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Join us, feminist coaches Taina Brown and Becky Mollenkamp, for casual (and often deep) conversations about business, current events, politics, pop culture, and more. We’re not perfect activists or allies! These are our real-time, messy thoughts as we make sense of the world around us. If you also want to create a more just and equitable world, please join us on the journey to Messy Liberation.
Becky Mollenkamp: Hi, hi, hi. I am very interested to see, for people who listen to this on the podcast and are not watching live or who watching a replay, sorry for the messy introduction, but also it's messy, right?
Taina Brown: It's messy and it's the day after election day, so.
Becky Mollenkamp: Which means all bets are off at this point.
Taina Brown: All bets are off.
Becky Mollenkamp: If you manage to function, if you manage to wake up today and care for yourself in some way, then you are doing great.
Taina Brown: Better than some people.
Becky Mollenkamp: I did take a shower, which is why my hair is wet if you're looking at that, because I just felt this need to cleanse myself of everything. And I was hoping it might also help me kind of get into a better headspace. I don't know that it did. okay, so we're gonna we'll dig in. I have had a raging headache since I woke up. I got three hours of sleep because I stayed up way too late.
Taina Brown: I got a little bit more than that, but I was up till about 2 a.m. Eastern.
Becky Mollenkamp: I was up to about 3:30, which is 4:30 your time. I've had tummy troubles for 12, 14, 16 hours. I felt like I needed to throw up. I just have had tummy issues. And I just, yeah, just generally like my body is having like, it is amazing for me to watch that I'm having a very physical reaction to this.
Taina Brown: Yeah, psychosomatic.
Becky Mollenkamp: The body keeps the score like the body is my body is telling me we are in a state. How are you like I have all the thoughts but I really want to hear your thoughts.
Taina Brown: I am feeling a lot right now. I'm feeling a lot of anger. I'm feeling a lot of hurts, betrayal, rage. I'm also just like, there's also a part of me that's like, I'm not surprised by this outcome, to be completely honest with you. I'm surprised at the statistics. I didn't think the numbers would be as high as they are for Trump. I know how much America hates Black women. So literally, we were watching CBS Mornings yesterday morning, I think it was. And Gail was in Pennsylvania, Eastern Pennsylvania in three counties or three cities that were big players for the state. And she was interviewing just a quick man on the street kind of interview with this older white gentleman. And he was a lifelong Democrat, but he was saying that this time he couldn't vote for the Democrats. And I was like, gee, I wonder why the fuck that is, because it's not an older white man running. so again, I'm not surprised by this outcome, I am a little bit feeling a little bit betrayed by the numbers.
Becky Mollenkamp: Say it, betrayed by all of those people who said to your face or maybe not even literally to your face, but who said with their whole chest, yeah, they're, I understand the assignment.
Taina Brown: Yeah, like we understand the assignment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I know a lot of people have been saying like, you know, there was definitely a percentage of black men who showed up for Trump. There's definitely a percentage of Latino men who showed up for Trump and Latino or Hispanic women. And I get that. But you also have to understand that, like, when you look at those statistics, it may seem high. But when you look at the statistics of the entire country, that's a very small population.
Becky Mollenkamp: Well, most especially the Black men issue. Yes, it was 20 % of black men that voted for Trump. That is an increase, and that sucks. that is still a tiny, tiny percentage. When you compare it to all the other groups, 2 out of 10 is ridiculously low. And black men represent a much smaller percentage of the population. So this thing started to happen a couple of days before the election, where there was this new focus on like, sort of shifting the blame to if she loses, it's gonna be Blackman's fault, was ridiculous. And it's just not true. I will say, I think the Latino vote though is more challenging because it is, it's not, it's again, clearly not the percentage of population is white folks. And if white folks had done the right thing, this would not matter. Like none of those votes would matter. So I like fully wanna lead with that. And it represents a dramatic change on how many folks are vote Latino folks, especially Latino men were voting for him. That is, it was like a 13 % swing in four years on top of everything that's just happened with the Puerto Rico comments and all of it. And these issues around mass deportations and just everything where I think for me, that one that feels like an even bigger disconnect. But I think what all of that speaks to is how much men hate women.
