“Taming the Fire of Desire” by Caleb Cole

Pastor Caleb Cole continues the Through the Fire series with “Taming the Fire of Desire,” a message on sexual purity, identity in Christ, and biblical boundaries. Teaching from 1 Corinthians 6 and 1 Peter 1, he explains how sexual desire is God-given but must be directed within God’s design. This sermon calls believers to pursue holiness, protect marriage, and find freedom through intimacy with Christ.

• (00:00) - Through the Fire series recap
• (01:16) - Why we must talk about sex
• (03:06) - Cultural sexual revolution vs biblical worldview
• (05:17) - Sexual desire is God given
• (06:08) - Flee sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6)
• (08:40) - What sexual immorality includes
• (11:45) - The consequences of sexual freedom culture
• (12:32) - Identity begins in Christ
• (16:09) - Biblical sexual ethic explained
• (20:33) - Self denial vs self expression
• (22:35) - Intimacy in marriage God’s design
• (31:33) - Fight for purity in a digital world
• (39:10) - Holiness leads to peace and flourishing
• (41:45) - Salvation and purity prayer

Creators and Guests

Host

Caleb Cole

Caleb, a Sacramento native, grew up in a pastor’s home and is a third generation minister. At the age of 12, after one of his grandfather’s sermons, he felt a call from God to be a pastor. He consistently pursued that call throughout high school and college. Caleb attended Central Bible College in Springfield, MO where he earned a B.A. in Biblical Studies and went on to the Assemblies of God Theological Seminary where he earned an M.A. in Theological Studies.

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00;00;00;00 - 00;00;15;29
Caleb Cole
Well hey, my name is Caleb. If you're new. So glad you're here. We are in the middle of a series called Through the Fire. This is a relationship series. We've hit on some different topics. If you missed any, you can go back to YouTube. You can watch us project church Sacramento, or, you can listen.

00;00;15;29 - 00;00;38;24
Caleb Cole
We have a podcast on iTunes, Spotify. So you can always go back, catch up. We hit some different topics around relationships, but today I am continuing our series and I've come to a spicy topic. Come on. Y'all ready for something spicy today? That's right. We are going to talk about sex. All right. So I'm just letting y'all know if you got kids in the room.

00;00;38;24 - 00;00;55;13
Caleb Cole
That's up to you. My boys are in here 12 and 13, and I'm good with them hearing this. But if you got younger kids, our kids, ministry upstairs, you can take them up and drop them off. I am going to talk about some things that, maybe you're not ready for them to hear. And so I'm just giving you a heads up.

00;00;55;13 - 00;01;16;20
Caleb Cole
All right? If you got kids in the room, you can bring them up and drop them off. Our team's waiting for you. But if you're good with them hearing it. Cool, cool. I know my boys are ready. You guys ready? Cannon? Kai, you ready for this topic? Yeah, yeah. They love this. Well, I want to talk to you about taming the fire of desire.

00;01;16;22 - 00;01;40;27
Caleb Cole
Let me already. I think it's funny, right? How people will have a hard time with pastors talking about this. I had some people, you know, in the service. I said, I'll talk about sex. Couple people just got up and walked out. They're like, not going to hear about this today. Isn't that funny? Because the reality is our our culture is so sexualized and we're inundated with it all the time.

00;01;40;29 - 00;02;09;07
Caleb Cole
And what's crazy is the Bible talks about it actually a lot. But then we get to church, we're like, oh no, no, don't talk about that. You know, I hear about anything else. But not that. But listen, we do this relationship series every year, and I feel that it is necessary that I talk about this topic because ultimately, the Bible is clear that this is one of the greatest challenges that we face as human beings and as followers of God.

00;02;09;09 - 00;02;40;20
Caleb Cole
You see, Jesus gave the command to love people, and the New Testament commands us to destroy false ideologies. So if today feels aggressive at all, I just want you to know I'm not coming at people. I'm coming and destroying ideologies that are destroying people because there are a lot of cultural ideologies, perspectives and worldviews, cultural worldviews that are actually, and, antithetical to the gospel.

00;02;40;22 - 00;03;06;08
Caleb Cole
And in contrast to what the biblical worldview is that we should hold as followers of God. And what I would say to you is that the sexual freedom that is happening in our culture right now is really become the predominant religion of our day. Like we worship our bodies, we worship sex. It's prominent in every area of our lives.

00;03;06;10 - 00;03;28;22
Caleb Cole
Romans one two tells us that when we stop worshiping God, we will find something else to worship. And what I see in our culture is that we we don't worship God anymore. So we worship sex. We worship our own desires, even. And so I do have an issue with Christians today. I'm just going to keep it 100 with you.

00;03;28;22 - 00;03;48;17
Caleb Cole
All right. I'm going to keep it real with you. Today. I got an issue with Christian. I'm not saying all y'all's, but maybe some of you. I'm not saying everybody that was at all our three service, but some of you. And here's my issue with Christians today. My issue is that we have become comfortable with sexual sin.

