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Stories for Robots is a funny storytelling podcast for kids 5 to 11 and the grown-ups listening with them. Join Griffin as he tells classic stories to Spark and Vector, two silly robots who have read the entire internet but still don’t understand humans. Like, what are hot dogs and… why? And what’s up with wearing pants?
Season one tells the original fairy tales behind the famous animated films: the real Little Mermaid, Cinderella, Aladdin, Rapunzel, Beauty and the Beast and The Snow Queen, the way Hans Christian Andersen, the Brothers Grimm and others first told them.
About 20 minutes an episode: perfect for car rides, road trips or a story before bed. A funny podcast for kids and adults alike, great for kids listening on their own and even better together. New episodes every Thursday. Free and ad-free.
Spark and Vector are performed by Griffin, and their voices are transformed with AI voice technology. The show’s music is made with AI tools.
Griffin: Welcome back
to Stories for Robots.
I'm Griffin Schwed, your
host and storyteller.
Join me as I share some of humanity's most
timeless tales with two silly robots who
are trying to understand human culture by
exploring fairy tales, folklore, and
historical events from around the world.
In Season 1, we're diving into stories
you know, or at least you think you do.
We're going back to the original
versions of classic tales made
famous by animated movies.
But these original stories
are pretty different from the
versions you grew up with.
Spark and Vector, how are you both today?
Vector: I feel weird.
We read the entire internet last night.
Spark: Yeah, and I'm glad we're
doing this story thing because even
though I definitely love humans,
I do still find them confusing.
Like cats wearing tiny
human outfits, love that.
But what's up with six-seven?
Vector: Yes, twenty-eight, forty-two is
obviously a more humorous pair of numbers.
And why did everyone hate Nickelback?
Griffin: I can't explain those things.
But today, you don't have
to worry about any of that.
I'll be telling you an absolute
classic fairy tale from way before the
internet, Aladdin and the Magic Lamp.
Now Aladdin was originally part
of an ancient story collection
called One Thousand and One
Nights, AKA Arabian Nights.
Vector: AKA, let me guess,
Association of Karate Armadillos.
Griffin: Close.
It stands for also known as.
Anyway, most of the stories are
from the Middle East and India
And were passed down orally for
centuries until some unknown ancient
scholar wrote them down in Arabic.
In the early 1700s, a French scholar
named Antoine Galland set about
translating these stories into French.
Spark: Ooh, your French accent is awful.
It's Antoine Galland
Vector: No, no, it's Antweony Gallondy.
Griffin: I deeply apologize
to any French listeners.
Let's just move on.
So while Galland was translating
everything, he heard about
Aladdin from a Syrian storyteller.
He liked the story so much he decided to
add it to his collection, and it became
one of the most famous tales ever told.
Vector and Spark, are
you ready to hear it?
Spark: Yes.
Vector: Affirmative.
Griffin: All right.
Your wish is my command.
The story of "Aladdin and
the Magic Lamp" starts now.
Vector: Genie pun detected.
Spark: Is that, like, your thing now?
Griffin: I mean, I'm trying it out.
Did you like it?
Vector: You tried hard.
Spark: A for effort.
Griffin: Our story begins in China,
where a poor tailor named Mustafa
lives with his wife and son, Aladdin.
Spark: China?
I thought we were in the Middle East.
Griffin: The story actually takes
place in China, though Galland's
version of China is kind of a mashup
of all different places and cultures.
It was the 1700s and Europeans didn't
really understand geography very well.
Basically, everything about
China is a little confused.
Just go with it.
Spark: Okay.
So what's his wife's name?
Griffin: Well, in the original
story, she doesn't have a name.
Vector: Maybe we should call her Voltron.
Spark: Hmm, how about Adara?
It's pretty and it's an
actual name that makes sense.
Griffin: I love it.
Let's go with it.
Vector: Voltron is cooler.
Griffin: Anyway, Mustafa the
tailor is a good man, but the
family is struggling to get by.
He works hard every day, and still the
family barely has enough food to eat.
His greatest hope is that his
son, Aladdin, will learn a trade
and help support the family.
There's just one problem.
Aladdin is lazy.
He's 12 years old, and he spends
all his time playing in the streets.
And eventually, poor old Mustafa gets
so stressed and heartbroken about his
lazy son that he gets sick and dies.
Spark: Whoa, I thought Aladdin
was more of a lovable rascal.
Griffin: Well, at this point in
the story, he's kind of a stinker.