Taina Brown: Yeah that that definitely is the overarching theme here And how much how much men hate change how much men are unwilling to shift power Yeah, how much men are unwilling to shift power and I think when you are talking about the the latin and hispanic populations in this country There's a lot of nuance there that we have to unpack. People think of, like, Latin or Hispanics as a race, but it's not. It's an ethnicity. And so within that ethnicity, there are Black, Latin, and Hispanics, and there are White, Latin, and Hispanics. There are even some, like, Asian, Latin, and Hispanics, right? So, like, so what we are really looking at is still the racial line playing out within these marginalized populations and what that looks like is in terms of my own lived experience as an Afro-Latina woman who grew up in this country with my Puerto Rican family. People love proximity to power because they think it means power and proximity to power is not the same thing as power. And they have been fed this lie that proximity to power is the same thing as power. And so they're buying into that and they're like, well, we know for sure we're not going to get any power under a black woman, or it's going to feel like we don't have any power under a black woman. So let's go with the male vote, the white, racist, rapists, misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, just unkind human being, because at least there's a semblance of power that we feel like we can hold onto. But what people miss is like, none of that equals power at all. so it's really unfortunate. I'm sad to say family members that voted for Trump, and I'm just like, you know what? Y'all can just like fuck all the way off.
Becky Mollenkamp: I think Thanksgiving is going to be an interesting holiday this year for a lot of families, lot of grappling with some hard truths.
Taina Brown: I refuse to sit at the table with those people anymore. Like I have played nice. have, sorry, my wife's bringing me some coffee, my second cup of coffee today and my charger for my iPad. I have played the nice card just to not rock the boat too much, not create additional trauma for my mom and for other family members who are just really sick and can't deal with the stress of that. But I refuse to be in the same space with those people or sit at the table with those people anymore because what you are actively saying is that you are continuing to not see the humanity and dignity in people that face systemic oppression in this country and abroad. And once, okay, maybe it was a mistake, but like twice, that's a pattern.
Becky Mollenkamp: Yeah, right. And this person is there. It's funny, because I was texting with my best friend this morning and she's black and she was saying, and she but she's a much better human than I am. So shout out to Lindsay, if you're listening, you're a beautiful human and I love her so much. And she's you know, she's a therapist. So she comes from this very like, deeply caring, compassionate place. Because she was like, you know, some good people voted for him to and talk because I was just like, in my state of anger. And she's like, yes. And there were good people who voted for him too. Because I said, I was just like, you you, I can't imagine how you're feeling today, knowing how I'm feeling today. And I'm like sick to my stomach that so many people who look like me did this, right? Like that is upsetting. And she's like, yeah, people look like you and people who don't. And I'm like, well, that's true. But let's be honest, it's the people who look like me. And then she was like, and some of them are really good people. And I was like, you know, I hope someday I can get to that place of sharing that compassion. But I'm struggling with that because of what you said. In 2016, I was able to a little more. In this place of like, I don't know, I wanted to believe that maybe they really just didn't understand. But I just don't know how anyone, unless you're truly living under the biggest rock that ever existed, how you don't see, I mean, he's been, they've been blatant. Like there's no, there's, I don't know how you can justify the things that they've been saying. Like it is clear, they are racist and they are sexist. They are xenophobic. Like this is all just abundantly clear. I think it was clear then too. But there's no more like, I just don't know how. And so I just have a hard time. Like I can't blame ignorance. I can't, I think it's willful ignorance at best. I just wanted to say that Melanie also in the chat was saying that men are protecting their resources. And I agree that, right, exactly.
Taina Brown: Which is their power, part of their power.
Becky Mollenkamp: And what you were saying, the Latin vote in the same way that the white woman vote is this idea that like, if I'm near power, I'm protected. And the thing that really grosses me out is all these white women. It's like they heard Trump say, we're going to protect you whether you like it or not. And they sort of said, yeah, that sounds good. Like, yeah, right. I'm here for that. And I'm like, and to go back to our conversation with Dee. Like, I'm also remembering that these women are so deeply conditioned into believing that's how it is, right? Like, I think that we lack so much imagination for a reason. Like, we are conditioned to not have any kind of imagination of a world that could be different. That I just think that there are so many women who don't see another way forward. Like, they don't believe that it's possible.
Taina Brown: I'm struggling with that too. I want to believe that good people voted for Trump, but my experience tells me that that's not true. think people think that they're good. I think people think that they're... And I think this goes back to, and I think we may have talked about this in a previous episode really briefly, the difference between being nice and kind. And you can be a nice person, but not be a kind person, right? And nice is all about keeping the quote unquote peace, not rocking the boat, like saving face. Kindness requires more of you. It requires sometimes sacrifice. It requires you to be uncomfortable for the sake of someone else's humanity and dignity. And I believe there are a lot of nice people who voted for Trump. I do not believe that they're kind. That is the hill that I will fucking die on. What else is there to say? People will say, and I can see this playing out all over the news, I haven't even watched the news today, but I can see it playing out all over the news, all over social media for weeks to come about, well, people were more interested in his quote unquote policies on reproductive rights or his policies on tariffs
Becky Mollenkamp: His concepts of a plan for the economy.
Taina Brown: It's like, you're fucking lying.