00;03;48;19 - 00;04;19;14
Caleb Cole
We actually embrace it and we go, oh, I love God. But this thing not like it's not that big of a deal because culturally it's normal. And so it's fine that I operate in that way. But ultimately we don't conform to culture. As followers of Christ. We conform to the call on us by Christ to be different, set apart, holy, and to set a better example for this world right now.

00;04;19;14 - 00;04;49;29
Caleb Cole
Hear me that Christianity is a faith that has been passed down to you, right? It is an ancient faith, thousands of years old, and it has been passed down to you. And so you do not get to just believe whatever you want to believe. That's not how this works. If you are going to be devoted to God and His Word, you have to believe what is biblical, what is historical, and what is theological meaning.

00;04;49;29 - 00;05;17;24
Caleb Cole
My biblical or my sexual ethic must be biblical, not cultural. So I choose a sexual ethic that is in line with the scriptures, in line with God's Word, and will actually at times conflict with culture. That is what we as followers of Christ must do. Now hear me that sexual desire is natural and actually God given. How many are thankful for it?

00;05;17;24 - 00;05;36;22
Caleb Cole
Come on, I'm thankful for sex in this place. God is good. He blessed us with it. He could have done it anyway. I made this joke last year. He could have said, you know what? I'm going to have my people, be fruitful and multiply. But procreation is going to look like this. They're going to take some earwax out, stick it in the girl's ear, and then she'll get pregnant.

00;05;36;24 - 00;06;08;19
Caleb Cole
And that could have been procreation. But God did not choose that way. He actually chose a different way that sexual intimacy would be the way that we procreate. But he also designed it to be enjoyable, to be a blessing. It would actually be good for your body physically. It would relieve stress. It would do all these other amazing things chemically in your brain and be good for you, and also be something that you can have in life with a spouse.

00;06;08;22 - 00;06;37;22
Caleb Cole
It is a blessing. And so I'm thankful for it today. But let's dig in. First Corinthians chapter six. I'm going to read verse 18 through 20 says flee from sexual immorality. I would say run. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body. But the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Think about this. Sexual sin is different than every other sin.

00;06;37;24 - 00;07;14;13
Caleb Cole
Now don't get it twisted. All sins are the same in God's eyes. There is not one sin in this room that further separates you from God than another sin. There's not a certain sin in your life that God deems as a more horrific or worse sin than another sin. But what Paul writes, and what is affirmed in Scripture is that sexual sin does have greater negative impact on you than every other sin, because sexual sin is sinning against your own body.

00;07;14;15 - 00;07;44;17
Caleb Cole
Verse 19. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with the price. So glorify God in your body. Your body sexually was meant to actually glorify the Lord, your body in every aspect your work, your ethics, your effort, your energy, your talents was all meant to bring glory to the Lord.

00;07;44;19 - 00;08;15;26
Caleb Cole
But he connects sexual sin to this moment of saying your sin sexually. It impacts you in a greater way. So you need to take it serious. Do you hear me? We gotta take this very serious. And it's why we need to talk about it. Because what I see is a culture that is broken sexually, a culture that is in bondage sexually, a culture that is, that is internally, discouraged, depressed, defeated sexually.

00;08;16;01 - 00;08;39;07
Caleb Cole
And we wonder why. And I'm going to get to what God really wants us to hear today. But this word of sexual immorality is the Greek word porno, which is where we get the root word for pornography. And this is any sin outside of the Genesis two marital covenant. So let me give you the list because people are like, oh, what's the line?

00;08;39;07 - 00;09;06;12
Caleb Cole
What's how far is too far? Caleb? What's actual sexual immorality? So this is what I would say to you, based on today's culture, what we battle and what is what we see in scripture, a sexual immorality, this would be pornography, masturbation, sexual intimacy outside of marriage, polygamy, oral sex outside of marriage, sexualizing yourself with intentionally sexually provocative dress, adultery, lust, lust of the eyes, or emotional fantasizing.

00;09;06;14 - 00;09;27;00
Caleb Cole
If I was to give you a list sexual immorality, this is what would fall within it. So here's what I would say to you. If you're not committed to the authority of scriptures, you will always be a slave to what culture says is right. And here's what cultural culture says is right. It started in the 1960s with the sexual revolution.

00;09;27;07 - 00;09;55;13
Caleb Cole
I shared this part a couple of years back. And so if this sounds familiar, I have shared it before. But in the 1960s, the sexual revolution happened. It was a do whatever makes you feel happy sexual freedom. Express yourself right generation. And what's followed, sociologists report, is that Americans are the least happy, least joyful they've ever been. We are more depressed, more anxiety filled, more medicated than ever.

