The Life I Thought I'd Have: Do I Still Want It?

The Life I Thought I’d Have: Do I Still Want It?

Have you ever spent so much time, money, and energy working toward something that you stopped asking yourself whether you still want it?

Maybe it’s a marriage you wanted to work. A career you’ve spent years building. A business you’ve sacrificed for. Or a goal you’ve talked about for so long that changing your mind feels impossible.

What if the life you thought you’d have isn’t the life you want anymore?

In Episode 2 of Rebuilt After 40, I’m talking about what happens when something you once wanted becomes something you feel obligated to keep wanting.

At 47, I’ve accomplished things I’m proud of. I’ve lost 135 pounds, raised three children, and built a business helping other people make changes. And yet, I still catch myself thinking I should be further along by now.

Sometimes I look at what other women are accomplishing and question whether I’m doing enough. Other times, I find myself defending how much I’ve invested in something instead of asking whether I genuinely want to continue.

I’ve had to face that question in my marriage, in my business, and in the expectations I’ve placed on myself.

This episode isn’t about telling you to quit, walk away, or start over. It’s about learning to recognize the difference between something you still want, something that needs to change, and something you’re ready to let go of.

Being capable of making something work doesn’t obligate you to keep making it work forever.

What You’ll Hear in This Episode

Why you can feel behind in life even when you’ve accomplished a lot.

How the time, money, and energy you’ve invested can make it difficult to change direction.

What my decision to leave my marriage taught me about wanting something and recognizing when that changes.

Why feeling exhausted by your business or career doesn’t necessarily mean you want to give it up.

How comparing yourself to other women can influence what you think you should want.

The difference between wanting the life that comes with a goal and wanting the recognition of achieving it.

Why reaching a milestone doesn’t always bring the satisfaction you expected.

How to identify whether you need to recommit, make changes, or prepare for something different.

What it looks like to take one meaningful action instead of staying stuck in indecision.

Three Questions Worth Asking Yourself

Think about one goal, relationship, commitment, or part of your life you’ve been questioning.

1. Would I choose this today, knowing what I know now?

Not because you’ve already invested years of your life. Not because other people know it’s what you’ve been working toward. Would you genuinely choose it again?

2. What do I still want about it?

Maybe you still love what you’re building, but the way you’re doing it isn’t working. Maybe you want the goal but need different boundaries, responsibilities, or support. Or maybe the life that comes with achieving it no longer appeals to you.

3. What needs to change—or what am I afraid to admit?

Your answer might be: “I still want this, and I’m ready to commit.” “I want this, but something about the way I’m doing it needs to change.” Or, “I don’t want this anymore, and I need to prepare for a different choice.”

You don’t have to decide your entire future today. But you can get honest about what you want and choose one action that moves you forward.

Get My Free Guide: The Rebuilt Mindset

If you’re feeling stuck, questioning your next chapter, or trying to rethink the expectations you’ve been carrying, I created a free guide for you.

Get The Rebuilt Mindset here: https://rebuiltafter40podcast.com/

Let’s Keep the Conversation Going

I’d love to hear from you. What do you still want—and what are you ready to do about it? You don’t have to have everything figured out to join the conversation.

Rebecca Sodek: https://www.instagram.com/rebecca.sodek/

Rebuilt After 40 Podcast: https://www.instagram.com/rebuiltafter40podcast/

Voice message: https://www.speakpipe.com/RebuiltAfter40

Coming Up in Episode 3: When the Choice Wasn’t Yours

Sometimes life changes before you have the opportunity to reconsider. Someone dies. Someone leaves. A diagnosis changes your plans. A job you intended to keep is suddenly gone. In Episode 3, I’ll share more about losing my mom and explore what it means to lead yourself through something you couldn’t choose and can’t fix.

Share This Episode

If this conversation made you think of a woman who’s been questioning whether she still wants the life she’s worked so hard to build, send her this episode. Sometimes the question we need most is the one we’ve been avoiding.

About Rebuilt After 40

Hosted by Rebecca Sodek, Rebuilt After 40 is a podcast for women navigating life after 40, identity changes, personal growth, relationships, mindset, and the difficult decisions that come with building a life that reflects who you are today.