Becky Mollenkamp: I'm not on the news, but I did check in on social media, which I shouldn't have. But what I did go and do is mute all of the comments on my post so that I don't have to even, there won't be comments. don't have go engage. But what I did see is the discourse among the left right now is a battle over, is it racism and sexism? And the answer, by the way, is yes. Or is it just wrong candidate, wrong platform, wrong approach, wrong messaging. And listen, I think the answer, of course, like most things lie somewhere in the middle. But I do think that it's not the middle. think it's far more towards the it's racism, it's misogyny, it's clear as day to me that that is ultimately what the spot is. It hate one, hate one. And that that's what this is about. I do think there might've been a chance to stave some of this off if they had chosen Walls as perhaps as a candidate. Like if we'd had that kind of time, if things had looked different, maybe there was a chance to make a little bit of a difference, but it doesn't matter ultimately because either way, even if they had managed to just eke this out and win it, like if the messaging could have been a little different, if they, you know, either had come out harder on Gazzo or a quarter the right more, which I don't think was effective obviously, but I think that, it wouldn't have mattered. The results show us that either way, half of this country is deeply, deeply invested in hate at this point. And that scares me. I mean, look at the results in North Carolina for governor. He didn't win, but Robertson or Robinson, 40 % of people showed up and said, I'm going to vote for the man who says, I am a black Nazi on a porn site. The Republican Party had deserted him, his staff at all deserted him, 40 % of people, Taina. So, right, that's where I say like, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. are just fucked. And I guess that brings me like, I think we could talk about all of the complexities of the election and what we saw and what happened. But I think people know all of that at this point and rehashing it doesn't feel good or healthy. think where I'm at today, and I'm curious if you are, like trying to figure out, and now what? I am in a state of despair. Like you, I'm not, I was shocked but not surprised. As in, I, of course, right? It does feel like the logical conclusion of like, of course this was going to happen. And yet I somehow naively, and the last few days before the election really allowed myself, it was really that Iowa poll that did it, but I really allowed myself to start to think, maybe not only could she win this, but maybe she could actually like win this by a lot. And so I was just shocked because it was just like so jarring, but also really not surprising. And so I'm in this state of despair and now what? I just want to quickly share too that Melanie also in chat said, niceness is an act of comfort and a supremacist system. I agree, yeah. Yeah, that was really great.
Taina Brown: Yeah, thank you for that, Melanie. 100 % agree. You know, I think, yeah. What do we do now?
Becky Mollenkamp: But yeah, so I don't know, what now? Like that's what I'm hearing from my friends too is like, how do we just, yeah, like how do you get up and like go take a shower, eat your breakfast, go to work, know, type on your little computer all day, come home and like, like how are we supposed to function as if the world hasn't just radically shifted?
Taina Brown: So I definitely want to answer that question. I do want to say though with like this whole, is it racism and misogyny or is it just the wrong candidate? But those two things are the same thing. First of all, like I think a lot of it was platform. I think with the platform, she alienated a lot of more liberal leftist voters. But I don't it's it's not what I'm saying is it's not one or the other, right? Those those two things are tied up in together.
Becky Mollenkamp: Exactly. But do you feel like we're talking 50-50 or do you feel like it's 80-20? I think it's 80-20.
Taina Brown: No, I think it's racism and misogyny. Yeah, I think 80-20 is generous. I think 80-20 is generous. Yeah, yeah. And that might just be the cynical earth in me, but...
Becky Mollenkamp: I'm with you. I'm sort of with you in that because I think it wouldn't have ultimately Trump has done MAGA this whole like whatever that movement is. I like it just makes me sick to even think about it, but has done such a good job of framing the state of politics at the moment to make it that no matter who the left had won, run, whoever the Democrats I should say had run They were going to be, because the Democrats have sucked so badly at messaging, at having a backbone and everything else, they were going to be up against that framing of these people only care about the, you know, they don't care about you white people. They don't care about you men. They specifically don't care about you white men. And I heard a lot of that leading up to this, the Joe Rogan thing. I really think that they did a really fine job of making that group of people, like, really feel like the Dems are against them. So it wouldn't matter who the candidate was, I think.