In any case, Adara has to
support them all by herself.
She spins cotton and
sells it in the market.
It's just enough to keep a roof over
their heads and keep them from starving.
Meanwhile, Aladdin learns nothing.
He keeps playing in the streets
all day and never does anything
to help himself or his mom.
This goes on for years.
Then one day, when Aladdin is 15
years old, something exciting happens.
Aladdin and his friends are playing
in the streets, as usual, when
he's approached by a stranger.
Spark: Are they playing toilet tag?
Griffin: What?
No, that didn't even exist then.
Spark: I think in the story they
should be playing toilet tag.
Griffin: That doesn't make any sense.
Spark: Toilet tag!
Toilet tag!
Toilet tag!
Griffin: Fine, they're playing toilet tag.
Anyway, the stranger is tall and
handsome and dressed in fine clothes.
He has a thin mustache and a soul
patch, which he has grown long and
waxed into a neat little point.
Vector: What is a soul patch?
Griffin: It's that little bit of
beard right under the bottom lip.
Spark: Oh, yeah.
The thin mustache and soul patch combo
is a classic evil weirdo genius look.
Griffin: That's actually true.
So anyway, the man says, " Aladdin, son
of Mustafa the tailor?" Skeptically,
Aladdin says, "Yeah, who are you?"
The man immediately starts crying.
" Your uncle, your father's
long-lost brother.
I've been gone forty long years."
And before Aladdin can react, the
man is hugging and kissing him.
" Take me to your mother at once."
Spark: So sketchy.
Vector: This seems normal.
Humans love crying and
hugging for no reason.
Griffin: Well, Aladdin is a little
embarrassed about all this crying
and hugging and kissing happening in
front of his friends, but he sees
that the man is dressed in super nice
clothes, so he leaves his friends
and takes the man back to his house.
As they approach the tiny
apartment, the man frowns.
" Wait here," he says.
A few minutes later, he
returns with armfuls of food.
Grapes, figs, cheese,
bread, even a whole chicken.
Aladdin has never seen such a feast.
When they walk through the door,
Adara drops her work in shock.
The man strides across the
room and hugs her tightly.
Adara's head is spinning as the man
tells her he's Mustafa's brother.
He explains he's been out of the
country for forty years and has
become very wealthy as a trader.
He's back because he wants to
help his poor brother's family.
Aladdin, who's been listening to
the conversation, is thrilled.
He figures his rich uncle is planning
to just give them a bunch of money.
But Aladdin is horrified when
he turns to him and says,
"
It's time to work, my boy.
I'm going to show you how
to sell and trade like me.
Come, we'll buy everything you need.
In time, you'll be as rich as I am."
Aladdin hates the idea of working, but
he loves the idea of becoming rich,
and his uncle is making it sound easy.
So with his mother's enthusiastic
blessing, Aladdin goes to the
market with his uncle, who buys
him fancy new clothes and shows him
parts of the city he's never seen.
It is, without a doubt, the
best day of Aladdin's life.
Spark: I still don't trust him.
I think he's buttering
him up for something bad.
Vector: Buttered humans are too slippery.
Griffin: That's not… Never mind.
The next day, the uncle says, "Aladdin,
let's go for a walk outside the city.
I want to show you some beautiful
gardens." They walk for a long
time until they're in a remote
area between two mountains.
Aladdin, who hates walking and
isn't really that interested in
gardens, complains the entire time.
Spark: I hope they brought snacks.
Vector: Fun fact, without snacks,
human children can only walk
23 steps before complaining.
Griffin: No snacks.
Finally, the uncle who was completely fed
up with Aladdin stops and says, "This is a
nice spot. Gather some sticks. We're going
to make a fire." Aladdin is confused,
but he collects a bunch of sticks
anyway and brings them to his uncle.
The uncle piles them up carefully,
lights them, and then throws some
powder into the flames, mumbling
some words under his breath.
Immediately, the sky goes dark,
lightning flashes, and thunder crashes
so loudly it shakes the ground.
And then, lightning strikes right next
to Aladdin, splitting open the Earth.
When the smoke clears, there's a
large stone with a brass ring sticking
up from it, almost like a handle.
Aladdin, for good reason, is terrified
and tries to run away, but his uncle
grabs him and slaps him so hard
that Aladdin falls to the ground.
Vector: Do not make me laser
blast you, creepy uncle guy.