You don’t start over. You rebuild.

Creators and Guests

Host

Rebecca Sodek

Rebecca Sodek hosts Rebuilt After 40, a mindset and personal growth podcast for women over 40. A health coach focused on leadership and mindset, business owner, and mom of three, she explores self-trust, confidence, boundaries, and rebuilding your life after 40.

What is Rebuilt After 40 with Rebecca Sodek?

Rebuilt After 40 with Rebecca Sodek is a mindset and personal growth podcast for women over 40 rebuilding their lives, strengthening self-trust, and deciding what comes next.

You can love your life and still want parts of it to change. You can be capable, dependable, and the person everyone counts on and still wonder, “What do I want now?”

Rebecca is a health coach focused on leadership and mindset, a business owner, and a mom of three. After losing 135 pounds, building a business on all of it, and navigating divorce, she knows what it means to question the life you’ve built - and take responsibility for what you build next. She’s still rebuilding, too.

Through candid conversations about confidence, boundaries, relationships, grief, and identity beyond the roles you fill, Rebecca explores how to trust yourself, challenge limiting beliefs, and lead yourself well through midlife transitions.

Whether you’re facing a major life change or ready to stop putting what you want last, expect personal stories, practical mindset shifts, and questions that stay with you after the episode ends.

You don’t start over. You rebuild.

Follow Rebuilt After 40 with Rebecca Sodek on your favorite podcast app.

Get your free Rebuilt Mindset guide at https://rebuiltafter40podcast.com.

Ask me how much I've put into something and I can tell you the time, the work, the things

I gave up because I believed it was going somewhere.

And then if you ask me whether I still want it, I might need a minute.

I can get so busy explaining why I started that I don't notice I haven't told you why

I'm continuing.

That's what we're getting into today.

What happens when something you wanted becomes something you feel obligated to keep wanting?

I'm Rebecca Sodec.

This is Rebuilt After 40.

I'm 47 and there are things I'm still learning how to admit to myself.

One of them is that I've spent a lot of my life thinking I should be further along by

now.

I'm a mom of three and a health coach focused on leadership and mindset.

I've lost 135 pounds and built a business on that helping other people make changes.

I know I'm capable.

That's part of what makes this frustrating.

I can see what's possible.

Sometimes it feels like it's almost within reach, like I could just reach out and touch

it and then something happens or I change my mind or I go another direction or I've

accomplished the thing and the satisfaction doesn't feel the way I expected.

That probably has a lot to do with my massive ADHD.

I'm left wondering what I'm missing.

Some people look at my life and think I have everything.

I don't and I don't think I put myself out there as some kind of unicorn.

But still there's a difference between what someone can see and what it feels like to

be me.

They see what I've accomplished.

I know the questions I haven't answered.

And one of those is whether I should be further along means I genuinely want something or I'm

measuring myself against an expectation that I haven't examined.

At the end of episode one, I left you with this question.

Do you still want that life or do you need to keep wanting it so everything you gave it

feels justified?

I promised you we'd sit with that question.

So that's what we're going to do.

Okay.

So you might finish this episode knowing that you want to continue or you might

realize you want the goal but you need to change how you're pursuing it.

And you might hear yourself admit you no longer want it.

We're going to make room for each answer today and get specific about what follows.

I want you to think about something that you've given a lot to.

Maybe it's your career or a business, a commitment, a goal you've

talked about for years.

What's the first thing you tell yourself when you consider changing it?

I've worked too hard or I've already spent the money.

Everyone knows this is what I do.

I can't change my mind now.

Listen, I understand those responses and they explain why the decision matters.

They don't tell you what you want.

Here's where I've gotten caught.

I can give you the whole explanation why it mattered, what I hoped for, what I was willing

to do.

And then if you ask, Rebecca, do you still want it?

I start telling you the whole story again.

I haven't answered you.

I have explained why changing my mind would hurt.

Those are different things.

I kept telling myself how much I'd already given it.

I needed to ask how much more I was willing to give.

Another year, more money, more of the time I kept saying I don't have.

That's worth considering before I continue simply because I've already continued for so

long.