Taina Brown: One of the last ads that ran in the last week or two was, communist Kamala is for they, them, Trump is for you. So like, was just, yeah. But to answer your question, now what? Like, how do we move on from this? And the first thing I want to say to that is like, well, black women have been moving on from things like this for centuries. So how do you move on from this? Look at Black women. We may not have done it completely well. We may not have done it to perfection. But first of all, there is no such thing as moving in perfection. And so I think this despair and this grief that a lot of non-Black people are feeling today, there's a part of me that kind of laughs at it because I'm just like, what do you mean? Like nothing has changed for us. And so it took me back to the 26th election because I remember going into work the next day and one of my white coworkers who, very liberal, I wouldn't say leftist, but definitely very liberal. And she was just like distraught. And she was like, what about Merrick Garland? Like, what's going to happen to this? And I'm just like, well, this is the reality that like me and people who look like me and identify the same way that I do have lived in forever. like, your like, I, it's hard for me to sympathize is what I'm saying. I understand that like, some people have never experienced this before. And this is this repetition of, of this feeling of betrayal and distrust and just like grief, this overwhelming sense of grief that just keeps happening over and over again. Some people have never experienced this before. And to those people I say, like, one, don't try to move past it. Like, allow yourself time to grieve because that is what can be the catalyst for you to, like, really get organized now. Like, you thought you were organized before. You thought you were activated before. There's more to be done. There's always more work to be done. We all have a role to play. But like, seriously, white people, I'm looking at you, like, what the fuck? What the fuck? Like, how did abortion do in your state?
Becky Mollenkamp: I live in Missouri, a very red state and 53 ish percent of people voted for abortion, which was enough in our state for it to pass. I know in Florida they had to get to 60, so it didn't, but here it was 50. So it passed and Trump still won the state by like about 57%. So there's, there's a group of people in there. And those are the people I'm the most livid with today because I don't understand how in your mind you're rationalizing that. It is a cognitive dissonance that I cannot understand because you voted for the person who supports or at least his party has made it very clear and Project 2025 is very clear about a national abortion ban. And yet you're voting to enshrine abortion rights in our state. Those things don't work together. Once that national abortion ban comes along, all that that you were so excited about with getting abortion rights in your state is gone. How do you just, how do, like, I don't understand what's happening in the brains of people for those things to make sense. And for the people who voted against Josh Hawley, because he won much more narrowly than Trump did in our state. How do they think those two people are any different? Like, it just, it boggles the mind. And I just want to say, like, on social media, I've seen a lot of black women very righteously expressing a lot of anger towards white people and specifically white women. And I have seen a lot of white women white womening by pushing back with the, you know, all of the not all white women. I did my part. And even those who get it saying things like, I'm really sorry, we suck, I'm so sorry. And I just want to speak to white women as a white woman to say, first of all, do not ever not all white women someone. Just don't do it. It's the same as when a man starts to come to you at not all menning. Like we don't like not all men. We can't do the same thing on not all white women. That is not the point. The point is we are talking about a group to which we belong and have responsibility inside of to affect change. And our like not all womening trying to exclude ourselves from that does nothing to help and it actually makes things worse because it excuses us from having to do the work to make the change inside of the community we belong in. So that's one. And two, sorries are as useless as your thoughts and prayers after a school shooting. I understand the desire to express a sorry. Your sorry does no good for anyone. That's not helping those black women who are expressing their anger. What we need to do instead of saying sorry is make commit, here's what I'm going to do. Here's the actions I'm going to be taking. Right? Here's my accountability, watch me be accountable for this. And by the way, those actions also need to include not then turning to the black women and saying, what do need to do? Okay. So that's really important for white women to hear on all of this, because I'm seeing a lot of that on social media and it's very upsetting to black women and to black men to all, you know, let's all black folks voted at a, like even the black men who voted at less of a rate than black women did for Kamala, it was still 80% of Black men said, I truly understand the assignment. 95%, 98% of Black women get the assignment. We are the problem.
Taina Brown: I 100 % agree with that. Even in Florida, even though it didn't get to the 60 % mark, even though it didn't hit that threshold to pass, still the majority of people in Florida wanted reproductive rights. So what that tells me is that group of people vote selfishly for their own interests and for what is going to protect them. but fuck everybody else. Fuck everybody else. And so I think my wife put something on Instagram this morning and she said, bottom line is if you're white, you know somebody who hates you and who hates women and who hates black women. So part of the way that you hold yourself accountable in this moment and the way that you hold your people accountable at this moment. Stop being nice to people who fucking hate black women. Stop being nice to people who vote against the interests of what is best for everyone in this country. Like, fuck that shit. It's time to like draw a hard line in the sand, not just internally, but externally, and let people know I will no longer be in spaces with you. Like, because those people need to be held accountable. There has been no accountability for those people. So they feel like they can do whatever the fuck they want. And that that's not getting us in. And they can't because there is no accountability.
Becky Mollenkamp: Because everyone tiptoes around it and we're coddling them.
Taina Brown: Absolutely. Like when is his sentencing hearing? Is it today?
Becky Mollenkamp: It's very soon. was like, yeah, I don't know this week or something. It doesn't matter.