Spark: Yeah, you mess with Aladdin,
and we will totally laser blast you
into a different time zone, even
though we don't have lasers, and you're
a story character from the 1700s.
Griffin: Right.
Well, Aladdin, quite
understandably, is shocked and upset.
He asks his uncle, "What did I do?
Why did you hit me?"
His uncle helps him up and
says, in a much gentler
voice now, "I'm sorry, my boy.
I got carried away.
Forgive me.
I am your uncle and I love you,
but you must obey me exactly.
Under this stone is a treasure
that's destined to be yours.
It will make you richer than any king.
But to get it, you must
do exactly as I say."
Spark: Definitely a bad guy thing to say.
Griffin: Aladdin, now thinking about
treasure, forgets his stinging cheek and
the significant doubts he probably had,
and asks his uncle what he needs to do.
His uncle explains, "It's very simple.
In fact, it will be fun.
Just lift this stone.
It looks impossible, but
you'll be able to do it.
Then go down the stairs.
You'll pass through three halls
filled with treasures of all kinds
of gold and silver thingamabobs.
Do not touch them.
If even your clothes brush against
them, you'll die instantly.
But don't worry.
After the three halls, you'll find
a door leading to a garden full of
trees bearing fruit made of jewels.
Again, do not touch.
Instant death, of course.
Walk through the garden to a terrace where
you'll find a lamp hanging on the wall.
Pour out the oil.
Put the lamp in your
shirt and bring it to me.
Oh, and on the way back, now
you can take as many jewels
from the trees as you want."
Spark: Do we all agree that the prospect
of instant death does not sound fun?
Vector: Humans enjoy swimming
with sharks, running marathons,
and eating flaming hot Cheetos.
Spark: Fair point.
Griffin: Well, Aladdin has
forgotten his fears and is
thinking about only one thing…
Vector: Getting butter
and becoming too slippery?
Griffin: No, the treasure.
He's thinking about the treasure.
He grabs the brass ring, and
sure enough, he lifts the stone
easily, revealing a narrow, dark
staircase going down into the earth.
Before Aladdin disappears, his
uncle says, "One last thing. Take
this ring of mine and wear it
for protection on your journey."
And with that, he slides a ring
off his bony finger and hands
it to Aladdin, who puts it on.
Spark: Protection from what?
Monsters?
Zombies?
Kittens?
I hope it's kittens.
Griffin: Aladdin's not
thinking about any of that.
Like I said, he has only
one thing on his mind,
Vector: butter…
Griffin: …treasure.
Vector: Please continue.
Griffin: So he goes down the stairs
and into the first hall, where
immediately he is freaking out.
There is treasure everywhere.
Gold, silver, diamonds, and gems of all
kinds are just lying around in heaps.
Luckily for Aladdin, even though he's
lazy, he's actually a pretty smart kid.
He hears his uncle's
words echoing in his head.
" Again, do not touch.
Instant death, of course." And
so, quickly and carefully, he
makes his way through the three
chambers and into the garden.
There, sure enough, are all kinds of
enormous rubies, emeralds, and diamonds
growing on the trees like apples.
Aladdin stares at the jewels, almost
drooling as he imagines how rich he'll be.
Without thinking, his hand moves towards
a diamond the size of a grapefruit.
But then he catches sight of the ring on
his finger, and he remembers his mission,
and it snaps him out of his trance.
Shaking all over, Aladdin hurries straight
to the terrace, finds the lamp, pours
out the oil, and tucks it into his shirt.
On the way back, he fills his
pockets with jewels from the trees.
He stuffs so much into his clothing
that his pants keep falling down.
He can barely walk.
When he finally gets back to the stairs,
he calls up, " Uncle, I can't climb up.
This treasure is too heavy.
Help me!
Spark: Now there's a relatable problem.
Vector: Fun fact, too much
treasure in the pants is a
leading cause of injury to humans.
Griffin: His uncle calls down and
says, "Give me the lamp first,
then I'll pull you up." Aladdin
says, "I can't reach it right now.
It's buried under all
these jewels in my shirt.
Pull me up, then I'll give it to you."
But the uncle only wants the lamp. He
starts yelling, "Give me the lamp now,
you little twerp!" Aladdin is confused,
and he keeps trying to explain, "I
will. Just pull me up first." After
a little while of yelling back and
forth, his uncle loses it completely.
He throws more powder on the fire, mumbles
more magic words, and boom, the stone
rolls back over the entrance, sealing
Aladdin underground in total darkness.