I had to face a version of this in my marriage.

I wanted to be married.

I wanted a family.

There were things I hoped our life would become.

And acknowledging that I no longer wanted to remain married meant facing how much

I had wanted it to work.

My decision didn't erase that desire.

It meant I had to consider my experience as it was rather than keep making decisions around

what I hoped it might become.

I am not going to retell that whole story here.

What matters for this episode and today is that I could mean what I wanted then and

recognize something different later.

That's difficult when you've built your identity around wanting something and hoping for it.

Your situation may be completely different than mine.

Maybe it's a degree you worked hard for that led to work that you don't enjoy.

Or your business grew and the role you now have isn't the role that you wanted.

Or it's a commitment that you made that made sense when you accepted it and your circumstances

have changed.

You may know something needs to happen and still struggle to name what.

So let's begin with this.

If this weren't already part of your life, would you still choose it today?

Explain what you know now.

The work involved, the responsibilities, how it affects your time, what you enjoy and

what you don't.

Would you want to move towards it?

And I want you to give yourself a moment before defending your investment with either your

money or your time or your energy.

What's your answer?

If it's an immediate yes, like a full body, heck yeah, pay attention to that.

You may still want this very much.

Feeling tired or discouraged doesn't automatically mean you chose the wrong goal.

There may be something about the way you're doing it that needs attention.

Let's take a business.

You worked hard to grow it.

Now you're answering messages all the time during all hours.

You're doing too much yourself and you're dreading the next demand.

Do you want to stop owning the business or do you want to stop being available all the

time?

That distinction matters.

It changes the discussion from should I quit to what needs to change for me to

keep doing this?

Before you decide the whole thing is wrong, you've got to identify the part you're unwilling

to continue.

The hours, the arrangement, a responsibility that you need help with.

What do you need to delegate?

The expectation that you've placed on yourself.

There may be something you can change without giving up what matters to you.

There's also a possibility that you understand the goal more clearly now and you don't want

the life that comes with it.

That deserves an answer too.

I want you to think beyond the moment of achieving it.

The announcement, the congratulations, the confetti falling that doesn't even hit the

ground before you move on.

The relief of proving you could do it.

What happens after that?

What does your week require?

Would you enjoy the work?

And the result give you something you value enough to keep doing it.

Do you want to live that life or do you want to be able to say you achieved it?

That asks something of me.

Impact matters to me.

I want my work to be useful.

That's why I started this podcast.

Recognition matters to me too.

I care how I'm seen.

More importantly, I care how the people that are associated with me are seen too.

And I need to understand when that's influencing a decision.

Am I excited about what I'm doing?

Or am I relieved that people think I'm doing well?

Growing up with the Joneses doesn't always involve buying something.

It can happen when you watch someone's business grow and decide yours should be growing at

the same pace.

You see her travel and start feeling disappointed that your calendar doesn't look the same.

She seems confident so you assume she knows something you don't.

Without much thought, her life becomes the standard.

Have you decided you want what she has?

Or have you just decided you're behind?

I need to remember that people can look at me and make assumptions too.

I know my responsibilities.

I know my expenses.

I know the places where I'm struggling.

I don't automatically know hers.

Her success may be real.

I still have less information about her life than I have about mine.

Before I use it to judge myself, I need to ask myself what I'm actually responding

to.

What caught your attention?

The work she does, the freedom she seems to have, her willingness to be seen, the recognition?

Be honest.

Your answer doesn't have to sound noble.

It doesn't have to sound right, but just be honest with yourself.

It needs to help you understand yourself.

Here's a question worth asking.

If nobody else could be impressed by this, what would I still want about it?

For me, I'd still want to help someone understand something about herself.

I always want to leave people better than I found them.

I'd still want to make work I care about.

That's part of why this podcast matters to me.

I've wanted to do it for years.

People have asked when I was going to.

Now here I am recording and I still have self-doubt.

I also still want to do the work.

That tells me something.

The discomfort of starting isn't the same as realizing I don't want to continue.

I need to distinguish between them and so do you.

If you still want your goal, what's getting in the way?

You may need information or support.

Your plan may need to fit your responsibilities better.

There may also be a step that you've been avoiding.