00;09;55;15 - 00;10;22;00
Caleb Cole
Gen Z right now is the most angry, lonely, depressed generation on record. Divorce rates have doubled since the 1960s, which has resulted in an epidemic of fatherlessness. Around 40% of homes have children who are growing up without a father right now, and Fatherlessness, statistically, is the number one contributor to all five of the following societal ills crime, homelessness, poverty, unwed pregnancy and future fatherlessness.

00;10;22;03 - 00;10;46;11
Caleb Cole
Here's what I would say to you. If you want to change the world, we need men to rise up, lead their homes, lead their children, lead their spouses. But look at what's happening sexually for young people, right? I have one teenager about to have two Aids, and 90% of all teenagers will be exposed to pornography use, with the average age of first exposure being 11.

00;10;46;13 - 00;11;15;19
Caleb Cole
A recent study found that 16 to 18 year olds found that nearly every individual, in the in that demographic had learned about sex by watching porn. Sexual abuse is at its highest rate in our nation's history, with one inch four women being sexually abused by the age of 18. So I just want to say right now to any women who experience sexual abuse, young people who've experienced sexual abuse, I want to say I'm sorry.

00;11;15;22 - 00;11;45;16
Caleb Cole
I want to say a heart breaks for you. We're praying for you. But this is the state of which the sexual revolution has left us in. This is the repercussions of express yourself. Do whatever makes you feel happy and and and anything goes sexually. When God created a framework and boundaries with which we were to operate in our lives sexually.

00;11;45;19 - 00;12;05;17
Caleb Cole
So what I want to do today, because I know y'all are with me, you seem locked in. I want to talk about how we tame the fire of desire. Now, I said that the fire desire is actually God given, but it was meant to be directed in the proper way. We got to tame it in a healthy way.

00;12;05;21 - 00;12;32;20
Caleb Cole
So first we got to find intimacy with Christ first. This is how you tame the fire of desire. It starts with an intimate connection with your Savior. And so I would say to you, the reason that so many people are broken right now sexually is because they're trying to fill the void in their life with a person, with sex, with pornography, with a, with a, a girl with a boy.

00;12;32;22 - 00;13;03;05
Caleb Cole
Right. By sleeping around. By dating around. They're trying to fill the void that only Christ can fill. Only Jesus can fulfill you. No sexual relationship, no marriage, no spouse, no no sexual experience. None of that is ever going to fulfill you. It can feel good for a moment, but at least you just as you are afterwards. It is only through connection with your Savior Christ that you can be fulfilled and walk in the fullness of the purpose that God has for you.

00;13;03;07 - 00;13;27;29
Caleb Cole
So my challenge to us, I don't care where you are, what you're battling, what perspective you have single dating engagement where you fall. Ultimately, we gotta start by saying we need Jesus. We need to know him deeper. It's why we've called you. I project church these last couple of years to be in the prayer rooms. We said the start of this year be a person that every day, every believer in God's Word, we want you in the word.

00;13;28;01 - 00;13;51;10
Caleb Cole
We want you in prayer. We want you in intimacy with the Lord. We want you to to pursue his presence because that is what changes us. That is what heals us. But we are in a moment where the world is lorded over by the father of lies. Satan was loosed on this earth and he's trying to steal, kill and destroy.

00;13;51;13 - 00;14;14;08
Caleb Cole
He's trying to devour everyone. He can't. And I'm telling you right now, he's used the sexual revolution. He's used, the lust of our flesh. He's to use sexuality to break down a lot of people in this culture. And a lot of Christians. So let's read first Corinthians six. I'm going to go a little earlier, verse nine through 11.

00;14;14;11 - 00;14;45;01
Caleb Cole
Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. I'm jumping down to verse 11. Such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. And by the spirit of our God hear me. It is through Christ that you are sanctified, justified, made right, set apart.

00;14;45;05 - 00;15;18;25
Caleb Cole
It's what we just sung about. The blood. It's what I prayed to end that, that worship time. May we pursue intimacy with Christ. You see, the enemy wants you led by your proclivity, by your activity. But hear me, you are not your sin. Only God can give you your true identity. You are not your sexual desires. So, listen, I, I'm we're we're in a church in downtown Sacramento.

00;15;18;26 - 00;15;44;13
Caleb Cole
We got people from a lot of different perspectives, and I've had relationships with all types of different people. And and I have conversations almost weekly with someone that identifies as LGBTQ. I a plus and and I've had I've had conversations just last week this week I got an email was talking to somebody about it. Right. This is a regular thing that we are talking about and talking through.

00;15;44;15 - 00;16;09;25
Caleb Cole
And here's what I would say is the challenge for for those people who identify as LGBTQ plus. And this is coming from a father, a spiritual father, a leader, and someone who cares about you. What I've seen is a challenge with those that identify. Identifying that community is that their identity becomes first in their sexuality.

00;16;09;27 - 00;16;32;09
Caleb Cole
And if your identity is first, then your sexuality, and then Jesus has to fit into that. We have a problem. You see, my identity is not am I heterosexuality? No, no. My identity first and foremost is I'm a son of the Most High God. First and foremost, Jesus has given me identity that I've been saved, sanctified, set apart.