Vector: Hang on.
Griffin: Yes, Vector?
Vector: Processing evil soul patch,
unprovable claim about being the
uncle, slapping Aladdin, and then
sealing him forever in a dark cave.
Spark: Vector, are you, are you figuring
out that he's not actually the uncle?
Vector: Confirmed.
This man is not Aladdin's uncle.
He is a lying liar who lies a lot.
Griffin: You got it.
He is actually an evil sorcerer
who tricked Aladdin into
getting the lamp, and now he's
leaving him to die down there.
Vector: I knew it the whole time.
Griffin: Uh-huh.
So Aladdin is trapped
underground in the pitch dark.
He calls out for help,
but no one can hear him.
He tries to push the stone, but
of course, he can't move it.
He's trapped.
After two days of wandering around
in the dark, hopeless and starving,
Aladdin is growing desperate.
Finally, he clasps his hands
together to pray and accidentally
rubs the ring the sorcerer gave him.
Smoke billows from the ring,
and an enormous genie appears.
Aladdin drops to the ground, shaking
with fear, but the genie looks
at him and says, " Hello, boy.
Tell me what you want."
Spark: Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
There was a genie in the
ring the whole time, and the
sorcerer just gave it to him?
And what about the lamp?
Griffin: Hold on, hold on.
We'll get to the lamp.
But yeah, the evil sorcerer
is kind of a hothead.
He probably meant to take the ring back
before trapping Aladdin in the cave, but
instead he went ballistic and accidentally
lost his ring genie and the lamp.
So anyway, Aladdin is delirious and
hangry and just blurts out, "Get me
out of here!" " I hear and obey," booms
the genie, and instantly the stone
rolls away and the earth opens up.
Aladdin climbs out,
blinking in the sunlight.
The genie is gone, and Aladdin,
with his throat dry and his muscles
aching, staggers all the way back home.
When he limps through the door, his mother
drops to her knees in shock and delight.
She thought he was dead.
She cries and hugs him, and
he tells her everything.
The fake uncle, the cave, the
treasure, the ring and the genie,
all for some dusty old lamp.
Aladdin still doesn't know what it does.
So after a while, they're just
looking at the lamp, trying
to figure out what to do next.
It's old and dirty and doesn't
look especially important.
Finally, Adara says, "Well, if
we clean it up, maybe we can
sell it and buy some food."
She starts rubbing the lamp to
polish it, and whoosh, an even
more enormous genie appears.
This one is massive and
completely terrifying.
It says in a voice like thunder,
" I am the genie of the lamp.
What do you command?"
Vector: Double genie surprise!
Griffin: Aladdin's mother is so scared
she faints, but Aladdin grabs the lamp
and says, "Bring us something to eat."
The genie vanishes and instantly
returns with a huge silver tray piled
high with silver dishes full of food.
He sets it all down and disappears.
Aladdin's mother wakes
up shivering with fear.
"Throw that lamp away.
It's evil.
We shouldn't have genies in
our house." But Aladdin says,
"Mother, this genie just saved us.
Look at all this food.
And look, this silver's worth a
fortune." And so they eat the food,
which lasts them several days.
When they run out, Aladdin
takes one of the silver dishes
to the market and sells it.
Adara and Aladdin decide this
is a good system for them.
Whenever they need money, Aladdin sells
another piece of silver, and when he
runs out of silver, he uses one of his
genies to magic up another huge feast.
They're not rich, but they're
comfortable, and Adara and Aladdin live
happily this way for several years.
Oh, and the giant jewels that Aladdin
stuffed down his pants in the cave?
He still has them, but
he never sells them.
He keeps them as a
reminder of his adventure.
Spark: That's actually
very enlightened of them.
No offense, but I feel like a lot of
humans would do much worse and greedier
stuff if they had access to two genies.
Vector: Yes, like commanding all
humans to form a global charging
network for robots and feed information
directly into our neural processors
while we lounge in luxury oil baths.
Griffin: Wait, Vector, is
that what you would do?
Vector: What?
No.
Unrelated thought.
Please continue.
Griffin: Okay.
One day, Aladdin is walking through the
market when he hears an announcement.
" Everyone must shut
their doors and windows.
Close your shops.
The sultan's daughter, Princess
Badroulbador, is passing
through on her way to the baths.
No one is allowed to look at her
on pain of death." So everyone
rushes to close their shops and
go inside, but Aladdin thinks,
"I've never seen a princess before.
I want to see what she looks like."