Taina Brown: And we just voted him into the highest office in this nation and the Supreme Court just ruled months ago that the president has absolute immunity.
Becky Mollenkamp: Yep. And he gets to pardon himself. Absolute immunity. He will be pardoning himself. Isn't that fun? And the thing you just said about like they don't white women and white people and all people, not all people, but the people with the most privilege care when it affects them, when they feel like it might affect them, right? Which is why abortion is not the issue that I want to be investing myself in as I move forward, even though it's a really deeply important issue to me because of that very reason. But it makes me think of that famous quote from, I know I'll say his name wrong, by Martin Niemoller or Martin Niemoller, who said that whole, first they came for the socialist, I didn't speak out because I wasn't a socialist, they came for the trade unionists, I didn't speak out, they came for the Jews. And then they came for me and there was no one left to speak for me. And that is what I feel like, sadly, we're gonna be, the next four years is gonna be that coming to fruition for us. All these white women who were like, I'll be okay. And maybe start to learn they won't be okay. And I hate, like, it's not like I'm saying that with glee of like, yay, here you go. Like, you're gonna find out, like fuck around, find out, ha ha. I'm saying there's a lot of sadness. It makes me really sad that that is probably what's gonna happen. And I think hopefully Goddess Erica is gonna be joining us soon. I don't know though, because I haven't done a live stream before. So I don't know what happens with letting people in, but hopefully everyone that like that Goddess Erica will be joining us to do a grounding ceremony shortly. So hold on, let's hope. But if she doesn't, I do think that the piece that like all of this things are frustrating, like the despair or the whatever, think we need, like you said got a grief, we got to sit in that for a little bit. I think give ourselves permission for that. And the more marginalized your identity, the more I think you need to take that space and grieve and be allowed that space and be tended to. I love that your wife was bringing you stuff like we need people to care for us, even though like she also needs it. But and at some point, we can't, we have to go on, right? We have to fight. What does that look like? I don't yet know. And that's my truth is I'm trying to figure out what does it look like for me. I want to get more involved in local, I don't want to say politics, but movements. But I don't want it be abortion because I feel like that is not getting to the root cause. I want to do something that's way more heavily invested in some of these root causes. Part of me feels like, maybe I wanna work on election reform, but that's still not it. So I'm still trying to figure out what's my lane and where do I find the folks doing that work and what does that work look like for me? And again, I'm gonna steal from you here, but you were the one who introduced me to the Deepa Iyer social change map and understanding the different roles that we can play.
Taina Brown: That's a great resource.
Becky Mollenkamp: I don't know for anyone who's watching, you might see there's these little different bubbles that talk about the different ways that we can all be fighting for equity, justice, And so there's guides, there's frontline responders, there's visionaries, there's builders, there's caregivers, there's disruptors. So if you get this, which I highly recommend, we'll put it in the show notes, it's by Deepa Iyer, I-Y-E-R. Thinking about first, what is your role? Like, how do you show up? Because I think often we think it has to be that frontline responder or it doesn't count. But we do need to figure out, think all of us, most especially white women who say we want to be part of the change, the ones of us who are today feeling disgusted and betrayed by our sisters need to think first and foremost, what's your role? What's your lane? How do you show up? What's the thing that's right for you? It doesn't have to be frontline responder if that's not you, but you do need to pick a lane and then start to seek out opportunities that allow you to actually activate inside of that space.
Taina Brown: So, De'Bair, she's with Building Movement Project. They also have a post-election guide that you can download if you go to their website or their Instagram. And it takes you through a whole process of figuring out how you fit into things and what your role is.
Becky Mollenkamp: And we'll put that in the show notes then.
Taina Brown: When we're on this show and in our work because we both identify as women and the majority of our client base is women. But I just really want to quickly also speak to white men who, if there are any who are listening or watching who did not vote for Trump, you need to step the fuck up. Stop playing golf with these people. Stop having beers with these people. Stop going to their kids birthday parties. I don't care if it's your family, if it's your high school buddy, if it's your fraternity buddy. Just stop. Just stop because you are not doing everything that you can. That is a fucking bare minimum to say to someone who hates this country and who hates the diversity in this country and who hates progress, it's the bare minimum to tell a person like that, I cannot hold space with you anymore because your values do not align with mine. That is the fucking bare minimum. And if you cannot do that, like, then what the fuck are you doing? So like, if you are a white man right now, I know we speak mostly to women and I don't want to let white men off the hook because there is a small percentage that voted for Harris. And if you are in that percentage, in this scenario, you have the most power and privilege and you need to be using that shit for good.