00;16;32;12 - 00;16;52;22
Caleb Cole
He's who I live for. He's who I devote myself to. He's who I, who I operate from and and from the intimacy and my connection to him. And so that has to be something that we all agree on. I don't care what background you come from, I don't care what your perspective is. I don't care what your sexual orientation is, that we would move and say, no.

00;16;52;23 - 00;17;23;11
Caleb Cole
My identity first and foremost is in Christ. Intimacy with him first. But the other thing is because people always ask us, and I'm not trying to hide nothing, okay? Just so you guys know, I'm just be real with you that I hold in our church holds a historical, biblical sexual ethic, meaning that we believe that marriage between one man and one woman and, and, and homosexuality falls outside of what is God's intended plan.

00;17;23;13 - 00;17;31;05
Caleb Cole
Now, that's the the theological perspective that we hold. Here's what I'll say to you.

00;17;31;08 - 00;17;57;19
Caleb Cole
I have these meetings all the time, have these conversations all the time. I tell people same sex orientation, same sex attraction or or just that already identify fully as LGBTQ. I tell them you are welcome here. You are loved here. I'm not here to change you, but what I would say to you is that you would find intimacy with Christ first, and then you got to work out your salvation with fear and trembling.

00;17;57;21 - 00;18;22;00
Caleb Cole
But Caleb, what's your saying? I just told you my perspective. I just told you. But now it's between you and God. It's got nothing to do with me, actually. But I have a responsibility as a shepherd, father, teacher, father of this house. Which is the role I've been given that I tell you what I see in Scripture, what we hold to from a biblical sexual ethic, and then from there you do with it what you will.

00;18;22;03 - 00;18;43;07
Caleb Cole
You work it out with you. And God. I want you first and foremost to go. I'm with you, Caleb, that I'm going to start with my identity. Being in Christ. That's got to be the starting point. Now, from there, we can have more conversations. I'm going to connect to y'all have conversate. Y'all pray with you. I did it this week with people and I'm already, I'm sure I'm already getting emails today.

00;18;43;07 - 00;19;05;15
Caleb Cole
You know is it's been a fun day, but I don't want to ever put smoke and mirrors as to where we stand, what how we feel, and what our perspective is. Imma be 100 with you like this is what we see biblically, but I want you to know your loved you are accepted. You are seen, you are valued.

00;19;05;15 - 00;19;30;23
Caleb Cole
God loves you. He has a plan and a purpose for your life. I want nothing more than for you to have greater, deeper intimacy with him. That's my heart. As a spiritual father and the leader of this place. First Corinthians 619 I already read it for you, says, do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?

00;19;30;25 - 00;19;39;17
Caleb Cole
You are not your own. So here's the issue I have with the sexual revolution that has led us up to this point since the 1960s.

00;19;39;20 - 00;20;12;22
Caleb Cole
It says it's all about self-expression, but Jesus was all about self-denial. He said, take up your cross, deny yourself, and follow me. The sexual revolution says worship sex. God says, you shall have no other God before me. The sexual revolution says, oh, we should be Christ. We should have a pride in who we are. The Jesus says, humble yourself.

00;20;12;24 - 00;20;33;15
Caleb Cole
The sexual revolution says, I was born this way. The Jesus revolution says, you can be born again. The new the sexual revolution says I'm perfect just the way I am. Jesus says you must become a new creation. The sexual revolution says it's all about tolerance. The Jesus Revolution says it's all about repentance.

00;20;33;17 - 00;20;50;00
Caleb Cole
So this is my challenge to us that we would not stay as we are. Can I tell you, when I was a young man, what my propensity, my proclivity, my activity was right as a young man that every beautiful woman I saw, I was trying to connect. You know what I'm saying? Beauty, beauty. Oh, I'm trying to connect.

00;20;50;00 - 00;21;27;22
Caleb Cole
I'm trying to. But guess what? Over time, I denied myself, brought my flesh into subjection, took up my cross and follow Jesus. So now, 17.5 years into marriage, I can see a beautiful woman, right? I ain't blind, say, oh wow, that's a beautiful daughter of God. But that's the end of it. There's not lust, there's not fantasizing, there's it's not me pursuing an unhealthy relationship because I've actually trained my flesh to only be attracted to one woman.

00;21;27;25 - 00;21;42;18
Caleb Cole
I've trained my flesh right. 18 years of marriage, I can tell you about. It started when I was a young person, when I denied my flesh by saying, I'm not going to look at pornography. And then I got married and I'm coming off my 18 years of marriage. I have never once looked at pornography since I've married Christy Cole.

00;21;42;25 - 00;22;04;00
Caleb Cole
And I'll tell you that dead up 100%, y'all like he's not. I'm not. Is that to say? Oh, Caleb, is that strong? Well, well, that was partly me, because it does take some of you having strength, but it was also me leaning into the Holy Spirit to say, Lord, straight to me, because doesn't mean I wasn't tempted, doesn't mean I'm still not tempted.

