I always say if you grow up in a jungle and you're raised by animals, you'll live like an animal.
Speaker 2:It's like growing up in a jungle. There's there's predators out there. There's things out there. You're trying to live, trying to survive. People are trying to get things from you.
Speaker 2:It's kill or be killed. You know? So you do whatever it takes.
Speaker 1:Right. So there's been so much here, Bobby. I really, really, really appreciate your wisdom and your experience, man. But I'll kinda turn it to what it is that you do in your not for profit organization. You know?
Speaker 1:It says passion SoCal, passionate leaders, you guys create different kinds of programs that is dedicated to mentoring and equipping the leaders to create meaningful impact in their communities. You have a heart to reach the urban youth of LA with the love and message of Jesus Christ to have them come into a family, come into a community, which leads them to a life of discipleship service and leadership, man. So just give us the 10,000 foot kind of view on what is it that you guys do on a day to day basis.
Speaker 2:Well, we we we figured out a long time ago was that leaders from the neighborhood were, like, the second level. You know, you have people who come in who care, and then they and then you have this the, like, the second generation of these peep what are the but a lot of times, there's a falloff because everybody was trying to get them out of the hood. Mhmm. We we are okay with them leaving the hood, but don't give up on it. You know?
Speaker 2:And so we try to when we see we try to reach kids, help them develop to become leaders in their community, or give introduce them to Christ, and help them become leaders. So we have programs and a process for all of that. So to give you kind of, like, the breakdown with, like, Cielo, we met her when she was 13 years old. You know? Then and there's a bunch of kids like that.
Speaker 2:Cielo, Gabriel, Cece, all of them. We met them when they were young. Cielo was growing up in the drug house. Her her mom had abandoned them. Her dad was dead, actually.
Speaker 2:He had just passed away the day I met her. A week the week that I met her. And I had no idea what that her brother and sister were addicted to meth and the extent of what that was doing to their household, And she was just living that life, and she was going down the drain. And she was becoming who they were who what life was shaping her to be. So we introduced her to, like, the programs, and she she went to our life skills program.
Speaker 2:She went to our faith program. She loved it, but she was still fighting. This is where it's kinda like it's always I always tell everybody, don't ever think my kids are just made. The none there's always so Cielo was always like she's then she started beginning two lives. The life she had at church, and then the life she had outside of in the neighborhood.
Speaker 2:And she was going crazy. And then one day, I remember sitting there telling her, Miya, you're gonna have to choose which one you wanna be. And so when we look so she she became part of our leadership program, grew and developed in our leadership program, started leading kids, and then she started doing the East working with the East Side girls. And then one day, she got hired to do a camp and conference. Now she does our camps and conferences, and she works with girls in her community.
Speaker 2:And she's actually working on the Orange County girls too, Orange County programs too. And, basically, it's about finding those leaders, those kids. Not even finding them. I hate to say that. It's about reaching kids and showing them they can have an impact in their community.
Speaker 2:That's not about killing other people who look like them. It's not about tagging on walls. It's about having real change in positive ways. And so that's what we've been doing, and we've been able blessed to do it for a while, man. I'm excited.
Speaker 2:And so we have the life skill program. It goes into foster homes, juvenile halls, and high schools. And then we have the faith based program, which is, like, an after school programs, school clubs that we work with, their leadership. And and then the leadership is to Latine Urban Leadership Academy. And then the Urban Leadership Academy, when they get out, they can if they stick around, because a lot of them will stick around, they become part of those to learn leadership.
Speaker 2:And so we always say everybody in passion is learning. So even me, as the CEO or the exec, I hope they have, like, some kind of I have to be in the process of learning. So right now, I'm planning to go back to school to college. So because I have to I have to be the number one example. Right?
Speaker 2:So
Speaker 1:Yep. That's awesome, Bobby. So if you're serving in a community that's not your own, alright, and you have an opportunity to raise up some next generation kinda leaders who are who were born and raised there. Right? Tell me what that from your experiences, from your perspective, tell me how to best do that.
Speaker 2:I I am big on partnerships. No one is gonna save their head. You know, it's gonna be the the change is gonna happen to all of us. I I would say partner with people, community organizations, with resources, with funding. You don't wanna be this person's savior, so definitely partner to for them to get more mentors in their life.
Speaker 2:A lot of my African American students, I they have people that I that they work with because I'm like, I don't know what it is to be a strong black man. I know what it's like to be a strong Hispanic man. I can help you with that. I can be a Hispanic father if any of your life, and I actually am like some of them, to most of them actually. But I'm always partnering with it because that partnership is like god's already moving in these neighborhoods.
Speaker 2:Just get behind what he's already doing. You know? And and get them involved in it. I would start with first off, like I said, we see everybody as a leader. It just depends on what level they wanna be at.
Speaker 2:And so start inspiring them that way, you know, to explain to them that there is change that can happen and showing them the heroes and teaching them in that stuff. First, it's always lay down the foundation of teaching, and then it start doing projects. So start doing projects in the community. One thing that we're really doing this year, and I'm really proud of it, we're having the the teens build programs for the younger group. Originally, we we we we didn't have enough teams to do that.
Speaker 2:Now that we've expanded so much, we're like, okay. It's time. So the teams are actually building projects and programs to help the kids in the area. And and these are these kids are not perfect. You know?