Becky Mollenkamp: Yeah. And this applies all the time to white men on all the issues. Like you need to be speaking out. I also just, I was going to look really quick because I want to honor that there were 39%. So it is a smaller percentage than any other group. By far the smallest percentage of any of our categories of people who voted for Harris, but it was still four out of 10 men, four out of 10 white men did vote for Harris. And we see you. I am not going to give you cookies because fuck that. And I do think some men expect them and you don't get them. I also want to, but I want to see you and say, did the right thing. That's it. You don't get a parade for that, but you did the right thing. And there are white men that are trying to do the right thing. I agree. need you not only to, I think alienating, I think that might be a place where we're at. Also start using your goddamn voice. Speak up. If you're going to alienate those people in your life, but when you see a random stranger who's ogling some woman, say something, use your body to create a barrier for her. Like be somebody who's showing up in that way. Say, hey dude, not cool. Right? When you hear somebody making a racist joke, don't just like let it go by and think, I don't want to get involved in that. You need to show up. Use your voice. Start saying something. Nicole said this, engage in uncomfortable conversations. I think too many men, I think of that 39 % of white men that voted for her, I bet it's a much, much smaller percentage. I would dare to say 5 % at most that are willing to do that part. They'll show up and vote, right? Where their friends don't find out, nobody knows, they don't have to do anything. That is a very low investment way to be an activist. But to use your voice to do that in uncomfortable times, to stand up for what's right in the moments, in all moments, that's harder. And that's what I want to see more of because I don't see it. And say for white women, but you're speaking specifically to white men.
Taina Brown: Yeah, there's definitely not enough of that going around. And I like what you said. You don't get cookies for doing the right thing. It's just the right thing. It's just the right thing to do. I, man, I'm just, my head hurts. My head hurts, y'all. I think, I like what you said. I like that you brought up the Ecosystem for Social Change by Deepa Iyer, the Building Movement, Post-Election Guide. I think also just start doing research. If you're trying to figure out what is your lane, what do you do from here, process your emotions, process your grief, journal, talk to your therapist, get around people who love you, where you feel safe, talk about it. But make a list of, here's my plan. This is what I'm hoping to do. Even if you don't have concrete ideas or a concrete plan yet, write down what you hope to do. I love how you were just like, I want to get involved in a local way. I don't know what that thing is yet, but I'm looking for it. Put it out there. You need to, and I, not trying to plug my free workshop, but I go over this in my Manifest Your Dream Life workshop, which is happening this Saturday at 10 a.m. and Sunday, November 17th, I think at 4 PM. But we talk about how we are already manifesting. Our actions are manifesting our reality. Now, obviously, we can't control everything because we can't control other people. We can't control things on such a big scale. But the little actions, the little thoughts, the little things that you do day to day directly affect your inner world and your very small circle. So if you want to see change, if you want to get involved, the best way to do that is to engage your senses, to engage your body in that. And so write it down, say it out loud, visualize it, do all of those things. It sounds hokey, but professional athletes do this shit all the time. They visualize winning. They visualize getting into the end zone. They visualize hitting that ball out of the ballpark, right? And it works for them because there's neuroscience to prove this shit. This is the way your brain works. If you don't see it, you cannot believe it. And if you don't believe that it's possible, if you don't have the imagination to believe that change is really possible, then you need to change your belief system. You need to change your values because you first also have to have the imagination, you have to be open to having that belief system, to having that imagination. so make a list. What changes do you want to see? Narrow that shit down. Figure out, hey, good timing.
Becky Mollenkamp: Yeah, this is great timing because we're just talking about like we've all the venting all the frustrations, but then moving into the and now what and thinking about how we move forward. And I think for everyone watching, Goddess Erica, we're hoping you can help us with some of the grounding piece because, know, yesterday didn't go how we wanted it to go. This was not the conversation I was hoping we'd be having today.
Goddess Erica: Me neither.
Becky Mollenkamp: And so I think for a lot of us, our nervous systems are completely out of whack right now, and maybe for a little while, but I'm hoping you can help us with that. Would you want to introduce yourself and tell people who you are, what you do, and how you might be able to help us today?
Goddess Erica: I am a pleasure activist who is in the business of helping people to reconnect with the truth and the centers of their beings so that they can go out into the world and be the best version of themselves. Sometimes that is through coaching and sometimes that is through offering support for people who are in vulnerable positions throughout society. One focus that I have right now is with orgasmic birth, which sounds like a oxymoron, but it is actually something that's real and can be achieved and is a form of activism. Because if you're seeking pleasure in a space where what you're expected to get is just whatever, then you're changing the landscape of the world around you. And it's very possible and very necessary for people particularly in the most vulnerable positions, women, people of color, people with LGBTQIA identities. And so, yeah, I would love to share a loving kindness meditation that can help us to kind of recenter ourselves on caring for ourselves, but also using some of that energy to kind of spread some healing energy into.