00;22;04;02 - 00;22;28;13
Caleb Cole
But guess what? The temptation becomes weaker when you daily deny your flesh and the spirit becomes stronger. And then that's what's leading me. This all flows from my intimacy with Christ. The closer I become to him, the more I live like him, look like him, act like him, think like him. The more it flows into all of my relationships.

00;22;28;16 - 00;22;35;16
Caleb Cole
Second thing is we gotta find intimacy in marriage. For most people.

00;22;35;19 - 00;22;59;11
Caleb Cole
What does that mean, Caleb? Well, here's what I'll tell you. A recent study, they found that over 90% of Americans will eventually get married. So some of y'all single people are like, all right, there's still hope. Come on. There's still hope for you. But what does Scripture say? Well, Paul said it's better to be single because then you're not concerned with the things of this world.

00;22;59;14 - 00;23;20;01
Caleb Cole
So, like me, I'm married, have three kids. Right. I got a I'm concerned with the four Amazon packages that show up to my house every day like this, distracting me from the ministry. It's my joke. My joke that keeps on joking. Christy's not in here. This. Oh, she is in here. It. That's her making those orders, by the way.

00;23;20;03 - 00;23;42;00
Caleb Cole
No, but I'm saying is she said it's better remain single because then you can focus just on the ministry and just on the call of God in your life. But it's better to marry than to burn with passion. So for most of us, we will find intimacy in marriage. How do we tame the fire of desire? Will we have healthy sexual intimacy in our marriages?

00;23;42;07 - 00;23;51;03
Caleb Cole
This is what God gave us. He designed it this way. First Corinthians 7325.

00;23;51;06 - 00;24;14;16
Caleb Cole
The husband should give his wife her conjugal rights. This is sex and likewise the wife to her husband. Verse five do not deprive one another. This is talking about sex, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourself to prayer, but then come back together again, so that saint may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

00;24;14;19 - 00;24;45;22
Caleb Cole
This is very clear, descriptive, applicable language on how we should operate in marriage as husbands and wives as it relates to sex. What does that mean? I don't withhold. Why? Because physiologically, we need physical intimacy. We need sexual connection. God designed us. So it's literally scientific and biblical. I tell couples all the time of premarital sex, and you should be physically intimate at least once a week.

00;24;45;27 - 00;24;53;21
Caleb Cole
A recent study just came out and confirmed this. I was right all along because some people for 20 years and I was right.

00;24;53;23 - 00;25;12;09
Caleb Cole
At least once a week, you know, your body needs that. And this is for men and women, right? So I'm not withholding. I'm actually and it says if you can do it for a time, if you wanted to put yourselves to prayer, the Lord's never called me and Christi to that. But, you know, we might call you to that, to for yourself, to prayer, not have intimacy, but make sure you come back together so you're not tempted, right?

00;25;12;09 - 00;25;21;09
Caleb Cole
I found I can I can be intimate and still pray. Praise the Lord. Come on, we can do both.

00;25;21;11 - 00;25;25;23
Caleb Cole
Come on. I'm trying to keep it light in here.

00;25;25;25 - 00;25;53;09
Caleb Cole
But I'm thankful for my wife. I've told our church multiple times that there was seasons where we were not connected emotionally. We were struggling in our marriage. You know, at times things have not always been perfect, right? We argue like everybody else. There was challenges, right? We had young kids and we were stressed and all this. And there were times that because I was just, emotionally unhealthy and I would just stuff all my emotions and not talk to her about anything I was feeling.

00;25;53;09 - 00;26;13;13
Caleb Cole
And, I mean, she brought her emotions to me. I would get defensive, be like, well, that's not facts. Those are just feelings. Rather than understanding that scientifically. Right. Physiologically, feelings happen to us. We can't control them. And so we need to acknowledge those. I've learned this now, so. Wow, that must be hard when you feel that. Chrissy, I must be difficult.

00;26;13;15 - 00;26;37;00
Caleb Cole
Rather than getting defensive, I acknowledge that her feelings are valid in this moment. But there was a season when I didn't do any of that. I wasn't good at that. We were disconnected. But one thing she never did, she never withheld in our physical intimacy. So every week we were intimate physically. And I tell people all the time that sex saved our marriage.

00;26;37;03 - 00;27;00;21
Caleb Cole
And guess what? God designed it that way. Because things are going to be difficult. Things are going to be hard. You're not always going to feel connected. There's going to be stressors. And God gave you this beautiful act that the Bible calls a mingling of souls. When you are sexually. It's a mingling of souls that comes together. But this intimacy was meant to be enjoyed in the covenant of marriage.