Speaker 2:They're they're still coming sometimes smelling like vape and whatever weed and but they're coming, and they want to do good. And I always tell everybody, as long as you don't give up on me, like I said, the process might change, but I won't change. I'll love you. I'll care for you, and I'll give you a chance as long as I can, as long as you're not hurting someone else. So, yeah, I would say that.
Speaker 2:You know, start with little projects and then move into, like, how can we do programs together? Right away, when a kid gives a life to Christ, we consider him like the the countdown is going. You're gonna become a leader in training. We always say there's you're always a leader in training. You're never really a leader.
Speaker 2:You're just training when you're young. And we put them in leadership. Our discipleship process actually involves leadership at the same time. Because when Christ is telling us to be the salt and light of this world, he's telling us to be influencers. Everybody knows leadership is influence.
Speaker 2:And so right away, we believe that that you're all gonna you're gonna have to learn the leadership in your family because you're some of you, the change you're gonna have to lead if you're gonna become a father or mother, you're gonna have to lead that family. And So there's a lot of skills that we teach them, and and and we're right off the bat. Anybody first thing is believing in them. Anybody can be a leader. May they might not be your type of leader.
Speaker 2:They might not be at the level that you're thinking is that that they can be at, but they'll be a leader. They can be a leader. And I've seen that over and over again. There are kids that who thought a lot of kids will stick with us because they thought they were not able they thought they were a problem. They didn't realize they were a blessing.
Speaker 2:So
Speaker 1:Man, helping kids see that they're not a problem, but that they're a blessing. That's a big Yeah. That's awesome, Bobby. Hey. So okay.
Speaker 1:So as we kinda wind our time down, obviously, there has been just an absolute ton that was shared today. If every listener could walk away with one conviction, one learning, one teaching from your story, tell me what you would want that to be.
Speaker 2:Number one is you don't know the impact you can have in someone's life and what it will do for you. That is the biggest thing. It will change your like, it'll change you. I didn't find I didn't get blessed waiting to get blessed and then going in. I got blessed along the way.
Speaker 2:Like, I was like, god, I want a house. I want all this, and I tried to go get it. And I was I could've got it that way, but instead I was just obedient to Christ, and he built that all around me through this process of fulfilling his calling. And I believe that everybody at every level can have some impact. I'll tell you the story.
Speaker 2:One lady came up to me during a church service, walked up to me and was like, everybody was, like, worshiping and, from last night, the night before. She walks up to me and she just says, you know, God loves you, Bobby. God's gonna use you. God's gonna bless you. You're doing so much.
Speaker 2:You're you're an amazing young man. And I am, like, out of it. I look at her and just go, okay. Because I don't know what to say. No one's ever said that.
Speaker 2:I was more in shock than anything, but no one's ever said that. She did not mentor me for more than that moment, but that moment meant so much that I don't forget it. I'm just thirty years later, and I still can't forget it. And I knew what it was. It wasn't a full, like, light in my life that led me somewhere.
Speaker 2:It was more like a flicker that helped me keep going. And that's what I had. I had a lot of people who had mentor moments with me that were, like, flickering lights and took me through the next step, who believed in me, and they looked so so hard to find to most people that my palate my youth pastor kicked me out. I was like, you know, he didn't mind we had a kind of a unspoken deal. I went in the front, went out the back to smoke weed.
Speaker 2:He didn't tell my parents I was cool. As long as he didn't bother me, I didn't bother his youth group. But I wish he would've I wish I wasn't a problem. I wish he was told me as a blessing. So what I would say is this is is is seriously never underestimate what God wants to use you for in the in these in the lives of these kids.
Speaker 2:Never underestimate the impact you can have if it's just the moment. I know that I've gone this far where I'm opening up my doors, and I I kinda push everybody to that level. But I know that that sometimes it's just that it's not about telling them what to do. It's about caring for them for that one moment. I always tell kids, I cannot I don't have the capacity to be that person in your life all the time sometimes because I'm in different programs, different cities.
Speaker 2:But for these two hours, you're mine. You're my son. You're my daughter. I'll treat you like that. You know?
Speaker 2:And I'm not taking away from anything you have, but I'm just adding to it for this moment. And so I've had to correct kids and but in, like, a fatherly way. Like, you know, I love you. I think you're so amazing. But can I be honest with you?
Speaker 2:And so I usually don't try to disciple a kid until they know I love them because they won't listen until they know they loved.
Speaker 1:It's good stuff, Bobby. Alright. Bobby Lopez junior, Potts, man, thank you so much for sharing your story, for sharing your wisdom, and there's a ton that I'm gonna chew on from our conversation today. So how about you tell people how they can find you if they have a desire to learn more?
Speaker 2:Passion is socal.org. That's the best way. Bobby Lopez dot junior on Instagram, and I'm always open. I I I I'm always open to eventually reply. I don't always reply right away, but I try my best.
Speaker 2:I'm horrible with emails or technology, even, yeah, anything, but I will do my best to reply to anything because I love people.
Speaker 1:Awesome, man. Thank you so much for your time today. I hope that you guys took a lot away from our conversation. And re remember, you can mentor. Thanks for tuning in to the you can mentor podcast.
Speaker 1:Our vision is to raise up and invest in mentoring leaders who will launch and grow thriving mentoring ministries. We do that by equipping and encouraging faith based leaders through relational connection, Christ centered resources, and collaborative gatherings. Check out our books, come to the National Christian Mentoring Gathering, and engage with our network and cohorts. You can find all this at youcanmentor.com or on social media. Please share this episode with a mentoring friend and leave us that five star review.
Speaker 1:Thank you. You can mentor.