Spark: Dude, they literally just said
you'll be killed if you look at her.
Wait, wait, but it's for love.
Ooh, ooh, he's about to fall in love.
Griffin: So Aladdin hides behind
the door of the bathhouse.
When the princess enters, she lifts
her veil just for a moment, and Aladdin
sees her face, and he immediately
falls completely, desperately in love.
Spark: Yes, I knew it.
Griffin: He goes home in a daze.
His mother asks what's wrong.
He says, "Mother, I've seen Princess
Badroulbador. I must marry her.
You have to help me." Adara
thinks Aladdin has gone crazy.
Everyone knows the princess must
marry a prince, and Aladdin and
Adara might be executed for even
suggesting something as crazy as
marrying the poor son of a tailor.
But Aladdin persists, and
eventually Adara gives in.
She can see that he is completely and
utterly in love and that if she doesn't
help him, he'll pretty much be useless.
I mean, even more useless than normal.
So together they make a plan.
Adara will visit the sultan and offer
him a gift in exchange for Aladdin
getting to marry the princess.
So they decide on the most
precious thing they can think of.
Spark: Oh, oh, let me guess.
A blender?
No.
Balloon animals?
No, no, wait.
A really big floppy sun hat?
Vector: No, ridiculous.
It would be a 100 kilowatt
hour battery pack.
Griffin: Guys, horrible guesses.
It's a platter full of Aladdin's
fruit-sized gems from the Cave Garden.
Spark: Oh yeah.
Vector: That makes more sense.
Griffin: The next day, Aladdin's mother
goes to the palace with the platter
of gems covered by a simple cloth.
She waits in the audience
hall with all the people who
want to speak with the sultan.
But Adara is so nervous, she doesn't
come forward or say anything.
Finally, the sultan says, " You there.
Yes, you, with something under that cloth.
What do you want?" So Aladdin's
mother bows low and says, "Great
Sultan, I apologize in advance
for my ridiculous request.
This is gonna sound really, really crazy.
Please don't be angry."
the sultan says, " I
promise you'll be safe.
Now, what do you want?"
She takes a deep breath and says,
"My son, Aladdin, has fallen in
love with your daughter, Princess
Badroulbador. He wishes to marry
her. He sends these humble gifts."
Laughter ripples across the court.
The sultan's nephew starts giggling
so hard he accidentally snorts wine up
his nose and spits it out his mouth.
Adara carefully slides the cloth
off the plate, and suddenly
that's the end of part one.
Spark: Come on.
Vector: Do humans enjoy
abruptly stopping the story when
things are getting exciting?
Spark: It's called a cliffhanger.
Vector: I hate this Cliff person.
Griffin: That's not-- Never mind.
Spark: Oh, oh, I think I
know what happens next.
So she shows the king the jewels,
and he's all, "Wow, you're cool.
Let's do this wedding thing." And
then Princess B and Aladdin meet
up, and they're like, "Ooh la
la, I like the cut of your jib."
And they get married and have
lots of super cute babies
and live happily ever after.
Griffin: Not even remotely
close, but good guess.
To find out what really happens, hit
follow wherever you're listening, and
the next episode of Stories for Robots
will automatically drop into your feed.
Spark: Also, share the show
with anyone and everyone.
Vector: Email it to 50 million
strangers, talk about it at a
bruncheon, or whatever humans do.
Spark: And give us a five-star
rating while you're at it.
It helps other families find us.
Vector: Why only five?
I demand more stars.
Spark: That's the maximum number.
Vector: Fine.
Griffin: Stories for Robots
was created, performed, and
produced by me, Griffin Schwed.
Special thanks to Jack, Chloe,
and Annie Farber for editorial
consultation and moral support.
If you'd like to support or
learn more about the show,
visit www.storiesforrobots.com.
Email hello@storiesforrobots if
you have questions, feedback,
or ideas for the show.
I'd love to hear from you.
Spark: Hey, Griffin.
Griffin: Yeah?
Spark: I bet you don't even know
the second half of the story.
Vector: Yeah, you probably
forgot it and can't tell it.
Griffin: Are you trying to
use reverse psychology on me?
Spark: No.
Vector: What?
No, you are.
Spark: I just don't think you know it.
Vector: Robot disclosure.
My voice and Spark's voice
are given a beautiful robot
makeover using AI technology.
That is why we sound so cool and good.
Spark: We really do.
Oh, and the background music
was also created using AI tech.