00;27;00;21 - 00;27;39;09
Caleb Cole
Do you hear me? Within the confines of the covenant of marriage, sex within marriage should be regular, sacrificial and loving. The Bible is not anti-sex. It's pro sex with boundaries that will end in blessing and not pain. We're in a culture of hookups, hookup culture, right? I just saw an ad for this new show coming out all about hookup culture, and it's fantasizing it and and celebrating it, not talking about the destruction that it leads.

00;27;39;13 - 00;27;58;16
Caleb Cole
It leaves in its wake. How many? No fire in a fireplace is amazing. I love making fires in our fireplace, but if it escapes the boundaries, that same fire can burn the house down and kill everyone in the process.

00;27;58;18 - 00;28;27;16
Caleb Cole
Sex intimacy was meant to be enjoyed in the confines, the boundaries, the fire, place of marriage. And when it's in the proper context, it is beautiful and wonderful and fruitful and a blessing. But you see intimacy outside of marriage. It's not pleasing to God. It's not blessed by God, and it's a counterfeit version of intimacy that breeds insecurity.

00;28;27;18 - 00;28;49;29
Caleb Cole
And I've had to walk with couples who were intimate before marriage, and they were followers of Christ. And that same shame and guilt followed them into marriage. And then even in their intimacy in marriage, they couldn't disconnect the the sin that they associated with the sexual connection. And so then it bleed it over to it bled over into their marriage to her.

00;28;49;29 - 00;28;56;21
Caleb Cole
Now, when they were intimate in marriage, they felt dirty and shame and guilt around it.

00;28;56;24 - 00;29;09;09
Caleb Cole
Well, it all started because they did it outside of the confines of the boundaries of what God intended. And now they're having to heal through that process.

00;29;09;12 - 00;29;34;11
Caleb Cole
I just want to encourage you and challenge you. You would find intimacy in marriage, and so can I just go on a side for a second? Because we have adopted the cultural norms. And so we got all these Christians that are like dating each other for like seven, eight, nine, ten years, and we're not getting married. Yeah. And I would just say, what are you doing as a father, as a spiritual father, as a leader?

00;29;34;11 - 00;29;57;25
Caleb Cole
Like y'all are tripping. And then you wonder why. Oh, oh, we can't control ourselves. Oh, no duh. You've been dating for seven years. You think you're going to walk in purity? No. It was hard enough. Christy and I dated for six months. We could barely contain ourselves. So we got married quick. And looking back, I should. I said we should have just a lot, like, three months in, you know what I'm saying?

00;29;57;27 - 00;30;17;12
Caleb Cole
I'm not saying to rush it and to not use wisdom, not to assess if this is the right person. But what we're doing today, we look just like the world. So we cohabitate and we sleep together and we're practicing for marriage. No statistics show us. A recent study just came out that there is a 50% higher chance of of divorce if you cohabitate.

00;30;17;14 - 00;30;22;19
Caleb Cole
You're not practicing for marriage. You're practicing for divorce.

00;30;22;22 - 00;30;28;12
Caleb Cole
I know I'm too real today. I just don't care.

00;30;28;14 - 00;31;04;25
Caleb Cole
Now I'm not here to make you feel shame. I'm here to challenge you to do something different. Because I believe God wants you to have the healthy sexual relationship and marriage that he intended for you. But we have played into the cultural norms. We have adopted the cultural practices. Actually, a recent study I just saw said that couples who who get married young and are both followers of Jesus, they have a 50% higher chance of having longevity in marriage than those that wait till they're 30, which is the average age of marriage.

00;31;04;25 - 00;31;33;04
Caleb Cole
Now. So I would just say young people, single people, find someone that loves God, has a heart for God. Get premarital counseling. We do it here and then step into covenant because that's how God intended it. Culture has changed. We're in the greatest challenging season. Culturally, probably in human history, because until these last hundred years, I mean, everyone was getting married in their teens.

00;31;33;07 - 00;31;57;20
Caleb Cole
And this is why we struggle with purity, which is number three, if we're going to tame the fire of desire, we got to fight for purity. Fight for it. Well, how do I do that, Kay? Well, I will remove pornography. I gotta figure out how to manage this. I gotta figure out how to manage my URL. When I'm in my room at night with my computer, my laptop.

00;31;57;22 - 00;32;04;01
Caleb Cole
I gotta figure out how to set up boundaries in my life. Because pornography is ruining this generation.

00;32;04;04 - 00;32;26;02
Caleb Cole
But I started talking to these guys about pornography when they were 11, ten years old because I knew that was the age of exposure on average. Now, I waited until they were 13 to get them phones, and even then, I don't give them untethered access. Right. I got there on lock. When it comes to Safari, Google, they're not allowed to download an app without my approval.

00;32;26;04 - 00;32;45;05
Caleb Cole
They don't they're not allowed to have social media, right? Like YouTube is the only time you're watching YouTube is on the TV in the big room. So you can everyone can see what we're watching because I'm trying to protect their purity. So fathers, mothers in the room. But all the other kids have phones. Mom and dad, that's nice.