Probably is.

Knowing you're capable won't take that step for you.

I know I've checked.

Like, I'm an expert in this department.

I still have to choose where my time goes.

I still have to ask for help.

I still have to practice something I'm not good at yet.

Emphasis on the word yet.

Continue after the excitement of beginning wears off.

Wanting it matters.

My decisions needed to give that desire somewhere to go.

If your answer is no, what makes it difficult to admit?

The money, the years you've put in, telling somebody who watched you work for it, someone

who might say, I told you so, that last one can take up a surprising amount of room in

your brain.

It's worth asking how much more of your time you're willing to give something so another

person won't think they were right.

The people affected by your decisions deserve consideration.

An opinion from someone watching your life isn't the same as a responsibility to someone

in it.

Be really thoughtful about the difference there.

You're the one living with the choice.

There may be good reasons you can't change everything immediately.

Income, children, health, caregiving of your parents, or a spouse.

A clear answer doesn't remove those responsibilities.

It helps you prepare, get advice, understand your options, work out what needs to be

arranged.

Give the preparation a next step and a date.

Otherwise, I need more time can become an answer that you repeat without getting any

closer to a decision.

There may be sadness in this too.

You wanted something to work.

It mattered.

You made sacrifices for it.

It didn't become what you hoped for.

Let yourself acknowledge that.

You don't have to decide the whole experience was a mistake.

There may be things that you learned, people you value and parts you're proud of.

You can keep those while making a different decision about what happens next.

I also need to look at the times I reached a goal and immediately move the finish

line.

If I expect the next accomplishment to make me permanently confident or satisfied, I can

stay disappointed for a very long time.

I want more.

I also want to recognize what I've already done.

Those desires need to work together.

So what would progress actually look like?

A specific amount of time saved, time protected each week, work completed and

shared, support arranged so you can follow through, define something that you can recognize

and give yourself a chance to notice when your effort is making a difference.

Okay, let's bring this back to your decision.

Choose one goal or commitment that you've been questioning.

And I want you to ask yourself this.

Could I choose this today knowing what I know?

Then what do I still want about it?

And finally, what needs to change or what am I afraid to admit?

Your answer may be I want this.

I need to commit.

I want this, but the way I'm doing it has to change.

Or I don't want it anymore.

I need to prepare for a different choice.

If you're unsure, decide how you'll get clear.

Have the discussion.

Learn more about the work.

Ask someone qualified to help you look at the options.

Then choose just one action and a time to take it.

Make a request.

Ask a question.

Protect the time.

Get more information.

Begin the preparation.

You don't need to decide your entire future today.

You do need to use what you've come to understand, though.

At the beginning, I asked whether I was telling you what I wanted or defending what I'd already done.

That's something I'm going to keep paying attention to here.

I want my effort to go towards a life I'm choosing now.

Some things are worth recommitting to.

Others need a different situation to happen.

There may be something I need to admit I no longer want.

I need enough honesty to tell the difference and enough follow-through to act on what

I learn.

Being capable of making something work doesn't obligate you to keep making it work forever.

If you still want it, choose deliberately.

If something needs to change, name it.

If you're ready for a different direction, start preparing.

Give yourself an answer you can live from.

If someone came to mind while you were listening today, a woman who keeps explaining how much

she's already given something, send her this episode.

My free guide, the Rebuilt Mindset, is linked in the show notes if you'd like somewhere

to keep working through these questions.

Before you go, I'd love to hear from you.

If something in this episode brought up a question or there's something you'd

like us to talk about here, leave me a voice message on Speakpipe.

The link is in the show notes.

For this episode, I'd love to know what do you still want and what you're ready to do

about it.

You don't have to have it all figured out to join this conversation.

Just tell me where you are.

Episode 3 is called When the Choice Wasn't Yours.

Life changes before you have the opportunity to reconsider.

Someone dies.

Someone leaves.

A diagnosis changes your plans.

A job you intended to keep is suddenly gone.

Losing my mom is part of that for me.

How do you lead yourself through something you couldn't choose and can't fix?

We'll start there.

I'm Rebecca Sodec.

You don't start over.

You rebuild.