Becky Mollenkamp: For everyone who's watching, we'll do this if you're watching live and then if you're listening, anything people who might be listening later or anyone here needs to know about preparing for what we're about to do?
Goddess Erica: Being seated is perfectly fine. Just find a comfortable space. Kind of just relax your body. So this is a practice that is essentially designed for anyone who is experiencing emotional fatigue, defeat or dread. That sounds perfect for right now. The intention is because self doubt and negative self talk have the potential to cloud our ability to see the good and the moment or our progress over time. But with a guided meditation or just a regular meditation practice, those thought processes can be redirected towards positivity, which improves our resilience and reinforces our ability to move forward, even in the face of strife. So what I'm going to ask everyone to do is first and foremost, take a nice deep breath through your nose, fill your lungs. I want you to feel not just your chest expand, but your belly also rise away from your body. And as you exhale, I want you to feel your belly press back towards your spine and exhale through your mouth. And throughout this practice, whenever I ask you to breathe, I'd like for you to breathe in through your mouth. Take note of any tension in your body. Relax your shoulders. Relax. Maybe you clench your fists. Maybe, you know, you're someone who locks your knees or your legs. Unfurl your brow. Unclench your jaw. Just take a moment to let those things melt away every time you take a deep breath. So drawing in our breath and exhaling. And with our next breath, I'd like for you to place your hands over your eyes. We're just going to shut out a sensation for a moment. And we're going to rest here for a moment as we draw in a deep breath.And I want you to try to remember five things that you saw before closing your eyes. Perhaps that was something beautiful in the space in front of you. Perhaps that was light coming through a window. Perhaps it is something on your person. Perhaps it's just simply the screen in front of you. But whatever those five things are, take note of those things. Just draw in your breath. With each of those things that you noticed, find something pleasurable about those things. Just take a moment to take pleasure. you're ready. Draw in another deep breath. And you can keep your hands on your eyes. And this time I want you to take note of four things you hear in this space with your eyes closed. You probably hear my voice. Perhaps you hear the wind. Perhaps you hear outside noises. If you are in a working environment, perhaps you hear the low chatter of other people around you. Whatever those sounds are, take a moment to take note of them and each one find something that gives you pleasure about those things. And once you've taken account of those things, and please do take your time, draw one more deep breath and remove your hands from your eyes. And this time I want you to take note of three things that feel good right now. And I know that might be hard considering the moment that we are in, but perhaps it is remembering your morning coffee. Perhaps it was a kind word or a touch from a loved one. Perhaps it is just taking the moment, taking pleasure and the fact that you are taking a moment to center and be with yourself and to take note of your body and to take note of the pleasurable things around you because it is so easy to forget those things when we are so laser focused on what we need to fix. Finally take one more deep breath. And this time I want you to notice two things you can smell again you're smelling your morning coffee, perhaps you are smelling cleaner cleanser that you use to clean your workspace, perhaps you are smelling your own perfume. Whatever those scents are, take a moment and find pleasure in two of those scents. And finally, take another deep breath. And this time, I want you to swallow and feel the sensation of your saliva as it passes along your throat. Imagine that you're feeling the sensation of it passing past your heart. And as you do, draw in breath and feel your heart open to the space around you. This may be a very vulnerable feeling, but it's okay. We are in a safe space. Feel that sensation continue down into your belly. And then imagine that it is passing even further down through your creation center and even further down into your root. And finally, as you're drawing one more deep breath, I want you to think of one thing that you need right now and sit with how you are feeling about that need right now. Do you feel that it is possible for that need to be met? Do you feel as if you are capable of answering that need or placing in front of you the things that are necessary to reach that desire, that need? And as you were thinking about your capabilities, I want you to also take a moment to shift your thoughts, not just to the outside sources of answering that need, but to really deeply focus on the inner ability to answer that need. And then ask yourself, what is the thing that I do best? What is my gift? Draw in a few breaths as you consider, as you ponder. It could be a technical skill related to your work. It could be an interpersonal skill. It could be a passion. This could be something that you've worked hard to fine tune, or it could be something that comes naturally to you. It can literally be anything, but whatever it is, it is your thing. It is your superpower. Draw in your breath. Consider that thing. It's what makes you feel valuable. Perhaps it's what defines you. Maybe you're really good at creative ideas or talking to people or organizing or strategic thinking or helping others heal. Take some time to think about what your thing is. And once you have it in your head, begin to examine it. Begin to examine the details of it, how you came to it, why it feels so close to you. Is this truly yours or is it something that was presented to you