00;32;45;05 - 00;33;18;06
Caleb Cole
I'm putting yours on lock, but everybody else gets to watch stuff in the room. That's nice. You're not everybody else. And one day you're going to thank me. One day you're going to hug me and say, God, dad, thanks for protecting me all these years. Because what's happening is we're seeing, erectile dysfunction in teenagers right now. Yeah, it's a prominent problem because they're so addicted to pornography.

00;33;18;09 - 00;33;46;08
Caleb Cole
We gotta fight for purity. We gotta fight for the next generation. We got to protect the young people, protect the next generation. But it starts with you that you would take your thoughts captive. First Corinthians 619 and 20. You are not your own. You were bought with a price. So honor God with your body. Glorify God with your body.

00;33;46;10 - 00;34;05;28
Caleb Cole
The world tells you, don't suppress it, just express it. I know Jesus says something totally different to deny yourself, deny your flesh. Fight for purity because you know what it leads to. It leads to health and intimacy and marriage.

00;34;06;00 - 00;34;29;26
Caleb Cole
You don't cut it out. Now single people is going to follow you into marriage. And I'm talking to the ladies too, because the increase right now with women using pornography. The creator of the universe, he made sex. He said, be fruitful and multiply. But he wanted the purity to be a part of of the boundaries that he created for it.

00;34;30;01 - 00;34;50;17
Caleb Cole
In in healthy marital covenant, we said we took a lot of flak these last couple of weeks because our South Side campus pastor Antonio, did a wedding in the middle, a bad bunny Super Bowl performance. How many? You saw this? Yeah. You know what I'm talking about. You. If you don't know now, you know we took a lot of heat for it.

00;34;50;19 - 00;35;21;23
Caleb Cole
Thought it was funny. And at the end of the day, if you want to watch our reasoning, we posted a video on our YouTube. You can see our reasoning, our heart behind. Why did we advocate for everything that took place now? There was some crazy stuff going on during the performance. You know? But at the end of the day, a culture that trivializes marriage, 165 million people watched a real pastor administer a real wedding, affirming the covenant of marriage that God created.

00;35;21;25 - 00;35;56;17
Caleb Cole
And I felt like it was a message in that moment to the world that marriage is still God's best in a culture that's trivialized it and actually says, and right now the argument is that marriage is something of the past. We don't even need it today. No, no, that's that was God's original intent. It is where we find purity connected to a spouse in the confines of God's covenant.

00;35;56;19 - 00;36;03;18
Caleb Cole
We got fight for emotional connection and find love and respect in marriage.

00;36;03;21 - 00;36;17;21
Caleb Cole
Ephesians 533 says, each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. There's a book that was written called Love and Respect based on this verse. Throw that verse back up.

00;36;17;23 - 00;36;39;04
Caleb Cole
We must love our wives as ourself. Husbands, Scripture tells us that we would love our wives as Christ loved. The church laid himself down for us in Ephesians. This is how we're to love. And I just say to you, husbands, what are you doing to make your wife feel cherished? What are you doing to make your wife feel loved?

00;36;39;06 - 00;36;59;28
Caleb Cole
What are you doing with intentionality to go out of your way for her? Is she an afterthought? You're intentional in your job, intentional in your friendships? Intentional in your business? Intentional with your kids. How much intentionality are you putting into romanticizing and loving her? My challenge to you, man, I don't always do it well. But I tell Christy and she calls me on it often.

00;37;00;02 - 00;37;23;05
Caleb Cole
I want to let her know and show her that I value her, I love her the best thing you can do for your children, man, is not show up at all their games. The best thing you can do is to love their mom. Well, to serve her, to romanticize her, to cherish her in front of them. They need to see you hug her.

00;37;23;11 - 00;37;47;04
Caleb Cole
They need to see you kiss her. And you. Nasty. Yes. And it's great and it's beautiful. And they act like they hate it, but deep down they love it because it gives them security. It lets them know that mom and dad are for each other, that this is strong. And then it says, wives, respect your husbands, wives, can I challenge you?

00;37;47;06 - 00;38;08;14
Caleb Cole
When was the last time your husband heard a kind word out of your mouth towards him, that you thanked him for all the work he does, that you affirmed the strength that he carries, that you spoke words of life and encouragement over him for for what he's done for your family and for you. This is what love and respect look like.

00;38;08;17 - 00;38;16;05
Caleb Cole
And this is what breeds in and and develops the healthy emotional connection that we need.

00;38;16;07 - 00;38;44;18
Caleb Cole
You see, we gotta take the fire desire finally, by serving, these all go together that I would serve practically. I would serve in marriage sexually. I would serve because my Savior served. He did not come to be served, but he came to serve and to give his life as a sacrifice for many. We are called to be like our Savior, a servant, a servant's heart.