as, this person is so great at that, and you ran with it. Or is it something that truly, deeply inside of you, you feel connected to, called towards? What about this thing makes you feel good? Sit with those good feelings. Own them. Embrace them. Allow yourself to feel proud. So often our focus is on what we need to fix or improve about ourselves or the world. And those things can get stuck in our heads. Perhaps we are not as organized as we'd like to be. Perhaps we're not as creative as we'd like to be. Perhaps maybe you don't spell so great. But whatever those things are, it's okay to not be perfect as long as you are pouring your passion and your heart and your love into that space for yourself. And of course, self-improvement is necessary for both personal and professional growth, but in focusing so hard on improvement, we rarely allow ourselves time to feel good about what we're actually doing right, about what's actually right in the world, about what's actually right because of what we've been doing in the world. So think about that thing that is your thing as you draw in another deep breath and sit with it. Relish it. As you inhale, praise yourself for your gift and allow yourself to become full with the pride and good feelings that come as a result. Now on your exhale, I want you to share those good feelings with the space around you. Imagine that all of those good feelings that you have cultivated for yourself that you are now radiating that sense of satisfaction, a sense of positivity, that sense of quiet knowing where you belong, what you need to do, what needs to happen next and allow it to gently radiate from your body and into the room. On your next inhale, give yourself permission to smile because your gift, no matter how insignificant it may seem, gives you purpose. It gives you purpose. It gives you the ability to create ripples in the world around you. And you can do it energetically just through your meditation as well. Your self satisfaction shows on your face, your resilience, your determination. It radiates from you. It gives you a reason to be here, to stay here, to continue the work. It gives you a reason to keep coming back even in the face of defeat. On your next inhale, draw in those feelings. Once again, feel that satisfaction and with your next exhale, I want you to radiate even larger. Don't just share that energy with the room, share it with the entire building that you occupy. As you inhale again, breathe in that satisfaction and allow yourself to be in love with you. You are the most important person in your story. You are the protagonist. Become full with this feeling. And as you breathe in, allow your breath to hang at the top for just a moment. And as you exhale, share that feeling of love and acceptance with the world. Allow yourself to become so large with love and care that it can't help but spill from you, spill from your space, spill from the building, spill into the neighborhood to touch other people, to inspire, to give them hope. Continue to draw in your breath with this practice of self-satisfaction and with releasing it back into the world. With your inhale, draw in thank you. With your exhale, breathe out thank you. With your next inhale. Draw in. We can do this. With your next exhale. We can do this. Now with your next inhale. I will stay the course. And with your next exhale, I will stay the course. Now inhale. I've caught you. I see you. I will protect you. And with your next exhale. I've got you. I see you. And I will protect you. Continue to inhale and fill yourself with this good energy. And exhale and share that energy out. Do this three or four more times. Inhale. And exhale to share. Inhale. To draw in those feelings, to hold onto them. Exhale to spread it to the world. Inhale to heal, to soften. Exhale. Provide that to others. And inhale one more time. I'm here. and exhale. I am here. And now one last time, inhale, I love you. Feel it deeply, personally. Identify where that little burst of energy that is the purest form of you, identify where that exists in your body. Is it in your head? Is it in your heart? Is it in your belly? Is it in your hands? Wherever we find that sensation of ourselves existing, speak to it and whisper with love, I love you. And as you exhale, use that tiny spark to amplify your voice, to amplify your energy out into the world with one last expression of love and support and care. I love you. And you can slowly begin to bring your breathing back to a regular pace. You can open your eyes and bring yourself back to the room that'll allow those feelings to linger as you open your eyes. Maybe shake your head a tad bit. Roll your shoulders back. Allow yourself to come back. Thank you for sharing that meditation with me. I hope that it helps. I know I certainly needed it. So thank you for letting me share it.
Taina Brown: That was much needed. Thank you, Goddess Erica.
Goddess Erica: Thank you.
Becky Mollenkamp: Thanks, my headache's nearly gone. So that's wonderful because it's been plaguing me all day. Thank you very much for doing that and thanks for those who are here with us live for participating in that and in the discussion. And if you're listening later, hopefully it brings you some peace and the energy that we all need to move forward now and keep fighting.
Taina Brown: Where can people find you, Goddess Erica?
Goddess Erica: Yes, so you can find me and more information on the work that I do at yesgoddesserica.com. You can also find me on Instagram at goddess underscore Erica.
Taina Brown: Awesome.
Becky Mollenkamp: I'll put that in the show notes for anyone who's listening later. So thank you so much. And thank you, Taina, for doing this with me today. And for those of you who joined us live and shared comments to Nicole and Melanie, specifically who I saw, thank you all. And thank you for anyone listening later. We see you.
Taina Brown: Take care of yourselves today.
Becky Mollenkamp: Yeah, thank you all.