00;38;44;20 - 00;39;10;08
Caleb Cole
You see, God didn't give all these commands around sexuality because he loves rules. He gave these commands because he loves you, and he wanted what was best for you. I want to close with this verse. First Peter 113 through 16 says, therefore, preparing your minds for action and being sober minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

00;39;10;11 - 00;39;37;09
Caleb Cole
As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct. Since it is written, you shall be holy, for I am holy. I did not craft this message for you to feel guilt and shame and condemnation. I crafted this message to call you higher, that God wants to set a standard for you.

00;39;37;11 - 00;39;54;24
Caleb Cole
The Bible doesn't lower the bar for you. The Bible raises the bar and we rise to it. Does it mean we always mean it all? We fall short. All have sinned, fallen short of the glory of God. That's why we need his grace. It's why we sung about his blood. His blood is what makes us righteous. His blood is what makes us holy.

00;39;54;28 - 00;40;17;20
Caleb Cole
His blood is what sets us apart once and for all, sanctifies us and saves us. But ultimately because he's holy. Because he saved me, because of what he did for me. I'm trying to meet that mark. Sin is missing the mark. I want to meet the mark of what God set out for me. Not so I can say I did it and I checked a bunch of boxes off a list.

00;40;17;22 - 00;40;45;10
Caleb Cole
But because when I meet the mark, do you know what comes with it? Peace. Flourishing healthy relationships. Healthy marriage. Healthy sex in marriage. God didn't put these rules just because he loves rules. He did it because he loves you. And this is what is the best for human flourishing. How many know God knew what he was doing? He wanted you to thrive.

00;40;45;13 - 00;41;17;29
Caleb Cole
He wanted you to flourish. He wanted you to walk with peace and joy and fulfillment and hope. And this is what these rules actually produce. I meet the bar, I grow, I live greater, more righteous, more holy, more like him. And in turn, all my relationships get better. My kids have an amazing example to follow and they then reciprocate healthy relationships and we change generations.

00;41;17;29 - 00;41;45;01
Caleb Cole
Do you hear me? So this sexual purity thing is just about being pure, so I don't go to hell? No, it's about setting yourself up to have the life that God intended for you to have, and a life that will have long lasting generational impact. And it blesses you in the moment to. So I want to ask you to bow your heads across this room.

00;41;45;03 - 00;42;02;14
Caleb Cole
I just want to say this. Look, I know this is a different message, but maybe you're here today. You say, Caleb, I've run. I've been running from God. Turn my back on. God tried things in my according to my way, my standard. In my strength I've been caught in sin. And today I need to repent. I need to give my life to Jesus.

00;42;02;14 - 00;42;14;05
Caleb Cole
I need to surrender for the first time. I need to rededicate my life. I'm coming back into right faith, a right relationship with him. If that's you, would you shoot your hand? Say, that's me, Caleb. I know you might like to use for the first time. Yeah, I want to. I need every day in my life. Yeah. One, two, three.

00;42;14;10 - 00;42;33;12
Caleb Cole
4 or 5. Six. Thank you, thank you. You can put him down. Second thing, you're in this room. You say, Caleb, struggling with purity. I did this in every service. Heads are bowed, eyes are closed. But this act is an act of saying I need God's help, and then I can pray for you. You say, hey, I'm struggling with sexual purity.

00;42;33;17 - 00;42;47;19
Caleb Cole
I struggle with honoring God with my body. I'm struggling with do it, doing it his way. And if that's you, I just want you to shoot it up, put it down, go. That's you. You want prayer? Yeah, yeah. Hands going up. Bathroom. Thank you. Yeah. Thanks, guys. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. You can put him down.

00;42;47;22 - 00;42;59;24
Caleb Cole
Would you repeat this after me? Everyone in this room just say Jesus. Today I confess my sin, my need for a Savior.

00;42;59;27 - 00;43;45;05
Caleb Cole
I admit my brokenness, my failure. Lord, come into my heart. Make me new. Help me to live with purity, holiness, righteousness in all ways. I love you, Lord. And today I receive you, my God, my Lord, my Savior. In your name, Jesus. Amen. Amen. Come on, let's give God some praise for all these people that raise their hands today to give their life to Jesus.

00;43;45;08 - 00;43;48;17
Chrissy Cole
Thank you for being a part of our online community here at Project Church.

00;43;48;18 - 00;43;51;29
Chrissy Cole
We hope that this message and the whole service bless your life.

00;43;52;02 - 00;44;08;09
Caleb Cole
Yeah. And if it did, we want to ask that you would do something for us. First of all, if you're not already subscribed to our YouTube channel, be sure to subscribe. Like this video. But also, we would ask that you would consider financially supporting what God is doing through Project Church. You can give in a variety of ways.

00;44;08;12 - 00;44;23;18
Caleb Cole
You can text project to 97,000. Right now. You can give to our Church Center app, or you can give on our website project church.com/give. Thanks so much for being a part of our online community. And once again God bless you guys. We'll see you soon.